“Cruelty Masked As Humor”: 30 Women Call Out The Small Things They Won’t Tolerate In Relationships Anymore
Practice makes perfect, right? Whether you're learning a new language, playing an instrument or gaining athletic abilities, experience is a plus. And dating is no exception.
Recently, one curious Reddit user asked women to share the “smaller relationship boundaries” they’ve learned to set over the years, so below, you’ll find some of their most thought-provoking responses. Keep reading to also find an interview with Dating and Relationships Coach Rachel New, and be sure to upvote the behaviors you refuse to tolerate from your partners as well.
This post may include affiliate links.
When someone says “I was joking” after saying something cruel. And blaming me for “being sensitive.” Any cruelty masked as humour.
If they freak out when I set a perfectly healthy boundary. Red flag.
My boundaries are simple. No trumper no racists and homophobics. The end.
To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to UK-based Dating and Relationships Coach Rachel New, who was kind enough to have a chat with us about why it's so important to know our boundaries when dating. "We all have to live within our capacity. So if you know you can’t cope with being talked to when you’ve just got in from work because it will stop you winding down, then there is no point in just putting up with it," she told Bored Panda. "If we get depleted, our relationship will suffer. Or if your partner or new date has children and you don’t, you will need to carefully manage your capacity to care for others and for yourself."
"We must also protect our sense of autonomy when we are dating, so we continue to feel empowered," Rachel continued. "Set nights and times for dates and for messaging in between dates are better for our mental health than it being unboundaried, which creates uncertainty."
Please do not make me make all of the decisions.
I don't know what I want to eat. I don't care what we watch. Can you please make these decisions 50% of time?
I make decisions all day at work and I just....can't all the time at home.
If I say “whatever” I mean it. Don’t worry, I won’t complain later.
I have pets and you have not just tolerate them but also enjoy them. If you can’t stand my dog cuddling you or the tortoise begging for a banana then nope.
First time my boyfriend came to my place, He spent all evening bonding with my cat. They are Best buds now.
same here. my cat was greeted first, she was spoiled with treats, cuddled and when he went home I had to remind him to say goodbye to me too. 😼
Load More Replies...When I came out of a very unpleasant abusive relationship, I was very wary of men; I met somebody and I liked him but I didn't trust my own judgment; when I introduced him to my cat, she was besotted with him, she was all over him, purring like mad. She didn't even do that with me. I knew then that he was a good guy and we went on to have three wonderful years together until he died. Now my cat is helping me through the grieving process.
Pretty much... dated someone who was 'iffy' about my dog... and proceeded to be visibly annoyed and miserable whenever she was around... when walking the dog he would spontaneously tell passersby "SHE's the dog person. I don't like them"... yeeah... that was not good. Next relationship... I straight up said "If you make me choose between you or my dog? My dog's been more faithful, loyal and with me longer than any S.O... I will not be choosing you over her."
Save yourself and your dog the aggravation. Kick him to the curb now.
Load More Replies...my ex tried to kick my cat!! i kicked her out of the house and broke up with her reaaal quick
I don't trust a person that doesn't like dogs! But I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person!
I am not an animal lover, I don't like dogs or cats, but if this is the factor that puts you off me then maybe you are not the person for me also. People who make a decision on a persons whole persona on one factor are also, in my opinion, pretty one dimensional.
It's not a one dimensional view. It's that you wouldn't be accepting that person as that person is. Animal lovers typical will always want animals around. If you don't enjoy that, then one of you will never really be happy. It's simply a matter of not being compatible. You could say the same thing about racism, homophobia, or even how clean you each keeps your home.
Load More Replies...When my husband and I started dating, or love of animals was a big plus for each other. We have 3 fur babies. One dog, who I helped him find after the dog he had when we started dating passed away. She is a mommy’s girl now. And 2 cats, a Russian Blue that he’s had since we met and is a daddy’s girl, and our rescue, that has such pretty fall colored fur and is very talkative/squeaky. She’s the one that is our girl and gets along well with the dog. 💗
My husband was a determined "I don't like cats that much" type but now he lets her sit up on his stomach in bed to make her biscuits on his chest.
I have a genuine excuse... I'm scared of dogs but I try and put up with it where possible
"It's either me or the dog." Obviously the dog. I don't care if we just barely bought the dog. if you are such an insecure, pathetic man that your balls shrivel every time I pet or talk to or hold what was supposed to be our pet, you have 2 options: grow up and make some space in your heart or get out.
Besides, my dog will be eternally faithful loyal and love me no matter wha I couldn't say the same about a man because he's human. No matter how much I loved him. Humans are too unpredictable.
Load More Replies...But pet owners expect ALL people to do this, not just people they're dating. Not everyone likes animals or the same things that you do, and that is fine.
NGL if I'm at a dates house and they have pets I'll probably end up mostly focused on the pets (unless maybe they're the kind to be skittish around new people and stay comfortably in a different room for a while). I usually feel so bad for pets being ignored at social gatherings and focusing on them helps me to relax more too. But sometimes i worry that I'm being "too autistic" and that's why I don't tend to connect with the humans very well.
We also asked Rachel about the best ways to learn these boundaries we need to set when dating. "It’s good to keep a record and reflect on past relationships and dates, so we know what tips us over the edge," she shared. "But in a new relationship, new challenges may just come up that we can’t predict as they can be very specific! So then we should take some time to think about whether it was the 'last straw' when we were already dealing with lots of other things or whether it is going to affect us every time."
"We can also think about what the challenge represents," Rachel added. "An example might be when your partner tells you 'You’ll be fine' when you are feeling under the weather and don’t want to go out. They might be trying to be supportive by using positive and optimistic language, but you might hear it as dismissive and that they don’t really understand how awful you feel."
someone who runs tests on me to see where i stand in the relationship instead of communicating (ex. not talking to me all day to see if ill notice or reach out)
If you get a chance to say your opinion without me speaking, then I do too.
That means I get to speak without you talking over me, changing the subject, or not paying attention.
One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is being talked over... If you don't care to hear what I'm saying, why should I care about what's coming out of your face hole?
When it comes to how we should approach these boundaries with a new partner, Rachel says, "It can be difficult to judge whether to try and get used to a challenging behavior in a new partner, because sometimes it’s just that we don’t like change or it triggers a memory of someone else behaving like that or it isn’t a familiar way of behaving. For example, in some cultures it’s considered rude to say thank you to your family for cooking you a meal, but in others it’s rude NOT to! So you might react to this as an unfamiliar behavior that represents rudeness, but once you get used to it, you won’t get triggered."
"Often our boundaries involve differences in habits that come from our upbringing, such as cleaning and tidying habits, communication habits, organizing habits and so on," Rachel noted. "So don’t assume yours is the only or the best way. Discuss your different approaches with the aim of understanding your partner better."
I can't be the only person willing to make effort like always going to see them or always doing all the planning.
Yeah.. learned this one right quick... "hey, look, we're dating, right? Yet.. it reeeally feels like you just don't care enough to be around me... you're really apathetic about even talking to me..." - find out a few weeks later, hey, that was EXACTLY it! Possibly the most useless human I'd ever met...
This is definitely a small boundary, but really insidious: when my opinions/likes/recommendations, basically any bid for sharing an interest, are ignored. But when one of their male friends share the exact same opinion/likes/recommendations, it’s like he’s hearing it for the first time and they suddenly are interested.
Example—
Ex-BF: Oh hey, my friend Sam just introduced me to this awesome band, check them out!
Me: I literally have been listening to this band on our car rides and talking about them to you for months.
This happened time and time again with shows I wanted to watch, music I’d been listening to, or books I’d been reading. It’s like I became an accessory whereas his friendships became his true source of meaningful connection.
Rachel also shared some tips for how to convey these boundaries effectively to our partners. "It’s a good idea to use exploratory language such as 'When you do/say this, I feel …' and 'I’ve been thinking about my reaction to you doing/saying … and I wonder if it’s because … What do you think?' You can also say 'In this situation, I have these needs. What are your needs in this situation? I want to find a way to balance both of our sets of needs. Do you have any ideas?'"
"Often people go straight for 'You’re lazy' or 'You hurt me' or something else that is critical or accusatory because they have let their emotions build up," Rachel explained. "Take some time to mindfully consider your reactions – including thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations – and where they might originate. Ask yourself when else you have felt like this."
I don't want to be the only person planning dates. I want you to *want* to do things with me, even if they're not my cup of tea - you enjoying them and wanting me to be there is enough to make it my cup of tea.
Lies, even about small things, are a hard no from me.
I know so many people who think it's no big deal if someone lies about their age, height, job, etc. on a dating app. But I realized it's a big deal to me.
I get this. I mean purposeful they-know-they-are-lying kind of lies. Cheaters too... by being best bros/bffs/in any close relationship-of-choice with someone who frequently and openly does these things, you're telling everyone "Hey, I totally approve of this behaviour. I'm cool with it". So you're all too willing to date that person who you know is cheating (and no, they're not separated, they're not even discussing separation)... and what exactly makes you believe they're going to be faithful to you?
Finally, Rachel recommends we remember to give our partners the benefit of the doubt. "It’s best to assume your partner has a very good reason for behaving as they did, rather than assuming they are out to annoy or hurt you! Your aim is then to find out what they were thinking or why they behaved as they did."
If you'd like to gain more advice on your love life from the relationships and dating expert, be sure to visit Rachel New's website right here!
Please respect my TV and movie tastes. Don't have to like the same shows/genres, but if I am watching something and you don't like it or aren't into it, maybe stfu? Do something else? 🤔
Travel and vacation compatibility. I don't want to take cruises or sit on a beach, getting drunk and sunburned. And someone who does want to take vacations like that would probably find me an insufferable travel partner in return.
Had this in my twenties. My student girlfriend. Like, ''No, we won't wake up at 10 , we have to go visiting this and that, must see this etc'' during a trip in Turkey I paid for. Told her as I was the one working 6 days a week and providing the money home so she can study with a peaceful mind ( no issue for me) , I needed rest and a good break.I'm OK with equity on the activities, but damn, I won't wake up earlier than when I work just to visit a few sites packed with tourists ! Ended up dumped a few months after her graduation, with the words : " What's your project ? Being a flowerist while I have a PHD?" Love makes you blind sometimes
Silent treatment. I get needing a little bit of time and space to process, but when a reaction to a disagreement is the full on silent treatment instead of mature communication, that’s a nope for me.
Please put your phone down and enjoy this present moment with me.
As much as we rib each other in private, we never do so in public. Also, if someone makes fun at either one of us, the other one doesn't participate in the roasting nor the laughing.
We learned this the hard way.
No one puts down my GF, not unless they want a torrent of biting sarcasm.
I do not like when people mock me when I make mistakes or drop things. I have had a lot of abusive relationships in the past, and my parents were really verbally abusive.
Actually, no one needs to be treated this way. It's not funny, informative or educational.
Dismissal of feelings. You don't care how I feel? You therefore can't care about me. It plants the seed of doubt.
yep If I raise an issue don't just pretend I'm being unreasoable. Men are told to speak up about feelings. But when we do, we get told we're ranting/being unreasonable. Fine? I will then just keep quiet and let the resentment build as per the stereotype.
Please don't talk to me for 15 minutes after I wake up, and please don't ask me questions for 30 minutes.
My brain is still smooth and hasn't gone online yet.
This applies for both friendships and romantic relationships for me, sometimes even family:
I consider it a red flag, or an orange flag when I see that people are into gossip.
Gossiping is normal, but when I notice that this person has nothing else to offer but gossip- to the point where almost 70-80% of the conversation revolves around gossiping I'll be wary of the person.
It's an ick. Especially when the things they talk about could be considered malicious or slanderous about the person/subject.
It immediately gives off a vibe that the person I'm talking to isn't someone safe.
No looking in each other's phones. I don't have his password; he doesn't have mine. Why? Because our friends haven't given each of us permission to read their conversations with the other.
I have told it friends and others, that I live and share my life and all impact of live with my partner as he does with me so if they want something to be private they have to address this extra. Open communication is the key. All friends thought it was not necessary to explain this but I once met a person who was not happy that I talk with my SO about stuff that is going on in my head. Stuff that is of course about friends too. It helps to evaluate things and sometimes to give friends with problems a better advice or we create together an idea to cheer friends up ...
Don’t pick on me. Even if its just minor joking around. I was traumatized by constant picking and bullying by an older brother growing up and i cant handle much light hearted picking/joking nowadays. I will explode
That's actually pretty sad :-/ Because joking around is not a bad thing as such. It's even pretty healthy, I think, and a nice aspect in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I understand that the OP has a trauma linked to that. But they would maybe benefit from working on it with some professional help, because it seems that it makes their life a bit miserable.
Criticizing how I do things. You’re not my parent, my teacher, or my boss. I don’t give a f**k if your way is more efficient or effective. If I need help or advice, I will ask for it. All you’re doing is stealing my joy in the moment to make yourself feel good.
I appreciate if someone teaches me a better or more efficient way to do things. Not a biggie for me if it comes from a good place.
I always get downvotes for this one even though it’s a perfectly valid boundary to have, but I no longer date/sleep with people who have a problem with period sex!
It’s fine that some people don’t like it. Completely understandable, actually. Those people are just not compatible with me, though, and that’s fine.
Not dismissing my feelings. My SO used to say things like you can choose not to be upset. I told him how much of an a*****e mindset that is. He never used that line again.
Also not messing with my food. My SO used to add sauces and spices to my food without asking me. Sometimes I would say no while he is already pouring and all he would say is "oops already added". I couldn't take it anymore and one time I pushed his hand away while he's pouring sauce over my food, made him spill it and he was slightly annoyed but I just wouldn't back down. I didn't apologise for pushing his hand and I firmly said "I. Said. I. Don't. Want. Sauce" he finally got it and now he asks before adding anything to my food
Don’t say you’re gonna do something if you’re not going to.
Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Learned that from some wise older person when I was a kid. Along with The Golden Rule.
Don’t annoy me for fun, or because you get a rise out of my reaction. It’s not funny and cute anymore after 9+ years. My STBX does this all the time, he’s like a dog after a bone once I let on that something annoys me. An ongoing one that we’ve had since the beginning is that he deliberately puts empty sauce bottles back in the fridge (eg. tomato/bbq/mustard). Like we’ll use the last of a bottle during a meal, but he sneakily puts it in (as well as the newly opened one). He knows it annoys the absolute s**t out of me but still does it, even though most of the time I just don’t react anymore. I think it gives him satisfaction now, knowing that it annoys me. And it has eroded away my feelings for him.
I totally understand that he is probably expressing his internal naughty boy.. but in my experience, when I've had enough in similar circumstances and said pretty much what you have - ie every time you do this I like you less and less and I'm starting to despise you etc.. the shock and horror on their face is starling. Like, I genuinely don't think many men truly listen when we say "please stop doing it, I really don't like it/ find it funny". I think they interact with us like they do their mates - it becomes quite toxic cos we want an equal, not a boy child
We need our own chip bowls. No sharing because he ham fists all of the damn chips before I can even get a third one.
I refuse to do all the planning. If you can’t plan a date, make the decision on dinner, or be bothered to sort out any f*****g plans? I’m out. I have no desire to date a lazy, uninterested person.
I care. Just because it isn't important to you, doesn't mean that it isn't important to me (or vise versa).
The boundaries come after that understanding, both by me and by the other person. If the other person is doing things either on purpose or accident that you've explained are annoying it hurtful, then it's either because they want to hurt you, or because they care so little about what you're telling them that they don't remember/care what you said it how you feel. Neither option is acceptable.
I'm not saying that mistakes won't slip through, but there is a huge difference between "whoops, let me fix it and I'll try to remember for next time" and "it's such a little thing. Like why do you even care? You're so dramatic. No, you never told me you don't like that"
I won’t be shamed for what I need to do to maintain my best self, including mental health medication. Along those lines, no one has the right to ask if I’ve taken said medication. Feelings aren’t symptoms.
They have to be respectful at night- not turn a bunch of overhead lights on when I already have my moodier lights going before bed or when I’m trying to sleep, or make a ton of noise getting ready for the gym at 4am, or cook smelly food while I’m trying to sleep.
They have to stay out of the camera (or better yet the room) when I’m on a work zoom call.
They have to speak kindly and respectfully about groups of people that are different from them.
Thoughtful gifts. I don’t mean expensive materialistic things. Just things/experiences you remember me mentioning or being into. Can be from the dollar tree I don’t care about price. But I put so much thought into what I gift people and genuinely try to only gift things I know are special, not just a watch or a pair of shoes. My ex of 3 years bought me concert tickets to HIS favorite band for my Christmas present one year. And included an extra ticket for his brother to come along too. I didn’t know more than 3 songs by this artist and definitely wasn’t a fan. I was so bummed out and tried not to make it seem like a materialistic thing, but my feelings were genuinely hurt that after dating for 3 years he couldn’t think of something special that I’D enjoy. I stuffed my hurt feelings down for a while and of course it came out during an argument months down the line. He was genuinely confused as to why it bothered me and said he thought it would be a fun experience for us to do together. We broke up like 4 months later due to selfish tendencies (go figure) and I moved out.
Ah yeah... the pink bowling ball.. (Simpsons ref...). Think for a moment... who is this for... is it for YOU, the receiver of the gift... or is it really for them because they want you to have it/like what they like/think what they think? Even worse... when they give you exactly what you said you **did not want** but they figure you'd like it anyhow because **They** wanted you to have that particular thing.
A weird one but I cannot stand when my husband (used to, I’ve told him I hate it and he’s stopped), tell me what time it was when I was getting ready. Every five minutes “it’s half past, you’ve got 10 minutes left” or whatever. I can manage my own time, I’m a fully functioning adult with a job. My mom also used to do it when I was younger.
Shutting the damn bathroom door when using the bathroom and staying out when I’m using it.
If my partner is hurt or sick then absolutely- I’ll be there in whatever condition. But just peeing with the door open and stuff normally? Can’t do it.
Our bathroom door sticks where you have to put all your weight into it to slam it shut, so if you're in a rush to pee, you can leave it a smidge ajar so that you don't pee your pants arguing with the door. But if you need to poop, you argue with the door.
I’m realizing post baby that I’m really sensitive to other peoples’ moods. I get into Fix It mode then get burned out and exhausted and annoyed that none of my efforts Fixed It (which is fair - despite my best intentions I’m not FIXING what’s wrong exactly)
Anyway. I need to distance myself from my partners feelings and problems. I’m still working on it. I want to find a place where I can listen empathetically and offer support in any way he needs/wants without feeling like I must fix it and/or soaking his bad mood in and making it MY bad mood.
Being a kid from a troubled household’s tough. I didn’t realize til I had a kid and our stress levels skyrocketed that I was carrying this baggage around.
I need a lot of space and independence. I have an unconventional relationship that allows this to work.
We have very opposite hobbies but always manage personnal free time for each other. I restore mopeds, she likes zumba and Pilate. She hates old grease, I can't stand sport, but we always speak on how our respective sessions have been, as we know that it is important to each other and needed for personnal balance. We also have a free vacation week every year allowing each other to do whatever he wants alone ( a solo travel, partying with friends...) Respect your SO tastes, whatever they are.
When you mentioned that you want something the way it is and they still do the exact opposite over and over and over… you just wonder if they actually forget it time and time again or just simply doing it on purpose
I am clean, but I am not a neat person and it doesn't add value to my life to stress myself out making my home look like a museum. My husband is neater than me so I keep things at a baseline level but since he cares more about things being pristine than I do, he cleans and organizes more.
He has to be ok I don’t shave
Celebrations compatibility - I’m not someone who wants a giant surprise birthday party or who wants to plan one for other people. Nor do I have a meltdown if there’s no Christmas tree.
Silent treatment
Weaponized incompetence
Party boy (super extrovert), heavy drinker / staying in bed until noon on a regular basis
Has people over at my/our place a lot
Other good ones I’ve seen while scrolling this thread are vacation compatibility and he has to respect whatever TV shows/books I enjoy even if he doesn’t have to like them/watch them with me
Blatantly checking out other women in front of me. I get that people are beautiful and aesthetically pleasing, but if you’re just staring at a fast food workers a*s while we’re at the payment window, it’s gonna take me out of the moment and ruin my mood a little bit.
My SO and I are very open about this. Looking at the menu doesn't mean you gonna eat. We often speak openly when seeing someone handsome, in the term of '' Sure, she/he is cute, but probably not kind and loving as you are '' Often ends up roasting the hot Guy/girl and having a good laugh about that. We love and trust each other so much
Being ignored for games, social media, texting conversations. I understand if it's about their kids, but that's the ONLY exception for me.
Texting all day. I hate feeling obligated to reply all day, especially since I have a 9-5 job. Say good morning, talk about relevant things when they come up. But don’t send me memes and random pictures allllll day
I do not acknowledge what happens in bathrooms. Pee is okay, but I don't do other stuff in there. Please go along with this. Do not try and catch me on the toilet, or try and tell me how it's important to be comfortable. This is a thing that should never be discussed, ever.
Although I personally don't care about toilet privacy in my relationships with my partners, I agree that if it's your boundary, then it should be respected.
I refuse to be in a long term relationship with someone who doesn’t readily agree to get a vasectomy once we decide we’re done having kids.
I'm gonna put this out there but why the focus on women vs things they hate in men? 90% of the examples given are applicable to both genders and should be promoted for both genders in the idea of promoting healthy relationships. I still don't understand why bored panda "journalists" seem to have this massive push to generally make men feel bad for being them. I used to love coming to bored panda for the insightful articles about cool stuff like art or places i haven't seen and now every time I come to this site I leave feeling just a little worse about myself
The problem is that for some time, BP has been trying to make clickbait articles by trying to create oppositions of A vs B most often completely artificial or even totally false as for this article which can apply to both women and men.
Load More Replies...I would find it very hard to date someone when they tell me to shut up. It hurts me a lot and I feel depressed for the rest of the day for some reason. I prefer it if any partner of mine would gently remind me of how loud/talkative I am and ask me to stop talking for a while. I also can’t date someone who doesn’t communicate properly and expects me to do all the guessing .
if you are aware you're loud and talkative have you thought about mitigations? I am not loud at all but defo talk too much. I try not to.
Load More Replies...Okay so this is a super recent thing for me. One, cause I've only been single recently and two, cause I just started the program. I'm in a PhD program and when I tell guys that are interested in me that I'm in a PhD program, it's a red flag/turn off when they reply "oh, I just do [insert job]". Like, my dude, you don't JUST do anything, you work for an income in an impossible economy, be proud! I find these are the guys intimidated by me. When I make friends, they don't compare at all, they state what they do, they don't belittle their livelihood. So I know it's just guys that are insecure. It's really quite frustrating how many people put themselves down, like, you're financially secure! My finances depend upon writing grant proposals, being enrolled at school (currently), and having to find temporary work that works with a research schedule. Like, man, appreciate your consistency! Lol okay .. it's mostly just a red flag for insecurity and after my ex, I'm done with that
I make hubs buy two bags of chips we like. Mostly because he eats over the bag an I don't want mouth chips. And also he pets the cats a lot an sometimes there is fur in the bag. And chip clips don't work so I dump my bag into a ziplock I reuse for chips when it's empty. This way I can get the air out. And see what's left. My name is also on the bag. Lol
Literally only one of these things is really only relevant to one sex or the other. Though, I will say, it's absurd how many of these posts are complaining about having a partner that can't plan dates, when men are *overwhelmingly* expected to do most of the planning and effort when it comes to setting up dates. I'd like to ask since if these women when the last time *they* actually put effort into a setting up a date was. When was the last time they planned anything for their partner?
That's an interesting perspective. I've experienced the exact opposite. I wonder how much of our perspectives are based on the people we attract into our lives, or possibly sub cultures? Also, I'm bisexual and I've always done all of the planning, regardless of which partner. Actually, thinking as I go, here: I used to have a friend in grade school who would get angry that I didn't do what she wanted, but she also refused to come up with ideas or pick something if I gave her a choice. I've never seen men as having the expectation to plan everything. They are seen as hands off except for maybe a couple dates, and eventually a proposal, in my experience.
Load More Replies...yeah, i think it was number 20. if you are married there should be no passwords on phones unless both know each others password. in the past 5 years i have seen friends go through hell because of emotional cheating via texts and email. my husband and i have never had passwords on out phones. mainly because we wouldn't remember them! we are 50 and 60 years old and been married for 39 years. i didn't understand my friends that couldn't just pick up their husbands/wife's phone to answer it or to make a phone call. i grab whichever one is closest to me. my husband does the same. remember back in the day when the home only had one phone and it was hooked to the wall??! now it seems that people want to keep their phones locked up. that's fine unless you are a married couple who are supposed to share everything.
I'm gonna put this out there but why the focus on women vs things they hate in men? 90% of the examples given are applicable to both genders and should be promoted for both genders in the idea of promoting healthy relationships. I still don't understand why bored panda "journalists" seem to have this massive push to generally make men feel bad for being them. I used to love coming to bored panda for the insightful articles about cool stuff like art or places i haven't seen and now every time I come to this site I leave feeling just a little worse about myself
The problem is that for some time, BP has been trying to make clickbait articles by trying to create oppositions of A vs B most often completely artificial or even totally false as for this article which can apply to both women and men.
Load More Replies...I would find it very hard to date someone when they tell me to shut up. It hurts me a lot and I feel depressed for the rest of the day for some reason. I prefer it if any partner of mine would gently remind me of how loud/talkative I am and ask me to stop talking for a while. I also can’t date someone who doesn’t communicate properly and expects me to do all the guessing .
if you are aware you're loud and talkative have you thought about mitigations? I am not loud at all but defo talk too much. I try not to.
Load More Replies...Okay so this is a super recent thing for me. One, cause I've only been single recently and two, cause I just started the program. I'm in a PhD program and when I tell guys that are interested in me that I'm in a PhD program, it's a red flag/turn off when they reply "oh, I just do [insert job]". Like, my dude, you don't JUST do anything, you work for an income in an impossible economy, be proud! I find these are the guys intimidated by me. When I make friends, they don't compare at all, they state what they do, they don't belittle their livelihood. So I know it's just guys that are insecure. It's really quite frustrating how many people put themselves down, like, you're financially secure! My finances depend upon writing grant proposals, being enrolled at school (currently), and having to find temporary work that works with a research schedule. Like, man, appreciate your consistency! Lol okay .. it's mostly just a red flag for insecurity and after my ex, I'm done with that
I make hubs buy two bags of chips we like. Mostly because he eats over the bag an I don't want mouth chips. And also he pets the cats a lot an sometimes there is fur in the bag. And chip clips don't work so I dump my bag into a ziplock I reuse for chips when it's empty. This way I can get the air out. And see what's left. My name is also on the bag. Lol
Literally only one of these things is really only relevant to one sex or the other. Though, I will say, it's absurd how many of these posts are complaining about having a partner that can't plan dates, when men are *overwhelmingly* expected to do most of the planning and effort when it comes to setting up dates. I'd like to ask since if these women when the last time *they* actually put effort into a setting up a date was. When was the last time they planned anything for their partner?
That's an interesting perspective. I've experienced the exact opposite. I wonder how much of our perspectives are based on the people we attract into our lives, or possibly sub cultures? Also, I'm bisexual and I've always done all of the planning, regardless of which partner. Actually, thinking as I go, here: I used to have a friend in grade school who would get angry that I didn't do what she wanted, but she also refused to come up with ideas or pick something if I gave her a choice. I've never seen men as having the expectation to plan everything. They are seen as hands off except for maybe a couple dates, and eventually a proposal, in my experience.
Load More Replies...yeah, i think it was number 20. if you are married there should be no passwords on phones unless both know each others password. in the past 5 years i have seen friends go through hell because of emotional cheating via texts and email. my husband and i have never had passwords on out phones. mainly because we wouldn't remember them! we are 50 and 60 years old and been married for 39 years. i didn't understand my friends that couldn't just pick up their husbands/wife's phone to answer it or to make a phone call. i grab whichever one is closest to me. my husband does the same. remember back in the day when the home only had one phone and it was hooked to the wall??! now it seems that people want to keep their phones locked up. that's fine unless you are a married couple who are supposed to share everything.