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Trans Folks Reveal 30 Of The Biggest “Culture Shocks” They Had After Transitioning, Shared In This Online Group
Change is scary. Our brains want to be certain about things or else they start making us anxious, overthinking about all of the various possibilities, especially right when you need to get a good night’s sleep. This change is especially scary when it’s related to your identity.
Trans Redditors sat down to discuss some of the things that changed and surprised them after transitioning to their gender. Here are some of the most interesting examples of the “culture shock” people experienced after their transition.
More info: Reddit
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#1
I'm a game developer and probably know more about video games than most people. As a guy if I said I was a fan of this or that series it would basically be taken uncritically. Now, as a woman, in groups of mostly men when I say "I really like Metal Gear Solid" there's a weirdly high incidence of dudes feeling the need to quiz me to prove that I'm a "real" fan.
I mean catcalls and generally not being as safe in public also sucks, but we all knew about that stuff. The weird part was just not being taken seriously anymore on stuff I'm actually quite knowledgeable on.
Edit: The handful of replies to this doubting these experiences are a case study in irony. Way to prove the point.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Welcome to female gamer life darlin; it will only continue and may get worse. Though I will say it has gotten a tiny bit bettrr throughout the years because I'm now not looked at like a soulless liar when I say I game but don't play first person shooters
Jenn C 2 years ago
Why do people gatekeep fandom? You you can be a casual fan, it isn't necessary to know every minute detail.
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
I never understood this as well. I was told that I wasn't a true geek woman due to the fact that I enjoy sports, work out, and was too extroverted and "cute". So playing sports as a woman somehow negates my love for Hayao Miyazaki movies, video games, and playing D & D. So there has to be a look for a geeky woman as well? It it so ridiculous. Sadly, I have tried to stay out of fandom due to this. I always feel a little strange walking into comic or manga shops as a more sporty woman as I feel like I am being judged despite my love for reading manga and comics in different languages. Furthermore, I hate being downvoted into oblivion by "rabid fans" who say that you hate a show if you don't agree with their opinions.
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OhBlahDi OhBlahDa 2 years ago
I've had a man try to quiz me on every aspect of Arsenal's history because I said I was a Gunner. Wanted to beat me up about it too claiming that "women only say these things and actually know nothing about football" (soccer). He is a ManU fan. Almost wish I could taunt him now that the Gunners are at the top of the log - we play the long game.
Hakitosama 2 years ago
Urgh THAT game of phasmophobia! "HO YOU'RE A GUUUUUUURL!" *sigh* "WHERE ARE YOU FROM? BELGIUM? NEVER HEARD OF. FRENCH SPEAKER? HO HO SAY SOMETHING SSSSSSSSSSEXY IN FRENCH". My answer : "Does va te faire foutre count as sexy?" the only silent one of the team giggled so I think he understood.
Adira Bennett 2 years ago
Imagine needing to invalidate a stranger's casual observation about THEIR OWN LIFE this hard
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#2
The lack of pockets.
Rachel Arteiro 2 years ago
Keep wearing “masculine” jeans… you are out of luck with the rest. Sorry
Jennifer Norton 2 years ago
This is what causes bag obsessions in women... no pockets means you have to find a banging bag(s)!!!!
Vermonta 2 years ago
like a shoulder bag banging against you when you have to run
Load More Replies... #3
As a man I could babble on about any number of b******t topics and people would listen intently. Now I'm surprised if I can even get a sentence in before I'm getting talked over.
that weird wallflower is demi 2 years ago
Yup, that's the life of someone who identifies as or looks/sounds like a woman is like. I hate it so. effing. much.
To gain more perspective on people’s reactions to how others present themselves, Bored Panda reached out to Hannah McKnight. She identifies as transgender, preferring the term “T-Girl.” She has made it her mission to find a balance between genders. You can read more about her on her website.
#4
I heard from a trans man that after he grew a beard he kept getting nods from other bearded men
WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin 2 years ago
It’s not the trans man, it’s the beard! (If this sounds offensive, I’m sorry, it’s supposed to be a joke, if I should delete please tell me :)
Susie Elle 2 years ago
My bearded boyfriend gets an insane amount of compliments from other bearded men
Eric Collom 2 years ago
I was lampooning the ridiculous conception of some "Universal Sign"to indicate LGBTQ people it was not a rude comment, but I am in no way surprised that many of you have. My apologies to all, in the 20th century (yes, I've been an Ally in a southern state THAT long) we preferred learned discourse in person, not ignorance over the web. My apologies, I wanted to be nice but you people are the #1 reason the movement can't approach people. BTW, I have no interest in your opinions any more and will return to my regular haunts. Good luck.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
WTF? Not all trans men are "gay". One's sexuality has nothing to do with one's gender, in this case.
Load More Replies... #5
The amount of women in my family, my female friends, and even female acquaintances now confiding every single deep dark detail of their life in me, or just openly talking about their every bodily function.
I became "One of the girls" way before I was comfortable with it.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
Yeah, it will get weirder. I get uncomfortable, myself, with how candid other girls are with me.
Sky Render 2 years ago
It was nice when I realized I'm now able to discuss my menstrual cycle with someone who understands what it's like. Being intersex is tough as it is, but when you have bodily functions that don't align with the gender you were assigned at birth, life can be tricky...
#6
Girls are so nice to each other, it’s seems so strange that a random woman in the metro might just compliment me on my clothes, just like that.
Also, women's bathroom are dirty!
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Yes and you will definitely know if a dress has pockets if you compliment it 😂 "I like your dress", "Thanks. It has pockets".
Jennifer Norton 2 years ago
Yes! girls are gross in the bathroom and, as a girl myself, I don't know why. I am not gross in there but so many are. It drives me nuts!!!!!
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
Egh, woman can be rather cruel to each other as they are indeed human. In secondary school, I sometimes wished I was a guy because girl's bullying each other was deep emotional abuse. Some girls in secondary school were truly cruel whereas the guys would just punch each other.
over it already 2 years ago
Interesting, bc I don't run around dishing compliments daily, but if I do it's regardless of age, gender, race, etc. The fact that receiving them is so much more a female thing gives some perspective to the times an innocent compliment to a guy has been (incorrectly) taken as an indication of sexual attraction.
Hannah is a person of many interests and talents - she is deeply involved with trans activism, running a social and support group for transgender women called MN T-Girls, and modeling and writing for various publications about a variety of topics. She’s also currently working on her book In-Between.
#7
Holy F**k some men are creepy. I know it’s definitely not all men… or even most of them. But some of the stuff they say to women, do to women, casual misogyny. It’s not just a rare thing. It’s an everyday thing.
The guy clearly trying to get a picture up my dress, the guy groping me in a crowded bar, the guys at the table next to me very casually talking about what sexual stuff they’d do to me, delivery drivers texting and hitting on me.
over it already 2 years ago
Then they're shocked that we feel unsafe or if we get defensive. As I get older it happens less, but if you are 12-35 and even anywhere near attractive, it's awful.
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago (edited)
Ugh, I had a taxi cap driver ask if he could kiss me when I lived in Spain. I wanted to call the police, but knew that they would do jack s**t.
Becky Samuel 2 years ago
This is literally an list of posts by trans folx, so yes, they're trans.
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Aria the Dog Lover 2 years ago
Hah. Unless you had surgery, that dude taking pics up your dress is gonna be shocked. I'm just messing, I wish the world was better.
#8
One of my close friends (mtf) was shocked when she started taking hormones because she was suddenly getting hangry all the time. She said something like, “I thought I knew what hangry meant, but this is a whole other level. I’ve started carrying snacks in my purse and I am so sorry to all the ladies in my life if I didn’t take you seriously enough when you said you needed to eat. I get it now, it’s way more intense than I ever experienced before hormones.”
StrangeOne 2 years ago
I never thought it was hormonal thing. I thought all men and women get hangry.
Pineapple 2 years ago
yes and no i guess bc ive never been hangry and as far as i know neither have my brothers but might just be us
Load More Replies... Not-a-Clue-What-to-Call-Myself 2 years ago (edited)
Note. Both biological males and females HAVE hormones, just in different proportions. Edit: I'm currently menopausal so mine are a total b!tch! 😂
Shannon Mallory 2 years ago
I'm completely ready to believe hormones are behind being hangry, as the only periods in my life when it's happened were during pregnancy and the aftermath, and during menopause. The menopause hangrys I'm finding worse than the pregnancy hangrys.
#9
male here. suddenly no one gives a s**t about me, i feel totally anonymous. no one makes any comments about me or double takes or smiles or anything. I’ll get a nod but that’s it.
SkekVi 2 years ago
it's terrible. we as a society really do withhold ALL the affection from men. it's incredibly lonely and traumatising. It radicalized me tbh.
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Shannon Mallory 2 years ago
Stereotyping exists on both ends. Don't you know that as a male you're expected to be tough, stoic, unemotional, and manually capable? Just like females are expected to be either Barbie or Donna Reed or a combo bucket
Asked about what surprised her when presenting as female, she said that it “has really opened my eyes to how different a seemingly familiar world can be.” Other women are a lot chattier and friendlier, there are much more compliments - especially referring to small and subtle things, such as earrings or shade of lipstick.
#10
Cis dudes do NOT have platonic intimacy. The only time you guys ever really express genuine emotions with your friends is during sports and during shares traumatic experiences (I'm thinking military and first responders here). You guys are so emotionally starved. Talk about your feelings with your friends. Tell them that color looks good on them. Tell them you've been lonely ever since you moved to the new city. Tell them you're stressed about your sick cat and it's keeping you up at night. Tell them you miss your ex girlfriend's cooking and microwave hot dogs every other day is making you depressed. And THEN, when your friend tells you he misses his ex's cooking, come over and cook some chili with him (WITH him. He's gotta learn to cook) and bring beer and listen to him cry about his ex and give him a hug (he's probably so touch starved). You'll both feel better after Also unrelated but WHAT is with always giving each other a hard time? I feel like every conversation with a cis dude is a little bit of a competition and I don't get it
Skara Brae 2 years ago
Regarding the "giving each other a hard time" comment, I have lived in 8 US states (east, central, and west) and found that the "hard time" behavior most prevalent in the north east. It's a form of bonding, as long as you give others a hard time back to gain respect. It's not harmless, but it's not combat either; it's often intended as joking around, but it also cuts down people who are becoming too egotistical. I thought it was somewhat humorous for awhile, but soon became very tired of it. Certain ethnic comedy movie directors often have characters giving close friends and family members a hard time, leading me to believe this behavior has a cultural component.
Shannon Mallory 2 years ago
From an Irish American family and this is very much part of the Irish culture. They call it "taking the p**s," as in Taking the p**s out of you, ie cutting you down to size. In our family and the other Scots/Irish communities I've known, lethal sarcasm and brutal wordplay are 1) normal, 2) an exercise and competition of wit, and 3) a sign that they like you. If they didn't like you, they wouldn't take the time to tear you down.
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Isa's left eye 2 years ago
About the giving each other a hard time part: Me and some of my friends are always giving each other a hard time: hitting, insults, and dirty looks, but we all start laughing immediately. If any of us ever needs the others, we're there and comfort each other. This is only a small portion of my friends, I would never want to have that dynamic with everyone. If someone looks uncomfortable, we'll ask if they want us to stop. If they say yes, we stop immediately and don't give them a hard time about it. CONSENT IS A MUST.
Björn Krämer 2 years ago
Sorry, but that's simply generalized BS. Just because the majority of your bubble behaves like that doesn't mean every other guy does as well. I am not denying the existence of such behavior, nor how common it might be, depending on the group. But I am just not a fan of such extensive generalizations.
Dimp1961 2 years ago
Be who you want to be, and be happy. The only thing I cannot abide is the cis tag. I am a woman, you can call yourself a woman, or a trans woman, whatever you're comfortable with. I think if the trans community dropped the 'cis' the whole issue wouldn't be so polarizing.
A Wild Bean 2 years ago
I don't want to start an argument, but I think that the term 'cis' isn't as negative as it's often made out to be. It's a descriptor that helps people know that you're referring to a specific group of women (or men, but I'm using your example). It's like using 'tall' vs 'short' or something like that, as in it's mainly just used for relevant distinctions. Also, it's just a prefix that means "on the same side," as opposed to 'trans' meaning "across," so it's actually a lot older than the word "cisgender"- and yeah I did some research a little while ago on the origin of the word, I was curious about it :)
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Best Behave 2 years ago (edited)
I think that might be a gross generalisation. Whereas recognise some of what you say, none of it is universal. It’s also possible that what doesn’t work for you works for other people , and to complicate it even further what works in some relationships doesn’t work in all.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 2 years ago
No one wants to share their emotions with someone else who wants to lecture them on what and how to feel. OP's attitude is the problem because they have failed to earn the trust needed to have these "broken' men open up to them. Forcing someone to learn how to cook chili is rejecting their grieving process because you assume you know better.
#11
I’m a scientist, and now that people see me as a woman they are a lot more dismissive of my appeals to ethos. I anticipated this, because I saw my colleagues deal with mild misogyny on a daily basis, but it still hits different when you’re the target
#12
Although I am from Korea, I have spent a few years studying abroad in the US.
Friends of the same sex are frequently affectionate and intimate with one another at home. When I was among my pals, we were often embracing, holding hands, wrapping our arms around one another, etc. Even platonically, touch is just the universal language of love.
Moving to the US was a major culture shock for a variety of reasons, but that one was almost the biggest. When I initially arrived here, I was already terribly lonesome.And even when I did make friends, it seemed so superficial to me because there is nothing here that I am used to doing to express friendship and care. Even with the closest American friends I have known for a while, I still feel quite cut off from them. It makes me sad because I am unable to express the affection I have for my pals.
In the two years I've known him, I think I've embraced my best friend from America about twice. And we were both drunk the two times. I find it hurtful that loving people is so disparaged and viewed as strange.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
THIS! I was made aware of how little physical affection single males get...and it often makes sense cuz dudes can go overboard and think that any woman who touches them is DTF. But that's not always the case obviously. And seeing bros refuse love and comradery from fellow bros....set your fúcking egos aside and step outside your comfort zone!
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
I'm extremely cuddly so the lack of platonic affection usually sucks. Sone of my friends r pretty affectionate tho which is amazing
Eric Collom 2 years ago
Sweet Mother of Pantheon, where the hell are you people living??? I was hugged by a stranger yesterday and live in a ghetto pit.
over it already 2 years ago
You must just be inherently huggable. I'm not, but for some reason strangers and friends alike like to tell me their whole life story, so dunno what that means either.
Load More Replies...Hannah also gets hit on much more often than when presenting as masculine, but there is always the question of whether the person is hitting on a feminine person or if they are attracted to trans women. “This happens a lot more online, though,” Hannah continues, as “men tend to be bolder and have less of a filter when there's the anonymity of the internet.”
Some comment about Hannah’s legs or another physical aspect, while others make it plain that they find trans women very attractive.
#13
Human nature seems to be to complain. I knew the bad s**t that women go through but I was caught off guard by a lot of the good. A lot of women seem to just instinctively trust each other, which I was not used to.
Part of this is just that I was lucky to be surrounded by great people, but I was accepted as “just one of the girls” really fast. I came out before my Senior year and on my first day back to school I literally had someone who I had just met ask me for a painkiller because she was on her period.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
The majority of women are on the same unspoken understanding regarding sort of a "global sisterhood", for a lack of a better way to phrase it.
Fretka 2 years ago
As a woman I was not aware of that. I thought it's normal
Load More Replies... Hakitosama 2 years ago
We know what we ALL are going through. We stick together, no matter if we hate another girl's guts, because safety is in the number. I don't wanna sound paranoid or "allmen" but it's literally us against the world....
#14
Two things:
I am a mostly passable 42 year old mtf on HRT for 2 years. In the 40 years I spent as a man, never once did anyone ever call me aggressive, hot headed, or rude in a professional setting. It’s happened 3 times this year alone. I also get interrupted far more frequently.
The second one is specifically regarding the Northeast: my work has me traveling from NYC to Maine and everywhere in between. Most people I run into don’t give a s**t that I’m trans. I can probably count on 1 hand any real transphobic comments I’ve received.
I never adjusted my voice after transitioning, so my voice does tend to cause confusion, and yet, rarely an issue. For this reason alone I can’t see myself ever leaving the northeastern US for warmer climates.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
I can't speak for all of the northeast but us New Yorkers just seem to accept anyone. If you walk around Manhattan, noone really notices anyone and everyone goes about their day; just don't walk slow.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
I got an FYI at working because I was saying "Just a minute" to my co-workers and they said it sounded like I'm "annoyed". That's what people just say to someone when they're needed but in the middle of a task.
Everest the bookworm 2 years ago
yes we don't give a f**k abt ppl that's one of the things i love abt Vermont FUN FACT: Vermont was the first to support gay marriage.
Shannon Mallory 2 years ago
Well, the warmer climate states now openly hate your very existence, so why on earth would you ever go back there? You may as well commit suicide, same outcome only faster.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Most New Englanders don't think about or care what you do as long as you're not hurting someone. It's interesting that this is where the Puritans settled, and we're the least like them. (Also, as a woman with a relatively low speaking voice, I've been called 'mister' over the phone more times than I can count.)
Vermonta 2 years ago
VT had a trans woman on the ballot for governor in 2018. Christine Hallquist. Taylor Small Vermont's first trans lawmaker gets engaged at rainbow-lit White House. Cherry and Yolanda had a local cable TV show. On the other side of the coin, recently, a christian school's girls basketball team forfeited a game rather than play a team with a transgender player because he was biologically a male.
Tree sticker 2 years ago
If the player was mtf the correct pronoun would be she, not he! That is terrible that that happened to the player tho
Load More Replies... #15
As a "passing" almost fully transitioned male, ive been told to suck up my mental problems A LOT more (and by that i mean even more then a lot) then when i looked like a female
Edit: i get a lot of responses saying that i better get used to it and things like that; i am used to it its just very noticable
LK 2 years ago
Don't get used to it. Help other men learn how to speak about mental health problems, AND seek help. Toxic masculinity prevents so many men from seeking help because it's been drummed into them that it's weak to ask for help.
SkekVi 2 years ago
This this this this this. NOBODY should be told to suffer in silence alone!!! Male suicide + Trans suicide = transmen suicide rates are ethe highest around!! It's bad!! Please don't suffer alone or expect it of others! Stoicism KILLS! Help others by accepting that ALL humans need the safety to be vulnerable, hurting, and affectionate.
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Men seem to be predominant perpetuators of this vicious cycle (not saying women don't but they're not the majority). Men placing their pride above their mental health so as to not appear weak in front of other dudes. I was oddly elated after moving to the PNW to work with men who occasionally called out for mental health purposes or if they DID come to work, it was pretty evident something was off. In these instances, I asked the male coworkers, in each instance, what was wrong and validated that I could tell in their mannerisms that something wasn't right. Sometimes the guy shared, sometimes they admitted that something was wrong but they'd rather not share. Either way, with each male coworker with whom I've had these encounters, I was incredibly happy that they didn't completely hide their pain and allowed others to notice.
Norah Reilly 2 years ago
Work hard to find and cultivate friendships with people (of all stripes) who are open with themselves and with you - you're worth it!
Best Behave 2 years ago
Dude you just haven’t bothered to understand what he said. As for your last couple of sentences - I think cisplaining needs to become a word , just to describe you
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#16
People telling me what I should be wearing. Like I was at work one time in a super market a customer was like. “So when are you going to start wearing a dress.” “I worked on the freezer aisle so ... never? There are literally other women here right now, none of them are wearing a dress?”
Honestly the biggest surprise for me when I came out to all my friends. They were round for RPG night and I told them. They were all like “OK cool” apart from one who yelled “CALLED IT!” I had it in my head that there was going to be this hugely negative experience. That bit happened when I told my family. But you know what they say. You don't get to choose who you are related too.
Muff_Fluff 2 years ago
I would just yell, “I WAS RIGHT! I TOLD YOU ALL!” And completely ruin the moment.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
I'm a cis woman, and I can't even remember the last time I wore a dress.
Asked about the things that Hannah found out only once presenting as female, she had this to say: “There are a million things that I learned, and I could probably fill a book about the world as I've experienced presenting as different genders.”
One of the most significant things for her was understanding male privilege, especially regarding personal safety. The feeling of vulnerability when presenting as female was shocking and terrifying to her. Men would follow her more often, making her only park in well-lit areas, holding her car keys a certain way, and constantly looking over her shoulder as a precaution.
#17
Maybe a less common experience but I’ve been told I have oodles of “internalized misogyny”. I’m a gay trans man so because I transitioned and I’m attracted to men, I apparently hate women. I didn’t expect people to assume that I’m being sexist for existing as myself.
Min 2 years ago
Those people are idiots. Similar to the men who assume I hate all men because I'm a gay woman who believes women are equal to men. I'm sorry you have to put up with that.
Margrete Sonnenberg 2 years ago
I don't hate you because you're a women/men, I hate you because of you're personality.
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#19
FTM- people started listening to my opinions and taking my suggestions more often, and I get treated with more respect and talked to like an adult instead of like a little girl who doesn't know what she's doing. Yet, my knowledge and abilities haven't changed, it's just that I present male now. Guess that's male privilege.
Also, how little guys care about what people around them do. Never gotten even a side glance for going into a stall to pee, never had a man in the bathroom look at me like I don't belong there, and my guy friends treat me like one of the bros no matter how feminine I look that day.
Fat Harry 2 years ago
It's funny, but as a man who works with women in the IT industry, I find that the people who talk over women the most are other women.
Load More Replies... #20
I transitioned really young (early teens). Even then I recognised the dynamic of adults treating me like a trouble maker when I was a boy, to almost going out of their way to protect me as a girl. For example teachers at school treating me like a nuisance to teachers in highschool really helping me with school work and my career aspirations.
WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin 2 years ago (edited)
Yep, there is a very big difference in the ways my principal treats makes vs females. He tends to give the boys privileges and the girls are not given those same privileges. My other principal is the same but the genders are swapped around.
Thenatural 2 years ago
The reason your teachers seem to be giving you more time is they are afraid of being labelled transphobic ...nothing more than that.
Wondering Alice 2 years ago
I disagree. I have worked in high schools for decades and genders are treated differently quite often. It's common for a boy who loses his temper to face an exclusion or sanction while a girl who behaves the same will be talked to first to find out why she behaved like that. On the other side, a boy struggling with maths will often get help, while girls might be told not to worry and it doesn't matter. I think that is what OP is pointing to, and it's real. It's also natural that the majority of people working in schools feel genuinely protective of vulnerable children. Any transitioning or questioning are going through a vulnerable time so obviously get extra protective responses from teachers. The very few who are afraid of being labelled transphobic need training or a different career. Most likely if a teacher feels unsure how to react to a specific LGBTQ+ child, they will seek advice - like proper responsible adults.
Load More Replies...For people feeling anxious about presenting as their gender, Hannah had some choice words of encouragement. “It is absolutely worth presenting as the gender you are. It may not always feel like it, but I have no regrets embracing my identity.”
If you’d like to read more about Hannah, her work, and experiences, please visit her website! You may also be interested in reading her article where she details her experiences of men interacting with her differently based on whether they know that she is trans or think that she is cisgender.
#21
i'm a trans dude and people actually find me funny now. it's fantastic for me but sad to think about the root cause of that because my sense of humour hasn't changed.
also, i'm still figuring out the handshake thing dudes do to greet each other. like are we gonna fist bump, are we gonna go for the clasp and hug, are we gonna just go for the business standard? there's gotta be some rule for it but i am still mystified by it and f**k it up every time
User# 6 2 years ago
I might get thrown out of the men club for this but I'll tell you the secrets. 1- Never met before? = handshake. 2- Met before and got on great? = handshake, plus touch on shoulder if you really like them. 3- Met before and hate their guts? = handshake. Met before, got on like a house on fire, best mate ever? = upwards nod.
Delta Dawn 2 years ago (edited)
US woman here: 1- Never met before? = “hi” in a neutral tone, brief pleasant smile, possibly a handshake depending on situation 2- Met before and got on great? = “oh hi!” in a higher/more enthusiastic tone with smile and positive body language. 3- Met before and hate their guts? = “hi” with a flat expression and in a lower pitch of voice, or possibly just a cool glance in her direction if you really hate her guts 4- Met before, got on like a house on fire, best mate ever? = a loud “hey there!” and a big hug, big smile, commence immediate chitchat with lots of laughter
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#22
Female friendships are weird af
Guy friendships were just straight up bullying
eachother consensually they were so much easier
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Yep. Relationships that have more depth than grunting and farting take work and care.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
i really hope that's just a joke that doesn't come across as one.
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A Wild Bean 2 years ago
I'll be friends with pretty much anyone, but yeah my guy friends are fun, mostly because they're either doofuses or philosophers, with no in-between
Load More Replies... Shannon Mallory 2 years ago
This is so true. I had a son and a daughter and from observation of them and their peers this is 100% true. Boys in general just _don't care_ that much about...stuff. Any stuff. They'd have a wrestling match every day to decide Alpha of the day of their pack, and that was it. Girls CARE. About EVERYTHING. And the drama...I'm blessed that my girl is very like her brother and just doesn't "get" the drama thing, but watching all her peers - daaaaaamn. Life's hard enough for ladies, stop making it worse.
Everest the bookworm 2 years ago
yeah thats why I have more guy friends as a girl I'm more of a blonde tomboy lol
#23
Woman here.
One of the first days I started presenting female I got hit on by an Uber driver.
That was kind of an awakening for me...
#24
The difference between being friends with people of same and different genders is shocking
Now that I'm out to my friends my guy friends treat me much differently. I'm one of them now, and it's a lot different than being friends with guys as a girl, or even being friends with girls as a girl.
WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin 2 years ago
Yep, I think I do that naturally but only because my abusive parents taught me to not talk to girls. Jokes on those extremely religious a-holes, I’m gay!
#25
Benevolent sexism stings worse than I thought and it's so, so pervasive.
Becky Samuel 2 years ago
This one really annoys me too. I have a friend who is the same age as me, but male, half my body weight and with severe osteoporosis and neurological balance issues. And yet men will hold a door open for me and then drop it in his face, or offer to help me with something and leave him struggling. As for the "It's never okay to hit a woman" brigade; how about "It's never okay to hit another person"? My friend could be killed by a single punch, and yet I have friends who admit that they would step in to protect me over him because of my genitalia.
Binky Melnik 2 years ago
The muffin must be protected at all costs, apparently, and to hell with the hot dogs! (Apparently.) Damn; it all sounds sooo much sillier reading it all condensed into one page. 😰
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#26
Men’s restrooms are weird slits in the fabric of the universe where social norms don’t make sense anymore. Do NOT look at anyone. Do NOT speak to anyone. Grunting and moaning (to a gentlemanly degree) is acceptable so long as you are actively pissing or s******g. If you make eye contact with someone, it feels like they’re looking inside your brain at your most tragic secrets and you’re doing the same to them.
Also, there’s a fine misting of p**s on every surface. Which imo is an upgrade to pads on the walls.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
I love how the OP had to mention grunts/moans are okay during active toileting....I wanna hear the story of the dude who makes those noises, and loudly, while cleaning his hands. 🤣
Budcot 2 years ago
I have never been in a bathroom with pads stuck to walls, where do you use the toilet to see that?
Shannon Mallory 2 years ago
Girls, on the other hand, keep up conversation between bathroom stalls, or with the friend that went with them that's outside the stall, or with her girl friend on the phone, lol
#27
Many women seeing me as a threat or feeling uncomfortable around me. That kinda stings. Before transitioning I had more female friends than male but now I feel it's really hard finding new female friends. I miss those relationships.
Edit: For clarification: I'm a transman, aka ftm, I'm sorry, I didn't make that clear.
Tree sticker 2 years ago
Aw, I'm friends with at least 2 if not more trans dudes, they are all super cool!
#28
Almost no touching by non family members. When I was living as a woman they would give hugs, touch my shoulder or arms, even stranger wasn't always appreciated. As a man now they will shake your hand nothing else.
#29
just how open guys are with other guys and how trusting they are. i never thought that guys liked sharing their emotions until people started counting me as a boy. for example: recently my bsf opened up about how scared he is about being a teen father (he's 16, going on 17, and he accidentally got his gf pregnant.) i helped him out and long story short i got asked to be the godparent.
Nicole 2 years ago
I feel like multiple other comments have said the opposite. I’m getting mixed messages ! What is the truth lol 🤔
MichelleDonut 2 years ago
This sounds like a very young person, so maybe it varies with age.
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#30
The conversations I have between men and women I guess. I feel like conversations with women are often deeper and more vulnerable whereas topics with guys are very much surface level and secretive. There's always more that should be said but never is when talking with guys. It feels limited in a way, but it is more than welcome by my social anxiety.
iBlank 2 years ago
as a guy I agree it is uncommon to have deep conversations with other guys, but it does happen. It's generally only with friends that I've known for many years. I think it just takes longer to build trust amongst guys, because unfortunately there are a lot of guys out there that do act like emotion is weakness. So, overall I'm trying to say, stick with it, gain the trust of other guys by being genuine and they'll start to let their guard down.
Shannon Mallory 2 years ago
I see this in casual observation. My lady friends and I have deep political and existential discussions, and I ask my husband what he and his friends were talking about, and it's usually TV, movies, games, business, kids. About 20% of the time he tells me things like grief, worry, politics, religion, etc.
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
You really seem to make a lot of random assumptions and judgements about people you have never met. What do you mean "how to deal with a trans person?" They are just like anybody else. What a strange thing to say.
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#31
How f*****g toxic female friendships can get like as a guy I knew girls got into more squabbles than boys did because my sister talked about fights she had from school, but I didn't know it got THIS BAD
Helena 2 years ago
The guys at my work are just the worlds biggest gossips. i've decided to find it funny.
Load More Replies... that weird wallflower is demi 2 years ago
Welcome to the life. i may ne a demigirl, but I know how it feels
#32
How nonexistent trans health care is. I have a lot of respect for healthcare professionals but they were never taught anything about trans issues years ago.
Jaz Wood 2 years ago
Why would you be surprised. The trans community has been completely ignored until the last few years. Also understand that most healthcare professionals, unless working in a field that only applies to a specific gender, are focused on the human body. Also consider how small the trans population is compared to the rest of the population and then think about how much they need to learn in a short period of time.
sturmwesen 2 years ago
While doctors can't know everything I think a crash course in medical trans issues should be common since it's not a completely new topic. It's not like they study once and don't have to educate themselves anymore. So physical and hormonal differences should at least be in the back if their minds so they can look them up if necessary. (not a doc and not a trans person, so feel free to contradict)
Load More Replies... Thenatural 2 years ago
Honest question..what is meant by trans health care? Aside from mental health
#33
Men do not talk at all in bathrooms and it is very unnerving. Dead silence. Also men pee in the stalls with the door wide open, found that kind of weird the first time I saw that. [EDIT:] To clarify I don’t actually think either of these things are bad, just wasn’t expecting them.
StrangeOne 2 years ago (edited)
I'd prefer it if women weren't so talkative in the washrooms, and talking on their cellphones while I'm having indigestion in the next stall over. I don't know what guys do in the washroom, but some ladies have this thing where they see a stall door very closed but they'll push on it until you shout at them you're in there. They tend to slam the stall doors really hard and look into the gaps in the stall, as well, just to see you in there. There's no other explanation for this behaviour.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
Wow! I've never experience this in female toilets, we barely even have gaps in our stall doors.
Load More Replies... #34
Men don't click the same way women do, the atmosphere is much colder if that makes sense. More distanced.
I don't mind it, but i think it's something to be mindful off.
Also explains why men are more likely to off themselves, i think, just have a good cry on your homies' shoulder every once in a while, ya know what im sayin?
#35
i'm still very early in my transition, but the biggest shock so far was how much others compliment whatever i'm wearing that day! feels so so SO good, i love it.
WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin 2 years ago (edited)
As a person who is forced to hide how I feel and is considered a male by all besides for my best friend, I must say that all I get it “didn’t you wear that yesterday?” or “why are you wearing a hoodie in eighty degree whether?”
#36
Not trans anymore, but when I transitioned one thing that bothered me is that my personality (which is seen as cute now that I went back to being a woman) was seen as annoying when I presented as male 😐
WiggleJiggle the Emo Penguin 2 years ago
This is off topic, I’m a little uneducated on this topic, but you’re able to go back?
Bec 2 years ago
There are different levels of transitioning. One could just wear different clothes and ask to go by a new name. Or, one could start taking hormones to change one's appearance. Not everyone goes for full on surgical changes.
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#37
Ftm here.
How much woman really dislike men in general. But if or when I tell them I am trans, it changes
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Cuz you've literally been in the same position as opposed to "understanding".
#38
I’m not trans but I’m surprised no one has brought up how dull mens fashion can be.
StrangeOne 2 years ago
Yup. The thrift store I work at you can definitely see a contrast. Women's clothing is more elaborate, varying in styles, colourful, softer, lighter, thinner than men's clothing. The women's clothing department is much bigger than the men's, which is half the space. The men's clothing can be colourful, but the shapes are same-y.
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
If you enjoy thrift and consignment stores, you can find some really neat pieces of clothing.
#39
My friend came out as bisexual and she started dating women, she started seeing how difficult it is for a dude to date a woman. Especially when it came to splitting the bill. She changed herself and stopped making fun of all the men who had bad dates. Men have it rough, I don’t even know how they have the patience to handle dating, the horrible conversations and not give up.
What do you think ?
ACE PIRATES 4 THE WIN 2 years ago
I’m not trans but the sexism in sports is unbelievable. Like, in PE class the other day me and my friend were told by the two boys on our team that they would do all the work and we were to sit on the side and try to help (if we could)
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
As an adult who plays and still enjoys team sports it is truly sad to see that sexism is still rampant in sports and even martial arts. I have been very fortunate that my competitive canoe team is accepting of all LGBTQIA+ people and that trans and non-binary people are welcome to compete on our team and at a local and national level where I live. However, sadly some trans and non-binary people may not be able to compete at an international level in this sport now due to other country's laws banning trans and nonbinary athletes from competing.
Load More Replies... crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
I was bullied a ton pre transition but since coming out and passing, no one judges me or is unkind just to be unkind. The only bullying I deal with is transphobic bullying
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
I am a cisgender queer woman, but really appreciated this article on BoredPand as it made me more aware of some of the many difficulties my trans and non-binary friends have to contend with. Thank you for featuring some positive LTGBTQIA+ content on this site.
oddly_informed_raven 2 years ago
nonbinary so this was more culture shock from getting involved in the LGBTQ+ community, but sweet gods is there a lot of infighting. To a scary degree. Aren't we supposed to all support and uplift each other?
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
I personally find way more supportive queer people than not but that might be the areas I personally hang out with online and irl
Load More Replies... Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
Honestly so many of these r sad I can't finish it. Realising how rough some people have their life
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
It is also showing users just how real transphobia is as trolls have been downvoting this thread for no reason other than to show hatred. It makes me sad that idiotic listicles about Karens and AITA posts get upvoted, but a lot of LGBTQIA+ on this site gets downvoted. Weird...
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Kasey Dunton 2 years ago
I'm a transguy and have been out/transitioned for like 15 years now. One of the things that strikes me most is how lonely it can be to be a guy. I was never good at "being a girl," but there were a ton of groups and activities and "sisterhood" type activities. There isn't anything like that for guys. It's either networking where the whole point is to posture with each other, or a general hobby/affinity group with a mix of people/genders, etc. There's nowhere to get that sense of brotherhood/how to be a man/hanging out with people who check the same boxes. Even my once-single-gendered gay men's chorus is now open to anyone, and while I appreciate the equality it feels like it means losing that type of fellowship. I'm also gay post-transition, and holy c**p is homophobia against men more visceral and violent than it was when people thought I was an adorable probably-sorta-bi-chick. A lot more running for my life and having people shout slurs from moving cars than I expected.
ACE PIRATES 4 THE WIN 2 years ago
I’m not trans but the sexism in sports is unbelievable. Like, in PE class the other day me and my friend were told by the two boys on our team that they would do all the work and we were to sit on the side and try to help (if we could)
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
As an adult who plays and still enjoys team sports it is truly sad to see that sexism is still rampant in sports and even martial arts. I have been very fortunate that my competitive canoe team is accepting of all LGBTQIA+ people and that trans and non-binary people are welcome to compete on our team and at a local and national level where I live. However, sadly some trans and non-binary people may not be able to compete at an international level in this sport now due to other country's laws banning trans and nonbinary athletes from competing.
Load More Replies... crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
I was bullied a ton pre transition but since coming out and passing, no one judges me or is unkind just to be unkind. The only bullying I deal with is transphobic bullying
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
I am a cisgender queer woman, but really appreciated this article on BoredPand as it made me more aware of some of the many difficulties my trans and non-binary friends have to contend with. Thank you for featuring some positive LTGBTQIA+ content on this site.
oddly_informed_raven 2 years ago
nonbinary so this was more culture shock from getting involved in the LGBTQ+ community, but sweet gods is there a lot of infighting. To a scary degree. Aren't we supposed to all support and uplift each other?
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
I personally find way more supportive queer people than not but that might be the areas I personally hang out with online and irl
Load More Replies... Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
Honestly so many of these r sad I can't finish it. Realising how rough some people have their life
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago
It is also showing users just how real transphobia is as trolls have been downvoting this thread for no reason other than to show hatred. It makes me sad that idiotic listicles about Karens and AITA posts get upvoted, but a lot of LGBTQIA+ on this site gets downvoted. Weird...
Load More Replies... Kasey Dunton 2 years ago
I'm a transguy and have been out/transitioned for like 15 years now. One of the things that strikes me most is how lonely it can be to be a guy. I was never good at "being a girl," but there were a ton of groups and activities and "sisterhood" type activities. There isn't anything like that for guys. It's either networking where the whole point is to posture with each other, or a general hobby/affinity group with a mix of people/genders, etc. There's nowhere to get that sense of brotherhood/how to be a man/hanging out with people who check the same boxes. Even my once-single-gendered gay men's chorus is now open to anyone, and while I appreciate the equality it feels like it means losing that type of fellowship. I'm also gay post-transition, and holy c**p is homophobia against men more visceral and violent than it was when people thought I was an adorable probably-sorta-bi-chick. A lot more running for my life and having people shout slurs from moving cars than I expected.
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