One of the wise people of the past once said that the mistakes of doctors and teachers cost humanity the most. I don’t know about the whole of humanity (I’m not so wise as to think so globally), but within the framework of one person, parents' mistakes definitely cost the most.
Yes, that's right, and nothing else. Because often the mistakes that our parents (or we as parents ourselves) make then affect the lives of children too much, and cause too much pain. Such as, for example, the mistakes listed in this viral thread in the AskReddit community.
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“I fed you, bathed you and made sure I kept a roof over your head. Now you owe ME.”
Turning a child against their other parent. Parental alienation because *you* hate the other parent. So damn selfish.
Children should never be used as weapons against the other parent. No matter what happened. Be a grown up.Just don't do that, it made my siblings and I have issues.
Letting your kid(s) annoy people without repercussions ex: Kicking the back of an airline seat
In fact, we are not talking about egregious cases at all, like insults or beatings. It happens that carelessly thrown words, unexpressed attention or sympathy, and just a lack of mental warmth cause no less pain. Unfortunately, these cases happen all over the place. And almost all of us have in our memory some resentment against our parents...
Using the children for content
I’m genuinely curious about this. I live in the US and there are strict child labor laws regarding child actors. If parents are monetizing their children on video on the reg, are they/shouldn’t they be held to the same standards?
Belittling your child's hobbies and interests just because they are different from what you like. Your child is their own person, not just a miniature copy of you.
My mom constantly makes fun of me for being interested in science (more specifically astronomy) as she believes that almost everything astronomers say is false. She says that the universe is 5000 years old and the big bang is not real, aliens are not possible, evolution is false etc.
Forcing kids to hug people when they don’t want to
My dad “attacks” me from the behind with a hug and that makes me panic a lot. He says he does this because I’m “not a loving person” because I hate being hugged.
On the other hand, which one of us is perfect? Even the best parents make mistakes sometimes. "Have you made mistakes as a parent? Join the club. The bad news is that you're human, like all parents. So we all fall short," writes Laura Markham, PhD., in her column for Psychology Today. "The good news is, your child does not need perfect parents. In fact, if your child sees you as perfect, he'll feel worse about himself, since he knows he's not. What your child needs from you is a model of how to be a graceful human."
"That means admitting when you've been wrong. Being willing to grow. Giving yourself support to do better. Working hard to regulate your own emotions instead of acting like a crazy person, no matter what your child does."
I met a 300 pound 12 year old girl. All her mom fed her was Burger King.
Cussing at or insulting your children, especially in public.
I was in the electronics section of Walmart the other day and a kid was nearby looking at video games. The mother, presumably, comes over and starts dropping F bombs at him, saying she didn’t have money for any “stupid f’ing” games and to get his “dumbass” over here etc.
Broke my heart. I grew up poor. I new we couldn’t afford many toys or video games, but I would always hang out in the toy aisle or video game area while my mom would shop for groceries. Then she would come get me when she was done. No yelling, as she knew where I was the whole time. I knew we couldn’t afford those things so I never asked. I just wanted to admire everything. This poor kid could’ve been doing the same. Just window shopping, knowing he couldn’t have anything.
My dad loves to yell at my family in public. There was one time where I started talking loudly without realising so my mom told me to be quiet but my dad started shouting and mimicking me loudly so I started crying and more people started to look at us. Why is he like that?
Because he’s a piece of s**t that likes displaying his abuse of power in public
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Wal Mart is a common place to see that happen. Watch the show and hear some of the stupidest things ever said. When I was a kid if we acted up we were sent to the car immediately. It was safe to sit in the car back in the day.
Behavior is a result of expectations. If you don't have the money, tell the kid before you get into the store. If you do have money, give them a budget. The meltdown occurs because the communication was not there. A one word curse word isn't communication (unless you have stuck your hand in a garbage disposal).
Cursing is absolutely communication. If you use it sparingly, it communicates that you have a pressing problem. If you use it too much it communicates that you are a pressing problem.
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My family grew up yelling. Lived on a large property with lots of trees, two story house with basement, detached garage and we played down the street. So lots of yelling from inside to outside, up and down street, from top floor to basement, etc. And yes not all the yelling was pleasant or kind to each other. Even up till the time my father died we had to have a yelling match before we could calming talk about things.it was a strange relationship with dad but it worked.
Not in public but my mother insults me all the time she's called me a "hoe" a "dumb b***h' and a "Psycho" On many many occasions.
If you're always pointing out the negative of your kids personality or ability, they are going to live up to that. Accentuate the positive.
I’m adopted. My mom spent my entire life, since early childhood, telling me that my biological mom is a “druggie” and a “junkie” and an “alcoholic” and that I’d end up just like her. (And that I should be “grateful” that she’d adopted me.) After my dad’s death two years ago, amidst a really bad period of time with my boyfriend, I found out some of my co-workers had access to drugs and I started using. I also got blackout drunk a few times. I figured since my mom always said I was “definitely” to become a junkie after all, I might as well use drugs. Good work, Mom, looks like I became a “druggie” and “junkie” after all, just like you told me I would! (The good news: I’m 7 months clean and sober! I’m more than my adoptive mom’s prophecies.)
However, understanding the problem is essentially the first step towards solving it. So if you saw yourself in one of the points of our selection today, do not rush to get upset. There is always a chance to fix things. Almost always. As Georgie Gray, ISW-S, a therapist in private practice, outlined in YourTeenMag, after realizing a mistake, you need to, firstly, apologize to the child, and secondly, respond with intention, rather than reacting in anger.
Next, just try to set limits when you're calm and talk about them with your child. And, of course, work hard to repair the relationship with them. No one says that this path will be short and easy. But parenting is not about taking the easy way at all, is it?
Refusing to admit to their child that they were wrong or made a mistake. It's really common to feel like you can never admit to being wrong because it would undermine your authority, but all you're doing is modeling emotional immaturity, breeding resentment, and setting your child up for terrible relationship dynamics in the future.
We are all human. We make mistakes. Own your mistakes. Grow as a person. Your child will learn to be stronger. You will be stronger.
1. Give kid an order to do something without instructing them on what to do.
2. Watch them fail at the task and then berate their intelligence and swear at them.
This kind of b******t also happens to the kids after they’re all grown up. I have had too many a*****e authoritarian bosses who pulled stunts like this—-and heaven forbid you ask them to clarify what they want. They get pissed off because they either don’t have the vocabulary to clarify what they want, or think you asking them to do it is disrespectful, as if turning in work that’s not what they wanted isn’t disrespectful—-unless it’s in the context of you robbing them of an opportunity to rant and rave at you. I am not psychic, and even if I was I couldn’t see through all the s**t inside their craniums. When I was young, I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to get yelled at, but got yelled at anyway because it wasn’t what the boss wanted. Then I got older and bolder, and would ask clarifying questions. If they yelled, I then asked them if they want it done correctly or not; I’m glad to give it to them either way, but really think they’d prefer it to be right. Believe it or not, that got me a bit of respect from some of the a******s. But it also put me on the others’ s**t lists. I preferred to take that risk, tbh.
In any case, the main thing is not so much not to make any mistakes in raising children, but not to repeat them and, of course, not to make them the norm. So please feel free to scroll to the very end of this list and maybe add some more of your own ideas which parenting mistakes are best avoided in order to make your kid's childhood as it should be - sunny, joyful and happy.
Not bothering to get a child a diagnosis when it’s needed. Usually the reasons are the parents don’t want to deal with the stigma of the diagnosis and/or don’t want the extra work of appointments/therapies/etc.
My parents just think it’s a waste of time and money getting diagnosis for their 2 kids. My brother has always struggled in school and the teachers told them to consider getting a diagnosis but they didn’t listen and instead tried to beat him and yell. It didn’t work as you’d expect and he’s struggling socially as everyone thinks he’s weird
Getting more upset by the people your uncontrolled kids are bothering in restaurants/airplanes/etc. than your kids’ terrible behavior.
I have no qualms grilling someone else's kid. Someone's gotta teach them. Meet the village. I'm part of that village.
"I'm big, you're little. I'm smart, you're dumb. I'm right, you're wrong."
"My parents did it to me and I turned out fine!"
Did you? Really?! But ,that doesn't explain why your children don't like you.
Shoving a screen in front of your 2 year old's face to keep them entertained 24/7.
Taking someone's door away. I never understood some parents who did this.
This happened to me, twice, and actually I think my parents did the right thing at the time. I would just stand in my room and slam my door over and over and over again when I was upset, so they took it away, for like a week each time. It helped me to realize that I needed to talk thru what was bothering me.
Thinking you know more about the kids mental state than they do.
"Pfft, I know you're not depressed, I would know!" Oh really? Because you didn't notice the self-harm scars until I pointed it out. 3 years later.
I've seen this situation play out far too often. Listen to your kid, you do not know them better than they know themselves, no one does.
Shaming their child in front of people. Also, not teaching their child manners. Simple please and thank you can go a long way.
The excuse I was given was , that's how her mother was. I wouldn't want to do that to any child.
Not showing compassion, and patience when their child makes a mistake.
I am not a jehovah witness like my mom so one day she told me she doesn't wanna know anything about my life. I'll never forget that
My mom is a jehovah witness and a bigot. Two of her kids are being shunned. It's sad my nephew can't meet his aunt or uncle and he's being brainwashed by the jw culture. I know a lot of kids have been molested and the watchtower society refuses to reveal abusers to the police.
This is a personal one..... staying in a loveless marriage. My parents are in one but don't get divorced and it f****d me up real good.
Sometimes it’s better to come from a broken home than to live in one, especially if you’re a child. My parents did this too. Taught me absolutely nothing about what a good relationship looks like. As a result, my young adulthood was full of dead end or bad relationships. Took me until my later thirties to realize I needed to look for someone I really clicked with and be in a good working relationship, instead of ending up constantly being the only one trying to salvage bad relationships.
Having kids to 'plug the hole' in a life that feels incomplete.
Having kids to 'tick the next box' after mortgage, car etc.
And the worst of all - having kids just to appease your partner when you don't want them (I'm not talking 60/40, I'm talking when it's 100/0).
Yes and no. As long as you really want kids and want to give them a good life, sure. But if it's just to fill a void and have someone to live the life you wanted, no.
Giving your child the shaft because of a romantic partner.
That expression must mean something entirely different in those parts of the world. Here, it would be incestuous and illegal.
Coke/Pepsi in a baby bottle. bonus points if it's given to the child along with an iPad.
Even more points if they then proceed to b***h about how hard it is to put the baby to sleep, and a few years later b***h about the dental bills.
Lying about strangers to get your kids to capitulate. Like "if that cop sees you making a fuss he'll put you under arrest" or like "You're annoying that man with that noise, better stop or he'll yell at you" etc
it just makes kids deathly afraid of any stranger ever, and makes it impossible to talk to people. trust me, i know 😔
Leaving a set of twin babies in the Mercedes Benz with the windows up when the temp goes up to the mid 80s
For the love of life!! Please!!! Never do that!! So sad when that happens! I'm begging you to please be aware of the danger!!
Let things slide by saying its just a child😒
Sometimes it’s OK to do this, but pick your times wisely and don’t let once in a while become all the time.
Note: this post originally had 37 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
People should have to attend a class and pass a test before becoming parents. So many clearly are not suitable for it.
Might get downvoted for this, but I'm going to say it anyway (regarding the diagnosis one on the list): Conversely, parents who use their child's diagnosis (or make one up) as an excuse for poor behavior or to get special treatment. I'm not saying there aren't situations where a child is physically/mentally incapable of self control, but I've seen parents be very hands off until it's convenient for them to be otherwise too. A large part of managing a disability is MANAGING the disability. You need to learn triggers, how to mitigate when triggers happen, learn (and in turn teach your child) coping mechanisms. Again, not saying this is one size fits all, but a good parent knows raising a disabled child is a full time job, not something you only acknowledge when it's convenient.
I'll prob get down voted too coz I agree with you. My brother has autism. My parents never made that as an excuse when we were kids . For example. Instead of asking me to leave his room he would start hitting me when he'd had enough. My parents were able to teach him that hitting his sister is not acceptable and all he had to do was say "I've had enough" I would say "okay" and leave.
Load More Replies... When your child turns out like me, you’ll know you’ve made a lot of mistakes
Stardust, I've seen a lot of your comments on this post, and i just want to say I'm so sorry about everything you're going through. I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything. I'm sending you lots of big virtual hugs. I know you don't like hugs, so these are just the nice emotions of hugs without the actual physical feeling <3
Load More Replies...
Forcing them into gender specific boxes. You're a girl/boy so you must (not) wear dress. Play with doll. Play with car. Wear pink/blue. Etc...
Same goes if you're overly pushy with your child being gender non conforming and force raising them to stay in between. Stuff like asking your boy if he really wants the football and not a doll instead, with a clear implication that you want them to choose the other thing. Just let the kids be and make their own choices and build their own ideals (as long as it isn't harmful)
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For me terrible parents are those that won’t give their children room to grow up. They’re still breastfeeding the kid at the age of 7 and policing their phones and internet usage at 16. No.
And then wonder why the kid is now a 35 year old that can't do anything for themselves
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People who post on social media how annoying their kids are. "They've had me since 5am", "They won't be quiet", "They've been naughty today". I could go on... Surely it's not a surprise to you that a child is behaving like a child?! If it's that much of an issue maybe you shouldn't have had a kid as it can't be a surprise to you that they're behaving as all children do! Not to mention how will the children feel if they see these posts in the future!!!
I agree on the part on posting it on social media, but venting to a friend about how annoying kids can be, is something different. Most people will be anoyed by their kids at one point, and suffering in silence is unhealthy. Of course the child shouldn't hear it, that would be unhealthy for the child.
Load More Replies... Stardust she/her . May I ask, how old are you? Where do you live? You don't have to answer, if you don't want to. I'm just curious.
My mother was described in quite a few posts here, in yet still claims she was a good parent. If only people would tell her to her face, cause she refuses to believe me.
It's narcissism. My mother is the same way, the whole "what do you mean? I'm a wonderful parent!", and ended up with adult children who pretty much want nothing to do with her.
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It would appear that my mother and her second husband ticked a whole lotta those boxes up there.......at least 17 out of that list.........
I don't know what I should feel. I relate to maximum points covered here!!!!!!
Another sign of a bad parent: treating your child differently than their siblings. I'm the middle of three girls, and from an early age I could tell my mother hated me, probably because I wasn't the boy she and my dad wanted (which, ofc, isn't MY fault). She would always side with my siblings over me when there was an argument, even when they were in the wrong; would punish me for things THEY did but blamed me for; and the one that's stuck with me the most: SCREAMING at me at the top of her lungs, IN PUBLIC, because I DARED to ask for a cheap book when my sister already had one in the cart. How DARE I want something to read, right? I never asked her for anything after that, ever. Not on vacations, not at stores, never.
Constantly picking on your child. I went through this as a child and it made me extremely self-conscious about my body, appearance, and even the way I act. I've always been on the bigger side, so shaving has always been a bit hard for me, but once my body started growing a significant amount of body hair, especially on my legs, sure enough my mother began making fun of me and picking on me for it. 🙄 Her sister joined in, and it's part of the reason I don't speak with that side of the family much anymore. I even blocked my maternal cousin in Facebook because she kept trying to friend me there after id rejected twice.
Last week in Serbia, a 13 years old kid whose father taugth him how to shoot a pistol at the shooting range, killed eight fellow students in the elementary school. Nice parenting for sure...
Parents that are constantly putting people down (themselves, their partners, their children, others). Even if it's not directed at the child, it still affects the child. Don't let your self esteem issues ruin your child's confidence.
People should have to attend a class and pass a test before becoming parents. So many clearly are not suitable for it.
Might get downvoted for this, but I'm going to say it anyway (regarding the diagnosis one on the list): Conversely, parents who use their child's diagnosis (or make one up) as an excuse for poor behavior or to get special treatment. I'm not saying there aren't situations where a child is physically/mentally incapable of self control, but I've seen parents be very hands off until it's convenient for them to be otherwise too. A large part of managing a disability is MANAGING the disability. You need to learn triggers, how to mitigate when triggers happen, learn (and in turn teach your child) coping mechanisms. Again, not saying this is one size fits all, but a good parent knows raising a disabled child is a full time job, not something you only acknowledge when it's convenient.
I'll prob get down voted too coz I agree with you. My brother has autism. My parents never made that as an excuse when we were kids . For example. Instead of asking me to leave his room he would start hitting me when he'd had enough. My parents were able to teach him that hitting his sister is not acceptable and all he had to do was say "I've had enough" I would say "okay" and leave.
Load More Replies... When your child turns out like me, you’ll know you’ve made a lot of mistakes
Stardust, I've seen a lot of your comments on this post, and i just want to say I'm so sorry about everything you're going through. I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything. I'm sending you lots of big virtual hugs. I know you don't like hugs, so these are just the nice emotions of hugs without the actual physical feeling <3
Load More Replies... Forcing them into gender specific boxes. You're a girl/boy so you must (not) wear dress. Play with doll. Play with car. Wear pink/blue. Etc...
Same goes if you're overly pushy with your child being gender non conforming and force raising them to stay in between. Stuff like asking your boy if he really wants the football and not a doll instead, with a clear implication that you want them to choose the other thing. Just let the kids be and make their own choices and build their own ideals (as long as it isn't harmful)
Load More Replies... For me terrible parents are those that won’t give their children room to grow up. They’re still breastfeeding the kid at the age of 7 and policing their phones and internet usage at 16. No.
And then wonder why the kid is now a 35 year old that can't do anything for themselves
Load More Replies... People who post on social media how annoying their kids are. "They've had me since 5am", "They won't be quiet", "They've been naughty today". I could go on... Surely it's not a surprise to you that a child is behaving like a child?! If it's that much of an issue maybe you shouldn't have had a kid as it can't be a surprise to you that they're behaving as all children do! Not to mention how will the children feel if they see these posts in the future!!!
I agree on the part on posting it on social media, but venting to a friend about how annoying kids can be, is something different. Most people will be anoyed by their kids at one point, and suffering in silence is unhealthy. Of course the child shouldn't hear it, that would be unhealthy for the child.
Load More Replies... Stardust she/her . May I ask, how old are you? Where do you live? You don't have to answer, if you don't want to. I'm just curious.
My mother was described in quite a few posts here, in yet still claims she was a good parent. If only people would tell her to her face, cause she refuses to believe me.
It's narcissism. My mother is the same way, the whole "what do you mean? I'm a wonderful parent!", and ended up with adult children who pretty much want nothing to do with her.
Load More Replies... It would appear that my mother and her second husband ticked a whole lotta those boxes up there.......at least 17 out of that list.........
I don't know what I should feel. I relate to maximum points covered here!!!!!!
Another sign of a bad parent: treating your child differently than their siblings. I'm the middle of three girls, and from an early age I could tell my mother hated me, probably because I wasn't the boy she and my dad wanted (which, ofc, isn't MY fault). She would always side with my siblings over me when there was an argument, even when they were in the wrong; would punish me for things THEY did but blamed me for; and the one that's stuck with me the most: SCREAMING at me at the top of her lungs, IN PUBLIC, because I DARED to ask for a cheap book when my sister already had one in the cart. How DARE I want something to read, right? I never asked her for anything after that, ever. Not on vacations, not at stores, never.
Constantly picking on your child. I went through this as a child and it made me extremely self-conscious about my body, appearance, and even the way I act. I've always been on the bigger side, so shaving has always been a bit hard for me, but once my body started growing a significant amount of body hair, especially on my legs, sure enough my mother began making fun of me and picking on me for it. 🙄 Her sister joined in, and it's part of the reason I don't speak with that side of the family much anymore. I even blocked my maternal cousin in Facebook because she kept trying to friend me there after id rejected twice.
Last week in Serbia, a 13 years old kid whose father taugth him how to shoot a pistol at the shooting range, killed eight fellow students in the elementary school. Nice parenting for sure...
Parents that are constantly putting people down (themselves, their partners, their children, others). Even if it's not directed at the child, it still affects the child. Don't let your self esteem issues ruin your child's confidence.
