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192 Things People Don’t Realise You’re Doing Because Of Your Depression
Depression affects millions of us, and while we are slowly opening up about mental health issues and beginning to banish the stigma that surrounds them, it is critically important to keep open the conversation to foster understanding and empathy for those who may be dealing with depression.
Sarah Schuster is the mental illness and health editor at The Mighty, and she decided to find out the signs of depression that other people can't see.
“While most people imagine depression symptoms equals 'really sad,' unless you’ve experienced depression yourself, you might not know it goes so much deeper than that,” she writes. “Living with depression varies a lot, with some signs more obvious than others. While some people have a hard time getting out of bed, others might get to work just fine — it’s different for everyone.”
Asking community members on The Mighty Facebook page the question: “What's something people don't realize you're doing because you live with depression?” The response was eye-opening. Below is a list of some of the things that people had to say. Scroll down to check it out.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Struggle to get out of bed, sometimes for hours. Then just the thought of taking a shower is exhausting. If I manage to do that, I am ready for a nap. People don't understand, but anxiety amd depression is exhausting, much like an actual physical fight with a professional boxer.
Victor Calamity 7 years ago
Anxiety is both draining and exhausting. And yes, it can outflank you like a professional fighter.
Mbush B 7 years ago
Anxiety always has a cause...seek it out and confront it.
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LittleGrayMouse 7 years ago
I wish more people knew this and accepted this in stead of calling you lazy...
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Try waking up more tired than when you went to sleep. Yes, just the thought of getting out of bed to take a shower is sometimes overwhelming, and a crowning achievement is getting some breakfast made and then the work of eating it...depression
Martin_D35 7 years ago
Exactly. I'd wake up then shower then have to go back to bed because of exhaustion. Sometimes I'd try to sleep my hunger away. Sadly, it actually works.
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Kathleen Moore 7 years ago
I am not surprised to hear this is #1. I go to bed at 10 every night, and sleep til at least 9 or 10, then lie in bed not able to get up, sometimes til noon. Then I sit on the sofa all day piddling with Pinterest. I am keenly aware that I am wasting my life away and then I feel worse.
Gillian Black 7 years ago
that is fine we al are here for you, I have to make the effort as do all of us, and just sometimes it is great. sometimes c**p but I will get there
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Augusto Juarez 7 years ago
I was a professional boxer, and I’d pick that fight over this one any day.
Allana Rose 7 years ago
I had a winter where I was so depressed I stayed in bed for 3 months, only getting up when nature demanded it and then to grab somethings to eat. I lost 30 pds during that time because I wasn't eating enough but then my appetite was almost non existence. I couldn't be bothered cooking so I lived on crackers and canned soup. No one knew I was in this funk even though I totally withdrew from everyone. Could explain why I was so depressed, knowing no one cared about me.
Mbush B 7 years ago
I have the same problem...I can't get enough sleep and then suddenly I sleep too much
Load More Replies... Gillian Black 7 years ago
i have made the point of getting up at 8am, and getting dressed, yes do that then the day becomes to big for me again, if I didnt have my dogs to care for I would not do much but they have to be cared for and I find this helps just me and my dogs
Mbush B 7 years ago
Sometimes it helps me to remember all the people who are in worse shape than me and would give anything to have my mobility
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RELATED:
#2
Going to bed at 9 pm and sleeping throughout the night until 10 or 11 am. Then getting out of bed is the hard part. Showering is also a struggle. Trying to keep the house tidy. Watching hours upon hours of Netflix but not even interested in what I'm watching because nothing really interests me anymore.
Lodogg 3323 7 years ago
Already killed Netflix and Prime, working my way through Hulu currently... I’ve seen every season of everything. Some twice.
Jack Urquhart 7 years ago
you've kind of missed the point of the ways of depressed people...
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Laurinda Mary 7 years ago
Just working and acting normal puts me at capacity. Cooking - even Just pouring a bowl of cereal - rarely happens. And my house is never clean. I Just don't let anyone in.
Karen Cavins 7 years ago
The sleeping to escape everything, but when I open my eyes severe anxiety hits me. Then getting in the shower is so draining. If I stay home I am in my pajamas all day
Moezarella 7 years ago
the reason why sometimes I go to bed early, rose up at noon and then napped for a few more hours in the evening. even with all those, still feels so damn tired
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#3
I don't like talking on the phone. I prefer to text. Less pressure there. Also being anti-social. Not because I don't like being around people, but because I'm pretty sure everyone can't stand me.
Magpie 7 years ago
It is just classic symptoms of depression and/ or anxiety. Hang in there hun. Please talk to your doctor. If the first meds don't work talk to dr. again. Get meds / dose changed. Hang in there, you can and will feel better. Just need the right help.
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ambernina 7 years ago
Same. And when people tell me the opposite, that they like to be around me, I chalk it up to them not wanting to make me feel bad.
Gibberint Dark 7 years ago
I usually wonder what they are after from me....!
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Chloe Valdez 4 years ago
Same. I feel like No one likes me anymore and I'm just being beat-up in a sharp corner. everytime I speak it's a "oh okay". I feel like I just don't matter anymore.
Harleigh Wagar 5 years ago
my parents asked me why i don't want them to get a house phone for us all to use, my reasons were 1. house phones are not exactly "cool" and if my friends came over they would make fun of me. 2. my friends only like to text. the real reason is i can't even talk to my bff face to face, or present in online class without crying because of embarrassment. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO TALK ON THE PHONE???
Hannah Blackhall 5 years ago
I just hate that on the phone, you have ti respond right away, and there's always a chance that it wasn't funny enough, or smart enough, or that it didn't move the conversation forward, and then there's that silence... it doesn't happen over text
Pascalle vd Watering (Omnipasje) 7 years ago
yeah, having decided beforehand in every scenario possible how they will respond and it's never good.
Todd Lancaster 7 years ago
I am very sorry you feel that way. I can tell you that you are a very expressive writer.
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#4
I can deal with depression, I can't deal with people who say "we all get sad at times, get over it" "I'm depressed too, I get on with my life" depression isn't the same for everyone. I'm glad some people can cope easier but I can't.
Victor Calamity 7 years ago
Nothing irritates me more than the "get over it" crowd. Like there's some magic wand, or you can just choose to "get over it". Ugh.
Michele Lein 3 years ago (edited)
No, I've had none of that. But that isn't what causes my depression/unhappiness. It's all of those people who refuse to understand, who say 'Stop being a baby, stop the self pity". I don't pity myself at all, not one bit. I consider myself lucky that in the end I have what I do have. I never thought I would have a child, never thought I would live on my own, never thought I would be reasonably content with my life. I just get so tired. People stress me out so much. Working stresses me out, people who say I need to change my life and 'get with the program' stress me out. Why are people so critical of the those of us who have personality and mental disorders? It's like perfectly reasonable, intelligent, empathetic adults turn into "Trumpists" at the drop of your mood, and start bashing those of us who have those kinds of disabilities, not to mention that they don't believe you have a disability, we're all just faking it so that, as my daughter says, 'you don't have to do life because you feel sad and pity yourself', which I don't think most of us do. My perfect day is just staying home, alone, doing household chores, maybe walking to the store across the street, then, in the evening cuddling into bed with my M.C. cat and watch a few movies. I'm not lonely, not really actively unhappy, don't really miss a relationship because men don't understand me, so I'm better off on my own.
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Pavel Nekoranec 7 years ago
I have the same with many friends, whenever I experiencing panick attack, they are like "meh" or "such a drama queen". But recently two of my friends experience panick attacks on themselves and got so shocked and apologize to me .... No matter how much I tried to explain to people how terrible it is, they just did not listen :(
Jane Theis 7 years ago
The one that gets me is "well, everybody suffers" - how is that supposed to be helpful?
Michele Lein 3 years ago
That's what my daughter says to me! She's young, just 21, and she suffers through work and money problems just like I did when I started working, and while I was struggling to raise her as a single mom, and I feel I've suffered enough, and deserve to relax a little now that I'm in my late 50s. But no. She is trying to force me to get a job while I'm waiting for disability and/or social security to kick in. She says I should "contribute to the family". I wouldn't have dared tell my mother that after she spent her life raising me. She wasn't perfect and we had issues, but she did raise me as best she could. I think moms deserve some respect and a break after doing that.
Load More Replies... Michele Lein 3 years ago (edited)
But it's super mentally and emotionally crippling. Speaking as someone who's had a lot of loss and heartbreak their whole life, I can tell you, it can be worse than depression, because there is no remedy for heartbreak. Depression can be treated if the person is willing, but emotional and mental pain cannot. It's very hard to live with if bad enough. There was actually a name for it in the early to mid 1900s. The psych' crowd labeled it as a disorder called Melacholia, and treated it in a similar manner to depression, shock treatments and all, unfortunately.
Load More Replies... Laurinda Mary 7 years ago
Yup. "I dont know why you need meds." you should just "be strong" and "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" - as if that wasnt what í was doing.
Agnes Jekyll 7 years ago
These are people who have never suffered depression, are afraid of emotion, are terrified of their own feelings, or cannot empathize. I hope with articles like this one, people are learning they just can't say these things.
Load More Replies... Lola DM 7 years ago
I couldn't agree more. I can't deal with people who think that depression is all about happiness. You can have a life, money, friends, a healthy relationship but depression can still come by and hit you like a truck.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
And depression does not mean I am not grateful for the kindness that surrounds me.
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Mama Panda 7 years ago
Unfortunately there are people in this world who think they are far more superior than others. But they just haven't experienced what we have and they have no friggin' clue!!! Sometimes I want to knock the ever-loving s**t out of them when they tell me c**p like: mind over matter, you shouldn't mind because it doesn't matter, or you could fight it if you wanted to. How about "You are just an attention whore and a drama queen" there is nothing wrong with you." Needless to say, I have gotten rid of those toxic folks in my life. It's hard enough to be depressed, we don't need that along with stupid people on top of it!
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. I was too scared to tell about being called an "attention whore" and a "drama queen". Thank you for sharing, Mama Panda. It is so painful.
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Pragmadynamic 7 years ago
this is the difference between people with circumstantial sadness and stress, and those with clinically diagnosable depression(Major Depressive Disorder)
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
BIG difference. I grieved the loss of both of my parents and now visit them fondly when asleep and dreaming. But the depression itself was there before the grief and stayed on like cement blocks tied to my ankles and chest.
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Renee Kline 7 years ago
well meaning friends or others say move on get over it just get a hobby....they really don't understand depression. depression makes you feel like you dont care about nothing . you dont care about showers (have to force yourself and that ain't right) housework who cares going out answering the phone seeing friends who cares you just kind of stop living and buried in the pain. you don't even feel like stepping out of the house. it is literal nightmare .
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
The bookshelf beside my bed filled with my most cherished books, I just stare at hopelessly and helplessly. Walking out to the mailbox to get more bills is, yes, a nightmare.
Load More Replies... #5
Agreeing to social plans but canceling last minute. Using an excuse but really you just chickened out. It makes you think that your friends don't actually want to see you, they just feel bad. Obligation.
Rcatheron 7 years ago
Me too. Every time. My poor husband goes alone or not at all.
Load More Replies... Jane Theis 7 years ago
it's not that I don't think my friends want to see me - I'm confident that they do - I just don't feel like getting dressed and the idea of going out of the house is exhausting
Lisa Marie Havener 7 years ago
I understand that all too well. However, let your friends know that it is not them, that you are having issues. Real friends understand.
Raelyn Cook 5 years ago
I don't struggle with the thought of them not wanting to see me, because, they gave up on inviting me out a long time ago after so many, "yeah, maybe, I'll see how I'm feeling", which they already knew meant I wouldn't be coming. Like you stated before, I literally have no interest in doing anything, even the things I wouldn't dream of missing.
Monty Is Fiennes 7 years ago
yeah...me to a point....But I think in the long run, it's your friends that think you don't care for them....then after a while, you don't have any....
Dani Donovan 7 years ago
Yes, I’ve had friends get their feelings hurt because they feel rejected but I try to explain it’s my depression
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Yna Milyana 7 years ago
This is something I always do. Same thing with socializing. Sometimes I feel like they talk to me merely bcos of feeling obliged
#6
Sometimes I'll forget to eat all day. I can feel my stomach growling but don't have the willpower to get up and make something to eat
Gabriella Poota 5 years ago
wait I have the exact same thing i will hear my stomach randomly during the day but i don't have the effort to go eat and i'm insecure with my weight anyway so i just don't eat
Pamula Furness 7 years ago
Goes either way with me. Sometimes I starve, sometimes I binge. It all depends on how much energy I can muster
Lori Gonzalez 3 years ago
Na there’s depression and then there’s depression with anxiety depression with anxiety you can’t eat the last thing you can think of to do is nurture yourself you’re in survival mode your body feels like it’s constantly panicking or like you’re grieving I eat just to stay alive I don’t enjoy my food some people when they get stressed out they try to comfort themselves and nurture and other people go the opposite they try to keep themselves mentally busy to always keep going The adrenaline from being depressed and the anxiety almost puts their body in like a speed form metabolism they just don’t get hungry
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Joe Reaves 7 years ago
I lose my appetite/will to eat, but I get nauseous if I leave it too long so sometimes I need to set a reminder to get me to go and find something before it's too late.
Lori Gonzalez 3 years ago
Foods not enjoyable when you’re constantly in a state of grief or anxiety or confusion or miss placement or just discomfort .
Load More Replies... Jack Urquhart 7 years ago
Me too, but then I just go to McDonald's and eat 3 meals worth at once.
#7
Hiding in my phone. Yes, I am addicted to it, but not like other people. I don't socialize, I play games or browse online stores to distract myself from my negative thoughts. It's my safe bubble.
I am Corpse 4 years ago
I prefer memes, honestly. They're like my safe space, which I can't get in real life.
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Brian Beims 7 years ago
Video gaming on my iPad, spending more than others think appropriate, but it is how I escape my own poisoned mind.
gabriela villarreal 5 years ago
Yep and the bad thing is that if I even have the slightest bit of mania I will end up blowing a lot of my paycheck on online shopping or gaming
Joe Reaves 7 years ago
Pinterest is good for that too. I read a lot (books and ebooks for the same reason but sometimes that requires too much thinking).
Yna Milyana 7 years ago
And reading memes. That can keep my head occupied from being hyperactive. My mind is an endless traffic. Sometimes distractions needed to give it a break
Raelyn Cook 5 years ago
My mood is very accurately depicted in the attached photo, LoL! That is 100% me! I have a horrible habit of justifying "retail therapy", because I looked at it as, "well hey, I'm not doing hard drugs, I'm not self-harming, and for that brief period of time I spend shopping, I am happy! shopping-v...cb5715.jpg 
Zai 4 years ago (edited)
ye I hate being not socialized. cuz I feel like I'm out of words and I don't know what to say and then I lose friends only becuz i just don't know what to say but I really wanna talk with them just out of words then I stop respond to their messages I hurt them and I hurt my self they have all the rights not to talk to me and unfriend me I'm the issue here I have no feelings anymore only feel sad or normal and fake smile to pretend that I'm alright. I write essays lol ):
#8
In social situations, some people don't realize I withdraw or don't speak much because of depression. Instead, they think I'm being rude or purposefully antisocial.
Hari Onago 7 years ago
I can understand this but in relation to my, sometimes, overwhelming anxiety.
christina murray 7 years ago
same. i shrink entirely, and god the resting b***h face too. i see myself in photos of an audience and cringe. i take books on my phone now so i look busy at least
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Rafaella Bueno 7 years ago
I have social anxiety, and this happens to me too. People think I don't like them or am being stuck up when it's the exact opposite: I hate myself and care too much about not being a bother.
sabs elarjoun 6 years ago
or I get scared they think i'm seeking attention when really it's quite on the contrary and i would rather be anywhere else instead of that social situation...
Linda Christian 7 years ago
I've become deaf and avoid conversations creates isolation. Pets help I can talk to them and me.
Analyn Lahr 7 years ago
Oh yeah, I've heard that. Mostly my anxiety makes my withdraw, but depression is as factor too.
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Sarah Lund 4 years ago
Yes I know. You're allowed to not be social at times. I don't understand why anyone should have to be sociable 24/7, wearing such a fake smile on their face, which would be so annoying anyway. I do this often. And then I wonder why I'm doing it. I don't feel as happy as I look. I might look like I'm smiling, but I'm really just gritting my teeth with my mouth closed, because being forced into being talkative is a load of bs. And we're ONLY human. If you want someone to be that talkative, social, and constantly alert, get an AI robot who will talk for that long, because it's the only thing that's got any energy spared long enough to do exactly that. Humans can only cope with so much.
#9
Say that I'm tired or don't feel good all of the time. They don't realize how much depression can affect you physically as well as emotionally. I have a hard time finding energy when I'm in a depressive cycle. That means I don't stay on top of stuff & let things slide (like house work) because I use all of my energy for what absolutely has to be done. Then I have none left for anything else. When I'm depressed, we eat out more, my house chores fall behind, & I binge watch TV or read to escape. But the energy, that's just gone.
Brian Beims 7 years ago
And the pain in every joint and muscle because I work over hard compared to others, doesn’t help, either
Beatrice Multhaupt 7 years ago
Contributing to muscle pain may be an immune response trying to fight an infection. I'm sure you do work hard but if the effort isn't making you stronger over time, something else is going on. Your doctor has probably told you that there's ''nothing wrong'' and prescribed anti-depressants; that's what happened to me...I took them, fell asleep on the floor and woke up 15 hours later. That's when I knew it wasn't a depression.
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mirany infante 5 years ago
funny thing is im only 11 and i clean the whole house with no help mom yells i just smile ;)
Christal Linstrom 7 years ago
Im always just saying "Im tired" even though they think oh she didnt sleep well. Im really just tired of life.
Ola White 7 years ago
People who don't struggle really don't understand that.. They just label mentally ill people as lazy or say they aren't trying "hard enough".. Simply because they are able to function in today's time (which is debatable.. We all struggle with something) doesn't mean that everyone has to be able to do the same.. If you haven't been in the dark places that depression and anxiety bring you to, consider yourself lucky and blessed, instead of judging those who have to wander through those places day
Joe Reaves 7 years ago
My father keeps complaining that I'm always ill and I should see a doctor - I am on medication for the depression already I don't need to see the doctor every time I feel less than well, especially when the doctor and I both know it's the depression. Also ditto for my migraines. He says he never has any so it's not normal to have multiple attacks a month. I have *way* less than some sufferers and it is perfectly normal for someone who *has migraines*. Again, doctor knows and I have drugs, unless something changes about them it's a waste of everyone's time to go see him just because my father doesn't think it's normal. Ugh, sorry that turned into a rant. But there is nothing more annoying than when you're feeling generally crappy from depression being told that you need to go see a doctor when you're already getting treatment. Well, maybe being told the same thing when you feel like someone's pushing an ice pick through your eye is more annoying...
#10
I used to live with depression. People didn't seem to notice it because I was always smiling while talking to them and making jokes which made my personality look bright and joyful, while I was actually dark inside, full of sadness and lost hope.
Jared Haynes 7 years ago
That is so me as well, I hide my depression so much and as best I can
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trina athay 7 years ago
I am like that too, and unfortunately I am even like that at the doctor's office while trying to explain just what a black hole my life is. That leads the dr to not take me seriously, even though most days I am struggling to make it through. :(
Kathleen Moore 7 years ago
Yep, I lived like that off and on (more on than off actually) for most of my adult life. I turned myself on when I had to interract with people, and off instantly after. It was exhausting. Sometimes after being “on” all day at work, I would come home and literally collapse.
Elsie Eddington 5 years ago
I feel people make in front of me. I then get scared .not all people . I get nervous around them. Some dont say nice things in front of me . I just want to b out about about not around that.
#11
Purposely working on the holidays so I can avoid spending time with family. it's overwhelming to be around them and to talk about the future and life so I avoid it.
Victor Calamity 7 years ago
Family I'm OK with, but literally any other gathering of people is exhausting to be around
Sarah Lund 4 years ago
I don't mind if it's a gathering of people in my more personal life away from my flat. Like.me meeting up with my fiancé's family or with some of my relatives. Too many social gatherings cam become mentally exhausting very quickly.
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Lori Gonzalez 3 years ago
Yes . Not wanting to be reminded of all the ways you don’t feel like you can measure show and be anything good for anyone
Sarah 3 years ago
Er, actually I make excuses to go places with my family or my very close friends who I have known for years, just to avoid being physically around the community in my supported-living complex. We all have our own apartment, but there is also a communal room. I am quite a private person, and I'm no fan of the communal room. In fact, if I knew that there was going to be a communal room added onto the building, after I moved in, then I would have turned the building down, and would look for a supported-living apartment elsewhere.
Tamara Contarino-Clark 7 years ago
I refused to go anywhere for Christmas and spent it by myself
#12
People think I'm lazy and a freerider because I haven't had a job since leaving uni. They don't realise that I want to work more than anything, but have an endless stream of negativity constantly running through my head that terrifies me out of even printing out an application form.
Celeste Munoz 7 years ago
That is exactly what I hear from my daughter, she suffers from depression too.
WaLe 7 years ago
The best thing she could have right now are supporting and understanding parents! <3
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Analyn Lahr 7 years ago
Same here. That's exactly how I feel about it. I see the Now Hiring signs around town and feel like "why bother? They won't even call me for an interview anyway."
Mike Fortunato 7 years ago
You can't think "why bother". You must think "it couldn't hurt".
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Zoe Gascoigne 7 years ago
Yes! I'm 26 and haven't had a job yet. I tell people it's because I can't find something I could see to do ( I'm Partially Sighted) or because our local buses are every two hours & everything I'd like to do doesn't play nicely with bus times ( I know an employer might be understanding of that). But in reality there isn't anything I want to do (I know I'd struggle to do something I don't want to) & the thought of actually applying for anything, let alone interviews, scares the cr*p out of me.
Elsie Eddington 5 years ago
I'm not lazy I just can't do things I did before not driving no more.walk to town 2 times a day my left side weaker then right side. Both legs feel week left side weaker. I have drop foot left side I dont eat nothing green no more
Shawna Wray 7 years ago
I work every day dealing with depression and anxiety. People don't get how hard it is to deal with these illnesses.
Evertzen Danny 7 years ago
tried to work since school for about 20 years, best I did was 2 years...
Brian Beims 7 years ago
Lol, like I could ever excel at it... no matter how many times I have proven I have the brains AND brawn to excel.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Depression takes over to the point that one can no longer work at a job one used to love. After years of misery, one is extraordinarily fortunate if one can get disability.
Saurabh Saluja 7 years ago
This situation occurs almost 4 times every year to me constantly from last 4 years. I quit every job due to some circumstances every 2nd month of job
#13
Isolating myself, not living up to my potential at work due to lack of interest in anything, making self-deprecating jokes. I've said many times before, "I laugh, so that I don't cry." Unfortunately, it's all too true
Pavel Nekoranec 7 years ago
My coping mechanism is sarcasm which sometimes sends strange signals to people around me, they don't believe that I'm death inside, they just think I'm cynical.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Used to do sarcasm, but am too grateful for the many people who help me now to resort to that.
Load More Replies... Celeste Munoz 7 years ago
I'm big on isolating and not taking care of myself or my house. Showering once a week is hard to manage.
Cathy O'Sullivan 3 years ago
People don't realize a mean hateful comment can make me feel like hanging myself But a kind word or gesture can mean everything to p suffering from severe depression,adhd,ptsd,mdd,n no doctor
Sarah Lund 4 years ago
If you're feeling depressed, then living up to your full potential may take time. What worries me, is who you're trying to impress. Sounds like they're too impatient and they're demanding the impossible. You don't need people putting more pressure on you when you're depressed. That's only going to make it worse. More pressure only ever creates more stress.
Auggie Dam 5 years ago
My coping mechanisum is faking it intill you make it then st night when everyone is asleep to cry for hours.
#14
Depression to me was like having an evil person as my puppet master telling me that I will feel no joy, have no desire, have no energy, no appetite, no light. Like something steals your soul. Until you have experienced it, you will not understand it. I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
"Something steals your soul"...just a hollow emptiness in a great dark hole.
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
"Like something steals your soul" and then turns it against you, making your own brain wage war on you. I truly agree with you, "I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy".
Jessica Gonzalez 5 years ago
i feel like that exact feeling is making me rotten inside literally
Rachel Pace 5 years ago
i could live in the dark 24/7 i do make it to work barely on time cause it takes everything i got to get in the shower so i wait until the last min then im stressed caused i didnt get anything done around the house or even make it to the gocery store.. i still have 2 out of my 5 children that still live w me there 14 and 15 and i feel so bad i hate this ..i think they think im just lazy but thats not it i wish i knew what was wrong with me
#15
Being angry, mean or rude to people I love without realizing it in the moment. I realize my actions and words later and feel awful that I had taken out my anger on people who don't deserve it
Sarah Przywara 5 years ago
This is probably the worst one for me. I just get hit by sudden uncontrollable anger, and I know I shouldn't be angry, I know that it's all an overreaction, but I can't stop myself. All I can do is watch as I'm a terror to everyone around me. And then there's the aftermath. The awful shame spiral, unable to look anyone in the eyes, wishing I was dead because how could someone as mean or angry as me deserve anything else. I wish the anger was talked about more. There is so much shame there.
Makayla Nash 5 years ago
I did this today and they replied with "That is so rude and disrespectful! Just go be lazy in your room like always" i didn't know what to say, i quickly ate and ran upstairs in a fit of crying, not knowing why i was crying
Deborah Marsh 5 years ago
Yes I've done that. Been rude to friends and people that help me. Feel awful after.
Lori Gonzalez 3 years ago
People and there needs and expectations make me feel like I’m up against another hill I can’t climb . When you’re depressed it’s like you’re broken and you need time to heal if you were in an accident and you broke some bones you would have time off to get your s**t together to heal from the accident regain your place in life again but when you’re depressed you don’t get to do that all the people that depend on you to be the strong mom the happy mom the office manager or the best friend or the cheerleader or whatever it is there comes a point when you can’t hold that up anymore you can’t smile anymore you can’t be strong for anybody anymore you just feel like there’s nothing left of you and that comes with so much guilt because you feel inadequate not because you don’t want to be but because you simply feel broken down and you need time to heal . Which bills kids life The depression gets worse
Zai 4 years ago
i go cry after every time i shout at my little brother. I get made so quickly. its becuz i don't have the power to answer him and kids is like answer right now!!! it seems ridiculous of me but i cry the problem is i repeat all this again and again and again my family got bored of me and my weird actions
#16
For me, specifically the things I wish people would realise are due to my depression are my apparent "laziness", virtually not keeping in touch with anyone, bad personal hygiene, and extremely bad reactions to seemingly trivial things.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
"Apparent 'laziness' ", uggghhhh. "Bad personal hygiene", can't face that shower and then drying off and putting fresh pajamas on to go right back to bed...forget it. It can be too much. And "extremely bad reactions to seemingly trivial things"...how about when things that are NOT trivial happen? Writhing in bed in an agony of worry and panic.
SnoopyCereal 7 years ago
Yes! I get told all the time I have the worst hygiene. Like I want to be clean, but the thought of showering is too much. I think I may have anxiety of some sort... Any advice as far as coping?
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Makayla Nash 5 years ago
This has been me for the last 2 years, and people would always complain saying "Shower" "Go outside and be productive" "Stop being a smart a*s" and it's... like no one understands and today i came downstairs cause they said i had to do the dishes and they called my name when i was already there. i just replied with. "I said i was coming already dang" Cause i was tired per usual and they scoffed and said "Well we were down here actually doing things with our lives"
Brian Beims 7 years ago
The only thing in which I can find pride is that I love long showers and hate feeling dirty.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
You can also be proud that you read here and reached out with a comment that helps others not feel so alone in this thing.
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Red Rising dragon 4 years ago
I can relate, I feel worthless, misunderstood, guilty, angry at myself, depressed, I feel like 'what's the point, if nothing good happens anyway'. Feel like a waste of space, even eating I find hard, I feel so ashamed after eating, because I feel like I'm just a waste of space.
John Brazell 5 years ago
Seems like as time goes by I become more and more detached. In the last couple of months I've even taken to turning my phone off. I don't want to hear from anyone because every time I talk to someone it's like they're calling me to tell me about their problems. I work the overnight shift and for some reason I am so special that on an average day I will get at least 20 to 25 robocalls. Top that off of all the stupidness that's been going on in 2020. For many years now I have not had a social life I just go to work and I go home. It takes way too much effort. Not that I really care I would just rather not deal with it.
Babara Boyd 5 years ago
There is so much joy in my heart as i share this testimony. being married to a husband that have secret feelings for his ex girl friend was not that easy for me. i marriage to my husband took a negative turn when he met with his ex after 4years of our marriage. he starting acting very strange, he spend more time with her each time on the phone with her. he finally moved in with her leaving me and our son. i was deeply hurt and in pain. not knowing what to do so i went searching for help on google. i saw (indianspelltemple@gmail. com) he did a love spell that broke that other woman out of our lives. he came back to me after the love spell was done. i'm glad the spell worked for me. direct email is (indianspelltemple@gmail. com) https: //indianspelltemple. com/ Thanks
#17
Neglecting to do basic things like laundry, not wanting to cook a meal or eat. They think I’m being lazy.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Depression can cause confusion to the point that one cannot follow a recipe, even a recipe that one has made many times in the past. Just give up and go back to bed and the ingredients just sit there and go bad. Then feeling guilty and sad about that.
Brian Beims 7 years ago
Lol, how many groceries have gone into the trash and compost?? Talk about a waste of my minimum paycheck
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Kitty 5 years ago
This is so me. I can go to work, but when I'm home I have no energy to clean, do laundry, cook, anything...my husband says he hates how lazy I am. I am on medication and go to a shrink every month, but still it takes way too much energy to do anything. Going to work is just a habit I can do, but when I'm home on my off days I just want to lay around and watch netflix and read, I wish I wasn't like this....no one who doesn't have depression understands.
Kathleen Moore 7 years ago
I really connected with the comment about not being able to follow a recipe! With no interruptions or distractions I made a Christmas sugar cookie recipe that I have been making from memory for literally 46 years......and forgot to put in the SUGAR! I went all the way to baking and frosting these “cookies” trying to figure out why they tasted so weird. In a way its worse to go thru the motions and finish a recipe without knowing you’ve screwed it up than to give up in the middle!! My feelings of inadequacy were overwhelming.
Tobias Thurlow-White 5 years ago
I'm doing an assignment for school at the moment, and even though there are examples showing us what is to be done, it still seems daunting or it's like it appears to be a lot more difficult than it should be. I'm procrastinating heaps because I just don't want to do it, it's making me angry at myself because something so simple is becoming such a difficult task and I'm getting overwhelmed over nothing, everything now is just pissing me off and I can't stand it.
Jesse Raya 5 years ago
I actually loaded up all my 2 months of laundry into the back of my jeep. It's been back there for well over a month, still dirty. OMG 1 good day...
Ola White 7 years ago
And constantly getting advice from people on how to fix everything.. "Make a plan, small steps.. You'll get there!" Not understanding that even the smallest step can be overwhelming! It's immensely difficult to overcome the eternal internal apathy and make that step.. And then be able to to maintain the motivation the next day..and the following.. And if you're not able to? Then you "just aren't trying hard enough.. Don't you want to help yourself??" These words can come from other people or from your own brain every day.. Of course I do! I feel paralized by depression and anxiety and feel forced to begin training for a marathon!
#18
Fighting day to day with not wanting to give up and trying to show myself my own self worth. When I reach out when I'm depressed its cause I am wanting to have someone to tell me I'm not alone. Not cause I want attention.
T Lilly 7 years ago
i gave up even trying to reach out; seems like no one has time, no one listens, no one cares
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
T Lilly, unfortunately only people who have been ill with depression can really understand what you are going through. When I was struggling with a debilitating depression and opened up to friends about it, the reaction would normally be: 'Just call me if you want to talk', but I was not capable of making a phone call then, I hardly even managed to answer if the phone rang. So to everyone reading this: If you have a friend or a relative who is suffering from depression, drag them out! Go there. Be there for them. Help them get the things done that have to be done, go for a walk with them, whatever. But DO NOT wait for them to reach out.
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Makayla Nash 5 years ago
I just "deal" with it myself now, because everytime i reach out i am told "Oh i had worse growing up" NOT EVERYONE HANDLES THINGS THE SAME... and my mother always told me i wasn't depressed i just wanted attention, same with my grandparents, my stepmother thinks its just anxiety but this is worse and a lot of depression is anxiety.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Many days, the anxiety and panic are so horrendous that one shakes all over and just closes one's eyes in a dark room to hide from Everything. When I reach out, it is a huge step. Understanding and kind friends are a miraculous blessing.
Lori Gonzalez 3 years ago
Yes . Want to fix understand and clear this from our life .not play victim . No one understands how. Hard we work to prove to our own selfs we are gonna be ok or good enough
Jessica Raffelson 3 years ago
For everyone who says "You gotta tell people; You gotta find the right people; The help is out there you gotta look/ask for it" you can just stop. I've been screaming for five years that I need help (sometimes literally screaming it), and NO ONE WILL HELP. I know I'm absolutely SICK OF BEING INVISIBLE. I know if something doesn't change I will not be around much longer. I know that my therapist is right when she says I have to build myself up cause no one else will, but I also know that she's wrong if she thinks I have people in my life and I just don't see it, or that I'm just not making enough effort to "put myself out there" and that's why I'm alone. Something is very, very wrong with the world, and it's no wonder I think no one would really even notice if I was gone-they wouldn't.
Richard Simoneau 5 years ago
Those who haven’t been dealing with depression do not have a clue nor do they seem to want to. It’s like if you want to open up to someone they don’t want to hear you in fear it will bring them down.
#19
I just sit all day, getting up only to use the bathroom. My chair is also my bed. I have a bed, but i just stay in my chair. I don't sleep well, and I eat very little. The TV is on, but I may or may not be watching. I just sit.
Maike 7 years ago
once at a very depressed phase when i was very young and in very bad circumstances- i came home friday in the afternoon, slept until saturday noonish, woke, went to the toilet, ate, drank went back to sleep, and slept till sunday afternoon. woke, bathroom, ate, drank sleep again. Depression can make you to tired to partcipate in life. I also lay on my Bed, once home, stared into the Air and could not get up. Thank God things got better when i got older, i became more stable and better at caring for myself. Depression runs in our Family and i hope what you get from my Answer is, that there is hope, with Therapy, and with Awareness of the Situation and that the Energy it takes to keep it that way, the same Energy it costs changing it. so if you can decide for change do it. You are not alone living on your Chair! I know my Depression is still lerking around in the Shadows, i have to be proactive just about everything but actually it does not scare me so much anymore. God Bless you
Victor Calamity 7 years ago
Dear whoever this is: I'm so very sorry. This sounds like a very sad and terrible way to live. It sounds like you have no one you feel like you can turn to...but I hope you reach out to someone soon.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Thank you, Victor, for being willing to try to understand.
Load More Replies... Brian Beims 7 years ago
I get cramps in my neck from sitting, so my bed is my home, almost every moment I am not at work
John Brazell 5 years ago
No kidding. I work the overnight shift and I get off Sunday morning can I go back in on Tuesday night. I sleep most of that. Here a while back I was off for a week I don't even remember why. But when I got off Sunday morning and got home I went to bed and I slept until Friday afternoon. Only getting up to go to the restroom get a drink water and occasionally eat a quick PB&J or heat up a can of soup. You would think that I would have had a heck of a headache but I did not I just did not and do not want to deal with stuff.
Rachel Pace 5 years ago
Thats what i do also.. i do make it to work only cause i have to but ist right back to my spot when i get home and i stay there untill i have to go back to work
#20
My house is a huge mess.
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
When I get stuck like that I try to do things in tens. Put 10 things away, and later another 10. Counting makes it easier to move on to the next thing.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Wow Monika that sounds like an idea to try. Thank you!
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June Bishop 7 years ago
to others, I don't seem to care, but I do. I just do not have the energy... at all
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Think of this. I am a little motivated today, and the biggest thing I hope to accomplish is fold a blanket on the sofa and put a book on it away. That's it, and I'm proud of planning it. Whether I actually accomplish it is another story.
Cheri Hayes 7 years ago
Good for you, Sweetie! Even just breathing is progress, right?
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LILIANA MITCHELL 4 years ago
MY HOUSE UHH I LIVE IN A MANSION IIM A INFLUENCER Named BADDIE_QUEEN (SIERRA MALKOY)
Autumn Eggert 5 years ago
im forced to clean, but my room n bed is a mess because my depression keeps me in bed.
#21
I over compensate in my work environment...and I work front line at a Fitness Centre, so I feel the need to portray an 'extra happy, bubbly personality'. As soon as I walk out the doors at the end of the day, I literally feel myself 'fall'. It's exhausting! Then my night is a constant battle in my head fighting my desire to 'shrink' and anxieties. Most people that I interact with would NEVER know I live a daily battle of major depressive disorder, PTSD and anxiety. I am a professional at hiding it.
Laurinda Mary 7 years ago
Yup. And getting told you're not depressed because you're so bubbly.
Autumn Eggert 5 years ago
yeah, people just saying its fake, and for attention.
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Jessica Manuszewski 7 years ago
Yeah, I am the same way. People say I can't be depressed and shy. They have no idea what is going through my mind.
Karen Frazier 7 years ago
Right. My friends think I’m the life of the party. As much as I love them, I’d rather be alone in my house and not having to put on a happy face and perform.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
I remind myself how much better I feel after I go to my support group once a week. It is exhausting. I can hardly drive home, but I have been listened to and understood, and gotten hugs and hope and maybe even a smile or a laugh.
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Immortal Dragon 4 years ago
Me 100%, i work on the frontline in the operating theatre. Caring for patients during anaesthetic. And it's paramount that i make them feel safe and reasured as well as faking it to colleagues, joking laughing. People always say at work i talk too much. Not knowing im dying inside from so much pain, anxiety and memories of lost love i miss immensely
Jessica Mitchell 5 years ago
This one #21 this is the one that gave me that weird feeling how accurate this was for me. This is the one that I'm trying to tell myself to realize this can be fought. So a big thank you
Kat Rosemary 5 years ago
My anxiety is no help to my depression or other mental health because when I’m anxious and around people for my job I tend to smile more (out of nervousness) and it’s almost like I “glaze” over what’s really happening around me. To others I’m a happy bubbly person who can take almost any punch and handle just about any situation. When really once that “glaze” clears over I’m just barely keeping my head above the water and outta the clouds. But no one ever seems to take it seriously that I am struggling and those punches do hurt me. Honestly it’s like I just stoped trying all together though.
Melinda Burge 5 years ago
I soooooooooo relate to this, and have worked on my 'silly jokiness' to hide my fear, anxiety, loneliness and darkness so I don't have to talk about it. What am I gonna say, anyway? 'Yes, I'm depressed. Unless you have had you soul slowly sucked from your body you won't understand..' - I'd imagine the other person would feel patronised and angry.
#22
I don't talk much in large groups of people, especially when I first meet them. I withdraw because of my anxiety and depression. People think i am 'stuck up'. I'm actually scared out of my mind worrying that they don't like me, or that they think I'm crazy or stupid, by just looking at me...
Hollie Newton 7 years ago
I'm the opposite I actually try to be stuck up purely because I am scared and insecure
Jessica Mitchell 5 years ago
Yea me too! It's so strange how I seem to do that
Load More Replies... Makayla Nash 5 years ago
same, but people think i'm acting because they see me talking with the few people i am comfortable with that know my issues and help me but i knew all of them before this, i've built a wall.
Citra Pratiwi 3 years ago
I used to think i was an agoraphobia. turned out i'm "only" have a depression.. hahahah because i realize i dont always have that anxiety all the time
chloe bennion 5 years ago
this is to relateable I just had an argument with my friend group that I met around 5 months ago at the start we all had a good connection but after the 2 months I have this vibe non of them like me any more they leave me out of stuff and apparently they talk behind my back it's like I never knew them it like I was never in there a group I am so stressed I cant go up to them I feel shy now
sabs elarjoun 6 years ago
i get terrified of people's perceptions of me, and that's been one of the driving forces of my bad mood bc i feel this sense of inferiority to others when they don't seem to like me,,, the joys of an overactive mind
#23
Cancel plans because of anxiety. Stay home and hardly ever go out. Struggling to get out of bed everyday. It's exhausting. Getting ready for work is a struggle. There is so much. Been dealing with this for 35 years
Karen Frazier 7 years ago
Right? People say, “just get up and get out. You’ll feel better.” Like I’d never thought of anything so stupidly obvious before. I’d have already done it years ago if it were that easy.
Joe Reaves 7 years ago
Just stop being depressed is the most worthless advice.
Load More Replies... Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Cancelling plans makes the world smaller and smaller. Becoming frightened to even go to the grocery store.
Oluwaseyifunmi Sunmola 5 years ago
Jesus Saves! Ask him to show you he's real! He never fails!
megan dunn 7 years ago
I do this all the time and then later I start to feel more anxiety because I convince myself I have no friends when I was the one that cancelled plans with them. I know it doesn't make sense but the anxiety is real.
#24
The struggle to get out of bed and get off the couch is hell. The physical pain that exists. The house always a mess because no one else will or can do anything and I get blamed which all just makes the depression worse. The thinking about what I need to do makes me anxiety paralyzing. Not having a job and physically not being able to even look for one after all the rejection. People think I'm lazy. I know a clean house helps me feel better, helps me socialize, causes peace and calmness, I want to and I try, but I just can't. I know a job will give me purpose and reduce stress by adding some financial stability to my family. I really want one and perhaps that is why it is so heartbreaking every time those phone calls don't come.
Brian Beims 7 years ago
Every worthless job has broken down my body to the point now and the pain is barely bearable. I don’t want another menial manual labor, but I want to contribute to society. But no one can handle me for more than a couple months. Always sea4ching for another job.
Iqrar Jamali 5 years ago
i am too scared for the whole coming life .now i am only 17 years old ,how will i be surviving for too long with my loneliness and anxiety.God will help me. i only have my God here . he is amazing.he listens to me . people and sibling are destroying my inner soul day by day.......the reason i am alive is the only one and is my God...........i have believe in him....i love him...i really really love him..........but this world and people here are too scary ....people here call me mental. they hate me except my mom and dad but i don't live with them due to my studies i am living with my uncle aunt and grandma.......i love my God.............. .
Rachel Pace 5 years ago
i completely understand i am working but i have to i a still have 2kids at home but everything else is me to a T
Kendra Fisher 5 years ago
Me. I literally sat in one spot and stared at nothing for 6 straight hours today. Everything around me needed to be done but it may as well not even be in existence because my will to deal with it is apparently gone.
Kitty 5 years ago
I'm so glad I'm not the only one. This is exactly me. I want to be able to organize and clean my house but my anxiety and depression paralyzes me. I have a job but a new company bought us out and I need to find a different one like all my coworkers are doing. But I've been there for over 10 years and im scared to death to go anywhere else!
Kristie Goodnight 5 years ago
I can relate, I have had anxiety since I was a teenager, I'm 39 and over the past year my anxiety is extremely bad, I quit my job, I couldn't bare to leave my home, Every time I did I would literally have to pull my car over from having a panic attack, if my children have to be at certain places my husband has too take them, I avoid going anywhere by myself. There are days when I feel like doing nothing and I have to make myself. I don't find joy in the things that I once did. I feel like a burden on others, if I have to be around others I put a fake smile, pretend I'm okay for a few hrs then go home. I just feel like the life has been sucked out of me. If anyone asks if I'm fine I always say yes because I'm to embrassed to say otherwise. There are days when I could careless if anything gets done. I feel like I'm at war with myself every single day..
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Tamara Sager 7 years ago
I get it. I have just learned how to fake it. Sometimes all I can muster is the bare minimum. I know I am one of the lucky ones because I know what it is like to not be able to get out of bed or go to work or take a shower or look for a job. Everything is just exhausting. I really thought I had my s**t together but reading all of these items on the list just makes me realize why I am exhausted.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Finally giving in and letting someone who really cares apply for Social Security disability for you is devastating. A job is just out of the question.
#25
People don't realize that I say sorry before I even think about expressing any opinions because that's how worthless I feel. I'm apologizing for feeling anything about anything because that's how little I feel I matter. They don't just know I feel like apologizing for even breathing in their general direction. I even say I'm sorry before asking to use the bathroom no matter how long I've held it. I feel like a burden for biological needs I have no control over.
Rafaella Bueno 7 years ago
Same here. And then I feel sorry for being sorry at all because even that is thinking too highly of myself, I mean, if I think I'm a bother, I'm thinking that I actually matter at all.
Makayla Nash 5 years ago
Same... even though people think i'm lying about my problems because i am "too young to know" i just apologize for everything
Brian Beims 7 years ago
Omg, every day. And the guilt I feel if I have diarrhea from the stress and take longer than 2 minutes in the bathroom. And sorry for bringing up another debilitating effect of depression but someone has to mention it. The only time I have “normal” bowels, is when I smoke 420 to calm my head and stop the self hatred
Auggie Dam 5 years ago
Same, i go on omegal a lot juat caise im baored and ill stsrt apolizong for everything.
Autumn Eggert 5 years ago
yeah, im always told im saying sorry too much. just so people dont realize
Joseph Altreza 5 years ago
When you say sorry try using a message template like this! I just saw this video with the ____ from ____ in it and immediately thought of ____. It made me really think about everything that happened ____ and I screwed up. Is there ____ I can do to make it up to ____.
#26
Sometimes I'll go days without speaking to anybody. People tend to believe I'm ignoring them on purpose when really I am just lost within myself. I don't mean to seem like I'm pushing people away. Some days it's hard when my thoughts consume me and when I can't find the motivation to simple things that others do on a daily basis.
Biljana Malesevic 7 years ago
I too do this, especially when I am really down. Then people accuse me of ignoring them and that I estranged myself on purpose.
Tracy Sullivan 4 years ago (edited)
That’s my biggest problem and life is too short! I don’t want to neglect people on purpose, especially those who do care! As far as fake people, better off without them! But, others may really be genuinely concerned. It gets to the point that those fake people had convinced us that we’re not worthy enough, so we tend to shut everyone out as a result. It’s sad! I feel stuck and I want to get unstuck 😥😥😥
Load More Replies... Tracy Sullivan 4 years ago
I can relate! It’s an awful feeling, especially when you don’t want to avoid certain people, intentionally! The that overwhelming guilt after neglecting the people who really do care makes me feel even worse than I did in the first place. You feel stuck because you’re not sure how to explain this situation to them without a fear of being misjudged. Depression is physically and emotionally draining!
ChengCheng Zhai 5 years ago
would you ignore your girlfriend/boyfrined as well? My boyfriend is in depression, he would send me one messgae everyday to tell me he is alive, but never responds when i text him back. I am very understanding in general, but still have a hardtime believing that he would lose interest even on me...
Jesse Raya 5 years ago
:( How is almost every one of these posts describing my life. I am so sad to know there are so many people hurting like me.
Shelley Messerli 5 years ago
Me too. Some days I just don't talk to anyone. I feel like I'm bothering anyone I call and that they don't really want to talk to me. Very few people ever call me, so I often go days with talking to anyone all day but my dogs
#27
That I'm fighting through a wall of separation when I talk to them. That sometimes I blank or delay in answering because I'm still trying to process what they're saying. That when I reach out to them it's after an agonizing period of trying not to. I don't want to burden people with my shit, but sometimes I just need to hear someone's voice. That my everyday is marked with extreme fatigue and exhaustion. That everything for me takes much much longer. That I am completely envious of people who are full of life and genki af. That I wish my life was nothing but optimism and bliss, that I felt a zest for life and was overflowing with energy. That that is who I really am behind all the junk they have to see and put up with. That I wish I could just ignore it all and have fun.
Brian Beims 7 years ago
Yes, I DO enjoy life but the ups are so far between the downs. SOOOO far...
Rachel Pace 5 years ago
me too but i dont know what fun even is anymore it sucks feeling like this and i cant go on much longer like this , Im dying inside and my kids r watching everyday
Richard Simoneau 5 years ago
Everything seems to be an issue, mostly downs with very few if any ups.
Leslie Snow Densley 5 years ago
To feel alone..regardless if in someone's company.To fear intimacy to the point its crippling..you have the most amazing partner & lover..so leaves you feeling " why then is he choosing to stay with me..be ause you feel so ugly,unattractive, everyone is better & sexier & prettier than you, the guilt associated with rejecting them when you love them so deeply & genuine & love the sex once its going...but submitting to it, talking about it..just another level of heightened anxiety that's killing your inner soul day by day..thought by thought..I'm never good enough to me...even when being told I am....why punish them, Silence..I just want to silence the horrible thoughts in my head..why am I so weird, different. Alot of work, alone, segragated...I dont deserve anything better..I'm so tired of being tired..please help me, please understand me, please accept me...I just want to belong..somewhere, someplace, and feel I belong..needed..appreciated..important.Alive:(
sabs elarjoun 6 years ago
"when i reach out to them it's after an agonising period of trying not to. I just don't want to burden people with my s**t, but sometimes I just need to hear someone's voice" - holy s**t I have never read something more real, this brought a tear to my eye bc that's constantly how i'm feeling when im in a depressive state
Kathy Bradshaw 7 years ago
How would your life be if all were optomism and bliss? No challenges, no obstacles? Try a few and then return to struggle and strife.... Balance, Balance
#28
Answering slowly. It makes my brain run slower and I can't think of the answers to the questions as quickly. Especially when someone is asking what I want to do - I don't really want anything. I isolate myself so I don't have to be forced into a situation where I have to respond because it's exhausting.
Makayla Nash 5 years ago
i relate but i gave like 10 speeches before hand- i just joke to people saying "Oh! I'm just indecisive hah, why ask me" with a laugh and a smile every time i'm asked to make a big decision
John Brazell 5 years ago
I just want to slap people when they say oh you just need to get out more. I'll be in town this weekend and we'll go do something and get you out of the house. Not.
Jean Grey 5 years ago
My mind just goes blank. There are no thoughts there to even share. This hurts so much because I know and my husband knows that I am not stupid, but I literally don't know what to say or do when he gets upset with me. I shut down and avoid the situation which only makes it worse. It feels like a wall between my conscious thoughts that I can express and everything else.
Lisa Marie 5 years ago
My Ex Boyfriend would always tell me, you pick where to eat, and would always yell at me if I didn't answer fast enough, so I'd cry and he'd get even more angry at me. He even made me leave his house a few times cause I couldnt cook as fast as him. I know he's a piece of c**p, but I still have feelinga of wanting to punch him or slap him over and over for hurting me physically, mentally and emotionally.
#29
The excessive drinking. Most people assume I'm trying to be the "life of the party" or just like drinking in general. I often get praised for it. But my issues are much deeper than that.
Steffi Klein 7 years ago
Same here. Didn't had a drink for three weeks now, and hopefully counting - but I'm writing this lines on my bed in a room in a psychiatry. The second time this year, at first because of a panic disorder, now it's the depressions I slided in afterwards. Drank way to much because of both, I'm so sick of this.
Victor Calamity 7 years ago
I hope that the fact that you're reading BoredPanda means you're using humor as part of your therapy.
Load More Replies...
Priscilla Draus 7 years ago
Such a viscous cycle..alcohol and depression. When a 1.75 of vodka was "standard equipment" on the coffee table..drunk for days..not facing up to the fact of the enabler in my life..I finally got free. At great cost. Sober for 7 years now, however the bad memory of this period in my life haunts me.
Kathy Bradshaw 7 years ago
I am in the same situation. I drink too much to allow others to validate their existence. They can say (to my face) “At least I am not like you” Maybe some co-depent act on my part???
Brian Beims 7 years ago
1/2 bottle of JD... the biggest bottle... every day, and worse, I can’t even get a buzz any more
#30
I push away/cut off everyone that I care about because I can't bear to be hurt by them! Everyone just thinks I'm mean and anti-social.
Autumn Eggert 5 years ago
exactly. i have been sleeping all day, and my girlfriend had texted me and i didnt respond til around 8, when she had to go, and she thought i was mad at her.
John Brazell 5 years ago
I do the same thing. People think I'm trying to avoid them or that I am mad at them. They just cannot realize that I'm dealing with my own issues.
#31
I wake up feeling like I'm a failure. I have to coach myself every morning into telling myself that I'm good at my job, my kids love me, my husband needs me...and if I don't go to work everything gets shut off... it's like I can't move...
Brian Beims 7 years ago
Lol, my partner doesn’t love me. I am savvy enough to know this. He just is afraid of being the reason I suicide. And I l love him dearly, he is one of 2 reasons I still live, my dog, the other half.
Kams The Boss 5 years ago
If this is true your partner is giving an enormous portion of their life for you, I do not want to pressure you but it is proof that others support you now support yourself
Load More Replies... Paradise 3 years ago
I would like to think I am good at my job. Yesterday my only coworker made a stink at something that was not there. I switched careers after burn out, imposter syndrome, etc. And I mostly like my job. But how can I feel good about myself and my work when I am constantly called out for making a minor mistake? And yesterday there was proof I did nothing wrong. She got upset in part I scheduled people outside of the template (dr office, new patients in specific times, existing in others, etc) and I asked where I did this, and she I think realized SHE wrongfully scheduled and tried to brush it off and tell me not to look into who scheduled. Trying to ignore her about it. It is hard to
Kathy Bradshaw 7 years ago
I am in the same situation. My partner does not love me either. But I accept this and after literally years of existence with this have realized that love and acceptance of my orphaned self is pantamount to life. I meditate each day that I have been worthy of myself to be aware and present in life. Try this just one time and perhaps you can place suicide on the back burner. My back burner sometimes simmers slowly and sometimes turns off......
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Did that for years and years. A million times worse when finally admitted I couldn't work.
#32
Keeping the house dark is a comfort thing for me. People always point it out, like "No wonder you're so depressed. You need to let some light in." Darkness in my living space makes me feel comfortable, almost like I'm not alone, on my bad days. Good days, I'm all about the sunshine!
Brooke Hornby 7 years ago
A mixture of all of these things. But mostly..knowing this isn't the person I want to be, and not knowing how to move past it. Blank time is also terrible, getting trapped inside the silence in your own mind, knowing you are thinking of thinking of nothing , and knowing you are wasting time.
Shelley Messerli 5 years ago
Its so depressing. so much wasted time doing nothing with my life. Im a total failure
Load More Replies... Saurabh Saluja 7 years ago
I also prefer to always stay in dark as it bring so much comfort and relaxes my brain
Sarah Lund 4 years ago
I can't stand it when certain people say to me stuff like "Let's put on a light". Er, hello. It's MY flat. It's up to ME which light I put on. There's a reason I've bought lamps for my flat. Bright lights affect my aspergers. They give me huge migraines and make me feel moody. No need for such bright white light. I prefer cosy lighting. Homely lighting. This is why I just put my lamps on. So what if I don't put the ceiling light on? Go put your own lights on in your own home.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
Can't stand bright lights any more. Darkness and warm blankets and cats are safety.
#33
I want to talk about it. I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to shout about it! But all I can do is whisper "I'm fine."
Final score:
24points
Sheis Ere 4 years ago
I'm the positive one. I am always smiling and encouraging people and hoping and letting them know it's not the end of the world and all of that good stuff.... Then I go home and cry, don't take care of myself, have lost interest in everything... But I'm so used to wearing the mask at this point that nobody ever knows how pitiful I actually am.
Makayla Nash 5 years ago
same, even while saying it... i am telling myself how pathetic it is that i can say 3 words 'im not fine'
Ann Petry 3 years ago
I want someone to talk to, especially in those moments when I'm struggling not to take that whole bottle of pills, but no one understands this feeling; and no one wants to hear this "pity party". I am ashamed too about feeling sorry for myself. So like you, I just smile and play a part.
Anna Zheng 4 years ago
This is so me, when the inner me wants to cry and scream for help but all I end up saying is "I'm feeling fine".
John Brazell 5 years ago
Same here. I think people care they just don't understand how deep depression goes and how much it affects you. They have no idea what to say but what is cliche.
#34
Sleeping, anxiety, not eating, feeling worthless, directionless, not wanting to impose my worthless directionless self on other people, being completely exhausted by having to keep the outer mask in place (which is why I'm antisocial-- simply being upbeat enough to order coffee at Starbucks will sometimes rinse me for the afternoon).
Meleia von Walsung 7 years ago
I'm divorced X 3, have been alone for about ten years now, eat every meal alone, do everything alone. I use drive-thru because it's really hard to go INTO a restaurant. When I was able to work full-time (home health nurse), I could go in, eat, spend hours charting on my laptop, felt connected. When age and health showed up I had to drop to working one day a week, now I'm back to drive-thru and isolation at home. Thought finally I have the time to paint, to read. Have had the same blank canvas on the easel for over two years now...
M.J. J. 7 years ago
Being alone and being lonely can be two different things...
Load More Replies... #35
I find that after so many years I just can't believe in people at all anymore. My vision of myself and the world is so negatively distorted that no matter how much I want to believe when people are nice to me, I can't. People who say I'm not ugly are lying and laughing behind my back. People who act like they like me are just going with the flow and don't really care. Even if they aren't being mean, they're just being polite, and it's not like they care about me personally. Being a part of a group actually means that you're just one more and don't individually matter. People are not honest, people are always just "polite" - kindness is a lie to look good to others and to feel good about themselves.
Final score:
22points
Ayla Ghaniya 5 years ago
I cant trust anyone nOt my bestie,not my family,not even my mom and dad,i couldn't even trust myself!!!
Jessica Mitchell 5 years ago
Wow am I really reading this? It was someone was truly reading my head and how I feel. It's so hard to believe theirs others like me who suffer and realize they are but it so frigan hard to do day in and day out. It's bad right now. I'm booking in the inside and ready to cry and scream and just shake my arms af everything in the world
Chell Miller 7 years ago
yeah, feels like people will talk to me and we'll sometimes go hang out, but I'll never know if they really do care. Maybe I'm just a fun distraction for others, not someone people think about when I'm not around. Not a girl who others genuinely want to know how she's doing. Just a person to hang out with, not be interested in otherwise.
#36
I CAN RELATE TO EVERY COMMENT I HAVE READ WHICH IS SO SAD. SO MANY OF US HURTING AND LIVING WITH THE FEELING WE ARE ALONE. I EVEN FEEL GUILTY TALKING TO MY COUNSLER THINKING SHE IS GETTING SO TIRED OF ME TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF. I BEAT CANCER A FEW YEARS AGO AND YOU WOULD THINK THAT WOULD HAVE GIVIN ME A NEW LEASE ON LIFE BUT IT ONLY MADE ME MORE DEPRESSED THOSE WHO HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH DEPRESSION FOR A LONG TIME WILL UNDERSTAND WHY.
Final score:
20points
Kathy Bradshaw 7 years ago
Yes, I am also a cancer survivor so I have changed that term to a cancer experienced survivor. Meaning that I have been through all the “stages” of grief, acceptance, blah..... That was written by idiots who do not get the change in life that occurs. The best therapy that I have found costs nothing. Here it is: when driving in your car ALONE! Roll all of your windows closed. Make sure no cars are around. Screeeeeem at the top of you lungs as loud and long as you can. Shout all the curse words you know and make up some too.....Avoid or do not curse your God so you do not have to do penance. Oh, have a bottle of water with you - throat will be dry. Follow this with whatever fave music you love to listen to. Repeat as often as needed!
John Gardiner 4 years ago
Same for me every comment i relate to i have had anxity and depressions from a kid. I rember being sat in a bridge age 13 just waiting for thr train i was done with school due to bad bullying dident want to go back home. And years later I'm still the same 27 now. And no matter what I do never been able to brake out if this maze
Auggie Dam 5 years ago
I realte to the therpiest xommonet. She thinks i hsve been self harm free for a mknth or 2. Relistic its been a few days were im self harm free. She thinks im doing well whixh im not. Im in a drppresdivr episide again. So thats fun!! I rrally beed to be but on meds for ADHD. Thst wpuld nake my life better and hsve me be more stable.
Kathleen Moore 7 years ago
i have suffered with depression to one degree or other for as long as I can remember, and was medicated for it almost contiuously since my mid 30’s. I fought back and won with breast cancer at 62 - I have to say I am surprised I won that battle because I was at that time “looking for a tree to run my car into”. Then a few years later I developed another lifelong life-threatening illness. Well that has done me in. I gave into simply taking my meds and trying to cope. Best I can do now.
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
I too beat cancer with flying colours only to sink helplessly into a deep depression some time later. Fighting cancer, I used all my mental power to help to go through very tough treatments. My body was in shambles but my willpower was steaming ahead. With depression it is the other way around, my own brain has turned against me whereas the rest of my body is basically OK. And yes, it was definitely a weird feeling to not want to live (it does not necessarily mean that I want to die) after having put up such a tremendous fight to stay alive.
Jeff King 7 years ago
Diana I just got in remission from 6month hard chemo cancer. It was a very hard regiment of Chemo. I did it every day 4 differnent types of chemo for 6 months. My depression is worse now then ever before. Everyone says you should be happy you wone the worse battle of your live and you won. NO NO I haven't won the worse battle of my life, I'm still fighting Depression, Anxiety, PTSD & Bipolar. I haven't won the fight, I'm still fighting. I won't give up even thought I'd like to. I fight daily and struggle daily. SO I'm fighting the worse battle of my life still. I'm in it for the long haul.. I might not overcome this but will fight....
#37
Overthinking everything and over planning. The need to make everything perfect and everyone happy even if it's taking all my energy. As if validation from someone else will make it all better. Sometimes I start out on high power then just crash and don't even enjoy what ive spents weeks/months planning. And none will see me for months after, as I retreat into my safe bubble
#38
Hiding out in my room for hours at a time watching Netflix or Hulu to distract my mind or taking frequent trips to the bathroom or into another room at social gatherings because social situations sometimes get to me.
Saurabh Saluja 7 years ago
This same situation frequently occur in my life and I also take the same steps to overcome that situation
M.J. J. 7 years ago
Just to get into another room or outside so that I can breathe...breathe..breathe
Load More Replies... #39
I think its hard for people to understand me when i may sound negative because i live with depression. They might question my motivation n even determination to do something but they dont realize its a battle to wake up everyday fighting my own thoughts n suffering from low energy.
Anna Gaines 3 years ago
My mom hates it when I’m always “pessimistic”. I always look at things on the negative side.
Dianne Roberts 4 years ago
I read all these posts and I know I'm not the only one who feels this...but I still feel alone. I'm exhausted having to face everyday, having to put on my invisible armor to do battle with my invisible demons. No one in my family understands and I hide in my shame of it all. I despise my weakness because I am fighting a losing battle. This world is a selfish world. No one has time or cares about your problems. It's spinning faster and faster. Thank goodness for home delivery. It's truly awesome for people like us.
C Brandon 5 years ago
And then people wanna tell me... Oh, yuorre putting bad vibes into their unvierse because you're not happy .. you just need to snap out of it... You just need to speak it into existence... You need to follow the law of attraction .... I HATE when people say any of that c**p
Melinda Burge 5 years ago (edited)
I find celebrating MY small victories, even if others don't understand, really helps. Like..if I got out of bed before 10pm and showered, put on clothes/makeup and smell good then I allow myself to celebrate.
#40
Some very universal themes in all the examples. I remember my days, twenty years ago, before medication and therapy well. Realizing that my feelings were not unique was part of the key; overcoming isolation was another. It cannot be fixed alone.
Celeste Munoz 7 years ago
I've been fighting this for 45 years. I go up and down because I'm bipolar with anxiety and now I'm just mostly depressed. Sometimes the meds work and sometimes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Can't seem to move and I have no excuse.
Melinda Burge 5 years ago
Same - bipolar with anxiety - meds are number 1 on my list with enough sleep a close second.
Load More Replies... Rachel Pace 5 years ago
I miss the days when i woke up happy for no reason i just felt good! Then got started on pain medicatons for my bad headaches and adderall for my sleepiness and then somethihg else to make me go to sleep... now im just in the dark all the time i hate feeling this way im 43 and want so much to just feel good enough to keep my house nice and want to cook dinner or even go to the grocery store....
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
I'm too overwhelmed to continue here, but I must say that this is a vital page in at least trying to understand what depression is and how it can cripple the human being it lives in.
#41
I get obsessive over things. Things like I'm worthless or I'm a bad person or I'm secretly just like the people I hate most. Sometimes I can't tell if what I am thinking is true or not. I get anxiety at social events. I feel like people hate me or just don't care about me. I cling to certain people and want them to love me. My brain sometimes goes into overdrive and I can't turn it off and it causes a downward spiral that is hard to pull out of. I don't tell people because I don't want to be labeled. I don't want them to see me as broken and depressed or that I'm just being silly. But at the same time people get upset at me or mad about things but they don't understand what I have to deal with. I listen to music a lot. I read tons and tons of fantasy books. I like watching movies. All of these take me away from reality for a while and puts me into amazing worlds where I know things are going to end happily. I love being in plays and musicals because I get to be someone else entirely and I know how things are going to end and it makes me happier.
Final score:
14points
Sharon Barnes 3 years ago
You described how I feel all the time too. And how I deal with it also
NuttyFruitLoop 4 years ago (edited)
I never felt comfortable in my own body since I was a small child... Sometimes even felt alien in my own family.. Suffered terribly with all the stuff ppl have written over & over on these posts.. Thought all my forgetfulness, lateness, avoidence, crippling need to just be alone but also so lonely was down to depression & anxiety.. When I got older I was lead to belive I was manic depressive with PTSD from some childhood & adulthood abuse but no meds ever worked & no amount of talking therapy was ever going to be enough.. I had post natal depression with psychosis 2 of my 3 pregnancies.. Medicated myself, abused myself mentally & physically throughout my life punishing myself for being as such a worthless person, mother, friend, daughter...etc.. Turned out it was undiagnosed ADHD!. This has litrally ruined my life & now in my 40's am I just starting to self heal.. Maybe a few of you on here are like me only ever trying to treat the symptoms of another issue?. PEACE & LOVE
Avrohom Fordonski 5 years ago
I understand all these feelings, and believe in the Almighty that there is purpose in my future, like helping those who have it because I understand. I also have an interesting thought, many depressed people acknowledge that when they distract themselves, the pain and thoughts decrease or go away as long as we are distracted. I think there is something to that, that somehow, no matter how we feel, when we are distracted we are in a better state of mind. I would love, with the 100% help from Almighty, to come up with a cure for depression, or at least a medication that put a person in that distracted state of mind, with non-aggressive negative thoughts and feelings, that this could make a difference. I know, going through these challenges, how hard it is for self-love, but I truly feel a bond with all of you and your sufferings. If this helps at all, you can think of me, I care about you and am with you during these hard times. I know I have never met probably any of you, but I mean it!
#42
Every night I look at all the pictures of dead relatives I have and asking them to please come get me I don't want to do this anymore. I'm 71 and have been suffering from depression on and off in my life since I was 18. I truly am done.
Final score:
14points
artcatcms 7 years ago
Reach out to God, tell him everything you are feeling (even though He knows already)....Just hand it all over to God. He keeps me going when it becomes overwhelming!!!
Big Bird 4 years ago
If there was a god,do you think there would be as many of us suffering I don't think so!!! But if you want to believe in a fictional character you go ahead.
Load More Replies...
Rosemarie Ventura 7 years ago
You have had a life filled with hard, lonely struggle and have persevered in the struggle. Even though it's hard and you're exhausted, you are still in this world, putting one struggling foot in front of the other. I am so proud of you for hanging in there. I know you are looking forward to release and relief and maybe even some answers and some sort of something that makes it all seem worth it. When you the end comes, every breathe you took, every thought, every action, will be your completed answer to G_d's question, "What is the meaning of life, Trudi?" I believe if you're still here, you still have some purpose, some unique part in the God's plan for the perfection of creation which is a co-project of G_d and humankind. In my faith, all I really have control of is the effort I put forth and my response to the world around me, G_d is the one in control of the actual results. I hope my words help.
Avrohom Fordonski 5 years ago
Beautifully said, Rosemarie!! This is a very comforting message!!
Load More Replies... Ayla Ghaniya 5 years ago
I want to see my grandfather i just need him i started depressed at the age of 8
Patty Egan 4 years ago
I can truly relate. I’m 70 and I only see pain down “the road”. Ready to get off this train.
David Kohout 5 years ago
Im so sorry to hear that... Im 24 now, dealing with depressions since 17, but I think it really started after my first break up when I was around 15, I was just lying in a bed for like 3 months, eating just to survive. Then my second break up hit me the most. Biggest problem is it was me who caused it. First I got cheated on, then I did the same, because I dont know, I felt like she doesnt love me anymore, and I thought its going to help us? And I even escaped the girl that night, driving drunk and crying to our house not knowing what should I do next. The night I woke up in a living room, quite far from bedroom, completely naked without cover, I dont know how I got there, but I think i felt so dirty inside I wasnt able to coup with it. Second day I had to leave in the morning, and the other girl texted my still yet to be gf, before I even had a chance to tell her myself. From this point its a just huge downhill. She got me out of the depressions I had before, and I acted like a trash.
#43
I feel like a stranger in my own life. Having had surgery, off work, no savings, short term disability behind, water frozen, kitchen full of dirty dishes, but I am alive and taking meds.
Final score:
13points
#44
I thought I was really bad at hiding my anxiety until one day a friend came to tell me that she wished she lived her life like how I did mine , cause I am always happy and take everything with a pinch of salt. Now I know that I'm an ace at covering up .
Final score:
13points
Joshua Welch 3 years ago
Same thing happened to me many times in younger years (used to be looked up to by others and people used to rely on me for strength in bad situations because I always handled it calmly with a smile and logic) but around 35 it all fell apart and I just couldn't smile anymore for people and now instead I'm seen as the sad lover who can't figure himself out and just wants to feel sorry for himself.
Eli Armstrong 5 years ago
Ive related to all the examples so far but this one hits me in the feels.
sabs elarjoun 6 years ago
this happened to me recently too. I thought i was terrible at hiding my depressive symptoms and ppl could see right through me, until my friend commented about how I'm always on top of everything and seem so motivated.... looks can be deceiving :/
#45
Running a business not answering the phone for years ... still works, though .... cancelling all the jobs that makes it neccessary leaving my home ... can‘t leave my cats alone ... I am turning into this crazy cat lady ... at least I don‘t miss anything - I really enjoy my own company ... people empty me .
Final score:
13points
#46
It's so comforting to see I'm not alone. Being indecisive, having extreme difficulty making decisions because you can only see and fear all the things that will go wrong. And when/if a decision has been Finally made, the inability to take action and carry it out because of fear and anxiety. Financial problems overwhelming, inadequacy, social fear, losing your temper for no reason, hours of crying fits, safety in your little home, but being so lonely, heartbreak, regret and grief because of loss of dreams, feeling useless & lazy because you cannot complete basic household chores. Eating too much junk or nothing at all because it's too much trouble. Having a long list of fun things to do in your spare time that you KNOW will make you feel great about yourself, but you just cannot get out of bed to do them - yearning for the days when you could. Just wanting to sleep so you don't have to FEEL anything. The GUILT of having depression because everyone else seems to have their life together and so should you at this age. But you don't know how to do it. The guilt you feel because of the Support you DO get from Friends who understand - don't they have their own lives to live without having to worry about you all the time? Not feeling good enough/worthy of being loved by someone after being rejected. Escaping into your phone or movies/series. Genuinely not wanting to carry on, even/especially after 3 suicide unsuccessful 'attempts', because it seems this is as good as it gets and you are just using up Earth's valuable resources, a waste of space. Feeling like a burden. Depression is a killer.
Final score:
13points
Kristie Goodnight 5 years ago
I have read alot of comments and I can honestly say that this is my life. I just can't seem to get it together, I have had anxiety and depression since I was a teenager and the older I get the worse it is. I feel like a shell of the person I once was.
#47
Going for late night walks by myself. My depression keeps me awake at night and my thoughts can get so overwhelming I feel physically crowded inside. Late night walks help me quiet the screaming in my head.
Bruce Freiberg 7 years ago
I'm 68, but I ride my bicycle or go hiking to get out of myself. Usually it helps just getting exercise. I have taken anti-depressants for many years but finally quit because of the physical side effects. I still take ADHD medication.
#48
I know what should I do to get rid of depression, but I can't. I'm in a lake, I know how to swim, but I'm paralyzed. I think that's it.
Final score:
12points
Melissa Lira 5 years ago
That's the best way to describe it it's like we become paralyzed thats how I explain to people our bodies shut down
Wendy Kovin 7 years ago
PARALYZED!! That is me. I sit for hours on the edge of my bed trying to get up and do something/anything. I CANNOT move, I sit here all day long trying but never move. I turn around and lay back down and go to sleep for another 16 to 18 hours.
#49
Endless negativity towards yourself and everyone else. Feeling like a continuous failure because you don't have the energy to do the right things in your life. Constantly telling yourself you're worthless and people around you will be better off if you're not there. Panic attacks that happen at night and keep you awake. Wondering if it will ever get over.
Final score:
12points
Sarah Lund 4 years ago
Hang on a sec. What are the "right" things in life? The usual get a job, get married, have kids? I'm not so sure that it's ever been proven that one size fits all.
Ihsan Nairne 4 years ago
I’m 15 and I feel like it’s me vs. the world so I turn everyone against me but I do it unconsciously
Amy Littlejohn Cross 5 years ago
The panic attacks at night hit like a ton of bricks sometimes. Then it is hard to relax, which is exhausting...
#50
I have often been accused of having "no sense of humor". So wrong. Before depression took over my life I smiled, and laughed, as much as the next person. Now, having lived with depression for over 15 years, the humor I find in a joke, or situation, is rarely visible on my face or heard in my laugh. I feel humor, but it's just too much effort to express it. I don't have the energy.
Chomzky 3 years ago
that.. i tried my best to muse others by laughing at their jokes and sort. but sometimes i forget to put on the mask and just stare blankly. i hate me.
Jodie Suppa 5 years ago
Very well articulated. My best friend knows ive been depressed. Havnt seen her for a while. Now we r trying to organise a catch up. She says to me 'as long as you still have your sense of humour we'll be ok' im still trying to wirk out how i feel about that comnent.
Teresa Richardson 7 years ago
So lost and overwhelmed that one stops hearing and then everybody is laughing at something funny that was said and one is thought a sourpuss because one just sits there.
#51
I've dealt with depression most my life. Most my symptoms are manageable as long as I'm being mindful of my attitude, thoughts, and behavior. I don't ignore people and I let them know when I need alone time or if I'm not feeling well. When life gets boring or mundane I remind myself that this is not my last stop and I continue dreaming. These are some of the ways that I manage depression.
Rosemarie Ventura 7 years ago
I think we are in similar phases of our hostage negotiations with this disease. Most of my mental and emotional symptoms of depression and PTSD are well managed now with medication. I was working for almost two decades and building a life and even wanted to finish that college degree. Then over the course of two + years my level of physical functioning declined to where I could not hold a job. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which feels like all the physical symptoms of major depression plus a severe and chronic inability to stay awake. I have not fallen into a deep depression over this because of medication management and good mental and emotional hygiene. It's almost like my life of depression prepared me for this challenge. I believe me life has a purpose, even if I can't see what it is right now. I believe if I keep trying, the resources I need will be there when I need it, even though I have basically been living on savings that are quickly running out.
#52
People will always tell you "When you're feeling like that, reach out to someone". But I don't want to anymore. Any time that I try to, I'm told I'm too negative, or to get over it, or SOMETHING along the lines of "How dare you have told me this?". Every time I try to open up to people they either tell me off or just outright block me. It's come to the point where when I hear people say "I care about your happiness", I interpret it as "I only care about you when you're happy". Talking through these kinds of emotions are usually a great help, but how can I get said help if nobody cares enough about me to talk to me about it at all? I'm grateful to have a therapist, but a lot of people don't have the money or other resources for such help.
Final score:
10points
June Bishop 7 years ago
I'm told I throw pity parties, that hurts because deep inside you just want to scream "help me!!"
Nikki D 7 years ago
It's odd that they are called pity parties, considering no one else ever attends!
Load More Replies... Lily Langtry 7 years ago
I can relate, people say that they're there for me as they want to seem caring, but the reality is no one in my life wants me to reveal my 'burden'. I get tired of having to put on a fake smily face just to please others. Whether I'm alone or around others I feel isolated...
#53
I always say I'm going to do something with the guys and when it comes time to do it. I back away. Also sleeping for hours not because I'm lazy but because dealing with all the thoughts in my head from anxiety along with depression is exhausting. Feels like kind of when your in winter and the cold air is blowing and you find it hard to breath. It's like that daily for me.
Lauren Lazar 5 years ago
everyday it feels like someone is pushing on my chest and i can never get a full breath of air. they say to take deep breaths when you feel anxious, but its hard when you feel like you're drowning
#54
Just getting in the bath or making a cup of tea is a major achievement. Having my dog has made me get out of the house at least twice a day, have to take hours to get motivated sometimes though. But if I didn’t have him, I probably wouldn’t leave the house unless it was for work.
Final score:
9points
Sarah Lund 4 years ago
When I used to have depression, I had white walls in my residential care home bedroom, and lots of wooden furniture. There was no life in the decor. Just a lot of white and boring blandness. Not much to look at. It was only the care home manager who had a say in how our bedrooms were decorated. We didn't have any choice. If I did, I would have had a coral pink bedroom. White makes depression worse as it's such a sterile clinical colour. Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging anyone for they're taste in decor, but I'm fed up of seeing those word ornaments. Them ornaments that are merely just a word like 'LOVE', or 'KITCHEN', or 'LIVE LAUGH LOVE'. Ugh. What's worse is the white one's. Don't get me started on the photo frames that have those words on them aswell. I just find them tacky for some reason. So many people have them in their homes, but I don't like looking at them. Makes me feel as if I can't read.
#55
I volunteer for everything from going to pto meetings to baby sitting to cleaning someone else's house for them. I surround myself with situations and obligations that force me to get out of bed & get out of the house because if I'm not needed, I won't be wanted..
Rafaella Bueno 7 years ago
I can relate. I also pretty much can only do things if it's for other people. Even with work, as a freelancer, in order to get things done I need to convince myself that the client needs me to do the job, and/or that my family needs my financial help so I need to work.
Leigh Hogan 7 years ago
Okay, I'll admit it: For everyone else, I feel like a drain, but for my clients, I make myself indispensable. It keeps me tethered here.
Load More Replies... Paradise 3 years ago
I really want to be noticed by people and I do it in the form of gifts and a bit of wanting to be THAT person who does something for them. Just so they don't forget me and think of me. Treat others how I want to be treated. I have a spending problem because of it. It gives me a temporary high to buy like a maniac and give it to people. I have tamed this somewhat to having a reason - bday, XMas, and I since I really dont have friends I am puttibg all my gift money into my kids teachers -not just teachers but all indirect staff as well. I think of it as a substitute for seeing people and I hate seeing people online -acquaintances and work people mainly- posting pics of them socializing or bday wishes with a pic of them together. Nobody does that for me.
#56
I'm currently feeling some pretty deep depression because of what I'm going through. Between the stress and depression all I can do is sleep because I'm so worn out. In some pretty dark places right now and pushing everyone away. I hope it will end when I face the monster that is trying to kill me at the end of the month. I've lost everything in the last 2 years because of this person and their agency. I can relate to just about everyone of these and have lost friends over it. I had one friend tell me that my friends don't like hanging out with me because I'm negative. Well a chance to loose your life is pretty negative. Just saying.
Ayla Ghaniya 5 years ago
I have that right now cause i was tortured by how my life is i wanted to die
#57
I'm 25 but still virgin, no job, no money no boyfriend, I still live with my family, I can't even graduate from college at my 6th year because I can't focus anything, I can't get up from bed, I don't want to do anything, just sleep and hope to die.
Final score:
8points
Kathryn Gray 5 years ago
Be proud of the fact you have saved yourself for a meaningful relationship. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself small goals even if it is just to get up and have a bath/ shower. When you achieve this give yourself a big hug ' I did this today'. The next day make it two goals a bath, a meal .. Add to your goals every day. Make sure you remember your hug, look what I did. Start small but keep building. If you can get outside for a walk to the park, woods, town all the better. Do something you haven't tried before an aerobics class, some painting or drawing, volunteer to help at a charity shop, animal shelter, school, youth organisation e.g. scouting. I know it is scary but there is a whole world out there waiting for you and those strangers will soon be your friends. You will meet people who will love and care for you. I am sending you love. Please carry hope in your heart and know many of us have been there, you don't have to do this on your own ask for a helping hand you are importantx
Sammy Sweetheart 5 years ago
I'm 24 still a virgin still live with family and have no friends anymore since high school.. you are not alone and there are always brighter days ahead
#58
As i read these, i can totally relate to almost all of them. That constant battle royale what you have to fight against your demons. The struggle to eat, to shower, to clean your room/house, go to school/workplace. And the world says that you are lazy is only oil onto the fire. When they say "yeah everyone gets sad". Well you don't say? I'm not sad. I'm DEPRESSED. There is a huge difference. Sadness is an emotin when something bad happened. Depression is feeling sad, alone, exhausted or even suicidal etc. My favourite is "you have nothing to be depressed, you have at least half of your life in front of you". Yea... most people can't realize the fact depression has multiple reasons, Not just the traumatical one. It can be in your genes because someone was depressed in your family, it can be a random switch from a day to the other just because your neurochemical balance got broken and became a neurochemical imbalance. So you don't need any reason to be depressed it can just happen. (just like in my case, and in many others') Sometimes i just don't eat for 2-3 days, then i try to eat normally, then i eat a lot. Same with sleep. Somethimes I'm like an insomniac, then I'm like i have hypersomnia. This cycle is what killing a lot of us. That feel when sleep is not just a sleep anymore, more likely a way to escape. But then you realise that when you sleep only the time passes but it's just like a snap of fingers and you feel the demons again. Then you feel like "please god, i don't want to wake up tomorrow, please". The feel when you are in front of the mirror and just screaming/crying and literally begging to yourself to hold on. I know how it feels, i feel like I already lost and I'm really afrad if it as well. But please, whoever you are, be strong, i know it's a cliche what you hear always, but we hear that all the time only because it's our only chance.
Final score:
8points
Sarah Storm 6 years ago
My depression is just a certain level of stress combined with a large family history of depression. But it gets so bad sometimes I'm suicidal.
#59
I get very apathetic. And I'll refuse (read: I can't) to make any decisions. Even tiny ones like what to eat. I physically won't be able to make a decision. So if there isn't someone around to tell me to eat something and what to eat, I won't eat. If there isn't someone to tell me to go to sleep, I won't. It gets to the point where if someone asks me to make a decision or tries to force me to make a decision I'll just curl up into a ball and cry.
Final score:
7points
#60
I prefer to be awake through the night because I can just stay in bed without anyone getting mad. I sleep up to 15 hours a day during bad periods. When I'm awake, I live in my head, I often don't even move.
Final score:
7points
#61
My sleep patterns are all over the place. I have lots of bad dreams and I’m tired all the time. Work takes a lot of energy, being happy and enthusiastic (I’m a teacher) I crash when I get home. Change makes me anxious. On bad days my hands will shake and I feel anxious and jittery but I don’t know why. I forget my words. If I’m down and someone asks how I’m going I’ll just burst into tears. I’m happiest when I’m too busy to think, but then I wear out and crash. The situation that caused my depression is gone and logically I know I should be fine now, happy now...but I’m still struggling. I lost good habits and picked up some bad habits. I’ll agree to plans and then cancel, I feel like I’m turning into a hermit and if I talk to someone about it they will think I’m weak and get sick of me being down all the time. So, I stay home by myself.
Final score:
7points
Mrs.Davis_ 5 years ago
Right it’s like “your tired of me and if not now you will be later” so let me just stay in my own bubble
#62
People think I'm really flaky. I say I'm busy and I can't do the thing I said I'd do but I'm busy hiding. That's depression. The great need to be busy until you're so totally physically exhausted so you don't have to be afraid of your own thoughts: that's anxiety.
#63
I'm always alone until someone in my family needs something. And I'm up all night trying to figure out how to solve everyone else's problem. After their problem are solved, they're gone...no thank you, and they may even talk about me behind my back about how they used me again. But If I don't help, I'm the crazy sister, aunt,etc.. If family does this to you, I'm afraid to meet strangers. No one cares that I'm alone all day at home hiding in the house with burns all over my body, I've been told that I'm too depressing to be around, until they need help again. I need to drop my family and find people like me. But where do burn victims hook up? Heaven I guess!
Final score:
6points
Madison Pinchot 4 years ago
I'm always looking for a friend. Living in Michigan right now but I 110% , down to every Last word understand and emphasize with u
Zion-jabez Robello 5 years ago
Yo that’s how I feel like just secretly leaving my home and my family at least for a period of time
Leigh Hogan 7 years ago
Look up Robert Henline. I'm sure he'll have some words of wisdom that have concrete meaning for you. robert-hen...d652ce.jpg 
#64
My emotions overwhelm me. I second guess everything I do or don’t do. I feel like no matter what I do it will be wrong. I am constantly exhausted and want to escape into sleep to avoid life. I feel hopeless and helpless and I don’t think anyone understands. I want to scream for help but no one knows how to help me and I feel like they don’t want to hear it and they’re trivializing my struggle. I want to physically cut it out of myself.
Final score:
6points
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
The bad a*s thing about depression is that you have to, you must, you've got to try to intellectually at least always be able to keep in mind that your feelings are "ghost feelings", they feel perfectly real but they are the result of chemical imbalances, they are not you, they put their ugly heads up instead of what you would really be feeling were you not depressed. I sometimes suffer from bouts of migraine. I don't have an aura but it feels like there is a 5-inch diameter wooden pole through my eye. I always get this strange sensation of wonder about how it can possibly be so large and still go through my eye, at the same time as I am aware that it is a "ghost sensation", i e I feel it but it is not real.
#65
Always having to be around someone. I have a total inability to be alone. I don't even have to talk to a person...as long as I know they're physically there, I'm content. Otherwise, depressing thoughts creep in and I end up driving myself crazy. It's less effort to put on the facade that I'm fine in front of other people, than it is to face myself alone.
Final score:
6points
#66
When people rely on you, you keep a mask of the other you tightly in place. The smiling, happy, outgoing, social you. My mask was so tight, I didn't realize that my exhaustion and lack of drive, the fact that a load of laundry would somehow become ten loads, was in fact a very well concealed depression. It took a friend who was also suffering and knew the symptoms to point it out. Life isn't much easier, but I'm still alive. I can't say how much longer I would have been if she hadn't spoke up.
Final score:
6points
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
Wow! A friend in need is a friend indeed. You are lucky to have a friend like that.
N Morton 4 years ago
I really relate. I feel people rely on me so I am smiling, laughing, and "on" all the time. Behind the mask...I usually feel this catch in my throat that I could cry at anytime. I just swallow it so no one sees. My biggest issue with myself is that I have nothing to complain about. I have awesome kids, a husband, great house, good job....but I always feel inadequate. I have a huge fear of failing. All my friends are very type a. Organized, on top of it, growing their own food, being so healthy, would never eat fast food, are clean, exercise, and can manage most things efficiently. I'm type B and I struggle with all of those things. I want to be everything so much that I don't feel I accomplish much. It's exhausting. I feel judged all the time, I don't feel like I can express my opinion since it's different than anyone else's. I never reach out to friends to do anything mostly because I feel like I never accomplish enough. Everyone thinks I'm fine. That's all I want anyone to see.
Teri 5 years ago
I wish I wasn’t every damn day. When the love of your life with whom you thought you’d spend the rest of your life throws you away for a methhead. I’m worth less than a toothless methhead. At 53 now, 18 months later, I still have to drive my his house to go to work every day. I hate him. I hate that God took him away. I hate that God doesn’t care about my pain and loneliness. I wish He’d just let me die.
#67
The worst part is feeling like my kids deserve a better mum but at the same time, knowing how much they need only me and that no one would love them like i do.
Final score:
6points
Renee Kline 7 years ago
please don't think that way. Your children love and need You. No One replaces Mom. do fun things with your kids .... Make happy memories. take them out to eat or to the library or for walks Make tents and watch a funny movie with them with popcorn . this too shall pass your kids need you always remember that.
Big Bird 4 years ago
Yes!!! So true I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for my two little girls.
Load More Replies... 
Martine Borge 7 years ago
I know exactly how you feel! I have two kids (5 and 6 years old) and I struggle with the same feelings every day! I never feel good enough, and only want the best for them, but most days I feel that they would be happier and better off without a mom with depression and anxiety. I do the best I can, and spend alot of time with them when I have good days, but mostly I just want to curl into a ball in my bed with the lights off. My kids are the only reason I'm still here....
#68
Smoking all the time, no light in the room, lots of sleep, smiling for your familly so they don't know how worthless you actually feel. Building a Universe around your own bed because you want just to stay there ... thinking that everything you do is wrong and that most people would be better without you ...
Final score:
6points
#69
I have anxiety and pretty much think I'm useless all the time & that people don't actually like me. It's like My inner monologue is constantly putting me down. Because of this, I can't handle criticism of any kind. In a work situation it comes across like I'm not listening when taking constructive criticism, or if I've made a mistake and I'm being called out on it. It may seem like I'm ignoring criticism but in reality I'm shutting down because i've already started to tell myself that I'm useless and I'm scolding myself for messing up.
Final score:
6points
Mrs.Davis_ 5 years ago
Exactly like I already knew that about myself no thanks for the reminder
sabs elarjoun 6 years ago
this happened to me, I recently got some criticism for some work I had done and it put me in a really bad mindset... my insecurities of feeling worthless and stupid kicked in, and added with the fact it looked like i was being arrogant for not taking the criticism happily, i felt like a complete failure and i got scared that it seemed i was stubborn when really im just overwhelmingly fearful of feeling inferior to others (which i feel quite regularly)
#70
I don't feel like I'm "in me". I feel like I'm looking on. Like I'm behind something but watching with hypervigilance. I also stress over things way beforehand. "Which door will I go in? Someone's going to laugh if I get the wrong door". "Where do I park? I'm going to be in someone's way". "When I walk in, everyone's going to look at me". It goes on and on. My mind is so chaotic that it is empty, blank. I cannot say things in order or make others understand what I am trying to get across. Words won't come. When they do they don't come out right or the thoughts in my head are not the thoughts I am thinking. They think I'm using figures of speech. Once I was telling my therapist that I didn't feel like I was 46. She went to give me a high five! I meant that I feel emotionally stunted, like I didn't go past a certain point somewhere along the line. I have PTSD from sexual abuse by one person and physical and verbal abuse from my father. I had it coming at me in every direction it feels like. I feel SO tired all the time, all, the time. No energy to do anything. I have no interest in anything anymore. My apartment isn't dirty but things pile up. I know, logically I need to get my butt moving but I just can't. I want to sleep and nap all the time. Facebook is an outlet for me. I have made groups so that I can post to only certain people about certain things. I don't want to hear "you are throwing a pity party", or "chin up". That hurts, it does not help me. I cry at the drop of a hat over anything. I cry a lot. Especially when I can't get the right words out or someone points out something I did or said. I am overly emotional and the more I try to curb it, it just makes the situation worse. Everything is super focused around me but a whirling mess at the same time. I hope someone understands what I am trying to say. And thank you for contributing to these answers. It gives all of us validation that we are not alone.
Final score:
6points
sabs elarjoun 6 years ago
exactly how I feel. whilst i cant relate to your traumas, it's that feeling of being "outside yourself" and having an overactive mind that really consolidates my insecurities,,, and being told to get over it because other people have it worse only makes me feel invalidated and then when I'm told my emotions DO matter, it's hard to believe...
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
Not all therapists are any good. Did you manage to take it up with him/her?
#71
I can't sleep at night because thoughts of failure run through my head
Final score:
5points
#72
Sometimes I can't breathe
Final score:
5points
#73
This describes my life so much and it’s to the point where I even cancel Dr’s appt. knowing I needed to go that day. But good to know that someone understands. I pray things get better for everyone that deal with depression and anxiety I the Name of Jesus!
Final score:
5points
#74
I lie awake into the night, and wake up late. It's not by choice. But I usually wake up feeling exhausted, with a headache, and unable to take the world on. I hate taking calls or talking to people, because I can't say what's on my mind because I know they'll treat me like an imbecile, and I can't bear to make small talk when my head's about to burst open. I can't remember the last time I went out. I can no longer look people in the eye for the fear that they'll see what I am hiding. I dress shabby and am usually unkempt, because I no longer care how I look. Does the outside really matter when there is a war and bloodshed within you? Sometimes when I do watch something on Netflix, most of it doesn't even register to me. Its almost like watching life pass by. On most days, I simply forget to eat, and when I do remember late in the night, I'm still not hungry. And on some days, the only thought that gives me any comfort whatsoever is thinking of the warm feeling of bleeding out in a warm bath. Depression is really hard..every single day..and no one understands..but they are quick to abandon you. Depression paired with loneliness is even harder.
Final score:
5points
#75
My house is a wreck, I don't let anyone inside, I have no friends. I work, go home, just sit and watch Netflix for hours. Then get up and go to work again. Fall asleep in my chair. I feel dead inside. On my days off, I just sit all day. I don't leave the house unless I have to.
Final score:
5points
#76
It seems like all the time I mess up, no matter what. I hate working in groups because of this, and I never help out. When the group asks me to help, I always screw up somehow and they blame me for it, rightfully so. It feels like I'm a failure
Final score:
5points
#77
I smile all the time even though I don't really want to but I do it because I don't feel like I'm allowed to be sad when I'm with other people. I also do whatever it takes to make someone else happy, because since I don't feel happy most of the time, it just makes me feel a little better seeing someone else happy. I also isolate myself even though sometimes I really just want someone around.
Anna Zheng 4 years ago
For me, I felt that smiling is like wearing a mask. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm smiling because I'm happy or that I'm forced to, because I felt no one wants to be around a person that's always surrounded by negativity or depressed. I feel better seeing others happy, even though it later makes me feel more depressed because I believe I am not worthy of happiness. I also like being alone but then get anxiety if there's no one around.
sabs elarjoun 6 years ago
"I also isolate myself even though I really just want someone around" is possibly the most accurate way someone has summed up how I feel... i want to be alone but i don't want to feel lonely or alone.
#78
I have tendencies towards a lot of what's been described here: I wake up sometimes and think: 'Ugh! How am I going to get up today?' I have times I want to avoid people, where I become very introverted, where I want to drink every night, where I don't feel like making any efforts to try to address my difficult financial situation (I can't find a good job just yet). I can't speak for everyone, but what works for me, and I think will work for some, but certainly not all others, is that I work against these things one at a time, with simple but effective rules: 1. I will not let myself sleep more than 8.5 hours (assuming I'm not recovering from some serious sleep deprivation) 2. I will not let myself buy alcohol at a store or go to a bar until a weekend night. 3. I will require myself to do at least a few job applications, or application follow ups or go to some networking thing at least a few times a week. 4. I will exercise at least for a half hour 5-6 days a week. 5. I will write one more chapter of my novel manuscript today. 6. I will tidy up my room for 10-20 minutes as I play my favorite music. 7. I will enjoy a little indulgent food like dessert but I won't go crazy on dessert. Ask yourself this: can I put my more intelligent self in charge, one simple step at a time?
Final score:
4points
Analyn Lahr 7 years ago
I should try these. But will my anxiety let me? I did take on step and talk to someone at work source. Now I need to go back for a couple classes before I can meet with that person again. But it's all the way downtown, in a sketchy neighborhood and driving in snow makes me anxious. But I have to do it before I see my counsellor again cos she's expecting it.
Rosemarie Ventura 7 years ago
You sound in a pretty strong place right now and have developed boundaries and skills that help you manage. I know I have times in my life when functioning at the level you currently are was just not possible for me, mentally or physically. Exercising for a half hour when it takes a concentrated effort over a couple of hours to find the stamina to get out bed for a glass of water is just not going to happen for me. But knowing when I see things tending in that direction to notify my healthcare provider before it gets that bad is my answer.
CbusResident (Submission author) 7 years ago
To people who say they literally can't get out of bed, I would ask this (I'm sure others have asked this too): if the room caught on fire, and you knew that if you at least just dashed out of the room, and let's say that doing so, you could also save not only your own life, but that of your pet and even a good friend and family member too, would you dash out of that room and save your pet and good friend or family member? I believe the answer would be yes, even for people who claim they literally can't get out of bed. If you were feeling like that and a cherished friend or family member called you, and said: 'Help me! You've got to come save me, I'm hurt, badly bleeding to death and I can't get through to 911!' Would you get out of bed, drive to where they were and save them? Of course you would, I think. So, when people say they 'can't' get out of bed, are we sure that's exactly true?
Load More Replies... artcatcms 7 years ago
I think my depressive self killed my intelligent self. I make all of these rules to just do baby steps, I write it down, promise myself I will follow them, write all sorts of affirmations and stick them to the mirror. But the depression always wins. I'm so glad you found something that works though!
CbusResident (Submission author) 7 years ago
I hasten to add, my sort of rules are ones that I break not too uncommonly, but then I say: 'Okay, yesterday I skipped working out, let my room turn into a mess and/or got myself alcohol and quickly consumed it on a random week night.' BUT, then I say the next day: 'Okay, I broke my rule but now this next day and night I won't. Then the next day and night. Etc. So it's an ongoing jog, not a one day sprint. Don't let perfect adherence to the system of your routine be the enemy of a decent degree of adherence to the system of your routine.
Load More Replies... #79
I avoid social interaction because I feel people tolerate me only to be polite to my husband or my son. When friends invite us over I stay at home for I don't believe they really want me around.
Final score:
4points
#80
Most people with anxiety/depression flee social settings and commitments. I CRAVE them. If I have any free time during the day, that's when the thoughts and darkness sets in. I put way too much on my plate and I'll get anxiety over it. If I have anxiety over the small things, I won't have time to think about the dark thoughts that are always in the back of my mind.
Final score:
4points
#81
I cant take a bath, nor shower. I am just not able to. i want to get clean but im crying in a bath like a little baby without a reason. and i just don't have the strength needed to wash myself. i'm napping all day and sleeping all night. I have no job. no one care about me. i would like to do many things but i just am not able to force myself to do anything. i cant even watch a movie because its to exhausting and i cant focus. i am already dead but still breathing. im just like a vegetable but still can move.
Final score:
4points
Renee Kline 7 years ago
I had a thought when I read what you wrote. Sometimes when we say depression..what we actually mean Along With the depression is you have a broken heart. that's a whole new ballgame when you have both..i know because it is what i am going through... but if i looked like you young pretty with your whole life ahead of you. i would be out buying some cool clothes..the sexiest perfume i could fine and watching comedies which lift you up watching maekup videos which teach you watching counceling things Online but not too much cause it brings you down after awhile.............. and Smile at every one you go by. You are young your life is just beginning. this too shall pass Chin up girl
Therese DeBlasio 5 years ago
I can’t shower and also cry in the shower. My kids don’t speak to me and I have no way to contact them they are 2,000 miles away and they have blocked me from all social media so the only way I can contact them is by letters that they don’t reciprocate. I feel hopeless and want to be with my mother in heaven
#82
I, personally, haven't been diagnosed, but I relate to almost every one of these. I want to lead a good life, practice, write, get better at things. I feel I can't though, and that is one of the most painful things. I distance myself at social gatherings because I just feel like I don't belong. Even if I do mingle, I feel bad for sharing my ideas the conversation, because I feel as if I'm intruding, or no one cares about my opinion. Even as I type this, I'm thinking that my ideas don't belong here, like I'm taking up a spot that someone with it worse could have.
Final score:
4points
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
By the tone of your post, it sounds more like you are suffering from very low self-esteem, than from depression. Try to do one little thing every day that really scares you. By constantly adding to your comfort zone you may well find that people love to be around you and that they respect your opinions and admire you for them. However, please go to a doctor and explain how you feel. I wish you all the best.
#83
when you can't hold it in any longer and you just fall down, crying, hoping that someone will hear you and help because you are too scared/ashamed/unsure to ask for it. Then realising you're now an adult, and there's no one around to care. Seriously, get help when it is easier and more available. There are so many more options to help teenagers and young adults then when you are middle aged. When you have a child, you can get intensive medical care over the first few days, then every few days, then every few weeks, then it's mostly gone; mother and baby units won't take toddlers. Get help when it is easier and more available.
Final score:
4points
Mrs.Davis_ 5 years ago
On everything REALIZING YOUR AN ADULT and no one cares and you have to care even if you don’t no how to.
#84
Constant dread that someone will call or show up unannounced. Not leaving the house at all because you fear human interaction. Fear of saying the wrong thing and deciding that saying nothing is your only choice...
Final score:
4points
#85
It seems like all the time I mess up, no matter what. I hate working in groups because of this, and I never help out. When the group asks me to help, I always screw up somehow and they blame me for it, rightfully so. It feels like I'm a failure.
Final score:
4points
#86
When I have no energy for socializing or even housework because just getting through the workday takes all my energy.
Final score:
3points
#87
I relate to so many of these. It's helpful to know I'm not the only one. But reading all these makes me think of my own issues and makes want a drink in the the middle of the day. It's not just social anxiety and depression keeping me from a job. I'm afraid if I have a steady income I really will be an alcoholic. Right now I only buy some when my dad sends me money every now and then. Or the rare occasion when my mom (who I live with and rely on for everything) wants some. I only have one friend and she lives in a different state. She also suffers from depression, which might be worse than mine cos she rarely responds to my emails and we haven't talked on the phone in something like as year. She has a job and is busier than me and I know she's struggling. But my anxiety makes me think she just doesn't want to talk to me. Even though she sent me a Christmas present which is the only verification I've had in the last six months that she's alive. And I think or my anxiety does, that she only did that because I sent her a card and reminded her of my existence. There's just so much pain all around. And I don't know how to fix it.
Final score:
3points
#88
Everyone here is not alone, This thread is proof of it. There are people out there who can help work through a lot of theses issues, being medication or conversation, relationship or companionship. The point is, It sucks. This disease really sucks. But to help and fix this disease we need to speak up, Most friends and family and doctors won't know until we tell them. It also helps to push myself daily, to challenge myself, even to scare myself. Maybe to set a time to get up or shower or eat. After awhile it becomes routine. Routines can help move to a better position. Just my 2cents.
Final score:
3points
#89
I'm an introvert and I'm being forced to work with customers. I find it extremely hard to just be outgoing with strangers. Being put in that position constantly has caused me to withdraw from my friends as I'm being left so drained from these interactions at the end of the day that my recharge period takes up more time than I'd like. I'm so depressed I've started eating and can't seem to stop. My life is a nightmare. Everyone keeps telling me to try and find joy in what I do, but they don't understand the effort it takes just to get up in the morning, knowing I'm going to have to face whatever lies ahead for the day. I live in an extremely small town (moved here due to circumstances beyond my control) and jobs are really scarce. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to at all and my spirit is completely broken. Everyone thinks I'm just being negative, but they don't realise the amount of times I've thought of just ending it.
Final score:
3points
Em Norton-Mathews 7 years ago
I can relate to this so much, I worked retail for 20 years and it was so mentally exhausting that when I got home, I would just sleep or avoid my loved ones because I couldn't bear the human contact. It would be a real struggle to get out of bed on time for my next shift and I would spend most of that time crying at the thought of the day ahead. I don't work in retail anymore and I'm in a wonderful career now but I find it really hard to go into a shop now, especially if they're loud and busy and I have had a couple of panic attacks in them.
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
Seek a doctor's advice, if you have not done so already. A person with a broken leg would go straight to the hospital. Suffering from depression is like having a broken leg in the mind. There are lots of different medicines and for most people they work very nicely.
Cherie Barnard (Submission author) 7 years ago
The problem is that we keep telling ourselves "I'm stronger than this" or "It will blow over", especially when you've been through the medication, countless doctor's visits and therapy, telling your story a 100 times to a 100 different people... I know I should seek medical help, but somewhere in my mind I'm still waiting for the impossible to happen. I find it really hard to put my past "perfect life" behind me.
Load More Replies... #90
I am depressed, have GAD and really bad OCD. I am in therapy and on meds, with a good support network around me, but I still have my episodes. Each time I think that I'll see it coming next time. Although I'm much better at seeing the red flags, it still happens. It's going to keep happening. The biggest struggle has been realizing that I guess there are limitations to what I can do about this and that I need to accept it. The end result is always the same: I can't sleep for longer periods of time, I am so tired, like completely exhausted to the point, where I can barely keep things afloat in terms of showing up for work and paying bills, let alone socializing. My OCDs go off the rails and the simplest tasks like doing the groceries or speaking to people freak me out to a ridiculous extend. The worst part, however, is the fact that I am simply unable to see all the good things in my life. The loving, supportive friends, an understanding boss, kindest, most patient boyfriend. And I feel so guilty. So undeserving, worthless and pretty much a bad person. It's like my body and my skin are the barrier between me and all of these good things in my life that I can't reach out to and touch. That's the worst part. I am not in a good place right now, but I'm trying. Baby steps. I'd like to reach out to all of you and say thanks. All of you are awesome for sharing. Keep on keepin' on. We got this. xx
Final score:
3points
Andrea Primo Pierotti 7 years ago
I had OCD when I was 14-16 and now I have problems with panic attack and anxiety. I'm sorry for your condition, but I see that you are aware of that and that you have an excellent insight. This is so important for get better! I wish you the very very best. A virtual hug to you.
David T. (Submission author) 7 years ago
Grazie, Andrea - sending a virtual hug back.
Load More Replies... #91
People dont understand why im always tired. They tell me to get more sleep as if getting more than 10 or 12 hours while having a full time job is even possible. They dont understand why Im worried about starting grad school and getting less sleep. They dont understand that school has wound me inpatient before and a decrease in sleep can quickly result in suicidal thoughts. I get told im overreacting, attention seeking, or otherwise being ridiculous. It hurts.
Final score:
3points
#92
How do I know if I’m depressed ? I definitely have the symptoms, but have no reason to be depressed. I have a life that anyone could feel grateful for .
Final score:
3points
Cathy O'Brien 7 years ago
There doesn't have to be a reason. Prince or pauper, mental health issues do not discriminate.
Yuma Dennis 5 years ago
I’m the same. There’s no trauma, I am surrounded by supportive people, and have a generally good life. But my case is genetic; I have four types of anxiety and clinical depression. You don’t need trauma to be depressed; sometimes there’s a chemical imbalance in your brain that causes this. See someone about your case, it will help you.
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
One has a reason to be sad. Depression is an illness. Would you ever question someone's reasons for having the flu or being a diabetic?
#93
When you watch tv, listen to the music, play some online games, chat with strangers, all at the same time - just to create flood of informations in hope to sank depressive thoughts. When you excessively masturbate, ten times a day, or more - just to provide enough dopamine kicks to cope with depressive thoughts. When your legs just cant stop prancing, restlessly pounding up and down, when you twist your fingers in every possible way - just to redirect your focus from depressive thoughts. When you are sarcastic as hell, when you sting people like a wasp with your words - just to hide the fact you are dying out of fear from depressive thoughts... You do lots and lots of stuff... Weird, repetitive, harmful. Because you are facing opponent, who cannot be defeated - only subdued, from which you cannot run out - only hide.
Final score:
3points
#94
I've given up on finding love again because I don't believe I'm good enough for anyone.
Final score:
3points
Eisenach-mutti 5 years ago
I had the chance to have love again, but because I was so afraid I would tarnish this beautiful person with my inadequacies and sadness that I just found any excuse to not make this happen. And eventually he went to be happy with another.
#95
I was told: "Go out, do something that is good for you", "You have to have to get more exercise", "It will be better soon" and so on. "Why are you depressed? Life is beautiful!" is like "Why do you suffer from asthma? There ist enough air around!" But I also had my mum, she hugged me day for day, needed no words. Helped me through the darkest times. Gave me the "second birth". Love her so much.
Final score:
3points
Megan Harrison 5 years ago
My mum shuts my bedroom door if I'm crying 🤔 I am all alone in a world I don't belong to
#96
I have seen myself and my situations in almost every one of these comments, I have been struggling with severe depression for over 16 years. every time I think I am gonna get better, it only lasts for a few hours, then I am back to the depression . these comments have described me almost exactly . it helps me to feel some better to know I am not alone, but I still feel so alone. thank you all for being so open and honest about your feelings and situations.
Final score:
3points
Trudie Harvey 6 years ago
I see myself in almost every post as well. It’s comforting to know I’m not completely alone and yet so sad to know that so many ppl experience this.
#97
I never realised that depression affected my sanity. after going through a huge spell of being depressed would often be giddy and homicidal for a few hours, or even days after i recoverd. it was really scarry and i cut myself more after the depression spell than i did durning
Final score:
3points
#98
My parents think I'm narcissistic and superficial but im very self conscious and lonely. Being with myself, my reflection, makes me feel less lonely, like I have company.
Final score:
3points
#99
Suddenly the world has become a dangerous and unhappy place. I fear for my children and grandchildren's future growing up in a world like this. There won't be any jobs left because machines will take over, so what future do we have to look forward to ? Over populated, under resourced, unaffordable and extremely violent.
Final score:
2points
#100
Since I take my medication it became less horrible, but before that I stayed in bed for days, it took me almost a year to finish my bachelor thesis, because all I could do was force myself to the library, stare at the blank laptop for hours, read half a page and go back home, exhausted, full of self hate. Tired. Used. Worthless. Stupid. The rest of the time I'm a loud and over-performing person, an entertainer, everybody seems to be impressed by my energy - but as soon as I'm alone I feel I don't deserve love and I'm just a personage in this world but no real human being. I'm drawn to alcohol, nicotine and more, it makes me feel good and belong somewhere for at least a short time.
Final score:
2points
#101
Two things: I write and publish a lot, and make money at it. True, I need a creative outlet, and also true, I make money... but I write because I would rather live in a fictional universe than the real one. I wake up every day disappointed that I'm not dead. Escapism has always been my drug of choice. I apologize for everything, even things that couldn't conceivably be my fault. I feel so bad for inflicting my existence upon other people that I compulsively apologize for anything, when I'm really apologizing for being alive.
Final score:
2points
Eisenach-mutti 5 years ago (edited)
For gods sake, I Even apologized over and over to the nurses and doctors whilst giving birth to my child. Now that tops it all. I am horrified by it but it came natural and although I was happy to have a child I was feeling even then depressed and worthless. So sad really.
#102
Becoming so depressed I lose my mind for a bit and take out my frustration from life on the people I love the most. I don't have many people I trust or care for. It's causing me to lose the people I love and eventually they get replaced, like a never ending cycle. I'm losing the man I love because of this, and I hate myself so much. It kills my will, each time I break, to even go on with life more and more. Already been in the hospital 2 times for suicide prevention this year alone and about to go back yet again because of all this.
Final score:
2points
June Bishop 7 years ago
Please reach out and be determined to get help!!! I know it is hard when you feel like s**t, but 'we', somehow, must go on. My mind doesn't agree but my heart tells me I have people who love me. Is there just one person you can think of that does love you and genuinely care about you in your life? I hope there is. We need those such as you around to help others like us. To relate to each other, validation is priceless in these situations.
#103
I get really irritable from my depression around family and spend hours in my room instead of coming out to play a "family game''. Also, showering and brushing my teeth. My parents don't understand that it's hard for me and frequently call my poor habits disgusting.
Final score:
2points
#104
I'm better now that I'm older (70), but so many many times throughout my life I have been deeply depressed, isolated, and even though there were options available to me - therapy, medications, friends - I often could not bring myself to ask for help, because the things that bothered me seemed so trivial and numerous that I felt no one could believe I was allowing such things stop me from living. My IQ was 145, but I couldn't seem to get beyond getting dressed and going out the door.
Final score:
2points
Rosemarie Ventura 7 years ago
I'm glad to hear things are better now that you're older. The medication that ended up helping me best was not put approved for use in the USA until around 2002. Before that my condition was "treatment resistant". So I've also gone decades without effective treatment. I am sorry you did not feel able to reach out when you were younger.
#105
I died when my husband died
Final score:
2points
Linda Nelson 5 years ago
I died when it finally sunk in that my boyfriend didn’t care about what I’m going thru and then added to the whole situation by constantly blaming me or telling me I don’t listen , never shut up or my opinions are wrong. He said he just shuts up so now I’ve shut down. I’m done. It’s just the same when my family was alive. They were crazy but all of them put it on me as the crazy one. I’m dead inside. I wake up disappointed that I woke up ... again. Being 53 I thought I’d be married with grandkids Nope I own nothing. Not a house car have zero credit and no job No hobbies. And 2 friends who thankfully sorta understand but I don’t think they know that I truly would rather be dead I’m most definitely not doing well
Eileen Dranetz 7 years ago
I can relate to how you feel part of me died when I lost my brother Patrick when he was 20 and I was 10. Since then I lost my only other sibling Michael in 2011 and my dad in 2013. I got laid off after 13 1/2 years of employment from two different employers. I lost my beloved car Cleopatra to cancer when she was 15.
#106
People probably think I’m lazy. The good part is I don’t/can’t seem to care; the problem is me thinking I’m just lazy. Many other people deal with this; I’m not special. Sometimes I want to talk about it, but I feel like I’m just making excuses for myself or seeking attention. It’s a downward spiral with no good way out.
Final score:
2points
#107
Sometimes my head spins so fast and has so many thoughts going through it at once, I become paralyzed. I can't think or move.
Final score:
2points
#108
Overthinking and getting lost in conversation with someone, not because u don't care but because u get used to feeling numb, not listening or speaking too much out loud. Thoughts and feelings become connected and alot of the time u feel like a negative person, like there is a devil on each shoulder and only 1 long dark path ahead...
Final score:
2points
#109
I've given up trying. Everything is overwhelming. Some people can 'take a shower.' For me it means finding the will to do it. Finding something clean to put on. Remembering I've neglected the laundry. Hunting for a clean towel. Knowing I'll have to face myself naked. Feeling so unsteady that I'm going to fall every time I turn around to rinse my hair. Drying off and needing to put on lotion because my skin is burning with dryness but I don't want to physically touch myself. My body disgusts me. I just want to cover myself back up, climb back in to my safe chair - where I pretty much live - and cover myself in a pile of blankets and fall asleep. Between mental and physical effort it's taken me at least 2 hours. I'm filled with a sense of failure that all I can manage in a day is to clean myself. I wish I could just 'take a shower.'
Final score:
2points
#110
I guess this is why I can't seem to take a shower without much prompting and even 12 hours sleep isn't enough and I don' have the energy to talk on the phone unless I am laying down. I take a tranquilizer. I didn't realize that I should take the second pill the doctor said was allowed. Thanks for posting this.
Final score:
2points
#111
Waking up every morning with that pit in my stomach knowing that today is going to be just like every other day; putting a smile on my face and fooling everyone into thinking everything is ok and that I’m a positive person. Feeling like a burden in everyone’s life. Wondering if the real reason people hang out with me is because they feel sorry for me or they don’t want to hurt my feelings. Wondering if people just get sick of me. Constantly “bothering” people with my anxieties and my worries and my insecurities and my fears. Apologizing and feeling bad for every little thing I do, even if it’s minuscule or nothing at all. Reading into every little detail of conversation and over analyzing everything that is said to me, through text or in person, trying to figure out what I did wrong or what the person is really trying to tell me. I take everything the wrong way. Constantly feeling like a failure. Like I’m never going to be smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough. I will never be enough for somebody and most everybody. Hating how my brain just doesn’t shut off. It’s running through every situation of the day and trying to dissect what I did wrong and what I could have done better. And no matter what, no matter how good something is, waiting for something bad to happen. Waiting for something to come in (me) and screw everything up.
Final score:
2points
#112
If I'm not at work, I just sleep. When I'm at work all I want to do is sleep. Sleep is a place that's safe from my thoughts.
Final score:
2points
#113
Constantly feeling like your a fake at school because you smile and laugh along with your so called "friends" that don't even know the real you. They tease you about how many days of school you missed when they don't even realize how hard it is for me to even get up in the morning,shower,dress,and get to school on time.
Final score:
2points
#114
Answering “I’m fine” to anyone asking how you’re doing on autopilot. I hate this question. When people ask if I’m ok, I pretty much have to answer with a lie because if I were to answer honestly all the shit I feel people would run away screaming. People don’t actually wanna know an honest answer. At one point I had a therapist that at every weekly meeting would ask how my week was. At one point I came in really distressed and spent the first 10 minutes crying about all the shit that happened. When I calmed down she asked me the usual question of how my week had been and I automatically without thinking answered “it was fine”. That’s how ingrained it was. I managed to pass it off as a joke though. The only person I would ever answer honestly was my mom. But more and more she would just make me feel guilty for telling the truth. The other day one of my pets died when I was away. Once I stopped crying and was lying in bed she came in and asked if I was ok. I answered I’m fine. I only realized later what I had said. It destroyed me when I realized that the only person I though I could trust and be honest with had made me feel like she was so tired of me that I automatically answered her with a lie just like everyone else. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone. I’ve lost my trust in everyone.
Final score:
2points
#115
A friend of mine is diagnosed with the same mental disorders that I am diagnosed with. She puts herself on a pedestal and explains to everyone that will listen that she deserves whatever it is, because things are tough for her. Because of her mental illness, she cannot hold a "regular job". She can't be respectful and/or considerate of others and their perspectives/thoughts/feelings. She throws huge year-long pitty parties and embeds herself in whatever drama she can find. Excuse me, I have this diagnosis too. Yet, I have an adult job. An adult place to live with my adult responsibilities. Yes, I struggle, hard core. But I do not use it as an excuse, ever. I would KILL to be able to stay in bed all day. That would feel amazing. Unfortunately, I live in the real-world that makes me work for money. I have doctor's appointments. I have bills. I work on myself more than I ever thought was possible. Now, people think I am "normal". Mid-class, white, female that lives in a rich neighborhood, come from a stable home. Bi-polar/non-existent mother, PSTD/workaholic father. I wrote the book on neglectful parenting and I STILL WORK MY BUTT OFF TO AFFORD MY TINY ONE BEDROOM APT. Please, tell me again how I don't know what I am talking about.
Final score:
2points
#116
I get flighty when I'm depressed about work. The slightest thing would cause me to want to quit my job. Even now that I have a job I love, it's a struggle with my "Fight or Flight" mentality. Even if I feel like everything is going great, if something I don't like comes up (i.e. not making enough money), I start getting antsy to move on. Seeing a counselor helped me tame this a lot, but I still have that constant struggle. My counselor helped me realize that, while this is largely due to depression - there is also a significant part of it, that is a result of growing up in a home where my dad moved and switched jobs a lot. We had many great experiences growing up from the different places we traveled and lived, but I can see how that affected my parents' marriage and if I didn't make significant changes in my life, would ultimately set the same trend in my marriage.
Final score:
1point
#117
When my kids were younger it was easier to hide. They are teens and young adults now and they don't get it. Their friends think I am cool and easy going, always enjoy my house to hang out at. Reality is I can't fight anymore. I hope they got enough raising because I am done. I have a fantastic hubby who just "fills" in when I head into my cycle of depression, I am really good at preparing by stocking the house, prepaying bills and arranging my schedule to affect them as little as possible. But that is all the life I have now. I wake up, get them to school, race through chores and errands, grab take out lunch, and nap until they get home. Make supper, or order in, and back to bed to watch stupid reality shows. I am past exhausted all the time, and I know that I will pay if I expend the little energy I have. A 5 minute school visit costs an afternoon at least. By the time I am home all I can do is lie down and let the obsessive thoughts fly until my mind shuts off and I sleep. Not restorative sleep, but deep deep paralyzing sleep that just makes me more exhausted and less able to do what is necessary.
Final score:
1point
Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
Your post reminds me of how intertwined depression and being overworked/burned out seem to be. Burnout has terrible consequences, depression or depressionlike symptoms being one of them. I wish you well.
#118
I cant sleep even if I am exhausted. Fall asleep late wake up early so now I am working everyday just to stay away from going home.
Final score:
1point
#119
I don't go to sleep until 2 or 3am. I sit on the couch and think of everything I need to do before I can get into bed: take my dishes to the sink, shower, brush and floss, unplug my computer, put my daughter in her own bed. OCD on top of depression and anxiety makes things even worse.
Final score:
1point
#120
I had a really bad depressive episode in July. (My therapist says that in the old days, it would have been called a nervous breakdown.) It felt like everything was crashing down around me and it would never get better. I learned that if you leave a message with my PCP and use the word hopeless, they get right back to you. I’d been taking the same antidepressants for almost 15 years, so he sent me to a psychopharmacology specialist, put me on a different combo of antidepressants and added an anti anxiety med, for my previously undiagnosed anxiety disorder. Slowly but surely, I’m becoming me again. I was afraid I had early onset dementia, but my cognitive abilities are returning to the way I was 20 years ago. I guess I would say not to underestimate the importance of properly prescribed mood meds. (In addition to a great therapist.)
Final score:
1point
#121
Lethargic. Feels like an effort to breathe. Heavy chest. Throat feels constricted like a cry trying to get out but its blocked. I PUSH myself into activities - set small goals, complete certain tasks - MUST be done by end of day. It helps.
Final score:
1point
#122
Being on top of and the master of your world only for depression to come along and make achieving one item on your to-do list feel completely unattainable.
Final score:
1point
#123
I've given up trying. Everything is overwhelming. Some people can 'take a shower.' For me it means finding the will to do it. Finding something clean to put on. Remembering I've neglected the laundry. Hunting for a clean towel. Knowing I'll have to face myself naked. Feeling so unsteady that I'm going to fall every time I turn around to rinse my hair. Drying off and needing to put on lotion because my skin is burning with dryness but I don't want to physically touch myself. My body disgusts me. I just want to cover myself back up, climb back in to my safe chair - where I pretty much live - and cover myself in a pile of blankets and fall asleep. Between mental and physical effort it's taken me at least 2 hours. I'm filled with a sense of failure that all I can manage in a day is to clean myself. I wish I could just 'take a shower.'
Final score:
1point
#124
Dealing with so many health issues, hooking up to a machine every night for dialysis. No energy to get out of bed. What is the point of living this life?
Final score:
1point
#125
I sometimes go to the hardware store where I worked part time for 18+ years. Not because I need anything but so that I can help a customer or three and it makes me feel useful and I'm free to leave when I want. In all the years I worked there, only one other employee guessed the reason for my off-shift visits.
Final score:
1point
#126
It makes me feel so sad to hear that so many ppl feel this way too. We were all once awe filled precious little children, who have somehow been beaten down by the modern world. Surely theres got to be a way out. An underlying cause for so much widespread pain. Maybe its our seperation from nature and a more natural way of life. I know that my dogs have always been a source of hope for me to keep going and to see some good in the world. They show me that im important and awesome, to them at least. Now if i could just start believing that about myself.
Final score:
1point
#127
I was overwhelmed by everyone and everything, work, family, partner, colleagues, friends, housemate... I felt that everyone needs something from me and I couldn't handle it. Then I became untisocial, burned out, I was cancelling everything, leaving messy room, not having mood for anything. I didn't want to go for shopping, cooking and felt that my parner doesn't understand what I am going through.
Final score:
1point
#128
I think that depressive-like thoughts particularly effects America/ns because we are so consumerism-driven jumping from the acquisition of one high to the next. Life isn't supposed to be one big orgasm that only the successful and the beautiful achieve. Everyone suffers and its a fool's errand to try to evade this necessary reality. I like to think that suffering is one side of the coin and joy is another. When you put them together in daily activities (smile at someone you don't like, go out of your way to spend time with someone) you find that there's a special experience in understanding that we can share each others' burdens and lighten each others' loads. It's a passage to learning about one another and ourselves at the least. But when you're truly depressed, that does not matter one bit. However, it's clinically proven that fake smiling makes you feel better. How about fake-caring or fake-loving for a while until it actually takes hold of you and changes your life?
Final score:
1point
#129
My husband controls every aspect of my life from morning to night, and I have no energy or will to try to change the situation. The thought of packing my things and leaving him is so overwhelming that I just struggle through each day doing what he tells me to do, and waiting on him hand and foot like a slave because it is easier. I am not allowed to have any friends, or go anywhere by myself without his permission. I am trapped in this life, this house, this misery. Most nights,I pray to not wake up the next day, but every day I do. I wish there was a way out that didn't require any energy.
Final score:
1point
Ivan Lewis-Coker 5 years ago
Do you think your husband controlling you is part of the reason for your depression...?
#130
Good exposure of the mountains people with anxiety and depression climb every day.
Final score:
1point
#131
Tensing up your whole body when you sit because you're afraid of what people think about how you sit, so you try to be perfect and still fail. Numb yourself with hours and hours and hours of listening to music in your room, or sometimes just complete silence. Wanting to talk to someone but you don't even know what you're feeling.
Final score:
1point
#132
At 13 y/o, I took a handful of aspirin, climbed into bed and waited to die. I did drugs and this helped me the short time I was under their vice. I was 16 y/o when I’d sneak sleeping pills. As soon as I awoke, I'd take another to put me back to sleep. I suppose my life was so miserable I didn’t want to be awake for it. I also slit my wrist with a razor blade one evening when I was drunk, but not because I wanted to die. It was a plea for help. I told the police officer in the ED that I didn’t do it because I wanted to die but because I was drunk. So he wrote on the report I was slicing a loaf of bread when the knife slipped. Needless to say I never received any help. Then my baby came along. I had to remain alive for her. It wasn't fair that she would have to grow up without a mom. I became a professional liar and learned to hide it really well. I’d shy away from others. It was a defense mechanism for me. Depression is a horrible thing to have, especially when you’re so young that you don’t even know there’s a diagnosis of it and that it’s hereditary. You believe it’s just you and that you’re just weird or strange. Most days are good but I'm always on the verge of tears. I never could keep friends because to me no one was truly a friend anyway just someone I knew. With depression, you learn how to blame others for your actions. It’s easier to fool yourself into believing the responsibility’s not yours. You’re just the poor victim. You pity yourself. When others talk about someone who committed suicide, they’d say things like ‘that’s so selfish! They weren’t thinking about their loved ones at all!’ But what they don’t understand is that it’s because we feel there’s really no other way out, no one loves us and would miss us anyway, and besides others would be much better off without a loser in their lives. Don’t waste any precious time on me, because can’t you see, I’m not worth it? I don't think anyone ever really 'gets over' depression. It remains a lifelong battle that we learn to fight.
Final score:
1point
Ivan Lewis-Coker 5 years ago
"It remains a lifelong battle that we learn to fight." - I'm now starting to believe this myself...
#133
Going to bed at 9, then sleeping until 10 or 11. Don't even get me started on how hard it is to just get out of bed. It's like you don't have the energy to do ANYTHING, even if it will help.
Final score:
1point
#134
Feeling guilty about sleeping 12 - 16 hours and still no energy Guilty about trying to fill the numbing emptiness with food and getting so fat I hate myself Guilty for taking 6 hours just to get the energy to take a shower then wanting to eat and crawl back into bed Depression is Hell on earth
Final score:
1point
Michelle Trofimuk 5 years ago
I feel for you. I feel exactly the same and do the same thing as you do. Depression is hell on earth.
#136
Three years after my husband died, I thought I was getting thru the depression. After reading this, I see I still have almost every symptom. Except drinking. I don't drink. And I don't work (I'm retired) so some of it doesn't pertain to me. God, give me the strength to make it 3 more years!
Final score:
0points
Ivan Lewis-Coker 5 years ago
But has no longer having your husband controlling your life not made things a little easier now...?
#137
I m constantly either working and torturing myself or sleeping too much, sometimes 12-16 hrs coz, I don't wanna go through the conscious thoughts that race through my brain at all times. I Soo much wish I could die, so I could finally have some peace. I don't wanna exist anymore, in any plane whatsoever. And overeating and curling in a ball during my anxiety attacks. And that emptiness and hollow inside, which is Soo much worse than the pain.
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#138
Gorging on sugar for that half hour of energy spike so I can get something done.
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#139
is there an answer, I have to own my depression as much as I hate it but I make sure now it does not own me, that is hard and I fail a lot. having to make myself get up do things, is an effort but I do it. nothing anyone says can help or make you feel better, sleeping, eating can take over if we let it, I am strong but sometimes this is stronger than me. painful and misunderstood. sometimes for me the front gate is my enemy I just can not get out it, the world is out there, i get up at a certain time and dress every morning as it is to easy to stay there, not saying I do much some days but I am up and dressed. I distrust people as well so that does not help . my animals are my solace with out them who knows where I would be, I know they are my responsability so I look after them and they keep me going
Final score:
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A Ornelas 5 years ago
I distrust people so obsessively that my dominant thoughts while I’m attempting to be in public or even show up to work all revolve around “people are going to see me and I’m going to look stupid “ “don’t walk too fast or people will think you’re trying to compensate for something and laugh”, “ don’t walk too slow they will think you’re pathetic “. I don’t indulge in any conversations because I feel like I’m forced to have these answers and response, then I feel like because my answers/responses may have a stale or immature tone Unintentionally that people think I’m lying or boring or plain dumb and any future conversations with me are pointless. Animals are also my only solace. I am at my most comfortable only with them, no human has ever made me feel good about myself the way my animals do.
#140
I hate the holidays... Family... People and "happiness"... I wish it was just any other day.... Go shopping, make dinner... Like I enjoyed any of this...
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#141
I close down my heart and block emotions, because as soon as I let them in, I can't stop crying over how much failure I am in all life circumstances. I had much bigger expectations on myself and I let myself down. I never show how I feel and I try to make all around me laugh and be happy because I know how much saddens hurts.
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#142
People around me think I'm too immature but whereas I'm tired of explaining my point every single time!
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#144
Eating to dull pain, feeling like a disgusting pig for eating so much, then eating more. Then the endless cycle of looking in the mirror, feeling like a fat slob, eating ore b/c I feel like crap, looking in the mirror again, knowing I'll never look good, or have women look at me like I'm attractive. People telling me, "Well, you know how to lose weight,", and "Just get out and exercise, it'll make you feel better,", or my favorite, "You've totally been losing weight!" Yeah, I know I haven't, the doctor forces me onto a scale every visit, I weigh the same or more than last time, and I look like crap, thanks.
Final score:
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#145
You've reached the point of "I don't care". Your hair is a mess, your clothes don't match, you go to the store in your pajamas. They can think what they want.
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#146
Waking up every morning with that pit in my stomach knowing that today is going to be just like every other day; putting a smile on my face and fooling everyone into thinking everything is ok and that I’m a positive person. Feeling like a burden in everyone’s life. Wondering if the real reason people hang out with me is because they feel sorry for me or they don’t want to hurt my feelings. Wondering if people just get sick of me. Constantly “bothering” people with my anxieties and my worries and my insecurities and my fears. Apologizing and feeling bad for every little thing I do, even if it’s minuscule or nothing at all. Reading into every little detail of conversation and over analyzing everything that is said to me, through text or in person, trying to figure out what I did wrong or what the person is really trying to tell me. I take everything the wrong way. Constantly feeling like a failure. Like I’m never going to be smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough. I will never be enough for somebody and most everybody. Hating how my brain just doesn’t shut off. It’s running through every situation of the day and trying to dissect what I did wrong and what I could have done better. And no matter what, no matter how good something is, waiting for something bad to happen. Waiting for something to come in (me) and screw everything up.
Final score:
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#147
Waking up every morning with that pit in my stomach, knowing that today is going to be like every other day. Putting a smile on my face and fooling everyone into thinking everything is ok. Constantly feeling like a burden to everyone around me. Like I’m too much. Almost as if they are only hanging out with me because they feel bad or they don’t want to hurt my feelings. Over analyzing and reading into every conversation that I have, through text or in person, and trying to figure out what I did wrong or what the other person is really trying to tell me. Never being enough. That feeling of, no matter what I do, I’m never going to be smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough. I will never be enough for somebody or most everybody. Feeling like I’m burdening everyone with my anxieties and my insecurities and my fears. Apologizing for every little thing. Whether I did something wrong or not. My brain doesn’t shut off. It’s constantly running through every situation of the day and wondering what I did wrong and what I could have done better.
Final score:
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#148
Always staying up late after everybody else has fallen asleep, because I don’t want them to see me cry. Also spending so much time on the internet because there aren’t to many other things that can distract me from my own thoughts
Final score:
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Rose LaVerde 4 years ago
Also spending so much time on the internet because there aren’t to many other things that can distract me from my own thoughts ( I know, just looking for something, anything that can change or help somehow)
Aibach Esterchay 5 years ago
100% the same thing here, I'm a gamer so I don't feel lamer. Lol, rhyme. Anyways, videogames (dwindling currently) and anime are the only distractions I feel, from my feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, self-loathing, amongst many other feelings and things I personally would rather not disclose on the internet. But left to my own devices, I sure do beat myself down, mentally that is, even when things are perfectly fine.
#149
I don't know exactly when things started going down hill.i think I've always had anxiety and depression issues, as far back as I can remember..I must of hid it from everyone including myself...in my 20s I became addicted to meth, and men..the drugs numbed the pain, and the men made me forget.. But it also had me pushing those i loved must out, they deserved better than me. My first marriage failed, kids taken, my life seemed over. Nothing left to hold, me here. My brother came and saved me one day I had given up and wanted to die.things were ok for awhile. Or so I told everyone..I'm GOOD. BUT inside I felt like I was going to explode. Moving through each day like a robot. Ten years ago I had major medical problems.,had to have a complete hysterectomy. And broke my leg six weeks after.that was when I slowly began to slip into my own little world.,sleeping,or sometimes wide awake staring at the ceiling.my mind racing.and I just stopped caring. My boyfriend doesn't understand, and he won't listen if I try to explains. He calls me lazy, and we argue all the time, my house is a disgusting mess..I try my best to keep it up,but I'm in constant pain, so no matter what l do it looks like I've done nothing but lay on my bed all day. I get him up and off to work every day,lunch and all. Then depending on my thoughts and dreams I may stay up and watch tv hopefully I get tired enough to go back to sleep..I love him and I have a home..But if him and everyone else will leave me alone..I can stay in my dreams..where life is good...my escape from reality.
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#150
I haven't read all of these. But I'm trying to live my life. I have family, friends, and a boyfriend who loves me...yet at the same time, I feel like its all just a dream. I feel like as soon as I leave the room, they are relieved. I feel like I do nothing but depress the people around me. I constantly nap and have nightmares that scare the hell outta me. All I want is comfort but I'm too scared to ask for it. I'm scared its a burden to ask for comfort.
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#151
Being terrified at all times of what people are thinking about me, and being convinced they all hate me. Also, digging my fingernails into my skin to cause physical pain to distract myself from the emotional pain.
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Aibach Esterchay 5 years ago (edited)
I can relate to both things, I constantly fear and over-analyze what people are thinking of me. Blunders in my past saunter back to haunt me, and I end up pinching myself to try to ignore it.
#152
Lying awake at night because I'm so worried about everything. And the drip from the leak in the pipes, but we rent and the house is such a horrible mess I'm afraid we'll be evicted, so it's all going to snowball.
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#153
Awareness. I always want to be rational and not live by illusions and that's why I'm aware of being a failure and most likely will die like one.
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#154
I stay awake all night, because I dont have to interact with anyone. Then I dont want to get out of bed all day. I've tried having normal sleeping hours, but it's too exhausting dealing with everyone throughout the day.
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#156
Sometimes I'm confused between laziness and depression. But on the serious note, both can be reduced with a will power to do physical exercise, like jogging, dance etc.
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#157
Having big dreams and perhaps great potential, a seemingly outgoing personality, and yet such pervasive underlying self-doubt, feelings of worthlessness and fear to the point you can't make the first step. So everyone thinks you're lazy or full of it. When the truth is you look in the mirror and wonder why even bother, that you're just not worth it. Trying to explain to your boss why you have constant joint pain, stomach issues, and how you struggle desperately to concentrate. Having to listen to people ask you 'Why are you sad? What happened?' when the answer is that there is no real reason...you just feel it. And no, you can't 'shake it off'. Or even worse, having people tell you to exercise more, take some herb, or my all-time favorite 'Just choose to be happy!'. Trying to explain to people how you desperately need company, interaction, to feel cared about, hugged or touched. And yet those very things seem so overwhelming you suffocate in panic. That's another thing. Trying to explain to people how anxiety is the other side of the coin. How it took all you could to get out of bed today and leave the house without having a panic attack. I could write for hours. I don't wish this battle on anyone. Lastly - trying to explain to people that you simply feel more than most. Things affect you. You lie in bed at night deeply worried about animals or people suffering. Sometimes you just wish you could not feel so much.
Final score:
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#158
Since people around me seldom realize that I am in depression, they often tell me how unkept I am always.. And how unkept, disorganised and messy my place is....I don't feel like getting ready or well dressed or go outside with friends or eating food.
Final score:
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#159
How can you not have any job since college And overcompensate at work in a fitnesscentre? Not to mention sitting all day And night in a chair........ Yes depression is no Joke. And Yes "When I reach out when I'm depressed its cause I am wanting to have someone to tell me I'm not alone. Not cause I want attention". But staying in your chair Will not help meeting soulmates. Look for selfesteem. What are you missing, What is it that you really really want And is iT really So hard to go out and go after iT? Of course you have no energy for that but I can assure that energy Will fliw as soon as you Will start to move. And I mean iT. Literally. Get your ass of the couch And start moving. Breathing deeply. Cleaning up all the little blocks. IT May take some time but iT works. And have a good breakfast. And drink water. Lots of them.
Final score:
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#160
Constantly feeling like your friends hate you even when you are out having a good time with them, later coming home and running over all the small things you have done and how it would offend them, which then leads to a panic attack about how no one will like someone like you.
Final score:
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#161
My boyfriend fits every one of these. I also think he is afraid to go out when we are in an unfamiler place. He hides out. I was taking it personally and thought he didn't want to be with me. How can I help him?
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#162
I'm still alive... I feel guilty that this feels like an achievement.
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#163
I'm still alive... I feel guilty that this feels like an achievement.
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Dominick Da SIlva Fernandes 3 years ago
be proud that you made it this far, a lot of people dont
#164
I never had an overwhelming desire to become a nurse or teacher. Going on 30, I still have no clue what I want to be when I “grow up.” When I was 22 and graduating from college, I decided I would go ahead and get my MRS degree, because as long as I was married and someone took care of me, it didn’t matter what I made of my life. Fast forward 7 years later, and I’m divorced (no children, thankfully), and I’m back at a job I had when I was 19. And boy, it sure has changed. But have I? I try to live and work a 12 step program, but most days all I can do is psych myself up to just leave to go to work. No matter how much sleep I get, I never feel caught up or rested. People ask me to hang out, and I put it off everyday because all I want to do with my spare time is curl up into a ball on the couch. Although, I’m not the alcoholic, I know what it is like to become so absorbed with another human being it feels like you don’t know where they end and you begin. When you’re spending the majority of your time alone, it becomes so hard not to let your negative thinking get the best of you. Comparison is the thief of joy, but in our generation it hard to stop comparing yourself to where you think you should be. I also strive to live a life where I don’t nurse my resentments, but I have an extremely hard time letting things go. When your life doesn’t feel like it is going anywhere professionally or personally, it just feels as if you almost have nothing to live for. I keep thinking one day it will just click, life will get easier, with that move- that different job- etc., but the truth is happiness is an inside job. I just haven’t figured out at this age what exactly that means for me. I used to think well if I can just make this marriage work, everything else will fall into place. And then I just realized one day I couldn’t live like that anymore, and I had to work on me for me because I’m the only one who can save me. I also used to pick my ex husband apart. And now that it’s just me (and two cats), I’m the only one left to pick apart. I used to get so annoyed with him for his sleeping issues. And lately it has come full circle - now I suffer from insomnia. I think at the end of the day the biggest lesson to learn is to be kind- to yourself and to others. We are all trying to fight our demons on our own time in our own way.
Final score:
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#165
The highlight of any given weekend for me, is when I talk online with a couple friends of mine and we write stories together based on a mid-90's cartoon. For a few hours every week, I can forget I'm me.
Final score:
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#166
I've decided to break a streak of hiding away from other humans and accepted an invitation to a country house of one of my virtual aquaintances. It was a lovely stay; they have dogs, cats, farm animals and a lot of greenery around the house. No road or cars passing by. I thrived. I kinda bonded with one of the host' work colleagues there. A nice girl, not someone I'd ususally think of as interesting, but really cordial. She said: "When we're coming back to the city, I wanna visit you!" I was like "Erm...my house is a huge mess." She answered; "oh, so you'll just clean it up for the occasion." I stiffened. My house is a bear's den; I don't clean and I don't hoover it like, ever, because I don't have the energy for that. The bathroom floor is littered with trash. The kitchen floor is all sticky. The windows haven't been wiped in years. I haven't made my house proper clean in a long time and frankly, I don't believe this is achievable for me anymore. Most of the time my kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes, because I hate the sole thought of washing them so much. My mother was a control freak and made me wash everything twice. Now I just try to ignore the stink and live there anyway.
Final score:
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#167
"Choose happy." Yeah, I get it. Happiness is a choice for some people. I understand that someone can choose to be sad or angry, as well. However, I can want so badly to be happy, and it not happen. This failure makes me even more sad, more depressed, more anxious. "What's wrong with me that this is not working??" And the cycle continues.
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#168
Meaningful events don't seem as meaningful to me as they do for other people. Okay, I graduated and got a degree. Please don't say you are proud of me. I don't deserve being celebrated. I didn't do anything. Leave me alone.
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#169
If all the above were questions, I'd answer yes to all of them. People call me backwards or anti-social, but just leaving my house makes me anxious and I can't wait to get home again and just stay in bed, watching tv, surrounded by my dogs and cats. I stay home unless I absolutely have to go out.
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#170
I moved to a different state where I know no one but my Uncle.... I try to keep my mind occupied with music then I hear a song and cry... both my parents have passed at very young ages mom was 59 (Dec 2008) and then Dad was 64 (Aug 2013) Im an only child, no kids, no husband/boyfriend.....and then I find a friend here and has asked me to go out 10 times and i have some kind of excuse to not go. Im in physical pain (back problems) so limits me but I can still walk (jus cant run no marathon). In the last state I was in EVERYONE wanted to see what "*****" was doing tonight...and always the life of the party...and now I suffer...I cannot find help because of health insurance. I will go day without washing my hair, I even use "dry shampoo"... no one gets it unless they have it....but Im very glad that Im not alone and not crazy (well ya but no..lol).
Final score:
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#171
Trying to keep my brain occupied by garbage (Netflix and video games) and tricking myself into thinking it's amazing so that I stop thinking about how hard life really is
Final score:
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Babara Boyd 5 years ago
There is so much joy in my heart as i share this testimony. being married to a husband that have secret feelings for his ex girl friend was not that easy for me. i marriage to my husband took a negative turn when he met with his ex after 4years of our marriage. he starting acting very strange, he spend more time with her each time on the phone with her. he finally moved in with her leaving me and our son. i was deeply hurt and in pain. not knowing what to do so i went searching for help on google. i saw (indianspelltemple@gmail. com) he did a love spell that broke that other woman out of our lives. he came back to me after the love spell was done. i'm glad the spell worked for me. direct email is (indianspelltemple@gmail. com) https: //indianspelltemple. com/ Thanks
#172
I’m a man, 60 now and have read through this whole thing and I’d say I can relate to about 90% of it. Thinking back, a lot of my depression and anxiety started when I was 13. I did poorly in school and was very antisocial in school, my saving grace at the time was Air Cadets the one place where I had friends and felt I had a purpose. Outside of that I hid my emotions through building models and drinking etc. with some of my cadet friends. Dating for me was a huge brick wall which I eventually climbed but fell back down 2 times. I gave up and joined the Air Force where for 3 years I stayed away from girls and accomplished a great many things. In my 4th year I met someone and am still married.I came back home and have hopped around many different jobs some awesome some bad.My depressed state was probably not helping me, as I became more and more reclusive. I had 2 kids to look after during the day, while I worked nights so we didn’t need daycare.Got a job painting aircraft which I initially loved but turned into a nightmare with a lot of overtime and not seeing my kids. That’s when things got bad....suicidely bad. I walked off the job and ended up in mental hospital for two weeks, it took a year to recover to where I could function and get work. I struggled in a lousy retail job where I had to pretend to be happy for customer service and had a huge struggle with depression and anxiety and took on too many extra jobs because I couldn’t say no after nearly ten years, I found a much better job as a transit operator and it was great until my diabetes and depression and anxiety reared its ugly head. Weird shifts, restroom breaks, crazy drivers, controlling my diabetes all got the better of me, so now I’ve been to CBT courses, anxiety courses, numerous psychiatrists and multiple different drugs and I feel so helpless no matter how hard I try. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Every day is a huge struggle for everything. I have never felt so incapable in my life. When I look back at my previous accomplishments I feel as though it was a part of me that died when I had my major depression years ago. I feel so much like a zombie just going through life waiting for the end. I spend most of my time in bed or in a chair looking at social media, not even care to watch tv anymore. I am still on long term disability but the money is not much and my wife is retired so we struggle. She has to tell me to do anything, as I simply can’t even think of that. I seldom go out or even drive anymore because of my anxiety. My wife often laughs at tv shows and asks why I didn’t find that funny, I rarely laugh or even find humour in anything anymore. I struggle to interact with my friends and family, I just don’t find pleasure in anything anymore. It’s hard to even go out without seeing anything that depresses me, I can’t even look at a bus anymore without feeling extreme anxiety. I’m not giving up though, I keep trying and see my doctors and hope that some combination of medication and therapy will pull me out of this hell I call life right now. It has been very hard to write this, but maybe it will help someone or even me. Someday I hope to be even a fraction of what I once was.
Final score:
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#173
I wish people could understand the difference between sad and depressed. I have a wonderful husband, a lovely home and a comfortable existence, but still struggle to get out of bed and do anything other than sit on the recliner and watch TV or surf the net. The guilt is overwhelming.
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#174
Know that you are not alone. Depression and Anxiety is a medical illness and there are treatments in wide ranges. It has been around since man. Melancholy was once it's name. Own that you have these feelings and hurts. Abraham Lincoln said "Many times I found I had nowhere to go but upon my knees in prayer". Though sometimes it feels it is a useless cry, know that the veil is thin and angels round about us know and are with us. God does not leave us alone. We need to reach out in solemn prayer over and over and over again. Scream out for help if needed, make your statement to be heard. Educate and know yourself and others. They are all by our sides. Though many, maybe most people really have no clue, you do and your journey is good enough. My story is not just my own.
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#175
Having people tell me that I look so happy because I smile but knowing that my smile just hides the sadness that is my life.
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#176
I bury myself in school work so that I don't have time to think about other things or have to try to spend time with other people. Everyone accepts that I'm too busy because of school, even when they don't accept depression. It's easier this way. The only catch is that I overwork myself, get burnt out, and then the spiral of depression is even worse.
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#177
Awake all night go to bed 5/6am didn't do anything about cleaning up slept till 2pm not sure if it's morning or arvo don't know the day or date don't care. Pain all over never ending pain no shower today can't remember when I had one tomorrow will be fine. Sweating hot then cold nightmares more medication and the Drs are cutting back on pain Meds. Is it worth it alone locked up just like doing time all the time.
Final score:
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#178
Depression can be debilitating. There are days of staying in bed, not brushing your teeth or taking a shower because you just don't have the motivation to do anything or care enough about yourself to take care of "you". Guilt, shame, low self-esteem, & anxiety all play a role. You don't feel normal & want so badly to be like other functioning adults. Depression really sucks.
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#179
Sometimes, I can be in a crowd of people who are my friends but I'll be on my phone because I feel like no one wants me to be here and they are better off like this but they never notice how withdrawn I am...that's what stings the most
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#180
I know it's wrong but whenever I am somewhere, I can feel people judging me for every move and every bite but if I ask them, they don't understand how I could think that
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#181
I can't even cry anymore because I used up all my tears. I'm either super apathic or overly emotional. There is no in between. I've pretended to be sick to get out of things because I don't even have the energy or willpower to get up and go to it. I can never sleep, I just stare at the wall all night or get onto my phone. I'm always tired because of it, and I rarely get up to eat. The worst part is, most people don't even know that almost everyday I consider taking my own life. Sometimes people will seem so happy and bubbly, but maybe a bit shy and tired, and no one would think anything of it.
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#183
My depression is like have no emotion left. Example: ( when you have a cat for 20 years and have to put him down. Normally you would cry right?) I dont feel anything anymore.
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#184
People think I am lazy and unmotivated. I'm just exhausted all the time from not sleeping and constantly fighting with my thoughts and emotions. Life is a challenge most everyday, even the simplest things.
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#185
I find myself constantly battling with the need of validation from people that I love, while also not wanting to burden them or be needy. My brain is screaming ‘ask him if he likes you!’ and when I inevitably, desperately, insecurely do ask, I realise that no answer will make me feel like it’s true. Instead I’m searching for any sign that the person thinks the opposite - a pause, a sigh, physical distance. I find myself suffocating in a cloud of rejection, that only exists to me.
Final score:
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Tom Bradley 5 years ago
it been a while since when my lover attitude changed from being the caring type he has been to not been caring at all. But not long, I later discovered that my lover was having an affair with someone else but just within 48 hours that i contacted Dr.Akpada through these detail (akpadatemple@hotmail com) or whatssap +447781514271 my lover returned back and broke up with the other girl he was having a relationship with.
#186
is there an answer, I have to own my depression as much as I hate it but I make sure now it does not own me, that is hard and I fail a lot. having to make myself get up do things, is an effort but I do it. nothing anyone says can help or make you feel better, sleeping, eating can take over if we let it, I am strong but sometimes this is stronger than me. painful and misunderstood. sometimes for me the front gate is my enemy I just can not get out it, the world is out there, i get up at a certain time and dress every morning as it is to easy to stay there, not saying I do much some days but I am up and dressed. I distrust people as well so that does not help . my animals are my solace with out them who knows where I would be, I know they are my responsability so I look after them and they keep me going
Final score:
-1point
savannah wise 2 years ago
animals are also my solace I love them so much. they really help me to get up and keep going, and their power is really underestimated.
Linnea Keating 5 years ago
I have severe depression. It’s caused by my family. They neglect me, use me as their sharpening rack when the are angry. It kills me inside every day. I haven’t smiled in a long time and cry myself to sleep more nights than not. I am always feeling hate and resentment. Hopelessness and despair. I’m trapped. If death is the only way out of the hurt one day I might open its door. My family don’t realize what they are doing they just say, why are you always sad, she just wants bad attention. Things like that. I’ve tried to tell them how I feel but they deny it and say it’s all in my head. I’m ignored by them, and sometimes with my friends as well. I’m an introvert but that doesn’t mean I want to always be alone and hated. I feel worn out. I once was a happy girl, always smiling. Now I’m stone faced angry and sad. I wonder if I could ever go back to that.
#187
Beeing rude and aggressive to others. The only thing that prevents tears running down my cheeks when I'm in company.
Final score:
-1point
Ally jose 3 years ago
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Superior Spell Temple 4 years ago
There is so much joy in my heart as i share this testimony. being married to a husband that have secret feelings for his ex girl friend was not that easy for me. i marriage to my husband took a negative turn when he met with his ex after 4years of our marriage. he starting acting very strange, he spend more time with her each time on the phone with her. he finally moved in with her leaving me and our son. i was deeply hurt and in pain. not knowing what to do so i went searching for help on google. i saw (visit lovespellsolutiontemple. wordpress. com) he did a love spell that broke that other woman out of our lives. he came back to me after the love spell was done. i'm glad the spell worked for me. direct email is (24hrslovespell@gmail.com) Thanks
#188
Sometimes I get agitated when my friends say they have depression, anxiety, or cut. I have and do all of those things but I don't go around parading about all my problems because I feel that no one would care anyway. I don't want to share about everything because no one will fully understand it. I don't understand it myself.
Final score:
-1point
#189
I m constantly either working and torturing myself or sleeping too much, sometimes 12-16 hrs coz, I don't wanna go through the conscious thoughts that race through my brain at all times. I Soo much wish I could die, so I could finally have some peace. I don't wanna exist anymore, in any plane whatsoever. And overeating and curling in a ball during my anxiety attacks. And that emptiness and hollow inside, which is Soo much worse than the pain.
Final score:
-2points
shawn Love 6 years ago
Yesterday I planned to go get sea food, the day before I walked with a pep in my step outta work so glad that I could relax. I couldn't wait to get out in the fresh air and have some me time. The day of, I stayed home in my room in a blur of drinking, crying, and trying to convince myself to go outside. Everything I once loved to do, is now a chore that I have no energy for. I have no interest in the outside world and I'm exhausted trying to hide it every single day.
Ally jose 3 years ago
I trusted Dr Ogedegbe totally from the time I spoke with him during the period my husband Left me after 7 years of our marriage, He started the spell work on my husband, and gave me so much assurance, and guarantee me that he was going to bring my husband back to my feet in just 48 hours of the spell casting. I have so much confidence in his work and just as he said in the beginning, my husband is finally back to me again, yes he is back with all his heart, Love, care, emotions and flowers, and things are better now. I would have no hesitation to recommend this powerful spell caster to anybody who is in need of help. Email this great spell caster today via dr.ogedegbe6@gmail.com or via whatsapp +2348109374702.....
Bilikisu Yakubu 4 years ago
My life have be troubled by having sleepless night at all time about my husband but today i’m happy about what Dr Samura have done in my life i don’t have much to say because his spell work was like a magic contact Doctor Samura on E-mail: SAMURATELLERSPELL@GMAIL.COM or call him on phone +2347030554802 whatsapp.
Micheal Porter 5 years ago
An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my wife back to me.. My name is Micheal Porter i live in USA and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain I tried all my possible means to get her back after much begging but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision and she never wanted to see me again So on one evening as i was coming back from work i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back is to visit a spell caster because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell but i had no other choice than to follow her ....
Micheal Porter 5 years ago
follow her advice Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she email(drayoolasolutionhome@gmail.com) So the next morning i sent a mail to the address she gave to me and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed so he spoke with me and told me everything that i need to do Then the next morning So surprisingly my wife who did not call me for the past seven {6}months gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back contact Doctor Ayoola for help if you need help to get your love one back He is verry good in what he do Via email: drayoolasolutionhome@gmail.com or website : https://drayoolasolutionhome.com/ or text him on whatsapp: +31684065675
Micheal Porter 5 years ago
An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my wife back to me.. My name is Micheal Porter i live in USA and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain I tried all my possible means to get her back after much begging but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision and she never wanted to see me again So on one evening as i was coming back from work i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back is to visit a spell caster because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell but i had no other choice than to follow her advi
Terry Yonka 5 years ago
How to Handle Depression:
Dealing With The Stupidity of Today's Society During a COVID Pandemic. uimg4d30f4...468fde.jpg 
Ally jose 3 years ago
contact this powerful spell caster dr ogedegbe via email dr.ogedegbe6@gmail.com
Load More Replies...Living with depression can involve complexities that aren't obvious to everyone, much like coping with chronic conditions such as ME/CFS.
Both scenarios showcase the importance of understanding invisible challenges people face daily, encouraging greater empathy and support from the community.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
just a thought ! 7 years ago
It's scary how I relate to some of these completely .Like I could've written it myself... Cause that's how I exactly feel. I'm glad people are voicing out their thoughts now.
Rebecca Segar 6 years ago
Helpful to see it articulated, I could never find the words- so accurate, and helpful in showing others & explaining how I feel
Load More Replies... Elizabeth Brooklyn 4 years ago
LOVE SPELLS TO GET EX HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND OR EX WIFE/GIRLFRIEND WITHIN 24 HOURS.WHATSAPP +2347059387282 I'm so excited my broken Marriage been restored my ex lover is back after he left me and our kids for another woman. i was so happy to met Dr Ogaga how he help many people to bring there Lover back so i contact him to help me too. that was how Ogaga help me to bring my lover back.. A big thank to you Dr Ogaga because I never thought my ex lover will be back to me so quickly with your spell. You are the best and world greatest. if you are here and you need your Ex Lover back or your lover moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: ogagaspellcastertemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347059387282
kousar seo 5 years ago
That is really nice to hear. thank you for the update and good luck.ppe
kousar seo 5 years ago
That is really nice to hear. thank you for the update and good luck.brampton furniture
Anonymous 7 years ago
You would think I'd get some small comfort from knowing I'm not alone in my situation and intense feelings. There is no comfort. I imagine those people having at least one person in their life that they have human contact with. I feel myself circling the drain, alone, and unknown to anyone else. I'm 50. I've lost every friend, the respect I had from working, the trust of my family to be reliable to show up at anything. The war is in my head and no one is on my side helping me to fight. If there was just one person....maybe I would have some hope. Just because I used to be 'OK' people can't expect me to suddenly snap out of being bi-polar and suffering from PTSD. It doesn't work like that. I'm sorry for rambling. Please nobody troll me. I can't handle it. I just needed somewhere to talk.
SnoopyCereal 7 years ago
I am not at all sure, but I think I have some sort of anxiety... I haven't said anything to anyone yet and have been trying cope by myself. Any advice?
Dani Donovan 7 years ago
Go to your doctor. Find a therapist. You don’t have to go the medication route though. I’ve done DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) and it has helped a lot. Google it. Sometimes just finding a way of re-focusing your thoughts helps. Best wishes! xx
Load More Replies... Yna Milyana 7 years ago
Depression is a health issue. It's not some imaginary thing. Just like heart disease or cancers, people need to have awareness about it. People with depression sometimes don't need you to understand how depression affecting them. Simply acknowledge the health issue is plenty enough
Tineka Howell 1 year ago
I am sharing this testimony to partners who are suffering in their relationships because there is a lasting solution. My husband left me and our Children for another woman for 6 years. I tried to be strong just for my children but I couldn't control the pains that torment my heart. I was hurt and confused. I needed help so i researched on the internet and found a site where i saw that Dr. Salem a great spell caster that can help get lovers back with natural zodiac sign spell. I contacted him and he did a special prayer and spells for me. To my surprise, after 48 hours, my husband returned home. That's how we met again and there was a lot of love, joy and peace in the family. You can also contact Dr. Salem from any part of the world a powerful spell caster for solutions on your contact below. Email: (salemmanifestloverspell@gmail. com or salemmanifestloverspell@outlook. com) WhatsApp +234 805 397 4975
Sophia Taylor 3 years ago
My name is Sophia. I am here to make a review about how (Dr Jatto) helped me in fixing my marriage and also to those out there seeking for help and advice on how to save your broken marriage or relationship, one months ago I was having issues with my husband I noticed he has been having an affair with another young lady in his place of work I confronted him but he got angry and say to my face that it’s true, as if that was not enough he went ahead by telling me he doesn’t love me anymore that he wanted a divorce I was to devastated and confused, I pleaded with him that I don’t want a divorce but he insisted,before then I had heard about (Dr Jatto) while browsing on the internet how he use to help people with broken marriages and relationships, I gave it a thought and I decided to contact him, he promise to put a smile on my face again, I followed his instructions and after 3 days I was so surprised to see my husband kneeling before me and apologizing for what he had said about the div
Ozoramaka Theresa 3 years ago
Hello am james mark from USA, i just want to say a very big thanks to Dr Macaulay for my soul from dieing of Herpes Virus,i have being suffering from this Herpes Virus for two years now, i saw Dr Macaulay email address on a comment of someone who he has helped i was so encourage with the testimony been shared, i took the man email address and also contacted him for help he replied me and ask for some of my details which i provided and also ask for some useful Materials Needed for the herbal herbs which also did not cost me much, i provided all he needed from me to God be blessed this Dr prepared a parcel and send it to me followed with the instruction on how to take the herbal herbs medicine for 14 days. So surprisingly after taking the herbal herbs i went to the hospital for checkup to my greatness surprise my result came out (negative),i will never stop sharing my testimony of how i was cured from my Herpes Virus by Dr Macaulay you can also write him for any type of help you may n
just a thought ! 7 years ago
It's scary how I relate to some of these completely .Like I could've written it myself... Cause that's how I exactly feel. I'm glad people are voicing out their thoughts now.
Rebecca Segar 6 years ago
Helpful to see it articulated, I could never find the words- so accurate, and helpful in showing others & explaining how I feel
Load More Replies... Elizabeth Brooklyn 4 years ago
LOVE SPELLS TO GET EX HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND OR EX WIFE/GIRLFRIEND WITHIN 24 HOURS.WHATSAPP +2347059387282 I'm so excited my broken Marriage been restored my ex lover is back after he left me and our kids for another woman. i was so happy to met Dr Ogaga how he help many people to bring there Lover back so i contact him to help me too. that was how Ogaga help me to bring my lover back.. A big thank to you Dr Ogaga because I never thought my ex lover will be back to me so quickly with your spell. You are the best and world greatest. if you are here and you need your Ex Lover back or your lover moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: ogagaspellcastertemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347059387282
kousar seo 5 years ago
That is really nice to hear. thank you for the update and good luck.ppe
kousar seo 5 years ago
That is really nice to hear. thank you for the update and good luck.brampton furniture
Anonymous 7 years ago
You would think I'd get some small comfort from knowing I'm not alone in my situation and intense feelings. There is no comfort. I imagine those people having at least one person in their life that they have human contact with. I feel myself circling the drain, alone, and unknown to anyone else. I'm 50. I've lost every friend, the respect I had from working, the trust of my family to be reliable to show up at anything. The war is in my head and no one is on my side helping me to fight. If there was just one person....maybe I would have some hope. Just because I used to be 'OK' people can't expect me to suddenly snap out of being bi-polar and suffering from PTSD. It doesn't work like that. I'm sorry for rambling. Please nobody troll me. I can't handle it. I just needed somewhere to talk.
SnoopyCereal 7 years ago
I am not at all sure, but I think I have some sort of anxiety... I haven't said anything to anyone yet and have been trying cope by myself. Any advice?
Dani Donovan 7 years ago
Go to your doctor. Find a therapist. You don’t have to go the medication route though. I’ve done DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) and it has helped a lot. Google it. Sometimes just finding a way of re-focusing your thoughts helps. Best wishes! xx
Load More Replies... Yna Milyana 7 years ago
Depression is a health issue. It's not some imaginary thing. Just like heart disease or cancers, people need to have awareness about it. People with depression sometimes don't need you to understand how depression affecting them. Simply acknowledge the health issue is plenty enough
Tineka Howell 1 year ago
I am sharing this testimony to partners who are suffering in their relationships because there is a lasting solution. My husband left me and our Children for another woman for 6 years. I tried to be strong just for my children but I couldn't control the pains that torment my heart. I was hurt and confused. I needed help so i researched on the internet and found a site where i saw that Dr. Salem a great spell caster that can help get lovers back with natural zodiac sign spell. I contacted him and he did a special prayer and spells for me. To my surprise, after 48 hours, my husband returned home. That's how we met again and there was a lot of love, joy and peace in the family. You can also contact Dr. Salem from any part of the world a powerful spell caster for solutions on your contact below. Email: (salemmanifestloverspell@gmail. com or salemmanifestloverspell@outlook. com) WhatsApp +234 805 397 4975
Sophia Taylor 3 years ago
My name is Sophia. I am here to make a review about how (Dr Jatto) helped me in fixing my marriage and also to those out there seeking for help and advice on how to save your broken marriage or relationship, one months ago I was having issues with my husband I noticed he has been having an affair with another young lady in his place of work I confronted him but he got angry and say to my face that it’s true, as if that was not enough he went ahead by telling me he doesn’t love me anymore that he wanted a divorce I was to devastated and confused, I pleaded with him that I don’t want a divorce but he insisted,before then I had heard about (Dr Jatto) while browsing on the internet how he use to help people with broken marriages and relationships, I gave it a thought and I decided to contact him, he promise to put a smile on my face again, I followed his instructions and after 3 days I was so surprised to see my husband kneeling before me and apologizing for what he had said about the div
Ozoramaka Theresa 3 years ago
Hello am james mark from USA, i just want to say a very big thanks to Dr Macaulay for my soul from dieing of Herpes Virus,i have being suffering from this Herpes Virus for two years now, i saw Dr Macaulay email address on a comment of someone who he has helped i was so encourage with the testimony been shared, i took the man email address and also contacted him for help he replied me and ask for some of my details which i provided and also ask for some useful Materials Needed for the herbal herbs which also did not cost me much, i provided all he needed from me to God be blessed this Dr prepared a parcel and send it to me followed with the instruction on how to take the herbal herbs medicine for 14 days. So surprisingly after taking the herbal herbs i went to the hospital for checkup to my greatness surprise my result came out (negative),i will never stop sharing my testimony of how i was cured from my Herpes Virus by Dr Macaulay you can also write him for any type of help you may n
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