Groom Returns The Dress His Ex-Wife Got His Daughter For The Wedding, Major Drama Ensues
Life after an unsuccessful marriage can sometimes be troublesome. Quite often the difficulties are related to the actions of one’s ex-partner. Especially when there are children involved.
Redditor u/Throwaway2119766 opened up about it to the AITA community. His ex-wife bought a dress for their daughter to wear at his upcoming wedding. Unfortunately, the clothing was not appropriate for the occasion, nor to the daughter’s liking. Therefore, dad returned the dress, which ended in a huge fight with the ex and left him wondering if he’s a jerk.
Ending a marriage doesn’t always mean cutting all ties with the ex-partner, which can lead to drama in the future
Image credits: vmiregolda (not the actual photo)
This groom-to-be had to resolve wedding-related problems caused by his ex-wife, who got their daughter involved in it, too
Image credits: SUPITNAN (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwaway2119766
It is important to follow the required dress code and certain unwritten rules when it comes to the wedding attire
Image credits: Terje Sollie (not the actual photo)
There are plenty of unwritten rules and interesting customs dictating the dos and don’ts of wedding attire. For instance, red is typically a color that should be avoided, as it might be too attention-grabbing. However, in China, red is a traditional color for a wedding dress. In Norway, for example, it’s not surprising if a bride comes wearing a crown.
When it comes to clothing on such occasions, the requests of the happy couple should always be taken into consideration. They spend long hours planning the celebration and usually have an image in mind of how they want everything to look, including the style of their guests. A specific dress code can actually benefit the invitees—it narrows down the options when choosing what to wear becomes a headache.
Children are often the reason ex-partners stay in touch after the divorce
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
Even though the divorce rate went down in the last decades, quite a few marriages are not able to stand the test of time. According to Gitnux, there’s one ending every 42 seconds in the US alone. However, as the OP’s case shows, that doesn’t mean that all ties are cut between the former partners. Children are often one of the reasons why.
It’s because of their daughter, the dress she received, to be more exact, that the father had to have contact with his ex-wife. He thought the piece of clothing the woman chose was not right for the occasion and believed she did that on purpose. Usually it’s inappropriate to wear white to a wedding, unless you’re the blushing bride.
Feeling animosity towards your ex or their new partner can negatively affect your mental and physical health as well as the well-being of the children
Image credits: Zhivko Minkov (not the actual photo)
For whatever reason, the OP’s ex-wife decided to go with white for her daughter’s dress. Likely because, according to the groom-to-be, she wasn’t very fond of his new girlfriend. Feeling animosity towards the new romantic interest of your ex-partner is not unusual. Each person has their own reason why, but it can be related to the realization that they’re moving on.
According to the author and clinical psychologist Ann Gold Buscho, seeing them continue their lives with someone else, especially if you feel stuck, can lead to disliking the ex-partner themselves. “You think you may never move on. You can’t stop thinking about the divorce. It’s become an obsession that you can’t let go. It is interfering with your work, you can’t sleep, and you’re watching a lot of TV while you eat junk food. All you think about is negative, you can hardly remember anything good about your ex anymore,” she wrote in Psychology Today.
However, hatred towards your ex or their new partner rarely leads to anything positive. Ann Gold Buscho pointed out that it can negatively affect your mental and physical health, as well as your co-parenting abilities. It is essential to remember that children also suffer the consequences of the divorce, and it’s important not to make it worse than it has to be.
“Your children need you to be relaxed and calm when they talk about their other parent. If you try to win them to your side, you risk damaging your long-term relationship with them. It is not healthy for kids to be put in the middle of your adult conflict,” Ann Gold Buscho emphasized.
The OP provided more information by answering some of the comments
Community members had loads to say on the topic, most of them agreed the OP was not a jerk
Some people, on the other hand, thought that everybody in the story can be considered jerks
He could have avoided any drama by just taking his daughter shopping and letting her choose what she wants to wear. The white dress could stay in its box or potentially be used for a debutante ball or homecoming formal depending on where they live. The ex wife doesn't need to know any more about it until post wedding photos show up, she can scream all she likes then and get exactly nowhere fast.
Yes, just say thanks, smile, and go and buy his daughter a dress she wants.
She eventually would have found out that her daughter didn't wear the dress, and be twice as angry because she would have interpreted it as lying. That poor girl would have been humiliated if she had worn the dress, and she needed to know that no one will tolerate her nonsense.
Yes of course the Mom would find out but all could wait till after the wedding and would and could have been done after the wedding not before. It would be easier for that and explain that to a seventeen year old that we all will have a discussion with your mom about thus but right now is not the time to. Better to do things this way for now to get thru things. After wedding we will set a time to discuss with mom send a pic and text from both of us and explain the change and why both unhappy with the dress mom choice a. She 17 she doesn't have to wear what mom sent if not happy. As the parent sometimes in these situations we have to just do what is best for all and child and that means waiting to tell the other parent. The mom really has no right to pick out without the daughters ok. what her 17 year old will wear to her father's wedding it was not the moms wedding. They both then could have handed back the dress to mom to return it or do what the wanted to with it. .
A debutante ball???????
We have them everywhere in Australia and I am sure the U.K. does too
Not outside of *very* high society, and honestly I'm not even sure they do any more either.
Im nowhere near High Society yet my 2 nieces both debuted, in public school no less...,
My apologies - I should have specified a UK perspective, which you did comment upon as well as your own experiences
This comment has been deleted.
Still fairly common in some southern communities in the States.
A debutante ball is a celebration where young women of 18 make their "debut" in society. This is usually held in upper-class circles, many of them in the American South. It's a black-tie affair, so the guests are dressed in formal attire, men in tuxedoes, ladies in gowns. The debutantes are the ones wearing the white ball gowns, escorted by either a male relative (father, brother, uncle, grandfather) or their significant other. The ladies are then acknowledged of their newfound status by way of a ceremony, and given a token of their milestone, usually a pin or necklace.
That's the American version, not even sure OP is in America. It's not that different in Australia EXCEPT it is often in place of school formals and is not limited to "high society". It does denote a girl becoming an adult and being presented for the first time as one. Both my nieces and a bestie of my own went to public school and all had debutante formals. It's a choice, my own school didn't do this we just had a formal dinner dance for seniors.
This was my exact thought. Then if it became drama, it wouldn't be until after the wedding. Dad could also add daughter as a grooms(wo)man or best (wo)man, then she'd be expected to match the wedding party in color scheme, either the bridesmaids dresses or the same color as the groomsman's tuxes.
I'd let daughter sell it.
I wouldn’t send it back, that just stirs the pot. I’d get some fabric dye and let my daughter have fun with it!
Well, if sent back, maybe the ex could at least get the money back. Her saying she couldn’t doesn’t mean much. Considering it wasn’t the daughters style even it had been another colour, I mean, it doesn’t sound as if she would have worn it in any case.
Dear K, I love the idea that the Daughter would have fun messing about with dye. My Daughter is a Costumer with one of the Theaters here in London. She told me that changing the color of something the size of a ball gown then expecting it to come out looking perfect is a tall order. Especially for a 17 year old with no or little experience in it. Pity I loved the idea of it.💖
The thing about showing up to a wedding in inappropriate clothes is that some deluded people think, "Haha! I am sticking it to the bride! She's going to feel sooooo upset!" But what also happens is that everyone side-eyes, gossips about, and generally sneers at the person inappropriately attired. If that person comes out of their revenge fog long enough to notice, they are shocked (!) that no-one is inspired, Spartacus-style, by the 'bravery.' They are offended, surprised, and confused that people are disgusted. Now, here, the ex was trying to use her daughter as a proxy and would have invited all of that shame and disgust onto her poor daughter (who was, thankfully, saavy to her mom's attempted insult). Setting your kid up for that sort of public ridicule makes you a gross person and a bad mom.
He could have avoided any drama by just taking his daughter shopping and letting her choose what she wants to wear. The white dress could stay in its box or potentially be used for a debutante ball or homecoming formal depending on where they live. The ex wife doesn't need to know any more about it until post wedding photos show up, she can scream all she likes then and get exactly nowhere fast.
Yes, just say thanks, smile, and go and buy his daughter a dress she wants.
She eventually would have found out that her daughter didn't wear the dress, and be twice as angry because she would have interpreted it as lying. That poor girl would have been humiliated if she had worn the dress, and she needed to know that no one will tolerate her nonsense.
Yes of course the Mom would find out but all could wait till after the wedding and would and could have been done after the wedding not before. It would be easier for that and explain that to a seventeen year old that we all will have a discussion with your mom about thus but right now is not the time to. Better to do things this way for now to get thru things. After wedding we will set a time to discuss with mom send a pic and text from both of us and explain the change and why both unhappy with the dress mom choice a. She 17 she doesn't have to wear what mom sent if not happy. As the parent sometimes in these situations we have to just do what is best for all and child and that means waiting to tell the other parent. The mom really has no right to pick out without the daughters ok. what her 17 year old will wear to her father's wedding it was not the moms wedding. They both then could have handed back the dress to mom to return it or do what the wanted to with it. .
A debutante ball???????
We have them everywhere in Australia and I am sure the U.K. does too
Not outside of *very* high society, and honestly I'm not even sure they do any more either.
Im nowhere near High Society yet my 2 nieces both debuted, in public school no less...,
My apologies - I should have specified a UK perspective, which you did comment upon as well as your own experiences
This comment has been deleted.
Still fairly common in some southern communities in the States.
A debutante ball is a celebration where young women of 18 make their "debut" in society. This is usually held in upper-class circles, many of them in the American South. It's a black-tie affair, so the guests are dressed in formal attire, men in tuxedoes, ladies in gowns. The debutantes are the ones wearing the white ball gowns, escorted by either a male relative (father, brother, uncle, grandfather) or their significant other. The ladies are then acknowledged of their newfound status by way of a ceremony, and given a token of their milestone, usually a pin or necklace.
That's the American version, not even sure OP is in America. It's not that different in Australia EXCEPT it is often in place of school formals and is not limited to "high society". It does denote a girl becoming an adult and being presented for the first time as one. Both my nieces and a bestie of my own went to public school and all had debutante formals. It's a choice, my own school didn't do this we just had a formal dinner dance for seniors.
This was my exact thought. Then if it became drama, it wouldn't be until after the wedding. Dad could also add daughter as a grooms(wo)man or best (wo)man, then she'd be expected to match the wedding party in color scheme, either the bridesmaids dresses or the same color as the groomsman's tuxes.
I'd let daughter sell it.
I wouldn’t send it back, that just stirs the pot. I’d get some fabric dye and let my daughter have fun with it!
Well, if sent back, maybe the ex could at least get the money back. Her saying she couldn’t doesn’t mean much. Considering it wasn’t the daughters style even it had been another colour, I mean, it doesn’t sound as if she would have worn it in any case.
Dear K, I love the idea that the Daughter would have fun messing about with dye. My Daughter is a Costumer with one of the Theaters here in London. She told me that changing the color of something the size of a ball gown then expecting it to come out looking perfect is a tall order. Especially for a 17 year old with no or little experience in it. Pity I loved the idea of it.💖
The thing about showing up to a wedding in inappropriate clothes is that some deluded people think, "Haha! I am sticking it to the bride! She's going to feel sooooo upset!" But what also happens is that everyone side-eyes, gossips about, and generally sneers at the person inappropriately attired. If that person comes out of their revenge fog long enough to notice, they are shocked (!) that no-one is inspired, Spartacus-style, by the 'bravery.' They are offended, surprised, and confused that people are disgusted. Now, here, the ex was trying to use her daughter as a proxy and would have invited all of that shame and disgust onto her poor daughter (who was, thankfully, saavy to her mom's attempted insult). Setting your kid up for that sort of public ridicule makes you a gross person and a bad mom.