“My Parents Are Livid Because I’m Not Allowing Them To See My Daughter After They Spanked Her”

When it comes to parenting, there is a clear generational divide. What parents deem appropriate differs from what is normal for grandparents. A 2018 AARP survey revealed that 77% of grandparents think parents today are too lax with their children. As a result, some may resort to parenting techniques that parents may be against.

This son disagreed with his parents about corporal punishment. After his mother spanked his 3-year-old daughter, he refused to let them see her until they admitted their mistake and apologized. But, because the rest of the family ganged up on him and called his reaction unreasonable, he asked people on the internet to weigh in.

Many parents and grandparents today disagree about the effectiveness of corporal punishment

Image credits: zinkevych (not the actual photo)

One father even debated going no contact with his parents after they spanked his 3-year-old daughter

Image credits: KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA (not the actual photo)

Image credits: LeonCrvl

Spanking is illegal in more than 60 countries, including Brazil

For ages, parents used spanking as a form of discipline and punishment. Although modern parents are perhaps less likely to do it, it’s still quite a contentious topic. Even more so when grandparents or extended family members come into the picture.

We often think of older generations as old-fashioned; perhaps that’s why we’re more understanding of their reasoning. Many grandparents believe that spanking is an appropriate form of punishment, with 54% of American grandparents saying it is effective.

As far as parents go, most people would probably assume that hitting children is not something many parents nowadays resort to. However, a 2021 study shows that 59% of American parents believe it’s a parent’s right to spank their child. 42% say that spanking is sometimes the best way to get a child to listen, and 35% think that spanking is necessary to teach children about proper social and moral conduct.

However, child development experts almost unanimously disagree with these claims. Legal experts agree, as spanking children is outlawed in many countries, such as Germany, France, Sweden, Chile, South Africa, Thailand, Japan, Kenya, etc.

That is especially worth mentioning in the context of this story, as physical punishment of any kind is illegal in Brazil. In 2014, Brazil approved the “Slap Law,” which forbids parents and guardians from spanking or hitting children or adolescents in any manner. While experts disagree on whether the law is effective, it still sends a message that physical punishment is not a viable method of discipline.

Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual photo)

Spanking can only have short-term effects and only leads to behavioral problems in the future

The reasoning behind spanking children is that it teaches them a lesson not to misbehave and to respect authority, i.e., the person who is doing the spanking. However, the expert consensus on spanking and other physical punishments is that they are not acceptable.

And there is heaps of scientific evidence to back this up. A 2018 study, for example, observes that “all forms of corporal punishment and yelling at or shaming children, are minimally effective in the short-term and not effective in the long-term.” In fact, it has the opposite effect: spanking is linked with “negative behavioral, cognitive, psychosocial, and emotional outcomes.”

Individuals who have been spanked as children are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, substance use disorders, and other mental health issues. In essence, spanking doesn’t teach kids much, except to fear their parents, think that hitting others is okay, and drive them toward anti-social behavior.

Some research even suggests that kids who were spanked tend to have lower IQs. “How often parents spanked made a difference,” Murray Straus, professor of sociology at the University of New Hampshire, said. “The more spanking, the slower the development of the child’s mental ability. But even small amounts of spanking made a difference.”

A 2021 study by researchers at Harvard also found that children’s brains respond to spanking almost identically to how they do to more extreme forms of violence. “While we might not conceptualize corporal punishment to be a form of violence, in terms of how a child’s brain responds, it’s not all that different than [severe violence],” senior researcher of the study, Katie A. McLaughlin, explained.

Only 6% of U.S. pediatricians have a positive attitude toward spanking. At this point, experts are sure that spanking should not be a form of discipline for children. Professionals say that parents should learn other non-violent approaches to discipline.

Image credits: fromkazanwithlove (not the actual photo)

The dad elaborated more on his relationship with his parents in the comments: “They don’t know much about developing healthy relationships”

Most commenters sided with the father and agreed that physical punishments are off-limits

Others also thought the dad was to blame for leaving his child with the grandparents unsupervised

And some folks even sided with the grandparents: “Kids need to be spanked”

In an update, the father revealed what he planned to do moving forward

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