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Parents Share What Disappointed Them About Having Kids, And Here Are 50 Of The Most Honest Responses
About nine-in-ten American parents say that the role is rewarding for them all (53%) or most (35%) of the time and a similar share say it is also enjoyable all (43%) or most (47%) of the time too.
But there are moments when the job becomes stressful. Interested in these situations, Reddit user
ApprehensiveShock655 made a post on the platform asking its users: "What's the worst part of having a child?"
People's desire to educate others and vent, coupled with the anonymous nature of the internet, has allowed the post to receive over 18,300 comments, many of which are direct answers to the blunt question. Here are some of the most popular ones.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
The weight gain! During the pregnancy I gained 35 lbs. My belly has stretch marks. My boobs are all saggy. And it’s not even fair because my wife only gained like 15.
RELATED:
#2
Losing them. My 15 year old son died suddenly on Tuesday morning. His dad went to wake him for school and he wasn't breathing. He had no health conditions and we don't know the cause of death yet. My baby is just gone.
Every single part of parenting is a challenge. But losing a child is a pain unlike anything I've ever known. Having a child is taking a risk that someday your whole world could be shattered, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.
ETA: Thank you so much to everyone who has commented. This has been such a devastating time for me, and it really does help to know that people out there care enough to comfort and grieve with a stranger. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.
Dizzie D 2 years ago
This post kind of negates all the other posts on here complaining about being tired or loss of freedom or 'can't do what you want'. I'm getting that this Mother would trade places with these people anytime and rather feel utterly exhausted her whole life than lose her son. I can't imagine what she's going through. Stop stressing about the small things and appreciate what you have. Some people also can never have children and want them desperately. I don't think there is one thing I regret about having my son, not one thing.
2 years ago
Just cause you dont regret it doesn't mean other people dont..everyones experiences should be valid, op's grief doesnt negate other people's problems
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StrangeOne 2 years ago
. Omg. That is heartbreaking. This really is a parent's worst nightmare.
GenericPanda09 2 years ago
This. My daughter was 18yrs old when she passed away in 2018 - Since then I've just not really known what to do with myself. I'd do pretty much anything to swap places with her if I could.....I still uncontrollably sob most days when I think about her but thankfully I have some f*****g amazing friends, and my partner is just the best. I'd be even more lost without them.
Tams21 2 years ago (edited)
A friend of mine died when I was still in school. It absolutely shattered the lives of her parents to the point where it's probably fair to say they stopped living beyond simply existing. When I nearly lost one of my own children I understood why. This is maybe the worst thing that a can happen to a person.
Sara Anderson 2 years ago
This nearly identical thing happened to my brother. His 18 year old, only a few weeks away from graduating high school, one night she went to bed after work and she just never woke up. I had a sister die from SIDS when I was 5 and now my niece dies from SADS. I am now 42 and terrified for what the future may hold for my daughter.
Diego,Laura 2 years ago
Praying for you,and all parents who have gone through,or are going through such sadness. I am heartbroken for you.
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Brenda 2 years ago (edited)
Deepest condolences for your family. My BFF lost her only daughter (26), who was 8.5 months pregnant, very suddenly. Normal pregnancy, died from a blood clot & left 3 boys under 8. I watched my friend struggle and grieve, finally giving up only after making sure her boys were taken care of. She died 15 months after her daughter, my goddaughter. I miss them every day. Prayers, positive thoughts and healing for all of you.
Isabelle Lamarque 2 years ago
I'm an identical twin. My sister died shortly after birth. Every birthday my parents would get up early to grieve for my sister and then do everything in their power to make it the best day ever for me once I woke up. Can't even imagine how hard that was for them. I never really allowed myself to grieve over her 'cus I didn't feel I had the right tbh. It was through therapy that I realized how much it affected me as well. I know the pain I feel about losing her. What hearing her heartbeat for 9 months and then suddenly being alone did to me. While being so little to not consiously go through that at the time. The pain my parents must have felt.. unimaginable but at least now we can talk about it and share some of it.
#3
New parent here (baby is less than 6 months old). The worst part so far is all the unsolicited advice. Apparently everything you know is wrong, and the only reliable source is "trust me, I raised kids 30 / 60 years ago, this is how it should be done". Well, Sharon, I saw your work, and I am not a fan.
StrangeOne 2 years ago (edited)
It will not end. If anything it gets worse. You just develop a backbone later.
Puck 2 years ago
I take advise from certain people i know and trust. I've also looked online at and asked advise from our local center for youth and family. I don't know if something like that excists where you live. I've learned there are certain things that work for every child, but there are also things that are specific for your child or for your family and you need to figure that out yourselves.
Bruce W. 2 years ago
This is so spot on. My wife and I were also sick of the people who would tell us before the birth, "The doctor might tell you this..." or, "the nurses will say that...but if ore it and do [insert dumb advice here]." My wife asked her nurse practitioner about one piece of advice she was given and the NP replied, "So you're friend has delivered 3 kids?" Wife nods, "Good for her, I've delivered over 1,500." Point taken.
Paige Fantastic 2 years ago
I actually considered all the advice I got from people instead of being offended by it. It helped me problem solve faster and overcome challenges easier. I never understood the self righteous believe that any first time parent knows much more than their own intentions and good will, of course I want to hear what other people learned. Doesn't mean I have to adhere to it. But why arrogantly assume they know nothing and mean you harm? Saved my now almost grown kids and I a lot of on-the-fly learning and frustration by listening to the old biddies and filing away the information for use later.
Mary Mosher 2 years ago
Just listen and smile, and surprisingly enough, on a rare occasion, you might get a good tip! Folks just want to share their child-raising experiences, not so much tell you how to do things.
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
I hate tha c**p aye i let my daughter dress in whatever she wanted (usually a ladybug costume from miraculous!) And play with whatever. She had a multi storey Carpark with littlest pet shops on one level, hot wheels on another and various super heroes and barbies scattered throughout lol
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Marty Howells 2 years ago
I minded my own business when my daughter had my grandson,I was there for advice and help when needed.
Ronna Black 2 years ago
When I was born, my mother developed a backbone. Her mother was telling her what to do with me, as I was…. Difficult (autistic). According to my Dad, My mother finally told her mother to sit down and shut up, because she was not going to raise me like she was raised. My Dad said he was so proud of her that day. Instead my mother screwed me up in whole new ways!
#4
Worrying about them for the rest of your life.
BigThistyBeast replied:
My dad died at 64 in 2017. Grandma is still around and she’s 96 now. Every time I see her she starts crying and tells me stories about him as a child. Breaks my heart that she still is in pain from it. Outliving your children must be horrible no matter how old you are
Vira 2 years ago
Mine don't give two birds about me! If yours do, give then an enormous hug, from me; I appreciate them. I hope to see more doting parents in the future.
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Adilicious 2 years ago (edited)
Yeah... I'm 40... and living 1500km away from my folks. And still get told to be careful, or to remember a jacket, etc. Very endearing, makes me smile every time. 🥰
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MoMcB 2 years ago
My sister died 2 years ago. Broke my Mum's heart. She still cries every time I call.
Deborah B 2 years ago
My uncle was diagnosed with a terminal cancer in his late 60s. My grandma was in her 90s and in reasonably good health, and she was devestated - she said a parent was not supposed to have to outlive their children. She died in her sleep less than a week later, and my uncle outlived her by almost a year.
Mistiekim 2 years ago
I’m in a weird spot with this. Parents divorced when I was young, and my sister and I lived with my mom. She worked a lot, dated, and made time for lots of stuff except for me and my sister. Now she is retired and in a stable relationship and has become a helicopter parent. Being treated like a little kid at 43 drives me up the wall.
Greenmantle 2 years ago
Boundaries mate.. it's the only way. They're uncomfortable to enforce and deal with the possible fallout but it's the only way. Stay strong.
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Nea 2 years ago
This is a double edged sword always- Many parents cannot let go of their children due to this worry/love and often end up hurting or being hurt.
XenoMurph 2 years ago
Love always is. The more intense the love, the more joy, and the more potential hurt. There's no more intense love than a parent's. And it has to be mostly, or at least partially unrequited, or the child could never leave home. The child has to live their own life, you can/should be able to acknowledge that mentally while accepting the pain of the "breakup" of the child/parent relationship. How a parent can suffer the death of a child, and still get up in the morning I'll never know. (Sadly the English language only has one word for love so it can sometimes sound creepy when a parent talks like that about a child.)
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Beverly Schmidt 2 years ago
It is. More than you can imagine... my dad died at 36 my grandma she lived with it for 20years. my son died 2years ago... It kills mr thinking of him now and i cant imagine a day in my further life i wont do so...
Sherri Martel 2 years ago
My grandfather just turned 90. He had 8 kids. In the past decade, he's buried his wife and two of his children. My mom ended up in ICU two days after my grandfather's birthday party, and I could just see the pain of all the loss he's experienced the whole time. Luckily, she was ultimately fine, but I could feel his worry and grief the whole time she was in the hospital.
AzuraStar 2 years ago
I’m a momma, of three awesome kids. Obv biased. The worst thing for me with my eldest was there came a point where I had to have a talk about how not everyone in the world is a nice person, the stranger danger, the what to do if someone tries to get you alone talk, because he was going to summer day camp for the first time. And I believe that knowledge is power. At some point as a parent, you have to make that conscious decision to take a little bit of their innocence away and introduce them to the reality of the world. He is 16 now and is awesome, my two youngest are coming up to the point where they want to go to camp in a couple years and I’m dreading having to do it again. But I know I’m doing the right thing. And teaching them what is right and what is wrong and what to do if, universe forbid, that situation should ever happen. So for me personally, that’s one of the worst things as a parent
Jane Hower 2 years ago
Got that right. Had an 83 yr old at the retirement home cry about her 12 yr old son passing. You never GET OVER IT!!! You can learn to 'live with it' - I have - lost my son 16 yrs ago at age 43.
#5
The days drag on, but the years fly by.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
It feels like my son was born yesterday, but he already cooks for me, so yeah... I guess some time passed there.
Josh Lindberg 2 years ago
Man you dont need kids to experience that. Everyone experience that as they grow old
Tavi “Raptor” Parks 2 years ago
Hell, I'm only 15 and it genuinely feels like times going quicker and I hate it so much. I'm gonna be a bloody adult in 3/4 years and I am nowhere ready for it.. it's scary tbh,
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Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
I feel like each of my daughters was born yesterday. But when I do the reality check. My oldest is gonna be 20 this year. F**k.
Rob Kazer 2 years ago
My son will be 10 this year and sometimes I feel like he's still 4. It blows my mind. I love watching him grow and become a kind and smart young man, but it's so damn hard. My daughter just turned 11 and I'm terrified of how hard the next few years will be. Thankfully, they have a wonderful mom and bonus mom, but that doesn't stop them from growing.
#6
Worrying about how the outside world will treat them.
Mistiekim 2 years ago
I don’t have any kids, nor do I plan on having any, and this even scares me. Anytime I hear that overhead tinkling music at work signaling that a baby has been born all I think is “No baby! Get back in there! You don’t wanna be out in this world!”
Clown fish 2 years ago
I've got a mentally disabled child I worry all the time more about them than my other children but I worry all the time
RagDollLali 2 years ago
I'm in the same terrible boat as you. My oldest is autistic, she's only four and a half right now and so we don't know to what extent she will be able to talk or function out in the world yet. It is literally on my mind all day every day, I have been unable to get rid of this tightness in my chest for 2 years now and it's the worst thing I've ever felt.
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Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago
Funnily enough, so far I'm not sooo worried about my own twins (2), but maybe that will grow when they get older... I'm regularly afraid for my oldest niece (19), who moved to the big city all by herself, and I feel sad for my SD (6), who doesn't seem to have any NICE friends, and whose mother is a very bitter woman who says things to her like she (BM) doesn't love her (SD) when she's "bad"... Like, the best protection you can give children is your unconditional love, isn't it? Sure, you can try to teach them common sense, tools for life and how to stand up for themselves, but it always comes back to if they feel wanted and safe no matter what, doesn't it?
#7
When you have a child who has severe difficulties (whether physical or mental). In our case, my daughter has a severe mental illness. Everyone gets pregnant and thinks everything is going to be wonderful and the kid is automatically going to grow up and get good grades and have friends and do normal kid things. That’s what you think and that’s what everyone tells you. It’s a cruel thing to realize that in reality, generics is a lottery and some of us WILL lose. Some kids will NOT have the life you envisioned.
Natalia Shoemark 2 years ago
And sometimes those perfect Facebook photos and posts hurt! I guess the only thing you can do is be proud of your family and the culture you've created amongst yourselves :) there's all kinds of winning that doesn't include goals!
Tenacious Squirrel 2 years ago
I think people who have experienced disease, disability or other chronic or mental illness are well aware of this. It kind of surprises me that people who choose to have children don’t even consider it to be honest. It’s also a bit… uncomfortable to call your own child a genetic loser because they didn’t fit your fantasy version :-s
Brocken Blue 2 years ago (edited)
Right? Who thinks every human is going to be genetically perfect, and then are disappointed when they are not? There honestly are a lot of eugenicist opinions still floating around in society about disabled people. I can’t you the number of people who have told my spouse and I we should never attempt to have children because of our illnesses (Which are not fatal, and do not prevent us from living full happy lives, and are not guaranteed to be passed on to a new generation… But people still act like we are committing a moral violation for even trying to get pregnant).
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 2 years ago
I say stop envisioning perfection. You're just setting yourself up for disappointment.
Vira 2 years ago
I got the impression this is more about children who will never grow to be independent, rather than about perfection.
Load More Replies... Sarah nashold 2 years ago
My biggest fear is not outliving my beautiful disabled son. I almost lost him twice but I don't want him in this world without me to have his back
Lisa Wittwer 2 years ago
Mine is disabled to the point that I will be bathing her and wiping her buttt for the rrest of my life.
similarly 2 years ago
When I had children, I didn't know that my mental illness was genetic and could be passed on. I just didn't know how many people in my family have it. I don't regret my children, because I love them, and they're amazing, but I often feel terribly guilty because one of them has mental illness and I know it's my fault.
Nicole Sanchez 2 years ago
Just because your kids get good grades doesn't mean that they will have friends. Speaking from experience.
Jason Carson 2 years ago
I was being induced for my labor which became an emergency c-section. Because of that surgery I never felt like I bonded to my baby. Still to this day there's a divide i feel when my son and I are together. It makes it very hard to be a mother when you don't have that maternal instincts. He is 14 now and I worry everyday that my son will suffer somehow because of that lack of instincts.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
This happened to my mum, four out of her five kids. Two boys with severe degenerative neuro-muscular disabilities. We knew from the start that their time with us would be limited, though they surpassed the doctor's expectations. Then there is my sister and I, with chronic health conditions and anxiety, and she also has ADHD and ASD. Even though we won't have shorter life expectancy, mum has had to help us more than she would have expected, even though we are both adults now. Not what she would have expected when she imagined having kids.
#8
When you give them life advice and they listen to their stupid 17 year old friends instead. Most frustrating thing ever. Also, I'd like to apologize to my parents for when I was 17 and stupid.
Rebekah 2 years ago
I have a 17yo. I swear I was just 17 yesterday. I share with him the things I didn't hear at 17. I feel it gives me footing that I didn't have at that age.
foryouwhynot IB 2 years ago
You’ll be amazed at how much more they listen when you share a whole story about what happened to you when you did that thing vs just telling them all the facts about how wrong it can go…bonus points if you have a scar(s) you can show them. Don’t wait until they’re teenagers, start when they’re first getting out and about with friends, think 7 not 17…
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Lynne Hammar 2 years ago
I told my teenaged son to watch Star Wars. He laughed and laughed. Then he saw it with his friends, and of course it was the *coolest thing ever*
Julie Snelling 2 years ago
The problem is kids don't think you were ever 17. "You wouldn't understand" er yeah I would I've been there done that got the scars!
Diego,Laura 2 years ago
Because , teenagers think they know everything. Until they find out ,they know nothing. My 36 yo son just got divorced, lost his job. Expects his parents to support him Nope. You made the decisions, you have to deal with the consequences of those decisions.
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
Story of my life! I have kids and work in a high school for at risk teens what they don't realise is only I knew everything at 17yrs
Adilicious 2 years ago
Thank you...! My sister is 38 years old. My dad still helps her pay her bills. Drives me up the wall!! Already warned him - I'm not taking over that little arrangement when they are not here anymore...!! 😠
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Patrik Hofman 2 years ago
I just recently visited my friend who has a 17 yo daughter. She argued with her father cause she wanted to go out with her boyfriend after 10 pm. That was the moment I realised how incredibly stupid I was at 17 (32 now)
Jen M 2 years ago
It took me growing up and nearly dying, several times, to realize that all the strict rules were in place solely in attempt to keep me alive. I try to explain that to my kids. We only have rules so that they grow up healthy, smart, and successful, but most if all, that they simply get to grow up at all. Simply so they survive this world.
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
Lol. I'm in my late 40s... I'm apologizing to my folks for things I did a year ago!!! Sorry mom and pops.
#9
If they are born with severe disabilities, you will need to take care of them or make plans for their care for as long as they are alive. It’s heartbreaking, many marriages don’t make it. My utmost respect to parents of special needs children.
Neuridivergent 2 years ago
And those that want to outlaw abortion are not stepping up to adopt these kids from parents who never be financially able to take care of these kids.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
When it comes to rocky marriages with a severely disabled child I feel for the child the most. But I also feel for the parents, too. Parents are not experts on caring for someone disabled, nor about the disability. They're learning along the way. Although there are supports and programs for the disabled child, there is very little, to no support for the parents to be able to talk about what they're feeling, how they're getting along. I know there's a few support groups, but they're often niched and localized.
Kat Min 2 years ago
A colleague of mine has a disabled brother. His dad took care of him all his life and is now, at almost 80, moving into an old people's home with his son. When he is dead, the (mentally) disabled son can stay there and be taken care of. A good arrangement but, man, staying the parents of a child that needs your help till you are 80+ is not the lfie we envision.
MarWol 2 years ago
Yup, happened to us. Perfect pregnancy, uncomplicated birth, rocky couple of months and a diagnosis that means care for life. But I can honestly say that we are happy and even though it's a tough thing to go through as a couple, I do see the possibility that we'll make it through. And our son is as happy as can be, which is the most important part.
Androgyny Lunacy 2 years ago
Thanks! This is also close to my #1 because my daughter is level 3 autistic and she'll very likely need me until I die. Which terrifies me as to where she will be going then.
Mrs. Harry Potter 2 years ago
I know a family with 5 boys, all with some degree of special needs. I always admire the parents at how patient they are and how well they have raised their children.
#10
That even though one may raise them as good as possible, that child may still turn out to be an evil human being.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
Worried that this is going to end up being me. I'm s****y to everyone and generally not a great person to be around and I don't know what's wrong with me
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
I found out why I became that way. It was because I realized I am massively different than them. My entire family is all about the cookie cutter life, the family get togetherness, everything you'd see in 80s sitcoms. I am just not that way. I accepted my free-spirited way a long time ago, they don't. I prefer my solitude and they force themselves on me. I found my reasons why I was becoming an aashole, because I was on the outside and they would only let me in if I became like them. Next step was therapy and learning to accept how it is. I hope you can find your reasons. If there isn't any, that's fine too. Just find someone to talk to. I promise that it helps.
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Marion Goriak 2 years ago
I gave my disabled child support, therapy, community, love, trips, all her heart's desires. She chose drugs.
Justin Rogers 2 years ago
Happened to my brother. We were raised in the same terrifying way/manner and he just came out wrong and couldn't cope/deal. He drank himself to death before he turned 34 and left a lot of pain and misery behind since I was born (older brother, 1 year 1 month and 1 day apert)
jeff adams 2 years ago
My daughter is now a homeless full-blown paranoid schizophrenic that threatened to slit my throat. Tried my best, but had to get a restraining order. I accept her condition and remember her when we were good friends.
Jess Buckingham 2 years ago
sorry to say.. you're an idiot. to think that super loving parents are at fault b/c their teen makes a horrible choice one day? that's rhe most uneducated & inexperienced thing you could have ever said in this instance. maybe you aren't ashamed of yourself, but im fairly sure that WE all are. wtf.
Load More Replies... #11
My daughter is almost 18. For me the worst part was losing my little buddy who always wanted daddy. She would hug and kiss all the time, say I love you and I was always her safe space. She turned 13 or 14 and that was the end. She became a teen and didn’t need mom and dad or affection anymore. I didn’t know it happened like that. I know she loves us, but they just stop showing it. It’s a big loss actually.
XenoMurph 2 years ago
My daughter is 14. Just starting to get that way. So I read all the same books she does, watch all the stupid teeny netflix series. It means we have stuff to talk about. Send her dad jokes to annoy her. So we have something to argue about. Maintaining the connection is the key. For now.
NamiKoa 2 years ago
You sound like a wonderful parent. I am truly dreading having to consume entertainment aimed at (pre-)teens.
Load More Replies... David 2 years ago
What Natalia said. they often come back around. First they love and adore you. Then they are busy being their own person. Then at some point they realize they can do both. I was a "good" kid but I still cringe at some of the things I said and did at parents when I was trying to be cool and independent. I believe I have read that tendency towards independence / pulling away in later teens is actually part of how the human brain develops but I don't recall source.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
That's teenagers finding new independence and trying to reach for more. Mine was starting to brooding and moody almost overnight. Then came depression, anxiety and hurt from friends ditching her. By the time she was 17 or 18 she started turning around, appreciating the things I've done for her and wanting to be around me all the time.
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
I miss my baby, she's to cool for me now but thankfully I have a brand new baby girl 3mth old
Paige Fantastic 2 years ago
I'm turning 40 and live in a duplex my dad owns, above him. He made his house a duplex so me and my kids could come home when my toxic marriage finally failed. I hug him and tell him I love him a lot. We laugh and spend time together. My dad is my hero. Even when I was busy living life and he might not have known it. He's always been my safe place, that never ever ever goes away or isn't needed. Just knowing it's there is what lets a girl live fearlessly.
Shane O'Callaghan 2 years ago
I feel this. My daughter starts comprehensive school in September and I know she is going to become a teenager fast. I must prepare for it ha ha
Liz Lanier 2 years ago
I know how you feel. My daughter turned into a jerk when she was a teenager. She is now 23 and is becoming a human being again. Not completely yet, but she is almost there. So take heart, it should eventually turn out alright.
#12
Having to deal with their total lack of self-preservation. They are creative and come up with all kinds of ways to try and kill themselves, keeping ahead of the game is exhausting.
BatPhace 2 years ago
Let them play, let them get hurt, they learn to do better next time (obviously don't let them play with fireworks or jump in the shallow end of the pool but falling off of stuff and wrecking their bikes is par for the course)
Just.breath.deeply 2 years ago
I agree but its a dangerous line. I remember when I was about 16 and we used to get drunk and slide from hills in our local park. (m not sure if hills is the right word, anyway, the thing is that they are at least 30 mts). Only as a sober adult I realized we could have died.
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Lauren S 2 years ago
Mixed feelings for me. Absolutely, I want him to be a child. Be free. Be joyful. Learn from experience. But my child has absolutely no fear. Ride his scooter down a slide? Run off into a crowd where I can’t see him? It’s hard to find a balance of fostering independence and making sure he survives to use that independence later. (PS, my son listens beautifully, sweetest kid, just doesn’t have a drop of hesitation or concern for safety).
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HardieBoysMama 2 years ago
My oldest son has had 4 broken bones in the last year. Both of his thumbs in separate accidents and just 2 weeks ago he fell of a truck while taking pics and broke his elbow and his heel. In that same time span, another son broke his thumb and I broke 2 bones and tore a ligament in my ankle. Life happens, broken bones result.
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
I speak as someone who was raised by seriously overprotective parents: let your kids do things that get them hurt. Not because they might learn from a mistake, but because of the ramifications it has on the child when they become an adult: I have no boundaries. I know that there is a lot of danger in the world, but rather than be taught about it, I was sheltered from it. Now many people call me fearless, but truthfully, it's stupidity. I live my life how I want and all, but obe day it will bite me.
Marion Goriak 2 years ago
So many of these comments are from people with NO children, or YOUNG children. Just wait until they turn 15-16, slice up their arms and legs, and steal from you, break your furniture, and buy drugs. You can do everything, absolutely everything right, but unless you live in the woods, predatory people are everywhere, and all you can do is hope and pray that your kids make good choices.
DC 2 years ago
We let ourselves be dragged by a Tram on the fastest track they have around here. On Inline Skates, at like 50 to 60 kph. That was incredibly stupid, and we knew it. We had seen people who didn't succeed in it before, we just thought we could do it. Appearantly, we weren't wrong enough to regret - did this only once. Nice experience, but not again ... the drag these things have at that speed really is impressive, I mean I expected a severe drag, but it exceeds the expectation regularly.
Ayra Islam 2 years ago
There’s also parents whose kids try to commit suicide and they’re the reason. When i was 5 i wished i could kill myself that would be the end of it now my younger brother who is 9 feels the same. I hope these kinds of parents can learn to help their children see that life is worth living.
#13
Having to take care of a sick child when you are also sick. For me that has been the most challenging part so far.
Settled for Infamy 2 years ago (edited)
It's also guaranteed that your child gets better before you and has energy to burn when you are facing the worst of it
Helena R 2 years ago
We all had some horrible virus over the Christmas holidays, littlest got sick first and recovered first. I'm feeling sorry for myself wrapped up on sofa sipping lemsip. Toddler walks in, they've put their own wellies on and is demanding you take them to the park to splash in puddles. I did it
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StrangeOne 2 years ago
This is when calling for help is challenging because no one wants to get sick, too, and you don't want anyone else to catch it. I took these days as "sick buddy" days. Me and my girl would take the day to rest together.
Geoffrey Scott 2 years ago
And employers (US) are SO (not) supportive. "One more absence and you will be reprimanded". Gee, thanks, that helps.
DC 2 years ago
"Come in and spread your sickness to the entire company! Pronto!"
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LapCat 2 years ago (edited)
I remember when my then-8 year old child and I were both home sick with the flu… I could barely move yet at the same time had to take care of her. At one point she was sitting on the couch staring at the TV with a glazed-over look in her eyes… checked her temp right away and it was 104 F. Seizures can occur with fevers that high and especially in children. Despite feeling like c**p myself - administered Tylenol to her, ran a cold bath and carried her in there, etc. anything to bring her temp down. It was scary. There was also a time when she was 3, and I had a bad MS relapse that paralyzed my right leg within 20 minutes. I was panicking in my mind but had to stay calm for her. Man, sometimes it can be really tough.
Tawnie Gallegos 2 years ago
Yes!! I, my husband and two young daughters all had the flu. My youngest had it the worst, including diarrhea. But, I nursed us all and we made it through.
Scott Kasnik 2 years ago
I remember holding my girls hair back as she puked in the toilet. Meanwhile I'm holding a sick 2 year old who sympathy pukes all over me. 3am memories that make you stronger
Lara M 2 years ago
One of the reasons I'm as COVID cautious as I am is because I remember how miserable it was taking care of a flu-ridden child while sick as a dog with the same flu. Every damn winter while she was in daycare. All winter. I'd rather wear a mask forever than deal with that ever again.
#14
For me I just really like to be alone sometimes. Before kids I would just go downstairs and watch a tv show, play PlayStation, or play guitar and my wife would do her own thing as well. Now, I have maybe 1 hour of alone time (sometimes none) every couple of days. It’s at 11 at night and I’m tired as f**k then and the next day. It’s the hardest part for me. Love them to death, but it’s hard to be “on” all the time with work and them when at home.
Deborah B 2 years ago
I don't get this. Parents need breaks, and not just together, they need alone time. As we got older my parents would set themselves "quiet time/writing time" when they were not to be interupted except for serious injury or emergency. "If there's a lot of blood, and you can't make it stop bleeding, you can interrupt me." "If it's just smoke, or a small fire, put it out, and tell me later"
Sherri Martel 2 years ago
Yeah, but until they get older, that's just not an option. It takes years to teach them the skills they need to leave you alone and give you 5 minutes peace. And if you have more than one... Forget it. It's why were one and done.
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StrangeOne 2 years ago
This was definitely a struggle. I know I spent a lot of time with my daughter but I know I spent a shameless amount of time in another room while she played somewhere else. Not locked away, but just in another room to relax.
Natalia Shoemark 2 years ago
Not shameless.. genius.. taking time out for her and you and she's learning she's safe away from you xx
Load More Replies... Paige Fantastic 2 years ago
I trained my toddlers between 3-4 years old, about the time naps were waning and potty training was over, how to entertain themselves, get drinks and which snacks they could have on their own, for a couple hours at a time. I was a full time student and life depended on it. They're super independent problem solvers now. You gotta train them to be still and exist quiet for spells or you will lose your mind.
AJ Ferraro 2 years ago
Not every child can be trained like that. A kid with ADHD, for example. That parent could do things identically to how you trained your kids, and there would result a completely different outcome. Every child is so incredibly different. I think its critical for everyone, esp other parents, not to imply that your failure to get a desired action from your child based on the advice of others is in any way your fault. For any piece of wisdom, no matter how widely accepted, "your results may vary." I was not able to train my ADHD child to have the ability to be still or exist quiet, and I did, in fact, lose my mind. I'm still in recovery from the damage I did to my psyche by internalizing those kinds of judgements.
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Warrior Mama 2 years ago
My husband and I adore our child beyond words, but have also kept our promises to each other to make sure we each have the alone time we need to recharge, and when the kid was young enough to need constant supervision we'd tag team to make sure the other could have a nap/night out with friends/etc. I love being a parent and I think it has made a difference that I'm fortunate enough to usually be as recharged as I need to be.
2CentSally 2 years ago
This is one of the biggest reasons I chose not to have children. I absolutely need alone time. To the point my husband and I have an arrangement that I can "banish" him from the living room which for him just means he can go to his office and hang out with his friends online guilt free, and I get the living room to myself for a few hours. I'm not about to let go of that arrangement!
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
I agree! But when I do get the rare alone time I don't know what to do with myself and end up pacing the house like a lost puppy lol
Jen M 2 years ago
This is me too. I do everything I do for my kids' benefit. I haven't even read a book in 10 years. And reading is my favorite thing in the world. I just don't have the time. Let alone time for friends, hobbies, just no time for anything else. I still love doing that for them. But it is exhausting to say the least.
#15
Playing the lottery of having a healthy child. Our daughter was diagnosed with schizophrenia during her teens. It's a rollercoaster of emotions. We have our good days and bad. Having to explain the diagnosis to people who feel uncomfortable being around our daughter because of the stigma displayed in the news and movies. The worst, for me, is watching her friends and our family's children have a more "normal" life. It's like reopening a wound everytime someone gets married, graduates, or some other milestone in life.
Mistiekim 2 years ago (edited)
Here - let me rephrase my original statement as some here seem to think I was shaming or insulting. Looking at others through the lens of “normal” is a painful endeavor. It’s hard not to, especially when you had plans/dreams that you know are not going to occur like you thought or they would. But to make those sorts of comparisons often leads to bitterness or resentment. And no sick child should ever have to feel that coming from a parent.
Vira 2 years ago (edited)
This is toxic positivity. It invalidates their feelings, and sounds like it comes from someone who has never experienced this struggle. No matter how, "normal," their reality becomes, it doesn't make it less, "normal," for other people, and they still have to interact with those people. Like you. Who invalidate their feelings with platitudes, cliches, and shaming advice.
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Greenmantle 2 years ago
As someone with Scz, my heart goes out to you. It may not always be the way it is now. It can take years, but on the right meds and with a lot of stability, we start to manage more. 10 years after my diagnosis I was 1/3 way through a uni degree. The first 4 years prior, I could barely work or even look after myself and my living space. Now that it's been 20 years I have successfully gradutaed and I work part time in my field (can work almost F/T but not quite).
Temporary Dork 2 years ago
Early diagnosis is the only good thing in this story. If you have schizophrenia, you will have to be on creativity-numbing medication for the rest of your life - or face the demons that aren't even yours. It's easier to do that if you haven't truly experienced life without them.
Xx Warriors Unite xX 2 years ago
I remember the year Taylor Swifts CD Fearless came out and she cried hearing the song 'Fifteen' and I asked what was wrong she said 'Everything this song talks about you didn't get to do this year at Fifteen' and she was right I missed out on so much because of all my health issues. It was hard for her to see me miss out on everything. She worked so hard to try to make up for the things I missed out on, by taking me to concerts and wrestling events and taking me to the arcade twice a month, us just having girls girls and more. It was everything and more than I could've ever asked for.
#16
I'm so tired. Just tired all the time. I don't ever remember not feeling tired.
Catrovert 2 years ago
Me too but I’m still a kid, I don’t have depression or anything and I think I get an adequate amount of sleep but I’m just..tired
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Ba-Na-Na 2 years ago
Thank you for saying this. I feel like when people reprimand me for being tired but not having kids… I feel like saying, “parents don’t own tired!”
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zububonsai 2 years ago (edited)
I feel you! In my case it's been an undetected case of Hypothyreosis (my thyroid couldn't produce the hormons that are necessary for your body to wake up), At first I thought I was constantly tired (and feeling cold and being constipated) because of draining study, then Referendariat, then startet freelancing, then young child ... It felt like "walking through sirup". - if you have the same, you might want to consider ask your GP for checking your blood work? I'm now happy&awake with one tiny tablet per day.
#17
Having depression and having depressed children f*****g sucks. If you have mental illness, and you’re kids get the same mental illness it will double your mental illness.
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
If you suffer mental illness such as depression and have kids you really need to do everything you can to minimise the symptoms (easier said than done I know, trust me) go see a therapist, take your medication and find a purpose. It's really hard to deal with but depression is contagious, anybody that has lived with depression can attest to that. Please seek help if you are feeling this way
Max M 2 years ago
Yes. People with adhd have a big risk of getting kids with adhd or autisme, then the lack of understanding people, anxiety, paranoia etc. It is hell to me, it would be a hell to a kid, having such a parent. So no kids here.
Neuridivergent 2 years ago
If i had known what i know now, i probably wouldn't have had kids. Adhd me and likely adhd daughter who once told me that i am lucky i will not be alive for the food crisis. I think she was 10.
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 2 years ago
I feel this. It feels like I'm not showing the strength I think a parent should show. It's embarrassing to cry in front of kids. It's scary when they see your mental breakdowns from stress and trauma. I believe my mom instilled this mentality in me by how she reacted when I saw when she was upset.
Sherri Martel 2 years ago
Got diagnosed with ADHD when parenting destroyed my lifetime of unintentional coping mechanisms. And now I'm pretty sure my kid has it too. It's great to know early for him, since Ive been working on new coping skills and strategies, but I also feel like a crappy failure a LOT of the time because I'm being challenged in ways I never have been before, and I can't afford to screw it up. Because it's not just me that will pay the price now.
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
It does. My two both have anxiety and acute depression, just like me, and my mother. Thankfully, even though they aren't on speaking terms with me as young women, they still sought out activities and therapy based help so they wouldn't end up like me. That gives me a moment of peace in every bad day.
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
Oh. And let's not forget, after my youngest was born my mother also developed dementia. So now that I'm getting closer to the age she was, when diagnosed, I'm getting tested every couple years...sigh.
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AnnaRachelle 2 years ago
I have suffered depression and anxiety since I was a young girl. I used to turn to my mam for answers to why I was different. I always felt like I didn't belong but would end up upsetting my mam. A lot of trauma happened before I hit 10 years old. Not my mams fault I may add. Years of different doctors,different medications I was finally diagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder at 37 years old. I have had a lot of therapy. A lot. Talking really does help. I did not realise how much at the time. In the past I even tried to take my own life. I made some terrible decisions but my mam never gave up on me. In my 40s now and I have the best relationship with her. And I have apologised repeatedly over the years. I am a mam myself. My mam is the best
Gay Potato 2 years ago
I might only be 17 but i already know im not having biological children. The list of mental disorders i have only gets longer as the years go on and i dont want my kids to suffer the way i have. I also have trauma related actions and responses that would go extremely against me being a good parent and a good person, so i wont be having kids anyway until i am certain i have that under control. Then, and only then will I consider adoption. Im not making the same mistake my parents did. Im not bringing a kid into this world just to suffer the same broken mind as me.
Mickysixxx 2 years ago (edited)
Your mental health doesnt stop you being a good person. You ARE a good person who happens to have mental health issues sometimes 😊 for instance I am not depressed Micky I'm Micky who happens to have depression. You can overcome it or at least get it under control just remember, you are a good person and there are so many other beautiful things about you
Load More Replies... #18
You have to feed them like every day.
Jason 2 years ago
Or in the case of my son every 30 minutes. Not sure where he puts it. "daddy you want to share a piece?" Nope been full since lunch and the 4 snacks I skipped on
Load More Replies... Libstak 2 years ago
As a carer for my elderly parents, tho dad passed away last year. Yeh people need food to thrive. Having to feed a small child is one thing, having to feed an elderly person who aspirated if you are not constantly remind them to go slow and swallow properly is another thing altogether..
Jason 2 years ago
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Caring for a loved one isn't easy it takes so much, on top of that losing a parent. Good of you to be there for then, even though it's tough. It might be worth seeking some counseling to work through everything too. Wishing you the best from a random Internet person
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R Dennis 2 years ago
I raised my three stepkids from when the oldest was six... the two boys grew to giants about 6'5". In their teen years, we were buying two full grocery carts of food a week!
trollingergirl 2 years ago
We called that the 2-Schnitzel-Phase.... (2-cutlet-phase)
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Dontyouwishyouknew 2 years ago
I used to tell my daughter I'd only feed her on Sundays. 😂😂 (As a joke of course.) But she still insisted on wanting food daily.
#19
When people ask me this I say.
You know those video games where you have to escort a character to a destination without them being attacked.
That's parenting.
Those missions are a pain in the a*s.
Max M 2 years ago
And the character keep standing up while you sneak, run head on into fights you know is hopeless
Phobrek 2 years ago
"Stop running ahead of me or I will cut you down myself!" - me in a video game, not me parenting... am way too afraid of ever being a parent
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#20
The worry that I’m a bad parent that’s doing things wrong.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
There's no right or wrong way to parent as long as you're caring, loving, providing, nourishing, teaching, guiding and allowing them some freedoms.
Hallie Murray 2 years ago
I have to disagree, there are definitely wrong ways to parent.
Load More Replies... Natalia Shoemark 2 years ago
The fact that you're worrying that your not a good enough parent shows that you are :) you do you!
Julie Snelling 2 years ago
I was just going to say this. I tell my friend this all the time.
Load More Replies... RagDollLali 2 years ago
This is a universal feeling felt by every decent parent on the planet. If you care enough to worry that you're doing things wrong, then you're doing something right.
David 2 years ago
You ARE doing things wrong. The thing to keep in mind is every one of us does / no parent is perfect. But probably not the first part. If you care and are trying you are likely not a bad parent. Anyone who tells you they never got any parts wrong is likely lying or delusional.
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago (edited)
Oh lawd...my first, I made tons of mistakes. I won't lie either, I totally dropped her on her head when she was about 8months... thank God she's turned out smart. In college and going into university next year...whew... My youngest? I did way better, but still made new mistakes...like leaving pint of Guinness unattended. I caught it good from my ex-wife for that one. Best? Taking my oldest for a joyride on a motorcycle when she was six... and forgetting she was on with me when I opened up the throttle. Just peeled around the block we lived on, got up to about 140kmph got back to my driveway. All I hear is "omg daddy that was wicked!!! Go again!!!". My response "holy f**k you're on the bike!!! Don't tell your mother, I'll give you an ice cream!!!" My ex-wife comes home from the mall,and my kid "mommy mommy, I rode on a motorcycle with daddy and we went really fast!!!" Me? /Facepalm, couch for a week and no sex for a month.
EchoSixOhSix 2 years ago
One of my coworkers had a baby shower Friday and had advice cards. I wrote the first one: "no matter what you think or feel, you are a good parent. Doing the best for your child is never the wrong choice."
rs_adahl1971 2 years ago
I used to pray when my son was young, please don't let me screw him up, please don't let me screw him up.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Instead worry about how you can do things better. That gives you a basis to start on.
Jason 2 years ago
I try as hard as possible. I know I do good and I know I make some mistakes. My son is just coming out of the toddler years but we have pretty open communication. If he feels that he was treated wrong or his feelings were hurt he talks to me about it and I listen and course correct if needed. I do sometimes get the "you made me sad because I wanted more candy".
#21
I’m divorced and the worst part of having kids is being tied to my ex forever.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
In the blood in your child, yes, but you don't have to be in contact with your ex forever.
Bearseyeview 2 years ago
But I have to act calm and collected around someone I'd prefer never to see again because I can't make my kids feel conflicted over every family event because of our divorce, their relationship with their dad isn't the same as my relationship with him.
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Jen M 2 years ago
Yeeeeesssss....I suffered thru this on my husband's behalf. Us being tied to his ex, a malicious woman who did everything to try to destroy our lives, simply because she hated us both. The years of false CPS calls, the stalking, the calls to out employers in attempt to get us fired. We had so many restraining orders against her, and it just. Never. Ends.
Edda Kamphues 2 years ago
We broke up because we could not agree on how to raise our children. Helicopter parent on one side, free spirit on the other. Now they are playing us like a fiddle. We have a parenting plan, but their dad refuses to stick to it because he wants them 'to choose where they want to be and when'. Makes for some spontaneous change of plans.
BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
Oh man. And I bet both of you are trying to over compensate for the other. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it
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J.B.W94 2 years ago
I’m a step parent to a beautiful child since the age of 3 coming up on 12 years old. Kid love me I love them like my own I’m female married to mother. Ex hates me and tries to get kid to hate me but doesn’t remember a time in life with out me and loves me too. But is torn between step mom and father even though he is remarried and has another kid in new marriage still spends time worried about me and I treat our daughter with respect and even though a lesbian relationship both my wife and I show our daughter how a woman should be treated no matter what kinda relationship you are in each partner in a marriage deserves respect, kindness, love, equality in the relationship and devotion no matter what!
foryouwhynot IB 2 years ago (edited)
Not forever, just until their break lines mysteriously break :| edit: I am kidding…
jeroesjao glausiusz 2 years ago
I salute you for courage to let your child have contact with their dad, even though you have that trauma. Am in similar position. Every time there is contact I feel like dragging her back home and locking her up, but that is not going to help. Just pray for strength, and for my child to be able to sift out what right and what is wrong. And good supervision, of course.
Steve Robert 2 years ago
This is just so true. You can never forget them since your kid is half of them
Mari Mar Pinta 2 years ago
Yesss... my still addicted Ex who I will never let near my Son because he's still addicted. But yet, according to his family, I'm the TA for not letting him see his Son. Yep... my Son won't be seeing him for a long time and I'm just fine with that!
Kimberly Ledig 2 years ago
I don't know if I can actually call myself fortunate but my abusive ex just abandoned his daughter and myself, taking all my belongings and left me with nothing. Though, I do not have to deal with that piece of $#!+.
#22
It never gets easier, only different. Newborns not sleeping through the night gets replaced by teens staying out past curfew and you going down the deep rabbit hole of worry wondering if they were in a car accident, abducted or something else.
Sherri Martel 2 years ago
This needs more upvotes!!! My friends who are new parents always say "but it gets easier, right?" Yeah, nope. Physically it gets easier, but then emotionally it's constantly more and more complicated - your emotions and theirs.
Cassandra McTaggart 2 years ago
I always tell people that just when you learn to deal with one set of challenges, a new set comes on. Just when you get used to the baby they start toddling, Just when you're used to toddlers, they become know it all pre-schoolers. It never gets easier, but you love them enough to keep going.
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heather7d@yahoo.com 2 years ago
A million percent this!! No one ever mentions how hard it is once your kids are out in the world, making their own decisions and mistakes, and there’s nothing you can do but offer your support. Having adult kids is WAY harder than when they’re little. My son becoming widowed at age 25 is something I never could have fathomed. But… watching them thrive and be successful and become really good people is so rewarding.
Lyanne Paddick-O'Leary 2 years ago
I am a patent of a 31 year old. I worry about him more than I did when he was a kid. Parenting sometimes never gets easier.
CC 2 years ago
I just keep open communication. One or two times past curfew, but they call? Ok. It's all I ask. I was their age once too. The world us super different now, just like it was when we were teens and our parents were worrying about us. Each generation has its own different set of challenges. Take time.to listen to them. Your raising adults, and they need to have thier freedom too. It sucks, but if you trust them, even a little bit, it makes it easier.
Shamika Taylor 2 years ago
This! I always tell folks that having kids never gets easier. It just get hard in different ways. When they are younger, it's much more physically exhausting. As they get older, it becomes less physically difficult and more mentally and emotionally hard. Either way it's a crazy rough ride to ride, but one I'm happy to be on.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
Tbh I must be pretty easy in that regard. I have insomnia so I would never stay out any longer than like 10 at the very latest, any sleep at all is a gift
#23
Watching them make the same mistakes you did even though you told them not to make those mistakes.
Little Jimmy.. if you borrow a bunch of money, those people are going to want it back and if they don't get it back they'll take stuff you won't want taken.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
In the end, we're all just humans trying to figure out how to get through life the easiest.
And the like 2 years ago
You can't learn from other people's mistakes. You need to learn from your own.
Suzy Creamcheese 2 years ago
I learn from other people's mistakes. That's why I never had kids. ;-)
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David 2 years ago
YES. Variations of you are trying to boss me or run my life or whatever. NOOoooo I'm trying to give you advice to avoid stupid that I learned the hard way. It is both gratifying and bittersweet when they come to you after doing it their way and say, "You were right, I should have listened" And no I'm not perfect, have just had more time to learn from mistakes in various aspects of life.
Delano Van raalte 2 years ago
Sometimes we have to fall to rise further also kids want to make thier own mistakes
Anita Forester 2 years ago
I'm flustered listening to hear my 2 grown kids telling me what their kids are doing. It's exactly what they did. Life on repeat I want to say I told you so. Will the circle be unbroken? Bye unbye Lord bye unbye? I don't think so.
Geoffrey Scott 2 years ago
My wife FORBID my kids to party, I counseled them to be discreet, watch their drinks (2 girls) to ensure no one "adds" anything. Youngest called up, 3rd year in college..."Dad, I got an MIP"(minor in possession). Told her I was disappointed, and she better work more to pay fines, etc... and she was in charge of it. She told her Mom my disappointment was the worst thing.
#24
The constant anxiety that you’re doing enough to shape them to make good choices,a good life,be a good person and for them to have the life they deserve.
StrangeOne 2 years ago (edited)
Trusting their ability at independence is really a trust test on how parents think they did to enable their independence. We seem to not give ourselves much credit.
Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago
You've really got to choose your battles as a parent. So what if the children put apple sauce on their heads on Saturday? I taught SD (6) that we love her, no matter what, and what's more important than that?
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
They haven't eaten in 5hrs! What won't they eat! Trust me, kids won't starve themselves
Best Behave 2 years ago
Every decision you make has to be weighed against the fallout for them
#25
The loss of freedom. I can't just... go somewhere. Even with older kids, there's so much planning and thinking and getting ready.
I miss being able to just decide to go somewhere, and go there.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
I found planning the hardest to do because things often don't go to plan, and then what? For big, longer trips that required some prepping that's when planning happened. Other than that, if I decided to go to the zoo or swimming that day my kid would be excited to go and that's what we did. When she got older and I had more time to myself it hit me and I got this odd feeling that I could go out somewhere on my own, anywhere. I didn't have to just stay at home or bring along a kid. Felt pretty weird. I'll admit I was lost.
Natalia Shoemark 2 years ago
So weird going back into.the real world as yourself aye?
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Biofish23 2 years ago
I think many people in the comments are missing the heart of this. It's not just I have kids now so I can't just ditch them and run off for the weekend. It's that going ANYWHERE is harder than you imagined, especially if you have more than one little. Just going to the park for an hour can feel like it takes more planning, preparation, and packing than a weeks vacation did as a solo adult.
Mari Mar Pinta 2 years ago
So so true! Take my UPVOTE! And if I do go somewhere solo for a few hours, while he's at school, I need to rush through things to make sure I don't miss my bus so I can get him off his school bus. As a Single Mom, I don't have a back up... It's definitely exhausting...
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TheReader19 2 years ago
Trust me, they grow up and you will look back on everything with rose coloured glasses. In the end it all works out
J.B.W94 2 years ago
No matter the planning , make plans, figure out a time frame 6 months to a year, get care giving for the kids make arrangements at work. This way financially you can plan even if it’s 3 nights and 2 days. Bothe parties will appreciate the initiative. No matter male or female (or what ever you identify since now we are in that time and age) they will appreciate it. Just get travel insurance if it has to be post bone. It the thought that counts but don’t use kids as an excuse to do something together or alone.
M.S. 2 years ago
You talk about travel insurance. Okay silver spoon. Feeding and care for kids is expensive and not like 20 years ago. Who has money for travel insurance? Who has money for travel? After kids are fed and paid for. That's the whole point, there is no freedom to travel when the cost of living and inflation made all the fun money magically turn into grocery money. Good luck saving for retirement and 529s and lessons and sports and a vacation that is insured. Who has $5,000 for a vacation or $15,000 if you have more than 1 kid? People who have money for the kind of travel that requires insurance... those travelers are ridiculously privileged. If not, they are choosing to spend their savings and retirement savings and college savings and think nothing of the future. Kids are an excuse when you have to pay the life insurance to care for them and you can't afford Cancun or Paris. I have life insurance and 529s for my kids and we go camping and that's it. Welcome to reality.
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#26
Watching them grow. It’s the most rewarding heartbreak ever.
Headless Roach 2 years ago (edited)
For me the most amazing part was developing contact - from the first curious glances at you, through babble, first words and sentences, up to full sarcasm mode 🙃 And every time I felt "I understand you, buddy"
Jason 2 years ago
Just had a legit 1 hour conversation with my son. Was one of our longest talks so far. Seems like just yesterday he was telling me "Wawa".
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Best Behave 2 years ago
There's that Abba song, "Slipping through my fingers". They don't even know they're doing it
Jill Sadler 2 years ago
From the moment they’re born they’re pulling away/ needing you less each day. Every moment that passes you love them more and more. Its a cruel paradox designed to torture the parents who must focus on some negatives or they’ll break down and never stop crying.
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
This is the worst thing for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of them and I have a ton of great memories, but there is this part of me that says: I miss them when they were newborn to toddler...even to preadolescent...now that one is 15 and the other will be 20 this year... things are truly difficult for me. I went from being their hero and friend and father... to being not wanted.
#27
I'm only 9 years in, but so far it's been the sleep deprivation. Hands down.
ETA: I'm not still sleep deprived. My kids sleep great now at nearly 9 & 5. But that was the hardest part of parenthood for me so far.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
The sleep deprivation is very hard but I wouldn't say the hardest. It's not forever. Just seems that way. And then your kid is going off to kindergarten in the blink of an eye.
setsuriseikou 2 years ago
I'm sure sleep deprivation (just like any other aspect of life) hits different for different people.
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Jen M 2 years ago
My first boy needed to eat every w hours, for 4 F*****G YEARS. So every night, for 4 years, I was up every 2 hours, feeding him. Even as a toddler. My 2nd, a girl, slept thru the night after just 4 weeks. It was the best surprise ever. I couldn't imagine s 2nd 4 years of being up every 2 hours again.. omg...just the thought makes Me so tired...
foryouwhynot IB 2 years ago
Our son never had any issues sleeping…he’s 7 now, the issue we have is he doesn’t feel the urge to get up and go to the bathroom until it’s too late so I’m up at 5 (sometimes earlier) to clean him up and get him back to bed. Often, we’re done just in time for my alarm to go off :| that’s where my exhaustion is coming from…I miss the diaper-days!
Mari Mar Pinta 2 years ago
My Son is 7 and I'm still sleep deprived. He is not a good sleeper and I stay awake making sure he doesn't... it's hard.
EmBree 2 years ago
Our youngest never slept more than two hours at the time. We went through a whole stack of tests over the years and the Drs concluded that it's just how he is. He was also very active and creative and it was scary falling asleep not knowing what he would be up to when I woke up. He's an adult now and I suffer from insomnia. I can't sleep because I have to make sure nothing bad happens.
NamiKoa 2 years ago
I haven't also through a night since 2019 - started during pregnancy and continues to this day. I find myself wondering whether the stage where my kids finally sleep through the night will come before or after I start having to wake up to pee multiple times a night. I would so relish a few more years of good sleep in this lifetime.
#28
Yeah co-sign on "constant worry." Having a kid is like having a little piece of your heart running around in the world. When they're sick or get disappointed or just feel sad, it's worse than having it happen to you. Yet at the same time, you need to let your kids work through those things to learn to handle them. If you give into the worry and try to shield them from everything, you risk creating harmful co dependence. So it's a constant struggle. But worth it!
Cheeky chicken 2 years ago
You're only ever as happy as your saddest child....something I read on BP a while ago so I'm sharing it again. It struck home with me
Lama 2 years ago
Be careful sharing this. There are a lot of depressed children carrying a lot of guilt around already. They did not ask to be born, or to be depressed. It breaks their heart to know they are burdening their parents as well.
Load More Replies... Geoffrey Scott 2 years ago
May I suggest much of what ails us is that we do NOT allow disappointment, that showing up is a start, not a cause for reward.
#29
Watching them stray down the wrong path. Wishing they’d listen to you.
DC 2 years ago
When you're a teen, the DANGEROUS teens do drugs, have sex, steal things. When you're an adult, everybody does drugs (how many desk flasks are there in offices? Sleep pills, pain pills, everything pills ... gambling, if you wish so, ...), the main part of many jobs is some standardized stealing process that is made legal by whatever means those people not listening to the primary school teachers have come up with ... and sex? Well, that, everybody does once you reach that age, it's just a bit early about the "dangerous" ones, of whom I haven't seen one end up pregnant prematurely in my circle at least...
Michael Largey 2 years ago
And the reverse. Setting them down the wrong path and wishing they hadn't listened to you. That's gotta be worse.
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
I strayed down the wrong path for a few months as a teen, but got my 💩 together and returned to the straight and narrow - which is neither as straight nor as narrow as you probably think.
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
Oh lawd... my pops tried that whole do as I say, not as I do. I didn't listen...and I totally went down the wrong path. I'm still not entirely on a great path though it's much better now than in my teens and early 20's. Thankfully I learned enough not to pull that c**p with my kids. They're a lot better than I am, and that makes me happy.
#30
The cleanup. From the moment the water breaks it's cleanup. Not just the entire birthing process on the "Big Day" either. Diapers spit up and tired messy mom give way to toilet training. Cleanup of every bodily fluid. Laundry, toys, and food crumbs find every nook and cranny of space. Then you have to navigate all of the emotional cleanup from sharing toys, to bad teachers, to bullies, to bad breakups. It's almost always cleanup, but it isn't always bad.
Lynne Hammar 2 years ago
While they are out, you tidy the whole house. Within 5 minutes of their return, the entire house, it looks like a bomb went off
Robin OConnor 2 years ago
The first time you go out after the baby is born, they ALWAYS spit up on your hair and dressy clothes
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
Both my girls caught me mid diaper change and legit peed and wet pooped and got me covered in it. My oldest, when she start walking and just talking and making sounds used to disappear when she wanted to poop, then she'd come over to me and stick a diaper dipped finger at my face and go "EWWWW".
Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago
Don't your children help you? Our own twins are only just 2, and they tidy up after themselves both at home and at their daycare... My mother says they'll grow out of it, but since I involve them in every thing (they help clear out the dish washer, help load and unload the washing machine, put away their own toys and books, and basically know wherever anything "belongs") I am hoping it might stick...
Scott Crowe 2 years ago
One of our neighbors and her friend dropped by our house for a minute and her friend complimented how nice everything looked (my wife is a basically a frustrated interior-decorator). My neighbor immediately look at me and said "....that's because ya'll don't want no babies !".
Jill Sadler 2 years ago
You have to pick up the toys to vacuum the floor just to mop the floor, parenthood has so many more obstacles and steps as far as getting anything done goes.
#31
They’re just always there. On you, behind you, in front of you, just a little speed bump impeding every task. Lol
Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago
Accidentally typed when they stumbled over their child.
Load More Replies... Jason 2 years ago
Involve them where you can! It will pay off eventually even if it takes more time in the beginning. Though my son runs all the time everywhere unless he's walking in front of me and I'm trying to carry something heavy
Lauren S 2 years ago
Ha! I feel the running. Mine has a ton of energy. Non-stop go until he finally passes out. He’ll play with a friend for an afternoon and the parent will text me a picture of their kid sprawled out face down on the couch, floor, etc after because my son absolutely wore their kid out. Mine? Still running!
Load More Replies... Jill Sadler 2 years ago
I have to redirect a childs head several times before I get from one end of the house to the other, lucky if I remember why I went there
#32
How much you sacrifice. Kids take everything you’ve got and then ask for more. They are endless, remorseless need machines. (Or at least they feel that way, for a looong time.)
But that’s just the deal. And if you’re up for it, it’s a perfectly acceptable deal. But even when you are all in and completely okay about the sacrifice, sometimes it really feels like a lot.
Headless Roach 2 years ago
Parenthood is not all about sacrifice. A propert balance is something you learn on the way... or not, though.
Lauren S 2 years ago
Yeah, I’m not sacrificing anything. I’m gaining so much. Maybe my son is just still at an age where he makes me feel loved if that makes sense. He is the most important thing to me but I also selfishly feel like I’m the most important thing to him too. I’m sure it won’t be that way when he gets older, but right now, at 6, he radiates love when I’m with him.
Load More Replies... Paige Fantastic 2 years ago (edited)
I've never in almost 17 years of parenting felt like my kids were taking from me or that I was sacrificing myself. They're literally all I ever wanted in this life and everything I've done and still do has been the joy of my life to do for them. That would be heartbreaking to feel. To feel your kids are taking more and making you sacrifice yourself or life. How does that not make you resentful?
Timothy Raj 2 years ago
Wow, you nailed it dude, they're not 'taking more', just simply being our children.. They'll always be, even when we 'let them go'.. It's never about 'us' it's always about them/the others.. And that's the way it should be..
Load More Replies... Mickysixxx 2 years ago
Unconditional love will do that. You will die for these kids, you give them everything you can
Steve Robert 2 years ago
It's easier to spend money on the kid or grandkids than to spend it on myself
rs_adahl1971 2 years ago
The reward is when they say out of the blue, mom I know what you've sacrificed for me. Thanks. He doesn't really know it all, but for him to recognize that fact was so wonderful. He's 23 now. He was 19 at the time and had just graduated from basic training in the Army
#33
Besides all the other things mentioned, having your internal organs rearranged. Some of them permanently.
Mari Mar Pinta 2 years ago
Never did recover from my c-section... my leg STILL twitches from being poked 2xs during my epidural...
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
Bones too. My leg is kinda crooked after my last indecent of saving my youngest when she finally got he training wheels off her bike. I was riding my bike alongside her and she decided to go down a steep incline but at the bottom it was broken up asphalt when she left her bike about 6 feet in the air I just didn't think, I launched off my bike and saved her from hitting the pavement. At the cost of both bikes crashing down frame and pedal first on my right leg...not to mention the pavement burn...she was only six at the time and helmet was coming down to the ground first.
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
My oldest got away from me at about 3 when I went into the kitchen to get her lunch ready... when I peeked around the living room entry she's trying to climb the rear projection TV we had. 48" and like easily 100lbs started falling I dove and grabbed her by her PULL-UP to move her out of the way... guess who's shoulder caught the TV? Yep... mine.
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#34
Your life's no longer yours. By time you get home from work, sort tea, sort kitchen, get then in bed you've about an hr before you gotta go to bed to start it all over again
Edit: when I say tea I mean dinner/supper, not a cup of tea
StrangeOne 2 years ago
LOL I got this is coming from a Brit. I get the confusion because when I first heard my Brit bf say he was going to eat his tea I was dumbfounded. "Like, you have tea you can eat?" XD Good times. The amount of responsibilities to keep a house, provide, nourish and nurture is astonishing. It's not all bad but it does take a toll on you.
Scott Crowe 2 years ago
Just reading some stories from mothers who's only free time they ever get during the day is the 5-minutes that they lock themselves in the bathroom to cry is enough.
Robin OConnor 2 years ago
Women end up staying up late so they can eat without sharing. Not just the kids.
kitten levels tokyo 2 years ago
Thank you for the clarification. I thought you had some kind of side hustle putting Earl Gray in one bin Darjeeling in another.
#35
At least in America, it seems like society doesn't give a s**t about supporting families, financially. Daycare is expensive as hell. Oh, school finally helped take care of your kids? Well, what about after school care? What about summer? Summer camps and after school care costs are nuts too. All of this adds up to the constant anxiety of failing your child, financially.
Sara Anderson 2 years ago
...or the feeling that you must stay in your toxic job because it's a decent paycheck and there's no guarantee another job is out there for you, so you just take the abuse to make the money to make the life you want for your kid, which of course leads to burnout and depression, but whatever. That's just adulthood, right?
Dontyouwishyouknew 2 years ago
I can definitely relate. I can't stand my job, but I stay for not only the pay check but mostly for the health insurance (USA).
Load More Replies... Lauren S 2 years ago
Oh the financial difference between preschool and after school care in kinder was a huge drastic relief! Literally $700/mo dif. For one kid!!! When my friend had twins (taking her from 1 to 3 kids) she spent more money on daycare than she earned working. But health insurance (American…) and her sanity made continuing to work a priority for her.
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
And where the hell are the so-called pro-lifers? They want every conception to see the light of day, but don't care about what happens after birth. Many politicians who cater to them oppose raising the minimum wage, among other things.
Tamita Kea 2 years ago
I can’t stand that myself, and then you have idiots that then say, ‘don’t have them if you can’t afford them’! But don’t YOU have kids yourself?? Kids cost money regardless of what you have! Such an ignorant comment they make!
Load More Replies... Tamita Kea 2 years ago
This…all of this! Seems like any kind of activity from sports to scouts costs money, and lots of it! This on top of bills just compounds the problem!
Bonnie Lewis 2 years ago
If you can't afford kids don't have them. Period simple as that. Everyone knows kids are expensive. Don't expect the government to pay for your kids. I don't want my tax dollars going for someone else's kids when I ..as a disabled senior citizen..could use those dollars myself ..for food ..or medical needs..after working a lifetime.
Gareth Baus 2 years ago
Just don't complain when the labor pool that pays your current retirement benefits shrinks and becomes less educated, and less well adjusted to the society you still have to live in than it otherwise would have been.
Load More Replies... GEPowers 2 years ago
No one owes you financial support for your family. You decided to have a family, you should be prepared to support them. Maybe the the DYI approach to caring for your kids would help doesn't take much but time. BUT if you are a single parent and have to work it will not be at all easy - probably no good options.
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
I can understand and agree to disagree at the same time. Being provider is what I've been and in Canada, we are entitled to the child tax benefit. The government here no ! matter what party it has been over the past 20 years hasn't changed that. I've thankfully made more in my salary that my ex-wife could stay home with the kids while they were younger. She collected the benefit because I made too much. It still helped. With a 1500 dollar monthly mortgage, utilities, household needs, food, activities for the kids like swimming or T-ball, even making what I was I was nearly able to make ends meet.
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#36
How your partner changes. My partner (M) and I (F) we’re thinking about having a child. He wants 2 I would love 3. We have one (2 years old). I cannot express how much he changed after the child…. He is a completely different person and not in a good way. He is always short tempered, which I had no idea before the baby arrived. (we are together for 10 years). edit: this is what makes me think I am done at one… I cannot imagine what life would be with more kids, as he is angry all the time
StrangeOne 2 years ago (edited)
There are SOME men who suppress who they really are until they got you locked in and/or in a situation where they can't hide their anger and other issues anymore. They don't just "change", they stop pretending. *Women can be the same way. Yeesh.
Jason 2 years ago
This can't apply to women? For me I changed to be significantly more patient, empathetic, and family oriented. I had to deal with the same as the op from my partner.
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Sherri Martel 2 years ago
I found myself incredibly strained after having a kid. Zero patience, super short temper. Turned out I had undiagnosed ADHD. I've been in therapy and on medications since he was 6 months old and it's made a HUGE difference. Your husband is probably struggling with overwhelm and a life that's out of his control. He may just need some outside mental health support. Best of luck to you both.
Sarah Hoban 2 years ago
Men can get postpartum depression, and for many, depression looks like irritability and anger. I don't think you can hide abusive behavior or anger for TEN years. He should see his doctor about this.
Edda Kamphues 2 years ago
Kid #2 is a total game changer. Forget being partners; you become almost like co-workers.
David Black 2 years ago
That can also be depression. After getting help I’m much better at dealing with the situations where my 6 year old refuses to do anything.
Mari Mar Pinta 2 years ago
I hope she is practicing birth control... for her and her child's sake. This is why it's so important to be clear from very early on in a promising relationship... Do WE want kids? Because a LOT of couples don't make it after having just one and they think having another will "save their marriage!"...
The Short Lady 2 years ago
See how your partner is with children before you have any of your own. Some people just don't like children. Wanting them is not enough, you need to enjoy their company.
Honey 2 years ago
Get him a Dr appointment (if he's like my husband it might take some manipulation) it might be something health related. If it's emotional and he won't open up to you maybe (again with some manipulation .. why men can't just be open to help geesh) you can set a bonding thing with another dad who's been through similar stresses. My father was short tampered and a bit abusive but after he was prescribed high blood pressure heart medication he was completely different so have hope he might not be the evil guy everyone on this thread is saying he is.
#37
Every time I'm no longer needed for something, it takes some time for me to adjust. I had no problem with never needing to change another diaper when he was a toddler, but it feels like every day of his teen years results in one more thing he can do independently. He's taller than me now and can reach into the cabinets just fine without my help. We've also stopped going for walks together, now that he has a cell phone. I've been stay at home parent his entire life, and now I'm thinking about getting a job, but people don't want to hire me anywhere. That's been really difficult, too.
Sally Close 2 years ago
Don't give up. Keep applying for jobs. Someone will see your worth and value.
Paige Fantastic 2 years ago
The greatest cruelty is that any employer imagines raising children and running a home didn't provide equitable experience that translates to the workforce. Mom's are not worthless.
s0nicfreak 2 years ago
Instead of just looking at it like "I have been out of the workforce for x years" you have to play up the skills you used during that time. For example you have managed multiple schedules. Set appointments. Managed a budget. Meal planned, purchased food, cooked food, cleaned the kitchen. Etc. etc. You have years of experience in all this. They likely have younger applicants that don't have gaps in their resume but those younger applicants also do not have these years of experience. Also if it's possible to freelance/contract in your field, do that for a bit. Maybe you'll just decide to do that permanently (that's what I did) but once I started doing that, people started coming TO ME offering jobs.
Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
Don't give up. !y ex-wife went back to work when our kids were both in school. She started by volunteering as a lunch and recess lady. She didn't have any work experience from the end of 2003 when our first was born up until 2012 when our youngest was 4. She did that for a year, the next year she worked in the office, as a backup secretary. Then they took her on as a kindergarten assistant the third year. She's now a full time special needs assistant and makes close of not more than my current salary. You can do it. And she was with the school my kids went to till my youngest started highschool this year.
Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago
My mother had the same problem as the last paragraph. She started to coach some children in the subjects she used to study (maths and physics), do volunteer work and started renting out and caring for some spare rooms. Now "our" holiday apartments bring in nice money in tourist season, and she's head of the local environment protection agency, involved in regional church and women's circles etc., etc. She never worked because of 5 children spread over 15 years, starting in college, but now she's got a full life with many friends and lots of self-assurance.
CC 2 years ago
Look at the positive of the situation. You have raised an independent young man whi can do for himself!!! I have a friend who's son is 19 and cannot even microwave ramen without a disaster. Jobs? It'll happen. Start small. Library, maybe something at the elementary school . Have faith in yourself. Your doing a huge job, raising a responsible wonderful young man. That in and of itself is a major accomplishment
Retha Alberts 2 years ago
Yes! I started studying again at 49 because I just was not relevant anymore! 😜 I was privileged to be able to do that but I firmly believe that action (however difficult) = results. When my eldest daughter turned 17 (I have 4 kids and she's 32 now) she told me very respectfully to get a life. That was the best thing that I could have done for everyone in our family dynamics. ☺️
#38
My top thing I tell expecting parents is you no longer sleep when you see fit. Tired? Too bad, you’ve got responsibilities and a human/humans to keep alive. This worsens because not only do you wake up when they do and go to sleep after them, but you’re also inclined to stay up later for doing whatever grownup stuff you enjoy. I’m so guilty of staying up way too late to watch shows that aren’t exactly kid friendly, my wife is all into the true crime stuff, so we get the kids to bed then stay up until 1-2 some nights watching stuff. Guess who doesn’t give a s**t? The kids. They’re up at 7-8 ready to rock and I’m yet to find their snooze buttons. I’m fortunate to function well on anything over 6 hours of sleep, her not so much. She’s currently passed out on the couch as I type this, for the exact reasons listed above lol.
Dontyouwishyouknew 2 years ago
I'm definitely guilty of this. It's in these hours when everyone else is asleep that I finally feel I can relax without anyone needing anything from me.
A. Starhawk Hunt 2 years ago
Why would you call that guilty? We may be a gregarious species, but most such creatures need time alone too. A sentient and sapient mind needs time to assess/process/sort or deal with the different experiences of the day from spilling coffee on ourselves to serious car wreck. Time alone.
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Darryl Rampersad 2 years ago
Guilty. I was lucky, my ex-wife was a stay at home mom for 9 years. Then she worked at the kids school and had the same schedule as our youngest. But we managed. Without much sleep. We were world of warcraft players and both were in a high end raiding guild. So...in the days of vanilla all the way to wrath of the lich king, I was working 8.5-10 hour days then beating it home to level and gear check and chase server and world firsts. Which in the case of most raids was 8 hours. She would raid heal while breastfeeding the babies. Then hand them off to me to burp them. Lol. We were happy in those days. And the off days which usually were Monday and Tuesday, we would clean shop for groceries etc.
Joseph Lancaster 2 years ago
YYYYEEEEESSSSSSSS! This one makes me feel SEEN. Though it's my wife who is the 6 hour person and I need 8. I usually go 2-3 days on 6 then take a day off of evening gaming to sleep for 10 the second the child goes down for the night. I'll admit to having prepared for this a bit by having two dogs and a night owl wife before the kid entered the picture.
Jennifer Clayton 2 years ago
I finally learned there's a term for this, revenge sleep procrastination...a subset from sleep procrastination. It describes staying up late because there's no fun for you during the day so you sacrifice your tomorrow for more time. Look it up. I was stunned, but feel like a rebellious child every time I try to talk myself into going to bed before 2AM.
#39
It's like taking a 2nd job that lasts 18+ years with 24/7 schedule with no holidays or sick days.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
I've never felt of it as a job. You can have sick days if you know someone to watch them for you while you get better. I learned from a few bad illnesses that a very sick parent is not capable of properly providing care. It's okay to reach out for help. In fact, it should be encouraged.
Barbara Kayton 2 years ago
Unfortunately not everyone receives the help they actually need when they ask. I’ve see this happen more times than it should. I’m glad you have people around who can help.
Load More Replies... #40
For me it's giving up a part of myself that I will never get back, don't get me wrong, I would choose to do it every time, but there is a mourn of a previous self and the sacrifice I need to do to become the best father I can be and that can be hard sometimes.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
I think that's just part of maturing and growing. When you become a parent it does speed up maturity but I've met parents who aren't really that mature, really. And there are some who are just so serious and strict I have to wonder if they recall ever being a kid.
Christopher Southworth 2 years ago
Strictness and softness each have their place. When they are overbalanced, it can warp the kid. We have all seen the results of bad parenting, unfortunately. To make it worse, what works for one kid can fail spectacularly for the next.
Load More Replies... Geoffrey Scott 2 years ago
And sometimes that self you lose is a blessing. And sacrifice has it's own reward
Katherine Reich 2 years ago
Although painful at the time, losing my old self was the best thing that ever happened
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Donna Clanclan 2 years ago
When they are grown and you go back and get those missing parts, they are shocked to their core at who you really are. Even as an Aunt, it amazes me how much they don't know about me and my past..as I have no memory of actively hiding it from them.
Sarah Goddard 2 years ago
I hear this one for sure. The guilt that you shouldn't feel that way doesn't help, nor does other people trying to invalidate the feeling. Being a mum is great but it is also so hard that I won't be doing it a second time.
Zephynescent 2 years ago
Utmost respect, and hats off to the parents who can own that being a parent can simultaneously be both the most amazing and rewarding journey AND can be hard as Hell, and that neither cancels the other out. Two things can be true at the same time.
#41
Repeating myself 6,438 times a day. F**k.
LuLuBelle 2 years ago
I supervise college students and I totally feel this. How many ways are there to say "get off your phone"?
Krd 2 years ago
College? That's on them. They are adults. Let them use their phones (obviously not during exams though). They are paying for it. They are the customer. Not your children.
Load More Replies... Jason 2 years ago
Why?? X 10000000. Though I try hard to patiently answer and explain each one
BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
For me right now it so "What happens if" insert random thought. Non stop. Half the time she doesn't even wait for me to stop talking before she has anew question
Load More Replies... Best Behave 2 years ago
I'm the same. (y'meant repeating "fack" 6,438 a day, right?...... right??)
BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
My throat is literally sore every night this winter. The dry air and weather swings start it, my kids finish it. I wish my downstairs neighbor would get some head phones or a hobby so they can quit complaining about every small noise too
Neuridivergent 2 years ago
My elderly father moved in. Asks me 3 or 4 times a day if i am going to work that day. Most days i work late.
#42
Right now it's the relentless illnesses! One kid brings something home, sick and off nursery for 4 days, recovers but two days later Mum gets, one day after Baby gets and one day later Dad gets. Its brutal, especially since kid 1 has recovered and doesn't understand why no one will play. Well maybe because we are all puking our guts up you wee gremlin!
Paige Fantastic 2 years ago
This year back to school without masks in the post covid world has been effing brutal. It's like they're all going to school and licking all the door knobs for seven hours straight.
Jason Franklin 2 years ago
Always around the beginning of winter, my wonderful, 100% on all the time, sons became potential Geneva convention war crimes until spring, wherein my allergies would beat me up until June. Public U.S grade schools might as well be potential resource materials for the C.D.C.
Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago
I feel spreading out the catching of diseases is one of the better things about this. Our twins (then 18 months) brought a stomach bug home from daycare. Projectile vomitting and veeery runny diapers. The first twin was hit worst between 5pm and 10pm one night, then actually slept a few hours. The other started throwing up at 11pm, until about 3am. The next afternoon, it was my turn. After over 24 hours of me expelling anything in my stomach (I lost 5kg that weekend), and while I still couldn't even be around food, my husband was tied to the toilet for another 12 hours. - Now, I still shudder to imagine what it would have been like if we'd all had it simultaneously...!
foryouwhynot IB 2 years ago
I don’t get sick, so son gets wife sick and they pass it back and forth for a bit before it clears and everyone is good for a week or two before he brings home the next thing from school…
Kati Donovan 2 years ago
Consider good hand washing for yourself and teach your kids how to do it properly. Also, disinfect areas that are touched by everyone like door knows, light switches, handles on fridge and things like this. If everyone is diligent, maybe you can contain the infection somewhat. Just a thought...never hurts to try!
Flowers 2 years ago
I'm considering gamma radiation disinfection when they are out of the house. They touch and lick everything!!! Doesn't solve the hand washing problem, though.
Load More Replies... BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
Every holiday when all the clinics are closed and the ONE that is open is full. Literally every holiday break. I am NOT going to the ER for a script for a child's decongestant. And yes, tried the OTC available here, the kid stuff does nothing!
#43
The strain on your marriage/relationship. We thought we were completely prepared since our child was planned. Then you add the responsibility and stress and the take away sleep. (Didn’t sleep through the night for 9 straight months) We were at each others throats every single day. We finally got ourselves figured out and are good now
StrangeOne 2 years ago (edited)
It's people romanticizing fantasies of what having a kid will be like. They get this picture of being a happy couple looking down at their sleeping baby in a pretty cradle, while mother hums a lullaby and dad hugs his wife, gives her kiss and offers to take over some of the night feedings. Reality: Mom and Dad are a sleep deprived wreck. Mom (or whoever cares for the baby) hasn't showered in a week, feels and looks like a deflated parade balloon. Dad is starting to get insatiably horny, pressuring his weary wife to satisfy his needs while she's having none of it. Her husband also starts to get jealous of all the attention the baby is getting and resentful of her and their baby. She needs to nurse and he wants to use that time opportunistically to turn feeding time into a breastfeeding kink. (Gross but it exists.) Wife is getting fed up with her husband turned man-child, horny-freak. Husband can't handle it and then emotions erupt.
Cheeky chicken 2 years ago
We had decided we wanted children once we were married but, we weren't expecting to have me fall pregnant 2 months after the wedding. It was a very different picture of the early part of our marriage than we had imagined but we made it work and will celebrate 20 years this year. It was very, very difficult at times and we saw sides of each other we didn't expect/know or particularly like at times in the early days of being parents but with a LOT of talking to each other we got through. I found things out about myself I had no clue was a part of me. A baby changes you, your life, your relationship and for women your body. USE CONTRACEPTIVE METHODS until you are ready to make huge changes and find out how strong your relationshipis (as ready as anyone can be) x
Liza BK 2 years ago
My experience has been that men really don't want any part of it. They feel trapped and angry all the time. I'd rather do it alone than with a trapped, angry a*****e
Brenna Ammon 2 years ago
Yeah. It's not the same with everyone but I do see that happen way too often. For me it was my mom that had severe anger issues, but either way it is horrible growing up with an angry parent. Being technically threatened, seeing fights between parents. I only felt like she actually cared when she took me to therapy after finding out I was cutting. On top of that being the older child and having a 6 year old sibling that you basically end up raising and having to explain why the fights happen. It's not good for anyone, and sometimes they only stay together because of having kids.
Load More Replies... Scott Crowe 2 years ago
The worst people are the one who have a s****y relationship but are actually dumb enough to think a baby will "patch things up". (*spoiler: NO, IT F*****G DOESN'T YOU DUMBASSES !!!!!!!!")
foryouwhynot IB 2 years ago
A few months after he was born my wife said she needed help. So, she went to bed at 7pm and I stayed up until 12 with him, feeding him on time and all that. Then, at 12, I took him to her for her ‘shift’ while I got 7ish hours’ sleep before work. She got what she needed, I got what I needed and he got what he needed…just takes communication and dedication!
#44
I have an infant. Right now, it’s: Friends who don’t have kids and get upset because they can’t understand how your life has drastically changed. News articles about pandemics and mass shootings, and knowing that you are raising a child in a world that generally doesn’t care about their well being. Knowing that your child will eventually be hurt by others, and that you will be powerless to stop it… so instead you have to instill resilience in them. And you hope you do a good job because of how many bullies and a******s there are in this world. Coping with the fact that one day they’re going to stop sleeping in your arms during naps, and laughing at your silly faces, and stop looking at you with absolute unsullied admiration. The helplessness during their first bruise, their first illness, their first babysit session when you check your phone every five minutes because every single news story about terrible things that happen pops into your mind. There’s a lot of “worst parts.” Luckily, it’s still all worth it.
Neuridivergent 2 years ago
Put your kid's schedule on your Google calendar and then share with your friend and ask "when do i have time for a four hour girls spa day once a month? And are you going to pay for it ?"
Ashley Bushaw 2 years ago
And then enjoy your new life having ZERO friends. 🙄
Load More Replies... Caliban Taylor 2 years ago
I’ve never understood people who get upset about other people’s kids. Like bring the kid along! I’ll schlep them around wherever. Need a shower and a nap? I’m down to watch little Timmy for a few hours. It’s fun! Like being a grandparent: you get to enjoy the kid for a little while and then return them
Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago
It is perfectly valid to want to spend time with friends who have children WITHOUT those children, but then you'll have to be okay with it taking a bit more scheduling beforehand, of course. And there's additional components: I can't stay up late any more, both physically and because our twins wake me at 6am the LATEST, no matter what; we moved to the suburbs, and I don't drive (yet), so on weekends I'm stuck with 4 buses a day, riding my bike, or paying about 70€ per night for a cab; we're working from home because it's easier with the daycare schedule, so we would have to drive into the city for any social activities instead of already being there; and we're sick a lot, so cancelling on short notice happens, too. The list goes on. I've seen my best friend twice last year, and not for lack of trying...
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Tenacious Squirrel 2 years ago
The second point, about the state of the world, for some reason parents never seem to consider this BEFORE having the child. Only after their baby is born do they start complaining about the state of the planet and all the problems happening around the world. You just chose to ignore considering it because you wanted to have a child and didn’t care about things like the future of the planet, resources nearly extinct, overpopulation, pollution, impossible cost of living etc, because your (selfish) want to create a child was more important to you.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
There's always going to be something going on with the world, no matter what. Face it. The world is unstable and volatile. People tend to round up all the bad things in a big group and just look at that. What they are not looking at are all the good things and positive advancements. I am thankful my daughter was born during a time when there has been developed research and better treatment for those with disabilities, and not born even 10 years earlier when kids with disabilities were brought to asylums and mental hospitals, chained up, experimented on, and given cruel, harsh treatments. Things have come a long way with certain things. Of course there is always the consideration of where you live, too. In that case, if it's too dangerous to raise a family then it's too dangerous for me.
Load More Replies... Jill Sadler 2 years ago
That unsteady new parent feeling does lessen once you’ve saved their lives for the 300th time. But mine is 3 and I’m still struggling with what the right thing to do school wise is.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
About the shootings thing- I don't think this is applicable to my parents. Personally, school shootings are yet another source of anxiety for me but whenever I bring it up to my mom she says that since it isn't going to happen, I can't have anything bulletproof for my backpack or a can of pepper spray just in case. I have a feeling that I'm going to be the victim of a school shooting sometime during my life, and at this point my main plan is to throw a chair at someone. If parents actually cared about school shootings, I would have pepper spray in my backpack
phantom ski 2 years ago
Ask them to buy you a bulletproof plate at the very least, it's like a folder size and out it in your backpack if you want it's not guaranteed but it's something
Load More Replies... Timothy Raj 2 years ago
'Luckily', it's always 'lucky' when you realise parents are the 'lucky ones'.. They are what they are, they will look for you and love you when they need it, they will always love you
#45
It's incessant. It never stops. You never get a day off.
Going from having two days per week to relax and do whatever to literally never having a moment free from responsibility.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
I felt this way during the elementary school days. If you think being a parent means not having responsibilities with schools like you did when you were in school, HA! Being called to have a meeting with the principal or the teacher feels like you're the one in trouble. If your kid didn't do their homework a part of the blame feels like it's on you. They have to be brought to school and picked up. You go around their schedule and your job's. I mostly felt like I couldn't have my own schedule at any point of the week.
MotherRobinson 2 years ago
THIS! I think I hate school more as an adult more than I did as a child.
Load More Replies... Timothy Raj 2 years ago
What is a 'day off'? Why can't everyday be a 'good day'.. Why should bei g away from your child be a 'day off'..
Joseph Lancaster 2 years ago
Tell me you're not a parent without saying you're not a parent...
Load More Replies... #46
#1 Watching them be in pain (physical or emotional) #2 Cleaning up vomit
Paula Chaffee 2 years ago
This resonates most with me. Most memorable Mother's Day? The one I cleaned up kid, dog, and cat vom!
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
Vomit once they start eating real food, baby spit ups gross but nothing in comparison. I picked my daughter up once when she was 3yrs because she was vomiting all over the floor. I felt so bad for her and went "come here baby" picked her up and she promptly vomited all down the side of my face, shoulder and arm. So gross
Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago
The worst is when they're too young to vomit into a bucket, even when you "hear" or feel it coming. Our twins had a stomach bug with projectile vomitting at about 18 months old, and I had to try to hold them up to puke into a bucket so I wouldn't have to change another set of sheets... It's especially "great" when you know the bug is contagious, but you can't not touch it, and you can't well scrub your hands after every incident without having raw, bleeding hands... So you know you're going to get it, you just don't know when. Oh, and having to decide what to take to the pediatrician or even hospital and what you can handle on your own is another one! We always hit the jackpot on weekends, so we can't just call our family doctor...
#47
Transitions. From baby to toddler, to little kid, to big kid…. Time passes by and with it they start growing into independent persons. A parent’s love grows with them, but te feeling of knowing sooner than later they will belong to the world…… And we adults posses the understanding that the world IS. This can be both beautiful and scary.
JoMeBee 2 years ago
Yup. Having a minor meltdown. Gotta sign my kid up for high school classes soon. Can't believe how quickly the time has passed. He'll be out of school before I can retire, so I'll finally have more time and my kids will be all grown up and not need me as much...
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
Yep and they DONT get easier as they get older, they get more complicated. I miss the "terrible 2s" she was cute and didn't have all these wild ideas lol
#48
Boredom. Apart from the real life problems, like providing for them, health and constantly being worried. They are so damn boring. How long can you play with a toddler and not lose your mind? Entertaining small kids is so annoying. Once they learn to read it gets so much better.
Isolde Leeuwen 2 years ago
Do you know how long a baby book takes to read? 2 minutes. After that you still have hours left.
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Jason 2 years ago
Maybe I am the only one that enjoys playing with my kiddo. Sometimes it can get mind numbing if it's reenacting the same play scenario 50x in a row. It's fun experiencing the joy of building a tower and smashing it down, kicking or throwing a ball around, reading a book and having them enthralled by your presentation, playing water balloons, making paper airplanes, list goes on.
Joseph Lancaster 2 years ago
I'm noticing a lot of people listing activities that are actually more for older kids. As the father of a 1 yo, I'm constantly bored and mentally exhausted from trying to maintain focus and be attentive. My wife and I have decided that everyone has an ideal child age that they vibe with, for lack of a better term. I'm not a baby person. But I think I'll be a great k-5 person. I can't wait for him to be able to talk and read so I can teach him all about the amazing things in the world. But right now? Excruciating.
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Beth Huntington 2 years ago
It sounds like you may not be in touch with your inner child. So much fun!
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
I always felt like a bad dad because I get bored playing. I see dads at the park that seem to just love pushing swings for 3hrs or playing chasing for hours, I'll do these things but not with the same gusto.
Ba-Na-Na 2 years ago
Who says you have to entertain a toddler? Give them a box and let their imagination take over!
SarahJane Riordan 2 years ago
That probably would have worked for one of my kids - the second one, who therefore had a sibling who would also have wanted the box if for no other reason than it was given to the other. But the oldest absolutely had to have human attention for 100 percent of waking time. I had a niece like that as well.
Load More Replies... Zephynescent 2 years ago
We divide and conquer! I find playing with Hotwheels and airplane absolutely mind numbing and painful... my husband does that part because he loves. I do all the drawing - drawing is so much fun on "giant" paper (aka Bristol board) building things. And the things we both find mind numbing? Good ole rock, paper, scissors lol
TheReader19 2 years ago
You get to play with dolls again and eat Farley's Rusks people.... Farley's Rusks
Lynne Hammar 2 years ago
Upvote for Farley's Rusk ... never heard of them but it sounds like a little bun?
Load More Replies... Paige Fantastic 2 years ago
The world is amazing to toddlers. There's so much to learn and experience. Bugs. Plants. Water. Words. Drawing. Art. Hopping. How do you get bored teaching them? Don't you want to show them the shadows and the clouds, catch butterflies or make them out of paper plates? Tent forts, corn starch and water, finger paint and cardboard box castles. God I loved the young toddler to adolescent age. So much to teach and the wonder of it on their faces every day. Ugh. The best.
SarahJane Riordan 2 years ago
Hah. I thought this. I imagined my kids asking where rain came from and where the moon went during the day and me getting to explain it to them. What actually happened was we would go somewhere and they'd ask (at about 70 decibels) 'Why is that lady's hair so funny?' 'Why does that man have a beard?' - my little dude, I DON'T KNOW! People are allowed to have beards and wear their hair how they want without explaining it to anybody!
Load More Replies... BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
There are definitely boring moments but so much fun at every age. I love seeing my kids learn new things and tell me new things. I don't enjoy the constant questions but I absolutely love the curiosity behind the questions. Fun pranks are also a big perk!
Poeha 2 years ago
Those questions were fabulous. Like I was an all knowing oracle. Whatever answer you gave, it was good, cause mom knows everything. But then he got 5. Hey you're only supposed to be in the why phase with 4. 6, 7, questions got more and more difficult. Ask Google! With 9 he was watching university programs about black holes and commenting under my name lol
Load More Replies... #49
Literally ZERO breaks! You are on call 24/7 for 18+ years. Never can slow down to even catch your breath. It is equal parts exhausting and rewarding. I always say I wish we had better respite for parents because we all need it!!
TheReader19 2 years ago
I don't agree, when kids get to specific ages they are quiet sel sufficient. Teaching them basic skills means that they can make little snacks and get on with things. Allow kids to grow and be independent benefits everyone
Nora Petricien 2 years ago (edited)
I think this one depends on how you raised your kid (except if said kid is special needs) because when your kid is about 6-7 you can start and push it toward independence. Teach it to play alone, make snacks on his own, even heat a meal in the microwave... If you keep this up by 12-13 yo they'll be able to do pretty much anything on their own, that's also when they usually stray away from their parents so you'll definitely be able to get breaks even though this is something a lot of parents dread.
Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago
This depends on how you work on getting me/couple time with your partner, children, grandparents, other family and friends. My twins are 2. We've changed our bedtime routine so now I (the mother) leave after 10-15min cuddle time. I've got me time from 8pm the latest, and my husband, who stays up later anyway, is out another 20-30min later. We've also been able to arrange a gaming weekend for my husband last week, and me going out to the theatre the same Saturday, thanks to my parents in law. It's possible, you just have to ask for help and start small.
#50
At the beginning, planning things becomes much more complicated. Want to fly? Gotta plan for stroller and car seat. Which car rental place is in the terminal so you don’t have to haul all your kids stuff on a bus. And things can get messed up just because your kid is having a bad day. You might be out at a restaurant and your kid gets mad because [insert dumb thing here] so you just need to pay your bill and leave, or eat in shifts with so someone can be outside with a mad toddler. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kid and wouldn’t change anything but details that never mattered to me before become things you have to take into consideration.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
If you think about it, I believe toddlers get angry because they have all this pent up energy and they're always being restrained in something like a car seat, stroller, high chair.
Little Wonder 2 years ago
Also because they don't yet have the words to express what they're feeling.
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Geoffrey Scott 2 years ago
Never underestimate the grandmother/mother nearby that can entertain while you TCB. My daughter flew alone with "Mr Cranky Pants", and she was spelled by some really nice people.
Joseph Lancaster 2 years ago
Lol, my wife has specifically told me that if I ever let a stranger keep an eye on my child while I run to the bathroom again, even if the woman has two young children of her own with her, she will personally remove me from this mortal coil.
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Klopec 2 years ago
I can't believe what I've read. These parents are spoiled and only seem to care about themselves. Most of them shouldn't have become parents the age so self entitlement is unbelievable! I have 3 sons and one that came into our family to spend the night and never went home. I would have never had it any other way. I wish I could have had more kids, but it wasn't to be. They are now grown (youngest 41) and I miss every day of their lives. From puke to poop, I loved it all. I also might mention they all own homes and have their own children. They are also financially responsible. Their Father and I have plenty of money they will come into when we are gone. What is wrong with parents today? No wonder so many are mentally unstable or in jail!
#51
You can't do ANYTHING without factoring your child into it. Your entire life revolves around making sure they are okay and taken care of. Your decision to do something is never really your own ever again. Can't work a night job unless you're sure you can find childcare or have a spouse to take that shift. Can't go to the beach alone without finding a sitter. Can't go to the beach with the kids without packing 80 gallons of water, a billion snacks, extra clothes, special baby sunscreens, and the list goes on. It's honestly exhausting for someone like me who loves to be alone and do things alone. I love my kid to death but god damn some solitude where I don't have to think about how what I'm doing affects her or worry about where she is and what she's doing would be nice here and there. I'm going on year 12 of motherhood. And I know it's not slowing down anytime soon.
foryouwhynot IB 2 years ago
About 4-years and you’ll switch from being side-by-side to sitting at home while she’s out doing whatever so…
#53
Losing all ability to control your own time. They don’t eat meals and then get hungry an hour later. They have school and lessons to be taken too. They have homework. They need snacks when just start doing the thing you need to do. The need baths. They make messes and leave things everywhere. After all this their isn’t anytime left.
Geoffrey Scott 2 years ago
Then when you DO have the time when they are growed and gone, it's "now what"?
#54
teenage years, worked for a customer once who put a sign on their frig saying "leave home now while you still know everything"
Geoffrey Scott 2 years ago
Was it Twain who said "when I left home at 16 my Dad was the most ignorant man alive, when I returned a year later I was amazed at what he learned in one year"
Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago
No, Twain didn't say that, but this saw - as well as quite a few others - are often attributed to him.
Load More Replies... #55
Definitely money I reckon. I don't have children but my SIL does. I spent $50 on arcade machines for the little terrors one day. I can't imagine all the cost of diapers, activities, asking to go to the movies, school stuff, birthdays, Christmas, clothes. Back in the day you'd buy a squeaky toy and they'd be happy. It's now an iPad or iPhone.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
You budget and learn to say no. You say "No!" a lot more than yes because those treats can't happen every day, nor every week. Kids don't need to be expensive to entertain. I used to spend about an hour playing on a plank of wood discarded on the boulevard in front of our house. Give a kid a box and they'll have a grand ol' time with their imagination.
David 2 years ago
I am surprised EXPENSE is not higher up on the list. We thought we knew but diapers, wipes, formula, medical, food, more errands and gas, higher utility bills and so on. It really adds up. Reaching the point of no diapers/formula was like those folks who talk about how much money they saved by quitting smoking. Then in the tween / teen years other expenses kick in as they have sports and hobbies and often more expensive clothing and so on. For some folks maybe it isn't a strain but for us it was. And the tight budget carries over into extra stress / tension / sometimes disagreements.
Shark Lady 2 years ago
I remember my mum giving me some money to get myself some winter clothes for both work and general. She noticed how my daughter always had exactly what she needed and I was wearing clothes at least 7 years old.
#56
Other than the constant invasive thoughts, for me, STOP F*****G TOUCHING ME!
Sherri Martel 2 years ago
Constant physical overwhelm. I don't even want my cat near me a lot of the time now. I just need to be not touched for awhile sometimes, which is tough when you have cuddly (but fidgety) kids and emotionally needy cats!
#57
I'm only a few years along, but lack of free time is the biggest one. Also, our sex life has suffered due to (a) no time and (b) lots of otherwise good opportunities being impossible. We have to schedule.
#58
Being hungover on a Sunday morning catering to a 3 and 1 year old.
#59
Labor.
Geoffrey Scott 2 years ago
Told my wife, "why are you arguing with someone who doesn't know their a*s from their elbow"?
Load More Replies...Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Cathy Jo Baker 2 years ago
Yet I get dragged because I never had kids. Best decision I've ever made. I knew I wasn't mother material and made sure I'd never be one.
BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
I hate that people get so judgy because someone decided not to have kids. It's 100% valid! Sometimes, I think they are just jealous of childless people. Life is a LOT less complicated and cheaper without kids. I also think it is a super responsible decision to not have kids unless you want them
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Sherri Martel 2 years ago
The thing that 99% of these parents share is that we'd all still do it over again, even knowing these things. Having kids is hard and it sucks. It's also awesome and amazing. Bad and good can coexist.
Load More Replies... Sponge Blob 2 years ago
God, these "recommendations" appearing on top of every page on Bored Panda really get on my nerves. Never have I followed them, just another tiny X to click, because it's obstructing article I actually want to read.
Suzy Creamcheese 2 years ago
I never had kids and never regretted that decision. My friends who do have kids are roughly evenly divided between "your life doesn't begin until you have kids" and "your life is over once you have kids." I'm pretty sure I'd have been in group 2.
Cee 2 years ago
Bored panda how many of these “having children is the worst “posts are you going to do?? I’d like to see a post about the heartbreak of women that waited too long to have children and can no longer have them.
The crushinator 2 years ago
I get that guilt trippy, judgemental attitude from people almost 24/7 in real life so no thanks. I'll keep reading these lists and feeling empowered and heard if you don't mind.
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Aythya 2 years ago
I don't understand three things... 1. Why have kids if you can't stand that they will be adults one day? That they won't admire you all the time? That one day they will be independent and will leave you to live their own lives, just like you did with your parents? Don't have kids if you're scared of loosing control over them and stopping to be an unquestionable authority. 2. Why have kids if you see the world as super bad and scary? Yes, your children will experience all the bad things you experienced. Someone will hurt them, they will face injustice, treachery, death, sometimes poverty and serious ilnesses. If you can't stand that your kids will suffer eventually - don't bring them to this world. 3. Why have kids if you're mentally ill and unstable? Kids would make it worse. And they will be ill as well. Help yourself, stabilize your mental health and work through your trauma before you decide that you're getting kids.
Bella Langston 2 years ago
I'm tired of these articles. Yes, we all get it—being a parent is hard, choosing not to be a parent is valid, etc. Please get some new material.
Steven 2 years ago
Agree! Balance is needed. Such as, what is the one best thing and what is the one wordt thing about having kids? Or, the same balanced question about not having kids?!
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Monica Hosky 2 years ago
How are NONE of these about school/homework? I HATED grades 7-10. Now I’m having to do it AGAIN, with a kid who has the same struggles with ADHD/anxiety that I did, only NOTHING helped me so I know of NOTHING that might help him, other than at least I know what he can’t even articulate not knowing how to do, like how to take notes, like writing down assignments every day and IN DETAIL, like you CANNOT DO THESE KINDS OF MATH PROBLEMS IN YOUR HEAD. I know what tools he’s missing, but I don’t know how to give him those tools with anything other than the same overwhelming anger and frustration and DO NOT WANT that I felt about myself when I was that age.
Cathy Jo Baker 2 years ago
Yet I get dragged because I never had kids. Best decision I've ever made. I knew I wasn't mother material and made sure I'd never be one.
BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
I hate that people get so judgy because someone decided not to have kids. It's 100% valid! Sometimes, I think they are just jealous of childless people. Life is a LOT less complicated and cheaper without kids. I also think it is a super responsible decision to not have kids unless you want them
Load More Replies... Sherri Martel 2 years ago
The thing that 99% of these parents share is that we'd all still do it over again, even knowing these things. Having kids is hard and it sucks. It's also awesome and amazing. Bad and good can coexist.
Load More Replies... Sponge Blob 2 years ago
God, these "recommendations" appearing on top of every page on Bored Panda really get on my nerves. Never have I followed them, just another tiny X to click, because it's obstructing article I actually want to read.
Suzy Creamcheese 2 years ago
I never had kids and never regretted that decision. My friends who do have kids are roughly evenly divided between "your life doesn't begin until you have kids" and "your life is over once you have kids." I'm pretty sure I'd have been in group 2.
Cee 2 years ago
Bored panda how many of these “having children is the worst “posts are you going to do?? I’d like to see a post about the heartbreak of women that waited too long to have children and can no longer have them.
The crushinator 2 years ago
I get that guilt trippy, judgemental attitude from people almost 24/7 in real life so no thanks. I'll keep reading these lists and feeling empowered and heard if you don't mind.
Load More Replies... Aythya 2 years ago
I don't understand three things... 1. Why have kids if you can't stand that they will be adults one day? That they won't admire you all the time? That one day they will be independent and will leave you to live their own lives, just like you did with your parents? Don't have kids if you're scared of loosing control over them and stopping to be an unquestionable authority. 2. Why have kids if you see the world as super bad and scary? Yes, your children will experience all the bad things you experienced. Someone will hurt them, they will face injustice, treachery, death, sometimes poverty and serious ilnesses. If you can't stand that your kids will suffer eventually - don't bring them to this world. 3. Why have kids if you're mentally ill and unstable? Kids would make it worse. And they will be ill as well. Help yourself, stabilize your mental health and work through your trauma before you decide that you're getting kids.
Bella Langston 2 years ago
I'm tired of these articles. Yes, we all get it—being a parent is hard, choosing not to be a parent is valid, etc. Please get some new material.
Steven 2 years ago
Agree! Balance is needed. Such as, what is the one best thing and what is the one wordt thing about having kids? Or, the same balanced question about not having kids?!
Load More Replies... Monica Hosky 2 years ago
How are NONE of these about school/homework? I HATED grades 7-10. Now I’m having to do it AGAIN, with a kid who has the same struggles with ADHD/anxiety that I did, only NOTHING helped me so I know of NOTHING that might help him, other than at least I know what he can’t even articulate not knowing how to do, like how to take notes, like writing down assignments every day and IN DETAIL, like you CANNOT DO THESE KINDS OF MATH PROBLEMS IN YOUR HEAD. I know what tools he’s missing, but I don’t know how to give him those tools with anything other than the same overwhelming anger and frustration and DO NOT WANT that I felt about myself when I was that age.
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