Depression affects millions of us, and while we are slowly opening up about mental health issues and beginning to banish the stigma that surrounds them, it is critically important to keep open the conversation to foster understanding and empathy for those who may be struggling.

Sarah Schuster is the mental health editor at The Mighty, and she decided to find out how depression manifests itself in ways other people can't see.

“While most people imagine depression equals 'really sad,' unless you’ve experienced depression yourself, you might not know it goes so much deeper than that,” she writes. “Depression expresses itself in many different ways, some more obvious than others. While some people have a hard time getting out of bed, others might get to work just fine — it’s different for everyone.”

Asking community members on The Mighty Facebook page the question: “What's something people don't realise you're doing because you live with depression?” The response was eye-opening. Below is a list of some of the things that people had to say. Scroll down to check it out.

#1

Struggle to get out of bed, sometimes for hours. Then just the thought of taking a shower is exhausting. If I manage to do that, I am ready for a nap. People don't understand, but anxiety amd depression is exhausting, much like an actual physical fight with a professional boxer.

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Victor Calamity 1 year ago

Anxiety is both draining and exhausting. And yes, it can outflank you like a professional fighter.

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#2

Going to bed at 9 pm and sleeping throughout the night until 10 or 11 am. Then getting out of bed is the hard part. Showering is also a struggle. Trying to keep the house tidy. Watching hours upon hours of Netflix but not even interested in what I'm watching because nothing really interests me anymore.

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Lodogg 3323 1 year ago

Already killed Netflix and Prime, working my way through Hulu currently... I’ve seen every season of everything. Some twice.

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#3

I don't like talking on the phone. I prefer to text. Less pressure there.
Also being anti-social. Not because I don't like being around people, but because I'm pretty sure everyone can't stand me.

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Victor Calamity 1 year ago

GET OUT OF MY HEAD...this is me!

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#4

I can deal with depression, I can't deal with people who say "we all get sad at times, get over it" "I'm depressed too, I get on with my life" depression isn't the same for everyone. I'm glad some people can cope easier but I can't.

Jess Wells Report

Hope Floats 1 year ago

I can associate with this...I get told to 'snap out of it'..'Pull myself together''...''You're such a bore''.....I wished sometimes that these people could spend just one hour in my shoes and have barked at them the same put downs...

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#5

Agreeing to social plans but canceling last minute. Using an excuse but really you just chickened out. It makes you think that your friends don't actually want to see you, they just feel bad. Obligation.

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#6

Sometimes I'll forget to eat all day. I can feel my stomach growling but don't have the willpower to get up and make something to eat

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Hope Floats 1 year ago

I unfortunately do the opposite,'over-eat', as food sometimes is the only comfort i have...

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#7

Hiding in my phone. Yes, I am addicted to it, but not like other people. I don't socialize, I play games or browse online stores to distract myself from my negative thoughts. It's my safe bubble.

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Analyn Lahr 1 year ago

Me too. I much prefer games.

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#8

In social situations, some people don't realize I withdraw or don't speak much because of depression. Instead, they think I'm being rude or purposefully antisocial.

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Hari Onago 1 year ago

I can understand this but in relation to my, sometimes, overwhelming anxiety.

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#9

Say that I'm tired or don't feel good all of the time. They don't realize how much depression can affect you physically as well as emotionally. I have a hard time finding energy when I'm in a depressive cycle. That means I don't stay on top of stuff & let things slide (like house work) because I use all of my energy for what absolutely has to be done. Then I have none left for anything else. When I'm depressed, we eat out more, my house chores fall behind, & I binge watch TV or read to escape. But the energy, that's just gone.

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Brian Beims 1 year ago

And the pain in every joint and muscle because I work over hard compared to others, doesn’t help, either

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#10

I used to live with depression. People didn't seem to notice it because I was always smiling while talking to them and making jokes which made my personality look bright and joyful, while I was actually dark inside, full of sadness and lost hope.

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Celeste Munoz 1 year ago

Man, that is so me!!

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#11

Purposely working on the holidays so I can avoid spending time with family. it's overwhelming to be around them and to talk about the future and life so I avoid it.

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Victor Calamity 1 year ago

Family I'm OK with, but literally any other gathering of people is exhausting to be around

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#12

People think I'm lazy and a freerider because I haven't had a job since leaving uni. They don't realise that I want to work more than anything, but have an endless stream of negativity constantly running through my head that terrifies me out of even printing out an application form.

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Celeste Munoz 1 year ago

That is exactly what I hear from my daughter, she suffers from depression too.

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#13

Isolating myself, not living up to my potential at work due to lack of interest in anything, making self-deprecating jokes. I've said many times before, "I laugh, so that I don't cry."
Unfortunately, it's all too true

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Pavel Nekoranec 1 year ago

My coping mechanism is sarcasm which sometimes sends strange signals to people around me, they don't believe that I'm death inside, they just think I'm cynical.

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#14

Depression to me was like having an evil person as my puppet master telling me that I will feel no joy, have no desire, have no energy, no appetite, no light. Like something steals your soul. Until you have experienced it, you will not understand it. I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy.

Erin Z. Adam Report

Marie-Eve Barette 1 year ago

"Like something steals your soul." Exactly.

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#15

Being angry, mean or rude to people I love without realizing it in the moment. I realize my actions and words later and feel awful that I had taken out my anger on people who don't deserve it

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Anna Bertane 1 year ago

Too relatable... :-'(

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#16

For me, specifically the things I wish people would realise are due to my depression are my apparent "laziness", virtually not keeping in touch with anyone, bad personal hygiene, and extremely bad reactions to seemingly trivial things.

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Teresa Richardson 1 year ago

"Apparent 'laziness' ", uggghhhh. "Bad personal hygiene", can't face that shower and then drying off and putting fresh pajamas on to go right back to bed...forget it. It can be too much. And "extremely bad reactions to seemingly trivial things"...how about when things that are NOT trivial happen? Writhing in bed in an agony of worry and panic.

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#17

Neglecting to do basic things like laundry, not wanting to cook a meal or eat. They think I’m being lazy.

Rebecca R. Report

Teresa Richardson 1 year ago

Depression can cause confusion to the point that one cannot follow a recipe, even a recipe that one has made many times in the past. Just give up and go back to bed and the ingredients just sit there and go bad. Then feeling guilty and sad about that.

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#18

Fighting day to day with not wanting to give up and trying to show myself my own self worth.

When I reach out when I'm depressed its cause I am wanting to have someone to tell me I'm not alone. Not cause I want attention.

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T Lilly 1 year ago

i gave up even trying to reach out; seems like no one has time, no one listens, no one cares

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#19

I just sit all day, getting up only to use the bathroom. My chair is also my bed. I have a bed, but i just stay in my chair. I don't sleep well, and I eat very little. The TV is on, but I may or may not be watching. I just sit.

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Maike 1 year ago

once at a very depressed phase when i was very young and in very bad circumstances- i came home friday in the afternoon, slept until saturday noonish, woke, went to the toilet, ate, drank went back to sleep, and slept till sunday afternoon. woke, bathroom, ate, drank sleep again. Depression can make you to tired to partcipate in life. I also lay on my Bed, once home, stared into the Air and could not get up. Thank God things got better when i got older, i became more stable and better at caring for myself. Depression runs in our Family and i hope what you get from my Answer is, that there is hope, with Therapy, and with Awareness of the Situation and that the Energy it takes to keep it that way, the same Energy it costs changing it. so if you can decide for change do it. You are not alone living on your Chair! I know my Depression is still lerking around in the Shadows, i have to be proactive just about everything but actually it does not scare me so much anymore. God Bless you

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#20

My house is a huge mess.

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Karen Frazier 1 year ago

Yep.

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#21

I over compensate in my work environment...and I work front line at a Fitness Centre, so I feel the need to portray an 'extra happy, bubbly personality'. As soon as I walk out the doors at the end of the day, I literally feel myself 'fall'. It's exhausting! Then my night is a constant battle in my head fighting my desire to 'shrink' and anxieties. Most people that I interact with would NEVER know I live a daily battle of major depressive disorder, PTSD and anxiety. I am a professional at hiding it.

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Laurinda Mary 1 year ago

Yup. And getting told you're not depressed because you're so bubbly.

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#22

I don't talk much in large groups of people, especially when I first meet them. I withdraw because of my anxiety and depression. People think i am 'stuck up'. I'm actually scared out of my mind worrying that they don't like me, or that they think I'm crazy or stupid, by just looking at me...

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Hollie Newton 1 year ago

I'm the opposite I actually try to be stuck up purely because I am scared and insecure

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#23

Cancel plans because of anxiety. Stay home and hardly ever go out. Struggling to get out of bed everyday. It's exhausting. Getting ready for work is a struggle. There is so much. Been dealing with this for 35 years

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Karen Frazier 1 year ago

Right? People say, “just get up and get out. You’ll feel better.” Like I’d never thought of anything so stupidly obvious before. I’d have already done it years ago if it were that easy.

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#24

The struggle to get out of bed and get off the couch is hell. The physical pain that exists. The house always a mess because no one else will or can do anything and I get blamed which all just makes the depression worse. The thinking about what I need to do makes me anxiety paralyzing.
Not having a job and physically not being able to even look for one after all the rejection.
People think I'm lazy.
I know a clean house helps me feel better, helps me socialize, causes peace and calmness, I want to and I try, but I just can't. I know a job will give me purpose and reduce stress by adding some financial stability to my family. I really want one and perhaps that is why it is so heartbreaking every time those phone calls don't come.

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Brian Beims 1 year ago

Every worthless job has broken down my body to the point now and the pain is barely bearable. I don’t want another menial manual labor, but I want to contribute to society. But no one can handle me for more than a couple months. Always sea4ching for another job.

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#25

People don't realize that I say sorry before I even think about expressing any opinions because that's how worthless I feel. I'm apologizing for feeling anything about anything because that's how little I feel I matter. They don't just know I feel like apologizing for even breathing in their general direction. I even say I'm sorry before asking to use the bathroom no matter how long I've held it. I feel like a burden for biological needs I have no control over.

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Rafaella Bueno 1 year ago

Same here. And then I feel sorry for being sorry at all because even that is thinking too highly of myself, I mean, if I think I'm a bother, I'm thinking that I actually matter at all.

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#26

Sometimes I'll go days without speaking to anybody. People tend to believe I'm ignoring them on purpose when really I am just lost within myself. I don't mean to seem like I'm pushing people away. Some days it's hard when my thoughts consume me and when I can't find the motivation to simple things that others do on a daily basis.

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Saurabh Saluja 1 year ago

It is in present happening with me

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#27

That I'm fighting through a wall of separation when I talk to them. That sometimes I blank or delay in answering because I'm still trying to process what they're saying.

That when I reach out to them it's after an agonizing period of trying not to. I don't want to burden people with my shit, but sometimes I just need to hear someone's voice.

That my everyday is marked with extreme fatigue and exhaustion. That everything for me takes much much longer.

That I am completely envious of people who are full of life and genki af. That I wish my life was nothing but optimism and bliss, that I felt a zest for life and was overflowing with energy. That that is who I really am behind all the junk they have to see and put up with. That I wish I could just ignore it all and have fun.

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Brian Beims 1 year ago

Yes, I DO enjoy life but the ups are so far between the downs. SOOOO far...

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#28

Answering slowly. It makes my brain run slower and I can't think of the answers to the questions as quickly. Especially when someone is asking what I want to do - I don't really want anything. I isolate myself so I don't have to be forced into a situation where I have to respond because it's exhausting.

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Teresa Richardson 1 year ago

The fight to get words out of the blackness is exhausting.

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#29

The excessive drinking.
Most people assume I'm trying to be the "life of the party" or just like drinking in general. I often get praised for it.
But my issues are much deeper than that.

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Steffi Klein 1 year ago

Same here. Didn't had a drink for three weeks now, and hopefully counting - but I'm writing this lines on my bed in a room in a psychiatry. The second time this year, at first because of a panic disorder, now it's the depressions I slided in afterwards. Drank way to much because of both, I'm so sick of this.

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#30

I push away/cut off everyone that I care about because I can't bear to be hurt by them! Everyone just thinks I'm mean and anti-social.

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#31

I wake up feeling like I'm a failure. I have to coach myself every morning into telling myself that I'm good at my job, my kids love me, my husband needs me...and if I don't go to work everything gets shut off... it's like I can't move...

Clare Holland Report

Brian Beims 1 year ago

Lol, my partner doesn’t love me. I am savvy enough to know this. He just is afraid of being the reason I suicide. And I l love him dearly, he is one of 2 reasons I still live, my dog, the other half.

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#32

Keeping the house dark is a comfort thing for me. People always point it out, like "No wonder you're so depressed. You need to let some light in." Darkness in my living space makes me feel comfortable, almost like I'm not alone, on my bad days. Good days, I'm all about the sunshine!

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Brooke Hornby 1 year ago

A mixture of all of these things. But mostly..knowing this isn't the person I want to be, and not knowing how to move past it. Blank time is also terrible, getting trapped inside the silence in your own mind, knowing you are thinking of thinking of nothing , and knowing you are wasting time.

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#33

I want to talk about it. I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to shout about it! But all I can do is whisper "I'm fine."

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Patricia Lander 1 year ago

Me to. no one cares

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#34

Sleeping, anxiety, not eating, feeling worthless, directionless, not wanting to impose my worthless directionless self on other people, being completely exhausted by having to keep the outer mask in place (which is why I'm antisocial-- simply being upbeat enough to order coffee at Starbucks will sometimes rinse me for the afternoon).

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June Bishop 1 year ago

YES!!!!!!

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#35

I find that after so many years I just can't believe in people at all anymore. My vision of myself and the world is so negatively distorted that no matter how much I want to believe when people are nice to me, I can't.

People who say I'm not ugly are lying and laughing behind my back. People who act like they like me are just going with the flow and don't really care.
Even if they aren't being mean, they're just being polite, and it's not like they care about me personally. Being a part of a group actually means that you're just one more and don't individually matter.

People are not honest, people are always just "polite" - kindness is a lie to look good to others and to feel good about themselves.

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artcatcms 1 year ago

and yet, on a common sense level, I know there is good in the world. Maybe a bit like Anne Frank, but I have to believe that in my soul. I am the one dragging myself down, I am my own worst enemy.

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#36

I CAN RELATE TO EVERY COMMENT I HAVE READ WHICH IS SO SAD. SO MANY OF US HURTING AND LIVING WITH THE FEELING WE ARE ALONE. I EVEN FEEL GUILTY TALKING TO MY COUNSLER THINKING SHE IS GETTING SO TIRED OF ME TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF. I BEAT CANCER A FEW YEARS AGO AND YOU WOULD THINK THAT WOULD HAVE GIVIN ME A NEW LEASE ON LIFE BUT IT ONLY MADE ME MORE DEPRESSED THOSE WHO HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH DEPRESSION FOR A LONG TIME WILL UNDERSTAND WHY.

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Kathy Bradshaw 1 year ago

Yes, I am also a cancer survivor so I have changed that term to a cancer experienced survivor. Meaning that I have been through all the “stages” of grief, acceptance, blah..... That was written by idiots who do not get the change in life that occurs. The best therapy that I have found costs nothing. Here it is: when driving in your car ALONE! Roll all of your windows closed. Make sure no cars are around. Screeeeeem at the top of you lungs as loud and long as you can. Shout all the curse words you know and make up some too.....Avoid or do not curse your God so you do not have to do penance. Oh, have a bottle of water with you - throat will be dry. Follow this with whatever fave music you love to listen to. Repeat as often as needed!

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#37

Agonizing over tiny problems for days because I'm too afraid to talk to the person who hurt me. Then being told I need to "get over it" or "calm down" or "stop dwelling". Yes, I know this is not a big deal. Yea, I know I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Yes, I know I'm difficult, impossible, frustrating and annoying... but I'm also just trying to get through my day. All I need is that reminder that I'm actually okay, not someone demanding that I BE okay.

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T Lilly 1 year ago

i feel like my feelings aren't allowed because everyone thinks i'm the strong one & apparently 'strong' people aren't 'allowed' to get hurt or depressed

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#38

Overthinking everything and over planning. The need to make everything perfect and everyone happy even if it's taking all my energy. As if validation from someone else will make it all better. Sometimes I start out on high power then just crash and don't even enjoy what ive spents weeks/months planning. And none will see me for months after, as I retreat into my safe bubble

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sabs elarjoun 4 weeks ago

yeppers

#39

Hiding out in my room for hours at a time watching Netflix or Hulu to distract my mind or taking frequent trips to the bathroom or into another room at social gatherings because social situations sometimes get to me.

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Saurabh Saluja 1 year ago

This same situation frequently occur in my life and I also take the same steps to overcome that situation

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#40

I get obsessive over things. Things like I'm worthless or I'm a bad person or I'm secretly just like the people I hate most. Sometimes I can't tell if what I am thinking is true or not. I get anxiety at social events. I feel like people hate me or just don't care about me. I cling to certain people and want them to love me. My brain sometimes goes into overdrive and I can't turn it off and it causes a downward spiral that is hard to pull out of.

I don't tell people because I don't want to be labeled. I don't want them to see me as broken and depressed or that I'm just being silly. But at the same time people get upset at me or mad about things but they don't understand what I have to deal with.

I listen to music a lot. I read tons and tons of fantasy books. I like watching movies. All of these take me away from reality for a while and puts me into amazing worlds where I know things are going to end happily. I love being in plays and musicals because I get to be someone else entirely and I know how things are going to end and it makes me happier.

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#41

I think its hard for people to understand me when i may sound negative because i live with depression. They might question my motivation n even determination to do something but they dont realize its a battle to wake up everyday fighting my own thoughts n suffering from low energy.

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June Bishop 1 year ago

low energy, that is so right on

#42

Some very universal themes in all the examples. I remember my days, twenty years ago, before medication and therapy well. Realizing that my feelings were not unique was part of the key; overcoming isolation was another. It cannot be fixed alone.

Brent Taylor Report

Celeste Munoz 1 year ago

I've been fighting this for 45 years. I go up and down because I'm bipolar with anxiety and now I'm just mostly depressed. Sometimes the meds work and sometimes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Can't seem to move and I have no excuse.

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#43

Every night I look at all the pictures of dead relatives I have and asking them to please come get me I don't want to do this anymore. I'm 71 and have been suffering from depression on and off in my life since I was 18. I truly am done.

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artcatcms 1 year ago

Reach out to God, tell him everything you are feeling (even though He knows already)....Just hand it all over to God. He keeps me going when it becomes overwhelming!!!

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#44

I feel like a stranger in my own life. Having had surgery, off work, no savings, short term disability behind, water frozen, kitchen full of dirty dishes, but I am alive and taking meds.

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#45

Running a business not answering the phone for years ... still works, though .... cancelling all the jobs that makes it neccessary leaving my home ... can‘t leave my cats alone ... I am turning into this crazy cat lady ... at least I don‘t miss anything - I really enjoy my own company ... people empty me .

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artcatcms 1 year ago

My cats are so much of a comfort to me too!!!!!!

#46

It's so comforting to see I'm not alone. Being indecisive, having extreme difficulty making decisions because you can only see and fear all the things that will go wrong. And when/if a decision has been Finally made, the inability to take action and carry it out because of fear and anxiety. Financial problems overwhelming, inadequacy, social fear, losing your temper for no reason, hours of crying fits, safety in your little home, but being so lonely, heartbreak, regret and grief because of loss of dreams, feeling useless & lazy because you cannot complete basic household chores. Eating too much junk or nothing at all because it's too much trouble. Having a long list of fun things to do in your spare time that you KNOW will make you feel great about yourself, but you just cannot get out of bed to do them - yearning for the days when you could. Just wanting to sleep so you don't have to FEEL anything. The GUILT of having depression because everyone else seems to have their life together and so should you at this age. But you don't know how to do it. The guilt you feel because of the Support you DO get from Friends who understand - don't they have their own lives to live without having to worry about you all the time? Not feeling good enough/worthy of being loved by someone after being rejected. Escaping into your phone or movies/series. Genuinely not wanting to carry on, even/especially after 3 suicide unsuccessful 'attempts', because it seems this is as good as it gets and you are just using up Earth's valuable resources, a waste of space. Feeling like a burden. Depression is a killer.

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June Bishop 1 year ago

THANK YOU, spot on!!!!

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#47

Going for late night walks by myself. My depression keeps me awake at night and my thoughts can get so overwhelming I feel physically crowded inside. Late night walks help me quiet the screaming in my head.

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June Bishop 1 year ago

I like that... "physically crowded" yes!

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#48

I know what should I do to get rid of depression, but I can't. I'm in a lake, I know how to swim, but I'm paralyzed. I think that's it.

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June Bishop 1 year ago

WOW!! yes!!!

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#49

Endless negativity towards yourself and everyone else. Feeling like a continuous failure because you don't have the energy to do the right things in your life. Constantly telling yourself you're worthless and people around you will be better off if you're not there. Panic attacks that happen at night and keep you awake. Wondering if it will ever get over.

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Bruce Freiberg 1 year ago

Sad but true.

#50

I have often been accused of having "no sense of humor". So wrong. Before depression took over my life I smiled, and laughed, as much as the next person. Now, having lived with depression for over 15 years, the humor I find in a joke, or situation, is rarely visible on my face or heard in my laugh. I feel humor, but it's just too much effort to express it. I don't have the energy.

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Teresa Richardson 1 year ago

So lost and overwhelmed that one stops hearing and then everybody is laughing at something funny that was said and one is thought a sourpuss because one just sits there.

#51

I thought I was really bad at hiding my anxiety until one day a friend came to tell me that she wished she lived her life like how I did mine , cause I am always happy and take everything with a pinch of salt. Now I know that I'm an ace at covering up .

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June Bishop 1 year ago

YES!

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#52

I've dealt with depression most my life. Most my symptoms are manageable as long as I'm being mindful of my attitude, thoughts, and behavior. I don't ignore people and I let them know when I need alone time or if I'm not feeling well. When life gets boring or mundane I remind myself that this is not my last stop and I continue dreaming. These are some of the ways that I manage depression.

Preston Schroeder Report

Rosemarie Ventura 1 year ago

I think we are in similar phases of our hostage negotiations with this disease. Most of my mental and emotional symptoms of depression and PTSD are well managed now with medication. I was working for almost two decades and building a life and even wanted to finish that college degree. Then over the course of two + years my level of physical functioning declined to where I could not hold a job. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which feels like all the physical symptoms of major depression plus a severe and chronic inability to stay awake. I have not fallen into a deep depression over this because of medication management and good mental and emotional hygiene. It's almost like my life of depression prepared me for this challenge. I believe me life has a purpose, even if I can't see what it is right now. I believe if I keep trying, the resources I need will be there when I need it, even though I have basically been living on savings that are quickly running out.

#53

People will always tell you "When you're feeling like that, reach out to someone". But I don't want to anymore. Any time that I try to, I'm told I'm too negative, or to get over it, or SOMETHING along the lines of "How dare you have told me this?". Every time I try to open up to people they either tell me off or just outright block me.
It's come to the point where when I hear people say "I care about your happiness", I interpret it as "I only care about you when you're happy". Talking through these kinds of emotions are usually a great help, but how can I get said help if nobody cares enough about me to talk to me about it at all? I'm grateful to have a therapist, but a lot of people don't have the money or other resources for such help.

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June Bishop 1 year ago

I'm told I throw pity parties, that hurts because deep inside you just want to scream "help me!!"

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#54

I always say I'm going to do something with the guys and when it comes time to do it. I back away. Also sleeping for hours not because I'm lazy but because dealing with all the thoughts in my head from anxiety along with depression is exhausting. Feels like kind of when your in winter and the cold air is blowing and you find it hard to breath. It's like that daily for me.

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#55

Just getting in the bath or making a cup of tea is a major achievement. Having my dog has made me get out of the house at least twice a day, have to take hours to get motivated sometimes though. But if I didn’t have him, I probably wouldn’t leave the house unless it was for work.

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#56

I volunteer for everything from going to pto meetings to baby sitting to cleaning someone else's house for them. I surround myself with situations and obligations that force me to get out of bed & get out of the house because if I'm not needed, I won't be wanted..

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Rafaella Bueno 1 year ago

I can relate. I also pretty much can only do things if it's for other people. Even with work, as a freelancer, in order to get things done I need to convince myself that the client needs me to do the job, and/or that my family needs my financial help so I need to work.

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#57

I'm currently feeling some pretty deep depression because of what I'm going through. Between the stress and depression all I can do is sleep because I'm so worn out. In some pretty dark places right now and pushing everyone away. I hope it will end when I face the monster that is trying to kill me at the end of the month. I've lost everything in the last 2 years because of this person and their agency. I can relate to just about everyone of these and have lost friends over it. I had one friend tell me that my friends don't like hanging out with me because I'm negative. Well a chance to loose your life is pretty negative. Just saying.

Mike Ox Report

#58

I'm 25 but still virgin, no job, no money no boyfriend, I still live with my family, I can't even graduate from college at my 6th year because I can't focus anything, I can't get up from bed, I don't want to do anything, just sleep and hope to die.

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Nikki D 1 year ago

Your situation is far more common than you may think! I really hope you can claw your way out of that pit, you still have time. You can still lead a worthwhile life without any of those things you mentioned. Good luck ^^

#59

As i read these, i can totally relate to almost all of them. That constant
battle royale what you have to fight against your demons. The struggle to eat, to shower, to clean your room/house, go to school/workplace. And the world says that you are lazy is only oil onto the fire. When they say "yeah everyone gets sad". Well you don't say? I'm not sad. I'm DEPRESSED. There is a huge difference. Sadness is an emotin when something bad happened. Depression is feeling sad, alone, exhausted or even suicidal etc. My favourite is "you have nothing to be depressed, you have at least half of your life in front of you". Yea... most people can't realize the fact depression has multiple reasons, Not just the traumatical one. It can be in your genes because someone was depressed in your family, it can be a random switch from a day to the other just because your neurochemical balance got broken and became a neurochemical imbalance. So you don't need any reason to be depressed it can just happen. (just like in my case, and in many others')

Sometimes i just don't eat for 2-3 days, then i try to eat normally, then i eat a lot. Same with sleep. Somethimes I'm like an insomniac, then I'm like i have hypersomnia. This cycle is what killing a lot of us.

That feel when sleep is not just a sleep anymore, more likely a way to escape. But then you realise that when you sleep only the time passes but it's just like a snap of fingers and you feel the demons again. Then you feel like "please god, i don't want to wake up tomorrow, please". The feel when you are in front of the mirror and just screaming/crying and literally begging to yourself to hold on.

I know how it feels, i feel like I already lost and I'm really afrad if it as well.

But please, whoever you are, be strong, i know it's a cliche what you hear always, but we hear that all the time only because it's our only chance.

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#60

I get very apathetic. And I'll refuse (read: I can't) to make any decisions. Even tiny ones like what to eat. I physically won't be able to make a decision. So if there isn't someone around to tell me to eat something and what to eat, I won't eat. If there isn't someone to tell me to go to sleep, I won't. It gets to the point where if someone asks me to make a decision or tries to force me to make a decision I'll just curl up into a ball and cry.

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Summer O'Donnell 6 months ago

I can relate!!

#61

I prefer to be awake through the night because I can just stay in bed without anyone getting mad. I sleep up to 15 hours a day during bad periods. When I'm awake, I live in my head, I often don't even move.

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#62

My sleep patterns are all over the place. I have lots of bad dreams and I’m tired all the time. Work takes a lot of energy, being happy and enthusiastic (I’m a teacher) I crash when I get home. Change makes me anxious. On bad days my hands will shake and I feel anxious and jittery but I don’t know why. I forget my words. If I’m down and someone asks how I’m going I’ll just burst into tears. I’m happiest when I’m too busy to think, but then I wear out and crash. The situation that caused my depression is gone and logically I know I should be fine now, happy now...but I’m still struggling. I lost good habits and picked up some bad habits. I’ll agree to plans and then cancel, I feel like I’m turning into a hermit and if I talk to someone about it they will think I’m weak and get sick of me being down all the time. So, I stay home by myself.

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#63

People think I'm really flaky. I say I'm busy and I can't do the thing I said I'd do but I'm busy hiding. That's depression. The great need to be busy until you're so totally physically exhausted so you don't have to be afraid of your own thoughts: that's anxiety.

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#64

I'm always alone until someone in my family needs something. And I'm up all night trying to figure out how to solve everyone else's problem. After their problem are solved, they're gone...no thank you, and they may even talk about me behind my back about how they used me again. But If I don't help, I'm the crazy sister, aunt,etc.. If family does this to you, I'm afraid to meet strangers. No one cares that I'm alone all day at home hiding in the house with burns all over my body, I've been told that I'm too depressing to be around, until they need help again. I need to drop my family and find people like me. But where do burn victims hook up? Heaven I guess!

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artcatcms 1 year ago

A good church? Does the hospital have groups you could join??

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#65

My emotions overwhelm me. I second guess everything I do or don’t do. I feel like no matter what I do it will be wrong. I am constantly exhausted and want to escape into sleep to avoid life. I feel hopeless and helpless and I don’t think anyone understands. I want to scream for help but no one knows how to help me and I feel like they don’t want to hear it and they’re trivializing my struggle. I want to physically cut it out of myself.

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sabs elarjoun 4 weeks ago

precisely...

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#66

Always having to be around someone. I have a total inability to be alone. I don't even have to talk to a person...as long as I know they're physically there, I'm content. Otherwise, depressing thoughts creep in and I end up driving myself crazy. It's less effort to put on the facade that I'm fine in front of other people, than it is to face myself alone.

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#67

When people rely on you, you keep a mask of the other you tightly in place. The smiling, happy, outgoing, social you. My mask was so tight, I didn't realize that my exhaustion and lack of drive, the fact that a load of laundry would somehow become ten loads, was in fact a very well concealed depression. It took a friend who was also suffering and knew the symptoms to point it out. Life isn't much easier, but I'm still alive. I can't say how much longer I would have been if she hadn't spoke up.

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Monika Soffronow 1 year ago

Wow! A friend in need is a friend indeed. You are lucky to have a friend like that.

#68

The worst part is feeling like my kids deserve a better mum but at the same time, knowing how much they need only me and that no one would love them like i do.

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Renee Kline 1 year ago

please don't think that way. Your children love and need You. No One replaces Mom. do fun things with your kids .... Make happy memories. take them out to eat or to the library or for walks Make tents and watch a funny movie with them with popcorn . this too shall pass your kids need you always remember that.

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#69

I have anxiety and pretty much think I'm useless all the time & that people don't actually like me. It's like My inner monologue is constantly putting me down. Because of this, I can't handle criticism of any kind. In a work situation it comes across like I'm not listening when taking constructive criticism, or if I've made a mistake and I'm being called out on it. It may seem like I'm ignoring criticism but in reality I'm shutting down because i've already started to tell myself that I'm useless and I'm scolding myself for messing up.

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sabs elarjoun 4 weeks ago

this happened to me, I recently got some criticism for some work I had done and it put me in a really bad mindset... my insecurities of feeling worthless and stupid kicked in, and added with the fact it looked like i was being arrogant for not taking the criticism happily, i felt like a complete failure and i got scared that it seemed i was stubborn when really im just overwhelmingly fearful of feeling inferior to others (which i feel quite regularly)

#70

I don't feel like I'm "in me". I feel like I'm looking on. Like I'm behind something but watching with hypervigilance. I also stress over things way beforehand. "Which door will I go in? Someone's going to laugh if I get the wrong door". "Where do I park? I'm going to be in someone's way". "When I walk in, everyone's going to look at me". It goes on and on. My mind is so chaotic that it is empty, blank. I cannot say things in order or make others understand what I am trying to get across. Words won't come. When they do they don't come out right or the thoughts in my head are not the thoughts I am thinking. They think I'm using figures of speech. Once I was telling my therapist that I didn't feel like I was 46. She went to give me a high five! I meant that I feel emotionally stunted, like I didn't go past a certain point somewhere along the line. I have PTSD from sexual abuse by one person and physical and verbal abuse from my father. I had it coming at me in every direction it feels like. I feel SO tired all the time, all, the time. No energy to do anything. I have no interest in anything anymore. My apartment isn't dirty but things pile up. I know, logically I need to get my butt moving but I just can't. I want to sleep and nap all the time. Facebook is an outlet for me. I have made groups so that I can post to only certain people about certain things. I don't want to hear "you are throwing a pity party", or "chin up". That hurts, it does not help me. I cry at the drop of a hat over anything. I cry a lot. Especially when I can't get the right words out or someone points out something I did or said. I am overly emotional and the more I try to curb it, it just makes the situation worse. Everything is super focused around me but a whirling mess at the same time. I hope someone understands what I am trying to say. And thank you for contributing to these answers. It gives all of us validation that we are not alone.

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sabs elarjoun 4 weeks ago

exactly how I feel. whilst i cant relate to your traumas, it's that feeling of being "outside yourself" and having an overactive mind that really consolidates my insecurities,,, and being told to get over it because other people have it worse only makes me feel invalidated and then when I'm told my emotions DO matter, it's hard to believe...

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#71

I have tendencies towards a lot of what's been described here: I wake up sometimes and think: 'Ugh! How am I going to get up today?' I have times I want to avoid people, where I become very introverted, where I want to drink every night, where I don't feel like making any efforts to try to address my difficult financial situation (I can't find a good job just yet).

I can't speak for everyone, but what works for me, and I think will work for some, but certainly not all others, is that I work against these things one at a time, with simple but effective rules: 1. I will not let myself sleep more than 8.5 hours (assuming I'm not recovering from some serious sleep deprivation) 2. I will not let myself buy alcohol at a store or go to a bar until a weekend night. 3. I will require myself to do at least a few job applications, or application follow ups or go to some networking thing at least a few times a week. 4. I will exercise at least for a half hour 5-6 days a week. 5. I will write one more chapter of my novel manuscript today. 6. I will tidy up my room for 10-20 minutes as I play my favorite music. 7. I will enjoy a little indulgent food like dessert but I won't go crazy on dessert.

Ask yourself this: can I put my more intelligent self in charge, one simple step at a time?

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Analyn Lahr 1 year ago

I should try these. But will my anxiety let me? I did take on step and talk to someone at work source. Now I need to go back for a couple classes before I can meet with that person again. But it's all the way downtown, in a sketchy neighborhood and driving in snow makes me anxious. But I have to do it before I see my counsellor again cos she's expecting it.

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#72

I can't sleep at night because thoughts of failure run through my head

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#73

Sometimes I can't breathe

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#74

This describes my life so much and it’s to the point where I even cancel Dr’s appt. knowing I needed to go that day. But good to know that someone understands. I pray things get better for everyone that deal with depression and anxiety I the Name of Jesus!

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#75

Smoking all the time, no light in the room, lots of sleep, smiling for your familly so they don't know how worthless you actually feel. Building a Universe around your own bed because you want just to stay there ... thinking that everything you do is wrong and that most people would be better without you ...

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#76

I lie awake into the night, and wake up late. It's not by choice. But I usually wake up feeling exhausted, with a headache, and unable to take the world on. I hate taking calls or talking to people, because I can't say what's on my mind because I know they'll treat me like an imbecile, and I can't bear to make small talk when my head's about to burst open. I can't remember the last time I went out. I can no longer look people in the eye for the fear that they'll see what I am hiding. I dress shabby and am usually unkempt, because I no longer care how I look. Does the outside really matter when there is a war and bloodshed within you? Sometimes when I do watch something on Netflix, most of it doesn't even register to me. Its almost like watching life pass by. On most days, I simply forget to eat, and when I do remember late in the night, I'm still not hungry. And on some days, the only thought that gives me any comfort whatsoever is thinking of the warm feeling of bleeding out in a warm bath. Depression is really hard..every single day..and no one understands..but they are quick to abandon you. Depression paired with loneliness is even harder.

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#77

My house is a wreck, I don't let anyone inside, I have no friends. I work, go home, just sit and watch Netflix for hours. Then get up and go to work again. Fall asleep in my chair. I feel dead inside. On my days off, I just sit all day. I don't leave the house unless I have to.

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#78

It seems like all the time I mess up, no matter what. I hate working in groups because of this, and I never help out. When the group asks me to help, I always screw up somehow and they blame me for it, rightfully so. It feels like I'm a failure

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#79

I smile all the time even though I don't really want to but I do it because I don't feel like I'm allowed to be sad when I'm with other people. I also do whatever it takes to make someone else happy, because since I don't feel happy most of the time, it just makes me feel a little better seeing someone else happy. I also isolate myself even though sometimes I really just want someone around.

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sabs elarjoun 4 weeks ago

"I also isolate myself even though I really just want someone around" is possibly the most accurate way someone has summed up how I feel... i want to be alone but i don't want to feel lonely or alone.

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#80

I avoid social interaction because I feel people tolerate me only to be polite to my husband or my son. When friends invite us over I stay at home for I don't believe they really want me around.

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June Bishop 1 year ago

I don't have a husband or children, but I hear you so clear

#81

Most people with anxiety/depression flee social settings and commitments. I CRAVE them. If I have any free time during the day, that's when the thoughts and darkness sets in. I put way too much on my plate and I'll get anxiety over it. If I have anxiety over the small things, I won't have time to think about the dark thoughts that are always in the back of my mind.

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#82

I cant take a bath, nor shower. I am just not able to. i want to get clean but im crying in a bath like a little baby without a reason. and i just don't have the strength needed to wash myself. i'm napping all day and sleeping all night. I have no job. no one care about me. i would like to do many things but i just am not able to force myself to do anything. i cant even watch a movie because its to exhausting and i cant focus. i am already dead but still breathing. im just like a vegetable but still can move.

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Renee Kline 1 year ago

I had a thought when I read what you wrote. Sometimes when we say depression..what we actually mean Along With the depression is you have a broken heart. that's a whole new ballgame when you have both..i know because it is what i am going through... but if i looked like you young pretty with your whole life ahead of you. i would be out buying some cool clothes..the sexiest perfume i could fine and watching comedies which lift you up watching maekup videos which teach you watching counceling things Online but not too much cause it brings you down after awhile.............. and Smile at every one you go by. You are young your life is just beginning. this too shall pass Chin up girl

#83

I, personally, haven't been diagnosed, but I relate to almost every one of these. I want to lead a good life, practice, write, get better at things. I feel I can't though, and that is one of the most painful things. I distance myself at social gatherings because I just feel like I don't belong. Even if I do mingle, I feel bad for sharing my ideas the conversation, because I feel as if I'm intruding, or no one cares about my opinion. Even as I type this, I'm thinking that my ideas don't belong here, like I'm taking up a spot that someone with it worse could have.

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Monika Soffronow 1 year ago

By the tone of your post, it sounds more like you are suffering from very low self-esteem, than from depression. Try to do one little thing every day that really scares you. By constantly adding to your comfort zone you may well find that people love to be around you and that they respect your opinions and admire you for them. However, please go to a doctor and explain how you feel. I wish you all the best.

#84

when you can't hold it in any longer and you just fall down, crying, hoping that someone will hear you and help because you are too scared/ashamed/unsure to ask for it.

Then realising you're now an adult, and there's no one around to care.

Seriously, get help when it is easier and more available. There are so many more options to help teenagers and young adults then when you are middle aged. When you have a child, you can get intensive medical care over the first few days, then every few days, then every few weeks, then it's mostly gone; mother and baby units won't take toddlers.

Get help when it is easier and more available.

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#85

Constant dread that someone will call or show up unannounced. Not leaving the house at all because you fear human interaction. Fear of saying the wrong thing and deciding that saying nothing is your only choice...

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#86

It seems like all the time I mess up, no matter what. I hate working in groups because of this, and I never help out. When the group asks me to help, I always screw up somehow and they blame me for it, rightfully so. It feels like I'm a failure.

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#87

When I have no energy for socializing or even housework because just getting through the workday takes all my energy.

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#88

I relate to so many of these. It's helpful to know I'm not the only one. But reading all these makes me think of my own issues and makes want a drink in the the middle of the day.

It's not just social anxiety and depression keeping me from a job. I'm afraid if I have a steady income I really will be an alcoholic. Right now I only buy some when my dad sends me money every now and then. Or the rare occasion when my mom (who I live with and rely on for everything) wants some.

I only have one friend and she lives in a different state. She also suffers from depression, which might be worse than mine cos she rarely responds to my emails and we haven't talked on the phone in something like as year. She has a job and is busier than me and I know she's struggling. But my anxiety makes me think she just doesn't want to talk to me. Even though she sent me a Christmas present which is the only verification I've had in the last six months that she's alive. And I think or my anxiety does, that she only did that because I sent her a card and reminded her of my existence.

There's just so much pain all around. And I don't know how to fix it.

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#89

Everyone here is not alone, This thread is proof of it. There are people out there who can help work through a lot of theses issues, being medication or conversation, relationship or companionship. The point is, It sucks. This disease really sucks. But to help and fix this disease we need to speak up, Most friends and family and doctors won't know until we tell them. It also helps to push myself daily, to challenge myself, even to scare myself. Maybe to set a time to get up or shower or eat. After awhile it becomes routine. Routines can help move to a better position. Just my 2cents.

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Monika Soffronow 1 year ago

It seems so simple, but it is actually solid advice.

#90

I'm an introvert and I'm being forced to work with customers. I find it extremely hard to just be outgoing with strangers. Being put in that position constantly has caused me to withdraw from my friends as I'm being left so drained from these interactions at the end of the day that my recharge period takes up more time than I'd like. I'm so depressed I've started eating and can't seem to stop. My life is a nightmare. Everyone keeps telling me to try and find joy in what I do, but they don't understand the effort it takes just to get up in the morning, knowing I'm going to have to face whatever lies ahead for the day. I live in an extremely small town (moved here due to circumstances beyond my control) and jobs are really scarce. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to at all and my spirit is completely broken. Everyone thinks I'm just being negative, but they don't realise the amount of times I've thought of just ending it.

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Monika Soffronow 1 year ago

Seek a doctor's advice, if you have not done so already. A person with a broken leg would go straight to the hospital. Suffering from depression is like having a broken leg in the mind. There are lots of different medicines and for most people they work very nicely.

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#91

I am depressed, have GAD and really bad OCD. I am in therapy and on meds, with a good support network around me, but I still have my episodes. Each time I think that I'll see it coming next time. Although I'm much better at seeing the red flags, it still happens. It's going to keep happening.

The biggest struggle has been realizing that I guess there are limitations to what I can do about this and that I need to accept it. The end result is always the same: I can't sleep for longer periods of time, I am so tired, like completely exhausted to the point, where I can barely keep things afloat in terms of showing up for work and paying bills, let alone socializing. My OCDs go off the rails and the simplest tasks like doing the groceries or speaking to people freak me out to a ridiculous extend. The worst part, however, is the fact that I am simply unable to see all the good things in my life. The loving, supportive friends, an understanding boss, kindest, most patient boyfriend. And I feel so guilty. So undeserving, worthless and pretty much a bad person. It's like my body and my skin are the barrier between me and all of these good things in my life that I can't reach out to and touch. That's the worst part.

I am not in a good place right now, but I'm trying. Baby steps. I'd like to reach out to all of you and say thanks. All of you are awesome for sharing. Keep on keepin' on. We got this. xx

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Andrea Primo Pierotti 1 year ago

I had OCD when I was 14-16 and now I have problems with panic attack and anxiety. I'm sorry for your condition, but I see that you are aware of that and that you have an excellent insight. This is so important for get better! I wish you the very very best. A virtual hug to you.

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#92

People dont understand why im always tired. They tell me to get more sleep as if getting more than 10 or 12 hours while having a full time job is even possible. They dont understand why Im worried about starting grad school and getting less sleep. They dont understand that school has wound me inpatient before and a decrease in sleep can quickly result in suicidal thoughts. I get told im overreacting, attention seeking, or otherwise being ridiculous. It hurts.

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#93

How do I know if I’m depressed ? I definitely have the symptoms, but have no reason to be depressed. I have a life that anyone could feel grateful for .

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Cathy O'Brien 1 year ago

There doesn't have to be a reason. Prince or pauper, mental health issues do not discriminate.

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#94

When you watch tv, listen to the music, play some online games, chat with strangers, all at the same time - just to create flood of informations in hope to sank depressive thoughts.

When you excessively masturbate, ten times a day, or more - just to provide enough dopamine kicks to cope with depressive thoughts.

When your legs just cant stop prancing, restlessly pounding up and down, when you twist your fingers in every possible way - just to redirect your focus from depressive thoughts.

When you are sarcastic as hell, when you sting people like a wasp with your words - just to hide the fact you are dying out of fear from depressive thoughts...

You do lots and lots of stuff... Weird, repetitive, harmful. Because you are facing opponent, who cannot be defeated - only subdued, from which you cannot run out - only hide.

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#95

I've given up on finding love again because I don't believe I'm good enough for anyone.

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artcatcms 1 year ago

I totally get it!

#96

I was told: "Go out, do something that is good for you", "You have to have to get more exercise", "It will be better soon" and so on.
"Why are you depressed? Life is beautiful!" is like "Why do you suffer from asthma? There ist enough air around!"
But I also had my mum, she hugged me day for day, needed no words. Helped me through the darkest times. Gave me the "second birth". Love her so much.

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#97

I have seen myself and my situations in almost every one of these comments, I have been struggling with severe depression for over 16 years. every time I think I am gonna get better, it only lasts for a few hours, then I am back to the depression . these comments have described me almost exactly . it helps me to feel some better to know I am not alone, but I still feel so alone. thank you all for being so open and honest about your feelings and situations.

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#98

I never realised that depression affected my sanity. after going through a huge spell of being depressed would often be giddy and homicidal for a few hours, or even days after i recoverd. it was really scarry and i cut myself more after the depression spell than i did durning

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#99

My parents think I'm narcissistic and superficial but im very self conscious and lonely. Being with myself, my reflection, makes me feel less lonely, like I have company.

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#100

Suddenly the world has become a dangerous and unhappy place. I fear for my children and grandchildren's future growing up in a world like this. There won't be any jobs left because machines will take over, so what future do we have to look forward to ? Over populated, under resourced, unaffordable and extremely violent.

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#101

Since I take my medication it became less horrible, but before that I stayed in bed for days, it took me almost a year to finish my bachelor thesis, because all I could do was force myself to the library, stare at the blank laptop for hours, read half a page and go back home, exhausted, full of self hate. Tired. Used. Worthless. Stupid.
The rest of the time I'm a loud and over-performing person, an entertainer, everybody seems to be impressed by my energy - but as soon as I'm alone I feel I don't deserve love and I'm just a personage in this world but no real human being. I'm drawn to alcohol, nicotine and more, it makes me feel good and belong somewhere for at least a short time.

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#102

Two things:

I write and publish a lot, and make money at it. True, I need a creative outlet, and also true, I make money... but I write because I would rather live in a fictional universe than the real one. I wake up every day disappointed that I'm not dead. Escapism has always been my drug of choice.

I apologize for everything, even things that couldn't conceivably be my fault. I feel so bad for inflicting my existence upon other people that I compulsively apologize for anything, when I'm really apologizing for being alive.

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#103

Becoming so depressed I lose my mind for a bit and take out my frustration from life on the people I love the most. I don't have many people I trust or care for. It's causing me to lose the people I love and eventually they get replaced, like a never ending cycle. I'm losing the man I love because of this, and I hate myself so much. It kills my will, each time I break, to even go on with life more and more. Already been in the hospital 2 times for suicide prevention this year alone and about to go back yet again because of all this.

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June Bishop 1 year ago

Please reach out and be determined to get help!!! I know it is hard when you feel like shit, but 'we', somehow, must go on. My mind doesn't agree but my heart tells me I have people who love me. Is there just one person you can think of that does love you and genuinely care about you in your life? I hope there is. We need those such as you around to help others like us. To relate to each other, validation is priceless in these situations.

#104

I get really irritable from my depression around family and spend hours in my room instead of coming out to play a "family game''. Also, showering and brushing my teeth. My parents don't understand that it's hard for me and frequently call my poor habits disgusting.

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#105

I'm better now that I'm older (70), but so many many times throughout my life I have been deeply depressed, isolated, and even though there were options available to me - therapy, medications, friends - I often could not bring myself to ask for help, because the things that bothered me seemed so trivial and numerous that I felt no one could believe I was allowing such things stop me from living. My IQ was 145, but I couldn't seem to get beyond getting dressed and going out the door.

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Rosemarie Ventura 1 year ago

I'm glad to hear things are better now that you're older. The medication that ended up helping me best was not put approved for use in the USA until around 2002. Before that my condition was "treatment resistant". So I've also gone decades without effective treatment. I am sorry you did not feel able to reach out when you were younger.

#106

I died when my husband died

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Eileen Dranetz 1 year ago

I can relate to how you feel part of me died when I lost my brother Patrick when he was 20 and I was 10. Since then I lost my only other sibling Michael in 2011 and my dad in 2013. I got laid off after 13 1/2 years of employment from two different employers. I lost my beloved car Cleopatra to cancer when she was 15.

#107

People probably think I’m lazy. The good part is I don’t/can’t seem to care; the problem is me thinking I’m just lazy. Many other people deal with this; I’m not special. Sometimes I want to talk about it, but I feel like I’m just making excuses for myself or seeking attention. It’s a downward spiral with no good way out.

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#108

Sometimes my head spins so fast and has so many thoughts going through it at once, I become paralyzed. I can't think or move.

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#109

Overthinking and getting lost in conversation with someone, not because u don't care but because u get used to feeling numb, not listening or speaking too much out loud. Thoughts and feelings become connected and alot of the time u feel like a negative person, like there is a devil on each shoulder and only 1 long dark path ahead...

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#110

I've given up trying. Everything is overwhelming. Some people can 'take a shower.' For me it means finding the will to do it. Finding something clean to put on. Remembering I've neglected the laundry. Hunting for a clean towel. Knowing I'll have to face myself naked. Feeling so unsteady that I'm going to fall every time I turn around to rinse my hair. Drying off and needing to put on lotion because my skin is burning with dryness but I don't want to physically touch myself. My body disgusts me. I just want to cover myself back up, climb back in to my safe chair - where I pretty much live - and cover myself in a pile of blankets and fall asleep. Between mental and physical effort it's taken me at least 2 hours. I'm filled with a sense of failure that all I can manage in a day is to clean myself. I wish I could just 'take a shower.'

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#111

I guess this is why I can't seem to take a shower without much prompting and even 12 hours sleep isn't enough and I don' have the energy to talk on the phone unless I am laying down. I take a tranquilizer. I didn't realize that I should take the second pill the doctor said was allowed. Thanks for posting this.

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#112

Waking up every morning with that pit in my stomach knowing that today is going to be just like every other day; putting a smile on my face and fooling everyone into thinking everything is ok and that I’m a positive person.
Feeling like a burden in everyone’s life. Wondering if the real reason people hang out with me is because they feel sorry for me or they don’t want to hurt my feelings. Wondering if people just get sick of me.
Constantly “bothering” people with my anxieties and my worries and my insecurities and my fears.
Apologizing and feeling bad for every little thing I do, even if it’s minuscule or nothing at all.
Reading into every little detail of conversation and over analyzing everything that is said to me, through text or in person, trying to figure out what I did wrong or what the person is really trying to tell me. I take everything the wrong way.
Constantly feeling like a failure. Like I’m never going to be smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough. I will never be enough for somebody and most everybody.
Hating how my brain just doesn’t shut off. It’s running through every situation of the day and trying to dissect what I did wrong and what I could have done better.
And no matter what, no matter how good something is, waiting for something bad to happen. Waiting for something to come in (me) and screw everything up.

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#113

If I'm not at work, I just sleep. When I'm at work all I want to do is sleep. Sleep is a place that's safe from my thoughts.

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#114

Constantly feeling like your a fake at school because you smile and laugh along with your so called "friends" that don't even know the real you. They tease you about how many days of school you missed when they don't even realize how hard it is for me to even get up in the morning,shower,dress,and get to school on time.

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#115

Answering “I’m fine” to anyone asking how you’re doing on autopilot. I hate this question. When people ask if I’m ok, I pretty much have to answer with a lie because if I were to answer honestly all the shit I feel people would run away screaming. People don’t actually wanna know an honest answer.

At one point I had a therapist that at every weekly meeting would ask how my week was. At one point I came in really distressed and spent the first 10 minutes crying about all the shit that happened. When I calmed down she asked me the usual question of how my week had been and I automatically without thinking answered “it was fine”. That’s how ingrained it was. I managed to pass it off as a joke though.

The only person I would ever answer honestly was my mom. But more and more she would just make me feel guilty for telling the truth. The other day one of my pets died when I was away. Once I stopped crying and was lying in bed she came in and asked if I was ok. I answered I’m fine. I only realized later what I had said. It destroyed me when I realized that the only person I though I could trust and be honest with had made me feel like she was so tired of me that I automatically answered her with a lie just like everyone else.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone. I’ve lost my trust in everyone.

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#116

A friend of mine is diagnosed with the same mental disorders that I am diagnosed with. She puts herself on a pedestal and explains to everyone that will listen that she deserves whatever it is, because things are tough for her. Because of her mental illness, she cannot hold a "regular job". She can't be respectful and/or considerate of others and their perspectives/thoughts/feelings. She throws huge year-long pitty parties and embeds herself in whatever drama she can find. Excuse me, I have this diagnosis too. Yet, I have an adult job. An adult place to live with my adult responsibilities. Yes, I struggle, hard core. But I do not use it as an excuse, ever. I would KILL to be able to stay in bed all day. That would feel amazing. Unfortunately, I live in the real-world that makes me work for money. I have doctor's appointments. I have bills. I work on myself more than I ever thought was possible. Now, people think I am "normal". Mid-class, white, female that lives in a rich neighborhood, come from a stable home. Bi-polar/non-existent mother, PSTD/workaholic father. I wrote the book on neglectful parenting and I STILL WORK MY BUTT OFF TO AFFORD MY TINY ONE BEDROOM APT. Please, tell me again how I don't know what I am talking about.

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#117

I get flighty when I'm depressed about work. The slightest thing would cause me to want to quit my job. Even now that I have a job I love, it's a struggle with my "Fight or Flight" mentality. Even if I feel like everything is going great, if something I don't like comes up (i.e. not making enough money), I start getting antsy to move on. Seeing a counselor helped me tame this a lot, but I still have that constant struggle. My counselor helped me realize that, while this is largely due to depression - there is also a significant part of it, that is a result of growing up in a home where my dad moved and switched jobs a lot. We had many great experiences growing up from the different places we traveled and lived, but I can see how that affected my parents' marriage and if I didn't make significant changes in my life, would ultimately set the same trend in my marriage.

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#118

When my kids were younger it was easier to hide. They are teens and young adults now and they don't get it. Their friends think I am cool and easy going, always enjoy my house to hang out at. Reality is I can't fight anymore. I hope they got enough raising because I am done. I have a fantastic hubby who just "fills" in when I head into my cycle of depression, I am really good at preparing by stocking the house, prepaying bills and arranging my schedule to affect them as little as possible. But that is all the life I have now. I wake up, get them to school, race through chores and errands, grab take out lunch, and nap until they get home. Make supper, or order in, and back to bed to watch stupid reality shows. I am past exhausted all the time, and I know that I will pay if I expend the little energy I have. A 5 minute school visit costs an afternoon at least. By the time I am home all I can do is lie down and let the obsessive thoughts fly until my mind shuts off and I sleep. Not restorative sleep, but deep deep paralyzing sleep that just makes me more exhausted and less able to do what is necessary.

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Monika Soffronow 1 year ago

Your post reminds me of how intertwined depression and being overworked/burned out seem to be. Burnout has terrible consequences, depression or depressionlike symptoms being one of them. I wish you well.

#119

I cant sleep even if I am exhausted. Fall asleep late wake up early so now I am working everyday just to stay away from going home.

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#120

I don't go to sleep until 2 or 3am. I sit on the couch and think of everything I need to do before I can get into bed: take my dishes to the sink, shower, brush and floss, unplug my computer, put my daughter in her own bed. OCD on top of depression and anxiety makes things even worse.

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Amy Ninnes 1 year ago

Yep. I have overthinking ocd

#121

I had a really bad depressive episode in July. (My therapist says that in the old days, it would have been called a nervous breakdown.) It felt like everything was crashing down around me and it would never get better. I learned that if you leave a message with my PCP and use the word hopeless, they get right back to you. I’d been taking the same antidepressants for almost 15 years, so he sent me to a psychopharmacology specialist, put me on a different combo of antidepressants and added an anti anxiety med, for my previously undiagnosed anxiety disorder. Slowly but surely, I’m becoming me again. I was afraid I had early onset dementia, but my cognitive abilities are returning to the way I was 20 years ago. I guess I would say not to underestimate the importance of properly prescribed mood meds. (In addition to a great therapist.)

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Monika Soffronow 1 year ago

How I wish I could give you a hundred up-votes for this!

#122

Lethargic. Feels like an effort to breathe. Heavy chest. Throat feels constricted like a cry trying to get out but its blocked. I PUSH myself into activities - set small goals, complete certain tasks - MUST be done by end of day. It helps.

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#123

Being on top of and the master of your world only for depression to come along and make achieving one item on your to-do list feel completely unattainable.

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#124

I've given up trying. Everything is overwhelming. Some people can 'take a shower.' For me it means finding the will to do it. Finding something clean to put on. Remembering I've neglected the laundry. Hunting for a clean towel. Knowing I'll have to face myself naked. Feeling so unsteady that I'm going to fall every time I turn around to rinse my hair. Drying off and needing to put on lotion because my skin is burning with dryness but I don't want to physically touch myself. My body disgusts me. I just want to cover myself back up, climb back in to my safe chair - where I pretty much live - and cover myself in a pile of blankets and fall asleep. Between mental and physical effort it's taken me at least 2 hours. I'm filled with a sense of failure that all I can manage in a day is to clean myself. I wish I could just 'take a shower.'

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#125

Dealing with so many health issues, hooking up to a machine every night for dialysis. No energy to get out of bed. What is the point of living this life?

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#126

I sometimes go to the hardware store where I worked part time for 18+ years. Not because I need anything but so that I can help a customer or three and
it makes me feel useful and I'm free to leave when I want.
In all the years I worked there, only one other employee guessed the reason for my off-shift visits.

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#127

It makes me feel so sad to hear that so many ppl feel this way too. We were all once awe filled precious little children, who have somehow been beaten down by the modern world. Surely theres got to be a way out. An underlying cause for so much widespread pain. Maybe its our seperation from nature and a more natural way of life. I know that my dogs have always been a source of hope for me to keep going and to see some good in the world. They show me that im important and awesome, to them at least. Now if i could just start believing that about myself.

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#128

I was overwhelmed by everyone and everything, work, family, partner, colleagues, friends, housemate... I felt that everyone needs something from me and I couldn't handle it. Then I became untisocial, burned out, I was cancelling everything, leaving messy room, not having mood for anything. I didn't want to go for shopping, cooking and felt that my parner doesn't understand what I am going through.

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#129

I think that depressive-like thoughts particularly effects America/ns because we are so consumerism-driven jumping from the acquisition of one high to the next.

Life isn't supposed to be one big orgasm that only the successful and the beautiful achieve.

Everyone suffers and its a fool's errand to try to evade this necessary reality. I like to think that suffering is one side of the coin and joy is another. When you put them together in daily activities (smile at someone you don't like, go out of your way to spend time with someone)
you find that there's a special experience in understanding that we can share each others' burdens and lighten each others' loads.

It's a passage to learning about one another and ourselves at the least. But when you're truly depressed, that does not matter one bit. However, it's clinically proven that fake smiling makes you feel better. How about fake-caring or fake-loving for a while until it actually takes hold of you and changes your life?

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#130

My husband controls every aspect of my life from morning to night, and I have no energy or will to try to change the situation. The thought of packing my things and leaving him is so overwhelming that I just struggle through each day doing what he tells me to do, and waiting on him hand and foot like a slave because it is easier. I am not allowed to have any friends, or go anywhere by myself without his permission. I am trapped in this life, this house, this misery. Most nights,I pray to not wake up the next day, but every day I do. I wish there was a way out that didn't require any energy.

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#131

Good exposure of the mountains people with anxiety and depression climb every day.

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#132

Tensing up your whole body when you sit because you're afraid of what people think about how you sit, so you try to be perfect and still fail. Numb yourself with hours and hours and hours of listening to music in your room, or sometimes just complete silence. Wanting to talk to someone but you don't even know what you're feeling.

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#133

At 13 y/o, I took a handful of aspirin, climbed into bed and waited to die. I did drugs and this helped me the short time I was under their vice. I was 16 y/o when I’d sneak sleeping pills. As soon as I awoke, I'd take another to put me back to sleep. I suppose my life was so miserable I didn’t want to be awake for it. I also slit my wrist with a razor blade one evening when I was drunk, but not because I wanted to die. It was a plea for help. I told the police officer in the ED that I didn’t do it because I wanted to die but because I was drunk. So he wrote on the report I was slicing a loaf of bread when the knife slipped. Needless to say I never received any help. Then my baby came along. I had to remain alive for her. It wasn't fair that she would have to grow up without a mom. I became a professional liar and learned to hide it really well. I’d shy away from others. It was a defense mechanism for me. Depression is a horrible thing to have, especially when you’re so young that you don’t even know there’s a diagnosis of it and that it’s hereditary. You believe it’s just you and that you’re just weird or strange. Most days are good but I'm always on the verge of tears. I never could keep friends because to me no one was truly a friend anyway just someone I knew. With depression, you learn how to blame others for your actions. It’s easier to fool yourself into believing the responsibility’s not yours. You’re just the poor victim. You pity yourself. When others talk about someone who committed suicide, they’d say things like ‘that’s so selfish! They weren’t thinking about their loved ones at all!’ But what they don’t understand is that it’s because we feel there’s really no other way out, no one loves us and would miss us anyway, and besides others would be much better off without a loser in their lives. Don’t waste any precious time on me, because can’t you see, I’m not worth it? I don't think anyone ever really 'gets over' depression. It remains a lifelong battle that we learn to fight.

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#134

Going to bed at 9, then sleeping until 10 or 11. Don't even get me started on how hard it is to just get out of bed. It's like you don't have the energy to do ANYTHING, even if it will help.

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#135

Feeling guilty about sleeping 12 - 16 hours and still no energy Guilty about trying to fill the numbing emptiness with food and getting so fat I hate myself Guilty for taking 6 hours just to get the energy to take a shower then wanting to eat and crawl back into bed Depression is Hell on earth

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#136

Listening to ASMR: "You are good enough."

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#137

Three years after my husband died, I thought I was getting thru the depression. After reading this, I see I still have almost every symptom. Except drinking. I don't drink. And I don't work (I'm retired) so some of it doesn't pertain to me. God, give me the strength to make it 3 more years!

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#138

I m constantly either working and torturing myself or sleeping too much, sometimes 12-16 hrs coz, I don't wanna go through the conscious thoughts that race through my brain at all times. I Soo much wish I could die, so I could finally have some peace. I don't wanna exist anymore, in any plane whatsoever. And overeating and curling in a ball during my anxiety attacks. And that emptiness and hollow inside, which is Soo much worse than the pain.

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#139

Gorging on sugar for that half hour of energy spike so I can get something done.

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#140

is there an answer, I have to own my depression as much as I hate it but I make sure now it does not own me, that is hard and I fail a lot. having to make myself get up do things, is an effort but I do it. nothing anyone says can help or make you feel better, sleeping, eating can take over if we let it, I am strong but sometimes this is stronger than me. painful and misunderstood. sometimes for me the front gate is my enemy I just can not get out it, the world is out there,
i get up at a certain time and dress every morning as it is to easy to stay there, not saying I do much some days but I am up and dressed. I distrust people as well so that does not help . my animals are my solace with out them who knows where I would be, I know they are my responsability so I look after them and they keep me going

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#141

I hate the holidays... Family... People and "happiness"... I wish it was just any other day.... Go shopping, make dinner... Like I enjoyed any of this...

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#142

I close down my heart and block emotions, because as soon as I let them in, I can't stop crying over how much failure I am in all life circumstances. I had much bigger expectations on myself and I let myself down. I never show how I feel and I try to make all around me laugh and be happy because I know how much saddens hurts.

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#143

People around me think I'm too immature but whereas I'm tired of explaining my point every single time!

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#144

it is healing just seeing that written

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#145

Eating to dull pain, feeling like a disgusting pig for eating so much, then eating more. Then the endless cycle of looking in the mirror, feeling like a fat slob, eating ore b/c I feel like crap, looking in the mirror again, knowing I'll never look good, or have women look at me like I'm attractive. People telling me, "Well, you know how to lose weight,", and "Just get out and exercise, it'll make you feel better,", or my favorite, "You've totally been losing weight!" Yeah, I know I haven't, the doctor forces me onto a scale every visit, I weigh the same or more than last time, and I look like crap, thanks.

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#146

You've reached the point of "I don't care". Your hair is a mess, your clothes don't match, you go to the store in your pajamas. They can think what they want.

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#147

Waking up every morning with that pit in my stomach knowing that today is going to be just like every other day; putting a smile on my face and fooling everyone into thinking everything is ok and that I’m a positive person.
Feeling like a burden in everyone’s life. Wondering if the real reason people hang out with me is because they feel sorry for me or they don’t want to hurt my feelings. Wondering if people just get sick of me.
Constantly “bothering” people with my anxieties and my worries and my insecurities and my fears.
Apologizing and feeling bad for every little thing I do, even if it’s minuscule or nothing at all.
Reading into every little detail of conversation and over analyzing everything that is said to me, through text or in person, trying to figure out what I did wrong or what the person is really trying to tell me. I take everything the wrong way.
Constantly feeling like a failure. Like I’m never going to be smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough. I will never be enough for somebody and most everybody.
Hating how my brain just doesn’t shut off. It’s running through every situation of the day and trying to dissect what I did wrong and what I could have done better.
And no matter what, no matter how good something is, waiting for something bad to happen. Waiting for something to come in (me) and screw everything up.

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#148

Waking up every morning with that pit in my stomach, knowing that today is going to be like every other day. Putting a smile on my face and fooling everyone into thinking everything is ok.
Constantly feeling like a burden to everyone around me. Like I’m too much. Almost as if they are only hanging out with me because they feel bad or they don’t want to hurt my feelings.
Over analyzing and reading into every conversation that I have, through text or in person, and trying to figure out what I did wrong or what the other person is really trying to tell me.
Never being enough. That feeling of, no matter what I do, I’m never going to be smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough. I will never be enough for somebody or most everybody.
Feeling like I’m burdening everyone with my anxieties and my insecurities and my fears.
Apologizing for every little thing. Whether I did something wrong or not.
My brain doesn’t shut off. It’s constantly running through every situation of the day and wondering what I did wrong and what I could have done better.

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#149

Always staying up late after everybody else has fallen asleep, because I don’t want them to see me cry. Also spending so much time on the internet because there aren’t to many other things that can distract me from my own thoughts

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#150

I don't know exactly when things started going down hill.i think I've always had anxiety and depression issues, as far back as I can remember..I must of hid it from everyone including myself...in my 20s I became addicted to meth, and men..the drugs numbed the pain, and the men made me forget..

But it also had me pushing those i loved must out, they deserved better than me. My first marriage failed, kids taken, my life seemed over. Nothing left to hold, me here.
My brother came and saved me one day I had given up and wanted to die.things were ok for awhile. Or so I told everyone..I'm GOOD. BUT inside I felt like I was going to explode.
Moving through each day like a robot. Ten years ago I had major medical problems.,had to have a complete hysterectomy. And broke my leg six weeks after.that was when I slowly began to slip into my own little world.,sleeping,or sometimes wide awake staring at the ceiling.my mind racing.and I just stopped caring.

My boyfriend doesn't understand, and he won't listen if I try to explains. He calls me lazy, and we argue all the time, my house is a disgusting mess..I try my best to keep it up,but I'm in constant pain, so no matter what l do it looks like I've done nothing but lay on my bed all day.
I get him up and off to work every day,lunch and all. Then depending on my thoughts and dreams I may stay up and watch tv hopefully I get tired enough to go back to sleep..I love him and I have a home..But if him and everyone else will leave me alone..I can stay in my dreams..where life is good...my escape from reality.

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#151

I haven't read all of these. But I'm trying to live my life. I have family, friends, and a boyfriend who loves me...yet at the same time, I feel like its all just a dream. I feel like as soon as I leave the room, they are relieved. I feel like I do nothing but depress the people around me. I constantly nap and have nightmares that scare the hell outta me. All I want is comfort but I'm too scared to ask for it. I'm scared its a burden to ask for comfort.

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#152

Being terrified at all times of what people are thinking about me, and being convinced they all hate me.
Also, digging my fingernails into my skin to cause physical pain to distract myself from the emotional pain.

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#153

Lying awake at night because I'm so worried about everything. And the drip from the leak in the pipes, but we rent and the house is such a horrible mess I'm afraid we'll be evicted, so it's all going to snowball.

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#154

Awareness. I always want to be rational and not live by illusions and that's why I'm aware of being a failure and most likely will die like one.

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#155

I stay awake all night, because I dont have to interact with anyone. Then I dont want to get out of bed all day. I've tried having normal sleeping hours, but it's too exhausting dealing with everyone throughout the day.

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#156

I can't make him happy.

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#157

Sometimes I'm confused between laziness and depression. But on the serious note, both can be reduced with a will power to do physical exercise, like jogging, dance etc.

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Megan Jones 1 year ago

not true

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#158

Having big dreams and perhaps great potential, a seemingly outgoing personality, and yet such pervasive underlying self-doubt, feelings of worthlessness and fear to the point you can't make the first step. So everyone thinks you're lazy or full of it. When the truth is you look in the mirror and wonder why even bother, that you're just not worth it.
Trying to explain to your boss why you have constant joint pain, stomach issues, and how you struggle desperately to concentrate.
Having to listen to people ask you 'Why are you sad? What happened?' when the answer is that there is no real reason...you just feel it. And no, you can't 'shake it off'.
Or even worse, having people tell you to exercise more, take some herb, or my all-time favorite 'Just choose to be happy!'.
Trying to explain to people how you desperately need company, interaction, to feel cared about, hugged or touched. And yet those very things seem so overwhelming you suffocate in panic.
That's another thing. Trying to explain to people how anxiety is the other side of the coin. How it took all you could to get out of bed today and leave the house without having a panic attack.
I could write for hours. I don't wish this battle on anyone.
Lastly - trying to explain to people that you simply feel more than most. Things affect you. You lie in bed at night deeply worried about animals or people suffering. Sometimes you just wish you could not feel so much.

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#159

Since people around me seldom realize that I am in depression, they often tell me how unkept I am always.. And how unkept, disorganised and messy my place is....I don't feel like getting ready or well dressed or go outside with friends or eating food.

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#160

How can you not have any job since college And overcompensate at work in a fitnesscentre? Not to mention sitting all day And night in a chair........
Yes depression is no Joke. And Yes "When I reach out when I'm depressed its cause I am wanting to have someone to tell me I'm not alone. Not cause I want attention". But staying in your chair Will not help meeting soulmates. Look for selfesteem. What are you missing, What is it that you really really want And is iT really So hard to go out and go after iT?
Of course you have no energy for that but I can assure that energy Will fliw as soon as you Will start to move. And I mean iT. Literally. Get your ass of the couch And start moving. Breathing deeply. Cleaning up all the little blocks. IT May take some time but iT works. And have a good breakfast. And drink water. Lots of them.

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#161

Constantly feeling like your friends hate you even when you are out having a good time with them, later coming home and running over all the small things you have done and how it would offend them, which then leads to a panic attack about how no one will like someone like you.

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#162

My boyfriend fits every one of these. I also think he is afraid to go out when we are in an unfamiler place. He hides out. I was taking it personally and thought he didn't want to be with me. How can I help him?

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#163

I'm still alive... I feel guilty that this feels like an achievement.

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#164

I'm still alive... I feel guilty that this feels like an achievement.

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#165

I never had an overwhelming desire to become a nurse or teacher. Going on 30, I still have no clue what I want to be when I “grow up.” When I was 22 and graduating from college, I decided I would go ahead and get my MRS degree, because as long as I was married and someone took care of me, it didn’t matter what I made of my life. Fast forward 7 years later, and I’m divorced (no children, thankfully), and I’m back at a job I had when I was 19. And boy, it sure has changed. But have I? I try to live and work a 12 step program, but most days all I can do is psych myself up to just leave to go to work. No matter how much sleep I get, I never feel caught up or rested. People ask me to hang out, and I put it off everyday because all I want to do with my spare time is curl up into a ball on the couch. Although, I’m not the alcoholic, I know what it is like to become so absorbed with another human being it feels like you don’t know where they end and you begin. When you’re spending the majority of your time alone, it becomes so hard not to let your negative thinking get the best of you. Comparison is the thief of joy, but in our generation it hard to stop comparing yourself to where you think you should be. I also strive to live a life where I don’t nurse my resentments, but I have an extremely hard time letting things go. When your life doesn’t feel like it is going anywhere professionally or personally, it just feels as if you almost have nothing to live for. I keep thinking one day it will just click, life will get easier, with that move- that different job- etc., but the truth is happiness is an inside job. I just haven’t figured out at this age what exactly that means for me. I used to think well if I can just make this marriage work, everything else will fall into place. And then I just realized one day I couldn’t live like that anymore, and I had to work on me for me because I’m the only one who can save me. I also used to pick my ex husband apart. And now that it’s just me (and two cats), I’m the only one left to pick apart. I used to get so annoyed with him for his sleeping issues. And lately it has come full circle - now I suffer from insomnia. I think at the end of the day the biggest lesson to learn is to be kind- to yourself and to others. We are all trying to fight our demons on our own time in our own way.

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#166

The highlight of any given weekend for me, is when I talk online with a couple friends of mine and we write stories together based on a mid-90's cartoon.

For a few hours every week, I can forget I'm me.

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#167

Staying up late at night and waking up at around noon time. Avoiding facing my responsibilities for I didn't wanna feel the stress that I get from doing these things. Always feeling tired or exhausted. Spending most of the time in the Internet watching videos and stuff without really focusing on one particular thing because I've lost interest. Trying to avoid to interact or to talk with other people because you just want to be left alone.

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#168

I've decided to break a streak of hiding away from other humans and accepted an invitation to a country house of one of my virtual aquaintances. It was a lovely stay; they have dogs, cats, farm animals and a lot of greenery around the house. No road or cars passing by. I thrived. I kinda bonded with one of the host' work colleagues there. A nice girl, not someone I'd ususally think of as interesting, but really cordial. She said: "When we're coming back to the city, I wanna visit you!" I was like "Erm...my house is a huge mess." She answered; "oh, so you'll just clean it up for the occasion." I stiffened. My house is a bear's den; I don't clean and I don't hoover it like, ever, because I don't have the energy for that. The bathroom floor is littered with trash. The kitchen floor is all sticky. The windows haven't been wiped in years. I haven't made my house proper clean in a long time and frankly, I don't believe this is achievable for me anymore. Most of the time my kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes, because I hate the sole thought of washing them so much. My mother was a control freak and made me wash everything twice. Now I just try to ignore the stink and live there anyway.

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#169

"Choose happy." Yeah, I get it. Happiness is a choice for some people. I understand that someone can choose to be sad or angry, as well. However, I can want so badly to be happy, and it not happen. This failure makes me even more sad, more depressed, more anxious. "What's wrong with me that this is not working??" And the cycle continues.

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#170

Meaningful events don't seem as meaningful to me as they do for other people. Okay, I graduated and got a degree. Please don't say you are proud of me. I don't deserve being celebrated. I didn't do anything. Leave me alone.

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#171

If all the above were questions, I'd answer yes to all of them. People call me backwards or anti-social, but just leaving my house makes me anxious and I can't wait to get home again and just stay in bed, watching tv, surrounded by my dogs and cats. I stay home unless I absolutely have to go out.

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#172

I moved to a different state where I know no one but my Uncle.... I try to keep my mind occupied with music then I hear a song and cry... both my parents have passed at very young ages mom was 59 (Dec 2008) and then Dad was 64 (Aug 2013) Im an only child, no kids, no husband/boyfriend.....and then I find a friend here and has asked me to go out 10 times and i have some kind of excuse to not go. Im in physical pain (back problems) so limits me but I can still walk (jus cant run no marathon). In the last state I was in EVERYONE wanted to see what "*****" was doing tonight...and always the life of the party...and now I suffer...I cannot find help because of health insurance. I will go day without washing my hair, I even use "dry shampoo"... no one gets it unless they have it....but Im very glad that Im not alone and not crazy (well ya but no..lol).

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#173

Trying to keep my brain occupied by garbage (Netflix and video games) and tricking myself into thinking it's amazing so that I stop thinking about how hard life really is

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#174

I’m a man, 60 now and have read through this whole thing and I’d say I can relate to about 90% of it. Thinking back, a lot of my depression and anxiety started when I was 13. I did poorly in school and was very antisocial in school, my saving grace at the time was Air Cadets the one place where I had friends and felt I had a purpose. Outside of that I hid my emotions through building models and drinking etc. with some of my cadet friends. Dating for me was a huge brick wall which I eventually climbed but fell back down 2 times. I gave up and joined the Air Force where for 3 years I stayed away from girls and accomplished a great many things. In my 4th year I met someone and am still married.I came back home and have hopped around many different jobs some awesome some bad.My depressed state was probably not helping me, as I became more and more reclusive. I had 2 kids to look after during the day, while I worked nights so we didn’t need daycare.Got a job painting aircraft which I initially loved but turned into a nightmare with a lot of overtime and not seeing my kids. That’s when things got bad....suicidely bad. I walked off the job and ended up in mental hospital for two weeks, it took a year to recover to where I could function and get work. I struggled in a lousy retail job where I had to pretend to be happy for customer service and had a huge struggle with depression and anxiety and took on too many extra jobs because I couldn’t say no after nearly ten years, I found a much better job as a transit operator and it was great until my diabetes and depression and anxiety reared its ugly head. Weird shifts, restroom breaks, crazy drivers, controlling my diabetes all got the better of me, so now I’ve been to CBT courses, anxiety courses, numerous psychiatrists and multiple different drugs and I feel so helpless no matter how hard I try. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Every day is a huge struggle for everything. I have never felt so incapable in my life. When I look back at my previous accomplishments I feel as though it was a part of me that died when I had my major depression years ago. I feel so much like a zombie just going through life waiting for the end. I spend most of my time in bed or in a chair looking at social media, not even care to watch tv anymore. I am still on long term disability but the money is not much and my wife is retired so we struggle. She has to tell me to do anything, as I simply can’t even think of that. I seldom go out or even drive anymore because of my anxiety. My wife often laughs at tv shows and asks why I didn’t find that funny, I rarely laugh or even find humour in anything anymore. I struggle to interact with my friends and family, I just don’t find pleasure in anything anymore. It’s hard to even go out without seeing anything that depresses me, I can’t even look at a bus anymore without feeling extreme anxiety. I’m not giving up though, I keep trying and see my doctors and hope that some combination of medication and therapy will pull me out of this hell I call life right now. It has been very hard to write this, but maybe it will help someone or even me. Someday I hope to be even a fraction of what I once was.

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#175

I wish people could understand the difference between sad and depressed. I have a wonderful husband, a lovely home and a comfortable existence, but still struggle to get out of bed and do anything other than sit on the recliner and watch TV or surf the net. The guilt is overwhelming.

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#176

Know that you are not alone. Depression and Anxiety is a medical illness and there are treatments in wide ranges. It has been around since man. Melancholy was once it's name. Own that you have these feelings and hurts. Abraham Lincoln said "Many times I found I had nowhere to go but upon my knees in prayer". Though sometimes it feels it is a useless cry, know that the veil is thin and angels round about us know and are with us. God does not leave us alone. We need to reach out in solemn prayer over and over and over again. Scream out for help if needed, make your statement to be heard. Educate and know yourself and others. They are all by our sides. Though many, maybe most people really have no clue, you do and your journey is good enough. My story is not just my own.

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#177

Having people tell me that I look so happy because I smile but knowing that my smile just hides the sadness that is my life.

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#178

I bury myself in school work so that I don't have time to think about other things or have to try to spend time with other people. Everyone accepts that I'm too busy because of school, even when they don't accept depression. It's easier this way. The only catch is that I overwork myself, get burnt out, and then the spiral of depression is even worse.

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#179

Awake all night go to bed 5/6am didn't do anything about cleaning up slept till 2pm
not sure if it's morning or arvo don't know the day or date don't care.
Pain all over never ending pain no shower today can't remember when I had one tomorrow will be fine. Sweating hot then cold nightmares more medication and the Drs are cutting back on pain Meds. Is it worth it alone locked up just like doing time all the time.

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#180

Depression can be debilitating. There are days of staying in bed, not brushing your teeth or taking a shower because you just don't have the motivation to do anything or care enough about yourself to take care of "you". Guilt, shame, low self-esteem, & anxiety all play a role. You don't feel normal & want so badly to be like other functioning adults. Depression really sucks.

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#181

Sometimes, I can be in a crowd of people who are my friends but I'll be on my phone because I feel like no one wants me to be here and they are better off like this but they never notice how withdrawn I am...that's what stings the most

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#182

I know it's wrong but whenever I am somewhere, I can feel people judging me for every move and every bite but if I ask them, they don't understand how I could think that

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#183

I can't even cry anymore because I used up all my tears. I'm either super apathic or overly emotional. There is no in between. I've pretended to be sick to get out of things because I don't even have the energy or willpower to get up and go to it. I can never sleep, I just stare at the wall all night or get onto my phone. I'm always tired because of it, and I rarely get up to eat. The worst part is, most people don't even know that almost everyday I consider taking my own life. Sometimes people will seem so happy and bubbly, but maybe a bit shy and tired, and no one would think anything of it.

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#184

I related to the 1st page too much to read further

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#185

My depression is like have no emotion left. Example: ( when you have a cat for 20 years and have to put him down. Normally you would cry right?) I dont feel anything anymore.

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#186

People think I am lazy and unmotivated. I'm just exhausted all the time from not sleeping and constantly fighting with my thoughts and emotions. Life is a challenge most everyday, even the simplest things.

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#187

I find myself constantly battling with the need of validation from people that I love, while also not wanting to burden them or be needy. My brain is screaming ‘ask him if he likes you!’ and when I inevitably, desperately, insecurely do ask, I realise that no answer will make me feel like it’s true. Instead I’m searching for any sign that the person thinks the opposite - a pause, a sigh, physical distance. I find myself suffocating in a cloud of rejection, that only exists to me.

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#188

is there an answer, I have to own my depression as much as I hate it but I make sure now it does not own me, that is hard and I fail a lot. having to make myself get up do things, is an effort but I do it. nothing anyone says can help or make you feel better, sleeping, eating can take over if we let it, I am strong but sometimes this is stronger than me. painful and misunderstood. sometimes for me the front gate is my enemy I just can not get out it, the world is out there,
i get up at a certain time and dress every morning as it is to easy to stay there, not saying I do much some days but I am up and dressed. I distrust people as well so that does not help . my animals are my solace with out them who knows where I would be, I know they are my responsability so I look after them and they keep me going

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#189

Beeing rude and aggressive to others.
The only thing that prevents tears running down my cheeks when I'm in company.

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#190

Sometimes I get agitated when my friends say they have depression, anxiety, or cut. I have and do all of those things but I don't go around parading about all my problems because I feel that no one would care anyway. I don't want to share about everything because no one will fully understand it. I don't understand it myself.

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Amanda Shepherd 7 months ago

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#191

I m constantly either working and torturing myself or sleeping too much, sometimes 12-16 hrs coz, I don't wanna go through the conscious thoughts that race through my brain at all times. I Soo much wish I could die, so I could finally have some peace. I don't wanna exist anymore, in any plane whatsoever. And overeating and curling in a ball during my anxiety attacks. And that emptiness and hollow inside, which is Soo much worse than the pain.

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