There are plenty of ways one can express unhappiness - standing away from the situation, expressing it with your body language, or simply talking about it out loud. And although ‘simply talking about it’ might be the straightest way to find a solution in an uncomfortable situation, we all know that it’s not always so easy; if it were, we’d probably all be so much happier! That said, there are other signs, besides the obvious, that you can look for in a person you care about to see whether they might be feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with something that’s going on in their life. Thankfully, these brave internet people have shared the signs of unhappiness they’ve witnessed in people close to them on this excellent and extremely helpful Reddit thread. So, although it’s not one of our entertaining kind of lists, it is definitely enlightening.
Okay, so to begin with, the Redditors mention some a bit more obvious, though nevertheless often overlooked, signs of an unhappy person. They include but aren’t limited to the person losing any interest in things they used to enjoy, trying to live their life without putting any effort into it, or withdrawing from any social activities. So, if you ever see any of these signs of being unhappy in a person close to you, you might want to start thinking about helping them. Of course, unhappiness and signs of distress might not be as obvious, so these people also mentioned some more subtle signs, like the person delaying their answers to your texts or emails, constantly overthinking the smallest of details, or not sharing any opinions they might’ve expressed freely earlier. Feeling unhappy is definitely a burden and an obstacle, so why not extend a helping hand to those around you if they are showing these signs?
Mental health, as you well know, is extremely important for a person’s overall health and outlook on life. An unhappy person can change, but they often need outside help for that. So, read these signs of unhappiness, and help those around you who might be showing them.
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“I think a lot of the time people who are secretly unhappy do their best to make the people they care about laugh and feel happy. As they know what it’s like to feel so down and unhappy with the world they don’t wish for the people they care about to feel that way.”
"They smile at you because they want to be nice/friendly - but as soon as you look away, the smile falls off their face. Because they kind of put it there, rather than it rising up naturally, once its job is done, they let it go."
"They stop engaging in hobbies and activities they used to love."
“Lack of interest in life. Lack of energy. Slovenliness, messy room, smelly clothes, unwashed hair, etc. Sleeps a lot. Does not go out.”
I had a friend that would always sleep when he could. I knew it was depression even though he was the first to laugh. I remember the day when I found out he died in a doorway.
"Easily frustrated. Sign of anger or depression, or both."
"Emotionally withdrawing, spending time isolated or playing video games all the time to escape."
Or watching t.v. , or on the phone, ANYTHING just to TRY and escape what they're feeling....
Ate02muc said:
"Tired, if they aren’t sleeping well oftentimes something is keeping them up. Also, tiredness is a commonly used excuse to answer 'Are you ok?'"
Thoron_Blaster replied:
"Yeah. I've started saying "tired" because people stop prying then. It's socially acceptable. It's not as acceptable to say you feel like life is completely pointless."
The coworker asking, "Hey! How're ya doin' today?" is *not* expecting existential dread...
“They bully others. Happy, well-adjusted people do not inflict misery on others.”
Sad people don't bully. That's just not true. Bullies are not victims and it's high time we stop treating them as such. Yes, people who bully sometimes don't have the greatest lifes. But it's not true that it's the majority. The majority of bullies are golden childs that don't get scolded by their parents and feel entitled and better than others. They are also people who enjoy inflicting suffering on others just for the kick of it. The myth of the poor, abused bully is the most harmful out there, because it shifted the efforts to help away from the victims of bullying to the bullies. And again. Not a single one of them is sad. Some of them are angry or insecure, leashing out because they're abused at home, but the vast majority have no detrimental living conditions and their parents simply refuse to see the truth about their little angel, enabling them to go on. Many are narcissists or racist. Others are ableist. Don't fall into the trap of thinking about them as poor, sad babies.
"Looking for a reason something won't work instead of trying anyway. Always trying to find a way to not do something."
"Consistently buying things and having the same remorse for wasting money."
but then again it is not their fault they have compulsive buying disorder
susejrotpar said:
"Heavy use of humor."
User №2 replied:
"You either have dopamine or humor, you can't have both."
I use humor, it's my " go - to " defence mechanism, it's so much easier to " fool " people with humor, and so much easier to hide behind....
"They tend to stay in bad situations much longer than a well-adjusted person would, which leads other people to believe they're at least somewhat content.
They might hate their job or their spouse or their weight or their life in general, but depression is mentally exhausting and even thinking about taking steps toward getting out of that situation is daunting, especially when you can just stay on autopilot in your current circumstances.
And when you can finally muster the mental motivation to act, then you realize how physically exhausted you are. And if it's that overwhelming to try to get rid of whatever makes you unhappy, sometimes you just stop trying to be happy at all you stop trying to feel anything and let the apathy drive for a while."
"They spend excessive amounts of time on social media."
I've never been on Bored Panda in my entire life, I swear! I don't even know what that is.
"They start becoming more irritable, maybe they snap a little more often. When this happens they'll usually apologize later and sound either truly regretful or tired. They zone out more, and they lose interest in things they used to love. They never want to do anything. If you ask them if they're okay and they say that they're fine."
“Poor decisions. Sometimes they’re spending all their emotional energy on the basics; when it’s time to eat or make major purchases they do them on impulse, so they put on weight and get in debt.”
"My personal tell is eye contact. When I'm in bad moods I tend to avoid looking people in the eyes more or not as long."
"Not answering emails and texts is a warning sign for me. I start procrastinating about personal correspondence when I'm on my way into a bad depressive episode (and, well, sometimes even when I'm just at baseline, but baseline with clinical depression is pretty unhappy)."
I don't know about you, but I feel like two different people when I feel "normal" and look back at my bad episode which for example stopped yesterday but was there for 10 days. The normal you knows what to say, or suggest or do, you know whaylt should make it better, but episode you don't want to do any of that, it's just too much effort.
"Day drinking."
Tbh, addiction in general. One of the underlying causes of addiction is almost universally feelings of disconnect from the world around you.
“They shut down and don’t want to share about their day.”
"General apathetic approach to life mostly. Can be perfectly described as feeling: 'Meh?'"
User №1 said:
"They have nothing to talk about or don’t give any opinions. It’s a sign that nothing excites or interests them."
MigraineLass replied:
"Ouch, yeah. Even 'What do you want to eat?' is usually met with 'I don't care,' when I normally love food."
“Dead eyes. When I ran into a friend after leaving my gaslighting ex I told her that we had broken up and why. Her response was, ‘I knew you were being abused. Your eyes were dead but now they are full of life.’”
"Them joking about dark stuff going on in their life.
I know from myself. At times I wasn’t OK, if I and my friends and were chatting for hours and the topic of the talk have come to our problems I would tell the cause of depression, anxiety, unhappiness, stress, etc. in just a sentence while smiling as if it was funny and in a joking way. They never got the message so in case there are people out there like me, if someone is telling you something that sounds dark but they are laughing or talking really shortly about it, please stop them and ask them to talk more about the topic make them feel like they can open up to you."
"Looking down a lot and spacing out a lot. And if you ask them how they’re feeling there’s a very high chance they will say “I’m fine” or “I’m ok”. They will be often tired and they might fiddle with something, something like a sleeve of a shirt. That’s all I can come up with now. Hope I helped a bit."
"Short responses. That is always a telltale sign."
Alternatively, over sharing. I tend to do that when I'm have an anxiety episode.
“They seem too happy, no matter what is actually going on with them. Sounds stupid but I get it a lot.”
It's overcompensation, a way to pretend everything's okay. Be very aware of this behavior if you know someone has been struggling with a severe depressive episode; it can sometimes mean they've decided on the time, place, and manner to self-harm.
User №1 said:
"They want to be alone often, like travel alone to school and not with friends or something."
User №2 replied:
"I'd imagine you would look for a signal. E.g. someone who normally walks to school with friends starts biking alone or something."
"There's an important distinction to be made here though, people with even mild social anxiety which is a lot of us may be interested in a lot of things and have lots of opinions, but they just don't dare to say them because of the fear of being wrong or nobody else sharing the same interests. This is especially true while being with a group of more than 4 people. Only the most extroverted people take up most of the space at that time. So it definitely doesn't always mean they're not happy. I prefer to listen to people and just chime in every now and then."
“Hiding in their clothes (hoodies and jackets, hats pulled down), not participating in conversation much. Not having interests (they’ve given up on all their hobbies) or only having one or two interests (they have given up on almost everything but still need something to hide in).”
"Apologizing a lot and talking about guilt when they have nothing to feel guilty about. A lot of depressed people have developed strategies to hide the obvious symptoms rather than better coping strategies so it can sometimes be hard to read unless you’ve known that person a long time."
"Even if this person looks very happy you can easily put them down, make them sad or cry. They become very upset when someone is even a little bit rude to them, they can be very loud and happy at one moment and quiet at another. It's my own experience, I don't know how it works with other people."
"Just seem gloomy all the time. Also if they bring your energy down and you have to be happy to make them happy."
“They stop talking about their own lives and only ask about other people’s.”
"When they ask you what you're doing all the time and are a little pushy because they just wanna talk to someone but never say it straight forward that they aren't happy and that they need some company."
"Tardiness, especially if they were punctual before. Really any kind of noticeable slippage from good habits can mean a person no longer feels a sense of reward in doing things well. That's a sign of anhedonia, a common symptom of depression."
“When their social media stories are overflowing with positivity and feel-good, inspirational memes.”
"The way they talk about others. Unhappy people tend to gossip and compete when it isn’t necessary. They aren’t feeling a sense of connectedness with others, so they aren’t able to fully feel happy for anyone else’s successes or qualities they find to be better than their own."
Gossip and compete? That is wrong. Such things simply too much work. Being disconnected is being so unaware of others that you don't even care.
"They walk around with a slump-like posture."
"I feel like this might sound like a cliché but getting worse at a game they were really good at, which kinda depresses them more.
I have a friend who loves Mario Kart. He is basically a God at it. We used to play a lot, (and we still do) he knows every shortcut, how much he has to tilt the stick for every turn, etc. But one time I noticed I had been winning for quite a while. I thought he might be giving me the chance to win but he actually wasn't. It seemed that for every race we had he just put all of his effort in and got no result. Turns out he was having a very rough month, and it impacted the way he was playing. The only thing I could do is just try to cheer him up, and suggest other challenges that might distract him."
“Maybe this is just me but, if someone seems to be happy about everything. like, every little thing can get them excited, but they don’t have any hobbies or any excitement for anything else. the ones that always seem to be the happiest could have some things going on, and they’re just good at hiding it.”
"I look for avoidance behaviors. They’re usually subtle, like canceling plans at the last minute, a usually on-time person showing up late, somebody offering a lot of excuses for why they can’t/won’t do something that used to be part of their typical routine."
"They chase highs and constantly try to distract themselves with entertainment. They don't have a very vibrant inner life, so they can't be content just sitting still by themselves with their own mind and don't often have deep conversations with their inner group. So then you can also sometimes tell by the company they keep. They are constantly trying to get into things that will make them happy, and may even seem happy a lot. They are rarely if ever just content."
"Overdue for a haircut."
Seems like a lot of these are potential signs of depression; although there may be some correlation, depression is absolutely _not_ the same thing as unhappiness.
True and I agree but unhappiness is something you feel when you are depressed. You don’t even need to have a reason and just feel upset
Load More Replies... Feeling like there would be no difference if you never existed, feeling empty, hopeless, and feel as though you are losing the idea and feel of happiness. Wanting to be alone when sometimes you just want to be with others. Want to burst but keep it all in. Losing interest in even the smallest things. Wanting to think positive but those have been blocked and all you feel is negative. Etc. As someone with high depression these posts are relatable and anyone else who feels like this I hope you get better
Seems like a lot of these are potential signs of depression; although there may be some correlation, depression is absolutely _not_ the same thing as unhappiness.
True and I agree but unhappiness is something you feel when you are depressed. You don’t even need to have a reason and just feel upset
Load More Replies... Feeling like there would be no difference if you never existed, feeling empty, hopeless, and feel as though you are losing the idea and feel of happiness. Wanting to be alone when sometimes you just want to be with others. Want to burst but keep it all in. Losing interest in even the smallest things. Wanting to think positive but those have been blocked and all you feel is negative. Etc. As someone with high depression these posts are relatable and anyone else who feels like this I hope you get better
