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Marriage, like most relationships, is all about communication, building trust, being vulnerable, and fighting off hordes of orcs back-to-back on a mountaintop. Or is that just us? But like childcare, politics, and the weather, everybody seems to have an opinion about marriage. What works. What doesn’t. What you should strive to do.

Unfortunately, a lot of that advice is absolutely bogus, as sociologist Samuel Perry from the University of Oklahoma drew attention to on Twitter. The scholar asked social media users to share the very worst marriage advice they’ve ever gotten and kicked things off with an example of his own about how couples should supposedly not go to bed angry.

Check out some of the best tweets below, upvote the ‘advice’ that you think is absolutely ridiculous, and share your own pearls of wisdom about marriage in the comment section below. And remember—happy panda, happy life!

Image credits: socofthesacred

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These terrible advices make people stay in abusive relationships and that's sad

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good sleep is really important!being tired means possible fighting so as long as it works for you don't hear anyone

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Fus
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife and I have separate bedrooms. On different floors. Neither one of us need someone breathing, snoring, farting or any other night-time distraction in bed next to us. When we want happy naked time, we have happy naked time, cuddle a bit and then go to our separate quarters.

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Monic Krugell
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it wasn't for sneaking out of the bed to sleep in the guest room when my husband snores super loud we would have probably not made it this far. Especially considering how irrationally annoyed I get when I don't get a good nights rest.

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HooowlAtTheMoon
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandparents also sleep separately. They sleep across the house from each other. I believe it's because the cats like to sleep with my grandma, but my grandpa does not want cat hair all over him. It seems to work for them.

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Xaqualyn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My hubby and I have slept in separate beds for 10 years and are so much more well rested and happy since. I'm a light sleeper and he's a snorer.. I had the worst sleep of my life those first 5 years. Once we started sleeping in different rooms it was immediate how much better we felt from more restorative sleep.

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Lunaofthenest
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents slept apart for 4 years until my dad got a handle on his sleep apnea & they were married 38 years until my mother passed from breast cancer in 2018. Sleep is vital to mental & physical health.

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BluEyedSeoulite
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just read an opinion piece with a very similar reason. It totally makes sense.

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Sara Diogo
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same. I need silence to fall asleep, I can´t have anyone next to me.

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CatWoman312
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sleep in a separate room from my husband because he snores and I’m a light sleeper. It works for us too

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Louloubelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been married for 22 years. I sleep on the couch most nights, because I have terrible insomnia, and the only way I can fall asleep is to the TV. My husband cannot sleep with any light or sound. We are quite happy as well.

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Blue of the yams
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"The secret to a happy marriage is separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms." -RuPaul

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Rens
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My boyfriend and I don't live together but we do live in the same building. Living this way it's best for us since we both have disabilities; I'm a very restless sleeper and often have insomnia. We both snore and both suffer from nerve pain, spasms and twitches. We have plenty of cuddle time and spend our days together blissfully hanging out. We are both anti-social introverts and are perfectly suited to each other!

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Helenium
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Married for six years so far. Never slept in same bed. He snores and I’m an insomniac. We cuddle in his bed watch tv but sleep apart.

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A Head
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After 23 years of marriage, my wife and I frequently sleep in separate rooms. She's got occasional insomnia, and I sometimes have problems with my shoulder, and it really helps if I can sleep with my arm stretched out straight. It's not like we're having romantic discussions, or holding each other tight all night long. We're sleeping.

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Amanita muscaria
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haha, if anyone shares a bed with me,be will both most likely end up on the floor without a blanket. I am literally incapable of sleeping without moving!

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Joe Mama
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

LOL my parents did the same thing - perfect couple, both just needed their sleep!!!

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Memere
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents did too - Mom worked days & Dad worked evenings or nights. They were very happy together for 48 years!

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Dahungryfella
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get it and it is great you guys are able to make it work. It shows a really strong relationship. I heard plenty of stories of people breaking up after starting to sleep in seperate beds because they lose intimacy. I guess you just need to make sure your time in bed is not the only source of intimacy throughout the day. good communication seems essential. I also think toxic masculinity can be a real hurdle for this type of solution as it can be hard for some (if not most) men to speak about their emotional needs like intimacy. I say this because i can sometimes struggle with it too and i also see it in my dad and brother. Two of the best men i know.

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Leesa DeAndrea
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My spouse & I have been doing the same since the 1970s. I snore & he's a light sleeper.

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Maripat Webber
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Joanne Woodward was once asked the secret to her long marriage to Paul Newman. “Separate bedrooms,” she replied.

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Holly Allen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We sleep in opposite directions so that his snoring isn't right next to my head...we appreciate each other more when we aren't sleep deprived 😂

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Gemma Strickland
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've known a lot of couples have separate bedrooms...they said it's the best thing they have ever done!

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Christine M Quigley
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Separate bedrooms are sometimes absolutely necessary! Health and sleep issues, snoring, restless legs- many reasons. Don't judge! If you both get more rest sleeping apart, then it's what works for you.

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Frankenfrog
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of studies have shown that relationships where people sleep in either separate beds or rooms are more happy and have longer relationships than the ones who sleep in the same bed and room

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I want cake
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just read an article this morning explaining how couples that sleep well are overall much happier than couples that don't. If you sleep well you're more likely to be patient and understanding, you have more mental energy to listen to each other and you're less likely to jump to conclusions and take things personally.

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Cheri Aline Sydney
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My hubby likes the heat way up, lights on , tv & pc going, 2 giant screen playing, faxes from around the world, at all hours, noise from so many sources, and cats lounging about.... I like the lights turned low , cool temp, quiet reading, and my dog snoring softly near by... Separate rooms, with individual colors, decor, art and individuality works well... We know right where to find each other for together time... 49 years later, I still give this approach, to sharing lives together,a five star rating.... Allowing each other space and individuality goes a long way in cultivatung happy, healthy relationships! I wish this contentment and happiness for everyone!

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Jeff K
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apparently, 30-40% of couples sleep apart. It seems this is common, normal way to have a functioning relationship, and shouldn't have a stigma associated with it. See https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/more-couples-opting-to-sleep-in-separate-beds-study-suggests-1.1316019

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OhForSmegSake
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suffer horrendous migraines so having a separate room sometimes is a must. I have loved all my partners but if they are going to be snoring, turning on lights, or moving about in bed they WILL get thrown up on.

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Memere
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I move around a lot in my sleep, talk in my sleep, and also like to read in bed before I go to sleep. I also have intermittent insomnia. Husband goes to bed no later than 10 p.m., in a completely darkened room. We've had separate bedrooms for almost all of our 25 years together & we're very happy. And I honestly don't give a damn what anyone else thinks - it's OUR life & it's no one's business but ours!

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Sami
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even thought the relationship didn't work in the end, my ex and I enjoyed having our own bedrooms. Trust me, that was not the problem in our relationship.

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abby smink
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As much as my ex snored, separate sleeping arrangements was the only thing keeping me from losing my GD mind.

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JensenDK
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't wait until the kids move out, and we finally can get separate bedrooms. We spoil each others sleep most nights - sometimes I sleep on the couch for a couple of nights so we can get some sleep.

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AJ
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have divorced already if I shared bedroom with my partner!

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KellyO
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

don't suppose the old dog was saying that with tongue-in-cheek, do ya? while you're considering that, why don't you stop trying to fit all men into one mold?

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Yugan Talovich
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My cousin's husband snores so loud he sounds like a train. They sleep at opposite ends of the house. She loves him, but she needs a good night's sleep.

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zovjraar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my husband and i haven't gone to sleep in the same bed for... 10+ years?

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Donkey boi
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A surprising number of the older generation sleep in separate beds/rooms and a large portion put it down as the secret to a happy marriage.

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The Hyphenator
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2 years ago

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Dillon Hughes
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My percentage love in different houses and get along better than most marriages I know of! Ha maybe getting away is the cure, haha jkjk what ever works for them is cool

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I previously had a chat about keeping the bonds of marriage strong with Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and her husband James Pawelski, the authors of 'Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts.' 

"While it’s critical we all social distance, we must make sure not to emotionally distance with our friends and family. Positive psychology research indicates that one of the most important factors in human flourishing is building close relationships with others,” Suzie and James told Bored Panda.

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a kid with divorced parents i have to say this is the most horrible advice!! Kids always know and understand EVERYTHING!

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my country there is a saying that says "man is the head and woman is the neck that turns the head wherever she wants" I don't know if it exists in other languages...

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm pretty sure there are schools somewhere teaching that, cause i know too many men that do that!

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“A wedding is a magical day no doubt, and of course something to celebrate, but what about planning for all the days to come in our marriage which is intended to last a lifetime? Many newlyweds seem to think that ‘happily ever after’ just happens. However, research shows it’s healthy habits that build long-term love," the couple explained that we have to work at relationships; they’re not something that automatically turns out great.

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! And there is no "helping" the wife with the housework! You don't "help", you share chores that you are both supposed to do!

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"It’s interesting that it’s the only domain in our lives where we think that success will just happen without much effort of our own. For example, when it comes to our physical health, it would be foolish to think that merely buying a gym membership and working out once would strengthen our muscles and build flexibility (if only that were the case!).”

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Don't Look
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so tired of the holy matrimony and sacred crap with marriage. Marriage is a legal issue. You want to involve the church? Good on you! My experience has been that the church has no place in marriage.

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The couple said: “We all know that in order to increase our strength and tone our bodies we have to work at it regularly. So, too, when it comes to our relational health. However, popular culture seems to romanticize marriage making people think that once you get married you can merely ride off into the sunset together. That’s obviously not the case. It takes work.”

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In some cases i think it's true not always of course! Edit: I'm referring to misogynist cultures that don't respect human rights of course! i just didn't want to be more specific cause i didn't want anyone to be offended! But these cultures in a marriage are always a deal breaker!

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The correct is you shouldn't need anyone period. Once you are good with yourself then you can have a healthier relationship with someone else!

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The couple sees marriage as an adventure. A challenging one but an adventure nonetheless. "Being open, curious, and having a growth mindset about ourselves, and our partners will help us be able to better navigate together in marriage. Marriage isn’t an end state but rather a beginning. It’s a process and a life-long journey. The more we seek to understand ourselves and our partners, the better equipped we will be to travel together on this beautiful, yet often challenging adventure."

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There are various exercises that help strengthen relationships. Suzie and James shared a few of them with Bored Panda.

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"They can focus on what they put into the relationship rather than what they get out of it. Truly happy couples realize that happily ever after doesn’t just happen but that it takes effort. These couples focus on action steps they can take to improve their relational happiness rather than relying on their partner to fulfill them,” was their first tip.

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I try not to go to bed angry... i usually say at least goodnight even if i mean f**k you!😅😅😅😅

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“They can share good secrets with each other. They can practice sharing important things about themselves that they have never previously revealed to each other. It might be a childhood memory, a life-changing experience, or a vivid dream. Perhaps it’s a hope for the future or a fantasy. It can be lighthearted or serious. The important thing is that they authentically share with one another something meaningful. It’s imperative that couples are curious, open, and welcoming of the secrets and nonjudgmental. By doing so, couples will feel safe and will strengthen their connection,” relationship experts Suzie and James shared.

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why isn't an option? Are we royals or something?and nowadays even royals get divorce!

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QueenMiri
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again. Bullshit. Cut out the toxic. Blood relation means nothing.

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“They can 'prioritize positivity' rather than just wait around for happiness to happen. In other words, they can schedule activities into their day that evoke joy and fulfillment. In the beginning of a relationship, we naturally experience a high level of positive emotions. As a relationship develops, we can’t expect to naturally experience the same frequency of 'high-arousal' positive emotions like amusement and joy. Rather we must notice what tends to lead to these feelings and then schedule those activities into our daily lives. Think back to the beginning of the relationship and those things that you enjoyed doing together as a couple and make it a priority to schedule them into your day. Also, try out something new that interests both of you. Research shows that seeking out and engaging in fun, exhilarating, and novel activities can increase mutual attraction and promote a healthy passion in intimate relationships.”

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What’s more, couples can create a ‘Positive relationship portfolio. “It entails gathering some of the key mementos, pictures, cards, letters, etc. that remind you specifically of your significant other and how special he/she is, and how important your relationship is. Once you put together the positive relationship portfolio you then spend 15 minutes each day for a week savoring and basking in the positive emotions that these items evoke in you. This exercise helps us rekindle those positive emotions that we had during the honeymoon phase, remembering all the great things about our partner and how important he/she is.”

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WilvanderHeijden
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one is perfect. The secret is to love someone with their imperfections instead of despite their imperfections.

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my country we say the opposite! First year you are deep into honey and then you are deep into s**t😒😒😒 not very optimistic i know!

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Kevin Donegan
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I grew up in Montana. I stayed with my best college friend on their 50,000 acre cattle ranch regularly. Every night my friend's mother would come downstairs just to say goodnight. She looked like she was attending an Oscar awards performance (the hair and makeup). I asked my friend, "Why does your mom put on makeup and do her hair before going to bed?" My friend said, "My mom just wants to look nice for my dad." They were married for 70 years and sold the ranch ranch for $24,000,000. They're happy.

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The couple also shared that it’s a must to continue seeing old and new strengths in our partners as time goes by. “It seems that in the beginning of the relationship we notice one another’s strengths and see our partner’s differences as intriguing as evidenced perhaps by marathon conversations that last long into the evening. However, after some time we often fall into a rut, stop asking questions, and think we know all there is about our partner. What perhaps we once saw as intriguing differences we now see as annoying deficits! That’s dangerous to a relationship. It’s important to continue asking questions and seeing strengths in our partner to help build a stronger bond."