Everything in moderation is considered a golden rule for a reason, as too much of anything can have detrimental consequences, even if stemming from the best of intentions. The same goes for parents’ care for their children, which, if unlimited, can turn into excessive control and preoccupation, also known as helicopter parenting.
A redditor under the moniker ‘__hey__its__me__’ has recently asked their fellow netizens to share the worst cases of helicopter parenting they have ever seen; and share they did. The redditors’ stories covered everything from parents listening in on children's phone conversations to tying their shoes for a decade longer than they probably should have, and beyond. If you’re interested in more examples of such parenting, scroll down to find them on the list below and see just how involved some moms and dads are in the lives of their children.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with professor of psychological science at University of Mary Washington and an expert in helicopter parenting, Holly H. Schiffrin, PhD, who was kind enough to share her insight on the topic.
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My brother was injured in a training accident in the Israeli army. It wasn't life threatening but it was a pretty messy injury that needed immediate care. For some reason the base commander tried to hide the injury and refused to send my brother to the hospital. Instead he sent him to the camp medic who took one look at my brother and said "here, have some morphine and holy god I'm going to call for help". My brother asked him to call my mom. My mom, a military police major at the time, commandeered a helicopter along with a squad of MP's. She then flew up into Lebanon where my brother was based, landed in the middle of his base, ordered her way into the medical tent while setting the MP's outside as guards, loaded my brother into the chopper and evacced him out. To be fair, she's a great mom who usually lets us fail on our own, but you asked for helicopter parenting examples and it doesn't get more helicopter parent than actually commandeering an armed helicopter to go take care of your son!
My mother is the worst helicopter parent to ever exist. She creeped me out, she was so bad. She, like many parents on this thread, never let me go ANYWHERE. Once I got my first real boyfriend (my now husband), it legitimately almost k****d her. We (her and I) fought all of the time about everything my boyfriend and I did. I had to ask if he could buy me tampons (with his own money and I didn't have any with me). I had to ask if he could buy me a shirt I liked (nothing crazy, some anime shirt). I was only allowed to see him once a week (only on the weekend and almost never on Sunday), never EVER twice a week. I had to text and give updates the entire time I was out. His house (our house now) had the worst signal ever so texts hardly ever came through or went out so she was constantly driving from my house to his to check up on us. Outside of her issues with my boyfriend, she would make random visits to my highschool to watch me eating lunch. She called my teachers every single day to write down what I did in class, what the homework was, and what my grades looked like. She bothered them so much that several of them pulled me aside and told me they were concerned for my well-being. For a while, unprovoked, she made me get every teacher to sign my planner at the end of every class every day so she knew I was going. (I never skipped class in highschool. I only skipped one period once in 7th grade and learned really quickly to never do that again.) Instead of telling me how to shave my pubic hair, she made me lay in the bathroom floor, at 14 and shaved me herself. She kept track of my period (which has always been on an abnormal schedule) and, whenever it was close, she would accuse me of being pregnant, threaten me, and tell me she was going to force me to take a PT and abort my baby if I was. This happened long before I was ever thinking of sex. She randomly popped in on me in the shower OFTEN, she tried to teach me how to put a condom on with my mouth, did daily bedroom searches, checked my text messages (she would see how many were in my inbox and then go check our bill online to see how many it said I had sent and received and if they didn't match, she would beat me and take my phone and make me break up with my boyfriend). There is a lot more crazy helicopter s**t she did but this is already super long. No, we don't talk anymore. We got in a physical altercation when I was 17 and she kicked me out so I moved in with my boyfriend, married him, and had some babies. Lol.
Not really one instance, but many from the same parent. Cutting food for a 16 year old. Explaining the menu over the shoulder of said 16 year old. Using the word “pee pee "for said 16 year old. Checking his Instagram and starting a conversation about it at family dinner, of said 16 year old. This was in 2 hours, yesterday. Cringe.
Prof. Holly Schiffrin pointed out that according to some research, helicopter parenting affects four main outcome areas, including the child’s psychological well-being (the level of anxiety and depression, for instance), their behavior (for example, alcohol and drug use), their social and relational skills (such as romantic relationships and friendships), and their academic performance or career goals.
“By far the most research has been conducted on the psychological outcomes and there are very consistent findings (although almost entirely correlational) that helicopter parenting is associated with more anxiety and depression as well as less satisfaction with life,” Dr. Schiffrin told Bored Panda.
“The primary explanation for this relationship that has been examined has been self-determination theory, which states that there are three pillars of everyone’s well-being including autonomy (being able to make your own choices), competence, and relatedness to other people, and helicopter parenting seems to undermine all three of the concepts.”
Family member changed her daughter's menstrual pads until she was 17. Complete babying until she graduated from high school. Daughter so immature it made my hair hurt. Then, family member demanded child get a job and start paying some of the bills like house payment, utilities and car payment. Daughter moved out at 32.
Wait, What? changing her pads until she was 17, that is way to much.
I knew a person who basically was so unprepared that the university basically assigned her a social worker to help her navigate life. She was brilliant but her mother made running her daughter's life her raison d'etre. Because of privacy laws the Uni couldn't legally tell the mother anything which made her go ballistic and had to be removed several times from the campus in the early morning for trying to break into the dorms.
I met her in college where she was volunteering at (I worked in the office) with the life skills classes that basically helped her put her life together. She had to graduate a year late because of all the remedial work she had to do. She did her master's degree and PhD in Europe (she had citizenship through her dad) and then moved to some little village in the middle of nowhere, simply to get away from her mom. Her mom's still looking for her over a decade later, telling everyone that will listen that her father kidnapped her and is keeping her child form her.
While discussing how helicopter parenting affects a child’s well-being by undermining the three concepts identified by the self-determination theory, Dr. Schiffrin provided an example that such parents often make choices for their children, this way reducing their autonomy.
“They also do things for their children that they should be doing for themselves, which reduces the opportunity to practice skills and develop competence, as well as sends a—likely unintentional—message that the parent doesn’t think the child is competent enough to do it themselves. Both of these dynamics seem to negatively impact how related the child feels to the parent and others.”
Grandma feeding 13 year old so he doesn’t have to interrupt playing his ps3.
My cousin’s MIL coddled my cousin’s husband so much that when they arrived home from their honeymoon, his mom was there in his kitchen making dinner because she was “the only one who knows what her baby likes.” (Spoiler: nothing containing any type of fruit or vegetable, which have never crossed his lips because if he didn’t want to try it he should never have to).
She also still goes over to their house before every vacation to pack his suitcase for him. Because a 35 year old award winning teacher and
father of two couldn’t *possibly* know how to pack his own suitcase and obviously neither could his wife.
I went on a date with a girl, about an hour after the date ended, I get a Facebook friend request from BOTH the mother and father. Didn't go on a second date since it freaked me out and she saw nothing wrong with it.
Growing up my mom worked for the sheriff's office and would get the license plate of any of my dates. Apparently she got quite a few 911 calls from parents who didn't know where their child was or who they were with. It seemed over the top at the time but I get it now.
The parenting expert continued that the next most studied area has been the way helicopter parenting affects the child’s academic performance; however, research has provided mixed findings, as some studies suggest there’s a relationship between helicopter parenting and academic engagement, success, and entitlement, while others do not.
“There have been a couple of studies looking at careers, which have found maladaptive workplace responses to hypothetical scenarios as well as weaker vocational identity,” Schiffrin told Bored Panda.
“A newer focus of research has been on behavioral outcomes, which have typically found that the emerging adult children of helicopter parents engage in more risky behavior such as alcohol and substance use, sexual coercion, as well as video game addiction.”
My former college posts their little police blotter on Facebook. Not that long ago, they posted with a story about a parent who saw that his daughter snapchatted with a boy at 2am from her dorm. Supposedly, this angered her father so much, that from the time of the post until around 10am the next morning, he kept trying to call his daughter, but she wasn't answering the phone. So what does he do?
He calls the university police, and reports that she's "missing."
So they basically do a welfare check on her and the story ends with "the student contacted her father."
I commented on the Facebook post, said something like "Dad's just upset that his adult daughter's hooking up" or something. A man who appeared to be in his 40's/50's, angry-emoji'd my comment. I like to think that this was the dad.
This isn't a helicopter parent, this is an aggressive and controlling parent "protecting" his daughter's "purity". I grew up in a church and I've seen this insane behavior before.
Interviewed a guy fresh out of college for a job once, and *his mom* called me for a follow-up a few weeks later.
I once saw a mother attend an interview with her 17 year old son. It was mega cringe.
In high school the mother of one of my classmates asked people on facebook to pray for her oldest son because of his p**n addiction. Idk if that is helicopter parenting but it was definitely weird.
How much of a f*****g idiot can you be. I'm sorry for this kid, that must have been crazy embarrassing
“The least researched area would be the social and relational outcomes,” Prof. Schiffrin pointed out. “The few studies that have been conducted tend to show a negative relationship between helicopter parenting and relationships with the family of origin, friends, and romantic partners, for example, a desire to stay single or to postpone marriage. However, this area could definitely benefit from more research.”
My best friend got married last Saturday. After the reception in the afternoon she had to lie to her parents. She said was going to go shopping with her new husband, but really she went back to his house. They told her to be back to their house in two hours. It was infuriating to witness.
Meet F. She is now 18, and her parents struggled to conceive for several years before finally managing to have their 'miracle child'. From the day of her birth, their lives would revolve around protecting F from any possible danger that could come to her.
F was the kind of child who would cry at the slightest negative comment by a teacher, or the slightest jeer from another student. During primary school, that wasn't too out of the ordinary, but it did signify how she was a little too molly-coddled at home. She always had jam sandwiches, a mini roll, BBQ hula hoops and an orange for her lunch. Every now and then she would have a banana. She has exactly the same lunch in 2018, and the same hairstyle she had back then; an ultra long brown ponytail.
For my eighth birthday we hired a bouncy castle for the garden and had all of my friends over. She was invited because yeah, she was one of my friends. However, her mother refused to leave her in the care of my parents. Instead, she insisted on staying and monitoring the party, much to the annoyance of my auntie, who wanted to some her cigarettes and chat with my mum in peace. Of course, when F bounced a little too hard on the bouncy castle and started crying, her mother was quickly there to save the day. This is what happens when you don't let your child experience little minor grievances like scraping their knee or bumping their head. They cry at anything.
During middle school, we went by bus to the local high school to use their Design & Technology equipment by bus. Oh, but not F. F's father insisted on picking her up from the middle school and driving her to the high school, which was ten minutes away, just in case the bus driver had a heart attack or tried to kidnap us all. Every time she walked past the bus to get to her father's car, she would be laughed at and mocked.
Now F is attending sixth form, and has an unusually close relationship with her media studies teacher. As in, she and another student are constantly in this room, acting like his personal assistant. Again, this is what happens when a child is overly-attached to their parents. They always need a parent figure.
It's a pity, because F has missed out on some fantastic opportunities. The school offered her the chance to visit London for an animation course, but her parents wouldn't allow it. She also missed out on a trip to Berlin for the same reason, and will be attending a local university, despite her actually wanting to venture out into the great wide world. F has never been out with friends. She has never been to our local city without her parents. In fact, I don't think she has actually been more than 5 miles away from her parents at any given point. This is an 18 year old girl we are talking about.
I hope that one day she will finally rebel and break free from her parent's control, but I doubt that will ever happen.
There was a student just like this in my sister’s grade at school. A boy and he was also his parents’ miracle child (the parents had him after about a decade of trying). The parents were extremely overprotective of him and in turn he was socially so distant in development. He would often cry at any minor inconvenience. He was like this even by the time he graduated high school. He was bullied to some degree but I think that was mostly for laughs because people did like him and go easy on him. He was actually a really decent person, super kind and smart, just immature. He has since graduated from college and has a great job. Last I heard he is getting married this year and has invited majority of the students from his grade at school because they all kept in touch all this time (about a decade has passed since he graduated from school). Being overprotective is understandable when it’s a miracle child but when it’s extreme, it just messes up with the child’s social life.
Called off because her 17 year old son was home sick. Like single day sick, not hospital sick. I thought it was lie, but no she really doesn't let her 17 year old stay home alone.
The influence of helicopter parenting on the mind of a developing child seems to be evident, but it’s not only kids of young age that such parents tend to coddle. Sometimes their involvement can be too much even after the child has become an adult, which can be a difficult thing to explain to a helicopter mom or dad.
“In terms of letting parents know that their involvement is too much, I think that the more this is discussed and parents are educated about it the better it will be,” Holly Schiffrin suggested. “Parenting this way is stressful and exhausting to parents; however, I think they do it because they genuinely think that they are helping their children. If they can come to understand that these helicopter parenting behaviors are not helpful—and may be harmful—it would give them permission to step back and parent differently, which would benefit their children and themselves.
“This type of parental education could come through articles, parenting books, pediatricians, psychologists, parenting sessions held by preschools or public schools, college orientation sessions, and similar ways. If a parent hasn’t gotten the message through these sources, then an emerging adult child may need to have a more direct conversation with their parent to express how helicopter parenting behaviors impact them and how they would like their parent to support their autonomy instead.”
I have a friend in his late 20’s whose mom won’t let him use Facebook, takes away privileges for minor things, and won’t let him go out for more than a few hours on his own. I’ve met the mom, she’s very controlling, and yells at him about every tiny faux-pas.
I had a friend who's mom was extremely invasive with her friends' phones. Her mom asked if she could use my phone to book a hotel (I had data and it was 2007 so she had a slow computer) so I said yeah since you have to be "true to your word" when you're a Christian, apparently.
She later comes back with my phone asking if my mom looks through my texts. I say no and she comes back with, "well she should. I just read a few of your texts and you're swearing, talking to boys, and also telling your mom to call so you have have to stay here. It's appalling" I was devastated. Being in 7th-8th grade I did swear, I didn't talk dirty to boys even though I still have conversations with them, and sometimes my friend would just be a straight up b***h and I would want an excuse to go home.
I was friends with her all through high school up until my second year of college. I do miss her a little, but since I don't go to church anymore (which was drama and a half) her and my other "friends" don't want to associate with me unless I go to 20's group, a bible study, and become involved with church again. I remember they taught "spread the love of Jesus, but only stay in the "Christian" group". This doesn't speak for other churches/religions it may just be that the church is extremely exclusive with who they associate with.
Not the worst case, but it always baffles me when I see a 17/18 year old walk into a job interview with their parents, not to sure how common this is but I’ve seen it happen a few times.
I was raised in a Mormon household by the parents that were the perfect Mormons. Always volunteered for camps and conferences and anything to do with the youth group. They did this so mom could keep a paranoid eye on us. I go to college an hour away and have to update her constantly on where I am. I have to ask permission to do anything with friends several days in advance and hope she doesn't get pissy. To this day, at 22 years old, I still have a curfew. We live in the middle of nowhere. Her favorite threat is to take away my phone. My only communication with outside of buttf**k nowhere. My only way to talk to the few friends and girlfriend that actually get me. I was homeschooled all my life so that's literally the only social life I have. She calls to check on me at random times and I better answer otherwise she freaks out and I hear about it for days. Last time I slept through my alarm and woke up to my grandmother having broke into the house to scream at me. (Mom was staying with her that night.). She monitored my average mph for several months and would bring it up if it was even slightly high. I've never been allowed to go to any sort of event with my friends that wasn't some churchy b******t. And even then she had to chaperone. Constantly reminds me and bro to not have sex with anyone before marriage. I've been on exactly 1 date... that she knows of. Powerpuff girls, Pokemon, KND, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Rugrats were all banned from our TVs. Songs had to be pre-approved to be put on MP3 players. I always felt left out of pop culture. I didn't get a phone until I was 17. When she didn't like how my best friend and I were talking, she banned me to three messages to her per day. And those messages had to be pre-approved before sending. She still threatens to read my messages occasionally. I have never tried alcohol, never went to a non-mormon prom (dateless prom doesn't count, it's lame and you all know it), only once got to go to a slumber party that wasn't within 3 minutes, and she made it extremely painful when I was trying to sign the lease to an apt. God I can't wait to move out.
The behavior shown by any parent who treats their underage child in such a manner is not only unhealthy but also incredibly damaging to the child's psychological well-being. However, when such behavior persists into adulthood, as in the case of this particular mother, it just how immature she is, and that is truly staggering. It's vile to see the lengths to which some parents will go in order to maintain a sense of control over their grown children, and even when they aren't at an legal age to be considered an adult.
Idk, the Mom who came and ate lunch with her sons and sat in class with them until they were in 8th grade, and broke through a police barrier during a lockdown to get to her son is definitely up there. The dad who came to every single cross country and track and field practice, prohibited his daughter from talking with other athletes, and coached her and exclusively her at practice until the administration told him to f-off is a close tie. When said administration told him to stop he verbally and physically assaulted the school Athletic director and immediately switched his daughter to a different school. Idk man.
I was coaching a high school wrestling team. Every week we’d have wrestle offs for the varsity spot. Well this one week a kid who barely had people in his weigh class wrestled off against a new transfer to the school. He lost. After the match was awarded he went to the bathroom to cry it out. Not five minutes later a minivan screeches in to the parking lot. I look outside and here comes the losers mom. She entered the room and demanded a meeting with the coaches. We told her it wasn’t going to happen we were in the middle of practice. She stormed out and went to the principle. He explained that we would all be meeting after practice.
After practice the show down began. We pulled out our team standards and practices paper work of which she and her son had signed. This was enough for the principal so he left. The mom spent the next 20 minutes arguing that her some deserved the spot more for a bunch of b******t reasons. So we suggested another wrestle off the next day( we knew he was going to get his a*s kicked again, the new guy was really good) and suggested she come watch. The next day she was there the whole practice and watched her son get worked.
A few years later I quit coaching.That was my first intro to helicopter parents and won’t be my last.
I love that he invited the mom to watch her son lose and there wasn't a thing she could do
My MIL planned to accompany my wife and I on our honeymoon, without our knowledge.
Thankfully we’d already asked her to check in on our hamster while we were gone, so her plans were scuppered.
We only found out about this “plan” after we returned home, she seriously didn’t see why we wouldn’t want her to come with us.
I have never, ever understood (and I’m pretty good at seeing both sides of a situation) why mothers/parents want to join their child’s honeymoon. It’s literally a vacation meant for sex. It’s also a time to really be alone together with your SO without the daily chaos of life (job, house work, etc). If I had an in-law try this, I would just be inclined to give them a daily run down of ALL the activities my husband and I engaged in.
Worked with the mother of a 35 year old single woman who couldn't pack her own suitcase when she went on vacation, has never poured her own cereal into a bowl, has never put toothpaste on her own toothbrush. Mom and dad charged her no rent, handled all her bills (amazingly she had a job although mom driver her there every day) and when she bought a corvette, mom and dad started parking their cars on the street so she could have the garage. Her paycheck was only for her fun expenses and the car but they paid the insurance.
Actually failed parenting. They won’t be around forever and she’ll be totally helpless and lost. A parent is supposed to prepare their kid for life and independence..
I was a birthday party host at a lasertag place in an upper-middle class area, and I saw ALOT of these types. This one, however, goes down as the worst helicopter parent in memory. We always let the birthday kid into the vest room first, so that they felt special and so we could make sure they knew how to play. Well when I pulled Jimmy (or whatever) into the room first, his father comes barreling up to my coworker who was blocking the door from the swarms of other tiny children waiting their turn. He’s literally yelling at the *top*of his lungs “LET ME IN THERE, THATS MY SON IN THERE!” like we were literally kidnapping him before his eyes. Once he was in he calmed down a bit and watched while the kids played tag. After the game, it was birthday cake time. I don’t know how many of y’all know about the consistency of different birthday candles but this kids cake had the s****y little “happy birthday” letter candles that melt atrociously fast. Naturally, tiny droplets of wax got all over the cake but it’s non-toxic and kids usually just don’t give a s**t, right? NOPE. Heli-dad tells me the wax is a carcinogen and that I will not serve the cake until I have removed every single bit of wax. He even sat and carefully watched me do it. I did my best, but apparently it wasn’t enough cuz he didn’t tip. Kids gonna be messed up one day :/ tl;dr Helicopter Dad thinks I want to kidnap his child and give him cancer
I don't *think* I'm a helicopter parent but I always pick any bits of candle wax off a cake because I wouldn't want to eat it, so why would I make others?
My mom never let me go play with friends, each time I asked if was like being interrogated by the CIA and even after I answered the questions if would be unlikely I'd be allowed to go. When I did go to a friend's house and I asked to stay longer then my mom had (graciously) allowed, she'd ask what's wrong with my house and why don't I want to spend time with my family (that largely ignored me) and she'd show up at my friend's house to check and make sure I was okay. She'd randomly call my friends to make sure I was okay if I didn't reply within 5 minutes. She would never let me shop on my own. Once after a particularly nasty fight between her and my step dad that ended with him nearly killing me, she insisted she had to be in the room during my therapy sessions (to treat the anxiety caused by the incident), hard to talk about your issues when the cause of most of your issues is in the same room. My mom would also micro manage me when I did my homework, once she hit me so hard I bled on my HW.... Fun times were had growing up...
The kid who grew up across the street from me had a crazy helicopter mom. I won't get into all the things she did for him, but the thing that seems the worst for me now is that she wouldn't let him live in the dorms when he went off to college at Georgia Tech and she would drive him (because she never let him get his driver's license) to and from class every day. We lived in the suburbs of Atlanta and on a typical day, the commute would probably have been 45 minutes to an hour.
Hell, an hour or less is close enough to keep living at home (and it's probably cheaper). The only weird bit is that she wouldn't let him get a license and played chauffeur. If he'd driven himself or caught public transport it'd be pretty normal.
I had a friend in school who was coddled very much so that she couldn't tie her own shoelaces when she was in 12th grade. Her parents would tie her shoelaces for her throughout her school life. Now she's studying medicine, don't know how well she's doing
It was my mom. I love her and she's gotten much better but as the oldest, I was the trial run and I was a s**thead. So I hated high school, but got enough credits to graduate early. Usually, the graduating class got done a few days early so there were a few days of class for the underclassmen after graduation. My mom noticed a parent email from my math teacher about a missed homework assignment that she missed in her inbox the week prior.I She got this the day after I'd graduated and I was leaving to go to basic training within the week. She printed the assignment out, did the work and then asked me if I wanted to go grab a bite. Kidnapped me and drove me to the school THAT I HAD JUST GRADUATED FROM THE DAY BEFORE and demanded that I go hand in my missing assignment to see if I could get my grade bumped. Like, no b***h I will not. Never got to have that lunch either.
I work with the Pokémon Club at my university. And on numerous occasions I’ve had people unable to participate in club events because their parents took away their 3DS so they could focus on their studies. These people are in their 20s, and it’s not like it’s one person either
If the parents are paying the tuition, and your friends aren't doing well in school, I don't see the problem. Imagine flunking out because of Pokémon.
Daughter is stuck in low wage job and has never really developed a full personality. She moved out at 32 to move in with first and only boyfriend. They have been together for years but Mom forbids her to marry. So she doesn't. Sad situation all around.
I knew a guy who's mother would listen in on phone calls and tell him what to say on the phone whilst he was talking to me or one of our friends. I'm talking about when landline was the norm, so he'd answer the phone, and she'd go pick up the other phone and it'd be a 3 way conversation. Literally every time i'd speak to him, it was like talking to an echo
Me: "hey, do you want to come to the park today?"
his mother "tell him you have to study for Tuesday's test"
him: "i have to study for tuesday's test"
This went on from ages 10 - 16/17. After that, everyone started to get mobile phones. From what i've seen/heard, she still comments on his every facebook photo, interrogates friends should they be foolish enough to actually visit his home and is even more protective of his sister.
I'm 16 and my parents baby me so f*****g much, my parents don't let me hang out with friends, stay in my room until they're sure I'm sleep, cut up my steaks and whatnot, do my laundry, and won't teach me how to drive. I'm not even a troubled kid.
One of my first Reddit comments was about a dad who is extremely invested in his son's football potential. The dad hired personal trainers, enforced a special diet, prohibited sleepovers, didn't allow his son to play other sports, and hovered over his son playing backyard football to correct his form.
He is still that way for the most part but has added more training and created a social media page for his son to try and get his name out there. The kid is 11. The dad is originally from Texas and I understand football is more of a religion down there than it is up here in New England, but it's pretty extreme and I don't see it turning out well for either of them.
This is another one that isn't really helicopter parenting. It's awful parenting, but it's not helicopter parenting.
I have a very... Very German grandmother. She calls my father every day in the morning (he drives a freight truck at night) and the conversation goes something like this:
Grandmother: (frantic) "Are you okay?"
Dad: "Yes, are YOU okay?"
Grandmother: "Yes"
Dad: "Okay"
Grandmother: "Okay"
If we go on trips, she will randomly call us and say "You are (insert location x hours from home)." She tries to micromanage every aspect of any trip we tell her about; asking what we're doing, asking what time we'll be doing it, and will tell us how to do it (she's definitely not trying to give advice).
Or if my she wants my dad to do something for her, she is always right over his shoulder trying to tell him what to do and how to do it. It's gotten to the point to where my dad has said on numerous occasions "I'm a big boy now Mom."
My dad is 60. This still goes on to this day, not as badly anymore now that she lives in an assisted living home, but it's still definitely there.
Before this post, I never knew there was a name for this behavior, but now I know! Thank you!
Had a 31 years old show up at a job interview with his mother.... I was quite confused when a 50 something woman came in and presented herself and his son
I worked at a movie theatre that hired high school kids. More than once applicants wild bring their parent in to the interview - Like the actual office. The parents would answer questions for their kids and push them to tell us about their baby sitting experience. This would happen even after we politely ask them to wait in another room. Needless to say, their kids would not get hired.
I'd explain that to the parent. "Sir/Ma'am, your being in here is greatly hurting your child's chances for employment. If they cannot do a job interview alone, how can we expect them to work alone?"
I knew a girl in high school who’s mother shaved her legs for her. In. High. School.
My mother-in-law has an 18 year old daughter (who we will call Sally) who is lazy AF. And she lets her be this way. She literally waits on her hand and foot. Sally goes weeks without taking a bath, there have been times where she will walk by me and I have literally gagged because she smells so bad. She doesn’t clean up after herself AT ALL, all she does is sit on her a*s all day. Sally is homeschooled because she said public school was to hard for her. I don’t believe her because my mother-in-law does her school work for her sometimes. I believe she just didn’t want to try. She doesn’t have her license yet because she says that she doesn’t want them. She is very bratty and b****y. If she doesn’t get her way she cry’s like a damn 2 year old. I have called my mother-in-law out on it telling her she’s 18 and it’s time for her to grow up but she just makes excuses for her and Denys that’s she lazy. I’m not sure if this is what you call helicopter parenting. But after reading other people’s comments it reminded me of this situation.
Hmm, makes me wonder if the girl has some development problems and the poster isn't aware of them.
I worked with a girl whose mom called and quit for her because the job was too stressful. We worked at American Eagle.....come on.
When someone has an anxiety break, I can understand this. Although I never had her call in my resignation, I did have my mum draft my resignation email for my last job for me. I was so anxious I couldn't think straight and had never had to quit a job before.
Girl I go to school with. She literally is only out of her parents' presence when she is at school or when she's left at home while her parents go out to do something. She's not allowed to even walk down the street to the city library by herself and is granted effectively no freedoms what so ever.
She recently turned 18 (she was a STEM student at the tech college Im doing some certifications through) and the situation likely won't change until she moves away.
My best friend had a helicopter Mum when he was underage. On his sixteenth birthday, she followed us to the cinema to ensure we got our tickets properly. She printed off a map of the shopping complex for him despite it being a pretty small place. When I realized I'd forgotten ID to get a student ticket, she ASKED the attendants if that was okay- even though they didnt check it in the first place.
I'm so glad she's let go of him now that he's older.
I practically have to learn some things that my other peers already know how to do over the summer before I’m on my own. It’s embarrassing and honestly, my mother sheltered me a f**k ton.
My dad had/has a hard time letting go. Not sure if this story applies here, but it reminded me of this. One day during my senior year of high school, I stayed after school for 10 minutes to talk to a teacher about a project I was working on. I usually got home from school at about 3:30, but since I stayed late, I got home at 3:45. Both of my parents called my cell phone on the way home freaking out because they thought I got detention or was in a car accident...I was 18 years old and never been disciplined at school ever.
I cut my dad slack because he was a police officer for several years, so he’s super protective. I guess it’s better than having parents that don’t care at all.
If I got late from school my mom used to call my friends’ parents to see if they knew why (if the said friends were also staying back and had informed their parents) or call the school guard whose contact number she had. Most of us didn’t have our own phones or didn’t take them to school back then. I was never a rebellious kid and I lived like 10 minutes from school. But my parents weren’t sure crazy like these stories. I often stayed back in school to talk to teachers about school work (yes I was a nerd!) or to carry out some duty I was assigned as part of school clubs I was in. Once my mom would know why I’m late, she would stop worrying and towards the end she didn’t bother much if I was late because she knew it was some nerdy activity of mine.
My friend lives in one of the safest neighborhoods in the city, and when he was in sixth grade, he was still not allowed to go to school by himself on a weekend (so that I could meet up with him). He lives around 4 blocks away.
Bad stuff can happen even in the safest neighbourhoods, more often by monsters who are not from the area but just passing by and committing a crime. My whole school life I lived on the same road as my school (just a 5-10 minutes walk away), during school hours the road was full of school traffic (parents dropping off kids, school buses, etc), and my parents and I knew almost everyone living along that stretch of road. The city (and road) I was in was generally very safe and my country doesn’t allow gun ownership but during those school years there were about two muggings that occurred in this road (one during the school hours right in front of many parents) and one random shooting (during a weekend I think). The perpetrators weren’t people living in the area. Needless to say my parents didn’t let my siblings and I to go to school alone until I was in 6th grade (my siblings older by then). It’s better safe than sorry especially with kids.
A colleague at work used to spend huge amount of time doing her son's homework. I once caught her working on a paper he had to do and asked I her about it and she claimed she was only proofreading it..... yeah sure. Of course this kid always had straight A's and was the youngest of his scout troop to earn an eagle badge, the list goes on.
My cousin at 10 still didn't know how blow on his food to cool it. His Mom/Dad would put it in the fridge for like three to five minutes.
There are people around me who don't explain to their older children why "bad words" are bad. instead, they screech and squirm at other adults that allow a cuss word to slip out around their kid. They expect the "no cuss word umbrella effect" will keep their kids from learning cuss words and using them. It's better to let your kid hear it and explain to them why they shouldn't use it until they're an adult. Kids are pretty damn smart and understand rules when you actually implement rules and routine in their lives. This is me speaking for the average child, not children with disabilities or disorders.
One of these parents got mad at my husband for letting a cuss word slip. i can't even remember what it was. Something silly like "damn" or "s**t". She freaked out. So I looked at the kid, lets pretend his name is Brian, and said "You know not to say that word, right Brian?" The dad stepped in and said "Don't make him think about it. Maybe he'll forget if you don't bring it up." Wooooooooooooow. As soon as that kid hits his rebellious stage, it's gonna be f-bombs left and right LOL
I’m 18, leaving for college in the fall, my dad still insists on controlling all of my income. He has to approve all of my financial decisions and makes me ask him before I take out any money.
My mom knows someone who has a kid in college. This mom called her kid’s professor to apologize that the kid missed class, because the mom didn’t call the kid to wake them up that morning.
I have a friend whose mom regularly did the same when he was in university because he was a really heavy sleeper. The mom isn’t overprotective or anything and he is now one of the smartest and most successful people I know in my life. They joke about this “mom alarm” now. Hearing about this even I had my parents call and wake me up on some days when I had exams because I too am a heavy sleeper who was often trying to fit in a few hours of sleep pulling overnights studying. Sometimes I would ask friends (early risers) to call and wake me up. All this not always, only when I was afraid of oversleeping. I do use alarms too (in fact I have ones every 5-10 minutes annoying my roommates!) but hearing the phone ringtone fools the brain into thinking it’s a call that needs answering, effectively waking you up without the possibility to snooze it (I now use the ringtone as an alarm tone for these kind of emergency alarms). However in OP’s story the mom apologising to the professor is weird IMO.
One of my parents always came with me on school trips in elementary school. *None* of the others parents did that. Hate them for it until this day.
Oh and they also still call to make sure I get home safely when I go out. Although I'M 22 YEARS OLD.
The get home safely part...apparently I'm a helicopter Mum to my friends, especially the women, because I always ask them to let me know when they're home. And vice versa. My helicopter Mum is 20 years younger than me.... Checking in on someone's safety is not helicoptering, is what I'm saying.
I have a coworker that has her parenta drop her off at work daily. She still lives with her parents and until recently they came to all of the mandatory all staff meetings and work parties. She isn't slowShes 28.
Why would her employer allow her parents at staff meetings and work parties? This is quite unbelievable.
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In a lot of these it sounds as the the helicopter/s has some serious anxiety issues.
One caveat/exception: There is a huge difference between an able child who says to their parents "You don't need to do that for me" vs someone who doesn't really know the child or the parents saying "The parents don't need to do that for them." There are children who may seem to the casual eye to be completely normal and functioning, but who need help. This can be the case with children who have autism. Maybe we shouldn't be quick to judge what we see without knowing all the facts.
Yes, exactly. My mother sat in the back of the instructors car for my first driving lesson, which might sound strange to an outsider, but it was because I was having a lot of anxiety and I wouldn't have been able to do the lesson otherwise. It just made me feel better to have her there for the first time and allowed me to get on with it without panicking every two seconds. And after that I was totally fine with doing the lessons on my own. Sometimes people need to have a little compassion - I read some comments here making fun of teenagers who brought their parents to their first job interview. Maybe they were just nervous and wanted a calming presence to reassure them.
Load More Replies...
I know a 15 yr old who's mother buys all her clothes and picks out what she will wear each day. She also chooses her hairstyle. As a result she has had the same clothing style and hairstyle since she was 4 and wears the same things as her 9yr old sister. She's only allowed classical music and that has to be listen to on a cd player so her mum knows that's what she's listening to. She isn't allowed up past 9 in ANY circumstances. Her mum doesn't make her eat anything she doesn't want to and she's extremely fussy to the point that she was with a friend getting a meal deal and she didn't want to eat any of the roughly 40 main options because she didn't like them and she often brings her own food with her. She has been on a bus with a friend twice and that was after the friend had to persuade her and her mum and she's never been on one again because she's scared of them. Her sister is a spoilt brat. She is 9 and has a bed time of 7.30but she just throws a tantrum so she can stay up until 9. They have guinea pigs that they share but the older sister is the only one who looks after them because the younger just throws a tantrum again. They live a 5 minute walk down a very safe and quiet road to the town centre but neither are allowed to go there by themselves or together. When ever the older one does go to the town with a friend she has to buy a treat for her sister because otherwise she'll throw a tantrum and just steal whatever the older one has bought and keep it. They both still play with dolls and the older one is very immature (not in a way that she acts stupid more like she has the mental age of a younger child) and she has only 1 friend that she isn't related to her other 2 friends are her cousins. In a group setting she doesn't say anything and only gives one word answers which I think is probably due to her mother always answering for her even from a young age. To the point of she will say thankyou for her daughter or if someone asks her daughter 'how are you' she will respond for her.
Helicopter parenting is abusive, that's my opinion. Your kid shouldn't need a life coach when you're supposed to be their life coach...that's your main job! A lot of people think their only job as a parent is to keep their child out of danger...Its not. Your job is to teach your child how to keep themselves out of danger. If you raise someone who's incompetent you've failed as a parent.
I wish these parents could see and learn how much damage they did or are doing to their kids.
I had a friend who attended every playmate or party that her son was invited to, insisted on spending the Summer with him, his father and stepmother at his stepmother family home. Took a job at his school, moved house to be near him when he went to university...and the worst...physically carried him everywhere until he was 7.
You know those lists of jobs that will be needed in the future - therapist should be at the top. So many people need to be in therapy!
My neighbor is like this. She wouldn't let her kids go to school because of her anxiety. She now has a 19 year old stop out. No friends no job no drivers license and never goes outside.
Helicopter parents are the worst! They are not preparing their children for real life. There comes a time when one needs to cut the apron strings.
Debbie Reynolds wouldn't even let Carrie Fisher go to heaven on her own.
In a lot of these it sounds as the the helicopter/s has some serious anxiety issues.
One caveat/exception: There is a huge difference between an able child who says to their parents "You don't need to do that for me" vs someone who doesn't really know the child or the parents saying "The parents don't need to do that for them." There are children who may seem to the casual eye to be completely normal and functioning, but who need help. This can be the case with children who have autism. Maybe we shouldn't be quick to judge what we see without knowing all the facts.
Yes, exactly. My mother sat in the back of the instructors car for my first driving lesson, which might sound strange to an outsider, but it was because I was having a lot of anxiety and I wouldn't have been able to do the lesson otherwise. It just made me feel better to have her there for the first time and allowed me to get on with it without panicking every two seconds. And after that I was totally fine with doing the lessons on my own. Sometimes people need to have a little compassion - I read some comments here making fun of teenagers who brought their parents to their first job interview. Maybe they were just nervous and wanted a calming presence to reassure them.
Load More Replies... I know a 15 yr old who's mother buys all her clothes and picks out what she will wear each day. She also chooses her hairstyle. As a result she has had the same clothing style and hairstyle since she was 4 and wears the same things as her 9yr old sister. She's only allowed classical music and that has to be listen to on a cd player so her mum knows that's what she's listening to. She isn't allowed up past 9 in ANY circumstances. Her mum doesn't make her eat anything she doesn't want to and she's extremely fussy to the point that she was with a friend getting a meal deal and she didn't want to eat any of the roughly 40 main options because she didn't like them and she often brings her own food with her. She has been on a bus with a friend twice and that was after the friend had to persuade her and her mum and she's never been on one again because she's scared of them. Her sister is a spoilt brat. She is 9 and has a bed time of 7.30but she just throws a tantrum so she can stay up until 9. They have guinea pigs that they share but the older sister is the only one who looks after them because the younger just throws a tantrum again. They live a 5 minute walk down a very safe and quiet road to the town centre but neither are allowed to go there by themselves or together. When ever the older one does go to the town with a friend she has to buy a treat for her sister because otherwise she'll throw a tantrum and just steal whatever the older one has bought and keep it. They both still play with dolls and the older one is very immature (not in a way that she acts stupid more like she has the mental age of a younger child) and she has only 1 friend that she isn't related to her other 2 friends are her cousins. In a group setting she doesn't say anything and only gives one word answers which I think is probably due to her mother always answering for her even from a young age. To the point of she will say thankyou for her daughter or if someone asks her daughter 'how are you' she will respond for her.
Helicopter parenting is abusive, that's my opinion. Your kid shouldn't need a life coach when you're supposed to be their life coach...that's your main job! A lot of people think their only job as a parent is to keep their child out of danger...Its not. Your job is to teach your child how to keep themselves out of danger. If you raise someone who's incompetent you've failed as a parent.
I wish these parents could see and learn how much damage they did or are doing to their kids.
I had a friend who attended every playmate or party that her son was invited to, insisted on spending the Summer with him, his father and stepmother at his stepmother family home. Took a job at his school, moved house to be near him when he went to university...and the worst...physically carried him everywhere until he was 7.
You know those lists of jobs that will be needed in the future - therapist should be at the top. So many people need to be in therapy!
My neighbor is like this. She wouldn't let her kids go to school because of her anxiety. She now has a 19 year old stop out. No friends no job no drivers license and never goes outside.
Helicopter parents are the worst! They are not preparing their children for real life. There comes a time when one needs to cut the apron strings.
Debbie Reynolds wouldn't even let Carrie Fisher go to heaven on her own.
