When two people decide to have a wedding, everyone and their grandma feel like they can chime in with their opinions. There are a lot of elements to consider: the venue, the catering, the dresses, the cakes. Guests have lots of conundrums too, including gifts, bridal parties, outfits, and many more. Out of these many elements, there are bound to be some that at least one or two people don't like.
However, they can't tell the bride and groom directly – that just wouldn't be polite, would it? Luckily, people can always come online to vent. So, when one person asked, "What is your unpopular wedding opinion?", folks could finally share their hot takes without fear. From dress codes to wedding favors and cringy rhyming signs, people had lots of controversial opinions.
To make this read more fun, Bored Panda reached out to wedding planner and the owner of Confetti & Co. Kendra Coons. She was kind enough to have a chat with us about wedding planning and why some brides turn into bridezillas. She also shared a wholesome story from her many years as a wedding planner!
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Stretching yourself financially and having a wedding outside of your means is a terrible way to start your marriage.
Wedding planner Kendra Coons tells Bored Panda that wedding planning is all about managing stress. "Yours and the clients," she emphasizes. "Often, we act as a buffer between the client and the other vendors – so if the other vendors drop the ball, you need to be able to act quickly to fix the problem or come up with a gentle way to break the news to your clients."
"You need to be very compassionate and flexible to ensure your clients get the best possible experience! Being extremely organized and friendly also helps!" To Kendra, wedding planning is much more than just a job. "I get to witness the best day of someone's life over and over again, and it is truly an honor to work alongside my clients and their families!"
Speeches should be more like toasts. 60 seconds or less, done by three people or less. I can’t handle the cringe of speeches longer than that.
Worst one I've seen was a wedding speech where the groom read a letter from his relatives. 4 pages. In polish. He and his parents were the only polish speakers at the wedding
Doing a million pre-wedding events. Engagement party, bachelorette party, bachelors party, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner… bro just get married, why are you stalling??
Perhaps the biggest stereotype about weddings is the bridezilla, the monster version of the bride. Reality shows, movies, and other media would have us believe that many women inevitably start acting like fictional reptilian monsters the closer they get to their wedding, but Kendra says that the reality is much more grounded. And the stereotype (like Godzilla, ironically) has pretty short legs.
"I don't think that most 'bridezillas' are bad people," Coons tells us. "I think that the stress of planning a large-scale, once-in-a-lifetime event can manifest in different ways for everyone!"
"For the most part, when you really dig into what the issue is, it's not the client being difficult for the sake of being difficult. There is a lot of pressure and stress, especially on brides, so it is reasonable to expect that some will have an 'inconvenient' reaction to that."
Having a bridal party isn't worth it.
I'm going to have my best friends there on that day, but I don't need to put them through the headache of spending a lot on a dress, walking down the aisle alone, and throwing me parties (bridal and bachelorette).
I just want them to show up, chill, laugh, drink, eat, dance, and have a good time.
Justifying having a wedding on a weeknight or in a remote (but cheaper to you) location as “If people love you, they’ll make the effort to come.”
Just because I don’t want to spend over $1k on flights and hotels to to attend a destination wedding don’t mean I don’t love the bride and groom. It means I’m prioritizing how I spend my money and limited vacation time.
A wedding day should be about the bride and the groom, but sometimes people make it ALL about themselves, disregarding basic human decency and common sense...
If you wouldn’t buy dinner for them any other time then don’t invite them to the wedding.
This actually does make so much sense. This "gotta invite everyone" c**p is just stupid.
We also asked Kendra to share a wholesome wedding story, preferably one where no unreasonable decisions ruined the vibe. And while Kendra says that every wedding is full of wholesome stories, one is still stuck in her mind. "Six weeks prior to my clients' wedding, their venue declared bankruptcy and closed. They were left scrambling and having given a significant amount of their budget to the original venue."
"Their friends, family, and vendors rallied to find a new venue for them. We ended up securing their first choice of venue, but they hadn't gone ahead with it because, at the time, they would not have been able to have an outdoor wedding. It was stressful and heartbreaking, but in the end, they had the most magical day of their lives, and everything came together perfectly," the wedding planner reminisces.
I don’t care if guests of my wedding wear outfits that’s have white in it. Unless you are showing up in a 100% white hall gown, your floral midi dress is fine.
I let my maid of honor (my sister) wear a bridesmaid dress that she had worn to a previous wedding.
Getting legally married before the wedding and not telling anyone is perfectly acceptable. I don’t understand why people are so against this here.
In Germany, you have to do this. Standesamt is the only legal way to get married, the church ceremony is just to top it off.
I think it is unfair to put so much pressure on the bride to have her father walk her down the aisle and do a big father-daughter dance. Not every bride has a close relationship with their father.
Mother of the bride dresses do not need to be so god damn ugly. Mature doesn’t mean bulky, over done and covered up as a nun in church. Like yeesh i see everyone selling the same ugly dress it’s almost offensive.
Wedding favours aka fancy garbage.
At a friend's wedding, the bride's mother crocheted flowers as wedding favours. They were attached to each place card. They were beautiful, and I appreciated the amount of work that had gone into them. After the wedding, I sewed broach clips to the back of the flowers. The bride and groom were delighted to see me wearing the crocheted flower.
I've never enjoyed a wedding favor unless it was edible. I don't want anything with your name engraved on it. Favors are almost always a waste of money.
For my mom's wedding to my step-dad (in their 60s) they had about 40 people for a reception. My mom and I bought little jars, glitter...and little plastic bride and groom figures and made snow globes. They were a hit. And we scattered some special ones in the crowd - headless couple, bride and groom with a few floating heads, groom's head in a bouquet, etc.. - we had a lot of extra figures. A lot of work, but each time I look at my two headed bride snow globe, I remember what a nice reception it was.
Vendors that own their business and set their own prices have no business expecting tips.
I don’t really care about pics! I want some, of course. But I don’t need 8 hours of someone following me around taking pics of everything. And I’d rather spend time with guests and have candids then spend tons of time taking pics.
I still remember a bride on here who essentially missed her entire wedding bc she was taking pics…getting ready, 1st look, cocktail hour, then left dinner to do golden hour pics, then did more bridesmaids pics…she didn’t talk to all her guests bc she was busy with pics!!!
That seems over the top. The traditional "timetable" for wedding photography goes like this where I'm from: Photos while getting ready with bridesmaids and sometimes mom (if they want, there could be a 2nd photographer with the groom or the 1 photographer will split their time, if the couple is getting ready at the same venue). Some photos at the ceremony While the guests are mingling and getting welcome snacks, the bride and groom have their shoot (which should not take longer than an hour) This is also where the parents and wedding parties get involved for the first few shots. Then the couple is off to join the guests at the reception. IF the couple wants, the latest "trend" then is to have the guest join the bride and groom "table for table" for a photo, that way everyone gets a photo with the couple (a lot less "personal"). And that's it, the rest of the time the photographer is there for the spontaneous shots, the speeches, dances. The couple gets a lot more time with the guests.
Unpopular opinions incoming:
1) if you want your bridesmaids to wear a particular outfit, you should buy it for them. Maybe it’s because I’m not from a culture that does bridesmaids, but the idea of making someone spend money to be in your wedding is silly as hell to me. Why can’t they just stand up in their own clothes?
2) wearing an outfit just once is wasteful. If it can’t be altered to wear again, then donate or sell it, why hang on to something that can’t be worn?
3) destination bachelorettes are extremely fun and I love attending them. But I don’t see why everyone pays for the bride? I would feel uncomfortable accepting that from my friends. Imo the fairest way is for everyone to split the costs, but let the itinerary be dictated by the bride’s likes and dislikes.
4) yes, a wedding is your day, but in my personal opinion, it’s also a very important day for your family and loved ones. I think their wishes/requests should be accommodated if possible, within reason, even if they aren’t paying. Guest experience is also important, IMO. For your guests, no matter how much they love you, things like - ease of getting to the venue, food quality/quantity/timing, drinks (I personally don’t like the idea of a cash bar at all, I would rather do a restricted-option open bar), availability of seating (maybe more of a problem in Indian weddings) etc. is far more important than anything else and will impact the way they remember your wedding.
5) if you invite drama fuelled, opinionated people along when you are buying a wedding dress, you will bring that unpleasantness upon yourself. It doesn’t matter how closely related they are. Also don’t bring too many people along. Having 1-3 opinions is more than enough. Too many opinions just means that you’ll be overwhelmed or pushed in a direction you don’t want to be in.
I totally agree with numbers 1 and 2. When I got married, my sister was my maid of honor, no other bridesmaids. My sister wore a dress that she had worn to a previous wedding as bridesmaid. As for number 5, I bought my wedding dress at a mall. It was actually a prom dress, $100. I was shopping alone
Getting ready pictures are stupid and I don't know why they became a thing. Why would I want pictures of myself and my bridesmaids in bathrobes? Why would I want pictures of the groom tying his shoes? We hired our photographer for 8 hours, and she was baffled when I told her that we're not doing getting ready photos. "But...don't you want a picture of your mom zipping up your dress?" Um, no, I prefer to get dressed in private. I'd much rather have pictures of us at the actual wedding, when we're all dressed up at the beautiful venue. We'll look much better at that point 😂
Besides, hair and makeup would have to finish an hour earlier if we wanted to do getting ready pictures. As it is, we had to be ready 2 hours before the ceremony for the first look and family/bridal party photos. Now we're expected to get ready even earlier just to take bathrobe pictures in a hotel room? Those are not pictures I'm going to frame or put in an album.
The push for personal vows - some people just aren't comfortable sharing their raw emotions like that, or maybe they're not great with words. We umm'd and ahh'd for a long time as to whether to do personal vows or not - my husband is ASD and found it to be a very intimidating prospect. I was fine either way, and we ended up writing short little speeches for each other (he wanted to in the end), but while we were deciding, any one we told were HORRIFIED that we might just be using *gasp* generic vows written by the *gag* celebrant.
Personal vows are not a thing where I live. We just repeat after the person, who leads the ceremony.
Wedding dress trains are THE WORST! It’s like lugging around a big brontosaurus tail all night.
I don’t really like kids as ring bearers/flower girls, especially way-too-young ring bearers and flower girls. If they can’t make it down the aisle to do the thing on their own, what’s the point? I also don’t think it’s cute when they cry/have a meltdown because they can’t handle it, like why are they being put a situation they clearly can’t emotionally handle? It just makes me feel bad for them!! I thought about having my dogs do those jobs for me, but decided against it because I didn’t think it was a good situation for them, and I genuinely wonder if some of these small kids have ever gotten the same consideration.
Crazy amount of decorating. We didn't do it. Had the venue give some ideas of center pieces we could rent. That was it. No flowers, not elaborate center pieces, none of it. I also didn't have to store and sell it all after.
My son and wife had potted plants on each table, which they did themselves, then donated to the venue which was a retreat in the mountains.
If family doesn't reach out to the couple (or at least their related half) at least once a year (some folks require more im just putting somethingout there), they don't get an invitation. You aren't entitled to an invite just bc you're the aunt or the grandpa. Act like you care.
Uhm, not sure I agree about grandparents. Mine were quite old and happy to hear from us and have us visit them (always very short, because they were fragile), but they themselves were content in their own little world. Of course we invited them and they attended the church-part for which we were grateful.
I’m not sure if any of these are genuinely unpopular, but I think these are my wedding opinions that are the most controversial/I know not everyone agrees:
1. When you invite people to a wedding you should see yourself as hosting guests and behave accordingly. Yes it’s your day! But you are also hosts.
2. I feel like it’s become very trendy to criticize certain aspects of wedding planning as being excessive because it’s “only one day,” and my opinion is that a wedding is for many people a once in a lifetime cultural and social milestone worthy of celebrating, and no one should feel bad about planning an expensive event just because the event is one day long.
The chokehold that rhymes have on wedding signage kills me. No hate if you’ve done them, but they give me an ick.
“No need to pick a side, you’re all loved by the groom and bride.”
“A little treat for your dancing feet. Take some shoes and bust a move.”
“Blow bubbles of good wishes as we exit as Mr. and Mrs.”
And just… most signage being entirely unnecessary. We don’t need 800 signs giving us instructions in a hard to read cursive font on clear acrylic sheets.
I've never heard of this before. A bit too twee, even for me.
Clear acrylic signs on an easel are so hard to read just get a normal sign.
I've never had a wedding cake that I felt tasted even remotely good - and it blows my mind the amount people spend on those things.
When she was younger, Mom made wedding cakes. She also gave them to relatives and close friends getting married. Hers were always delicious as well as pretty.
I love kids but from my experience they will ruin your wedding ceremony and steal the show.
I've never been to a wedding where the children have ruined the wedding. It was always drunken adults who put a dampener on the event. Always.
I was once a toddler who didn't exactly ruin a wedding but ... spiced it up with some loud noises. Or so I was told, I don't know, I was a toddler at the time.
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I get wanting a child-free party, at least after a certain time in the evening. But thinking of your wedding as a show where everything has to go just right does not sound like fun.
Yes, putting "Instagrammable pics" above "community" is what is wrong with the world.
Load More Replies... Having kids at our wedding was one of the highlights! Adorable, hilarious and reminded me of how much fun it was to race around the dancefloor picking up confetti and pretending we were getting married too. Weddings are life cycle events and I firmly believe children should be embraced rather than excluded. I often wonder whether people feel the same way about leaving their granny at home because she doesn't "fit the aesthetic".
I’m a big fan of child free weddings - but “steal the show”?!? Who’s going to confuse the 5 yo covered in cake with a bride in veil and white dress 🤣
It's not that people are that stupid, but at my bff's wedding for example, she was having a dance with her father - long history of drama in that family. Beautiful moment. Three year old flower girl ran out onto the floor and screamed, then raised her dress over her head. Instead of removing her, her mother found it adorable and took pictures. Ruined the father/daughter dance.
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At our wedding, we hired two people to watch the kids (11 kids from 2 to 12), they had their table, their space to play, their special menu, games, candies, balloons, all the stuff, and they could join us and dance with us whenever they wanted. Everybody enjoyed the party. Kids are fun.
I think an overly formal wedding is not a party that most attendees enjoy, and kids can make it a lot more friendly and lively. If that escalates to misbehaving it's the parents' job to rein their offspring in, calm them down or go.
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We were not able to attend my cousins child free wedding because the people I had to ask to watch my kids were all going to the wedding. It was a huge bummer for me. I really wanted to be there to celebrate their love with them.
Nah this is wrong, does it happen sometimes. Of course it does. Does it happen every time.....no
My sister had her 2 small kids and there were around 6 other kids who all behaved well. The ones from my sister were the youngest. My dad just walked outside with em. The then 3 year old sneaked away and picked some candy from the pie and my colleague who made the pics saw it and made some fabulous pics from it. It was after everyone got some. Really funny.
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No issues with kids at weddings. It's the drunk parents that can't look after them
I teach, and I was excited to have cute kids steal the show! I had all my girl students be flower girls if they wanted to (there were 14 in the end!)
Alright this one is BS. I've been to at least 35 weddings in my life(BIG catholic family with 40 first cousins) and kids never "steal the show". Anyone who thinks this needs to go talk to a therapist ASAP. Kids are an essential part of weddings and it'd be so boring without them IMO. Finally, I don't have kids and don't plan of having them because I love the child-free life so take that in to account lol
My sons were in a wedding when they were small. They are genuinely loved by the couple and never asked to be anything other than themselves. They were charming and less drama than the bridesmaids.
I'm all for children free weddings, but "steal the show" is bridezilla jargon
This is a highly individual opinion. If you don't care for kids, yeah, they'll probably ruin it for you.
I've never experienced wedding fail because of kids. Most of the time there was a special place set up for them to enjoy and they were having fun. But if you expect or plan too much alcohol or half naked dancer, please tell that to guests with small children (last year we had to leave at the beginning of the wedding, because of such situation).
Excluding children from a wedding relieves two groups of pointless stress and tension - the couple and the children.
I think that someone that has a no kids rule at a wedding would't be my friend anymore. It's a celebration of family, if you would invite an old grandpa that talks to loud and not your nieces and nephews YATH.
I don't like veils. It feels antiquated.
I think veils are romantic, but I'm not ever going to get married, so my opinion is as good as a bald man's opinion on hairbrushes.
I hope I don’t get murdered for this lol but I 100% believe in reciprocation of time/effort/money I put into someone else’s wedding.
You asked me to drop $500 on a hotel for your bachelorette weekend? Get ready to shell out for my air bnb. You had your wedding in some rural town that I had to drive 3 hours from the closest airport to get to? Yeah I expect you to travel to my wedding. Nothing less than $200 on your registry? I’m gonna judge when you buy the cheapest thing off mine for like $40.
Totally doesn’t apply to people where I haven’t done it for them first, but if you expect something from other people you better be prepared to reciprocate it.
I see nothing wrong with a destination bachelorette. In fact, I wish I was invited to more! I work hard to afford girls trips, why wouldn't I love one with a THEME that I didn't need to pick and someone else puts together the location and itinerary? So exciting and always fun.
I've been to a few weddings of my friends, here in Germany, and many of those examples here are very very American. And man sound way over the top and unnecessary. And here's my unpopular opinion: A weddings is NOT the happiest day in anyone's life, nor is it life-changing whatsoever. Actually nothing really changes in the lives of the couple afterwards. (I can think of a lot of examples of a life-changing, happiest moment, like the birth of a child, winning the lottery, getting the dream job, getting the dream house etc.)
It depends on the couple. My husband and I did not cohabitate before we got married. Our wedding marked a HUGE change for our lives. The same thing went for our daughter and son-in-law. So far, it stands as the happiest day of her life. I know that will change as her life progresses, but right now it's very true (and she's got her dream job and house).
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Soo I saw on tik tok where instead of gifts for guests the couple hired a photographer to take and print guest pics. Since folks are dressed up and look nice at weddings and how many times have you wished you had remembered to get a pic of yourself while dressed up ? Never getting married myself but think it’s the best idea.
one wedding i worked, we had a "photo booth"- a small room off the reception area that I ran taking photos and printing pictures. . It started off as "lets take a nice pic" which was great- and they got their pics within moments. as the night and booze went on, the pictures got hilarious (esp. because we had funny props to play with) ... and what is great is that the couple got all of them to look through and keep of their family and friends too!
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Heavily themed weddings, the sort that _every guest_ must comply. It's not too bad when it's a choice of colours or a general theme (goth, carnival, flowers etc), but it's really annoying when it's like "17th century French nobility in pastel colours" stuff that you need to spend a lot of money renting or having it custom made and never wear again.
Sometimes the comments here are like a portal into another world. The only theme of wedding I've known was, well, "wedding"; I'm aware of themed weddings from the odd social media post but had no idea they could be common enough for people to have developed nuanced preferences about the types of themes that work ;)
Load More Replies... Can we normalize short wedding dresses please? I cannot stand these gowns. I don't like dresses to begin with, but being short, gowns just make me look frumpy no matter what. I am *not* talking about something skimpy! I am talking like knee length white dress. I took a glance for kicks and giggles and there are like next to none available without some MASSIVE tailoring being done. Thank you
Surprised there isn't one about people being upset about couples asking too much on gifts. I do think the whole culture of thank you notes around gifts is insane. "I will buy you a gift but only if I get a personal thank you card in the mail later, but not too much later."
or people that require that you spend X on their gifts. that is what a registry is for. Plus times have changed, couples do not really ask for china sets anymore. I can PROMISE when i get married its going to be things that my future husband either need/can use and/or things that we both really want (like nerdy props etc) ... and it will have price points for everyone's budgets AND guess what? Ill be happy because if you go by the list, there is something on there you can afford AND its something that I want/need. Win win... (and of course you will get a thank you card!)
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Do not send out 300 invites if you are not good with 350 to 400 people showing up. I did that thinking that maybe half of them will be able to make it. We did not have enough food or cake and had to get more alcohol. People tell us it was the funnest wedding they have ever attended. We threw a hell of a party with what we had.
My unpopular opinion is that alcohol should not be expected at every wedding. I've seen AITA type posts where people say, if you don't tell people you are hosting a "dry" wedding, then you are the a*****e. I disagree. If I don't drink and my husband doesn't drink, why should we be expected to spend money on others to drink at our event? It seems like the better option than having a "cash bar"!
"I don't drink so l don't care that my guests do" You're not a great host
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Weddings are unnecessary. They are just another form of dowry, a demonstration of wealth. I'd rather get married privately, then book a hall for a casual reception.
I've been to a few weddings of my friends, here in Germany, and many of those examples here are very very American. And man sound way over the top and unnecessary. And here's my unpopular opinion: A weddings is NOT the happiest day in anyone's life, nor is it life-changing whatsoever. Actually nothing really changes in the lives of the couple afterwards. (I can think of a lot of examples of a life-changing, happiest moment, like the birth of a child, winning the lottery, getting the dream job, getting the dream house etc.)
It depends on the couple. My husband and I did not cohabitate before we got married. Our wedding marked a HUGE change for our lives. The same thing went for our daughter and son-in-law. So far, it stands as the happiest day of her life. I know that will change as her life progresses, but right now it's very true (and she's got her dream job and house).
Load More Replies... Soo I saw on tik tok where instead of gifts for guests the couple hired a photographer to take and print guest pics. Since folks are dressed up and look nice at weddings and how many times have you wished you had remembered to get a pic of yourself while dressed up ? Never getting married myself but think it’s the best idea.
one wedding i worked, we had a "photo booth"- a small room off the reception area that I ran taking photos and printing pictures. . It started off as "lets take a nice pic" which was great- and they got their pics within moments. as the night and booze went on, the pictures got hilarious (esp. because we had funny props to play with) ... and what is great is that the couple got all of them to look through and keep of their family and friends too!
Load More Replies... Heavily themed weddings, the sort that _every guest_ must comply. It's not too bad when it's a choice of colours or a general theme (goth, carnival, flowers etc), but it's really annoying when it's like "17th century French nobility in pastel colours" stuff that you need to spend a lot of money renting or having it custom made and never wear again.
Sometimes the comments here are like a portal into another world. The only theme of wedding I've known was, well, "wedding"; I'm aware of themed weddings from the odd social media post but had no idea they could be common enough for people to have developed nuanced preferences about the types of themes that work ;)
Load More Replies... Can we normalize short wedding dresses please? I cannot stand these gowns. I don't like dresses to begin with, but being short, gowns just make me look frumpy no matter what. I am *not* talking about something skimpy! I am talking like knee length white dress. I took a glance for kicks and giggles and there are like next to none available without some MASSIVE tailoring being done. Thank you
Surprised there isn't one about people being upset about couples asking too much on gifts. I do think the whole culture of thank you notes around gifts is insane. "I will buy you a gift but only if I get a personal thank you card in the mail later, but not too much later."
or people that require that you spend X on their gifts. that is what a registry is for. Plus times have changed, couples do not really ask for china sets anymore. I can PROMISE when i get married its going to be things that my future husband either need/can use and/or things that we both really want (like nerdy props etc) ... and it will have price points for everyone's budgets AND guess what? Ill be happy because if you go by the list, there is something on there you can afford AND its something that I want/need. Win win... (and of course you will get a thank you card!)
Load More Replies... Do not send out 300 invites if you are not good with 350 to 400 people showing up. I did that thinking that maybe half of them will be able to make it. We did not have enough food or cake and had to get more alcohol. People tell us it was the funnest wedding they have ever attended. We threw a hell of a party with what we had.
My unpopular opinion is that alcohol should not be expected at every wedding. I've seen AITA type posts where people say, if you don't tell people you are hosting a "dry" wedding, then you are the a*****e. I disagree. If I don't drink and my husband doesn't drink, why should we be expected to spend money on others to drink at our event? It seems like the better option than having a "cash bar"!
"I don't drink so l don't care that my guests do" You're not a great host
Load More Replies... Weddings are unnecessary. They are just another form of dowry, a demonstration of wealth. I'd rather get married privately, then book a hall for a casual reception.
