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20 Y.O. Girlfriend Wants To Postpone Moving In With Her Boyfriend After Finding Out He’s Completely Clueless When It Comes To Basic Chores
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People, Relationships1 year ago

20 Y.O. Girlfriend Wants To Postpone Moving In With Her Boyfriend After Finding Out He’s Completely Clueless When It Comes To Basic Chores

Moving in together is one of the most exciting and committing steps in a relationship. As great as it is, it can also bring some stress. No matter how hard couples believe that they are great for each other and already know so much about one another, living together might change these beliefs. So it’s great when people take time to prepare for this step and notice what could go wrong in the beginning. At least that’s what happened to Reddit user @napsandhugs who wanted to know whether she was wrong for refusing to teach her boyfriend how to do some of the basic household chores.

More Info: Reddit 

Moving in together with your partner is one of the most exciting yet committing steps in a relationship

Image credits: Alper Çuğun (not the actual photo)

The 20-year-old woman started her story by sharing that she and her 24-year-old boyfriend were thinking about moving in together. The narrator also revealed that she was living in her own apartment while her boyfriend still lived at home. Their plan was to find an apartment where they could live together.

A Reddit user asked people online if she was right for refusing to start living with her boyfriend after she found out that he doesn’t know how to do basic chores around the house

Image credits: napsandhugs

After finding out that his mom does everything for him, the woman suggested that he should learn some of those things before they move in together

Image credits: napsandhugs

Once in one of their conversations, the woman found out that her boyfriend doesn’t do his own laundry. She then asked him if he knows how to do any of the basic things that need to be done around the house: cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, etc. The man admitted that he didn’t do any of those things, and he also never had to budget his money. This is when the author of the post started debating whether they should really move in together.

Image credits: napsandhugs

Her solution was that he should first learn how to basically take care of himself, so that she won’t end up doing everything by herself once they move in together. The guy was thinking that the best way would be for her to teach him everything.

The boyfriend seemed to be against the idea that he should learn everything by himself or ask help from his mom

Image credits: napsandhugs

This is when the couple’s opinions shifted in opposite directions. The woman is now afraid that she would have to take on a mother/teacher role and wants him to learn these things by himself, by asking his mom or finding other helpful methods. She agrees that once he’s ready to be responsible for some of these things, they would be able to move in together.

This idea wasn’t appreciated by the boyfriend who said that it’s crazy to postpone the move and that they can figure out this problem once they start living together. This put the girlfriend into a tough position where she wants her boyfriend to learn these things by himself, as she doesn’t want to become a person who goes after him doing everything in the apartment alone. She also admitted that she feels bad because she refused to teach him everything herself.

Image credits: napsandhugs

The woman asked people online what they think about this situation as she got lost between what she thinks is right and what her boyfriend suggests

Image credits: napsandhugs

The situation that received more than 15k upvotes started a debate among other online users who were sharing their opinions and experiences. A lot of them agreed that the woman is right in this situation and that if ignored, this problem can lead to bigger issues. Some of the users revealed that they found themselves in a similar situation and that it didn’t help that they refused to talk about this at a certain point, because later in life it led to being used.

What is your opinion on this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!

Member of the online community agreed with the girlfriend saying that the boyfriend should learn these things before they live together

Some people shared their own experience of being “trapped” by partners who wouldn’t help around the house

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Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. It's not your job to raise him and turn him into a fully functioning adult, that was the job of his parents, which his mother has failed miserably. Don't move in with him, you'll be relegated to becoming Mom Mark 2. He'll make vain efforts to be self-sufficient, then he will give up and expect you do it all for him. If he wanted to be self-sufficient he would have made himself learn adulting basics years ago. Tell him to become an adult first, then you'll consider moving in with him. You already made yourself a self-sufficient adult and you're too busy to do his or his mother's job for him. Stick to your guns on this, you didn't birth him, not your job to raise him.

Otter
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why parents have to teach all their children adult life skills, and by "all" I mean girls and boys. Because if you don't teach your boy to cook and do laundry, he'll either drive good wife prospects away by expecting them to be his domestic slavey, or he'll marry the first person who's willing to be his housekeeper, and spend the rest of the marriage wondering what real love is like.

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Suz66
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wish I had done that before I moved in with my ex. I was 19 and he was 20 when we moved out. His mother was a military wife and did everything for him.. I ended up taking over that role for the 24 years we were together, despite also working with a chronic illness. After we divorced I married a man who was a bachelor for awhile after his marriage ended. He knows how to cook, clean and take care of himself and me. Now I'm disabled and a caregiver for my elderly Mom who has dementia. I try to do the cooking and cleaning but when I can't because of my health or Mom's, he steps in and takes care of everything.

Honu
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I cannot be a man's mommy and still want to have sex with him. Those two things are incompatible in my brain. If he doesn't want to ask his mom, there's always Google and YouTube. It's just cleaning. This is stuff I've been doing since my age was in single digits. It's not hard. He needs to jump in and just try.

Deanna Crichley
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly right. I started working for a dry cleaner, and though it wasn't my job, I learned the proper way to iron a shirt, and press a pair of pants. Also the best ways to remove ANY stain. I learned it all on YouTube. I helped so many customers. They called me a miracle worker.

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Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. It's not your job to raise him and turn him into a fully functioning adult, that was the job of his parents, which his mother has failed miserably. Don't move in with him, you'll be relegated to becoming Mom Mark 2. He'll make vain efforts to be self-sufficient, then he will give up and expect you do it all for him. If he wanted to be self-sufficient he would have made himself learn adulting basics years ago. Tell him to become an adult first, then you'll consider moving in with him. You already made yourself a self-sufficient adult and you're too busy to do his or his mother's job for him. Stick to your guns on this, you didn't birth him, not your job to raise him.

Otter
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why parents have to teach all their children adult life skills, and by "all" I mean girls and boys. Because if you don't teach your boy to cook and do laundry, he'll either drive good wife prospects away by expecting them to be his domestic slavey, or he'll marry the first person who's willing to be his housekeeper, and spend the rest of the marriage wondering what real love is like.

Load More Replies...
Suz66
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wish I had done that before I moved in with my ex. I was 19 and he was 20 when we moved out. His mother was a military wife and did everything for him.. I ended up taking over that role for the 24 years we were together, despite also working with a chronic illness. After we divorced I married a man who was a bachelor for awhile after his marriage ended. He knows how to cook, clean and take care of himself and me. Now I'm disabled and a caregiver for my elderly Mom who has dementia. I try to do the cooking and cleaning but when I can't because of my health or Mom's, he steps in and takes care of everything.

Honu
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I cannot be a man's mommy and still want to have sex with him. Those two things are incompatible in my brain. If he doesn't want to ask his mom, there's always Google and YouTube. It's just cleaning. This is stuff I've been doing since my age was in single digits. It's not hard. He needs to jump in and just try.

Deanna Crichley
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly right. I started working for a dry cleaner, and though it wasn't my job, I learned the proper way to iron a shirt, and press a pair of pants. Also the best ways to remove ANY stain. I learned it all on YouTube. I helped so many customers. They called me a miracle worker.

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