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Man Asks Why Women Take Or Refuse To Take Their Husband’s Last Name And Gets 34 Responses
For generations, women were obliged to take their husband’s surname after marriage and it was rarely questioned. It wasn’t just tradition, it often came with perks: their driver’s license, voter registration, or even their credit card may have depended on it.
Legal and cultural pressures are easing today, but the choice still carries weight.
A man recently posted on social media that he might not want to marry a woman who didn't want to accept his last name. He then asked women if they plan to take their husband’s last name or keep their own.
The replies did not disappoint — from practical reasons to personal beliefs, here are some of the most honest explanations woman gave for either keeping or changing their last names.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Well…. I’ve been married for over 40 years and took my husbands name, but now Republicans are floating the idea that I need to show proof of my birth name to vote. What if I didn’t have access to my birth certificate and other documents? It’s a form of voter suppression against women and perhaps we should keep our names to survive in this nation. It’s not always about you.
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#2
Ah. The smell of misogyny in the morning.
If a man can’t respect that a woman has a whole identity outside of him, he’s not marriage material. Because he fails to see women as people and instead sees them as property.
#3
3 things, in order:
1. My husband didn’t get the PhD I did, my name stays
2. It’s the last thing I have left of my dad who passed when I was 16
3. My last name is cooler 😂
And….my husband doesn’t care because he loves me for far more than just a last name
Gender equality has come a long way over the past few decades and in many countries, women now have more freedom to make their own choices. But somehow, the tradition of women taking their husband’s last name is still going strong.
According to a 2025 survey in the US, about 69% of married women say they took their partner’s last name after they got married, while 29% kept the last name they were born with.
Past research findings do show that there is now a positive uptick in the number of women keeping their own name, especially among younger generations.
In the 2010s, roughly 22% of women kept their birth name after marriage, compared with under 15% before the 1970s.
#4
I will keep my last name. I run my own practice. Everything I have achieved has been done on my name and I am proud of that. I am the first in our family to have achieved a lot of things and I am proud of who I am and what my surname has come to represent because of my hard work and years of sacrifice. I would hope that I will marry a man whose sense of identity and self worth in our relationship is not anchored to his surname.
mary thelen 1 week ago
No, she's just saying her achievements are her own and her husband's are his own. His sense of his own value should not depend on claiming her as his possession by insisting she take his name. That was the original significance of the tradition of a woman taking her husband's name: she was becoming his property.
#5
What benefit does a husband's name provide us? We already have a name. Who does things that don't have a benefit?
Lady Eowyn 1 week ago
Well, my SIL said she changed her name to my brother's name because it's a lot shorter and easier to fit on credit card applications, so I guess that was a benefit. LOL.
#6
My husband felt that sharing the same surname was an important symbol of unity. I asked if it really mattered to him. He said yes, a lot. I said that it wasn’t important to me, but if he wanted to change his name to mine I was fine with that, and the strangest thing: suddenly changing his name would be a tremendous inconvenience to his working life, and to people staying in touch with him. He laughs about it now, several decades later. Our sons have his surname and our daughter has my surname.
Daisydaisy 1 week ago
I did the same: my daughters have my surname, my sons have their dad's. It solves the problem of double-barrelled surnames which are only practical for one generation
A man changing his name? That’s a rare sight.
A 2025 survey of Americans shows less than 1% changed their surname after marriage. Of these, some took their wife’s family name, some hyphenated, and some invented entirely new surnames.
This shows that surname practices are deeply rooted in traditional gender roles. Many people don’t even consider asking a man to change his name because it isn’t viewed as a social expectation.
In some cultures, it was, and still is, believed that women “belong” first to their fathers, then to their husbands.
A recent study found that men who do adopt their wife’s surname are sometimes seen as having less power in the relationship.
#7
I did not change my name because historically women did it because they had no rights outside of their husband. There was no way I was continuing a patriarchal tradition that was rooted in ownership. If you can explain why a man doesn't consider changing his name WITHOUT resorting to/leaning on patriarchy and its progeny, a conversation can be had.
#8
in some places, like Quebec, getting married doesn’t automatically mean changing a last name.
By law, women keep their birth name after marriage.
It’s simply a legal difference, not a reflection of love or commitment.
For them a marriage is built on unity, not paperwork.
Billo66 1 week ago (edited)
I've always seen it as an opportunity to change names if they wish. Doesn't matter to me. Saves the fee to have it done otherwise. Yeah, men have the same opportunity :) Maybe I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum which is what I am. I coulda been a contender...
#9
We're getting married later than we used to. Changing a legal name has a lot of steps for starters and a lot of it has to be done in person so literally standing in line all day. I personally have financial/business matters in my maiden name which is another set of hoops to jump through when I legally have a new name.
Socially, I'll be Mrs. [Husband's name] to everyone we meet. But, PLEASE don't make me do the paperwork.
Fire Singer 1 week ago
I did take my husbands last name, because it was just what you did - I don't regret it or anything, but if I'd known how much work it was to change my name I never would have done it and we'd still be just as happy now.
Haley Metzger, a millennial from Colorado, went viral on TikTok recently after speaking out against the tradition of women taking their husband’s last names.
She explained that the practice goes back to a time when women were seen as their husbands’ property.
“Pretty ugly origins for a tradition that most people are still upholding,” she said in the video.
“Obviously people have their own reasons for why they want to have the same name as their partner. You want your kids to have the same name as both of their parents, or it's romantic to have the same name. But if those were really the reasons then why don't we see more men taking their wives' name?” she questioned.
She pointed out that some men seem to treat taking a woman’s last name as if it were humiliating, which says a lot about how they view women taking their name.
#10
My last name won an Olympic medal, and means velvet. No I’m not changing it. Whoever HE is he can change his to mine.
#11
Many reasons:
1. It is illegal in my country to change my name to my husband's.
2. I was a person already when I met him.
3. I have awesome parents, which have given me a solid foundation for my future. Their name is mine forever.
4. We are a marriage, equal partners for everything except in the risks taken in order to form a family. So my surname went first and he knew it would be like that since we became serious.
5. My husband is strong enough to accept a strong woman.
#12
No man will ever convince me that his last name is more important to me than mine. Additionally, why are women the only ones who are required to literally change their identities in order to be coupled?
Even before a woman decides whether to change her last name, marriage already shifts how the world sees her. Suddenly, her title becomes “Mrs,” to prove she’s now someone’s wife.
Add a surname change on top of that, and it’s like rewriting her whole official identity.
In today’s digital age, all the work, connections, or achievements under your maiden name can vanish online if you suddenly change it.
All your documents need updating whether it’s your passport, driver’s license, bank accounts, or professional profiles.
It’s not just annoying, it can cost you time and even career opportunities.
#13
My partner and I have talked about taking a new last name because he doesn’t want to be tied to his family and I already changed my name once for my first husband so we are going with a totally new name together!
#14
I didn’t take my husbands last name because I didn’t want too point blank. We are an interracial couple and his last name would have changed my name on a cultural level that I was not comfortable with. Culturally speaking, women don’t change their last names where my family is from. Children carry two last names. We agreed our children would have his last name and that I would keep mine. It was a compromise that we haven’t had an issue with.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 week ago
I've always wondered... where children carry two last names, when they then have children of their own, they will, presumably, have to choose which of their two last names to pass on. At some point, one of the two grandparents is going to be overlooked.
#15
I was on the path to becoming a doctor. Why would I credit his family while mine fought a communist regime, fled our homeland, moved to Europe, then America. I put in the work. Not him. His family doesn't value education. Hell, some of his family won't admit what's actually happening in America because they have to confront themselves.
Long story short, my last name means a LOT to me. It's not just a name. It's held up against multiple regimes, immigration, and if I ever complete my PhD
Chris the Bobcat 1 week ago
More power to you. Determination and perseverance are powerful traits.
Your names are not mere words on a paper — it’s your identity, it tells people who you are and how you fit into the world.
When society assumes a woman will take her husband’s name, it isn’t a neutral choice, it shapes how she sees herself.
If your name is treated as temporary, or as something you give away, it can make you feel less independent.
Instead of being simply yourself, you can end up being “someone’s wife,” “someone’s mother,” or “someone’s daughter.”
#16
Mitochondrial DNA is passed through the maternal bloodline. My progeny will have my last name.
#17
I took my first husband’s name and changed back after our divorce. I did not take my second husband’s name. It’s a HASSLE and he doesn’t care because he’s not an insecure prick.
Aileen Grist 1 week ago
I have 3 first names and have been married twice. Because I changed my name back after my divorce, at my second wedding it was Aileen Elizabeth Sheila Chadwick also known as Aileen Elizabeth Sheila Hill, every time my name was mentioned.
#18
I kept my name—partly because it’s my professional name and partly because my name is easier to spell than his, and partly because it was my name for 30+ years and I liked it. He, fine fellow, wasn’t fazed in the least.
I’m also old enough to remember that all my mother’s credit cards were in my father’s name. She marveled when I got one in my own name. You don’t let go of that.
For women, even today the decision isn’t purely personal. Family expectations, religion, kids, and career all play a role.
And given the social judgment of a misogynistic culture, it’s no wonder why some women would decide that a name change is the path of least resistance.
Recent surveys show Americans are far more likely to have a positive view of a woman taking her spouse’s last name (58%) than of a man taking his spouse’s last name (20%).
#19
My name has been my identity as long as I can remember. I am the only child of my family. If I change it, it’s gone. It is a signifier of my cultural heritage, which I’m very proud of. In my professional life, I am credited with it and recognized for it. Giving it up is not only a logistical nightmare, but would make me feel as though I am turning my back on huge parts of who I am.
If one day someone said, your last name is now O’Connell, forget your old one, that’s who you are. You’d be cool?
#20
I don’t have much sentimentality in me. But I’m very much a fan of things that just sound nice. When I got married I liked the sound of the new name so much better than my maiden name, and having my maiden name as my middle just messed it all up. So I dropped my last name. Now it’s reverse alliteration, all my names end in A and it sounds light and fluffy, easy to pronounce common names yet very unique in combination. The choice has nothing to do w my husband
Luke || Kira (he/she) 1 week ago
😁 The OP has to be a poet or some sort of artist. It's a 100% valid reason tho.
#21
I like my name and I don't like my husbands, I also had my grandma walk me down the aisle and I told my husband that if he "asked my dad for my hand in marriage" I would never marry him. I am my own person, not my fathers', not my husbands'.
But there are some women who say they don’t feel pressured and genuinely believe taking a partner’s name is justified — they want the same family name, or his surname sounds nicer. Some even go on to say that their last name is just their dad’s anyway.
Tradition is another reason. “Some things have just always been done, and so people don’t question them. They don’t counter them,” says Deborah Carr, a professor of sociology at University of Boston.
Some people might also wish to distance themselves from their biological parents.
“Somebody who wasn’t close to their parents or felt hurt by them (and) didn’t really like being identified as a Smith or a Jones or whomever, would welcome the idea of a new surname that wasn’t their own,” says Joshua Coleman, a psychologist in private practice in Oakland, California.
#22
Do you know why I took my husband’s last name because it was 4 letters and mine was 9 letters. It’s just easier. I only think in practical terms.
#24
More than likely hyphenated. I’m 35, and I’ve accomplished things, and I’m known by many with THIS last name. At this point it’ll be too confusing to change it.
I also feel like if you’re a man that feels that strongly about a name, then you MAY be too patriarchal and traditional in other aspects for me as well.
I have my Mom’s middle name, so I don’t want to drop that. My mind may change about the name thing. Idk.
After several comments on his post, the man who had asked the question on social media shared how he didn’t expect the “onslaught of insults, slander and hate filled comments.”
“I'm an American, so I have American values. And, I'm a Christian, so I don't expect love or agreement from those who don't share my faith. But, I would appreciate if people were more respectful,” he added in an update.
#25
For me it was simply identity change. I married a white man and I didn’t want a ‘white’ last name. I wanted to keep my last name so I can keep my culture, ethnicity, indigenous Christian religion (some Arabic last names tell you what religion you are)
#26
When I was married, I kept my last name simply because my ex-husband’s last name was kind of embarrassing, and I still do this day. Can’t say it without laughing. My ex mother-in-law she may have changed her name, but she professionally and socially, went by her maiden name as well because the last name was that bad.
#27
I hyphenated my last name and his. I know it meant a lot to him that I take his name and I am very proud of my family name, and had it nearly 40 years before I ever got married. I don’t think it would have been a dealbreaker if I didn’t take his name. Also, his name sounds nice with mine. Some surnames I’m not willing to take.
#28
Having to change you surname after marriage is unthinkable to many in Europe, the custom of taking the husband's surname is not so wide-spread. Also it would completely break the already failing beurocratic system here in Spain. It is important for records to be able to trace family relations through surnames. Ppeople have 2 surnames here, paternal and maternal, they normally do not change after birth. With the divorce rates, it just seems impractical to change surnames.
Premislaus de Colo 1 week ago
As much as I do not care whether my wife takes my last name or not, I have to say it is a VERY European thing by tradition - maybe not in Spain
#30
I want to hyphenate and hope he will too. Why? Because my last name has been with me until now, it’s on my licenses, diplomas, etc. And I’m proud to be associated with my family. I want to carry it on. My last name is important to me.
#31
I would like hyphenate it. My dad was the last person outside of my mom who carries the name.
#32
If he has a a white mans last name. I don’t know if I would. I would prefer us to take my grandfathers last name to carry our roots. BUT I’d be open to changing my middle name to my current last name and taking his as my last if it meant a lot to him. If he has an african last name I’d likely be happy to receive his last name but still may change my middle name to my last name to honour my family name.
#33
In my former marriage, I hyphenated my last name while still navigating identity and independence.
When I marry again, I’ll take my husband’s name as a conscious choice toward unity.
It’s not about benefit, it’s about conviction formed through experience.
#34
I want to take my husband’s last name because I become a part of him and his family. To me it will be an honor and a privilege.
Julie Rogers 1 week ago
Her account includes how to venmo her money if "you're feeling generous." That tracks with her speaking in a way that will attract men who think women shouldn't work.
What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 week ago
Oh, I just found this on Quora from the original author of the question: "Wow... I didn't expect the onslaught of insults, slander, and hate filled comments from feminists and foreigners. But, I'm not easily offended. I actually appreciate the transparency in the feedback, whether I agreed with it or not. I'm an American, so I have American values. And, I'm a Christian, so I don't expect love or agreement from those who don't share my faith. But, I would appreciate if people were more respectful." - he also said "I don't know if I would marry a woman who didn't want to accept my last name." So in other words, this question was asked on Quora by a fragile, egotistical, patriarchal Tate-male.
Miki 1 week ago (edited)
I am a guy. I couldn't not imagine taking someone else's name. So why the f̷u̵c̴k̶ would I expect this from anyone else?
Ludwig Michiel 1 week ago (edited)
Here in Belgium a woman's last name isn't legally changed by marriage. From my limited experience, the very few women here who insist on being called "Mrs husband's last name" are often married to a man with high societal status.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 week ago
I don't care if my partner takes my name or not, should we get married, but I'm definitely not taking hers because it's actually her ex-husband's!
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 week ago
I’ve never changed my name, but I know my mom took my dad’s name because a) it was much easier to spell and pronounce than her Eastern European one, and b) the person that she got that name from was a trash human and she didn’t want to be connected to him
Ejteh 1 week ago
I've kept my own name when I married, because my mom also kept hers. I've been brought up believing that I am my own person, deserving of my own name, and I am also fine and complete without a husband. Having a husband does not change me. Lately I've noticed that when people hear that last name is not the same as my 2 children's, they often assume I am divorced. Fun fact: the husband of my BFF took on her last name (his father was horrified).
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 week ago
Not that marriage was ever officially on the table, but if I'd married my now-ex (the one I was with for 24 years) let's just say that my last name would have sounded like what people in the UK call the toilet. And my first name is Crystal. So I would have been, basically, "Crystal Loo" - yipes XD
kissmychakram 1 week ago
I like my name, I wouldn't change it. Some friends of mine chose a brand new surname when they got married (that of their favourite author) so that they and their kids would all share the same surname.
Ellie Ahmed 1 week ago (edited)
I took my husband’s name when we got married. Main reasons: it sounds prettier with my first name than my maiden name did, and my dad and I are estranged from the extended family he got his surname from anyway. Secondary bonus: my husband and I are different ethnicities, and I have to admit to getting a little enjoyment every time somebody can’t hide their surprise when meeting me for the first time after seeing my very Arabic surname
tameson 1 week ago (edited)
I remember watching PBS as a kid and seeing things like "This production was brought to you with the support of Mrs. Husband's First and Last Name." It always rattled me. Who was this person? What was her first name? What was her last name before she became a "Mrs."? It was like we weren't' allowed to know who this woman was who financially sponsored the show, she as a person on her own was erased. So I decided at about age eight that I was never going to change my last name.
Rali Meyer 1 week ago
whenever i have to sign with my long surname I wish I was married to a Li or He to be able to change it. First name, possibly, Jo. Imagine: Jo Li!
Min 1 week ago (edited)
When I changed my name they somehow also changed my date of birth on file to be the day and month of my wedding day. I didn't find out until we went to file our taxes and it was kicked back for wrong DOB. When I phoned up to find out what was going on, they could see on the system exactly what had happened, but they still required me to take my birth certificate down to the Social Security office and wait in line to prove my birthday had not actually changed. It was such a pain in the àss that even after divorce and remarriage I still have my ex-husband's name. I am not going through that again!
David 1 week ago
historically, outside of nobility, people didnt even have surnames. In Turkey they didnt get it until the 1920s, most of Europe in the 1800s with Napoleon, etc. Unless you were nobility or part of a renown gentry family, you didnt have a surname. Places like Scotland or the Arab world, they used clan and tribal names which later became formal surnames. Surnames are a pretty recent invention for the masses. With nobility the origin of the change came from that the lady was switching allegiance to her husbands house over hers, it was political.
Vinnie 1 week ago
I know someone who was happy to change her surname to the match her lovely husband's. She's not retrograde at all, she just didn't see the point of keeping the name of her father, a man who was not a good father and whose values were different from hers.
Cosmos in your eyes 1 week ago
I got married young and went along with society and changed my last name to my husbands. I miss my "maiden" name because part of my cultural heritage and identity was erased. My maiden name is Hispanic. On some of my social media I go by my maiden name.
George Costanza 1 week ago
My wife didn't take my last name. Didn't bug me at all - that's who she was when we met. The kids do have my last name, but I didn't force that, she was fine with it.
Oskar vanZandt 1 week ago (edited)
If I were to marry, I might consider taking on my wife's surname if I liked hers better...
Andrew Arons 1 week ago
I was just happy my wife was willing to marry me. Why would I want to start an argument? There's plenty of time for that after the wedding!😝
Trillian 1 week ago
I don't really care about last names. It is the part of the name that can change during life. I picked my kids' first names. That is what I call them, what their friends call them, how they think of themselves. I myself am on my third last name (my ex husband's, which I am keeping because it's nice and easy to spell) but all my life I have been Christina.
Ali 1 week ago
I took my husband's name, my SIL was mad about it - said she would never ever change her name it was so sexist for a start. I asked why her being given her father's name rather than mother's was not already sexist? Anyhow, why judge others decisions. My sister didn't change her name for many years, but she started to feel having to explain why she had a different name to her sons was getting to feel an issue with her. It was less changing to her husband's name than changing to thiers.
FABULOUS1 1 week ago
I am a woman married to another woman and we both kept our names. My wife has no family or attachment to her last name. I do love her last name but I am rather attached to mine. I have a big family, and we like our name. Even if I was married to a man I would not give up my name.
Pieter LeGrande 1 week ago
I suppose there are many reasons to change or not change. Some of those are an individual's issue. But one major reason to not change is if the person has an established reputation in business, academia, sport, etc.
Ben Aziza 1 week ago
My last name is that of a woman. Which is very peculiar. I always wondered who she was. As most Arabic last names are "son/daughter of [ancestor]" most said ancestors are guys. I don't know of any other family last name like ours. She must have been one cool great great great great ..... great great grandma.
Allen Packard 1 week ago
I don't care what you do but please just pick one. Don't subject us all to long email addresses. I am going to add that this is a joke, we have a lot of very thin-skinned people here on BP, and I don't want them to get their feelings hurt.
Lazy Panda 2 1 week ago
There's always two things I think of with this sort of debate. 1) Same s*x couples don't have to deal with this weight of "tradition". 2) When people bring up the, "what surname do the children have?" argument, I wonder if they know children can and frequent do happen outside of marriage.
LillieMean 1 week ago
My last name is rare and I don't have many relatives so I wouldn't want to give up my last name. My partner's last name is even rarer. Both of our last names are often misspelled, with mine having the wrong vowel and his last name having a consonant dropped. We both get to keep our last names because marriage is just a legal technicality for us (so that one of us is the heir to a will or the next of kin who decides on care). Love and commitment are something else entirely, you don't need stale traditions for that. Peer pressure is just expectations from ghosts.
WindySwede 1 week ago
Of you hate your name, sure. But don't just do it because of religion or peer pressure!
David L 1 week ago
We had this conversation before we married, we considered the hyfernation route but couldn't decide the order. Then we considered all the form filling that would be required and couldn't be bothered to change surnames on all legal and professional documents. Would it be different if we had children. I don't know, but that's not going to happen so no worries.
KrazyChiMama 1 week ago
I’m the last of my family name my dad only had me and he was the only male on his side. So when I married I took my husbands last name but I kept my maiden name and it is now my legal middle name. :)
Kitty Smith 1 week ago
Cause his family were a*****e pieces of s**t. He had the better surname, I had the better family.
R Dennis 1 week ago (edited)
When we talked about getting married my wife said she didn't want to take my name and wanted to keep her current one. I said, then we aren't getting married. She asked to compromise and hyphenate it. I balked at that as well. She wanted to keep her ex-husband's last name so she had the same name as her kids. I told her I refused and that if she wanted to go back to her maiden name or my name that was fine, but I wouldn't be sharing the name of her a*****e, deadbeat ex...
Foxglove🇮🇪 1 week ago
My SILS were disgusted when I said I was talking hubby's name. I never liked my original surname, and it was normal where I'm from to change on marriage. Plus it's much simpler for everyone in the house to have the same name. Two SILs kept their own names; one took her husband's name; the other uses her maiden name for some things and her married name for others. That's too much confusion for me!
YukiChou 1 week ago (edited)
I added my husband's name to my name. That was my own choice. A couple of weeks after our wedding, I got a letter from the municipality with 4 options. 1) Keep my maiden name. 2) Only his last name. 4) my name - his name. 4) his name - my name. I chose option 4, traditional Dutch. In retrospect I'd choose option 2, due to going NC with my family. edit: I didn't have to pay anything either.
K. LNU 1 week ago
I took my first husband’s name back in the 90s, it was the thing to do. I am now divorced and still kept it. A little bit because I’m petty – he tried to pull the “oh we discussed you changing it back” gaslighting thing in front of the judge, and I told him no. The other thing was I was a US Soldier, held a high security clearance, had several credit cards in my name, and getting my SSN and other things re-done (post-divorce) was not high in the priority list. Now I still don’t want to go through the hassle. Hindsight, I should have just kept my maiden name. Professionally, I would be SFC/Ms.*Maiden name, but socially I would not have minded being called “Mrs. Jones.”
K. LNU 1 week ago
I took my first husband’s name back in the 90s, it was the thing to do. I am now divorced and still kept it. A little bit because I’m petty – he tried to pull the “oh we discussed you changing it back” gaslighting thing and I told him no. The other thing was I was a US Soldier, held a high security clearance, had several credit cards in my name, and getting my SSN and other things re-done was not high in the priority list. Now I still don’t want to go through the hassle. Hindsight, I should have just kept my maiden name. Professionally, I would be SFC/Ms.*Maiden name, but socially I would not have minded being called “Mrs. Jones.”
Mr. Jones 1 week ago
I'm gay and my husband and I met and got married in our 40s. I am not close to my siblings nor was I close to my parents and never felt much of an attachment to my middle name. I didn't take my husband's last name, but I use for everything not official. And the funny thing is that my first name is part of a popular saying from a TV show. And the last name of that characters is my husband's last name. I started using the character name as a DJ name and then a few months later I met my husband and everyone, including my cousins, aunts, Army buddies, everyone refers to me with his last name. It's a fun name to say altogether. I could have changed it legally, but it wasn't worth it. I don't think the man asked the question in a rude way and just because he doesn't share your values was no reason to attack him. I have a feeling he's pretty open about wanting a wife who takes his name. I have cousins who took their husband's last names and cousins who didn't. No one in our family cares.
Jenny Barnes 1 week ago
I changed my last name as it had no meaning to me. My s***m donor had no part of my life. Divorced my mother when I was 4. Never saw him again, never wanted to. Also when I moved to a new area there was a horrible family (no relation) in the area with that last name. I would always get, "oh you're part of that family.." I got sick of trying to defend myself from this other family. I happily got rid of my old name, but if the had any attachment to my surname I would not have.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 week ago
Oh, I just found this on Quora from the original author of the question: "Wow... I didn't expect the onslaught of insults, slander, and hate filled comments from feminists and foreigners. But, I'm not easily offended. I actually appreciate the transparency in the feedback, whether I agreed with it or not. I'm an American, so I have American values. And, I'm a Christian, so I don't expect love or agreement from those who don't share my faith. But, I would appreciate if people were more respectful." - he also said "I don't know if I would marry a woman who didn't want to accept my last name." So in other words, this question was asked on Quora by a fragile, egotistical, patriarchal Tate-male.
Miki 1 week ago (edited)
I am a guy. I couldn't not imagine taking someone else's name. So why the f̷u̵c̴k̶ would I expect this from anyone else?
Ludwig Michiel 1 week ago (edited)
Here in Belgium a woman's last name isn't legally changed by marriage. From my limited experience, the very few women here who insist on being called "Mrs husband's last name" are often married to a man with high societal status.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 week ago
I don't care if my partner takes my name or not, should we get married, but I'm definitely not taking hers because it's actually her ex-husband's!
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 week ago
I’ve never changed my name, but I know my mom took my dad’s name because a) it was much easier to spell and pronounce than her Eastern European one, and b) the person that she got that name from was a trash human and she didn’t want to be connected to him
Ejteh 1 week ago
I've kept my own name when I married, because my mom also kept hers. I've been brought up believing that I am my own person, deserving of my own name, and I am also fine and complete without a husband. Having a husband does not change me. Lately I've noticed that when people hear that last name is not the same as my 2 children's, they often assume I am divorced. Fun fact: the husband of my BFF took on her last name (his father was horrified).
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 week ago
Not that marriage was ever officially on the table, but if I'd married my now-ex (the one I was with for 24 years) let's just say that my last name would have sounded like what people in the UK call the toilet. And my first name is Crystal. So I would have been, basically, "Crystal Loo" - yipes XD
kissmychakram 1 week ago
I like my name, I wouldn't change it. Some friends of mine chose a brand new surname when they got married (that of their favourite author) so that they and their kids would all share the same surname.
Ellie Ahmed 1 week ago (edited)
I took my husband’s name when we got married. Main reasons: it sounds prettier with my first name than my maiden name did, and my dad and I are estranged from the extended family he got his surname from anyway. Secondary bonus: my husband and I are different ethnicities, and I have to admit to getting a little enjoyment every time somebody can’t hide their surprise when meeting me for the first time after seeing my very Arabic surname
tameson 1 week ago (edited)
I remember watching PBS as a kid and seeing things like "This production was brought to you with the support of Mrs. Husband's First and Last Name." It always rattled me. Who was this person? What was her first name? What was her last name before she became a "Mrs."? It was like we weren't' allowed to know who this woman was who financially sponsored the show, she as a person on her own was erased. So I decided at about age eight that I was never going to change my last name.
Rali Meyer 1 week ago
whenever i have to sign with my long surname I wish I was married to a Li or He to be able to change it. First name, possibly, Jo. Imagine: Jo Li!
Min 1 week ago (edited)
When I changed my name they somehow also changed my date of birth on file to be the day and month of my wedding day. I didn't find out until we went to file our taxes and it was kicked back for wrong DOB. When I phoned up to find out what was going on, they could see on the system exactly what had happened, but they still required me to take my birth certificate down to the Social Security office and wait in line to prove my birthday had not actually changed. It was such a pain in the àss that even after divorce and remarriage I still have my ex-husband's name. I am not going through that again!
David 1 week ago
historically, outside of nobility, people didnt even have surnames. In Turkey they didnt get it until the 1920s, most of Europe in the 1800s with Napoleon, etc. Unless you were nobility or part of a renown gentry family, you didnt have a surname. Places like Scotland or the Arab world, they used clan and tribal names which later became formal surnames. Surnames are a pretty recent invention for the masses. With nobility the origin of the change came from that the lady was switching allegiance to her husbands house over hers, it was political.
Vinnie 1 week ago
I know someone who was happy to change her surname to the match her lovely husband's. She's not retrograde at all, she just didn't see the point of keeping the name of her father, a man who was not a good father and whose values were different from hers.
Cosmos in your eyes 1 week ago
I got married young and went along with society and changed my last name to my husbands. I miss my "maiden" name because part of my cultural heritage and identity was erased. My maiden name is Hispanic. On some of my social media I go by my maiden name.
George Costanza 1 week ago
My wife didn't take my last name. Didn't bug me at all - that's who she was when we met. The kids do have my last name, but I didn't force that, she was fine with it.
Oskar vanZandt 1 week ago (edited)
If I were to marry, I might consider taking on my wife's surname if I liked hers better...
Andrew Arons 1 week ago
I was just happy my wife was willing to marry me. Why would I want to start an argument? There's plenty of time for that after the wedding!😝
Trillian 1 week ago
I don't really care about last names. It is the part of the name that can change during life. I picked my kids' first names. That is what I call them, what their friends call them, how they think of themselves. I myself am on my third last name (my ex husband's, which I am keeping because it's nice and easy to spell) but all my life I have been Christina.
Ali 1 week ago
I took my husband's name, my SIL was mad about it - said she would never ever change her name it was so sexist for a start. I asked why her being given her father's name rather than mother's was not already sexist? Anyhow, why judge others decisions. My sister didn't change her name for many years, but she started to feel having to explain why she had a different name to her sons was getting to feel an issue with her. It was less changing to her husband's name than changing to thiers.
FABULOUS1 1 week ago
I am a woman married to another woman and we both kept our names. My wife has no family or attachment to her last name. I do love her last name but I am rather attached to mine. I have a big family, and we like our name. Even if I was married to a man I would not give up my name.
Pieter LeGrande 1 week ago
I suppose there are many reasons to change or not change. Some of those are an individual's issue. But one major reason to not change is if the person has an established reputation in business, academia, sport, etc.
Ben Aziza 1 week ago
My last name is that of a woman. Which is very peculiar. I always wondered who she was. As most Arabic last names are "son/daughter of [ancestor]" most said ancestors are guys. I don't know of any other family last name like ours. She must have been one cool great great great great ..... great great grandma.
Allen Packard 1 week ago
I don't care what you do but please just pick one. Don't subject us all to long email addresses. I am going to add that this is a joke, we have a lot of very thin-skinned people here on BP, and I don't want them to get their feelings hurt.
Lazy Panda 2 1 week ago
There's always two things I think of with this sort of debate. 1) Same s*x couples don't have to deal with this weight of "tradition". 2) When people bring up the, "what surname do the children have?" argument, I wonder if they know children can and frequent do happen outside of marriage.
LillieMean 1 week ago
My last name is rare and I don't have many relatives so I wouldn't want to give up my last name. My partner's last name is even rarer. Both of our last names are often misspelled, with mine having the wrong vowel and his last name having a consonant dropped. We both get to keep our last names because marriage is just a legal technicality for us (so that one of us is the heir to a will or the next of kin who decides on care). Love and commitment are something else entirely, you don't need stale traditions for that. Peer pressure is just expectations from ghosts.
WindySwede 1 week ago
Of you hate your name, sure. But don't just do it because of religion or peer pressure!
David L 1 week ago
We had this conversation before we married, we considered the hyfernation route but couldn't decide the order. Then we considered all the form filling that would be required and couldn't be bothered to change surnames on all legal and professional documents. Would it be different if we had children. I don't know, but that's not going to happen so no worries.
KrazyChiMama 1 week ago
I’m the last of my family name my dad only had me and he was the only male on his side. So when I married I took my husbands last name but I kept my maiden name and it is now my legal middle name. :)
Kitty Smith 1 week ago
Cause his family were a*****e pieces of s**t. He had the better surname, I had the better family.
R Dennis 1 week ago (edited)
When we talked about getting married my wife said she didn't want to take my name and wanted to keep her current one. I said, then we aren't getting married. She asked to compromise and hyphenate it. I balked at that as well. She wanted to keep her ex-husband's last name so she had the same name as her kids. I told her I refused and that if she wanted to go back to her maiden name or my name that was fine, but I wouldn't be sharing the name of her a*****e, deadbeat ex...
Foxglove🇮🇪 1 week ago
My SILS were disgusted when I said I was talking hubby's name. I never liked my original surname, and it was normal where I'm from to change on marriage. Plus it's much simpler for everyone in the house to have the same name. Two SILs kept their own names; one took her husband's name; the other uses her maiden name for some things and her married name for others. That's too much confusion for me!
YukiChou 1 week ago (edited)
I added my husband's name to my name. That was my own choice. A couple of weeks after our wedding, I got a letter from the municipality with 4 options. 1) Keep my maiden name. 2) Only his last name. 4) my name - his name. 4) his name - my name. I chose option 4, traditional Dutch. In retrospect I'd choose option 2, due to going NC with my family. edit: I didn't have to pay anything either.
K. LNU 1 week ago
I took my first husband’s name back in the 90s, it was the thing to do. I am now divorced and still kept it. A little bit because I’m petty – he tried to pull the “oh we discussed you changing it back” gaslighting thing in front of the judge, and I told him no. The other thing was I was a US Soldier, held a high security clearance, had several credit cards in my name, and getting my SSN and other things re-done (post-divorce) was not high in the priority list. Now I still don’t want to go through the hassle. Hindsight, I should have just kept my maiden name. Professionally, I would be SFC/Ms.*Maiden name, but socially I would not have minded being called “Mrs. Jones.”
K. LNU 1 week ago
I took my first husband’s name back in the 90s, it was the thing to do. I am now divorced and still kept it. A little bit because I’m petty – he tried to pull the “oh we discussed you changing it back” gaslighting thing and I told him no. The other thing was I was a US Soldier, held a high security clearance, had several credit cards in my name, and getting my SSN and other things re-done was not high in the priority list. Now I still don’t want to go through the hassle. Hindsight, I should have just kept my maiden name. Professionally, I would be SFC/Ms.*Maiden name, but socially I would not have minded being called “Mrs. Jones.”
Mr. Jones 1 week ago
I'm gay and my husband and I met and got married in our 40s. I am not close to my siblings nor was I close to my parents and never felt much of an attachment to my middle name. I didn't take my husband's last name, but I use for everything not official. And the funny thing is that my first name is part of a popular saying from a TV show. And the last name of that characters is my husband's last name. I started using the character name as a DJ name and then a few months later I met my husband and everyone, including my cousins, aunts, Army buddies, everyone refers to me with his last name. It's a fun name to say altogether. I could have changed it legally, but it wasn't worth it. I don't think the man asked the question in a rude way and just because he doesn't share your values was no reason to attack him. I have a feeling he's pretty open about wanting a wife who takes his name. I have cousins who took their husband's last names and cousins who didn't. No one in our family cares.
Jenny Barnes 1 week ago
I changed my last name as it had no meaning to me. My s***m donor had no part of my life. Divorced my mother when I was 4. Never saw him again, never wanted to. Also when I moved to a new area there was a horrible family (no relation) in the area with that last name. I would always get, "oh you're part of that family.." I got sick of trying to defend myself from this other family. I happily got rid of my old name, but if the had any attachment to my surname I would not have.
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