Man Chews Out Fiancé For How She Rejected A Random Dude At A Show, She Seeks Perspective
Everyone wants an attractive partner, but some folks aren’t really secure enough in themselves to be able to deal with that fact. The truth is, if your partner or spouse is a looker, they will be hit on, one way or another.
A woman asked the internet for advice after she had a pretty peculiar conflict with her fiancé. He had taken offense to how she had rejected a particularly pushy man at a bar and seemed to have gotten himself very worked out about it. We reached out to the woman in the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
Rejecting someone’s advances while you are in a relationship is normally a good thing
Image credits: nd3000 / envato (not the actual photo)
But one woman had to deal with a partner who could not keep his insecurities in check
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: lil-drone
Insecurity tends to be ugly and self-destructive
Image credits: Inzmam Khan / pexels (not the actual photo)
There is a subset of people, particularly men, who are quite incensed to see someone hitting on their partner or spouse. Obviously, hitting on a person who is clearly married is a pretty slimily move, but all in all, it should be a compliment that other people find your partner attractive, since you must find them attractive as well.
However, it’s situations like this where insecurity rears its ugly head. For example, in this case, the woman’s partner seems to have ignored the fact that she most definitely rejected this man and instead seems to be channeling his stress towards this idea against her. The “logic” is that this man feels like, at any moment, a “better” man will show up and his partner will leave him. It’s important to differentiate between insecurity and humility. Everyone has some flaws and shortcomings, but channeling it into negative behavior is not a good thing.
This is not to mock folks who feel insecure, it’s often a result of past experiences, but it’s worth pointing out the flaws in this logic. First and foremost, even if you feel like your partner is out of your league, they still chose to be with you. It’s important to remember that a partner with the agency to “upgrade” and leave you behind also has the agency to stay. Often the cause of a divorce isn’t an outside influence but mismanaged conflicts between the people in a relationship.
Communication is important if any relationship is going to last
Image credits: KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA / envato (not the actual photo)
Similarly, if a person is predisposed to cheat on you or leave you at the first opportunity, you can’t exactly do anything about it. For example, a particularly controlling boyfriend could ban his partner from talking to other people. The partner could even agree to this rule, and just keep doing it in secret if they felt so inclined. Cheaters will cheat, lie and manipulate, you can’t just make unenforceable rules to keep them at bay.
Studies show insecurity does often spiral into downright controlling behavior which tends to make any relationship toxic. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, an insecure partner might end up making the relationship so intolerable that their partner just leaves them.
The truth is, relationships have to be built on trust because we can not actually control other people. If you are truly afraid your partner will leave you, you perhaps need to explore being single until you can resolve your insecurities. This can sound harsh perhaps, but this story is a good indication of just how annoying and draining it can be to try and be with someone who has unresolved insecurities. If you have any experience with insecure couples, the most common emotion is to think “wow, they are not going to make it.”
This is not to say that this woman needs to call off the wedding, but realistically, she needs to sit down with her partner and work this out. Perhaps he was having a bad day, or there was something very particular about this situation that got him riled up. However, without communication or work, this situation will happen again, perhaps even to a greater extent.
Netizens thought his reaction was overblown
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OP handled the swinger like a boss. Her fiancé, on the other hand, needs to take a few deep breaths and let his girl handle business on her own. What was she supposed to do with a guy who has a hearing impairment when it comes to the word "No"? Run to her bf, shouting, "Help, help! I'm being pursued by a random man, and I don't know what to do"? Seriously, if he isn't in therapy, he should be. OP shouldn't have to walk on eggshells and broken glass in a relationship.
I wonder if he took the "asking for money" part of the story (even though OP meant it non-seriously) as the big issue here. Maybe, in his mind, because SHE brought money/a transactional nature to the interaction rather than just saying (for example) "No, I have a boyfriend/fiancé", that somehow, in his mind, made it extra-disturbing for him? As in, he felt that his fiancée saying "Sure, you can have my autograph for $60" it seemed somehow... whorish to him? I am NOT saying he is correct in ANY way, nor is it logical IMO, but I'm just trying to think about things from his perspective and why THIS particular interaction bothered him SO much.
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I once had a customer who would constantly ask me out. Obviously it was always an inappropriate context seeing as I was at work, but I would always turn him down. I have a boyfriend, but didn't feel like it was necessary to tell the guy this, he needed to respect my "no." He got to a point where he said "all you single girls are the same, you say you hate being single but don't want a boyfriend." So I told him "I never said I was single. I have a boyfriend who I very much want to keep. My boyfriend was also trained by the US government to kill people, take that as you may." ...few weeks later this guy was picked up for trying to solicit a 15 year old girl. My point is, I should not have had to say "I am in a relationship" for him to get the hint. Got to the point where I basically had to threaten him before he left me alone. No means no.
Men who will only walk away if a woman has a boyfriend are men who respect a theoretical man more than the actual woman standing in front of them. It's disgusting.
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That sort of insecurity doesn't go away...in fact, I can say from experience, it will get worse when they get married, not better. Even if HE thinks otherwise. I've done the self-talk and defensive responses this woman does here about it too. Deep down she knows....
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OP handled the swinger like a boss. Her fiancé, on the other hand, needs to take a few deep breaths and let his girl handle business on her own. What was she supposed to do with a guy who has a hearing impairment when it comes to the word "No"? Run to her bf, shouting, "Help, help! I'm being pursued by a random man, and I don't know what to do"? Seriously, if he isn't in therapy, he should be. OP shouldn't have to walk on eggshells and broken glass in a relationship.
I wonder if he took the "asking for money" part of the story (even though OP meant it non-seriously) as the big issue here. Maybe, in his mind, because SHE brought money/a transactional nature to the interaction rather than just saying (for example) "No, I have a boyfriend/fiancé", that somehow, in his mind, made it extra-disturbing for him? As in, he felt that his fiancée saying "Sure, you can have my autograph for $60" it seemed somehow... whorish to him? I am NOT saying he is correct in ANY way, nor is it logical IMO, but I'm just trying to think about things from his perspective and why THIS particular interaction bothered him SO much.
Load More Replies... I once had a customer who would constantly ask me out. Obviously it was always an inappropriate context seeing as I was at work, but I would always turn him down. I have a boyfriend, but didn't feel like it was necessary to tell the guy this, he needed to respect my "no." He got to a point where he said "all you single girls are the same, you say you hate being single but don't want a boyfriend." So I told him "I never said I was single. I have a boyfriend who I very much want to keep. My boyfriend was also trained by the US government to kill people, take that as you may." ...few weeks later this guy was picked up for trying to solicit a 15 year old girl. My point is, I should not have had to say "I am in a relationship" for him to get the hint. Got to the point where I basically had to threaten him before he left me alone. No means no.
Men who will only walk away if a woman has a boyfriend are men who respect a theoretical man more than the actual woman standing in front of them. It's disgusting.
Load More Replies... That sort of insecurity doesn't go away...in fact, I can say from experience, it will get worse when they get married, not better. Even if HE thinks otherwise. I've done the self-talk and defensive responses this woman does here about it too. Deep down she knows....
Load More Replies...
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