Someone Asked “What’s A Subtle Sign That Someone Is A Good Person But Doesn’t Want To Show It?” And 30 Folks Delivered
Most of us know the image of the angel and devil sitting on either shoulder, whispering sweet nothings into the ears of the decision-maker. How do you make the choice between them? Which side do you listen to? Is it the moral values, is it society’s expectations, or is it a 50/50 impulse? Hard to say.
But what isn’t too difficult to decide upon are the ‘green flags’ that show one to be a genuinely good human. Even though a person may look harsh on the outside, they may be the kindest cinnamon roll on the inside, as showcased through their words and actions. Little birds seem to fly around them, and the clouds part to let sunshine rain down on them.
Someone decided to ask the community of r/AskReddit what they believed to be the most telltale signs of goodness, and dozens of netizens delivered their verdicts. Make sure you do the same by upvoting your favorites, leaving your thoughts in the comments below, and if you’re curious to see the other side of the coin, Bored Panda has you covered with an article right here. Now let’s get into it!
This post may include affiliate links.
Guy I used to work with was such a class clown, always cracking jokes. Everybody liked him because he was so funny. It was a while before I realized that his jokes were never at anybody’s expense. He was kind. There was never anything mean in anything he ever said, to anybody’s face or behind their back.
Anyway we’re married now.
To sin or not to sin, you ask yourself at the crosswalk as you wait for the light to turn green, but there’s not a car in sight, so are you gonna run for it? To be honest, this type of situation doesn’t reflect much on whether someone’s a good person or not, but it is interesting to consider the amount of thought we go through when making decisions.
However, there are some things that can universally be agreed upon to be signs of goodness within a person. Although subtle and requiring a bit of notice, they’re there, and they make living all the more pleasant. A Reddit user decided to ask the community of r/AskReddit for their opinions on ‘green flags’ that show one to be a good human being. Or human beans if you’re into cute things.
when you're in a group and that one person keeps trying to say something or add to the conversation but they keep getting talked over. Then that other person will look at them and say, "Sorry person, I didn't catch what you were trying to say, can you repeat it?" and makes space for the person being ignored unintentionally. That's a real gem.
I work with the same group and there's one person who always cuts people off. So I do this. It's weird because the person who cut the person off can see what I did but they do that same thing again.
I don't really know how I want to word this, so I'll just tell you the story.
This past Sunday at 2:34am, my cat/son George was euthanized because he was so sick. Naturally, I was very, very, very close to my son and I took it extremely hard. I didn't go to work on Monday, but did show up to work on Tuesday. So the math so far is I've lost my son less than 72 hours, and it was just 48 hours before then that I quite literally collapsed in grief. What I'm trying to say is: I was very visibly upset, frequently crying, really quiet, etc.
A customer had noticed that I was upset and asked if everything was okay. I had hit a place in the day where I felt like I could open up to total strangers about what was wrong, and so I told her. It turns out she lost her cat the same weekend in the same manner. She told me she hopes I take comfort in knowing George was no longer suffering and that my husband and I made the right decision. She paid for her groceries and left.
She came back not even 30 minutes later with a single wrapped gerbera daisy. She said, "This is for George, okay?" before leaving. Her kindness spoke absolute volumes. She was grieving the loss of her own pet, but when she saw a total stranger- a cashier, who many customers regard as being inhuman, no less- mourning the loss of their pet too, she reached out and offered an ear and genuine condolences. No hidden agenda, no ulterior motives- just genuine compassion.
Some people just don't get how we can be so close to our fur babies. Over the years, mine have gotten me thru my mom's suicide attempt, my own, my divorce, my break up. Having another heartbeat and something that wants to snuggle u to feel better is a LOT of comfort. And they only ask for food, potty, a home and love in return
So what actually makes a person good? Is it the combination of all these little actions that are being discussed in this list? Well, this is quite an interesting philosophical conundrum as goodness can be understood in many different ways, but is there a universal consensus on it all? Let’s delve a little into it all.
We begin with the views on moral character. Most of the Greek moralists think that if we are rational, we aim at living well (eu zên) or happiness (eudaimonia). So the Stoics identify happiness with “living coherently,” and Aristotle says that happiness is “perfect” or “complete” and something distinctively human. When we are living well, our life is worthy of imitation and praise.
They're kind to animals.
A friend of my dad's was mind of grumpy and was very loud, and tried to come off way tougher than he was... but absolutely MELTED over small animals. Bunnies, squirrels, but his favorite was his cat Taco. That cat was treated like damn royalty and got all the perks and baby-talk included.
Even the Grinch had a dog.
I had a maths teacher who used to bust my chops. He was fun, but also very temperamental. He’d be silly to a point, then tell you off when you out-sillied his silliness.
I was sat opposite a quiet girl who suddenly looked really distressed. She said something to him in a whisper, and he looked down to a puddle on the floor. She’d wet herself. This was when we were 11-12, so it was quite a big deal.
I clocked this at the same time, and he gave me this look like ‘don’t you dare’, He went over to his desk, poured himself a water, then came back and was pretending to peer at her work, before stumbling and dropping it on her. He apologised and made a big scene and told her she could go and get a spare uniform from the office as it was his mistake.
I really respected that, I think it showed a lot about his character and care.
when and where did this term "clocked" for "saw" or "noticed" appear?
How they treat animals and customer service staff. Especially when they are agitated.
Putting their shopping cart in the corral, even if it's not right next to them.
However, one doesn’t need to be a philosopher to understand the fact that happiness comes in many forms, differing from person to person. Yet, whatever happiness is, according to Greek moralists, it must give a prominent place to the exercise of virtue, for virtuous traits of character are stable and enduring and are not products of fortune, but of learning or cultivation.
In Plato’s Protagoras, Socrates seems to identify happiness with pleasure, with various virtues being an instrumental means to pleasure. Yet, it’s not necessarily a selfish kind of pleasure, as we know that virtuous acts require some sacrifice.
Thus, according to Aristotle in Nicomachean Ethics, people who have the proper attitude toward external goods (material possessions) will be ready to sacrifice such goods if by doing so they achieve a higher goal. They recognize that when everyone concentrates on doing good, their actions promote a betterment in society.
You can tell a good kid when they purposely try to include the quiet shy kid at school, and make an effort to be nice and friendly to them
I was that kid at high school and it always made me happy when these kids would make an effort to talk to me
Was at a company gathering years ago and some colleagues brought their young kids along to hang out with each other. The group of kids clicked pretty quickly and ran off somewhere to play, but one little girl was left hiding under a table shyly. One of the little boys noticed her, crouched down and held out his hand, saying "I'll hold your hand, let's go together" My heart melted 😭😭
I waited tables at a pretty popular New Mexican restaurant when I was in college. There was this one manager, her name was Rosie, and she never smiled. She always looked like she was pissed off at everyone and everything.
The entire waitstaff and bus staff feared her. When she walked into the kitchen and wanted something, the line would immediately jump to her demands. It was rumored that she was the person to fire any employee when an employee was fired.
The only people that didn't seem to be scared of her were the hostesses. They were always talking to her like she was just any other manager or person in the restaurant.
She scared the hell out of me for the first year I worked there. I made sure that she never had anything to be upset at with me. One day, I came into work sick as f**k and having just a really bad day. She took me to the side and talked to me for a good half hour. Just asking quesitons about my day and how school was going. Towards the end of the conversation she said I didn't look good and that if I wanted to , I could take the night off.
Rosie was the best f*****g person I ever met inside the restaurant industry. From that day on it was my goal to make her laugh. I never did make her laugh. But I got a smile out of her quite a bit after that. She was not just a good person, she was one of the best. But man, you wouldn't know it unless you really took the time to look.
She was one of those types of people you know had had a hard time in life and put up a rough exterior. But deep down she was a softie and loving grandmother type. I hope she's happy in her retirement.
People who ignore things like accidentally spitting while talking or accidentally farting to not make you feel embarrassed
Because an individual’s good is included in the good of the community, it makes it much easier to take the virtuous path when you’re not alone in doing so. According to Immanuel Kant, we are always fighting against the impulses and dispositions that oppose the moral law. We need strength of will and self-mastery to fulfill our imperfect duties, and this self-mastery Kant calls courage.
And surrounding oneself with people who are equally as courageous makes it more likely one will take a path of benevolence. Although Kant thinks that feelings cannot be required of anyone, some feelings are nevertheless associated with the moral ends we adopt. If we adopt others’ happiness as an end, we will not take malicious pleasure in their downfall.
When you are having an argument and they actually listen to your point instead of just getting ready to make theirs.
People who don't kill spiders but gently relocate them to outside.
They pick up litter and put it in the bin without posting a picture on social media saying "You guysss this is so depressing to see :'("
However, life is a complex entity and not everything is as easy as pursuing a moral state of happiness. It may seem obvious that one cannot respond to all appeals for help. This suggests that being a helpful person requires some thinking about what is most important in one’s life. So we should not expect helping behavior to be wholly consistent, given the complex situations in which persons find themselves.
Albert Camus wrote in The Plague: “On the whole, men are more good than bad; that, however, isn’t the real point. But they are more or less ignorant, and it is this that we call vice or virtue; the most incorrigible vice being that of an ignorance that fancies it knows everything and therefore claims for itself the right to kill. The soul of the murderer is blind; and there can be no true goodness nor true love without the utmost clear-sightedness.”
Admonishes people for being rude to wait staff. I was at a family dinner at a pub/restaurant years ago, and my sister was very rude to the waiter because her steak was overcooked or something, really went hard on him, and my brother's new girlfriend, who always seemed a shy and quiet person, told my sister to basically stop being a b***h and that the waiters didn't cook the food, and you're embarrassing all of us, everyone's looking at us etc.
From that point on, I knew she was a good sort.
Also if they don't direct the criticism against someone, e.g. instead of "hey stop being a b***h", they say "it's better we are all kind to people as this particular error was not their direct fault."
I used to have a riding instructor who, while not outwardly mean, was pretty firm and expected every student to heed her words. She never struck me as a bad person or anything, but I had never seen her show any love toward the horses. She didn't treat them poorly, she always watched for injuries, illnesses, a rock in their hooves, improper tack fit, etc, but she wasn't one to hug and kiss on the animals. She treated them kind of like tools, because, well, she paid a lot of money to buy those horses and even more money to get them into working shape, so naturally, she tried to get as much out of them as she could.
There came a day when she called all the students, including myself, over to where she was sitting. We were told that the stable's most popular horse, Fiddle, had passed away the night before. Fiddle was the first horse I ever rode and he never gave anybody any issues, never a glare, a buck, a bite, nothing. Anyway, my instructor told us that the horse was clearly unwell and she called the vet. The vet had her take old Fiddle to the arena and try to get him to the center jump. Fiddle couldn't make it that far. He laid down and the vet euthanized him there. Fiddle was 18 and suffered kidney failure. I had never seen my instructor display any strong emotions, but she couldn't stop herself from tearing up. It became very clear that, while she may not have always shown it, she loved the c**p outta those horses.
I later learned that my instructor would give Fiddle days off if it was really hot or if he gave her a look that said, "I can't do this today." She retired many months ago but still comes to the stables frequently.
Sorry for the long story.
they don't ask question that might hurt other people. like "why ur not married yet?" or "why u don't have kids?"
So what does this all mean? One thing is that a good moral character is not something that we can achieve on our own. Both other people and public institutions must lead with similar values in order for us to have the best chance at a virtuous life. But it shouldn’t be misconstrued with obedience.
Rachana Kamtekar, a professor of philosophy at Cornell University, states that “Goodness is expressed through loving, kindness, generosity of spirit and deed, and the thoughtful consideration of others. It can be as simple as offering to let someone ahead of you in line and as complicated as making yearlong sacrifices of your freedom because someone you love needs your help. Over the course of a lifetime, most of us do both.”
As you continue scrolling through this list, make sure you’re upvoting your favorites, leaving comments along the way, and sharing your own thoughts on what makes one a good person. See you all in the next one!
When someone is actually in trouble/needs help, they will help out, even if it's really subtle or disguised as something else.
For instance, there was a kid in my school who had a reputation for not caring about others, doing whatever he wanted, and tried to convince everyone that he pretty much had "no emotions". I think he thought it made him seem more tough and hardcore, and although he didn't necessarily do anything bad to anyone, he tried not to seem kind either.
Once, one of my friends at school had some sort of emergency where she needed (I think) $30. Most people in class either didn't have $30 (which was quite a bit for a kid to bring to school) to loan her, or they just didn't want to give it to her, thinking they would never get it back, and she was panicking. The teachers couldn't help her for some sort of legal reason (I think she wanted to take a Taxi to the hospital because something had happened to a family member but was slightly underage, and the teachers had to pretend that they had no idea she was doing this).
So, this kid with the "reputation" collected money from all of his friends (since he didn't have the money himself), under the pretense of another reason - I think it was something like movie tickets or something for that evening. Then, he privately gave it to her, but told her not to tell anyone it was him (I was close friends with her and was actually standing right next to her when he approached us and told us this). She managed to get to the hospital on time, while he paid for the tickets or whatever with his own money once he got home. When she later offered to pay him back, he refused, insisting that he didn't do anything (I think he knew that her family would struggle to pay that back, they were having some financial trouble).
I guess it's not extremely subtle in my case since I was standing RIGHT THERE, but that was the first time I began realizing how some people pretended to not be a good person when they actually were.
People who make excuses to do good deeds.
Picking you up from the airport? "Oh, it was on my way."
Buying you a beer? "I accidentally ordered two."
Helping you move? "I need the work out! Now I don't have to go to the gym later!"
Volunteering at an event? "I had nothing else going on tonight, I'm just here 'cause my buddy asked me to."
Anyone who does a favor for you and then acts like you're doing them a favor, or brushes the favor off as nothing, is a person who is doing the good deed for the sake of it and not for the praise or clout they receive. These are the best kinds of people.
They have really happy cats. Shows that they're caring and nurturing
Someone who is willing to embarrass themselves in order to help someone else.
Does farting louder and longer than your pregnant wife in public count?? Asking for a friend
They are given a chance to quietly talk bad about someone, but instead, says something good.
How is one “given a chance” to quietly talk bad about someone? Because, if you’re the one instigating that, YTA.
When someone is honest, even at the detriment of themselves.
Ex they won't lie to save face
When they actually respond/say something to homeless people asking for change instead of just ignoring/walking past them.
A simple: “Sorry, man” or “Not today, sorry”
Just an acknowledgement that they exist, instead of treating them as inanimate objects.
Someone who's always quiet but raises their concern when they feel it's against theirs or someone's will.
My best friend comes off kinda cold at times to others, I’ve always seen him for how warm he really is, just shy. But I always notice that anywhere he goes and if there are pets, they are like magnets to him.
Probably a boring answer, but I have this friend who I can just tell is really sincere when he asks how I’m doing. I appreciate anyone asking because it’s a convenient conversation starter, but with him I can tell he actually cares what the answer is.
I've discovered that often what *appears* to be indifference is actually an internal struggle of, "I am extremely concerned about this but I don't think that it's any of my f*****g business or requires my intervention."
Paradoxical as it might be, genuinely caring too much can be paralyzing. This is surely not the only case, but in these circumstances, there are so many considerations about an important thing that you enter fight/flight/freeze mode. Since many who feel such a deep concern may freeze for being unable to solve the issue, this can appear as indifference, but it keeps coming back to mind mightily, showing it’s just the opposite.
When folks are piling on jokes on teases on someone that they don't know very well and the person quietly raises a point of kindness or empathy.
It's so easy to be mean spirited, especially in group settings.
It's harder to be kind in those situations.
Note: this post originally had 95 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I've just lost the love of my life, my partner and best friend for the last 3 years. He had all of these qualities in abundance and the best part is, I see those qualities have been passed on to his son (J) and he (J) will pass those on to his kids, and that way, my beloved man's legacy will live on and that gives me great comfort x
That's wonderful to see Rens, I hope this gives you comfort in this time
Load More Replies...
Don’t the vast majority of these revolve around the core belief of valuing everyone? Valuing the quiet ones, the ones less fortunate than yourself, the ones who need a helping hand or shoulder to lean on, seeing the value in the hurt or damaged, giving others a voice, uniting with those who will gain strength from having an ally or friend and valuing themselves, putting their ego aside and giving themselves to others. This isn’t difficult when you realise everyone has the same value, 1, we are all worth 1, no one is less valuable, no one is more valuable. 1 is enough, it’s equal with others regardless of status, religion, sex, sexuality, religion, colour of socks or favourite ABBA song, we are all worth 1 even the ones who like pineapple on pizzas, 1. Treat your fellows 1s with love and care, promote their strengths, support in times of weakness. Remember you are 1 too. All equal. 1.
I think it also comes from being secure in your own sense of self-worth. You don't need to prove anything, you don't need constant validation, you don't feel like you're losing if you don't always have things your way, and so on. You know you're not diminished by giving of yourself to others.
Load More Replies...
A specific thing I’d like to mention. I have a disabling untreatable disease that makes life very difficult. I barely talk about it, especially with new people. But now and again I get to know someone and it crops up. I tend to try and gloss over it but will give minimal information. Most people don’t say much or change the topic. This bit has only happened maybe twice in my life, but someone has gone away and googled my illness. They come back and tell me “Hey I’ve been reading about it. It sounds so horrible. Tell me more about how it affects you.” And it makes me fill up with so much emotion that someone would do that to try and understand. I think it’s a mark of a really good/special person.
I love this post. A lot of these are things I try to pass on to my kids, and are qualities I see in my husband. Before we got married he had a reputation around town, my parents thought he was no good, etc etc, but I just knew he was a good one. The day I knew I'd marry him we were visiting a big city and were approached by a homeless man. Instead of ignoring him, my (then bf) didn't even hesitate in giving him some money. We were broke kids at this time so it wasn't easy to part with money either. He didn't make a big show of it or anything either, but I noticed over the weekend he donated over $100 altogether to those we met, and stopped to chat with them, listen to them play music, one man even made up a poem for me 🤣 Even now, every time we travel to the city he makes sure to set aside a "donation budget".
This post actually brought tears to my eyes because I recognize myself in almost all but here I sit...alone
This list has helped me reaffirm I'm not nuts. Someone told me the other day that they thought a person was a good person if they did good things *regardless of intent* (ie: even if the person only helped out because they were promised payment, otherwise they wouldn't have helped - that apparently doesn't matter). I tried to understand how they equated it... and I just gave up after they said a person doesn't need a conscience to be a good person. So... yeah... this list has helped me confirm I didn't fall down the rabbit hole...
I live this way 99.999% of the time, but the one thing I do tend to get a bit weak on is putting my grocery cart back in the corral, only at one store. I have mobility issues, and some days, just getting the cart around the cars that park too close and block access to the corral is more than I can manage, so I leave the cart at the front end of the enclosure. It's my city's tiny grocery store, and there are a lot of us elderly people who have to do that. The staff is great about understanding our issues, and they pick up carts frequently so that there are no parking problems. All other stores, no matter how much it hurts, I take my cart to the corral, but they have them set up in such a manner that they can't be blocked.
The best ones are those who just quietly go about their own business, but have the awareness that others aren't in the best of mindsets. They may not say or do anything noticeable to anyone but the distressed person, but they do something appropriate that's at least a little helpful and kind. I have a fair number of such friends, and strive to be that kind of person myself. But it seems as if, on the hardest days (I'm in constant pain from a serious injury incurred 8 years ago), there's someone random who's kind to me, unexpectedly, and genuinely. Makes life a bit more enjoyable both ways.
First most of these signs are not subtle. Second I wonder why all this positive behavior is admired? Just do it instead of saying how cool are others for doing this or that... it's not rocket science nor any heroism, it's simply respect for animals, human beings and so on. And its not very hard to do yourself. Just saying...
I've just lost the love of my life, my partner and best friend for the last 3 years. He had all of these qualities in abundance and the best part is, I see those qualities have been passed on to his son (J) and he (J) will pass those on to his kids, and that way, my beloved man's legacy will live on and that gives me great comfort x
That's wonderful to see Rens, I hope this gives you comfort in this time
Load More Replies... Don’t the vast majority of these revolve around the core belief of valuing everyone? Valuing the quiet ones, the ones less fortunate than yourself, the ones who need a helping hand or shoulder to lean on, seeing the value in the hurt or damaged, giving others a voice, uniting with those who will gain strength from having an ally or friend and valuing themselves, putting their ego aside and giving themselves to others. This isn’t difficult when you realise everyone has the same value, 1, we are all worth 1, no one is less valuable, no one is more valuable. 1 is enough, it’s equal with others regardless of status, religion, sex, sexuality, religion, colour of socks or favourite ABBA song, we are all worth 1 even the ones who like pineapple on pizzas, 1. Treat your fellows 1s with love and care, promote their strengths, support in times of weakness. Remember you are 1 too. All equal. 1.
I think it also comes from being secure in your own sense of self-worth. You don't need to prove anything, you don't need constant validation, you don't feel like you're losing if you don't always have things your way, and so on. You know you're not diminished by giving of yourself to others.
Load More Replies... A specific thing I’d like to mention. I have a disabling untreatable disease that makes life very difficult. I barely talk about it, especially with new people. But now and again I get to know someone and it crops up. I tend to try and gloss over it but will give minimal information. Most people don’t say much or change the topic. This bit has only happened maybe twice in my life, but someone has gone away and googled my illness. They come back and tell me “Hey I’ve been reading about it. It sounds so horrible. Tell me more about how it affects you.” And it makes me fill up with so much emotion that someone would do that to try and understand. I think it’s a mark of a really good/special person.
I love this post. A lot of these are things I try to pass on to my kids, and are qualities I see in my husband. Before we got married he had a reputation around town, my parents thought he was no good, etc etc, but I just knew he was a good one. The day I knew I'd marry him we were visiting a big city and were approached by a homeless man. Instead of ignoring him, my (then bf) didn't even hesitate in giving him some money. We were broke kids at this time so it wasn't easy to part with money either. He didn't make a big show of it or anything either, but I noticed over the weekend he donated over $100 altogether to those we met, and stopped to chat with them, listen to them play music, one man even made up a poem for me 🤣 Even now, every time we travel to the city he makes sure to set aside a "donation budget".
This post actually brought tears to my eyes because I recognize myself in almost all but here I sit...alone
This list has helped me reaffirm I'm not nuts. Someone told me the other day that they thought a person was a good person if they did good things *regardless of intent* (ie: even if the person only helped out because they were promised payment, otherwise they wouldn't have helped - that apparently doesn't matter). I tried to understand how they equated it... and I just gave up after they said a person doesn't need a conscience to be a good person. So... yeah... this list has helped me confirm I didn't fall down the rabbit hole...
I live this way 99.999% of the time, but the one thing I do tend to get a bit weak on is putting my grocery cart back in the corral, only at one store. I have mobility issues, and some days, just getting the cart around the cars that park too close and block access to the corral is more than I can manage, so I leave the cart at the front end of the enclosure. It's my city's tiny grocery store, and there are a lot of us elderly people who have to do that. The staff is great about understanding our issues, and they pick up carts frequently so that there are no parking problems. All other stores, no matter how much it hurts, I take my cart to the corral, but they have them set up in such a manner that they can't be blocked.
The best ones are those who just quietly go about their own business, but have the awareness that others aren't in the best of mindsets. They may not say or do anything noticeable to anyone but the distressed person, but they do something appropriate that's at least a little helpful and kind. I have a fair number of such friends, and strive to be that kind of person myself. But it seems as if, on the hardest days (I'm in constant pain from a serious injury incurred 8 years ago), there's someone random who's kind to me, unexpectedly, and genuinely. Makes life a bit more enjoyable both ways.
First most of these signs are not subtle. Second I wonder why all this positive behavior is admired? Just do it instead of saying how cool are others for doing this or that... it's not rocket science nor any heroism, it's simply respect for animals, human beings and so on. And its not very hard to do yourself. Just saying...
