Mom Gives A Shoutout To ‘Voluntarily Involved Grandparents,’ Sparks Big Debate On TikTok
A couple of years ago, my whole family lived in another country for about six months, and when my MIL came to visit us for a week, my wife and I suddenly realized that we had the first opportunity in months to just walk down the street together. Only the two of us, not three, four or five. Because having voluntarily involved grandparents is a game changer.
No, this in no way means that you need to shift the burden of parenthood entirely onto the shoulders of your parents – after all, they have already been parents themselves. But when you have a grandparent (or both, or even 4) who see their role as more than just having some flashy family photos twice a year – it’s damn great. And that’s exactly what this viral TikTok video is about.
More info: TikTok
The author of the video supposes that the biggest flex of being a parent is having voluntarily involved grandparents
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
“Without question, the biggest parenting flex isn’t the mom car, not how much you make a year”
“It’s not how well behaved your kids are. Biggest flex is having involved grandparents. Voluntarily involved. Holy [meatballs], having that midday struggle with my children and then getting that text from grandma: ‘Hey, can I pick so and so up for a sleepover tonight?’ Ha ha ha, funny you should say that! Her bag has been packed. Never unpacked it. She’s ready.”
Image credits: @kelsey_p90
“Grandparents that want to be involved? Ten out of ten!”
“Ones that you can text like, ‘Hey, can you fly up this weekend? We need your help.’ ‘Sure, no problem!’ I don’t know what kind of reaction that was. But it came within the depths. Nothing beats it. Nothing beats a grandparent that wants to do more than required to get that yearly Facebook Happy Birthday Grandma post. You know, I’m talking about they want to go above and beyond.”
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
“The worst part is, it’s kind of not common”
“A lot of the times people don’t have help, and I am sorry. That [really] blows. We know it’s their loss. We know. Who doesn’t want to be involved with their grandchildren? Anyways, I digress. I know it’s true. Having the village actually involved. Top tier. Winning. Grandma, Grandpa, we [really] love you.”
You can watch the original video here:
@kelsey_p90 Top tier 🙌🏻🙌🏻 #fyp #foryourpage #foryou #momtok #mom #moms #momlife #momsbelike #momsoftiktok #sahm #grandparents #grandparentsoftiktok #grandma #grandpa #parenting #parentsoftiktok ♬ original sound – Kelsey P
So, the Original Poster (OP), a TikTok mom named Kelsey (@kelsey_p90), claims that among the biggest flexes of parenting, nothing can beat a grandma or grandpa who can just call and ask if they could pick up the kids for a sleepover tonight. Or whom you can call with a similar question – and they will happily agree.
Kelsey calls such grandparents voluntarily involved grandparents, and reasonably states that their presence makes parenting much easier – especially since there are many grandparents, based on the comments on the original video, who took full advantage of the help of their own parents twenty or thirty years ago – and today don’t want to follow their example at all.
“I’m so jealous of parents who have this,” one of the commenters wrote. “My mom hasn’t seen my kids in like two years.” Of course, the distance factor can also play a significant role here, but there is an old, wise saying: “They who doesn’t want are looking for a reason. They who want are looking for a means.” Well, if they also live nearby, then this is generally a perfect combo! “I’ve got 4 involved Grandparents that live within 5 miles… They are worth more than gold,” another commenter added.
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
By the way, numerous studies really confirm that regular communication with grandparents, having their emotional support, is important for children. “Also important in terms of emotional support was the [children’s] perception of their grandparent’s motivation for involvement; that whatever the type of extra-curricular activity or hobby, young people felt their grandparents wanted to be involved,” another study notes.
And that’s exactly what Kelsey is talking about. After all, kids, like a perfectly calibrated emotional barometer, will perfectly sense any lie, even if unspoken. They will always feel it if grandparents babysit them simply out of despair, and so on. However, another important factor here is respect for the parenting style, because many grandparents feel not like helpers in this process, but almost its main participants.
People in the comments to the original video also more than agree with this. “Biggest biggest flex – having voluntarily involved grandparents that respect your parenting style and boundaries,” one of the commenters claimed. In other words, if your parents, or your spouse’s parents, are like that – then congrats, you’re in luck! If not… well, maybe a decade or two will pass, and you will become such grandparents? And what do you, our dear readers, think about this video?
People in the comments mainly agreed with this mom, claiming that she’s really lucky to have such grandparents at her side
I just realised that it's not a default that grandparents go nuts about their grandchildren. In my country (Croatia) and in the matter of fact whole Mediterranean, it's a default that grandparents will spoil their grandchildren to the bone if given a chance
As a grandparent to three, I can't imagine being any other way.
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Shout out to the adopted grandparents!!! We don’t have any family close by but our neighbors have adopted us and our kids. ( 4 kids 8 and under) My kids ADORE their Nana and Poppi and so do I. So so so grateful!!!!
My MIL is super involved, but often too involved to the point that she just starts making parenting decisions for us. Or now that our kids are older, she'll just text them and make plans directly with them without asking us what our plans are. Have had to set up some healthy boundaries to ensure she doesn't usurp our roles as parents while also giving her the time with the kids that she wants and giving us the help we need.
I just realised that it's not a default that grandparents go nuts about their grandchildren. In my country (Croatia) and in the matter of fact whole Mediterranean, it's a default that grandparents will spoil their grandchildren to the bone if given a chance
As a grandparent to three, I can't imagine being any other way.
Load More Replies... Shout out to the adopted grandparents!!! We don’t have any family close by but our neighbors have adopted us and our kids. ( 4 kids 8 and under) My kids ADORE their Nana and Poppi and so do I. So so so grateful!!!!
My MIL is super involved, but often too involved to the point that she just starts making parenting decisions for us. Or now that our kids are older, she'll just text them and make plans directly with them without asking us what our plans are. Have had to set up some healthy boundaries to ensure she doesn't usurp our roles as parents while also giving her the time with the kids that she wants and giving us the help we need.
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