“What Did Your Spouse Hide From You Until After You Were Already Married?” (40 Answers)
Deciding to marry someone can mean threading a fine line between discovering what picking a life partner will be like and avoiding hitching yourself to the wrong person. As many folks have discovered later in life, people can be full of surprises.
Someone asked women “What did your spouse hide from you until after you were already married?” and people shared both dark and wholesome stories. So get comfortable as you read through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own thoughts and experiences in the comments below. 
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We never married and are no longer together, but she is the mother of my son.
She hid from me just how good of a mum she would be, was of the opinion for a long time she never wanted any kids, but we spoke about it and decided to have one, what a woman she is, she's got pretty bad depression, early menopause, and endometriosis, every day for her is different, but god that woman steps up every day for our son, things didn't work between us nothing bad, just circumstances, but I love that woman so much for what she does.
I love how he recognizes how hard it is to function when having any or all of these and how she fights through it for the love of their child. Most exes just bash and say they don't understand how their ex can't just step up and pretend none of their symptoms exist when truth is they are most likely giving their best when at their worst. Well done for being so caring, encouraging and positive!
This may be a dumb question but: wouldn't she like having menopause esrly, because periods with endometriois are so painful?
Probably. Menopause can have long list of symptoms one still includes painful cramps. Everyone is different though.
Load More Replies...I dont want to say im crazy, but it's telling when I see positivity and immediately get bored
That he is a really hard worker. He completely changed the day we got married. I don’t mean change in a bad way. He f*****g stepped his game up. He puts in the work every single day to keep our marriage in such a good spot.
This just made me cry. I wish I could find someone like that! <3
Why does the marriage change his attitude? I don't understand why he didn't put in the hard work before
Or maybe she didn't realize how hard working he was until they moved in together?
Load More Replies...when any woman says "he steped up" or "he needs to step up" it usualy means she will be lagging behind when he does step up but will make 0 changes to herself.
His favourite dinosaur is the triceratops. I had to hear it from our two year old.
Once you're an adult, people stop asking what your favorite dinosaur is. It's like they don't even care.
I know right , can we start a hey pandas what's your favourite dinosaur
Load More Replies...Oooh, the baggage! Imagine keeping something like that a secret going into a marriage. Divorce, sister!
Why don't people discuss things like this s before they get married? Dinosaurs are something that should be discussed in the first few dates.
people with lesser known favorite extinct creatures! what are they? for me im obsessed with prehistoric crocodillians, like the quinkana
Privacy is always important to some degree, even in a marriage. In many places there are legal protections in case you do need to spill the beans, but in most situations, like the ones here, the issues are hardly criminal. On the other hand, talking about trauma, for example, is a classic case where privacy might be important, marriage or not.
While holding something from your spouse forever might be questionable, sometimes speaking about something difficult to talk about isn’t as easy as just sitting down and spilling the beans. The various traumatic examples in these stories are evidence of that. Childhood trauma and horrible relationships all influence what a person feels comfortable or uncomfortable speaking about.
That he loves jigsaw puzzles! I guess I didn't tell him I did either. We found out on our honeymoon. It started a lovely tradition where we now buy a challenging puzzle from the places we visit together.
How freaking smart he was. Some things had never come up before. But he could figure out how to do stuff, fix stuff, problem solve…he never failed to surprise me.
Do people date for like 2 weeks before they marry? In the X years you're living together in some places, stuff like this come up.
We married six months after we met so we learned a bit about each other after the wedding day.
Load More Replies...this is the kind of thing you should know about someone before you marry. wtf ??
That my husband can make this sound with his mouth and it sounds EXACTLY like a guinea pig. I still don't get how he does it, now our 10 year old son can also make this sound and I just dont get it. It's some form of sorcery.
I want a guinea pig but my dogs would eat it :(
Load More Replies...My brother does a spot on imitation of the magpie from Bananas in Pyjamas
Oof that he was predominantly asexual. I support Aces, but that's really something you need to let your partner know about before a commitment like that.
This is definitely something to discuss with a partner that you want to build a life with.
Even with one you aren’t sure if you want to build a life with. When my now gf and I sat down to talk about if we wanted to date or not, that was one of the first things I brought up. Luckily it didn’t bother her (I think she is as well, she just doesn’t realize it yet)
Load More Replies...Premarital sex is not only important, it's also necessary for a happy union
The only advice my mom gave me was to sleep with them beforehand, and let anyone know if I was abused. Lady was right.
Load More Replies...Yeah my ex didn't tell me he was a cross dressee until after we married. Then other things in the marriage I believe he is bi or is gay but won't come out of the closet. Or at least won't till his parents pass since he is the only living child. Older bro and younger bro both committed auicide
I’ve got a crazy one. I found out my ex husband had an adult baby/diaper fetish after we married. He had even gone as far as putting up ads online looking for women to change him. Found one of his ads where he made up a story about being incontinent from a car accident…which was completely false and made up.
He told me about this fetish after we got married, but it never came up again until the end of our marriage, which is when I found the ads he put online. He wanted to act on it more and wanted me to be involved. I didn’t understand it and, to be honest, it grossed me TF out.
We started seeing a marriage counselor, and she suggested me giving him boundaries…like certain days where he was allowed to wear the briefs and do adult baby stuff. All it took was one time seeing him, a grown man sitting on a blanket on the floor with a pacifier, bottle, and adult diaper on, I just couldn’t take it…I ended the marriage shortly after that.
This would totally weird me out too. Can't blame OP for ending that marriage.
yea, i think that must be one of those kinks youre either all in or all out, i cant imagine anyone being like "meh" about it
Load More Replies...Honestly, this or any kind of fetish would weird me out. I don't really care what anyone else does as long as it's consensual , but that's not for me. I would have split after I found out. It's something he should have revealed prior to marriage.
I had a friend who dated somebody into this and it was... interesting, for sure. Who am I to judge? I have my own weird stuff.
Exactly. Not my particular cup of tea, but if it's not hurting anyone else....
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A lot of stuff about his childhood- I knew he was abused, I didn’t know the extent of it and it makes me sick how his mother and father treated him. We cut his mom off years ago but his dad took off on his family when he turned 9 :( My husband has admitted he doesn’t really know what it’s like to have a family and that I am his family.
This one is relatable. Her dad died in a cheap motel in the middle of Nevada like he deserved and she has no contact with her mom.
Exactly how patient he'd be with my ADHD. The dude is superhuman. *I* get more frustrated about my ADHD than he does.
That his family was crazy abusive and neglectful and he thought it was all normal until I told him no, it’s not normal to get beaten every day and it’s not normal for your mom to pass out drunk and you have to feed and take care of your baby brother at only 7 years old.
Poor man. I hope he's making up for it by having a beautiful and happy life with you. <3
That doesn't sound like he "hid" it, if he thought it was all normal.
He knew every word to the 2001 Cinematic masterpiece Shrek. I didn't know it until after we were married for FIVE YEARS.
Married her thinking we had both been prior divorced once. Turns out she had been married an extra time. I thought Ok, its a Vegas thing or something when you were young, nope, she was married fo 7 years to her child hood sweetheart. Turns out she lied about just about everything to do with her personal life. Divorced three years later.
Surprised it still took 3 years until the divorce, I would have broken it off right away. A marriage is built on trust and I don’t see how anyone can trust someone that has lied about their entire life.
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A second refrigerator in the garage. It was hidden. I saw our daughter eating a popsicle and I asked her where she got it. She said “dad’s fridge” and I asked what that meant. She walked outside and showed me what “dad’s fridge” was and I’ll be damned. I don’t know how I didn’t see it.
Simplest explanation: garage is not used for parking the car, but more as a workshop for him, hobby or otherwise. She may also be very unobservant.
Load More Replies...At least it wasn’t a freezer…. I’ve been watching far too many true crime programmes recently.
If this happened as per what this BP title says, then the problem is with the wife; not with the husband. How can she not notice its there since before marriage till their daughter is old enough to talk!
A shop fridge is fairly common so dad may not have been 'hiding' it - may have just not thought it was worth mentioning it. I have an old fridge in my shop for soda and sometimes extra space for a BBQ / having people over. It is many years old but works. Recently I've been considering getting rid of it due to don't really use it any more. Or at the very least - clean it out and unplug it to save electricity.
Yes, mine is a Kenmore that's over 50 years old, in mustard yellow, and runs like a top. I would love to see all the beer that's been through it. It was my papaw's beer fridge, and now it's mine.
Load More Replies...Perfectly normal, I have a freezer and an old 60s fridge I call Walt since he's been around longer than my kids, practically one of the family.
He had never paid taxes during his military career. Never. 5 years. Still blows my mind how that’s even possible. Bottom line, 6 months into the marriage, I’m attempting to buy a sandwich and my card declines. That’s weird. Checked the joint bank account, IRS took everything.
OP should look into the "unknowing spouse" provisions of the tax law. But that's assuming that she didn't know.
This can’t be true. The military takes out your taxes, except when deployed in combat areas. Also your chain of command would know. I was late for my pap and my 1st sgt knew. Nothing is confidential.
Some of those years not paying taxes may have been legal. If you are stationed in an active war zone for example. In the navy it's actually very common for people who want to reenlist to delay the reenlistment until the ship is in a war zone so that the first installment of any kind of bonus is tax exempt
The insane way he was brought up. His siblings went to kindergarten but not him. He was locked in a room while the parents worked (he is the eldest). It still doesn’t bother him!
So he's locked that whole experience in a box and put it in a dark place? There might come a time something triggers that box to open, let's hope they can get some help if that happens.
Or sometimes we accept the fact we were little and had no control over any of it whatsoever and wasn't our fault and we don't let others actions define our existence. I was little and no control and now I am big and have all the control
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That he was a paranoid schizophrenic.
That might be something to disclose for the sake of (so not 'in lieu of') being open and honest with eachother 😬 (Edit: used opposite phrase of what I meant, original in brackets)
But wouldn't disclosing that be part of being open and honest?
Load More Replies...This should be disclosed before marriage, all medical stuff should be disclosed
Oh man. I'm so sorry. I dealt with a mother in law that had this and a list of other mental health issues. It's a hard thing to deal with. Especially after it being hidden from you. Hope it all worked out.
I have schizophrenia, alongside other mental health conditions, and I would say that it is 100% something that should come up well before marriage, hell, even before committing to more serious dating. I happen to be insanely lucky that my wife deals with it all so well, and that I'm well medicated for these issues. Not to there isn't bad days of course. It can be hell for both victim and family/friends/partners to have to deal with sometimes.
She finally got diagnosed as bipolar, schizophrenia and manic after 10 years 2 of which she put me through hell/abuse/attempted suicide and attempted murder.
Years and years ago my relative hid a wife and kids across the globe from his new wife until she called his parents and the old wife answered 🫣 old wife thought he died in war.
I asked my mother about this once. She said she didn’t learn until after marriage that my dad very frequently attends funerals! She noticed in their first year there seemed to always be a friend of a family friend, extended relative, an old piano teacher, etc whose funeral mass my dad would attend. He’s from a huge family with tons of siblings/uncles/aunts with lots of extended friends and relatives. Latinos lol. She asked him why he attends every single one even if he hardly knew the person and he said he just feels strongly it’s the right thing to do, because his mom raised him that way. My dad is very wholesome. My parents have been married 42 years and he is still this way. It’s not infrequent I’ll catch up with my dad on the weekend and ask him what he’s up to and he says “well I’m attending the mass for so & so’s mom, remember her?” (I never do).
"If you don't go to other people's funerals, then they won't come to yours." - Yogi Berra
My uncle who was a total sociopath used read the obituarys of total strangers and then crash the wake for food and booze. Sometimes he would give a eulogy even and prayer since he was ordained in prison. Seriously.His exploites were legendary in our family. He was a jolly a*****e🤣
We never got married but my partner hid that he was about to go bankrupt until I was 6 months pregnant. That was fun times!!
My dude I don’t think uncool is the right word for this situation
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That she was a trans woman (MtF).
That's something you should discuss before marriage. Didn't they discuss wanting or not wanting children? It would feel as a big breach of trust to me.
Yes, this is something that should have been brought up at the very beginning or else it's deceitful.
Load More Replies...Just so everyone knows, her wife didn't realise/come out until after they were married! They've been together for 19 years, and her wife has been on HRT for 10 years now! They're still married!
Thanks! A very different situation from what's suggested by the initial post.
Load More Replies...Why are all the comments "you should have found this out earlier!"? If they only came to realize that they felt more natural as a woman after they were married, surely OP couldn't "find out" before?
People are reacting that way because the OP doesn't explain the situation clearly. I'm presuming you went to reddit to read the source to learn more.
Load More Replies...For context, she (OP) was already married to her partner when she transitioned, and they decided to stay together - she talks about it extensively in Reddit, how she had a husband and now has a wife.
A friend of mine dealt with this in her own marriage many years ago. Her former husband went through all the transitions long ago as well. They had an excellent and strong friendship which continues to this day.
Load More Replies...Not if the person realized this a while after being married.
Load More Replies...Honest question, I am a little confused: a woman married to a man (born male) and after being married for a time he realized he was a trans woman (was born male but identified as woman). The trans woman (who was still biologically male) told the wife and they decided tostay together. Is it correct? I am sorry, I am not trying to offend any trans who are here, just trying to understand who was who. With so little information I think there is a lot of people in the comments that are confused like me.
Ow... that's a difficult one. I dont know if I could stay married
this is why straight men can't stand trans women. Liars! Ok, not all of them. why build your relationship on a lie
He hates mushrooms. I used to make this mushroom lasagna with 4 kinds of mushrooms and a mushroom bechamel and he would eat seconds! The deep streak of British politeness meaning he would eat whatever I made didn't break until a few years into marriage.
I believe this is one of the reasons the British people are so cautious with unfamiliar food! Once one accepts the portion, one has to eat it up to be polite, no matter how deeply repulsive it is for them. A student friend of mine cried in the toilet after she heroically ate the whole helping of traditional Slav meat jelly... So safer to decline anything unknown, always.
Not so sure about the logic of that. Given in my town there are Chinese, Indian, Thai, Japanese, Italian, Vegan, Mexican, Polish and Caribbean restaurants thriving, I’d say Brits have quite adventurous tastes. Admittedly, we got the taste for most of them by invading their country….
Load More Replies...It does, I'm imagining how good it must have been
Load More Replies...Did he just one day have a breakdown in the kitchen as he saw another mushroom dish?
That right up until the night before we got married that his family was trying to talk him out of getting married and even went so far as to say they’d cover for him if he cheated (he did not cheat and had no desire to).
I’m glad he hid it before we married(I was dealing with wedding stress plus sick my own seriously ill parents so hearing this when we were engaged would have sent me over the edge). He did tell me not long after we got married.
Will say that I’ve not fully trusted my Inlaws since then, and it’s been over 20 years.
I wouldn't trust them at all; let alone fully. At least you can trust your mate.
Yeah, the BS my family thought important to come up with and discuss regarding my and my wifes wish to marry... wow. Married 33 years now. F*ck 'em.
Not my spouse, but my friends' spouse hid kids he didn't take care of. The way she found out? Getting a letter from the IRS that their refund was snatched for back child support.
When my coworker was about 5 yo, his mom, him and his sister were all home doing what they would do and they got a knock at the door. It was a social worker with his half sister from a woman his dad had an affair with! Social worker left her there, the dad was at work! You can imagine how that evening probably went, but his mom stepped up and raised her with her other 2 kids and treated her as if she was her own child !
Especially if you had planned on using that money for something special. Now all gone.
That he can catch flies in mid air like a f*****g ninja.
Worked with a guy who, in his words, was one of the Vietnam boat refugees. The way he could catch a fly in his fingers was amazing. He said it was an art form he had refined growing up in swampland. He was an amazing guy in so many ways, but that was impressive!
His affairs. I married someone who was actively dating many other women and really great at hiding it - until we got married - then suddenly the affairs were everywhere and he didn’t try to hide them. Divorced now, obviously.
Our wedding night, I woke up from a deep sleep because he had terrible gas. His farts were so loud, and often, I actually felt badly for him! In the morning I asked if he was feeling okay, if the food had upset his stomach, if he needed to postpone our honeymoon trip…
He had been holding it in for the five years we were dating.
Bowel issues. They’re genetic and cause him to last an hour in the restroom daily. It really sucks when I have to pee.
Also how destructively envious his mom was of my family. Explained why she’s always so critical of me, she’s looking for ways to tear me down to her level.
two toilets is the one thing i insisted on and refused to budge from when he got our new home
Load More Replies...how can you go all the way to marry someone without knowing they need to spend one hour daily in the restroom... that's something quite easy to spot...
That's not healthy, at all. Please get your partner to a doctor... They should be checked for IBS and other colon issues.
I'm pretty sure he has done just that since his issues are described as "genetic".
Load More Replies...Genetic may be absolutely true, but it sounds like a lazy diagnosis. What exactly genetic? My wife was diagnosed with IBS that nothing could be done about except manage symptoms for 31 years of her life, turns out it's Celiac. Explains the IBS and many other issues. And Celiac absolutely can be genetic. Moral of the story- I believe diagnoses of, it's genetic, or fibro mialgia, while the symptoms are 100% real, are cop out diagnoses.
Just because they only wrote that it's genetic doesn't mean they don't have an official diagnosis of anything, maybe they just didn't want to go into specific. Also, fibromyalgia is not a cop out diagnosis. It's not just symptoms that are real, the cause is the immune system not reading sensory receptors properly and instead interpreting it as pain etc. It has been about 2 decades since doctors realised that fibromyalgia isn't just a mental thing but an auto-immune condition. IBS is often a diagnosis when the doctors can't find anything specific, but that doesn't mean it's not real. I have both IBS and Ceoliacs and they are quite different conditions. My symptoms are quite different when I have a reaction to gluten than when it is another intolerance. Both are controlled by diet and there is no reason to try and find another diagnosis than IBS if it is being controlled.
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$20,000 worth of credit card debt.
Mine did not reveal roughly $87,000 of student loan debt until a couple years after we had moved in and already had at least 1 of the children but it was worth it for that associate's degree in a field they do not work in...
I discovered $80,000 in credit card debt after my husband died. He'd taken cards out in my name, other cards in his name, and never told me about it. I'd trusted him with the finances and an inheritance from my grandmother. I loved him dearly but that was hard to get over.
If the person has the ability to pay and can pay for his/her needs without disruption, it is not a problem.
I disagree. The very fact that someone has that much credit card debt is a problem.
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That he can juggle lol like how did this not come up until after 8 years?
Only when you get married does the need to juggle things become paramount. Just ask my third and/or fifth wife.
Do it. All it takes is practice and it's very meditative.
Load More Replies...A real juggler. That's what it looks like, not like Goofy does it where he holds out his hands and the balls describe a perfect circle.
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Kids, his age, his felonies/attempt of m*rder charge, he didn’t own the house he was living like he said he did, a prior marriage. God that’s probably more but this was over 10 years ago.
That he was contributing a percentage of his paycheck to a different bank account. I always knew he had another bank account (aka a personal account… we use our joint account for everything) but I always figured the money in it solely came from “odd jobs” and things of that nature. Then, one day, I saw his paystub, and noticed he was contributing $600 each pay check to his own personal account. It ended up causing the biggest fight we’ve ever had. I wasn’t upset/mad about the fact that he wanted a personal account or that he was contributing toward it- it was the fact that he hid it from me. After that, I set up my own personal account and started contributing $600 per paycheck to it as well.
We always did 3 accounts - 1 joint for all the bills and one personal account for each of us. We put the same amount into the joint every payday and did what we wanted with the rest. Our one rule was that we'd discuss any personal purchases over $200 - not to ask permission, just as an FYI (and admittedly, sometimes to stop each other from buying stupid sh*t).
If these $600 deposits are causing division, they can just direct deposit both of them to me and be happy with their sense of closure.
The problem, as the OP stated was "it was the fact that he hid it from me"
Load More Replies...I can't imagine making enough money that r could spare $600 per check just for savings.
I'm confused as to why OP is concerned about how much he contributes to his personal account. As long as what he contributes to the joint account is sufficient, there's no problem. My husband and I have a joint account and we each have a personal account. I don't know how much he puts into his personal account and he doesn't know how much I put into mine.
Yall sound like you each make a LOT of money. To not know how much ec contributes AFTER bills. Did you both grow up wealthy?
Load More Replies...Actually, a friend of mine had a secret account that came in handy when her husband had a nervous breakdown, took up drinking, and quit his job, just as the eldest child was applying to college.
Substance addiction.
Sadly far too common nowadays - so much for he outdated 'war on d***s' mantra being relevant almost 50 years after the idiot Reagan coined it. Find another way, implement it and sort the problem out - yup, it's going to be difficult but in the long run, surely it will benefit everyone !!
Without even trying to get him to get help to get clean?? Don't get married. Marriage isn't all fun and games, happy 24/7. Sometimes one needs their spouse's support to be able to tackle the demons.
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That he cheated on me and had a kid.
nope. leave him and don't pay money to support him in any way
We (thankfully) didn’t get married, but…I knew he had 2 kids from two previous women. I didn’t know about the other 3 from two other women until after we moved in. After we broke up he went on to have 2 more with two other women. He doesn’t take care of a single one.
Nick Cannon is not in any way like this. Nick takes care of his kids and is an active part of their lives.
Load More Replies...That he loves smelling me with what he now phrases as "deep druggie breaths." And strangely enough also licking me (and I mean in a non-sexual way and not as a precursor to sex). Like, he'll smell my neck in the morning, lightly give me a peck on the shoulder and then also lightly lick it, as though for good measure or something! Very quirky but endearing as well.
Sounds like he just loves how she smells and tastes. So maybe dog-like?
Load More Replies...Someone is really into you. The chemistry is right. Great match. Imagine you are not attracted to your partners natural smell?
I miss being sniffalupaguss. Not into the licking but a good inhale with a hug and the sometimes the sniffes turns to huffs and then it's on! Got to sniff and tickle until she laughs uncontrollably
That he was an abuser who had no interest in attempting to be a decent person after the honeymoon stage ended. Never saw it coming...
In about half of the USA, what you describe would be called "living in sin" and would get you disowned by most of your family. You have no idea how much I wish "half" was an exaggeration.
Load More Replies...That he had severe erectile dysfunction. (We were Jehovah witnesses at the time so no sex before marriage).
Very sad for both of them. Maybe he didn't 'hide' it if he hadn't had sex previously, how would he know he had ED?
Well there are pills and pumps for that. And attachments and toys.
Hahahahaha! How did he know he had ED if he didn't have sex before marriage?
Tons of childhood trauma he has yet to deal with and a p*rn addiction.
porn and sex addiction can be devestating, get help if you think you need it, life can be better
There comes a point where you have to decide how much your childhood trauma is going to rule your life. But porn addiction? Nope. Why bother being married to someone for whom you know you'll never be enough?
That he had a secret brother! I found out the day of our wedding. Funnily enough I couldn't 100% trust my husband after that and yes - he was very secretive about what his plans were and what his thoughts were even on a daily chat basis! and thats one of the reasons I ended up leaving.
Update:
I wasnt aware of the brother because he had never been mentioned in the 2 years Id known my husband before we married.
I get that men have a lot going on in their minds and I respect that it is the way many sort things out - but keeping the existence of a brother secret was shocking to me.
Even the family never mentioned the brother - he wasn't even in family photos. And he was (still is) the nicest guy.
Im out of my own way now - Im open to life and humans with all their foibles.
"I get that men have a lot going on in their minds" - I think she vastly overestimates us. I'm still pondering my favourite dinosaur from the previous post.
I kept a major secret from my husband. I told him late at night about three months after we were married, but we’re together for 10 years. Me: “I have something to tell you. This is may be the most secure that I’ve felt in our relationship and I hope it doesn’t change how you feel about me.” Him: “ok” Me: “I’m a Nickelback fan.” And now I’ve told all of Reddit. Might delete later.
As long as they stay away from that early "soft rock" sound they were known for and go straight for heavy metal, they're actually pretty good. His voice is far more suited to that genre.
He hid that he can learn how to cook anything. He applies the same attention to detail and care to everything he sets out to do. He makes corn tortillas that are as good as my grandma's.
That he was an amazing piano player and could sculpt realistic objects.
That he can curse fluently in French.
That he enjoyed taunting, hitting, and was kinder to strangers than his wife and babies. He refused to get help for being an abuser.
The first meal I made for him when dating was way too horrendously salty but he didn’t want to hurt my feelings telling me. It took him almost 3 years to let me know.
The first breakfast I made my now husband was undercooked pancakes (yuck). Twenty five years later he handles the pancake making lol
It wasn't the first thing I made for my husband... but my pancakes are not that great... I am an amazing cook otherwise and everyone loves my cooking (except the pancakes). My husband ALWAYS does the grilling and pancaking making and helps other times when I am tired, sick, etc... He refers to his pancakes as Kick @$$ pancakes and I really think this is an insult to my pancakes.
Load More Replies...My future hubs didn't tell me he was vegetarian when I invited him to dinner for our first date. I served roast chicken. He ate it.
He didn’t know how to use the washing machine
Mom made us learn how to wash our own clothes and to cook. She said, "mom isn't always going to be around to coddle you." Thanks mom, training that's served me well.
His bisexuality.
Does this matter if they are faithful? They chose you. If you are worried about their body count, regardless of gender, you have trust issues to handle. Its like being upset that they used to date both redheads and blonds and you are blond. If you are the first blond, maybe there's an issue but those redheads are their exes and don't matter otherwise.
While it's true they chose you, it's still part of who you are. Marriage is about sharing yourself entirely with a person. And our sexual orientation plays a HUGE part in our daily lives. Why not tell the person you love who the real you is? And if they aren't comfortable with it, they weren't the right one.
Load More Replies...This list was about secrets about partners found out after marriage. This post doesn't state if they are ok with this or not? I think this a decision to make each on their own. I mean i think the person in this situation should be able to decide if this feels right or wrong for them. This might be a dealbreaker to some people and there could be a million reasons for that.
In the interest of having an open and honest marriage, I do think it's something that should be mentioned before marriage. If they are monogamous it's fine, but it's nice to know who you are married to.
The more you know about what your partner likes in bed, the more fun the sex is. And the more meaningful.
Shouldn't matter. Whether straight or bisexual, the question is whether you are inclined to be faithful or not, that's what they shouldn't be hiding.
It is NOT trivial. It is a serious part of who a person is. You are 100% wrong! Comparing apples to car tires.
Load More Replies...I got super excited when we saw a Bigfoot museum in North Georgia and wanted to go. My husband was shocked. This is the day we learned we have different opinions on whether he’s real or not. Told me he might not of married me had he known my beliefs on Bigfoot. Guess it never came up before.
im sorry but i dont think bigfoot is worthy of being a deal breaker... crazy, harmful conspiracy theories i can understand, but bigfoot is so innocent as far as beliefs go
The flat Earth folks I couldn’t date because the belief depends on mind numbing stupidity, but Bigfoot is a kinda harmless belief.
Load More Replies...Err, you believe that Bigfoot is real and you think it's your partner that was hiding a secret?
I need to find this museum. I detoured to go to the Squidbillies statue in Ellijay, Georgia so definitely a Bigfoot museum.
Load More Replies...What wrong with believing in Bigfoot? If someone wants to believe in Bigfoot, go for it!
Try dating a potter fan or Disney fan. I will take big foot girl any day
6 months in, he admitted to being in love with his ex from 5 years prior. I found the letter he wrote to her and confronted him about it, and then he admitted it. The letter tells her how he missed her, was still in love with her, could never love anyone else, and would do anything to get back with her.
He never graduated from college... Which all of us thought he had an associates related to physical therapy.
How antisocial and rude his family actually is and just how mentally draining they can be. Also forgot to mention how controlling his mother is and how everyone uses him.
When you marry into a family, this can be a nasty surprise. Best to know in advance!
Probably that he had no interest in maintaining a relationship after marriage. He just left it and made zero effort anymore, carried on with his own life as if I wasn't a factor in it. He also lied a lot and did cheat at least once (he didn't consider happy endings cheating, I do.) so I'm sure that happened prior to marriage as well. He's now my ex.
lmao, the list of disloyal activities some people dont consider cheating is long and ridiculous
it seems to be the fun of the chase for some men. once they "catch" you...no more attention to the relationship.. (I speak from a personal experience)
1. That he was actually an introvert, despite saying he was an extrovert. This means we have a very different life to the one pre-marriage / cohabitation and potentially one I would not have opted into. 2. That despite nodding and smiling and saying all the right things before hand, he didn’t actually want to put our relationship first to ensure we were rock solid for our potential children. The second I was pregnant I became in effect his gestational carrier. Makes him a great dad and a practically non-existent husband.
That my ring was picked out and designed by his ex wooooo.
Ok, there is a big difference here if the ring was picked out and designed for his ex then he gave it to you (BIG NO-NO)!!!! If his ex was a jewelry designer and they were still friends/on good terms and she helped him pick it out and design it and sold it to him specifically for her, then I think that might be ok. I rather do business with someone who knows and understands me especially if it is something personal.
That he had a thing for taking photos of me when I was asleep/ medicated. Well not just me, it was all of his partners he ever had, oh and some friends. This wasn't just a few photos either. I only found how deep this rabbit hole went after I ended our relationship.
Worked with a guy who took pictures of his wife sleeping nude and had them on his toolbox at work for the whole shop to see.
That he had a DUI. That he actually did not have the college degree he said he had (found that out during the divorce). I am pretty sure he hid lots of other things too, but I try not to think about it now.
He was an addict. He was addicted to shopping, s*x, gambling, and m*th.
He was addicted to playing sax and math and he did all the shopping. He was probably good at gambling with all the math he did
Oh yeah and he thinks of k*lling people multiple times a day, every single day. Shoulda believed him.
What, dude's thinking of people from the village of Kelling, Norfolk, every day, all day long? This is hard, there are, like, 177 people there! And it seems that the village had a reputation for smuggling, so maybe he has some stuff he need to import without going through customs?
That he has ADHD. Our son was recently diagnosed with it and that’s when it came out.
Same. My ex has an irregular heart beat. Would have been useful to know
You couldn't tell before? Does it make a difference? In sickness and in health. Maybe you should get checked out
That he has Asthma and has an inhaler…we’ve been together 10 years.
My ex husband hid the fact that he dropped out of high school. We had lots of issues though, but I found this fact out from his cousin who didn’t know that I didn’t know. She said something like, “I’m so proud of him for where he is in life. He came so far after dropping out of high school.” And I was standing there looking at her like a deer in headlights. His dropping out would NOT have been a dealbreaker, but I never got over his lying (on top of a sh*tload of other issues).
That he’s as much a foodie as me. He always seemed to be kinda “meh” when it came to food and it was partly because of his many food allergies. Now? After 3 years of marriage he is just as much invested in food as I am. Sometimes more than me. We watch so many cooking shows together now and he’s learning so much about cooking…… his skills are rivaling mine haha!
He assumed that after we got married we’d start going everywhere together and doing everything together. I’m an introvert who has always been open about needing a lot of time to myself. It was a struggle for a while.
I need alone time, but since Covid, I have not been getting it. He simply doesn't understand.
After 28 years of marriage, I found out that my husband had been a D & D nerd before we met. We were alternative-grunge people when we married. Honestly, I don’t know if I would have dated him to begin with, had I known that, but I’m glad I did! He’s a super sweet guy and would/does do anything for me. 💗.
D&D is so much fun.! Especially now our kids are old enough to play too.
Can't wait for our little guy to be old enough. (If he's interested)
Load More Replies...Hmm.... many, many, MANY alternative/grunge/metal/punk folks I ever met was much into D&D and other rpl's of all sorts. So I don't really understand how this could come as a surprise. Lol.
My thoughts exactly, this is 99% of my friend group
Load More Replies...Their first-degree misdemeanor charge. Since divorced.
He deliberately, with full malice of forethought deceived me into thinking he was an adventurous eater when he is the pickiest eater alive. Take heed-- this is a valid reason for a long engagement. He'd have never been able to keep up the façade much longer than he did, so if I had given it some time I could have made an informed decision about spending the rest of my life with a man who wasn't try anything new, or a casserole.
I have my limits, but very few. When in Thailand for a year in the 70s, I ate from street vendors, floating markets, you name it. Most I liked, some I didn't and it was an adventure and it sure didn't kill my farang a s s.
That he pronounces “gif” as “jif.” Horrifying.
I don't agree with the creator on the pronunciation. The g stands for graphics. That's a hard g, so logically the acronym should also have a hard g
Load More Replies...Let it go. Its been 37 years. We all know what a person means. Common usage means both are right.
How much of a football fan he was. We met while we were both still in college so maybe he was too busy to watch? Or purposely hid it? I’m not sure but he’s an emotionally ridiculous man-child whenever his team is on. It’s infuriating because I hate sports and his reactions. Other than that, a very solid marriage.
I have begun to help my kids to bed early if there's handball or football/soccer on TV because my otherwise quiet and calm bf will yell and scream and hit his hands so hard onto the table that the kids get scared. I try to talk to him about it and he says: "oh, I'm just being patriotic". Uuhhmm.... no, sweetheart, you're being an aggressive a-hole. Because anyone who makes my kids scared even AFTER they have been informed of it... well, they are a-holes, imo. But when he doesn't watch sports he's a nice and quiet dude.
We’ve been together since we were 14, he admitted to me 6 years after marriage that he lost his virginity to me which was a shock because when we met I was under the impression he has slept with a couple girls already. Biggest shock lol.
Good lord, how did he justify having multiple partners at the tender age of 14? Wtf
That he doesn't understand how to use cleaning supplies. I asked him to wipe down the table and he used hand sanitizer rather than a Lysol spray or wipe. I often catch him using windex for wiping down the kitchen counters or cleaning up floor messes. Most people would use a paper towel where it's completely open or folded up neatly- not him, he crinkles the paper towel immediately before wiping his mouth or cleaning a mess and I keep having to remind him that he's wasting a lot of surface space on the paper towel. He uses a wet wipe before using toilet paper. I always thought use the toilet paper first, then wipe with a wet wipe to clean/freshen your b******e but nope, he says the wet wipe gets it all clean immediately and then the TP dries his butt. That's fair. The man is wicked smart when it comes to numbers. But that common sense is truly lacking with him. Sometimes I just stare at him when he's cleaning and wonder how he got here. But ultimately, it isn't hurting anyone so I walk away lol.
Yes, except... "But ultimately, it isn't hurting anyone so I walk away lol."
Load More Replies...Sounds like me: kinda good at math, but has absolutely no common sense or an idea of what is etiquette
(context: my dad is friends with a lot of semi-important people, and is one himself, but I have no idea what to do when I visit him, or go on a trip with him)
Load More Replies...Is it clean? Yes. Lysol is a carcinogenic and promotes super bacteria. Windex especially with vinegar actually cleans better and leaves nothing behind. Crumpled cleaning is weird but I assume it's a texture/ comfort thing. I wonder how you got anyone anywhere with your holier than thou attitude
Eh. Windex on the counters isn't bad. It's got ammonia in it which has disinfecting properties. Actually, so does hand sanitizer. At least he takes initiative to clean. My partner won't even wipe up the crumbs after making toast.
Please don't use wet wipes to clean your rear! I work in wastewater and these "flushable" wipes are anything but. They cause constant backups in the sanitary sewer system and are a huge pain in the a s s to deal with. There was recently a big lawsuit in the US that the various municipal wastewater systems won against various manufacturers of these wipes and we got some money to repair the damage that was done by these things. If regular TP doesn't work for you look into getting a bidet instead, everyone needs to cut it out with the wipes.
Wet wipes are fine if that's all you have access to for better cleanliness. So long as you treat them like menstrual products and wrap them in a couple squares of regular toilet paper to be tossed the bathroom garbage can.
Load More Replies...That his step-father, whom officiated our wedding, said that he thought I was only with my husband for his money when he told him we were marrying a handful of months before. Also, surprise, there was never any money… Still isn’t.
That he knows all the lyrics to the entire Smurf’s Go Pop album.
That he was so unable to communicate about perceived conflict that he would rather suggest food, activities, and future plans that he thought I would like but he didn’t like than possibly suggest the opposite, resulting in growing confusion on my part and increasing resentment on his part if I didn’t like an activity he suggested or if I thought I was capitulating to an activity or plan he suggested (when in reality he didn’t want to do it at all). He became more and more unhappy but insisted everything was fine and we were good. After he asked for a divorce it all came out. I have no idea how much of my marriage was a lie. All of the things we did that I thought we had fun doing may have been things he didn’t even like. It’s been absolutely mind boggling to understand retrospectively. If you ever see this happening in your relationship, please get couples communication therapy! This didn’t have to happen and it was so awful for both of us.
It was the same for me. A total mind-f.uck. I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I like 10 years later.
His performance anxiety, his road rage, his triggers… But time has also exposed his desire to be better.
How much he farts. He held all that gas in for 3 damn years. Like damn.
Kissing makes him uncomfortable.
He has a life-sized cutout of Will Ferrell’s character from Anchorman just folded under his bed. Got it from an old neighbor who worked at a movie theater years ago. I only found this out because he randomly mentioned it in passing during a conversation. We’re not married yet and have been together for a couple years now.
There is a curse on his family.
That he never actually wanted to get married or have the responsibilities that have to do with having a family. He just loved the chase and the satisfaction when I finally agreed to start daring him, but after he knew he 'got me', he lost interest pretty much lol.
That he had a load of debt from being tricked into a local art school, and his inability to change or grow as a person because he got fed the lie that "we don't hit women under any circumstance" and then blamed me for being hurt by a woman i directly told him not to be alone with saying i should have done something its been 5 years of only me working and i want out so damn bad.
How do you not change or grow as a person because you weren't allowed to hit women?
Load More Replies...Honey, leave. No matter how hard it is out there, it's easier when you don't have to worry about someone else's problems, only your own.
His fascination with serial killers and enjoyment of movies like 10 Things I Hate About You.
given how popular true crime is, I'm hesitant to say this is that much of a problem, unless he begins to idolise certain killers or seems to think on also becoming a killer.
That he knows how to install hardwood floors and did NOT let me know when we put new floors in our house (I got LVP, but now I know I could have gotten hardwood). I think about this a lot.
I know how to butcher a hog but I never want to do that again. I'll buy cuts of pork at the store and cut them up at home but there's no corpse hanging from a tree. Hardwood floors are so much more effort to install and maintain. If you have bad knees from installing them and sawdust in your lungs still from sanding them afterwards. you'll gladly take the pain in your knees to get the LVP done faster for love but still save your body.
The pre-finished engineered hardwood is easy to install and easy to maintain.
Load More Replies...I know how to paint ceilings, but I hate it and it hurts me, and I'd rather either not paint them or hire someone.
Knowing how to share decisions may be the most important skill in any marriage.
That he had histrionic personality disorder and was struggling with depression. Found out while 4 months pregnant.
He was still smoking.
He always pretended to be “the cool guy” at work. I always had some doubts about this because of what an introvert he is, but was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, knowing he can be social with the right people. He was NOT the cool guy.
I'm a complete introvert - except in front of an audience. This guy may be like that too.
That his ex wife had serious mental health issues. My expectation was having “us” time every other weekend and one night a week since he had primary custody. Instead a month into our marriage his ex was hospitalized and we were driving his daughter to see his mother in long term hospital care every weekend. It took up our Saturdays.
Unless he caused it, his ex's mental issues have nothing to do with his new gf/wife/friend etc. And he was being a good dad making sure his daughter saw her mum. This is exactly what i would do if something happened to the mother of my children and if my gf didn't like it she'd be gone. (Kids come first)
Kids always come first no matter what. Just a few months into my relationship with my now-husband, his teenage son went through some mental health issues that got him into legal trouble. I took a few days off work to help look through the mountains when he disappeared for a few days. I’ll never be my step kids mom but I’ll put everything aside to find them and get them the help they need like a mom would.
That she had suffered severe head injuries from a car accident as a child and had never had long term care. 25 years later despite finally being properly diagnosed her family found it better to convince her that I was the cause of her problems instead of getting her the help she desperately needed.
My husband didn't tell me how easily he dislocates his shoulders, and even worse, that I would have to help him get them back in their socket again. I'm not the nurse kind and the sound when you "break" the shoulder back is horrible.
My first husband failed to tell me that because he hadn't enough money to pay the huge dowry his pregnant sister's baby daddy demanded to marry her that he had promised him that when he married his wife would support their family for life.
That his family was (and still is) abusive. He thought being spanked was being backhanded across the face so hard you fall down. Didn't realize that was wrong until he saw my reaction to that happening to our non verbal 2 year old. When I told him his mother needed to move out before I came back with our child and that she would never be alone with our children again, he realized something was wrong. He's been unpacking it in therapy, and it took 3 years for him to finally call what his parents did to him abuse.
that he didnt want kids. hid it till i was pregnant with kid number 3. he was enthusiastic when i got pregnant. we talked about having kids 4 years before we got married. how many, names, even bought baby books. then kid number 3 and he comes out with he never wanted kids, he just didnt want to try and find someone else to date. he said if i didnt abort we were through. me and my 3 kids are still alive and well and together. forget him.
That she had suffered severe head injuries from a car accident as a child and had never had long term care. 25 years later despite finally being properly diagnosed her family found it better to convince her that I was the cause of her problems instead of getting her the help she desperately needed.
My husband didn't tell me how easily he dislocates his shoulders, and even worse, that I would have to help him get them back in their socket again. I'm not the nurse kind and the sound when you "break" the shoulder back is horrible.
My first husband failed to tell me that because he hadn't enough money to pay the huge dowry his pregnant sister's baby daddy demanded to marry her that he had promised him that when he married his wife would support their family for life.
That his family was (and still is) abusive. He thought being spanked was being backhanded across the face so hard you fall down. Didn't realize that was wrong until he saw my reaction to that happening to our non verbal 2 year old. When I told him his mother needed to move out before I came back with our child and that she would never be alone with our children again, he realized something was wrong. He's been unpacking it in therapy, and it took 3 years for him to finally call what his parents did to him abuse.
that he didnt want kids. hid it till i was pregnant with kid number 3. he was enthusiastic when i got pregnant. we talked about having kids 4 years before we got married. how many, names, even bought baby books. then kid number 3 and he comes out with he never wanted kids, he just didnt want to try and find someone else to date. he said if i didnt abort we were through. me and my 3 kids are still alive and well and together. forget him.
