Lessons People Learned From Their Parents On What Not To Do With Your Own Kids: 35 Stories Shared By Our Community

Yeah... It's like a quote I read in book: "When I grow and have kids, I won't tell them about some kid in Africa who has it worse than I do. Because that doesn't change what they have right now. (I believe the book was: "The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

And please don't laugh when your kid comes home from school in tears from something a bully said, that you, for some insane reason, find hilarious.

Hell yes - I had a mother than forever supported the bully. B***h.

I am glad that I have a pretty good relationship with my kids. They are 30, 28 and 19. Only the 28 yr old has moved out. They know they can always come to me and ask me anything with out fear of being judged. I give them whatever advice I can to help. I also tell them look this is your people, friends, co workers....so take whatever I say and put it into your own words. They have always known I tell them how it is and I do not ever lie to them. Do not punish them.

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And not just body type even, anything with appearance can be really hurtful, I struggled for so long because I couldn't accept myself because I was always taught that women should not have body hair or facial hair.

I feel this as a 16 year old who had battled with bulimia had finally started getting through it so put on a few pounds my dad said to me " no one will love you if your fat" still haunts me now and I'm 41 . I have 3 girls and I constantly tell them that everyone is different and the works would be boring if we all looked the same . I want them to feel proud of themselves and worthy of love no matter what their body type .

Don’t make fun of them for being “fat”, give them an eating disorder, then complain about how there’re “wasting food by not finishing their plates”

Fun fact: fat-shaming normal weighed children who might look a bit chubby but aren't really fat can make them fat later. The body needs a basic amount of calories for normal body functions. Especially during growth it's normal for the body to build up a bit before the next groth phase. If caregivers then fat-shame their children.and they do indeed eat less, the body goes into hunger mode during the growth phase. If that happens too often the body gets stuck in hunger mode and that means it'll cling to every calorie like Dagobert Duck clung to money. And it's nearly impossible to get out of this detrimental imbalance. Thus for the child becomes a fat adult who cannot loose weight without horrible side effects making it extremely hard to loose and maintain a healthy weight.

And equally, my hair, my skin, my posture, my clothes and everything else about me was inadequate.

Eh?

Good on you!

My mom does this to this day. I am 32 years old, and if I tell her I feel sick, or my knee hurts (I have weak knees and ankles), or anything, she compares it to one of her many injuries and how mine is “nowhere near as bad” and “imagine my pain” and so on. The ONLY thing she won’t compare pains on is my migraines. I’ve had them since junior high, and they were so bad I would miss school for two-three days in a row, unable to get out of bed, eat, drink, or even have the lights on.

This one is weird.... You just wanna to mention that you've had surgeries 😂

My mother has basically turned me into her therapist since I was 15. 20 years later it's hard to tell her I don't care anymore because nothing has changed, she's ignored all advice, suggestions and help from both my sister and I, and I've told her many times to stop bad mouthing my dad, but she took that as playing sides and gets upset about that too.

That's literally how most MIL problems start.

But also don't fall into the opposite extreme. You still need to tell your children what's happening or they can't learn from it. Too often children of abusive parents shelter their children too much and pamper them to unhealthy amounts. It's ok to let your child know that there are problems in your world and how you feel, just don't make them your therapist

My brother is still very young (under 13) and his aggressive behavior has gotten better but he still occasionally throws things (mostly that) and hits people. When he was younger he would throw things at people a lot and it would hurt. I still flinch when I see people in the corner of my eye or similar. I’ve only just started realizing that how he acted when he was 5-9 really affected me. And I know that he’s a super sweet, kind kid too.

This can't be said loud enough or often enough. My brother was horrible to my little sister. He would chase her around the house with a butcher knife and a bb gun. My parents did absolutely nothing. In fact he would get rewarded for his bad behavior instead of punished. I would always try to protect her. We both felt completely helpless. I always stress to my kids that they should have each other's backs and be supportive of each other. One day me and their dad will be gone and they will only have each other.

I agree with this even though I'm the hazard and I'm doing my best to stop it

Gotta disagree on this one, a bit. Small kids (up to about 4-5) sometimes do stuff "just because". An immediate, quick, stinging-but-no-more swat on the backside WHILE THEY ARE MISBEHAVING will make an immediate and direct connection between what they're doing and your disapproval. The lesson WILL register, and likely be remembered. This isn't for everything, of course, but _selectively_ applied, can be quite effective. But, hey, your kids - you raise them your way.

My parents always say it's "not other people's problem if you're in a bad mood" when usually other people have acted or done something that put me in a bad mood. They also said " We're always walking on eggshells with you!" or "You'll never be employed, you're so crabby."

Yes! Thank you! I have a phobia of ants (yes, I know it’s stupid) and because I didn’t want to go clean out an ant filled pantry I was dragged by the arm down the stairs and smacked for being “childish”.

This is a very complicated subject! I have read many of the comments. I have raised to children. Discipline and abuse are different. From a religious background we are told to spare the rod is to spoil the child. That can easily be taken to extreme. Talking to a toddler is not usually very productive. Discipline should not degrade a child's self worth. But it should teach a consequence for poor decisions. For some, it is that physical reprimand ( sting on the hand or bottom). Always a last resort!

I got guilt tripped for finally having a diagnosis of ADD shortly before high school graduation. They got angry at me for not letting them know before hand. Gee, because everytime for years that I let on that something wasn't right or "acted out" or wasn't a perfect silent child they told me to "cut it out". As an adult the mental health issues have more names.

She caused them... gaslighted me and made me feel like s**t for being ill.

Never!!

Nothing wrong with making kids TRY things they don't want to do, to see if they actually do like them. But yeah, forcing them to KEEP doing activities they don't like is just dumb.

I learned piano as a child, but the joy was sucked out of it by the constant badgering about 'piano practice' and the comments if I ever plucked up the courage to just go to sit and have a casual play that I don't think I'll ever even touch one again, sadly

See in the opposite of this... I tried all sorts of things and never stuck them and now as an adult I wish my parents had pushed me a little harder to be persistent with things like dance and gymnastics

The only complaint I have is my mom made me play violin instead of cello I'm actually very good at the violin. :/ Lol.

Now I wanna know if OP took her kindergartener scuba diving!

Churches have communion/ confirmation/etc purely for the reason of indoctrinating the next generation. I have yet to see a religion that takes a "let people decide when they're an adult" approach.

People should be choosing religion (or not!) when they are conscious adults.

I actively teach my boys to question everything. They go to catholic school, so there’s the possibility that things will get interesting. I don’t make them eat everything on the plate but one must stay aware of trickery. “ I have just a bit of room left” is code for “ I want to eat candy”