New Mom Goes Low Contact With Her Mother After An Alarming “Joke,” Is Unsure If She’s Overreacting

When a child is neglected, it’s natural to call Child Protective Services. In fact, research shows that before their 18th birthday, about a third of American children will be the subjects of a CPS investigation. Clearly, it’s no joking matter, but one grandmother thought it would be funny to threaten her daughter with CPS.

The distraught mom recently shared her story online. According to her, the grandmother was undermining her every parenting decision for the two months she’d had the baby. She wasn’t sure whether she would take this and her other comments to heart or if she was just overreacting. But folks online justified her worries, calling out the grandma for her weird behavior.

A woman just had a baby two months ago, but her mother wasn’t as supportive as she would’ve wanted

Woman holding baby with concerned older mom nearby, highlighting a tense moment involving CPS concern discussion.

Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)

In fact, she even threatened to call CPS, later calling it a joke

Text from a mom’s joke about calling CPS on a 2-month-old causing concern and confusion for the woman involved.

Text excerpt about a mother jokingly threatening to call CPS on her daughter over custody of newborn baby son.

Text excerpt discussing a planned C section due to baby size and mom’s joke about calling CPS on woman.

Text excerpt about a woman discussing a mom's joke and concerns over calling CPS regarding custody fears.

Concerned older woman with hand on chin, contemplating Mom's joke and the possibility of CPS involvement.

Image credits: Teona Swift / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Text about mom's joke causing concern and threat to call CPS over bathing frequency for child with cradle cap.

ALT text: Woman shares story about mom’s joke leading to threat of CPS involvement over parenting concerns.

Text excerpt about concerns of overfeeding and child care, highlighting a mom’s joke about calling CPS on a woman.

Woman covering her face with hands sitting on bed, showing distress after mom’s joke about calling CPS on her.

Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Text excerpt discussing a mom’s joke about clothes leading to a woman considering calling CPS on her.

Text reading about overthinking a mom's joke that triggers a woman to consider CPS involvement concerns.

Image credits: General_Ad_8531

Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Grandparents tend to become overinvolved in their grandchildren’s lives

Grandparents and parents rarely agree on parenting topics. Because they’ve already done it, many grandparents think they have the upper hand. Research shows that 37% of American parents have occasional disagreements with their in-laws about the grandchildren, and 6% report major disagreements.

One reason for this might be that grandparents are often more invested in the grandparent-grandchild relationship than the grandchildren. It’s what experts call the intergenerational stake hypothesis.

It states that older generations perceive their relationships with their grandchildren as more important than the grandchildren perceive their relationships with their grandparents. What’s more, grandparents are more emotionally invested and automatically think they are closer to their grandchildren than the grandchildren report back.

Some experts suggest that grandparents can become emotionally overinvested in their grandchildren’s lives. They may go as far as to think of this relationship as a do-over, as some commenters under this story noted. But they often fail to think about their own children – the parents – and focus too much on the grandkids.

Some studies suggest that grandparents see their grandchildren a couple of times a week on average. In 2014, one survey showed that 42% of American grandparents saw their grandchildren weekly, and 22% visited them daily.

However, parents often feel resentment when they see how involved grandparents are with the little ones. In fact, in that same survey, 54% of parents said that grandparents spend more time with their grandchildren than they did with them as children.

Image credits: Elina Fairytale / Pexels (not the actual photo)

If grandparents want a close relationship with their grandkids, they need to repair the relationship with their adult child first

A parent-child relationship can often be fraught. Even if the two have a good relationship as adults, the shared history can bring up bad memories, hurt feelings, and resentment. What many grandparents don’t realize is that in order to have a good relationship with their grandchildren, they need to fix the parent-child relationship first.

Licensed family and marriage therapist Whitney Goodman explains that “grandchildren are not a do-over for parents of adult children.” She notes how grandparents often feel entitled to spending time with their grandkids, but forget that they need to repair the fraught relationship with their own children.

“If you cannot maintain a good, healthy, solid relationship with the parent of that child, it’s very unlikely that they’re going to let you have access to that child,” she explained in an Instagram Reels video.

“It’s also extremely painful for adult children to watch their parents put in all of this time and effort into these little humans that they birthed and they brought into this world, but not to put in any time or attention or care into understanding their own child and the parent of that child to have a good relationship with them,” she went on.

According to Goodman, if grandparents want to avoid no-contact time-outs, they need to foster good relationships with their adult child and their partner. After all, the adult child is the parent this time around, and it’s not a chance for the grandparent to have a do-over.

In the comments, the mom shared more of her mother’s weird behavior, all of which raised serious red flags

Comment advising action against toxic grandmother threatening CPS, discussing parenting criticism and need for documentation and security.

Reddit conversation about a mom’s joke leading to threats of calling CPS on a woman over child custody concerns.

Comment thread discussing a mom's joke about calling CPS causing concern about child safety and family conflict.

Screenshot of an online discussion where a mom's joke leads to concerns about calling CPS on her.

Text conversation about strained mom and adult daughter relationship involving grandparent behavior and CPS concerns.

Online discussion about grandparents rights and CPS threats leading to low contact and custody concerns.

Reddit conversation about mom’s joke causing tension and concerns of calling CPS over child care issues.

Screenshot of online advice about a mom’s joke involving CPS and potential child custody concerns.

Reddit user discusses mom's joke about calling CPS, sharing advice on handling negative comments and limiting contact.

Comments from a mom discussing childcare concerns and a woman upset about a mom’s joke involving CPS threats.

Conversation between two Reddit users discussing reducing contact due to mom's joke about calling CPS on woman.

Commenters warned the mom that this was normal and the grandma was potentially looking to have a do-over with her grandson

Comment discussing a mom's joke about calling CPS and advice on setting boundaries and consequences with family members.

Screenshot of online comment saying no contact after mom's joke about calling CPS on woman.

Comment advising a woman to set boundaries and go no contact after a mom's joke about calling CPS causes conflict.

Screenshot of an online comment about custody, grandparents rights, and warnings related to CPS concerns.

Comment warning about mother’s joke and threat to call CPS, describing toxic family dynamics and child protection concerns.

Comment discussing a mom's joke causing tension and mention of CPS concerns in a family conversation.

Comment about a grandma warning that a mother is demented and not safe around her baby, mentioning CPS concerns.

Comment discussing mom’s joke about CPS causing tension and concerns in a woman’s family relationship.

Comment warning about red flags in parenting interference and cautioning on sharing details to avoid CPS concerns.

Comment advising to start a FU binder and keep text conversations as paper trail over mom’s CPS threat concerns.

Text advice about dealing with parenting criticism and concerns over Mom’s joke about calling CPS.

Screenshot of a social media comment about mom's joke and woman fearing CPS involvement over remarks about her child.

Reddit comment advising to contact CPS immediately and prepare documentation regarding a possible false report situation.

Text advice on grandparents' rights and child protection, including documenting every joke and consulting lawyers about visitation rights.

Comment discussing mom's joke about calling CPS and concerns over mental health and child safety in a family conflict.

Text discussing serious concerns about a mom's harmful behavior and the need to protect children and involve CPS.

Text excerpt discussing a mom’s joke causing conflict and concerns about parenting and calling CPS.

Comment warning about Mom's joke and the risk she’s going to call CPS on the woman, advising documentation steps.

Comment warning about mom’s joke and mentioning potential CPS call in an online discussion forum.

Screenshot of a comment saying Stop talking to your mother immediately in an online discussion about a mom's joke and CPS.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a mom's joke causing concern about neglect and CPS involvement in parenting.

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