“I Wasn’t Pretty Enough To Deserve Him”: Man Exposes Fiancée’s BFF, Hits Her Where It Hurts
One of the many ways that friends make us happy is they celebrate our victories. However, when Reddit user Creepystuffthrow got engaged to the man she was dating, her bestie wasn’t stoked about it. On the contrary.
Taking to the ‘Am I the [Jerk?]‘ community, the woman expressed her sorrow about the unexpected turn of events that followed the joyous occasion.
Bitter and jealous, the lady not only told the fiancé that Creepystuffthrow was too unattractive for him, but also had the nerve to suggest herself as a potential partner instead.
Your best friend is supposed to be a pillar of trust and support
Image credits: AllGo / pexels (not the actual photo)
But recently, this woman learned that her bestie tried to steal her fiancé
Image credits: Thirdman / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: creepystuffthrow
Is all really fair in love and war?
I think we all can agree that trying to steal another person’s partner is one of the worst indiscretions in romance.
But why do Julie and other people do it? A 2022 study published in the Journal of Sex Research looked at 187 heterosexual married couples to find an answer to that question.
First, each participant rated their and their partner’s personalities and summarized their own poaching experiences. The researchers then evaluated each person according to the Big Five and Dark Triad personality traits. (The Big Five traits are extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, and openness to new experiences; the Dark Triad includes narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism.)
The researchers discovered that men with low levels of conscientiousness and high levels of Machiavellianism were most likely to attempt to poach someone’s partner, but men who had the most success with this had high levels of psychopathy and low agreeableness.
“Higher psychopathy and Machiavellianism … proved to be the most important predictors of poaching experiences in both men and women,” the study said.
Machiavellianism is characterized by interpersonal manipulation, deceit, cynicism, and lack of morality, while psychopathy is defined as having a deficiency in emotional responses, a lack of empathy, and poor behavior controls.
On the other hand, the women most successful at poaching showed high extraversion, openness, and psychopathy.
However, according to David Tzall, PsyD, a licensed psychologist based in Brooklyn, personality traits aren’t the only factors that cause poaching. Confidence can also play a part.
“An individual might also poach because they do not think highly of themselves,” he told Best Life. “By befriending another and lying in wait, you do not have to be vulnerable from the get-go and lay the groundwork for a relationship.”
So Julie’s attempt to undermine her best friend’s relationship reflects not just jealousy, but also a lack of moral and emotional integrity.
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch / pexels (not the actual photo)
People unanimously said that the author of the post was absolutely entitled to her reaction
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I fail to see how OP didn't "take the high road" (which I guess just means being a total f*cking doormat and letting others walk over you.) OP's comment was extremely tame and fair considering that Julie said awful things about OP's appearance and health conditions and tried to steal OP's fiancé. OP could've said things with a bunch more profanity or gone the extra petty route and showed Julie's texts in public to all their friends on a PowerPoint but she didn't. Julie does have an ugly personality and she made it clear that she doesn't care for OP at all. Or rather, only likes it when OP is worse off than her because Julie thinks OP doesn't deserve nice things because of her appearance and health conditions. Plenty of people get cheated on and don't respond to that by making a pass at their friend's significant other.
Besides that, OP's statement was completely true. There's a difference between being condescending and wrongfully hurtful and constantly reminding people who have done nothing to you of their flaws, which is what Julie was doing to OP. Or telling people they have an ugly personality after being at the receiving end of their nasty behaviour and cruelty like OP did. But sadly people love to make excuses for bullies while instantly shaming their victims for merely fighting back and defending themselves. This society truly hates innocent victims. They want to believe that bad things only happen to bad people, so they twist every bullying situation so that the victims should be grateful they're not the poor bullies. Because accepting that innocent people could fall victim to bad people needs accepting it can happen to anyone.
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Julie fully deserved to be pushed into a river of s**t which she can drown in. The only reason to take the high road would be to make her fall further.
It really stinks that her friend turned on her like this, but I have a feeling she and her fiancé are going to be happy together for a very long time.
Will probably get downvoted for this but "Sapiosexual" is officially (and I guess ironically) the dumbest new sexuality term I've ever had the misfortune to look up. FFS you can just say your fiance values brains over looks it does NOT require a "scientific" term like that.
I don't disagree with you, aside from getting annoyed by it, but it's more than just "brains over looks". Which typically means you still care about looks in some capacity. I love a smart, witty, funny, nerdy woman but that doesn't supersede any and all physical attraction. Sapiosexuals literally only care about "intelligence" and "brains over looks", and all that that phrase implies, isn't an apt enough descriptor.
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I love how being cheated on and dumped apparently means a get-out-of-jail-free card for trying to end someone's five year relationship and saying hurtful things. 🙄 Also, of course the friends are all taking Julie's side when she's the one telling the story. She's leaving out or adding details that don't exist. I'd be straight up telling them all the who what and why since Julie wants to air dirty laundry anyways. Might as well let them see her skid marks.
She threw away a perfectly good friendship because she was jealous that her friend was getting married and was happy. Yes. Ex friend is stupid.
Take the high road? Hell no, I’ll take the back road and run right over someone who would try and sabotage a relationship, and have fun while doing so
NTA, obviously. Aside from all that was said and done, Julie was the one who blocked the fiancé out of cowardice, spite, etc. and didn't take any proactive That was bad enough and maybe could have been chalked up to everything she's going through. But she doubled down when the two of them talked. At that point, OP doesn't owe her any consideration. Whatever Julie has going on you can be empathetic towards, but that doesn't give her carte blanche to be a s****y person. OP already gave her consideration for that by being the one to call Julie, when she shouldn't have had to, and hearing her at. In what world does OP owe Julie more, especially after she reiterates what she said to the fiancé. Everyone calling out OP for any reason is definitely the AH in this case.
To be honest, Julie told exactly what her own relationships are based on. If the only thing you care about in a partner is how they look, you shouldn't complain if you're constantly falling for shallow people who don't care enough to stay loyal. And no, I don't think all pretty people are shallow or that people who care for looks can't be loyal. But all people who ONLY care for looks definitely are. There is a huge possibility that Julie was knowingly dating a cheater, and the way she talked to OP and her bf she made it clear she thought cheating was okay as long as the person who was cheated on was 'ugly' and the cheater was pretty. So it was abundantly clear she'd make excuses for a man cheating on his partner with her by deserving that man more because she was prettier. I doubt this happened the first time or she wouldn't have been so bold. I think there's a huge likelihood that she approached her cheating ex the same way, thinking she herself was too pretty to be cheated on.
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The BFF Started and now she has to lay in the s****y bed she made, I don't know why no one realizes that she was trying to get this person' fiancé to CHEAT ON THEM WITH HER JUST HOW HER OWN EX DID TO HER, Its was like she was thinking "IF MY MAN CHEATED ON ME THEN MY BFF'S MAN SHOULD CHEAT ON HER TOO!" and then she was Pissed that it DIDNT WORK, People should be calling her our for her to do what she got done to her, and I think this woman is better off with out that BFF, I lost my friend like that to that kinda of mindset and i never been happier {and m male!]
Let me translate: am I TA for honestly telling my so called friend the truth after she tried to ruin my happiness instead of pitying her for having it so hard because of her own shallow and cruel personality? Maybe I should have ignored my own perfectly reasonable needs and my own well being so she doesn't get confronted with the consequences of her own vile actions? She just had a bad experience that was in no way my fault and might have just tried to make herself feel better by making my life hell, should I rather have let her? /s but not really. I think OP should also drop everyone who is 'split' on this. Because the only reason I see why anyone might think OP is TA is that they're secretly agree with that ex-BFF and didn't believe OP deserved her bf.
WTF is wrong with all the "friends" who said the woman shouldn't have "insulted" Julie??? Did they miss the part where Julie went to her fiancé and told him that she was too fat and ugly to marry him? And that he should be with her? That's completely unhinged behavior. How can you defend it no matter what happened in Julie's last relationship?? That's NOT a best friend. And my mom would be uninvited to the wedding for the "high road" comment. How is everyone not on the bride's side? Crazy!
Congrats on the proposal. I see the inner beauty in people too. And smarts is great. And smoking hot on outside and helping you with your body and issues and not forcing you into a box is great. Her attitude to your looks vs his and her looks was very rude to put out there to him. I'm glad he stood up for you. And regardless of your moms being buddies they should both talk to her over how could she be a mean friend because oh c**p she was dumped and you have someone to lift you up and as a supposed bff she couldn't do that for u? Vapid? Yep. Self centered? Yep. Prob friends with you to make her look even better? Yep been there. You don't need toxic people and she finally dropped her mask to your bf and now you know.
There's a good reason envy is listed as one of the seven deadly sins. It's directly related to the adage "jealousy is a curse". BFF was never a friend, she always felt smug in her sense of superiority and just can't comprehend how someone she sees as inferior to her could have a better boyfriend than she had. OP said it perfectly, that is one seriously ugly personality trait she is sporting. It's bizarre how she can think like that and then wonder why her life is so s**t.
The sƙank who tried to steal friends fiancé by trashing her to him is terrible person with a sub- human personality, and no morals at all. She has no conscience, cr basic common decency. The ɓitchƴ one is lucky the other women isn't, apparently ,aggressive at all. I wouldhave lowered my standards of behavior and most likely have caáused her to visit her friendly neighborhood urgent care center or emergency room
Nope, sounds like you are a pretty awesome person and i wish you a wonderful life.
Sounds like Mike was bang on, a vapid, cretinous narcissistic.
Every time you take the "high road" you've told people it's perfectly OK to walk all over you + treat you like a doormat. Don't be a doormat!
I have never been hot or even remotely cute. I was just plain and a big guy, solid but tall and big. That said, I had some pretty hot guys as boyfriends and my fellow so-called Gay friends, who were hot and cute, would be gagged. they would try and get these sexy menz and when they were rebuffed they would accuse me of paying them or buying them s**t. The thing was I was poor and just a good LISTENER and the hot guys enjoyed my company cause I was secure in myself.
So... what I got from this is that Julie can slander, insult, degrade her in an attempt to stop the OPs engagement and thats "fine" because she's "beautiful" But its a step too far when shes told directly that her lack of intelligence and nasty personality traits are ugly. Sounds harsh but got exactly what she deserved. The "insults" didn't come out of no where they were in direct response to a hate and jealousy filled betrayal of the friendship. Also... she's trying to be an influencer? That speaks volumes about her right there.
The alleged best friend showed her true colours - shallow and jealous. OP is marrying what sounds like an adorable genuine, loyal man. And she has lost 120 pounds which is an amazing achievement! Sounds like these two have got it all sussed out and I wish them both every happiness for the future. 😊
The fact that the "attractive" one got dumped and cheated on should have been a neon sign that read "being attractive is not a 'faithful partner' magnet" ... as the OP and her fiance noted, it's a "her" problem, not a "them" problem ...
She did take the high road. The low road would be on the way to her ex-BFFs house to whip some a**.
"Well at least I'm not ugly!" "Yes you are. And you're boring. And you know it." ~the pretty mean girl finally gets hit with an epic shutdown in American Beauty. Man that moment was awesome.
OP had no friends to begin with and anytime you see the term "influencer", you know that only plastic is involved.
Op's ex bff is jealous purely and simply. That's an ugly emotion and the only real way of stopping it is to totally shut down the person expressing it. It's probably the ne emotion that is corrosive to a whole person, her pretty face will soon show this emotion and she'll stop being pretty. I hope she can work through this before it ruins her life but Op did the right thing blocking her
The best thing about being sapiosexual is that the people you're attracted to become more attractive over time.
Another non-discussion, "My BFF tries to break my relationship, my fiance and me have said the same unpleasant truth separately; AITA?" Sheesh. I enjoy the drama, I have the shoehorning.
Anyone else think of themselves as being intelligent but had to look up the word sapiosexual?
Yes, what OP said was mean, but after what her "friend" did to her, she was allowed to say every mean thing in the world. Her other friends are insane. The "friend" tried to sabotage OPs relationship, and it seems like she wants to steal him for herself too, and also said so many cruel things to OP. But OP isn't allowed to say anything cruel back? They think the fact that the "friend" recently got dumped is an excuse, but the fact that OP had her "friend" try to sabotage her relationship is NOT an excuse for OP to say something mean? Really weird!
I fail to see how OP didn't "take the high road" (which I guess just means being a total f*cking doormat and letting others walk over you.) OP's comment was extremely tame and fair considering that Julie said awful things about OP's appearance and health conditions and tried to steal OP's fiancé. OP could've said things with a bunch more profanity or gone the extra petty route and showed Julie's texts in public to all their friends on a PowerPoint but she didn't. Julie does have an ugly personality and she made it clear that she doesn't care for OP at all. Or rather, only likes it when OP is worse off than her because Julie thinks OP doesn't deserve nice things because of her appearance and health conditions. Plenty of people get cheated on and don't respond to that by making a pass at their friend's significant other.
Besides that, OP's statement was completely true. There's a difference between being condescending and wrongfully hurtful and constantly reminding people who have done nothing to you of their flaws, which is what Julie was doing to OP. Or telling people they have an ugly personality after being at the receiving end of their nasty behaviour and cruelty like OP did. But sadly people love to make excuses for bullies while instantly shaming their victims for merely fighting back and defending themselves. This society truly hates innocent victims. They want to believe that bad things only happen to bad people, so they twist every bullying situation so that the victims should be grateful they're not the poor bullies. Because accepting that innocent people could fall victim to bad people needs accepting it can happen to anyone.
Load More Replies... Julie fully deserved to be pushed into a river of s**t which she can drown in. The only reason to take the high road would be to make her fall further.
It really stinks that her friend turned on her like this, but I have a feeling she and her fiancé are going to be happy together for a very long time.
Will probably get downvoted for this but "Sapiosexual" is officially (and I guess ironically) the dumbest new sexuality term I've ever had the misfortune to look up. FFS you can just say your fiance values brains over looks it does NOT require a "scientific" term like that.
I don't disagree with you, aside from getting annoyed by it, but it's more than just "brains over looks". Which typically means you still care about looks in some capacity. I love a smart, witty, funny, nerdy woman but that doesn't supersede any and all physical attraction. Sapiosexuals literally only care about "intelligence" and "brains over looks", and all that that phrase implies, isn't an apt enough descriptor.
Load More Replies... I love how being cheated on and dumped apparently means a get-out-of-jail-free card for trying to end someone's five year relationship and saying hurtful things. 🙄 Also, of course the friends are all taking Julie's side when she's the one telling the story. She's leaving out or adding details that don't exist. I'd be straight up telling them all the who what and why since Julie wants to air dirty laundry anyways. Might as well let them see her skid marks.
She threw away a perfectly good friendship because she was jealous that her friend was getting married and was happy. Yes. Ex friend is stupid.
Take the high road? Hell no, I’ll take the back road and run right over someone who would try and sabotage a relationship, and have fun while doing so
NTA, obviously. Aside from all that was said and done, Julie was the one who blocked the fiancé out of cowardice, spite, etc. and didn't take any proactive That was bad enough and maybe could have been chalked up to everything she's going through. But she doubled down when the two of them talked. At that point, OP doesn't owe her any consideration. Whatever Julie has going on you can be empathetic towards, but that doesn't give her carte blanche to be a s****y person. OP already gave her consideration for that by being the one to call Julie, when she shouldn't have had to, and hearing her at. In what world does OP owe Julie more, especially after she reiterates what she said to the fiancé. Everyone calling out OP for any reason is definitely the AH in this case.
To be honest, Julie told exactly what her own relationships are based on. If the only thing you care about in a partner is how they look, you shouldn't complain if you're constantly falling for shallow people who don't care enough to stay loyal. And no, I don't think all pretty people are shallow or that people who care for looks can't be loyal. But all people who ONLY care for looks definitely are. There is a huge possibility that Julie was knowingly dating a cheater, and the way she talked to OP and her bf she made it clear she thought cheating was okay as long as the person who was cheated on was 'ugly' and the cheater was pretty. So it was abundantly clear she'd make excuses for a man cheating on his partner with her by deserving that man more because she was prettier. I doubt this happened the first time or she wouldn't have been so bold. I think there's a huge likelihood that she approached her cheating ex the same way, thinking she herself was too pretty to be cheated on.
Load More Replies... The BFF Started and now she has to lay in the s****y bed she made, I don't know why no one realizes that she was trying to get this person' fiancé to CHEAT ON THEM WITH HER JUST HOW HER OWN EX DID TO HER, Its was like she was thinking "IF MY MAN CHEATED ON ME THEN MY BFF'S MAN SHOULD CHEAT ON HER TOO!" and then she was Pissed that it DIDNT WORK, People should be calling her our for her to do what she got done to her, and I think this woman is better off with out that BFF, I lost my friend like that to that kinda of mindset and i never been happier {and m male!]
Let me translate: am I TA for honestly telling my so called friend the truth after she tried to ruin my happiness instead of pitying her for having it so hard because of her own shallow and cruel personality? Maybe I should have ignored my own perfectly reasonable needs and my own well being so she doesn't get confronted with the consequences of her own vile actions? She just had a bad experience that was in no way my fault and might have just tried to make herself feel better by making my life hell, should I rather have let her? /s but not really. I think OP should also drop everyone who is 'split' on this. Because the only reason I see why anyone might think OP is TA is that they're secretly agree with that ex-BFF and didn't believe OP deserved her bf.
WTF is wrong with all the "friends" who said the woman shouldn't have "insulted" Julie??? Did they miss the part where Julie went to her fiancé and told him that she was too fat and ugly to marry him? And that he should be with her? That's completely unhinged behavior. How can you defend it no matter what happened in Julie's last relationship?? That's NOT a best friend. And my mom would be uninvited to the wedding for the "high road" comment. How is everyone not on the bride's side? Crazy!
Congrats on the proposal. I see the inner beauty in people too. And smarts is great. And smoking hot on outside and helping you with your body and issues and not forcing you into a box is great. Her attitude to your looks vs his and her looks was very rude to put out there to him. I'm glad he stood up for you. And regardless of your moms being buddies they should both talk to her over how could she be a mean friend because oh c**p she was dumped and you have someone to lift you up and as a supposed bff she couldn't do that for u? Vapid? Yep. Self centered? Yep. Prob friends with you to make her look even better? Yep been there. You don't need toxic people and she finally dropped her mask to your bf and now you know.
There's a good reason envy is listed as one of the seven deadly sins. It's directly related to the adage "jealousy is a curse". BFF was never a friend, she always felt smug in her sense of superiority and just can't comprehend how someone she sees as inferior to her could have a better boyfriend than she had. OP said it perfectly, that is one seriously ugly personality trait she is sporting. It's bizarre how she can think like that and then wonder why her life is so s**t.
The sƙank who tried to steal friends fiancé by trashing her to him is terrible person with a sub- human personality, and no morals at all. She has no conscience, cr basic common decency. The ɓitchƴ one is lucky the other women isn't, apparently ,aggressive at all. I wouldhave lowered my standards of behavior and most likely have caáused her to visit her friendly neighborhood urgent care center or emergency room
Nope, sounds like you are a pretty awesome person and i wish you a wonderful life.
Sounds like Mike was bang on, a vapid, cretinous narcissistic.
Every time you take the "high road" you've told people it's perfectly OK to walk all over you + treat you like a doormat. Don't be a doormat!
I have never been hot or even remotely cute. I was just plain and a big guy, solid but tall and big. That said, I had some pretty hot guys as boyfriends and my fellow so-called Gay friends, who were hot and cute, would be gagged. they would try and get these sexy menz and when they were rebuffed they would accuse me of paying them or buying them s**t. The thing was I was poor and just a good LISTENER and the hot guys enjoyed my company cause I was secure in myself.
So... what I got from this is that Julie can slander, insult, degrade her in an attempt to stop the OPs engagement and thats "fine" because she's "beautiful" But its a step too far when shes told directly that her lack of intelligence and nasty personality traits are ugly. Sounds harsh but got exactly what she deserved. The "insults" didn't come out of no where they were in direct response to a hate and jealousy filled betrayal of the friendship. Also... she's trying to be an influencer? That speaks volumes about her right there.
The alleged best friend showed her true colours - shallow and jealous. OP is marrying what sounds like an adorable genuine, loyal man. And she has lost 120 pounds which is an amazing achievement! Sounds like these two have got it all sussed out and I wish them both every happiness for the future. 😊
The fact that the "attractive" one got dumped and cheated on should have been a neon sign that read "being attractive is not a 'faithful partner' magnet" ... as the OP and her fiance noted, it's a "her" problem, not a "them" problem ...
She did take the high road. The low road would be on the way to her ex-BFFs house to whip some a**.
"Well at least I'm not ugly!" "Yes you are. And you're boring. And you know it." ~the pretty mean girl finally gets hit with an epic shutdown in American Beauty. Man that moment was awesome.
OP had no friends to begin with and anytime you see the term "influencer", you know that only plastic is involved.
Op's ex bff is jealous purely and simply. That's an ugly emotion and the only real way of stopping it is to totally shut down the person expressing it. It's probably the ne emotion that is corrosive to a whole person, her pretty face will soon show this emotion and she'll stop being pretty. I hope she can work through this before it ruins her life but Op did the right thing blocking her
The best thing about being sapiosexual is that the people you're attracted to become more attractive over time.
Another non-discussion, "My BFF tries to break my relationship, my fiance and me have said the same unpleasant truth separately; AITA?" Sheesh. I enjoy the drama, I have the shoehorning.
Anyone else think of themselves as being intelligent but had to look up the word sapiosexual?
Yes, what OP said was mean, but after what her "friend" did to her, she was allowed to say every mean thing in the world. Her other friends are insane. The "friend" tried to sabotage OPs relationship, and it seems like she wants to steal him for herself too, and also said so many cruel things to OP. But OP isn't allowed to say anything cruel back? They think the fact that the "friend" recently got dumped is an excuse, but the fact that OP had her "friend" try to sabotage her relationship is NOT an excuse for OP to say something mean? Really weird!
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