Relationship building is no easy feat! Although each and every romantic relationship starts with those glorious months of complete and utter infatuation that color the world around you in the most gorgeous shades of pink, there are some rules and key values you have to figure out if a long-lasting relationship is what the both of you are working toward.
While some of them, like respect and communication, come naturally and without any deeper thought, you might need to work or look deeper to find and grow things like appreciation and real intimacy. So, what we did here is we’ve gathered all the green flags in a relationship that you should look for in yourself and in your partner!
Really, some of these core values might come as real eye-openers if you’re in a long-term relationship. Take, for instance, forgiveness - have you been really forgiving to your partner, and have you felt the same kind of forgiveness from them? Or maybe it is something you both need to work on still? Then, when it comes to such a core value in a relationship as allowing your partner personal growth, we could go on and on about how important this feature in a relationship is.
Of course, there are also important values that hide behind the names of fluency, ease, authenticity, and safety, and all of them are just as important as the last one. And although these aren’t the things you should spend all your days analyzing and scrutinizing, when you feel them in a relationship, you’ll know that they’re the ones worth working at.
So, ready to take a look at our list of the most important relationship values? If you disagree with some of them, tell us your opinion - we’d really appreciate it, and it might be helpful to other people working towards bettering their own relationship, too. Also, rank the ones already in this list by their importance if you’d like. And lastly, share this article with your partner and seek their opinion on features you could both work a bit more on!
This post may include affiliate links.
Communication
Now, we all know that communication is the key to a happy relationship, but too few tell us that it isn't only about expressing yourself in a way that does not harm but also about being open and receptive, too.
Friendship
Friendship is all about enjoying the time spent together and sharing similar interests and views. That said, your partner should absolutely also be your best friend! After all, it is them who you are supposed to share the rest of your life with.
I married my husband because he was indeed my best friend. Even if we weren't married, I'd like to hang out with him as a friend.
Support
A dependable partner will demonstrate their faith and belief in you. They'll offer support and show their approval. They'll support you in a difficult situation or affirm your experience.
I think this is a huge part of it and as an always single person I can often tell this is missing.
Listening
The act of listening indicates care, respect, and attention. It is essential to allow others to express themselves and be present. People can detect whether you're listening or not by your body language.
I find listening becomes easy when you are fond of the person. It's not a chore as some might see it.
Acceptance
Accepting your partner for who they are and their peculiarities, even if they annoy you, is a very important part of a relationship. It involves putting more emphasis on acknowledgment and problem-solving than on rejection and criticism.
This is a big one for me. There are things about my husband that I would absolutely LOVE to change, but then he wouldn't be the man I fell in love with and married. I know there are things about me that he would love to change, but he just accepts me as is.
Appreciation
It's all about recognizing something for which you are grateful, instead of taking everything for granted. Appreciate the person you are with!
"You did A and B; why didn't you do C?!" Umm, none of those things did I sign on for, none are my distinct responsibility, I did A and B because I saw you were having a tough day and wanted to be kind. Don't sh-t on my efforts. A simple 'thank you' will suffice.
Empathy
Empathy is sometimes defined as the capacity to experience another person's feelings. To us, empathy is a desire to understand your partner's perspective. It entails favoring caution and inquiry above assessment.
Trust
Being emotionally connected with someone requires trust. It is the cornerstone of all wholesome relationships. There is a deep feeling that it is safe to be vulnerable when you totally trust somebody. It also brings freedom and honesty.
Laughter
Laughter equals longevity. Not only the literal one but also a relationship longevity. Look for a partner who knows how and when to make you laugh.
Look for someone who doesn't take themselves so seriously. If your S.O. can't shrug and laugh at their faults or mistakes, or just be silly from time to time, they're going to miserable to be around long-term.
Safety
When you're in a healthy relationship, you may let your guard down and be who you are. Making ultimatums or threatening to end the relationship harms your emotional security. Also, it is abusive and manipulative.
Openness
Honesty and mutual self-disclosure are critical components of openness. Being open means relinquishing control. Dropping your trained defenses is a requirement for being open. By doing this, you can develop a close relationship with your partner.
Protection
When we hear the word "protection," we primarily consider physical defense against danger. We are unaware of the emotional component of protection which is protecting your partner from harsh words or unfair situations.
Respect
Every relationship should be based on respect, and no relationship should be driven by contempt or abuse. Look out for things like name-calling, cold body language, or over use of sarcasm - these are the telltale signs that respect is nowhere to find.
I grew up with this kind of thing from my sister---in fact, in our 50s, and she still does it. I avoid her like the plague. When our mother passes away, I will probably never see or talk to her again.
Connection
Connection is about feeling safe to share anything with your partner! A relationship is no place for secrets or lies, and you shouldn't fear sharing your emotions and thoughts with your partner.
Intimacy
Being physically close to someone is only one aspect of intimacy; the yearning for a deeper connection is another. Sharing your most intimate thoughts and parts of yourself with another helps you develop intimacy by giving each other thoughtful, wise, and affirming responses. The degree of intimacy is the only distinction between a love connection and a friendship.
Care
When you care about someone, you will be interested in and concerned for their health and well-being. You will go above and beyond to let your significant other know they are unique, to make them happy, and to boost their self-esteem. Actions should always speak louder than words.
Attraction
Attraction isn't just physical; it's also emotional. When you show interest in your partner's past, present, and future, you will draw them.
Joy
Everything in life must come in balance, and so do joy and sadness. Look for a person who knows how to express their joy and share the joyful moments you're experiencing together.
Loyalty
Loyalty is sticking together no matter what and thinking about your partner's best interests every time.
Growth
A conscious relationship is one where personal and collective growth is always encouraged. Look for a person who wants to grow together by overcoming challenges while investing time in personal growth, too.
Partnership
Team work is required in any relationship Working as a team is what gets you to your goals and builds a long-lasting partnership.
Admiration
Search for someone who looks at you in that special kind of way and admires your strengths and your weaknesses just the same.
Understanding
Emotional intelligence is the foundation of understanding. It entails being conscious of, sensitive to, and perceptive of the needs and feelings of others. A love partnership built on passion, greed, or domination lacks understanding.
Security
When we feel insecure, we watch for potential signs of relationship dangers and abandonment. While looking after our emotions is up to us, a sympathetic partner can help us reclaim our sense of security. We can be open, loving, and caring when we feel secure in our relationships.
Commitment
Staying together, no matter how hard it might sometimes get, is a crucial part of a long-lasting and loving relationship. Ask us how we know!
Optimism
Positive thinking differs from optimism. Positive thinking puts more emphasis on the positive than the negative, while looking forward to a better future is being optimistic. It has to do with having hope. It entails working together through the inevitable rocky patches and continuing with the expectation of a better future.
Reciprocity
The balanced interchange of giving and receiving is what reciprocity is all about. Partnerships without reciprocity usually have one selfish person and one partner who doesn't get what they need. The selfish partner adds a lot of unreasonable expectations to the partnership. They will rule the majority of encounters and conversations.
Awareness
Being aware entails being aware of and accepting responsibility for our feelings and behavior. It also entails identifying our negative tendencies and developing greater mindfulness. Observing our behavioral patterns is the first step in being more conscious. The ones damaging ourselves and the relationship can then be adjusted.
Equality
Mutual respect is cultivated when people see each other as equals. This may result in more closeness and a stronger emotional connection between you and your partner.
Ease
You can lean into a connection and be authentic when you feel comfortable in a partnership. With that sense of comfort comes a certain amount of freedom. Those who encourage us to be authentically ourselves can be excellent companions.
Empowerment
A relationship that is disabling is the exact opposite of one that is empowering. As a result, you and your spouse will be strengthened, inspired, and helped to grow into your finest selves.
Positive-Thinking
Positive thinking can appear to be denial, but so is negative thinking. Insecurity can be masked, and power can be gained at the expense of others by using negative thoughts.
Creation
An honest relationship should always be constructive and creative. It might entail the beginning of life and happy and connected moments. A partnership that prioritizes one partner's needs more than the other is disastrous. This causes one party's wellbeing to decline gradually.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the key not only to a happy relationship but also to being a decent human being. After all, when it becomes an ''eye for an eye,'' it leaves everybody blind. Being able to forgive and forget is definitely a quality to look for in a partner (or a friend!).
"Forgive and forget" is bullsh-t. Have you ever watched a crime show with a trial on TV? "Instruct the Jury to disregard!" "You can't unring the bell, Your Honor!" Totally true. I may be able to forgive the sh-t thing you did and I am perfectly capable of moving on and forward and not being cr-ppy about said thing but I will never forget what that thing did to me; the hurt you caused me.
Flow
There is relatively little pushback between the parties when things are going well. A partnership that is in flow easily adjusts to the rhythm and fluctuations of life. A domineering relationship is rigid and will quickly become stagnant.
Energizing
Relationships are all about giving you energy rather than depleting you. Different people experience energy in different ways - doing exciting activities and spending time together should energize you instead of draining you.
Shared Beliefs
A person's religious convictions may have a significant impact on their life. Although having different religious views is not usually a deal breaker, building a life together, especially if you have children, can be easier if you share the same values.
Compassion
Compassion is probably the deepest form of caring. By stepping into your partner's shoes, you try to understand how they are feeling and ease their suffering this way. Stay away from people who do not care about your pain!
Balance
In a healthy relationship, you ensure you and your spouse are in high spirits. You adapt to one another's lives and look for a just solution to satisfy everyone's wants. However, there cannot be balance if one spouse strives to maintain dominance and control over the other.
Reassurance
Reassurance is meant to allay someone's worries or uncertainties. It may appear as praise or as reassuring gestures made to the other. Simple phrases like "It's going to be okay" do provide much needed comfort.
Authenticity
Being authentic is all about free expression and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. And we you can fo that with a partner, the feeling is incredible.
Collaboration
When a pair works together, the two partners find a method to work together while maintaining an open mind. They refrain from judging, defending themselves, or insisting on being right at the expense of the connection. Even if you "win" the disagreement, there is never a winner in a relationship.
