It's been three decades since the publication of the bestseller 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,' but the debate over how and why men and women are different is far from over.
Most women who see gender differences in the way people express their feelings, excel at work, and approach parenting say they are primarily based on societal expectations, while men who see differences in these areas tend to believe biology is the cause.
Interested in everyday examples, Reddit user Unfair_Quantity1413 made a post on the platform, asking everyone "What are some things that are normal to women but mind-blowing to men?" Here are some of the most popular answers they have received.
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Going to the doctor for a legitimate problem only to be treated as dramatic/lying/attention-seeking/depressed/overweight and then outright dismissed because you are female. And not getting the help you need.
Feeling a fart roll up your vulva in the front.
Walking around acting normal while you’re bleeding, fatigued, cramping and more.
If someone was experiencing those symptoms as a result of anything else they’d be on sick leave or at least communicating to people how they’re unwell. But nope, suck it up and go about your day like your uterus isn’t trying to murder you.
The number of women that have suffered sexual abuse at one point or another in their lives. It is absolutely unbelievable to me, although I know it’s true.
Professionally speaking - getting dismissed, ignored or overlooked (usually in favor of a man).
I work in IT and was trying to set up a new phone system. My boss (a male) put me in charge of it because I had just done something similar at my previous job. Anyways, I kept telling him that my contact at the company we were switching to kept ignoring me and basically calling my questions stupid when he *would* answer me. My boss heard me, but didn't fully understand what the issue was...until he actually saw it happen. I sent an email asking a question, and it was ignored - he sent an email asking the same question and received an immediate answer. My boss' jaw just dropped. He immediately apologized to me and said that while he knew it happened, he'd never actually seen it done before. He was mortified and actually sent an email to that contact at the phone company saying, "when she asks a question, she better get the same attention and response that you would give me".
Until that moment he thought it was something that only happened in theory. It actually blew his mind that it was real.
I got so sick of this in IT, I spent the price of a small house to go back to school at night and become a lawyer and work for myself. Of course, I still get dismissed and overlooked, but only for a minute. I can now push back without bosses bitching because I'm the boss, and I can, when necessary, be a b***h. I can finally put my foot down, and I'm not overlooked anymore.
That straight men begin making disgusting comments about young girls’ bodies or saying sexually inappropriate things to young girls starting at a very early age, like in grade school. These casual predators are everywhere, but somehow, no men know anyone who would ever do anything like that. .
Friend of mine once said: men have to assess IF there is danger. Women have asses HOW MUCH danger there is. .
LOL she said asses and BP didn't censor! Asses! But you can't say D i c k Clark.
Discharge can bleach underwear. Not stain, actually remove color.
That women know a lot more about men’s health than men do about women’s health.
Because men’s health is the *standard*. Most people know the signs of a heart attack *for men* but don’t know that it’s different symptoms for women. Women need a different amount of sleep per night, different amount of calories per day, different healthy BMI levels. But common knowledge is all about MEN’S requirements because that’s what researchers focused on most when a lot of studies first established what we know about health.
Men get to be ignorant about the needs of 50% of the world population because they find it “icky” but women don’t get the same option.
I believe every guy should have to experience two things: 1) being "relaxed" in the stirrups of an ob/gyn exam table and 2) the period cramp simulator.
I think a lot of men would be surprised at how their guy friends act when they’re alone with a woman. How they pressure, whine, beg, and wheedle for sex. How many of them try to stick it in without a condom. How many of them care so little about a woman’s pleasure that they’re bad in bed and women have to pretend to be okay with it to get it over with and avoid a fight or a tantrum or a sulk
Seriously I have no problem being friends with men but it seems they have problems being friends with me since nearly every single male friend I've ever had was only interested in me sexually. They don't always tell you at first but it's always great to find out that someone was only your friend cuz they hoped to get into your pants...
Recently a guy friend didn’t get why I got my ID out of my wallet and put it in my pocket to go out for a walk. I said I always have my ID on me if I leave my apartment. He didn’t understand why I needed to do that just to go for a walk. So I explained it would make it easier to identify my body. He thought I was being morbid.
I can’t believe nobody said this, but birthing. I tried imagining a human growing in my belly. Feeling the baby move around and your body changing. Then the thought of knowing that you have to extract this human from your body. It was terrifying. I salute you!
Not being able to be as friendly as you want. I love people, but I’ve had to learn to tone down my natural warmth because a lot of guys take it the wrong way. I wonder if men ever worry about a “good morning!” or a smile being misinterpreted.
A lot of us can't orgasm without external friction. A penis or toy going in and out means nothing to us, but a vibrator just touched to the outside will do the trick.
And all the faking to save their poor, fragile egos *eyeroll* LMAO
IUDs are inserted without any kind of anesthetic. If you're lucky, they warn you to take some Advil beforehand. Then they grab your cervix with metal tongs and force it open.
I haven't seen any comments discussing specifically this, so maybe it's not that normal/universal an experience but; just how radically menstruation can f**k up your mental. Like, your brain can go down to some really dark places and you are 100% convinced that all of those things you're thinking are real, valid, true, your new normal- but then your period starts, and it's like 'o haha nvm it was just my period actually.'.
I hate that women seem fake for these depressive episodes before the period starts. You *were* feeling those emotions, they are real and can seriously f*ck up your life. Pre menstrual dysphoria has some very damaging effects on mental health. For up to 2 weeks before the period starts, one can feel intense anxiety, depression, thoughts of suicide and self harm. For up to 2 weeks every month, which roughly equates to 6 months of these feelings.
Working a full time job and also doing 90% of the chores and childcare.
How busy our mind stays. I feel like most of my friends agree. You’re always in fight or flight when you’re out and about, especially at night. I’ve tried to explain to my boyfriend how nice it is to just turn off my brain with him. I still don’t think he fully understands what I mean.
Is this a majority or a response tonyour experiences. I rarely feel like I'm on guard walking home and my walk is where I zone out and wind down for the day. I know there are some awful people out there but I've also had men keep an eye out for me when I was feeling ill on the train and pretend to know me when I was worried about a different guy that creeped me out. Lots of people are decent and I don't want to fear 50% of the population because of a minority of gits that don't understand no.
Realizing men want you sexually when you’re a child. I was about 8 or 9 when my and my friends began to get catcalled, followed, stalked, etc. often by old men. I think most women realize at a very young age that men see you in a sexual light.
Nonexistent or useless pockets in clothes.
Cuddling / physical affection from our platonic friends. Some of the men in my therepy group are so touch starved and it makes me sad that they can only get that from a romantic partner. I have easily 10 friends who if I really needed a hug would drop everything to come hold me
my best friend is a woman and she is only person who gives me any physical affection i have almost forgotten what it feels like
You are standing in a busy bar and someone wants to pass you.
If you are a guy: „hey excuse me”, little tap on the shoulder, friendly smile and request to move
If you are a girl: someone puts their hands on your waist and tries to move your body away.
Men can say “I want a baby” “Let’s try for a baby!” and only have to orgasm for that to happen. His partner will then carry the weight of a growing fetus in her uterus, which is painful, scary, uncomfortable, and can have permanent affects on your health and body. Some moms don’t lose the pregnancy weight. Some moms have severe PPD. Some moms’ bodies never fully bounce back. … and way more after baby is born.
Then you have to pass a basketball through something designed for a ping pong ball.
Locking your car immediately when you get in it, before seatbelt or putting the key in.
Constantly being asked if you're pregnant before every little bit of medical care (often multiple times in one visit, if you're in the hospital, just to be safe). And before getting a treatment that's definitely unsafe during pregnancy (like an x-ray or a medication) even your 'no' answer isn't good enough. I haven't had a uterus for 21 years. Doesn't matter, I'm still getting a pregnancy test because patients lie.
People from outside the USA, please answer. Have you been required to have a pregnancy test before being treated, or being prescribed medication that could harm a foetus? I haven't. It seems that in my part of the world, women are believed when they say they aren't pregnant. If they can't say for definite, then a test is offered.
How you're constantly underestimated.
Had a partner where he thought being a woman is so much easier because he said "women get a lot of help" and I had to explain that most of the time it's because women are being underestimated even if you're good at what you do. Most of the time, men help because they either want something from you or just want to feel smart. It gets tiring sometimes...
Women and their girlfriends having to track each other on apps after nights out/gym/almost any f*****g activity in public just to make sure they all get home okay.
Always text my best mate as soon I get home after leaving her place, especially at night. I just like her to know I'm okay
How absolutely horrifically painful period cramps can be. Like can’t think straight, vomiting, want to die levels of pain.
Three Advil and 45 minutes can get many of us back to good as new though. Until 6-8 hours later when it wears off.
ETA: I know this shouldn’t be “normal” but it unfortunately kind of is. I’ve also talked to gynecologists about it and there isn’t much to do besides take birth control, which I don’t like the other side effects of. I also only bleed for four days and it’s a normal to light flow so endometriosis is unlikely.
I’m also pregnant right now and enjoying no periods!
ETA2: I promise I know that endometriosis exists. I’m not looking for advice on my painful periods. I have a gynecologist for this. I appreciate the concern and hope for the best for all the other ladies dealing with this!
Needing completely different-sized clothes depending on the shop you buy them in. My boyfriend just orders stuff knowing it will fit perfectly every time!
I don't think this is necessarily true. My husband wears XL but sizes vary wildly from brand to brand for him too. I'm sure this is not just a female problem - men experience the same thing (maybe on a less important level though, not sure about that).
That sometimes there are lines inside women's bathrooms.
I once went to the bathroom just to pee and came out around 10 minutes after. My male friends asked why I took so long. I said because the line was long. They laughed at me and accused me of lying.
Needing to relax *before* sex
Men need sex to relax
Women need to relax to have sex.
I don't think either of these are a general rule for men or women, more an individual preference.
Emotional labor. We aren't super-human in our ability to locate things or replace something before it runs out. It is years and years of training and conditioning and everyone is certainly capable of it, but the responsibility is largely set on Women.
Edit to add [meta](https://www.metafilter.com/151267/Wheres-My-Cut-On-Unpaid-Emotional-Labor) filter link.
Ok, this is weird. I tend to forget where I put my own things (this week it was a letter for a Dr appt), but if hubs or the kids need things and can't find them I know exactly where they are and can tell them where to find them. I'm not sure why I can't remember my own things and it freaks me out.
Having to be cautios and having coping skills for so many daily situations.
Like walking home at night and changing the street because someone is walking behind you. Having your keys between your fingers in case you have to defend yourself. Faking or actually doing phonecalls. Avoiding certain areas that are too dark, going different ways to avoid people, packing an extra oversized shirt for the way home from a party or club. Telling a friend and sharing your location when going on a date with someone you don't know yet. The list goes on and on...
If I'm on the bus home after a night shift I get my partner to stay on the phone with me until I'm home.
The Pink Tax. Explained what it os to my younger brother and the poor dude just sat there shocked before exclaiming how unfair it sounded, can probably guess how he reacted when he found out how much people have to spend on sanitary products yearly.
That most of us are trained from childhood to view all circumstances and interactions as potentially dangerous and many of us arrange every day around minimizing danger from men.
This is a terribly sad reflection on your society as a whole. I am fortunate that I have always lived in a country where I do not have to anticipate the possibility of violence and fear ALL men because of what SOME men might do.
Getting approached and commented on near constantly.
My husband always thought I was exaggerating until we were on our honeymoon. I was approached and people said gross things to me several times over the week, even with my husband *standing right there*. He was both shocked and disgusted.
It was like any other vacation to me. Honestly, it was one of the better ones in terms of encounters, but I didn’t tell him that.
If you don't get groped it's counted as a successful holiday in terms of harassment
À friend of mine called me because she was stranded in a dodgy part of town and needed to just have someone on the phone with her for comfort while she waited for her friend.
Men kept talking to her and she kept telling me how uncomfortable she is. Random dudes just constantly blowing kisses and coming to talk to her. One dude even tried to take her phone from her to talk to me.
I've been in that part of town, but I'm 6'3 and reasonably athletic. My experience of it was completely different. It was crazy. I could feel through the phone how vulnerable she felt, which I always knew was how it felt but I had never actually *felt* it before. Hearing her fend off aggressive men was so nerve-wracking.
Being constantly harassed by men for sex. When men FINALLY see it it’s usually from a gay man and they’re like “it’s so uncomfy gay men are so forward” or some s**t nd im like no MOST MEN period. Wtf.
I recall one situation where a guy approached me from completely the other side of the bar, loudly asking me why I did not react when he was smiling and winking at me. He kept on harassing me until I started yelling back at him. Meanwhile the guy seated next to me kept on putting his hand in my crotch .
The effort that it takes to look 'effortlessly' good. There are far more women than men who have a skincare routine, have a hair routine, shave their legs/armpits/arms, wear makeup (light makeup can be skillfully used to appear natural), use daily UV protection, know the exact silhouettes/colors/shades that flatter them, shape their eyebrows, etc.
Regularly getting cat called.
Yeah sure you might think it’s completely innocent but more often it’s degrading and makes women feel uncomfortable.
Not just uncomfortable, it makes you feel unsafe; especially if you are on your own and if there is more than one man. Walking past a building site always makes me nervous. We know it's not all men but unfortunately there is no neon sign that shows us which men we need to worry about.
I'm a man. I found this line from Ann Patchett's novel *Tom Lake* striking:
"My mind did that quick mental calculation women must make when they find their exit blocked by a man they don’t know."
It seems like such a great summary of an issue women face often and we men do rarely.
Most men will never understand how physically vulnerable women feel every day.
Women have to approach every first date as a potentially life-threatening event, and go in with a variety of exit and self-defense strategies in case things go sideways.
That the vag is a self-cleaning organ and that’s why we have discharge. We don’t clean the inside, and it can actually be harmful for the ph-balance.
I’ve worked in the domestic violence field for many years and the number one thing that men have a hard time understanding is how much personal safety is an ever-present concern for women, whether it’s work, at home, dating, or walking down the street.
At home ? i'm well aware of domestic violence but fortunately it's not in every couple situation. I'm pretty sure a vast majority of women feel safe at home no ?
A dress that is XXL is an entirely different size than 2X.
Fecking cracks me up that the youse can be size 8 in one shop and size 12 in another! I would loose my s**t if I had to put up with that! I'm convinced it's to make you try on the clothes so you spend longer in the store.
For better or worse, unsolicited attention from the opposite sex.
This one looks like the main one. Every damn woman/girl i have met in my life has experienced unsolicited sex proposal. Makes me really freaky as a dad of 2
How they can take their bra off from under their shirt. I don’t know why we find it so impressive, but it is.
Questioning whether or not we could run away to safety in the footwear we're buying, and using that answer to factor into our decision.
It is amazing to me that women can talk to someone for 10 minutes and know so many details about them. As guys sometimes I’ll have friends that we don’t know each other’s names till like the 3rd time we have hung out. I started noticing this when I started telling my girlfriend how I made some friends in my first day of classes my senior year of college and she was asking me all these questions and I was like… wow. I have no idea any of these answers. Sitting next to her right now and she goes “is being a man an excuse to be stupid” 😭😭.
Pain at the doctors office! My boyfriend was worried a mammogram would hurt me cuz they squish your boobs a little and I was like eh, after getting an IUD put in and samples taken for cervical cancer testing, this will be on the very low end of pain… his mind was blown, he was like I’ve been to the dr so many times and never had a painful experience.
Dieting and losing no weight or gaining weight while you male partner drops 30 pounds no problem.
I had a woman co-worker planning some business travel for herself and she was deliberately avoiding layover stops that were past a certain length.
I asked her why and she said that if she had to eat at the airport alone in a business outfit, she would be guaranteed to be propositioned even if she kept her head down in her book or laptop. A lot of married men too looking for a quick airport fling. Blew me away as I had never even thought that would be a thing.
Honestly you can't go anywhere, men will linger and look for an excuse to make conversation. Sometimes it is indeed a conversation and there's nothing wrong with that. But for example I'll be buying something from the corner store and this man had seen me and another woman, unrelated, making her own purchase and he said something loudly and in general to the two of us after finishing his transaction. We both didn't respond. I'm in my 30s and this woman was older than me, we've seen this hundreds of times. He was just lingering, glancing, waiting. Sometimes you do have to count your money or you did forget a purchase, but he didn't. He waited at the counter and I caught him trying to smile at us out of the corner of my eye. He was disheveled, but not totally unkept. Easily in his late 50s or 60s. When he saw that he wasn't going to get any attention for whatever it was he wanted he went outside, but I felt him lingering. Upon exiting the store there he was indeed on the premises.
As a guy I find it mind blowing that a lot of women can have hour long conversations with other women and never seem to run out of things to say, even with women they just met.
Men simply don't realise how much talking they actually do. "A review of 56 studies conducted by linguistics researcher Deborah James and social psychologist Janice Drakich found only two studies showing that women talked more than men, while 34 studies found men talked more than women. Sixteen of the studies found they talked the same and four showed no clear pattern." https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/marriage-equals/201910/do-women-really-talk-more-men
How unsafe you inherently feel and how much work it is to maintain a house and that them doing something after telling them to 100 times actually costs us mental fatigue in terms of micromanaging everyone. Being a woman is like being a manager that works in an environment where you can always be raped assaulted and are continually disrespected. It took me as a woman 32 years to realize this. The unpaid labor women do.
Doesn't look like real like. Make me sad for you. The constand fear of being raped in every day life ? And if you feel like a manager at home maybe it's time to change partner no ? Why would you be responsible for everything at home ? It's 2024...
The wizardry that they do with their hair in split seconds. Like woman how tf you got your hair tied up in a bun in the time it takes me to blink?
Safety.
Last week I was talking to an older friendly neighbor. He is 82, we chatted for about 10mins, he invited me in his backyard to show me his olive and fig tree.
Told this to my partner, she answered that she would never do this. Even if he is 82, she’ll never trust a men who ask her to come in his backyard, alone.
I don't think it is necessary nor healthy to distrust every man on the planet. What you do have to do, is switch on your intuition. Dude gives off creepy vibes? No go. Otherwise, fine.
Many women regularly buy new underwear because some of them got ruined.
It would be very concerning if most men periodically thought, "oh, I need new underwear, because these old ones are gross. They're stained a different color than when I bought them.".
I don’t think that would be concerning, I think it would be progress 😆
I don't think i ever seen or knew a guy that had cried in front of another person
So it blew my mind when one of my classmates cried after failing the midterm but what made it even crazier is another classmate hugged and comforted her ......... what ? Why aren't she in some dark corner crying avoiding human contact.
Tbf as a female I would definitely be in a dark corner avoiding human contact
The amount of time it takes to do hair. Don’t get me wrong, it looks amazing when done, but the process of a woman getting her hair ready to go out is mind blowing to me .
Washing, drying, styling etc
I’m sure I’ve completely butchered process but I love the finished product and don’t mind waiting.
Skin care in general
my gf uses lotion even for her feet! i barely use one for my face and she does it every night.
The amount of toilet paper used.
women need to use toilet paper EVERY time they go to the loo, not just after ahem, downloads. We get wet, if we pull our pants up without wiping we would have damp/wet knickers, jeans ...this would smell of urine very quickly. We HAVE to wipe - which is why is is such a bloody big deal when you go to a public loo or a loo in a cafe etc and there is no paper , yuk
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The stigma of being a single mum, you are looked down on and bitched about constantly, your children's behaviour is also scrutinised more than two parent families. Yet you are the one that stayed and are doing your best to juggle everything on your own. Single dads are looked upon much more favourably and "aren't they doing an amazing job doing it all on their own".
Ugh, the number of times these items contained stuff like "my partner, boss or other male person in my life had heard about xyz happening to women but did not believe it until they witnessed it themselves" just makes me hopping mad.
Maybe there was, but I had a quick scan back and I didn't see anyone say they didn't believe it. I saw several people say they hadn't seen it in person. That's not the same thing.
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Some are way too much generality but the main point seems the sexual harrasment, never met any woman having not experienced it. How sad it is.
Honestly I'm a 40 female and I've never had it happen. I know I'm lucky but at the same time it makes me wonder what's wrong with me...
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The stigma of being a single mum, you are looked down on and bitched about constantly, your children's behaviour is also scrutinised more than two parent families. Yet you are the one that stayed and are doing your best to juggle everything on your own. Single dads are looked upon much more favourably and "aren't they doing an amazing job doing it all on their own".
Ugh, the number of times these items contained stuff like "my partner, boss or other male person in my life had heard about xyz happening to women but did not believe it until they witnessed it themselves" just makes me hopping mad.
Maybe there was, but I had a quick scan back and I didn't see anyone say they didn't believe it. I saw several people say they hadn't seen it in person. That's not the same thing.
Load More Replies... Some are way too much generality but the main point seems the sexual harrasment, never met any woman having not experienced it. How sad it is.
Honestly I'm a 40 female and I've never had it happen. I know I'm lucky but at the same time it makes me wonder what's wrong with me...
Load More Replies... 