“What’s The Scariest Thing About Being A Woman?”: 45 People Share Their Honest Answers
Interview
Being a woman can be amazing. There’s nothing stronger than the bond of sisterhood, and women are unstoppable when they band together and support one another. Girls just want to have fun, after all!
But unfortunately, being a woman isn’t all fun and games, as ladies are five times more likely to be killed by a partner and three times more likely to be abducted. To bring attention to the frightening reality of being a woman, even in today’s modern world, Redditors have recently been discussing the scariest things women have to deal with every day. We’ve gathered some of their most harrowing responses below, so be sure to upvote the thoughts you agree with, and keep reading to find a conversation with the Reddit user who started this thread.
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Its so funny how in the post for scary things about being a woman, the overwhelming answer is basically men. Men raping us, men killing us, men trapping us with kids and then abusing us. Them assaulting us and then blaming us for our assault. Them assaulting us and then accusing us of lying, etc.
In the post for scary things about being a man, the overwhelming answer I saw was their reputation. Being perceived as a pedo, being perceived as a creep, etc.
And while being percieved as a threat must suck, I cant help but not feel bad because thats the result of their behaviors. You dont get to historically and systematically oppress and assault women and children and then walk around this world with the reputation of being protectors and leaders.
Women face hardship because of men. Men face hardship because of other men.
The fact that my basic human rights are up for debate and are not guaranteed.
I'm sorry, I live under a rock. What does this mean? Edit: Oh, lovely! I've been downvoted because I asked a simple question. You downvoters really are another breed of irritating.
The rise of incels and the manosphere
I am genuinely afraid of what is going to happen once these teenagers raised on alpha male podcasts and incel communities start getting into politics and law. I am terrified.
I’m terrified of the way youtube is pushing this content mercilessly in their algorithm. I’m afraid of the way some argue women shouldn’t have rights, shouldn’t vote, domestic abuse should be legal.
I’m just honestly terrified that this content is going to lead to a wave of misogynist and dangerous policies in the future
Anyone who thinks domestic abuse should be legal is almost certainly an abuser, or well on their way to becoming one.
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Forced_to_Exist_, who posed the question, "What’s the scariest thing about being a woman?” She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda, sharing that she was simply interested in hearing about the experiences of other women.
The OP also noted what she considers to be some of the scariest aspects of being a woman. "To me personally, giving birth and having my reproductive and human rights taken away from me by the government," Forced_to_Exist_ says.
She added that she's childfree for various reasons, including how terrifying pregnancy and birth are. "But also because of how hard it is for mothers out there," the OP noted. "Our healthcare system treats pregnant and birthing women like animals."
I am male but have seen it said before when regarding going on a first date. Men are scared she will be fat. Women are scared they will be raped and/or murdered.
When I was young I thought that was just anti-male hyperbole. But then after I met my ex wife and she told me the horrible things that have happened. Then other women close to me opened up
I no longer think it was hyperbole. Men do terrible things to women and often go unpunished. I am not surprised women fear. It is horrible to live in fear like that. It’s not fair and it’s not right.
Anyway not sure what else I can say. I just hope the good guys outweigh the evil.
And there's also the difference between actually good guys and... "good" guys. Everyone who hasn't already done so should watch the film 'Promising Young Woman'.
dudes will literally beat the s**t out, or even kill you in a fit of uncontrolled emotional rage over mundane things , while simultaneously claiming you are the one that's unable to control your emotions
We were also curious if the OP believes most men understand how scary it can be to be a woman. "They might have some idea when they meet aggressors who are bigger than them. But I don’t really think they will know how scary it is to be stalked or worried about being SA’d or raped," Forced_to_Exist_ says.
"I was SA’d by a high school student in a terrifying way when I worked there as a para-educator. I felt really powerless and terrified in that moment. After the giant kid aggressively SA’d me, some male school administrators didn’t understand my trauma to the full extent and even dismissed it," she shared.
There is a long standing stigma of women being overly dramatic and medical professionals (even female professionals) dismissing their pain or discomfort.
I had several friends of varying ages who were misdiagnosed or ignored because the doctors assumed it was a pregnancy or period related problem.
Meanwhile, my older brother went to the doctor for what was a essentially heartburn and got every test under the sun to diagnose it.
I hate how this is so prevalent. I’m from the medical field (graduated from medical school and awaiting placement) and the sheer number of lecturers, who are all doctors, who take every possible chance to make fun of female patients and their symptoms is terrifying and disgusting. It’s often insensitive jokes such as “xx drug can cause mood swings but if you know a woman you’ll know that you don’t need any drugs to elicit mood swings” and frequent comments on how women exaggerate their symptoms. These are just some examples I remember among several other instances. It disgusts me to learn under such people and bothers me that they’re actually allowed to address people in this manner, even if it’s behind their backs.
For any man reading and seeing the comments from women about rape/attacks/overpowering etc, I think I speak for majority of women when I say we don’t want/need your protection. WE JUST WANT YOU TO STOP ATTACKING US! Those doing these things are not aliens. They are your family, friends, neighbors or coworkers. Start protecting us by calling out any behavior you deem problematic if it were your daughter,granddaughter, grandma, mom, aunt, sister, niece,girlfriend/fiancee/wife, best girl friend and so on
Responding to this as a man: I have obviously never attacked any women. I haven't seen much of that behaviour at all actually, but thats because my job involves being alone 80% of the time. But if I did, I know for a fact that I'd do something.
"So for men to imagine [what it's like to be a woman], it’s like you are always prey wherever you go," the OP continued. "I’m constantly scanning my environment when going on scenic walks in my countryside area, and I can’t just enjoy the nature without constantly worrying about a sexual predator driving by and abducting me, especially after a 14-year-old girl was abducted in my town a few years ago."
Loss of reproductive rights in certain areas of the U.S.
Feeling like an inanimate object created for other's use, pleasure, and victimization.
I was a smart, sunny kid who trusted everyone. I am now a menopausal woman who trusts no one.
The things that happened in between are a whole novel, I suppose, but suffice to say that I am still working to see myself as a person who has value beyond her visual and sexual being, who can be loved as a person completely separate from my appearance, and who still has something to offer the world.
This becomes more difficult as I begin to disappear, which has happened as I have aged. It is bizarre and hurtful and unsettling. I don't know what else to say about it, except that my sense of self has been put through the shredder and the mill too often. And I really, really never expected this to happen.
You are not alone. Sometimes in speaking for ourselves, we speak for others. Thank you for sharing.
Forced_to_Exist_ went on to say that she found the responses to her post very intriguing. "Some of them got to my heart. As a woman, I didn’t even know such dreadful things other women go through were possible, like being sexually harassed by grown men while being children."
"One lady shared her experience of how a grown man complimented her 'birthing hips' while she was only 8," she added. "I related to the women that shared their experiences of being objectified and being treated as nothing but a walking womb or an object for gratification; this made me sick to my stomach."
That there is no cure for some female specific diseases (PCOS, endometriosis ) but unisex/male diseases are much better researched.
Yes and the contraceptive pill was initially designed for men but abandoned because it caused side effects. Apparently it was deemed ok for women to suffer them though. Even availability in certain places is limited yet men can freely access viagra.
That almost any man you meet can easily overpower you without much effort. Any woman who ever had to physically fight a man knows well how helpless she felt at that moment.
My ex was a literal bag of bones (thin and lanky), often seen by his friends and those around him as being weak and not sportive (being the butt of many such jokes his entire life). He even has to take regular supplements since he was a kid just to ensure overall health. However, when it came to him physically assaulting me, it didn’t take him any extra effort. I knew from the first time he raised a hand to me that he is very much capable of overpowering and killing me if he wanted to. I have since left him and cut off contact but I can say with 100% confidence that if he doesn’t get help (he has anger management issues topped with NPD), he is going to seriously hurt or kill somebody in the future.
Giving birth to a child is dangerous and post-partum injuries can be very serious.
57 stitches inside and out (not a C section) and never feeling the same again (I'm over 60 now). Deep scars harden, and can cause issues/discomfort, wherever they are. Mine had to be restitched 4 years later after giving birth to my second (last) child. The only positive to it all is that we have 'Free at the point of use' healthcare in the UK, so at least no money worries on that count.
Probably the fact that there are men (of which you can never identify with certainty until it's too late) who will prioritize their desire for your body over anything else - your consent, your wellbeing, your life, anything.
Yeah, when guys say 'choose better' it's like seriously dude? Not all sharks are man eaters but I bet you're not going into shark infested waters to find out which ones aren't.
Ah, I guess it depends on where you live, BUT as a Mexican woman I'd say existing is the scariest thing about being a woman.
Just Google "Mexico feminicidios" and you'll get it.
Looked it up. Nearly 1000 murders of women in Mexico in the year 2022. I get it.
- There is a study that found that men are 6x more likely to leave their wives who are terminally ill than the other way around.
- In Canada, women are 5x more likely to donate a kidney to their spouse than men are (only 6.5% of husbands who are acceptable donors go on to donate). The disparity is far more extreme in some other countries.
- In Canada, the proportion of women killed by domestic partners is 8x greater than men.
For whatever societal reasons, women in heterosexual relationships are statistically overwhelmingly less likely to find the love and support that we rely on our partners for than men are, and are statistically far more likely to be endangered by the people they love. That's terrifying and tragic.
Now, I'm a gay man but seriously? Who wouldn't donate a kidney to a spouse?? I'd do anything to save my boyfriend.
Not knowing if a guy is being friends with you to take advantage of you or if their actually being genuine. Confusing and scary
TBH this one cuts both ways. I've had both men and women do it to me.
Other things have been mentioned that I agree with. I'll add:
Not being taken seriously, especially in a medical situation.
Example: I went to the hospital in severe pain and the first things I was told and checked out for were period cramps and pregnancy, though I said it was neither. I felt like I was dying. After being pregnant and having 2 kids, I can say it felt like neither.
Turned out I had a severe kidney infection and could have died.
Edit to add since some people have mentioned it seems like a routine thing to to:
I was placed as 'not urgent' in the triage list and waited hours before they got to reviewing my test results. I sat in the corner of triage streaming feeling like I was dying and trying to tough it out because I felt ashamed and like an inconvenience that I went to the ER. When they finally did get to my results, they quickly changed their tune and treated me immediately. I could have gone septic while waiting for them to treat me.
I had a similar issue with waiting forever in an ER. Three hours, flat on my back with a blown disk in my lower back ..was in the hallway near the ambulance entrance. No pain meds, nothing to help with the severe pain. I now have a permanent nerve injury and have to walk with a cane. Made formal complaint to hospital (one nurse told me when I asked how long till I will be seen was to state "I forgot my crystal ball at home") was told they did nothing wrong.
As a heterosexual woman, you have to date your only natural predator.
You can also choose celibacy, but the predators will be still lurking around everywhere you go.
The fact that every single one of us will have experienced sexual assault of one degree or another in our lifetimes.
I had to explain this to my father last year. That every single one of the women in our family with the probable exception of his other daughter has experienced this. Worse still was when I was speaking to my brother about it, he told me about the night he (gay) was roofied and gang raped. Obviously my father will never know about that from me.
For me, it would be being SAed and then even worse, not believed.
SAed? What's that? Stop this stupid censorship, BP, especially on a page dedicated to deal with serious topics.
Going pretty much anywhere alone, even during the daytime. The fact that I’ve had to learn to be aware of my surroundings just because I’m a woman makes me mad.
Not being able to walk alone at night in my native country (south africa). Any time my family ask why I prefer London, that's top of the list.
How men don’t see us as people. We’re girlfriends, se*ual objects, mothers, sisters, a fun night, a prize, a toy, but so rarely a normal, flawed being who deserve as much respect as a man naturally gets from other men. So many women go out with men who don’t even like them, because they just want a gf, not a partner. It’s scary because it feels like we’ll never be seen as human beings.
Having to have my rapist’s child against my will
(Been there, nearly done that - gotta love a chemical pregnancy)
The way men view and treat us. Their ignorance. Not comprehending that as a woman, we've all been harassed and bullied and stopped and followed by men before. Not all men. But men. Not understanding that we are attracted to something that could literally kill us at any moment. I'm talking about women who are attracted to men specifically. Nothing wrong with any other type of attraction that just happens to be my topic here. Men don't have to worry about that in a general sense. They don't have to fight knowing that at any moment the same person they are sexually or emotionally attracted to could just kill them if they had an anger spree. And I'm not just talking about somebody who has a history of anger problems. Men are built with more muscles and more strength than the female body. That's a mind f**k.
Or having to deal every day with sexism. Especially in markets like credit cards or loans or car sales or home sales. Being treated like we're just stupid hoes who only know how to swipe credit cards. Always given the worst deal because we have a vagina instead of a penis and can't even talk about it with men because they just laugh and act like sexism isn't a real thing.
Having to constantly defend ourselves or explain ourselves. Having to be made feeling guilty if we don't feel well because we have our menstrual cramps that are trying to rip us in half. Men trying to use our desire for equality as a form to punish or abuse us. Always having to do everything in an almost cartoonish polite ways that we don't upset a man's emotionally stunted ego and have them just go off on us because that is scary as hell.
And then always the pressure always look perfect and act perfect and just wake up looking like Barbie. Knowing that we will be both criticized if we have makeup and criticized if we don't. Criticize if we spend money to get our hair and nails done and criticized if we don't. Judged and compared to pornography and celebrities, and always feeling the pressure that if we dare to even once said we don't want sex one night that we have somehow let down our man but if he doesn't want sex with us one night we just have to shut up and accept it.
And of course the social pressure where woman is supposed to not only have a full-time job like a man is but she's also supposed to clean the whole house and take care of the household and organize and pay all of the bills and make all the appointments and single-handedly raise the kids and do all the grocery shopping and the errands and clean the entire house. If a man does even 10% of that he's raised up on a pedestal whereas a woman is criticized if she doesn't. A man brings home pizza and he's cool. A woman brings home pizza and she's a fat slob.
Being a woman is scary because of all the social expectations and no it's not just woman expecting it of other women. That s**t comes because men are judging and they treat us in a certain way and they judge us and they treat us like we're bimbo who only want to spend their money and have no idea how to do anything to the point it's become basically a competition to who can be the most women which is where the women against women idea comes from. Being a woman is a constant need to prove that you're woman enough
"Or having to deal every day with sexism." This one really bothers me because it's so pervasive. I was just counseling someone the other day because they were dealing with a group of people who were basically questioning everything they did, and this poor person who look it up and double check ... even though they KNEW the answer. These people were just being condescending and disrespectful because she was a woman and they thought they could get away with it.
Being anywhere alone. Remember reading once “being a woman is like walking around with 10k in your pocket and everybody knows you have it”.
I'm a violent crime survivor and I guess as a woman it's a fear of being attacked again.
Thinking about the horrible things soldiers do at war/in conflict situations. They ways they torture and SA people. How normal it can become.
And knowing those men aren't monsters. They are human.
And wondering how many of the men around me would love the chance to the torture and assault people if they thought they could get away with it.
I’m a female veteran. I served 10 years active duty army. When I deployed to Iraq in 2005, I was placed on a FOB with 600 males and 4 females. I was a medic and the platoon I was attached to were ALL males. Guess who they put on night shift, so that I had to walk from my tent to the aid station by myself in the middle of the night. Guess who was sexually assaulted by members of the US army one of those nights. Guess who didn’t say anything for years after it happened because I wouldn’t have been believed. It was then I realized that I actually had much more to fear from my own “battle buddies” than the enemies outside the gate.
I work with domestic violence and SA survivors. I don’t even know where to start.
(Including men and lgbt survivors, elderly and children, human trafficking and stalking)
Don't blame you for being scared of that. I've been punched around a few times, and I'm a man.
Falling in love with someone and trusting them and sacrificing for them only to have them leave you when you get old. I’m so scared of that happening to me.
You are trained to find comfort in other women, but not warned that women can do just as disgusting things as men if not more so. There was this attitude growing up that women/mothers were inherently good and could do no harm. That belief caused me and im sure SO many others SO much harm. Women and mothers can be despicable people too.
Scariest but most frustrating thing ever for me has always been our lack of physical strength.
Scariest because I’m always suddenly aware of that strength difference when a guys upset or when I’m walking somewhere at night and it just makes me feel so weak and I hate it.
Most frustrating when it’s used to mock us by certain men (not all men of course) or not take us seriously.
When I was younger I started going to the gym for the first time as did one of my colleagues. We were chatting and both of us agreed that the main advantage of getting fitter was knowing we had a better chance of running away from an attacker. At the time it didn't even occur to me that this was wrong, we both just saw it as a benefit of getting fit.
We have to check in with our friends whenever we go on a date to make sure we have not been killed. Winter, it's like been on house lockdown because the it gets dark so early, and it's not safe in the dark by yourself outside.
It's that there are so many people who are willing to impregnate me against my will, because they see me as a mere tool. And pregnancy really destroys my body, so I don't wanna get pregnant.
The first time you have your period is pretty scary even if you are prepared.
More annoying than scary but its the constant gaslighting when you experience a discomforting situation or you dont agree with something, i know oftentimes its simply projection but it still grinds my gears
A man could kill me without even breaking a sweat
Last night I was walking down a busy nightlife street (sober) and a random drunk guy grabbed my arm to get my attention. So yeah… like all the other women are commenting, men are the biggest threat.
That we live in a world where the incel population is increasing drastically.
That at any point before menopause, I can just... GET PREGNANT... and if I don't catch it in time, I must have a baby. Despite Canada having a much longer window than some states, I know of friends who only learned they were pregnant later on and just... had to deal with it. I can't even believe there was a time that ALL points of the pregnancy this was true for women. Childbirth is dangerous and hard on the body, and is my biggest fear.
Not knowing who you can trust that is probably the scariest because every man you pass by or meet is a potential threat even if they are the sweetest soul alive you still have your guard up and aren’t sure if its all an act or not. Even with friends at least I have learned that you never really know who has ulterior motives…
Men have acted so sweet and nice towards me -until they got what they wanted. There really is no telling until it's too late. You have to treat even the nicest guys as potential threats
Not knowing if the guy you’re with loves you for you or because they love your body
I've always been fat - and not good looking. I've been married twice - both times to good men. In thank the Divine that I've never had that worry - or been flashed - or anything like it.
Knowing that over 50% of the population could overpower me any time they want.
pushing a baby out my hooha
And if that doesn't work out having your belly and inner organs cut open to get the dang thing out. 😒
Note: this post originally had 59 images. It’s been shortened to the top 45 images based on user votes.
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The sad thing is... I just went down the list and upvoted every post.... it's all so true...what a fücking world we live in....
To all the men (and some women) who come to posts like this to declare: Not all men. Please ask yourself why you need to take the time to say that. When women are sharing their experiences, and talking about fearing men--of course, they do not mean ALL men. We're aware it is not all men. Many women have husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, friends, etc. who they would not categorize as predators, or problematic. So, we're aware it isn't all men. But that isn't the point. When we're having these conversations we want men who aren't "those" men to listen, and hear us. But when you stomp your foot, and pout, "Not all men," you're taking the attention off of the topic and making it about you. It's all ego. You're offended and feel the need to defend yourself, which you shouldn't if you're not one of those other men. We're not talking about YOU. Here's an example: my 21 yr old son was talking about the NHL players who are involved in the past rape that recently cropped up.
He ended the conversation by saying, "Men suck." Now does he think all men suck? No. He's a man, his brother is a man, his dad is a man. He meant men who do those things suck, and we all understood what he meant. We didn't think he literally meant ALL men. He just knows that many men are problematic, and he's disappointed in these specific men. As a white person, when people are talking about racist, or problematic white people, I don't get all butthurt and cry, "Not all white people." I know not all white people. I'm a white person. I don't consider myself racist. I know they don't mean me. So, I shut up and listen because people want to be heard. AND, I might learn something by listening. Maybe I DO have problematic behavior I'm not aware of. I don't take offense if something is brought to my attention, I leave my ego out of it because I want to be a better person. We CAN do better, but not if we're not listening because we're too busy making sure people know, "Not me!"
Load More Replies... There's nothing to say except that I'm sorry for the things women have to live with.
I want to add here that I think it's really, really brave of these women to talk about "the scariest part of being a woman." It's not easy to talk about our fears. I think the best thing we men can do here is read, think, understand, be compassionate, and most of all: don't be 'that guy'.
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The sad thing is... I just went down the list and upvoted every post.... it's all so true...what a fücking world we live in....
To all the men (and some women) who come to posts like this to declare: Not all men. Please ask yourself why you need to take the time to say that. When women are sharing their experiences, and talking about fearing men--of course, they do not mean ALL men. We're aware it is not all men. Many women have husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, friends, etc. who they would not categorize as predators, or problematic. So, we're aware it isn't all men. But that isn't the point. When we're having these conversations we want men who aren't "those" men to listen, and hear us. But when you stomp your foot, and pout, "Not all men," you're taking the attention off of the topic and making it about you. It's all ego. You're offended and feel the need to defend yourself, which you shouldn't if you're not one of those other men. We're not talking about YOU. Here's an example: my 21 yr old son was talking about the NHL players who are involved in the past rape that recently cropped up.
He ended the conversation by saying, "Men suck." Now does he think all men suck? No. He's a man, his brother is a man, his dad is a man. He meant men who do those things suck, and we all understood what he meant. We didn't think he literally meant ALL men. He just knows that many men are problematic, and he's disappointed in these specific men. As a white person, when people are talking about racist, or problematic white people, I don't get all butthurt and cry, "Not all white people." I know not all white people. I'm a white person. I don't consider myself racist. I know they don't mean me. So, I shut up and listen because people want to be heard. AND, I might learn something by listening. Maybe I DO have problematic behavior I'm not aware of. I don't take offense if something is brought to my attention, I leave my ego out of it because I want to be a better person. We CAN do better, but not if we're not listening because we're too busy making sure people know, "Not me!"
Load More Replies... There's nothing to say except that I'm sorry for the things women have to live with.
I want to add here that I think it's really, really brave of these women to talk about "the scariest part of being a woman." It's not easy to talk about our fears. I think the best thing we men can do here is read, think, understand, be compassionate, and most of all: don't be 'that guy'.
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