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In a healthy relationship, you honor the sense of emotional and physical privacy needed for yourself and your significant other. Otherwise, somewhat counterintuitively, you end up limiting your intimacy with one another, instead of enhancing it.
And there's a thread on Reddit that perfectly highlights it. Created by user u/Bisexual_Space_Lover, it asked people: "What's a secret you'll never tell your partner, but are willing to tell strangers on Reddit?" and the concealed truths it has received ranged from silly to sweet and wholesome.
So we collected the most memorable ones and put together this list to prove that absolute honesty shouldn't be the goal of commitment.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Using my alt because she follows my main account
My girlfriend of 5 years has been deaf since she was 6. She reads lips pretty well, but prefers Sign Language. I didn’t know a single sign when I met her, but I could tell right away there was something between us so I started learning after I got home from our first date.
Fast forward a few years, I’m now fluent in ASL and we use it to talk almost exclusively. When she’s not looking though, I talk to her even though she can’t hear me or see my lips to read. I tell her how much I love her, how I’m going to marry her someday, how beautiful she is, etc. I’ve even been practicing proposing, so it’s not so terrifying when I actually do it. She has no idea and I plan to keep it that way.
3 Owls In A Coat 3 years ago
This made me tear up imagining him practicing “will you marry me?” while she’s looking away 🥹
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Raena Celis 3 years ago
I think this is a secret you should definitely share with her one day. She will just melt
Molly Whuppie 3 years ago
Careful you aren't doing that where there is a reflection she might see.
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago (edited)
Oh my gosh, your name! "Woe worth ye, Mollie Whuppie! Never ye come again!"
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Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
First of all I was "Alt account"? But then it turned into my h wholesomeness
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago
Ah. That's lovely. I hope he says how beautiful she is to her face sometimes.
We managed to get in touch with Bisexual_Space_Lover, and the Redditor didn't expect the post would blow up the way it did.
"I randomly watched a video from 2021 where someone posted a Q&A asking their followers to anonymously confess their deepest secrets. Then I scrolled through Reddit and just kept thinking about the replies and just decided to post the question on r/AskReddit," they told Bored Panda.
"Most posts there don't gain much popularity ... so I thought that maybe it'll get 1 or 2 replies and left it at that. Came back 1 hour later and jeez, I saw over 100 replies! I read through all of them and sheesh, some [entries really] concerned me. I upvoted and commented on a few of the replies and continued with my day. I came back the following day and was surprised at the number of upvotes."
RELATED:
#2
My best friend is a Badger and I feed him sweetcorn every morning at 5:20am
Colin Matthews 3 years ago
Badgers are mental.dont be fooled. Hes coming for the corn, then your hand, then your family
Guernzee 3 years ago
Yeah, f**k cuddling a badger, vicious little bastards! Lol
Load More Replies... Gianna B D 3 years ago
I like to think of myself as my husband's best friend, but if I found out tht I had lost to a badger, I think I'd be okay with that. I would also accept losing to a fox, a tiger or a *really* cool bird. (Ordinary birds will not do.)
Panda Kicki 3 years ago
But...why NOT thell.the partner so they ca. meet Sweetcorn Badgie themselves?
Mark Fuller 3 years ago
Don't be so daft - Bodger's Badger loves mashed potato, not sweetcorn, lol!!
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Huddo's sister 3 years ago
They haven't noticed you buy a lot of corn and yet there is none in the cupboard to eat? Maybe they do know but know you deserve a little time for joy on your own?
#3
That I am the one placing the googly eyes on everything in our house not our six year old.
June 3 years ago
Yesterday my bf told me he loves googly eyes, now I feel the urge to buy a pack for him to have fun, and a pack for me to left him some surprises 🙃
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Joshua Moon 3 years ago
Have you recently wandered through a Walmart? I ask because I seen googly eyes all over the store on packages and never laughed so hard.
Mark Fuller 3 years ago
Love it. Alas, we have cats rather than kids. My other half ain't gonna buy it.
Christof Irran 3 years ago
This reminds me of a story I read in which this guy shat into his girlfriend's cat's litterbox (just to be an @sshole, I guess). She (the girlfriend) was alarmed by the sizable turd in the catbox, and rushed her to the vet. The vet discovered a tumor in the cat's intestine...
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Iampenny 3 years ago
For some reason, I think your partner may already know this, but pretends to let you believe that (s)he thinks it's the six-year-old. Maybe I'm only thinking this, because I if someone was to do this in my house, it wouldn't be the child, but either me or my partner, and we would know it and react the same.
According to Sari Cooper, an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, & Director of Center for Love and Sex, a boutique practice specializing in sex therapy issues in New York City, infidelity, substance abuse, pornography use, and considering leaving one's partner are the types of secrets that frequently arise in sex therapy and couples counseling.
"Partners keep a variety of secrets from their partners for many expected and at times surprising reasons," Cooper explained on Psychology Today. "They may feel something is too taboo to discuss—like marital problems, financial issues, sexual preferences, or their own or their partner's mental health and addiction issues. They may have broken their sexual exclusivity or monogamy agreement in a long-term committed relationship or marriage. And they may omit information or outright lie about topics like their physical health, their previous sexual partners, or beliefs on death or religion."
#4
My wife s**t while delivering our son. Something she was terrified she would do. The nurse cleaned up very quickly and gave me a look that needed no explanation. I never said a word. She talked after delivery about how happy she was that didn’t happen to her. I’ll let her keep that peace of mind for life.
Chicken Nugget 3 years ago
It’s perfectly natural to poop during labor there’s a scientific explanation involving pressure Or something
LuckyL 3 years ago
It's just that the baby pushes the poop with it on the way out. It need all the room there is. I was also terrified of this - more than giving birth itself. And I somehow would have loved if somebody told me before, that this happens to mostly everyone, because it's just part of the process.
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Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
Women push a watermelon sized baby out of their bodies, of course poop happens. Anyone unconvinced should try and sh*t a fridge
manalonedies 3 years ago
My best girl, Sarah the Beagle, s**t when she gave birth to her best dogs children. I cleaned it up and we never talked about it again.
Phoebe Bean 3 years ago
The poor woman went through an ordeal and she didn´t need further embarrassment. Glad to know she has someone who loves her.
J Baker 3 years ago
Fun fact: most of the intestinal bacteria you have in your gut right now can be traced back to when your mom s**t on you at birth! It's actually good for your gut health and the gut health of your children!
MarWol 3 years ago
Happened to me, I noticed it but really didn't care at all. It was more important that the baby came out and I was glad that then there was more room for that to happen :D You can ask for an enema beforehand or just "go with the flow", because stuff like this happens naturally anyways and seriously, it's not a big deal. Also, as someone mentioned before, it's great for the newborn to get in contact with the mother's vaginal flora and all the other bacteria down there. S**t happens and it's really just part of the process.
Panda Kicki 3 years ago
My hospital do a poop smear on all c-sec kids, they need the bacteria. Poop away!
Pangoro 3 years ago
Come again? What exactly entails a "poop smear"? Asking as a c-section baby.
Load More Replies... #5
The wholesome answer? That our youngest sons first word wasn't "mama". She was having a busy time at work and already felt guilty about not being home as much. Naturally he spent most time with me so his first word was "papa". I kept my mouth shut and waited untill he said "mama" and celebrated that as his first word.
Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
Linguist here. Most babies will say "dada" before "mama" simply because it's easier for their untrained lips to pronounce. It doesn't mean they love dada more than mama
Zoe 3 years ago
Exactly, i was a stay at home mom, my husband worked 12hr shifts still my son first said baba, which is dad in our mother language. Because phonetics.
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Laura Jackson 3 years ago
Now that is one of the purest forms of true love and devotion I've ever seen. This man deserves a standing ovation!👏👏👏👏
Nancy Tate-Leach 3 years ago
I came here to say this but you said it better
Load More Replies... Exotic Butters 3 years ago
Most kids do say dada first. It's easier. Nevertheless, a thoughtful gesture by OP. Your wife is a lucky lady
Ennio Viau-Liva 3 years ago
Meanwhile my first words were completely random stuff like yellow car and cucumber and my parents liked it
Pieter LeGrande 3 years ago
My wife wanted a dog, I wanted a cat. We got a cat. Our daughters first was a very passable imitation of a "meow". I am never going to mention that.
DannX68 3 years ago
You sure they weren't trying to tell you about the boogeyman under the bed?
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Britches are for everyone 3 years ago
I did the same thing. I was watching our daughter most days and she said dada quite a lot. She said mama one day and I gave my wife the win.
"In my practice, I often see major changes in family dynamics because some family members know only a part of a secret—without knowing it is only part of the secret—which makes those who know the full secret cautious and distant for fear that the rest of the secret may accidentally come tumbling out," the therapist said.
"For example, I have worked with men whose secret of seeing sex workers get discovered by their female partners. A wife who discovered her husband’s past secret sexual alliances with sex workers disclosed this secret only to one of her siblings while her parents, her other siblings, and her partner’s entire family were kept in the dark. She did this so that she didn’t feel so lonely with the betrayal, which naturally devastated her emotionally."
#6
My husband loves talkative cats. When we first got our kittens I gave them a treat every time they made a meow or chirp. Since I was working from home they ended up becoming very vocal. He still goes on about how lucky we are to have such talkative cats in a weekly basis
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago
My cat loves Chicken Nuggets. Maybe not in the same way.
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Fenchurch 3 years ago (edited)
Cats once beyond kitten hood only usually communicate verbally with humans, because they are smart enough to figure out that we are too stupid to communicate as they do in body language. Sweet fact, we adopted two 13 year old sister cats with renal failure. They were litter mates and had lived together all their lives. One was very chatty and would constantly chat to us, one was very quite would barely make any sound, both responded to us with body language. Sadly the chatty cat had to be put down last year at aged 17 (stage 4 renal failure, heart murmer, high blood pressure etc etc) overnight the quiet cat became chatty, she obviously had relied on her sister to do all the annoying human communication, but once she was gone she had to step up and take on chatting to us herself. She was very very depressed for a while, but has finally picked up and although she had progressed to stage four renal failure back in January, she is outliving the vets expectation. As the vet says, cats don't read the text books!
Lillukka79 3 years ago
Same happened with my cats and now my sisters cats, the silent one found it's voice once the vocal one was gone.
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Kenny Kulbiski 3 years ago
My cat , (Jack the Ripper) who I love dearly, is a very vocal Siamese. I'd give him treats just to shut the f**k up. Especially at 3am.
Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
My little madam says"hello", 'no' and I wuv yooo. She thinks her name is 'i love you "
Christien Newbury 3 years ago
My black twins Ghost and Shadow chirp a lot. But pick up a can of cat food and Ghost screams bloody murder. He's a sleek little Siamese wind -around-your-legs type but Jeeze, is that guy vocal! Shadow meanwhile sits there patiently and doesn't say a word.
#7
That I found the man who was speaking improperly to our very young daughter and made sure it wouldn't happen again.
Pittsburgh rare 3 years ago
I'm slightly concerned at how vague this is. From verbal threats to dispose of the body, anything is possible.
Amy S 3 years ago
You need to report this man to the police because if he's doing it to your daughter he's doing it to other children and they may not have anyone they can tell.
DumYum 3 years ago
I think the spouse maybe should be aware in case the person shows up again.
ℙ𝕦𝕣𝕣.𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕕 3 years ago
I have a strange feeling that they are not able to physically do that if you know what I mean.
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Robin Bautista 3 years ago
My dad died when I was 3 but I wish I'd had him around because I had two very perverted uncles who did some things to me that I never told anyone about and pushed to the back of my mind until I was like 40 years old and then one day this uncle came around saying oh that your kids come spend the night with me I would love to get to know them better I told him to leave my house before I cut his d**k off with a dull kitchen knife
Bisexual_Space_Lover believes that it's probably impossible to go through life without keeping a single secret.
"Some of the comments made me reflect on my own life and some made me think of things that happened in my past. I'm not in a relationship so I didn't have much reason to comment," the Redditor said.
"I don't think that [it's possible to fully reveal yourself to another person], there are lots of people who have taken many secrets to their graves."
#8
That he legit saved my life. He’s a nervous, humble guy who doesn’t like undue pressure or praise, so I keep it to myself just how bad off I was before he showed up. Because even in the aftermath of my mom’s death and even in the face of some pretty nasty health problems (which I was just letting slide because I was so depressed I was kind of hoping they’d kill me), I was very, VERY good at smiling and being charming. Three years of taking care of a terminally ill parent taught me how to smile and bear it and feint positivity even when you’re running on empty.
And I never felt like I could be anything other than The Fixer. The Doer. The Person Who Always Knows What To Say. The Reliable One. They Who Has Every Answer and Can Make Bad Feelings Go Away By Just Fixing the Problem For You.
I was not allowed to be negative. Ever.
But he… legit came in and helped me with mom’s estate and cheerleaded me into getting out of a dead-end career and put a stake in the heart of some severely toxic relationships I had and even helped me budget so I could “finally afford” health insurance… which wasn’t a moment too soon, because I caught s**t right in the nick of time.
And he just kind of… did it. In his mind it was nothing much because “you were on the right track, but you had a lot on your plate and needed help :).” And I just nod and agree because what else do I say?
“I actually wasn’t. I was just going to let myself die because I was exhausted and miserable, smiles aside. Thanks for intervening.”
Aballi 3 years ago
Man can I relate to this. After my mom died in 2019 I fell into a deep depression and then found out I have a number of health problems. I spent many days in suicidal ideation. Fortunately I know that I was just suffering and don't actually want to be gone from this planet. I've stuck it out and while life is still very up and down, I know I have a ton to appreciate and be grateful for. Oh and the positive that has come from all this? Is that I can use my story to relate to and support other people who are similarly suffering. Anyway, glad to hear your story and that you've come out of that dark place!
Omi bub 3 years ago
Same, caring for someone- especially at the end of the life takes so much physical, mental & emotional energy it's like you are on autopilot as you have no option to feel anything other than "be strong for them, get through this". Then the person that has taken over every waking thought is gone & I realised I was just this shell of a person (facing a sgedload of overwhelming admin tasks!) That i didn't know how to put back together. Still working it out a few years later. Glad you are sticking it out & have things to be grateful for.
Load More Replies... J Baker 3 years ago
Tell him this, why keep it hidden? You'd just be repeating the "smiles on the outside" that nearly killed you
Carole 3 years ago
OP added this in the comments : "I actually did break down and tell him. He made some weird whining noises and then played it off like it was just what anyone would do. But he did say that I’ve helped him a lot, too, because he was ALSO a mess and he’d just given up on things getting better before I started pushing him out of his comfort zone. So, surprise! We’re both disasters, lol. But lucky disasters. I love that dude so much."
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#9
I never paid for her engagement ring.
I went to a custom jeweler to have her ring made. It’s a beautiful piece, and she loves it dearly, and it certainly wasn’t cheap - appraised and insured for around $10k.
The jeweler was dealing with a lot of family issues at the time, and was incredibly disorganized. I went to pick up the ring and brought my checkbook to pay for it, and when she handed me the ring I took it out and asked her who to make the check out to. She said “oh no don’t worry about it right now, just send me a check in the mail!”.
I thought that was strange, but sure okay. She then hurried off to help another customer and I left. But she never told me what the final price was.
For the next 6 months, I texted and called the jeweler asking “hey just tell me what amount to put and I’ll mail you the check!”, and there was always a reason she couldn’t tell me “oh sorry I’m out right now, I’ll find it and text you later!”. Her shop was a few hours away from where I live, so it wasn’t feasible to stop by and handle it in person.
I tried for 6 months, but after that I stopped calling/texting and just figured I got the ring for free. I wouldn’t tell my spouse, because I don’t want her to think I took advantage of the situation or that somehow the ring isn’t as ‘meaningful’ because I didn’t pay for it.
Jessica Blankenship 3 years ago
I mean, you DID try to pay for 6 months so u didnt do anything wrong...
Rachel 3 years ago
That story doesn't sound legit... what jeweler would just give you a 10k ring and let you walk out with it without so much as a down payment?
Michael Largey 3 years ago
An "incredibly disorganized" one. The unlikely part for me is that anyone that finacially chaotic would still be in business six months later.
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Autistic apricot 3 years ago
Like other comments have said, you did try to pay for it so you did not take advantage
Victor Trejo 3 years ago
Conveniently, Op never actually sent any check for whatever sum he could.
However, is something really a secret if the person keeping it is not experiencing anxiety, rumination, or guilt? Indeed, Cooper said there is a difference between keeping secrets and maintaining privacy.
Privacy is not bad for a person's physical or emotional health, while secrets can impact a person's well-being and decision-making. And privacy, rather than secrecy, can be healthy not only for the emotional but also for the erotic intimacy of a relationship or marriage.
"An existential anxiety provoking many people is that they’ll never fully know everything about their partner and alternatively, they won’t ever be fully known by them either. This dilemma of unknowingness and the fact that we change continually throughout our lifetime is the fear that many partners try to conquer through demanding full disclosure in their relationships, and this quest for knowing all can cause suffering and disappointment," Cooper noted.
So maybe we should stop expecting to know everything about our loved ones?
#10
That I know the word she’s looking for, but it’s more fun to hear her rattle off increasingly ridiculous, sometimes made up words instead.
Madison Feehan 3 years ago
Can't lie here, most of us have done this at one point or another for a good laugh. 😅
Fish Fingers 3 years ago
When my wife fumbles for a word, I offer random wrong ones; 'Have you seen my...' 'Cabbage? Spaceship? Duck?'. Drives her up the wall!
Donnie Mc00 3 years ago
my wife sometimes expresses herself in the most amazing ways when describing things ,such as: "its that kind of rain that gets you wet" or "one of those mirrors you can see yourself in". its one of the things i love about her.
Abed Habi 3 years ago
I do this with my husband, but for a different reason. We’re old enough now that we occasionally experience some cognitive slippage, including sometimes being unable to come up with a word. It would be easy for me to just give him the word he needs, but I believe that if he finds it himself, it will help him create or reinforce the neural pathway that leads to the word. Then he might have an easier way finding the word if he needs it again. I could be wrong about that, but it does no harm to try.
Tammie Braggs 3 years ago
Years ago one of my coworkers called dildos dildads. I never told her that wasn’t the correct word because I wanted to keep laughing
Robin Bautista 3 years ago
I think she may know you do that to make her happy and she does what she does to make you happy sounds like a good marriage
#11
When my Girlfriend and I go out to eat at a restaurant, they will sometimes let us order food through our phones at the table. I'll insist on ordering because it lets me write in their "special instructions" box where i request if they could compliment her outfit. Honestly i think i get just as much enjoyment seeing her reaction. I can never let her know.
Laura Jackson 3 years ago
Where are all these sweet and loving guys? It could be raining guys like that and I'd get hit in the head with the only narcissistic jackass in the clouds!
Banjocricket 3 years ago
Bro you BETTER keep that secret- it's obviously well intended but if she finds out all of those compliments were set ups she'll never trust a compliment again.
Hagen Radcliffe 3 years ago
You are a big ol’ sweetie pie!!! Never tell her though, it only works if she believes it’s a spontaneous complimen 💋
#12
I got our toddler out of bed one morning and went to do a sniff test of their butt to see if they had poo’d over night and when I lifted my child up i stuck their head in the ceiling fan.
Oh and the time I forgot to put the car in park with them in it.
General Anaesthesia 3 years ago
I think Sigmund Freud would have a thing or two to say about this.
J Baker 3 years ago
Sigmund Freud would have a lot to say about his penis!
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Beck 3 years ago
I have probably knocked all 4 of my kids heads on the door frame as sleeping toddlers trying to carry them to bed while they sleep. I know I have. My youngest is 13.now so I guess not harm was done😆I KNOW I banged my now 21 year olds head real good at about age 2. They are just heavy dead weight at that age when they sleep.
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
I have done this before. I am not to proud to admit it
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Mario Strada 3 years ago
I once threw my daughter up in the air and somehow I missed catching her. I caught her with my foot, like a soccer ball and I deposited her on the carpet extra gently. I used to be a pro tennis player (a poor one) and I still have good hand eye coordination at 63, even better back then. I can't explain how I missed her the first time, but the soft landing on my foot was pretty impressive, if I may say so myself.
P. Mozzani 3 years ago
He should wear a sign: "This person is a danger to others, especially children."
#13
Our cat didn't break the towel rack. I did. I was pretending to be fighting zombies and grabbed it and... ripped the god damn thing off the wall. I heard her coming to check out the noise and looked down at my cat.
She came into the bathroom to me asking my cat "Why did you think the towel rack could hold your weight? You silly cat!"
Little Wonder 3 years ago
We don't have a cat, just one dog, so when something is broken it was "the other dog". The one who runs away very fast and we never see, because it would NEVER be our good dog...
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Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 3 years ago (edited)
Oh come on, not cool. A legendary, absolutely hilarious reason to break a towel rack and you let the blame sit on the kitty. If my hubby would break a towel rack fighting imaginary zombies, I would rofl and it would definitely make my day, hell probably my week. Hell, I would probably remember that on my deathbed and smile
Ace 3 years ago
I'm pretty sure your partner's secret is that she knows full well that it was you, not the cat.
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
My "dog" just recently broke part of the end table. I live with my siblings and they think the dog did it. It was me. I put my feet up on the little shelf and it broke. My dog went into a basket under it and got the blamed when it was noticed. I gave him extra treats for taking the blame. To be honest, I hate that little table because it just takes up space and collects dust; hoping we toss it soon
Chris berkley 3 years ago
Lol the cat disnt trip me into the our t.v.( I was fine) I sadly tripped over my own two feet into our t.v.......but hubby will never know...unless he reads bp
1.21Gigawatts?! 3 years ago
OMG this makes me remember when I was like 2 or 3 I was pretending to be random characters I made up (idk like a ninja or a power ranger or stuff like that) and pretending that a stepping stool was one building and a carpet was another. I swung on it so many times it came out mid-swing and fell on me
#14
I don't know why I can't tell her. But lately (3 years of marriage and a 9 month old) I am more attracted to her than ever. It becomes distracting as I think about it all day sometimes. I think I'm embarrassed that it used to be a more 'average' attraction and now it is in overdrive, been this way for months. I know it probably sounds silly but Idk it just feels like I became a different person recently.
Pangoro 3 years ago
I'm no expert but I'll throw my two cents in anyway. You've fallen deeper in love with her! I've been married to my husband for sixteen years and lately I'm more attracted to him than ever. I think it's because he's been so incredible with me since my mom passed last Christmas. For you, maybe it's because she gave you a beautiful baby. All I'm saying is, life changing circumstances will show a person's true character. And if they're grace under pressure so to speak, it can deepen the love and appreciation you already had for them. Anyway, as a new mother who felt the epitome of ugly after having my first, please tell her. You have no idea how happy she'll be to hear it:)
Lantana Howell 3 years ago
It sounds like she is the person that brings out the best version of yourself. She is definitely your person.
Emma Whittaker 3 years ago
You should definitely tell her ! You will get some next level action
#15
That the thing that made me realize that i was in love with her is when i was taking a shower and got done, i walked into the room and she must not have heard me get out. She was laying on her side on the bed with her eyes closed, and she was picking her nose. I didn't want to embarrass her, so i stepped back out and from a distance asked where i set my clean clothes as i was walking back in, to make it seem like i was just coming in. She was visibly startled and quickly stopped, but continued to lay there with her eyes closed. I pretended that i saw nothing, but i couldn't help but smile. It was such an innocent and human moment. I have no idea why, but it made me realize right then and there that i loved everything about her. As silly as that moment was, there was a beauty in it, and i cherish that memory.
Cactus McCoy 3 years ago
Simple. In that exact moment, OP cared more about how she felt than he himself did, and realized it.
Felisae Moon 3 years ago
I've never overcome picking my nose. Started at 5 and couldn't stop. It's good to know I'm not the only one.
Yoga Kitty 3 years ago
Totally unrelated but why is the text talking about somebody picking their nose and the picture is showing somebody doing anuloma viloma? Weird choice of picture, BP...
Pangoro 3 years ago
Woah, that's love right there. Or something...But I prefer to think love. Although...nope everyone has their own love language. Good on you for picking a good one! :)
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It's me!!!! 3 years ago
That's nice... I saw the reflection of me and my ex in a mirror while we were cuddling and he picked his nose and ate it. 🤢I never said anything and tried not to gag and didn't let him kiss me that day. I thought differently of him after that.
#16
Sometimes I just sit in my car outside work or our apartment for 20-30 minutes because I need some time alone. I have my mind full to the brim at work and rarely get time in the house alone. Sometimes I just need it to be quiet and not have to pay attention to anything!
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
When I came home from work at the hospital, my mom figured out pretty quickly. Please don’t talk to me. I’ve listened to talk talk talk all shift. I’ve had to talk talk talk all shift. She would make sure to have a hot cup of tea ready and let me bury my face in a book. Eventually I’d come up for air and everything would be fine.
Izzy 3 years ago
this is the sweetest, most understanding thing ever! i've found that parents, family, partners etc can respond really selfishly and be self-absorbed/narcissistic in these situations and make it about themselves. "but why though?" "what did i do to you?" "yeah but that's everyone else you don't wanna talk to, not me right? i'm special. i'm different" "why are you so anti social" "that's so negative" "you're being really rude" and so on. you can't even be honest and get some time to yourself w/o being guilt tripped and blamed and receive negativity. they don't care ab your feelings, stresses, alone time. only themselves and what THEY want at all times. you should be there to accommodate to that, keep your mouth shut, and keep your problems hidden. it breeds such a resentment bc now you can't get any alone time and peacefulness (which EVERYONE needs!). it's rare to have such empathetic, kind, compassionate, reasonable, understanding ppl. it makes me so happy for you!
Load More Replies... Weed in the Garden 3 years ago (edited)
Hah- take a quick look around you. You are not alone! Absolutely, perfectly normal and propably necessary. It's almost like a transition between two different realities. Work life and family life are so different, you need an adjustment period.
Michael Largey 3 years ago
One of the things that triggered my golden era of teaching was when I started having lunch alone in my classroom instead of with the other teachers. There was nothing wrong with them, but having that time all to myself was like plunging into a pool of cool water after crawling across a desert.
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
I may not have taught a class full of kids but I have a 4,6,9 old and I know just how you feel on that last bit
Load More Replies... Joshua Moon 3 years ago
Some days I have a bad day at work. I will make a stop at my favorite nature center to have a walk around.
Tambot 3 years ago
I am exactly the same. I work with challenging behaviour kids at work and I have a short drive home. I need a period of quiet just to process everything so yes, I can relate. I often sit in my car thinking about my kids asking me questions, what dinner is, clean up that's needed... it's absolutely overwhelming.
Wintermute 3 years ago
When i got married I found a lot of peace in taking "vacations" to the grocery store or gas station by myself. When I had kids I found it in walking the long way around the car after buckling them in to get to the driver's side. It's the little moments.
Katerina Huskova 3 years ago
That's why I prefer public transport - I have about twenty minutes in the afternoon to put my headset on, listen to music and relax little bit.
Sue User 3 years ago
The one thing i miss about wfh. The decompress time on train.
Load More Replies... #17
I’ve been so depressed lately. I do not like my job. I have crippling anxiety driving into work every day. I’m in six-figure debt so I can’t leave. I can’t provide the life my family deserves and it’s only going to get tighter in coming months. I cry most days. My wife and son are the only things in my life keeping me going. They do make me happy though its a sad-happy because I feel like I’m letting them down. My wife knows I’m not myself but I won’t tell her how bad things are. I know it will get better but it’s very hard right now. Edit: thank you all for your words of encouragement. I will talk with my wife tonight and we’ll try to come up with a plan. Not quite sure how, but she IS going to get her husband back and my son is getting his dad back. Edit 2: I did talk with my wife. She’s worried about me but so supportive. Things are tight but we’ll get through. I made an appointment to talk to a professional. I don’t have the energy now but I’m going for a run on Friday after work and swimming with my son on Saturday. Thank you all. I did read a lot of comments and messages and everyone was supportive or funny. You all helped.
Omi bub 3 years ago
Agreed, I supported my partner through a £30K debt and we kind of made a game of how little we could live off- competing as to who could come up with the best free date. When you stop spending you do realise how little of it is really nessary- never going to shops or reading magazines I didn't think about buying stuff. Looking on freecycle gave me the buzz of a new purchase. Doing it together made it so much more manageable & when it was paid off we felt like millionaires as we suddenly had all this disposable money we weren't used to.
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#18
I hate that he doesn't want to go anywhere, ever. Everything is always a chore or he dreads it. I want to go on hikes, random car rides, a damn picnic. Just get out of the house with him, just him. I want to go on dates, I'm growing very tired of this lifestyle.
Vera1 3 years ago
I understand what it is like to have a possibly depressed partner but you are allowed to do these things without them. If you don't want to do it alone, ask a friend. You don't have to be with your partner every free time you have, even if they are depressed
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
It's not just doing those things one can crave, it's doing those things with your partner. My husband has enjoyed taking walks with me every time, and I love having him with me, but if I don't "convince him" to go out in the first place, he'll stay inside. It's just harder work to get someone to do something that can deepen your relationship than you'll have the energy for after some time. Especially as I have motivational trouble, too, so I'll have to push both him and myself to get out of the house more.
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Jennifer Checki 3 years ago
This is one where the OP should definitely tell. Otherwise, the relationship is certainly doomed, and it’s only fair to both people that they really try.
Izzy 3 years ago
100% agree! it's normal + healthy to have different interests, interaction styles, how to fill free time, extrovertness/introvertness etc. but when u love someone, u wanna do ur things w ur s/o. and when u love someone, u wanna see them happy, so u willingly compromise + do things u may not necessarily choose urself bc it makes ur partner happy. OP clearly cherishes their s/o + relationship since they wanna spend time + do things together. if so, u gotta talk. both of u should agree to participate in some things for the other. if he wants u + the relationship, he'll listen, find middle ground w u, + want to fix it. esp if u guys DO do things that he picks already/plan to do so. if he hears it + makes it abt himself, doesn't want to fix it/discuss/compromise, doesn't see ur stuff as important, that tells u everything u need to know ab who he is + what u mean to him. don't let resentment build. delay will make it harder too. address it now + act accordingly for urself + ur happiness♥️
Load More Replies... Wintermute 3 years ago
Pretty common issue in relationships. It could be depression or resentment. Once you find his reason for not wanting to do things with you, then you can start to address it. Secretly stewing over it won't fix anything. Trust me, I've been down that road.
El Dee 3 years ago
Being introverted or not being social doesn't mean there's something wrong. That's quite different to not wishing to leave the house..
Lorraine 3 years ago (edited)
Who said he was wrong? OP just doesn't share that lifestyle and they just don't match.
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Jeffrey Johnson 3 years ago
Depressed....I am the same way, nothing is really enjoyable. You have to act like your having fun, or everyone is upset with you. It is exhausting.
Vonkiedool 3 years ago
When has being a introvert suddenly become a mental illness? Asking for a friend.
Lorraine 3 years ago
How you know he's introverted? What if it is something else like depression? Also, who said he has a mental illness?? You're assuming way too much...
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Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
Haven't left my flat for 2 months. Dude isn't well, he needs help and support, not judgement
#19
I am terrified that my partner will die because I know I am not really a functional adult outside of my work. I am good for playing with the kids, bringing in a decent income and making food, but the idea of single parenting and taking care of everything fills me with existential dread I have a hard time describing.
Obligatory Edit:
Thank you all for the support and kind comments, I never expected my top comment ever would be about how I worry for the future because I feel like 3 raccoons in a trench coat instead of a human adult. If you feel the same way just know you aren’t alone!
Chicken Nugget 3 years ago
“Three raccoons in a trench coat” WAHAHAHA but why is that a bad thing? Also goodbye luck and stay strong!
Jack and Coke 3 years ago
You'd be surprised at your inner strength. My spouse died and it was so hard but I learned how competent I could be when there's no other option.
over it already 3 years ago
Thank you & keep it up. My spouse just left this week unexpectedly & I'm looking into the future of how-the-hell-do-I... It's helpful to read this comment.
Load More Replies... Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
My wife and I are somewhat like this. We have play arguments about who gets to kick off first. Speaking for myself, I firmly believe that if my wife goes first, I will be following her soon,gone from a broken heart.
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
Me and my husband do this we got married young, been married 12 yrs he was my first love if anything was to happen to him it would destroy me. I don't act like dose but it would.
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smugdruggler 3 years ago
My wife died 10 months ago and I didn't know how to run the house and pay the bills. Trust me, you don't want to have to learn how to do it when your world has just fallen apart. Do it now.
Phoebe Bean 3 years ago
Maybe seeking professional help would bring you some peace of mind, so you and your partner can be in a better place, emotionally speaking.
ℙ𝕦𝕣𝕣.𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕕 3 years ago
I'll admit, this is something I dread. I don't want to go before him because I know it would tear him apart. And I I don't want him to go before me because there's no doubt it will tear me apart. We don't have kids so hopefully we can go together, whenever that time comes. Decades from now.. we'll say.
#20
If not for my partner and my family, I would have killed myself a long time ago. They are literally what I live for, and I can’t tell them that because they would worry about me so much.
EDIT: I am NOT actively suicidal, and I will not harm myself in the foreseeable future.
El Dee 3 years ago
See someone and talk about it. I felt the same and they were my only purpose. Imagine how you'll feel when they leave home..
Omi bub 3 years ago
I came to say exact same thing. Working that stuff through now will be so much easier & mean you can support your children through their life transitions and have just as a fulfilling life without them living at home.
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Yogi's mom 3 years ago
Been there too, know a bit of what you're feeling, your edit reminded me of my extremely similar circumstances when my kids were young.. We never seem to realize we'll have the help we need when we need it 💝
Annie 1973 2 years ago
I don't have anyone left in my life and I don't want to live anymore. I'm on a tiny disability pension and struggling with depression and being physically ill. It's so bad that my apartment is at just 22f and it's - 4f outside and I can't afford to have my heating on because I can't afford the high electricity bills I'd have if I have the heating on. So I spend 24/7 in bed with my electric blanket and barely eat. I've ordered some wolfsbane seeds online and hopefully they will arrive this week so my life will be over by the weekend. Tired of fighting every day.
#21
There has never been a time i thought my spouse was unattractive. Not even once whether it be personality, quirks or even situations that are irritating. He's been the most handsome man I've ever seen. I'm so lucky I got him (even if he put a little weight on-i have too so I don't care) But may 26th 2022 the day we had our son (his first bio son) he cried. He cried through the delivery and never once left our sons side. He fell in love instantly. He's been a doting loving dad since day one. But.... I have never been more attracted to him. It's hard to explain and I know sometimes the rush women get from giving birth is a high like rush. But I have been obsessed watching him take care of our baby. I'm sure you guys want to know why I will never tell him but I'd tell strangers? It's simple. Watching him dote on our son is my guilty pleasure. He doesn't know because it could ruin the way he is with our son. Sure he could say it wouldn't change anything but this is my secret. I have never been more inlove with this man.
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago
When our son was born, my partner inspired these feelings in me. They felt so strange, because my two elder sons' dad was not, and never has been, interested in them.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
huh, I'm having an Aspie moment. Can't you just hug him and say how much you love him? Without explaining how or why?
Your Neighborhood Alien 3 years ago
See, I'm an over-explainer, so giving a random hug and saying how much I love someone would have to require an explanation so they don't think I'm saying goodbye or something 😅
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Amy Taylor 3 years ago
I feel this one. He had never so much as changed a diaper before we had kids, and he was ALL in when we had them. He was completely hands on and it really surprised me! So attractive!!
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
Lol. This is nice, but it got me thinking how my wife once said there's nothing sexier than a man doing the dishes. I do all the dishes now, it's been eight years. We're pretty dumb, take advantage of it.
#22
My nieces don’t like the aquarium. I just constantly took them there because I thought my now girlfriend, who works there, was pretty and thought if she saw me constantly taking them it’d lead to us talking.
Phoebe Bean 3 years ago
Well, the strategy worked out just fine. I hope the nieces now love the aquarium.
Pittsburgh rare 3 years ago
Now you can go to the aquarium on your own and leave the nieces alone 😂
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
I get it. When I was younger, the aquarium near us was kind of creepy and boring to me, because many tanks were sparsely lit to show off some glowing fish, starfish etc., and it was underground, and, well, fish don't do very much, right? I still prefer non-marine animals, though I see the beauty of aquariums, too.
Load More Replies... Buckethead Throwastone 3 years ago
Poor kids, now they have to live with the fact that there's monsters living in the actual ocean omfg I HATE the ocean
Banjocricket 3 years ago
I mean...tell her that, it's pretty sweet and some day could be one of those cute stories couples tell about their relationship. (As long as you weren't making her uncomfortable at the time!)
#23
When I play video games and my wife isnt here, I narrate what I do and respond to fake questions from a non-existant chat like I’m some kind of big shot streamer. I even look at a fake camera when something happen lol.
Black Pearl 3 years ago
I do this all the time. I also like to pretend I'm being interviewed on TV all the time. Ahaha.
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago
When I used to walk to work across a field with sheep in it, I would pretend I was Richard Ashcroft or Ian Brown and that the sheep were all the other people on the street in my music vid. I miss walking to work.
Hagen Radcliffe 3 years ago
Doesn’t everybody do this? Are you even human if you don’t narrate your life ( for your invisible audience of course!)
#24
I've broken your personalize cup your sister got you three times. I recreated the design on paint and got some screen printing stall at the mall to print it on the cup, each time it looks a little bit different 😂.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
That's a huge gesture for such a small thing. You're either a genuinely sweet guy or really afraid of getting in trouble.
Tom De Paul 3 years ago
. . . and, of course, clumsy as hell. Who breaks the same thing 3x? See Freud comment above.
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Lotten Kalenius 3 years ago
Could have broken while emptying the dishwasher or dropping it while putting it away
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#25
Every time we're playing Yahtzee and she asks "do I have one more roll or was that 3" I always say one more regardless of the truth
Ashleigh Wyatt 3 years ago
No. My family is obsessively competitive - especially yahtzee. I accuse my mother of having an extra roll frequently. I would never let someone have an extra roll just because I liked them. Haha
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago
I just can't cheat with board games, whether for my benefit or anyone else's. I'm far too competitive!
#26
No me but my friend
So his wife was really sick but was also extremely stubborn and religious she believed that God will heal her, so he cam to me and asked for a few of my sleeping pills
There really strong and get you into a deep sleep quickly. So puts the pills in her drink, like clock work in 30 minutes she's out cold he then asks me to help him get her to hospital. Next morning she wakes up in the hospital. Good thing too course on top of that sickness she had, she had stage one cancer she survived and it's all good now.
But he mad me swear I don't tell her what we did.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Yeah, I've only ever met one person who actually lived the "God giveth and taketh" without regret, and she was a very remarkable woman. She died of cancer last Christmas, after her husband had died of it years before, and she'd already beaten it once. My parents visited her in the hospice, and she asked them to take whatever they wanted from her flat to remember her by, because she wouldn't hold on to her things when she could enrich someone else's lives before she died. She gave them her beautiful set of porcelain, and we think of her every time we see it. My parents are still distraught over her death, but I simply admire her greatly for how she lived and died, and I hope for her that there really is a paradise where she can be with her husband again.
Load More Replies... Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
relax, it's not your secret to tell her. It's your friend's. And it's OK if he never tells.
Fish Fingers 3 years ago
Not sure how I feel about drugging someone to force them to do something that they don't want to.
#27
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy more than just an in the moment feeling due to something happening. My default emotion is just depressed/tired
Ozacoter 3 years ago
I feel that some people, like op and me, are incapable of feeling happy for long periods of time. I have happy memories but I dont remember a period of time where i was overall happy
MJ 3 years ago
Agreed. I’m on antidepressants but they just help with anxiety. I’ve tried others but they make me physically ill. That’s just how it will be I guess.
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Jessica Bower 3 years ago
I am afraid to be happy b/c something bad always happens. Or that I don't deserve to be happy.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
You know thats depression, right? It's generally easily treatable and you don't have to announce it to anybody if that makes you uncomfortable. Gather up the strength to make an appointment with a doctor and tell them waht you just told us. This doesn't go away on it's own, you've done nothing wrong and it's not your fault. Just go - life is worth living.
Rosemary Booth 3 years ago (edited)
Sometimes depression is not easily treatable. I've been taking different antidepressants for over a decade and none of them work. I love my husband and family and cats, and I have a great job that pays well, but if I didn't wake up tomorrow I wouldn't really care. It's not that I really want to die exactly, but I just don't feel like making the effort to live.
Load More Replies... ℙ𝕦𝕣𝕣.𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕕 3 years ago
If we feel happy about something, it's due to the way we view it. If we can start practicing changing our thought patterns, essentially looking at everything and each day with that same thought process as we did when viewing the things that made us feel happy, we might just heal our own depression. Idk, just a thought. I truly wish everyone the best.
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
Someone once said "Happiness isn't something you experience - it's something you remember". I sometimes wonder how much truth there is to that.
humdrum 3 years ago
I think happiness is always an in the moment feeling and that for the happiest people contentment is baseline. Tiredness fücks you up because you need to have your guard up and miss the joy of a sudden whiff of nature or pretty light or the opportunity to compliment someone.
#28
Whenever she’s not home, I let the dog onto the bed and take a really comfy nap. I set an alarm for an hour and kick the dog off and clean the fur off before she ever gets home. I’ve been doing this for nearly 3 years now.
Kitty 🇺🇦 3 years ago
She might have some dander allergies. Or be a germaphobe who doesn’t want dog testicles on her duvet. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Doesn’t mean she doesn’t cuddle the dog otherwise.
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Leta Schoeller 3 years ago (edited)
My guess is she is allergic. I am allergic to cats and dogs but I won't let that stop me from having them as pets and loving and spoiling them silly. However, the compromise is no sleeping on the bed. It makes the allergies 10x worse sleeping in the allegens.
John Blackheart 3 years ago
Lol I do this too but don't bother cleaning off the dog hair I mean it's not my fault they jump up on the bed when we aren't home 😅
#29
That she killed a cat. She's very much a cat person, once she picks me up from a friend's house and driving through town, a cat ran in front of us and we heard a thud underneath the car, she screamed and looked in the rearview mirror and we seen the cat stagger into a driveway. She was very upset and convinced she killed it, I told her no no the cat clearly ran across the street and is probably fine! She was meeting some friends and I was taking the car home so she said would I check the driveway of that house on my way home to make sure the cat was ok, I said I would. I drove back that way and parked a few houses down and looked in the driveways and there it was, lying motionless sprawled out on the ground, oh s**t. Part of me was thinking just go home and say you seen it happily licking it's a**s, but curiosity got the better of me, I wanted to check to make sure it was still living. The problem was it was a gated house that was also a b&b so I didn't want to just wander in on someone elses property, so I rang the phone number on the sign at the side of the road! By this stage I'm thinking what the hell are you at, you should have been home long ago but I was on autopilot and just went with it, the owner answers and I tell him there's a possibility dead cat in your drive, do you mind if I come in just to check its ok. The guy is like "um yeah I guess, it's just I'm out of town and there's no one here but it's fine if you want to let yourself in the side gate". He also says thanks so at this point I have to do it, I'm too far in now! I let myself in and walk over and there she is, a big dead cat. Oh balls, well I'll just tell my wife the cat wasn't there and we can forget about the whole thing..except the owner now knows there could be a dead cat on his property, and when he gets home and sees it lying there he's got my number and will know I just left it there. So now I have to make a decision, do I leave this dead cat here or do I take it away and if I do what do I do with it. Across the street is a store so I walk over and buy bin bags and rubber gloves, make my way back over and scoop the fluffy corpse into a bin bag. Now I got a dead cat in a bag, I walk over to my car carrying this black bin bag. People are walking past me on the street, smiling and giving that upwards nod that strangers give, I give a nod back but not I'm not fully into it because they don't know I'm walking past them with a dead cat in a bin bag. I don't feel like taking it into my car because, you know, it's a dead cat. So I google vets and there happens to be one not too far away, walking distance. I ring and ask them do they dispose of dead pets, they said they do. So I make my way down there, in through the front door and ask the receptionist, was I just talking to them about pet disposal, she looks at me slightly freaked and says yes. I produce the bag and say oh well I have a cat here, and can I just give it to her. She's like eh yeah you just leave it at our back door back outside, and charges me 50 quid for the pleasure. I walk back to the car, and sat there for at least half an hour, in silence and as still as a dead cat trying to process the last hour of my life. I text my wife and say 'no honey, couldn't find the cat, she must be fine and ran off somewhere safe, see you at home xxx"
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
I feel this with my whole heart and I love you for your sensitvity! Thank you.
Firefly 3 years ago
That's what I thought. Plus, if it was me, I would have immediately stopped to check on it in case it was wounded and could still get help.
Load More Replies... Cara G 3 years ago
Having worked in animal medicine for more than a decade, this man should not have been charged a dime for the disposal. Most hospitals/clinics have contracts with crematoriums and are budgeted for stray and/or wild animal disposal.
Lizzy Crit 3 years ago
Yeah but as far as I can tell, he never said it wasn't his cat
Load More Replies... ℙ𝕦𝕣𝕣.𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕕 3 years ago
I wish I could unread that. I have a serious weakness for cats (all animals really) and even just reading about a cat suffering in any way breaks my heart so much.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
Same :( I'm the queen of cat foster fails and currently have 4 that were either dumped on a friend's porch or the last 2 of a litter that nobody wanted. They are my loves.
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Amy Taylor 3 years ago
This is exactly the type of lie I'd want to hear. If I ever accidentally killed a cat, my heart would be in pieces :(
Avani Gupta 3 years ago
I'd hate to be lied to like that. I'm a fully grown adult, if an animal died under my car, I want to know and deal with it. And agree with the other commenter about them being selfish overall for not checking on it and for denying the owners closure
Fluffy Griffin 3 years ago
Taking the cat to the vet is good, but he should have said it wasn't his cat so they could have scanned for a chip.
#30
That time I asked you if I could have the last cookie, I implied there was only one left when there was actually two. I wanted both of them and didn’t want to share. They were delicious and I have no regrets.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
...and then he bought more cookies and they lived happily ever after. Seriously - I mean that. It's the least you could do!
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
"This is just to say/I lied about the cookies/You thought there was one/But there were two/I ate them both/Forgive me/They were delicious/And I'm just a selfish jerkwad that way.
Tori Wilson 3 years ago
My partner and I share all the delish sweet food equally but he knows how much I love it so he stashes little bits away to give me later after I think it's all gone. He's very cool in many many ways :)
#31
I'm disabled, he works and brings home the bag. We do get disability pay, so it's still two incomes. I mostly clean, but my health gets in the way a lot. But man, I don't think I can ever tell him just how guilty I feel over my inability to consistently contribute. I hate that my disability and health overshadow some days. He gets home from work, and the minute he sees how sick I feel that day he drops everything and ignores his own exhaustion to fuss over me. He should be able to come home to a meal cooked and a relaxing night of sitting on his a*s before the next day of work. Sometimes he does get that, but a lot of times it's just us making food together and cuddling and gaming rather than me being able to take care of him. I hate it deeply. Edit: uuuuh I honestly expected this to get buried lmfao. Yes, I have talked to him about it a bit, just not about how often I feel guilty or how deeply I feel it. I do my best to make up for it on my good days. He has no problems with helping me out. At the end of the day, it's my mindset that needs working on.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
"Sometimes he does get that, but a lot of times it's just us making food together and cuddling and gaming rather than me being able to take care of him." This is also taking care of him.
Emily Softley 3 years ago
As the disabled person in my relationship, I totally get this. I know logically it isn't my fault, but I feel guilty I can't treat him the way he deserves. He puts everything into looking after our family, and I can't help but think he deserves more.
Ozacoter 3 years ago (edited)
I feel the same. He always says "you would do the same if i was the ill one". And i would. But I still feel so guilty that he works 40h a week in a stressful job and some days all i can manage to do is doing the dishes and cooking.
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Joshua Moore 3 years ago
I was going to say that very thing. He obviously loves you and cherishes you. He knows you have good days and bad days, just like anyone else. Cooking together, gaming together, cuddling together, it is all cathartic and all part of his joy, and hopefully your joy, as well. 😁
Load More Replies... Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
nah, he doesn't want to come home to a cooked meal. He wants to come home to an upbeat you (on your own mood scale!). Maybe you can plan your energy peak for the 15 minutes he just came home? Then he can tell his stories? It's what I do. And I've stopped answering thruthfully how I've slept. I keep it neutral and ask how he slept. But honestly, what you write about cooking together and goofing and cuddling and gaming together sounds like a fun and good relationship :)
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago (edited)
Consider how rewarding he may find ensuring that you are safe and loved and cared for. The best part of his day may be coming home to you. Don't diminish his joy in being able to make your lives better, together.
Grace Noyes 3 years ago
Man, I felt this! I have MS and had to retire early due to health reasons, and I feel so incredibly guilty about not wishing, especially since most days I do okay. My okay days are unpredictable though, so I'm unable to have a steady job. My husband is wonderfully understanding, but I still feel guilty.
#32
that she is far more similar to her mother and sisters than she would want to believe.
#33
I have been molested 4 time by 4 different old guys, and I am male.
Laura Jackson 3 years ago
I really hope OP at least was able to open up to someone about this, a friend or a professional, doesn't matter. What matters is to not carry that pain inside alone.
Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
It happens more often than society cares to admit. Hoping you got some therapy
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Also a survivor, sending you the best good wishes, and adding my "please talk to someone" to the pile. One in three children will be sexually abused in America. You are so, so far from alone in this. But one of the problems with SA is part of your brain locks and freezes at the age you were abused, and you can't fully develop until you've gone back and dealt with it. Sometimes it's just a visualization of Adult You protecting Child You; it doesn't have to be major trauma all over again. But please, find a therapist or counselor who you feel comfortable with and who specializes in SA issues for boys and men, even. A whole bunch of strangers on the internet are rooting for you. For everyone who's dealt with this and felt alone or guilty. It wasn't your fault.
Omi bub 3 years ago
F***ing hell I thought it was widespread in UK but 1 in 3 is truly horrifying! Attitudes in the UK have really changed in recent years & many more men in public eye are talking about this which can only be a good thing to bring this out in the open and make it easier for survivors to find support. I hope you also found support.
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Leoninus Fate 3 years ago
im always strait front about this stuff with partners, dont be ashamed by it, if you are then they won, does not matter if you are male {i am male too and happened to me when i was younger}
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Every male partner I've been with has experienced some form of sexual abuse from other men when they were boys. Multiple male friends and colleagues have, too. This is so far from uncommon that it's rage-inducing. But this is why we need spaces for discussion. YOU AREN'T ALONE!
Load More Replies... Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
and still there is nothing about you, as a person, that caused it or that makes it acceptable. No way no how. It is very hard to cope with on your own, please talk to a professional. If you need a starting sentence you could use: "Hello, I was a target for abuse." That's pretty neutral and from there you can choose at what level of abstraction you want to speak that day. No need to share anything :)
Brandie Litchfield 3 years ago
Many evil ppl re-victimize a victim, finding them as easier prey. Nobody had any right to do that to you!!
Load More Replies... It's me!!!! 3 years ago
I'm sorry to hear that. I think I was possibly molested or raped by one of my favorite people in the world. My godfather... I never told anyone! I never put it together until I was an adult. I would go camping with my Godparents and there is one time I recall going with just him for some reason. I remember he got really drunk and made me sit on his lap and I felt uncomfortable. I got the hiccups and he was trying to tell me how to get rid of them. I don't remember anything after that really. I woke up on the floor with my shirt inside out or backwards. I had my pillow and blanket on the top bunk and just assumed I fell off during the night. Sadly I don't want to admit would could've really happened.
#34
My husband is too lighthearted during sex and it is a total turnoff. Like he will say “boobies!” or slap my a*s and thinks it’s funny. And like, I just want to be ravaged and whenever he does these things, I get dry as a bone downstairs. Idk how to bring this up without being an a*s.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
I would've suggested a less direct approach, but yes, this would definitely work!
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Deborah B 3 years ago
Maybe ask for "roleplay" where he's intense and serious. Ask for what you want, and tell him what gets you hot. Afterwards, praise how desired it made you feel and how hot it made you. Or just start giggling uncontrollably when he does something that's "funny" and then tell him he's such a funny guy, kiss him on the cheek and get out of bed. If/when he asks why the sex stopped, explain that you need to feel intense and desirable and sexy during sex, and you love how lighthearted and funny he is, but when he makes you laugh, it breaks the mood for you. Be clear that this is a you thing, not a him thing, and that outside of sex you love his humor and lightheartedness (if that's true). You owe it to your partner to communicate your needs, and you're not.
El Dee 3 years ago
Instead of telling him directly what you hate, tell him what you LOVE. Tell him what you PREFER. If that doesn't work THEN be direct..
Natalie 3 years ago
If there's one thing I've learned about men, it's that they just want you to tell them directly and specifically what you are feeling. Talking about sex is essential in a relationship and the only way to make it easier to talk about it to just talk about it. Yeah, talk about what you do like, but you do need to specify when things are actually turning you off. Hopefully, your spouse wants to turn you on and will be grateful to know what you don't like, even if it's embarrassing for them at the time to hear that. You're only the a** if you shame them for it.
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
I agree 💯% usually if they love you and care. They want to know.
Load More Replies... Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
I don't mind the occasional light-hearted comment, but I'm with OP here 100%. Sex can and has to be a lot of different things, and making sure we're both interested in similar things at the same time can be tricky. That said, partners who treat sex like a prolonged comedy routine are a huge turn off for me, too. I don't need a running commentary of jokes, I don't need penis puppet shows, and I don't need six dozen different crass euphemisms for body parts. This is also a problem when guys learn how to f**k by watching porn/internet content.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
don't mention the past. Propose a strictly non-giggle session for next time. But I'm afraid this will put too much pressure on him and he won't be able to hold his giggles, until you explain more to him and if you do so you two face a few times/months of awkward bed times. But maybe that is a solution in the end?
Christina Crowe 3 years ago
i say take charge and get yourself off. Show him what real passion is.
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
Idk he may take the easy way out that way.........if he dose charge an don't give him any......I know that mean but at least he will get the message after that.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 3 years ago
Start the conversation with "Honey, I'd like to make our sex life more passionate, more pleasurable, and more frequent." You will have his full attention as you go on to explain the situation.
Lynette Vella 3 years ago
My husband is the same! I didn't have any feeling down there last time! And even though I told him that when he smacks my a$$ it reminds me of when my mom used to hit me with a belt, he only stopped after I whacked him back!
#35
When I asked her dad for his blessing I had some liquid courage first and I can’t remember what his response was. Let’s hope it was yes because we’ve been married for over 2 years.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
I never expected my now husband to ask for my father's okay to marry me, although we sometimes joked about stuff like that (hoping he'd have the 70 camels ready; saying he should really pass dad the last piece of cake or he couldn't marry me... but obvious jokes, really!). Well, he did ask my dad, when we were at a summer concert as a family, and my sister and I had gone to get snacks. Unbeknownst to them (but not to me), an ex-bf of mine from highschool, that I'm on good terms with, sat in the row behind us with his fiancée... Right behind my dad's seat. I only talked to him before the concert, but I still think it must have been kind of awkward, sometimes...
#36
That I wish she would find a career or pursue a degree so I don't have to work 1000+ hours of OT a year so she can sit at home.
Iampenny 3 years ago
Yeah, that is something that you really should tell her. This is not good for you or your mental health and will end in disaster (most likely for you)
Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
Um, this is bigger than than it seems. Why is she at home? Why are you having to do 1000+ overtime? Need more info
OneHappyPuppy 3 years ago
I'm at the other end of this. The guilt is killing me. I need a job and many reasons why I don't have one...
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
My husband and I are both freelance film industry workers and there are times when one is working like crazy and the other is at home looking for work. Whoever stays home runs the household, does all of the cooking and cleaning and that way we feel like we're still contributing :) If one person is busting a*s working and the other is home doing absolutely nothing? I'd definitely have a problem with that.
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Nadja Lambacher 3 years ago
She is a stay at home mom for a 3 and 6 year old, which he mentioned in an additional post. So she is not just "sitting at home".
Tamra 3 years ago
Yeah, that's a vital part of this story. Caring for two kids is a LOT of work. Always "on call", no days off, no holidays.
Load More Replies... Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
make it part of your mutual conversation how you two are going to shape the next five years together? :) What dreams each spouse has. How each of you hopes to see daily life in five years. Which things you share. And how to get there together (and that's when you insert that you want less OT, more you-time, and look forward to her having an out-of-the-home life and share stories of that with you).
Yugan Talovich 3 years ago
My first wife (got that?) didn't want to work. We are both pretty introverted, so I understood that, and was making enough to take care of both of us comfortably. Years later, discussing the failure of our marriage, her brother said, She never had to go out and deal with people she didn't want to deal with in situations she didn't want to be in. We parted amicably, but we parted: no divorce is fun.
#37
Sometimes when we play mariokart, I pretend to fail at the end so she can win
Black Pearl 3 years ago
I could never. I could fall completely in love with a guy and want to be with him forever, but I still absolutely will not lose a game purposely.
#38
That "family dinner" I coordinated with your dad was supposed to be a 1-on-1 conversation where I ask permission to marry you. Guess I'll just wait a few months since the whole family caught wind of our meeting 🤦♂️ Edit to clarify: I know I don't *need* to ask her dad permission, it's a choice between her and me, but it's a culturally polite thing to do where I'm from and I plan on proposing to her in the coming months. I was just asking in advance because we're moving away from the area Edit 2: as others pointed out - I should have said "blessing" rather than "permission". We are later into our 20s and in our careers. No underage/mental ability stuff here. Sorry for the confusion
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
Oh please, don't scold him over semantics. It's an honourable gesture.
julie son 3 years ago
It doesn't honor the woman, as it comes from a time when women had no say in their lives. MiriPanda says it so well, I feel that I would just repeat what she said by elaborating, yet I had to add a reply simply because the idea that is a "honorable gesture" is an insult. And I wish people would stop equating "customs" with "culture"!
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MiriPanda 3 years ago
I have a strong opinion about the whole permission /blessing stuff. I find it extremely offensive towards women as it is a reminder/reliving of a time where women had f**k all in terms of rights, were traded off like cattle to be possessed, used as servants and incubators for male offspring. And it's always the father, never the mother or both. Downvote me all you want, but I find it repulsive, some "traditions" just need to die out.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
Same. If that's what people want to do...great! But it's not for me. If my husband had asked for my dad's permission, he would've probably laughed and said "ask her!!"
Load More Replies... jovis 3 years ago
Asking for permission/blessing from the father just sounds extremely weird to me. The same with the father walking the bride down the aisle to give her away to the groom. But then again I live in Sweden and it's not a thing you do here. Maybe ages ago but not in modern times. To me it sounds more like you switch ownership of your daughter and that's just a big no...
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
My mom and dad walked me down the aisle. It was more about my mom having just survived cancer and I wanted them to join me on my journey instead of it being about "giving me away"
Load More Replies... Deborah B 3 years ago
I think that asking the father's blessing, either before proposing, or after proposing but before announcing the engagement is evolving into a "men honouring men" tradition, and that it should. It's about honoring the love of a father for his daughter, and recognising that her becoming engaged is an emotional time for him. It's offering respect, not because he "owns" his daughter, but because he loves her, and raised her, and helped make her the woman she has become.
Judes 3 years ago
You can't assume all dads feel the same way. My dad told me that he thought it was just weird when my sister's now husband asked permission (or blessing, or whatever). He was perfectly happy with my husband not asking.
Load More Replies... Vonkiedool 3 years ago
Asking "permission" helps builds respect between you and your new dad, which will serve you for many years. Dont be a a**e just because some fancy pants says you dont need to.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
Not necessarily... my husband and dad already had a really close, great relationship before we got married.
Load More Replies... #39
That I actually prefer creamy peanut butter. I buy the extra crunchy because that's what he likes.
C Lawson 3 years ago
Plot twist: he hates crunchy but pretends it's his favorite because that's what keeps being bought and preferred by the other
TheElderNom 3 years ago
My bfs grandparents would always share small buns of bread for breakfast, one always taking the top and the other the bottom piece. Turns out that for several decades they pretended to like the part they took so that the other one could have the best piece. But since they liked different parts of the bread...
Rita Stebbing 3 years ago
there is no reason you can't buy both. Even different brands and jar sizes. WE Do!
Rita Stebbing 3 years ago
There is no reason you can't buy both. That is what my husband and I do. Even different brands.
ThisIsNotTheOneYou'reLookinFor 3 years ago
We have two jars at our house. And two jellies too.
Amy Taylor 3 years ago
I have a bizarre amount of jellies and mustards in my refrigerator, lol
Load More Replies... survivalrhino 3 years ago
Buya jar of smooth, and a can of peanuts-- chop a bunch into his sammich, and voila, ur a genius
#40
That I have been seriously considering divorce for about 18 months now. She never smiles, never says anything nice and is always complaining about everything. The only reason that I don’t leave is my 2 children. I’m almost 100% certain that she would escalate from just her verbal to physical abuse towards them. She had her uterus and ovaries removed 9 years ago and has completely lost interest in any form of affection. Not just the sex, though I miss that. I mean hugs and kisses, holding hands, wanting to be close. She thinks that buying me things would replace the lack of contact. Her close mindedness has caused our daughter to stop talking to her about anything at all. ‘Jean’ now confides in me about everything and is worried about what her mother would do if it was found out that she is more interested in girls than boys. I work 90 minutes away from our home and I had a small apartment close to my work so I wouldn’t have to make the 3 hour round trip everyday. I was forced to give up the apartment because we ‘couldn’t afford two households’ but she keeps buying c**p we don’t need. She never cleans the house at all, always stating that no one else cleans up after themselves so she’s not going to anymore either. She uses her depression as an excuse for everything to get out of doing anything she doesn’t like to do. If I thought I could get custody of the kids I think I would leave in a heartbeat.
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago (edited)
Hold up - she already verbally abuses the children and OP worries it would escalate if he wasn't there...dump her a*s and take the kids with you. And sorry folks, but yes, there are some - some - people out there who will use their mental health as a weapon. Source: my mother and my stepdaughters mother.
Jennifer Barrett 3 years ago
Removal of her uterus and ovaries will have resulted in (early? depends on her age) menopause, it isn't uncommon to result in loss of sex drive, confidence, depression, anger, the list goes on. It really does sound like she needs help. Also that's a big surgery, it wouldn't be done without reason, so perhaps a serious health condition, that again may have really affected her mental health. Sure she sounds hard to live with, but trying to help her rather than building up secret resentment sounds way more healthy for everyone. I hope you can both get back to being happier.
Cara G 3 years ago
This could have been written by my own father, with a few small details changed (my sister and I are adult women in our 40s, for ex). My mother is disabled and suffers from undiagnosed mental illness(es) that she refuses to acknowledge unless it's the anxiety and PTSD that she diagnosed herself with. She has always been verbally, emotionally, mentally, and at times physically abusive to my father, my sister, and myself and gets worse each year. She won't leave the house nor clean it. She shops compulsively for items that just sit around collecting dust. Her delusions and need for attention make it difficult and painful to spend time with her. My sister and I are the only ones who know how bad it really is and we talk about it regularly. At this point, we don't understand why our dad won't leave her. Other than they're married 43 years and met at age 5. He truly loves her and takes his vows very seriously, providing her with everything. But I wouldn't blame him if he had enough one day.
Cara G 3 years ago
I should add, because I see a lot of people saying how the wife in the OP needs help and the husband is a jerk... We all (the 3 of us) are fully aware that my mother needs professional help and have been imploring her for years to talk to someone. When I say she refuses, I mean it. I cannot think of an approach we haven't tried. When an adult is refusing health care, THEY CANNOT BE FORCED. The more she is pushed, the more severely she weaponizes her illnesses against us. Including the use of physical violence, needlessly cruel words and behaviors, humiliation, and emotional abandonment. It's a very difficult, precarious situation to navigate your entire life. Just wanted to make it clear that we do recognize her need for help and have made every effort to lovingly support her. She doesn't see it, though, and that's the problem.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 3 years ago
Time for a serious talk, I reckon. Or maybe contact a lawyer to see what your chances of custody are?
Pink kitty 3 years ago
Menopause can kill sex drive and lower levels of estrogen make things drier and parts thinner so sex could be painful for her. Although you could look at various lube which might help. Menopause brings hot flushes and mood swings. Is she lashing out when she has a hot flush? It doesn't make it right but some women do that. Was the hysterectomy her choice or for medical reasons? Some women can feel 'less of a woman' after that kind of surgery and she could have a negative view of herself. I hope you can communicate positively with each other and get things sorted out. It's not right for you both to be unhappy
Iampenny 3 years ago
Wow, "She uses her depression as an excuse " If she is genuinely depressed, she is NOT using this as an excuse, and she needs help not an a$$hole husband
June 3 years ago
Yeah, this is f****d up. Everyting in this post screams that she NEEDS help.
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#41
My wife hates her dad more than anything, we haven’t talked to him much after he refused come to our wedding two years ago since he thinks she could do better than me. She is like him in so many ways, I would never have the heart to tell her.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
Ohhh - wise decision. You should carefully pick the hill you wanna die on!
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
Don't ever tell. It won't do any good, it will only hurt. It would be so mean of you. It's below you.
#42
I have basically non stop electronic stimulation at all times through the day. If im not at home playing videogames I'm out doing errands with an earbud in playing a youtube video or something. She thinks its because I just want to tune her out and I'm ignoring her but its actually because if I'm left in silence the bad thoughts and self-lothing start coming.
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Yeah please let her know. If you care for her then she needs to know you do and aren't doing it deliberately to ignore you. If she really cares for you then she'll understand
#43
When he was away for work for 4 months, and I was working full time and single parenting and depressed af… one morning I hurried our kid (3) out to the car before daycare with my hands full of stuff. I put everything in the car, put it in gear, and looked over my shoulder to back up. I backed up ~2ft and hit the brakes. I didn’t put our kid in the car; i was looking at an empty car seat. My toddler was standing beside his door on the passenger side waiting for me, and now he was crying cuz he thought I was ditching him. If I hadn’t looked over my shoulder, I could have run over our kid. Blame sleep deprivation and all the other s**t going on, but Mom Guilt still eats me alive when I think about those 2ft. And my husband will never know because I don’t ever want him to think I’m a bad mom, or know exactly how bad it was for me while he was away.
TLDR: almost ran over my own kid
Rachel Mion 3 years ago
We all feel guilt over things we could have done better. Forgive yourself.
#44
One time we had half a container of ice cream left. I had a craving. I ate a bowl, then another. Then I decided to finish the tub to destroy the evidence. Then I realized she would notice that there was no ice cream left. So I went to the store, bought another tub, and then ate that one down to the same level. This was a GALLON tub.
#45
I dropped the diaper rash cream container on our daughter’s head when she was like 8 days old. She let out this scream that still haunts me. When he came in the room to see what happened I lied and said I just dropped the lid on her.
Annie 1973 2 years ago
When I was toilet training my eldest daughter, then 2, I was lowering her onto the toilet seat when she wriggled and I dropped her hard onto the toilet seat. I'll never forget the screams. I'd bruised her tailbone and I'll never forgive myself for what happened
#46
That my wife always screams, she just doesn't seem to be able to talk at a normal level. Feel like she should be selling fish at a market place...... Love her though.
Rachel Mion 3 years ago
Maybe she should have her hearing checked.That was the reason a friend of mine was so loud.
#47
That I resent her for forgetting my birthday two years in a row.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
tell her. Allow her to make it up to you. To cuddle and smush you, even if you think it's maybe a childish thing of you? That doesn't matter. Maybe have a 2,5 year celebrating you day in two weeks?
Fluffy Griffin 3 years ago
I stopped celebrating my birthday after I hit 18, it seems weird to me to make a big deal of it after that. Maybe for 10s (30,40,50...) If it's a big deal to you then you need to let her know.
#48
My wife's makeup looked terrible on our wedding day.
#49
That's as much as I love him, with all my heart and soul, even after a decade of being together, his relentless negativity and pessimism does my head in sometimes.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
I concluded my husband just enjoys complaining. I now see it as his hobby. He forgets within a few minutes and his mood disappears, it was me who kept on to those things. But if your man is really negative at heart… I think I'd try to not live daily with him. You know, two small houses connected with a corridor. You sulk in your own space but don't come bringing that stuff into my daily space. I like things happy.
Bianca Saville 3 years ago
Tell him in a nice way. A few years ago my mental health took a big deep dive and I told my husband that I needed a full day every week without any negative words or behaviour.
#50
It's been four years and I'm still super annoyed that he can't remember that one dream he had one night that caused him to laugh his a*s off in his sleep. I want to know the funny :'(
ThisIsNotTheOneYou'reLookinFor 3 years ago
I cannot remember most of my dreams and they are short whereas my wife has dreams that turn into novels. If he could not remember it then, he sure isn't going to magically remember it 4 years later. I question why you would be obsessed with a dream he had 4 years ago. Are you jealous? Are there other things going on in the relationship you did not mention? Don't place any weight on what happens in a dream. Freud was wrong.And if
Autistic apricot 3 years ago
Amanda Jayne, that’s not nice to say, I don’t think they meant it very seriously
#51
I faked the first 6 orgasms with her. I just wasn’t going to cum due to anxiety but I knew she’d be so self conscious to the point of dumping me if I didn’t. So I pulled out and “came” in a towel or sock. Eventually I got there with her after the nerves calmed but im taking that secret to the f*****g grave lmao Edit: One time I even prepped a towel by squirting some lotion in it and showed her how “much” she made me cum because I’m a LIAR and a FREAK
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
that's alright. You foresaw a problem and you solved it. No harm done and now you have good times together. So forget that part of the past and enjoy the here and now :)
El Dee 3 years ago
I get this. But I think so much more expectation (in this respect) is placed on men. We don't imagine that a man will have trouble getting there or being arouse even. Nothing would be said if this was a woman feeling this way. This is normal and the desire to not worry your partner is sweet..
#52
The iron bar in the garage isn’t a pry bar, it’s a manhole cover remover and I have explored and will explore more.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
a hobby to share with her! Buy her boots and a headlamp, ooooh and communications for the both of you. Or just share your pictures and horror stories of rats you've encountered, make her wrinkle her nose and giggle. Make her a rat-themed cake and enjoy your spooky stories together!
Autistic apricot 3 years ago
Is there an actual community for this because I want to now
Load More Replies... #53
That I’m insane about her, but no matter how big and hairy and manly as I am I feel so insecure that I don’t deserve her and I’ve stayed up at night crying while she lays next to me because I feel like one day she’ll realize she can do better. I’m afraid that if I don’t tell her how much she means to me constantly she’ll forget and then if I say it too much she’ll feel smothered.
Rachel Mion 3 years ago
Talk to someone. You don't need to feel so unhappy because of your insecurity or lose her because of it. You should be able to love your life with her.
El Dee 3 years ago
This is about you feeling unworthy. See a counsellor before it eats you up. It will REALLY help. Talk to her about this and tell her you are going to get help, saying it will make you do it and saying it will show her just how much you love and trust her more than the words ''I love you' ever could..
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
be coolly analytical about it. She's stayed with you how many days now? The chance she'll stay one more day is now much bigger than her leaving you. There :) Also: you will notice when something is stirring in her, you know her so well and you keep your eyes open, don't worry: you will know and then you two can talk about it and resolve it before it becomes a problem. Also 2: you cannot assess your worth yourself. You lack the right equipment. Your measuring stick isn't the one she's using. So stop trying. Relax a bit. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the moment together :) You two's life at this moment is amazingly good :)
#54
15y ago I had a new medication that did not mix well with alcool. I had a party with friends, we decided to go out in town. Next thing I remember I woke up in a cell at the police station stripped down to my undies. It turn out I took a taxi, instead of going home I went to my mother's street. Apparently I was lucid enough to remember her street, but not her house and ended up in her neighbour's backyard doing enough noise to wake him up. In the end I got a 400$ish fine and a tremendous amount of shame.
#55
That his parents are really pissing me off and I do not want to be around them anymore. They’re lousy grandparents to our son but not to his sisters children. Edit: For clarity, I love my in-laws. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We just had our first son last year after trying for a decade. He was born very early and spent a good chunk of his life in the NICU. He’s now 10 months old and has been home for almost six of those. This issue I have had with my in-laws is a very recent development. It started immediately when he came home. We told both sides of our family we wanted at least a week for the three of us to get adjusted. We also had four different doctors appointments in that first week. When my husband told his mom that we wanted that week, she got immediately upset. She assumed that my family would be coming by. He assured her that they were not but she was still in belief that my mom would be here. My mom has a very demanding job and works a lot of OT. She manages to come see him at least once a week, and she lives about 40 minutes away, when she comes up she spends several hours here. His parents live between 10 and 15 min away depending on traffic. His dad does not work, and his mom has a lot of days where she works from home without a set schedule. They come up sometimes once a week and sometimes once every two weeks. For no longer than one hour at a time. I have told them on so many occasions that they’re welcome to come up anytime as long as they call prior to coming in case we have an appt or my mom is here. Our son is on oxygen and is still very high risk so we try not to take him out too often or have him get over stimulated with too many visitors in one day. They see my SIL children daily or very close to daily. They’re older, between 10 and 15 in ages. There are four children and the younger ones are not well behaved. When asked about why they don’t come to see him more often recently, FIL was coming up with all kinds of things to be annoyed about. A fb post about a college my husband posted, a security camera we have in our living room from when we took a vacation that isn’t plugged in, and that I was laying down because I got so little sleep the night before. I did talk to my husband about how I was feeling. He said he totally understands and said he’s been feeling a little upset about them himself. Again, I do not hate them. They’re very dear to me, which is why it upsets me so much that they don’t want to see their grandson.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
It sounds like they're doing so out of spite, based on the assumption that your parents get priority over them (which is untrue).
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
We have a very fragile child here....why is any of this even an issue? She's got enough to worry about. Adults need to do some adulting here.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
mmyes, set the boundaries you need. It may lead to absurd accusations or assumptions but really, you are not responsible for that or for them. My parents concluded I'm a psychopath when I set boundaries 20 years ago. I didn't know but it helped them deal with the rules I set for my family. I don't think yours will think something that crazy :) you say they are nice and loving guys. But boundaries are needed. Even if they are presented as "the settings I need for my daily life" instead of limitations on their expectations. Show them you indeed feel good when they respect the boundaries, then it will become a good deed from them to you if they follow the rules. That makes them feel good about themselves :)
#56
I've never been a playboy and got incredibly lucky that she ever even spoke to me in the first place. She thinks I'm this smooth talking experienced ladies man, she has no idea she's the first girl to fall for my amazing pick up line, "Do you have a boyfriend?". To her it's impossible to imagine I wasn't some wild dog humping the i95 until she reigned me in. Edit: wtf did I wake up to?
#57
My partner doesn’t know how bad my mental health really is - she knows I’ve reached out for support but doesn’t know the extent of help I’m seeking. I just can’t bring myself to say those words to her.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
You don't have to unless you need to or it impacts your relationship. This is your business and it's deeply personal. A healthy relationship doesn't have to share everything. There's no shame here...addressing mental health issues is difficult and people aren't always kind. Do what's best for you!
ThisIsNotTheOneYou'reLookinFor 3 years ago
I disagree. You need to talk to your partner if you love each other. And there is no shame in addressing it.
Load More Replies... Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
Oh love you, that's scary. You're thinking if you tell her how it is, she's gonna leave
Mobey Drunk 3 years ago (edited)
This is something I recently went through. My wife and I have various mental illnesses and I always tell her to talk to me when things get bad. I on the other hand, have been doing terribly for some months now. However, I recently had a med change that did a world of good. I'm looking forward to telling her when she gets back from being with her friends. Your partner is your best support system, but it can be hard considering how vulnerable you are at that time. Especially with how close you are.
#58
Throwaway because my partner is on Reddit and my username is instantly recognizable. I am no longer a Christian. I had been struggling with my beliefs for awhile and decided to live my life like God didn't exist and see what happened. My mental health immediately got better. I was no longer anxious and depressed because I wasn't meeting the moral standards put on me by Christianity. But I can never tell them, our shared faith was the whole basis of our relationship. I proposed after a bible study we both went to. I don't want to share any more because if they saw this they would probably figure it out. But I have basically resigned myself to pretending to still believe for the rest of my life.
ThisIsNotTheOneYou'reLookinFor 3 years ago
My wife is Catholic. She knows I do not share her belief. We still love each other.
Cara G 3 years ago
This is one that really should not be kept a secret. Spiritual (or non-) compatibility is a huge part of a relationship and entering into a marriage knowing that you no longer share this with your partner is deceitful and bound for disaster. Both of these people deserve to live authentically with partners who share their world views.
Bianca Saville 3 years ago
Try swapping to another church such as Quakers who are usually a bit more inclusive and easy going.
Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
You might want to edit this, because a marriage proposal after bible study could be a give away. It doesn't sound like a common move. I could be wrong, but it sounds a little bizarre to me. On the other hand, there are probably other people who have done it this way. I'm glad you're doing better though.
#59
Who wants to admit they ate nine cans of ravioli
ThisIsNotTheOneYou'reLookinFor 3 years ago
Hopefully that was a one time thing. If it happens again, seek help.
#60
I’m really tired of everything
Phoebe Bean 3 years ago
I´d just say don´t expect your partner to read your mind and it´s better to say some things out loud in order to avoid misunderstandings or simply to clear the air.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
Depending on my outlook, each new day is either Day1 for a fresh start, or each new day is the next day of working towards my goals. Optimistic and non-defeatist...one day at a time.
#61
I drink her fancy olive oil right out of the bottle when she's not home
Pittsburgh rare 3 years ago
Yes. A very hurried trip to the toilet. And long term digestive issues. Depending on how much they drink tho
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Danielle Shair 1 year ago
Hey, why not. How else would you know you’d like it without trying it?
Cheryl Ramsay 3 years ago
Olive oil is good for you. It can help a person lose weight but I take a slug every morning for achy joints. At my last checkup I had lost 10 pounds unintentionally.
Cheryl Ramsay 3 years ago
I forgot to add that you have to find the kind with a date when the olives were harvested and when it was bottled. And get a kind that says only olive oil. No mixes with other oils.
Load More Replies... Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
Yeah...... Take that one to the grave. It'll be easier for cremation though 😂.
#62
My husband complains about being in pain so much that I feel like there’s no room for me to be in pain. And sometimes I really resent that. I have a chronic health condition that I have no choice but to manage well because he wouldn’t know what to do if he had to care for me like I have to care for him. Sucks but it is what it is.
Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
Yeah, relatable. My ex would get mad at me for napping during the day, proclaiming he had "pneumonia" constantly and I needed to 'sort myself out' and look after his kids 4 months later I'm in hospital, can't walk, can't balance. Severe B12 and folate deficiency. But his "pneumonia" was always worse.
Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
His "pneumonia" magically disappeared whenever a doob was near
Load More Replies... #63
I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease about 5 years ago. I decided at that point I would never get married or have kids as the prognosis was not good. I isolated myself. It was a very lonely existence. Then we met about 2 years ago. Life has been sweet ever since. The disease is hitting its stride now. It is getting harder and harder for me to do things. I grin and bear it because I want these remaining years to be stress free and happy.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
He knows right? You give him the chance of a lifetime to experience a deteriorating partner? At the least your illness is something essential of you, that you'd share in a relationship, just like people share their relations with their parents or their love for a hobby. He doesn't have to knit with me but he can appreciate the technical achievements I share.
Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
If your partner truly cares, they will stand by you. But you do a disservice by not telling them. Even though I can't guarantine it, you could have some fun and stress free times with each other and cherish those times together even more. Not being honest also has the potentially to become a harder hit as well.
#64
What I *actually* paid for my woodworking tools Edit: Obligatory RIP Inbox! As a few have pointed out, this absolutely applies to pretty much any hobby. And I'll put it here since so many are asking, but I don't actually keep track of how much I've spent over the years - but just the big expensive ones I remember I'm over 5k already. Then all the smaller tools, chisels, hand planes, and ultimately I should include the cost of running a 220v single phase outlet for my jointer and... more than I really want to admit to myself. But the joy and sense of accomplishment I get on the completed pieces are worth every penny spent. It really is my happy place.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
Does she have some good tools and materials too, for something she enjoys? Encourage her to buy the excellent yarn (I'm a knitter) or go on that fancy workshop. You know how happymaking good things are :)
Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
I'm the same way, except it's Star Wars. Prop replicas and costume pieces are extremely expensive. My wife has no problem with my hobby, but sometimes I downplay how much it actually cost.
#65
my parents thinks he's gay
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
Well, what do you think? This deserves a heartfelt and gentle discussion and don't make assumptions.
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago
Oh. Could do with a bit more here...guessing OP isn't allowed a bf yet?
#66
It was an accident we met . I thought I was agreeing to see his friend , who was the other guy in the picture
#67
Maybe not exactly what the question is looking for, but: I was good friends with my now-wife for four or five years before we eventually got together and fell in love. (Note to other dudes: getting out of the "friend zone" is possible, ironically, if you just be her good friend, refrain from making inappropriate advances, and be there as someone she genuinely loves spending time with.) Back when we were friends, though, I was a pretty heavy drug user (opiates) and hid it from most of my friends and family as best I could. We've discussed this generally, but I don't think she realizes the extent to which I was ruining my life back then. It's still hard for me to talk about. I stole money from my parents, there were repercussions with my job, etc. I'm lucky I never got into legal trouble. Honestly, things turned around when I started dating her because it inspired me to get my life together and I had something to really live for. I've said to her once or twice that getting with her probably "saved my life," but I'm generally very sarcastic and she thought I was being facetious. I'd like to open up and be more honest about that time in my life, but there's still a lot of guilt and trauma buried inside me and I clam up anytime I think about talking about it.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
So actually being a friend is what could get you out of the friendzone - WHO KNEW (as women have only been saying so for the past decade) :)
Mobey Drunk 3 years ago (edited)
It's been going on a lot later than that. It's just more of a risk. When friendship moves to a relationship, you're at more of a vulnerable point at that time. The cards are on the table and you have said what you feel. Rejection can hit harder. This goes either and all ways (gender identity or preference). It's basic psychology that we all go through.
Load More Replies... Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
She's probably the one you need to talk to. It can be much easier to say to the stranger panda's, but it'll probably straighten your relationship
#68
Since January of 2020 I've been working an assignment at my job (law enforcement, not an officer) with sexual assault investigations unit (SAIU). Normally I'm with my department's Records Unit, but in 2020 I applied for an opening with my department's SAIU. My girlfriend is aware of that, but so long as it's up to me, I will never tell her about any the cases that have come through the unit. Edit: tried to clear up the job description.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
yeah, she doesn't need to know the details. She would want to share your tiredness or shockedness or burdensomeness. Because you're best mates. I assume there's a professional safety net for you guys. In my country every psychologist talks to a professional, to make sure they're still ok mentally.
El Dee 3 years ago
This is a heavy load to bear. You should have someone you can talk to. Things like this eat you alive..
IDK_Something 3 years ago
Hopefully his department is one that has an in-house mandatory counselor (psychologist, psychiatrist, etc.)!!
Load More Replies... #69
I write fanfiction and am a prolific writer for one specific fandom. I don’t write smut or even really romance, but I do engage in other very dark topics that I feel like my “I hate reading” boyfriend would probablyyyy give me side-eye if he knew.
I can't think of a good name 3 years ago
this sounds a lot like a game called warhammer 40k, which youtubers sometes call lore fore the grimdark
#70
When he cooks he adds wayyyyyy too much salt, and I love salty s**t. He’s also really proud of his cooking. I always ask if I can season my own portion because he “makes it too spicy for me” but in reality I’m just not adding as much salt lol Edit: this wasn’t meant to be that serious guys! He’s an amazing cook other than the salt and we both have different food preferences so it’s not unusual for me to ask to season my own stuff and for him to ask the same. I haven’t told him because I didn’t want to potentially hurt his feelings or seem ungrateful for his cooking and it really didn’t bother me enough to bring it up. It’s not a big elaborate lie I have going, just a little secret that I thought was funny and harmless. Thank you for making me aware of the potential health issues he could suffer down the line because of this, I will let him know next time he cooks me something :)
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Just remember that your sense of taste can change so you can work that in. Start with something you cook and be like wow I think I'm starting to get sensitive to salt because this normal amount seems too salty. Then keep it up with other prepped meals. You won't hurt his feelings because it's you who's naturally changing. I've done this before and just explained I'm becoming more sensitive; also hammer it up by acting bummed out a little.
Annie 1973 2 years ago
I also use a lot of salt but as I'm always alone and don't cook for others it's just the right amount for me!
Cheryl Ramsay 3 years ago
Salt is quite harmful. Too much (check daily requirements) and it will screw up your kidneys.
#71
I don’t really feel anything during sex anymore.
ThisIsNotTheOneYou'reLookinFor 3 years ago
Problem with communication with OP and Myst. Unless both parties agree on it. Sex and money is the biggest problem with most relationships.
#72
I’m addicted to this goddamn vape. I get off and on the wagon like a public train. I’ll go two-three months without it, then I’ll stop by a store and grab another, and there I go chiefing again for another few months. She doesn’t know I vape, and I hate hiding anything from her but I’ve told myself the lie that it doesn’t matter, it’s such a small thing, it’s just nicotine, and I don’t smoke cigs, never have. But goddammit I like the vape, but I want to quit solely because I know she wouldn’t like it. She’s the best human on the planet and she doesn’t deserve to be kept in the dark, or for me to sneak around and have a puff when I’m gaming or out drinking with the boys. It’s such a stupid thing for a grown man to struggle with, but nicotine is the best and the worst thing ever.
Pumpkin Spice 3 years ago
I'm actually proud of you--you're doing your best to quit. Good luck!
Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
Nicotine is actually more addictive than heroin. Even though you may take a lot of heat for it, your wife may be the best person to help you through it.
#73
I love her food, but I always feel bad when she's cooking for me.
Weed in the Garden 3 years ago
You've got this all wrong! Cooks love an audience! This is another way to show love - bon appetit!
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
see it as doing her a favour? ;) You "allow" her to do the thing she does so good. She gets to harvest your honest compliments. You two get to enjoy a great meal and she gets to show off how well she can organize such a thing. It feels so good when your SO is proud or in awe of you! Early in my marriage my partner sheepishly said he'd love to get thanks or compliments sometimes. I underestimated how much he cannot read my mind :)
Rachel Mion 3 years ago
If she knows how much you enjoy it, it will be her pleasure to cook for you. Be sure you tell her often!
Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
As someone who loves cooking, your feedback will always bring a smile. I love it when people enjoy what I made. All you need to say is "that was so good"and that's a complement that is very appreciated.
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Pay her back by doing the dishes. This is the compromise I've come to
Deborah B 3 years ago
So find something that you can do for her. Pick a chore she doesn't like, take her car to the car wash and fill it with gas, pack her lunch, make her dinner the next night, offer her a foot rub. Accept it as an act of service, and express your love and appreciation back with an act of service of your own.
#74
The knives from Costco stay sharp because I sharpen them. Not because they "never need to be sharpened" To be fair, and to answer the "why wouldn't you tell her" she knows. But it was a quip (by which I mean not an argument) that we sort of had. :)
#75
I make “f**k you” money and every day I feel like a fraud. I google half the s**t I do and in large part I wing my job. Everyone thinks I’m so confident and know what I’m doing, I’m drowning and feeling like any moment they’ll find out I’m faking my way to success. I’ve been doing my job for 5 years and I’ve done a “good job”. Can’t shake the feeling that I’m a fraud.
Chef Latte 3 years ago
Imposter Syndrome- you feel like you aren’t meant to be at the level you are. Trust me, a lot of what I do involves public speaking as well as needing to know techniques for acting. It feels like I’m failing at it all every day, yet everyone says I’m doing fine. The mind is a weird thing we are gifted with
IDK_Something 3 years ago
I think this is perfectly normal in an educational environment. Maybe unless you're teaching, but teachers don't know *everything* about their subject either!!
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Biofish23 3 years ago
I think probably something IT related. The googling everything is the main clue.
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TiaCalenture 3 years ago
That reminds me of an Instagram reel I did that was How will I become famous? And mine said I would by pretending to be talented. Haha
#76
His f**k-face is TERRIBLE. Like, when he's truly into the act he looks ridiculous and awful. So I've just stopped looking 😂
Laura Jackson 3 years ago
I wonder if OP holds a mirror up to look into to make sure that their fuckface is on fleek?🤷🏻♀️
Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
Ha, yeah I hear you. My ex used to squeak. A really high pitched, gerbil like squeak. I kept my eyes closed. Couldn't tell you what he looked like
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
And this is where having vision problems benefits you. Yeah I've seen some distracting expressions so glasses stay off so I don't focus on it and potentially offend
#77
I pissed myself on accident trying to not be a “two trip b***h” running my groceries up to my apartment.
#78
The reason i wasnt hungry that one day in dublin was because when i stayed behind to get ready while she waited in the lobby i ate the entire box of leftover chicken wings that we took home from the restaurant the day before. I ate 15 cold, oily chicken wings in about 5 minutes at 9 AM before heading out for breakfast.
ThisIsMe 3 years ago
I use to stop sometimes for fast food on my way home from the gym, knowing full well my husband was at home making us dinner, which I would also eat. My means for dealing with some significant emotional issues at the time.
IDK_Something 3 years ago
Emotional eating is a b***h! I see "used to" here, so good on you!!
Load More Replies... #79
The thought that my wife will sell my guitars for the price I told her they were worth is my greatest worry.
Lady Goldberry 3 years ago
Maybe safe storage elsewhere is a solution here...that, and not being with a potential thief.
#80
My fiancée is currently going through Chemos (Half paid by a program other half by me) & told her not to worry about the payments. Already went through 1 set of savings due to company cutting hrs (getting ready for global recession). I’m depressed & have anxiety attacks just thinking that if things don’t get better soon.. I won’t have the money for her treatments or enough money to get bills paid on time Edit: (Original health insurance didn’t cover anything, we tried getting a private insurance but no one will take her due to “pre existing” health issues) if anyone can help me find grants or a better program pm me. I’ve tried a couple places/programs without luck. I really care about her health but it’s killing me financially
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
the system is so unique and bad in the USA :( I don't know what to advise. Just lots of strength wishes. You two are running a marathon.
#81
Sometimes I’m not 100% sure she’s the one. It hurts because she seems so sure all the time but I think it’s normal to have fluctuations in feelings. For me anyways.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
I have the same. The key for me was to let go of the concept of 'The One'. There's just people, because I myself am also just a person. I love my partner a lot and we have it good together. I can see myself buying a house with him and even having a child together, one day. That's enough.
IDK_Something 3 years ago
Sometimes the future (and present) is terrifying. Unless there are compatibility issues making one think this way, I feel it's normal to harbor *some* doubt. I also haven't had relationships work out when I was "sure", so I could be full of s**t. 🤷🏼♀️
#82
When I was 14, my grandma passed away. For years, I had been bothering my parents for my own gold necklace. Well, Gram had a little bit of money and she gave me the $300 for a gold necklace in her will. It was my pride and joy. I had it around my neck for 17 years before I met my wife. It was off my neck maybe three times in those 17 years. My wife (then girlfriend) knew how much it meant to me and asked to wear it once. Well, it never came home. She had lost it somewhere or it had gotten stolen. I was distraught like crazy for three or four days while we turned our house upside down looking for it. Inevitably, I gave up, but she was very bothered by it all. So, I decided to go to a p**n shop and buy the closest I could get to an exact duplicate and then I told her that I had found the necklace in the couch cushions. To this day, she thinks that I found my necklace from my grandmother, but this is actually version 2.
#83
I worked as a "muscle guy" in my early twenties and made a chunk of money getting good at hurting people. She's a pretty anti-violence buddhist, so I'm not gonna bring that up lol
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
haha better not no. You're a different guy now than you were back then. Enjoy the present :)
#84
It's not that I'd never tell her it's that I don't think we're at the part of the relationship where I can tell her just yet. But I love her
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
saying the words is a big thing in the States, right? You can show her your feelings without the words :) Hold her, stroke her hair, take walks together.
#85
I think I might have killed a man.
LuckyL 3 years ago (edited)
Story from reddit: I was staying at my cousin's ranch. Not the rich type or compound like just a normal one with chickens cows etc. Anyway we were at dinner and he was a little bit drunk and was telling us how he has cattle thieves that steal his cows. First time I ever touched a cow was earlier in the day. Everybody was like what are you going to do? He said shoot them. Here I am thinking how the f**k do you steal a cow. So it gets later on in the evening and he's taking shot of vodka and redbull to stay awake. He was blitzed by this time. I told him I would stay up and watch for these cow stealers. He goes up stairs and gives me his sawed off shotgun. (I hate guns btw and shake when I am near one). So anyway I am out in the pasture playing on my phone and drinking then I hear a noise. The cows start going apeshit and I think holy s**t people actually steal f*****g cows. So I walk up to the gate and all I see is the black figure leading a cow.
LuckyL 3 years ago
I told him or her that I would shoot (knowing I could not hit the broadside of a barn) So i just pulled the trigger in the general direction. I see the figure drop and crawl away. I run back wake my cousin up and we start looking around there was blood everywhere and skin fragments. So much blood I am pretty sure they are dead but we never found a body the cops had no reports or anything.
Load More Replies... June 3 years ago
"Don_Dickle - I was staying at my cousin's ranch. Not the rich type or compound like just a normal one with chickens cows etc. Anyway we were at dinner and he was a little bit drunk and was telling us how he has cattle thieves that steal his cows. First time I ever touched a cow was earlier in the day. Everybody was like what are you going to do? He said shoot them. Here I am thinking how the f**k do you steal a cow. So it gets later on in the evening and he's taking shot of vodka and redbull to stay awake. He was blitzed by this time. I told him I would stay up and watch for these cow stealers. He goes up stairs and gives me his sawed off shotgun. (I hate guns btw and shake when I am near one). So anyway I am out in the pasture playing on my phone and drinking then I hear a noise. The cows start going apeshit and I think holy s**t people actually steal f*****g cows. So I walk up to the gate and all I see is the black figure leading a cow. ...
June 3 years ago
I told him or her that I would shoot (knowing I could not hit the broadside of a barn) So i just pulled the trigger in the general direction. I see the figure drop and crawl away. I run back wake my cousin up and we start looking around there was blood everywhere and skin fragments. So much blood I am pretty sure they are dead but we never found a body the cops had no reports or anything."
Load More Replies... #86
Last night you made fried rice with shrimp. I ate the whole bowl even though it tasted nasty. God it was awful.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
that's love. Also reheating the rice today may have given you stomach-problems, so it was a double act of love yesterday!
#87
One of my wife's family member once tried to have sex when we were alone. I refused and we pretend it never happened. They are very close to my wife and they never did anything like that again so I think I should keep it a secret.
#88
I will listen to a song 10 times in a row because I need to listen to all the instruments and melodies separately before moving on to the next song
Autistic apricot 3 years ago
I thought it was just me. Sometimes I just listen to my favourite ones
Load More Replies... #89
I have ridiculously complex and drawn out arguments with myself when no one’s around. One of the me’s is pretty cool, the other one ‘s kind of a d**k. Edit: just to add, I’m not sure which one is the “real” me.
Seonag Udell 3 years ago
Do this all the time, have even started doing it in front of my husband, he is ok with it though.
#90
I make a s**tload of gibberish vocalizations when I’m home alone. No f*****g clue why, just some weird fake language I’ve been spewing since childhood. Edit: transliteration attempt *”Sabio ni’ontas kartesh ki’tovan? Sargo ket’seeva, praish?”* This kind of s**t, constantly, in a sort of Russian/Arabic hybrid intonation. Almost entirely meaningless and 90% improvised apart from a few words that have attached themselves to specific objects/emotions over the years. Edit: *You sure you’re not a sim?* Not sure at all. Like we know that reality/perception is just electrical signals in the synapses of our brains…how do we know they’re not just neural nets in someone’s instance of Earth Simulator? My brain tells me to talk gibberish when I’m alone, wtf is that? So yeah, prob a sim. Edit: *lovecraft, goblins, orcs, khajit* Totally see what you’re saying, but this is a function of the transliteration and the weird apostrophes I used, trying it out with french phonetics for example (same sounds) and the vibe is completely different written out: *”C’est-billaut ni hontasse cartêche qui tovain? Sargaut qu’êtes si va, prèche?* *”Сабио нионтос кортешкии товон, сорго кетсиво, преш?”*
I can't think of a good name 3 years ago
Part of the french one ( hontasse) is a lot like high valarian for bird
#91
Our baby boy fell off our bed whilst I was watching him. She heard the noise and then heard the baby crying. I made up some b******t story that it was something else that had fell over and the noise scared him. I don’t really know why I didn’t just tell her, I felt so guilty and still do sometimes. Still never gonna tell her though.
OneHappyPuppy 3 years ago
Oh this happens all the time with babies. My husband, baby and I were co-sleeping once, I got up early to use the bathroom and when he stirred I asked him to watch the baby. Well 2 mins later I enter the room at the exact moment our baby rolls onto the floor, sits on his bottom and wakes with surprise followed by crying. He was fine, just a little shaken
#92
His father's body was eaten by alligators
MaireC 3 years ago
Rest of the tale on reddit "His father died in a helicopter accident over water. My MIL read the coroner's report (I think thats what it's called idk) and it said when his body was retrieved he had been mostly eaten. Very tragic accident :( My SO and his siblings understandably didn't want to read the report and I'm very glad they didn't "
IDK_Something 3 years ago
Thank you for giving us the story! So, so sad. Sounds like it is available if they ever wanted to really know. Still, must be a burden to bear.
Load More Replies... ThisIsNotTheOneYou'reLookinFor 3 years ago
And you can't tell him? What does he think? That he went to Cleveland and never came back?
IDK_Something 3 years ago
MaireC posted the story as follows... : "His father died in a helicopter accident over water. My MIL read the coroner's report (I think thats what it's called idk) and it said when his body was retrieved he had been mostly eaten. Very tragic accident :( My SO and his siblings understandably didn't want to read the report and I'm very glad they didn't "
Load More Replies... #93
In the crawl space I completed, I included a hidden chamber. Although there is nothing inside, it has been so long since I built it that I feel guilty for keeping it a secret.
#94
I love her to bits and will never cheat on her but I don’t like having sex with her anymore and I fake my orgasms
Autistic apricot 3 years ago (edited)
Tell her, if you don’t like having sex with her and are not telling her, that’s not a good thing. Do you think you could be asexual? Or is something else the problem
#95
Her cooking isn't very nice... I'm not cooking because I try to be nice, I cook because I want to eat something that doesn't taste like I'm r*****g a feral raccoon with explosive diarrhea. Sorry honey, but you might need to learn how to cook if you want to cook...
#96
When I was a child I pissed in a bucket. Threw it on my trampoline and told my friend to go play on it.
#97
I am very attracted to her mentally and physically, but I would be MORE attracted if she started working out again.
ThisIsNotTheOneYou'reLookinFor 3 years ago
Start a dual workout. Tell her you think it is sexy to workout together and you need the motivation.
#98
S**t my pants in the middle of school during test week. Had to fake a stomach ache so I could go home, ended up scoring a 85% on that test.
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Airt 3 years ago
Something that my husband did for years without me realising (we are togeather ~10 years) and how I've learned about it. We were driving and I saw dead headgehog on the road. Before I said something he said "oh, look, wow, those clouds looks amazing!". It's something that he says from time to time so I was not surprise but I was a little irritated because you know - we just saw that poor thing and he is talking to me about clouds. And then I've learned that he has no interest in clouds, for all this years whenever he spotted dead animal on the road he was distracting me knowing that if I see it it will make me a sad (just for a minute or two but still - he didn't wanted me to experience it).
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This is something that sounds so simple, but honestly, a partner that pays attention to your emotional needs/responses, and then looks out for you?! Not as common as we'd hope. Glad you found one.
Load More Replies... Black Pearl 3 years ago
At first the stories were pretty sweet, but after a while they just made me think "wtf"
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
I have to say my partners lack of scent makes me less attracted to them. It's such a shame because they're great otherwise. He has low testosterone and has zero scent even if he sweats and it just, not turns me off but does nothing for me and sexy time takes extra effort. Nothing he can do though since already taking testosterone and cologne just doesn't do anything for me; his soap smells nice though
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
George loves to surprise me with treats, trips, and things. I will never, ever tell him that one of his biggest surprises was spoiled for me because I got the text alert for the reservation on my phone. Hell, when I realized what he was about to surprise me with a weekend in Dubrovnik and dinner at Nautika Restaurant, I was already thrilled enough, so the surprise wasn't even all that ruined!
ί𝔫ＣίŦᵃт𝐔𝐬 3 years ago
Awww! George Glass sounds awesome! Just like in the movie.
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Blackadams 3 years ago (edited)
That i cant be with her if she cant keep her anger in check,i love her so much but i have my problems,and im leaning towards me breaking down, i wanna run away,im feeling pressure from everything and everyday i feel like my heart is gonna burst out of my chest,i just want to be alone and go where i can start all over again with nobody i know around
Solidhog 3 years ago
When we met she was really insecure and not that clued up about the real world. I helped her learn how to do many things like cooking, finance and DIY without her really knowing. Now she thinks I could not survive or look after myself without her and I let her believe that and never point out who taught her or gives a little advice when she has problems.
Airt 3 years ago
Something that my husband did for years without me realising (we are togeather ~10 years) and how I've learned about it. We were driving and I saw dead headgehog on the road. Before I said something he said "oh, look, wow, those clouds looks amazing!". It's something that he says from time to time so I was not surprise but I was a little irritated because you know - we just saw that poor thing and he is talking to me about clouds. And then I've learned that he has no interest in clouds, for all this years whenever he spotted dead animal on the road he was distracting me knowing that if I see it it will make me a sad (just for a minute or two but still - he didn't wanted me to experience it).
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This is something that sounds so simple, but honestly, a partner that pays attention to your emotional needs/responses, and then looks out for you?! Not as common as we'd hope. Glad you found one.
Load More Replies... Black Pearl 3 years ago
At first the stories were pretty sweet, but after a while they just made me think "wtf"
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
I have to say my partners lack of scent makes me less attracted to them. It's such a shame because they're great otherwise. He has low testosterone and has zero scent even if he sweats and it just, not turns me off but does nothing for me and sexy time takes extra effort. Nothing he can do though since already taking testosterone and cologne just doesn't do anything for me; his soap smells nice though
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
George loves to surprise me with treats, trips, and things. I will never, ever tell him that one of his biggest surprises was spoiled for me because I got the text alert for the reservation on my phone. Hell, when I realized what he was about to surprise me with a weekend in Dubrovnik and dinner at Nautika Restaurant, I was already thrilled enough, so the surprise wasn't even all that ruined!
ί𝔫ＣίŦᵃт𝐔𝐬 3 years ago
Awww! George Glass sounds awesome! Just like in the movie.
Load More Replies... Blackadams 3 years ago (edited)
That i cant be with her if she cant keep her anger in check,i love her so much but i have my problems,and im leaning towards me breaking down, i wanna run away,im feeling pressure from everything and everyday i feel like my heart is gonna burst out of my chest,i just want to be alone and go where i can start all over again with nobody i know around
Solidhog 3 years ago
When we met she was really insecure and not that clued up about the real world. I helped her learn how to do many things like cooking, finance and DIY without her really knowing. Now she thinks I could not survive or look after myself without her and I let her believe that and never point out who taught her or gives a little advice when she has problems.
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