“I Will Never Ruin It For Her”: 35 Secrets Daughters Refuse To Tell Their Parents

I love this. Thanks for reminding me of my grandmother, too- because I did a similar thing as a child. At age ten, I asked her one Christmas why she always got me unicorn stuff (I didn't care for unicorns at all one way or the other), and she said, 'because they're your favorite!' And it must have been the voice of the divine that then spoke through me to say, 'But I never even told you that, Grandma! You're a genius mind-reader! Thanks so much!' And I punctuated that with the biggest bear hug ever. And I received unicorns for every birthday and Christmas event into my adulthood when she died.

This so wholesome.

One day, my friend, you’ll want that bag of chocolate that didnt come. But this is so sweet.

On a side note: how absolutely delicious does that picture look! (Although not exactly caramel)

Even though the picture with this entry about caramel filled chocolates happens to be a picture of chocolates with raspberry filling…

Because they're older, wiser, more mellow, probably retired, they've done the kid-raising thing before and look back on it with rosy glasses and miss it, and most of all, they're not theirs to discipline, run around taking them to school/appointments/games, try desperately to get to sleep, prepare meals for, break up sibling battles, dress, bathe, or plan for their future (among countless other things.) Maybe you're a more involved and conscientious parent than yours were, it's also a different generation and maybe they've grown into that as grands. And maybe they do help out with the aforementioned things, but maybe not to the same extent. When I was a teen I was a Big Brother and I loved hanging out with my Little Brother, who was bright as heck but also had ADHD. I got to enjoy his company for a while or an overnight camping event, then send Jill back to his folks. Same with my now nephew, who I hang out and play games with but that's the extent of it.

Same here with my kids. My Mum never hugged us and was very distant, Dad was working two jobs and we were still poor. Looking back I guess they were too stressed with the job of keeping us fed, clothed and housed that they didn't have time for "extras". Also my Mum had us young and not just regretted it but probably had PND that went undiagnosed for years. With my kids they hug, kiss and tell them they love them. They want to spend time with them and spoil them when they get a chance. It does make me sad for what me and my siblings missed out on but I couldn't be happier with them as grandparents.

That is sad - and no rose-tinted memories will change that fact. I see this almost every day with my sister's parents in law. They were absolutely awful to their own son when he was a kid (the father even had abusive tendencies) - and now they are absolutely besotted with their grand children and act like all the bad stuff never happened. It makes me sick to the stomach and I can totally understand now why my sister's little family moved to the other side of the country from their parents in law.

Now that I have a daughter I have had a harder time trying to understand why they didn't love me in the way I love her. I'm not super maternal but it's so easy to love our kids, what happened when I came around?

I guess you never really understand these things until you become and parent yourself, and then a grandparent. The other day I was staring at t.v. and for some reason the memory of my daughter when she was 4 years old crept into my brain. She was wearing her little baggie corduroy pants and white long sleeve t-shirt and she was happy to see me and jumped up on my lap. I'm a grown middle aged man and the memory made me start bawling. In reality my daughter 13 and spends half her life seeking social media validation. She's a fine, normal kid with normal teenage problems. It's just sometimes you miss it when you were the center of their world. Looking back my father only told me twice in my life he was proud of me. Once when I was 10 and again when I was 37. Never got one hug from him, but that's fine. He grew up mostly without a father. I make sure to hug both my kids and tell them I love them every single day.

As a Muslim, that sounds like a terrible situation to be in. It's haram (not allowed) in Islam to force someone to be Muslim - literally a verse in the Qur'an - "There is no compulsion in religion". Maybe one day you'll be able to find the beauty in Islam, or maybe not, but either way, I hope you get out of that situation 🫂

Get out while you can

This is actually me

For people to live they need something they are willing to die for. Unfortunately it means we all belong to a cult. You should be able to pick your own cult and not feel guilty about it.

If a partner hits one of my girls expect me to grab my axe and come busting through the front door.

Insanity... as much as sometimes my parents and I are at odds with each other, if a partner laid a finger on myself or my sister my parents would need to be tied down to stop them getting at them. I'm sorry OP has such unsympathetic parents, it's not all about them being willing to take action (potentially violent) on your behalf, it's the attitude that being hit or abused in any way is OK and they should just live with it.

For anyone in this situation that needs to hear it: FUUUUUUUCK THEM WITH A BROOMSTICK UNDER THE FULL MOON.

Mom told me that a man might hit her once, but he's got to sleep sometime.

Makes me so angry - if my parents had that attitude not sure I'd want much to do with them. I'd want to tell them just so I could support my sister.

My parents never said anything like "I love you" when I was little. My mom, now 83, is trying to make it better a little by sending kisses and hearts when texting, but she never will say it out loud.

My grandmother was very harsh with my mom throughout her life, she once told me (in Spanish) “I love my mom but I don’t like her”. It’s literally the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard someone say.

This is actually quite common

After having four children in a row I popped up four years later. My mother told me to my face that I was an inconvenience to her when I was born but that after a while she did acknowledge that I was better to have around then the dog. More useful. I became a big time people pleaser because I was always looking for her approval. 40 years later and I'm finally learning how to break free from that.

Honestly, I'm the same. I will go to my grave despising my dad (he earned it). My mom had made great strides to improve our relationship and we get along much better now, but I can't put aside the nearly 30 years of silent hate, the allowed mistreatment and neglect I experienced growing up. I have forgiven her because she's truly apologized and worked to make our relationship better...but all the years as a child and young adult that were so damaged by her...that...it just sticks. But I won't ever tell her because she's trying.

I can relate. Nighttime is the only time I have where I don't have my parents wanting me to do things or my brothers wanting me to play with them. I love helping them and playing with them but sometimes I just want peace and quiet

same. my mother will just randomly start a conversation at any time, often without explaining what she's talking about and then get condescending when I act confused.

Guess what- That works both ways. There are plenty of night owl parents staying up late to get some respite from angsty teens. "Not inherently evil" cracks me up haha, as if knocking on your door to ask a question could be.

That used to be me! My mom never left me alone. I love her, and she's a good mom, but I did move 300 miles away, lol

Yep. Tired of parents looking at "we brought you into this world, we automatically deserve your love, respect, and admiration" when they just brought us into a crumbling society that's slowly killing everything and themselves. Why should we be happy or proud of that?

I was that, too. Be careful that you don't become the family scapegoat, because that usually shows up after that. You think you're the strong one, and they think you're the strong one, so they then start bizarrely turning everything around on you and blaming you for everything they and everyone else in the family does wrong. They then make you out to be the weak one with all of the problems so they can feel strong. This isn't my paranoia; it's a real thing, part of the cycle of that unhealthy unloading. Please take care of yourself.

In the last couple of years I have learned that even people very close to me can't tell easily when I'm upset unless I specifically tell them. Because my parents reacted so badly when I showed any negative emotions that I learned to hide them. Now I hide them too well. I HAVE begun to learn to cry when I feel like it, though, so I'm making progress!

Make sure you have a space where you don’t have to be fine all the time. Shoot me a text when you find it.

I can relate...I'm the Golden Child and have been for many years, but God forbid, I say no to my mother. She's defensive and passive-aggressive and becomes upset, so I can't talk to her about anything. I allowed her to move in with me and my daughters and I pay all the monthly bills as well as purchasing whatever she needs, but I'm automatically the bad guy when I say no.

I'm sorry you have to through this alone. I wish you all the strength.

I lost my Dad to cancer last month. He was diagnosed on the 8th of June with liver cancer. He only lived until August 5th. Less than 2 months. F.uck cancer!