Toxic Masculinity Deems These 30 Normal And Healthy Behaviors ‘Unmanly,’ Yet People Online Think Otherwise
Any grownup should have a wide range of skills at their beck and call. Everyone should know how to take care of themselves and their loved ones, whether it’s just another mundane day or an actual emergency. Stuff like knowing how to sew on a button, cooking a meal that’s more sophisticated than making cereal, taking care of your verdant garden (and what not to do, say, if you come across a bear).
Unfortunately, some people still divide up some activities and behaviors according to gender, based on some pretty ambiguous assumptions. This idea sparked a discussion online after redditor u/international_red07 asked everyone to share some “unmanly” things that are actually the opposite. Scroll down to read what people had to say about this.
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I have a beard that would make sasquatch jealous. I like scotch whiskey, Dominican cigars, and American motorcycles. I worked most of my adult life as an ironworker. But none of that is the manly part:
When my daughter was 3 to about 6 or 7, it was common for me to go to work with my nails painted every color of the rainbow.
Letting your little girl paint your nails is manly as f**k, gentlemen.
Supporting women's rights. Real men don't need to control women.
The idea of controling another human being is disgusting in any form
If someone tells you something is “unmanly”, tell them a real man would be secure enough in their manliness to not give a s**t what they think.
"It's not for men ? Well, i'm a man and i'm doing it, what else do you need for it to be manly ?"
It’s really peculiar to realize that some everyday tasks get stuck with labels like “manly” or “unmanly.” We’re talking about basic skills that help someone be self-sufficient.
Everyone needs to eat, so you’d better learn how to cook and bake. You might need to mend your clothes, so knowing how to use a needle-and-thread simply makes sense. Who doesn’t enjoy watching their vegetable garden thrive? And why should someone’s gender determine whether or not they should like singing or dancing as a hobby? Someone’s gender doesn’t come into it—these are all very human things to do.
Ordering a fruity drink.
“A real man orders a beer!”
No, a real man orders whatever the f**k he wants.
When I was a kid I was once at a clothing store and I saw a pink men’s shirt. I said out loud “what kind of men wear pink shirts???” and my mom said “secure men”. For some reason that always stuck with me.
"NOTHING IS MORE BADASS THAN TREATING A WOMAN WITH RESPECT"
-MR. TORGUE
When you start attaching gender to these activities and skills, you end up making everyone less independent. At the same time, you put people under a lot of pressure to ‘conform’ to how their social circle or culture views masculinity and femininity. Now imagine the stress someone has to deal with when they’re faced with entirely different cultural expectations when they move somewhere else or join a new social circle.
Objectively, boiling an egg (cooking) isn’t manly or unmanly. Neither is moving your feet (dancing), using your vocal cords (singing), or watering flora (gardening). However, our surroundings, family, and upbringing shape how we perceive these activities.
I had guys tell me it's unmanly to use/carry an umbrella.
Those wet, insecure bastards can go screw themselves!
Being an attentive and involved father. I can change a diaper one handed and I'm proud of that fact.
Let's give a shout out to all the fathers who don't call spending time with their kids "babysitting"!! 🙌🙌
According to a 2006 study done by The Pennsylvania State University, the social rules of gender continue to play “a prominent role” in leisure activities like sports. The researchers found that “girls experience greater social latitude in their sport participation than boys.” In other words, society sees it as more acceptable for women to participate in masculine activities than the reverse.
“Girls and women are at less risk for gender stigma if they pursue masculine activities than boys and men if they pursue feminine activities. This may be due to a higher social value and status assigned to masculine activities and the efforts on the part of girls and women to gain respect by achieving in a traditionally masculine field,” they write.
Broadly speaking, boys and men who stray from masculine norms raise questions about their masculinity. So they have less flexibility when it comes to participating in “unmanly” sports and recreational activities.
Sewing. When you're stuck on a boat in the Pacific during WWII, you'd better know how to stich up your own uniform. Source: both of my grandfathers.
I love growing flowers, sewing, cooking, baking, and other activities that are viewed by some as "girly" activities. I also love traditionally manly things like fishing, building furniture, mowing my lawn, etc.
A long time ago I was upset by some of my friends ribbing me for liking to do "girly" things. My dad handled this by teaching me that the manliest thing a man can do is "whatever the hell he wants".
These are some of the best stress-relief activities. I pity those who do none of it
Buying feminine products for your SO. I have no shame buying tampons or pads when I do the grocery shopping, which is always. Men that get all embarrassed or won’t do it are the “unmanly” ones.
Many of these issues are rooted in social expectations. To oversimplify things a bit, men are expected to never be perceived as vulnerable, weak, or soft. They’re also pushed to be aggressive and competitive. These are traits that some interpret to be examples of toxic masculinity.
Healthy masculinity, on the other hand, is exemplified by self-reflection, embracing emotions (whatever they might be) instead of repressing them, and being comfortable with having one’s opinions challenged.
I heard cooking for your family labeled as unmanly due to men wearing an apron around a gas stove, by the same people who grill for their family while wearing an apron around a gas grill.
I like cooking for my family, there are even some dishes my wife won't cook because they are my speciality :-)
My friends were amazed at how I "allowed" some drunk guy talk to my girlfriend for like 10 minutes at a festival. Bro, why the f**k would I care, she didn't seem distressed and enjoyed the conversation and I'm not insecure. She'd tell me/let me know if she was uncomfortable and needed help. I don't feel threatened, I have nothing to proof and my girlfriend is not some possesion I need to protect from other men.
Going up to the guy and doing whatever just makes you seem to radiate insecurity to me. Not manliness.
I was at my local pub, and a woman came in with her guy friend (I didn't make assumptions about their relationship). I loved her tattoos and wanted to compliment her on them. I checked with both her guy friend and her if either one minded. Neither did.
Holding your friends accountable and calling them out when they’re being a d**k towards women or just in general.
My partner called out one of his friends for making racist jokes with a group of buddies. Not sure if the friendship is the same but damn, am I proud of him. That kind of conviction is hot as hell.
Hygiene and cleanliness. I live on my own and I love having a clean and neat house.
Wearing sunscreen. Nothing looks dumber than a guy who’s so afraid to seem “girly” that he gets turned into a lobster.
Skin cancer isn't pretty. I know a few people who have had this. Sometimes people go to the doctor because they have a sore or a cut from shaving that just won’t heal, which turns out to be a basal cell cancer. Use sunscreen - even if you tan easily.
And it can be sneaky. My deceased husband was a sufferer of adult acne. He had what looked a blackhead on his nose for a bit. His sister, who worked for the same medical office for over 30 years, told him to have it checked. That bitty little blackhead turned out to be skin cancer. He had a big nose; after the second surgery to get rid of it left him with a quarter sized divot in said big nose. Skin cancer is sneaky
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That's excellent. Sadly I have been a couple of times. Though for those who might not know (and I'm definitely not saying this is you as you sound like you've been very sensible) tanning at any age can cause permanent and irreversible skin damage and increase the risk of skin cancer, so even if a person doesn't burn they can still be at risk sadly.
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Oh man, my pasty pale self will burn in 2. 35 nanoseconds and never turn dark.
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According to Jersey Shore, GTL is the manliest thing to do. Bet they all have skin cancer now...wonder how sexy that looks. And wow never thought I'd start a sentence with 'according to Jersey Shore...'
girly? dont be stupid. at the slightest hint of sunshine i slap on the factor 50, for the simple reason it isnt practical to carry a small brick wall around with me!
Yeh. Because getting skin cancer is manly... There are types of skin cancers that affect people with deeper skin tones too, so no one is out of the bracket.
I'm fair-skinned. I'm introverted, so I don't do too many outdoor activities, but when I do, I slather the stuff on.
I forgot to, when my husband and I went to the beach with a group of friends once. I cooked.
Load More Replies...Being gay. I mean u are a man and you like man's. What could be more manly
Ballet. Those dudes are strong!
Several football coaches make their players take ballet. The flexibility, core strength, and leg strength ballet does for men is ridiculous.
I’ve always been more attracted to “manly” but smart and funny. I was dating an honorably discharged marine who is now a pastry chef for maybe 2 weeks when I mentioned he’s the best of both worlds. He’s manly and strong but also smart and gentle. His response: “I know. I built this narrative.” Known each other for 14yrs, dated for 7, married for 5. Absolutely in love.
Cooking, cleaning, folding laundry, being good with kids, being patient, crying, hugging your good guy friends
When my dad was a kid, a bully told him to meet him after school for a beating. Dad simply never showed up and went directly home instead.
Crying; men can have feelings, too!
Walking away from a physical fight, instead of getting involved/the whole “I could put you in hospital but I won’t” nonsense. A true “alpha”, if you must use that word, doesn’t need to assert his dominance like that.
Gardening.
I've also been called a homosexual by multiple other guys for saying I like gardening.
I'm always amazed how homophobes can't tell the difference between "gay", "not manly" and "feminine".
Taking care of your skin. I hate how some of the guys I work with and serve with (I'm in the army) give me s**t for using products for my face and skin. But they also wonder why I get told I look like I'm 25 even though I'm almost 36. Because I take care of my body.
Personally, I only use a special type of cream as an aftershave, but if a guy told me he used multiple skin care products, I wouldn't care either way. Use an angle grinder if you like. I still don't care.
Reacting graciously when a gay man makes a pass at you.
So *manly" men are supposed to what? punch 'em in the face?? Do you have any idea how much time gay men spend at the gym?! We'd all get our asses kicked!
Standing up for women’s rights or telling your friends not to make sexist jokes. “The guys” will make fun of you, call you a wuss, and the added social pressure tries to keep you in line. But the Manly thing is to face that pressure even though it’s uncomfortable and stand up for what you know if right.
I used to have "friends" that called me gay simply because I refused to cat call
Recognizing that we all need some help sometimes and both helping other people and accepting help yourself.
Kindness is manly af
So don't bite a man's head off for opening the door for you or thinking a guy is a creep for helping you carry something. Otherwise do it yourself
being a gentleman: polite, courteous, respectful, tactful, manners, some style, some sophistication, educated (you don't need your masters from an Ivy league, but just being well read is enough sometimes), friendly.
Far too many guys I see think it's still cool to be rude, lazy, unkempt, and stupid.
Being a nice guy. There’s nothing manly about being an a*****e.
I'm a proud Southerner; a Southern boy from South Carolina. I'll tell you right now this is b******t. The (colloquial, NOT the graphic South. HUGE difference. Florida is NOT apart of the colloquial South) South has some of the biggest and manliest guys in the country and I'm telling you right now, 98% of us are raised to be kind, considerate, respectful, and an overall nice guy. We have manners and call all women we meet 'Ma'am', and all men 'Sir'. We're nice guys and we're pretty damn proud of it.
Going to the doctor
I've never been on my own 🥴. I'm far too nervous to even make the phone call
Long hair, if you were in ancient times and saw a guy with long hair, that means he survived many battles for it to get to such a length.
Skirts. I saw someone say that anatomy-wise, men should be wearing skirts because pants constrict your c**k and balls.
I mean, when you think about it, a lot of men wear skirts or skirt-like things historically. The Romans, the Greeks, the Chinese (hanfu), the Scots (? I.... think that's where kilts come from).
Being creative/artistic. There's always been stupidity behind things like musical instrument choice. A dude playing a flute seems funny.. but being drum core or bass is manly. A leather smith is manly but sewing clothes is less so. It's all art.. it's all creative.
Not to mention "being able to simply enjoying it". It kinda feels like you need to wanna be the best and train like hell or it's not a real, manly, activity. But being secure enought to just vibe and enjoy your time is way more tough.
Dancing.
Dudes that can dance get all the sex.
My ex used to joke that my hips only worked when I had no clothes on, and seized up when I went on a dancefloor.
Wearing "girly" colors.
Imagine being so insecure with your own sexuality that you can't wear a purple or pink shirt. It's sad, really.
I have a bunch of purple and pink dresshirts, and I have only ever been complimented on them!
The ability to cry and express your emotions
Being emotionally supportive and affectionate to other male friends. I've aways hated the concept of men should show emotions. Why not? I don't get it. If your friend is going through a hard time, giving them a simple hug could really help. Or just listening to them. Even if there isn't a problem, being friendly and platinically physically affectionate is sweet to me. Idky a hug is seen as " gay" lol hugs aren't sexual, it's a hug.
Pedicures. If you work on your feet, you need to take care of them. Work boots will thrash your toe nails, give you corns and bunions. Additionally having your feet trapped in leather boots for 10+ hrs a day in the heat and sweat will make your foot skin all scaley and flakey. Go get a pedicure. They will not only take care of your toe nails and dead skin but you also get a calf massage and some places do a hot rock massage. It’s glorious.
It took everything in me to not kick the person when I got a pedicure, due to it tickling so bad.
Realizing you are wrong, learning from it, and becoming better because of it.
#Standing up for men who can’t stand up for themselves.
Or take it a step further, and stand up for anyone who can't stand up for themselves. Age, gender and species are not relevant.
Remember reading some guy saying something like "My kids need to know who is the king, and it's all in the small things. For example, I always get served food first, no matter what, even if I'm late. Because that's what being a man is all about". And while reading that I couldn't help but think how sad it is to base you personality in a trope, but even if we go for the stereotype of what a manly man is, isn't it more manly to make sure your kids eat first so you are sure there is enogh for them, willing to go hunger as long as they don't have to?
Eating salad. Taking care of your health is manly.
Agreed. Knew this guy that claimed to be allergic to "all fruits and vegetables" and, coincidentally believed that a man partaking of either is prone to becoming homosexual. Meanwhile a mutual friend pointed out to his face that for someone who held such beliefs on what defines someone as "gay", he himself always was a little too eager to be shoving thick, hot meat down his gullet like it was going out of style, most of the time without even chewing it.
My ex was a f*****g lil b***h about even *mentioning* feminine products or menstruation. I couldn't even mention having *"period pains"* without him complaining how gross it was and that I made him feel sick for mentioning it. I was rarely around him when I was on, but I hate to think how unhelpful he would have been.
My dad on the other hand, quite a lads lad, has no issues. He used to track my mum's menstruation because he found it easier than she did, and he was always more than happy to nip to the shops and pick up feminine products. "Do you need ladies things?" He used to ask me. "What flavour do you need?" His joke, but he was referring to whether it was pass or tampons, and what flow.
Oh and I just remembered that that same ex wouldn't buy his own f*****g Pokemon game because it's "Not manly". I haven't known such a insecure stupid little b***h before or since.
lmao yeah, another stupid thinking being manly means rejecting feminity
Not giving a f**k about what other people consider to be manly.
Not giving a f**k about what others think at all. Go your own way, don't go with the herd. The herd is stupid as f**k, look at fad culture and do a 180
Not being concerned with other people’s quantification of your manliness.
Getting up every f*****g day to go to a job you hate, doing it with a smile because that's how you keep your kids fed, housed and healthy.
Admitting defeat. What's "unmanly" (or "unwomanly," really) is throwing a tantrum, denying reality, or refusing to soldier on.
Dude, my Dad is the typical male chauvinist who refuses to admit he's wrong. My husband is the opposite
Having a tea party with your young daughters. I have drank more fake tea than anyone on Earth.
Wearing short shorts. Lemme see them thighs.
I miss the men of the 1960's and thereabouts. Men's shorts were SHORT and this girl couldn't wait to grow up so I could enjoy my own man's thighs. Who came up with baggy stuff? We're supposed to keep flashing flesh while dudes cover up? Talk about insecure!
I’ll start: Admitting when you’re wrong.
When anyone with eyes can see your earlier statement was misinformed, taking accountability and control of the situation with a simple “Yep. You were right, I was wrong. Here’s what we’ll do now,” shows leadership, responsiveness, and confidence.
Trying to deny or defend or justify your earlier statement comes across as insecure and reactive or oblivious, none of which are qualities traditional “manly men” try to embody.
Honestly, pretty much everything that some people consider unmanly. Things like personal hygiene, taking care of your kids or spouse, and being emotionally available are all manly as f**k.
About the only thing everyone rightly agrees is unmanly is throwing tantrums like a toddler. I just wish the usual crowd that's overly concerned with manliness recognized that tantrums thrown the middle schooler way are equally cringeworthy because boy can they throw 'em as adults.
Driving a minivan.
There is literally no better proof of your virility than driving a minivan full of children.
my favorite cars were breaks, ver usefuil. Now the children have left the house, I have a Renault Twingo, and I have nou doubt about the fact being a man :-)
Keeping your pubes trimmed, c**k shaved, and your junk and a*s clean and washed.
Hell yeah! I am a proud manscaper. So much more comfortable down there! Guys, if you don't, give it a try. You'll thank me.
Crying. I know that older generations instilled the need for lack of emotional. But having emotions bottle up then explode later is not healthy.
Cry when you need to cry. If anything It shows you care about your own emotions, so you'll care about your partners too. And if anyone calls you names or makes you feel bad for being emotional, then that person is the problem. Not you.
Already commented your on one further back, but I love a good ugly cry. It always feels so good to just let it out.
Was on a date with a guy once that held my hand every time I had to step up or down from a curb, and he lifted my hand lightly by my fingers. Thought it was the sweetest and most chivalrous thing.
Holding your wife's purse in public. I do a few push ups, a few pull ups, roll up my sleeves and show off the pump when I do it... be a man...
My husband will do that for me and even keep the purse in his wheely cart at the store. He and I will joke about how fabulous he looks and how the purse totally completes his outfit
Taking care of your Hygiene.
Clip your nails, use stuff to make you smell good.
Basic hygiene is manly.
Body trimming. Reduces your body odor, easier to wipe your a*s, makes muscles look bigger, penis look longer, and removes visible grey hair to make you look younger. Always feel great after a body trim.
Showing your emotions
Being vegan. You have to stand up for your principles in the face of near-universal mockery and derision.
Not trying to force your choices on other people. Which includes the choice to eat meat or gluten or anything else. I can't stand preachy vegans, but I can't stand preachy meat eaters either. Count your blessings that you live in a place wealthy enough to be able to choose whether or not to eat a particular food. Also, it is actually possible to develop an allergy to red meat,so no one should be judging anyone's health related dietary needs. If something makes me sick, it shouldn't imply anything about how well I fit your definition of my gender if I don't eat it.
Discussing buying new family cars with my silly male cousin-in law when he says “Well, a [model] would be great, but then I’d have to get a handbag and get my hair done all the time”. I responded with “Yeah, we were thinking about a [model] as well, but fortunately my husband is secure enough in his masculinity not to have to rely on a car to reinforce it”. It sounded a bit rude at the time but seriously, I’m sick of that guy’s s**t (anti-vaxxer, evolution-denier, homophobe)
@lolly good response. Only rude if they take themselves that seriously - another toxic trait.
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the real problem with this is when they say "unmanly", they mean "feminine" and equate femininity with "bad". Nobody ever blasts women for being "unfeminine" the way they blast men. Why? Because being manly is viewed as better, even for women. Stop equating femininity with something lesser and then you wouldn't care if someone called you feminine.
There's a reason "run/throw/cry like a girl" is an insult to men. There's literally nothing worse to men than being compared to a woman. Our language reinforces the ways that women have barely even been seen as people up until VERY recently. When you compare a man to a woman you're essentially dehumanising them, like comparing them to an animal. The whole issue is that masculinity is built, not on positive traits, but on separating itself from what it deems negative and worthless, which is everything feminine.
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REAL MEN buy whatever the hell they want, even if it's pink or flowery, they respect people, and they are sensible, not acting like an alpha male
i guess i did something right when it came to raising my son. he is a big burly bearded guy and is very secure in himself. he treats women with respect and has no problem cooking, cleaning, etc. he is also a self described 'mama's boy' in that he is open about his affection towards me and always have been. i remember when he was in high school and he was leaving with his friends when he came over, gave me a kiss and told me he loved me and would miss me. a couple of the guys kind of giggled and he looked at them and said, 'what? don't you love your mom?' to which they said of course they did. then he told them he should tell them sometime other than when they were trying to wheedle something from her. kind of shocked me at the time but also made me realize that i had a very good relationship with my teen. does that mean he was perfect? far from it! he's now 43 and as i have jokingly told him - he can be a real a-hole but he is my a-hole.
WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE GET MAD about who you love, what you do and what you wear. All people of all genders should be able to be themselves. As long as they aren’t hurting themselves or anyone or anything else, just let people be happy! <3 (sorry for the rant but I’m so tired of people trying to enforce strict gender norms.)
Why is doing one thing or another deemed 'anything' anyway? One person 'toxicity' is another persons 'REAL MANLINESS'... Both seem equally stupid and just another MSM made up game of hypocrisy. Perhaps simply learning to respect others is needed, nothing more, nothing less?
Discussing buying new family cars with my silly male cousin-in law when he says “Well, a [model] would be great, but then I’d have to get a handbag and get my hair done all the time”. I responded with “Yeah, we were thinking about a [model] as well, but fortunately my husband is secure enough in his masculinity not to have to rely on a car to reinforce it”. It sounded a bit rude at the time but seriously, I’m sick of that guy’s s**t (anti-vaxxer, evolution-denier, homophobe)
@lolly good response. Only rude if they take themselves that seriously - another toxic trait.
Load More Replies... the real problem with this is when they say "unmanly", they mean "feminine" and equate femininity with "bad". Nobody ever blasts women for being "unfeminine" the way they blast men. Why? Because being manly is viewed as better, even for women. Stop equating femininity with something lesser and then you wouldn't care if someone called you feminine.
There's a reason "run/throw/cry like a girl" is an insult to men. There's literally nothing worse to men than being compared to a woman. Our language reinforces the ways that women have barely even been seen as people up until VERY recently. When you compare a man to a woman you're essentially dehumanising them, like comparing them to an animal. The whole issue is that masculinity is built, not on positive traits, but on separating itself from what it deems negative and worthless, which is everything feminine.
Load More Replies... REAL MEN buy whatever the hell they want, even if it's pink or flowery, they respect people, and they are sensible, not acting like an alpha male
i guess i did something right when it came to raising my son. he is a big burly bearded guy and is very secure in himself. he treats women with respect and has no problem cooking, cleaning, etc. he is also a self described 'mama's boy' in that he is open about his affection towards me and always have been. i remember when he was in high school and he was leaving with his friends when he came over, gave me a kiss and told me he loved me and would miss me. a couple of the guys kind of giggled and he looked at them and said, 'what? don't you love your mom?' to which they said of course they did. then he told them he should tell them sometime other than when they were trying to wheedle something from her. kind of shocked me at the time but also made me realize that i had a very good relationship with my teen. does that mean he was perfect? far from it! he's now 43 and as i have jokingly told him - he can be a real a-hole but he is my a-hole.
WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE GET MAD about who you love, what you do and what you wear. All people of all genders should be able to be themselves. As long as they aren’t hurting themselves or anyone or anything else, just let people be happy! <3 (sorry for the rant but I’m so tired of people trying to enforce strict gender norms.)
Why is doing one thing or another deemed 'anything' anyway? One person 'toxicity' is another persons 'REAL MANLINESS'... Both seem equally stupid and just another MSM made up game of hypocrisy. Perhaps simply learning to respect others is needed, nothing more, nothing less?
