We all want to show ourselves as the best versions we can be, especially when meeting new people, at work or on a date. But there’s just so much that we can fake it.
Our true selves will start to open up sooner or later, and it’s not always pretty. This thought-provoking Ask Reddit thread shone a light on the most important red flags that reveal a person may not be as nice as they pretend to be.
“What's a dead giveaway that someone is not a good person?” the Redditor Ricky1g asked people and below we wrapped up some of the most interesting responses.
This post may include affiliate links.
How someone treats another person based on their job title. Anyone who treats a server, maid, garbage person, etc like c**p is just telling the world how much a piece they are.
The key is respecting jobs like this - they are all useful and some essential. Respect for the person doing the job will then follow.
They make fun of someone with a disability
i think making non-teasingly making fun of a stranger in general is a giveaway..
Nothing is ***ever*** their fault.
Except when they pull the douche move, 'It's my fault for trusting you to do it'.
They don't concede defeat after a full snd fair election and encourage violence to attempt to subvert democracy.
They say ”go back to your country”.
The people who say this can't go back to their own country - the Confederate States of America does not exist.
It's always about them.
They're always the hero or always the victim in their stories.
Can't take criticism but probably dish it out to everyone else.
They're never wrong.
That's pretty typical for narcissists. People like this are indeed toxic af but I would not 100% blame them for having a personality disorder
Seeing as half of these comments are not actually describing *bad* people, I’m going to go ahead and say people who constantly judge others on the minor flaws in their character.
Some people have very low self esteem, some people have ADHD, some people are trying to unlearn toxic traits that they were brought up with. Nobody is perfect and it’s never so black and white. If you instantly write someone off as a bad person because they cut you off while you’re talking, they always talk about themselves etc then you’re going to be in for a shock because most adult human beings have flaws in their character. With a bit of patience and open mindedness you can overlook these and maybe find some amazing qualities.
Me personally I find it really hard to gel with people who constantly pick at other peoples characters for minor things. Sure, let’s string up the sex offenders and murderers. But that woman in the office that you can’t stand because she seems rude when you talk to her might just have crippling social anxiety, and talking to you might just make her feel like she’s being dragged through glass. You think she’s a b***h but behind closed doors she struggles to leave the house every day. Not so black and white.
They constantly say or do things where their only justification for doing so is "*It was just a joke*" when called out on it.
When they cannot bring themselves to celebrate someone else’s success.
I have a coworker that cannot stand it if someone else gets praised. Another coworker won an award from an industry magazine (this was very prestigious if you are in the same line of business as us), and the company had a lunch and the COO congratulated her, etc. The entire time, this coworker complained about the food, sneered at the cake, rolled her eyes during the speeches, etc. She is like this at office baby showers, birthday parties, etc. She just hates to see anyone else have good news or get positive attention.
If they are willing to gaslight you. I have memory problems due to MS, and when someone is willing to bend your reality there is a huge moral issue happening.
That’s not only gaslighting, it’s exploiting another person’s disability. The person you are supposed to trust the most to safeguard your vulnerabilities (family member, spouse, best friend, etc) should never ever use them against you.
When you express a boundary, they try to guilt trip you, pressure you, or threaten you to try and force you to do things you don’t want to do.
yeah that’s a sure sign to leave. if they can’t respect boundaries, it’s unlikely they will respect you.
In my experience, if they begin a statement with “well, as a christian…” they’re a PoS person. (Not because they’re christian, there are good ones out there, but these people are just hiding behind their faith)
A true Christian should never have to tell you they're a Christian. You should be able to tell by their actions. IMHO
I guess a subtle one is them treating you differently in public vs how they treat you privately. These can both go either way.
My mom was like that. She was always soooooo concerned about what other people thought of her or what they might think. In front of others she was the best mother in the world. In private she was intolerant and verbally, sometimes physically, abusive.
They are mean to animals or hate animals for no reason. I certainly understand allergies and that is a VERY good reason not to be around animals. I am talking about HATING animals. ALL animals for no reason.
Sometimes a person's hate or dislike for animals comes from some type of trauma or interaction that they just aren't willing to share. A childhood dog incident or such can scar a person for life. If they are verbally expressing their hate to others that is one thing. But, taking it out on innocent animals is another.
How they talk about their significant other/spouse/partner/whatever. If you talk s**t about the person you supposedly love, you are a giant mountain of garbage.
Yep. If they don't have a kind word to say about a person they claim to love, that speaks volumes about either their relationship, the person themselves, or both.
Confederate flags on their car, property, or tattooed on their body are a good indicator.
If they brag about how they pulled a fast one on other people. As if to say how smart/slick they are and everyone else is stupid.
Like the hair stylist I went to who proceeded to tell me that she sometimes pulls pranks on her Vegan friends by putting chicken broth or other meat products in potluck items and calling them vegan. I bit my lip until she finished my hair and then complained to her manager saying anyone willing to do that is a horrible person. Some people go vegan for medical issues. She could have seriously hurt someone.
Someone who yells at you for crying
"I'll give you something to cry about!" As someone who tears up easily I really hated as a child hearing that phrase from an adult. If I could control the waterworks I wouldn't be crying.
If they veil insulting, derogatory or generally aggressive comments as humor.
MAGA hat.
Responding to Nycra: MAGA hats are not just "a choice of head accessories." They are a political statement. Big difference.
When a person needs to explain to you in a conversation that they are actually a good person.
I’m old, and after putting in over six decades of life, I have come to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world: nice people and assholes. Sometimes assholes can be nice, and sometimes good people can be assholes, but you are basically one or the other—-and it is up to everybody else, not you, to decide which you are.
They don't put the shopping cart back in the corral once they're done with it
They never apologize.
Treating people well only if they can benefit from them in some way. If they treat you well, but treat random people like s**t, they aren't good people. And they'll treat you like s**t too if you ever stop being of use to them.
Thinking that their own convenience is more important than others inconvience.
There's a lot of hints
A very subtle one is them walking on wet floors in front of the cleaning person without apologizing
Yesterday I went to a company meeting at a hotel where they served breakfast. Staff was on standby in case anything needed replacing. I was the first one in line to tell them "Thank you for the breakfast." Others finally realized that it was a nice thing to do and started complimenting how good everything looked. Be nice to these people. They bust can making these meals for you. The least you can do is tell them you are grateful for their effort.
I’ve always held that if someone gossips TO you then they’ll most surely gossip ABOUT you to others.
Also, if someone tells you something that they were told in confidence then you absolutely cannot trust them to keep anything you tell them to themselves, even if asked to.
Big red flags.
I don't think I really understand what gossip is. I asked my boyfriend awhile ago and he said it's like when he tells me about the fights he's had with people. But I don't see why that's is seen as so bad, it's something that happened to him, it's the explanation as to why he disliking certain people, so why would it be bad? And me right now describing what he said, is it gossip? Like by that logic people could never tell about any situation that happened in their like that involved a third person. It just doesn't make any sense to me.
People who are always trying to manipulate a situation from the smallest things to the bigger issues. It is exhausting to be around them.
Constantly interrupting. Worse : not listening.
Not entirely fair. I’m constantly interrupting people because I can’t control my impulses and have trouble listening due to severe ADHD. You shouldn’t immediately write someone off as a shitbag for something like this
Idolizing serial killers. I was perplexed when I saw fan pages for Jeffrey Dahmer, Richard Ramirez, or the Columbine Shooters on Twitter.
Or, Kicking your child out of the house for no reason once they turn 18 years old.
Also, I'm not sure if this is a controversial take, but if the Bible or any religious stuff serves as your source of morality, you are not a good person imo.
As an atheist, I disagree with the last. The whole purpose of religious texts was to teach morality. It's additions made at later dates that corrupted the message. It's making wild interpretations where one wasn't necessary, 'And he looked upon a black horse and brown camel drinking water together from the stagnant pool, and he waived his arms and chased the beasts away', "Well I guess that means we should get black and brown people out of our country and that will get rid of the stagnation" Seriously??? NO! WTF' He was just stopping them from drink the dirty fecking water! Stop seeing shite that isn't there! The WHOLE book isn't a metaphor, just a few parts!
A former coworker of mine showed herself to be completely psychotic on her first day.
The entire day everything seemed normal, then right at the end of the day she came into my office laughing hysterically because she had to show me a video.
It was a video of a guy jumping off a water tower. She said "He bounced real good" with the most maniacal grin on her face. She didn't last long.
A lot of times they’ll straight up tell you. Anybody who gleefully tells you “I’m such an a*****e” or “I’m such a b***h” is usually not joking, even if they say it while laughing.
Thinking that you always do stuff just to p**s them off. When i was little (7 - 8 years) and was in school, i trip on the floor because it was wet (an a*****e didnt put the wet floor sign) and i fall in a way that my frontal teeth took the damage, and they were destroyed. My mum to this day still believes i did it on purpose jusy to make her angry.
Thinking that they cannot do wrong. When i was 6 i had a slide up to 2 meters tall. On my birthday a friend of mine pushed me from the top of the slide, and i fell on my back. I remember i coughed blood and a neighboor took me to the bathroom and cleaned me up. What my parents did? They were entertaining the guests and they just.... put me in their bedroom, they didnt even took me to the doctor to see if anything was wrong at all.
They always need to be vocal about their opinion even if its not nice. My parents are always saying nasty stuff to people, like if we go to a restaurant and the waiter is slow they will say something like "what an awful service" or "couldnt they get anyone slower" or s**t like that, and they dont even care if they are being heard or not. Its just an embarrasment to go with them outside.
I missed the point along the way and just wanted to b***h about my parents, so sorry about that.
Your parents seem terrible, I hope you’re in a better place now
Bragging about all the good they do.
People concerned with appearing as a saint is anything but.
Not to mention uploading a video of them doing it to social media.
My borderline narcissistic mom used to accuse me of this when I was a kid. She was consistently the one never taking any blame for anything, but when I'd call her out on it, this would be her retort: projecting her "nothing's ever my fault" behavior onto me.
As a kid, you're simply not capable of figuring out how to counter that. This f*cked with me sooooo badly.
I’m sorry. This sucks my mom is the exact same way if you ever need someone to talk to I’m here!!
A complete lack of compassion, unless it's about themselves. Putting people down for fun. Never accepting responsibility for shitty behavior. Everything is *always* about them. Everything. Even if you're going through something difficult, suddenly they've been through the same thing, but worse. Even when they're being "generous" it's for public display and not from a genuine place. Sulking and throwing fits to get their way.
Yes, I am thinking of a specific person.
Theyre always asking for favors and never returning them.
Or offering help but not following through on the offer. They’ll say stuff like “If you ever need me to help you, just call and I’ll come running”. Yeah, until you actually pick up the phone and dial their number, that is. Then they manage to fall off the face of the earth, and you end up just struggling on your own. Happened to me too many times, until I decided that the ONLY person I could completely trust and count on to always be there when I need them is myself.
Grew up with a severe stutter, still pops up here and there in my 30's. How quickly someone got annoyed by speaking to me was a pretty good test
Often the same for people who have hearing problems - as someone who doesn't have the sharpest of hearing I find it a lot of people get irritated when asked to repeat what they've said. Be patient, we can't improve our hearing by sheer will-power alone but you can usually speak more clearly/loudly.
A former friend was a habitual liar. I thought he had a mental disorder or something because of it. Or he thought he needed to impress me with his lies so we could be friends. Then one day he told me he’s such a good liar and he’s gotten so many things in life because he lies.
He instantly got cut off. No contact for a year until I saw him recently at a mutual party. And still barely gave him the time of day. He was always using me. Good riddance.
I had a friend like this. She was nice and seemed to like me. Took me quite some time to figure out the odd thing that was missing in our relationship. She couldn't be happy for me. Not even a little 'Yeah good for you!' or something like that. Just radio silence. We split ways
Gatekeeping
Nah that can be due of lack knowledge or maturity, not always dumb or bad.
I had a friend like that in high school. Would only ever hit me up when he needed a ride. I said no like two times, and stopped reaching out to them ever, and the problem solved itself... I didn't need to cut them off. They stopped being a friend when I stopped being a pushover.
hate people due to politican opinio differences
Hard disagree. When people are actively trying to strip rights from others, who aren't harming them...I'm going to hate you. When people think that just because someone looks a certain way, they don't deserve the same rights?...I'll hate you. If you think that somehow you deserve more rights, because of where you were born, and try to stop others having the same rights, I'm gonna f-ing hate you. Politics isn't just about politics anymore, it's about morals. I want to be treated just like everyone else. I expect to be treated equally. Not better, not worse, just equally.
They're not kind to their mom
This one is just wrong. Unfortunately, not every parent deserves kindness from their children. You can't demand respect, love and care from your children if you treated them like s**t.
Anyone who explains their behavior as "I'm just brutally honest."
Yes. It's called using honesty like a blunt instrument.
Load More Replies...
Well, I had two roomies who described themselves that way .. and then apologized for breathing too loud. It's something a highly insecure person who's made to think their mere existence is a bother would also say.
Load More Replies...
People who present they as morally superior just because they are religious.
Anyone who explains their behavior as "I'm just brutally honest."
Yes. It's called using honesty like a blunt instrument.
Load More Replies... Well, I had two roomies who described themselves that way .. and then apologized for breathing too loud. It's something a highly insecure person who's made to think their mere existence is a bother would also say.
Load More Replies... People who present they as morally superior just because they are religious.
