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Unfortunately, we’re not mind-readers—at least… most of us aren’t. That means that if we want somebody to know something, we have to vocalize it. Or hope beyond hope that they’ll pick up on the trail of clues we leave in our body language.

The men of Reddit have come together and shared the things that they wish women knew and the things that are important to them, in the context of romantic relationships and beyond. They opened up about cute things like the fact that men really do enjoy hugs and compliments and also broached practical topics like the need to be alone from time to time. (Hey, boundaries are important, especially in relationships.)

As you’re scrolling down, upvote the posts that you agree with. And you should also swing by the comment section to share the things that you wish your partners knew, too, dear Pandas. Bored Panda spoke about the dynamic between men and women, and why it’s important to communicate about what’s most important to us with dating and relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man. Scroll down to read what he had to say.

#1

Just say it straight. Don't make me read between the lines or trying and take a hint. How in the heck am I supposed to know you're into me if you don't say it. I don't know you well enough to read your brand of body language, but I'm interested in you cause you seem cool.

If you respond with a "no" to my interest I will respect your boundaries, don't expect me to "try harder". No means no.

Verbal communication is way better.

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Clark Tyler DS
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. It's really the basic concept of consent we teach our kids. No means no. I talked to a girl once that told me, if I were a real man, I would chase her. No ma'am. A real adult says what they mean.

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Bored Panda asked dating and relationship expert Dan to elaborate on the kinds of attitudes that are healthy in relationships, as well as whether it’s important to be on the same page in terms of respecting and understanding each other’s passions in life.

“The best attitude is true, sincere love where you honestly care about the other person and only want the best for them. However, that can only happen if the dynamic of the relationship continues to produce those feelings over time,” the expert told us.

#2

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men You know that complaint that women sometimes have that just because they are polite to you doesn't mean they're interested in you?

Yeah, that works both ways. I'm not saying "good morning" because I want to bed you, I'm not holding the door for you because I think you'll reward me with some nookie for doing so, etc. etc.

I'm doing so because, like you, I'm a decent human being and am being polite.

just_some_a--hole , chris_jolly Report

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Tobias Reaper
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

exactly i am just being polite i would do the same for a person of any gender or even species but not bears though

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#3

Women body shaming men is just as bad as men body shaming women.

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“If the dynamic of the relationship causes one or both of them to lose their feelings of attraction and love, then it will be very difficult to behave, think or care in the same way they did in the beginning. As a result, the relationship will become stale and a breakup or divorce will almost certainly happen at some point,” he said that consistent, genuine effort has to be put into relationships to make them work.

“Unfortunately, most people don’t ever get taught how to create and maintain a mutually happy, in love and attracted relationship dynamic, so they just wing it and hope for the best, which then results in high levels of breakups and divorces,” Dan said that just hoping for the best without actively doing your best isn’t good enough.

#4

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Girl: I’m dropping so many hints! Why doesn’t he get them?
Boy: I think the girl is dropping hints but I’m not sure I want to risk my friendship and embarrassment, so I’ll just ignore them.

Qepperoni , Ekaterina Report

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User# 6
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't speak for all men, but as a general rule of thumb: we are dreadful at deciphering subtle signs. Please just say what you want to convey.

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#5

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Please ask us out. It makes us feel wanted and loved.

SalFunction12 , Hac Hai Report

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Nathaniel
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For me I feel like even talking to a woman, no matter how innocent my intentions I am being judged for only wanting "one" thing, it makes it so awkward should I want to ask a woman out, I dare not.

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Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nathaniel, I don't think most women think that.... It does however depend on how you approach a woman. If it's a friendly hi and chat without getting too close and other creepy stuff (talking to my boobs) then I'd be ok with it. So next time, ask her out, offer her a coffee, walk in the park...something simple and nice.

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Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was a teenager, back in the seventies, I was told a girl always waits for a boy to ask her out. I thought it was b******t then, and never followed it. Boy, did I get a lot of crap from other girls, and some of the boys, because of it. I always said that because I was taking the initiative that the others wouldn’t, I wasn’t going to end up with a life full of missed chances and what-ifs that they were destined to regret. Got to date a lot of really great guys that way—-including guys who other girls sat and waited to be asked out by, and weren’t. All because I did the asking when the guy appeared to not have the nerve to do it himself—-and that includes my husband.

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Peaches
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I met my husband, we flirted a little bit and I left the store he worked at. Then, I ran back in and gave him my number and told him he was cute. It was the only time I ever made a move like that, and the only time he'd had a woman make the first move. Worked out well for us!

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Daria B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, too introverted for that. I'll ask you out if we develop a friendly bond, though, and I'm 100% sure I'm not bothering you.

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Hugo Raible
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know any man who would be bothered by someone suggesting to have a beer/tea at the new cafe. No worries, you can't do anything wrong there.

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Lola
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s amazing how much we have evolved in many ways, but not in this way. We still wait for men to ask us out, we still wait for men to ask us to marry them, and we still wait for them to make the first move. I’m sorry but this whole thing is backward.

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Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I asked my husband out on a date tonight and he still hasn't responded. Also, he was all bubbly because some of our female friends noticed he was depressed and did a whole little event just to cheer him up. He was smiling and over joyed and told me how they all told him he was pretty. I was like "I tell you you are pretty all the time" and he replied "Yea be we are basically the same person and let's face it, we got low standards, so it doesn't mean as much coming from you." LOL. Highly recommend for men to get some gal pals to perk them up from time to time.

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setsuriseikou
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have done just that a few times. Surely, girls are scared of rejection as much as boys are, but luckily, my feelings were reciprocated each time :) So yeah, let's ask them out!

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Pezor Zass
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i'm 50 and have spent years of my life dating. I've been asked out once. It takes a toll.

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Shabette the Great
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After my friend wouldn't take my obvious hints (kiss on the cheek followed by "call me,") I asked him out. Our first child was recently born on our 5th wedding anniversary. Best decision ever. Just ask him out!

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Steve Fischer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For most of my life, it was the girl who always made the first move. If it hadn't been for that I'd probably still be a virgin instead of a great grandfather

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HarriMissesScotland
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dated one person from my hometown, then drove 30 miles to ask a guy out. I was 16 back in 1972.

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Ghaniyah Verma
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah. I mean, I think women think guys are supposed to ask girls out and it can't work the other way around. It does.

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Cibalae
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After my 20-year shitty marriage ended, I fell for this amazing guy so hard. Finally got the courage to ask him out, didn't know he was taken already. He did say no in a nicest possible way, but still hurts as hell as I see him every day at work.

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Darija Čolaković Cvik
Community Member
1 year ago

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Caleb Bishop
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It took my wife coming around for 6 months before I got the hint...please just make it known what you want!

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Deirdre McNeil
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I asked my husband out. Best decision ever. He said he was too afraid to ask me!

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Wistiti
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I made the first move... we have two beautiful kids now and a great story to tell.

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Michael Sanders
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve said before and I’ll say again, I don’t care how tough or suave a guy thinks he is or makes himself out to be, there is a period of pure terror getting the courage to approach you.

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Tamara Kroonen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We, the girls, also have to deal with fear of rejection, that's why we give subtle hints in the hope you catch them and ask us out.

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Somewhat-Guilty
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a girl and I have personally ask every guy I've been with out. I do get nos something, but heck, I tried. Only one of the guys I was with didn't appreciate it, said it was a guys job to ask a girl out

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Kate
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a 40 yo woman who has never been asked out I can say DITTO!!! Also for those that say that men do not get hints, some women don’t either. I am the most oblivious person. If a man has ever flirted with me, I never knew it.

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jolie laide
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do! I love communicating too. Who is paying for what or splitting the bill, etc. I like spoiling people too. I know this topic is complicated, so I don't claim to speak for everyone, just for me.

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commie pinkofag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That makes sense. Men don't need to feel wanted or loved, and so have no need for anyone else's attention. Men, of course, have no feelings at all. We're just sex machines - completely dead inside.

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Elsie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rejection is so hard it's hard on ladies just as it is on men

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September
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've had many friends in the past that would get guys to ask them out just because they were hungry and wanted to be fed. It's fairly common I suspect. I ditched a few friends because of this and similar behavior. Not a judgment just a I don't want that around me, so boundaries

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Elmie Pumpkinbush
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never ask a guy out. Never. Because I will be labelled easy, needy and other such things. It is no women's fault, it is all on men who can't miss a chance to hurt women.

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Mette Stenersen
Community Member
2 years ago

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Never ever going to happen. Ask a man out, and he sees me as easy prey.

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Becky Samuel
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you believe that, then you're making it true. Asking someone out doesn't mean making yourself into a victim.

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#6

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Just because I’m not talking, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying my time with you.

Denmasterflex , Jonas Weckschmied Report

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Nathaniel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My measure of how close you feel with someone. I have had many a happy a time just sat reading a book, with someone sat next to me also reading or doing puzzles etc. No communication, just being there with each other.

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Relationship expert Dan explained to Bored Panda that even though it’s wonderful to have the support of your partner when it comes to the things that you most care about, at the end of the day, we have to understand that this won’t be the case in every scenario.

“A man needs to be aware that his girlfriend or wife may not understand his passion project the way he does,” he pointed out that a guy’s girlfriend might simply not ‘get’ why he wants what he wants or needs what he needs.

#7

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men We like random gifts, we like random hugs, we like random signs of affection and love — sometimes just a cup of coffee in my favorite mug is enough to convince me it’s going to be a good day.

Additional_Breath_89 , Anastasia Sklyar Report

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#9

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Sometimes stuff is just difficult. For no reason I can also be sad, just because I don’t cry doesn’t mean I’m not sad.

Also

We don’t want to be the ones who always initiates sex, it makes us feel creepy sometimes.

Psychological_Pay_36 , Gadiel Lazcano Report

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“She may not see the importance of it, or might be annoyed with it because he has failed at it for years on end and they have bills to pay,” Dan said that some people might even start resenting their partners if their passions, projects, and goals haven’t yielded fruit (yet).

“She wants to see progress in their life and have a feeling of security about their future, rather than watching him spending years or decades fiddling around with something that isn't providing results for them as a couple now,” he noted how some women think and how they sometimes disregard what guys think is important.

#10

When we're start dating, all other women don't magically become unattractive. No, I don't want to be with them, but some are still pretty. I will look. I won't stare. It means nothing and has no influence on my feelings for you. Btw, I'll probably look at that guy with huge arms too, and it won't bother me if you do the same. Attractive people are just beautiful things in nature like a sunset or a mountain view. Go ahead and look. Enjoy. I don't want to stick my d**k in any of them.

TMAC77TNM Report

#11

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men We need just as much support as you do, it’s always a shock when a guys kills himself until you look back at all the subtle cries for help. We’re screaming on the inside and we need someone to let us know it’s okay.

fosterdylan , Daniel Reche Report

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Natalia A
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Helplines for the men in the UK: https://www.safeline.org.uk/what-we-do/men/ https://www.mankind.org.uk/ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/ https://www.thecalmzone.net/

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#12

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Men love being the target of a romantic gesture. Many men never have been.

GamerFromJump , Brittani Burns Report

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Catarina
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When we we're dattting i left post-its with notes all around the house with litle hearts and my husband still talks about that 🥰

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However, Dan believes that even a lack of support can be a blessing in disguise. “A woman behaving like that in a relationship is often a blessing for a man. In many cases, a dissatisfied girlfriend or wife will drive a man to work harder and smarter, which can lead to the success of his passion project,” he said that some guys go the extra mile when they have something to prove to the people closest to them.

“He will have a 'must succeed' attitude, rather than only giving it a shot and seeing how it goes. That's often the difference between success and failure.”

#13

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men We aren't great with hints. Communication is king.

I-moth , Juan Pablo Serrano A Report

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Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, you put the trash by the front door for him to take out and him: "Honey I'm home" and steps over the trash.... Just kidding. Seriously, It's true, you men aren't great when it's a guessing (hinting) game. But if asked what to do most men don't mind that and will do it!

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#14

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men We actually really want to be complimented too. A 60 year old women complimented me 5 years ago and it still makes me feel good, which just shows how little we get compliments.

Snoo_95427 , Marina Abrosimova Report

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Tobias Reaper
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my best friend who is female told me when we first met 5 years ago my hair looks good short i have cut it short ever since and try to keep it short

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#15

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Get away from me at night in the summertime, I still love you. I’m just hot and don’t want to snuggle.

Ragnaroknight , Jess Bailey Designs Report

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ToGo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A man like this would suit me just fine! Get away from me at night, every season. I don't mind snuggling for a few minutes but then I want my own side of the bed and my own cover. I'll be a much more romantic and pleasant woman during the day if I get a good sleep 😂.

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However, that’s not to say that support isn’t important. It is! And a lack of it can be a very clear indication that the relationship might not be working as well as it should. Passion projects, large or small, can help identify weaknesses in relationships by seeing how one’s partner reacts to them.

“If a man finds that no matter how much progress he makes, she still gets annoyed and doesn’t like him working on it, he needs to start thinking about whether or not she should remain part of his life,” the expert said.

“He doesn’t need to leave her right away, though. He should make real progress on his passion project and then, if she is still dissatisfied, he should calmly and lovingly let her know that he’s not going to stop working on it and if she doesn’t like that, she is welcome to leave him.”

#16

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men It’s ok to make the first move. Guys can be shy too. Come talk to me instead of staring at me.

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I made the first move with my now hubby. I approached him on the bus, didn't even know who he was.

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#17

If you don’t want to hear the truth about something don’t ask me to tell you the truth. Because I’m going to tell you the truth every time.

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#18

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men When we say we're thinking about nothing, the majority of the time it literally is just nothing or ridiculous scenarios that we make up that sound stupid when said out loud.

yeetgodmcnechass , Jason Strull Report

#19

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men When we tell women that we don’t know how we feel about something it’s usually true and we genuinely don’t really understand how we are supposed to feel. I personally wasn’t allowed to express emotions growing up and it turned into me not being able to understand my emotions.

rb2130 , Adrian Swancar Report

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User# 6
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, when you ask 'what are you thinking about' the answer 'nothing' is true. Trust me, a men's head can be completely vacant.

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#20

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men I really like to hang out with my friends because I love them. Not because I don't want to spend time with you.

haankip , Stephan Seeber Report

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Tracy Wallick
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People who are insecure about their SO spending time with their friends probably need to think about why that is, rather than taking it out on their SO.

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#21

We aren’t unemotional, we just may not show it as often. It hurts when I’ve had to hear from my mother or sister say things like “you’re a guy, you aren’t good with your emotions” or “you don’t understand being emotional”. I do. I absolutely do. Saying things like “I don’t understand” in such an arrogant, condescending tone only makes me want to show them less.

TheMando9 Report

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-
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's worth it to explain things. My mother used to snap at me "Don't you understand?!" She wouldn't explain what she meant and that left me feeling too stupid to be worthy of proper communication. It wasn't until I was 20 that I finally burst into tears and told her, "You always say that! If you want me to understand, you explain!" She communicated better after that.

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#22

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men All the hurtful things they say don’t just magically disappear from men’s memories. We have feelings too. And criticizing a man for being honest with feelings as not being manly is not only cruel but also highly ironic considering there’s a constant yearning for men with emotion.

TheGhostofYourPast , Ekrulila Report

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Furious George
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope women really read this one. I have had partners say some truly heinous s**t to me over the years, things that I would never say, and then just brush it off with something like "I was stressed". Unfortunately, just because it wasn't a big deal to you doesn't mean that it won't still haunt me for years.

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#23

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Not all men of course, and some women have it too but.......The nothing box is real.

The nothing box is a small section of the brain that contains absolutely nothing at all. When we enter the nothing box we genuinely are not thinking a single thought. There is no song playing in our head, there is no thought process, there's so much nothing that we don't even recognise at the time that we're not thinking anything, because to do so would be a thought. If someone looks like their brain has just checked out and they have a dead-eyed stare into middle distance then they're probably in the nothing box.

The passage of time ceases to exist, no physical sensation makes it through. Once in the nothing box, you stay in there until some external stimulus or the formation of an errant thought pulls you out of it. Leaving the nothing box is the first time that you are even aware you were in the nothing box.

It's like a nap for the brain while all other functions remain.

Mischief_Makers , Ümit Bulut Report

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Lee Macro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have some good moments doing this. Laying down, not thinking, just being

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#24

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men I want real knight armor for my birthday but I’m not allowed to say so because society forces me to hide it.

FortniteKevin , wikimedia.commons Report

#25

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men If I’m lying in bed with someone, just enjoying the moment together, I should be able to just enjoy the moment and let my mind drift to wherever it’s going. If you want to talk about the future of the relationship or something, that’s great and we can do that if you start that conversation, but if you ask me out of the blue what I’m thinking about, and I say Bolbi’s “Slap slap slap” song from Jimmy Neutron, then you shouldn’t get mad at me just because it’s not the thing you wanted me to be thinking about! Just tell me you want to talk about the relationship and we can do that!

SolarisIX , Edward Eyer Report

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#26

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Playing “hard to get” does not work for a lot of people.

LavaTGP , Tirachard Kumtanom Report

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Daria B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Playing hard to get" is immoral to start with. It skews the understanding of rejection.

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#27

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men If you take the initiative and ask an average looking dude out, there's like a 99% chance he'll say yes.

Mizar97 , Clay Banks Report

#28

When I get angry at my video games I’m not an angry person. I just f**kin suck at Dark Souls.

MrDrewE Report

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Furious George
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🤣🤣🤣 my wife gets so mad when I play call of duty because "it REALLY doesn't sound like I'm having fun".

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#29

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men Sometimes men just need some alone time. (From everyone and everything)

ToastyTheToastr , Priscilla Du Preez Report

#30

30 Things Women Don't Understand About Men When I say “I don’t mind,” I really mean it. If I did mind, I would say so.

MaygarRodub , cottonbro Report

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Janus Preez
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Esoecially with food - do you want beef or chicken ? I don't mind, I really don't mind, either one will do. I'm not indecisive, its just food

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