49 Deal-Breaking Traits In A Significant Other, As Shared By People In This Online Group
Knowingly or not, we all have those little lists of qualities we tend to look for in a potential romantic partner. However, there's also the other side of the coin—traits we're not so stoked about. And while some of these unappealing traits we can accept or at least halfway tolerate, some of them are absolute deal-breakers that we simply can't stand. And since nothing unites people more strongly than a common dislike, let's talk about that.
Recently, Reddit user u/Pnd1528 went on the platform and asked fellow users to share an "all too common" trait they find extremely unattractive in the opposite (or same) sex. As expected, the Reddit community didn't hesitate and delivered some pretty spot-on ones. Bored Panda has compiled a list of some of the best, relatable, and most interesting answers found in this viral thread, so here you go! As per usual, don't forget to vote for your favorite submissions and feel free to talk about the traits you find unappealing in the comment section down below.
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Littering. You'd be surprised how many people dont give a f*** and throw s*** out their car window. It's disgusting.
someone threw a empty plastic bottle out of their open car window while i was walking to the park. they were stopped at a stoplight, so i picked up their bottle and chucked it back in their car before i continued on to the park
When I saw someone litter, I would pick it up (unless it was completely disgusting) and then run up to them and say “Here, you dropped this” like I was doing them a favor.
Load More Replies...This is a deal breaker for sure. I don't litter at all and I get really angry when other people do.
I littered ONE time when I was in high school and I still feel guilty about it 50 years later!
Load More Replies...Yes, it is disgusting. They throw dogs and cats out the window too. Really tests your faith in humans. I'm about at the bottom of the faith ladder.
Years ago I took in a pregnant stray cat. Some people suggest she may have been tossed out just because she got knocked up.
Load More Replies...My math teacher told us a story about how his best friend kept throwing s*** out the window and he had to stop the car, make them walk with him to the trash, make them pick it up, and put it back in the car until they found a trash can. He's a great guy.
I've done the same thing once. This person never had any business in my car afterwards.
Load More Replies...In most developed country there is zero need to litter anymore, you're never far away from public bins, so the fact people still do is even more atrocious
There was never a need litter, just hold on to it until you get to a bin
Load More Replies...Please, PLEASE STOP DROPPING YOUR LITTER!!! I really think people should either be fined or sentenced to picking up litter for a month. Not only is it bad for the environment, but it's also really selfish too. Just take it home and throw it away in your own bin. You are spoiling the neighbourhood or the countryside for other people who would like to enjoy their surroundings.
Being rude to wait staff
This. An ex-boyfriend of mine did this, and the waiter was still a trainee. Fumbled with the wine bottle, trying to keep his composure while my boyfriend treated him like crap. I just gave the guy many "Please excuse this dumbass" looks, and insisted that my boyfriend tip him properly when paying the bill. Needless to say, we didn't last long.
Being rude to anyone actually. I believe wholeheartedly that manners are free. You don't pay for that s**t so there is no excuse for not having manners.
I very firmly believe kindness is its own reward
Load More Replies...Massive one in my book. I think it's a huge red flag. Especially if they think this behaviour is somehow impressive or done to impress. Don't go on another date with anybody who behaves this way.
I left a dude in the middle of our first date over this. I was really young and I excused myself to go to the bathroom, I sat there thinking how much I didn't want to go back to the table, but I always drove myself to a first date so my car was outside. A part of me felt guilty because I didn't have it in me to tell him I was leaving but I couldn't go back so I just sneaked out after finding the waitress and giving her enough cash to cover my food and her tip. Now that I am older, I would have still ended the date but I would have done it to his face and told him why.
I dumped a boyfriend when I went over to his parents house for dinner and listened to how rude and insulting he was to his mother.
Load More Replies...I have no clue how people are rude to waiters and waitresses. Like, I cant even talk to them at all without saying "please" and "thank you" or else i feel like a big jerk.
Always good to steer well clear of anyone that engages in this type of power play to belittle others.
How to do people do this still?? My ex's dad would talk to wait staff like HE hired them. Like what the actual hell *fist clench*
Men bragging about being violent. Bar fights ain't sexy honey.
THIS IS SOOOO TRUE - neither is telling me how many women you've 'had'. The whole macho thing is extremely unattractive.
"250 women? Must be tough having to find a new partner every single time you want to have sex."
Load More Replies...My ex used to brag about his passionate his ex was. He’d tell me how they’d fight and he’d slap her and the sex was amazing. It was super toxic, it did a lot of damage to my psyche, but I grew and learned so much from it!
this is true. the best way to catch a womans eye is to show her your softer and more passionate side. show whats under your skin
This was a deal breaker for me. My date finished his drink, a Long Island iced tea before the waitress had even left the table. Then he ordered another one.
Load More Replies...I think a LOT of people don’t know what DnD/D&D is since DND (as presented this way or your way) means Do Not Disturb, which is probably why you’ve been down-voted.
Load More Replies...Or the guys that high-five each other after they talk about "nailing some chick." So what you are really saying is that you are irresponsible and have the personality of a 16 year old hormone driven boy. That's supposed to be impressive...why?
Shouting at their partners in public.
Guilty. It would probably be a deal-breaker if someone yelled at me in the first few dates. For my marriage (25+ years), someone losing their temper for 30 seconds isn't going to be grounds for divorce. When I lose mine, my husband laughs at me. For which I'm very grateful. I only remember one time that I needed him to take me seriously.
Load More Replies...yes but it should be shouting at there partners in general (pls don't down vote)
We lived in this really cheap apartment and the apartments were tiny so I guess everyone felt the need to go into the parking lot for the big fights, you know, because you feel the need to have some space to shout, and always at 2am. Use to get my husband and I all angry and frustrated, but then we just decided to go with it. We were poor so we couldn't afford good entertainment so we would hear them then go grab a drink and sit out on our balcony to watch. Best one was a girl runs past and three cops were chasing her. Then about 15 minutes later she runs by again but she was naked and in handcuffs, but not a cop in sight. My husband and I secretly wished her the best and toasted to her escape.
Don't forget about silent/ psychological violence... we all have a limit somewhere.
I'm scared to shout at anyone in private because I don't want to hurt their feelings or make them mad at me, how do people manage it in public?
I've actually had to explain to partners "If you have a problem with something I say or do, tell me in private. If it's really urgent, pull me aside." Like this is basic social decency for any type relationship
Lack of compassion. They only seem to care about themselves.
Agree, we now have so many ways to describe selfishness: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20354463
Load More Replies...You need to care about your partner or what's the point of having a partner..?
“Ppl are poor because they want to”, ive been reading that jewel this last time and it gets in my nerves how some ppl, not only be lack of compassion, but also incredibly stupid can be. empathy is so RIDICULOUSLY BASIC.
Just look at their social media page. If it’s just them Then it’s not we.
Ooh yeah...this is a big one - even worse is that they don't understand they're only caring for themselves. They think "Hey, when I go out, and I see something you like, I think of you and get it!" - they're so busy patting themselves on the back for that... when, say, the stairs/bathroom floor are slippery and you/their parents/someone else nearly slipped and fell, and you ask about grips - aaand their sole response is: "Well, **I** don't have a problem" - they don't see how this could be selfish.
The inability to admit they are wrong or when they apologize and then justify their actions.
I hate the whole “apologize without justifying or explaining” BS because it’s usually used by people who just refuse to listen to any side of a situation except their own. For example, I can totally be wrong due to a misunderstanding and want to apologize for being wrong while explaining the misunderstanding because you don’t want someone’s view of you to be based on that misunderstanding. Or maybe you want to apologize yet explain how you’ve grown from their viewpoint in thanks? How frustrating is it to have a disagreement with someone who just won’t engage or listen to anyone who isn’t expressing their preconceived view?
Ah... Dealing with a situation just like this right now lol. Its extremely frustrating.
Load More Replies...My dad is incapable of admitting that he doesn't know something. He will make s**t up instead. He told me that the worst phrase anyone could say is "I don't know." Yes, he is a doctor.
I have a technical job and have had years of training where they say don’t say “I don’t know” say “I’ll have to look into that and get back to you with the answer”. But there’s obviously good reasons for that. The first one doesn’t imply any follow up to further work to help and so is proven to piss people off. I don’t think people understand the reasons they might be told not to use certain phrases.
Load More Replies...Even worse: "Look, sorry that YOU feel bad about what I did" aka: I was right, too bad you don't see it that way.
Or when they act like a douche to you publicly, then try to apologize privately. If you are going to insult me in public, apologize in public too. And also...don't try to say you're being the bigger man by apologizing first. Honey...You're the one that f***ed up...you should be the only one apologizing.
The “Im an a**hole and I don't care if people call me an a**hole” attitude.
In all fairness you have been warned. If you still go out with that person you are an idiot.
Some people are proud of that - and some people can't help it because they actually ARE!
Yup... I've heard that too. "I don't care what people think. I'm just gonna do what I want!!" yeah, you think you look like a 'free spirit'. Nooo.... you're just a selfish jerk.
After reading everything, didn't see mine on here. I hate it when some don't take personal responsibility. Everything is everyone else's fault, they never make a mistake, everyone else is stupid. Lack of compassion or lack of realization that your experiences are not everyone's experiences. Just because things worked out one way for you, how you did it, doesn't mean it'll work for everyone, so back off.
I hate how being politically incorrect is trendy right now. It's just an excuse for not being empathic, generous, caring, or basically thinking.
A general lack of curiosity towards the world
Big one. Take someone to one of your fav' places and if they don't seem to register it on any level - it's a bit of a red flag for me.
This one is huge. I have a serious thirst for learning and trying new things.
Never been more than 50 miles from your home town? Voluntarily? Think reading and learning is just for nerds? Etc etc. Hard pass
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Load More Replies...I was dating a guy once who had never been outside of the UK, at nearly 40. I just couldn't get my head round it because we're in such a lucky place where we can easily get flights for less than £10 to lots of parts of Europe, and affordable breaks are easy to arrange. I just couldn't get my head round how for so long, he'd never had any interest in actually seeing anywhere else. He was as indifferent to visiting places in the UK too. (It didn't last long)
I went to Dachau with my ex-fiance and his kids. The boy was totally disinterested, because he had seen it on the History Channel. That's the closest I have ever come to committing homicide.
I love learning about nature and stuff. I also love traveling around the world and learning about those places (though i always get nervous flying anywhere) but i live in the US and have been to a few of the states, and i've been to canada, africa, europe, next on my list is australia.
I'm not sure why but this one is a huge red flag for me; are you simply depressed or is there something bigger going on here?
honestly, I'm like that and I am just not interested like I really don't care about that stuff I'm only 15 but why does there have to be something bigger to that?
Load More Replies...Chewing with your mouth open. F*** dude it drives me crazy
This is why the first date MUST have eating food of some type. This is a deal breaker with me,
This is just completely gross when anyone does this, or speaking with their mouth full.
I'm telling you right now that every.single.person speaks with their mouth full. Most don't realize it, or are subtle, but I've noticed everyone does it. I don't like it either, but I've definitely noticed myself doing it unintentionally. So if you do it in a non-disgusting way, I'm surprisingly okay with it. (No food flying, I don't want to see the food, and no smacking/chewing noises)lol
Load More Replies...Yes... I still love my SO but he does this. At least he tries not to. I think sometimes people are just congested, so they chew and breathe through their mouths. Take an allergy med, it helps :)
The “Alpha” mentality.
I don't want you to try and control me, I want you to be my partner.
My brother is guilty of this. He HAS TO WIN at anything and everything.
IDK if this counts but, a guy I'm talking to likes to act all tuff and seem like he's the dominant one. but as soon as no one else is around he instantly becomes a "bratty bottom" then when someone walks into the room it's straight back to alpha mode. but like I said IDK if this belongs here, I just thought id share
Always on their phone. This s*** annoys me so much, I want to talk to someone while looking at them. When they are constantly on their phone it makes me feel like I am talking to myself and its awkward as f***.
OR OR... you can be on your phone as well and text each other instead of talking! But seriously, it's sad how many people actually spend time with their partners / friends this way... Soon we will forget how to communicate in person!
I don't think so. Decent manners will return - they always do. Although I'd rather text than talk - short convos - if I'm WITH someone and they are on their phone, I leave. Simple.
Load More Replies...Sometimes it’s nice just to chill with someone while we both look at our phones, and we can even show each other interesting things we find online.
It can also make you feel insignificant to that person you're trying to talk to
This is rude. Build connections, value the moment as it happens. You miss out so much being on the phone!
Many years ago my daughter did this in front of my mother - who, rightly, was unhappy with her. She took that on and now will focus on who she's with and put her phone down. It's so nice to see and it makes you feel that you're the most important person in her life right at that point..
I am on my phone more than I need but when people try to talk to me i always look away from my phone and give them the attention.
If I had a boyfriend and he did this to me I would tell him he's not allowed to be on his phone while he's with me,(Like on a date, talking etc.) It so rude and disrespectful.
Everyone says they want their partner to be super career ambitious. Screw that, I say put in your 40 hours then chill. I want someone who knows how to relax
Career ambitious = bringing in the big bucks. Aka someone who will buy me nice things! (This is not me. I want someone with a sensible work ethic - sometimes that means doing some overtime, but that should be the exception, not the rule)
You are superficial if that’s how you think of this. “Buy me nice things” isn’t the reason why a person wants a wealthy partner. It’s because you want to enjoy life with them without the stress of poverty. And without the basic-ness of just “doing okay.” To live a wonderful life.
Load More Replies...If I've learned 1 thing in all my dating experience i that the work-a-holics have little to no free time for you. My most recent ex and I saw each other maybe once a month because of how much he worked.
Speaking as someone who's put in her decades of work, F**k those extra hours. All the extra effort put into that is effort not put into your life and wellbeing.
Suck it 40 hours a week, work to live and use your time to love your life and passions.
If I could earn enough in three days to live off, I'd have 4-day weekends... :D
TBH yeah. I live in a country with one of the worst property markets in the world and I made myself sick from overworking for reasons that were partially related to the cost of living here. And the really f****d up thing is, I'm pretty sure that's what prevented me from losing my job in the economic downturn caused by the pandemic.
Load More Replies...And how many times it ends up with a divorce, because "he was always at his workplace and barely come home"! (Just like with my parents.)
Ambition and Obsession are two completely different things!! When I was still working, I was in sales for 30+ years. You have to be ambitious in the sales field! However, you don’t have to be consumed by it!! There were times that I would work 15-16 hours per day 6-7 days per week with only a 2-week vacation per year!! That also included being on the road sometimes every other week!! That’s a bit much!! I really regret those years!! I made good money, but I missed so many things about my daughter’s life as she was growing up!! It wasn’t worth it!!
The telepathy tax. Partners who hold it against their SO when they fail to anticipate and fulfill their unspoken needs and desires.
"did you tell them that annoyed you?" 'no, they should just know' Life is way too short to waste time huffing about and sulking, just communicate with each other properly.
I've been married, mostly happily, for 20 years and for the first 10 I was ready to live & die on this hill of "But if you really knew me/ cared about me, you'd know what I need/ want" and it never, ever made one situation anything but awful. Communication is sooo much easier & effective than asking your partner to think like you/ do what you would do.
Load More Replies...Very sad that "if you don't know why i'm mad, i'm not going to tell you" is still a thing
I have no ability to pick up on anything that is "unspoken." You got to be blunt with me about human emotions and socializing. I worked with 4 people who were gay and I had no idea, I didn't assume they were straight, I just never once thought about it until I met their partners at a party. One of my other co-workers mocked me saying, "But it is so obvious" and I told her they would have had to wear rainbow flags with "I'm Gay" written on it in bold for me to have noticed. Same with me in relationships, I just have a mental block when it comes to people's personal lives. When my husband first said "I love you" it was such a shock to me that I didn't talk to him for 3 days, we lived together and we snuggled and still hung out everything, it just took me 3 days to come to terms with it so I just stayed silent and sat next to him so he wouldn't get insecure about it. Big Bold Letters in very clear language is what I need. Not my strong suit.
It feels like you just described my life. Hardly ever in conflict with anyone because you don't presume. BUT, I was once 6 months into a schoolyear in uni before i found out two girls i was friends with HATED each other. I was not friends with everyone and it took this one guy sitting behind me in class telling me to realise. He was like:"you know they despise each other right?" It suddenly dawned on me I was always sitting in the middle whenever we sat together. It is scary because i also cannot tell how others feel about me unless they tell me. I fear i come off as this emotionless robot when that is so not the case. Thanks for this post!
Load More Replies...How about parents that do that. I'm 50 and my mom pulls this crap on me all the time.
Anyone who takes any advice, disagreement, constructive criticism as a personal attack
I think a lot of people struggle with this, doesn't mean they're "toxic".
Mental insecurities are quite common; I bear the curse of vulnerable narcissism too sometimes.
Load More Replies...Depends on how it’s delivered. If you tell them tactfully, they may welcome it more than if you’re brutally and condescendingly blunt (or “honest” as some rude assholes like to say they are).
my dad is like this, but he's bipolar and has ptsd. it doesn't excuse it, but it explains it to some degree.
Sometimes this just means they've been traumatized in their life. So if you go about it like a bull in a china shop, the results are going to be predictible.
And anyone who attacks under the guise of “constructive criticism.” Both of these can be worked on though I feel 🙂
Well I've been criticized in a harsh way my entire life so it's hard for me to see that you're trying to help.
Depends on how really constructive that criticism is... I know people who blame others for not being able to take advice/criticism, when, in reality, they are quite harsh/toxic in their way of expressing their point of view... So, if people get upset every time you try to correct them or offer constructive criticism, maybe it's not them, it's you.
S*** talking others to make themselves look better
S*** talking others is an indication of being aware of one's own inferiority.
Load More Replies...That reminds me: "People who talk to you about other people, will talk to other people about you"
It's not what others say about you, it's what you have to say about others. Every person hears put downs all the time, often from ourselves. We can all benefit from noticing good in others and letting them know they're appreciated. If you're gossiping, might as well spread what you want more of than focusing on the stuff you'd rather forget.
Always talk behind peoples back. Never to their face. That’s just rude lol.
My sister solved this once. Heard a friend talking trash about a mutual friend. My sister loudly announces "Gee..I wonder how she talks about me when I'm not here to defend myself." Silence......
Toxic positivity, I need to be able to feel bad for a moment when I am dealing with something crappy. It helps me get through it. I dislike people pleasers too, be kind but don’t be a doormat.
This is true. I had a stroke because of this sh!t. Literally. I did.
Load More Replies...I hate when the positivity is expected. Like I'm not allowed to have a bad day, I always have to be fun and bubbly.
I shamed a co-worker over this. Another co-worker was going through absolute hell and the toxic co-worker said it was her choice and if she was going to be so miserable she shouldn't come to work. I told her that her lack of compassion and understanding was unbelievable and it she was going to be so callous and selfish she shouldn't come to work, it was her choice.
I’m a guitarist and I broke a finger just before I was supposed to go in the studio for our next album. “It could be worse.” Of course it could be worse, you moron, but is it okay if I’m upset that things were a hell of a lot better before I broke my finger?! Only sad I couldn’t respond with the finger I wanted to.
This though. I am so sick of people trying to force me to be happy all the time. I am a human and I feel things. And that is ok. Feeling down and having someone say "just think positive thoughts, you are inviting negativity into your life" makes me want scream
I don't want to be 'fixed' - I want someone who will LISTEN to me and let me vent my feelings instead of trying to make me bottle them up.
Ah man, there was this really stupid teen at my work two weeks after my mom died. Asked me "why are you sad?". When I reminded him about my, oh, I don't know, my Mother! The clueless boy says " we all loved her but you have to move on...". You freaking a**hole, you never even met her! I almost ripped his throat out.
Yes, this is hard to explain to others I have trouble finding a way that doesn't sound rude. "I know you're trying to help but that kinda makes me feel shittier?" XD
Being oblivious to different economic circumstances.
So true. At times in my life, I've been incredibly poor and it stops you from taking part in so many things that people who aren't in the same position simply don't understand.
I really hate to even say this - but many wealthy people really don't care about that. At all.
Load More Replies...Or not being oblivious and still not caring. I was making $15/hour as a part time contractor. He got a $10,000 relocation budget for a new job. But he still expected me to pay half of the moving costs.
I just has a flashback of when my husband was in Japan on a student exchange through our University. They sent me his paperwork to renew his financial aid. I said "Send it to him." They told me it was my responsibility to do it and that they gave me X amount of money in Financial Aid last year...so I should be able to scrape up enough to to send it to him. We were barely scraping by with both of us going to college full time and raising a special needs child. I contacted my husband's rep at the International office and he said "They're supposed to send it to me." When I described what happened, he contacted the head of Financial Aid. I was asked to the office where the woman who had made the comments was required to apologize to me while the head of Financial Aid watched.
When I was growing up, we had my mother and 4 kids living on $875/mo and our rent was $425/mo!! This was the early ‘70’s. My oldest sister moved out, my other sister was getting ready to move to NYC, then move back! My brother had been drafted and had gone to Vietnam, and I was ready to volunteer for the draft in 1972 and signed 2 years of my life away to Uncle Sam!! It’s taken up until the past 2 years to say that the wife and I are finally able to breathe financially!!
My pet peeve is those who do "checkbook charity": "I gave money, I need not do more, nor think about more, or why the money is needed". Pick up a hammer, volunteer, whatever, but a *lot* of charity organizations spend a LOT of the money on themselves, not on the people meant to be helped. Study before you write a check. Please.
Agreed. I was once going through a tough financial situation when I was dating a guy who was earning super well. He always requested that we split bills (I am actually fine with splitting bills, but inviting for time to time wouldn't have hurt him. Now that I am doing pretty well, I do that for my friends that have limited money), spent tons of money buying useless stuff he never used (he used to say: my money, I do whatever I want with it). I told him many times he could donate some money or help others ( I come from a developing country and I have always helped or donated money for causes there), but he said he distrusted foundations. The final straw: he was planning to buy expensive car rims with smiley face to "make people happy" while driving, while he knew I barely had money to pay rent... Just...why? His answer: because why not?. I ditched him that day. Sorry, I just don't get it.
I think if you can afford it, treat yourself, but do donate and give food and money to those who don't have as much as you do. This guy is an idiot.
Load More Replies...Just general "toxic"/jeslous behaviour. No, i do not want to sleep with the Barista because they asked my name for my order. Yes, i was told to treat as I wanted to be treated as a child so I Will be polite and smile to others from Time to Time, this does not mean i want to shag every human being i interact with.
I'm glad you don't want to shag every human being you come across, if you did, we'd have a problem. AND if the point you're making is "just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm flirting" I TOTALLY agree. I smile all the time, and I love talking to people, but I'm sick of people thinking I'm flirting just cause I talked to them. it's only happened a few times, but when it does happen it can mess you up for a while and leave you thinking, "wtf?"
I got called a hussy by some old lady because I told her husband to have a good day after I completed his transaction.
Load More Replies...This hits home. I gave a light peck on the cheek to an old friend in front of my ex and after everyone went home, my ex tried to strangle me. Should've called the cops. Toxic insecurity.
I approached a truck driver in an Interstate gas station/cafe - and asked if I could talk to him for a minute. I instantly knew the look on his face said he thought I was "advertising my skills", or something close. I ignored it and went on to ask his professional advice as to how and when to downshift the rental moving truck I was driving up and down the steep mountains. He relaxed noticeably. We went out to look at the truck (men like to do that) and then he carefully explained how that was done - and that it would cause me anxiety because it made a horrible and loud scream and the truck seemed like it was falling apart. All that was absolute truth - and I made it clear across the Rockies from then on! Just a funny story.
Needed my ex to know this. He never understood the difference between good manners and flirting.
My husband could walk into me having an orgy on a Game of Thrones scale and his only reaction would be to strip down and join. He has never once been jealous, and I first thought it was because he didn't like me as much as I like him, but after our first year of our relationship I realized that it was his most attractive quality. I have never been asked to explain myself and I have never asked for him to explain himself. Neither of us have ever checked each other's phone and we tell each other everything. It is fantastic.
I always say that if you dont trust your partner then you should not be dating them. Its undertadable to be a bit jelous in the sense of "I am insecure i wish I had X like this person" (a job, looks, smarts etc). But never jealous in the sense of "you are going to cheat on me". I broke up with my ex because he was jealous of everybody. Me spending time with male friends but also female friends or gay men. It was ridiculous.
My husband will help women in public all the time. Tiny short woman with a mountain of groceries? Gorgeous glamazon in stilettos finna ruin them in a rain puddle? Single mom or mom unassisted with 5 kids while a toddler is scampering away in a crowded store? Little tiny old ladies refusing help? Yeah he is the safe male space women need more of. He always offers assistance and has never been refused. And I will never stop him.
Simultaneously wanting to shag someone doesn't mean you'll do it. "I mean that'd be nice but I reaaaally don't want to get up right now"
People being obsessed with their social media presence.
It saddens me that some people care more about their curated online presence than their real life.
I was thinkin about being genericsocialmedia-famous but in a social media that is not supposed to be socialmedialized... im wallmartcustomservice-famous, u name it
For me, its the girls who CONSTANTLY say “I’m ugly” and then you tell them they aren’t, and then they go “no, im really ugly” and it just goes back and forth. I can’t stand it :/
I would find this annoying too if it was apparent she only says it for compliments. However, some people really just have that bad self esteem. I used to be similar in my self image and have had too many experiences with people saying contrary to what they actually think that I wouldn't believe someone unless their actions matches their words. Some people are just treated badly.
Sometimes they really believe it, though. If a parent or other important adult told them they were ugly when they were children, that lesson sinks deep in.
This!; I've heard people call me that before and I cannot shake it off
Load More Replies...I feel divided on this one. I really do think I'm ugly but my coping mechanism is to joke about it. I don't fish for compliments and if someone contradicts me I wouldn't believe them. But I can see that it's difficult for others to know how to respond, too. If they can tell whether she believes what she says or is just fishing, that is... And either way, there should be things to say that prevents it all from becoming ping pong game....
It's a bad habit for sure. However the problem is you're trying to fix it :) instead of empathize. "Oh, you feel that way? I have days like that too. I know it's hard" is probably more what they're looking for, though they're using the wrong words
Or if you can't relate maybe something like "Aw. Hug?"
Load More Replies...I'm guilty of this, but it's mostly because I suck at taking compliments and actually think I'm ugly and people are just messing with me...
People who do this, repeatedly and often, are almost always fishing for reassurance. In the future, I would simply ask "what is it you're really insecure about, specifically?" It may throw them, it may offend them but chances are there's something (an incident, a toxic past relationship, etc) driving this behavior.
When i say i feel ugly and someone says "no you're not!" i say "okay" specifically so we don't get into a back and forth thing.
If they were doing it to get attention, then I would just ignore them.
Narcissistic, that goes to both genders
It could be argued that all of you, who are arguing about gender identities are being narcissistic with your beliefs while denying others their beliefs such as the OP's. Priscilla and the rest, stop trying to dictate how others think and where their beliefs fall. You believe in all genders meaning there are more than one and that is groovy but it's not a shared concept by quite a lot of us. And that is perfectly ok because each of us is allowed to think for ourselves. Stop trying to change the narrative of a post you didn't create.
And continuing to downvote me just shows how ignorant and narcissistic you truly are which proves this post correct.
Load More Replies...Self absorbed behavior... the Kardashian/Housewives of ??? Syndrome. You are NOT the star of some reality show, stop acting like it.
this is a turn off in a friendship, business partnership, interaction, school project, anything at all -- not just a romantic relationship
So hear you... the "Omg... CONGRATULATE me!! I put my socks on today by myself! Aren't I SO awesome? C'mon... I don't mean to humble brag but... wow, how great am I???"
Load More Replies...Even if they ARE the star of some reality show...they shouldn't act like that, imo
I don't even engage with these people. Cause I mean, the only people they want to interact with.. is themselves, right?
I don’t think the kardashians are typically self absorbed in their relationships. Don’t believe everything you see on tv.
No matter how attractive in a conventional way, if you constantly need reassurance it is very off-putting and not very attractive at all.
The whole “let me push all your buttons, you’re wrong, I’m right, I do it because I think it’s funny to rile you up” schtick. Then repeat it immediately.
My dad does this to my mom and tries to do it with me and I'm like "no, I have too much anxiety to find more anxiety funny"
This is abusive behavior- it's essentially bullying with a "but it was just a joke! Lighten up!" attached to justify it. I realize this is your parent so you can't simply 'leave' this relationship and I'm sincerely sorry you're dealing with that.
Load More Replies...anyone who laughs when you are genuinely angry, irritated, or otherwise upset should be a huge red flag. partner dystonic behavior will erode your self worth
I *hate* this with a passion. Do this to me, and my PTSD tends to slip the leash. Bad idea. Just don't. It's not funny, it's not okay.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I HATE WHEN IT COMES TO THAT IN AN ARGUMENT???? WHEN THE PERSON PROCEEDS TO SING AND IGNORE YOU!!!! JUST AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
So your that ahole huh. Your laughter doesn't satisfy the urge to coldcock you
Load More Replies...Spitting. Just grosses me out.
It is a filthy, vile, disgusting thing to do in public. If you have sinus issues, carry tissues!
but sometimes when i wake up and brush my teeth i gotta hauck a loogie! maybe just soundproof the restroom.
When they think that their taste in music makes them a superior person instead of just having different tastes. Applies to both genders. Edit: phrasing
Looking down on anyone because of a personal preference that impacts nothing makes them pretty douchey
Oh God yes! Not being sexist but (then immediately follows with sexist remark lol!) I do think men are somewhat more guilty of this than women. Looking down on 'pop' music, criticising bands for having 'gone commercial' and saying that they 'knew them before they sold out' etc. You like what you like and you can like pop, classic and rap music too. There's no limits on the different things you can like. Someone else's different tastes don't make them wrong, we all have different favourite colours too..
Well then don't make a sexist remark, if you don't want to. Just say that this is your observation. :) Nobody can s**t on your personal observation. ^^ And thus: I have made the same observation! :D
Load More Replies...If you don't know what is meant when someone says "both genders," your time is better spent reading books than correcting posts. There is nothing obfuscating or offensive unless you are looking for a fight, which us pandas don't want.
Being needy and acting like your the only human in their life. Like please give me a f****** break I didn’t adopt a 37 year old child.
I had that really bad, the separation anxiety. I've gotten better by understanding one person cannot be another's only emotional support but I can still want to feel SPECIAL like I am the most important human in their life (if no kids are in the picture).
Load More Replies...I was quite needy during lockdown because my hubby was the only human in my life, he worked long hours and I worked from home. Now lockdown is easing and the weather is improving, I don't lean on him emotionally too much. Sometimes you need to lean on each other, that's what relationships are about.
Yeah! My mother didn't raise no fools! My adoption agency informed me so.
This sounds like something happened to them in childhood, like neglect or something. But I guess most people's issues come from childhood don't they?
Refusing to do anything they think is considered more "feminine" cause they think it's gay. Not washing your face doesn't make you straight, it just makes you crusty. I may have some bias since i do lean towards more feminine guys, but there's certain limits, man.
Agreed, same with cleaning you room/house. Tells me I won't have to pick up after you
Gawd I dated a guy like this. He wanted a mommy, not a partner. He wanted someone to clean his whole house, cook for him, and be eye candy around “the guys”. Not to mention also work full time, and bring home a decent amount of money while somehow also making him feel like the bread winner of the household. It was all very confusing. He’s almost 50 now and still a child.
Load More Replies...One of my friends can't wrap his head around that I like scented candles. Actually, I think it's candles in general. He thinks it is a gay character trait. It cracks me up. C'mon man, I just like ambience and nice smells.
Scented candles are amazing! I do not understand your friend at all! XD
Load More Replies...The same with wearing pink. I´m a guy and I love my pink t shirt, dude. Relax.
Some men actually refuse to wipe their butts as it is “gay”. SMH. They wonder why they can’t get laid?
Uh... that sounds very painful... and prone to infection...
Load More Replies...I know plenty of boys who do things like washing their face and are obviously straight. Is it that big a deal?
My husband is very effeminate and I never think of him as being insecure about it, so when he is it always shocks me. All the guys in his high school hated him, men today seem to not like him. Anyways, because he got in a ton of fights because of it, he sometimes refuses to do things because they are too feminine. It isn't often or a real problem, but I never push it when it comes up. He isn't insecure that people will think he is gay. I think he is just still hostile towards masculine men and doesn't want to deal with some dude saying s**t to him.
"It's girly" is code for "I am secretly homophobic", IMO, but what do I know? I'm a girl!
Fake tans, like the ones where they look orange. I've seen both men and women walking around like they are hot s*** looking like an Oompa Loompa
Didn't the US elect an orange Oompa Loompa as president a few years ago?
I kinda disagree? Fake tan is better than the alternative for the pale skinned. So many people my age or older (for whom fake tans weren't really available) got skin cancer by excessive sun bathing for their pale skins. So I'd rather see 'Oompah Loompahs' all around than people suffering skin cancer..
Ok, but what is wrong with a pale skin? I use an spf 50 daily for my face also because of the aging effecfs of to much sun and accepted I'm pale most of the year.
Load More Replies...Orange tans... reminds me of a funny huge orange baby flying balloon of a looser
Girls starting in 6th grade in my school do this. This one girl did it and she looked like TRASH. She actually thought she looked cute with it though.
These are bad fake tans. There are also good fake tans but they aren’t automatically noticeable.
Smell and poor hygene. No one smells just because they are a dude, they smell because they don't clean themselves. Excessive body spray is not an alternative
If I can smell your stink at a normal conversation-having distance... I don't want to know what other aromas lurk. 🤮
Some people cannot help how they smell, no matter how often they shower. Because of my anxiety, I stress sweat and it smells awful. I'm embarrassed by it, but there's nothing I can do but change clothes, shower and reapply deodorant, which isn't always an option.
Hi Niffler - you may not know this, apologies if you do, but you can have sweat glands removed if your sweating is excessive. A friend of mine had the surgery and it was very successful. Synthetic fabrics can make odour worse as well.
Load More Replies...I had one boyfriend whose breath was so bad, it could strip paint off the wall. When I told him about his bad breath, he asked "Who am I supposed to impress? Besides, I've already brushed once today." His breath got a bit better toward the end, but I was already not interested in kissing him.
That's only a temporary thing. However, there is one sure fire way to cut out the "smelly" part. Either order one on line, or buy locally, a "Thai Deodorant Stone". Its a rock salt that you use to kill off the bacteria. And the stone lasts for years. I have been using a deodorant stone for over 35 years, and it has killed off 100% of bacteria living under my arms, and crotch. I could, if I wanted to, literally go months without using anything, and still smell fresh.
I agree. Unless you work in a physicallt demanding job. When I was in my internship in the paleo department in the uni my tutor (a wonderful lovely guy) always smelled of sweat and tobacco. Very off putting. Now later when I worked as a caregiver we all smelled like literal s**t but as it was normal it was totally different.
That human smell makes me want to run. Its not offensive in elderly or sick people, and not a noxious odor in general; just a clear indication that you don't shower daily. someone please know what i am talking about?
Making fun of my appearance, even as a joke. It’s a giant red flag and I won’t date anyone who “teases” me about it.
Very true. I don't like it when someone teases you in a really bullying way and then says 'it was just a joke, can't you take a joke?' Making you feel even worse!!
Oh the 'joke' excuse, yeah right! Ppl say a lot of 'truths' they believe but know aren't socially acceptable to say, then pretend they are 'joking', such a cop out!
Load More Replies...Yeah, I have freckles, hate them and are very sensitive about them. The first time, I will let you know this and if you bring them up again, it's over. Not cute. Not funny.
I hate it when people mock appearances, it's either something they can't change (and then laughing at it is low), or if it's changeable then it's a personal choice, and then who cares if they've chosen something that you object to, it doesn't concern you.
I always wonder the long term result of an s.o. who jokes at my expense. I never stick around long enough to find out. Does it turn into straight insults? Is he/she controlling after a while? idk curious
Especially when they make you really angry then tell you to "chill". Like why did you even make me mad in the first place???
Not being "teachable", as in can't be introspective or when faced with new information cannot budge on their initial opinions/conclusions, is unattractive. It comes off as stupid and arrogant and makes me feel like I'm dealing with someone who is unreasonable.
I am accused about this a lot at work. By one guy. Because I don't agree with him. He's always telling me, 'well that's your perspective'. But often it is just his personal opinion which he hasn't bothered to research or back with any credible evidence, findings or reports. So there could be two responses to this, is the person who you're referring to like him, someone who just refuses to think about or acknowledge statistics and facts that have been peer-reviewed in respected publications? Or are they like me and are simply not going to substitute whatever your opinion is for their own, just because you think they should with no viable basis for it?
For me, it’s this. Remaining ignorant because it supports your beliefs and opinions. Beliefs and opinions are personal. They do not have to divide us. BUT... refusing to acknowledge facts and science based research... annoying as s**t!
Load More Replies...I agree but understanding and opinion are two different things. I can understand your point of why raccoons are trash pandas but I still think it is offensive to pandas. It's not the opinion that HAS to change (sometimes it does), its more that they have to be able understand, is capable of introspection, and has the ability to see things from another's perspective.
I need to know more about OP. Sometimes I hear this type speech from men and its just because they can't believe women have their own opinions and don't agree with them. It turns into "she can't reason" not "ok we disagree on this"
This one reminds me of the "everything is a criticism" thing. If I say I like red ... and you like blue, I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying I like a different colour - why are you now telling me all the reasons that the colour red sucks? I get it... you don't like it, fair enough.
SO true. This goes hand in hand with strongly held opinions but, when asked WHY they hold those views, they don't really have a reason. I have much more respect for those who disagree with me if they know WHY they hold their views than I do for those who agree with me but don't know why..
Pushing you to do something you don't want to because " everyone does it and it's fun"
Seems like someone testing how firmly you stick to your boundaries is BIG trouble. No means no.
Its like the opposite of ur mom saying “if ur friend jumps off from a cliff, will u jump too?”. “Hey, lets jump off from the cliff, everyone is doin it!”
No, everyone does not do it, whatever it is, and fun is subjective, so... step away, let it go, and leave me to *not* bungee-jump or whatever, thanks! :-)
When they can’t take no for an answer. This is a pretty broad statement, but a lot of guys have trouble taking no. It can go from slightly annoying to really scary in a heartbeat
ladies too... it can get ugly quick, especially if they pull the Potiphar's wife stunt bc/ they didn't get what they wanted.
A lot of women can't take no for an answer as well, and they can get just as aggressive as men about it.
If not scary, then whiny. Why do guys think if they ask a million times and whine about it, suddenly the answer will be yes, or we'll suddenly agree with them.
Dont want to ruffle any feathers here but speaking from several witnessed episodes of this I will say that believe it or not there are a lot of women who use the #me too as a literal weapon. Reject me? RAPE. break up with me? PEDO. Its common and scary.
Playing hard to get. if you like me just f**** tell me, stop beating around the bush. edit: i am a girl.
Or being really vague about what you mean to them, so you don't know what sort of relationship you are in. You feel like a nag if you try to clarify it all. I think it's so that they can justify the 'non' status of your relationship when they start dating other people without telling you.
I just read vague as vegan and it still worked in the sentence. Not as well, but it still worked. I'm sorry.
Load More Replies...i just ghost by the the time they get around to being direct. i don't have time or patience for that game.
I think thats just narcissism. I bet they have had so many guys or girls followin them that they must think they have the right to play with you even knowin they will reject you, just to make theyr egos even bigger.
Us men are really straightforward with this. It's literally you women that do it.
My number three filter Looking for someone who doesn't play games
Inflated egos. Entitlement. Incapability of being humble and make fun of yourself.
These days, a lot of so-called "making fun of yourself" consists of presenting their self-hatred as something funny and cute, rather than something that should be fixed. That kind of thing is a deal-breaker for me. It's OK to *have* issues, but listening to a lot of those jokes is a level of unpaid therapy that I'm not equipped to do.
Lip fillers. Its super popular right now but it just grosses me the f*** out.
Every person who succumbed to having fillers looks the same. Weird with abnormal lips that look an awful unnatural shape and must feel really odd too.
These women who get these fillers makes them look like they have a fish face.
Depends on how it looks. That "Real Houswives of BH" look is gross. But just my opinion. I think it's supposed to be a status thing. It seems like they all go to the same terrible doctor.
This is the same as the fake tan one, if it’s done well you won’t notice.
Squeaky little girl voices, especially if it’s on purpose.
Thank you. It is nearly impossible for me to discuss business with a 40-year-old woman who sounds like she's going to start kindergarten any day now. The high-pitched squeal of a laugh is even worse. If you need speech therapy, for heaven's sake, get it! Not only will it teach you how to modulate your voice, but if you're in business it could make a big difference in your bottom line.
Load More Replies...^^^ on purpose. The thought of that makes me so uncomfortable.
Or the affectation of what I call the hissing 'S'. They think it sounds more feminine drives me nuts. My cousin does this, picked it up in a sorority, it is just so cringey.
You mean like 'Shteve knows that a shtrong woman can carry her own grosheries?' I hate that, it's lazy and wrong.
Load More Replies...Mine is not on purpose. I have a naturally high voice and have a speech defect called rhotacism that basically puts me into perpetual uwu mode. It also gets worse when I’m stressed without me noticing it.
Oh, same!! I tend to get teased by my family when I try and say R words, but it's all in good fun.
Load More Replies...Well dang, my voice is like that:( I’ve had people think I was my 7 year old before over the phone. “Can I talk to you mom?” “Who do u think this is?!”
I think what they mean is the kind of (usually) girl, who gets caught out lying and their instant reaction is to switch from speaking normally, to clutching their chest and speaking in an abnormally high tone. I've met someone like that, it used to give me the creeps.
Load More Replies...People who only like one side of you. No, I'm not going to be upbeat and cracking jokes all the time, sometimes I wanna be serious and if you can't even pretend to care then the whole relationship feels kinda fake
Yup. Had this one. Fair weather friendship - here for the fun, not for anything else. Everybody has rough patches and bad days and we should be allowed to be prepared for all sorts of weather in life.
Well and what's the deal with these fairweather people? They *never* have a bad day or >gasp< an inexplicable cranky mood? Never? Pfft- I don't buy it.
Load More Replies...Happened with a ton of 'friends' in high school and university. As long as I was caring, supportive, 'on their side' and happy - oh man... I was their BEST friend. The SECOND I was depressed, crying, torn up about something.... "You know, you should smile more. Guys will like you more". How did they not get face-punched? I don't know.
I deal with this a lot because I'm usually very funny at work. Come by my house and I'm calm and chill. Then people will be like, "Hey, what's wrong? I know you, I can tell you're upset about something". At this point, the only thing upsetting me is having to find a place to buy yet another body...
Messiness and having poor hygiene.
I could never be with someone who is fine with clothes on the floor or empty cups all over.
Gasp! Ivana, we can never be together! My clothes prefer sleeping on the floor when dirty.
Load More Replies...I have really bad ADD. And struggle so bad to keep up with a huge workload of house cleaning. And I also have OCD which causes me to want to skin myself alive if the house is dirty. So basically I'm a wreck. But I'm entertaining.
I remember working with people who would excuse their messy desk saying it was because they were 'busy' and 'working hard' and so 'didn't have the time' to tidy up - implying that my tidy desk meant I was lazy. It didn't, they were simply too lazy to slide stuff off their desk into the bin (next to their desk) once they were finished with it. Same person was only 'half-doing' all their work, drove me mad! Rant over! Lol!
I am kinda messy. I also have water cups like everywhere because I don’t want to go get a different one whenever I’m thirsty
Ha, my boyfriend and I are both messy, so it works. We don't care if there are clothes everywhere. We'd rather do other things with our time then constantly clean. Dishes in the sink? Big deal. Shoes all over? Meh.
Feeling the need to post on social media constantly and pretending that they don’t care about it but obviously care A LOT
Acting thirsty or making sexual innuendos early on. Nothing dries me up more
If they think making innuendos on day 1 is sexy, then they probably also lack maturity/ respect.
This. I spent nearly two hours talking with a man in a pub. Great conversation. Suddenly, he started telling me in pornographic terms what he wanted to do to me. I noped right out of there.
I lol'd at Noped as a verb! Seriously tho, you know he was probably gonna be awful & gross the second they start busting out with that crap.
Load More Replies...And constantly working hard to steer the conversation towards sexual conversations.
Unless is obviously in a joking matter (that is shared by both so its not creepy). The day i fell for my partner I was teaching him how to say dirty stuff in spanish. We always laught telling others that he conquered me telling me "tienes unos ojos para comerte el coño" (you have such pretty eyes as to eat your pussy). In other situation it would have been really gross but in that context it was funny.
or than groan men do to let you know they are interested and somehow think is sexy to women. I hate that so much. this might be an older male thing. it's gross. i don't need primal noises
But what if i am thirsty?? I wanna Dickens' Cider, takes the edge off
The need to take pictures so often and record everything. This should never have been normalized.
I write everything down. On any piece of paper from anywhere. I don't know why - and I seldom use that information for anything further. Because I can't find it anyway. I think it's just a latent desire to be a writer of things and stuff.
I am sort of ocd. I look for harmless ways to express it. I habitually write down how many kilometres I drive every single day! Totally useless, but it is a good outlet for my compulsions that doesn't cause harm!
Load More Replies...i'm on the fence with this, if you're neglecting other important things including relationships with people you're out with, in favor of taking a dozen pictures of your food, that's not good. if you just like to have mementos of places you go and people you hang out with, that's fine, lots of people do that.
Not taking the f***** compliment. Like, if I say your hair looks good today, and you say, "haha, no! It looks like s***!" And i try to tell you again that it looks good, if you disagree the second time, I will tell you that fine, I agree it looks like s***.
Once I was at a large convention. A woman complimented me on my eye color, and I did the above behavior. She told me that compliments are like gifts, you can either say thank you and appreciate or toss the gift back in the person's face like a jerk. 20 years later I still remember this wise woman's words.
I had a teacher in school say this. It has stuck with me, receive compliments as you would a physical gift.
Load More Replies...It was extremely difficult for me to accept compliments because ... Well, I thought if I acknowledged it they wanted something from me. It's a trauma response. So if you get that, take a second... if you know them well enough, or are feeling particularly calm and bold - let them know that learning to accept a compliment make the speaker feel accepted. Just say Thank you, and shut up! I still don't trust compliments, but I acknowledge the speaker...
I lost a man I really loved because of this. I had such low self esteem that I thought he was making fun of me. I could not see anything positive in a mirror. I think if you have this problem with someone they may well have body dysmorphia. It's very true. You (and I do too) have to learn to accept compliments graciously (even if you can't see why you are getting the compliment). There are exceptions, sometimes 'love bombers' (a bit of a flag for a narcissist) will bombard you with compliments that really are quite empty or shallow.
I always blush, clasp my hands, swing my shoulders and say "thank you" like a little kid. I'm 47.
Some people, like myself, are conditioned at an early age to not accept compliments. I was taught by my abusive parents that compliments were for truly amazing people, which I was not and never would be amazing in anything. So I have a hard time accepting that someone thinks anything amazing about me.
This can be cultural too: in NZ we have what's known as "tall poppy syndrome", ie anyone who raises themselves up is cut down quickly. People can compliment you, and if you accept the compliment you will see their eyebrows shoot up like "omg who does he/she think he/she Is?!"
Wait, there may cases that theres ppl who just dont believe in compliments cause they dont have self steem at all. But if u are a nice looking, popular guy or girl and play the non believer, FCK U! LACK OF SELF STEEM SUCKS
I am uncomfortable with compliments. I take time for my skills and crafts, for me and my enjoyment. When someone notices i feel very awkward and cowed. Mostly i just respond with an "okay", and the classic polite canadian response of a "thank you".
Acting like being a b**** or being edgy is cool
Ha. ha.hahahahah "I'm so mysterious" - no... you just sound like you don't care about people... why are you so puzzled and offended that people don't care for you back?
those wierdos who think chugging water is so cool like shut it devan your not in 4th grade
People who do things for ‘clout’ and don’t actually care for being genuine until they need something from you.
If you're at work apparently that's called being 'professional'. Which as far as I can tell is another word for pseudo-sociopath.
"Im just too crazy😝", "Not like other girls"
b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-but I'm not like other girls... I'm a microwave
lmao that is how all my friends act like with boys. I just sit there and say hey.
manic pixie dreamgirl syndrome! a lot of us are guilty of it, but if you're lucky you grow out of it and understand how unappealing it actually is.
all men who tell me "I'm not like other men" are so fcking like other men i wonder if they even know what women who date go through. it's a complete lack of awareness coupled with a self compliment that is a wall of fog
Yeah, its all is fun and games until being too crazy and not like other girls means im bipolar.. takin pills is not 😝 at all.
Oh, but I am very much crazy and probably not like other girls. Not that I've even been in the same room as another girl, or any human being for that matter, in a long while :>
Acting stupid for attention.
Same. I don't think my husband has ever once said a serious word to me. Hard to fight with the guy because it is like his dad jokes get pushed to overdrive. Like dude, I am in the middle of telling you what a horrible person you are for leaving coffee cups in the shower, could you please excuse yourself from the tea party you are hosting for the dogs in the bath tube long enough to have a serious conversation with me. That really happened. He told me he would not entertain speaking to me until I apologized to the dogs as the tea party was for the very happy unbirthday.
Load More Replies...Its cool when u are your own accomplice... then i though i just lost my mind
anyone who feels the need to expose their privates at public events needs to go
Using your partner as your therapist. Man, I don't know why I attract the 'broken' guys, but every date I've been on where it went past the first date, they'd start telling me all about their disturbing thoughts and I'd be supportive, but I'd internally be screaming because this was supposed to be a fun time and I didn't emotionally prepare for this.
Yeah - we have this weird conflict of puritanism and hypersexuality that has no sensible resolve. It is peculiar...
Load More Replies...I've got 2: poor tipping (I know, this cultural gem will draw the ire of anyone not in the US, but it's a great gauge of how kind or narcissistic someone is. If you can afford to eat out, you can afford to tip well.) The other is plastic surgery; if you're so vain as to have elective surgery, we will have difficulty finding common ground and aligning our priorities.
I think excessive plastic surgery is weird... but simple things - like having the mole removed from the end of my nose - well... How many times can a person get brutally teased before they just want the issue gone? Or cleft palate, or reconstruction, or a simple derm abrasion to help get rid of wrinkles from a carefree and sunscreen free childhood? There are a lot of things I find weird about some procedures, but in my 50's and an actor - I would consider something to reduce wrinkles, provided no cuts are made...lol But - that's just me.
Load More Replies...No, I'm British and I've experienced this. I wind up being a counselor but if I ever need to talk in the same way about often quite similar subjects - I've been told to 'get medical help' or 'talk to one of your friends' etc. This is toxic when it's a one-way system.
"broken guys" that says a lot about how a perfect guy suppose to be...if you tell somebody something personal that makes you a bit more human, in the second date and they take it like is s horrible burden...is good idea sto skip further dates...any woman who talks about men opening up and finde "the broken guy" disgusting, maybe should stay with the toxic macho guys instead
This happens to me with my friends. I met a girl once and within 10 minutes she was ranting about her life. I saw her once more and then ended the friendship, avoid at ALL COSTS
You don't have to be that ear for anyone, but try to be kind about declining.
Load More Replies...Too much toxic masculinity in the good ol' USA. Look at our movies. So much violence, not enough love making. So sad.
And here is the root of how people judge Americans...by our entertainment. Once you wake up and realize that Hollywood does not control the country, the better off you will be at making your own choices for your life. Hollywood does not define us, it's morons like you that do. Please stop. It's really not a good look for you.
Load More Replies...Desperately trying to be unique
Yeah there can be a fine line between quirky, free-spirited artist and.. desperate, over-compensating child.
When I was a teenager we expressed our individuality by all dressing exactly the same in jeans, t-shirt and running shoes....
Yes, but I feel like at that point it was part of finding your identity
Load More Replies...If someone is truely unique they would have no need to tell everyone.
Ha. Ha. ha. This goes back to the "Omg. look at me. I dressed myself today AND made a cup of coffee all by myself. And it was the best cup EVER. I am SO unique... oh and yeah... all this stuff that works for everyone else... it TOTALLY doesn't work for me. How WEIRD is that right? I mean... I must be breaking the laws of physics!" (note: by 'stuff' i mean everything. EVERYTHING ... ibuprofen won't work for pain, napkins won't absorb water, vegetables don't help with fibre intake... they will announce that literally NOTHING will 'work' because they're just soooo special)
I feel this applies to the vast majority of teenagers, myself included when I was one. The sad thing is, at the time, it really feels like *nobody* "gets you" and everything is felt so deeply & seems so sincere at the time. Every falling out with a friend feels like the end of the world & every heartbreak feels like Romeo & Juliet level pain. It's just lack of perspective, usually.
Not respecting when something upsets or bothers you. Whether its a joke or comment they made or an incident that happened. Being told to "calm down" or "its just a joke" or "you're over reacting"
That is called gaslighting and it's a common form of abuse.
Load More Replies...FTR, as a woman I absolutely do not believe it's okay to hit a man. Sadly, our culture often downplays a heavy handed slap across the face as some kind of bad b*tch mark of power but it's abuse, plain & simple. People should not be hitting each other, regardless of gender, period. This behavior sets a potentially dangerous precedent and is never okay.
Load More Replies...Am I the only one whose biggest turn off is bias? If you're racist, homophobic, transphobic, hate one breed of dog because it looks scary, anything like that, I'm gone.
No, this is one for me as well. What started off as a "dark sense of humor" quickly became flat out every "ism" in the book. Funny thing is, for all their supposed superiority, most insecure & immature person I ever dated. They literally feared anyone different than them because they might be "better" somehow. Really pathetic individual.
Load More Replies...being proud of their own ignorance... like being proud they never read a book because "they are not geeks"... being proud that they don't know something instead of learning something new... making fun of someone else's knowledge
Ugh, this is always such a red flag. Sadly, I know so many people over 35 who still live this philosophy. Really pathetic.
Load More Replies...When asked their opinion about something the answer is always "I don't kmow".
YES! Omg!! I had no idea how much of a 'no' this is for me until I got into a relationship with a guy that uses "I don't know" for an answer AND as an excuse.
Load More Replies...I've always thought it a bit of a disappointment when a guy is surprised that I've asked him out. I mean seriously, I'm not going to wait for you to ask me. I would consider it pathetic. what else was I supposed to do other than ask him myself? I have a shot, I'm gonna shoot it.
I am both envious of & loving your whole vibe. That confidence looks great on you!
Load More Replies...Thinking that money impresses you. Dam I am poor but I'm not going to date/marry for it. My mental health is a bigger priority. I'd rather be sane in a cardboard box than miserable in a mansion. I'm looking for someone to spend years with after all.
Hubs & I have been the full range of income brackets & I can say with conviction that money truly can't buy you happiness or peace. If you've got issues, all the money in the world won't help (except to like, pay for therapy) Now, this isn't to say financial security isn't important because it absolutely is but if a relationship is broken, no amount of travel or stuff is going to make a person happy if they're fundamentally unhappy.
Load More Replies...Every one of these resonates with me. I think, as a collective, I just don't like other people.
This legit made me sad. I hope you meet some amazing person that changes that for you!
Load More Replies...The majority of these answers could fall under "what it's like to be a narcissist". I am married to one (for the time being) and it's not something I wish upon people. They basically suck the life out of you. Look up what defines a narcissist to get a better grasp and you might find out that there are narcissists either in your family or your relationships.
Similarly, undiagnosed/ untreated mental illness. My marriage was really difficult until my hubby got his bipolar disorder diagnosed & treated. Obviously, narcissism is only treatable if the person is willing to a)acknowledge there's something wrong and b) have any desire to change said behavior. I'm truly sorry you're in that situation and I sincerely hope you can reclaim your joy, whatever that looks like for you! You sound like a strong, intelligent person and I have faith you'll find your way to a better place!
Load More Replies...Not respecting when something upsets or bothers you. Whether its a joke or comment they made or an incident that happened. Being told to "calm down" or "its just a joke" or "you're over reacting"
That is called gaslighting and it's a common form of abuse.
Load More Replies...FTR, as a woman I absolutely do not believe it's okay to hit a man. Sadly, our culture often downplays a heavy handed slap across the face as some kind of bad b*tch mark of power but it's abuse, plain & simple. People should not be hitting each other, regardless of gender, period. This behavior sets a potentially dangerous precedent and is never okay.
Load More Replies...Am I the only one whose biggest turn off is bias? If you're racist, homophobic, transphobic, hate one breed of dog because it looks scary, anything like that, I'm gone.
No, this is one for me as well. What started off as a "dark sense of humor" quickly became flat out every "ism" in the book. Funny thing is, for all their supposed superiority, most insecure & immature person I ever dated. They literally feared anyone different than them because they might be "better" somehow. Really pathetic individual.
Load More Replies...being proud of their own ignorance... like being proud they never read a book because "they are not geeks"... being proud that they don't know something instead of learning something new... making fun of someone else's knowledge
Ugh, this is always such a red flag. Sadly, I know so many people over 35 who still live this philosophy. Really pathetic.
Load More Replies...When asked their opinion about something the answer is always "I don't kmow".
YES! Omg!! I had no idea how much of a 'no' this is for me until I got into a relationship with a guy that uses "I don't know" for an answer AND as an excuse.
Load More Replies...I've always thought it a bit of a disappointment when a guy is surprised that I've asked him out. I mean seriously, I'm not going to wait for you to ask me. I would consider it pathetic. what else was I supposed to do other than ask him myself? I have a shot, I'm gonna shoot it.
I am both envious of & loving your whole vibe. That confidence looks great on you!
Load More Replies...Thinking that money impresses you. Dam I am poor but I'm not going to date/marry for it. My mental health is a bigger priority. I'd rather be sane in a cardboard box than miserable in a mansion. I'm looking for someone to spend years with after all.
Hubs & I have been the full range of income brackets & I can say with conviction that money truly can't buy you happiness or peace. If you've got issues, all the money in the world won't help (except to like, pay for therapy) Now, this isn't to say financial security isn't important because it absolutely is but if a relationship is broken, no amount of travel or stuff is going to make a person happy if they're fundamentally unhappy.
Load More Replies...Every one of these resonates with me. I think, as a collective, I just don't like other people.
This legit made me sad. I hope you meet some amazing person that changes that for you!
Load More Replies...The majority of these answers could fall under "what it's like to be a narcissist". I am married to one (for the time being) and it's not something I wish upon people. They basically suck the life out of you. Look up what defines a narcissist to get a better grasp and you might find out that there are narcissists either in your family or your relationships.
Similarly, undiagnosed/ untreated mental illness. My marriage was really difficult until my hubby got his bipolar disorder diagnosed & treated. Obviously, narcissism is only treatable if the person is willing to a)acknowledge there's something wrong and b) have any desire to change said behavior. I'm truly sorry you're in that situation and I sincerely hope you can reclaim your joy, whatever that looks like for you! You sound like a strong, intelligent person and I have faith you'll find your way to a better place!
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