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Very often, when people open up about their problems or negative thoughts they have, the first instinct of the other person is to cheer them up, try to reassure them that everything will work out and that there are worse things that could happen. People who try to make the troubled person feel better don’t usually mean any harm, but they actually are forcing positivity on a person that can’t see the lighter side of the situation at that moment.

Dismissing negative emotions, trying to forcefully see something good in a terrible situation and trying to find false reassurances is called toxic positivity. It often becomes a way to respond to a distressful situation when you don’t know what else to say. But feeling the emotions that you’re having is important, regardless of whether they are positive or negative.

People in the subreddit AskWomen understand that and share some phrases they would consider to fall under the toxic positivity category and would like to stop hearing. What they would like to hear instead is compassion and well wishes.

More info: Reddit

#1

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group “It all made you stronger”

It rubs me the wrong way because it invalidates all the bulls**t I had to claw through. I made me stronger. Trauma made me weak, tired, and a repulsive version of myself. If I allowed that to control my life’s outcomes I would be in a dark ass place.

I put in the work. I made me strong. All that destroyed me.

AevumFlux , franchise opportunities Report

#2

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group My grandma telling me that I have to put up with nasty family members “because they’re FaaaMilYYYYYyyyy”.

Gtfo, they are bad people and I’m not going to let them poison my life because we’re related.

dream_bean_94 , Bev Sykes Report

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TrixicBird(Any pronouns)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For the longest time for me it was; "Stop being gay when grandma's over! it upsets her!" Like wow! Where is the off switch?

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#3

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group "You don't need medication for depression or anxiety. You just need to go outside and smile more!"

DoubleDuke101 , Jonathan Rolande Report

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Boudica
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ooh Caro, you got piss through the BP censor! Ooh, so did I - obvs not a swear word then....my kids were right :-D

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T.Milly
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Says someone who has never struggled with depression or anxiety.

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littlesaresare
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or possibly toxic denial. In hindsight I had pretty severe depression as a child and teenager, but I was never allowed to be anything other than cheerful and outwardly excessively positive, else I was accused of being an ungrateful brat just wanting attention. I internalised it pretty effectively, that depression was not real and people were just complaining about things or being negative. It can take a while to accept that you've been gaslighted into believing something so harmful.

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Goth mouse (they/them)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, some people think you’re choosing to have clinical depression and suicidal thoughts and ‘just need to smile more.’ 😞 smiling does not cure a serious illness.

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Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And having the proverbial "men who tell random women on the street to smile" isn't terribly helpful.

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J Robertson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a pharmacist say this to me when picking up my meds. I was so stunned I didn't say anything. Was telling my mom about it and she goes to the same pharmacy. She apparently had a word with her supervisor. I was like 42 at the time. Mama bear until the end. She actually told someone last week that her "baby just turned 46."

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Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your mother sounds great! One of my sisters was "my kid sister" until a bit after 40. :D

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Sasha
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dont need to drink more water and go outside in the sun, Im not a f*****g plant....

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Dee Lee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mental illness is not a personal failure or a character defect. It is real, just like any other disorder. You can't just pretend it away, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, or rely on 'faith healing' to make it better. It takes work - damned hard work - and sometimes meds. No shame in any of it!

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Kim Contreras
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes!!! Without their stabilizing I would not be able to function in life, and would have surely have successfully given up on the whole effort. Find a doctor that treats the WHOLE patient, not just a dispenser of drugs. And then realize it will take time and quite a bit of trial and error before you and your doctor (yes, you are a very important part of the team!) get the best possible med or combination of meds to get you back on track.

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Kim Contreras
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or my very favorite: if you're depressed you are either too focused on yourself or that you need to have more faith.

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Dani Alexander
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep go outside, put on a fake smile, walk around then go back inside and cry. Stupid thing to tell a depressed person On meds.

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Zophra
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An then there's those who tell you to pray more.... are you praying away your diabetes? I think not.

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KiwiBubbles
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gotta tell ya, I'm Christian, I pray all the time, every night, before meals, etc... It does not make you immune to mental illness. Still needed to go to my doctor and get medication. And for me, the meds are what worked, it's a lot easier to be happy with them. Any Christian who's tellin ya to pray your mental illness away is being rude and they're wrong.

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Demongrrrrl
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A friend said to me, "I'd like to know what you're like when you aren't taking your meds," and I said "No, you don't, because I would kill you or myself."

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My O My
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! Only topped by "a, yeah, I know how you feel I was soooo depressed the other day when I ran out of pink post-it's"

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NoneYa41
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fresh air and sunshine helps temporarily, but it's not a cure

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KiwiBubbles
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a chemical thing, ya dumb jerk. Also OMG I WANT MY DEPRESSION ANXIETY MEDS TO HAVE LITTLE SMILEY FACES THAT'S RLLY CUTE

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Kim Contreras
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People think I take 'happy pills'. What I'm really taking are the only way for me to play on a level playing field. Without the meds that keep me LEVEL (and that's exactly what they do), the playing field would totally be tipped in everyone else's favor.

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Penny Fan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been on antidepressants since 1997 apart from when I was pregnant. I'm afraid that particular gem results in a smack in the mouth these days. "Oh that didn't hurt, you just need to smile more!"

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KombatBunni
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gods, my mother telling me not to get addicted when she found out I was on meds for my anxiety/depression. Yeah I’m not the one who hears voices Ma..or her telling me to think positive not negative. Guess who got told to f*ck off not long after about the fiftieth time of hearing that crap? It’s been over a year since we’ve spoken and I feel a hell of a lot better!

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Jo Davies
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Which is is what so many of us do. It is easier to pretend and be left alone than let others know how we actually are.

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PixxelDust
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Oh your arm is broken? You just need to lift more weights!"

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Aline Bojan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it's like saying that someone doesn't need medication for their heart. Just do exercises and make it work!

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Hotdogking
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holy Crap, Why didn't I think of that sooner. it totally worked /s

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David Smith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if a broken leg makes walking hard, you should just buck up and work through the pain.

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Apachebathmat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I walk approx 3-5 miles a day, I always smile and try and make people happy, you’d never know I am chronically depressed… because I NEED medication 💊 and I take it to make me better

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Biba Little
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So so many times... one guy wrote me today "you are depressed because your are thinking depressed thoughts. Just think happy and you will be fine". Bro, it's not how it works.

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Lieke Akkerman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh yes and work out often and do stuff you like! You'll feel better in no time! When I was depressed I didn't even know what I liked, there was just nothing

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David
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hard to go outside when you can't muster the will to get out of bed.

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Hannah Kirtley
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

tired that, "fake it till u make it" only works in crap situations, not chemical imbalances in the brain

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Nadine Bamberger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't need medication for your heart failure or crutches for your broken legs, just think positive thoughts, eat healthy and hop around more.

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Kim Contreras
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And don't forget to pray more! I'm all for the power of prayer, and when God offers you meds to answer your prayer, take them. BUT when that is all your 'friends' can suggest to you, then they just aren't friends.

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Demetri Bryant
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

(That comment is made, enter dark comedy moment) Pulls out a gun abd shoots the speaker. NOW, there's a reason to SMILE.

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Linda van A.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't need treatment for cancer, just go outside and smile more. 🤦‍♀️

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Katchen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some in my family are the opposite: they’ll take a pill, but won’t try any sort of behavioral therapy. A lot of people need both.

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A B C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Couple years ago, my mum told me I (late 20s, maybe early 30s by that time) was "too young for being depressed". Oh well, thanks mum, that solves a lot of my problems.

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Pumpkin Spice
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I'll go outside to bury your body, and I'll smile while I'm doing it!"

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Aliesia Tkach
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As psychologist.. b******t. Depression changes work of mind. You literally can't go outside and smile. It's situation, when "small things" can't make difference. They are still importantpart of treatment, but nit the cure.

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Auntie Panda
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right Now I'm outside with a fake smile and depression. Yay.

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Gini Sarver
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh man, do i wish it was as easy as this… i am not in a good place at all right now 45 yrs old and everything about my life has changed ((death, children growing up & leaving 🏡)) I feel so da** alone, if i had time I would tell y’all 🤦🏼‍♀️

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Kim Contreras
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I had seen this earlier. I'm hoping that you have had something or someone to help pull you out of that pit you are in - and yes it is a pit- the deepest darkest place a person can be! When I was 54 I tried to end it all. Do you know they consider you a criminal if you're 'lucky' enough to survive and post police outside your hospital room! Then the hospital is required by law to send all suicide survivors to a "behavior hospital" where you stay locked up until they think you are 'normal' again. You know what they said when they were checking me in? "Wow you're actually 54 and a teacher?? What is someone like you doing here?"Nobody seems to get it that anybody in any career can be depressed!

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Lovin' Life
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I go outside and I smile or at least fake one. The meds help when nothing else does. But in all reality, who wants to smile when you feel there's nothing to smile about? Who wants to smile when you feel there's nothing left in this life for you? No self worth, when you can even get up most days to even take a shower? Yeah I'm pretty sure the outdoors and a smile will fix that. It's not like a water faucet that you can just turn off and on.

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WhatEvenIsLife
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still get furious when I think about the doctor who condescendingly told me that exercise can decrease anxiety by something like 80%. Bitch, I literally worked out three times a day and still had panic attacks that sent me to the ER.

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Mike Loux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"My goodness, why didn't I think of that? Just SMILE more and NOT be depressed!"

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Mary Hiers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I found one of those smiley capsules like in the picture at work one day and wondered what "drug" it was. Turns out, you open it up and it contains a tiny, rolled-up piece of paper bound with a tiny metal ring. On the paper is a message like, "You're great! Keep going!" I wondered how many people have swallowed them think they were MDMA or something, lol.

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I I
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

f**k me , wish my doc had told me that 30 years ago instead of filling me up with meds

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Lyone Fein
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate this. Do they have a psych degree? Are they a doctor? Then keep their views to themselves.

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Kat Hayden
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

always had the "its only in your head" - yes it is in my head thats the f*****g problem

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Mallory m. Brewer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, ok. *walks outside and smiles really big and awkwardly* wow! I’m cured!!

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Monika Georgieva
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, some people will just never understand depression, it's above their capacity. Just brush it off and ignore them

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Joe Reaves
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

However, I might need meds with little faces on them like those! I have to take three different meds each day and those little faces would definitely give me a moment of joy as I do it.

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Celia McReynolds Tinsley
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my oldest let for boot camp my anxiety went into overdrive and I was forced to go on FMLA because my anxiety attacks were horrendous. I knew it was affecting me more than it should have and saw a counselor who helped me figure out what was causing my frequent attacks and taught me a tapping sequence that saved my sanity. My issue came from me having to know where those that mean the most to me were at all times because when I was 14 my mom was supposed to be home when I got home from school one day and she wasn't. I called everywhere she should have been and couldn't find her. About thirty minutes later my brother comes home and I learned Mom had been murdered by her boyfriend. My coping mechanism was always knowing everyone's location. So while I'm falling apart I am trying to talk to my dad in search of support. What I got was him telling me to get over it. I pretty much shut him out of my life for a couple of years and our relationship is now strained and will never be the same again.

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deanna woods
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the worst thing that you can say to someone with depression. Depression is not about smiling, it's about feeling like you are alone and lost.

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Leslie B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate hearing this. Because yeah, the sunshine is the reason for my chemical imbalance.

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More Thinking Needed
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Social media has trivialized mental health, leading people believe that poor mental health is part of one's mood and something that can be solved with a few cute cartoons and "pep-talk" phrases. Mental health is a debilitating problem that needs the proper diagnosis of a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL who can then recommend proper therapy and/or medication. Getting help, for most people is the hardest step. Encouraging them to seek professional help is what is needed.

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Julie C Rose
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone old enough to remember to remember how we were treated before social media came along, this is bullshit.

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Mary Rose Kent
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is indeed a depression brought on by a lack of sunlight, but the sun can’t get my body to process the serotonin I need to a high enough level for me to make it through life without my meds (a Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor).

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#4

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group When my husband passed away unexpectedly at age 50 (together 32 years) more than one person said to me " my divorce was like a death too". Nope, not even close.

mich2va96 , Gisela Giardino Report

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Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How anyone can compare divorce to death is beyond me. I looked this up on reddit and it was a few years ago, she is happily remarried.

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#5

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group When my dad passed away, a lot of people told me 'he's in a better place.'

I know it's super common to say, but we're not religious in the slightest and we wanted him here, for f**k's sake.

Sensitiverock85 , Jerzy Kociatkiewicz Report

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LeilaOdinis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always found that insulting after my father died. I get people don't know what to say when one dies, but this was the biggest slap in the face for me.

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#6

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group "You'll change your mind" and every sentences I can hear when I tell people I don't want kids. That toxic mentality of women have to be mothers. I've realized at 12yo that I never want kids. 13 later, I still haven't changed my mind. My husband also doesn't want kids so at least we're on the same page.

alienonymous2 , Sunny Ripert Report

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Ranax
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just reply: " you'll soon regret yours"... Oh you think that that's inappropriate?

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#7

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group Everything happens for a reason or God never gives you more than you can handle.

Beginning-Barnacle-5 , Gareth Williams Report

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If God supposedly never gives you more than you can handle, then please explain all the suicides, addicts, people with depression and other mental health issues etc.

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#8

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group Just don't think about it.

Thanks mom, sure my constant headaches will go away when I just don't think about it! A 12 year old shouldn't have headaches non-stop in the first place but whatever.

Red_tiny_Panda , Gareth Williams Report

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NotTodaySatan!!
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have had migraines my entire life. Once a doctor told me they were simply, "all in my head". Yes, yes they were. And that day it was right in my left temple. Some doctors are complete idiots with no empathy.

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#9

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group Pretty much everything about using the power of prayer and positive thinking to attract good things to your life and protect you from negative experiences and outcomes. It's all victim-blaming bulls**t. Telling someone that they should simply put more effort into their positive thoughts/prayers and that they are attracting the negative things that are occurring in their lives is incredibly inappropriate and sh**ty.

nevertruly , Chris Hunkeler Report

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is all code for "You are ultimately to blame for everything that happened to you." I even heard that the "power of attraction" means the Jews brought the Holocaust on themselves. No joke. It was in a book about positive thinking. WTF?!

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#10

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group 'you have it much better than other people'

Okay, I know that's true. But I hate it when people invalidate my experience without being in my shoes.

thattallgirlinblack , vanguardist Report

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Evy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I often invalidate my own experiences or pain by saying this. I think it's the guilt that I've been brought up with.

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#11

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group ‘You think that’s bad? Wait til you hear what happened to me - it’s worse!’

photosquirrel , Susanne Nilsson Report

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Michael Payne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yours maybe worse but this is the worst I have delt with. I hate it when people say that it is not a competition.

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#12

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group I lost my first pregnancy earlier this year. It sucked massively and I fell into a depression. A close family member just kept trying to make me 'see the positive side of it'. It's been a while now but to this day, I see no frigging positive side of having lost my child. That, to me, was toxic positivity at its best.

EnvironmentalDonut68 , Ernest James Report

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Susan Atkinson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry you've had to endure this toxic comment. I've been waiting 15 years for a reason my healthy 26yo died.

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#13

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group “At least he doesn’t hit you!” like wow I’m supposed to put up with allllllll the BS because he’s doing something he should?

postmclone , Ricardo Liberato Report

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NotTodaySatan!!
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My stepdad was an abusive alcoholic when I was little (in high school he was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance and it was treated, making him the most amazing dad ever). When I expressed the desire to divorce my first husband whom had been cheating on me for over a year with the same woman, and with other women in years prior, my mom asked, "are you sure that is bad enough for you to end your marriage??". Which made me stay for 5 more years. I guess in perspective, no, it wasn't as bad as what we had been through with my stepfather, but... really???

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#14

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group Different variations of "You can't have kids? Take mine for a day and you'll be happy you don't have one of your own! Kids suck lol" Yeah, you being a s***ty parent certainly makes me feel better about being infertile.

Kitteh_Kate , lecates Report

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Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you want children and can't have them then that's really sad and saying stupid stuff like that is cruel.

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#15

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group In group therapy someone said that they're proud, they never got depressed, no matter what life threw at them. Because they're such a positive and strong person. With a person with depression sitting right next to them.

I am glad I don't have a tendency towards depression either. But I'm not proud of it, because it's a sickness you're prone to, or you aren't. It's not a weakness. And the fact that we're all sitting together in group therapy shows that we all have one or another unhealthy coping mechanism in place and so far, we weren't able to positive-think our way out of them.

Zeiserl , JourneyPure Rehab Report

#16

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group “Pain is all in your head”

Do f**k off with that.

GlumMathematician884 , Andy Report

#17

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group There's someone for everyone. You just need to believe and you will find love. No, there isn't and no, love isn't guaranteed.

arcticshqip , Kevin Simpson Report

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King Joffrey
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Perhaps there isn't someone for everyone but a lot of people have ridiculously high expectations. I have a permanently single friend who is not very handsome and will only date model-looking women (without much success). Gets offended when someone points it out to him and I know a lovely girl who fancies him but "he likes her but she's not his type looks-wise"...

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#18

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group Someone told me I was “polluting” their space with “my sadness”. I asked them wtf they meant (because I wasn’t acting sad or even saying anything) and they said they could “feel” a “deep sadness” in me and that my presence itself was harmful. Like holy s**t talk about thought police

Odeiminmukwa , Gareth Williams Report

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Jihana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once on a bus after visiting my terminally ill mother in the hospital a woman turned the baby stroller around so that the baby faced away from me and said to her friend "I don't want anyone to look at my child like this". Bitch, I just visited my dying mother, I am NOT sorry that my sadness offended you.

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#19

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group “You’re really pretty for a chubby girl” Thaaaaaanx.

[deleted] , Susanne Nilsson Report

#20

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group “I just strive to be an honest person. I’m sorry if it hurt you”.

Some s**t should just not be said ok?

Cute_Mousse_7980 , Ben Stephenson Report

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Debbie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also on the internet. An opinion is ok, but you don't have to go out of your way to shout it out and hurt people by doing so. You can also have an opinion and not let the entire world know.

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#21

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group Why can’t you just be happy?

MmVvHh , Melinda Report

#22

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group Family is meant to hurt and forgive.

I call bs.

justsidle , Tamas Ring Report

#23

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group “Happiness is a choice.” Shudder.

CampVictorian , Marina Report

#24

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group “Life will be easier if you just accept that you’ll be doing most of the house work”…. Ex-boyfriends mom in response to a conversation about how ex-boyfriend did not help with chores.

BabyGotCats , Daniel M. Hendricks Report

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NsG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell me you're a sh1tty parent without saying you're a sh1tty parent.

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#25

Something along the lines of “you have as many hours in the day as Beyoncé.” I just can’t even begin with how much I hate everything about that.

mediumsizedbootyjudy Report

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YoyoSthlm
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You have the same amount of hours as Hitler and look what he achieved!

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#26

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group "Having expectations on relationships only lead to disappoiment" So am I supposed to put up with whatever the f**k they want to treat me? Wtf.

Waste-Win , Britney M Report

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Kanuli
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They meant well somewhat. Expectations can be bad, but that is meant totally different. Hard to explain for me in english, maybe someone could find better words? It’s like having the expectation to be loved coz you did something for someone. It’s the expectation you put on others to make you happy. That’s not how this works. You can only control yourself, your actions, your feelings (somewhat) But you can keep your expectations in check. Don’t confuse this with boundaries or rules, anticipation, or apathy. Sure you can expect your partner to be loyal, honest and so on, doesn‘t mean you can control them though. But you can control how much you trust them, and how far you wanna challenge this expectation or trust. Alot in life is about how WE handle it and less the actions put in front of us. We often confuse this actio/reactio as causality, neglect the control we ourselves have and put our life(happiness) in other people’s hands. That you might wanna prevent.

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#27

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group "If I can do it, you can do it."

numbersrejectedbypi , bloomsberries Report

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Pezor Zass
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i never understood this one. if you can do it, then i can do it, because i am inherently better than you and so anything you can do is clearly within my superior grasp? is that what you're saying? or are you saying that everyone has exactly the same abilities?

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#29

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group "You either trust me or you don't. Trust doesn't get built" - said my disgusting ex earlier in our relationship

pierrots , klndonnelly Report

#30

A YouTube video opened my eyes on how body positivity can be toxic. I've realized I'm just body-neutral. I don't think my body is beautiful and I don't have to! I'm more than my body and I'm at peace with it even if I wish some things were different. They don't affect my self-esteem.

Beth-BR Report

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Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm okay with the body positivity thing. If it helps people let go of self-hatred, it's worth some annoyance.

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#31

"well, everyone has a little bit of depression here and there." ok and that's supposed to make me feel better or something?

Blue_ish Report

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having depression and being a bit depressed as in temporarily down/upset, is not the same

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#32

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group "You are only hurting yourself when you are crying look I'm unaffected."

miyavmisa , Aubrey Arcangel Report

#33

"Don't waste your time worrying about it." Sorry but I can't help it

lnthefall Report

#34

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group Fake it till you make it. Ugh. The f**king worst.

PrincessConsuela02 , Shannon Report

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September Meadows
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of the most dumb ideas I've ever heard. I got group jumped by fellow managers when I told the lead manager I didn't know how to accomplish a certain task. They all gasped and looked at me like I'd took a dump on the breakfast table. One of the managers leans over and says you're not supposed to say that you don't know, you fake it till you make it. I went off on her and the rest of them. I was in the Marine Corps. That idea would get you killed or your team killed! It is best that you know each others strengths and weaknesses so that you can plan accordingly. If someone doesn't know how to do something that they should or need to in the circumstances then you provide the tools and education to raise them up, thus elevating the whole group. You don't leave them floundering in the dark, fearful of f'ing up because they're left to their own devices.

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#35

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group "Its not your situation. Its about how you react to it." - my bff

And how am I suppose to react to office sexual harassment of a senior management without the risk of losing my job and not be able to pay my rent, dare I may say???? There's also the risk of ruining connections and forever barring me from the industry completely.

I was venting to my friend. All I needed was to vent and cry. I know the consequences involved with even a tiny move against this person who has such great influence my chosen feild. No, I cant just "react" my heart out, dear.

lavenderpug , Aaron Stidwell Report

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Kanuli
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ehm. No. There is stuff you can do. Seek help, collect evidence. Fight back. You often have choices, either you aren’t aware of them, or afraid, or afraid of consequences. There she should have helped you. I learned being silent is most often the wrong choice.

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#36

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group The HR person at my old job told me to "lean in more" when I requested a meeting about sexism in the office.

ResearchLogical2036 , Alan Cleaver Report

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September Meadows
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

HR isn't there for the employees, they are there for the employer and for their own job security.

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#37

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group Not sure if this fits, but "Just keep eating. Don't worry about how much. Eat until you're happy" Eat until I'm happy? I prefer to separate food from emotion, thank you. I've seen people approach the brink of passing aaway by tying food and emotion. No thank you. Not for me.

smashmyburger , Eric.Ray Report

#38

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group "the act of smiling makes you feel better, so even if you're feeling really bad you can start smiling and eventually your feelings will catch up" No thank you

greenandleafy , Katy Warner Report

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's actually science behind this one. Studies conclusively proved that even a fake smile causes your brain to produce dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. I've used this to help me when I'm depressed, by seeking out things that will make me smile and laugh. And it does help me manage my depression.

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#39

When I vent I don't enjoy a certain aspect of my jobs to a friend/colleague: "but it won't be any different in a different field"

Well thank you that is very relevant

michelle867 Report

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Lord Mysticlaw
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've learned that a LOT of people don't understand the difference between when someone needs a shoulder to cry on or an ear to vent to, and when they actually want advice or help. If you're not sure, ask. It's not helpful if you give shitty advice to someone who just needed to vent or maybe needed a "don't worry, you'll be OK" or whatever.

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#40

40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group It’s not you it’s me

Outrageous_Length639 , Georgie Pauwels Report

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Libstak
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually that's true. If they have issues being with you or whatever, that really is theirs to deal with.

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