In a healthy relationship, you honor the sense of emotional and physical privacy needed for yourself and your significant other. Otherwise, somewhat counterintuitively, you end up limiting your intimacy with one another, instead of enhancing it.
And there's a thread on Reddit that perfectly highlights it. Created by user u/Bisexual_Space_Lover, it asked people: "What's a secret you'll never tell your partner, but are willing to tell strangers on Reddit?" and the concealed truths it has received ranged from silly to sweet and wholesome.
So we collected the most memorable ones and put together this list to prove that absolute honesty shouldn't be the goal of commitment.
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Using my alt because she follows my main account
My girlfriend of 5 years has been deaf since she was 6. She reads lips pretty well, but prefers Sign Language. I didn’t know a single sign when I met her, but I could tell right away there was something between us so I started learning after I got home from our first date.
Fast forward a few years, I’m now fluent in ASL and we use it to talk almost exclusively. When she’s not looking though, I talk to her even though she can’t hear me or see my lips to read. I tell her how much I love her, how I’m going to marry her someday, how beautiful she is, etc. I’ve even been practicing proposing, so it’s not so terrifying when I actually do it. She has no idea and I plan to keep it that way.
We managed to get in touch with Bisexual_Space_Lover, and the Redditor didn't expect the post would blow up the way it did.
"I randomly watched a video from 2021 where someone posted a Q&A asking their followers to anonymously confess their deepest secrets. Then I scrolled through Reddit and just kept thinking about the replies and just decided to post the question on r/AskReddit," they told Bored Panda.
"Most posts there don't gain much popularity ... so I thought that maybe it'll get 1 or 2 replies and left it at that. Came back 1 hour later and jeez, I saw over 100 replies! I read through all of them and sheesh, some [entries really] concerned me. I upvoted and commented on a few of the replies and continued with my day. I came back the following day and was surprised at the number of upvotes."
My best friend is a Badger and I feed him sweetcorn every morning at 5:20am
That I am the one placing the googly eyes on everything in our house not our six year old.
According to Sari Cooper, an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, & Director of Center for Love and Sex, a boutique practice specializing in sex therapy issues in New York City, infidelity, substance abuse, pornography use, and considering leaving one's partner are the types of secrets that frequently arise in sex therapy and couples counseling.
"Partners keep a variety of secrets from their partners for many expected and at times surprising reasons," Cooper explained on Psychology Today. "They may feel something is too taboo to discuss—like marital problems, financial issues, sexual preferences, or their own or their partner's mental health and addiction issues. They may have broken their sexual exclusivity or monogamy agreement in a long-term committed relationship or marriage. And they may omit information or outright lie about topics like their physical health, their previous sexual partners, or beliefs on death or religion."
My wife s**t while delivering our son. Something she was terrified she would do. The nurse cleaned up very quickly and gave me a look that needed no explanation. I never said a word. She talked after delivery about how happy she was that didn’t happen to her. I’ll let her keep that peace of mind for life.
It’s perfectly natural to poop during labor there’s a scientific explanation involving pressure Or something
The wholesome answer? That our youngest sons first word wasn't "mama". She was having a busy time at work and already felt guilty about not being home as much. Naturally he spent most time with me so his first word was "papa". I kept my mouth shut and waited untill he said "mama" and celebrated that as his first word.
"In my practice, I often see major changes in family dynamics because some family members know only a part of a secret—without knowing it is only part of the secret—which makes those who know the full secret cautious and distant for fear that the rest of the secret may accidentally come tumbling out," the therapist said.
"For example, I have worked with men whose secret of seeing sex workers get discovered by their female partners. A wife who discovered her husband’s past secret sexual alliances with sex workers disclosed this secret only to one of her siblings while her parents, her other siblings, and her partner’s entire family were kept in the dark. She did this so that she didn’t feel so lonely with the betrayal, which naturally devastated her emotionally."
My husband loves talkative cats. When we first got our kittens I gave them a treat every time they made a meow or chirp. Since I was working from home they ended up becoming very vocal. He still goes on about how lucky we are to have such talkative cats in a weekly basis
That I found the man who was speaking improperly to our very young daughter and made sure it wouldn't happen again.
Bisexual_Space_Lover believes that it's probably impossible to go through life without keeping a single secret.
"Some of the comments made me reflect on my own life and some made me think of things that happened in my past. I'm not in a relationship so I didn't have much reason to comment," the Redditor said.
"I don't think that [it's possible to fully reveal yourself to another person], there are lots of people who have taken many secrets to their graves."
That he legit saved my life. He’s a nervous, humble guy who doesn’t like undue pressure or praise, so I keep it to myself just how bad off I was before he showed up. Because even in the aftermath of my mom’s death and even in the face of some pretty nasty health problems (which I was just letting slide because I was so depressed I was kind of hoping they’d kill me), I was very, VERY good at smiling and being charming. Three years of taking care of a terminally ill parent taught me how to smile and bear it and feint positivity even when you’re running on empty.
And I never felt like I could be anything other than The Fixer. The Doer. The Person Who Always Knows What To Say. The Reliable One. They Who Has Every Answer and Can Make Bad Feelings Go Away By Just Fixing the Problem For You.
I was not allowed to be negative. Ever.
But he… legit came in and helped me with mom’s estate and cheerleaded me into getting out of a dead-end career and put a stake in the heart of some severely toxic relationships I had and even helped me budget so I could “finally afford” health insurance… which wasn’t a moment too soon, because I caught s**t right in the nick of time.
And he just kind of… did it. In his mind it was nothing much because “you were on the right track, but you had a lot on your plate and needed help :).” And I just nod and agree because what else do I say?
“I actually wasn’t. I was just going to let myself die because I was exhausted and miserable, smiles aside. Thanks for intervening.”
I never paid for her engagement ring.
I went to a custom jeweler to have her ring made. It’s a beautiful piece, and she loves it dearly, and it certainly wasn’t cheap - appraised and insured for around $10k.
The jeweler was dealing with a lot of family issues at the time, and was incredibly disorganized. I went to pick up the ring and brought my checkbook to pay for it, and when she handed me the ring I took it out and asked her who to make the check out to. She said “oh no don’t worry about it right now, just send me a check in the mail!”.
I thought that was strange, but sure okay. She then hurried off to help another customer and I left. But she never told me what the final price was.
For the next 6 months, I texted and called the jeweler asking “hey just tell me what amount to put and I’ll mail you the check!”, and there was always a reason she couldn’t tell me “oh sorry I’m out right now, I’ll find it and text you later!”. Her shop was a few hours away from where I live, so it wasn’t feasible to stop by and handle it in person.
I tried for 6 months, but after that I stopped calling/texting and just figured I got the ring for free. I wouldn’t tell my spouse, because I don’t want her to think I took advantage of the situation or that somehow the ring isn’t as ‘meaningful’ because I didn’t pay for it.
However, is something really a secret if the person keeping it is not experiencing anxiety, rumination, or guilt? Indeed, Cooper said there is a difference between keeping secrets and maintaining privacy.
Privacy is not bad for a person's physical or emotional health, while secrets can impact a person's well-being and decision-making. And privacy, rather than secrecy, can be healthy not only for the emotional but also for the erotic intimacy of a relationship or marriage.
"An existential anxiety provoking many people is that they’ll never fully know everything about their partner and alternatively, they won’t ever be fully known by them either. This dilemma of unknowingness and the fact that we change continually throughout our lifetime is the fear that many partners try to conquer through demanding full disclosure in their relationships, and this quest for knowing all can cause suffering and disappointment," Cooper noted.
So maybe we should stop expecting to know everything about our loved ones?
That I know the word she’s looking for, but it’s more fun to hear her rattle off increasingly ridiculous, sometimes made up words instead.
Can't lie here, most of us have done this at one point or another for a good laugh. 😅
When my Girlfriend and I go out to eat at a restaurant, they will sometimes let us order food through our phones at the table. I'll insist on ordering because it lets me write in their "special instructions" box where i request if they could compliment her outfit.
Honestly i think i get just as much enjoyment seeing her reaction. I can never let her know.
Where are all these sweet and loving guys? It could be raining guys like that and I'd get hit in the head with the only narcissistic jackass in the clouds!
I got our toddler out of bed one morning and went to do a sniff test of their butt to see if they had poo’d over night and when I lifted my child up i stuck their head in the ceiling fan.
Oh and the time I forgot to put the car in park with them in it.
I think Sigmund Freud would have a thing or two to say about this.
Our cat didn't break the towel rack. I did. I was pretending to be fighting zombies and grabbed it and... ripped the god damn thing off the wall. I heard her coming to check out the noise and looked down at my cat.
She came into the bathroom to me asking my cat "Why did you think the towel rack could hold your weight? You silly cat!"
I don't know why I can't tell her. But lately (3 years of marriage and a 9 month old) I am more attracted to her than ever. It becomes distracting as I think about it all day sometimes. I think I'm embarrassed that it used to be a more 'average' attraction and now it is in overdrive, been this way for months.
I know it probably sounds silly but Idk it just feels like I became a different person recently.
That the thing that made me realize that i was in love with her is when i was taking a shower and got done, i walked into the room and she must not have heard me get out. She was laying on her side on the bed with her eyes closed, and she was picking her nose. I didn't want to embarrass her, so i stepped back out and from a distance asked where i set my clean clothes as i was walking back in, to make it seem like i was just coming in. She was visibly startled and quickly stopped, but continued to lay there with her eyes closed. I pretended that i saw nothing, but i couldn't help but smile. It was such an innocent and human moment. I have no idea why, but it made me realize right then and there that i loved everything about her. As silly as that moment was, there was a beauty in it, and i cherish that memory.
Simple. In that exact moment, OP cared more about how she felt than he himself did, and realized it.
Sometimes I just sit in my car outside work or our apartment for 20-30 minutes because I need some time alone. I have my mind full to the brim at work and rarely get time in the house alone. Sometimes I just need it to be quiet and not have to pay attention to anything!
I’ve been so depressed lately. I do not like my job. I have crippling anxiety driving into work every day. I’m in six-figure debt so I can’t leave. I can’t provide the life my family deserves and it’s only going to get tighter in coming months. I cry most days.
My wife and son are the only things in my life keeping me going. They do make me happy though its a sad-happy because I feel like I’m letting them down. My wife knows I’m not myself but I won’t tell her how bad things are.
I know it will get better but it’s very hard right now.
Edit: thank you all for your words of encouragement. I will talk with my wife tonight and we’ll try to come up with a plan. Not quite sure how, but she IS going to get her husband back and my son is getting his dad back.
Edit 2: I did talk with my wife. She’s worried about me but so supportive. Things are tight but we’ll get through. I made an appointment to talk to a professional. I don’t have the energy now but I’m going for a run on Friday after work and swimming with my son on Saturday. Thank you all. I did read a lot of comments and messages and everyone was supportive or funny. You all helped.
I hate that he doesn't want to go anywhere, ever.
Everything is always a chore or he dreads it.
I want to go on hikes, random car rides, a damn picnic. Just get out of the house with him, just him. I want to go on dates, I'm growing very tired of this lifestyle.
I am terrified that my partner will die because I know I am not really a functional adult outside of my work. I am good for playing with the kids, bringing in a decent income and making food, but the idea of single parenting and taking care of everything fills me with existential dread I have a hard time describing.
Obligatory Edit:
Thank you all for the support and kind comments, I never expected my top comment ever would be about how I worry for the future because I feel like 3 raccoons in a trench coat instead of a human adult. If you feel the same way just know you aren’t alone!
“Three raccoons in a trench coat” WAHAHAHA but why is that a bad thing? Also goodbye luck and stay strong!
If not for my partner and my family, I would have killed myself a long time ago. They are literally what I live for, and I can’t tell them that because they would worry about me so much.
EDIT: I am NOT actively suicidal, and I will not harm myself in the foreseeable future.
There has never been a time i thought my spouse was unattractive. Not even once whether it be personality, quirks or even situations that are irritating. He's been the most handsome man I've ever seen. I'm so lucky I got him (even if he put a little weight on-i have too so I don't care)
But may 26th 2022 the day we had our son (his first bio son) he cried. He cried through the delivery and never once left our sons side. He fell in love instantly. He's been a doting loving dad since day one. But.... I have never been more attracted to him.
It's hard to explain and I know sometimes the rush women get from giving birth is a high like rush. But I have been obsessed watching him take care of our baby. I'm sure you guys want to know why I will never tell him but I'd tell strangers? It's simple. Watching him dote on our son is my guilty pleasure. He doesn't know because it could ruin the way he is with our son. Sure he could say it wouldn't change anything but this is my secret. I have never been more inlove with this man.
When our son was born, my partner inspired these feelings in me. They felt so strange, because my two elder sons' dad was not, and never has been, interested in them.
My nieces don’t like the aquarium. I just constantly took them there because I thought my now girlfriend, who works there, was pretty and thought if she saw me constantly taking them it’d lead to us talking.
Well, the strategy worked out just fine. I hope the nieces now love the aquarium.
When I play video games and my wife isnt here, I narrate what I do and respond to fake questions from a non-existant chat like I’m some kind of big shot streamer. I even look at a fake camera when something happen lol.
I've broken your personalize cup your sister got you three times.
I recreated the design on paint and got some screen printing stall at the mall to print it on the cup, each time it looks a little bit different 😂.
That's a huge gesture for such a small thing. You're either a genuinely sweet guy or really afraid of getting in trouble.
Every time we're playing Yahtzee and she asks "do I have one more roll or was that 3" I always say one more regardless of the truth
No me but my friend
So his wife was really sick but was also extremely stubborn and religious she believed that God will heal her, so he cam to me and asked for a few of my sleeping pills
There really strong and get you into a deep sleep quickly. So puts the pills in her drink, like clock work in 30 minutes she's out cold he then asks me to help him get her to hospital. Next morning she wakes up in the hospital. Good thing too course on top of that sickness she had, she had stage one cancer she survived and it's all good now.
But he mad me swear I don't tell her what we did.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy more than just an in the moment feeling due to something happening. My default emotion is just depressed/tired
Whenever she’s not home, I let the dog onto the bed and take a really comfy nap. I set an alarm for an hour and kick the dog off and clean the fur off before she ever gets home. I’ve been doing this for nearly 3 years now.
That she killed a cat. She's very much a cat person, once she picks me up from a friend's house and driving through town, a cat ran in front of us and we heard a thud underneath the car, she screamed and looked in the rearview mirror and we seen the cat stagger into a driveway.
She was very upset and convinced she killed it, I told her no no the cat clearly ran across the street and is probably fine!
She was meeting some friends and I was taking the car home so she said would I check the driveway of that house on my way home to make sure the cat was ok, I said I would.
I drove back that way and parked a few houses down and looked in the driveways and there it was, lying motionless sprawled out on the ground, oh s**t.
Part of me was thinking just go home and say you seen it happily licking it's a**s, but curiosity got the better of me, I wanted to check to make sure it was still living.
The problem was it was a gated house that was also a b&b so I didn't want to just wander in on someone elses property, so I rang the phone number on the sign at the side of the road! By this stage I'm thinking what the hell are you at, you should have been home long ago but I was on autopilot and just went with it, the owner answers and I tell him there's a possibility dead cat in your drive, do you mind if I come in just to check its ok. The guy is like "um yeah I guess, it's just I'm out of town and there's no one here but it's fine if you want to let yourself in the side gate". He also says thanks so at this point I have to do it, I'm too far in now!
I let myself in and walk over and there she is, a big dead cat. Oh balls, well I'll just tell my wife the cat wasn't there and we can forget about the whole thing..except the owner now knows there could be a dead cat on his property, and when he gets home and sees it lying there he's got my number and will know I just left it there. So now I have to make a decision, do I leave this dead cat here or do I take it away and if I do what do I do with it. Across the street is a store so I walk over and buy bin bags and rubber gloves, make my way back over and scoop the fluffy corpse into a bin bag. Now I got a dead cat in a bag, I walk over to my car carrying this black bin bag.
People are walking past me on the street, smiling and giving that upwards nod that strangers give, I give a nod back but not I'm not fully into it because they don't know I'm walking past them with a dead cat in a bin bag. I don't feel like taking it into my car because, you know, it's a dead cat. So I google vets and there happens to be one not too far away, walking distance. I ring and ask them do they dispose of dead pets, they said they do. So I make my way down there, in through the front door and ask the receptionist, was I just talking to them about pet disposal, she looks at me slightly freaked and says yes. I produce the bag and say oh well I have a cat here, and can I just give it to her. She's like eh yeah you just leave it at our back door back outside, and charges me 50 quid for the pleasure.
I walk back to the car, and sat there for at least half an hour, in silence and as still as a dead cat trying to process the last hour of my life. I text my wife and say 'no honey, couldn't find the cat, she must be fine and ran off somewhere safe, see you at home xxx"
I feel this with my whole heart and I love you for your sensitvity! Thank you.
That time I asked you if I could have the last cookie, I implied there was only one left when there was actually two. I wanted both of them and didn’t want to share.
They were delicious and I have no regrets.
...and then he bought more cookies and they lived happily ever after. Seriously - I mean that. It's the least you could do!
I'm disabled, he works and brings home the bag. We do get disability pay, so it's still two incomes. I mostly clean, but my health gets in the way a lot.
But man, I don't think I can ever tell him just how guilty I feel over my inability to consistently contribute. I hate that my disability and health overshadow some days. He gets home from work, and the minute he sees how sick I feel that day he drops everything and ignores his own exhaustion to fuss over me. He should be able to come home to a meal cooked and a relaxing night of sitting on his a*s before the next day of work. Sometimes he does get that, but a lot of times it's just us making food together and cuddling and gaming rather than me being able to take care of him. I hate it deeply.
Edit: uuuuh I honestly expected this to get buried lmfao. Yes, I have talked to him about it a bit, just not about how often I feel guilty or how deeply I feel it. I do my best to make up for it on my good days. He has no problems with helping me out. At the end of the day, it's my mindset that needs working on.
"Sometimes he does get that, but a lot of times it's just us making food together and cuddling and gaming rather than me being able to take care of him." This is also taking care of him.
that she is far more similar to her mother and sisters than she would want to believe.
I have been molested 4 time by 4 different old guys, and I am male.
I really hope OP at least was able to open up to someone about this, a friend or a professional, doesn't matter. What matters is to not carry that pain inside alone.
My husband is too lighthearted during sex and it is a total turnoff. Like he will say “boobies!” or slap my a*s and thinks it’s funny. And like, I just want to be ravaged and whenever he does these things, I get dry as a bone downstairs. Idk how to bring this up without being an a*s.
When I asked her dad for his blessing I had some liquid courage first and I can’t remember what his response was. Let’s hope it was yes because we’ve been married for over 2 years.
That I wish she would find a career or pursue a degree so I don't have to work 1000+ hours of OT a year so she can sit at home.
Sometimes when we play mariokart, I pretend to fail at the end so she can win
That "family dinner" I coordinated with your dad was supposed to be a 1-on-1 conversation where I ask permission to marry you. Guess I'll just wait a few months since the whole family caught wind of our meeting 🤦♂️
Edit to clarify: I know I don't *need* to ask her dad permission, it's a choice between her and me, but it's a culturally polite thing to do where I'm from and I plan on proposing to her in the coming months. I was just asking in advance because we're moving away from the area
Edit 2: as others pointed out - I should have said "blessing" rather than "permission". We are later into our 20s and in our careers. No underage/mental ability stuff here. Sorry for the confusion
Oh please, don't scold him over semantics. It's an honourable gesture.
That I actually prefer creamy peanut butter. I buy the extra crunchy because that's what he likes.
That I have been seriously considering divorce for about 18 months now. She never smiles, never says anything nice and is always complaining about everything. The only reason that I don’t leave is my 2 children. I’m almost 100% certain that she would escalate from just her verbal to physical abuse towards them.
She had her uterus and ovaries removed 9 years ago and has completely lost interest in any form of affection. Not just the sex, though I miss that. I mean hugs and kisses, holding hands, wanting to be close. She thinks that buying me things would replace the lack of contact.
Her close mindedness has caused our daughter to stop talking to her about anything at all. ‘Jean’ now confides in me about everything and is worried about what her mother would do if it was found out that she is more interested in girls than boys.
I work 90 minutes away from our home and I had a small apartment close to my work so I wouldn’t have to make the 3 hour round trip everyday. I was forced to give up the apartment because we ‘couldn’t afford two households’ but she keeps buying c**p we don’t need.
She never cleans the house at all, always stating that no one else cleans up after themselves so she’s not going to anymore either. She uses her depression as an excuse for everything to get out of doing anything she doesn’t like to do.
If I thought I could get custody of the kids I think I would leave in a heartbeat.
Hold up - she already verbally abuses the children and OP worries it would escalate if he wasn't there...dump her a*s and take the kids with you. And sorry folks, but yes, there are some - some - people out there who will use their mental health as a weapon. Source: my mother and my stepdaughters mother.
My wife hates her dad more than anything, we haven’t talked to him much after he refused come to our wedding two years ago since he thinks she could do better than me.
She is like him in so many ways, I would never have the heart to tell her.
Ohhh - wise decision. You should carefully pick the hill you wanna die on!
I have basically non stop electronic stimulation at all times through the day. If im not at home playing videogames I'm out doing errands with an earbud in playing a youtube video or something. She thinks its because I just want to tune her out and I'm ignoring her but its actually because if I'm left in silence the bad thoughts and self-lothing start coming.
When he was away for work for 4 months, and I was working full time and single parenting and depressed af… one morning I hurried our kid (3) out to the car before daycare with my hands full of stuff. I put everything in the car, put it in gear, and looked over my shoulder to back up. I backed up ~2ft and hit the brakes. I didn’t put our kid in the car; i was looking at an empty car seat. My toddler was standing beside his door on the passenger side waiting for me, and now he was crying cuz he thought I was ditching him. If I hadn’t looked over my shoulder, I could have run over our kid. Blame sleep deprivation and all the other s**t going on, but Mom Guilt still eats me alive when I think about those 2ft. And my husband will never know because I don’t ever want him to think I’m a bad mom, or know exactly how bad it was for me while he was away.
TLDR: almost ran over my own kid
One time we had half a container of ice cream left.
I had a craving. I ate a bowl, then another.
Then I decided to finish the tub to destroy the evidence.
Then I realized she would notice that there was no ice cream left.
So I went to the store, bought another tub, and then ate that one down to the same level.
This was a GALLON tub.
I dropped the diaper rash cream container on our daughter’s head when she was like 8 days old. She let out this scream that still haunts me. When he came in the room to see what happened I lied and said I just dropped the lid on her.
That my wife always screams, she just doesn't seem to be able to talk at a normal level. Feel like she should be selling fish at a market place...... Love her though.
Maybe she should have her hearing checked.That was the reason a friend of mine was so loud.
That I resent her for forgetting my birthday two years in a row.
That's as much as I love him, with all my heart and soul, even after a decade of being together, his relentless negativity and pessimism does my head in sometimes.
I concluded my husband just enjoys complaining. I now see it as his hobby. He forgets within a few minutes and his mood disappears, it was me who kept on to those things. But if your man is really negative at heart… I think I'd try to not live daily with him. You know, two small houses connected with a corridor. You sulk in your own space but don't come bringing that stuff into my daily space. I like things happy.
It's been four years and I'm still super annoyed that he can't remember that one dream he had one night that caused him to laugh his a*s off in his sleep. I want to know the funny :'(
I cannot remember most of my dreams and they are short whereas my wife has dreams that turn into novels. If he could not remember it then, he sure isn't going to magically remember it 4 years later. I question why you would be obsessed with a dream he had 4 years ago. Are you jealous? Are there other things going on in the relationship you did not mention? Don't place any weight on what happens in a dream. Freud was wrong.And if
I faked the first 6 orgasms with her. I just wasn’t going to cum due to anxiety but I knew she’d be so self conscious to the point of dumping me if I didn’t. So I pulled out and “came” in a towel or sock. Eventually I got there with her after the nerves calmed but im taking that secret to the f*****g grave lmao
Edit: One time I even prepped a towel by squirting some lotion in it and showed her how “much” she made me cum because I’m a LIAR and a FREAK
that's alright. You foresaw a problem and you solved it. No harm done and now you have good times together. So forget that part of the past and enjoy the here and now :)
The iron bar in the garage isn’t a pry bar, it’s a manhole cover remover and I have explored and will explore more.
a hobby to share with her! Buy her boots and a headlamp, ooooh and communications for the both of you. Or just share your pictures and horror stories of rats you've encountered, make her wrinkle her nose and giggle. Make her a rat-themed cake and enjoy your spooky stories together!
That I’m insane about her, but no matter how big and hairy and manly as I am I feel so insecure that I don’t deserve her and I’ve stayed up at night crying while she lays next to me because I feel like one day she’ll realize she can do better. I’m afraid that if I don’t tell her how much she means to me constantly she’ll forget and then if I say it too much she’ll feel smothered.
Talk to someone. You don't need to feel so unhappy because of your insecurity or lose her because of it. You should be able to love your life with her.
15y ago I had a new medication that did not mix well with alcool. I had a party with friends, we decided to go out in town. Next thing I remember I woke up in a cell at the police station stripped down to my undies. It turn out I took a taxi, instead of going home I went to my mother's street. Apparently I was lucid enough to remember her street, but not her house and ended up in her neighbour's backyard doing enough noise to wake him up. In the end I got a 400$ish fine and a tremendous amount of shame.
That his parents are really pissing me off and I do not want to be around them anymore. They’re lousy grandparents to our son but not to his sisters children.
Edit:
For clarity, I love my in-laws. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We just had our first son last year after trying for a decade. He was born very early and spent a good chunk of his life in the NICU. He’s now 10 months old and has been home for almost six of those.
This issue I have had with my in-laws is a very recent development. It started immediately when he came home. We told both sides of our family we wanted at least a week for the three of us to get adjusted. We also had four different doctors appointments in that first week. When my husband told his mom that we wanted that week, she got immediately upset. She assumed that my family would be coming by. He assured her that they were not but she was still in belief that my mom would be here.
My mom has a very demanding job and works a lot of OT. She manages to come see him at least once a week, and she lives about 40 minutes away, when she comes up she spends several hours here.
His parents live between 10 and 15 min away depending on traffic. His dad does not work, and his mom has a lot of days where she works from home without a set schedule. They come up sometimes once a week and sometimes once every two weeks. For no longer than one hour at a time. I have told them on so many occasions that they’re welcome to come up anytime as long as they call prior to coming in case we have an appt or my mom is here.
Our son is on oxygen and is still very high risk so we try not to take him out too often or have him get over stimulated with too many visitors in one day.
They see my SIL children daily or very close to daily. They’re older, between 10 and 15 in ages. There are four children and the younger ones are not well behaved.
When asked about why they don’t come to see him more often recently, FIL was coming up with all kinds of things to be annoyed about. A fb post about a college my husband posted, a security camera we have in our living room from when we took a vacation that isn’t plugged in, and that I was laying down because I got so little sleep the night before.
I did talk to my husband about how I was feeling. He said he totally understands and said he’s been feeling a little upset about them himself. Again, I do not hate them. They’re very dear to me, which is why it upsets me so much that they don’t want to see their grandson.
I've never been a playboy and got incredibly lucky that she ever even spoke to me in the first place. She thinks I'm this smooth talking experienced ladies man, she has no idea she's the first girl to fall for my amazing pick up line, "Do you have a boyfriend?". To her it's impossible to imagine I wasn't some wild dog humping the i95 until she reigned me in.
Edit: wtf did I wake up to?
My partner doesn’t know how bad my mental health really is - she knows I’ve reached out for support but doesn’t know the extent of help I’m seeking.
I just can’t bring myself to say those words to her.
You don't have to unless you need to or it impacts your relationship. This is your business and it's deeply personal. A healthy relationship doesn't have to share everything. There's no shame here...addressing mental health issues is difficult and people aren't always kind. Do what's best for you!
Throwaway because my partner is on Reddit and my username is instantly recognizable.
I am no longer a Christian. I had been struggling with my beliefs for awhile and decided to live my life like God didn't exist and see what happened. My mental health immediately got better. I was no longer anxious and depressed because I wasn't meeting the moral standards put on me by Christianity. But I can never tell them, our shared faith was the whole basis of our relationship. I proposed after a bible study we both went to.
I don't want to share any more because if they saw this they would probably figure it out. But I have basically resigned myself to pretending to still believe for the rest of my life.
I’m really tired of everything
I´d just say don´t expect your partner to read your mind and it´s better to say some things out loud in order to avoid misunderstandings or simply to clear the air.
I drink her fancy olive oil right out of the bottle when she's not home
My husband complains about being in pain so much that I feel like there’s no room for me to be in pain. And sometimes I really resent that. I have a chronic health condition that I have no choice but to manage well because he wouldn’t know what to do if he had to care for me like I have to care for him.
Sucks but it is what it is.
Yeah, relatable. My ex would get mad at me for napping during the day, proclaiming he had "pneumonia" constantly and I needed to 'sort myself out' and look after his kids 4 months later I'm in hospital, can't walk, can't balance. Severe B12 and folate deficiency. But his "pneumonia" was always worse.
I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease about 5 years ago. I decided at that point I would never get married or have kids as the prognosis was not good.
I isolated myself. It was a very lonely existence. Then we met about 2 years ago. Life has been sweet ever since. The disease is hitting its stride now. It is getting harder and harder for me to do things. I grin and bear it because I want these remaining years to be stress free and happy.
What I *actually* paid for my woodworking tools
Edit: Obligatory RIP Inbox!
As a few have pointed out, this absolutely applies to pretty much any hobby. And I'll put it here since so many are asking, but I don't actually keep track of how much I've spent over the years - but just the big expensive ones I remember I'm over 5k already. Then all the smaller tools, chisels, hand planes, and ultimately I should include the cost of running a 220v single phase outlet for my jointer and... more than I really want to admit to myself. But the joy and sense of accomplishment I get on the completed pieces are worth every penny spent. It really is my happy place.
Does she have some good tools and materials too, for something she enjoys? Encourage her to buy the excellent yarn (I'm a knitter) or go on that fancy workshop. You know how happymaking good things are :)
It was an accident we met . I thought I was agreeing to see his friend , who was the other guy in the picture
Maybe not exactly what the question is looking for, but: I was good friends with my now-wife for four or five years before we eventually got together and fell in love. (Note to other dudes: getting out of the "friend zone" is possible, ironically, if you just be her good friend, refrain from making inappropriate advances, and be there as someone she genuinely loves spending time with.)
Back when we were friends, though, I was a pretty heavy drug user (opiates) and hid it from most of my friends and family as best I could. We've discussed this generally, but I don't think she realizes the extent to which I was ruining my life back then. It's still hard for me to talk about. I stole money from my parents, there were repercussions with my job, etc. I'm lucky I never got into legal trouble. Honestly, things turned around when I started dating her because it inspired me to get my life together and I had something to really live for.
I've said to her once or twice that getting with her probably "saved my life," but I'm generally very sarcastic and she thought I was being facetious. I'd like to open up and be more honest about that time in my life, but there's still a lot of guilt and trauma buried inside me and I clam up anytime I think about talking about it.
So actually being a friend is what could get you out of the friendzone - WHO KNEW (as women have only been saying so for the past decade) :)
Since January of 2020 I've been working an assignment at my job (law enforcement, not an officer) with sexual assault investigations unit (SAIU). Normally I'm with my department's Records Unit, but in 2020 I applied for an opening with my department's SAIU. My girlfriend is aware of that, but so long as it's up to me, I will never tell her about any the cases that have come through the unit.
Edit: tried to clear up the job description.
yeah, she doesn't need to know the details. She would want to share your tiredness or shockedness or burdensomeness. Because you're best mates. I assume there's a professional safety net for you guys. In my country every psychologist talks to a professional, to make sure they're still ok mentally.
I write fanfiction and am a prolific writer for one specific fandom. I don’t write smut or even really romance, but I do engage in other very dark topics that I feel like my “I hate reading” boyfriend would probablyyyy give me side-eye if he knew.
this sounds a lot like a game called warhammer 40k, which youtubers sometes call lore fore the grimdark
When he cooks he adds wayyyyyy too much salt, and I love salty s**t. He’s also really proud of his cooking. I always ask if I can season my own portion because he “makes it too spicy for me” but in reality I’m just not adding as much salt lol
Edit: this wasn’t meant to be that serious guys! He’s an amazing cook other than the salt and we both have different food preferences so it’s not unusual for me to ask to season my own stuff and for him to ask the same. I haven’t told him because I didn’t want to potentially hurt his feelings or seem ungrateful for his cooking and it really didn’t bother me enough to bring it up. It’s not a big elaborate lie I have going, just a little secret that I thought was funny and harmless. Thank you for making me aware of the potential health issues he could suffer down the line because of this, I will let him know next time he cooks me something :)
Just remember that your sense of taste can change so you can work that in. Start with something you cook and be like wow I think I'm starting to get sensitive to salt because this normal amount seems too salty. Then keep it up with other prepped meals. You won't hurt his feelings because it's you who's naturally changing. I've done this before and just explained I'm becoming more sensitive; also hammer it up by acting bummed out a little.
I’m addicted to this goddamn vape.
I get off and on the wagon like a public train. I’ll go two-three months without it, then I’ll stop by a store and grab another, and there I go chiefing again for another few months.
She doesn’t know I vape, and I hate hiding anything from her but I’ve told myself the lie that it doesn’t matter, it’s such a small thing, it’s just nicotine, and I don’t smoke cigs, never have.
But goddammit I like the vape, but I want to quit solely because I know she wouldn’t like it. She’s the best human on the planet and she doesn’t deserve to be kept in the dark, or for me to sneak around and have a puff when I’m gaming or out drinking with the boys.
It’s such a stupid thing for a grown man to struggle with, but nicotine is the best and the worst thing ever.
I'm actually proud of you--you're doing your best to quit. Good luck!
I love her food, but I always feel bad when she's cooking for me.
You've got this all wrong! Cooks love an audience! This is another way to show love - bon appetit!
The knives from Costco stay sharp because I sharpen them. Not because they "never need to be sharpened"
To be fair, and to answer the "why wouldn't you tell her" she knows. But it was a quip (by which I mean not an argument) that we sort of had. :)
I make “f**k you” money and every day I feel like a fraud. I google half the s**t I do and in large part I wing my job. Everyone thinks I’m so confident and know what I’m doing, I’m drowning and feeling like any moment they’ll find out I’m faking my way to success. I’ve been doing my job for 5 years and I’ve done a “good job”.
Can’t shake the feeling that I’m a fraud.
Imposter Syndrome- you feel like you aren’t meant to be at the level you are. Trust me, a lot of what I do involves public speaking as well as needing to know techniques for acting. It feels like I’m failing at it all every day, yet everyone says I’m doing fine. The mind is a weird thing we are gifted with
His f**k-face is TERRIBLE.
Like, when he's truly into the act he looks ridiculous and awful.
So I've just stopped looking 😂
I wonder if OP holds a mirror up to look into to make sure that their fuckface is on fleek?🤷🏻♀️
I pissed myself on accident trying to not be a “two trip b***h” running my groceries up to my apartment.
The reason i wasnt hungry that one day in dublin was because when i stayed behind to get ready while she waited in the lobby i ate the entire box of leftover chicken wings that we took home from the restaurant the day before. I ate 15 cold, oily chicken wings in about 5 minutes at 9 AM before heading out for breakfast.
The thought that my wife will sell my guitars for the price I told her they were worth is my greatest worry.
Maybe safe storage elsewhere is a solution here...that, and not being with a potential thief.
My fiancée is currently going through Chemos (Half paid by a program other half by me) & told her not to worry about the payments. Already went through 1 set of savings due to company cutting hrs (getting ready for global recession). I’m depressed & have anxiety attacks just thinking that if things don’t get better soon.. I won’t have the money for her treatments or enough money to get bills paid on time
Edit: (Original health insurance didn’t cover anything, we tried getting a private insurance but no one will take her due to “pre existing” health issues) if anyone can help me find grants or a better program pm me. I’ve tried a couple places/programs without luck. I really care about her health but it’s killing me financially
the system is so unique and bad in the USA :( I don't know what to advise. Just lots of strength wishes. You two are running a marathon.
Sometimes I’m not 100% sure she’s the one. It hurts because she seems so sure all the time but I think it’s normal to have fluctuations in feelings. For me anyways.
I have the same. The key for me was to let go of the concept of 'The One'. There's just people, because I myself am also just a person. I love my partner a lot and we have it good together. I can see myself buying a house with him and even having a child together, one day. That's enough.
When I was 14, my grandma passed away. For years, I had been bothering my parents for my own gold necklace. Well, Gram had a little bit of money and she gave me the $300 for a gold necklace in her will. It was my pride and joy. I had it around my neck for 17 years before I met my wife. It was off my neck maybe three times in those 17 years. My wife (then girlfriend) knew how much it meant to me and asked to wear it once. Well, it never came home. She had lost it somewhere or it had gotten stolen. I was distraught like crazy for three or four days while we turned our house upside down looking for it. Inevitably, I gave up, but she was very bothered by it all. So, I decided to go to a p**n shop and buy the closest I could get to an exact duplicate and then I told her that I had found the necklace in the couch cushions. To this day, she thinks that I found my necklace from my grandmother, but this is actually version 2.
I worked as a "muscle guy" in my early twenties and made a chunk of money getting good at hurting people. She's a pretty anti-violence buddhist, so I'm not gonna bring that up lol
haha better not no. You're a different guy now than you were back then. Enjoy the present :)
It's not that I'd never tell her it's that I don't think we're at the part of the relationship where I can tell her just yet. But I love her
saying the words is a big thing in the States, right? You can show her your feelings without the words :) Hold her, stroke her hair, take walks together.
I think I might have killed a man.
Story from reddit: I was staying at my cousin's ranch. Not the rich type or compound like just a normal one with chickens cows etc. Anyway we were at dinner and he was a little bit drunk and was telling us how he has cattle thieves that steal his cows. First time I ever touched a cow was earlier in the day. Everybody was like what are you going to do? He said shoot them. Here I am thinking how the f**k do you steal a cow. So it gets later on in the evening and he's taking shot of vodka and redbull to stay awake. He was blitzed by this time. I told him I would stay up and watch for these cow stealers. He goes up stairs and gives me his sawed off shotgun. (I hate guns btw and shake when I am near one). So anyway I am out in the pasture playing on my phone and drinking then I hear a noise. The cows start going apeshit and I think holy s**t people actually steal f*****g cows. So I walk up to the gate and all I see is the black figure leading a cow.
Last night you made fried rice with shrimp. I ate the whole bowl even though it tasted nasty. God it was awful.
that's love. Also reheating the rice today may have given you stomach-problems, so it was a double act of love yesterday!
One of my wife's family member once tried to have sex when we were alone. I refused and we pretend it never happened. They are very close to my wife and they never did anything like that again so I think I should keep it a secret.
I will listen to a song 10 times in a row because I need to listen to all the instruments and melodies separately before moving on to the next song
I have ridiculously complex and drawn out arguments with myself when no one’s around. One of the me’s is pretty cool, the other one ‘s kind of a d**k.
Edit: just to add, I’m not sure which one is the “real” me.
I make a s**tload of gibberish vocalizations when I’m home alone. No f*****g clue why, just some weird fake language I’ve been spewing since childhood.
Edit: transliteration attempt
*”Sabio ni’ontas kartesh ki’tovan? Sargo ket’seeva, praish?”*
This kind of s**t, constantly, in a sort of Russian/Arabic hybrid intonation. Almost entirely meaningless and 90% improvised apart from a few words that have attached themselves to specific objects/emotions over the years.
Edit: *You sure you’re not a sim?*
Not sure at all. Like we know that reality/perception is just electrical signals in the synapses of our brains…how do we know they’re not just neural nets in someone’s instance of Earth Simulator? My brain tells me to talk gibberish when I’m alone, wtf is that? So yeah, prob a sim.
Edit: *lovecraft, goblins, orcs, khajit*
Totally see what you’re saying, but this is a function of the transliteration and the weird apostrophes I used, trying it out with french phonetics for example (same sounds) and the vibe is completely different written out:
*”C’est-billaut ni hontasse cartêche qui tovain? Sargaut qu’êtes si va, prèche?*
*”Сабио нионтос кортешкии товон, сорго кетсиво, преш?”*
Part of the french one ( hontasse) is a lot like high valarian for bird
Our baby boy fell off our bed whilst I was watching him. She heard the noise and then heard the baby crying. I made up some b******t story that it was something else that had fell over and the noise scared him. I don’t really know why I didn’t just tell her, I felt so guilty and still do sometimes. Still never gonna tell her though.
Oh this happens all the time with babies. My husband, baby and I were co-sleeping once, I got up early to use the bathroom and when he stirred I asked him to watch the baby. Well 2 mins later I enter the room at the exact moment our baby rolls onto the floor, sits on his bottom and wakes with surprise followed by crying. He was fine, just a little shaken
His father's body was eaten by alligators
Rest of the tale on reddit "His father died in a helicopter accident over water. My MIL read the coroner's report (I think thats what it's called idk) and it said when his body was retrieved he had been mostly eaten. Very tragic accident :( My SO and his siblings understandably didn't want to read the report and I'm very glad they didn't "
In the crawl space I completed, I included a hidden chamber. Although there is nothing inside, it has been so long since I built it that I feel guilty for keeping it a secret.
I love her to bits and will never cheat on her but I don’t like having sex with her anymore and I fake my orgasms
Her cooking isn't very nice... I'm not cooking because I try to be nice, I cook because I want to eat something that doesn't taste like I'm r*****g a feral raccoon with explosive diarrhea.
Sorry honey, but you might need to learn how to cook if you want to cook...
When I was a child I pissed in a bucket. Threw it on my trampoline and told my friend to go play on it.
I am very attracted to her mentally and physically, but I would be MORE attracted if she started working out again.
Start a dual workout. Tell her you think it is sexy to workout together and you need the motivation.
S**t my pants in the middle of school during test week. Had to fake a stomach ache so I could go home, ended up scoring a 85% on that test.
Something that my husband did for years without me realising (we are togeather ~10 years) and how I've learned about it. We were driving and I saw dead headgehog on the road. Before I said something he said "oh, look, wow, those clouds looks amazing!". It's something that he says from time to time so I was not surprise but I was a little irritated because you know - we just saw that poor thing and he is talking to me about clouds. And then I've learned that he has no interest in clouds, for all this years whenever he spotted dead animal on the road he was distracting me knowing that if I see it it will make me a sad (just for a minute or two but still - he didn't wanted me to experience it).
This is something that sounds so simple, but honestly, a partner that pays attention to your emotional needs/responses, and then looks out for you?! Not as common as we'd hope. Glad you found one.
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At first the stories were pretty sweet, but after a while they just made me think "wtf"
I have to say my partners lack of scent makes me less attracted to them. It's such a shame because they're great otherwise. He has low testosterone and has zero scent even if he sweats and it just, not turns me off but does nothing for me and sexy time takes extra effort. Nothing he can do though since already taking testosterone and cologne just doesn't do anything for me; his soap smells nice though
George loves to surprise me with treats, trips, and things. I will never, ever tell him that one of his biggest surprises was spoiled for me because I got the text alert for the reservation on my phone. Hell, when I realized what he was about to surprise me with a weekend in Dubrovnik and dinner at Nautika Restaurant, I was already thrilled enough, so the surprise wasn't even all that ruined!
Awww! George Glass sounds awesome! Just like in the movie.
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That i cant be with her if she cant keep her anger in check,i love her so much but i have my problems,and im leaning towards me breaking down, i wanna run away,im feeling pressure from everything and everyday i feel like my heart is gonna burst out of my chest,i just want to be alone and go where i can start all over again with nobody i know around
When we met she was really insecure and not that clued up about the real world. I helped her learn how to do many things like cooking, finance and DIY without her really knowing. Now she thinks I could not survive or look after myself without her and I let her believe that and never point out who taught her or gives a little advice when she has problems.
Something that my husband did for years without me realising (we are togeather ~10 years) and how I've learned about it. We were driving and I saw dead headgehog on the road. Before I said something he said "oh, look, wow, those clouds looks amazing!". It's something that he says from time to time so I was not surprise but I was a little irritated because you know - we just saw that poor thing and he is talking to me about clouds. And then I've learned that he has no interest in clouds, for all this years whenever he spotted dead animal on the road he was distracting me knowing that if I see it it will make me a sad (just for a minute or two but still - he didn't wanted me to experience it).
This is something that sounds so simple, but honestly, a partner that pays attention to your emotional needs/responses, and then looks out for you?! Not as common as we'd hope. Glad you found one.
Load More Replies... At first the stories were pretty sweet, but after a while they just made me think "wtf"
I have to say my partners lack of scent makes me less attracted to them. It's such a shame because they're great otherwise. He has low testosterone and has zero scent even if he sweats and it just, not turns me off but does nothing for me and sexy time takes extra effort. Nothing he can do though since already taking testosterone and cologne just doesn't do anything for me; his soap smells nice though
George loves to surprise me with treats, trips, and things. I will never, ever tell him that one of his biggest surprises was spoiled for me because I got the text alert for the reservation on my phone. Hell, when I realized what he was about to surprise me with a weekend in Dubrovnik and dinner at Nautika Restaurant, I was already thrilled enough, so the surprise wasn't even all that ruined!
Awww! George Glass sounds awesome! Just like in the movie.
Load More Replies... That i cant be with her if she cant keep her anger in check,i love her so much but i have my problems,and im leaning towards me breaking down, i wanna run away,im feeling pressure from everything and everyday i feel like my heart is gonna burst out of my chest,i just want to be alone and go where i can start all over again with nobody i know around
When we met she was really insecure and not that clued up about the real world. I helped her learn how to do many things like cooking, finance and DIY without her really knowing. Now she thinks I could not survive or look after myself without her and I let her believe that and never point out who taught her or gives a little advice when she has problems.
