“What Do Men Do That They Think Is Okay But Is Actually Creepy?”: 40 Women Respond And The Answers Are Worrying
Sometimes, the things that you think are completely all right to say and do are far from okay. In fact, they might be so deep in creepy territory, it’s making people feel uncomfortable and even threatened.
A viral thread by redditor SuperElectronicGray inspired women to open up about all the things that men do that they think is perfectly fine but are actually very creepy. Most of these things are a symptom of toxic masculinity where men follow a very narrow, predetermined set of instructions about how males are “supposed to” behave. And it’s not good for anyone.
Have a read through the uncomfortable situations with men that these redditors have been through and be sure to check out Bored Panda’s interview with a psychotherapist about the potential dangers of toxic masculinity to society and to men themselves.
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Flirting with me in a position where I can't leave, like an Uber or taxi. Once I had an Uber driver flirt with me the entire ride late on a Friday night. I tried to stop responding, but he kept telling me how beautiful I am. Most times, when women aren't interested and you keep pushing it, we get scared we're gonna get assaulted or killed! It's terrifying.
And if she left a negative review he knows where she lives. This is the kind of world we live in
That hassling you for a date because you don't have a bf is not okay.
'But you don't have a bf...'
The point is dude, I'd rather be single than date you. Take the bloody hint.
This one makes me so angry. Like I'm only allowed to say no if another man has already staked his claim? Fück off.
Psychotherapist Silva Neves explained to me in an interview that toxic masculinity poses a whole host of dangers both to men and to the people around them, specifically, to women. This is most commonly expressed through violence or the threat of violence.
“The main danger of toxic masculinity is that those men can be emotionally abusive and/or physically violent and sexually violent to women,” the expert told Bored Panda. However, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I am an elderly woman and it really really pisses me off when men that I don't know call me "Sweetie" or "Honey" or "Sweetheart." Dudes. Just don't. I am not your grandma with a dish of cookies for you.
When they tell me to smile. It used to make me really uncomfortable, but now I just grin manically at them.
hi i know my comment will get lost but if you are over 18 and i make it clear to you that i am underage, do not continue to talk to me. please.
I supposed they mean flirting? Because just having a normal conversation should be fine.
“They can also be aggressive to gay people. They perpetuate toxic messages of masculinity so toxic masculinity is usually passed down to their children and peers maintaining the problems,” Silva said that toxic masculinity is a generational issue. Thus, we can’t expect any changes to happen overnight, but the sooner they start, the sooner society can start moving on a different, kinder and more peaceful, trajectory.
Meanwhile, according to psychotherapist Silva, the men who subscribe to the tenets of toxic masculinity can end up hurting themselves as well.
Asking if I live alone. If there's already an established friendship, fine. But if you're a stranger or just an acquaintance, that freaks me out.
Restricting my movement in any way. Pinning me in a corner, holding my wrist down, blocking my escape, etc...
The "casual lean against the door frame" preventing you from leaving the room, the "one arm braced against the wall" that means you can't push past without touching him, the "loungeing against your desk" that traps you in your cubical, the "holding the door for you" that blocks the doorway, the "shopping cart angled to block the aisle". Guys do it all the time, maybe without even noticing. It's not always threatening, but if he shows any interest in you as a woman, it imediately becomes uncomfortable, and you need to defuse a potentially dangerous situation. If you are at work, you typically need to do it without offending him, making a scene, or making yourself look bad to managers/colleagues.
I duck and squeeze by while saying stuff like, "pardon me, coming through please". I put my hands out around me so if he moves any closer I can shove him away. It works surprisingly well.
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Someone did this to a friend once...and she shouted - in a full room, "Bad touch, bad touch!" ...///... She was a lot braver than I was.
A few weeks ago I was relaxing on a bench, in a park nearby my house. It was midday. An old man (white hair, "grandpa" look) on a bike started encircling the bench, constantly staring at me. I tried to walk away but he followed me through the park. He cut in my way, stopping his bike exactly in front of me so as to make me side step. He kept cat calling me the whole time. I left the park and he followed me on the sidewalk, encirling me with his bike as I was walking. I was about about to call the emergency number, and I was ready to scream for help and to defend myself if needed. Thankfully he gave up. I got over it quickly, but this would have scared the heck out of me in my twenties. Disgusting and creepy.
Wtf? No man I know thinks this is ok. We all know that is controlling behavior.
I agree. No normal, rationally thinking man could think that type of behavior would be ok. I can't even think of such a situation where it was inadvertent and you would not realize what you are doing is wrong. That must be terrifying. Women, do whatever you need to do to get out of a situation like that before it gets worse.
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I hate to be touched, even by woman so i just go physical (let's get physical!but unike the song, in a bad way) and apologize "sorry, reflexes". Don't burst my bubble! I can't even stand when people are talking to you and they have to slap your shoulder or knees to make a point or get your attention. My ears are fine. Maybe it's a french thing but a lot of people are doing it and i hate it. I just slap back and watch their surprised face, except my 96yo grandmother because of her age, and it's a tough one she's very sharp, her elbow is going right between your ribs when she's making a point or a joke.
My grandmother used to walk up behind me when I was at the table and "massage" my shoulders with her pointy, pointy elbows.
Load More Replies... Just touching me, even on the arm or shoulder, is such an intrusion, and unwelcome; particularly from someone I don't know.
I go the opposite way and try and go out of my way to not be an obstacle. I am not a small person. However I was called out by a woman who said to me hey I’m not that big you don’t have to move over so far.
I worked with a guy who used to perch on the edge of my desk. I mentioned to him several times that I had chairs for visitors, but that went right over his head. So one day in a very loud voice I just yelled, "Jesus Dave - would you get your f*****g ass off of my desk?" Funny thing, he never stopped by to "chat" again.
Yeah I don't like that s**t. No ONE should be doing that to ANYONE.
Pre Covid I was at a small bar and me and friend wanted to leave but a guy was standing in the doorframe talking to us. I asked politelyif he could get out of the frame. He didn't and was asking inappropriate questions. When I tried to push my way through, he took my wrist. So I kicked him in the balls. He cussed at me - called me names but at least we could finally leave
No, offend him big time and make sure every other co-worker knows about it.
there's a little disconnect with this one lol .. we don't do that to block your "escape" we do that in an attempt to look cooler .. casual lean against the door frame, one arm braced against the wall, lounging against your desk those things are an attempt to be/look cooler i can't speak for every man but i can't imagine many dudes doing this as an attempt to block you off from leaving
Oh, there are more than a few who think it's more than ok...especially when you didn't react positive to their flirting and just turn around to walk away.
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DMs
Hey
Hey
Hey
I’m not interested
F**k you, you stupid b****.
I stopped playing Words with Friends because I used to get this nonsense in the messages. I literally just wanted to play scrabble, the least sexy of games!
“Toxic masculinity also harms the men themselves because repressing their own emotions so much can lead to mental health issues, depression, and even suicide,” he noted that the dangers are very real when men are unable to be vulnerable, open up to others, and ask for help. “Toxic masculinity harms everybody.”
Saying, 'If I was x years younger... I was 15 and manning the cash register at my dad's store when this guy told me I 'brought back memories' of the women he met while he served in Vietnam. And he kept looking me up and down with a slobbery look on his face.
If you keep going on about how much you respect women, you probably don't respect women.
Talking badly about their ex and their kids. I'm a single middle age woman. I don't know what's going on with some Men but a lot of them regret having kids and are mad about having to give money to their ex to raise them.
I'm not talking about unreasonable amount of money but for exemple 100$ for 2 kids at the beginning of a school year. And of course their ex is crazy for asking for it. "She's the one who wanted kids.." Some have complained about having to spend time with them.
Why are they telling me this? We just met. It makes them seems so mean and cheap. If you don't want kids get a vasectomy.
It is bullsh*t when men say "She's the one who wanted kids, not me", but they have unprotected sex and refuse condoms and vasectomy. When you are a man and sure you don't want kids, use condom everytime or get vasectomy.
Gay men who grope you and excuse it by saying, 'It's OK — I'm gay! I'm not attracted to women at all!' Keep your f**king hands to yourself, then!
I used to have a friend that thought it was funny to pull my top and bra down in public places, on the basis that 'it's funny as he doesn't care about my boobs'. Not a friend anymore
'Daring' me to kiss my girlfriend in front of them to 'prove' I'm really a lesbian. Disgusting.
It has happened more than once where it came up in casual conversation that i don't wan't kids and some guy tries to change my mind as if it's any of his business
My wife had a boss that would come up behind the women and give them shoulder massages. Not cool, dude.
Saying, 'You're cute when you're angry.'
I have a large tattoo on my shoulder, and I've had several men come up from behind and move my tank top strap and/or bra strap to see it better. In grocery stores and Lowe's of all places!
And many feel the need to say how they don't like women with tattoos or how we have ruined our bodies.
Men in positions of power asking sexual questions or commenting on your body. I had one boss try to tell me if I did a certain work out it would help me lose some fat in my thighs and another casually ask me if I was quiet or a screamer. Yeah, that s**t ain't cool.
FOLLOWING ME FOR ANY DISTANCE! I was once followed TWENTY BLOCKS by a man trying to basically get me to go home with him. Mind you, I had my HEADPHONES in to make it clear I wasn’t listening (although they were off, I just do it so most creeps don’t approach) but my goodness he didn’t let up. I never even looked at him the whole time he followed me. He didn’t leave till I finally spotted a police officer and started walking in that direction. I even asked to be left alone, had my pepper spray in hand visible.
Just kept calling me gorgeous, and asking if my boyfriend treated me right. Could he give me his number in case my BF did something bad? All ignored.
PSA: it’s not ROMANTIC OR ATTRACTIVE to be STALKED any distance no matter how much tv or movies would lie and have you believe.
I saw a women scream at a guy for him to pay her bills and take care of her kids and marry her right then and there and to hand over his credit card she needed to buy a diamond ring while he was following her asking her out. It was so funny. He called her crazy and walked away
Following women around continuing to try to talk to them when they've already made two attempts to end the conversation.
A guy next to me on a plane wouldn't stop talking to me, even after I put on headphones! Then, he tried to walk me to my connecting flight after I refused to give him my phone number. He only finally left when I went to the women's restroom.
NO MEANS NO! If we keep thinking it means the opposite, we will find ourselves in serious trouble hey
I've got curly hair, and I'm sick of men thinking they can just come grab a coil of it and pull it like a slinky spring! Don't touch my hair, and don't call me moody when I tell you to stop!
YES! I'm curly redhead and people (men in most cases) think it's OK touching my hair.
Stop telling me how 'big' things are for a woman. 'That's a big truck for a little girl,' or even once when I was at Subway, this condescending prick said, 'That's a big sandwich...'
Putting their hands on your thigh or back casually while talking to you. If I’m being friendly it’s not a signal for you to touch me. Far too many co-workers, creepy uncles, etc. find this ok!
I found a technique that's been effective in the workplace: I tell the person, "Don't touch me", give them a quick second to be startled, then continue the conversation. Since I'm discussing work, they are unlikely to interrupt me to argue why they should touch me. There's always that weird inner sensation when I assert myself, but it's much better than the feelings I get if I let them continue touching me.
Unsolicited d*ck pics.
“Smile!”
“Where’s my hug?”
“You’re too beautiful for all that makeup.”
Yelling anything at me from across the street.
Telling me I’m perfect during our first conversation - back off dude, you don’t know me.
Catcalling. Like, WTF. In what world is someone gonna turn around and be appreciative instead of creeped the f**k out?
make me wish, every teenage boys on this planet take a special education class tht teach them how to respect others esp.ly women so tht when they grow up, they will be mature and understanding man , later they will teach their kids abt gud manners
When guys pick me up. I've always been really skinny, so guys think it's OK to just...lift me.
Using my name on my credit card receipt at the gas station to look me up online and try to add me on various social media platforms shudder
“Why aren’t you married?” Asked randomly. I’m 34. My fiancé passed
Block an exit while trying to start a conversation. Just.don't do it EVER.
I had a friend who for a while would always respond to my comments re: being a woman and sexually harassed or ogled at with the story of how he was such a good guy he saved a girl from being raped at a frat party.
I'm not sure if the exact scenario is common but when guys hear women talking about sexual harassment or assault and launch into the reasons why they're not that guy...it just makes me even more uncomfortable because someone who isn't that guy shouldn't have to say it every time you talk about sexual harassment.
A lot of men assume they will be construed as “that guy” unless they say otherwise. Not speaking for myself here, and I’m not claiming that it’s a correct assumption.
Since I got pregnant I've had more male friends think it's acceptable to call me a 'MILF,' especially at inappropriate times...like in front of my mom
Saying anything along the lines of 'you’re perfect' within minutes of meeting.
When you get messages like "hi hun 💕😘" in a business setting. I draw for a living and regularly get guys messaging me under the guise that they want to commission something, when it's really just an excuse to get closer to me.
This will sound blunt and b*tchy, but I don't want you. I want your money. You commissioning, or not? Alright stop wasting my time, thank you!
Constantly pushing for a date after saying we aren’t interested. Like a high school boy having a crush and the girl saying “I just like you as a friend...” and they keep pushing like she’ll fall in love. Sorry that’s just a fairytale. Please stop after we say we don’t like you. No hard feelings! We just don’t want to date you.
Don't ask me for nudes within like...a week of meeting me and going on one date. The level of trust I'd have to have in order to share photos like that is phenomenal! And I may never ever want to anyway.
How does a guy think it's just a casual thing to ask of me? It might be a turn on for you but it's highly risky and it makes me feel like I'm just there as a bit of titillation on his phone and not a real human being who he sees as equal and respected.
Or just don't ask for nudes full stop. You don't know where they'll end up once they've been sent
When I am walking down the sidewalk, follow me slowly in a car while trying to talk to me. I f**king hate this.
Take out your phone, dial 911 (or the appropriate number for emergency services in your area), put it on speakerphone, and have a loud and clear conversation with the authorities while showing the face of the phone to the predator. No one has ever been punished for being afraid.
Messaging me late at night to tell me to 'go to bed.'
I started blocking people who think they can infantilize me. And I know they think it's just being caring but it is super controlling and treating me as less than an equal
Asking, 'Where's my hug?'
I only hug two women that aren't my family. My best friend and a woman in my office whose Christmas jumper says "it's Christmas, give me a hug" and if it's written on a Christmas jumper, it's the law and I have to!
When they walk behind you they either touch your lower back or give your shoulders a squeeze.
Those things are only okay for my husband to do. No one else.
It isn’t cute or endearing. It’s extremely uncomfortable to deal with and makes women avoid you or cringe when you’re near.
I hate this guys at work are always doing this to me, its so annoying and I really dont like been touched in general until its my wife!
Guys who try to assert their dominance by crushing your hand while shaking it. I have arthritis and it is excruciatingly painful.
My school headmaster did this, he would just grab your hand (already having met you) whenever he wanted and squeeze it and grind your bones together. He was terrible and creepy.
I f**king HATE when a guy walks behind me if they’re trying to get by how they put their hand on my lower back. I don’t know you, please don’t touch me, it’s pretty simple. It happens all. The. Time.
If they can open their mouths to say unacceptable creepy s**t, they can also open them to say the highly acceptable “Excuse me, I need to get by” when they need to go past you.
What I get from all of this is:
Actually tell someone if you're trying to pass them but keep your bloody hands to yourself.
Acknowledge their existence if caught at an intersection, but don't flirt or be rude.
Talk about things of interest or importance.
If she's not interested, accept it as fact and drop it. This is not to say disregard the relationship/friendship, just don't pressure for more.
Dick Pics are rarely okay. And even when requested should be met with healthy skepticism.
Do not assume physical contact within a relationship.
If you're making them uncomfortable, apologize.
Am I missing anything of importance? Please note these are things I've tried to do myself. Though I still struggle with self-confidence/esteem and always feel as though I'm being too clingy or creepy even when I'm actively trying not to be.
If you are not sure if something is okay to do or say, just imagine a random dude saying it to your (imaginary) daughter
Honking, yelling or any form of catcalling while I'm running or even just walking down the street.
When has this EVER worked? Men have been doing this for ages and I can guarantee no woman has been appreciative!
This will probably be buried but when guys hug you and push your upper back into them so your boobs press into their chest. The guys that super duper creep me out is when they push multiple times. And it’s usually the old guys that do this.
Ugh! I know what you’re doing, jackass.
F**k society or movies or whatever it is that tells you "Fail at once try again" or "never give up on what you want."
If you pursue a woman and she is not interested in you, take your loss and leave her alone. We are human beings not achievements to unlock in a video game. If we were interested in you we would have had said yes initially. If you keep pestering us we are just going to think you are not dateable AND annoying.
Seriously, guys. Your behavior, especially our first impression of it, matters A LOT. Think about it. Imagine what a man who is that creepy and annoying when “introducing himself” (translation: forcing himself on us) would be like as a boyfriend or husband—-if he ever got that lucky (it’d never happen, but I say it for the sake of illustrating my point). If you still don’t get it, then turn the tables. Would you want a woman like that as a girlfriend or wife?
Doing something creepy, and then following up with, "You like that, don't you?" wtf
Would your mom like it if some random creep said it to her?
Pet names without consent. I even get messages on reddit calling me hun, honey, baby, babe, babygirl, sweetie, sweetheart...
It feels so creepy and gross
The trouble with the internet is it's international. Baby, babygirl, babe etc are gross and unacceptable across any culture, but sweetie and hun aren't necessarily the same because they can be used as a colloquial nicety in certain parts of the world with no sexual context intended or implied. See also the British out of context post with the Alcohol Storage Pet being the answer to what's a Geordie wine cellar? Here: "Pet" is a Geordie-ism, applied to anyone by anyone, regardless of gender. It's almost a verbal tic. It might be a case of calling it out the first time to establish, then follow up by blocking and reporting - but some 'pet' names are genuinely innocently meant, and it's a cross-cultural divide with no malicious intent.
Touching my tattoos when they ask to see them. It's crazy how many don't understand personal space/boundaries. Just, why? I assure you, they're real.
Yes! I had a guy doing gas leak testing grab my arm ( in my narrow apartment hallway) and just stroke my tattoo like crazy. So creepy. I now no longer answer the door bell. If they are here to see me they text
Standing randomly close to us for no reason.
My best friend and I were fishing the other day and some guy stood half way down the path to the lake ( which only went to our area, there's a path around the lake he stepped off of) for like ten minutes just smiling and looking like a potential serial killer.
I'm not good at being quiet and polite when I'm uncomfortable so I finally told him "hey, your kinda creeping us out here. We don't know you and you are blocking the only exit. Can you move on?". He smiled his serial killer smile and stood for another minute and when I started to grab my phone he finally moved on. Mucho creepo.
Back in the day—-I was in my twenties, so it was the ‘80s—-I worked a job where my days off were mid-week. I’m a movie buff, and loved going to matinees while everyone else was at work, and I practically had the theatre to myself. One time I had settled into my seat, and put my purse in the seat next to me. There were maybe only 3 or 4 other people there, minding their own business a few rows in front of me, so basically an empty theatre. Suddenly this random guy just comes down my row of seats, picks up my purse, and proceeds to try and sit down in the seat next to me! I grabbed my purse from him and yelled out something like “What the hell are you doing? I don’t know you. You’ve got the whole rest of the theatre to sit in, you don’t need to sit next to me!” It got the attention of the other people in the theatre, who stood up to see what was going on. Creep made a quick and embarrassed exit, scuttling out like a cockroach, and never came back. I did make sure to keep people around me when I left, just in case. Out these creeps, loudly and publicly, every damn time they try this s**t. Maybe they’ll learn (hey, I can dream, can’t I?).
When men I don’t know well at all do random favors for me without me asking. I know it can come from an innocent place, but I’ve had enough buildups to creepy behavior that started with small things, that I’m immediately suspicious.
Example, (not terribly dark), a previous neighbor of mine who was around 45 (I was 25). We lived in a house split into apartments so we shared a yard. He would water my flowers, spread mulch onto my flowerbeds, clean my gutters, etc. without asking beforehand if I wanted or needed him to help, but he’d always tell me afterward he’d done it. (I was already kind of wary about what he expected from me, so I thanked him with a 6-pack, which seemed to disappoint him.) He also said numerous times that he worries about me living alone and he’d protect me if I ever had an intruder or anything. Which, okay, thanks?
I decided he was just a generous person. He introduced me to the other neighbors, and once in a while we’d all go out for a drink at the pub down the road, and he’d pay for everyone’s drinks, regardless of whose idea it was to go out. So I thought “Ok this is just how he is.”
And I thought that until I looked up from my couch around 11pm and he was standing in my flower bed staring through my window with his hands cupped around his eyes. He grinned and tapped on the glass like “Hey cmere let’s talk.”
So I went outside (I was waiting on a friend to come pick me up) to find him wearing what I think was a suit, swaying, very drunk, and he says “Let’s go out. Where do you want to go?” I was like hey, sorry, I’ve got plans with a friend tonight. So he interrogates me about what kind of friend (it was a guy), then out comes the list of all the things he’s done for me, how he’d never let anyone hurt me, how even though he’s old enough to be my father.......(then he kind of trailed off). I asked “Do you mean go out on a date?” Mumbles yeah kind of. I said I didn’t think of him that way, and that he was right, I kind of did put him in the category of people my father’s age. Then he got mad saying things like “Woooww, so that’s how you’re gonna be huh” and I was just so surprised and had no idea what to do so I just started apologizing.
My friend arrived with flawless timing.
Hahaha. You missed thee exact point of multiple posts on this thread. When a man does something creepy don't blame the woman and don't point out how you're "not that guy" 🤦🏻♀️
"this 'random thing' makes me so hard"
A: did I ask about your d*ck B: y'all get boners from waking up, that isn't a compliment C: stop making this about your d*ck
I work with food. The countless times I’ve heard “What’s the favourite with the females?”
Dude. I’m serving you fries. There is no gender divide. Stop making everything about that.
Those dudes that are incapable of being just friends with a girl. I know so many cool dudes that I would love to have as friends but once you're not a viable dating/f**king option (for whatever reason) they just peace out. It makes me sad.
It's not most men at all but there was one man who acted super creepy and seemed to think it was fine.
I worked with this guy back when I was 18. The two of us as well as some other coworkers would hang out all the time and I was generally friendly with the guy. Same sort of friendly as I'd use with anyone else but I guess it made him obsessed with me.
For about 5 years he would constantly message me telling me how amazing I am. He clearly seemed to think that was a good idea and it would make me feel good and I guess make me in to him? Or maybe he already thought I was in to him?
Point is if someone turns you down they probably aren't playing hard to get. Try once. If they turn you down and you suspect they're playing the stupid hard to get game then ask them directly. Don't pester them constantly for years. That is scary behavior.
And yes, I did block the guy eventually. Then he started making alternative accounts to add me with. That's where we are getting in to stalker territory though.
tl;dr// when someone says no you should back off, not turn in to a stalker
*some people are still coming in with confusion. Let me reword it: Someone messaging you daily about how beautiful you are is not a nice compliment. It's scary, especially after making it clear nothing's going to happen.
No, don’t ask if they’re playing hard to get. That’s creepy in itself. Just take what they say at face value, say something like “OK then“ or “Fine with me”, then just turn and walk away without looking back. Believe me, if you do that, and they really were just playing hard to get, it’ll be very obvious. You may just “dodge a bullet”, metaphorically speaking, that way. I mean, do you really want to be with someone who plays stupid head games like that?
So there was this guy who I went on a date with. Once, never again. We had drinks, dinner, walked a bit. It was great until the point where I had to go
Me: well it was nice, hope we can get to do it again soon, but I have to get home.
Him: Let me walk you home...
Me: It’s ok, it’s not that far.
Him: No, no, I’ll walk you!
Back off, mate, I don’t want you to know my address
I don't have air in my car but it's so hot where I live so my windows are always down. When I come to a red light men try to talk to me from their vehicles and it makes me wildly uncomfortable because I obviously can't get away.
When I was a kid and bored, I taught myself to burp on command. Seems like that skill could be useful after all!
Consistent pursuit.
My senior year of high school, a junior guy kept pursuing me. We were in an algebra 2 class together and had after school practices for theater. This was my first year in any production. My goals that year were to try something new and maybe make some new friends. Enter "junior."
It started off as friendly conversations. Things we had in common. He was nice and funny, but not my type. There was no spark for me. He asked me out. I said no. He was polite about my rejection and I figured we'd be friends. About two months into the school year, he said that he was having a bunch of the cast over for a party that weekend. Sure. Who doesn't like a party.
When I got to his house it was just him, his family, and me. I thought I was early. No problem. I sat in the living room and we talked. Fifteen minutes later I texted a friend and told her to call me ASAP and fake an emergency because my gut felt off. By the time she calls: I've been there about 35 minutes, his mom is almost done cooking dinner, no one else has shown up, and his dad had made a passing remark about his son bringing "such a nice girl for dinner." That was the official red flag. I knew "junior" hadn't invited anyone else over.
I noped out of there saying my "sister" had locked herself out of the house and she needed my key.
I ignored him as much as I could after that. One word responses when he asked me things. Minimal interaction during class and practice. He asked me out three more times that year either oblivious or ignorant to my retraction. The last time was to prom and he knew I had started dating someone. He played it off as "oh no, i meant both of you come with me." Not a group mind you, just him. I had to drop out of theater that Spring due to a band conflict and it ended up being a blessing because it got me away from him. It's a tame example, but it still gives me the creeps when I remember him.
It’s a good illustration of the fact that creeps start being creepy while they’re young. If this guy had just left things at the friendship level, you would’ve continued to talk to him—-as a friend, since you weren’t attracted to him. But he just had to take it to the weird level of telling his parents he invited a girl—-maybe even saying you were his girlfriend—-over to dinner. Bet he’s now living in their basement. Or in jail.
I guess I don't necessarily know if men think this is okay, but I work at a grocery store that is known nationwide for their exceptionally friendly/helpful employees, and I regularly have men take advantage of this by going down their entire shopping list (usually clearly written by their wife) asking me to guide them to each item because it gives them an excuse to keep talking to me.
I know what you are doing. Stop it. It is entirely unfair to use my job's professionalism expectations to your advantage so you can hit on me.
Very blatantly leering at women in public or talking about them like achievements or decorations, calling us “females” but calling men “men”
When strange men approach me and start asking personal questions like we’re on a first date.
Yeeep. It's so creepy! Wth makes them think it's acceptable to do that???
My workplace is mostly men. There are 3 women and approximately 25 men. I used to bring in homemade baked goods a lot...pumpkin bread, brownies, cookies, smores bars and the like. I enjoy being in the kitchen. It's a nice gesture to share. One guy started drawing me borderline inappropriate Minnie Mouse drawings. Not done well. Traced images but with small changes like her bloomers too short. Weird to explain. I'm the exact opposite of a person you'd think would like anything Disney related, let alone sexy Minnie. He said he drew them to thank me for the treats. I stopped bringing in treats which resulted in everyone else questioning why I quit baking. Very awkward all around.
Tell them the truth when they ask. Maybe they’ll step up and start policing the office creeps, like they should’ve been doing all along. Sunshine is the best disinfectant.
"I know you said you're a lesbian, but I think you're cute and wanted to know if you'll give me a chance."
Admittedly that has thankfully only happened to me online (and that is a politely worded version), but I have plenty of friends who have gotten it in real life too.
I wonder if gay guys get this from women too? I can imagine they would. Ìts like that unrequited love issue again, not accepting another's choice to say no to them
Today I watched a guy in the hall basically jogging to keep up with a girl so he could hit on her. If you have to struggle to keep up just stop. She’s not interested.
Put yourself in his path, then stick your foot out when he passes you. He’ll be so embarrassed about tripping and face planting in the carpet, that he’ll slink out of the building and back under his rock at lightning speed, never to return.
When I don't want to talk/go on a date/accept a drink/give them my number/etc., and they try to negotiate, coerce or rationalize me into saying yes. If I say "thanks, but I'm not interested," it does NOT mean that I'm "playing hard to get." If a woman doesn't respond positively to flirting, back off. "Playing hard to get" isn't a thing outside of 1950s movies.
Showing me porn or random photos of hot women to... put me in the mood to go out with them, I guess? I don't even know why men think this is a good icebreaker, but it's happened to me and to my friends on multiple occasions so it seems to be A Thing. Men, why? Am I supposed to be flattered that you collect porn of girls who look vaguely like me?
Don't believe movies. A big dramatic confession of TRUE LOVE to a girl you've never even been on a date with isn't romantic... it's awkward at best and terrifying at worst.
Do people in real life ever play hard to get, or is that just something movies have made popular?
I once repeatedly told a guy I had zero interest in dating and was 100% devoted to celibacy for religious reasons and he kept trying to find out my full name, and when I called him out on it, he said "that's okay, because it'll be [his last name] one day." This was literally in the first and only conversation (online) we'd ever had. I don't do online chat anymore.
Guys, dont play that confidence game. Just be you. I swear, that over-confidence-to-make-up-for-perceived-deficiencies thing is CREEPY AS F*CK.
"you should smile more" or calling me smiley/grumpy/happy
There was this guy who worked for the same company as me. He always looked kind of angry and never smiled. I always got a bad vibe from him, so I never smiled at him whenever I saw him. He always used to say why don’t you smile more, and then started to call me smiley. It pissed me off, and one day he saw me and once again said hi smiley, I said hi mr cheerful, and after that, he never called me that again.
Something I have gotten at all of my customer service jobs (receptionist at a doctors office, front desk hotel, retail... etc) is older men who sidle up to the desk I’m working at and lean their elbow on it to “hang out and chat”. Most of the time the conversation starts with him saying something like: “Wow, if I knew the doctor hired girls as pretty as you, I’d have been a patient years ago!” (Or any variation of that depending on the place of work).
This happens all the time. Whether or not I look cute that day. Whether or not I even AM cute. Whether or not I’m wearing my wedding ring. When I was 18 up to me being 25 today. Crusty old men always do this, sometimes in front of their wives. It’s lovely.
Sad thing is, it was culturally encouraged for men to be flirty like that back in the day. Older generations still have trouble dealing with the fact that it is not considered "okay" to do that any more.
I've come across a few men who don't seem to understand that "I have a boyfriend" means I'm not single and I don't want to be pursued or flirted with.
"oh come on, he doesn't need to know. I'll make your knees shake so you won't want him after I'm done with you. Just don't tell him alright? It can be our little secret. I bet he's not a real man and I'm bigger than him. Oh come on, how do you know if youve not tried it? Just take a chance, I know you won't regret it' no no NO NO NO!!!
Bringing up sex in the first hour of conversation. Dude, I probably don’t even remember your name, don’t ask me about my favorite position or when the last time I had sex was.
I feel your pain. I am on dating sites and after the 'how are you' launch right into what you said, without asking me anything at all about myself. It is incredibly rude and not the way to go if you want to meet a woman to go on a date.
Today I was grabbing some chicken nuggets at a Wendy’s drive thru as a once in a blue moon treat, and the cashier says “damn girl, you’re pretty”. Here I am in my business suit and blazer like ........ thanks. Then he goes “are you a princess or something?” I say nothing. He hands me my food- ”Bye, pretty girl, hope I see you again!” I know that to the outside observer, that seems innocent, but if I’m trapped waiting in my car I don’t want to have to respond to your flirting. Don’t flirt with women who are unable to leave. And it makes me very uncomfortable to be called a “pretty girl” and “princess” when I’m clearly an adult woman in formal business attire. Feels like I’m not being respected. I’m a woman not a girl damn it!
Park your car, then go in and ask for the manager. This is one time when it’s perfectly acceptable to be a “Karen”.
Another big one is when your catching public transport and there's lots of spare seats around but a guy decides he wants to sit next to you. Even worse is when they try and talk to you even when you have headphones on.
Maybe it's just me but, asking if I live alone.
Now if at this point of inquiry there was an already established friendship I suppose it's okay.
But if you are a stranger or an acquaintance that would freak me out.
Hi cutie :3 blushes
Giving WAY too many compliments right off the bat. Met a guy at a bar and stupidly gave him my number. Next day I get text after text saying things like "you're so nice" or "you're so pretty". Sir I am a goblin with a rude sense of humor and a loathing of showers. Don't pretend you know anything after a chance encounter
Telling me about your sh*tty childhood trauma as an icebreaker... I really dont want to know all that dude.
So many men looking for a free therapist, want to dump all their problems on you.
“I like thick girls.” Especially as their introductory sentence on a dating site. Just gross.
STOP WINKING. It’s weird af
WTF is wrong with your eyes? Got some kind of nervous twitch or something? The only times a wink is OK are if it’s between people in a relationship who understand its meaning, or if someone is trying to let you know they’re stepping in to help you out, and to just follow their lead. Otherwise, it’s just f*****g creepy.
At my work, we ask phone numbers for our "club" and countless times I've been asked if I will personally call them, the answer is no... Then, "what's your number?" My reply, "I don't have a phone"
Or "Oh you want my number? Where are we going tonight?!"
And a creepy older guy like 70's.... "Well what's your number sweetheart?" Me..."Um no..no..no"
Him,"Well I'm not gonna stop asking until there's a ring on this finger (tapping my left ring finger)... I yanked my hand away so fast and I was new at the job so I didn't want to make a scene and just said "have a great day!"
Talk about their sex life or make sexual jokes to women they barely know. Mostly because it’s usually a first step towards more predatory actions.
Stare at me. Like not glance at me or anything like that. But just stare, silently. Like, who told them that was ok
Just met a friend of a friend, we are all dancing and he looks at me with this come hither look, I looked at him with a WTF! look, he stopped.
Calling me any name like sweetie, honey etc. I'm not your sweetie a-hole.
Coming up behind me at a bar and putting their arm around the back of my chair or on my shoulders, and then proceeding to ask if I am married or seeing someone. Should be the other way around. Another one is trying to lock eyes from across the room. Just come over and say hi, don’t stare and wait for me to notice.
Random people online friending you just because you have a girly name just to say "hi, are you boy or girl" then asking for your snapchat or Instagram to see what you look like
I am always wondering how such collections emerge. I mean, if so many people can add entries to them, there must be so many people with profound issues with respecting other people out there. I cannot relate to any of the behaviours described here...not in a "not all men" way but in a "wtf is wrong with these people?" way. My feeling now is to try having even more open ears and, at least if I witness disrespect in public, to say something so that those who experience a lack of respect get confirmation that the only thing that should see no tolereance is a lack of tolerance.
That's a great thing to aim to do Hans. I would say one thing: you use the word "respect", and you are right - it is a lack of respect - but I think it's more serious than that. Many of these situations feel threatening and dangerous - even if they don't amount to anything. Take the last entry here "Coming up behind me at a bar and putting their arm around the back of my chair or on my shoulders, and then proceeding to ask if I am married or seeing someone" - this can be scary, because if the guy is this invasive right off the bat, what else could he do? Can I tell him to get lost, of will that make him angry? If he gets angry will he be violent? If he's bigger than me, how can I defend myself? Are there people in the bar witnessing this? Would they help if I needed it? Etc. Now probably 99 times out of 100 I can get rid of him safely so 99 times it *is* just a matter of lack of respect. But every single time, you get that fear - even if it's just for a few seconds.
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Life hack: If a creeper keeps telling you how beautiful/perfect you are, just say "I know". Nothing is a bigger turn off to that type than a woman with confidence.
Hello, fellow men! Here’s a thought experiment: if a woman shows interest in you, but you’re not interested in her, what imaginary scenarios go through your head as you walk away alone, or are trapped in an elevator or a cab with her, or if she finds out where you live? For most of us, not much. Maybe a keyed car? Now, what are women imagining is the worst thing that could happen when that situation is reversed? You know the answer.
You know, I'd love to see one where the genders were reversed "men-share-creepy-things-women-do".
Having shared 2 to this list I have to say that 90% of my problems are caused by other men, not women. So the real question is what do men hate other men doing, to which bored panda does indeed already have a thread https://www.boredpanda.com/what-people-hate-about-other-men-reddit/
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Your opinion please. I am 43 and have a horse in a local stable where the population is 80% teenage girls. They are very friendly and I am new to horses so they told me I can ask them questions. So for months I talked to them about horses (I talk to the adults too), asked them questions and always made sure I never crowded them. Yet recently I was told one of the adults complained about me as they thought it was inappropriate for me to talk to the teens. Not about what we talk about just that the adult didn’t like me talking to them. What do you think?
Mike, it's a difficult situation. It sounds like you're doing nothing wrong etc. but it's important to remember that you may be making these girls feel uncomfortable unintentionally and unknowingly - if they are feeling uncomfortable, they may feel powerless to do anything about it due to their (perception of their own) position / power in relation to yours. If this is the case, it's not necessarily your fault - and it's not necessarily the girls' fault either - so it's very difficult to know what to do / how to respond to that. And it may not be this situation at all - maybe just a parent uncomfortable with a 43 year old man talking to their teenage daughter - which is understandable considering the number of middle-aged men who creep on young girls - even though you are clearly not that kind of person. It's a shame all those creepers tarnish innocent men - one of the many reasons why we should stamp it ou. Whatever the situation, it's difficult to play it right, I think. Good luck!
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After divorcing my first husband it seemed that every male I met began conversations with; "And how much was your settlement?"
Oh they didn't ask me that. They did ask how much I made lol.
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landlords hitting on women who are working poor and have nowhere to go.I am in my 50ties and had to downsize to nice basement apt in a retired couples house. Then the pandemic hit and I was laid off. The 81 year old landlord flirted with me every-time he saw me. He grilled me about my employment status every time I saw him. He told me his wife was jealous of me and wanted me out but he was the only reason I was allowed to stay. I tried to find a job, any job for a year. As a 56 year old with only high school in a pandemic that was not happening. My rent was paid on time every month. Yet the flirtation, gross sexual comments about my body continued. He even followed me in his car a few times. I caught him in my apt 4 times unannounced. One day he put his hand on my thigh as I sat on my outside table and offered me money toward my rent. Of course while telling me his wife wanted me out. I finally told his daughter what was happening and the wife called me a s**t and said to stay away from her husband. She said I was flirting with him. My point. Stop putting women with no options in difficult situations. I had no choice but to stay in the apt because of the pandemic and a loss of income.I have no family and nowhere to go. The wife blamed me and said I had to leave. It has been a year of hiding in my apt when he is outside and being afraid of becoming homeless if I tell him to leave me the f**k alone. I told him so many times I was not interested and that I wanted to be left alone but in a very polite way. I am normally the kind of woman who would not think twice about telling someone to leave me the hell alone. But this is my roof over my head. My safe place. I am terrified of becoming homeless as I have no job. This kind of s**t traps woman with no money and no options. Right now I am sitting in my basement apt in Toronto wondering what will happen to me when they throw me out for something that was not my fault. This is an abuse of power.
His wife is pathetic. She's protecting a sexually abusive monster and blaming someone who feels enslaved. Both of them should end up homeless, not you.
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Statistically, I would think it's generally more men than women. Some of these things, women also do. (Like the "if I was younger, etc.) It may not make it right on either side. However, why does it seem more acceptable, or less of an issue when women do this stuff? I'm trying to understand.
Yes, statistically it is more men than women do it - and I don't have stats to hand, but anecdotally, I'd say the difference is large - to use your "if I was younger..." example (a good one because I've spoken to my friends about exactly this) - this has happened to all of my female friends many times, but out of my group of male friends it had only happened to one or two of them only once or twice - and was recalled with a "haha" rather than a "urgh". So to your question, "why does it seem more of an issue for women than for men?" I would say, first, frequency: it literally happens more often to women. And second: power dynamics. Generally, when a woman does this to a man, the man doesn't feel in danger for various reasons - the woman is unlikely to be physically stronger, for example. Whereas vice versa, a woman may feel threatened, physically or otherwise. Which is why women often laugh it off - not because they think it's funny, but they're scared what will happen if they don't.
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Being polite to the store clerk and then getting a phone call in the evening from him saying he used my customer profile info to contact me and ask me out on a date. Because he felt there was a connection. It's one thing for a guy to ask for my number and give me a choice to say no but for him to look into the company data of regular customers for my number is creepy right? I told him it was a violation of my privacy.
Extending the offer of a handshake to a male counterpart (partner, colleague, etc.) but assuming that because I'm a woman, I want a hug instead. If we're equals, treat us like equals and we'll shake hands. If you're going to hug, than do it Keanu Reeves style - hands off. kreeves-hu...5d372b.jpg 
I had a BIG dude(6'7") once told me as I walked through campus that, "That's a big book for a little girl." It was text book on the physics of chemistry. That shut him up. BTW, I loved the course.
Your society is seriously messed up! Please change something about how you educate your men (boys!!!). It starts at home!
Um guys I want to know something. In kindergarten, at lunch I would always have my braids tugged by the janitor. He was the dad of another kid in my grade but I always felt uncomfortable around him and during lunch. I don't know what to think of that. Was he just playing or did i have a reason to be uncomfortable
If it made you uncomfortable then he was in the wrong. Period. Your body, your rules.
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I'm a mechanic and the only female on my shift. One guy asked to see my titties. One guy pretended he was gonna help lift something heavy and kisses my and made vulgar tongue motions.
Wow! Most of these things are not common in the UK. Blokes not taking "No" for an answer though, that happens. Educate your boys, parents!
I've lived in the UK. I've seen most of these things there, multiple times.
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This is why everyone needs to know martial arts or some form of self defense
I never met a couple where one of them said "Well, after she stopped screaming and complaining, I set her free again, and she followed me home and, hehe, here we are!" - doesn't happen. You don't get a date by invading personal space, let alone any further. And, seriously, if you just wanna have intercourse, go and see a prostitute, and tip her at least what the regular price is (the pimp will take most of it - perhaps there's a hidden microphone - no talking while tipping!). Try pull any of that s**t on one of them, and they'll show you how weak and small they are, hahaha ... but, no - these guys don't dare doing so, because they know they'll rightfully get their balls kicked...
I am in a straight-male in a position of relative power at my place of work. Thank you for sharing, I never want to behave in a way that would make my employees uncomfortable. Without a doubt in my younger years on the dating scene or in high school I did some of these things, I was so stupid to think that was acceptable. Lists like this help me audit my behavior and figure out if I need to change things, because if I am doing little things to make someone uncomfortable, they might not be comfortable enough to tell me. And I am sure despite this, I fall sort at times and the effort to be better doesn’t make it ok to force an employee into a situation where they have to work with a creep to get money. So again, thank you.
Joel, you wrote this comment 3 hours ago. Then 30, 32, and 35 minutes ago, you wrote new comments (see the Allan Breum thread), complaining about women, that were totally the opposite. What’s your actual game here, dude? Trolling?
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Easiest way to get men to ignore you: be fat and ugly, it makes you invisible!
I don't go on Facebook much anymore because I get guys in my messages who will send me these long messages that will be along the lines of 'you are so beautiful. If you have a boyfriend, I'm sorry but I'm so-and-so and I live in this place. I'm looking for someone to marry and I want to get to know you and make you my wife.' Messages like that when: 1) I don't know you and 2) did not message you first are so freaking creepy. What happened to just saying 'hi, I'm so-and-so. How are you doing?' If I don't know you, there's no way that marriage is even an IDEA in my head, so why is it in your head?
So lately I have invested in an Oculus VR and my oldest daughter (19) has one as well. We play VR poker and it is a lot of fun. But WHY must almost every dude as soon as you hit the lobby try to hit on you and be extremely vulgar? Like dude Im playing poker, I'm here to steal your money (virtual not real). STF up and let us play. I am grateful for the remote that silences them but I wish there was a way to kick them. It's disgusting. And God help the poor ef bois that try that s**t with my daughter when I'm at the same table. Boys / Men listen up. Just because we are playing a game does NOT give you the right to be disgusting and "flirt" we are there to play a game, if it works with other chicks, great ...good luck. But when we tell you to stop. Friggin stop.
Whatever. Why is it that we are eternally pelted with these lists by soy boys and women about what men do that women don't like? It's boring and tiresome. I thought the feminist message is men and women are equal, basically the same, interchangeable. Yet here we have another in an incessant slew of commands of what men need to do to make the world better for women. How we're supposed to behave, to make her feel better.. Are we supposed to serve you, ladies? Do we exist to make you happy? Hah! That's equality! We still get to protect, serve and take care of you, but without any of the ancient rights, rites and prerogatives we deserve. That's women for you. Go figure. Let's have some lists for women, how they can make the world better for men. Here's my list. It has two thing on it: 1.) Ladies: Stop Complaining. Let me mansplain something to you: We do not care what you think. 2.) Also, how about you start caring we what we want? If you seem interested, then we can talk. Cheers.
Just don't rape and touch us without consent, idiot. Don't treat us like little toys. This article tells you what NOT to do and if you were a decent person you wouldn't even need it. Do us a favor and stay the f**k away from women.
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Really weird (to me) you've taken it as gender bashing.
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Get over it. Enough men do these things that they can seem like pervasive things to women. No one actually believes ALL men do these things.
Load More Replies... No. These are things that *men* do. Men who are clueless boys, men who are predators, men who don't consider themselves either. From a woman's perspective, men. Any man might be a predator. Any man might get violent if rebuffed, let alone rejected. Any man might stalk you, and any stalker-ish behaviour might end in rape or murder. So all men need to not do these things, because they are creepy, and they are threatening.
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If you weren’t like the men in this article, you’d have no reason to be offended. It’s creepy and telling that this was your first reaction to this article.
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okay, so? that's not what this article was about. bringing that up here is the opposite of helpful
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I am always wondering how such collections emerge. I mean, if so many people can add entries to them, there must be so many people with profound issues with respecting other people out there. I cannot relate to any of the behaviours described here...not in a "not all men" way but in a "wtf is wrong with these people?" way. My feeling now is to try having even more open ears and, at least if I witness disrespect in public, to say something so that those who experience a lack of respect get confirmation that the only thing that should see no tolereance is a lack of tolerance.
That's a great thing to aim to do Hans. I would say one thing: you use the word "respect", and you are right - it is a lack of respect - but I think it's more serious than that. Many of these situations feel threatening and dangerous - even if they don't amount to anything. Take the last entry here "Coming up behind me at a bar and putting their arm around the back of my chair or on my shoulders, and then proceeding to ask if I am married or seeing someone" - this can be scary, because if the guy is this invasive right off the bat, what else could he do? Can I tell him to get lost, of will that make him angry? If he gets angry will he be violent? If he's bigger than me, how can I defend myself? Are there people in the bar witnessing this? Would they help if I needed it? Etc. Now probably 99 times out of 100 I can get rid of him safely so 99 times it *is* just a matter of lack of respect. But every single time, you get that fear - even if it's just for a few seconds.
Load More Replies... Life hack: If a creeper keeps telling you how beautiful/perfect you are, just say "I know". Nothing is a bigger turn off to that type than a woman with confidence.
Hello, fellow men! Here’s a thought experiment: if a woman shows interest in you, but you’re not interested in her, what imaginary scenarios go through your head as you walk away alone, or are trapped in an elevator or a cab with her, or if she finds out where you live? For most of us, not much. Maybe a keyed car? Now, what are women imagining is the worst thing that could happen when that situation is reversed? You know the answer.
You know, I'd love to see one where the genders were reversed "men-share-creepy-things-women-do".
Having shared 2 to this list I have to say that 90% of my problems are caused by other men, not women. So the real question is what do men hate other men doing, to which bored panda does indeed already have a thread https://www.boredpanda.com/what-people-hate-about-other-men-reddit/
Load More Replies... Your opinion please. I am 43 and have a horse in a local stable where the population is 80% teenage girls. They are very friendly and I am new to horses so they told me I can ask them questions. So for months I talked to them about horses (I talk to the adults too), asked them questions and always made sure I never crowded them. Yet recently I was told one of the adults complained about me as they thought it was inappropriate for me to talk to the teens. Not about what we talk about just that the adult didn’t like me talking to them. What do you think?
Mike, it's a difficult situation. It sounds like you're doing nothing wrong etc. but it's important to remember that you may be making these girls feel uncomfortable unintentionally and unknowingly - if they are feeling uncomfortable, they may feel powerless to do anything about it due to their (perception of their own) position / power in relation to yours. If this is the case, it's not necessarily your fault - and it's not necessarily the girls' fault either - so it's very difficult to know what to do / how to respond to that. And it may not be this situation at all - maybe just a parent uncomfortable with a 43 year old man talking to their teenage daughter - which is understandable considering the number of middle-aged men who creep on young girls - even though you are clearly not that kind of person. It's a shame all those creepers tarnish innocent men - one of the many reasons why we should stamp it ou. Whatever the situation, it's difficult to play it right, I think. Good luck!
Load More Replies... After divorcing my first husband it seemed that every male I met began conversations with; "And how much was your settlement?"
Oh they didn't ask me that. They did ask how much I made lol.
Load More Replies... landlords hitting on women who are working poor and have nowhere to go.I am in my 50ties and had to downsize to nice basement apt in a retired couples house. Then the pandemic hit and I was laid off. The 81 year old landlord flirted with me every-time he saw me. He grilled me about my employment status every time I saw him. He told me his wife was jealous of me and wanted me out but he was the only reason I was allowed to stay. I tried to find a job, any job for a year. As a 56 year old with only high school in a pandemic that was not happening. My rent was paid on time every month. Yet the flirtation, gross sexual comments about my body continued. He even followed me in his car a few times. I caught him in my apt 4 times unannounced. One day he put his hand on my thigh as I sat on my outside table and offered me money toward my rent. Of course while telling me his wife wanted me out. I finally told his daughter what was happening and the wife called me a s**t and said to stay away from her husband. She said I was flirting with him. My point. Stop putting women with no options in difficult situations. I had no choice but to stay in the apt because of the pandemic and a loss of income.I have no family and nowhere to go. The wife blamed me and said I had to leave. It has been a year of hiding in my apt when he is outside and being afraid of becoming homeless if I tell him to leave me the f**k alone. I told him so many times I was not interested and that I wanted to be left alone but in a very polite way. I am normally the kind of woman who would not think twice about telling someone to leave me the hell alone. But this is my roof over my head. My safe place. I am terrified of becoming homeless as I have no job. This kind of s**t traps woman with no money and no options. Right now I am sitting in my basement apt in Toronto wondering what will happen to me when they throw me out for something that was not my fault. This is an abuse of power.
His wife is pathetic. She's protecting a sexually abusive monster and blaming someone who feels enslaved. Both of them should end up homeless, not you.
Load More Replies... Statistically, I would think it's generally more men than women. Some of these things, women also do. (Like the "if I was younger, etc.) It may not make it right on either side. However, why does it seem more acceptable, or less of an issue when women do this stuff? I'm trying to understand.
Yes, statistically it is more men than women do it - and I don't have stats to hand, but anecdotally, I'd say the difference is large - to use your "if I was younger..." example (a good one because I've spoken to my friends about exactly this) - this has happened to all of my female friends many times, but out of my group of male friends it had only happened to one or two of them only once or twice - and was recalled with a "haha" rather than a "urgh". So to your question, "why does it seem more of an issue for women than for men?" I would say, first, frequency: it literally happens more often to women. And second: power dynamics. Generally, when a woman does this to a man, the man doesn't feel in danger for various reasons - the woman is unlikely to be physically stronger, for example. Whereas vice versa, a woman may feel threatened, physically or otherwise. Which is why women often laugh it off - not because they think it's funny, but they're scared what will happen if they don't.
Load More Replies... Being polite to the store clerk and then getting a phone call in the evening from him saying he used my customer profile info to contact me and ask me out on a date. Because he felt there was a connection. It's one thing for a guy to ask for my number and give me a choice to say no but for him to look into the company data of regular customers for my number is creepy right? I told him it was a violation of my privacy.
Extending the offer of a handshake to a male counterpart (partner, colleague, etc.) but assuming that because I'm a woman, I want a hug instead. If we're equals, treat us like equals and we'll shake hands. If you're going to hug, than do it Keanu Reeves style - hands off. kreeves-hu...5d372b.jpg
I had a BIG dude(6'7") once told me as I walked through campus that, "That's a big book for a little girl." It was text book on the physics of chemistry. That shut him up. BTW, I loved the course.
Your society is seriously messed up! Please change something about how you educate your men (boys!!!). It starts at home!
Um guys I want to know something. In kindergarten, at lunch I would always have my braids tugged by the janitor. He was the dad of another kid in my grade but I always felt uncomfortable around him and during lunch. I don't know what to think of that. Was he just playing or did i have a reason to be uncomfortable
If it made you uncomfortable then he was in the wrong. Period. Your body, your rules.
Load More Replies... I'm a mechanic and the only female on my shift. One guy asked to see my titties. One guy pretended he was gonna help lift something heavy and kisses my and made vulgar tongue motions.
Wow! Most of these things are not common in the UK. Blokes not taking "No" for an answer though, that happens. Educate your boys, parents!
I've lived in the UK. I've seen most of these things there, multiple times.
Load More Replies... This is why everyone needs to know martial arts or some form of self defense
I never met a couple where one of them said "Well, after she stopped screaming and complaining, I set her free again, and she followed me home and, hehe, here we are!" - doesn't happen. You don't get a date by invading personal space, let alone any further. And, seriously, if you just wanna have intercourse, go and see a prostitute, and tip her at least what the regular price is (the pimp will take most of it - perhaps there's a hidden microphone - no talking while tipping!). Try pull any of that s**t on one of them, and they'll show you how weak and small they are, hahaha ... but, no - these guys don't dare doing so, because they know they'll rightfully get their balls kicked...
I am in a straight-male in a position of relative power at my place of work. Thank you for sharing, I never want to behave in a way that would make my employees uncomfortable. Without a doubt in my younger years on the dating scene or in high school I did some of these things, I was so stupid to think that was acceptable. Lists like this help me audit my behavior and figure out if I need to change things, because if I am doing little things to make someone uncomfortable, they might not be comfortable enough to tell me. And I am sure despite this, I fall sort at times and the effort to be better doesn’t make it ok to force an employee into a situation where they have to work with a creep to get money. So again, thank you.
Joel, you wrote this comment 3 hours ago. Then 30, 32, and 35 minutes ago, you wrote new comments (see the Allan Breum thread), complaining about women, that were totally the opposite. What’s your actual game here, dude? Trolling?
Load More Replies... Easiest way to get men to ignore you: be fat and ugly, it makes you invisible!
I don't go on Facebook much anymore because I get guys in my messages who will send me these long messages that will be along the lines of 'you are so beautiful. If you have a boyfriend, I'm sorry but I'm so-and-so and I live in this place. I'm looking for someone to marry and I want to get to know you and make you my wife.' Messages like that when: 1) I don't know you and 2) did not message you first are so freaking creepy. What happened to just saying 'hi, I'm so-and-so. How are you doing?' If I don't know you, there's no way that marriage is even an IDEA in my head, so why is it in your head?
So lately I have invested in an Oculus VR and my oldest daughter (19) has one as well. We play VR poker and it is a lot of fun. But WHY must almost every dude as soon as you hit the lobby try to hit on you and be extremely vulgar? Like dude Im playing poker, I'm here to steal your money (virtual not real). STF up and let us play. I am grateful for the remote that silences them but I wish there was a way to kick them. It's disgusting. And God help the poor ef bois that try that s**t with my daughter when I'm at the same table. Boys / Men listen up. Just because we are playing a game does NOT give you the right to be disgusting and "flirt" we are there to play a game, if it works with other chicks, great ...good luck. But when we tell you to stop. Friggin stop.
Whatever. Why is it that we are eternally pelted with these lists by soy boys and women about what men do that women don't like? It's boring and tiresome. I thought the feminist message is men and women are equal, basically the same, interchangeable. Yet here we have another in an incessant slew of commands of what men need to do to make the world better for women. How we're supposed to behave, to make her feel better.. Are we supposed to serve you, ladies? Do we exist to make you happy? Hah! That's equality! We still get to protect, serve and take care of you, but without any of the ancient rights, rites and prerogatives we deserve. That's women for you. Go figure. Let's have some lists for women, how they can make the world better for men. Here's my list. It has two thing on it: 1.) Ladies: Stop Complaining. Let me mansplain something to you: We do not care what you think. 2.) Also, how about you start caring we what we want? If you seem interested, then we can talk. Cheers.
Just don't rape and touch us without consent, idiot. Don't treat us like little toys. This article tells you what NOT to do and if you were a decent person you wouldn't even need it. Do us a favor and stay the f**k away from women.
Load More Replies... Really weird (to me) you've taken it as gender bashing.
Load More Replies... Get over it. Enough men do these things that they can seem like pervasive things to women. No one actually believes ALL men do these things.
Load More Replies... No. These are things that *men* do. Men who are clueless boys, men who are predators, men who don't consider themselves either. From a woman's perspective, men. Any man might be a predator. Any man might get violent if rebuffed, let alone rejected. Any man might stalk you, and any stalker-ish behaviour might end in rape or murder. So all men need to not do these things, because they are creepy, and they are threatening.
Load More Replies... If you weren’t like the men in this article, you’d have no reason to be offended. It’s creepy and telling that this was your first reaction to this article.
Load More Replies... okay, so? that's not what this article was about. bringing that up here is the opposite of helpful
Load More Replies... 