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This Instagram Page Is Dedicated To Funny And Honest “Millennial Mom Confessions”, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Posts)
Many parents describe parenting by basically not describing it. It’s magical, indescribable, they say. There can be some stigma attached to honestly venting or sharing the messy and chaotic reality of having kids. But for every tale of exhaustion, kids provide hilarious deadpan commentary for the most mundane things.
Fortunately, this Instagram page gathers the confessions of millennial moms who want to vent to the world about the reality of parenting. So scroll down and enjoy these funny, honest tales about raising a child. And if you want to see some more collections of confessions, check out Bored Panda's other article here.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I will do anything in my power to make sure my children feel this way because I never did.
JelliTate 2 years ago
I am SO SORRY you never felt this way as a child! I hope keeping your babies safe and loved helps to heal your heart…
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Mommy Panda 2 years ago
Why both of our kids sleep in our bed until they no longer wish to / feel safe and happy to sleep in their own beds
Audra Sisler 2 years ago
Awwww! My mom had 3 locks on her bedroom door and we were NEVER allowed in there! For any reason..... I've let both kids sleep in bed with me. 🥰🥰
RELATED:
#2
Polite Menace 2 years ago
Swap the true crime podcasts for drinks and snacks and I'm there. Nevermind, all the moms will already have drinks and snacks in their bags.
#3
Red Lotus 2 years ago
And this is why I like kids ❤️ (unless they're absolute devil's spawn)
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 2 years ago
There was a mom with her 2 year old in a cart standing in front of the bananas. Mom asked her if she wanted a banana. The girl looked at her confused. I started doing a little bounce step saying "Bananananananana..." as I reached out to get a few bananas. The little girl started bouncing in the kid seat going "nananana." Her mother just started laughing. "I guess that's a yes" she said.
K W 2 years ago
Target always had a bunch of cute babies. Not for sale. But it's an added bonus of going to Target in my area.
El Howard 2 years ago
Glad you made the "not for sale" part clear, I was a little worried for a second! ;-)
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Kamryn Mall 2 years ago
I went camping once and there was this family I saw and made friends with. When I said hello to one of the children, the baby said it too. It was his first word!
El Howard 2 years ago
Most young children are just happy that someone is paying attention to them. I used to not relate to adults getting drunk at parties, so I'd go hang out with a 3 year old. Creepy, I know, but everybody else was ignoring them and they were delighted to have somebody to play with!
Ginger Ghost 2 years ago
nah, only creepy if it's with ill intentions, sometimes the kids are more fun than the adults
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As tiny humans, kids are as varied as adults, so parents often find themselves needing to employ a variety of tactics to keep them in check. These styles will, inevitably, vary from culture to culture and will also often reflect the parent's own upbringing. In the American middle class, at least since the end of the Second World War, parents have often employed a more permissive style, which allows their children to feel independent and not constrained by constant rules.
Some of the responses and activities here indicate that the children do feel relatively free and unconcerned. Though kids also tend to not really know boundaries very well, so it could simply be that childlike innocence. Regardless, the permissive style has its detractors, as children often end up with poor self-discipline and tend to lack structure when approaching work and other activities.
#4
Brendan (banned for downvotes) 2 years ago
The first picture looks like every one of my son's school photos. And then we have to PAY the school for a copy!
The voice of reason 2 years ago
How amazing the difference. The poop smile is so genuine and natural.
#5
Lee Butcher 2 years ago
my aunt told me that thunder is a result of clouds bumping into each and I will pass this on to my kids
I just work here 2 years ago
Well, for one thing, we never knew half the lyrics of songs and just made up our own..
Avant Garde 2 years ago
yeah and now you go to the internet and get the wrong info there and carry that w you for ever because.. well, you know: it s on the internet so it has to be true!
#6
VonBlade 2 years ago
This has been on BP loads, and I laugh every time because I can't read it in anything but Susan Calman's voice.
AlexJ 2 years ago
I didn't know who Susan Calman was but when I googled her, it turns out I was also reading this in her voice every time I see it.
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Susie Elle 2 years ago
My boyfriend will eat one piece of bread less every day for a week and lose a kilo, I diet and work out for a month and literally nothing changes
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Lesley Zed 2 years ago
I’m English, Scottish highlander, French and Dutch. Not sure what the heck my DNA is doing.😉
In some cultures, it is very common to have full-on discussions with a young child and baby. These discussions do tend to be pretty one-sided, with the parent telling the baby about itself. In West Africa, parents will also talk to their babies, but mostly about other people. In both cases, the child does benefit, however, as engaging with language helps them learn to speak and feel included in family conversations. This is why young children, seeing or hearing a conversation, will join in with their own babel, as they believe this is simply what one does in the situation.
#7
cerinamroth 2 years ago
This makes me think of my daughter, then aged 4, who looked at me closely before nursery one morning and said: "Mummy, are you wearing make up today?" And I said, "Yes, actually, yes I am wearing a little bit." And she said, "You need more."
#8
#9
When kids get older, hopefully, they start to develop the ability to actually converse with others. Then comes the inevitable ocean of questions about practically everything. Why is the sky blue? Why are adults bigger? How does a car work? Can dogs understand us? While vital for a child to understand the world around them, this can be exhausting for adults who feel like they are in a never-ending interview. Some cultures circumnavigate the issue by emphasizing observation as the preferred method of learning. In other words, some parents have actually, successfully pulled off ’just sit in silence and watch.’
#10
#11
A girl 2 years ago
Grandson has a constant monologue when he's playing with blocks, action figures etc. It's kind of like a cooing bird. I was having a hard time falling asleep the other night and just as I was dozing off, I swear I heard it. Snap wide awake thinking I was watching him. No, he was home asleep. Cue another hour before I fell asleep.
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Sarah SH 2 years ago
I can never finish the sentence “You’re going to fa—“ before the kid falls.
A girl 2 years ago
Sister to "You're going to hu.." right before they hurt themselves.
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SarahBee 2 years ago
Make sure that it doesn't understand the consequences of walking off a cliff!
Lesley Zed 2 years ago
I always say God made babies/toddlers short so that when they fall down they don’t have far to go.🤔👍🏻👍🏻
#12
Fizzer 2 years ago
And here's your kid that didn't want to come but now doesn't want to leave.
Brendan (banned for downvotes) 2 years ago
We had to boot my kid into daycare the other day. When we picked him up, the childminder had to bribe him with chocolate to get him to leave.
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Iblowsheep_V3.2 2 years ago (edited)
HALF your income? You must have found cheaper daycare and/or a much higher salary than i
Others try to preempt the onslaught of questions. This makes sense, as a parent is an authority figure, so if you can’t tell your kid how gravity works, why would they believe you about anything else? In Indigenous American and New Zealand communities, storytelling is often employed to keep kids entertained and to explain to them how the world works. Though a particularly curious kid will probably end up asking hundreds of questions about the story itself, so it’s not a foolproof approach.
#13
Carol Emory 2 years ago
My grandmother got read the riot act by my parents after she bought me a set of low heal shoes when I was 13. My mom and dad had told me that I was not to wear any heels, low or high, until I was 16. I apologized to my grandmother later. She said "That's what grandparents are for...to say 'yes' when mom and dad say 'no'."
Shyla Bouche 2 years ago
We were very poor growing up. At the time (1970's), Apple Jacks cereal was about a dollar more than any other sweet cereal. Mom wouldn't buy it, although she would buy us the cheaper ones. When I was around seven, I spent the night at my grandparents', and in the morning, Grandma asked what I wanted for breakfast. I said something along the lines of I wished I could have Apple Jacks, but they're too expensive. My very frugal grandma put me in the car, and drove me the three miles into town-- to get a box of Apple Jacks.
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David 2 years ago
Funny as a joke but kind of sh...ty in real life. I made an effort to NOT be the grand parent who tried to curry favor by going against my children's wishes, which at the same time teaches the grandchild to be deceitful and do what they want. I didn't feed my vegan grandkids meat. I didn't secretly load them up with sugar just before my daughter had to drive them to town. (you get the idea)
Kitty 🥀 2 years ago
Jarrod is being downvoted, but he’s kind of right. Imagine trying to teach your kid they can’t always get what they want, but your mother or MIL goes and buys your child drums or slime or glitter behind your back, COMPLETELY undermining your authority. Teaching your child not to respect you, and that they can go whining to someone else and always get what they want.
cerinamroth 2 years ago
My mum bought my sister's ADHD son a kazoo three days after my sister had her second baby. Their relationship has never been the same again (tip of a very, very big iceberg!).
#14
El Howard 2 years ago
There's an old adage along the lines of "If you really hate someone, give their kids drums for Christmas!" My sister gave my daughter a drum for Christmas...
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pat martin 2 years ago
My childhood friend had a less than awesome childhood growing up, so if he f****d up, my mom would ground him to our house. Give him a reason to stay away from a REAL BAD place, but he would follow the rules to a tee and be a wonderful human being under our roof. And he's cried to my mom several times saying she's the only adult that kept him alive as a child. Off the streets, out of gangs, saw what a family really should be. 30 years later, he still calls my mom to see how she's doing and just to tell her thank you and he loves her.
Becca Kuehn 2 years ago
When I was in school I had a friend who's Mom did that for me too. I don't know your Mom but I love her for what she did for you and your friend. I hope that you tell her that she's an amazing woman often. 💙💙💙
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Carol Emory 2 years ago
Ah yes...the one that had to pick everything up and couldn't keep her hands to herself.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I was that Mom. Oh, you mean that kid with the weird eyebrow? The one that looks like he has tattoos, but they're only scars?
#15
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
Raising four kids, I can attest, sometimes you just gotta take it when its offered from your wife. Dont remind her she has spit up in her hair, or that you just witnessed her clean up some unholy messy something or other. And pro tip for guys: Change the sheets before bed, before being told to... iykyk...
Susie Elle 2 years ago
Pro tip for guys: do things before being told to in general because you're an adult, not a child :')
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A Jones 2 years ago
It's okay to say "no", especially if requests are unreasonable like wanting to "paint the car" or "two desserts". It's a context thing. It's also okay to say "yes" to things if time/money are okay. Like a trip to the playground or going to the library.
Mark Mark 2 years ago
How is two desserts unreasonable? Glad I ain't your kid sheesh.
Load More Replies... Sarah SH 2 years ago
I keep trying to explain this to my 9 year-old. I wouldn’t fight you so hard on stuff (because he fights me on everything) like drinking your milk, taking a shower and doing your homework if it wasn’t what’s best for you. Why would I get into these power struggles for no reason? It’s a headache for me. He probably doesn’t get it because he seems to like these conflicts for some reason..
Shannon Mallory 2 years ago
I'm not here to raise happy children, I'm here to raise functional adults.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I told my kids all the time that I was not their friend. I was their parent and that was way more important. I lost a lot of respect for a friend of mine when he informed me that his kids (10 & 6) were his best friends. I was like dude, if you were just some random guy they knew would you still be trying to hang out with them? Prisons love those guys.
Lesley Zed 2 years ago
Yup. The time I had to force my middle girl to get her second set of braces, I realized that she on some level would never forgive me. I did it for her benefit. She survived but her teeth still move very easily. Would do it all over again as she was developing buck teeth at the time.❤️
Fishbone 2 years ago
I don't fully agree with this one. Yes, you should make a decent human being, but you should also make it your job to be a fun mom , so that in 25 years, your kids remember you as a jerk mom, and want nothing to do with you as adults. No wedding invite, no frequent visits from anyone, just a flat out terrible grandmahood.
Red Lotus 2 years ago
Agreed, but I see so many parents trying to be "fun" and end up not being parents anymore. There should be a balance between both, but personally if I had to pick just one style, I'd pick the one that raises kind, decent human beings. Because of you raise them properly in that way, then they'll realise that you did it for their own good.
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Sergio Bicerra 2 years ago
- "Errr... what's her name? - "Can't tell you, she said I must NEVER say her name"
Lesley Zed 2 years ago
No. She’s just been watching too many makeup and fashion influencers. They are more horrifying than anything.😱
Dizavid 2 years ago
They say we can't dream a face we haven't actually seen. So if a stranger shows up in your dream, your eyes and brain prolly briefly saw them at a concert 20 years ago. Then your dream required *someone* so it just picked a rando yahoo from your past. I mention all this to say that maybe this is why so many children's drawings of imaginary friends are so creepy? They're trying to imagine a face they've literally never seen bc it doesn't exist. So it gets a bit creepy when they force the effort. I'd still call a priest though. Something to be said for covering your bases 😅
Niels Boehm 2 years ago
Maybe the imaginary friend is the butterfly in the middle and the other person-like being is ... someone or something else 🤔
#18
Mrs Irish Mom 2 years ago (edited)
3 days of labour and an emergency C-section and 12 days in hispital after that, 15 days off for me yay...
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
Wow, you must actually live in Ireland. They don't do that kind of post-operative care in the United States. My wife was in labor for 4 days, then emergency C-section, and they sent her home within 48 hours after that. She was in a really bad way for about 2 weeks. Luckily I had great insurance (what they call Cadillac insurance here), so it only cost us about $1800 out of pocket. If I had the insurance at my last job it would have been at least $9000, and likely they would have not waited 4 days before doing the C-section, as they know exactly how much they can get out of your insurance.
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cerinamroth 2 years ago
I'll have about 8 hours of Labor Day off, followed by the next week recovering from a C-section. I don't think my kids want to know the details that, either!
Sarah SH 2 years ago
Another example of being told I “cheated” in the childbirth department by having a c-section. No rest for me. 😉
Ella Carzana 2 years ago
It's not cheating a birth is a birth.it makes me so sad that people really think this.
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funkybluegirl 2 years ago (edited)
45 minutes of labor and one push. And this is the first time I feel bad about it, lol **EDITED - typo
flippin berry 2 years ago
This would not work with me. I have always been fascinated by my mum's labor stories.
Audra Sisler 2 years ago
Well damn ..... Both kids 6 hours of labor both times! And no epidural with the first😵😵😆😆
#19
Sarah SH 2 years ago
In any photo I am always the one with the double chin, closed eyes, (or if I end up unknowingly in the background) taking a giant bite of food.
Tamiko 2 years ago
Or giving evils if I'm trying to eat, something that I have done since I was little
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#20
Juliette Deroulede 2 years ago
Me at daycare with three toddlers permanently attached to my legs...
#21
Show thyself 2 years ago
Grandpa comin' with his toolbox. Takes toy. A few minutes later - Kid running around the house like mad with said (now even louder) toy. Grandpa leaving, smirking at dad, waving at Kid "bye laddy, have fun...Show your dad that funny thing with the horn!"
David 2 years ago
LOL I can so relate to this. We never lied to them but we did try to screen toys before purchase and if a noisy one slipped through it often became a "only in your room" toy. PRO TIP: When you test a toy for noise don't just listen to what it is SUPPOSED to sound like. Listen to what it does if you relentless spam the button. Some toys have built in delays, some do not. Some years back there was a cute little Elmo doll that would sing a song as you opened and closed his mouth. The ABC song I think but I forget. So cute! Except my grandson quickly figured out if you yoinked it back and forth like you were trying to give it shaken baby syndrome, Elmo's mouth would open and close quite quickly. Elmo had no delay so he sounded like a rapper having an epileptic seizure. It's quite funny for about 30 seconds. After several hours it got really old. That became an "only in your bedroom" toy.
Carol Emory 2 years ago
I've lived in apartments my whole marriage. My Dad always lived in houses. My father used to give my son noisy toys like a clock that spoke every quarter hour....a mower that made popping sounds.... The day he gave my son a toy xylophone I said "Oh look! Another toy that can stay here with grandpa so you can play with it when you come to visit." My father said "Why are you keeping it here?" My sister said "Because she lives in an apartment and prefers to not annoy her neighbors with a xylophone at 6 in the morning." My dad finally got the hint and started getting quieter toys like Duplo Blocks.
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago (edited)
My mom and former MIL used to buy my children extra batteries and tell them it was for their toys. I cant wait to be a grandparent lol!
#22
Susie Elle 2 years ago
Same, but my mom would just go for a random bike ride in the evening for like 20 minutes by herself.
Hester 1 year ago
Did she really? Or did she take two 5 minute bike rides split by a very quick strong drink in a bar? ;)
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Terry Tobias 2 years ago
My mother would say that she was running away from home then just stand in the driveway for awhile.
#23
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I don't mind getting older. I like it. I was an absolute train-wreck until the age of about 30. I was grey by the time I was 25 and now I love my silver locks because they make me stand out, although I do get called "Oma" (grandma) by some kids at my children's nursery, cheeky buggers!
Robert A Reider Jr 2 years ago (edited)
I love getting old. Its fascinating to watch, and there's the wisdom, the not giving a whit about what anyone thinks about anything anymore. Suffering no bs and of course running to the mall in sweats and f***y pack with head held high...besides, consider the alternative.
The Other Other White Meat 2 years ago
I just read that gouda is naturally lactose free! Yay! 😄
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#24
Michelle Brandt 2 years ago
I've come up with clever ways to hide that I'm swearing. My husbands sees through them and immediately starts laughing.
Upstaged75 2 years ago
When I was a kid my dad had 2 alternate swears that really didn't fool us. The first was shinola. He would start to say $hit and then merge in to it so it sounded like shiii-nola. LOL! The other was god bless America. Same thing God da..bless America. My brother does a hilarious impression of it. And of course we knew exactly what he was trying not to say. :)
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Kendall Arnold 2 years ago
I teach 1st grade. Every day is like that. I am so thankful humans can't read minds or my students would've heard some crazy s**t.
#25
Coralinea 2 years ago
My nieces, at 4+2 still think the screen only comes on when brushing teeth. No idea how my brother pulls it off.
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I can empathise with this, but actually, we said we wouldn't and our kids watch about 30 minutes of TV a week in total (3-4 episodes of Bluey/Hey Duggee, which we watch with them, plus the occasional YouTube video showing factories making sweets they like). They don't really ask for more unless they are ill and cooped up.
Alison Hell 2 years ago (edited)
Someone downvoted you...have an upvote. My son never watched much TV when he was younger. Didnt have ipads or computers then. He was outside with the neighborhood kids most of the time. We were fortunate not to have to contend with screen time back in the day.
Load More Replies... Mommy Panda 2 years ago
My hypothetical kids only played with wooden toys. They always listened to their parents. They watched no more than 15 minutes of TV a day. And then we had real kids and all of that changed...
Carol Emory 2 years ago
Or you can do like one parent "Want the WiFi password today? Then clean your room, take out the trash and unload the dishwasher."
A Jones 2 years ago
That's a good incentive to get chores done and to encourage balance with play/chores. Also suggest listing to music when doing chores. Have a positive spin on chores is a good way to have a positive association. Still encourage some outdoor time (on sunny days).
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Adashimalover 2 years ago
No they're going to want their kids having screen time if they want peace
Red Lotus 2 years ago
Could you please explain what you mean by that? I'm honestly curious. Because I find it really sad that parents give kids screen just so that they can have peace. So many kids I meet now who spend half their time in the screen don't have a relationship with their parents, because screen time is addicting. A better alternative would be to read a book, or play with their toys.
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#27
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
It looks like me first thing in the morning.
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Jose Zavala 2 years ago (edited)
Mothers-wifes are too harsh with themself, my wife thinks she Is worst than the one in right but to me Is way better than the one in left. They do their Best and should feel proud of their effort.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
My mum had trouble when making an Elmo cake for my brother too. Icing turned out a similar colour but the face was nowhere near this bad!
#28
Eric Lewis 2 years ago
Because the people that work at those places don't have kids and get to sleep in lol
Lesley Zed 2 years ago
No….because the people running those stores, got their kids up, fed them, saw them off on the bus, drove 45 minutes to work and still managed to get a shower, dress themselves, avoid rush hour accidents and get in the door of the store! I know because that’s what I used to do along with most mothers and a few dads.😎
Load More Replies... #29
Eva Kašu 2 years ago (edited)
..but when you ask them about their favourite, daddy is da best :D
Julie Snelling 2 years ago
That's because daddy never says no. He'll say ask your mom so that mom is always the bad guy
Load More Replies... Sanni Salo 2 years ago
Yes! My daughter just came downstairs to ask help with her homework. Her dad was upstairs with her... I sent her back upstairs to ask her dad.
#30
Sarah SH 2 years ago (edited)
“Mom, I need you to sign my permission slip!” In response to me telling them I’ll be right out: “Here, I’m sliding it under the door.”
Niels Boehm 2 years ago
So what bathroom tool did you decide on to sign it with?
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David 2 years ago (edited)
I used to read to my grandkids at bedtime. Let them take turns picking but often it was stuff like funny poems by Shel Silverstein. The point being it was something they liked so it was easier to get them into bed. Often my king bed so they could all see the book and then move to their own beds, but because they had been laying down and listening it was an easy transition. EDIT: Oh, and I always gave them fore warning. In 30 minutes or when the movie is over - whatever. Having it not be a 'surprise' also made it much easier.
Paul Aguilera 2 years ago
It didn't work the first time you tried, why would it work the next ten thousand times?!
#32
Sad Quokka 2 years ago
No dear, their bodies fill themselves with poo until they finally explode
Zane Lumagrowl 2 years ago
(to the tune of the Duck Tales theme) Duck tits! Wooo! Tales of blurring censors over duck tits!
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Lord of the laserprinter. 2 years ago
Howard the Duck, the first Disney movie with interspecies sex…. Or furry sex… can’t decide.
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I did enjoy this movie as a kid. There was also duck porn as I recall. Why were we allowed to watch this?
Load More Replies... The voice of reason 2 years ago
Yesterday a7 year old asked me if girls really pooped? gave me a good ole lol.
Puck 2 years ago
Yes. Mouths and buttholes and some bowels in between. They also have a saddle.
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#33
Susie Elle 2 years ago
This went for all moms in 80's and 90's movies - dad messed everything up and mom had to clean up the mess afterwards but somehow SHE was the no-fun parent.
Dizavid 2 years ago (edited)
It's weird...I never saw HER as the villain, but I did see Pierce Brosnan as one. It wasn't until rewatching in my late teens I actually got it that there's nothing villainous about the guy; a private conversation w a friend even shows he truly loves the kids too. But to my much younger mind, it wasn't a happy ending unless the couple gets back together (may be why we have so many people going back into bad relationships: we were raised to view that as the happy ending; reconciliation.)
#34
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
Today kids we will be learning about science and how it can wrong as we clean out the minivan
#35
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
It really is. I raised four kids and according to them, none of them learned anything, all day, every day in different stages of schooling, grade school for two, middle school for one and High school for one.
Load More Replies... Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
Me: What did you learn in school today? Child: Nothing. (Me: Great, money well spent *thinking sarcastically* ) Same child a few hours later gives me a word for word retelling of their favorite Disney/Pixar film. Me:🤦♂️🤷♂️🤣
James016 2 years ago
I feel this. I ask my son what he learned in school. Nothing. At bed time he recites Sonic The Hedgehog 2 movie word for word.
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#36
David 2 years ago (edited)
You young ones do not know the pain of taking photos with real roll film. With digital + fast shutter speeds you just hit the button a bunch of times and pick the best shot. Like how the news does when they want the president to look happy / sad / stupid. Just choose the right freeze frame. You even have software so that if you have 10 different family group shots but in every one, somebody is making the wrong face - you can just stich them together with the good smiles. Thus ends my, "WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE" lecture. :)
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
Because I'm not happy taking pictures, I'm uncomfortable. At least at the teenage yrs idek y I was so non photogenic as a kid (although I still am)
R Dennis 2 years ago
My daughter's passport from 5-10 is hilarious! She refused to look at the camera. As soon as she did, she would look away. After about 5 minutes of this, we were all frustrated so I said "I guess this is it." She is 16 now. I like to bring out the old passport and show it to her... we both laugh.
#37
#38
cerinamroth 2 years ago
When the perky young dental assistant asks if I floss every night, I sometimes have to hold back the manic laughter.
#39
#40
K W 2 years ago
Omg this is my kid every day lol. Or he's like the kids in South Park when Chef asks how their day is and every time they say "bad".
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
Yes! My 8 year old does this a lot. Just got back from the carnival. "Okay kids it's time to get ready for bed!" Daughter: "This is the worst day of my life!"
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Dizavid 2 years ago
(whispers) hey everyone else....try to convince this person that none of us have Pennywise in our version of the photo.
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Carol Emory 2 years ago
And I also have issues with people not taking out the trash when asked. Wrote a little song about it. Wanna hear it, here it go!
Doug the Special one 2 years ago
Because every parent has that eeling that pennywise is just waiting......
#42
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
OMG!!! THIS IS MY LIFE! My daughter screams "I'm never allowed to have anything I want!"
Brendan (banned for downvotes) 2 years ago
Parent guilt story: when my kid was two, before he had many words, he pulled at the fridge door. It was about 5 mins until dinner was ready, so I said no. He had a tantrum on the floor, kicking and screaming. After dinner was served, I opened the fridge door, and he came running over to grab his water. And that's what he was desperate for. I denied my son water :(
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
It's okay. Don't feel guilty about it. If it weren't that, they'd spend their adulthood in therapy for something else you did. We all make mistakes. Part of being a good parent is realizing you're fallible.
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pat martin 2 years ago
No, you're wrong. That's a 1:365 deal. It's like that 365:365 in real life. Do the math as you wish.
Load More Replies... RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
My MIL took the kids overnight once. My body is so accustomed to waking up at 6:30 that I still couldn't sleep in. That's some BS right there.
Doug the Special one 2 years ago
What does "christmas day be like" even mean? Is it american code?
Xenon 2 years ago
Kids get really excited for Christmas morning so run downstairs screaming while its still dark out. Not limited to america.
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#45
Sarah SH 2 years ago
I have so many retired neighbors with grown children who apparently forgot what it’s like to have small ones, as they glare or roll their eyes at me when mine are just being kids. Sincerely nothing over the top. Playing/laughing loudly kind of stuff.
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
It's funny, I had a neighbor with grown kids, and I mentioned that our house was a mess. She said "Oh deary, just don't look down! When you have little ones, you just don't look down, and you won't worry about the mess!" I love her.
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RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
When I take my kids out for the weekend, I know I will be spending my Sunday night cleaning like hell. My wife likes to start a lot of projects when the kids aren't around.
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OnAFreakingRollercoaster 2 years ago
Yeah I know. I learned some new word today 🤬🙊😉
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#48
Paul Aguilera 2 years ago
I like Ben Afleck as a person, i just don't like him as an actor. Maybe he'd be better in television sitcoms than movie films. Only exception was Dogma, but really I feel Matt carried him most of the time.
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I don't like Ben Affleck either, but he was good in Argo.
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#49
cerinamroth 2 years ago
Me too, my sister and I used to love watching it together when we were little.
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Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
Ngl, I could talk c**p under my breath, outside, in the winter and my ex would immediately text me from inside and ask me what i just said. Idk if she was a mind reader or just knew me that well. Either way, she always knew.
#50
El Howard 2 years ago
With my dad, it was because he tried to lift his tractor by himself, in his sixties. Not sure how hernias and bathrooms are related.
Load More Replies... FrostMoon Willow 2 years ago
quote from my dad "I only get off when the poop comes out" not joking real quote
#51
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Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
I was about 19(M), getting checked for a hernia and I swear they had every female med student who were moonlighting as models come that day. Thank goodness their hands were freezing cold. My ex and i still laugh at that. One was told to grasp the testicles under the penis and have me turn my head and cough. The med student said I cant find it. I seriously hope she was talking about the hernia, thats what ive convinced myself of anyway
Valden 2 years ago
I live in a city with medical universities. Not having students is the exception. A student did my vasectomy, and she pulled on something that hurt all the way up to my left eyeball. I just laid there thinking how the hell could something possibly be connected from my groin to my eyes. It was a unique sensation I will not forget.
Carol Emory 2 years ago
If this ever happened to me, I'd break wind. Bet the room would clear out then......
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
Hey, us med chickens have to learn somehow! It's funny because I really was one of them. Believe me, it was very awkward for us, too. We just pretended best we could this wasn't all new and shiny to us, too
#53
cerinamroth 2 years ago
If my kid can learn there's one language for home (English), one for nursery (German) and one for synagogue (Hebrew), she can learn that some naughty words that might occasionally be said by mummy should only be said at home in extreme situations!
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
My youngest son had a time where he would curse me out in sign language. He wasnt deaf but his friend in school was. Guess Karma has no expiration date because my sister taught me swear words in Spanish (she was in high school, me elementary) and we would curse my mother out lol
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
My nephew knows there are momma words that he can't say. Sometimes if I let something slip he'll tell me that's a momma word 😂
#54
cerinamroth 2 years ago
The best parents are the ones who don't have kids, as the saying goes. Or the ones who have forgotten what it was like to have kids.
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
This! Nothing erked me more than our friends with out kids giving us sage parenting advice. Ok Andrea and Darrel thank you for tome of wisdom on parenting, singe fuchs
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Genericist 2 years ago
If you say it in a scouse accent, you could also be travelling by Furry. Which is... unsettling
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
So could be Fairy, if that sort of thing rubs you the wrong way; I for one love travelling via my Fairy friends (as they refer to themselves) so Furry prob wouldn’t faze me.......
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#56
Sarah SH 2 years ago (edited)
That’s definitely me. I also “help” the kids decide which candy to choose out of a mixed bowl when they are trick or treating.
#57
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
I had to write in one once and I went with "I hope you have a quick and easy labor".
#58
Adashimalover 2 years ago
"mom my head hurts" "Okay hold on the confession between Adachi and Shimamura is about to happen"
the gay they 2 years ago
"mother you're crushing me" "okay but wait Leisel is about to get to the Hubermann's house"
#59
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
My mom and ex MIL finally just started buying us containers for christmas lol. To this day I have five 13x9 pans. I only bought one.....
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Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
My children said something similar, well it was Go eat dads cooking, But close enough lol
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Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
Did your kids stop playing with a toy, forget about for months and months and then the day you throw it away, they want it because its their most favorite toy ever or was it just mine?
Trainingfortheballetpotteh🇺🇦 2 years ago (edited)
no its not just you. i have a little brother and he would only play with the same few toys when he had a bunch. one day while he was in school(kindergarten) my mom threw away a bunch of toys we havent ever seen him play with and he had a full on tantrum.
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#65
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
Not by 4 thats when the carpet gremlins get home. Thats at 910am when you get them off to school after that triathlon of waking them up, having them get dressed and make an attempt to feed them
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I think you should change the caption to "If you see a mum, just mind your business." ;-)
#66
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Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
Mine is like that when she's tired. And she only stops when you somehow managed to get that screaming, kicking, flailing mess to sleep...
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
My daughter would inhale deeply. We quickly learned that that meant all hell was about to break loose. She would hit octaves we couldnt hear when she started to scream
#69
#70
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
I was an avid hobby ballet dancer (imagine chicken in tutus lol). Then I got pregnant, laid my egg... and that was that.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
For Christmas I gave my best friend some stuff to pamper herself and every so often I ask if she's had a chance yet to relax and use any of it. Thank God for preschool because yes, she has indeed had some time here and there to use something and relax a few minutes
#71
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
Only momma is so tired she's in bed at the same time as the toddler, currently around 8pm. F**k Netflix, I'm addicted to sleep! Can't go a day without it and don't even talk about withdrawal symptoms
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
My nephew now has a pretty strict bedtime because of preschool. When I was over a few weeks ago his dad started to get him through the bedtime routine and I was in the living room chatting with mom. I was there for a few hours by that time and when he was coming for his 50th goodnight hug from mom he saw me still there and was like "why are you still here? I'm going to bed now. I said goodnightto you already". Sorry buddy, didn't realize I was only allowed over if you were awake. My sincerest apologies little man, I'll leave right away 😂 he's almost 5 and man the things this kid says sometimes cracks me up
#72
Michelle Reynolds 2 years ago
I used to sneak out of my room, creep down the stairs and watch TV from behind my parents who had their backs to me on the couch.
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
My baby girl always wanted me to read her a bed time story which warmed my heart. But I swear she would always try to get me to read books the size of war and peace or an encyclopedia set lol
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I have to invent an original story for my girls every night, then tell them what dreams they're going to have. I have a lot of recurring characters in my stories. The one they like the most is the King of the Llamas -> Llama Llama Ding Dong Ping Pong Sing Song Humuhumu-Nukunuku-Apua'a Steve (the Third). His father's name was Jim. There's also the Easter Bunny named Sra. Bun Buns and her bestie Ms. Chicky Chicks. (To which my daughters insist the easter bunny is boy, which makes no sense because she has to lay eggs). And finally, the Magic Dream Unicorn (who absolutely is real, just like Santa Clause, and she brings you them dreams that I have to lay out for them). There's also a Tooth Fairy named Bob, but he's out of favor right now, because he farted in Ms. Chicky Chicks' soup d'jour. Yes, I have to do voices as well.
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#73
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
Yesterday she gave a used tissue a ride in her little toy stroller. No one touch her precious
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
My kids were famous for leaving a half eaten something, that was one hour away from becoming a new life form, Id throw it away. Kid: I was eating that. Me: yeah last week. Kid: Has a melt down...
#74
#75
Susie Elle 2 years ago
When I stayed the night at a friends house, who has two small kids that'd been sick for 3 days and husband was at work that day, the first thing she asked me was 'Could you maybe watch the kids for a few minutes so I can go take a shower?' :')
#76
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
The teacher would actually look at us like that lol, like she had the "like really?" look on her face
#77
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
How many of my fellow Panda had a little of themselves unalive when you first heard one of our songs on the oldies station. I know i did.
Biofish23 2 years ago
A new grocery store recently opened near my house and I started doing more of my shopping in person instead of pick up. I've been enjoying the music way too much.
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Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
It's true though. Never been happier, never been more tired and baffled in my life.
#79
the gay they 2 years ago
when i was younger i would say "toy-tota" instead of "toyota." my older sis would make me say it in front of her friends for entertainment.
Terry Tobias 2 years ago
I said "chup-up" for ketchup. What's embarrassing is that my mom still calls it that.
Kiss Army 2 years ago
When my son was little and he played Lego Star Wars he was so tickled by the Storm Troopers in the jacuzzi but he always said it like kakuzee and it was the cutest thing ever as he giggle and said "Look at the Storm Troopers in the kakuzee!" He made anyone that came over look...
#80
Alison Hell 2 years ago (edited)
I'm still like this as an adult. Elf on the shelf at work..Coworkers: dont touch it! Me: what, this? Boink!
#81
Adashimalover 2 years ago
I'm not even close to 30 and I still don't know half the slang terms people make 😭😭😭
Melody Uphouse 2 years ago
For real I'm 15 and don't understand any of it lol
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Little Wonder 2 years ago
I work in moderation so I'm forever googling what new, random words mean. And then generally being appalled.
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
Im 46, watching the Oscars i realized I dont know anyone or anything thats "in" anymore. Ill just listen to 90s music on the oldies station
#82
#83
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
I went out trick or treating with the fam, I had messy hair, looked disheveled af, said i was a parent. My ex didnt find it that amusing.
Carol Emory 2 years ago
My sister actually went trick or treating one year with her hair in curlers, mud pack on her face and a bathrobe. People asked her what she was. She said a middle aged housewife. She got more candy than I did.
#84
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
They're all ploys to be near you again. Kind of sweet when you think about it... and aren't currently the recipient of such affections
Mark Mark 2 years ago
More like a ploy to play Fortnite all night under the covers like an obviously c**p ninja.
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#86
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
He's very good at being over-dramatic, like most children. Ironically, also his dating pool.
Load More Replies... Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
I will neither confirm nor deny that I may or may not have done this once or a thousand times. Allegedly.
#87
#88
Mark Mark 2 years ago
I see hocus pocus I downvote. Equilibrium restored.
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Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
I'm so glad I wasn't 20 when I had a kid. I was basically a kid myself back then. It got somewhat better nearing 30, but I still mostly fake being an adult
#90
Mark Mark 2 years ago
I see scream I down....oh you know where I'm coming from by now......guess what's been restored? 🤣
Load More Replies... #91
cerinamroth 2 years ago
So true. How are they so mfuXXing sharp, and how do they grow so mfuXXing fast?! Just cut my baby's nails last night (potential for an Olympic event if ever I saw one) and he still managed to scratch himself under his eye in his sleep.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
It's how thin they are. I have thin nails (I'm 39) and I've drawn blood on accident like a vicious papercut. Also, my best friends way of trimming nails is just to nibble them off; clippers we're too terrifying for her. Though her husband does clip the toenails and occasionally trims the fingernails
Load More Replies... Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
I have to trim hers while she's asleep. No chance otherwise and even then I have to be veeeery careful not to wake her
#92
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
When you have to tell them to be quiet= everything is good vs When they are being quiet= bad, usually very bad
Mark Mark 2 years ago
I've been quiet and considerate my entire life and until recently I thought it was because I'm a generally nice and patient person. Turns out I got punished so badly for making a peep when I was a kid that the trauma stayed with me and fooled me for 35+ years. Ah parents.
#93
Alison Hell 2 years ago
In my 8 yr old grandsons case, its NBA players and rappers. He knows all of them..height, stats, dead or alive.... 🙄
Load More Replies... cerinamroth 2 years ago
I have learnt a lot more construction-related vocab in German for my little boychik than I ever did in English!
Erica Knapp 2 years ago
Blippi has a song about an excavator that I still know all the words to lol
#94
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
Just on Halloween? Jokes on you, its year round lol. Its not grape juice...... Daddy doesnt share his grape juice with the kids, just mommy. Its special grape juice for adults only
#95
#97
Trainingfortheballetpotteh🇺🇦 2 years ago
this is me when someone is being meant to my 6 year old brother! we fight teeth and nails at home but im the only one who can be mean to him. i will punch a 6 year old if they are mean to him.
#99
Michelle Reynolds 2 years ago
Worst part of my divorce was that my ex was a chef...it's all mac-n-cheese now!
#100
#101
Mamza Paulse 2 years ago
as a Girl Scout I can confirm. I feel like a drug dealer, once you buy one you have to buy another. WE ARE INVINCIBLE MWA HAHAHAH.
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#105
Erica Knapp 2 years ago
That face says he also took the kids to the store with him and I feel that lol
#106
Michelle Reynolds 2 years ago
LOVE LOVE LOVE this movie!! The Holiday-Jude Law was just delicious!!
#107
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I pretend I don't speak the language well enough. Gets me out of all sorts.
Detroit Citizen 2 years ago
They only asked me to volunteer once when my children were in elementary school. Apparently I was fun enough lol
#108
Mark Mark 2 years ago
Think of a dump truck tipping rocks out of its front tipper and then equate that to a kid upending their toybox to look for a toy that's usually under their bed.
Load More Replies... #109
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
In my one friend's house it almost always goes in waves. First is usually the 8 and 9 year old and once they're better then she gets sick. Once she's better then the 18 year old and husband get sick. Occasionally it's just one young, then mom and then husband but usually it sticks to the pattern
#110
cerinamroth 2 years ago
I'm sorry, but I say: "We give you plenty to eat. You now have 10 hours til breakfast, so you should have thought about that while you were titting around with your supper." They don't get anything until the morning apart from water. Otherwise they will always demand it!
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Susie Elle 2 years ago
I don't remember ever waking up my parents when I was awake as a child. I just went downstairs and watched cartoons or played with stuff. Ah, the 90's, where a lack of supervision was supervision :')
cerinamroth 2 years ago
As soon as they can read numbers (so aged 3-4), show them the number 7 (or 8!) on a watch or clock by their bed and say that they can only come to see mummy and daddy when the little hand gets there. Otherwise it's quiet time in their room until then. Mummys and daddys need sleep to be able to do their jobs properly, just like children do to be able to do their job of learning and playing properly.
#117
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
He's here, the Phantom of the Operaaaa! 🎶🎵 Sorry, I love that musical
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
Just saw it recently, as it prepares to close...... :-/
Load More Replies... #118
Alison Hell 2 years ago
My son was famous for 'mom! Did you see that?! They just (whatever was going on at the time)!' Every single time we watched a movie together, over and over. 'Yes dear, I am sitting right beside you watching the exact same movie'. 😂
Clarf 2 years ago
This is actually my husband. He's terrible about this. Or he'll say "What's happening?" Watch the dang movie! We're watching the same thing. I only know as much as you do.
Load More Replies... #119
Gwen 2 years ago
The others are lucky and are catching up on their sleep!
Load More Replies... Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
It's only the right one for me. But she can be fun sometimes when she doesn't want to peck your eyes out
#120
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Ka Se 2 years ago
For some, out of carelessness. For others, it's like a rollercoaster ride - just a long one. Sometimes up, sometimes down, but it can be a lot of fun. Not everyone has to want it, and that's good.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 2 years ago
Where's the one with the kids having a melt down because their food is touching on the plate?
Ka Se 2 years ago
For some, out of carelessness. For others, it's like a rollercoaster ride - just a long one. Sometimes up, sometimes down, but it can be a lot of fun. Not everyone has to want it, and that's good.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 2 years ago
Where's the one with the kids having a melt down because their food is touching on the plate?
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