This X Account Shares Hilarious, Wholesome, And Dark Confessions, Here Are The Latest 27

Touching neighbor love

ooops...

Should I say that you should ask for a raise?

Surprise!

as long as it works

This although I could still do without the fifty billion extra after-hours Zoom sessions it spawned 😛

"Peter, you're in my water glass and I need to take a pill later."

I'd say that's a double win. Better health with associated benefits, and better sexy times.

doesnt fix the smell problem but you do you

Good for you! Sad about the wife, though... keep up the workouts for you

some people dont appreciate the effort that goes into good role play

So long as she didn't expect you to eat them?

Is "a**e" considered a bad word now?

oops double post.

Tubal-cain my friend.

Pee cheat code🤣

Make sure to wash any vibrators you find.

Covering up a negative comment. Have a great day everyone!

Maybe bring home a few kids.

what the hell? how can you not say anything knowing your wife wants to leave you for someone else? who are you fooling by acting like everything is fine?

first you need to get yourself checked cause you may have healed. not even a vasectomy is 100% the human body does incredible, weird, and incredibly weird s**t sometimes.

Two hands are often difficult to control at the same time. Grats on making it in from the kitchen.

Isn't that illegal in some places?

So you ruined your mother's emotional state for your own self-interest? Relax. Most of the rest of us have done the same thing just by existing.

his lad was not the only one with dyslexia.

Whatever it takes my lady!

so he assumes she f***s around but is ok with it as long as the guy thinks she doesnt clean the toilet? that will teach them.

You are an arsehole for hurting her.

That's f*****g evil. people can and have died in car crashes as little as 5mph.