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“Know When To Leave”: 47 Emotional Intelligence Tricks People Learned From Observing Others
We've all come across that special someone who can sail through any social situation with ease and grace. They somehow have people eating out of the palm of their hand, without even having to say a word. It's almost like they're using magic. But they aren't.
These highly skilled individuals have a secret strategy. A stash of social “cheat codes” that allows them to subtlety win friends and influence people. These little tricks are the key to success when it comes to succeeding in social situations. They aren't manipulations or mind games. Think of them as upgrades that anyone can learn and use.
Someone recently asked, "What’s a social cheat code you learned from just observing people?" and thankfully, netizens didn't hold back. They shared all the tried-and-tested hacks that keep them cool, calm and collected, even during the most chaotic encounters. Some are simple, others take practice. All can have a surprisingly powerful impact.
Bored Panda has put together a list of the best answers for anyone who wants to level up in this game called life. So whether you’re trying to land a job, diffuse an argument, connect with someone new, or just make your everyday interactions less awkward and more effective, keep scrolling. And don't forget to upvote your favorites.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Maybe this counts - at work, I try to say hi to everyone I see. It’s that simple. When I walk through my work, I tend to know people on each floor because of these small interactions that grew into positive regard for one another. I say hi to every house keeper (actually I’m close with a few now), everyone I pass in the hall, when I enter the nurses station I say “morning everyone!” whether anyone answers or not, lol. Be your own sun 🌞
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
I love the idea of being your own sun. I know women are tired of having the role of cheer-makers, but it's so easy to smile and say hello or nod, and seriously - doors open and people are so much nicer.
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago
Hmm lol ,I’ll smile at people as walk past my house ,here in the sticks in the uk , it’s a little village , n I,ll chat to the few neighbours I have if they stop n I’m in the garden , but that’s it , n that’s ligit only if I’m in the front garden , I can’t be round people ,it’s over whelming being an empath (means I can feel what other people are feeling that day , it’s hard going thankfully with my kids they are immune to it ,as they have my genes ie witch , so blocked thank god lol , ) I react to how I sense they are feeling n that’s not easy , so I tend not to make any contact it’s safer 😂
Billo66 3 months ago
I wish you could channel me. I'd like to know what's wrong with me besides cancer. But yes, be careful with that. Edgar Cayce kept tryin to help people until it killed him. Just too much.
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George Costanza 3 months ago
Yeah I hate this, sorry. I don't want to say hi to everyone. I don't want to have social interactions with everyone I walk past. It's the literal opposite of what I want in my life.
elmortero 3 months ago
I do the same .Even people who have no interactions with otherwise "know" me. On a new job I - at first this was unintentionally - "befriend" the staff of the cafeteria, cleaning and security. They are the ones who best know the companies people and culture as they are always present, but rarely seen
Sven Horlemann 3 months ago
The older I got, the more did I consciously do this. I am 58 now. Highly recommended.
keyboardtek 3 months ago
An acquaintance just attended her 50 year high school reunion. She went up to people she did not even know and said "Hi! I don't know you, But I am here to have a good time! What's your name?"
Uncle Panda 3 months ago (edited)
By the time I retired, I was closer to the custodial team than my work colleagues. They were good folk. My floor had suspiciously good service and it went both ways. A few times, I was happy to run down the hall, check on TP levels in either bathroom, confirm some sort of shlt explosion before they sent a team, etc. They came to see me as a group when they heard I was retiring. I'm still genuinely touched.
Unless you've resigned yourself to a life of solitude on some remote island, you will have to interact with people at one point or another. Whether you like it or not. And we fully understand if you don't. No judgies.
Some of our social interactions are with friends, family or colleagues. Others are with strangers. And for many of us, these can be the most awkward. This, according the High Existence site, is because our brain is trying to protect us from exposure.
The trick here is to fake it until you make it. Assuming comfort in any social interaction is one of the most powerful things you can do.
"Commanding your brain to feel that you already know the person you are about to meet puts you in a position of advantage," explains the site. "It increases the chances of people showing interest in you and consequently even liking you."
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#2
Say their name when you're praising them, like, instead of just saying "Thank you" say "thank you chris"... Trust me, its subtle but makes a huge difference.
Nota Robot 3 months ago
That would really depend on the person. Many people do not like to be touched, even in a friendly, non-threatening or non-flirty way.
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#3
When someone has a really terrible idea that you know will fall flat, don't tell them it's a bad idea. It puts them on the defensive. Ask questions you know they haven't thought through and let them think them through. Nine times out of ten, they'll get to "this is actually a bad idea" on their own but they get to make that call. In the process, you've built trust in the relationship.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
It would be grand if people I know would stop saying " I have a better idea." Every single d**n time.
Little Bit 3 months ago
What i hate is when I contribute several good ideas, and there's always one person who puts an obstacle in front or makes a negative comment about every single one. So I say, "ok, we'll go with your idea then." And they always reply, "i haven't got one."
Load More Replies... RomanceRadish 3 months ago
Only if you're asking the questions sincerely, not trying to make them look foolish.
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago
My reply is cool you do you , even if I have a better idea ,I won’t say that I hate that myself ,so sounds ok ,people sometimes need to work it out on their own ,
keyboardtek 3 months ago
So how do you deal with someone who cannot handle any fact that disagrees with their point of view?
Musti 3 months ago
Let them do their bad decisions. It's not your problem. You can't help someone who doesn't want help.
Load More Replies...A few answers on this listicle mentioned silence as a secret weapon when it comes to social interactions. "Control the room by listening more than you speak," wrote one person. "Silence is power most people can’t handle."
While another added that silence makes people uncomfortable. "You’ll learn more by saying less. Control the tempo of a conversation with your pauses. Silence is dominance in disguise," they said. "Master this and you’ll own every room you walk into."
It's a sentiment echoed by the experts...
#4
I’ve learned it’s surprisingly easy to redirect or disarm people once you figure out what they care about. One well-placed question about something they’re passionate about, and suddenly the tension’s gone, and you’ve got them talking for an hour. People just want to feel seen, and when you give them that, doors open.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
And I love hearing about what people are passionate about! Learn so much!
BookFanatic 3 months ago
Yes. We have a "difficult" patron who comes in regularly. She tolerates me because I remember her dog's name and always ask after him.
#6
Know when to leave the conversation, the party, the relationship quietly, yet quickly, when you see a lack of accountability & emotional maturity.
Data1001 3 months ago
Or just when things are dying down. So many times I've stuck it out in a conversation, a party, etc., because I wasn't confident enough to just say, "Okay, see you later!"
PeepPeep the duck 3 months ago (edited)
I got really good at it when I was a topless waitress/skimpy etc. had to learn the skill or you would be literally late for other jobs or late helping the s******r set up etc. so handy in real life, and some groups you can sense the relief when someone ends the convo 😂
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Scusa 3 months ago
When I was in the early part of my career, it was jumping - no cares in the world, and I learned quickly. My career required lots of networking, I would go and clandestinely leave. As I progressed in my career and began mentoring, I gave a bit of advice: No one, will ever say to you, you will not believe what happened after you left. And, for me, don’t do anything you do not want your Father or Mother to see. It has served me well, and a few I am grateful to know
"Interrupting people when they are in the middle of an important conversation is one of the most annoying things to do," warns the Higher Existence team. "It shows that you have zero knowledge of social dynamics which will lead to unpleasant social situations."
#7
Oh man, I know a few, but the most effective ones for me are these:
- Control the room by listening more than you speak. silence is power most people can’t handle.
- Win people over by remembering the small things they thought you’d forget.
- People love talking about themselves, ask the right questions and they’ll think you’re the most interesting person in the room.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Was just talking to my young adult nephew that I don't see verry often. Started asking him questions about goals, interests, etc., and stayed very quiet while he answered. Learned fascinating things about him and how he is thinking about the world. Stop and listen. You'll learn a lot.
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago
Oo I’ve got the mind of an elephant lol I NEVER FORGET , and I never forgive either ! so if you have wronged me ( been an abused wife twice , n ptsd kicks in , I will remember it ) I won’t ever throw it back at you UNTILL I REALLY HAVE TO , the shock is hilarious
Cold Eagle 3 months ago
No idea why someone down voted you. Have one to balance.
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BookishPanda 3 months ago
Nod and say "That's interesting" (Everyone thinks what they are talking about is interesting)
Geoff Pearce 3 months ago
Use your ears and your mouth in the proportion that you have been given them.
#8
Respond softly like you have a sore throat and they usually immediately bring down their own tone and speak with less anger. Worked every time for me lol.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
This never works. "What?" "What? I can't hear you. What?" Then they walk away. I have a natural soft voice. But when I raise my voice louder all of a sudden I'm shouting and they're scared. Yet, I hear others talk softly and people are able to hear them. I don't get it.
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago
It does work lol u ain’t doing it right , use the parent voice firm but quiet ! never fails
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Crystalwitch60 3 months ago
It really does , when someone’s really winding me up n pushing buttons n triggering my ptsd , I resort to whispering , they ligit HAVE to listen ,then and it tells them if I were u I’d shut it like now !! works every time !
Luis Hernandez Dauajare 3 months ago
I do this all the time. I have a naturally loud voice. As a teacher, this is incredibly useful to keep students interested. But if I suddenly shift to a very calmed and soft tone, I can sound incredibly menacing. I can silence a room full of rowdy teenagers in five seconds.
SkippityBoppityBoo 3 months ago
I've done this in past barwork jobs when a guy has started to kick off... I've a naturally soft voice anyway and they've responded to me, calmed and then I've been able to get them outside the door.
#9
Theres a viral video of an interview that went around that really stuck with me “dont attribute to malice what you can attribute to ignorance” thats the world
StrangeOne 3 months ago
I'm not understanding this one. (I know some have called out my slow comprehension in a very mean way. Please, be kind.) If I know what interview they're referring to I might be able to understand this better.
Auntriarch 3 months ago
I think it means, don't assume that because someone has done something mean that they intended to be mean, because it might only be that they are dumb. My version of this was assume the best of intentions until I'm proven wrong. It stood me in good stead.
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Billo66 3 months ago
I'm so sick of seeing his name in every post no matter what the topic. Why are people so obsessed with this temporary moron. Stop acknowleding he exists and he will go away. Right now our nation has a scab. Stop picking at it. It will in heal in a couple more years and I'm voting on the Snoop/Martha ticket.
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Apparently, there's a trick to knowing when it's okay to talk. And it's all in the feet. "When you approach a group of people while in a conversation, pay attention to their bodies. If they turn only their torsos and not their feet, it means they are in the middle of an important conversation and they don’t want you to interrupt them," reveals the site.
On the flipside, if they turn both torso and feet, it means you are welcome. This is extremely important, adds Higher Existence, because the right timing in such situations may put you in a position of advantage, especially if the conversation was boring for both sides.
#10
Minding your own business goes a very long way to keeping yourself safe.
Power puff scientist 3 months ago (edited)
I think many women and violent crime victims have different experiences
StrangeOne 3 months ago
Ever be some place, but it feels like you just stepped in a room and now everyone is staring at you, observing your every move and listening to everything you say? The moment you drop something someone, usually a man, is there to tell you you dropped something? Then you pick it up and drop something else and that same guy, instead of helping you, tells you that you dropped that other thing? Then you go take a seat and they're watching you like a hawk and you notice another guy watching you like a hawk while you interact with someone else, and they have smirk on their face as if they're anticipating they're about to witness you make an idiot of yourself?
Load More Replies... katiekat0214 3 months ago
I agree with what Power Puff Scientist said, but my 50+ years of experience have taught me a few things. I do mind my own out in public... but I'm also mentally and emotionally "loaded for bear" as in I will never start anything with anyone, mainly because I don't fight, and just don't care enough to start anything. But the moment anyone brings it to me, they are a perpetrator, and I will be a survivor. They, on the other hand, may not be able to walk away afterwards.
#11
Patience exposes what pressure can’t. Stick around long enough and let their actions do the talking.
#12
Never reveal how intelligent you are around insecure people. If you're composed & well put-together, they will hate you enough. Strong intelligence will send them over the edge & place a target on your back.💯
StrangeOne 3 months ago
I've learned that no one likes a know-it-all, but only if you can't back up your claims, and if you can prove you're really good at memorization and math. An old coworker was like a walking encyclopedia of many niche things, and very opinionated. But she presented her opinions in a very factual tone, always corrected people, always was the first to want to answer a question and everyone went to her with inquiries. It was a bit of a patchy start for her, as she's also transfemale and some people were unsure of her. Eventually, she gained quite a bit of friends. Despite her knowing a lot, she was not afraid to admit to her mistakes and when she didn't know the answer. She would rather be straight up and honest than risk giving misinformation. I think that's key.
Yrral Spavit 3 months ago
I spent 30 plus years in a field, rising to a Management/Command position. Learned the hard way that it is pointless to let on I know anything about the field when encountering someone who has watched a YT vid about it. Just smile and nod :P
Zaach 3 months ago
I love (other people's) tattoos so I engage with them about it. A woman I am currently dating has all sorts of tattoos so I bought her a copy of "The Illustrated Man" by Ray Bradbury - it is not for the weak of heart. It is a collection of his short stories tied together by someone looking at his tattoos and seeing them begin to move and tell a story. It was made into a movie with Rod Steiger as the illustrated man
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
I find that just engaging people and asking their opinion like it matters to you eliminates this defensiveness. Then they're more like, "Oh, this is a smart person I can listen to."
SouthernGal 3 months ago
This is one reason hiring decisions are sometimes crazy. Many people don’t want to hire someone smarter than they are.
Ever been deep in telling a story but you have a feeling the other person isn't listening? Instead of asking them outright, fold your arms. "If the other person is observing you and pays attention, they will most likely mimic you," reveals the Higher Existence site.
#13
If you want to vent about frustrating coworkers, only do it with your very few VERY trusted friends, and it doesn’t hurt to remind them every time “this stays between us” - but absolutely continously praise people behind their backs, a lot, when someone does something you admire or appreciate, tell them but also sing their praises to others.
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago (edited)
My daughter does it with me n her bf n her brother , anyone else at work nope ,we are safe n trusted ,n nothing to do with her work place , home is a safe place
#14
The only thing to say to cops:
Yes sir
No sir
On my way home sir
Works every time, but to be fair, I am white. This didn’t always work with my First Nations friends.
Auntriarch 3 months ago
Always be polite to police. It may work in your favour, being such a pleasant change for them.
Papa 3 months ago
You said it might not work in your favor, and you're right, but being argumentative and belligerent just about guarantees it WON'T go in your favor.
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 3 months ago (edited)
It really depends on the cops. But usually, if a cop is stopping you for no obvious reason there's some suspicious motive, no matter who you are. But you do always want to be super respectful and calm when talking to them. You should also be careful of your attitude and what you say when you see them, or just as your answering the door. It's not going to go well for you if they hear you talking to yourself like "She called f*****g cops."
PeepPeep the duck 3 months ago (edited)
I had a weeeeird one a few months back, came home late at night from partners dad bday bqq on the farm, I wanted to stop for milk at BP, a car sirens off with lights and pulls me over, I’m soooo confused at this point - for context I’m 40kgs and 150cm tall, this cop gets out of the car and I did too, out of confusion to ask if everything’s ok, and he’s like yeah just a random stop, then a paddywagon with two cops pull in next to him. I kinda of freak out inside but don’t let it show and ask ‘‘are you taking me to jail for something? I’m confused” he says “it’s just backup jsut in case” still not telling me anything. The guy i purchased the car off with rego, had the rego revoked by the owner after I paid and I didn’t know I was driving for 24hrs at that point unregistered. It still confuses me though why three very large men had to attend this, the car is/was in my name.
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Data1001 3 months ago
People give a lot of grief to cops -- and there are certainly some bad eggs out there -- but I think it's helpful to put yourself in their shoes and remember that because they have to enforce the law, they know that _anybody_ might strike back at them to try to get out of it. They never know when someone might turn violent, and so sometimes, even a simple question like "Why?" can put them on edge and raise their defenses. It's a tough job, and like I say, not all cops are good -- but I believe that the vast majority really want to help people.
FlamingZombies 3 months ago
I'm curious - if the "good" cops cover for the bad cops, are they still "good" cops? Because as we all know, when a good cop dares to break the blue wall of silence, it's usually the good cop that gets the worst of it.
Load More Replies... RomanceRadish 3 months ago
Have discussions with your kids - especially sons - what to do (and not do) in encounters with police.
BookFanatic 3 months ago
I tried offering a cop snacks once. She was stuck doing an insurance checkpoint in the pouring rain and looked utterly miserable. I was coming home from work and had leftover treats with me. At the time, I genuinely wanted to make her day better. I am very lucky she didn't see it as a bribe.
katiekat0214 3 months ago
I agree with what Auntriarch said. Be polite, but personally, I always ask questions, and make it clear I'm not trying to catch them out, but asking to understand. If I'm stopped, I may not know why they stopped me. I want to know so I can not do that again.
SkippityBoppityBoo 3 months ago
This... Yups. I guess I'm lucky that the police that have been here or I've had to report something over the phone? They've been great. But always be polite. Especially if you're not White. Which shouldn't ever have to be said but yes... Racism does exist and some officers shouldn't be officers.
#15
if you're with someone and you see someone else whose name you forgot, just introduce your companion to them first and then they'll volunteer their name.
Corvus 3 months ago
I always forget people's names, and one trick I've developed (when they want me to send them something) is to absent-mindedly ask "How was your email spelled, again?" Thus I get their names without asking directly (the emails follow a "firstname.lastname@domain" format)...
BookFanatic 3 months ago
One of my favorite book characters would always find a point in the convo to ask "how do you spell your last name again?" in hopes that it would jog his memory. I've tried that in real life. Lol
Load More Replies... Ace 3 months ago
I've found that being apologetic about how bad your memory is and owning up to forgetting their name is not a bad ploy. "I know we've met before and chatted at the bar, but I don't know if I ever got your name and if I did then I apologise for forgetting it". Most people over a certain age will empathise and it's quite good as an ice-breaker.
#16
When enough people join in on hating a bully, they squirm. Hard.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Our scrawny son was verbally defending a gay boy from a HS bully when the last guy you would think would defend a gay boy, who happened to be friends with my son, came in behind him. His tall, don't mess with me look and reputation shut it down. Don't think he cared what happened to the gay kid, just wanted to back up our son. Shut down bullies. Like the OP states, it doesn't take a lot of people, but it takes more than one.
Zaach 3 months ago
My ex bil's best man was a 'monster'; he would kick in hippy's dorm doors and beat them up (early '70s) - I met him at the wedding, I went to a bar when I had long hair and a beard and the locals decided to try to drag me outside to cut my hair. The best man was hitting on one of the bridesmaids and was pissed at the interruption and loomed over the a-holes until they left. My bil later told me that he no longer beat up hippies - he started beating up guys who were beating up hippies (this was a win??)
#17
Be positive.
Most communication is non-verbal. You know how you get home at the day and you can tell your dog is thrilled to see you without them needing to put it into words? Whenever you interact with people, take a beat to think to yourself “how awesome is it that I get to engage with this person? They’re so cool!”
That comes across, and as long as you have a modicum of social grace, people love it.
E2U&U2 3 months ago
I have a highly refined colleague, who is smart and funny but very reserved, whom I like a lot and respect greatly. I've always thought of her as a member of our girl group and a friend, but although she was always lovely, I was never sure how she viewed me. So imagine my delight when, as a last-minute favor, she picked me up at the airport, and when she saw me walk into view, bounced up and down on her toes, smiling brightly, and waving her arms over her head. It was such a spontaneous and joyous greeting, it made my day.
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago (edited)
Hell yes this , eternal optimist me can’t be doing with freaking pessimists eugh or toxic people n bullies ,that mention you by name on posts slagging off your use of grammer ,idiot ta” in bloody full stops etc ,n I ain’t using i5 in text talk I use short hand ,it’s positive lol to be like you know YOURSELF !!
AuspiciousTree283 3 months ago
This one is mildly off-putting to me. Not that I have anything against you, it's just that I don't know if I need to match your energy or not. I am not an outwardly excited person.
#18
Be nice and honest, but don't over share ever. People judge you more harshly than they would ever say to your face
StrangeOne 3 months ago
Ugh. I'm so bad with this. I'm trying to rein in the urge to overshare.
Data1001 3 months ago
Same. It's only when I'm around people with whom I'm very comfortable, but afterward, I'll often regret the verbal diarrhea. Wanna go back in time and tell myself, "Dude, you don't always have to say something!"
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Daria 3 months ago
let them judge, i don't care, it's the real me they always told me to let out, so behold and rejoice now! hehehe
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago
If they judge you , that says far more about the, than it does you xx n if they ain’t got the guts to say it to you face (sensible in my case I add) then they mean nothing , ie in order to insult me , I first have to value your opinion kinda thing lol always be yourself
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SkippityBoppityBoo 3 months ago
I've a terrible tendency to overshare occasionally but most of the time? I'm still legally bound from talking about certain things so that shuts me up!!! 😄 But some things have been - "I can now talk to you about some stuff but not everything. I need you to understand that I cannot legally talk to you about or explain about certain things."....... And if that's a problem? Then let's face it? That's on them. Everyone is allowed to have boundaries 👍
#19
A little recognition goes a long way. Long term employees are often super valuable but completely overlooked and even feel invisible. Notice them and their contributions and they will be on your side
BookishPanda 3 months ago
I made the long-overlooked, detested person who knew how everything worked my bestie and together we rose to conquer.
#20
Pretty privilege is a real thing
StrangeOne 3 months ago
Outside beauty only stretches surface deep. Just look at all the "influencers" who can be pretty but super shallow and ugly on the inside. Few people respect them and they're not going as far as they want the public to think. I've seen some average but highly confident people get to higher places.
troufaki13 3 months ago
It always has been like that. Think about the ladybugs and the cockroaches. Both insects but only one get the princess treatment
Dzessa Golden 3 months ago
Nah, I’ve met pretty people who have totally acknowledged their pretty privilege.
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Child of the Stars 3 months ago
Yes, but it only goes so far. I'm not ugly necessarily, but I'm also not particularly attractive. While I may not get the immediate advantages, but I've found that confidence and being comfortable in my own skin encourages a truer respect. I might get passed over for the promotion because I'm not charming, but my boss takes my input seriously.
SkippityBoppityBoo 3 months ago
I kinda hate my face... Not as in true hatred but enough... People assume so much about you. You might be considered pretty but also dumb because of your looks. You could have a PhD after your name and still have horrible comments or slurs made about you. Pretty previledge is real but most times it's been the opposite way for myself and others.
#21
One social cheat code I’ve learned just by observing people is that the calmest person in the room often holds the most power like when you don’t rush to react, when you stay composed and grounded even in chaos people naturally start to respect and gravitate toward you 👌🏼
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
I might be calm, but I'm clueless! Stop looking at me! I know nothing!
#22
The ones you hear talking about other ppl….you can’t trust them. The ones who never talk about others are the good guys.
DoomsdayUKgirl 3 months ago
Even if they're saying nice things? Or is this specifically gossiping?
#23
Most people don't want to hear the truth, even if they ask you. Unless you know them well enough to know they will not crumble hearing an unpleasant truth, keep your mouth shut.🤐 And yes, I am neurodivergent asf & have learned this the very hard way.🤦🏽♀️
StrangeOne 3 months ago
It would be so helpful if people just said what they mean, or don't say anything at all.
katiekat0214 3 months ago
I've asked people, do you want the honest truth, the kind truth, or reassurance? It's like asking if they want advice, or to be heard.
Gregory Garcia 3 months ago
I said that and my comment was hidden 😆😆😆 Men literally think of nothing, so when women ask what are we thinking, we're not. I was taking a nap with my eyes open.
Load More Replies... BookFanatic 3 months ago
I knew my best friend was my bestie when I asked her if these pants made my butt look big and she (very gently) said yes. I did swat her with a sweater, but I also made sure she knew I appreciated the honesty.
Little Bit 3 months ago
I would rather be told the truth, even if it's something I'm not going to want to hear. ESPECIALLY if it's something that I'm not going to want to hear (I'm not a porcelain doll and i won't shatter into a thousand pieces). I hate it when people lie to me, or skirt round the issue, or won't give me a straight answer to a straight question.
Data1001 3 months ago
And this is why I despise the "How are you doing" greeting. Nobody really wants to know, it's just a habitual social construct that needs to stop. A simple "Hey" is fine.
Invisible Potato 3 months ago
"How are you" as an "hello" drived me crazy and i cant understand why people get mad when i started telling them how i am feeling, realy hoped that they are currious about me when they just wanted to say "ciao" and move on ... But i have moved. when someone asked me how i am, i tell them anyway, its a question, its polite to answer, i dont care that americant cant say hi like normal people and have that need to cover it up in lies and fake sentences
Load More Replies... Dzessa Golden 3 months ago
Maybe women want to complain first, then talk solutions after.
Load More Replies... #24
People respond best when they feel seen. Not just noticed, truly seen. That subtle shift in how you ask a question, how you mirror their tone, or how you acknowledge something small they shared weeks ago… it’s pure magic. 💚✨😊
Anthony Elmore 3 months ago
To be clear, scenario does matter here. They might appreciate being truly seen at work. They will be less likely to appreciate being truly seen if you're perched outside their window at night.
#25
Your healthiest relationships will be with people that have your same level of emotional intelligence.
Anthony Elmore 3 months ago
Not to be confused with a healthy relationship, just your healthiest. Two people can have a combined emotional intelligence of 0 and still be in their 'healthiest relationship'
Auntriarch 3 months ago
But it depends on what kind of dog, collies or greyhounds.
Load More Replies... #26
Mirroring their body language. It is effective, non verbal and a simple way to connect.
#27
When people, mostly men, make suggestive "jokes", reply with "I don't get it. Can you explain it to me?"
Tara L. 3 months ago
Just staring at them with a disgusted look on your face for a few minutes without saying anything, then turning your back on them & ignoring them works too. They'll squirm while you're staring, then shuffle away when you turn to talk to someone else as if they don't exist. I don't give those people my energy, they thrive on your negative reactions, don't give them anything.
Gregory Garcia 3 months ago
Yeah, I'm a man and I never got jock humor or practical jokers. I've seen clowns get industrial degreaser in their eyes, though.
#28
Silence makes people uncomfortable.
Most people rush to fill awkward silences by oversharing.
Stay quiet.
Let them talk.
People reveal their insecurities when you don’t interrupt.
You’ll learn more by saying less.
Control the tempo of a conversation with your pauses.
Silence is dominance in disguise.
Master this and you’ll own every room you walk into.
AuspiciousTree283 3 months ago
People treat silencs like it's wrong. It's not. It can be very peaceful, and it allows people to think before they speak.
#29
f you don’t engage when provoked, antagonizers will fight the air.
If you engage, everyone sees two clowns performing.
#31
If you’re shy and can’t make eye contact, look at their t zone forehead area. It’ll look like you’re making eye contact
#32
Confidence will get you 90% of the places you want to be.
Giraffe Sitter 3 months ago
That’s great but so many of us don’t have it and don’t know how to fake it.
Gregory Garcia 3 months ago
Read a news article about the writer as a child and his very well dressed father getting everywhere because he looked like he belonged. People are stupid this way. Dress the part.
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 3 months ago
Depends. I've learned there are people who will try to rob you of your spirit and rip away your thunder, then make you feel an inch tall. I started a job with all the confidence and high hopes I've had in over a decade. Within a week I felt like a little child who could not be trusted to do anything right. Maybe it works for different people. Maybe it's also how you dress and look. How articulate you are and how intelligent you come across.
Gregory Garcia 3 months ago
I warn young people of this all the time. Trust no one at work.
Load More Replies...
SkippityBoppityBoo 3 months ago
In reply to a few of the comments below? I'll reply now to every single ding dang thing just to annoy you!!! 😄 Who made you an admin or authority for who replies? Get over yonselves! 👍😄
#33
Greet everyone with the same enthusiasm you would bring meeting your favorite celebrity! People will always remember how you make them feel! Leave a lasting impression!
Nota Robot 3 months ago
If you are too over the top friendly and enthusiastic it will work against you. May be a cultural thing.
AuspiciousTree283 3 months ago
Yeah, no. I don't have a favorite celebrity. Even if I did, I would treat them with polite respect. I know some would not appreciate being greeted excitedly.
#34
People tend to act on better behavior if you visit them at their house, rather than inviting them over. They’re more at ease in their own environment
Yrral Spavit 3 months ago
Not always. I don't discourage people coming over but I am on edge until they leave if they do.
Hmmm hmmmm 3 months ago
Exactly. And when you go to another house you choose when it ends.
Load More Replies... BookFanatic 3 months ago
I'm a nervous wreck when I host. Even my best friends. "Is the house clean enough? Did I put out enough food/drink? Is the music too loud? Should I offer something else?" Phew.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Is this true, though? I thought you drape yourself in politeness at other people's places to hide what a sh1t you are at home.
#35
The best way to disarm a narcissist or an egotistical person is to make them feel unimportant to you and show that their words hold no power over you
StrangeOne 3 months ago
This can work temporarily, but they don't see it as "disarming", they see it as a threat. Then they get so scared of losing their scapegoat, their punching bag, the thing they take their anger out on, they start trying harder to snare you back in their life. They'll step over boundaries, pop over whenever they feel like, get upset you haven't called them in 2 weeks, call you repeatedly on every phone they have your number, text you until you answer. They will make you feel like you did something wrong, or being a s****y person, then gossip to anyone who's listening about how you're not talking to them. When you do end up contacting them, they go through their whole toolbox to wear and break you down. Once they feel like you're making, what they feel is, sufficient contact they start speaking nicer, and pretending they're interested in what you have to say. Just right up until they see you're getting comfortable, and let down your guard. Then the cycle starts all over again.
Anthony Elmore 3 months ago
There's a certain knack to it. It can't be abrupt, you have to finesse it in. If you abruptly stop reacting to their shenanigans, they'll notice something is wrong. What do they call it... the grey stone method? Where you make yourself uninteresting to a narcissist or antagonistic person and they just sort of... naturally get bored of trying to get a rise out of you. A grey stone is uninteresting, but they're going to notice if you chuck the stone at their face.
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 3 months ago
Depends. Yes and no. If their circle is already small they'll be very careful how they present themselves to others they don't see as their scapegoat. If anything, they'll pull back from friends when they are not feeling like they can muster the will to pretend to care about others and be nice to those they don't like in public. Their public image is golden. What others think of them is more important than their own child's mental health and needs.
Load More Replies... Tara L. 3 months ago (edited)
Yup! Grey rock them, make them know that they don't matter to you at all. My sister is a narcissist & would throw epic tantrums if you didn't make her the center of your world. I'd just hang up or walk away from her & pretend she didn't exist. Going NC on her was the best decision I've ever made.
T.M.P Janssen 3 months ago (edited)
I had one of those in our old friendsgroup. After it slowly dissolved over time, he stuck to me. Once made a joke about how he was a bit older than the rest of us and he told me he'd tear off my skin and roll me in salt if I ever said that again. Ignored him from that point going. he reached out a couple of times but I still ignored him. Havent heard from him again in the last two years. Good times.
SkippityBoppityBoo 3 months ago
I've done this with certain people. They've been verbally aggressive towards me and I've just rolled my eyes and kept on walking after saying "Oh my gosh, will you please just f*ck off???" It can disarm them. It can definitely make them feel like they've "less power" over you
#36
Generally avoid at all costs....in particular the problematic ones who like to tell you what you're thinking/feeling and what you should or shouldn't be thinking/doing etc.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
YES. This is what my managers do to me. Apparently they know me better than me. They do not.
#37
Only SPEAK what you mean & MEAN every single word you say. Because to observant people & those who know you enough, you look real stupid uttering empty words.
Not to mention, your credibility and their respect for you as a person goes down to the bottomless abyss immediately 😅
The worst part? once someone catches you doing it, you better believe EVERYONE around you will know.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
I do mean every word I say. If someone doesn't get it, skims my comments just to pick out the words that jump out at them, or wants to twist what I say, that's on them. I'm not really sure what some empty words are other than lies and broken promises.
#38
When you want to encourage someone to share more about what they said but they for some reason seem a bit defensive or closed off, I find asking “oh, how come?” is more inviting than asking “why?”
Dzessa Golden 3 months ago
I like this. Asking why can be seen as challenging or judgmental sometimes.
#39
That there is always someone in any organization who can say yes. You need to see who either has the authority or gives no Fs
StrangeOne 3 months ago
Who should we be going to for wage raises? So far, I've gone to the production manager and store manager. But they don't seem to have the authority. Just excuses not to give raises.
Deborah B 3 months ago
Ask them. "Who do I need to make my case to to get a raise?"
Load More Replies... BookFanatic 3 months ago
I'm going to disagree. I want the person who can say "no." Because there can be 20 yes-men who are just trying to either pass you along, exceed their authority, or simply parroting what you say. I want someone who knows their own mind.
#40
Today’s lesson was
I said when are we going to get together? Their response simply “ I don’t know. “
Clearly I’m not any priority in that persons life. Hard lesson. Emotional intelligence sometimes is It’s all in what they don’t say! I’m fine, we are clearly on two different paths. Friendships change over time. We change and grow at different rates. Know to hear and read the signs. Walk away with dignity
StrangeOne 3 months ago
There's really nothing wrong with that at all. It's worse to try to force yourself to hang out with people you're not vibing with for fear of hurting the friendship. You may still be on good terms and just meet up maybe once a year or so. I have a friend like that. No resentment. Just "Are you free?" "Not right now." "Ah. no problem. I'll chat with you another time." "Sure. Sorry about that." "It's okay. No need to be sorry. I understand." "Cool."
Lisa T 3 months ago
Or it’s because that person is busy, or it takes a lot of planning etc. Unless it’s done every time. When someone asks me when we will get together, I reply “I don’t know” because I’m relying on that person to offer suggestions of when they are free, as they often have busier lives than I do
#41
Smiling, greeting, and a firm handshake can gain you a lot of opportunities. Even stuff you're not even really qualified for lol
SkippityBoppityBoo 3 months ago
After having Covid and being in the hospital? I no longer shake hands but I'll explain why and sometimes a friendly "Hi!" with a smile is good enough 👍🙂
Nota Robot 3 months ago
Shaking hands is so 2018. Pandemic aside, what with h*e many people sneeze/cough in their hands or don't even wash their hands after using the toilet I would be perfectly fine if I never had to shake another hand again.
#42
Keep some thoughts inside and keep your face neutral.
#43
Offer nothing at first other than friendship if they're genuine they'll stick around if not they'll move on
#44
Watch and observe before speaking to people you don’t know. Start with small talk discussions.
#45
Always look people in the eye. It makes them uneasy and if they are caught lying they get so scared 😱
StrangeOne 3 months ago (edited)
I get uneasy no matter what when people look me in the eyes. It's threatening to me. But I'll glance every now and then. The rest of the time I'm looking at their mouth, ear, hair, whatever is behind them.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Opposite of this: Meeting eyes is acknowledging someone. I try to meet the eyes of everyone who is doing business with me and say thanks. I sense appreciation more than fear!
SkippityBoppityBoo 3 months ago (edited)
My right eye, facial area has had significant physical damage to it so sometimes I've been giving a police statement about something and I've been looking everywhere else other than their face!!! 😄 "Omg I swear my ceiling isn't that fascinating!!!"
#46
A lot of people fall into different energy types and categories and interests. A lot of incompatible relationships and friendships happen because you try to pair apples with oranges. The best way to avoid conflict and issues is sometimes to assess a situation more clearly rather than just befriending or dating anyone that seems cool on paper.
#47
Somewhat relaxed body language in a position of power showcases comfort and works really well one-on-one
#48
How people respond to others’ wins. Jealousy often hides behind fake excitement.
Child of the Stars 3 months ago
Also how they respond to others's losses. Even if your team whooped the other team's butt, honestly telling the other team how they challenged you goes a long way. As an example, my kids (12 and almost 7), my best friend, and I recently played laser tag with a group of young children (about my 7yo's age). We kicked their butts, but I made a point of high-fiving each of the kids and telling them how much harder they made it by ambushing us in the game. The smiles and grins I got were so awesome!
#49
Make art with people. The people you will have the most genuine relationships with will be people who share your aesthetics. Art is something you can do with people that doesn't involve money, power, or consumption.
Zaach 3 months ago
I make objects in glass - I used to walk up to strangers and say "this is a random act of art" then walk away. But sometimes (after I get to know them) I ask if I can cast a glass mask of them (maybe this is the wrong place for this)
Gregory Garcia 3 months ago
Works in NYC, SF, LA, Austin. The artist must be more interesting than the art
Load More Replies... AuspiciousTree283 3 months ago
I'm an artist surrounded by community of them, but I disagree with this one. I have met people who don't give a flip about art but are fun to talk to. In fact, it's refreshing to not look at the symbolism in everything we see.
#50
You can excuse yourself from any situation by going to smoke a cigarette. This is the reason so many people still smoke.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
If anything, smokers and vapers tend to flock together. I've found I'm the only one left in the room while the smokers smoke. Want to be a loner? Are you an introvert? Ambivert? Don't smoke.
RomanceRadish 3 months ago
They'll probably judge you for smoking. Not saying this is morally right or wrong, just saying it happens.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Hmmm - not sure it's anything but the addictive nature of smoking that keeps them doing it, but it this would be an advantage. What's a better, "Sorry, I have to ..." excuse?
#51
People find delight in someone when there is a fun, quirky, memorable thing about them. For instance, my friend loves Phase 10. Anytime I see phase 10, I think of her. It also makes it easy to tease her about something in a non-bullying way. If you want to win someone over, have something cutely quirky about you
StrangeOne 3 months ago (edited)
Since I work at a thrift store, we get know what each other's interests are. Any time we see something that has to do with a person's interest we show it to them. Some people, it takes time to get to know them because they're guarded or unsure of everyone. No one makes anyone feel like their immature or stupid for their character or interests. We have a bronie (a male who's a fan of My Little Pony), transpeople who love anything bright and unique, a Disney fanatic, anime and manga fans, a goth, health nuts, gamers, glam girls, and just neutral, ordinary people who are just there to do their job and get paid.
#52
People have something they want to talk about that nobody gives them the time for
People will consider you an angel if you can release them from some shame for at least the moment
People quickly bond over a common enemy and are likely petty c*nts.
Many crave control, create that illusion
oh heres a tip some people don’t get. often at work some are sycophantic to the boss or ahole not because they like or respect them but because they have to for survival , bc they are an ahole nutball
#53
If someone is trying to pick on you, intimidate you, dead pan stare at them. Face them fully, say nothing.
If it DOES warrant a response, flatly & calmly tell them in some words, how brave/bold of a move this is, for them to say/act this way.
If you can master making your pupils dilate on command. Pupil Dilation is seen as either desire, or primal attack mode.
You're wanting to convey the later. They'll back tf off real quick. You can't appear nervous. Watch your body language.
#54
Don't be too friendly. Observe. Make people earn your niceness/ kindness.
Yrral Spavit 3 months ago
Where i grew up, people would give you their trust. If you betrayed that trust there was no getting it back.
Gregory Garcia 3 months ago
Ah, but in America, people expect you to fight or you'll seem weak. Sports style competition, who can kiss the bossbutt best? Everyone stabs everyone and factions, and cliques like high school. If youre an honest person, best to work for yourself
Load More Replies... #55
Take nobody too seriously because they don’t even take themselves seriously
#56
If you want something simple done, ask it during the middle of a conversation , " hey can you fetch that for me?" The other person will do it without thinking much just to keep the conversation ongoing.
#57
Act as if you have the right and people will let you.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
This needs examples and context. I can think of one example, and that thing most certainly does not have the right, but people sure let him.
Nota Robot 3 months ago
That is a very good way to ruin your social standing. People might keep quiet to your face, but they'll definitely judge you and gossip behind your back.
BookFanatic 3 months ago
Yeah, no. There are a lot of things that if you act like you have the right, Imma punch you in the throat.
#58
Manipulation works without them noticing if you manipulate them with factual truth instead of lying. Pointing out things that are true usually gets me my way.
#59
People who are known for being mean bitches have more respect and kindness for the ones who aren't afraid of them😆🤣🤣
Idc how mean you are, I'm not scared of anyone. Is someone gonna beat me up? No. I might even giggle, because why tf you being this evil?
StrangeOne 3 months ago
Mean people don't deserve my respect. I'm not going to even bother trying.
#60
Don't help people who don't ask for help. They will resent you because you didn't fix their problem their way, or they will resent you because they didn't ask for help.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
Not true. It's never rude or intrusive to ask someone who's struggling with something to ask if they need help. If they say no, leave them be. If they say yes, ask how you can help them.
StrangeOne 3 months ago
May depend on the situation. A teammate of mine got super upset when I tried helping her, then I got in trouble. Of course.
Load More Replies... Onleetoogenders 3 months ago
I H8 it when people start helping you when you didn't ask...it smacks of superiority.
What do you think ?
troufaki13 3 months ago
You can't control what others say or do but you can control how you react. And at the end of the day you will go home with whatever feeling you choose to bring with you. I know it's not easy and it takes a lot of practice and self-reflection but it's worth it.
Beak Hookage 3 months ago
Listening rather than speaking is rather non-optional for me because people love talking over me while not listening to a word I say.
troufaki13 3 months ago
You can't control what others say or do but you can control how you react. And at the end of the day you will go home with whatever feeling you choose to bring with you. I know it's not easy and it takes a lot of practice and self-reflection but it's worth it.
Beak Hookage 3 months ago
Listening rather than speaking is rather non-optional for me because people love talking over me while not listening to a word I say.
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