Unfortunately, we’re not mind-readers—at least… most of us aren’t. That means that if we want somebody to know something, we have to vocalize it. Or hope beyond hope that they’ll pick up on the trail of clues we leave in our body language.
The men of Reddit have come together and shared the things that they wish women knew and the things that are important to them, in the context of romantic relationships and beyond. They opened up about cute things like the fact that men really do enjoy hugs and compliments and also broached practical topics like the need to be alone from time to time. (Hey, boundaries are important, especially in relationships.)
As you’re scrolling down, upvote the posts that you agree with. And you should also swing by the comment section to share the things that you wish your partners knew, too, dear Pandas. Bored Panda spoke about the dynamic between men and women, and why it’s important to communicate about what’s most important to us with dating and relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man. Scroll down to read what he had to say.
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Just say it straight. Don't make me read between the lines or trying and take a hint. How in the heck am I supposed to know you're into me if you don't say it. I don't know you well enough to read your brand of body language, but I'm interested in you cause you seem cool.
If you respond with a "no" to my interest I will respect your boundaries, don't expect me to "try harder". No means no.
Verbal communication is way better.
Exactly. It's really the basic concept of consent we teach our kids. No means no. I talked to a girl once that told me, if I were a real man, I would chase her. No ma'am. A real adult says what they mean.
Bored Panda asked dating and relationship expert Dan to elaborate on the kinds of attitudes that are healthy in relationships, as well as whether it’s important to be on the same page in terms of respecting and understanding each other’s passions in life.
“The best attitude is true, sincere love where you honestly care about the other person and only want the best for them. However, that can only happen if the dynamic of the relationship continues to produce those feelings over time,” the expert told us.
You know that complaint that women sometimes have that just because they are polite to you doesn't mean they're interested in you?
Yeah, that works both ways. I'm not saying "good morning" because I want to bed you, I'm not holding the door for you because I think you'll reward me with some nookie for doing so, etc. etc.
I'm doing so because, like you, I'm a decent human being and am being polite.
exactly i am just being polite i would do the same for a person of any gender or even species but not bears though
Women body shaming men is just as bad as men body shaming women.
“If the dynamic of the relationship causes one or both of them to lose their feelings of attraction and love, then it will be very difficult to behave, think or care in the same way they did in the beginning. As a result, the relationship will become stale and a breakup or divorce will almost certainly happen at some point,” he said that consistent, genuine effort has to be put into relationships to make them work.
“Unfortunately, most people don’t ever get taught how to create and maintain a mutually happy, in love and attracted relationship dynamic, so they just wing it and hope for the best, which then results in high levels of breakups and divorces,” Dan said that just hoping for the best without actively doing your best isn’t good enough.
Girl: I’m dropping so many hints! Why doesn’t he get them?
Boy: I think the girl is dropping hints but I’m not sure I want to risk my friendship and embarrassment, so I’ll just ignore them.
Just because I’m not talking, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying my time with you.
Relationship expert Dan explained to Bored Panda that even though it’s wonderful to have the support of your partner when it comes to the things that you most care about, at the end of the day, we have to understand that this won’t be the case in every scenario.
“A man needs to be aware that his girlfriend or wife may not understand his passion project the way he does,” he pointed out that a guy’s girlfriend might simply not ‘get’ why he wants what he wants or needs what he needs.
We like random gifts, we like random hugs, we like random signs of affection and love — sometimes just a cup of coffee in my favorite mug is enough to convince me it’s going to be a good day.
We don't know where we want to eat either.
Sometimes stuff is just difficult. For no reason I can also be sad, just because I don’t cry doesn’t mean I’m not sad.
Also
We don’t want to be the ones who always initiates sex, it makes us feel creepy sometimes.
“She may not see the importance of it, or might be annoyed with it because he has failed at it for years on end and they have bills to pay,” Dan said that some people might even start resenting their partners if their passions, projects, and goals haven’t yielded fruit (yet).
“She wants to see progress in their life and have a feeling of security about their future, rather than watching him spending years or decades fiddling around with something that isn't providing results for them as a couple now,” he noted how some women think and how they sometimes disregard what guys think is important.
When we're start dating, all other women don't magically become unattractive. No, I don't want to be with them, but some are still pretty. I will look. I won't stare. It means nothing and has no influence on my feelings for you. Btw, I'll probably look at that guy with huge arms too, and it won't bother me if you do the same. Attractive people are just beautiful things in nature like a sunset or a mountain view. Go ahead and look. Enjoy. I don't want to stick my d**k in any of them.
I 100% agree. As the saying goes, you can look but can't touch.
We need just as much support as you do, it’s always a shock when a guys kills himself until you look back at all the subtle cries for help. We’re screaming on the inside and we need someone to let us know it’s okay.
Men love being the target of a romantic gesture. Many men never have been.
However, Dan believes that even a lack of support can be a blessing in disguise. “A woman behaving like that in a relationship is often a blessing for a man. In many cases, a dissatisfied girlfriend or wife will drive a man to work harder and smarter, which can lead to the success of his passion project,” he said that some guys go the extra mile when they have something to prove to the people closest to them.
“He will have a 'must succeed' attitude, rather than only giving it a shot and seeing how it goes. That's often the difference between success and failure.”
We aren't great with hints. Communication is king.
Yeah, you put the trash by the front door for him to take out and him: "Honey I'm home" and steps over the trash.... Just kidding. Seriously, It's true, you men aren't great when it's a guessing (hinting) game. But if asked what to do most men don't mind that and will do it!
We actually really want to be complimented too. A 60 year old women complimented me 5 years ago and it still makes me feel good, which just shows how little we get compliments.
my best friend who is female told me when we first met 5 years ago my hair looks good short i have cut it short ever since and try to keep it short
Get away from me at night in the summertime, I still love you. I’m just hot and don’t want to snuggle.
However, that’s not to say that support isn’t important. It is! And a lack of it can be a very clear indication that the relationship might not be working as well as it should. Passion projects, large or small, can help identify weaknesses in relationships by seeing how one’s partner reacts to them.
“If a man finds that no matter how much progress he makes, she still gets annoyed and doesn’t like him working on it, he needs to start thinking about whether or not she should remain part of his life,” the expert said.
“He doesn’t need to leave her right away, though. He should make real progress on his passion project and then, if she is still dissatisfied, he should calmly and lovingly let her know that he’s not going to stop working on it and if she doesn’t like that, she is welcome to leave him.”
It’s ok to make the first move. Guys can be shy too. Come talk to me instead of staring at me.
I made the first move with my now hubby. I approached him on the bus, didn't even know who he was.
If you don’t want to hear the truth about something don’t ask me to tell you the truth. Because I’m going to tell you the truth every time.
When we say we're thinking about nothing, the majority of the time it literally is just nothing or ridiculous scenarios that we make up that sound stupid when said out loud.
When we tell women that we don’t know how we feel about something it’s usually true and we genuinely don’t really understand how we are supposed to feel. I personally wasn’t allowed to express emotions growing up and it turned into me not being able to understand my emotions.
I really like to hang out with my friends because I love them. Not because I don't want to spend time with you.
People who are insecure about their SO spending time with their friends probably need to think about why that is, rather than taking it out on their SO.
We aren’t unemotional, we just may not show it as often. It hurts when I’ve had to hear from my mother or sister say things like “you’re a guy, you aren’t good with your emotions” or “you don’t understand being emotional”. I do. I absolutely do. Saying things like “I don’t understand” in such an arrogant, condescending tone only makes me want to show them less.
I think it's worth it to explain things. My mother used to snap at me "Don't you understand?!" She wouldn't explain what she meant and that left me feeling too stupid to be worthy of proper communication. It wasn't until I was 20 that I finally burst into tears and told her, "You always say that! If you want me to understand, you explain!" She communicated better after that.
All the hurtful things they say don’t just magically disappear from men’s memories. We have feelings too. And criticizing a man for being honest with feelings as not being manly is not only cruel but also highly ironic considering there’s a constant yearning for men with emotion.
I hope women really read this one. I have had partners say some truly heinous s**t to me over the years, things that I would never say, and then just brush it off with something like "I was stressed". Unfortunately, just because it wasn't a big deal to you doesn't mean that it won't still haunt me for years.
Not all men of course, and some women have it too but.......The nothing box is real.
The nothing box is a small section of the brain that contains absolutely nothing at all. When we enter the nothing box we genuinely are not thinking a single thought. There is no song playing in our head, there is no thought process, there's so much nothing that we don't even recognise at the time that we're not thinking anything, because to do so would be a thought. If someone looks like their brain has just checked out and they have a dead-eyed stare into middle distance then they're probably in the nothing box.
The passage of time ceases to exist, no physical sensation makes it through. Once in the nothing box, you stay in there until some external stimulus or the formation of an errant thought pulls you out of it. Leaving the nothing box is the first time that you are even aware you were in the nothing box.
It's like a nap for the brain while all other functions remain.
This is such a surreal thing to me, my partner has the ability to just sit and think of nothing, while my brain is always active. When I've asked him what he's thinking and he says 'nothing' I had to clarify a few times if it was actually nothing or just nothing he felt worth mentioning before accepting that he is actually just thinking of nothing (he also doesn't have an internal monologue/visualisation which I also found surreal).
I would kill for a nothing box. My brain is like having 436 browser windows open. Three are playing music (different songs) and 14 have ads at full volume. It never shuts off.
Try learning to meditate. That is to actually working to enter "the nothing box", or you could call it to zone out or be asleep with the eyes open.
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I think this is evolutionary. Hunting requires a great deal of patience and stillness, so as the hunters men developed the "nothing box" as a way to disconnect and just *be* while waiting on prey. Women were the caregivers for the children so developed a greater awareness and consciousness of what they were doing, their work required them to think rather than just wait. Or at least that's my story.
That makes sense. Most human traits were developed v long ago when we needed to hunt and gather and some just don't work in the modern world so much (like why we overeat, because then we needed to take advantage of food to survive the lean times, today we can access food whenever - mostly)
Load More Replies... I don't think I've ever in my life accessed that nothing box. My brain doesn't take naps.
It is possible for anyone, through well practiced meditation.
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I think the nothing box is more of a "I'm thinking of something but once I get out of the state I immediately forget what I'm thinking of" box, ya know eh?
How? How do you find this place? I have never, in my 39 years have been able to not have a thought. That's why meditation is so hard for me. I'm always thinking, imagining or strategizing. My brain never shuts off and sometimes I envy those that can do this. Sigh...
I don't think the majority of women Do this. They may be having calm thoughts, thought about things that make them calm, thoughts about things to not think about that make them happy just thinking...we may not understand "nothing" just give us an adjective, no verbs, just adjective.
I'm a pathologically overthinking man and I find this tempting and creepy at the same time.
Yeah me too. I'm a woman....so now I'm confused lol
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Gods, do I love the nothing box. Except I don't call it that. A box has shape, form, structure. I call it my void.
Women do not have a nothing box. We might go into a low power mode or shut down a few tabs, but there's always something buzzing up there or at least a tab open. ALWAYS.
This doesn't happens with women. Like I guess women are just serial overthinkers... 😑
My wife’s brain is basically wires (as a woman’s brain is described) shoved in boxes. They too have the nothing box. I am jealous of the nothing box. I too want to think of nothing instead of the millions of things I need to get done. Though after this latest head injury, I sometimes have a nothing box. Guys—enjoy your nothing box; it is truly a glorious thing.
I honestly don't think us women ever have a moment of silence in our heads... :(
I've had a hard time believing this because my brain doesn't turn off. As I've gotten older, I realize that men have different brains than women do. Regardless, I hate when men ask me what I'm thinking. If they want to ask what I think about a specific thing, that's fine. But if I wanted to talk, I wouldn't be thinking, I'd be talking.
Last night I sat down on the sofa next to my SO. He said "what are you doing?" I said I just put up the box of Cheese crackers I was eating. He says "I didn't see you eating those." I sat there and ate them right in front of him! He must have been in that 'nothing box'. I told him that was OK because I know men can just shut everything out sometimes.
I so wish my husband could teach me how to nothing, my brain NEVER shuts up!
yessssss, i love this box. depression and adhd made me figure out how to intentionally enter this box and is sooooo nice in there. 😌
That is so foreign to me that I'm having a hard time imagining it. I daydream but its like im watching a mini "movie" (usually an extended idea on something the inner monolog said) so there's definitely something. But nothing?
As someone with ADHD, I envy this soo much!!! My mind always has three tv's playing different stations, five conversations, two different songs playing and three children screaming about different things!
Yes 🙌 me too I sometimes recede into the nothing box for days. My So was so panicked the first time but now he just calmly reminds me to take care myself and showers me with affection. He knows that I can regress with him present because I feel comfortable with him and trust him to be respectful of me when I can’t deal with the world and my stress. He understands I can’t always control it and likes to relax with me and enjoy the state of nothing. He doesn’t do it as often I mostly do it once every week or other week depending on how busy or when I’m really stressed. He has told me before that I’m like a cuddle monster that only acts on base instincts. I can have basic conversations such as what do want to eat, do you want to cuddle, do you want to be alone. It’s comforting that he is there to protect me and is respectful of my boundaries and need to be in my space for a bit.
I generally only do this when I start feeling sever anxiety or my emotions or thoughts or both are in need of a breather it’s like meditation.
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This is literally, the best description of this state of being, I have ever heard (read).
Ugh. Wish I had a nothing box I could retreat to when I'm panicking about literally everything in the world
I've never heard anyone speak of this. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Sounds like the state you are actually searching for when meditating or what a Buddhist may call Nirvana
I don't have this. When I think about "nothing" I'm still thinking, it's just stupid background thoughts that aren't relevant and aren't worth repeating because they're so irrelevant. The brain is an organ, so "thinking" is just what it does, even when idle. But certainly not all thoughts are worth repeating because they're honestly just ridiculous and nonsensical. (“If the largest cruise ship in the world hit a sheer wall at 50 knots per hour, I wonder how many people would escape unharmed?") etc.
Yep just fuzzy thoughts not really there but not really gone. That is the basic space that leads to the nothing box. When I’m in the nothing box I’m still thinking it’s just I don’t really remember what I’m thinking if that makes sense. I generally can do basic things like bake a cake or put on a movie and I’ll watch the movie but I won’t forwardly proses my thoughts. The only reason I now that I have specific thoughts is because I mumble and my SO told me about some of the things I say some of which were really funny like why can’t whales be pink. I laughed so hard when I heard that and then wondered how that thought can to be in my brain.
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I think as I get older, my nothing box is easier to find. Or pre-senile dementia. Not sure.
As an overthinker I can tell you that isn't true for everybody. There is constantly something going on in my head whilst I'm awake. Don't assume everybody is the same as you.
God I wish i could turn my thoughts off. As soon as I wake up to when I finally sleep my brain is constantly holding conversations and sometimes multiple unrelated conversations
This is exactly how my husband describes it. It blows my mind. I'm quite envious of the nothing box!
My husband calls this the Lorna zone, I just am on another planet at times but when someone breaks me out of it I genuinely have zero clue if there's even a single thought that goes on regardless if it looks like I'm trying to solve a quadratic equation in my head
I don't know when I found my nothing box, but I have one and it's where I go when my anxiety is high and it helps. My brain has rooms my filing room and nothing box are the most used along with my Disney room.
Upon waking every single day, my ONLY goal is to get through any tasks/responsibilities/obligations as soon as humanly possible, so that I can close all the other boxes and lay on my bed with the Nothing box open, or "default mode" as I call it.
I think my nothing box has a jukebox in it, I'm never not hearing a song.
Yea, I could just stare off into space for large amounts of time, just thinking about nothing... My family always asks me what I'm thinking.. They find it hard to believe that nothing is on my mind!
Is this what it feels like to be a fish? Because I assume that's how fish feel and it sounds so peaceful. I don't think I've ever had my brain shut up unless I do hard core meditation so I'm rather envious of dudes right now.
- - - and then She sees you sitting quietly, and says "What are you thinking about?", and you sort of wake up and say, "Oh, nothing." And then she assumes you are covering something up and lying to her. Or: you scramble to pull up something to offer her, and she catches the 'guilty' pause, and gets angry because you're hiding something, and it has to be about her, because who else?. Been there. It was a very long 27 years.
I'm sorry your 27 years together seemed long. My man has a nothing box and has had it the duration of our 43 year marriage. I'm a bit jealous as my nothing box disappeared simultaneously with the arrival of my 1st child. I hold his nothing box in esteem not in suspicion. Lol
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I wish I had a nothing box - I would force myself to spend a lot of time there.
So jealous :'(.. Women have 16 tabs open, 2 kids, a dog, you.. An laundry.. Don't forget laundry.. And expectations.. There is music 🎶 in there too.. it's like never f#cking quiet 🤫.. Like ever.. That is why girls get each other.. Get off my to do list.. Let's burn the to do list and drink wine... Cheers guys.. Not jealous at all..
I want real knight armor for my birthday but I’m not allowed to say so because society forces me to hide it.
If I’m lying in bed with someone, just enjoying the moment together, I should be able to just enjoy the moment and let my mind drift to wherever it’s going. If you want to talk about the future of the relationship or something, that’s great and we can do that if you start that conversation, but if you ask me out of the blue what I’m thinking about, and I say Bolbi’s “Slap slap slap” song from Jimmy Neutron, then you shouldn’t get mad at me just because it’s not the thing you wanted me to be thinking about! Just tell me you want to talk about the relationship and we can do that!
Playing “hard to get” does not work for a lot of people.
If you take the initiative and ask an average looking dude out, there's like a 99% chance he'll say yes.
When I get angry at my video games I’m not an angry person. I just f**kin suck at Dark Souls.
🤣🤣🤣 my wife gets so mad when I play call of duty because "it REALLY doesn't sound like I'm having fun".
Sometimes men just need some alone time. (From everyone and everything)
When I say “I don’t mind,” I really mean it. If I did mind, I would say so.
Esoecially with food - do you want beef or chicken ? I don't mind, I really don't mind, either one will do. I'm not indecisive, its just food
When we went on that date and I kept you warm on that bench and you rested your head on my shoulders. And afterwards we kissed and said goodbye...I still wasn't entirely sure you were into me and I've been thinking about how dumb I am for the last couple of days.
I still have fond and treasured memories of being appreciated or generally uplifted by compliments I got in 10th grade. I can tell you the exact date of my last hug. I still remember what time it was when someone last told me they were proud of me. And I drown the pain in p**n, booze, and weed, but I still cry myself to sleep most nights because the pain just gets to me.
What, as a guy, do I wish girls knew? I wish they knew how much the little s**t matters. Especially to guys who are anti-social or just introverted. Compliments, appreciation, hugs, it doesn't matter. Affection does so much for guys, in a world that's increasingly devaluing them.
The problem is, being in a relationship won't fix this and will likely lead to codependency. What I've discovered through online dating is that most men need therapy -- and I'm not being sarcastic; I am a huge proponent of it! When they don't have community and an awareness of themselves and their emotions, they're toxic. They don't have coping skills and are dysfunctional. I'm not saying it's 100% his fault, though. Our society does, unfortunately, make it very difficult for men to be human.
if you dont tell us you want something we honest to god wont know...
case and point, my Ex was sat at home and i was going to the local shop
"hey, do you want anything from the shop?"
"no, im good"
she got mad because i didnt buy her anything....
Sometimes men just don’t get hard. It’s not you. It’s many things, from lifestyle and diet to stress and anxiety. And just getting older. Please try not to take it as a sign of lack of attraction or affection. Sometimes it just happens.
We want to be seen as sexy, beautiful creatures. Many of us want to be pursued also, to feel like we don't have to always motivate women into wanting us. Nobody should be the designated initiator 100% of the time.
After 3 years of relationship, to this day i think my gf lost a bet or is pulling a prank, even tho all she shoved me is genuine love and affection and respect... Idk man, i just dont see myself as someone desirable or sexy
Days off are for resting. Ive dated a lot of women who heard I had 2 days off work ad took it as an invitation to make plans for us. Like yeah I appreciate that you put all this effort into planning our time together but sometimes Im just burned out and need like 2 days of just sitting home in my underwear watching tv.
Just because I'm not in the mood right now doesn't mean I think you're ugly. Sometime when we snuggle, I end up falling asleep. The bed is comfortable, so pressing up against me might not get me in the mood. I'm just content laying down, feeling your body, and falling asleep knowing everything is okay at the moment.
We crave affection and close intimacy, but society tells us if we aren't ready for sex at a moment's notice, we aren't really men. Like F**K I JUST WANNA BE HELD SOMETIMES TOO.
“Why are you grumpy” is all I hear from my fiancée. Sometimes I just want to be quiet.
I get this all the time. I point out that most of the time I am very happy, smiley, jokey and funny. But when it comes to people...and what people do, that's where I get grumpy :)
Our feelings are just as valid as yours, and shouldn't be held against us. My fiancee and I are in the process of planning our wedding, and she consistently gets irritated with me because I don't get as excited as she does. I'm sorry, I do want to marry you and I am excited, but I find it really f**king hard to jump up and down about picking out flowers and centerpieces. Just because you have been planning your Disney wedding since you were a young girl doesn't mean dudes do the same, and getting pissy with me because I am not mirroring your emotions exactly is really not cool, and not healthy for both of our mental health and the relationship.
If you're throwing signals at a guy, and he's not catching them, it might not be because he's so dense he doesn't notice them. It might be that he does see them, but his self-esteem is so low his internal dialog talks him out of believing you are interested in him in a romantic or sexual context.
Throwing more obvious signals doesn't overcome that. If knowing his self-esteem is that low isn't enough for you to lose interest, be direct. That doesn't mean ask him if he wants to "have coffee" or "get a drink" with you, as either of those leave wiggle room for misinterpretation. Ask him out on a date (specifically say "date"), so there is no mistaking your intention.
The worst thing likely to happen is that he'll say no. Which does sting, but not like spending a month throwing hints he never responds to.
exactly.... after years (or decades) of being told that your short/ugly/pathetic etc... funnily enough its not a natural response for those guys (like me) to realise on the very rare occasion that a girl is actually sending "signals"
When you're mad at anything we did tell us. Don't play the silent treatment game and then get mad when we don't pick up on it or understand what you're doing or why you're doing it. Told my wife this before we got married, lol.
About the shrinkage. Sometimes it hides like a frightened turtle.
hahaha... and other times, we get random boners.... yes, they really are random... we don't know why we have a boner either... we are not in control!
That every expression that crosses our face, does not relate to you. Some of us have a lot going on between the ears and we're trying to make sense of it.
THIS ONE!!!! I can't tell you how many times I've been replaying a conversation in my head or something, and suddenly think to myself "S**t, did I just make that facial expression out loud??"
We are not all good at fixing s**t. I'm absolutely terrible. I hate working on cars. I have zero interest in cars and have zero interest in figuring out how it works to fix it.
I am perfectly happy sitting in silence/playing video games for a few hours at a time on a weekend morning/night and it doesn’t mean I’m mad at you/ignoring you/don’t want to spend time together. Ya boy is just trying to chill.
I am interested. Don't let my aloofness fool you. I just have no situational awareness when it comes to being hit on.
Nothing like randomly realizing 3 years later that someone was hitting on you 😆
If you genuinely compliment a guy... don’t be upset if they don’t react the same way a woman would react to a random compliment. Most dudes get them so infrequently that when it does happen, there is a part of them that wonders if it was genuine...or if they are just giving them a polite and/or pity compliment. This often leads to an awkward/unenthusiastic response to the aforementioned compliment. It never occurs to most guys to just say, “Thanks!”
Agree. Just because it's creepy when random dudes say you're pretty doesn't mean the same is true for us. I still remember when women told me I was beautiful 20 years ago. I can probably count the number of times that I've received compliments like that on my hands.
That when 2 guys talk to each other, they dont talk about life, hobbies, kids, work, etc. We just talk, and we dont remember what we talk after it.
Wife: How can you two be best friends for 25 years without you knowing every detail of his life and the lives of his entire extended family? Husband: We're best friends because we don't talk about that stuff.
When we say you're pretty without makeup and that you don't need it to be beautiful, we mean it.
A lot of us aren't horny 100% of the time. If I just came off a 12 hour day in 104 heat I'm just not feeling it.
We like to be the little spoon too sometimes.
We are insecure as hell at times. Be it "f**k I'm an fat piece of s**t", "i could be the ugliest person alive", "I'm in no way capable of doing this", "I'm drowning and in way too deep". It can creep up out of nowhere and cripple us.
We love being complimented, want to be wanted, want to feel needed.... which is part of the reason we automatically slip into "how can this be fixed" when we listen to your problems instead of giving a "oh damn, that sucks" answer that you might be looking for.
I can take care of our kids by myself. I'm not an idiot. Go hang out with your friends.
We would give you way more compliments, but too afraid to be blamed for sexual harasment. Or look like perverts.
That sometimes a hug or nice compliment can mean a lot. We can ride that wave for quite a while.
I want physical affection outside of sex. Maybe it’s just the women I’ve been with, but no one ever hugs me, rubs my back, or plays with my hair. And I do that stuff for you ladies all the time. Sometimes I just want you to walk up to me and hug me.
Part of the reason I ask for sex so often is because i feel physically lonely and it’s the only time I get to feel the touch of another human being.
It’s hard to get over y’all. We don’t really have emotional support systems in place to rely on and a lot of men have small social circles so losing someone means a lot to us.
when i have had a break up in past nobody was there for me i was just told to get over it and move on like my feelings didn't matter telling someone my heart was broken and being told dont be silly really hurt
You have a massive impact on our lives the smallest things you can harm or help us so much since we are so starved for affection and have our emotions alienated I had one friend who was a girl who just acted kind to me and it helped my mental health so f**king much.
i have a female best friend and since she has been my friend she is kind and affectionate to me and makes me believe that maybe i am worthy of being loved by others
Wearing my Cubs jersey while watching them play brings good luck and helps them win.
I can make snacks and let you watch them all you want. I am not into sports and learned through experience that confusingly watching something I don't understand can ruin it when I interject a gazillion questions. I will be in the next room doing my thing while you do yours.
We are people too. We have the same feelings, fears and dreams as you do. Our way of expressing ourselves may be different than yours but we still experience the same range of feelings that you do. Please don't treat us as something less than yourself. We feel just as much as you do and we express it differently.
That I’m a softie. I like pink. I like cute things. I like to hang out at home. I want to be the one laying on your lap. Not all of us are mr. macho man lol.
I know f**k all about my mates. I don’t know what they’ll do in the future, I don’t know that much about their romantic life. They don’t know anything about me. Sometimes guys spend time around each other and don’t get too mixed up in the past or the future. This concept blows my sisters mind.
That the whole wanting sex all the time pretty much is because we're attracted to you and it's just a biological response. The vast majority of us guys don't start out going, "I want to f**k something!" We start out pretty much thinking about whatever else (cars, games, friends, body aches, et. al.) and then you come along and hold our hand, kiss us, snuggle, and before you know it, we want to be as close as we can to you and that means sex.
My ex-gf accused me of just wanting sex all the time and that's all I saw in her, and it was totally not true. I loved doing stuff with her, hanging out, laughing. But when we started snuggling, she made me horny. Because I loved her and was so incredibly attracted to her. So yeah, I want to share that intimacy with the woman I love. It wasn't "I want sex, come here and f**k me." It was "I'm so happy you're holding me ..... oh I'm getting hard.....let's make love!"
I read somewhere that men are conditioned by society not to be affectionate/tactile, so when a woman initiates physical affection (hugs etc), his immediate response is to turn that into a sexual thing because he lacks the capacity to show affection and seek connection in a non-sexual way. In turns, this can lead to resentment on the woman's part because she ends up feeling like all he wants from her is sex.
That sitting on the toilet with the door locked is super peaceful. Just me and my stank.
Just ask how our day was. I just wanna talk and share my opinion.
We don’t have the time or the energy to “chase” a girl.
That us men do not always need to be emotionally strong. They should realize that we are human and we have feelings too and sadness is not a sign of weakness for us men.
I have never thought of men (in general/as a gender stereotype) as emotionally strong. I've seen them as conditioned to believe that having and showing emotions is a bad thing - yes, but that isn't the same as being emotionally strong. At all. A strong human (regardless of gender) can feel and show emotions and communicate them in a productive way. Just shutting down isn't going to help anyone.
Fun story. In college a girl came into my dorm room in nothing but boxers and a tank top. I knew she had a crush on my room mate so I figured she was there to see him, but he was out with someone else. She stuck around and watched TV with me anyway. We chatted a lot. The topic of sex even came up a couple times. Then she went home. 18 years, yes 18 YEARS, later I was thinking about her for no reason when I started to wonder why she stuck around for an hour even when my room mate wasn't there.... Then it hit me. 18 years! That's how long it took me to pick up on the clue. Poor self esteem is a helluva drug, man.
Amen Bruthuh! Everyone once in a while, an old memory of how OBLIVIOUS I was slaps me in the face at random, and usually inopportune moments.
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I was hoping to see “it’s not acceptable to hit us when you’re angry with us, and think we can take it because we’re bigger.” That may be true, but hopefully the guys will bail before the relationship produces children. If she hits you, she’ll probably hit them too.
Yes, I'm a little disappointed that this wasn't mentioned too.
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This thread made me cry. Toxic masculinity is imposed by all genders and has done immeasurable harm to the wonderful guys in our world. Hey! I see you. I see you are kind, that you have feelings, that you are handsome no matter what culture says you should be. I have met and know far more wonderful men than “creeps”.
Several of these are about men thinking of nothing. I wish I could experience that.
I want love and peace. A best friend to spend my life with. Butts and Boobs don't put a smile on my face; but a smile on your face will.
I was told by a guy that my tools made him feel un-masculine (we weren't dating or anything) so ever since then I've been self conscious of telling people I build things or fix things. Is it really a big deal or do you think it was just that guy?
My husband loves it when I do DIY because he's not really into it so I'd say probably just that guy. Imagine the situation the other way round, a guy tells a woman he enjoys baking - will she feel less feminine because he can bake or will she ask for a cookie?
Load More Replies... Think of this kind of article as a road map . . . there's more than one way to arrive at a destination. Sometimes road conditions change. Nothing works all the time, every time. Mostly, it would help if everyone wasn't so passive, thinking the world will come to them. These are just ideas to try. I really wish people would be happier, get off the phone, have something fun to say and ASK about the other person. I've been a free psychiatrist too many times. Brooding is fine for writers and artists, doesn't work in the dating world. Well, guess it does -- if you want to make people go away. Hey, there's a place to walk and talk . . . wanna go? . . .
I hear a lot of men saying things that women go through themselves. There is nothing wrong with any of these things that were posted. However, it is easier to to just tell a woman that you want to be left alone to think or whatever. Or if a guy wants something from women, then when you have your "talks" mention it. We aren't mind readers as well and even when we are better to figure things out about people, doesn't mean all women do. I have very good intuitions, I observe very well and can tell something is wrong, etc...but again, a lot of women don't and they are in their own little world mostly thinking about themselves. I on the other hand, love helping or being their for other people so I get it, personally. Communication is the key and goes a long way.
So many of these comments are geared toward the misconceptions about women hinting, not being straightforward, and all that BS. I don't know a single woman in my life who pulls that BS. I think some of these men's pickers are broken if they meet the same type of woman over and over again.
Same can be said for women who think all men are jerks, when in fact it's only the men that THEY pick over and over yet nobody especially on this forum has the ovaries to admit their faults and mistakes
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Too bad men have been whining for centuries about What Do Women Want? You want us to understand you but you never put any time into trying to understand us.
It makes me sad that this thread even exists. :( Men are human, too, just like women. Why they are expected to act like tough, emotionless, untouchable beings is beyond me.
This post is contradictory at times which makes it exhausting. That's why I'm out of the game and have been for awhile. I don't EVER want to go back.
It's almost as if each of these men are individuals and that all men AREN'T the same...weird, hey? (please note, the sarcasm isn't directed at you, but at articles like this those writers seem to think that people can be defined simply by how/where/when they were born)
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Another on is that we don't all drive big trucks to compensate.
HERE ARE A FEW MORE: 1) Find a way to verbalize gently & politely so as to let us know what you are thinking. We are not mind-readers. Don't go around huffy and angry is somehow we miss non-verbal clues you are giving about what you are thinking or what you want. Use words with men. Non-verbal clues may work well with your girlfriends, but men are a little thick in this department. 2) You are not going to get your way all the time, even if you feel strongly about something. Don't escalate, it only makes it worse. 3) You will want to do things like go to the zoo or something that might not be possible at that time. Be reasonable. If you get so frustrated over a little thing like that that you end the relationship, the man will probably just let you go on your way since he didn't know you could be so unreasonable. 4) You are not perfect, even if your precious mommy said you were when you were a child. You can make really bad mistakes and say things that are very hurtful. When you man asks you about it later when things cool off, admit your mistakes & try to make it right. Don't say something like, "oh, it was just a misunderstanding. You are the one who is over-reacting." (OUTRAGEOUS)
I think I'm speaking for all men rn, but yeah us men are dense as hell
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I like how quite a few of these refer to essentially "just say what you want/mean". Too true. My own experience in most of my relationships, is we don't read minds. I've asked a few do you really expect me to read your mind? More than a few, reluctantly admitted, yes, when pressed. I should "just know".....
I hate the fact that as someone who considers themself far-left and strictly anti gender stereotypes, all of these comments applied to my past reliationships. It really sucks. And that's why I won't bother again. WAAAAY too much work.
These are true for women though. All it did for me was highlight how men and women have essentially the same issues but we frame them as being exclusive to "men" or "women". A lot of these reminded me of ex boyfriends and myself
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So this Dan person is spouting off about "what women think"? And he knows this how?
Not everyone does the same thing to relax, either... my dad likes to drive cars with his friends, I like to just sit down at my desk and watch YouTube videos or visit Bored Panda.
If it's a feeling that a woman has then most likely, men have that same feeling. Validate them all.
Seriously? You take a thread that allows men to speak up and say how they feel as sexism against women? Yeah, you should be beyond this b******t.
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Fun story. In college a girl came into my dorm room in nothing but boxers and a tank top. I knew she had a crush on my room mate so I figured she was there to see him, but he was out with someone else. She stuck around and watched TV with me anyway. We chatted a lot. The topic of sex even came up a couple times. Then she went home. 18 years, yes 18 YEARS, later I was thinking about her for no reason when I started to wonder why she stuck around for an hour even when my room mate wasn't there.... Then it hit me. 18 years! That's how long it took me to pick up on the clue. Poor self esteem is a helluva drug, man.
Amen Bruthuh! Everyone once in a while, an old memory of how OBLIVIOUS I was slaps me in the face at random, and usually inopportune moments.
Load More Replies... I was hoping to see “it’s not acceptable to hit us when you’re angry with us, and think we can take it because we’re bigger.” That may be true, but hopefully the guys will bail before the relationship produces children. If she hits you, she’ll probably hit them too.
Yes, I'm a little disappointed that this wasn't mentioned too.
Load More Replies... This thread made me cry. Toxic masculinity is imposed by all genders and has done immeasurable harm to the wonderful guys in our world. Hey! I see you. I see you are kind, that you have feelings, that you are handsome no matter what culture says you should be. I have met and know far more wonderful men than “creeps”.
Several of these are about men thinking of nothing. I wish I could experience that.
I want love and peace. A best friend to spend my life with. Butts and Boobs don't put a smile on my face; but a smile on your face will.
I was told by a guy that my tools made him feel un-masculine (we weren't dating or anything) so ever since then I've been self conscious of telling people I build things or fix things. Is it really a big deal or do you think it was just that guy?
My husband loves it when I do DIY because he's not really into it so I'd say probably just that guy. Imagine the situation the other way round, a guy tells a woman he enjoys baking - will she feel less feminine because he can bake or will she ask for a cookie?
Load More Replies... Think of this kind of article as a road map . . . there's more than one way to arrive at a destination. Sometimes road conditions change. Nothing works all the time, every time. Mostly, it would help if everyone wasn't so passive, thinking the world will come to them. These are just ideas to try. I really wish people would be happier, get off the phone, have something fun to say and ASK about the other person. I've been a free psychiatrist too many times. Brooding is fine for writers and artists, doesn't work in the dating world. Well, guess it does -- if you want to make people go away. Hey, there's a place to walk and talk . . . wanna go? . . .
I hear a lot of men saying things that women go through themselves. There is nothing wrong with any of these things that were posted. However, it is easier to to just tell a woman that you want to be left alone to think or whatever. Or if a guy wants something from women, then when you have your "talks" mention it. We aren't mind readers as well and even when we are better to figure things out about people, doesn't mean all women do. I have very good intuitions, I observe very well and can tell something is wrong, etc...but again, a lot of women don't and they are in their own little world mostly thinking about themselves. I on the other hand, love helping or being their for other people so I get it, personally. Communication is the key and goes a long way.
So many of these comments are geared toward the misconceptions about women hinting, not being straightforward, and all that BS. I don't know a single woman in my life who pulls that BS. I think some of these men's pickers are broken if they meet the same type of woman over and over again.
Same can be said for women who think all men are jerks, when in fact it's only the men that THEY pick over and over yet nobody especially on this forum has the ovaries to admit their faults and mistakes
Load More Replies... Too bad men have been whining for centuries about What Do Women Want? You want us to understand you but you never put any time into trying to understand us.
It makes me sad that this thread even exists. :( Men are human, too, just like women. Why they are expected to act like tough, emotionless, untouchable beings is beyond me.
This post is contradictory at times which makes it exhausting. That's why I'm out of the game and have been for awhile. I don't EVER want to go back.
It's almost as if each of these men are individuals and that all men AREN'T the same...weird, hey? (please note, the sarcasm isn't directed at you, but at articles like this those writers seem to think that people can be defined simply by how/where/when they were born)
Load More Replies... Another on is that we don't all drive big trucks to compensate.
HERE ARE A FEW MORE: 1) Find a way to verbalize gently & politely so as to let us know what you are thinking. We are not mind-readers. Don't go around huffy and angry is somehow we miss non-verbal clues you are giving about what you are thinking or what you want. Use words with men. Non-verbal clues may work well with your girlfriends, but men are a little thick in this department. 2) You are not going to get your way all the time, even if you feel strongly about something. Don't escalate, it only makes it worse. 3) You will want to do things like go to the zoo or something that might not be possible at that time. Be reasonable. If you get so frustrated over a little thing like that that you end the relationship, the man will probably just let you go on your way since he didn't know you could be so unreasonable. 4) You are not perfect, even if your precious mommy said you were when you were a child. You can make really bad mistakes and say things that are very hurtful. When you man asks you about it later when things cool off, admit your mistakes & try to make it right. Don't say something like, "oh, it was just a misunderstanding. You are the one who is over-reacting." (OUTRAGEOUS)
I think I'm speaking for all men rn, but yeah us men are dense as hell
Load More Replies... I like how quite a few of these refer to essentially "just say what you want/mean". Too true. My own experience in most of my relationships, is we don't read minds. I've asked a few do you really expect me to read your mind? More than a few, reluctantly admitted, yes, when pressed. I should "just know".....
I hate the fact that as someone who considers themself far-left and strictly anti gender stereotypes, all of these comments applied to my past reliationships. It really sucks. And that's why I won't bother again. WAAAAY too much work.
These are true for women though. All it did for me was highlight how men and women have essentially the same issues but we frame them as being exclusive to "men" or "women". A lot of these reminded me of ex boyfriends and myself
Load More Replies... So this Dan person is spouting off about "what women think"? And he knows this how?
Not everyone does the same thing to relax, either... my dad likes to drive cars with his friends, I like to just sit down at my desk and watch YouTube videos or visit Bored Panda.
If it's a feeling that a woman has then most likely, men have that same feeling. Validate them all.
Seriously? You take a thread that allows men to speak up and say how they feel as sexism against women? Yeah, you should be beyond this b******t.
Load More Replies...