Sleepless nights, annoying bosses, and tiring days, all pale compared to the human ability to find humor in adversary. Comedy has been a coping mechanism for difficult times since time immemorial and now, through the magic of the internet, we can share and create those annoyingly relatable experiences and mock them at the same time.
The “So Basic I Can’t Even” Instagram account gathers a delectable selection of memes that one might find, funny, painful, relatable, or a combination of all three. So get comfortable, prepare to scroll, and be sure to upvote your favorites and comment your own thoughts below.
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There should be a button to scroll to the recipe. Like, no Brenda I don't care that you live in Texas and your mother-in-law is really kind and bakes cookies for your 7 children.
We have a 'Jump to recipe' option on cooking websites here. Not sure if it is available everywhere
Load More Replies...For this reason I stick to good old cookbooks. Bulky and tedious? Yes. But I get a consistent identical recipe every time without reading 1000 ways a single cornbread recipe has been passed down since the beginning of time.
The secret to my cornbread recipe is a cast iron skillet preheated in the oven and full of hot bacon grease. Then you pour the batter in the hot skillet so it fries a little on the edges and let it bake.
Load More Replies...I believe part of the purpose of 'the story' is to assist with keeping the person posting the recipe with search engine algorithms.
They do it so that the page will show up on Google. Without at least 500 words you wouldn't have found the recipe at all.
I stopped complaining when I found out they have to do this for copyright reasons iirc
Allrecipes used to be good until they moved to a more online magazine type format instead of a recipe database and abolished their recipe app.
Load More Replies...Before my fiancé passed away last year, this is how we lived for most hours of the day. True intimacy. We only spoke when we felt the need. Even when we cuddled, it was often without words. We just knew we needed a hug. It got us through the longest pandemic lockdowns in the world (we’re from Melbourne).
That sounds like a very harmonious relationship, very precious. Sorry for your loss.
Load More Replies...Always thought Tom Hardy is an amazing actor...now, I realize he's a genius too
Me too. Roaring fire, cat snuggled up next to me, a good book, wine. My happy place.
Load More Replies...Spend the rest of the meeting imagining painful ways that speaker should meet his/her untimely demise
I always like to start off with a dad joke I find it lightens the mood and wake people up. Is that acceptable
Load More Replies...Yeah, guys it's the morning. I'm not screaming GOODMORNING at the top of my lungs at 7:30
Best thing about grad school orientation is that the speaker started with a big "WELCOME TO GRAD SCHOOL!" Which was met with minimal enthusiasm and they just laughed and moved on with the agenda. Felt like I was finally part of a group of adults.
Im not repeating myself. If you weren't listening the first time, that's on you.
One would hope that principals have principles!
Load More Replies...One of the comforting things about relatable memes is that it shows us that a lot of human experience is at some level shared. Yeah, maybe it’s fun to be unique, but it’s also good to know that other people can and will be able to relate to your experience just by living on the same earth.
This sort of relatability is actually the basis for most memes in general. The word itself refers to something commonly shared in a group, whether it's a gene, idea, belief, or preference. Without this understanding, we would not only miss out on memes, we would not be able to share any humor whatsoever.
I would like to add trash pandas and those red pandas I keep watching on Youtube
Load More Replies...Happiness also comes from cats. I’m holding hands with one of my cats as I write this and it’s lovely ☺️
There isn't a single person that makes me as happy as my pet gecko. (I have allergies and cannot have anything with fur or feathers)
I am glad you found a pet you can have that makes you so happy.
Load More Replies...her NAME is MS. DOROTHY, and she deserves the world😤😤😤
Load More Replies...dont participate in it. Go to a local college, go into a trade(pays better IMO) use grants if you can. Dont put yourself into debt because you think you have to. You don't.
Load More Replies...So fu*king sick of people saying “Murica” as if we’re all the same gun toting, Trump supporting knuckle-draggers. It’s incredibly prejudicial. Open your eyes. So as an open-minded American, I wish you a nice day, and I won’t make assumptions about the people in your country
Load More Replies...Doctors, nurses, teachers, other necessary professionals should have loans forgiven upon graduation.
Or, and here me out, we just make collage and all higher education free, or near free? Europe does it. I don't see why the richest country in the history of the world can't do it too.
Load More Replies...When I finished school, I went to work for employer than paid off loans for me by committing myself to certain length of stay. Usually places like rural schools, not-for-profit health facilities. I believe they are able to get grants for loan payments as way to draw in qualified candidates.
It's sad that the majority of people think this is how it's supposed to be done in order to have money. I'm not implying illegal activities, strippers (I have nothing against them. I enjoy going to watch from time to time.) scams, etc.
Technically didn't get s loan for school because the government just delays payment here until you have a job that earns enough for you to still have a living wage despite the deductions, earned enough in first six months to pay some back before my chronic condition put a stop to me working full time ever, so now I'll never pay the rest back lol
Secured a work order to build a standee (movie theater cardboard ad). Talked to the manager to arrange a time to go there (can't do it on weekends). Got there and someone else did it over the weekend. Told everyone what went down. Took a photo cuz that was all the proof needed. Submitted. Got paid. I really wanted to do the work though as they are kinda fun to build and you get to see something you built.
It stands to reason that we enjoy content that does relate to our personal experiences. Setting aside memes, comedians, and people who do actually want to make us happy, many salespeople, con artists, and others use this tidbit of our psychology to trick us into trusting them, by using crumbs of shared information to build a rapport. That gives them an "in" to sell us whatever they please.
He is missing a tooth and an eyebrow, but is that tooth and eyebrow missing him too? Hmmm
I saw this on a bus last week, and i spent the next 15 minutes talking with my dad about how badly it was done.
I especially love it when there is 182 lids and none of them are the correct one.
I feel especially persecuted right, because I have a cabinet of lids. Where did my containers go?!
We need to meet- I have containers but no lids. I think the came back as mismatched socks
Load More Replies...Tupperware lids are like socks in the laundry; you can always find dozens upon dozens of them, but if you can actually find a matched pair, it's a miracle
TupperWHY is it so expensive! (Especially the salt shakers. $23 for a set!)
I have a drawer full of lids for plasticware. Why can't I ever find one to fit the bowl I'm trying to use?
I took ALL of my lids and bottoms, matched them up. Anything left over went out to the garage to be used for gardening projects.
I think there should be a web service that just randomly sends this to my phone every so often
Thank u for the advice but my sole is to far gone into the depths of kakeguri… no innocents is left in this hollow body that I call mine
This is commonly called the Barnum effect, named after the infamous businessman and showman P.T. Barnum, who would use every psychological trick in the book to attract audiences and get them to pay for his shows. Fortune tellers do the same at a smaller scale, taking little bits of surface-level information and using it to manipulate us into thinking that they know more than they actually do.
I would also be impressed by an ice cream truck, but that's it
Taco truck that also sells ice cream...yeah, I'm in heaven
Load More Replies...Why do people care about their vehicles, it’s a polluting smell thing on wheels, who cares?
Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley in the HP movies) used some of his earnings to buy an ice cream truck and gave free ice cream to kids in poor areas.
Recently, people have taken to stopping rush hour traffic to do donuts in 4 lane streets and almost hit people. Burning rubber smell, loud as hell(sometimes at like 4am) and the police always say they are too busy to deal with literal dangerous takeovers of the streets. Insanity. We live on a main artery street so we get ALL the noise.
Great cars are wonderful but always ask if they are paid for. Big debts are less impressive.
Ummm zero? Because someone cloned my Sim card and has been happily using my Google ever since and Gmail didn't Say jack s**t
Cloning Sim cards is actually a next level fraud scheme. The most common ways this happens is installing malicious apps. The second most common is falling for a scam and enabling call/message forwarding. The ways to do this other than compromising your device or email account are rare, usually targeted to an entity or individual, and more sophisticated than any company's security is designed for.
Load More Replies...I asked Google "Google, do you love me? and Google sent me antistalking information.
And treat broken trust like trying to reset ur password with Google too!
Turns out they didn’t fall apart because you left… the ship was sinking while you were on it.
My resume is tricky because almost every place I've ever worked has gone out of business a few months after I left. I'm not saying it's not just a weird coincidence, but... do you really want to take that chance?
My previous boss: "It's you. You're the problem." Really? They went through seven secretaries in 8 months. The best was the one who, on her first morning, went for her break, and didn't come back.
Been there... and it was always the assistant, not the micro-managing CEO... hope you have a healthy job now!
Load More Replies...I didn't quit. I was planning on it, but I couldn't find a new job. Then they fired me. I've spoken with a former coworker and one of my former supervisors: it's gotten worse. The good news is that I have a job interview tomorrow!
Good luck! Really hope you get the job and it's the best you've ever had 😀
Load More Replies...I can’t imagine something bringing me more joy than disgruntled former employee schadenfreude
I was my Grandma's carer for 2 years when nobody wanted to be her carer, and then when I became her carer, she became controlling and abusive, so I left after 2 years of verbal, physical and financial abuse and my family thought I was exaggerating until my sister and her family moved down to take care of her and got to experience the Hell I went through. I still hear about the horrible things my Grandma demands my sister to do and how my Grandma manipulates and harasses my eldest nephew.
When I quit my job, I turned whistleblower. 4 months later, 4 multimillion dollar corporate branches shut down. Felt bad for those losing jobs but know I saved many, many other people from multiple miseries. It was a temp hiring business and they were putting so many people in hazardous jobs or shorting their checks, lying to workman comp companies and employees, falsifying paperwork, etc. Really happy a legitimate temp company picked up all the employees to their companies and treated them right.
I was asked to "seek other opportunities" after I finally got fed up carrying 2 other people. One of them could not find his "happy place", the other one was a schmoozer, so his incompetence was ignored. I WILL say those I served were VERY unhappy at my departure
But as these memes and many others demonstrate, people can use commonalities for good, not just sales. Every human's experience is different, but there are always a few things one can find in common across every known demographic category. Take nature, for example. It looks different all over the world and people tend to have different interests. Some people even find it somewhat intimidating or prefer certain biomes to others.
Then there's turning over in bed, sneezing, or walking into a door frame.
I pinched a nerve in my neck turning over in my sleep. I'm just talented that way!
Load More Replies...I threw my back out taking off a sweater the same way I always take off sweaters. I was in pain for three days. Wtf. If s**t like this happens in your 40s, then ... yikes.
Hazard for dad's with kids old enough to go to the park. Instead of "hold my beer", it is now, "hold my kid, hey kid, watch what daddy can do"!
Or God forbid you do try the monkey bars again- you can go ahead and prepare to pop both shoulders back in as well as a hip and both knees. And at least a handful of fingers
Or your great nieces do the splits in a family wedding photo and you (65) join them because you can do the splits right? Just can't get up off the lawn after without help these days
Load More Replies...Why were you trying to scoop icecream? You just eat it out of the tub, no scooping required.
There have to be boundaries, human. This is my ball of slobber.
In the first sentence the dog wasn't talking about the owner, he was talking about the ball
I must have got lucky with my last couple dogs. One of them would bring the ball back but always drop it about 6-10 feet from me. I reckon he was deliberately trying to make me do some work. Meanwhile my other one is just super helpful. She'll pick up the ball when it's dropped, bring it right to me and put it in my hand. So Ringo would chase it, drop it 10 feet away and Mischief would then grab it and pass it to me. No training to do so, she just did it from the time she was a small pup. I can even be throwing a toy for my new pup and when he tires of it and leaves it in the yard I can ask her to go get the toy for me and she'll trot off and bring it back.
Mischief is a cool name and she's one smart girl! Ringo's just messing with you, probably thinking it's a good way to make you exercise too! 😂😁
Load More Replies...Nope, sorry, can’t do that. Not flexible enough and don’t have the right organs
He will not drop the ball. He shall not drop the ball! That ball is his life obsession and worth!
They do have limitations in their scope of life. Softballs are very important and should be kept to yourself.
My Daughter used to think Amazon was magic when she was 6. One time she wrote a letter to the mail carrier to "bring me more Amazon boxes PLEASE!" and another time filled the cart up and hit the purchase button. Thank God I didn't have $9,116.
I’m thinking you should have changed your password when she said it was magic rather than waiting until she tried to spend $9’116.
Load More Replies...I miss the days when an online store would email me and say "You left stuff in your cart. Here's 20% off if you complete your purchase"
Wow, did they really say that? Never happened to me!
Load More Replies...Oh dont get me started on Amazon. I was one of those people that cancelled my account and when i ordered a 6 dollar item they turned it back on with NO notice AND took it out of my account after i just restructured my finances. While that f***** is running around on his yatch.
There should be a promotion where you just randomly get stuff left in your cart shipped to you for free.
I read that sometimes keeping items in your cart, they will lower the price
I do LOVE the option tho, where u can still buy stuff without having to empty it
But the vast majority of people showed similar, positive emotions when presented with the same natural images, showing that there is something in common, if we strip away all the variables. So remember, when you are looking at this collection of memes that were made by total strangers, that there are humans out there who can just add some humor to their daily experience and make thousands laugh.
Writing this down next time I’m offended. It depends on the humor, though. If it’s plain rude and meant to belittle someone or something, it shouldn’t be funny at all. The person who said it has issues and is NOT actually happy
"Making someone laugh shouldn't make someone else cry" wise words from one of the mcelroys
Load More Replies...Whether you like Ricky Gervais' type of sarcastic humour or not, the man devotes his voice, time and money to better animal welfare, he just doesn't boast about it. He's actively and financially involved in stopping puppy farming, hunting, dog fighting, badger baiting, dog meat markets. Personally, I enjoy his humour.
You can have a laugh with someone or at someone, it's all in the delivery. Plus read the room before you open your mouth.
That's a very good one. In Germany we say "Engage brain before mouth", but yours is more clever
Load More Replies...There's absolutely some merit to this. There's also studies showing trolls are more likely to have psychopathic tendencies so it's really great not to be offended by everything, but sometimes people who aren't offended by anything but take delight in posting offensive things are psychopaths.
British humour is extremely self deprecating. If you don’t laugh at yourself, you don’t know yourself. Cruel mockery is an entirely different animal.
Some things are offensive, some things are funny, some things are both, and done things are neither. Welcome to reality.
I find it funny BECAUSE it's offensive. If you can't handle words then you might as well cash in your chips!
I'm really into "utilitarian Christmas" or birthdays...batteries, chargers, cable tags, moldable glue, super cleaning products. A shoebox of these are surprisingly a big hit. Not for kids though.
I once got a friend a trash can as a housewarming present. She and her fiancé were midgets. Ordinary kitchen trash cans were too big, so they just kept a garbage bag on the floor. Then the dogs would get into it. So, after some searching, I found a trash can with a pedal-operated lid that was just the right size. Practical gifts all the way!
Load More Replies...You know your old when underwear and socks are deemed an brilliant gift to receive better than expensive gadgets
One year I found about 12 pairs of professionally hand knitted wool Sox in bright colors. Only 1.99 each! That was my gift from my mom for Christmas that year. Made my holiday 🥰
Load More Replies...Wouldn’t it be neat if around the holidays instead of donations for like presents, you put in your landlords info so donations of monetary value gets sent to them, just 1 month of not paying rent brings in such a relief for people living paycheck to paycheck
God, I would settle for 1 month in the summer. I live in the South and it gets hotter then hell down here. I've had electric bills that are $350.00 plus in the middle of summer because the air conditioner, window units and fans run non-stop. When the heat index is 105 degrees plus even at night you will do anything to stay cool including cold showers. I'm doing chemo and 2 of the other people that live with me have health issues as well so overheating is a big fat NO.
Load More Replies..."Fun" fact. Human meat is very sweet tasting.
Load More Replies...I swear there's a Croatian chef on YouTube who has this as like his catchphrase
Currently doing keto and I've never eaten so much bacon, pancetta and prosciutto.
My lifetime supply of f***s to give ran out a long damn time ago.
Load More Replies...I hope to be able to do things in reverse: I've already had the decades worth of margaritas and queso, and I know some people will never believe me when I say this but, after awhile.. even THAT gets old, and you start to think: "hey you know what would be great? If I lived past the age of 45." And then of course realizing that if you keep on with the marg and cheese, you won't.
If ALL u do is drink margaritas and eat queso, then sure. But most people don't. Most people can enjoy and then b healthy in the rest of their lives and b perfectly healthy
Load More Replies...I live my life to please me. No random stranger’s opinion of me is worth anything.
and third phase is after the stroke that sends you crashing down again.
I guess the (first) second half of my life has begun because queso is better than everything else.
I always thought that, but was naturally skinny. It's the damn antidepressants that got me!
YES!! I'm in the same damn boat, include a mood stabilizer and antipsychotic and it's a constant uphill battle.
Load More Replies...I feel bad for the dog and get annoyed with the neighbors who ignore the pup communicating a legitimate need or concern!! Be responsible for your pets, people, if you have them!!
Exactly this. My dog likes to bark when she goes out in the middle of the night (legitimate need, she is tiny and can't always last the night). So I take her out on a lead and stop her if she barks. You don't just ignore it. If either of my dogs start barking at any time of the day I stop them - people might be working shifts and need their sleep in the day. Or as I tell my dogs 'no one wants to listen to your noise' at any point! A game or petting session helps. 😄 Though I do wish my neighbour's boys would have the same consideration and STOP KICKING THIER BALL AT MY FENCE!! Sorry, need to get that off my chest sometimes!! Even neighbours further away moan at us about it... please tell them, not me!!
Load More Replies...Idk who to be angry with. The upstairs neighbors w 3 small children or my landlord for putting them on the 3rd floor.
Load More Replies...People a road away have chickens. Bwark, bwark, BWARK is so loud at times.
Load More Replies...Here’s something: a successful marriage ends with one partner watching the other die.
I miss when friendships was not work at all, it was just like: "Hiya, let's go to Blockbuster, pick out some cool movies and eat junk and watch them and laugh and play board games and just hang." You weren't tired after hanging out with friends when it was like that. Now I always need a nap after seeing people.
It’s too the point that adult life got you so busy, that when you do realize to text just to say hi, it’s already been 2 years since and you change your mind
my mum went to the funeral for a friend she was supposed to meet that she hadn't seen for years. he had a terminal cancer. this is too true in my situtation. Upvote for Rom (the one who died)
I've found these music lyrics relevant & you can insert any day that you want to: "Well I tried to make it Sunday, but I got so damn depressed"
So I set my sites on Monday as I got myself undressed.... America
Load More Replies...I end up texting the word IN about 90% of the time I try to type ON.
All I want is a few days where I don't have to do anything! Is that really too much to ask??
Jokes on y'all I ignore what I have to do and do nothing all day
I put things off until they get too bad to ignore and therefore the chore is then much worse. No lessons learned!
Load More Replies...Ugh, don’t talk to me about that. I had a day of nothing today except sitting on the couch doing history and it sucked. I’d much rather do anything else except sit on the couch all day. It’s not as fulfilling as it sounds
I wish there was a day where I could just sit in silence and read or draw the entire day, and that would be it
That's what retirement is about. Except you spend a lot of time scheduling doctor appointments 😆👍
Load More Replies...I get one day a year. Christmas. My work is closed. It's in between semesters so I don't have class or homework. And I send my kids to their dads (they are Catholic and care about it, we do our holiday the day before because I really don't care). So on Christmas I sit and do absolutely nothing the whole day. It's GLORIOUS!
I just don't give a flying fig ,if I don't want to the dust could be 12 inches high.
Yesterday I woke up to no (window) AC. There goes my day. Still have to replace the outlet...Last night, the internet was down. There goes my workload...Today, I took a deuce and realized the water was out. No flush. No washing of hands (I have sanitizer)...No wonder people love bed/sleep so much.
I clean my house to the music I currently get drunk to, same as I did in my 20s.
Heard an uber eats commercial using 'this is how we do it' as their tune and I'm devastated to know I'm 'Montell Jordan is a commercial jingle' years old...
Once heard a stand up bit comparing clubbing in your 20s versus 30s. 20s: *dancing energetically* 🎶 this is how we dooo it! 🎶 30s: *swaying sluggishly* 🎵 thissss is how we did iiiit 🎵
Load More Replies...Just get drunk then clean your house to your favourite music! Then wake up the next morning for a scavenger hunt.
I clean my house to fast and happy classical (like Vivaldi, Mozart or Tchaikovsky), and pretend to be a Disney princess. Works like a charm.
Why do I feel personally attacked for listening to 90’s alt rock and grunge while vacuuming ???
And in your 40s, you clean your house sober, with no music. Which sounds more fun?
As someone in their 40s, I promise you that people in their 40s are not cleaning our homes in silence and most of aren't doing it sober. :)
Load More Replies...And don’t forget a lot off my hips and a$$ please. A little too much junk in my trunk thank you. Let’s start unpacking !
I can see that happening then the OP get appendicitis, or colon cancer... "That wasn't the part I meant!"
Whoever got mine pls replace the eyes. I am half blind in my left eye and currently having eye problems in my right. (I ware glasses)
There's probably very few things you can think of doing that haven't already been done in Vegas
Actually, getting exercise increases stamina for more exercise for more stamina for more strength and stamina for more exercise and muscles and health and
Sometimes we don’t have to play and I can just sit on the bleachers and draw or read
Ok, that's good. I still don't get ups that often, so basically not at all.
Load More Replies...What are these "ups" you speak of? I have never heard of them, and am definitely not experiencing any
Ups are just that little lift you feel when you come to the bottom of the steep slide right before you land with a THUMP on the hard ground.
Confused. You're still bugging the girl who said no 10yrs ago?! Seriously man, get therapy and move on! 🐱
I am dreading adulthood. Please just let me go back to kindergarten
America: Why didn't you just choose to be born into a wealthy family?
Load More Replies...I once deposited a small bonus from work and my car’s oil pump died before I could e even get out of the bank’s parking lot. That one hurt. So much for getting new tires you piece of utter cr@p.
This has been my life since I had to go on disability because I'm unable to work. I made so much more money then what I get on my disability check every month. Now one little thing happens and it turn into a major "oh f**k" situation. Even on a good month I'm still stone cold broke after I pay my bills.
Never able to keep up, always one or two steps behind. Welcome to adulthood.
For me, its my cats. Ive not used the bathroom alone in over a decade
Load More Replies...I'd rather like this than having a human being obsessed with me, it's called a toxic relationship
I saw my package was literally in my town then it returned to where it came from . I looked at why and it said "unable to deliver. Driveway blocked" I live in apartments...with a parking lot.
I noticed things seem to move VERY fast and then once they get to MD bounce around to 8 different postal facilities and just sit in the street all day. This takes longer than the entire trip from CA to MD by two.
Anything I order that goes through Troutdale, OR never, ever makes it on time. That must be some black hole that just sucks boxes in for several days. But I also get "Your package should arrive Tuesday" on Friday three days later.....
.... its in gods hands now is such a bizarre way of saying, youre incapable of assisting in this part of your packages journey through life......
It's me. I need to hear it. The lamp finial delivery day has already changed twice. I just ordered it yesterday.
Or just dumped on the side of the road. I'm looking at you FedEx!
Load More Replies...Yup. I don’t relax until it’s inside the house. Glad I’m not alone in this.😉👍🏻🤔
As I picked up from my dad, the signal that I'm done listening and don't care about this: yeah welp whatta ya gonna do
I learned: *hands on hips* "Well! That's somethin'! Anyways-" *swivel 180°*
Load More Replies...Just point and yell "squirrel!" then run, works every time, indoors and out
Dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup wow wow wow wow wow wow man that’s crazy man that’s crazy man that’s crazy man that’s crazy man that’s crazy man that’s crazy man that’s crazy man that’s crazy.
Extraverts are weird. I show no sign of interest, none and they keep talking. You can put a scarecrow in front of them and they will talk to it. Very weird.
I like that spelling instead of 'extroverts'. EXTRAVERT sounds like the Incredible Hulk. (extremely green)
Load More Replies...My kid says.... Do I care...after asking what he wants for dinner
I read this as if there were a comma after 'home', which makes it a very strange command. Stay at home, dog parent.
I'm living this dream since two years and I can tell you guys...it' the BEST time of my life! Childfree but with many happy dogs and cats, I finally found the meaning of Life.
I occasionally dog and house sit when people go on vacation. Best Job ever! (And you get paid for it)
What about stay at home cat-parent? (And also the parents of gerbils, cockatoos, ferrets, sheep, lizards, rabbits, ponies, pigs, hamsters, parrots, geckos, guinea pigs and goldfish! (And sorry to whoever I've missed out.)
My dream job would have 24/7 access to the entire Smithsonian collection.
I have this job. Six American Bullies, one pregnant. Yes, it is a dream come true for me.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
I want to retire but the thought of being with my husband every day encourages me to keep working.
Before you retire, you need to go and find a Hobby, a full-time one. Find something your husband will be sympathetic of you doing, but of no interest to him at all.
Load More Replies...In the last few years, it's jumped from 60 to 66 if born in the 50s, and 67 if born after 1960. Reminds me that I should have retired last year ... 😶 I'm waiting for the next jump. (UK).
Because water against a white background usually doesn't shine like that on film, I often wondered if it was astroglide.
A-HA!! Add a bunch of beard trimmings all over everything, and this finally explains the unholy mess my husband makes in the bathroom on a weekly basis 🧐
All husbands do the same?? Here I was thinking mine was special and doing this to p*ss me off
Load More Replies...That "I can't believe I'm being paid to throw water everywhere" smile.
Load More Replies...I always wash it in the shower and that way feels good so I do wash it that way. Glad I'm not the only weirdo tho lol
Load More Replies...Yes, that’s the way to do it, so there’s water all over the counter, floor and mirror.
I lived with this woman briefly. It was extra gross because she had long hair that shed a lot and stuck wherever the countertops were damp. Bits of it would stick up after it dried so the whole bathroom was basically furry.
All they would have to do is clean up their mess. My hair falls out somewhat and I just clean it up instead of leaving a mess behind
Load More Replies...I always just say "Morning". It's not my place to tell someone if it's good or not.
More like: goodmorning blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah. Lol I really dislike people who just start blabbering the moment they wake up.. It is too much. Give me 5 hours. Haha
Me to my partner who wakes up every morning like he's god damn Snow White. Simmer down buddy, simmer down!
My coworkers when I walk in zombie like, my response is” didn’t we just do this yesterday “?
My ex-father-in-law used to get irate cuz I didn't say good morning after he had been awake for X hours and drank X coffees.
Me in Dorset UK. Brummie down south . Can't say hi without being looked at like scum. Posh accent next time lol
My marriage made me stronger, angrier and feistier than I ever imagined I could be. Started swearing during my marriage too at age 33. Some gifts just keep on giving. Am doing fine. He’s the one diagnosed as paranoid delusional and a thousand miles away. If I can take that mess and make an awesome life so can anyone else.👍🏻👍🏻❤️😉
My aloneness is by choice I know a zillion way to say nope not interested. Bye now.
I don’t know WHY the heck I read “dating Apps” instead of “dating-apps”
Me too. Like mate I ain't getting married to Snapchat
Load More Replies...I changed my profile photo to a homeless man with a cig in his lips and double flipping the bird after a few weeks of using a dating a dating app.
Lately, I’ve been staying up late and haven’t been eating until last minute before I go to sleep. Not even dinner, though. A freaking bowl of gold fish, Oreos, and marshmallows. So nutritious
Same, but that's just cause I forget to eat and then get super hungry at like 11 pm
I forget to eat dinner and wake up starving all the time
Load More Replies...* eating a cheese sandwich and putting the crumbs away from my bed* ''You said?!"
How about some rainbow flags, I think they're pretty fun
My poor dog has anxiety 😪 he’s scared of balloons, fireworks, my rabbit, round objects that roll, and water. I also think he’s depressed. We’re helping each other out, here, honestly. Two depressed buddies cuddling it out and forgetting our loneliness
My poor Jerry ( a rat terrier) just turned 17, he has such separation anxiety that he follows is all over the house, we have to take him everywhere we go if we do errands, and is so terrified of our cat, but love him to death
Load More Replies...Dogs are able to understand people's emotional states incredibly well. I suffer from social anxiety and more than once a dog I don't know (some shops allow dogs) has sympathetically come to lick my hand. Kind of like, nothing to worry about, everything is fine. Things are definitely better after that.
My dog has separation anxiety and I have anxiety. I'm 30 now
I was going to say "ew that's waaay too much icing" but then I realised it's probably an ice cream cake. Hell yeah!
I'm currently looking for one in the snow, it's winter here. I've found one with a log fire and an outdoor bath that's heated by a wood fire underneath. There's a resident cat.
I can highly recommend this. But feel free to exchange the wine for any other beverage or foodstuff of choice.
I've just got home from doing this last week, can highly recommend!
Load More Replies...This is our go-to. Our latest stipulation is that the tub must be under cover (because obviously we don't want to get wet while we're in the tub...)
I like how you say 10pm instead of 10am. Bloodless vampires of the world, unite!
Load More Replies...I'm the cheerful one, but it's usually because I've already rehearsed what I'm going to say when someone annoys me...
I'm sitting here in my robe and slippers at 11:45 AM. Thinking about getting dressed eventually but want to finish checking emails. Have gone down the Bored Panda rabbit hole instead again.
Don't even dare speaking to me after my second mug of coffee ( one exception: my daughters, because children will be children)
Yes. And then I freak out that there could accidentally being 40kg of cocaine and an Uzi in the backseat. Then I remember that I don't even really know what an uzi looks like, so there's that. Brains are weird.
I'm a middle aged white woman - the demographic that can get away with virtually anything-, but a cop car behind me makes all sphincters in my whole body instantly clench. :D
I understand. I was in a grocery store and I had bought a bikini from a clothing store. When I went out the security gates sounded the alarm. I told the cashier that I went clothes shopping and she just said don't worry, new clothes react to the gates very often. I bet I would have been taken aside if I was younger or something other than a blonde 40 year old woman. Or maybe I'm just such a familiar sight in the convenience store. Sometimes these things are a bit thought provoking.
Load More Replies...Not exactly like that but one day my husband and I were driving through a shady part of town, we had: a shovel, a tarp, rope, and 2000 dollars in cash, the only thing missing was duct tape. It so happen we were going to redo the backyard and the rope was for a piñata we were doing later. The 2000 dollars was an advance for an used car we were going to get. We didn't get stopped but man, it would've been fun explaining *that* to the police. My husband never drove so well in his life.
In all fairness, especially with the current tensions in the non-United States, this is pretty universal within its borders.
Had a cop pass in the other direction and immediately pull a U turn, which made me realize my headlights were off, so when he pulled me over he pointed out that I turned my headlights on when I saw him, we had a nice talk, he figured out I was sober and let me go. Some cops are actually decent human beings.
I always pull into the nearest public parking lot like I'm totally heading to Jimmy's BBQ World. They anyways roll right by after that.
Then YOU bust a U-turn and just keep doing that until one of you runs out of gas
You're supposed to ask my permission before posting pictures of me.
All those weeks of coming in 5 minutes early deserve to add up. Alas…
pizza doesn't ask questions, pizza understands, we should all embrace pizza
What happens if I can't embrace pizza (it gives me tummyache and nausea)
Load More Replies...I know I'm overthinking this, but the sword is the wrong way round for that to work...
Maybe they're left handed or are in a mirror or it's a magic sword or...pizza
Load More Replies...Yes because the true "caption" should be written in a letter or card to your actual spouse not trying to make your relationship look good on the socials...
I think this one has even scientific evidence? If I remember correctly there was a study that couples who posted a lot about their relationship online had a higher chance of breaking up
That's a great ride. They made it even greater after the fire, but I kinda miss the OG version too.
Yeah. Same. I was ready to comment: wee! I love fire and destruction! Count me in! =D
Load More Replies...That’s the ride of my life. Fire, smoke, destruction, heights, and glitter.
that is indeed what the ride known as life looks like. A speeding trash fire.
This person has never had my dad explain an entire episode of mountain man Alaska, or Oak Island Treasure season 82, episode 5.
My 12yo wanting me to watch him play Minecraft or Roblox. No, wait... My 12yo wanting me to watch videos of other people's kids playing Minecraft and Roblox. He gets upset if I look away. Or, you know, blink.
I chime in with a "haven't you people ever heard of just going to the pet store" 😄
It's much better to face these kinds of things with a box of treats In your locality
Load More Replies...Hollywood, enough with the Rembrandt lighting, for f**k’s sake! We can’t see s**t on the screen, except for reflections of everything else in our houses but the picture on our TV screens. You can go somewhat dark to set the mood, but not so dark we miss the entire scene because the screen is 100% blacked out.
The big clean, the big exfoliation, the big shave, the big hair wash and extra conditioning, the big hot jets of water massaging sore back and shoulder muscles. What TF else did you think we do?
Hate to tell y'all this but when you get older, you spend the time in the shower trying to keep your balance so you don't fall and have to have Alexa call 911 so the cute hot fireman can find your naked, fat behind on the floor in the shower, re-enacting the commercial for "I've fallen and can't get up"!
I’ll sometimes plug the drain and just sit in water for at least 15-25 minutes before I feel like getting up
I guess you don't have very long hair to shampoo, condition, and tie back so you can proceed with washing everything else. 45 minutes is without shaving the legs. Then it's another half hour once you are out of the shower just to finish drying or styling your hair. The hubby relishes in the steam room effect so it's a win-win.
Um... you really didn't need to call me out like that
Crying while washing my hair so I can blame my red eyes on the shampoo.
The tiger in me just wants to sleep, and yet here I am just after midnight scrolling through bored panda because my brain won't let me sleep
it’s the ibuprofen with the energy drink chasers you needed to get through the evening
Load More Replies...... i hope there's no tiger in me. I DON'T WANT A CHILD
I love dogs… that I know. I take walks all the time, and dogs (off leashes) will run up and sniff my crotch and do weird little bites jumpy things. Then the owner reassures me that the dog won’t hurt me. Like, I don’t care if he’s friendly, Carol, get your furry hobgoblin off me.
Not really related, but I use the term hobgoblin all the time!!! I call myself it when I'm on the floor cutter out patterns or scrunched up to read. I never see someone else use it so that made me smile.
Load More Replies...Elementary school teachers: drink some water, you'll be fine!
Water is such a useful substance! Need to lose weight? Drink water. Need to get to sleep faster? Drink water. Have a headache? Drink water. People annoying you? Drown them in water.
Load More Replies...I will be unstoppably unstable! Meaning that my mental health is terrible but no one can fix it!
I eat breakfast and several afternoon snacks. The size of said snacks can be anything from a whole meal to a single tortilla chip, depending on my mood
I actually sleep in or are too lazy to go get breakfast, and then my lunch is usually snacks, so I really only eat dinner
For me it's French breakfast ( cigarette and half a litter of coffee) , coffee, saucisson and pâté at 10, lunch at 12, sandwich at 5, light dinner at 8 and a nightly sandwich. Yeah, maybe cancer cholestérol etc...but I 'll die happy
I eat 3 meals a day… of mild existential crises and worrying about the future.
Full body massage, 4 sleep days, and lots of potassium is good too!
Load More Replies...Extended trip, but the Bahamas are too crowded. Hell, even a staycation with all the bills paid and all the groceries needed already bought and put away, no intrusions, no work emails, no phone calls coming in, and only calls going out to order takeout delivery would be good.
Go somewhere local or you will need all that stuff over again after flying commercial!
RIP Freddie. We will always love you. Especially us fat bottom girls that make the rocking world go round. 💋❤️
your stomach? More like your kidneys and bladder. Take care urselves people, believe me it's no fun injuring those organs and takes forever to heal if it ever does.
this!! ^^^^^ take care of your body ppl! it's the only thing you'll ever truly have for your entire life
Load More Replies...Ibuprofen will chew up your kidneys and spit them out. Be careful. You will want all your body parts later in life!!
Nope. It's actually the safest of its class when it comes to possible kidney damage. More importantly, the increased chance of kidney problems is very very small and only really associated with heavy long-term use. 800mg on an empty stomach might cause gastric problems for some people though. 400mg is the normal maximum suggested dose for self-medication.
Load More Replies...That's what's considered the Maximum Effective Dose for for anti-inflammatory use. i.e. any more than that will be no more effective at reducing inflammation. MED for antipyretic or analgesic use is somewhat lower.
Load More Replies...That's why we still pick up our bowls and slurp! As long as our mom is there to see it!
Yess, me too. The best part about leaving home is looking forward to coming home
Load More Replies...Either balding middle aged raccoon or has mange. Then again, from viewing diet choices, maybe a vitamin deficiency.
Thanks for covering for me...ahem....I mean, great picture Delta!
Load More Replies...Hate to admit it, but I've done. Because of mold. Don't judge my housekeeping.
I'm this close to throwing away the people who keep using the tupperwares and not cleaning them.
Me thinking …”Why did I even set the alarm for ?” I’m on disability…..I don't have to work anymore ! woo hoo baby ! lol
Just be like me, and wear cool (but very warm) jackets and heavy jeans all the time. Preferably in solid black. Unless it's winter and super cold out. Then wear nothing but lace.
I would but dysphoria says: HOODIES AND LOOSE JEANS YEAR ROUND.
Load More Replies...Me, except I would do that hand thing, I would sneak out and only hours later they would figure out I left, if they knew I was there in the first place
Blocking someone who's being annoying in the middle of a convo is gold. Then the next time you see them, they be like, "you never responded to my text messages" and the awesome feeling of saying, "what text messages" That's my life. That and Starbursts. It's fun
Absolutely like idgaf if you get offended by me blocking you like you deserved it b*tch
WEAR A HAIR NET MEXT TIME....dumbass XD genuin thing my aunt said
Listen, DNA technology is getting so refined, they can find skin cells that people normally shed all the time anyway, and lift enough DNA to identify people who were not just right on the victim, but who were anywhere in the vicinity of the murder that day, and a few days before. TBH, the best way to get out of trouble is to not get into it in the first place. Instead of murdering your spouse, just divorce them. Instead of murdering the woman who turned you down, just say OK and move on. You will be caught, so you might as well just get tf over yourself and not commit the crime.
Exactly! I look fabulous in selfies, but whenever anyone else takes a pic I look hideous!
Especially reading them all and the one at the top has Try MF - sort of pushing you into it.
Or like Keith Richards says all the time, "It's great to be here...it's great to be ANYWHERE"
Load More Replies...I'm officially "oh that's your nephew? I thought you were is grandma" years old.
The first time i said "I'm friends with your mother" to an actual child that could understand me, I died a little inside.
Load More Replies...And December 26 and Mar... no, Apr... ugh the day after whenever easter is...
It's OK. The executives are all hoping they don't still have cocaine on their faces, and at least two of your peers are strung out on painkillers.
and then you get a white cat. Love the cat so much you get to take little mementoes of them everywhere !
Samee. I love wearing black. I don't even really own colourful clothes
I have no idea how to screenshot on my phone. It's not the usual way. Google says it's volume + home key. That doesn't do it, but does open the Google assistant, which I can tell to take a screenshot. Doubly annoying because previously my only experience with Google assistant was asking it "how do I uninstall Google assistant?"
Mine is the power key + vol down. May have to hold them for a sec.
Load More Replies...Ok, I'm not that grow up when it comes to certain things. Legit question. How do you take a selfie with one hand without dropping the phone, iPhone. Seriously please let me know.
Cinderella also accepted that a guy she danced with until midnight couldn’t recognize her without her wearing a transparent shoe. So maybe she should’ve thought that through a bit more.
Actually, she found love before she lost the shoe. She found love in a full ball gown. Then she ran from it, lost the shoe, and was found by love again
I've always wondered about that story. Cinderella and the prince fall in love at first sight, sure, but the prince has no idea what she looks like and has to rely on finding someone who fits the shoe which is pretty dumb. We're also expected to believe that nobody else in the kingdom has the same sized feet. And why didn't the shoe change back at midnight?
Load More Replies...Maybe it was a masked ball but they forgot that part in the story.
Yes. My best friend lives almost 10,000 miles away and neither of us can travel. It's remarkable how elastic the bonds of friendship are.
Stop my friends older sister got together with this guy and they are the CUTEST couple I have every seen but he’s moving across the country in a few months 😭
I need to have a soundtrack at all times. If I sit in silence my brain goes on a fun little spiral into the depths of "wort case scenarios" and "terrible memories we swore we would never think about again." If I can't watch something or listen to music, I have to sing in my head or talk to myself
This is me when I'm upset NO noise just hug silently because noise is overstimulating :(
Yea and then I become hostile towards people I don't trust...
Load More Replies...I'm so sorry that happened to you! Where was this, we can eliminate them together!
Load More Replies...I’ve been sad while eating cheese before, but the cheese usually made me happy
with happy little tree ? :D (yes, a bob ross reference, because...)
This dog is either in great need of a diet or in great need of a haircut and air conditioning.
Happiness equals staying as far away from the general public as possible.
Who in their right mind would do that? Did you apply while drunk or something??
I'm a teacher.... I am fine talking to my students. Let me have to talk in front of other adults and watch me have a meltdown.
Load More Replies...Then you realised being a driving instructor wasn’t for you? 😂
Load More Replies...Yeah, have you? Cause if not, then there's this guy from that other post...
Unfortunately, they're both the same someone. Frustrating, isn't it, love?!
ive seen my drama teacher crack up over jokes i make. ive also had her tell me that she has a wine bottle at home with my name on it that she drinks from when ive been a pain in her a*s. she's taught me for three years and saw me argue with another teacher over a historical date. she's awesome
I wish. Can somone please explain to me why my highschool seems convinced that I need to learn calculus to become a therapist??
Because math is problem solving. You're not really there to learn calculus, you're there to learn how to think.
Load More Replies...I did horribly in math in school. A couple of years ago I decided I'm going to be good at math for no reason other than to prove to myself I can. So I've been using kids math apps on my commute. Im doing pretty good compared to where I started.
We are all going to assume you use public transportation and you're not driving, right?
Load More Replies...That spork is the weird side of my soul. The childlike, stupid, weird part of my soul
Load More Replies...Best nacho dip EVER: Mix 1 can Hormel No Bean Chili with 1 jar Cheez Whiz. Heat until melted. I've made this for parties many times and couldn't pry people away from the bowl.
The Audacity Store. "Y'all had the audacity to come here, so we'll give you some more audacity to bring home with you"
🎶I have a structured settlement and I need cash now...🎶
Heheh, makes me think of that scene in "Rush" where Lauder is hitchhiking and gets picked up by a couple of fans who ask him to drive, then get disappointed when he just drives like a sensible person instead of the racecar driver he is.
Argue, eat, breath, speak, sing, shout, gasp, etc., the list goes on
As a kid in my class said when we were first shown this, 'It's turned into an English lesson'
Only useful things school taught us are interest and calculating taxes
Each year for the last 25 years my taxes have gotten harder and harder to calculate
Load More Replies...🎶X EQUALS NEGATIVE B PLUS OR MINUS RADICAL B SQUARED MINUS FOUR A C ALL OVERRR TWO A🎶 my math teacher had us memorize it with the “monkey chases the weasel” song. Or, “pop goes the weasel” tune. Really fun =D
For me it was "X equals negative b plus or minus the square root of b squared negative 4 a c all over 2 a" in the same tune
Load More Replies...One way to get a job is to know enough math and science to master the right technology to get hired in a particular field. If it pays enough, that job will provide the money to pay those taxes and buy a house.
Sometimes I just start talking super loud for no reason
They have soft cushy inserts inside of crocs????? Isn't that missing the point of crocs?
??? How so? Afaik crocs don't have any arch support or anything so it makes sense to use inserts with them...
Load More Replies...When I turned on my dad’s phone and some video on there was inappropriate (•x•) DAD I SWEAR I DIDNT MEAN TO SEARCH FOR LADIES IN BIKINIS I SWEAR- why was that on your phone, dad? “I don’t know why, the algorithm tries to give me this junk.” I know my dad doesn’t look at that stuff on purpose, anyway
