Man Wants To Move Straight From Mom’s House Into GF’s Without Learning A Single Chore, Gets A Reality Check

Let’s start with something that sounds obvious, but apparently isn’t: running a household takes work. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, remembering whose turn it is to take the trash out… the list goes on.

And yet, even today, it’s surprisingly rare to find heterosexual couples who actually share these chores evenly when living together.

More often than not, it’s the woman in a relationship that does the majority while the man occasionally fixes a leaky faucet.

Then there’s a whole other category of people who don’t even bother pretending.

If I had a nickel for every time a man my age proudly announced that scrubbing a sink is “not for them” or that they never learned to cook because “their mom takes care of it all,” I’d honestly be so rich.

A woman turned to the internet with a similar frustration, sharing how her boyfriend refused her request to learn “basic life skills” before moving in together.

He even ended up trying to get out of it by making her do his share of chores.

A man wanted to move in with his girlfriend, but refused to do household chores

Young man playing video games at home, avoiding chores while planning to move from mom’s house to girlfriend’s place.

Image credits: wirestock / envato (not the actual photo)

His girlfriend asked him to live alone first and learn basic life skills

Text post showing a woman explaining her boyfriend wants to move in without learning chores, getting a reality check.

Text excerpt about a man living at mom’s house without learning chores, facing a reality check before moving in with girlfriend.

Text excerpt describing a man wanting to move from mom’s house into his girlfriend’s without learning chores, facing a reality check.

Man wants to move from mom’s house to girlfriend’s without learning chores, faces a reality check about household responsibilities.

Text about man wanting to move from mom’s house without learning chores, facing a reality check on life skills.

Text discussing a man lacking life skills who resists learning chores before moving in with his girlfriend.

Young man and woman arguing at home, highlighting relationship conflict and challenges of moving in without learning chores.

Image credits: Getty Images / freepik (not the actual photo)

Text excerpt showing a man wanting to move from mom’s house into girlfriend’s without learning chores and facing a reality check.

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Women still shoulder the bulk of housework globally, while men only “help out”

Household chores are not just physical work, they also include emotional labor, coordination, time management, and planning.

Even today, when more of us are talking about gender equality and when most women have joined the workforce, they still carry the bulk of domestic labor.

In Europe, around 79% of women regularly do household chores and cooking, compared with just 34% of men.

Recent research also shows that women across the world work longer and earn just a third (32%) of what men get per hour — when you add up paid and unpaid labour, such as domestic work.

Even if you ignore the unpaid domestic labor, women only earn 61% of what men make.

Bored Panda spoke to Helen Kowalewska, a lecturer in social policy at the University of Bath, whose recent research revealed that the “mental load” of managing households still falls mainly on women, even when they work full-time or out-earn their partners.

“Women are still more likely to do most of the household chores, especially the daily, most time consuming, and least enjoyable ones, like laundry and cleaning,” she says.

“We see similar patterns in childcare: when men do more, they often do the more enjoyable activities, such as playing with children, whereas mothers remain responsible for things like school runs and meal prepping.”

She says that women carry the bulk of the domestic mental load — all the remembering, planning, anticipating, and organizing that keeps family life running.

“The gender gap in the mental load is even larger than for physical chores, with mental tasks ‘sticking’ to mothers and remaining their load even when they are employed full time or earn more than their male partner,” Kowalewska adds.

One of the reasons for this inequality is that across households, across relationships, the expectation often remains the same: men “help out” when convenient, while women do the “bare minimum” since house chores are still not considered labor.

And when one person refuses to do their share, it’s not just dirty dishes but inequality, frustration, and stress piling up in the sink.

“When one partner — usually the woman — does all or most of the household work, it often leads to burnout and resentment. It can also have negative long-term consequences for career progression and earnings by forcing women to reduce their hours or pass up opportunities to cope with the workload, in this way directly contributing to the gender pay gap,” Kowalewska says.

How can couples negotiate shared responsibilities fairly?

Kowalewska says couples should clearly name what needs doing, split the chores, and then do them at the same time. “It can help prevent an imbalance and support recognition of each other’s contributions.”

She notes that it is also important to challenge beliefs that label unpaid labor as “women’s work.”

“For instance, when the school calls mum as the ‘default parent,’ remind them to call the dad. Even if certain tasks are usually done by the partner and feel difficult to do at first, persevere so that it is not always the other partner’s job,” she adds.

At the same time, what people choose isn’t just up to them — it’s shaped by social norms, laws, and workplaces that don’t always make it easy.

“For instance, ‘daddy quotas’ — periods of paid parental leave that are reserved for the father — can increase men’s uptake, leading to lasting, positive effects on the division of unpaid work and family relationships,” Kowalewska says.

Workplaces that are flexible and support both mothers and fathers are also key to making a fairer split of chores and family duties possible.

Some people do grow up in households where they have someone else, for example domestic help, doing the work and they might not learn these basic skills early on.

But if your first instinct — just like the man in this story — when moving in with your partner is to pay them to do your work, that’s a big red flag.

The professor says that trading money for chores is not a neutral, “quid pro quo” swap.

“Financial contributions are visible and easily recognized, whereas unpaid labor is often unseen, undervalued, and taken for granted.”

This is especially true for mental tasks like organizing appointments or keeping track of the grocery list, which often only gain recognition when something goes wrong, like a missed appointment or nothing to cook for dinner.

“Paying more rent is a one-off, bounded contribution, whereas doing the chores is time intensive, endless, and often means being constantly available and carrying ongoing responsibility for noticing, planning, and fixing things,” says Kowalewska.

She believes gender inequalities in unpaid work are linked to inequalities in time for rest, leisure, and even sleep.

Women don’t come out of their mothers’ wombs with a manual on how to clean and cook… so the next time you find yourself watching TV or resting, take a look around the house first and see what needs to be done.

The woman gave some more updates about her situation

Comment on a post about a man wanting to move in without learning chores, questioning the relationship dynamic with parents.

Comment discussing stress in a new career and the desire to share chores and expenses equally in a relationship.

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Man unwilling to learn chores before moving from mom’s house to girlfriend’s faces a tough reality check.

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Screenshot of a forum post where a man complains about not learning chores despite working on a science PhD program.

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Text post from an online forum showing a user discussing extra housing costs related to moving out of mom’s house.

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Text post from anon (OP) reflecting on a man wanting to move in with girlfriend without learning chores or responsibility.

Many people praised the woman for standing her ground, and asked her not to move in with him

Reddit comment about someone wanting to move from mom’s house to girlfriend’s without learning chores, facing reality check.

Comment advising against moving in with a partner without learning chores, emphasizing communication and maturity first.

Comment warning about moving in with a man who hasn't learned chores or adult responsibilities.

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Screenshot of a Reddit comment warning against moving in with a man who hasn’t learned chores, highlighting a reality check situation.

Comment advising a man to stick to his guns and find a better boyfriend who cleans up after himself, warning of red flags.

RedWomanZ commenting on man wanting to move in without learning chores, urging growth and responsibility in relationships.

Commenter shares experience with a man moving from mom’s house to girlfriend's without learning chores, facing reality check.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a man wanting to move in without learning chores and receiving a reality check.

Comment warning against moving in with a man who avoids chores and depends on his mother despite her illness.

Comment describing a messy home with a man unwilling to learn chores, reflecting a reality check for moving in without effort.

Comment discussing a man wanting to move from mom’s house into girlfriend’s without learning chores, and facing a reality check.

Comment text on a white background about needing a better boyfriend and better friends if they side with him.

Man refuses to learn chores, wants to move from mom’s house to girlfriend’s, faces a reality check in relationship.

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The woman shared how the situation finally came to an end

Woman sitting on couch with head in hand, showing frustration and reflecting on moving from mom’s house to girlfriend’s place.

Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Text excerpt showing a man refusing to learn chores and suggesting hiring a maid, leading to a breakup reality check.

Netizens criticized and mocked the boyfriend, and some even shared words of wisdom

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Comment discussing a man wanting to move from mom’s house to girlfriend’s without learning chores, facing a reality check.

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Comment criticizing a man who refuses to learn basic chores before moving in with his girlfriend, highlighting the importance of household skills.

Comment explaining the mental load and chores in relationships, highlighting the need to learn skills before moving in with a partner.

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Text conversation discussing a man trying to move in without chores and facing a reality check from friends and partner.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a man wanting to move from mom’s house to girlfriend’s without learning chores.

Reddit user explaining a private support group for people wanting to move from mom’s house into GF's without learning chores.

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