Those who venture into the dating arena know there’s a popular notion that "opposites attract". Now, matching with someone who leads a different life is definitely exciting, and your differences may complement each other at first. But with time, you'll definitely recognize the struggle of dating a person who basically lives on an alternate planet. Especially when they lead a luxurious lifestyle separated from you by a yawning wealth gap.
It's no secret that the enviable wealth of the super-rich makes them seem worlds away from the lives we lead. And it’s easy to think that finding someone well-off is a cure-all for all your troubles. But that’s not always the case.
So what does it mean if you’re dating someone wealthy and you’re well, poor? There’s one viral 'Ask Reddit' thread that may just give us the answer. After Redditor zipzap21 reached out to the community and invited them to share what they’ve learned from the experience, people were eager to offer us mere mortals a peek into what goes on behind the scenes. Below, we gathered some of the most illuminating responses they shared, so continue scrolling! Be sure to upvote the most surprising ones and share your own experiences with us in the comments.
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My ex-wife had a grandfather that was a multi-millionaire. Christmas time at their house was like being in another world.
All of the different family members would try to get a moment with the King and kissed a*s as much as possible.
I spent my time down on the ground playing with my kids and was happy to get out of there.
About a week or two after the second Christmas I got a phone call from Grandpa. He wanted to know what he could do for my family.
I told him I didn't want any of his money but I would like my kids to know their great grandfather.
Later that year he showed up at our place unexpected and spent most of the afternoon telling stories with me about his youth.
He set up a trust fund for each one of my kids to have their college paid for a little bit after that.
He told me out of all of his in-laws I was the only one that never asked him for anything but to be himself.
That makes me wanna cry just a little bit. Must be hard to be that rich and be loved only for your money.
Mine’s a bit on the positive side I guess.
I grew up dirt poor and I guess got to a point where I couldn’t dream big. My family is still poor.
I dated a guy who not only was a trust fund baby but he also had a job as chief engineer and was making over $250k a year from that job. He didn’t need the money. I was making $70k.
He’d organise spontaneous holidays overseas and fun weekend activities that cost money. Told me to leave my card at home. Then in the short time we dated, he coached me into how to get a better paying job. Helped me learn and understand my worth and the value of my education and experience.
While dating him I quit my $70k job and landed a $100k one, then broke into the $200k a few years later.
Now I have money and can take my parents and siblings on holiday as well as put my siblings through university and help them out.
There’s an abundance of stereotypes about the ultra-rich being mean, condescending, selfish, and so out of touch that they seem to evolve into a completely different species from everyone else. But if we can agree on one thing, it's always fascinating to get a peek into the way they live.
Guessing from responses to the viral thread, people who get into relationships with the wealthy, their enormous fortunes, incredible extravagance, and lavish lifestyles, often learn a lot about what goes on behind the curtain. And as it turns out, coupling with someone who doesn’t have to worry about their next paycheck sheds light on a very different mindset that can manifest in a variety of ways.
To gain more insight into what it actually means to see someone moneyed when you’re not financially stable from an expert, Bored Panda reached out to Anna Eden, a dating and intimacy coach aiming to help career-focused people who’ve "made it" in life to make it in love so they can feel 100% fulfilled.
I learned just how productive having money can be. Something needs to be fixed/ replaced? We can afford to. Want to do something fun or adventurous? Sure let's do it now. Want to eat healthier? We can afford all the ingredients.
Like what do you mean your life isn't slowed down by a million different things that need fixing/ upgrading/ replacing/ saved for?
This right here is why the old saying is “money doesn’t buy happiness” is kinda bullsh*t. Sure it can’t buy your soul a one-way ticket to personal fulfillment but it sure helps repair all the petty little annoyances of everyday life
While I wouldn't say it's BS it is rather misused and misrepresented. As you allude to, while it won't outright by happiness it will make it much much easier to find it once you don't have to worry about getting food in your belly and a keeping a roof over your head (and other such things depending on country).
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I have had a movement from a very poor childhood to now a pretty comfortable adulthood. Money really really makes life easy and gives you time to be happy.
Same, but not from a very poor background, just lower middle class.
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As a poor person who, at times, has to decide between food and gas, or food and insurance, or food and any other damn bill, I want to shove this post into the face of every condescending person who sing-songs, "Money can't buy you happiness, dear!" F**k that notion! Having enough money to not stress over every damn financial decision would be a dream. Kinda is a dream, to be honest.
I'm not rich, but I have enough money saved to be able to replace anything if it breaks or gets stolen (like a tv, washing machine or bike, although not all at the same time) and everytime I think about that I realize how incredibly fortunate that is.
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I only went on one date with him. He booked out the entire bowling alley so we'd have privacy for our date. It just seemed so shockingly wasteful to me, and it was bizarre to have a 20-lane bowling alley just to the two of us plus a fair sized staff who were left with nothing to do but look after us. I learned I'm very uncomfortable with that level of casual assumption that the world will rearrange itself to suit my whims.
Also he had absolutely no respect for personal space. I don't think he was used to women not liking to be touched by folks they barely knew.
According to Eden, there are certain opportunities and obstacles to dating the wealthy. "If you’re dealing with a person who’s rich and also generous as a giver and provider of energy, I’d say it can be fun and exciting to be treated to nice restaurants and trips without worrying about money. Who doesn’t like to be swept away like that?" the coach asked.
But having said that, Eden also noted that just because someone is loaded doesn’t mean they’re a match for you: "Compatibility is so much more than money of course."
How much easier it is to make money when you already have money.
As much as they talk about credit score that only applies to the not rich. Once you have enough money you can take out all the loans you want and the banks have no problem giving you a bigger loan to pay off the previous one because they know your rich and you have abundant collateral. I heard it described as buy borrow die.
You’ll miss the lake house more than them.
When it comes to the disadvantages some daters inevitably notice in the relationship, some of the most common ones are dependency and a feeling of inequality. "It’s important to talk openly about money in a relationship," Eden explained. "It’s one of the top reasons couples split, due to different views on money."
A survey of more than 1,000 people by The Cashlorette found that nearly half of married or partnered Americans (48%) reported arguing with each other over money. Whether it’s disagreements about splitting the bills, spending habits, or financial priorities in life, fights like these ones can leave a dent in the relationship.
In fact, it can even lead to divorce. A 2019 study done by researchers at the University of Denver found that financial problems were one of the most often cited reasons for split-up at the individual level. Although some participants noted financial troubles were "not the most pertinent reason for their divorce, but instead contributed to increased stress and tension within the relationship."
I dated two dudes with trust funds.
I learned no amount of money can make you forget your mommy/daddy issues.
One thing I've learned from dealing with rich people is, you may have money, but your life is not your own. You really do not have the freedom to do as you please. You will go to the college you're told to go to. You will be named the same as every relative before you. You cannot socialize with certain people. You can't trust anyone. You are expected to hold on to the family businesses, traditions, expectations, etc. No deviation is acceptable. No wonder you hear stories of trust fund babies flipping out. I would too if every minute of my life was laid out for me without me having any say so in it.
Dated a man who didn't work - lived off of a TrustFund. Oddly, since he could afford nearly anything - nothing had any value. He'd buy a $400 KitchenAid mixer - and burn it up making Christmas candy the first week. If he decided to make more candy - he'd just go buy another $400 mixer. Nothing meant particularly ANYTHING to him.
If you have a lot of money, people give you so much free stuff all the time trying to earn your business or procure donations. Ironic that the people who can best afford to pay for the items get comped the most!
This is one of the (many) reasons why wealth often inhibits empathy: if everyone bends over backwards to suit your every whim, you start to assume that's simply the way the world works and other people are simply whining or being deliberately difficult if they point out that life is more difficult for others.
Having conflicting ideas about money can be detrimental to couples, and it can even affect their well-being. Eden explained that the person with poor finances could even feel they have to compensate by giving back in other ways. "If it’s a woman and her masculine energy and sense of safety is not balanced within herself, and on top of that she has unresolved 'daddy issues,' there could potentially be an endless hole to fill and a lot of pressure of not feeling enough in that dynamic."
"It’s an art to give and receive gracefully," Eden added. "Which this kind of dating situation can teach us about."
How real the 'network' or 'bubble' of it is.
It's like the other side from the 'it's expensive being poor' concept. It's this weird internal community of people with money, and thus power, who are willing to make things happen as long as you're 'in'. I mean, I would meet people at a fundraiser or something and five minutes later, they're happy to make a call that will get me a job at some huge firm. Or like, my then-boyfriend would say let's go this concert. Tickets are $180 but it's okay but a friend's parents have a box, so we'll just join them. Or even one time the dishwasher in our flat broke - but we didn't have to pay a dime for repairs, because his friend from high school's parents own the building, so they're fixing it for free as a favour.
Grew up poor (now middle class) and at 18 dated a superrich guy. First thing I noticed was the food. Not just quantities but I also discovered so much food (like oyster, fresh fish, olives,..) things my parents could never buy.
I also had to learn etiquette. My parents brought me up well, I read books all the time, was a decent student and well-behaved kid.. but the way his family interacted was SO different. I had to learn a lot of unwritten rules that I wasn’t aware of.
I think in the end what I actually learned was that even though my childhood was rough (the amount of stress of not having enough money has probably impacted me for life), I valued my parents so much more. Once I had seen what life was like for rich people, I was just so proud of my family for making it work with so much less.
My school had monthly 'etiquette' dinners you could go to at no extra charge. You had to wear professional business clothing, there were fancy place settings and cloth napkins, dining hall staff pretended to be waiters and served food, and there was a lecturer for part of the meal explaining some aspect of behaviour that was expected in the workplace. Students practiced which fork to use and keeping their elbows off the table while listening to something like when it's appropriate to send thank-you notes to colleagues or how to present your business card. All sorts of unwritten rules that those in power never seem to notice until someone unknowingly breaks one.
That we're hardly even playing the same game, nevermind by the same rules.
I dated a girl from old money, generational inherited wealth. Grandpa's money, some corporate bigwig banker or something to that effect. I don't think her father ever worked a day in his life, and her mother clearly came from money as well. Outside of her, I found every one of her family members out of touch and completely unrelatable. I got real good at biting my tongue when my ex's siblings would complain about not getting a new car for their birthday when last year's model is sitting in the driveway. They had no concept of the value of money and never had to do anything for themselves to get what they wanted. I wasn't exactly poor growing up, but for the most part if it wasn't strictly necessary for survival I didn't have it. It was really eye opening how everything was taken for granted. Those specific people would be helpless in the real world if they lost all their dough.
Dating someone well-off can feel daunting, especially when you’re barely afloat yourself. But Eden noted that even when it seems you two live in separate worlds, it doesn’t necessarily mean you lead completely different lifestyles.
However, when there’s an actual gap between your attitudes toward life, she suggested looking at the bright side instead of zooming in on the differences. "It can be interesting to visit each other’s worlds from a curious perspective."
"Let’s not forget that we are all abundant, and it’s not money that makes us abundant but our mindset and the energy we choose to live in," Eden noted. "Money for sure gives you more freedom but being poor teaches you to be humble, grateful and I believe there can be a beneficial exchange of wisdom in that kind of relationship."
Just made me realise how expensive being poor is. They never have debt, never need to look at their balance too see if they can buy food, never pay interest on overdue bills etc.
There's plenty of data it costs more to be poor. You can't afford memberships to bulk stores. You can't afford to stock up on something on sale.
How much their rich parents resent/think you're not worthy of their precious angel.
Overheard my ex's mum telling her that she wouldn't be happy with me and that I wouldn't be able to provide the kind of lifestyle that she wants (my ex was into horses that cost upwards of 100k). My ex sort of fought my corner a bit, to which her mum replied, "you need to marry someone rich." When my ex asked what if she doesn't find someone rich that she loves/is attracted to, her mum told her that she can always have a f**k buddy on the side.
Suffice to say that that relationship didn't last. She's now married to a millionaire that cheats on her constantly. Their marriage is a toxic shitshow. You reap what you sow I guess.
My ex was having problems with roommates at university. Her parents bought a $300000 condo for her to stay at while she finished her degree (2 years). They sold it for a profit immediately after. I can't imagine not only being able to solve my problems with money, let alone make more off of them. She also assumed her family was lower middle class because she didn't live in a mansion like her friends. She was very humble and was smart with her money, but it was very clear she could just call her parents if something didn't work out. Meanwhile my parents were struggling to pay rent, meaning I was their fallback. Not the other way around
Failing upwards is an easier thing when you start at the top of the ladder and you have some helping hands…
However, alignment is also important whenever we reach the dating phase. "Be clear with yourself if financial wealth is important to you and stop ending up in a poor-rich relationship if that’s not what you’re calling in," the coach suggested.
Eden also pointed out that the same goes for any other quality. "For example, when I was younger, I had a phase when I unconsciously was calling in poor working-class guys or students into my field to realize it’s not what I’m looking for right now, and got conscious about the mechanism that upheld this pattern. Now I’m calling in men who've got [everything] together and who have drive and ambition."
He didn’t have any concept of saving money, it was always just there because his money was always earning money. Having money was an income stream of itself. Also he had no concept of how much anything cost. Was going to get some groceries for dinner and he gave me $300 to pick up some basics.
I have been both really poor (chapter 7 bankrupt) and then pretty well off years later. I never thought of myself as rich until we replaced the roof on our house because it was time to. No insurance claim, no hail damage, just it was time. We had that “remember when we lost our home in a foreclosure sheriffs sale? Now we just replace a roof cause we should”.
What I’ve learned is that you make up new ways to stress about financial stuff but it’s all extra discretionary spending issues. New cars, new flooring, redone bathrooms, nice restaurants, kids colleges etc. Lifestyle issues, not life issues. The ability to just handle the necessities is such a massive relief to any family and should be really humbling to any of us fortunate enough to live that way.
I've thought about this a lot as someone who grew up poor, but has been in a number of relationships with women from upper or upper middle class castes. I think what it boils down to is that they have a kind of certainty in the idea that things will work out for them that I don't. Growing up, it felt like we were always at the precipice of catastrophe. I always felt that one wrong move would result in us losing our house or all of our money. As such, I kept immaculate care of things that I bought knowing that I could not replace any of it if it were gone. The women I've been in relationships with, though, seem to have none of this fear. They always assume that things will work out. Plans don't need to be made because there's always some way to solve a problem with money. Objects don't get much respect because they're always readily replaceable. I always think about Nick Carraway's quote from *The Great Gatsby*: "They were careless people, Tom and Daisy--they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made."
Life has no real consequences if you can buy your way out of them. Pay fines to avoid jail time, have expensive medical procedures or therapies if you get hurt, make donations to schools or foundations to ensure acceptance even if performance isn't great, buy companies so you never have to worry about being fired. And if you screw up your personal relationships beyond saving, well, there's always retail therapy to cope with the pain.
To all of you mortals finding yourself in the world of the super-rich, unsure of how to make your relationship work, Eden advised: "Talk! Communication is always key. Many of us have a dysfunctional relationship with money because we grew up hearing 'money doesn’t grow in trees' for example, so we get to look at our beliefs and be open with everything."
"It’s also an excellent opportunity to practice polarity and really step into masculine vs feminine poles of giving and receiving, if that’s something you want to explore," Eden said, adding this doesn’t have to be gender-based. "I think sometimes strong independent feminist women have a lot to learn from being taken out and taken care of (if that’s the nature of the rich person)."
"And once again, I think it’s important also to remember that being rich doesn’t mean a person is more valuable as a human so we don’t get into a power imbalance in the relationship where. We are all whole, complete, and 100 % worthy as we are, always," Eden concluded.
Dated a girl for 3 years who came from old money.
She was fine but her family was beyond out of touch with the real world. They were nice people but incredibly removed from the rest of the world. They looked at me like I was zoo animal in the sense that they were so curious about my life/family. They'd ask me what it was like going to public school. How my parents immigrated. They were baffled that not everyone had vacation homes or traveled a lot.
The most interesting thing is that old money is much more powerful than new money. They belonged to these "clubs" that consists of other rich families and the influence they had was mind-blowing. Want to build a factory in an area not zoned for it? Within a week that was changed.
Some of them are pretty down to earth. I dated a woman who was the daughter of a near-billionaire. I had no idea for a while. I took her to a museum with a $35 ticket price and for pizza on our first date and she thought that was too extravagant. Admittedly, it’s more than I normally plan for a first date but I was super into her and she mentioned really liking an the artist behind the museum.
She did live in a ridiculously expensive condo and not work but she had a chronic illness that made school and work very difficult for her. It was certainly a lesson on how differently disability affects people with and without money.
Her illness was actually a mystery. Doctors couldn’t diagnose it. So she tried to get an appointment at the Mayo Clinic. They said there was a six month wait. Her father called them and mentioned how his company handled their pension plan. She flew there a few days later and was quickly diagnosed.
Her parents’ home was huge and filled with original and custom artworks, including from the artist whose museum we visited. It was really weird walking into that level of excessive wealth.
Edit: not going to specify the illness. She’s not exactly identifiable from it but it feels wrong.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure as f**k can help keep the stress at bay (which makes being happier easier)
Coming from the opposite side: I’m “rich” and I dated a poor guy and I felt very humbled. At first, I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just go on vacation with me on a whim. I couldn’t understand that the reason why I would always have to drive the 4 hours there and 4 hours back to see him was because he couldn’t afford that much gas. I couldn’t understand why grocery shopping with him was sometimes at the dollar store while I shopped at Whole Foods. I couldn’t understand not being able to just ask your parents for money. He once told me that I was a product of my environment and it was very eye opening. Terrible relationship but I learned a lot about myself and the world
They don't really have a concept of how rich they are. My ex boyfriend was WEALTHY, but had a complex about how he was super poor. It was because all of his friends were also so wealthy, and he was maybe marginally less rich than some of them, he considered himself on the lower end of the scale. They don't really have a point of reference for how poor some people are. When we were together I was living on a food budget of £50 a month, and he absolutely could not wrap his head around how a person could spend that little.
I lived with a horrendously rich friend, his family are aristocracy in his home country. One thing I've noticed about him is that he's completely incapable of grasping that if I stop working, I just stop being able to eat. He was confused about why I was worried about taking a week off work, and didn't understand I was worried I'd lose money. He seemed to think that most people work because they choose to, because he's never *had* to work.
And employers like people that "have" to work because they perform better and don't take lots of time off. I never "kiss butt" and bosses don't like that.
Dated this wealthy girl who instantly had an anxiety attack when I told her I was thinking about buying my own car, she believed I'd break up with her because I won't need her car anymore. Make your own conclusions.
Spent first 8 years of my adult life with a woman whose parents had money.
She had no conception of how hard life could be if you couldn’t just sell stocks to buy a new car, or have someone give you a couple thousand to put you up in a new place.
She pocketed her paycheck every two weeks. When we went out, I paid for gas. I bought dinner. Didn’t think much about it at the time because we were engaged.
When we broke up, she had $30k in her savings account and I was broke.
Growing up with money is like hitting every green light and not having to worry about traffic jams.
And it really f***s with your ability to empathize with people.
Some scientists think the lack of empathy that comes from wealth is as extreme as people with severe sociopathy. Poorer people have 'greater levels of cultural interdependence' and see people around them as actual human beings with their own perspectives and goals. Wealthy people just see others as means to an end. https://www.alternet.org/2020/09/scientists-explain-why-the-wealthy-struggle-with-empathy/
I'm a guy who has dated women considerably wealthier than myself. My experience is that money becomes a factor sooner or later, no matter how closely you've connected on every other level. Even when the lady in question seems cool with it, there can be arch looks and withering comments from friends and family in social settings - about what you've just ordered for dinner, or what your holiday plans are. In those relationships I've ended up being made to feel like a "bottleneck" - I'm either the person who the woman spends money on more than vice versa, or the person whose income puts more restraint on evenly-shared expenditure than would otherwise be the case.
In either scenario, there's pressure, and even if the woman seems fine with it, there are people around her who no doubt would claim they're "just looking out for her" who will cheerfully flag every instance where the difference in income is apparent. Money doesn't **have** to warp people, but it seems it often does, whether it's actually their own money or not.
They live in a mindset that someone else will take care of it. My ex's family had money. He did not. Told him that one month there was no money for food in my budget and he'd have to hand some over for it. He told me he had none and I'd have to fix the problem. Then he went on to describe for me in detail a toy he was saving money for. Asked him how much the toy would cost. He had $200 set aside to buy this toy that wasn't going to launch for more than 3 months. But he wouldn't touch it for food. I literally could not get it through to his head that there was no money for food, and no food NOW. It did not compute at all. Had him take me to local food banks. He did not come in. He went shopping while I was filling out paperwork for food. Came out of the food bank to find he'd dropped $80 on a book. "That money was from what I had set aside to buy new books."
Well, I wasn't that poor, and she wasn't that rich, but it was enough of a difference that I was shocked at how often she just took planes. Like, she flew more in a summer than I had my whole life.
That and apparently they go to Hawaii for a week every year, which was fun the time I got to tag along, but it's pretty wild to me that they can just do that. Even if I could afford it, I don't have enough vacation time to do that every year.
I’d be worried about what this does to the environment. You can be rich AND travel eco-friendly!
My ex's *father* was rich. My ex himself was not rich, did not understand the value of money, and was a spoiled a*****e who got a great job at a great company full of awesome people and then proceeded to steal from them. He would b***h at me for buying food for the apartment and then come home with $200 worth of stupid s**t he got talked into buying at the mall. When his windshield got cracked he bought a new car. He was the single most incompetent and entitled person I've ever known, but he firmly believed he was the smartest person in any room he entered. None of his friends talk to him anymore because he either stole from or alienated all of them.
Wife's family comes from money and I come from broke AF. There's probably a new "that's weird, why would you do that?" every week. This will appear for things like forgetting hamburger buns and giveing the kids a burger on Wonder bread or whipping up a batch of spaghetti noodles to go with chili.
The difference between having money and having wealth.
You grew up poor and worked hard and finally got $10,000 in the bank and your income keeps you afloat? Cool. But that is nothing compared to a 50 acre family farm with a couple houses on it, several generations of inheritance that will fall in your lap someday. Family business or family connections to lucrative opportunities. Savings, investments, cash hidden in safes, piles of gold jewelry.
If they suddenly lost all their checking and savings accounts, they’d still be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars and wouldn’t have to worry even for a second where their next meal would come from.
Edit: also, owning cars you don’t even need or ever drive. Hoards of stuff sitting around cause you never had to move or sell stuff to buy food. Lines of credit being thrown at you.
His parents had money, not him, because we were teens at the time. Even though his dad tried getting him to work to earn his money and not just give handouts it was still a very different mindset of he wanted a luxury lifestyle but wouldn’t go to work more than a couple days a week, dropped out of college with less than a semester - just couldn’t stick to things if it was too long delayed gratification. Meanwhile I was working 2 jobs and had a full courseload. My parents helped and I lived with them but we still scraped by and I had to pay for my own things.
I learned I was satisfied with a lot ‘less’ material things, I was better ready to be on my own than he was, and I had a higher work ethic / more realistic view of the world.
Quality really does make a difference in everything from clothing to ingredients.
I’m not poor, but I dated a guy for four years that had a wildly wealthy father. Private jets, extremely expensive cars, giant homes, paid for his children’s veneers/plastic surgeries, employed them all, etc.
They were the most miserable, unhappy people I’ve ever had the displeasure of being around. It completely changed my view of the very rich and the facade they put on. Not a single interaction with his family was without a fight, argument, screaming match, and jabs/cruelty towards one another and myself. I was so uncomfortable around them and my ex was so obsessed with pleasing his father that I had to end the relationship. The money was nice but I would absolutely never, ever willingly associate with any of them again. They were terrible people. Very unhappy.
Only ever dated one guy (I’m a straight woman, if that matters) who had lots of money, so this is anecdotal, but he was very very sensitive about who paid for what. He was quite concerned about potentially being taken advantage of, so we ended up mostly splitting everything 50/50. We missed out on doing some fun stuff he wanted to do (shows, trips, etc.) because I couldn’t afford half. He seemed mildly resentful of my not making enough money to match him on these things. It was distracting and depressing and I got tired of feeling like I had to troubleshoot his insecurities. Relationship didn’t last long.
Before I get downvoted, let me say I do NOT expect either the man to pay for everything OR the person who has substantially more money to pay for everything. I think splitting costs of shared expenses is fair, but it does mean that those expenses are limited by the wallet of the person with the smaller income.
In my experience, the people with comfortable (as opposed to large) incomes tend to be much more relaxed about income disparity and are more willing to offer to close gaps.
Dating a arab woman from a billionaire family. Most of their money came from investments made over a hundred years ago. The OG split his gains between his sons and daughters who went on to start their own businesses and investments. The train has been rolling since then. Definitely learned a lot about generational wealth from her and her folks.
I learned a few things:
- A lot of rich people are deeply unhappy. They lack drive, because they don't 'need' to do something. Many of them can just sort of laze around. They fall into very unhealthy habits, trying to fill a hole that money can't fill.
- They lack a lot of basic skills. How to unclog a drain, how to hang a painting, how to change a filter. They'll spend $100 to get a handyman to spend two hours doing something they could fix themselves in 30 minutes and a $15 trip to the home depot.
- They're often fiercely competitive and super insecure about their wealth. I went through most of my life without ever talking about money. Why talk about something you don't have? But at a rich person dinner it's a constant d**k measuring contest of "I made x amount on this investment" or "I put so much here and expect so much back".
- Money really does make life easier. Like if you're a happy person with goals and a healthy attitude towards life, you can just buy the things you need to pursue your passions.
- There exists a higher end product for almost everything, and it's often significantly better. It might sound stupid, but a $200 toaster or $150 kettle actually does improve your breakfast. A $700 vacuum cleans in ways you never thought possible. You don't think it will, but it will.
My ex’s family wasn’t super rich, but they were much richer than my family.
Their kids (including my ex) expected things to be handed to them. I learned that it was a good thing my parents didn’t (couldn’t) give me everything I wanted. For example, my ex was upset that his parents bought his sister a nicer car than him. They are all full grown adults.
His mom was very confused why my parents couldn’t just pay to put me through college. They made me feel bad about it, like as if my parents didn’t love me because they couldn’t pay for it. Their idea of love=money.
A major reason our relationship ended was because he expected everything to be done for him. He has no real sense of responsibility.
Not from dating someone rich but I have a good amount of friends that are from a very wealthy families.
For some of them: The amount of control their families/parents have on their lives is somewhere between hilarious and psychotic.
For one friend, his mom has a tracker on his phone so she knows where he is at all times to make sure he's not in a bar or something. He's 45 years old lol. We have literally been day drinking and his mom came and dragged him by the ear. I was like Holy s**t. What is happening.
He also has all his spending tracked with his credit cards and stuff. Sometimes I'll pay for a bill so his parents don't know and he will pay me back later. Again... he's 45.
That being said he has a tremendous drug/drinking problem. Also that was the worst example I've seen
Other friends I've seen some serious control issues from their families even though they're adults. I think their parents will cut them off the money train if they don't like their activities.
If my parents ever said I could or couldn't do something at my age. I'd say oh that sucks cause I'm gonna do it anyways.
On the other side of the spectrum, I have a friend from an extremely wealthy family and he's very close to everyone, in a good way. They will have like a summer cook out and invite everyone and it's just a super warm environment. It seems like everyone can talk about anything and get good advice. That was also very foreign to me, but it looked nice.
Being rich automatically puts you in a slight position of power. I learned that the rich people that have to tell everyone they are rich every 5 seconds usually abuse that power. The rich that don't feel the need to tell everyone, tend to make better decisions eith how they treat people and handle themselves. The good ones are usually self made.
I've become friends with some very wealthy people. Their children, even if they are "good people" are more often than not completely clueless about the real world. Like they can't envision living without the money so they don't understand why people are upset about getting fired or struggling to pay bills.
Both of the exceptionally rich men I dated were so out of touch with reality.
The detail that sticks out is that one of them just didn't know how to talk about anything else. I'd ask him about movies or books or music, and he had no opinions. And I could tell it made him uncomfortable not to have the upper hand in the conversation (I think he thought I was a pretty simple country girl, and was surprised that I had thoughts and opinions) so he'd fall back on asking me variations of "if money wasn't an issue, what would you..." just for him to say "well, I could make that happen for you" when I answered. Got old real fast. Did not take the rejection well at the end of the night. Huge fat baby man.
Met this girl from Greece studying art at St Martins college, her dad was absolutely loaded, she told me she wanted me to show her what it was like to live like common people. You know, do what common people do.
So I took her to the supermarket told her to pretend she had no money (had to start somewhere I guess), she played along and got a shitty flat above a shop and got a job etc.
But at the end of the day I always knew that if she phoned her dad he would be able to stop it all and take her back into luxury.
For me that was the key difference.
Health care is looked at the same way as maintenance on a car. It isn't looked at like waiting for something to break before seeing someone about it.
Wealth is very quiet. No logos. Pretty, monochrome clothes but tailored. No bragging about money or throwing it around. A pretty strict sense of manners and etiquette. They're not going to be shouting over everyone in the restaurant or twerking in the booths.
Honestly delaying healthcare and car maintenance are two of the worst but most common things my family did when money got thin… it’s insane the difference in sheer life quality that results in…
Money has no meaning and so therefore your money has no value either. He drove a Porsche and on one date he forgot his wallet. I don’t mind paying my share but I had to fill up his car then pay for an expensive dinner and pay for cinema and snacks etc. He was clueless that the one date and stuffed my finances for a month. I was barely out of university and barely scrimping by.
If they agreed before the date that he was going to pay for both then I hope he paid it all back.
Something I did not see here is, how the comfortably rich view the truly rich.
At one time I was Director of a Fortune 100 IT department and my boss was the VP. He was wealthy enough to have his own yacht and to belong to a big name yacht club. One evening he and his wife hosted me and my wife at that club for a dinner. Great dinner!
We were amused to hear him complain during dinner of all the things he could not do along with his wealthier club friends, like, for example, drop everything on the spur of the moment to fly to South Africa for a yacht race -- as a spectator, not a racer. He was genuinely put out by this awful dose of reality. We commiserated appropriately.
But we did get several pleasant trips on his yacht over the years. So, it's nice to know the merely average wealthy from time to time.
"I didn't go to college" means something else entirely when you go to a $50k/year private school and get hired by your dad's pharmaceutical company.
They don't know how to cut back because they only knew the good life. No sweetheart, we don't need 3 vacations a year when you are f*****g unemployed.
I worked for them and had some rich relatives..
- Rich people try to solve problems with money. They won't be there emotionally and they don't want to deal with problems themselves. They pay someone else to handle everything. For example for expressing feelings of lonliness I have gotten a cashmere scarf from one person and an offer for a mental asylum from another. Also if you work with kids they usually pay you to get a break from them while you teach them something to make them better than other kids.
- Rich people never disclose how much they truly have, and tend to hold onto certain items for a long time rather than get new ones all the time. Like they will say what connections they have but you will never hear an actual number. And they will drive the same car for life, keeping it in brand new condition. And they are really proud of these items, they will tell you that often.
- They don't follow trends, they just do what they like, and dress how they want. They don't care who knows about their status, your opinions don't register as something they care about.
That's all I got, might be an old vs new money thing.
That is (mostly) OLD money. "Rich people never disclose how much they truly have," Old money. If they brag, then they are nouveau riche, and therefore tedious. Bragging about money is so gauche and non-U. "tend to hold onto certain items for a long time rather than get new ones all the time." Again, OLD money. Nouveau riche braggarts are on about it ALL the time; so tedious!
That rich parents tend to make for an emotionally stunted child. My first serious gf was the daughter of a successful London stockbroker. He was a complete s**t of a father and husband; emotionally distant and only knew how to reward his daughter financially, never emotionally. Outwardly to strangers he was charismatic and cheerful. I was privy to what went on behind closed doors and he really was a turd of a person.
She'll never want for money - I'm sure the stock portfolio he gradually built for her is paying off handomely - but she was cold and closed off emotionally because of his neglect and abuse, which were rooted in the idea that money was the only way to measure his success.
She had so many hangups because of this that it's difficult to pick just one example, though the one that sticks with me most is when on her 20th birthday some of her old school friends came to visit and we all went out for a meal. It was my first time putting faces to names I'd become familiar with over several years, and I was chatting to them in what I thought was a friendly way. I mean, if they were good enough to be her friends, that was good enough for me. It was a nice meal and everything seemed fine. The next day she was really upset and even more distant than usual, and after I pushed her for a reason she eventually admitted that she hated how I had spoken to her friends because "they're my friends, not yours". In her mind I should have interacted only with her and treated everybody else with curteous detachment.
Her mother was an overbearing Chinese mother, only married to the dad because she fell pregnant with my ex, I assume from a one night stand. She lived like a ghost; cooking meals and tending to chores while staying firmly out of sight. The few times I ever saw him speak directly to her, he showed her only disdain, treating her more like hired help than the mother of his child. He would spend his evenings in strip clubs, buying £1,000-a-bottle champagne and doing f**k knows what else.
He tolerated me as his daughter's boyfriend until he actually bothered to have a conversation with me and found out I came from a poor family. After that he basically treated me like a piece of dog s**t on the bottom of his shoe.
I felt sorry for my ex. She wasn't innocent herself, but given the dynamic between her parents and between her and her father, who she desperately wanted to please but knew that she probably never could unless she became as cold and cruel as he was, never really gave her a chance.
We didn't end on good terms - she cheated on me multiple times and rationalised it to herself long before I ever found out - but I hope she's doing well. Our relationship was never going to work out in the long run and I think we both knew it at the time, but she was my first love and we both learned a lot from the years we were together. I certainly picked up on a lot of potential red flags, which stopped me from putting myself into similar situations in the future.
I lived with my rich ex bf and his rich roommate for a couple years and yeeesh.
Wasn’t my ex, but his roommate who was equally as rich once told me she “knows what I’m going through” when I was stressed about my bills. The girl who has never had a job, never paid her own rent, or tuition and gets a f*****g allowance on a credit card each month.
Her parents gave her 1000 in spending money each month, after groceries and bills. Just 1000 in fun money. It’s not a lot but it isn’t nothing.
She told me that if she doesn’t go over the 1000 limit each month, daddy puts the difference in a high interest savings for her that she gets when she graduates.
She said it’s been so stressful “managing my money” because her sister got the same deal but is more frugal. Her savings account is now over 10k while my roommate is “living paycheck to pay check” (the NERVE).
I just told her to f**k off. We didn’t really live together much longer after that.
Another millionaire friend of mine who just got back from his 3rd trip to Spain this year and spends about 6 figures a year on travel told me if I “just saved my money” then I’d be able to afford to go with them.
For what it’s worth, his husband is a ceo and he doesn’t work. He inherited rental properties all around the world and just collects a pay check.
TLDR: rich people actually don’t often have a concept of money or economic hardship.
Not dated, but I grew up firmly middle class in a very rich area so most of my high school friends were from rich families.
What I found was that rich people can be weirdly stingy with money when it comes to certain things and just not care for other things. They'd spent nearly a 100 grand flying the entire family out to Disney World (from Europe) for a weekend but would the family car would be a 15 year old rusty minivan. One friend lived in a house with a swimming pool and a sauna in the basement, but his mom did the shopping at Lidl and Aldi.
How you don’t need to really worry about your wealth if it is properly invested. Over a long timeline, it builds. Period. So you can ignore most short term trends in the markets.
My fiancé is rich and I am dirt poor.
He doesn’t understand that I can’t simply buy a Vespa or random things because I straight up can’t afford it. He also believes being poor is a choice and doesn’t understand why I don’t just go out and get a 100k/yr salary.
He is also tight with his money. I don’t ask him to help with my bills, although in my fantasies he pays off my crushing credit card debt.
He’s a great person, but has never had the experience or should I say anxiety of making your monthly bills.
I’ve dated one rich person who was also born very rich. I noticed differences in mentality, I care about money but it is not my life. Whereas money was his number one priority. Education and working on yourself did not matter to him, since he already had all the money he wanted. His emotional intelligence was basically non-existent. Since there was no emotional intelligence or common intelligence, the only thing we could talk about was favorite restaurants, countries to travel to, cars and luxury brands.
He couldn’t do any basic life skills such as making your bed, cooking an egg, doing the laundry, turning the power back on.
He didn’t care about respecting people ‘below’ him, which follows my second observation: everyone who had less money than he was ‘beneath’ him.
Oh and he didn’t tip the waitress. 🥲🫣🥹
These were my observations during a few conversations and one date in a restaurant.
It was a family friend and our parents wanted us to end up together, thank god I’m picky.
And he found it shameful that I, a woman, studied and worked a job. According to him, women shouldn’t go to university or build a career. According to him, having a nanny was crucial if you wanna have a family.
Make it make sense bc until today I still don’t get him
My ex's parents make a million a year. Shes convinced they are middle class. Make of that what you will
Lot of folks talking about the money aspects, but the personality differences were super eye opening to me.
Went to a fancy dinner with an ex who's dad was a big name NYC architect. Would constantly name drop about who he was working with, talk about the buildings as if they were his, and would spout off random facts about all the dishes being brought out. Supposedly was great friends with the chef at this place and despite paying thousands of dollars for us to all be there the chef never came out to chat or anything. It was just regular assholery, but when they're paying for everything it's pretty clear they don't expect to have their BS called out.
I got along much better with the staff than the family.
Also, rich people love paying a ton for almost no food. Was told we were going to a 10 course meal, so I showed up hungry. What a mistake that was. Each "course" was one bite (on an oversized plate), but everyone would cut multiple pieces out of every plate to take the tiniest nibbles. Such a surreal experience. The food tasted pretty good though, I have to admit, but I immediately went and got some fast food when I got home because I was starving.
They have no concept of money or the burden of just going out for a cup of $4 dollar coffee, or needing to conserve gas and not drive around for funzies.
There's a whole market based on convincing rich people that they need to pay over the odds for things. You don't just need a pen, you need $500 luxury pen! Need to tell the time? Why not buy a watch that costs more than a lot cars? It's every bit as exploitative as cheap, barely fit-for-purpose products that get marketed towards poorer people.
I suspect the expensive stuff is less likely to hurt or kill people, though...
In my experience they tend to be very untrusting of anyone. Doesn't make for the best relationships.
An acquaintance (actually the aunt of the spouse of a family member of mine) worked as a maid (while putting herself through school) to a super wealthy and famous family in a foreign country. They had it all. They spent like no tomorrow, just assuming it would always be there. The dad/grandad was a businessman and I guess was most well known as the owner of a sports team. This aunt acquaintance was basically told to keep her opinions to herself and just do the work. So she mostly did. She knew everything about that family. One of the grown adult grandkids like didn't work. He just lived off off the family. His pastime was napping. She was told to keep some of the cleaning noise down when he was napping.
Anyways. I'm not sure what happened, but the whole thing completely unraveled when the patriarch passed away and I guess there were a bunch of debts he had been just shifting money around to keep at bay. When things went south she like bought furniture off them for pennies on the dollar and furnished her new place real nice.
I guess the kids were able to keep their trust funds or something, but they lost all the real estate and fancy amenities. Anyways, the bottom line is that she rents out a studio apartment to that guy who just likes to sleep. Looks like he's just running down his trust fund. She feels bad for the guy, can't convince him to get a job.
You’d be surprised how much illegal activity takes place to be under the radar and out of the eyes of law enforcement to keep the money coming in.
There is a scene in 'Say Anything' where an IRS agent is talking to the daughter and it perfectly describes their possessions. Everything they had was nice, but not too nice. Expensive small things. Things that cost under $1000. They had computers and tv's and phones and clothes that stood out for the time and area. My ex had a parrot that could talk and for a dog she had a Russian wolf hound. They had art on the wall, but not something they made or liked, but art that had resale value. She had jewelry that wasn't just put in a jewelry box, but locked in a safe.
I went out with a girl briefly years ago, and her parents had a good amount of money. I grew up in a small cottage, where we shared rooms and my parents slept in our living room. This girl's place? They had a private sona, and her brother was a given a curved smart TV (must have been like a 50" +) multiple new gaming systems, all tuition paid for university etc. And here I am buying that, and having my student loans all to myself. I think I learned is people take it for granted sometimes what they have, while others value the basics.
I married my husband who is kore aligned like me but his family is RICH. It is pretty awkward at times. I don't want to touch anything in their house and I truly didn't at first.
On Lord, where to start with this fuckery. Old money has more class, new money is valgaur; no money is hardship? God help us all.
Worked for a guy once who came back from vacation and was complaining that his new yacht would not fit in the slip that he had for his old one. I never wanted to sink a boat more in my entire life.
My aunt is rich (selfmade, single cattle rancher) and she's a good person who can be very frugal or very giving; $15 for pantyhose no way, take 12 family members on a trip to another country to support her sisters competition absolutely. She was always willing to help others but sadly too many people, friends and family, would be unappreciative and expect more. Her kindness was never good enough so she had to cut so many people out of her life. She has very very few friends and had to cut off half her family but she's happy now. I think people look over the fact that she actually worked her butt off and earned her money herself through hard work and think she just got lucky and should share. I hope to visit her soon; I miss her and it's been too long (different countries and continents even) but I need to save up and refuse to accept her buying my plane ticket (too expensive)
Most people think that of people they see as "rich". They feel entitled to their money for whatever reason. Most people in this comment section have proved that point.
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My ex-wife grew up well-off, I grew up poor. She could never understand budgeting. She'd look at the bank account, if there was money in there, that meant to her that she could spend it. No concern about charges that hadn't processed yet nor bills that were coming up, and if I tried to explain that bills still had to be paid for the month, she'd ask when, and then say "but there's another pay day before then" and just couldn't understand that yes, but then we'd have more bills... When we first got together, I learned that whenever her bank account got low, she'd call her grandma, who would top it up. But of course, I wasn't comfortable with that, so I asked her to stop doing it... and she did, but she still couldn't understand budgeting, and took me saying "it's not in the budget" as me telling her "no, I won't allow you to buy that" which she wouldn't stand for and just spent money anyway. So, I'd often be scrambling to come up with money to pay the bills even though we had a
decent income and no mortgage. When we got divorced, she got the house (even though she had left it before I filed) and I got the kids. I insisted that it be written into the settlement that the kids and I could stay in the house until I got my share of the marital funds and had some time to use it to get another place to live. Ex was confused - she asked why my family didn't just help me financially in the meantime, like her family was helping her. I said to her, "Your family has money. Mine doesn't." She said "My family doesn't have money! My grandma just had to get a *loan* to get a new roof [on one of the multiple houses she owned]!" I had to laugh, and was glad it wasn't my problem to try to explain things to her anymore.
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The lack of empathy or intuitive awareness of other people’s circumstances is one thing (an appalling thing), but the inability to do basic math and reasoning is just absurd. Oh, you make $40,000 a year and your rent costs $24,000, and you’re paying student loans and medical bills, and you can’t just take off from work to fly to Bruges with me for two weeks? How about just one week? Can’t your high school teacher daddy send his private jet to get you? 🥴
My brother was in the military and only 19 when he met his first wife. He talked up her family big time - they were rich, had this big house with an in-ground pool, so different from how we grew up. I went to visit him, and I was honestly picturing dinner at this huge table with formal place settings, etc. The house was 4 br suburban ranch. They did have a pool in the backyard, but the pool - about 10x30ft - WAS the back yard. I think the side of the pool was the foundation of the house. Dinner was eaten on paper plates while watching TV. And they were in debt up to their eyeballs - to the extent that they borrowed money from OUR parents to start some balloon kiosk business. (Never paid back) I think a lot of "wealthy" depends on perspective. Your neighbors look to be doing so much better than you are - but you don't truly know their situation.
I grew up lower middle class and married into a rich family. Very kind people, worked hard. You'd not know they had so much wealth from casual conversation or observation. Good people.
I´m always disgusted by these wealthbubbles and how these people don´t have a clue about normal life. As well as I think the concept of inheritance is super-flawed and at least 50% of all of this money should go to a fund for the common good. Especially in the US...EAT THE RICH. (sOciaList incoming..)
Why are you more entitled to someone's hard work and money than their own children are? Explain that to me?
Load More Replies... On Lord, where to start with this fuckery. Old money has more class, new money is valgaur; no money is hardship? God help us all.
Worked for a guy once who came back from vacation and was complaining that his new yacht would not fit in the slip that he had for his old one. I never wanted to sink a boat more in my entire life.
My aunt is rich (selfmade, single cattle rancher) and she's a good person who can be very frugal or very giving; $15 for pantyhose no way, take 12 family members on a trip to another country to support her sisters competition absolutely. She was always willing to help others but sadly too many people, friends and family, would be unappreciative and expect more. Her kindness was never good enough so she had to cut so many people out of her life. She has very very few friends and had to cut off half her family but she's happy now. I think people look over the fact that she actually worked her butt off and earned her money herself through hard work and think she just got lucky and should share. I hope to visit her soon; I miss her and it's been too long (different countries and continents even) but I need to save up and refuse to accept her buying my plane ticket (too expensive)
Most people think that of people they see as "rich". They feel entitled to their money for whatever reason. Most people in this comment section have proved that point.
Load More Replies... My ex-wife grew up well-off, I grew up poor. She could never understand budgeting. She'd look at the bank account, if there was money in there, that meant to her that she could spend it. No concern about charges that hadn't processed yet nor bills that were coming up, and if I tried to explain that bills still had to be paid for the month, she'd ask when, and then say "but there's another pay day before then" and just couldn't understand that yes, but then we'd have more bills... When we first got together, I learned that whenever her bank account got low, she'd call her grandma, who would top it up. But of course, I wasn't comfortable with that, so I asked her to stop doing it... and she did, but she still couldn't understand budgeting, and took me saying "it's not in the budget" as me telling her "no, I won't allow you to buy that" which she wouldn't stand for and just spent money anyway. So, I'd often be scrambling to come up with money to pay the bills even though we had a
decent income and no mortgage. When we got divorced, she got the house (even though she had left it before I filed) and I got the kids. I insisted that it be written into the settlement that the kids and I could stay in the house until I got my share of the marital funds and had some time to use it to get another place to live. Ex was confused - she asked why my family didn't just help me financially in the meantime, like her family was helping her. I said to her, "Your family has money. Mine doesn't." She said "My family doesn't have money! My grandma just had to get a *loan* to get a new roof [on one of the multiple houses she owned]!" I had to laugh, and was glad it wasn't my problem to try to explain things to her anymore.
Load More Replies... The lack of empathy or intuitive awareness of other people’s circumstances is one thing (an appalling thing), but the inability to do basic math and reasoning is just absurd. Oh, you make $40,000 a year and your rent costs $24,000, and you’re paying student loans and medical bills, and you can’t just take off from work to fly to Bruges with me for two weeks? How about just one week? Can’t your high school teacher daddy send his private jet to get you? 🥴
My brother was in the military and only 19 when he met his first wife. He talked up her family big time - they were rich, had this big house with an in-ground pool, so different from how we grew up. I went to visit him, and I was honestly picturing dinner at this huge table with formal place settings, etc. The house was 4 br suburban ranch. They did have a pool in the backyard, but the pool - about 10x30ft - WAS the back yard. I think the side of the pool was the foundation of the house. Dinner was eaten on paper plates while watching TV. And they were in debt up to their eyeballs - to the extent that they borrowed money from OUR parents to start some balloon kiosk business. (Never paid back) I think a lot of "wealthy" depends on perspective. Your neighbors look to be doing so much better than you are - but you don't truly know their situation.
I grew up lower middle class and married into a rich family. Very kind people, worked hard. You'd not know they had so much wealth from casual conversation or observation. Good people.
I´m always disgusted by these wealthbubbles and how these people don´t have a clue about normal life. As well as I think the concept of inheritance is super-flawed and at least 50% of all of this money should go to a fund for the common good. Especially in the US...EAT THE RICH. (sOciaList incoming..)
Why are you more entitled to someone's hard work and money than their own children are? Explain that to me?
Load More Replies...