As you grow up, you start to notice that there are little things one can do to make everyone’s life easier. More often than not, these aren’t exactly laws and regulations, just emotional intelligence and life experience all rolled into one.
Someone asked “What's an 'unwritten rule' of life that everyone should know about?” and netizens shared their best examples. So get comfortable as you read through, upvote your favorites, and share your own examples in the comments below. And if you want to see some other examples, check out our other article on unwritten rules of life.
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When your roommate, partner, spouse, child, etc. just got home and is still taking off their shoes, putting their keys away, etc....do NOT greet them with a "to-do" request or some sort of reminder. It's a universally s****y feeling to be greeted by that.
DO NOT GREET THEM WITH A TO-DO LIST OR REMINDER!!! (How was that?)
Load More Replies...As well as being marched up to about something that went wrong. Give people time to settle and transition to being at home.
When your partner comes home from the grocery store, help them with the shopping bags.
Or parent. Just 5 minutes to go to the loo and get changed then I'm all yours until I get dinner. But those 5 min are really important.
You mean your owners! My owners are like that, too.
Load More Replies...It used to drive me crazy when my mother would do this when I was a young adult. Then I got married and my husband took it over.
I pity the person in the picture coming home from a long day at work...IN ROCK CLIMBING SHOES!! 🤣
Yeah, poor professional rock climbing instructors/teachers
Load More Replies...I get the "Mum I'm hungry" as soon as I walk in the door and it riles me up everytime.
Let me guess, they're old enough to make themselves a sandwich and chose not to. Because I highly doubt you left a 2-10 year old home alone.
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If you want to listen to something in public, use f*****g headphones.
Agree so much. Everyone has different music tastes, and this should apply for every audio, not just music
It's not just "the young people" doing this, either. I was in the waiting room of my neurologist (one of the top neuros in my area, his office is in a VERY fancy/rich part of Orange County, CA, so one would expect mostly classy/rich patients... I don't live in that area, lol) and this elderly couple came in and sat down on the other side of the waiting room. The gentleman pulls out an iPad in one of those prop-up cases. He IMMEDIATELY starts watching some TV show at MAX VOLUME. Even though his wife was also watching, they make share-able headphones with two sets of earbuds. Or, just, you know, one of you gets one earbud and the other gets the other one XD My mom (age 79) does the same thing - speakerphone ALL THE TIME, watches videos/etc. that people send her on her phone at max volume, regardless of where she is. She took a phonecall during a dang musical and put it on speakerphone once.
Load More Replies...Easy fix, start discussing something nasty, very loudly right next to them, the contents of my nephew's diaper after trying some new food is always a winner here. Also photobombing their videocall is always an option too...think the Ministry of Silly Walks! Don't get annoyed, have fun dealing with these rude jerks.
Load More Replies...And don't NEEDLESSLY bother someone with headphones on. They're probably in their own space, in their head and want to be left alone.
Headphones are amazing. I wear mine all the time coz I know nobody else on my 730am bus wants to listen to rammstein
This includes your phone calls and video calls. Actually take both your phone/video calls in private, I am tire of hearing and seeing them.
If you start blasting my favorite metal in public, I still get annoyed and want you to put on headphones. I'm betting as I scroll down most things just go to a sense of zero consideration for anyone else
I have just started wearing hearing aids - and they work as headphones too - how cool is that lol
Every time I get on a public bus someone doesn't have headphones. Headphones don't cost much. I've seen them in the dollar store
If you do have your headphones on please look when you are crossing roads etc. Don’t be a headphone zombie and play amongst the cars. It can be very scary driving.
Don't be a jerk to retail workers.
As a retail worker I can't endorse this enough. It. Is. Not. Our. Fault. That. The. Item. That. YOU. Want. Is. Out. Of. Stock.
And. learn. the. dang. App. for. digital. coupons. before. you. get. to. the. registers
Load More Replies...No one is higher or lower than anyone else. We're working together, playing our roles in our jobs, and they are all important in some way.
Or restaurant workers! Signed a previous waitress who is still sick of your s**t decades later.
“Read the room” is probably one of the best bits of advice for anyone anywhere. It applies to everything from creative work to managing one’s relationships. Because knowing things is just half the battle, people need to know when and where to actually vocalize them.
Interestingly, the entire concept of “read the room” originated not with life advice, but with robbery. A good thief needed to identify marks, risks, and opportunities, so they would “read” the room they were in. It’s only relatively recently that people have switched over to using this idea in the context of emotional intelligence. Perhaps it’s for the best.
If you're walking in a group, don't take up the whole goddamn sidewalk/hallway/tunnel/railroad tracks/trail/path.
Bloody hell, yes. I will walk to the extreme side of a sidewalk or hallway, leaving most of the space empty. If one of them STILL walks in front of me, I'm going through. [ ...................................................... ] One REALLY ANNOYING passive-aggressive trait I see in locals where I live (I'm a foreigner) is the ones that move across the sidewalk into my path. If they had stayed where they were, there was enough for both of us to pass. Instead, they change direction and walk in front of me and expect me to move. And don't think "they're getting off the sidewalk!!!" because idiots do that in hallways where there are no doors.
Yes, a thousand times! Mostly young people who don't bother with this simple bit of basic manners -- and I blame their parents for not teaching them things like this.
In my experience it's usually older people or people my age (50's).
Load More Replies...😒 When people do this and expect oncoming walkers to move aside....stiffen up those shoulders cuz there's gonna be a collision with an oblivious person.
That’s the one that annoys me the most!! How much room do they have to take up with their cart/buggy in the cracker isle while they pick crackers? Move over!
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Saying thank you, please or sorry when needed. There is nothing wrong in being polite.
Showing kindness is a sign of strength. Especially in those who don't 'have' to.
When I was in prison, I had a woman from the projects tell me that she never said "please" because it was a sign of weakness. To me, it had only ever been for politeness' sake. It certainly accented how different other cultures could be, even in the same country. I wish everybody could grow up safely enough to be comfortable using polite words.
Load More Replies...But not being mad when someone accidentally forgets to, or isn't used to doing it from their own culture
Yes definitely! Sometimes I can be a bit overwhelmed with feeling very ill but still needing to be out and about and I think 99% of the time I wouldn’t forget my courtesies, but I’m sure it has happened.
Load More Replies...Seven days a week, a person delivers my meal. I don't know this person or even if it's the same person, but I holler thank you every time I hear him/her attach the bag to my door handle. I also thank the person who bags my groceries.
Let people get off the elevator/bus/whatever before you shove your way on.
Our local bus company drivers always ensure that passengers get off first, if someone tries to board the bus before everyone is off they ask the person to setback until everyone is off.
Frequent user of public transportation here, & YES. Also: technically a "written" rule, but leave the seats down front available for disabled & elderly. I am both. I don't like having to call attention to myself by requesting it...but there are always able-bodied young people in those seats. Sometimes they're absorbed in their phones, but sometimes they're just sitting there looking all over everywhere except at us D/E--"Not Seeing" the ones they could get up for.
You wouldn't believe how entitled some are around here. Being physically larger has its advantages, like walking through anyone standing in front of the door as I exit. If ~~~I~~~ can stand to the side and let people get off the bus or subway I want to ride, what's their problem? [ ................................................................. ] Equally annoying: idiots that STOP immediately IN THE DOORWAY when they enter a subway or an elevator. They act as if no one else was standing behind them, waiting to get in. If you stop there, I'm going to walk through you.
This can count as assault, so I'll say "excuse me please" a time or two, then sidle through if they ignore me. Which happens. I'm a big boy too, btw.
Load More Replies...People have pushed me so they can get on the bus and then they don't pay
This used to be the rule. Also, those who will be on the car longer move to the back. This prevents people from having to shove their way out or possibly miss their stop.
This is just as true in the workplace as well. After all, unless you are pretty close with your coworkers, most folks don’t want to hear about your baby or your family drama on a Monday morning. Indeed, given the amount of time we spend at work, it might be a better place to really internalize “read the room” and pay attention to these unwritten rules.
Your lack of preparation does not equal someone else’s emergency.
My dad's favorite Navy quote was similar..."A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"
Yes! My Grandfather used to say this too! His other phrase was " Don't offer me an excuse, offer me a solution."
Load More Replies...This... makes so much sense. I need to remember this one.
Load More Replies...I ran out of my medicine, because I thought I had another bottle. When I called the clinic, I told the woman that I had royally screwed up. She was extremely accommodating. Had I screamed at her how I needed help immediately, I'm sure she wouldn't have been.
I'm sure that she was pleasantly surprised by your courtesy, given that you could have gone full-harpy on her. As a result, she was more than willing to accommodate you. Remain polite, and you can expect this kind of help from now on
Load More Replies...ANOTHER I can relate to. Clowns at work walked up to me yesterday, saying, "we need you to do this by next week!" I asked, "When did you know about it?" to which they responded, "three weeks ago...". Not. My. Problem.
THIS!!! As someone who has worked some form of customer service for 25 years now, this always astounds me: someone isn't prepared, they want help, and they expect to get unrealistically fast service while treating everyone around them like shìt.
"Proper planning prevents p**s poor performance". Anyway, I think my willingness to help someone in an "emergency" is on a sliding scale based on age/experience. A little kid gets a little more leeway than a primary schooler, who gets more leeway than a high schooler, and so on. As long at they're learning from the mistakes and attempting to correct them. Note: I'm talking about self-inflicted emergencies not actual emergencies.
The saying of the 7 P's comes to mind... Proper Planning Prior Prevents P**s Poor Performance.
Ugh. Parents and their fully developed prefrontal cortexes... Am I right?
My bad eyesight took me off the road, a blessing in disguise. Having motorists driving like idiots because they're late shouldn't be my problem or the cause of my accident.
Oh, YES! I have a dear friend who, whether it's a matter of her personality or the result of two major traumatic brain injuries, asks me to drop everything to do something for her. I finally realized that I couldn't continue doing this and stepped back some.
I don’t remember who said this or where I heard it, but I always liked the quote, “if someone tells you that you made them feel a certain way, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”
This one is huge. Don't get defensive. Apologize. Even if your intention was not to make someone feel bad or whatever--apologize anyway and then figure out how to do better. I appreciate being called out because it is how I learn to be a better person. But you have to take ego out of it, and that isn't always easy to do.
How a person feels is up to them. How you want to navigate this mine field of taking vs giving offense and empathy vs sympathy is different in every situation and not easily covered by one unwritten rule.
Load More Replies...This depends much on the situation. Some people can feel bad because you told them something true they don’t like, or even because they did something wrong and don’t appreciate to be shamed for it. I’ve seen so many times bad behaviors and the perpetrators trying to reverse the guilt on those who told them it was all wrong. In this case, you didn’t « make them feel bad », it’s their behavior which caused it all. Respecting others’ sensitivity doesn’t mean tiptoeing over everything.
Even if you're telling them an uncomfortable truth, they still get to feel how they feel. You might not agree, but you should still acknowledge their feelings. If you think they're lying about their feelings, that's just information you can file away for future reference in your further dealings with them. They are not to be trusted. What you do with your opinion of their feelings is your business.
Load More Replies...Oof. Yes, generally, that's true. And a few years earlier I would have fully agreed. But in our current society there's a nasty tendency to refuse accountability for people's own minds and emotions. No the world doesn't owe you to change because you feel uncomfortable about something completely innocent and harmless. You don't get to demand that people stop living their life and bend backwards, giving up their needs for your wants. It's as if the pendulum swung past the healthy middle field of reasonable expectations towards unreasonable expectations that others manage people's feelings and to refuse to take any responsibility for self management. Far too many people think the world owes them a living and feel entitled to simply be handed over what others build for themselves in decades of hard work. Not sharing their success but demanding to get exclusive access
That's all well and fine, though in the age of the perpetually offended, you're responsible for your own feelings.
Does this apply if a person chooses to be offended by something he or she knows wasn't intended to be offensive?
Now wait. I'm ok with this as a rule, if we can add a corollary: If a person feels some way about something, that's their issue, not mine. I am not responsible for caring, apologizing, or altering my behavior just because you feel some way. Now, if you want to discuss the ethics or propriety of my behavior, fine. But if we're giving people carte blanche to get upset, then by the same token we need to acknowledge that their feelings are theirs to deal with, and feeling some way or another doesn't mean that there are actually problems for other people to deal with.
But the counter to that is equally true: Only you can choose to be offended. If absolutely no offensive was intended but you choose to be offended, that's on you. It's a balance.
If the comment or action was truthful, then there is nothing for the deliverer to be regretful about. The recipient needs to accept these things gracefully. As ever for everyone: the truth shall set you free.
You having a bad day doesn't mean that you have to ruin other people's day.
If I'm having a bad day, I know I'm going to be irritable as f*ck, that's why I isolate myself as much as I can. And if I'm at school I go see my friends and tell them that I'm having a bad day and I ask them not to talk to me because I might say things I don't mean and I don't want to hurt them.
Some Native American cultures keep a basket by their front door. When you visit, you drop your troubles in the basket, have a pleasant time visiting with the hosts, then you pick up your troubles on the way out. This is a technique that can be used anywhere anytime.
Controlling yourself so not to trash other peoples' mood will serve to improve yours.
I sometimes ask people how they're doing. It takes my mind off my smaller issues. Different story for big issues - I've asked for hugs because of a major problem. I still vent once in a while, but seeing others' reactions reduces the number of times I've done that.
Load More Replies...It's a tough lesson to learn for many of us, but your emotions are your own responsibility, not someone else's fault.
Despite the fact that these are “unwritten” rules, the good people of the internet have put a lot of work into assembling these ideas, tips, tricks, and life lessons. So if you are interested in reading more, Bored Panda has got you covered, check out our other article on things that everyone should know.
Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's not true.
This! Too many people don’t accept science or reject it because it doesn’t cope with their ideology. Same with facts, some would do anything to make up an explaination when reality doesn’t match their values. Last but not least, they’ll avoid any discussion or personal experience that might shatter their views. Or turn abusive when confronted with the truth, so common on the web. Extremes of all kinds work this way.
“The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.” Attributed to Neil DeGrasse-Tyson
Or because it happened outside your lifetime or experience. "I've never heard of it!" means you're ignorant and should fact check, not that what's said is somehow false (e.g. Prescott Bush's involvement in a fascist plot to overthrow the US government, the yanks arming the taliban in the 1980s only for those weapons to be used against yanks in 2002).
My favorite is putting Saddam in power in the 80s
Load More Replies...Can the US get this printed on like a billion flags and have those flags flying from as many buildings as possible?
And if you just don't understand something, don't laugh at the person telling.
Also, other people can at least sort of understand how you feel, even if they’ve never physically seen or been through exactly what you’ve seen or been through. It’s called taking the time to mentally put yourself in that other person’s shoes in that situation. I mean, it may not be exactly the same but it’s related enough to truly empathize. Then again, it takes being informed enough of similar situations, such as reading news reports or seeing documentaries that are considered as accurate as possible. That way you have some context to work with.
Don’t post what you wouldn’t say in person.
The rampant insulting done on the internet is done precisely because the victim is not there in person. Those insulters are cowards who might get punched in the face if they insulted people in person.
On the other hand, wanting speak anonymously doesn't equate to wanting to spew hate speech. Some people NEED anonymity, like women who escaped harassers or report rapists, LGBTQIA people who have to stay closeted, etc.
Yes. The keyboard warriors hiding from consequences behind their computer monitors. There's even the occasional ones here. What a sad bunch of people.
Sad people indeed. I don't think they realize how many people pity them.
Load More Replies...Never post something you wouldn't want your parents, your boss, or the police to see
Always leave a place a little better than you found it 🌱✨. Whether it's cleaning up after yourself at a friend's place, picking up litter during a walk, or just offering a kind word to someone in need, these small acts of kindness and respect make a huge difference. It's about adding value to the world in tiny, manageable ways. 🌍❤️
I do so, especially in shops. Retail worker’s work should be respected. :-)
I find myself returning items to their proper shelves, and tidying up in general when I'm shopping.
Load More Replies...Quoting the (not-so) famous philosopher Lucy Van Pelt: "I'm just trying to make the world a better place for me to live in."
You can't argue with stupid.
One of my favourite sayings is "Never argue with an idiot. People may not know the difference."
Anyone else notice BP using stock photos with this blue jersey lady a little too often?
Wasn't it Mark Twain who advised us to never wrestle with a pig because you'll both get muddy, and the pig will like it?
This is not good advice. I say argue with people, particularly about the important things. Make good arguments, listen to theirs and if you're wrong, be ready to admit it. Remember that there are MAGA fans, climate change deniers and flat earthers who think the others are the idiots. Some arguments are worth having.
This assumes the dope you’re arguing with has an open mind, common sense, and at least some intelligence. Unfortunately, most of the dopes have NO SUCH THINGS so you can’t get through to them. Frex, they believe they know more than epidemiologists and so won’t listen to anything one says (or anything you might quote from said epidemiologist). Those are absolutely NOT arguments worth having. 🥵
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"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." George Carlin
I can out-pedantic you: median, mean and mode are ALL types of averages, therefore, this is correct if it is the median average. Seems like you assumed he assumed it was the mean, which is probably correct, and is by far the superior average, however, it could be that our friend George here was talking about the median, and you are wrong. (Sorry for being pedantic)
Load More Replies...This one makes me crazy. I turn 40 this year, but everyone I meet younger than me just doesn't vote. Like, you understand the candidates turned to s**t cause young people stopped voting and gave the boomers overrepresentation, right? If you vote, things actually will get better
And what damage can they do in that two/four years, or the like, while we wait to vote... and so saddening is most people won't vote at all even though every single issue effects them and when they do, not being informed, vote AGAINST their own interests!
Secure your own oxygen mask before helping others.
Seriously. Take this bit of advice and carry it whatever you go through. You can be the most empathetic, helpful, caring person, but even if that's your one goal, by neglecting yourself you won't be the best you can be for others. Sort out mess in your own life, don't carry loads you can't, and everything else will be so much simpler.
An analogy of life - don't neglect yourself trying to be the hero for everyone else. Firefighters don't run into a burning building without donning protective garments.
Specifically for the plane (pictured), give your attention to the flight attendants. Yes, we've all heard the instructions before, but during an emergency, people panic and forget. Hearing over and over, helps. Plus, it's polite. It's hard to stand in front of a bunch of people and smile when all you see is the tops of heads ignoring you.
Except.... service animals... I will sacrifice myself for a dog, you guys!
Or as my mental health nurse once told me - don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.. I try and remember this, but it can be difficult when you see someone else hurting.
In other words, learn to say No. Even if it's the person in the mirror.
You'll never be thanked the way you want to be thanked. Your reward is the good you do, not the praise you get from it.
How so? When in need, I will happily accept help from others regardless of their motivation.
Load More Replies...Yes, but in can be extremely annoying (and rightfully so) if you don't get the credit for something, especially if someone else got this credit.
A true good hearted person never thinks like that 🤔
Load More Replies...My mother told me "Never expect gratitude. And it's not the point anyway."
I for one don’t enjoy hearing thanks, because helping others and being respectful should be normal to me, not something special. On the other hand, I thank every time I have to, because I know others need it and don’t think like me.
Do good things for people that deserve it, if you do for people that don't deserve, you'll be the frog in the scorpion and the frog tale.
It's really hard to be altruistic, practically the part of being humble about it. I could do much better and I will be trying...
I prefer to do good / right things anonymously. Try to rid yourself of ego.
In 1980, MASH aired 'Death Takes a Holiday' and a scene has stayed with ever since. Charles Winchester anonymously donates packages of chocolate bars from home to the orphanage. He focused on his generosity, not on the praise he would've received had he taken credit.
However, keep doing it even if you aren't thanked first and you're still doing it for the thanks. Just don't push it. I used to bake when I was younger to get thanks from others because I thought that's what the nice feeling was. But there were a few times when nothing I made was taken. It made me feel bad, but I noticed over time that even if I didn't get a thank you, when I'd see my stuff was tried at the very least, I really felt my heart sing. That's when I realized I didn't need a thank you, it was just the gesture that was awesome.
Putting the grocery cart back costs you nothing.
In fact in most european countries you get the coin back that you have to insert first
That sounds like a pretty good idea, but I'm curious about something. In the US (or at least in my part) large stores often have numerous places scattered through the parking lot where people can return carts instead of having to take them back to the front of the store. Do the stores where you need a coin to get a cart have that also?
Load More Replies...I can't remember where I read it, but it goes something like this. Not putting back grocery cart is not a crime. You won't be rewarded if you do. You won't be punished if you don't. But it does tell a lot about your character. It shows you are a responsible person. You can be depended to do the right thing.
There is a short “horror” film called “Put Your Cart Away that has is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. You can (and should) find it on YouTube. https://youtu.be/KRCbL1P-Wts?si=RBMHsiNVjRdc9vOj
Just put a coin inside it like ALL EUROPEANS do and you'll see how magically it will helps.
I believe there are two types of people in this world. Those that return the shopping cart, and a$$holes.
Oh, no. After walking into the store, all around the store, and back out to your vehicle, you're just too exhausted to walk that extra 20 feet to the cart corrals located throughout the parking lot. Poor thing.
Treat others how you want to be treated. It's simple, universal, and fosters respect and empathy in all interactions.
Except if you're a masochist. Then treat others the opposite of the way you want to be treated.
Actually, this is old hat now. Treat others how *they* want to be treated, especially if there are cultural differences.
Exactly. I'm on the spectrum, so I would like people to be much more honest with me than they would like me to be to them.
Load More Replies...But just because you treat others kindly and with respect doesn't mean you'll get treated the same, unfortunately.
Treat others how they want to be treated, if you know that and can. If not, then this or how most people would want to be. Those work most of the time.
Most opinions can be kept to yourself.
Remember, opinions are like a***holes - everybody has one, they are usually full of s**t and shouldn't be shared on the internet
Opinions are like butțholes: everyone has one, and they’re nothing to be ashamed of, but best not go sticking them in people’s faces.
Want to say out loud your honest, true to the world opinion about someone/something? Be prepared for the consequences.
You can even say them in a very diplomatic way. For example. instead of saying "you're a sh*tt* person", say "there's a big difference between what you think you are and what you really are." But BOTH will generate consequences.
Load More Replies...If someone takes the time and goes to the expense of sending you a gift for your graduation, wedding, baby shower, etc., have the common decency to acknowledge it and send a thank you note, email, text, or phone call.
Same. A thank you isn't why I buy my nephews : Christmas gifts :Easter treats; Halloween junk ;school stuff,etc. My mom, their grandma, died long before they were born. They never saw her at her best or when she was funny or angry.Or ever. She would have adored them, would have done anything for them, so I try to provide them with someone in their lives who loves them even if they don't send thank yous. But, that's just me .
Load More Replies...My cousins are excellent about responding to gifts, even if it takes them some time. Except for one from whom I never get an acknowledgement unless sent by their mother. That person gets the least of my time and trouble.
I gave this girl money for a bridal shower, and money as the wedding gift, never got a thank you for either one. Was one of my duaghter's frineds, but we were close to, they have been friends since grade school! Gave us the shittiest table at the reception. Now my daughter is getting married, she doesn't even want her at the cermony.... I get poeple grow apart, but damn you had my address to invite me, why not send a thank you?
Thank you!!!! Wasn't invited to a wedding but sent a card and gift. Another one invited but couldn't go, sent money. No thank you, no acknowledgement. Seems common in millennial generation.
Apparently, Gen Z "doesn't do that anymore" - what?!
Load More Replies...I just wish the agencies I donate money to would stop sending me emails, texts, and calls. Appreciate my largesse amongst yourselves.
I honestly hate the "thank you" cards if you thanked them in person. Having gratitude doesn't need to be done in several ways. If I helped or gifted someone something, thanking me when you get it is just fine. I'm just hoping you enjoy it and that's enough for me.
You can do everything right and still not win, sometimes that's just life.
Wish I'd known this when I was younger. I would have let myself have more fun instead of being such a goody two shoes.
But, it's not fair (wailed in a whinging, high-pitched voice). That's right, Tulip. And the sooner you accept that the universe, and therefore life, is not fair, the sooner you'll become a grown-a*s adult.
Life isn't a competition "let's see who wins", it's a cooperation "let's get 'er done!
If a toddler gives you a toy phone, you reply. If a little girl gives you an empty toy cup of tea, you pretend to drink. If a little boy shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to be hurt.
What if a little boy gives you a cup of tea, and a little girl shoots you with a toy gun?
Well, obviously you pretend to die from the tea and then drink the gun. /s
Load More Replies...And no matter what hard&tough guy you are, when your little daughter wants to eat at a little pink table, you eat at the little pink table!
It's quite an honor to be invited to tea. You sip an excellent beverage, dine on the most exquisite cuisine, and discuss the topics of the day, as well as "how could she even think of leaving the house dressed like that?" So divine.
Load More Replies...A girl on the playground once pretended to give me a poisoned hamburger when I was doing yard duty and I immediately died. You just play along, it is fun for everyone.
https://www.ebay.com/itm/374712860081?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=c3b6noCORZW&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=ses8r_llqsw&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY
Load More Replies...If a child SHOOTS YOU WITH A GUN you SHOULD question the parenting -- or do you not see how many shootings there are in schools, etc.? Any concepts of KILLING should not be a game
If you wouldn’t take advice from someone, don’t take criticism from them either.
I would take this advice with a grain of salt. Anyone can have an insight about our behavior that can actually be helpful. If we are behaving/responding/treating someone poorly, or our behavior is in some way destructive, and it is suggested by someone that we consider this - well, consider it. They may be right. Too many of us get very self-centred and selfish at times without realising it; it may be good to get feedback.
As long as the feedback is given with kindness and an intention to help, instead of coming from a righteous jerk know it all.
Load More Replies...That's way to general, and therefore not true. My gf wouldn't be able to parallel park if her life depended on it. Would I take advice from her to improve my own pretty decent parking skills? Hell no! Is she able to identify an point out when I did a s****y parking job myself? Hell yes. Do I take the criticism? You bet.
I don’t give advice in telling someone what to do. I point out scenarios that can happen and then it’s for the person to work out what’s best for them. You can be blamed for what you told them and they can take it out on you. Yes, I have learned from my mistakes.
You remember far more embarrassing moments about yourself than your environment remembers about you.
That's not always true, say/do one stupid thing at a family gathering and they'll bring that $hit up at your funeral.
Well, I laughed out loud at my dad's funeral, as did my sister. I just assume people thought we were under a lot of stress, which we were, not necessarily that there was considerable relief in there too.
Load More Replies...A buddy of mine once got a whole crowded room at a party's attention so he could let a huge fart out, like it was going to be the funniest thing in the world. Room went silent, he let it rip and from his instant face and reaction...everyone knew instantaneously and simultaneously that he sharted his pants in front of everyone. Among the hardest laughter you've ever heard, he awkward clench-walked out of there redfaced. That was 25 years ago. He's still called Shart Boy. My kids know that story. Depends on the level of embarrassment is my point. Oh and, don't get a room's attention on you before you force out a fart
For the most part. Sometimes the opposite is true, people will gleefully remind you of something you would forget.
And they'll constantly bring it up. You'll be conversing about something unrelated, and they'll steer the conversation to a recital of your transgressions.
Load More Replies...Not me. Thanks to numerous TBIs, I don't remember the good, the bad, or the ugly.
I tell my embarrassing times as a joke on myself and I get in first so it can make it more fun.
Turn them into a joke. Always better to be laughed with than at.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them!!
"I'm high maintenance, so you better be able to handle me!" Thanks for the warning, bye...
"Don't worry - I have a plan. Dumping you at the next street corner should work nicely."
Load More Replies...Little more difficult to "see" the person under the narcissism. By the time I figured it out, I was in too deep.
People never change by themselves. They change (superficially) due to external forces forcing them to. So, if someone acts like a jerk to you now, be sure that they'll act like a jerk with you in the future. Learn from the 1st experience.
That's really not true. People can change suddenly through traumatic experiences like losing someone close or being in a nasty accident. Some people who have a wild youth eventually realise they want to settle down. There are so many examples like this and they are fundamental changes, not just superficial.
Load More Replies...If someone tells you something that - is private - isn't illegal, immoral, or otherwise putting anyone's life or finances or property at risk then keep it the f**k to yourself unless prompted otherwise by that person.
I'm very good at keeping secrets because I always forget them a few days after they are told to me...
I am even better because I often drift away when people talk to me and I never know what they were saying in the first place. 😁
Load More Replies...If one of my children confides in me or my husband we don't tell the other. Sometimes my oldest is really surprised that his father doesn't know because I didn't tell him (i.e. my husband).
Quite! If someone has told me a secret, it is THEIR secret and not mine. So I'm not keeping a secret from my partner. I'm merely not sharing someone else's.
Load More Replies...Took like a decade for me to get this across to my sister. She just didn't understand the whole privacy thing. Even if it isn't something I specifically labeled private, if I wanted other people to know, I would've told them. Mom was just as bad, and now I have a hell of a time trying to confide in anyone. I don't even trust therapists, they'll tell the stories about their patients and even if they don't put a name to it, in a state where everyone knows everyone, you might as well have said the name.
...if it's private and you don't want ppl knowing then don't be telling people if first place and expecting them to keep it secret when you couldn't
Depends on the trustworthiness of the person you tell. Some people can keep secrets forever. But knowing that takes getting to know them first.
Load More Replies...I know it's human nature to want to tell people things to get it off your chest. But be smart about what you divulge. Life is hard right now. If you're struggling with something chances are the person you tell us struggling with something too. Reach out to a professional not your friend. Don't over burden your friends with your problems because they'll just end up carrying your c**p with them too.
Used to be a joke among my friends that I was the most trusted with their secrets because I would forget them.
Character is what you do/who you are when no one is watching.
Eat an ungodly amount of chicken wings in a onesie, while watching the Food Network, scrolling BP?
Oh, don't say that. I'm a recliner potato switching between a TV show and BP. I'm more than that, honestly. Okay, not that much more, but still.
Don’t waste time trying to convince people to care about you. They will or they won’t.
I don't understand the downvotes? Here. Have an upvote. Your comment is valid!
Absolutely! It took me a long time to understand my feelings and ideas are valid.
Load More Replies...I wasted so many years trying to get my mother to care about me, but it was an important lesson to move on with people and stop worrying about things I had no control over. BTW, this is an upvote.
This one is quite great. One of the truest thing in this list. You cannot force love or friendship or just even kindness from strangers.
Sadly, there are many who consider manipulation a valid strategy to get attention. Unfortunately it usually works too.
Spending energy trying to get some to believe I’m worth caring about is pointless. Either you believe I am worth your time and energy, just as I believe you are worth my time and energy, or you don’t and this is a lopsided relationship. It’s time to peace out if I’m are doing all the work. They won’t notice or care I’m no longer trying, and I get to carry in with my life. Works for all situations. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
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Not every bad person is going to suffer or have some karma happen to them.
I led a nonprofit public service organization, and the board told me to do things that were unethical, immoral, and illegal--which could have had a big impact on the organization, ruined careers, stopped people from receiving their full pension benefits, and put the organization in legal jeopardy with the state. They are living fat and happy, manipulating funds and ruining lives. I refused to do so, and I am unemployed and on SNAP and Medicare--it looks bad that I left so soon and I am a "mature" professional. I am waiting for the karma to fall, but not expecting it any time soon.
Load More Replies...An 83 million and a 350 million dollar verdict to pay. And yet it doesn't seem like enough karma for that person.
It really doesn't, does it? Let's hope there's more karma incoming, but I'm not holding my breath. The wealthy and powerful can always seem to escape the full consequences of their actions.
Load More Replies...Many of the richest people on this planet did not get that way by being kind and ethical. They did a lot of pretty s****y things that most of us would consider wrong by any measure. There is no karma in terms of material loss but, as like tends to attract like, they will have very few (if any) real friends - just other s****y people like them.
According to at least one Buddhist I've engaged, "Karma" is not "justice" but habits. Habits, unfinished business, compulsion/consequence feedback loops...NOT justice.
Absolutely. It's a fact that the one who dies with the most toys does win in life. We all know how they got the most toys, so we want karma to get them, but it rarely does.
Bad person will not get away with things so easily. Their shame will carry beyond the grave
As a dog owner I would like to see more people ask if its okay to pet the dog, not just go for it. Children are usually good at asking first, but way to many adults just go for it. My dog is not yours to just pet. Ask first. And deal with the answer sometimes will be no.
If I am walking down the street and am passing someone and the dog is on the lead but eagerly wagging their tail and straining towards me I will give a hello pat and a "hey pupper" on the way past. If they aren't I just leave them alone.
My dog will be happy to see others...however doesnt like people touching his face or head, and definitely dont bend down into his face, he will growl at you. I do tell people this right away and also let folks with kids know to just leave him alone as he can only tolerate so much. Very, very sweet dog but some things he dont like. He does love people though providing they dont get in his face. Hes a large dog, almost 10, loves loves loves the grandkids and has never bitten anyone..but will give you a warning if need be.
Load More Replies...Well, yes. But if the dog runs to me or hops at me, I no longer feel the need to ask to pet!
A dog should never run at or hop up at someone it doesn't know - and if it does, it had better be on a decent lead.
Load More Replies...Stand still, hands above your waist. Let the dog sniff your legs. Slide your hand down with palm toward your leg and let it sniff to avoid bites. Hand ALWAYS goes under the chin first (still palm down to avoid bites). NEVER put your hand above the head of an unknown dog, it may perceive it as threatening.
And keep your dog on a leash when walking! Not all dogs get along with other dogs. I adopted a dog with a horrible start to her life and was reactionary to other dogs. I can't tell you the number of times people have had their dog off lead which in itself is illegal, that would come bounding to my dog. When I would yell at them to get their dogs under control it was amazing how many would be like, oh their friendly. I would be like, my dog will rip your dog's throat open if you get to it before the dog gets to mine.
I have this exact same problem and it really has limited where I can walk my dog.
Load More Replies...I will ask before touching, but as long as it is not a service animal, I WILL fawn over how cute it is. I won't distract a service animal.
I have seen this way too many times. I used to dogsit a most lovable German shepherd. She happily accepted pets and scratches. However, I was amazed at the number of ADULTS who would casually walk up to her and start petting her. For one thing, she was a retired police dog. For another, she was on a leash, technically making her a cornered animal, with little means of escape. If she wasn't friendly, she could have easily injured someone. You NEVER start petting a strange dog unless you "introduce" yourself first. Stand still and let them sniff you, only offering the back of your hand. You're more likely to get it back in one piece.
I usually stoop down to the dog's level, not crowding them, and offer my open palm under their chin- of course only AFTER the owner gives me permission to. This has always worked for me, because getting down to their level and not putting my hand above their head shows I'm not trying to dominate the dog, and thus the dog is more comfortable with me petting them.
Load More Replies...I asked this lade one time, and she said, no she doesn't like people very much, and said okay no problem. And she was like thank you for not saying, "she will like me, or I have a way with dgs they all like me" No I take it at face value, she doesn't like people, I am not goingto stress her out by trying to per her .
If you open something, close it.
Yes. Like the bathroom stall. Had the great misfortune of walking into a public bathroom while someone was wiping their a** with the door open. Just why?
If the urgency is immediate, sometimes that's what happens.
Load More Replies...And if you turn it on, turn it off. If you empty it/take the last of something that you didn't buy, REPLACE IT! (Looking at you, roommates!)
Little does OP know this is a trigger. Spent way too many years spilling and splashing condiments because the nitwit I lived with just lacked the ability to figure out how to put the lid on tightly.
Think of your future self not as your current state/mindset but as someone else you have to protect and provide for because that's who they are.
You don't know what they want differently than you do now, what has happened to them, their health, their tragedies, their triumphs, the lessons you haven't had yet, the changes you don't know you have to make, what feelings you have now that they don't... So make sure you're setting them up with the best intentions at heart. They are relying on you for stability & safety, and are watching you thru the memories you're creating now.
The reverse is also true. Your past self didn't have the wisdom experience and ability to see the outcome before the actions they took. So be kind to them and forgive them.
Load More Replies...What a thoughtful and beautiful sentiment. I knew I'd be on my own in old age, so I planned my finances and medical directives well in advance. I'm not living high on the hog, but I've got peace of mind.
When you think everything is beyond bleak, keep in mind that while future you can feel demanding because they will have a better time if you invest in them now, only one thing is truly required. All future you needs, really needs, is for you to survive. If that is all you have today, you still succeed.
I'm 38, and 40 year old me is cheering me on hoping that I make it to her (she's content, confident and has a killer wardrobe)
Never screw with someone’s lunch break. Most people hate their jobs, and that half hour to an hour they get to be on their own and enjoy their food and/or just time alone is sometimes the only peace and enjoyment they get for 8+ hours.
If you see someone eating in their car, park or walk somewhere else away from them so you don’t disturb them, if they’re in the office by themself, wait until they’re done to talk to them, if it’s close to the normal lunch hours (between 12-2PM), anything you need from that person can wait until after they get back from their lunch. Never. F**k. With. Lunch.
It's not universally true that most people hate their job. It might be true in some countries, but here in Norway, about 90% say they enjoy their job. https://www.ssb.no/arbeid-og-lonn/artikler-og-publikasjoner/bonder-og-leger-blant-de-mest-tilfredse-med-jobben
People feeling entitled to a piece of your time during lunch break may have a lot to do with how much you like your job...
Load More Replies...Same goes for quitting time. Don’t drop a sky high pile of work on my desk at 4:45pm, and think it will be done by 5:00pm. If you do, you can just go f**k yourself and do it your own damned self, because I’m not going to even look at it until 9:00am the next work day.
I've experienced this and fully agree. I worked as a file clerk for an auto dealership, and I stayed until 8pm. because someone else had an audit the next day. They could have given me the order at 10 am or 2 pm when I had the opportunity to look in file rooms that were locked by 4 pm. But they would dump it on me at 4:45 in the afternoon.
Load More Replies...I had to start eating in my car and then I had to start driving my car across the street when my co-workers would literally come find me in the parking lot. I still got texts but at least I could ignore those.
Same here. If I ate my lunch in my office, I could lay odds at Vegas that someone (particularly someone who thinks that everyone works for them) will come by, expecting me to forego lunch to help them with something they were capable of doing themselves. That's when I started eating in my car or eating out.
Load More Replies...I used to do the very same thing. Especially when it was for a meeting disguised as a group lunch during MY lunch break. I didn't screw around on the clock, and no one screws with my time off the clock. Period.
Load More Replies...I love my job! But AI is slowly taking it over. I don't want my life to be one long lunch break; where's the satisfaction and mental challenge in that?!
At one point at hospital i tried no to eat at the employees cafeteria but eat my lunch in front of the hospital. I stopped cause people always come to ask me some stuff even if i was eating.
What does whether you like your job or not have to do with you being entitled to a lunch time?
Your actions speak louder than your words.
You obviously don't work with kids long term. Kids go through stages where they believe every single syllable uttered at them. In other stages they ignore everyone except the person feeding them. You sound like you had a difficult childhood. Do some research. The "actions speak louder" applies to pubescents and up. Then it is 98% true. One never knows what type of emotional baggage another person carries around with them every day that disqualifies them from acting the way they wish they could, under better circumstance. Judgment of others is bad karma.
Load More Replies...Exactly! Just look at the Republican party in the USA - they say they are Christians when they behave like the devils, they say they are going to make things better in the country and then set out to make it worse.
Come on now. The Bible clearly says to destroy anything and everything that one doesn't like or understand (animals, plants, and Earth included). God gave it to us, so do whatever we want while screeching his name and flipping people the bird. /s
Load More Replies...I have a friend who does many things for me(non sexual,)but constantly tells me how ugly he thinks I am, how he looks better for his age, better in a bathing suit, how my laugh is obnoxious, my ADHD is my real, my v@g is dried out from not using it enough (mind you, he doesn’t want to use it with me,)and i’m seriously reconsidering this friendship as I type this cuz I can’t remember the last time he said anything kind or nice to me or about me, and he calls me almost every single day. I’m about ready to tell him he should probably find someone he actually likes as a person and go talk to them as much. Find a girl who you want to f*ck instead of wasting all your time with a friend you don’t even seem to like…except for the fact that I’m 100% sure I could call him when I was in trouble and he’d be there for me, insulting me the entire time. Usually he does this to make me laugh and a lot of times the s**t that he says makes me laugh, but every once in a while, pay me a compliment.
This person is not your friend. Sounds like he enjoys like treating you like a verbal punching bag, and I don't know you, but I'm gonna go ahead and say you deserve better than that. And P.S., you are NOT ugly. This guy is either blind, or just enjoys tearing you down.
Load More Replies...I found the message adults told us 'don't do as i do, do as i say' very confusing as a child, because even at a young age I thought it hypocritical.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I don't know why this has to be explained to some people.
And your inaction speaks volumes as well. Sometimes, "not taking a side" IS taking a side
Learning to 'read the room' is one of the most important, and probably underrated, social skills to have in your locker. If you're leading a conversation and the other person/people start to look away, act slightly distracted, or interject with different topics, take the hint and change the subject. Not everyone is as interested as you are in your favourite topics. It doesn't mean you're boring (necessarily), but this isn't the right audience for whatever you're talking about right now. I'm consistently blown away by the number of grown adults, even in their 30s or 40s, who haven't learned this yet and just yammer on obliviously.
Yeah, I couldn't read a room if the room came with subtitles.
Load More Replies...Sometimes it is nice to show more interest than you have too if it means someone gets to share a thing that they enjoy with you. You never know, you may end up finding it worthwhile and educational.
I think almost anything can be interesting if the person talking about it is passionate about it. Also, I'm c**p at small talk and answering basic questions like "what do you do?" is awkward bc I don't want to talk about/nobody wants to hear about my health issues, so I tend to ask lots of questions.
Load More Replies...I'm going to go ahead and reply "Right?!!" for all the other introverts that just thought that and cruised by without replying.
Load More Replies...One of the blocks to listening is your brain chomping at the bit to say your clever response to a comment someone made before they have finished speaking. The other half of that is too many people speak like a run on sentence and do not understand that people like to hear only short statements at a time so that they can formulate a response.
It's not catastrophic to bore someone sometimes but you should read the room not to insult people or to bring up uncomfortable or sensitive topics or opinions no one asked you, like don't talk about the divorce rate at a wedding or proclaim your atheism at a church gathering.
Or there aren't enough people these days with the good manners to " appear " interested in what someone is talking about.
Well, some of us would've been better socialized had we been raised by wolves, so social awkwardness is fairly common. Then there are the various mental and neurological disorders that may cause an inability to read a room.
Kindness will be the most valuable item you can use as currency. Without it, you lose long term value with everything we touch. Examples of a person who invested with kindness? Mister Rogers He earned the respect and dignity of the world.
Don't forget Bob Ross. I just want to sit down and have lunch with Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross....and Keanu.
Your world is small. Like the north american continent. As not the whole world knows who Mr. Rogers is. But the core statement still stays valid.
Not really the world, there are countries outside of America and we've never heard of him.
Fine. The whole world that he encountered or who encountered him.
Load More Replies...Actually, people will often try to take advantage of a kind person. Be kind anyway. (But be prepared to enforce boundaries if necessary.)
Being kind should never be equated with being a sucker. Do kind people get taken advantage of by unscrupulous people? Of course, but they are also rewarded for their kindness more often.
When Mister Rogers' Cadillac was stolen, he got it back a few days later with a note inside that read, "We didn't know it was YOUR car!" Now THAT'S respect!
Think before you speak.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln
"Think 'ere you speak, for words, once flown, once uttered, are no more your own."
And if you can't say something nice, say nothing. If you aren't asked for an opinion, don't give one.
My father drilled that into my head at an early age. Doesn't stop me from blurting things out sometimes, but I do keep it in mind.
Try where possible to live for yourself and not for other’s expectations of you.
Every greedy Capitalist developer who has ruined others lives thinks that way. Look how that has worked out.
ya my mom tried everything she could to get me to stay in az that i hated. move to portland, or and i'm thriving!
Always do. A lesson learned as we age, hopefully. Just be kind and brief when disagreeing.
Does this include parents? Once you're an adult, you have to decide what's best for you (and I don't mean drug use, either. No absurd responses, please.)
Ive always put this rule directly under the golden one. NEVER OVERSTAY YOUR WELCOME.
Also, to extroverts, "Shut up once and actively listen once in a while."
Self-awareness is a superpower, to be able to pat your own back and call yourself on your c**p is priceless.
Self deprecating humor is also a priceless quality. Being able to acknowledge and laugh at your own faults and foibles breaks down many barriers.
I laugh particularly when I fall over. I’m notoriously clumsy. I don’t care anyway. It can help when people are freaking out that you are on the ground.
Wouldn't call it a superpower. If I've said or done something wrong or stupid, I'm feeling guilt and/or shame. That's no superpower and certainly not "priceless"
I can see where op comes from. I work with a lot of teens who find it impossible to take responsibility and it's very sad. Those who accept and are aware of their own influence are able to learn from mistakes, work out how to change undesirable situations and ultimately feel real pride in their achievements. Those who don't, those who blame everyone else, they are vulnerable to having no control over outcomes. While on the surface they appear entitled and spoilt, ultimately real pride is not fully felt and poor self esteem follows. The difference between the two groups can seem like a super power, and you can't put a price on it.
Load More Replies...Chew t with your mouth closed. And don't talk with food in your mouth.
If you MUST speak with food in your mouth, at least put your hand in front of it first and try not to spit on your own hand.
Learn to keep your mouth closed when you aren't eating or talking; an open-mouthed gape looks really ignorant.
Pigs at the trough. A kid showed up in my class with gum yesterday, so nauseating that I almost threw up. And then everyone gets pi$$y because I sent the kid out of the room.
I would be! I have a nerve condition in my face right above the jaw. Unless I can be out on heavy d***s (which my docs won't prescribe and I can't function on anyhow), I have to chew gum to keep the pain down. I don't chew with my mouth open though. Try sending me out of a room with my gum and see how far you get.
Load More Replies...I can't tolerate this gross habit. I'm not a stickler for table manners, but this one will set me off.
Your mental map of how things work is wrong in many ways.
That's because many people's mental maps are how they expect it to work for THEM, and the hell with what anybody else thinks. We need to start adjusting this attitude while they are still children, instead of lettin' the little reprobates get away with everything. Children did not run around screamin' or demandin' toys or candy in stores in the 60's & 70's. They got their backsides swatted.
Oh God, I so do hope it is! Please, please don't let everything be the way I imagine it to be!
So don’t loose you curiosity in finding out how things actually do work. Admit you don’t know something and when you are wrong. You can learn this way and not make that same mistake again.
Lose, not loose. There, you've learned something! And I don't mean to pick on you- it's amazing how many people don't understand the difference in the words. I have the same problem when people say "costed". Costed isn't a word! The word is "cost".
Load More Replies...Respect the atmosphere of the room you walk into. If it's quiet, you will be quiet. If it's louder, you can be loud.
I love this one! As a doula I lived by this. I would follow my client's lead. Sometimes I had laboring clients that would want a quiet room, they would whisper or barely talk. So, I was quiet, would whisper and only talk when necessary. Occasionally I'd have loud clients--like the one who wanted to play Friend's Trivia while she was in labor. It was a pretty boisterous room. But one time, I was with a client where it was a very subdued labor. Quiet music, hushed voices, room really dark except for a few battery operated candles. And their L&D nurse kept walking into the room practically shouting, telling jokes, and trying to be cute about everything. I'm like, "read the room!" My clients hated her.
My sister nearly ripped her husband's head off for sneaking S Club 7 onto her at-home birth playlist. I think the midwife had to put up with quite a bit of swearing there! :D
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Most of our learning comes about through making painful mistakes.
Sometimes it's better to ask a stupid question than make a stupid mistake.
Yes, but hopefully learning will help you avoid making painful mistakes.
The trick is to learn from "other peoples" painful mistakes. It took me MANY years to work that out.
This is bvllshit. It's very rare that learning is through painful mistakes. Mistakes? Yes. Painful ones? No.
Experience: The most brutal of teachers. But you learn...my God, you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone learns from their mistakes though.
Life isn't fair.
But that doesn't mean we should make it less fair, or use apathy when it comes to improving fairness
It's exactly because life isn't fair that we should we working to make it fairer.
Load More Replies...I've had situations where individuals have treated me unfairly. When I've called them on it they say, "life's unfair". Yeah, because you're going out of the way to make it that way.
Neither is music, the alphabet, or the multiplication tables. Being fair has nothing to do with any of them.
I read the dictionary definition of 'fair', and by the definitions printed, it could never be, and maybe that's for the best.
Sometimes, life is fair. Sometimes life is beyond fair, and you get more out of it than you put into it.
If your wife says she doesn't need presents you still buy her presents.
Absolutely not. If someone says they don't want presents, you respect their wish and don't buy them presents. (I also don't agree with the gender roles.)
I'm a widow, but as a woman in general I tell people I don't need more stuff. If I want something, I already have it. I'm alone in the world. I want someone to pay attention to me: a phone call, a walk in the park, tacos from the street vendor on the corner. The gift of time is the best.
That depends. When you get married, take the time to actually know the person you married, so you’ll know whether to get them something or not, instead of just making no effort to get to know them and automatically taking what they say at face value, as if they’re a total stranger. You live with them 24/7/365, ffs, so you should know by their tone what they mean. Unless they’re a manipulator who’s also a very good actor.
Unfortunately, 'Know by their tone' just doesn't cut it for many people. Use words to say what you mean, be clear about it, expect your words to form the basis for future actions from others, not the tone of voice or body language thou may think you're displaying.
Load More Replies...I hate this. Women know what we want. If we say we don't want something. WE DONT WANT IT. It's that simple. We're human beings too after all. We know our minds better than anyone else.
I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but "not all women". Certainly older women can be very prone to be excessively self effacing
Load More Replies...And if you DO want presents, say so, don't play games ad get mad when people take you at your word.
You are not the main character. Your actions affect everyone around you as well.
You're the main character in YOUR life, just don't expect to be that in the lives of others. And yes, ofcourse your actions affect others around you.
Empathy applies to everyone & everything. I will never understand rude a******s.
I occasionally wonder: were they ALWAYS rude, or was someone else rude to them when they were constantly polite.
Load More Replies...I am owned by two cats. I am definitely not the main character.
you are the main character. but only when you play the good route, where you are nice to everyone, hopefully.
I live alone, so I am the main character, right up until I walk out my door where others are located.
I am the main character in my life, although the dressing room I've been assigned fails to reflect that.
Mood and feelings are like the weather. "I've found that it's of some help to think of one's moods and feelings about the world as being similar to weather. Here are some obvious things about the weather: It’s real. You can't change it by wishing it away. If it's dark and rainy it really is dark and rainy and you can't alter it. It might be dark and rainy for two weeks in a row. But. It will be sunny one day. In the same way that one has to accept the weather, so one has to accept how one feels about life sometimes. "Today's a c**p day," is a perfectly realistic approach. It's all about finding a kind of mental umbrella. "Hey-ho, it's raining inside: it isn’t my fault and there's nothing I can do about it, but sit it out. But the sun may well come out tomorrow and when it does, I shall take full advantage."
But if you live in England you shouldn't get your hopes up too high
Well, enjoy them. But watch for metaphorical thunderstorms and hurricanes.
Load More Replies...Annie; "The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun."
In life please remember it will pass bad time and unfortunately good times too.
I came to this conclusion awhile back, and it has benefited my mental health in so many ways. Dealing with depression takes a lot of emotional energy. Trying to pretend you're OK takes even more emotional energy. So you wind up spending twice the energy! Yes, ride it out and spare yourself of wasting more precious energy.
Not all rules are blindly meant to be followed.
And not just for other vehicles - pedestrians also base their choices on what you show your intentions are!
Load More Replies...Learn the rules first. Don't decide to break them unless you've learnt them first.
And you know the consequences of doing so, for you and everyone else around you.
Load More Replies..."An adverb should be located as close as possible to the verb it is modifying" is apparently the rule not being followed blindly here.
Blindly followed, not blindly meant. I'm sorry but this error made your thought hard to understand.
At 14, after really struggling with religious questions, bullies, and abusive parents, I went to a private alternative high school. There, the man who ran the school used to read dystopian novels to us in order for us to learn to "question authority." As a romantic girl, I remember thinking, "This guy's got some strange taste in what's a good story," as he read to us "Siddhartha," "Brave New World," "Fahrenheit 451," "Lord of the Flies," and "Animal Farm" among others.
Relationships (romantic, familial, friendly, work) are compromise. If you're not willing to help the world around you, don't be surprised when the world doesn't help you in return.
Well, this isn't true. Many extremely UNhelpful people still get lots of help, unfortunately.
And the other way round too! Helpful, kind people don't always get help when they need it. Many times they're just taken advantage of for their kindness.
Load More Replies...The converse isn't true. Helping others and doing what's morally right won't always make others think better of you, especially those predisposed to believe lies, those who assume NOT speaking (i.e. not violating others' privacy) is the "problem".
Life is full of nuances that can make our interactions smoother, and recognizing these subtleties is key to emotional intelligence. An excellent starting point is to 'read the room,' an unwritten rule that goes back to the days of thievery but has found its place in modern social settings.
Understanding these implicit social cues is vital, much like the 'unspoken conventions' discussed in our exploration of common life guidelines.
Driver’s ed teacher decades ago: Never stop driving the car. If it looks like you’re about to be in an accident, do not let go of the wheel, close your eyes, and scream because you will be in a wreck. If you keep driving the car, you might get lucky and drive through it, it will certainly be a better outcome than giving up. This advice applies in general - Never stop driving, no matter how bad things seem.
Push down the emotional panic and try your best to work your way through it logically, as if you were looking at it from the outside. When it’s all over and done with, you can take some time to have that full on panic attack. Panicking in the moment is what will kill you.
There are no "accidents", EVERY crash is a result of entitlement, inattention, speeding, tailgating, and a lack of concern for others. Make 30kmh (20mph for the yanks) the speed limit everywhere, and the rates of crashes and fatalities drops dramatically. [ https://www.roadsafetyngos.org/toolkit/priority-interventions/30-km-h-zones/ ]
"We're heading for the edge of a cliff!" "Never stop driving, no matter how bad things seem!" It doesn't always apply. Sometimes one has to stop, reconsider, and realise that one is heading in the wrong direction.
I don't think you understood the post at all. "Driving" in your proposed situation would mean braking and/or steering appropriately, not "continuing to accelerate in a straight line".
Load More Replies...Middle seat gets both armrests.
I actually did this on my last plane trip from Europe to the US. My husband always insists on the window seat, so I get stuck in the middle. I wasn't about to left the man on my other side have more leg room and two armrests, either.
The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough.
Carry your own weight. Nobody likes a burden, nobody respects a parasite, and you aren’t entitled to anything. When I actually learned to provide for myself growing up, was when I finally developed self-respect.
In most cases, hardships are not personal, no one is out to get you, and most things aren’t nearly as important as you think they are.
B.S. I've been in plenty of situations where this wasn't true. There are truly evil people in this world - and you might be working or related to them.
Put it AWAY, don’t put it down.
Put it back where you found it—-after asking first if you can borrow it—-instead of just taking it and not putting it back. I have had to clear the top of my desk and lock everything in a drawer, in certain jobs I’ve had, because people would just help themselves to my stapler, tape dispenser, pens and pencils, etc even though they had the same damned things on their own desks, and every goddamned morning I would have to go on a scavenger hunt to find my f*****g desk supplies!
Unless you're a vet and it's an old animal with no hope of recovery...
You might not be your best buddy's best friend.
Give a little wave of acknowledgement when someone let's you merge / join the stream of traffic. Flash your lights if there's cops up the road. (Or pat the top of your helmet I'd you're riding a moto). Edit: I'm aware it's illegal in many places, it's illegal where I live too but we still do it 2 finger wave if you're in the middle of whoopwhoop and pass another car.
I used to warn about cops. With the number of people lately that have been doing double the speed limit, passing in no passing zones and around booking curves, blowing through stop signs and crosswalks, I've stopped. Some of the people near me need to lose their license before they kill someone. *Do still warn about deer, though
I don't flash about cops, but I always think you should acknowledge little niceties wherever they happen.
Don't send out a group text before 7am and after 10:30pm.
Wipe down the damn sink when you're done.
Do not automatically trust people.
Disagree with this one. Some of my best experiences came from trusting a stranger. Just don’t be stupid and naive alongside trusting.
Which is why the OP qualified it with "automatically".
Load More Replies...Trust is earned. So is friendship. Acquaintances are vastly different than a real friend.
If you hang out with 5 losers, you'll be the 6th.
And everyone will looks like a loser to anyone else, following the American definition of "loser". And, to be honest, only in USA I see this division between "winners" and "losers".
Only the individual, after much introspection, can decide if they're a loser.
We all have different ideas about success. My circle of friends is very mixed: there are people who go for a big career, and there are people who prefer a steady job without any fuss. We all met at uni, and our lives became different after that. We do stay in touch, and it's nice ^_^
There is only ONE constant in this world. That constant is change.
Greeting your coworkers when you arrive at work. It’s basic manners that I know a lot of people don’t follow.
"Greeting" doesn't need to involve talking. Just a nod will do in many cases.
Load More Replies...Disagree. I don't think this has anything to do with manners. It's simply a ritual that many people expect. I'm not saying you should be anything but respectful and kind to coworkers, but engaging in 'hello' and 'good morning' and 'how are you' conversations is completely unnecessary. Some people (mainly us introverts) just want to do their job and not bother with small talk (which, for certain people, can actually be quite uncomfortable). If you expect a 'good morning' from someone and don't get it, just let it go -- and probably, make a mental note that the person in question is not keen on random small talk -- but if you can't let it go, that's on you.
Silent head bob works for me. I have zero interest in how you slept or how your day is going. Zero.
Load More Replies...I would like it if they would let us know when they leave! I routinely answer the phone and run around like a moron for five minutes looking for someone who silently left and then have to apologise for making the caller wait for this process.
I sort of agree but I had one coworker who would take "good morning" as an invitation to perform a 45 minute monologue. He was always there before me. Socially acceptable cues to stfu didn't work. I finally started hanging in the lobby with my laptop for a more peaceful intro to my workday.
Slower traffic keep right.
ALL traffic should slow. 30kmh is the safe speed limit, not 50. [ https://www.roadsafetyngos.org/toolkit/priority-interventions/30-km-h-zones/ ]
Excellent. Practical advice from my Driver's Ed classroom teacher (who was also the HS FB coach): "Drive ahead." Anticipate what other drivers might or might not do. Such as – weave in and out of traffic, cut between you and the car in front of you, turn left from a 'go straight' lane, slam on their brakes for no apparent reason, weave in their lane, not GO when the light turns green, not turn right on red, and especially, run red lights. Most recently three cars/pick up trucks ran a red light, one after another, at a major intersection with road construction.
Four lanes, trucks overtaking each other in three. Fast lane about 60 percent of legal limit...
People are really unaccustomed to others admitting they have screwed up. Most drama in your personal or professional life can be avoided by just straight up contacting the person or people you let down or impacted and saying “hey, I f-ed up but am getting it fixed” instead of letting them discover it. And if you can’t fix it, an apology that *doubles down* on your guilt will usually suffice. “Hey, I f-ed up, it’s totally my fault, I just dropped the ball and there’s no excuse.” The power comes from not letting them have time to fume over it or giving them room to talk down to you. You’re in control. Occasionally you’ll screw up so bad that the response is not so understanding, but at that point you probably have a major lesson to learn. That said, there are absolutely times when admitting guilt has serious consequences and you have to mitigate the damage (think legal consequences in which admission of guilt will have a long lasting impact). Of course, if you’re in *that* situation, you need a lawyer.
Don't give excuses, give reasons and take accountability. Telling the whole truth calmly and clearly to someone's face immediately can get you out of a whole bunch of trouble. A lot of mistakes are easy to fix if caught immediately, but have horrible consequences if left to fester.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Just the opposite. The only person today capable of breaking Usain Bolt's records is Usain Bolt himself.
Load More Replies...If you have nothing nice to say don't say it.
The person that cooks doesn’t do the dishes.
Not true. If you cook to "Do something nice for your partner/spouse" and then they walk into the kitchen and it's a bombsite, you lose a lot of goodwill. When you cook, clean as you go, and leave the kitchen tidy. Person that doesn't cook clears the table. If it's a routine division of labour, that can be different, but you still clean up as you go, just might leave the washing up neatly stacked beside the sink.
I'm retired and clean the house, do laundry, and change the sheets once a week. My husband still works at home so his only household task is to cook a simple dinner 4x/wk (the rest of the week we eat at friends or go out). He always cleans as he goes, rinsing the dishes we eat on at the end which I place in the dishwasher. It works.
Load More Replies...I usually clean as I go so there aren't too many dishes left before we sit down. Each person does their own dishes when they're finished, and if there are still other dishes to do, and leftovers to be put away, we all just kind of chip in.
Deborah B. Agreed. I work in kitchens. It is common practice to 'clean as you go'. My partner does most of our cooking (he is a chef and understands this as well). If iwas left his mess from cooking, I would be fairly upset. It would lose the meaning of a good meal. Therefore, I would decline to eat since I would have to clean up the mess. No deal.
At a house party if the toilet door is closed it is occupied. When open it is available to use. So many ppl close the door after use when nobody is there.
Also love the dudes who, despite there being a urinal, go into the cabin to p*ss, don´t turn the lock and are then surprised when someone smacks the door into them.
The idiots I work with close the door and leave the light switch on (it's outside the room) so it looks like someone is inside. And THEN the idiots bang on the door when someone is inside. If they were smart enough to turn off the light AND/OR leave the door open, everyone would know the situation.
In our house, we don't lock the door and keep the door open when not in use; my adult children still do this. When we get visitors, they close the door afterwards and I never understood this practice. Is it to keep the smell in??? Then that's not nice because then the smell jumps on you when you open the door. Is it because it's offending to see a toilet bowl peeking out? Get over yourself.
When someone asks you "How are you?" as a greeting, its OK to lie. That is not the time to trauma dump.
On the flip side, if you don't really want to know how someone is, just dispense with asking that question entirely. It's not like you ever want to hear anything but 'good' or 'fine' anyway.
If your coworkers literally turn their backs to you and don’t respond to you as you speak, it’s a good indication you should stop talking.
If he wanted to, he would.
I guess this means, "If a man is interested in a woman, he would pursue her." I agree. If he's not, walk away with dignity.
You see someone nicking baby food, nappies, pads, tampons etc you stay quiet.
Stealing is stealing, no matter what it is. A lot of stolen baby products are resold, not taken by those who need them.
In my experience, the thieves steal multiple, and the desperate steal what they need.
Load More Replies...I work in a grocery store and never put sensors on those types of things. I've seen them stolen and completely ignored it.
The privileged lowlifes that say "all theft is theft" conveniently ignore that capitalism is theft, that the greed of the wealthy made people poor. Go read the Japanese story, "Ooka and the Honest Thief". People are honest until circumstances make theft about survival.
Never own an animal that can kill you.
Most animals people keep could kill you. Dogs kill thousands of people every year. Horses kill hundreds of people every year. People don't usually associate those animals as dangerous. Animals that are often associated as dangerous or deadly rarely harm people. Alligators are dangerous but they rarely hurt people. (Alligators don't make good pets.) But a reticulated python can make an excellent pet for people who have the space for them. They don't hurt their keepers on purpouse, even though they could easily kill a person. This really just depends on the animal.
And never own an animal you can’t—-or worse, won’t—-properly care for. Pets aren’t props or fashion accessories you can just throw away when you’re done with or tired of them. They’re living creatures you’re responsible for throughout their lives with you. If you can’t commit to them like you’d commit to having a child, then don’t have pets in the first place. Period.
I owned wolves when I could physically do it. They are very different from what you think, and quite unlike a dog. But becoming one with their pack is priceless, because it usually means you have been "elected" by them, as alpha male.
Someone I once knew spent weeks in the hospital after being savagely attacked by... her cat. She nearly lost an eye.
People you work with are NOT your friends. They can become your friends AFTER you leave that job, but not while you’re working together.
Whoops, better tell my best friend of over a decade that we aren't friends.
People at your workplace can be your friends, but always remember that's not what they're there for.
this makes zero sense. why would anyone intentionally not be friends with someone they work with? that's absurd.
I agree. My work was my favorite hobby and interest so the other people I worked with had that same interest and we were all friends.
Load More Replies...somewhere as a child I heard a slightly different and much stronger version: "The most unforgivable of all sins - is to try to ease your own hurt - by hurting someone else."
HAVING POWER IS NEVER PERMISSION NOR SUPERIORITY. Whether it's males towards women, whites towards Black people, adults towards children, car drivers towards cyclists, the wealthy and the poor, or any other situation, your position NEVER gives you the authority to abuse or take advantage of others.
Another one that should be obvious: equal treatment means equal treatment. If it's rude, demeaning, or just weird towards someone without a disability, it's the same towards someone WITH a disability. ▪️▪️▪️If someone with a disability needs help, they'll be the first one to tell you. Otherwise: please don't nanny over people. We live with our disability 24/7 and know what we're about. We've learned all sorts of tips and tricks to function independently, and if we can't do something we've learned to ask. ▪️▪️▪️I've had people quietly stalk me all the way through a supermarket for 10 minutes. It doesn't matter if it was meant well, it matters if it was appropriate. Would it have been appropriate towards someone without a disability....?
What if you just notice they're struggling? (Honest question.) I was about to leave high school one day (or go to another class), and there was the group of friends leaving a classroom. Our classes had automatic closing doors, but not opening, and their friend with a missing leg didn't have his prosthetic on that day, using crutches instead. I saw he was really struggling to open the door, so I opened it for him with a friendly smile. He mumbled a thanks and caught up to his buddies quickly after that. That door in particular was always a pain to open though, even without any missing limbs. Did I step out of line by accident do you think?
Load More Replies...By the time this list reached me, there was no place to add anything new, so I’ll just leave these here, in the general comments: • With people you see a lot of, you don’t have to do that irritating thing very often for it to become a “you always”; • DON’T ENGAGE SOMEONE WHO’S READING unless it’s objectively important. On the bus, in coffee shops, even libraries: there’s always someone who seems to think I’m reading because I don’t have someone interesting to talk to. (In fact, I have trouble recovering from interruptions, & when someone breaks my concentration just to flap jaw, I may not be able to pick up where I left off for some time.) • Other people aren’t in your head. Make your (reasonable) needs & expectations known as succinctly as possible, since they also don’t have all day to listen your explanations. • By the same tokin’, don’t interrupt—but also state your piece as efficiently as possible, then let someone else have the floor.
The book "488 rules for life" by comedian Kitty Flannigan has better rules for life than most of these. Read it. Learn the rules. Then break them.
Learn the rules and the penalties, that way you aren't surprised when you break them good and hard
Load More Replies...My favorite is, "if you can't live with yourself, then, you can't expect other to live with you." And "treat others how you wish to be treated" they sort of run together
For you dog owners/walkers- a pinch collar does exactly what is sounds like it does. It pinches a dog's neck EVERY TIME the dog moves. For those of you using it as a collar, how would you like to be corrected every time you move? Pinch Collars can be good -IF they are used correctly, which is to train or correct. Using them on an everyday basis is cruel.- Former Military Dog Trainer
somewhere as a child I heard a slightly different and much stronger version: "The most unforgivable of all sins - is to try to ease your own hurt - by hurting someone else."
HAVING POWER IS NEVER PERMISSION NOR SUPERIORITY. Whether it's males towards women, whites towards Black people, adults towards children, car drivers towards cyclists, the wealthy and the poor, or any other situation, your position NEVER gives you the authority to abuse or take advantage of others.
Another one that should be obvious: equal treatment means equal treatment. If it's rude, demeaning, or just weird towards someone without a disability, it's the same towards someone WITH a disability. ▪️▪️▪️If someone with a disability needs help, they'll be the first one to tell you. Otherwise: please don't nanny over people. We live with our disability 24/7 and know what we're about. We've learned all sorts of tips and tricks to function independently, and if we can't do something we've learned to ask. ▪️▪️▪️I've had people quietly stalk me all the way through a supermarket for 10 minutes. It doesn't matter if it was meant well, it matters if it was appropriate. Would it have been appropriate towards someone without a disability....?
What if you just notice they're struggling? (Honest question.) I was about to leave high school one day (or go to another class), and there was the group of friends leaving a classroom. Our classes had automatic closing doors, but not opening, and their friend with a missing leg didn't have his prosthetic on that day, using crutches instead. I saw he was really struggling to open the door, so I opened it for him with a friendly smile. He mumbled a thanks and caught up to his buddies quickly after that. That door in particular was always a pain to open though, even without any missing limbs. Did I step out of line by accident do you think?
Load More Replies...By the time this list reached me, there was no place to add anything new, so I’ll just leave these here, in the general comments: • With people you see a lot of, you don’t have to do that irritating thing very often for it to become a “you always”; • DON’T ENGAGE SOMEONE WHO’S READING unless it’s objectively important. On the bus, in coffee shops, even libraries: there’s always someone who seems to think I’m reading because I don’t have someone interesting to talk to. (In fact, I have trouble recovering from interruptions, & when someone breaks my concentration just to flap jaw, I may not be able to pick up where I left off for some time.) • Other people aren’t in your head. Make your (reasonable) needs & expectations known as succinctly as possible, since they also don’t have all day to listen your explanations. • By the same tokin’, don’t interrupt—but also state your piece as efficiently as possible, then let someone else have the floor.
The book "488 rules for life" by comedian Kitty Flannigan has better rules for life than most of these. Read it. Learn the rules. Then break them.
Learn the rules and the penalties, that way you aren't surprised when you break them good and hard
Load More Replies...My favorite is, "if you can't live with yourself, then, you can't expect other to live with you." And "treat others how you wish to be treated" they sort of run together
For you dog owners/walkers- a pinch collar does exactly what is sounds like it does. It pinches a dog's neck EVERY TIME the dog moves. For those of you using it as a collar, how would you like to be corrected every time you move? Pinch Collars can be good -IF they are used correctly, which is to train or correct. Using them on an everyday basis is cruel.- Former Military Dog Trainer
