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Lawyer Posts Hilarious Legal Tips Based On Things That Actually Happened During His 19 Year Practice
So you've committed a crime and you've just been caught. Now what?
Well, apart from taking some precious time out to reflect upon your dumbass life choices, you're going to need some legal advice. Better call Saul! But if he's busy then we'd recommend checking out L. Scott Briscoe. He's a lawyer from West Virginia, and he's picked up a bunch of useful tips during his nineteen years of legal practice. He shares them on his Facebook page and they cover everything from what not to wear in a courtroom to how not to cheat a drug test. We can't guarantee they'll help you beat the rap, but at least they'll give you something to laugh about. In prison.
More info: Facebook (h/t: collegehumor)
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Krystle Land 9 years ago
Would that even actually work? Any time I use my credit card number online, I'm required to also punch in the 3-digit security code... Which is on the back...
Bridget Smith 9 years ago
"i don't believe you. Or maybe the lighting is bad. Try the other side of the card for comparison..."
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#2
Roxanne Stuart 9 years ago
My friends do drugs, but I've never touched the stuff XD
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Sarah Hill 9 years ago
If a male using a female friends urine, make sure they are not pregnant.
Katie Smith 9 years ago
A cop in our town used non human urine to "beat" a drug test. It didn't work out so well.
#3
Amanda Panda 9 years ago
"He said we were going to get McDonalds, I didn't know he meant rob it" - Friend
It's Caturday 9 years ago
This lawyer must have an exciting career! Lots of stories to tell at parties
#4
Hans 9 years ago
I guess many of these tipps can be subsumed as "do not be so bloody stupid"...
Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
It kinda shows you just why they landed themselves in jail in the first place!
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Puddin Tane 9 years ago
"Yeah, and we're going to kill him as soon as I get out," said over the pay phone.
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
It might, if there were any actual rehabilitation going on.
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Jace 9 years ago
Would've up-voted your "legalize it" comment if you hadn't wrecked it by promoting another form of prohibition in the same comment. Prohibition doesn't work.
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Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
I used to own roach clip earrings back in the 70's. Gotta wonder if those count too! lol
#6
Tamara Keegan 9 years ago
Having been a paralegal working for criminal defense attorneys I find you hilarious. It's amazing isn't it how, well, dumb some criminals are.
#7
Kelley Merie 9 years ago
Funny, it worked for this guy who got out of rape charges saying he "tripped and fell in her" http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3361640/Saudi-millionaire-cleared-raping-teenager-telling-court-accidentally-penetrated-18-year-old-tripped-fell-her.html
Amanda Panda 9 years ago
"No idea that was there?" How do you not FEEL a bag full of drugs in your vag? Sick.
Carrie Chastain-Little 9 years ago
Actually had a patient who did something similar and got a horrible infection...
Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
So I guess trying to convince them that her boyfriend hid them there isn't going to work either??
It's Caturday 9 years ago
I was just holding on to it for my boyfriend! Holding it in, more like..
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#8
#9
Hans 9 years ago
This hand-raising thing is awkward...a relict of the past. As if it would make people lie less...
Bob Snow 9 years ago
It doesn't, but it makes them accountable if someone proves they were lying.
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Anna Bender 9 years ago
that happened to my ex. the cop also insisted he put both hands behind his back even though it was obvious he only had one arm.
Ildiko Wildeman-van Lunteren 9 years ago
It's even more awkward if he has to raise one hand and put the other one on the Bible.
#10
It's Caturday 9 years ago
Plot twist! The crotchless jeans were on a woman
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#12
Adara Laufeyjarson 9 years ago
I had some 19 year old kid using his grandparents computer to break into my bank account. He paid his utility bill with it. He even bought a new computer with it. I tracked him down and got paid back thousands while he went to jail. Not too bright, kid.
SmellyWhistles 9 years ago
Someone stole my checking account numbers and paid their Progressive bill with a check by phone. The bank had their Progressive account number, and so I gave it to the police. I never heard anything about it again.
Jackie Cronin 9 years ago
This makes me sad. Sad that people have to resort to theft to pay their bills. It shouldn't have to come to that!
Adara Laufeyjarson 9 years ago
This actually happened to me. Identity theft of my bank account. 19 year old kid used it to pay Puget Sound bill. The bank had his name. I turned him in and got thousands back. Not too bright, kid. He was using his grandparent's computer in the basement for this too.
#13
#14
#15
Natalie Blenkhorn 9 years ago
I would have expected someone like that to be smarter than to leave her credit cards in the car in the first place.
frederic eeckman 9 years ago
It sounds a bit like a judge's wife car is way more important that the car of any regular people...
#16
#17
Hans 9 years ago
If you want to buy crack, press 1. If you want to buy speed, press 2. If...
Load More Replies... Flora Polvado 9 years ago
This has actually happened. Dude dialed 911 emergency to complain about his weed and have his dealer arrested.
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ugaas wiilhoog 9 years ago
So how does one complain about a bad batch? maybe they need a yelp for drug dealers, just spit balling here.
#18
#19
Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
Asking her for sex probably isn't a good idea either.... with or without the pills.
#20
Bridgete McAuley 9 years ago
Many cruises go to the Caribbean, which is international travel. International travel means a security check.
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Lazy Panda 9 years ago
Why aren't puppies allowed on cruise ships ugh a cruise ship like that will never get a single PENNY from me
Kahlo Smith 9 years ago
Is one of the tips a better suggestion for keeping my huskie smuggling ring alive? If you know another way, let me know!
#21
#22
Lazy Panda 9 years ago
Because he's probably trying to deny the crime, wearing the same clothes he wore while committing it will not help his case
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#24
Natalie Blenkhorn 9 years ago
Why would a judge accept the friend request?
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#25
Theodora Kane 9 years ago
The only people who should wear pjs anywhere outside the house are infants.
Cody Eriksen 9 years ago
How about the ones who wear their Sunday Best and look like they are going clubbin'?
Hans 9 years ago
Sounds mentally challenged to be honest...so probably they should be in care, and not at court.
Load More Replies... Bridget Smith 9 years ago
Adults shouldn't wear pajamas outside of the house unless they don't look like pajamas. Goodness.
Long Joan Silver 9 years ago
Apparently, yes. But from what I heard is that he hurt his back (I think he fell out of bed or something, nothing unheard of), and had to go to hospital; and from the hospital to the courthouse. From the sounds of it, he may have been stuck in the emergency department at the hospital for quite a long time, which may have resulted him in not having time to go back to his house and change into his everyday clothing. I'm sure he would have had a reason for it.
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David Stuckey 9 years ago
Or on Facebook the week of the trial either - http://loweringthebar.net/2016/04/i-got-you-cold-mate.html
Marty Sunderland 9 years ago
If they had any, these stories wouldn't be here.
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Kjorn 9 years ago
people who do drug are so dumb. like my kid who has chocolate on his face and insist of telling me he doesn't know who eat the chocolat chip cookies
It's Caturday 9 years ago
Alright, I'll bite. Why are people who do drugs dumb? The smartest people I know, like my Harvard and Columbia MBA friends all do coke and smoke weed. They're also establishing and running socially and eco-conscious non-profit start-ups. While some drug-free people I know who are doing ish with their lives. Please stop generalizing.
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#28
Hans 9 years ago
Actually, if tattoos would only be worn when well thought out and not as "fashion" we would see far less of them.
Hayley Lightcap 9 years ago
When people get tattoos they aren't looking to please people liked you who feel the need to comment when it's none of your business
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Anna Mcaffee 9 years ago
Wait wait I'm from Europe, there's people who have svastika on forehead and they're not Buddha I guess. Well Sir that's just funny.
Long Joan Silver 9 years ago
HAHAHA who would get a tattoo that says that anyway?
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#29
Ainsley Allred 9 years ago
I think it has something to do with some inappropriate finger gestures.
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#30
#31
Christeen Triplett 9 years ago
Yes, there will be toilets, sinks, soap, paper towels, trash can and if male urinals. I guess the judge never been in a public restroom.
Bridget Smith 9 years ago
Corn does have a ton of fiber, so it doesn't digest very well. Pretty reasonable response imo.
Virginia Su 9 years ago
Yeah, actually is reasonable, TMI but one time I pooped a piece of corn out
#32
#33
Jace 9 years ago
Law enforcement loves that, except for when the cameras are aimed at them.
Load More Replies... David Stuckey 9 years ago
Reminds me of the description of Lawyer charcaters in the Cyberpunk Role-playing game; Typical comment "OK, so you killed thirtyfve civilians and three cops in front of eight witnesses and four cameras. It's tricky, but we can work around that"
#34
#35
Ellie Brown 9 years ago
I mostly wonder how embarrassed the daughter felt. *Daughter walks into room. Everyone stops and stares and suddenly bursts into sniggers* Daughter: My dad did it again. Dad: Oops I did it again *Britney Spears cameo*
#36
Jace 9 years ago
I mentioned our education system a few comments back... Which state was this ignorance displayed? Was it in the Bible Belt by any chance?
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
We do have Sex Ed in the Bible Belt. Like any other class, you do not know more than the teacher! Pay attention! Please!
Load More Replies... Long Joan Silver 9 years ago
Just like that woman who claimed that a 3D movie made her pregnant
#40
Naomi Prior 9 years ago
Yup...by all means everyone keep making it easier for the police to find you and imprison you!!
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Caitie Forsyth 9 years ago
When i was a lot younger and got into trouble before i learned how to adult
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#43
Kjorn 9 years ago
that's a good thing. that dumbass will stay in jail instead of doing his crappy stuff outside
It's Caturday 9 years ago
Do you even know what he or she was charged with??
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Kahlo Smith 9 years ago
Noodle incident? Love you? For Narnia? Remember Harambe? Hammer time? Gonna have to be a bit more specific.
#45
Georgia Stergiadis 9 years ago
Haha yep! That'll be me this Sunday whilst nursing a hangover, on my birthday!
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#47
#50
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What do you think ?
Abhishek Ganguly 9 years ago
One more week of dealing with such idiots and Mr. Briscoe would need to sell all his belongings and take a (Bored Panda inspired) canoeing trip around the world. Just to keep him sane.
Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
I absolutely LOVE a good laugh with my morning java. THANKS for the share!
Maureen Eggert 9 years ago
Can't wait to share these with my 1L students. Think I'll post the link on their class website like a real reading; those who do my "assignment" will be reward with these gems.
Sunshine 9 years ago
Welcome to WV guys. The photo of the lady cops (WV State Trooper and Boone Co Sheriff's Deputy) prompted me to do put a Google on this gentleman where I found out he is from WV, where I am from, and only about an hour from where I live. There are some extra special people where so I was not really surprised, but I had to facepalm, because...we really don't need people making WV look any worse than it already does. >_<
Marcus Hiles 8 years ago
All lawyers are liars, at least to me only such fellas. Never use services like this http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/law-office-of-stefan-coleman-new-york/new-york-new-york-10036/law-office-of-stefan-coleman-new-york-stefan-coleman-attorney-new-yorkstefan-coleman-law-1373956
Lazy_Potato 9 years ago
This makes me think twice about my decision to be a lawyer when I grow up...
Abhishek Ganguly 9 years ago
One more week of dealing with such idiots and Mr. Briscoe would need to sell all his belongings and take a (Bored Panda inspired) canoeing trip around the world. Just to keep him sane.
Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
I absolutely LOVE a good laugh with my morning java. THANKS for the share!
Maureen Eggert 9 years ago
Can't wait to share these with my 1L students. Think I'll post the link on their class website like a real reading; those who do my "assignment" will be reward with these gems.
Sunshine 9 years ago
Welcome to WV guys. The photo of the lady cops (WV State Trooper and Boone Co Sheriff's Deputy) prompted me to do put a Google on this gentleman where I found out he is from WV, where I am from, and only about an hour from where I live. There are some extra special people where so I was not really surprised, but I had to facepalm, because...we really don't need people making WV look any worse than it already does. >_<
Marcus Hiles 8 years ago
All lawyers are liars, at least to me only such fellas. Never use services like this http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/law-office-of-stefan-coleman-new-york/new-york-new-york-10036/law-office-of-stefan-coleman-new-york-stefan-coleman-attorney-new-yorkstefan-coleman-law-1373956
Lazy_Potato 9 years ago
This makes me think twice about my decision to be a lawyer when I grow up...
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