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We all know that words can heal, just as they can hurt. The same goes with asking questions. Sometimes even the most innocent ones, given the particular circumstances, like a simple “who are you?” and “why wouldn’t you stand up straight for a photo?” can hit us in the bones.
So when Redditor Sneha_magic asked people “What innocent question that someone asked you crushed you a little?” on the AskReddit community, it resonated with many people. And they shared their own emotional experiences when a single question made them very emotional, and it’s one hell of a read. It turns out, we should never take any question for granted, no matter how innocent and well-intentioned it may feel to us.
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#1
I went to get a haircut for my Fiance's funeral. It was Friday. He had died on Tuesday. My stylist, all bubbly, said, 'It's been awhile!! The last time I saw you, you were just about to move in with your boyfriend! How's it going?' The words stuck and I kind of rasped it out.
Honestly though, her reaction was so wonderful. She was behind me, and just put her hands firmly on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes in the mirror. No shock, no stupid platitudes, just silent, genuine empathy. The rest of the haircut was pretty quiet, but she did everything so... like, lovingly, and didn't make a big deal out of it when I cried a little.
Dilly Millandry 3 years ago
Dammit... was trying not to cry. Didn't get very far. Some of these are heart-breaking.
MLove 3 years ago
In the late 90's, I'd been doing hair for a few years at the time. I had a client come in and she made this loud obnoxious statement "I had to have someone else do my hair last time because YOU WERE ON VACATION AGAIN!" I walked around the chair so I could look her in the face and asked "when was this?" Because I hadn't been on any kind of trip for nearly a year. This was in Seattle and I grew up in Oregon but that doesn't count as a vacation by any means. So she says "like six weeks ago, I called and you were gone. AGAIN!" I looked her dead in the eye and said "actually. I was at my brothers funeral." Not another word came out of her mouth and I never saw her again. I miss him. On the flip side, I had a client come in who was very clearly NOT pregnant anymore and I said "Hi new mama!" The baby got wrapped up in the cord and died. She still had to give birth. I quit doing hair 10 years ago.
Katinka Min 3 years ago
Those platitudes might sound mepty, but they often aren't. We all have lost people and we know how much it hurst so we often really ARE sorry that you have lost someone.
Queen Shay 3 years ago (edited)
Why the top 3 stories already got me crying. Loss is so hard and the pain never goes away weather it’s a life ended too soon or a life that never came to fruition.
RELATED:
#2
A waiter asked me if my wife was pregnant once. She was just bloated from chemo side effects. Crushed me, so glad she didn't hear. She couldn't have had kids and she passed 2 years back.
Edit: I just wanted to say thanks to those who commented on this, it wasn't expected. We went to the place a lot so as a young couple he had seen over the years it was probably a reasonable thing to assume.
Also I'm doing ok, we knew she was terminal for most of our relationship, we probably did more in those few short years than we would have normally. It hurts a lot still but I know I have her everything I possibly could in that time. Just remember to live life like each day could be your last people, mend that broken friendship, ask out that girl, follow your dream. XXX.
Pamela24 3 years ago
Even if it were a reasonable thing to assume, it doesn't give the waiter any right to ask such a question. Even if it were true and she ordered alcohol. It's non of the waiter's business, just stay out of it. "Are you pregnant?" is a question that should be asked in very specific and intimate situations (if you're very close or it's relevant to something - such as getting an x-ray or some meds). In general - stop asking people if they're pregnant, please. Also sorry for the husband, he sounds like a great man.
Dirk Daring 3 years ago
I don't care if you can see the head crowning, NEVER ask a woman if she's pregnant. Or when she's going to start having kids.
UnpopularPanda 3 years ago (edited)
I lost one of my sisters to ESRD back in 2016 she used to go through haemodialysis every other day and it had caused her arm to be bulged and belly inflate (not sure of the direct relation to ailment or treatment). I worked night shifts since 2007 and came home at around 4am, I never saw her sleep as in lying in the bed, she never could and would pile up pillows in front of her and just rest her head on them and basically just moan with pain, I cried as I comforted her rubbing her sole, massage her feet, nothing worked. Lost all my savings, changed job, moved to a different contry in 2014 with better pay to be able to afford the expenses leaving her with my mom, again, nothing worked and had to fly back on emergency leave as she couldn't fight anymore. She was one brave girl who would still go to gatherings (with the catheter attached) would call her friends, she was always full of life and so wanted to LIVE :(
Beautifullybroken 3 years ago
So truly sorry for your loss. But she is always with you, in your heart and you memories and it sounds like you made some great ones in the time she had, it also sounds like a love that most people could only hope for❤💔
Tamara Arden 3 years ago
Good on you for not getting upset at the waiter. Other people cannot be expected to know things like that and it wouldn't be something I would tell someone I barely knew.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
My mother used to criticize me for spending money to travel, rather than saving as much as she thought I should. Then I was in a head-on collision that has prevented me from doing everything I loved. I will never regret living, not just existing. I am so glad they had each other.
#3
I teach 1st grade and was talking about how I've been married for 5 years. One student asked, 'How could you not have a baby by now?' Not wanting to explain multiple miscarriages and IVF to a classroom of 6 year olds I said, 'Being around all of you makes my heart so full that I don't think I have room in my heart for a baby!!' They all smiled. I smiled too. I've learned from my experience to never ask couples when/if they want to have a family.
Stoopham McFernybabes 3 years ago
Being asked if I was pregnant “because all the girls in the office thought you were”, when I have, not only, been trying to conceive for 2 years, but have also put on weight from all the depressive comfort eating.
Beatrice Multhaupt 3 years ago
My GYNECOLOGIST once asked me why I didn't have any kids. I managed to turn this around and asked him what he thought the best thing about being a parent was. He beamed and said (I kid you not) ''It's like having little carbon copies of yourself''. So I knew he was a narcissist.
Mermaid Elle-Jaye 3 years ago (edited)
Omg now I want to go out and get pregnant now ……. (Not)
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Shaun Carr 3 years ago
having babies is totally overrated...these students are living proof. LOL
Emma Starr 3 years ago
Same. I just started being honest when I'd get asked at the nail salon, grocery, haircut salon "I have secondary infertility and couldn't have another child." It's worth it to make people realize that it's sooo intrusive.
Lisa Frühauf 3 years ago
That's the perfect opportunity to teach the kids that those kind of questions are improper and very private.
Rene Simons 3 years ago
That’right, because it is none of your buisiness. People commented on ky wife and I not having kids. They didn’t know how they hurt us then.
Previously, Bored Panda reached out to Lynn How, the author of “,” about the psychology behind asking and receiving questions like that. Lynn specializes in supporting parents, teachers, and children navigating through mental health issues and prevention. According to Lynn, it is always a good idea to think carefully before asking a question. “There are so many variables to consider, such as, is my question too personal? Do I know the person well enough to ask this question? Should I ask this question in private rather than in front of others? Do I really need to know the answer?”
#4
When I was 13 my mom got a divorce from a man who I can only refer to as a “step monster”
I worked all summer to save up money since we didn’t have a lot and I was worried we wouldn’t have enough to pay the bills.
I ended up having a few dollars left over and wanted to buy my mom a gift and she mentioned she needed a new watch for her birthday.
I went to the jeweler and got a $100 gold Citizen Evo Drive watch. It was functional and it looked really nice.
When I gave it to her, her first response was “thanks honey, did it come in silver?”
I was crushed.
Insult to injury: she started dating a guy around the same time and he bought her a crappy silver watch. She ended up wearing his over mine
18 years later and it still hurts when I think about it.
MaddaPanda 3 years ago
Your unconditional love and all the heart felt beautiful gifts couldn’t buy her a soul because she was empty in the first place.
Biofish23 3 years ago
As a mom I can't begin to comprehend this. My child could give me the objectively ugliest watch ever and I would still gush over it and treasure it forever.
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
I still have my kids' hand turkeys from kindergarten. My youngest is 16 lol
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Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
dam thats f****d up i wouldve been garteful to have a gift from someone no matter hwta it is
Tammy Wait 3 years ago
I have been there. It was crushing and no one seemed to understand why. Changed life forever. I am 63 and it still hurts.
Bettie-Jean Neal 3 years ago
Don't sweat it. My mom has never ever used or worn a gift I have given her. EVER. She's even regifted stuff back to me. Once she started doing that, I would buy her stuff I wanted knowing I would eventually get it. B*tch.
#5
Just happened recently actually. A few years ago I had a pretty awesome life, I was married. My husband and I were trying to have kids and when I needed a car we just got me an SUV in anticipation for needing it for kids (he had two and we planned to have 2-3)
Well things didn’t work out and he ended up dying from drinking himself to death in January and between that and 2 miscarriages, an ectopic and an IVF cycle that failed I’m slowly coming to the realization that I’ll never be a mother. It’s painful to say the least.
The kid I nanny for was sitting in my car and we were discussing his day when he says 'nanny why do you have such a big car when it’s only you?' I wanted to cry right there on the spot, it just really stung. But instead I told him it was because I knew I would be watching him and I needed a car big enough for him which seemed to placate him and he then started discussing Batman with me.
Random Anon 3 years ago
I know this does dig up some unpleasant memories. But if you think about it, the kid was simply inquisitive and wasn't malicious. You've just experienced the innocence of a mind, unblemished by our adult brand of cynicism. That's something ain't it.
Tami 3 years ago
Weird question since so many people without kids or with kids grown and gone drive humongous vehicles.
Tenacious Squirrel 3 years ago
I thought so too. Correlating a vehicle with someone having children would never cross my mind. In fact people often have a partner and 2 kids in a small car as they all generally seat 4-5.
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Elliebean13 3 years ago
If she really wants a kid, she could adopt. That’s an excellent option for both the kid and the adult.
Mermaid Elle-Jaye 3 years ago (edited)
Ectopics sucks 😞 totally get that, don’t want kids but I’ll always remember how f****d up that was
#6
My mom accidentally called me after about 10 years of not talking. I answered all ready for a serious conversation. When I answered, she was like 'wait, who's this?' I say 'hey mom it's me.' Her reply is what hurt.
Who? Why are you calling me mom?
She was so drunk she didn't recognize her own daughter's name. F**k'aye.
Elliot Fowler 3 years ago
Heart breaking but maybe since the mom called while drunk, in her subconscious mind she might still want to mend the relationship with her daughter
Random Anon 3 years ago
That would be a good time to tell her some secrets you're dying to tell but too afraid of the reaction.
Bettie-Jean Neal 3 years ago
Yup, I'm the adult child of an alcoholic mother, so this sounds about right.
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
I think, no matter how old you get, there's some part of us that wants or needs our parent's love and approval. If you have a distant relationship, like I've had with both my parents, that need never gets met and leaves an empty place. Hopefully the OP will get to have a chosen family that can sometimes fill that empty place.
Moreover, Lynn argues, some questions can easily be taken to be offensive or out of context, even if no offense was meant. “Sometimes well-meaning people can ask something and be surprised by the blunt response! Sometimes we answer the question politely but are secretly dying inside due to sadness or embarrassment.”
#7
My son undergoing chemo and radiation treatment for a bone marrow transplant. People, meaning well of course, would always ask 'how's your son doing?' I'd always have to fake a smile and give some shallow hopeful answer 'he's fine. He's a fighter' but deep inside the question crushed me every time. No, he was suffering. Teetered on the brink of Life and death. He was not 'fine' and Everytime I heard that question I was reminded of it and had to swallow the pain. My son has since recovered, but it was a very tough time.
Plenty Pineapples 3 years ago (edited)
A genuine question- what should people ask? What question would be helpful? I know it would obviously not be the same for everyone... Edit- thank you so much for the responses!
Ritchat 3 years ago
I get that being asked such a question in that situation hurts. But I don't think anyone asking you that question while your son is battling cancer would expect a cheery "He's fine" answer. I know it's hard, but I think the best way to go is, to be honest. Don't be strong for the other person. Let them be strong for you. Let them help you, support you. There is nothing more devastating than losing a child. Don't waste your energy pretending that it is not.
Anne Mitchell 3 years ago
This is why people are afraid to broach the subjects of death, and illness with others. They are damned if they do and damned if they don't.
Jacqueline Pie Francis 3 years ago
My mother had ALS, which is the worst thing I have ever, ever seen (and I have seen a lot of terminal illness and death). People asked me “How is she doing?” ….I didn’t get angry or bitter about it—they genuinely cared. I gave them a brief and honest answer without burdening them too much, but everyone was incredibly gracious. I understand what this lady is saying, but most people do care, and ask because they care, and it is not their fault that others are sick, nor should one feel bitter that they’re not experiencing the same thing.
Rens 3 years ago
My go-to is "is there anything I can do for you?" I suffer from chronic illnesses and I'm disabled, as is my boyfriend. We're both honest with eachother about how we feel and what we're going through. My best friend, who is friends with both of us texts us every day asking how we are; she and I get together every Saturday and have lunch, and she helps us with anything, cleaning, laundry, shopping etc. She's priceless.
Connie Martin 3 years ago
I find "How are things at your house today?" is neutral. I'm showing interest without asking specifically about her, or her sick family member, or whatever I know is a sorrow for her right now. Sometimes the person will choose to talk about her own pain, or talk about how someone else in the family is doing, or that her child was just accepted to the college they wanted to attend, or about some goofy thing their dog did yesterday. Leave it wide open and they can choose to engage about whatever they need to. Including "today" makes it specific enough that she doesn't feel like she has to summarize her and her family's whole situation, which can be exhausting.
DC 3 years ago
I have a friend who has a bad case of cancer, that luckily currently doesn't grow. She hates being asked ... I wanna know what to expect. I ask about once a year and let it rest then, we agreed on that ... and if it gets worse quick, she'll tell me. As long as it is just an annual question, it doesn't really have any impact ... I hope it will remain so.
#8
“Since when do you have a stutter?” -my mom
When I get extremely anxious I stutter a lot. My dad had been incredibly hard on me that day and I was holding back tears. It hurt me that my mom had never noticed it before and she seemed annoyed by it rather than concerned.
Rahul Pawa 3 years ago
Maybe it would help to give Mom some grace and imagine she was annoyed at herself for not noticing before, rather than annoyed at the child. It might even be the truth, self-centeredness is quite common. She may have been thinking, "why haven't I noticed that before?"
ZenChickChristine 3 years ago
I was also thinking that if Mom never noticed then she’s never pushed the OP that far.
Load More Replies... #9
I grew up lower middle class and my parents had been severely injured by a drunk driver at the end of my 8th grade year and were disabled and no longer able to work. We basically had no money for school clothes but my mother tried to get me a few cool shirts.
I wasn’t a popular kid and most people didn’t really know much about me. In my freshman year of high school, one of the popular girls in my class asked, “don’t you have more than 3 shirts? I only ever see you in the same 3 shirts.”
High school in the 80’s in the United States sucked.
Mohammad Ammar 3 years ago (edited)
This is why school uniform exists. Saves kids from stuff like this, and saves parents time and money.
Burs 3 years ago
Not true. I wore an uniform most of school. The kids still bully each other for many reasons, one of them being the clothes. Because you still have jackets, backpacks, shoes, socks... Bullies always find a reason to hurt others
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Yayaboobo 3 years ago
Me too. I'm Black and my community was really bad with this. I hung out mostly with my white friends and they could care less how I dressed. Sorry y'all it's my truth and I'm gonna speak it.
onivdsrapowijap 3 years ago
By the way, it's "I couldn't care less", not "could care less." Saying you could care less indicates that you at least somewhat care about it, while saying you couldn't care less means you can't care less about it because you already don't care about it at all.
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Julie Chamberlin 3 years ago
I was so excited when I was 26 and finally got the cool sneakers from high school. 🤣
Trevor Nicholson 3 years ago
One time in high school, I don't remember the whole context, but my teacher said something derogatory about people buying their clothes at Marks Work Warehouse. Guess where I got my clothes. But I wasn't ashamed. I shamed him when I said I did.
Stacey Smith 3 years ago
"Yes, it's called a washing machine. Can your parents not afford one?"
Moreover, there are many questions that are better left untouched. “There are a myriad of untouchable subjects that I've gleaned from various life experiences. I am certainly much better at question filtering than I was in my 20s. For example, having gone through fertility treatment, I would never ask someone why they were not pregnant yet because I know firsthand how upsetting it is.”
Other taboo subjects include weight, relationships, salary, and age. “Of course, when it's your best friend, you can ask more deep and meaningful questions in comparison to someone you have just met,” Lynn concluded.
#10
I got asked why I wouldn't stand up straight for a photo. I have kyphosis and am standing up as straight as I can.
Elizabeth 3 years ago
No joke, I had severe scoliosis as a teen and it noticeably affected my posture. Years after my surgery, we were looking at pictures from about a year before my diagnosis, and it was obvious that my shoulder was dipped down. My sister then casually remarked that "maybe you were actually standing as straight as you could." (She used to yell at me about not "standing straight" and ruining pictures on purpose.)
Trevor Nicholson 3 years ago
Stuff like this drives me crazy. Like it's so rude. Almost every person on Dr Pimple Popper has some obvious condition and is traumatized and emotionally destroyed from people constantly needing to point it out to them, judge them, question them. Like just mind your own business.
Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago
Not entirely the same but I grew up with a lazy eye - one eye pointed out towards the wall. It was hard to tell if I was looking at you. When I was 17 I went to get my passport photo done and the photographer made fun of me. “Look, if I cover up one eye it looks like you’re looking at me, and if I cover up the other eye it looks like you’re looking to the right! Hahaha!” Really stung, like I know it’s obvious dude. I had surgery when I was 22 so my eyes are straight now but it really embarassed me growing up.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
I didn't know there was a surgery for that. My sister has a lazy eye (inherited from my grandmother) but she was just given exercises and glasses to help, which she has never really done. We never even noticed she had it until her friends mentioned it when she was in high school- I think we were always distracted by the fact that her pupils are almost always dilated.
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Charlotte Combs 3 years ago
People stand up in all sorts of positions to take photos. Phhhpt on them for saying anything.
#11
Mom asked me, 'Who are you?' when I visited her recently. She has dementia.
Mazer 3 years ago
Such a horrible disease. Virtual hugs. I learned in helping a friend with her mom who had dementia, that it is best to enter into their world and drop all expectations of them entering your world. I also learned that music from their younger years can have dramatically positive impact.
Marek Čtrnáct 3 years ago
I'm not sure which is worse -- slow dementia where they disappear bit by bit, or a quick one where it happens suddenly. My father had a liver failure. His waste products poisoned his brain. All his memory, gone. No warning, no preparation. He died a few weeks later, happier than I ever saw him be.
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K M 3 years ago
I'm there with you, and feel your pain. Both of my parents developed dementia at the same time. My father passed away two years ago, but my mother is still hanging in there. Hurts like hell, but I've learned to meet her where she is, and enjoy the visits as much as possible.
Dilly Millandry 3 years ago
It's scant comfort, but at least they don't do it deliberately. They'd be there for you if they could.
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Samantha Power 3 years ago
This is truly awful. I experienced that when I visited my Mother who had it also, she didn't recognise me or my daughter. More recently - my ex husband was taken to Hospital and was seriously ill. He had major surgery and was put on a Ventilator, when he came out of that, he had symptoms of dementia. Our daughter went to visit and he said 'who are you'? she ran out crying and told a Nurse, they went back in together and he yelled that he had already told her he didn't know who the f... she was, she was devastated. When I visited him and asked if he knew who I was, he said 'vaguely' I had known him for 40 years plus.
MN “MN Female” Female 3 years ago
I've been in these shoes.....and although you assume they enjoy the visits....it can actually scare the person with dementia. YOU know them...but they don't know you. Imagine having a stranger come up to you, want a hug and they know everything about you.
Ines Olabarria-Smith 3 years ago
Sometimes mine knows I’m family but she doesn’t know exactly who am I. I live in another city so I guess that’s why. First Time was hard.
Fieke Engelen 3 years ago
As did my Dad in the same circumstance, but he knew he loved me although he did not know me. I will always remember that
Maria Mendez 3 years ago
That is heartbreaking. My Pops wanted to run off with me (like a GF) cuz he didn't remember I was his daughter. i saw him through hospice & miss him terribly.
#12
Someone jokingly asked me if I was high because my eyes were red. I had just been diagnosed with an eye disease and told I would go blind before 50. My eyes were red from my medicated eye drops and partially from crying. I was only sixteen and having a hard time coming to terms with it.
Samantha Power 3 years ago
Sorry to read this, always wonder why people can be so incredibly insensitive.
A_UserHere 3 years ago
while people can be insensitive i dont think this is one of them i mean we never get told if he told them if yes then theyre insensitive if no then what are they supposed to do like read their mind?
Load More Replies... Sinkvenice 3 years ago
I have a lot of really bad things wrong with me and have also just been diagnosed (last week) with a very rare degenerative eye disease that means I'm also going blind. It's difficult and it's upsetting, I completely empathise with you. You're very brave and you will get through this, just like I know I will. It's ok to be upset, it's ok to cry and it's ok to be vulnerable. Surround yourself with supportive people and do wonderful things for yourself, even if it's something small, like buying yourself some chocolates or something else that'll cheer yourself up a little bit. Treats aren't always for special occasions, sometimes they're just to make us feel like we love ourselves and that yes, we deserve it.
Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 3 years ago
I am so sorry about your diagnosis, I can’t even imagine carrying that weight around. I wish so, so many good things for you 🧡
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Jesse Ferland 3 years ago
I can relate to this, I've had classmates in high school constantly ask me if I was high when my eyes were all red and bloodshot in the morning. While I thankfully didn't have any eye disease, my eyes would usually be like that because I'd stay up many nights until 3am trying to convince my then-gf not to commit suicide.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
My best friend and her son both have retinitis pigmentosis which causes complete peripheral vision loss leading to tiny tunnel vision, or complete blindness. People, including family members, say, "well, you don't look blind!" It drives me insane, and really upsets my friends. I am so sorry that you are going through this. There are amazing support groups online.
LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
Based on the small symptoms described, I have the same eye disease. It's more terrifying to know that one day things you enjoy doing will be taken away yet you're still able. I can no longer see things far away and each time someone points st something they are trying to get me to see, I struggle till I give up. "Are you blind or something?" No... not yet....
#13
"Why did you did you teach yourself how to shave" My boss asked me when I missed a few spots when I was in work. We got into the topic of shaving properly. My father died when I was 12 of a heart attack. He wasn't really around enough or cared enough to be in my life. From when he left my mother when I was 5, she raised me until i was 18 and then thank god my step father came into our life. He married my mom and right after, took me to the court house and adopted me. I told him that it wasn't necessary since I was 18 and starting life as a man but he insisted that he wanted to be there for me until the day he passes away. I still cry till this day that a man who doesn't even have my blood, wants to be there for me for anything. I don't know where I would be without him. Him and my mom have been happily married for 10 years now!
Duke Silver 3 years ago
Blood doesn't mean everything. He is an amazing father, even without shared genes.
Chris Jones 3 years ago
Blood can mean very little. I've seen too much in the news all too recently - young children harmed, some killed, by those who should be caring for them. Their actual parents. Disgusting.
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#14
"When will we dig up dad?" asked by my almost 5 yo son. He's never met him as dad died three months before birth. This goes along the question "when will dad stop being dead?".
Debbie Barnes 3 years ago (edited)
Death is so hard to explain to children. Many years ago my son died, when my daughter was 5 years old. Despite trying to explain why her brother was now living in Heaven (can there be any explanation?), she still made up her dolls bed up for him and a jar of rice pudding (that he loved) in the fridge 'for when he came back'....
Samantha Power 3 years ago
Terribly sad, a very loving and sweet gesture from your daughter x
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Alexa Saltz 3 years ago
It is best to allow those questions and answer them honestly. My father was killed in Vietnam when I was 3. I was never allowed to speak his name let alone ask questions. Believe me when I say that can set a child up for a lifetime of pain.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
The Grief book by Elizabeth Vercoe is a great book with strategies for explaining death and grief to children. Also when my older brother died we (my siblings and I were between 1 1/2 and 12) we were told the story of Waterbugs and Dragonflies, which was also read at the funeral, about waterbugs who climbed up the reeds and became dragonflies which was a nice analogy for death.
#15
Specialist appointment and they did the normal thing of checking contact details. They asked if the contact number and details for my wife were still correct. I started crying - my wife passed away this time 12 months ago. Surprising how much one simple question asked in total innocence can bring you to your knee
Stoopham McFernybabes 3 years ago
I did that with a patient, today. I asked if the emergency contact person, [name], was still correct and the patient said “Oh, no - [name’s] in a nursing home now with profound dementia”. I’m so sorry, patient. I really, really am.
Samantha Power 3 years ago
It really wasn't your fault though, you had no way of knowing that. x
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Silre 3 years ago
I'd gone in for blood work after the lab and local hospital had been taken over by the university hospital where I used to go and they had my husband, who died seven years ago, as my emergency contact. It was a bit of a shock. But then they also had my previous employer and I laughed and said "God, no!"
Margaret Clayton 3 years ago
I'm a widow, this was so painful, and it tends to get put on repeat for different doctors, and the dentist. Any form when I have to check the "single" box ... I still don't feel very single.
#16
'I could never imagine getting cancer at such a young age. How are you this strong/brave/do you stay so positive?' - I’ve stopped counting the amount of people (especially working at the hospital, I’d expect a bit more sensitivity from them) that have asked me that. Yes I’m mid 20’s, but it’s not a choice that I’m 'staying strong.' it’s freaking survival. Every time someone asks me that, it feels like getting punched.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
You sigh and get on with your life. My husband always said "just go with the flow and we'll see what happens.". He never complained but the stories about fighting cancer, being brave and strong are bs, You just let it happen.
Mazer 3 years ago
Deep virtual hugs for you. The medical community is full of people who should be getting paid to pick up road kill, not interacting with vulnerable people fighting for their lives.
Dilly Millandry 3 years ago
This is sadly all too true. I've met some shockingly insensitive people dressed in medical clothing!
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Robert T 3 years ago
I was 26 when I was first diagnosed. I don't remember any comments like that and there were people on the ward younger than me. Perhaps the best way to think about it is that your are in the prime of your life and your body is at is strongest for dealing with chemo. 20+ years on, I'm doing fine, and I hope you are too.
Moya Satterwhite 3 years ago
I feel like hell, but what can ya do, right? Breaks the ice and tells everything in the shortest way.
Monkey Spunk 3 years ago
I've no idea why people behave like this, I had a friend who died in his 40's, he had mesothelioma (ironically my dad died of it about 5 years after him). We used to drag him out and make him live his life (he was divorced, wife had the kids and he lived by himself and tended to get depressed so we had to), we took him to Spamalot which he was very grumpy about until he got an "I'm not quite dead yet" t-shirt which made him so fecking happy. Anyway, people would treat him with kid gloves like he was something fragile, which really p155ed him off, he just wanted to be treated the same as he always was.
Maxie Mills 3 years ago
Yes! When I go to the doctor and a nurse or doctor says, "you're too young to have all this wrong." I'm like then fix it. They don't!
Jon Steensen 3 years ago
yep the answer to how are you doing that, is always "I have to". The saying should be "we can what we have to", and the things that we can achieve can be very impressive, when there really is no other option.
Angela Vezdos 3 years ago
OMG I know!! Or when they share their "personal story" of a friend of a friend who died from the same thing I've been diagnosed with or ask what you think you could have done differently to avoid getting cancer. I know most people mean well and are just trying to relate but....you know when someone passes and they say 'the worst thing you can say is nothing'? Well, when someone is going through cancer treatment sometimes the best thing to say is nothing - just an encouraging smile and wave is often the most meaningful.
#17
I always wanted to study psychology in college but my overbearing mother wouldn’t have that so I studied chemistry. In my last semester I took an abnormal psychology class just for fun and I crushed it, ending with a 99% average. After the final, my professor took me outside the classroom and said, “Why didn’t you major in psychology? You would have made a great psychologist.” That really crushed my soul. I think about that day a lot
Linda Riebel 3 years ago
Many grad schools happily accept adult students. "Mid-career professionals" is a familiar term.
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
I wonder if they'd take a post career nonprofessional 😉 retired farmer (BS in ag science) thinking about going back
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Grumble O'Pug 3 years ago
I imagine iwth a hard science degree, you could add a few courses and just keep going.
Katinka Min 3 years ago
You can change your major. It is worth the extra time and money in the long run.
#18
Rough night last night?' Usually asked with a big smile.
I was asked that all the time when I was younger because I had a really obvious tremor. Thing is, I did not drink or do drugs at all and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was eventually diagnosed with Graves' Disease and treated for it, but I still have a bit of a tremor.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
My friend has a tremor. Her hands shake, not even a bit but really shake as if she's very nervous. I started after she lost her mother to an accident. She can deal with it but people tend to stare or make stupid remarks.
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
Katharine Hepburn developed a tremor after finding her brother had ended his own life.
Load More Replies... Greymom 3 years ago
I have essential tremor. Had it since I was a teen. I’m able to get by just fine, but the number of people who feel lead to comment on it, “Am I making you nervous “? gets really old. I usually reply with a short, blunt description of the truth and they shut up, but I still feel like I have to explain myself way more than I should. Also, I work in the medical field and most of the people making comments should know better. 🙄
Lilly Parker 3 years ago
Me too! I usually tell people “yeah, I always shake” and if they make another comment or act weird, I do the bitchy “thanks for noticing and making a big deal out of it.” That usually addresses it. But yeah it sucks and is embarrassing.
Load More Replies... Marcellus the Third 3 years ago
Have a friend that survived a brain tumor but afterwards always seemed drunk; not just his balance is off, but also his way of holding his head and gaze. Only gets served alcohol in the worst of places, gets aggressively spoken to by cops, and disapproving looks from mothers everywhere.
Nadja Lambacher 3 years ago
Before my Mom was diagnosed with MS her colleagues thought she was an alcoholic because of her balance issues and unsteady gait.
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Gary Davidson 3 years ago
I've had a neurological tremor since I first recognized I had it at age 6. Some days are good and some days I can't even hold a pen in my hand, much less write with it. Eating soup with a spoon is especially difficult, and I often drink from a plastic cup or plastic glassware since I sometimes drop them or spill from a cup or glass. I'm very open about it with my friends, but some folks who've never met me have thought I had the DT's, Parkinson's Disease, or MS.
Gingergirl 3 years ago
I too have a tremor. I often get asked if I’m cold, or told not to be nervous when I’m neither. It can be fixed with brain surgery but it doesn’t bother enough for that!
blue_molly 3 years ago
I've had a resting tremor since I was very little and was told at my very first keyboard lesson (electronic piano) when I was about 5-6 years old, infront of a class full of older students, that I would never be able to play "properly" because it. Screw you stupid man, I play just fine thank you very much.
The Starsong Princess 3 years ago
I have an essential tremor that usually not noticeable but people do mention it because they can feel me shaking if I get a manicure or something. Most stupid are the ones who tell me to stop shaking, like it’s something I can turn on and off.
Moya Satterwhite 3 years ago
Was in a line at a grocery store deli when the youngish man in front of me mooed, he continued to do it at intervals for the whole time he was there. Maybe it was Tourette’s, but nobody mentioned it, but for that short time the situation made me happy. No judging going on there.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
I had this man in the grocery store ask me a dozen times if I was Ok because my hands were shaking so badly. I have essential tremors, and I have yet to figure out what they are essential for. Some days I can't write at all. I also get nasty comments about making my man happy. UGH!
Trevor Nicholson 3 years ago
I'm at the point where I straight up just confront people. Like yeah my hands are shaky how's that your business? Even my parents now, when they ask invasive questions, I say it's not their business.
#19
Someone once asked me "don't you want to be a mom?" Yes, I do. But as I'm single, over 40 and not rich, that's probably not going to happen and it devastated me. I had to say "Yes, I'd love that", and then excuse myself to go home and cry.
Stoopham McFernybabes 3 years ago
Not that I think you should sacrifice yourself for some idiot, but maybe if you did cry straight away the idiot would realise that this is just not an appropriate question to ask anyone.
Dilly Millandry 3 years ago
It is a shame that we all feel we would look weak by crying in front of someone when the truth is that you're not. You're expressing an emotion that's perfectly normal and reasonable... and has been brought about by a thoughtless f-uckwit.
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Jaaawn 3 years ago (edited)
Teachers can be incredibly rude and innapropriate. I went on a school trip when I was 14, the school had to pay for it as we couldn't afford it ourselves. When we phoned home after arriving, the teacher was listening to my phone call. I had said I wasn't enjoying it because I didn't know anyone. Afterwards he took me into a room and started shouting at me, saying 'I better f*****g start enjoying it because the school covered the costs and I should be a little bit more f*****g grateful.' Still in shock to this day that a fully grown man would speak to a child like that on their first school trip away from home.
Lea S. 3 years ago
Someone asked me 'when are you having kids, you don't want to be stuck alone in your old age.' This person had known me from college - she knew I was single, she knew I had not a single spare inch of room in my new place, she knew my last loved had died from cancer. What am I supposed to do? go to the store and purchase a mate?
Don't Look 3 years ago
Turns out there are a surprisingly vast number of people who ask this asinine sort of question like it's simple conversation. They have no idea of the struggle but they sure as hell are happy to gossip about it.
abby smink 3 years ago
Or the amount of people that just assume that children are a thing everyone wants, and there's something wrong with you if you don't.
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April Taylor 3 years ago
I am 45 and people still ask me that. You know whatever you want girl it's nobody else's business.
Debby Marengo 3 years ago
Just borrow someone else's kids for a week and you might feel better you don't have any. It's also neve too late.
#20
"Who do you want to list as your emergency contact?" At the dentist's office a few weeks after my mom died and four years after my dad died. I felt like bursting into tears because, at 22 years old, I really didn't know.
Jerry Conaway 3 years ago (edited)
I do a lot of bicycling, both commutes and for exercise, on the road. My phone is always with me, and the screen is locked in case I lose it. I had a small message on the lock screen that read "In case of emergency or loss, call (Wife phone number)". Wife left. I changed the message to "In case of emergency, call Jesus, cause there ain't nobody else!".
Jill Hojnacki 3 years ago
I get it. I recently ended up with a life insurance policy as one of my retirement benefits. They want to know who the beneficiary should be. I’ve no clue. My husband died. We had no children. All of our parents are gone now. 🤷🏻♀️ As it stands right now, I’m ignoring them because I have no idea what to tell them.
Memere 3 years ago
Contact someone in the benefits department & explain your situation - most of them have heard it all. And they can advise if you could possibly designate a charity.
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DannyGirl 3 years ago (edited)
This one hit me hard over and over after my husband left me .. I have a Miriad of health problems ( nothing super serious just like a lot of them ) and was seeing a new doctor or other every 2-3 months and every time they would ask for my emergency contact and I would have to say I don’t have one My sister lives across the country . I’m 40 and alone . It was awful when I got a new job four months ago and had to tell hr I don’t have one .. his look of pity was , unpleasant I’m sorry your facing the same thing OP. Losing parent(s) at a young age is awful .. no that’s wrong .. at any age it’s awful .. but there’s something extra when your young and loss them
#21
I was a freshmen in High School in 1992-93. My high school science teacher asked me if I was ever jealous of my older brother(he was a senior). I was kind of confused. She said, "You know, since he is so smart, popular, and just has everything going for him..." First time I had ever, in my entire life, considered that people viewed my brother as better than me. It has honestly kind of stuck with me. That was 26 or 27 years ago.
Gingergirl 3 years ago
It is utterly 💩but even worse when it’s your parents saying it 😔
Load More Replies... Dilly Millandry 3 years ago
There are some people who should in no way, shape or form, be allowed to interact with children. Sadly, some of them are teachers.
Load More Replies... JJM 3 years ago
A teacher once said to me "well, you're definitely not the smart one, not like your brother"
Meike H 3 years ago
Or they had an older brother they were jealous of and they were projecting
Load More Replies... Jacqueline Pie Francis 3 years ago
Yeah, I got that too, except I have an older sister. People often said “Why can’t you be more like your sister” and “Your sister is so beautiful, you look nothing alike.”
Vicki Thill 3 years ago
With a bit more information we could have this post on her desktop inside a minute. I know the feeling of having a teacher saying something awful and then go on with their life, as if what they said didn't negatively affect the way you view your world. (If your teacher reads this: You have no business being anywhere near children.)
#22
"So when are you going back for your master's degree?" I was so proud of getting my bachelor's and had no intention of going back because how rough school was for me.
Rissie 3 years ago
It could be genuine interest? Following up with a Master's is the road most people take when completing a formal education. I mean no shame in not, I was a total misfit and have zero regrets. But I don't think the question is meant to mean anything at all other than that.
Load More Replies... Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
Lol BS in ag science and retired by 40 💖 screw getting in masters degree debt if you can't function in school
Silre 3 years ago
And then there's that fun part where you try to get your masters and the school stops offering classes you need.
Load More Replies... Melanie Rose 3 years ago
There's nothing wrong with just having a bachelor's degree!! Most people don't even get that. Be proud of yourself and screw what anyone else says!
#23
'When will you get better so you can play with us?' My niece who was to young to understand what disabled meant. She's older now and understands I will never get better. And we have adapted play time to do things i can handle as well. But that broke my heart.
#24
Why don't you live with your parents?
I live with my grandparents because I didn't want to live with my abusive stepmoms on both sides of the family. They all live down in Texas while I'm in Colorado. Still hurts a little when people ask, though.
Emma Starr 3 years ago
As someone in Texas....Colorado is way better! But seriously,we can't pick our family. You deserve parents that love and cherish and protect you. I hope your grandparents can help you feel loved and wanted,because you deserve it.
shodokai 3 years ago
We had to cut out my wife's parents from our life. Good for you for getting out, but it never eases the pain of having to sever ties. Just can't sleep next to a rabid dog. Some folks come into our lives, to show us there are some people we cannot allow to remain in our lives, if we want to be healthy and thrive.
Panda-riffic 3 years ago
If someone ever says that again just respond, "have you ever been to Texas"?
#25
Not a question but my 8 year old niece once remarked "you don't laugh anymore". Edit: this was over a year ago when I was having a rough time but I'm doing much better now. Thank you all for your support and for sharing your stories. I wish you all the best. Thanks again for the gold kind strangers xx
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
My mum made a similar comment (in fact I think it was 'you're smiling for once') recently even though she knows I have anxiety and fibromyalgia (which she also has). I often am thinking over and over about an anxiety, or am so tired/anxious my mind goes completely blank so it can be hard for me to have a conversation, especially in the late afternoon.
#26
“How’s your brother doing? Haven’t seen him in a little while.” He passed away 2 years ago. That wasn’t very fun
GlitterQueen541 3 years ago
I've had people ask how my sister is. She passed 6 years ago and it still hurts every time.
Dolly_of TheCowboy 3 years ago
I stepped into that at a reunion for work colleagues where I had kept in contact with them when I changed hospitals and we decided to have a get together after about 5 years without having had one. The person that always hosted had a lovely next door neighbour they were close with and they and their family always attended our "work" parties, and I got on really well with them, so they felt like one of the team. I saw them and their children did the small talk thing about how the boys had grown and then innocently asked "where's [wife] been looking forward to catching up with her as well". He says "Did Joe not tell you? She passed away six months ago". I was so shocked I burst into tears. Apparently the rest of the team knew but forgot to tell me before the party. Poor husband was upset which just made me cry more for upsetting him. Kept in better contact with him and the kids afterwards and just before covid he met a lovely lady and they are getting married later this year
#27
'How are you handling everything?' - my notary public who also happens to be my boss's boss while notarizing my divorce paperwork. Completing a divorce packet with no help from an attorney can be a real pain, but at least it kept me focused on the bureaucratic bullsh*t nonsense part of it rather than the fact that my 9 year marriage was ending. Turned out that as soon as someone asked me sincerely how I was doing, the answer was not at all well. I went back to my desk and had a panic attack.
#28
“so why did you decide to take year off school right now?” I‘m a pre med student only half way though undergrad, so i get that it’s a weird time to take time off school. But i don’t think my new coworkers realize how personal of a question that is. I can’t tell them it’s because I was hospitalized for 2 weeks after trying to kill my self, jumped right back in to school the next semester, and then failed that miserably before realizing that i need to at least take a year off. so i say, “just really felt like i needed a break :)”
N.C. O'Brien 3 years ago
Discharged from Psyche ward during college (after 2 and a half months stay) Friday. Went back to college that Monday. Lasted a week before pulling out of the course as had projects due the following week!! Pressure not worth the paper cert at the end of it
Anne Reid 3 years ago (edited)
You are way more important than anything else! Hope you’re doing well.
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Natasha 3 years ago
(Nurse) Ive been there and it's a hard road, how do you tell your bosses and people that you're not actually sick in the traditional sense but had to be given the option of you go voluntarily or we commit you.
Anne Reid 3 years ago
But mental illness IS ILLNESS. EMT here and it enrages me that even fellow healthcare professionals won’t see it that way. Hope you’re doing well.
Load More Replies... Emma Starr 3 years ago
Sometimes I just say life got in the way and leave it at that. I took a year and a half between high school and college and then 2 years between college and my masters, but I got there. Just had to take my own path:)
Scott 3 years ago
That's actually the exact reason I dropped out of college. I was hospitalized at during a serious bout of depression where my in-laws determined I was unsafe (which I was, I was actively engaging in self-injury and was planning on slitting my wrists that night when they left) and so they called an ambulance. I missed mid-terms, was unable to make up the work or exams, and was unable to medically drop my classes, so now I'm in my 30's with a GPA of something like 0.17. Oh, and since I'm in the States and had no insurance and they called an ambulance, I was stuck with a ~$3,000 ambulance bill and ~$4,000 hospital bill.
Milady Blue 3 years ago
I'm on parole for killing the last nosy twit who asked me that very question.
Ruth Watry 3 years ago
You are doing the right thing taking time off for your mental health. I am a professor and I have seen students come back too soon and end up failing. You should consider seeing (or continuing to see) a therapist when you go back
Maxie Mills 3 years ago
Try having a kid who is a mental health professional who you have cut out of your life for toxic narcissism call the authorities on you from out of State having you locked up having no idea what is happening and no one will explain because they believe you are delusional and believe yourself to be Harriet Tubman. Being forcefully medicated for 2 weeks and then let go. At least you were suicidal. They want me to pay for my own kidnapping and torture. We have been in Federal Court for 7 years.
#29
Why don't you have any kids? Sometimes it really bothers me when people ask me this.
Marcellus the Third 3 years ago
"Why are you such an idiot?" is the most acceptable counterpoint.
Hedgeh og 3 years ago
"Why on earth do you think that's an acceptable question? How would you respond if the answer is "I'm dying of cancer"? How would you respond if the answer is "I had 3 and they died in a house fire"? Please never ask that question of anyone ever again under any circumstances."
Julia Winfield 3 years ago
I will never understand why some people think it's supposed to be public knowledge what your family plannings are.
Mama Penguin 3 years ago
"Why are you asking?" would have been my response. Put them on the spot. It's such a personal question and it's no one's business why.
Zoe's Mom 3 years ago
At 40, I was ask by an elder if it bothered me that I wasn't married and didn't have children. With a huge smile I said 'No". She gave me another huge smile and said 'Good'. Still, not something you should ask because you never know what answer one will get. 65 now and still no regrets.
Yayaboobo 3 years ago
I tell my children that there is no reason that anyone should have kids. Especially in this day and age.
Load More Replies... Milady Blue 3 years ago
Because I don't want them - is a complete answer. I do NOT "owe" my parents grandkids, nor is my family bloodline, on either side, in danger of extinction, thanks to enthusiastic cousins. I hate this nosy a$$ question so much.
Sarah 3 years ago
When will people stop asking this question? "Do you have kids?" "No, I don't" Correct follow up to that interaction should not be "why not?". Just move on. Try... "Cool. What do you do for a living?" or any other millions on non-invasive questions you could ask someone. Asking why someone doesn't have kids can be a deeply personal thing. Sure, maybe they just didn't want any but, maybe it's a medical issue, maybe there was a child and they died, maybe it was some other devastating or heartbreaking story. Just DONT ask.
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
Agreed. Asking "IF" you have children is much more acceptable then "WHY DON'T YOU HAVE THEM?"
#30
I had no friends in summer school and a girl asked me if I had any friends. Like straight up, 'Do you have any friends?' Then became friends with me but still.
Sawyer Kidder 3 years ago
im gonna use this in case somebody asks me that
Load More Replies... Hedgeh og 3 years ago
It's subtle, but "Do you have any friends?" as asked, is better than "Don't you have any friends?" Maybe she was a straightforward person and was trying to see if the person had space for new friendships. It's not my place to say it wasn't hurtful - people feel what they feel - but I think there's a good chance this wasn't intended meanly.
IrrelevantNonsense 3 years ago
Err, yea, the title of this (idk exactly bc im dumb) something along the lines of What is a seemingly innocent question that really hurt?
Load More Replies... HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
I had one good friend from grade 5 until she moved in grade 11. That was 55 years ago and we are still besties.
#31
This could get covered up but maybe it won't. My most heartbreaking question was "And who did you used to play for?" Background context. I come from a family of talented artists and musicians. As a child, I became a sort of music prodigy as I picked up music theory rather quickly along with instrument playing. I used to practice on this very old piano my granny (my great grandma on my dad's side) had. She would patiently listen to me plunk out tunes and became my music mentor. I had recently been asked by my teacher a couple of get-to-know-you questions and I had said I played for my family but just one person made me better. My granny passed away back in 2019, and it has been four years since she died on March 12. I was very close to my granny and her death had hit me hard. Her death was the one who made me realize how little time I had with my loved ones. I ended up just offhandedly saying "My granny." She asked about my granny and the questions made me uncomfortable before I told the teacher I was uncomfortable and that my granny had died. She just shrugged and continued to ask anyway. My least favorite was "Did you play anything for her before she died?" The answer is yes, I played her favorite hymnal but at this point I felt my anxiety act up and I walked out into my other teacher's classroom and told her about the incident. The nosy teacher ended up with a warning and had to give me an apology. Either way, those were some uncomfortable questions.
Final score:
48points
grindelwald_the_insomnia_panda 3 years ago
you most likely aren't looking for anything but, I am sorry. your grandmother sounds AWESOME. if you believe in the after life, maybe she and my grandfather are hanging out? my nana says that if there is thunder it is your loved ones bowling.
t-Grex (Submission author) 3 years ago
That helps so much, actually. She really was a wonderful lady. Even in her old age would give you the shirt off her own back even if she was cold.
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Leslie Crittenden 3 years ago
I'm sorry to say it but this is 2022, if your grandmother passed in 2019 that was three years ago, not four? Have I missed something or added wrong here?
t-Grex (Submission author) 3 years ago
I'm just really bad at doing math in my head without a calculator- I'm sure you're right.
Load More Replies... #32
“You good?” I’ve been struggling with myself a lot lately, mostly relating to my gender identity and my body. Thank god the friend who asked that is willing to help me out with what I need.
Final score:
45points
Olufemi Akinwumi 3 years ago
In England, English people all ask "you Good"? Without willing to help. I know it's a way of greeting, but....
snarkiest hot head 3 years ago (edited)
... why is this funny? my undead souls are hungry for fresh, idiotic meat.
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#33
What's on her face, mom? -little girl
I used to be a cashier and had terrible acne at the time.
Emmydearest 3 years ago
Similar thing happened to me. My driving instructor asked me out of the blue "why do you have so many pimples?". Like...what kind of question in that?! "Why"... If I knew what caused them, I would have done something about it, obviously. It's not a choice, you idiot. And mind that It wasn't a huge acne all over my face, it was a few pimples. Like: I'm 18, I have pimples, it's not a big deal. I'm sure a middle aged driving instructor must have seen people with any sort of "physical defects", by the way.
#34
"Why are you so weird?" I never really fit in, but I'm not sure why this question crushed me so much
MaddaPanda 3 years ago
Being described as weird and not fitting in can sometimes be the best compliment when you see how the rest of the world is doing with their constant plastic surgeries, fake social media and total lack of genuine laughter.
DC 3 years ago
Got asked that a lot ... you know, I was thrown into a room with 20 weirdos, all the same kind of weird, however that's come about ... and then, those weirdos start calling me a weirdo for ... I don't really know ... I started asking them ... teachers, other kids ... no one could point at anything and say "That's it, that makes you weird!". Also, my trust in authority got crushed pretty early by, partially, the same people ... hasn't recovered yet. I do accept, understand, appreciate authority by merit, by qualification, but by name, job title, rank? No way. Still not, and I'm partially thankful for that, but also ... school wasn't fun. Being a weirdo in real life never pays off in the end like in a movie, the years go by and some day, you're just a memory of a really weird guy they knew at school, wonder what he's doing, haha ... fück'em, honestly...
#35
Why do you work in a factory when you have an honors degree in physics...
Chris Jones 3 years ago
The right job to start a career doesn't always come up and sometimes you have to wait for that opportunity. In the meantime you can do whatever job you want - might even start a different career path than the one intended. Life happens.
#36
My recently divorced ex and I worked at the same place. Divorce was not my idea but he'd found someone new and I was heartbroken. He ended up quitting at her insistence. 6 months after the divorce was final, a coworker asked how ex husband was doing, hadn't seen him since he quit yadda yadda.
Behind my back another coworker was trying to wave 1st coworker off... spent the rest of the shift crying on and off. Apparently coworker #1 was oblivious and didn't know we'd divorced, just thought ex had quit.
#37
I worked in retail when I was younger and people would always be like "oh, do you have any ideas for Father's day?" "What'd you get your dad?". My dad committed s*icide when I was 16. They had no way of knowing that but damn if it didn't hurt.
Joe Reaves 3 years ago
Amazon needs an option for promotional emails where you're fine with being told offers but can opt out of specific things like mother's day or father's day.
Scott 3 years ago
Every year I feel like an awful person because I don't remember Mother's Day. My mom died in a car wreck when I was 9 and I actively blocked out anything that would bring up the pain when I was younger. Now I'm a little healthier and better adjusted, but damn, it still hurts. It was 25 years ago last month and I still bawled my eyes out and drank myself into a stupor.
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#38
when me and my dad and my sister were driving to another town to get away from my mom so we could eat without getting yelled at/stuff thrown at us my suster asked why mommy was so mean, and my dad had to simplify to her level that her mom was an alcoholic. she was six. edit: o shet this blew up thx i guess
CATMONSTER2018 3 years ago (edited)
But now im curious if they were an alcoholic before/after they got married. And if it's after, then why did they start?' - - - SOrry if this upset anyone ;-; I try not to make anyone mad. I just wanted to ask a question about the past. - - - One of my friends had alcoholic parents. They STARTED drinking after a very close relative died. I'm just curious on the backstory ;-;
Marcellus the Third 3 years ago
Alcoholics often start as the life of the party, the fun ones that are up for anything. That slowly changes... Saw an interview with the recently re-united Tears for Fears; he was a sociable drinker, his wife drank herself to death --- see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN5HdFuBgQM&t=316s
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#39
"Do you have a boyfriend?" "No." "Oh. Why not?" Because I'm a loser, lady, and nobody wants me.
Emmydearest 3 years ago
"WhY nOt?" What a stupid question! Did she expected an honest answer by a stranger? Like, "I'm glad you asked. I don't have a boyfriend because I'm too ugly and i have a bad personality so nobody wants me", "...because I'm a lesbian", "...because I've been sexually assaulted and in result I am traumatized so I avoid intimate interactions", "...because my ex cheated on me and stole my money so now I have trust issues"... I mean... Seriously, some people should really start to think twice before talking. And them think some more.
Me Oh My 3 years ago
I just answer with "Why do you care? It really isn't any of your business". I know it's rude, but the question just ticks me off and it was kind of rude for them to ask in the first place.
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Lord Mysticlaw 3 years ago
I decided a while ago that from now on if someone asks me why I don't have a boyfriend/husband, I'll answer "Just lucky, I guess". (Yes, I stole it. I'm still using it.)
Gin 3 years ago
👌Seems silly not to steal perfect answers when they come up!! Go for it. I've seen this question asked of single friends and I honestly don't understand why people don't stop and think 'could this have a painful answer as a reason' before opening their mouths, because YES, of course it could. So they need to think first and, mostly likely, SHUT UP.
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Vanja Vidovic 3 years ago
The lady obviously didn't think so, and she was an objective observer!
#40
"When are you due?" I wasn't pregnant. Have since lost over 60lbs though.
Joe Reaves 3 years ago
Unless you are a medical professional with a legitimate need to know or you can actually see the baby crowning, just don't (and in the latter case you should already know).
Load More Replies...
#41
'Why don't you ever talk, are you unsociable?' By a classmate when I was in high school. As someone with severe social phobia who was struggling to hide it at all costs and to be normal at the time, I died a little inside.
Wednesday 3 years ago
People are gonna ask questions and have no idea what comfort level the recipient of the question has. Otherwise, how would we ever get to know the people we call friends? If you don't want to answer, say so. If they keep asking, no need to be nice, or cruel, just "I don't want to talk about it." and walk away...
#42
"Why don't you ever go out?" Well, because I don't have anyone to go out with. Damn
Ka Se 3 years ago
Then go out alone. At least that is what I do if i want to see something / be somewhere no one else of my acquaintances want to go there/ does not have time
Monday 3 years ago
Why is going out such an important thing though? I don't go out. I don't want to go out. In the past I went out only at the insistence of friends who are no longer close enough (in proximity) for us to go out together.
Load More Replies... Vanja Vidovic 3 years ago
And that, my dear friends, is why it's crucial that you always keep having yourself!
ButterflyMcQueen 3 years ago
Because I have dogs and Netflix, and enjoy both of them more than the general public
#43
Nonverbal, but the nurse at the flu shot station seemed unsure whether to give me the under-65 or over-65 consent form. If I'm going to be mistaken for being that much older than my actual age, at least it should be in the context of me getting a senior discount.
MaddaPanda 3 years ago
So…wait, they give you the shots without having your personal info and ID cards in front of them?
Monday 3 years ago
Not unusual. When I got my last vaccine the nurse at the front desk had all my info and the one administering my shot had nothing but the consent form. Since I have no allergies or chronic conditions there wasn't any need to pass her information.
Load More Replies... Connie Martin 3 years ago
I hope OP is joking about the senior discount. Receiving the right medicine is a little more important, and you should no way be offended if some random person can't tell your age just by looking at you
#44
One day i said to my mom i was going out with friends and she asked, You have friends? ik it was a joke but damn.. i felt that so hard.
Candy_Sneke! 3 years ago
Yeah, my parents say stuff like that to me. I know they are just joking, but it does hurt a bit
ButterflyMcQueen 3 years ago
My brother once said that to me when I was telling my mom one of my friends had died. Took everything I had not to punch him in the face 🤬
#45
"Are you okay? You seems a little off" I've been diagnosed with chronic depression and paranoia disorders for years and I thought I was doing a decent job hiding it from all my friends But apparently it wasnt good enough I guess.
MN “MN Female” Female 3 years ago
It's not that you're not good enough sweet person, it's a person being sincerely interested in your well being. Don't hide....be open and talk about it. You'll be surprised how much people really understand.
Hanna Grim 3 years ago
Or, your friend knows your "usual face" and can see a change from that in you, AND cares enough to give you a possible outlet. You should know that you're lucky.
#46
My loving girlfriend ( I know backdoor brag) and I were watching a show that opens with a stoner dude playing video games; when his hardworking girlfriend pull up outside he scrambles to pretend like he wasn't being a lazy slob. My girlfriend off handled says "Oh, man just like us." About a year ago I had been out of work for 6 months while she had a steady job, for the record I didn't get stoned and play video games--I was constantly applying for jobs and dealing with emotional fallout of having a dozen job interviews that fell through for various reasons. It was just an innocent comment about the girlfriend getting home....but like damn.
#47
Speaking to my coach the other day she asked me "how are you feeling?" And i honestly did my best not to cry my eyes out. I just got out of school and have to figure out what i wanna study next year while balancing 3 jobs that barely gives me enough for rent... so... i feel bad to be honest...
N.C. O'Brien 3 years ago
Got asked that question once. I said "Ok". She told me that wasn't a feeling. I then said "fine" That's when she realised I actually didn't know what feelings were
#48
What do you see when you look in the mirror each morning?
My friend was having some body issues and she asked me this question since I was one of the most confident people she knew. She learned maybe a bit too much that day.
Random Anon 3 years ago
Since I started working in my teens, a tired fella wishing he didn't need to wake up when it's still dark outside.
Me Oh My 3 years ago
Since I hit puberty and my mother started caring about how I looked, a hideous, fat monster.
Load More Replies... #49
If my girlfriend at the time was my daughter. We're only 2 years different in age but I look old AF. I was only 22 lol...
Rage of Aquarius 3 years ago
Oof, I get confused for my dad's girlfriend ALL the time. It's incredibly awkward, and absolutely terrible. (For reference, he's 45 and looks like an old Norse god with beer gut, and I'm a 16 year old girl.)
Emmydearest 3 years ago
Same happened to me but I was with my brother, three years younger than me. I'd just got my driving licence, about 18 or 19 so he was probably 16 or so, I accompanied him to buy some shoes and the shopping assistant thought I was his mother. I mean, ok, I've always looked more mature than I was, but my brother definitely didn't look that young. He's always been tall, had a little facial hair already...
#50
After I had my first child in 2013, which was a still birth, we went out together to get some oil for my stomach, because it was recommended to me by my midwife. At the store a woman working there helped us find the right thing and we of course explained what we needed it for, not mentioning the fact, that our daughter died. We did not want to talk about it at the time and did not want to upset anyone. The woman then asked: „Where is the Baby?“, assuming probably that it was either at home with a grandma or maybe still at the hospital… A perfectly valid question and I wasn‘t mad at her. We had our time to grief and I am a pragmatic and positiv thinking person, but that one question caught me off guard and my eyes teared up. My husband must have been either affected by the question as well or by my reaction, because he then said shakily that this was the wrong question to ask. I cannot remember what happened next, I think the woman apologised and we told her it was ok. And it was ok. She couldn‘t have known. It was just so unexpected.
Final score:
15points
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
Grief is very sneaky sometimes. You can be having a normal day, doing routine things, then boom - it blindsides you.
#51
I have a tattoo on my chest that's a song title of my favorite band. I had the tattoo artist do it in the font style of their logo. It's in a runic looking style font and says "My Own Savior". The "S" in Savior" is kinda center of my chest. After about three years of having this tattoo now, someone at my new job last week cornered me asking what kind of "S" that is. Pretty much insinuating that it was some Nazi bolt "S" or something. I had to pull up a picture of the band logo to show it wasn't but f**k it still bothers me, I'm constantly hoping now that no one thinks I'm a Nazi jerk with this tattoo.
Nadja Lambacher 3 years ago
You know which band has the SS runes? KISS! And it is rarely noticed.
#52
"You're so great, why are you still single?"
#53
Went to get my eyebrows waxed today and the lady said “lip too?”
Auntriarch 3 years ago
It's okay from your beautician, it's her business (in both senses of the word)
Emmydearest 3 years ago
It's a standard question. It's easier and less "embarrassing" to just answer yes or no than to ask "can you do the lips as well" by yourself. And a smart business move too: a good percentage of people will answer yes even if they don't really feel the need, just because they've been asked. It's a selling trick basically.
Theo Blackwood 3 years ago
I actually don’t think this is okay to ask. If I wanted to get my lip done, I would have booked in for it.
#54
I’ve suffered with severe depression since I was 12 as well as numerous other emotional and physical health issues. One day I was explaining to my sister that I was in a lot of pain from a dental abscess so didn’t really want to eat anything at the posh sit down dinner my family were having for my grandad’s wake. She just looked at me and asked “how do you even cope with life?” I told her life just keeps happening and there’s no way to stop it so you learn to accept that. She just shrugged and walked away. It happened just over a month ago but it still stays with me
Final score:
14points
#55
My mum used to complain that my dad didn't take her to the theatre so one Christmas I decided to suprise her with tickets to the nutcracker for us with the little bit of money we had left from my husbands redundancy pay. On the way in the car I asked if she was surprised to which she replied "well I should have been at my Christmas work party but never mind". Honestly thought I was doing a nice thing and was upset over this remark but wanted to make the best out of it so I never said anything back. Later found out she was actually supposed to be seeing the man she was having an affair with while my dad was dying.
Final score:
14points
#56
A friend looked at me and said 'I know we've talked about it before, but how did you break your nose?' I've never broken my nose this is just how it looks.
M O'Connell 3 years ago
I have one of those, my nose strongly favors one side of my face. I've explained this before, and have had people I barely know tell me that I am wrong and must have broken it.
Duke Silver 3 years ago
I totally thought you just were going to say you had a nose.
Load More Replies... Theoretical Empiricist 3 years ago
"In the fight I got into after someone asked an overly personal question."
#57
My 5 year old cousin asked me where Grandpa was when we were getting ready to head to his funeral. Everyone went silent and we just kind of stared at each other until my dad managed to distract her. It was brutal.
Auntriarch 3 years ago
Not the same of course, but the first time we went to my mother in law's after my father in law died, my dog, who normally would never go into bedrooms, went in every room in the house. I swear he was looking for Tom. He never did it again
Laura 3 years ago
I don’t understand why no one has explained to the child that the Grampa had died. Ignoring the question and pretending it didn’t happen is not healthy for the child. Sad.
M O'Connell 3 years ago
You can explain as much as possible, but if the child has no prior experience with death, it will be an enormous struggle for them to understand.
Load More Replies... #58
I dropped out of university a few months back because I wasn’t happy. I’ve since moved home and sometimes at work, people I haven’t seen in a while will approach me and ask how school is going. It was my decision to leave university but when people ask it about I can’t help but feel judged when I say I’ve dropped out.
Connie Martin 3 years ago
"I found Uni wasn't for me. I'm really interested in xxxx and pursuing that."
#59
My 6 year-old little sister asked "what happened?" pointing at the self-harm scars on my legs
Kristin Ingersoll 3 years ago
Yes. You do sound like an a*****e. If you understand the actions, you should have more empathy for a fellow sufferer.
Load More Replies... #60
“How’s [my child] settling into kindergarten?” Suuuuuuch an innocent question. Of course I’d say “oh, fine”, but the answer really was “It’s horrific. There have been numerous incidents, meltdowns, he’s been violent, been bullied, tried to run away from school, we’ve been called into school and had multiple meetings etc., and now he’s being assessed for autism. I feel like an awful mother, I’m struggling to feel any affection for him some days, I want to run away, my marriage is suffering as is my relationships with my other kids. I want to run away and hide and never come out again.” Obviously not as awful as some of the other stories here, but that innocent question did crush me a little. We’re going ok now.
Final score:
13points
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
It doesn't matter how much someone else is suffering, your pain is real and valid. No matter the results of the autism assessment, if you care enough to worry you are not a good mother, it is not your fault. Parenting is hard even without a child with a disability. It sounds like there is support from teacher/health professional so it is likely to get better as everyone finds strategies to help him in school and daily life.
Annett Nyrud 3 years ago
"you are a good mother" / "you are not a bad mother" you mean?
Load More Replies... Wednesday 3 years ago
Autism is tough. My son went through a similar thing. We found a public school that had an "international" program, meaning, a teacher, a para, and a speech therapist all in the mixed classroom. It was wonderful. It's okay if you don't always know what to do. How could you? But don't beat yourself up... That doesn't help you, him, or anyone else.
#61
Didn't happen to me, but it happened to my mom. We were in one of those communal showers at a public pool. My mom has a lot of scars, from having me and my siblings delivered via c-section, various surgeries, and cancer. A little boy wandered into the shower we were using, said "A monster!" and ran out. My mom cried after he left, even though we both knew he didn't know any better, as he was about 4.
Final score:
13points
Me Oh My (Submission author) 3 years ago
And for one that ACTUALLY happened to me, someone asked me why I never talked to anyone. I was recovering from a "friendship" with a psychologically and emotionally abusive person, whom I had only just gotten up the courage to ditch. I had severe trust issues at the time, and frankly, I still do, though I've been working on them.
Candy_Sneke! 3 years ago
I hope you get better! That really sucks, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know it might not be appropriate or whatever, but I would love to be an online friend to you if you would like that!
Load More Replies...
#62
"Are you feeling better yet?" As a teenager with a newly diagnosed chronic illness dealing with a huge lifestyle change because of it, it hurts whenever I'm asked this question. I'm not going to get 'better,' at least not for years, but the same well-meaning people ask me this question so often that I realize they don't really pay attention to the answer.
Final score:
12points
Moosy Girl 3 years ago
I feel this one. „Are you better yet?” „Are you cured now?” „Are you STILL sick?” …‚Chronic’ is a very hard concept for anyone not dealing with it.
#63
Went to the Doctor's for a regular check-up and they asked me if I went out with my friends and I simply replied most are married and in other cities and the rest are working in other cities (I am currently looking for a job) so when they come to visit we go out and catch up. To which she replied, "So, no friends?" That definitely hurt.
#64
“Are you okay?” Whenever I get this simple question I’ll realize I’m not okay at all
Stoopham McFernybabes 3 years ago
There is a mental health awareness day in my country called “RUOK Day” a day to check in with the people around you and see if they’re needing support. Great idea - terrible execution as the initial promotion didn’t really include guidelines as to appropriate ways to do this. And so, I found myself, in the midst of postnatal depression, thinking I had no friends, my husband didn’t love me, I was a terrible mother, carrying my 3mo baby through a hardware store so I could try and get just one damn thing right that week, being asked by a chirpy young cashier “It’s RUOK Day today so we met asking all our customers RUOK. So…RUOK?”. I had a long hard cry back in the car park.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
I found it was even worse when people were asking on facebook because it was so out in the open, there was no way I was going to say anything.
Load More Replies... #65
“What you’re looking at?” Dude, I have strabismus…
Final score:
10points
#66
I once asked a lady I was meeting for coffee ‘what’s wrong?’ in regard to her prosthetic leg. I meant ‘what happened?’ We were getting to know each other so the question wasn’t off limits but the wording, f**k me, the word ‘wrong’ sent her off a little cliff. She kept crying and saying ‘there’s nothing WRONG with me!’ Then she asked me to call her a cab because she ‘wasn’t ready for all this PRESSURE!’ Her friend, who set us up, called apologizing next day, turns out her friend had issues and just wasn’t ready to date.
ChimeraBubbles 3 years ago
I felt this one. Bad wording with no ill intent can really just hit that raw nerve sometimes. I have to deal with these types of comments all the time and constantly having to reassert "no, there's nothing 'wrong with me' I'm just having a human experience" is exhausting. Curiosity is natural but dealing with it constantly can wear you down.
#67
How was your day? It hurt when people ask this because I know they don't really want to know if it was bad.
Final score:
4points
Wednesday 3 years ago
If it's not great or if it's super great, I ask in return, "Do you really want to know, or would you prefer the benign pleasantries..." People who know me, will answer honestly, one way or the other. People who do not will always say, "The Truth, of course." So I watch for that flicker in the eye, or facial expression that is either open (tell them) or tight, tense (I'm fine, and you?)
#68
"How are you doing?" That always manages to break me. They asked me that after my friend died unexpectedly (this was three years ago. We were going into 8th grade). They asked me when I was being bullied so severely that I was su*cidal. I always said I was okay, because I have to be the strong one. I'm the therapist friend. That's what I do. I hated it when people asked me that because I would finally break. But somehow, it's worse when no one asks it. When they either don't notice or don't care. I'm not doing alright at the moment. My parents are divorcing, I'm stuck in the middle as the marriage counselor. They still aren't fully behind me being trans. My home doesn't feel as safe. They still don't support my autism diagnosis. I'm not okay. I hated it when people asked how I was doing. Now, I wish somebody would.
Final score:
4points
Lukas-not-Luca (he/him) 3 years ago
Oh, I'm so sorry... this all must hurt so bad.... I'm here for you.
#69
Once I had a little girl ask me if I was pregnant. I'm twelve.
Final score:
3points
#70
"How's your mom?" Asked by a friend's mum. We were all catching up, so it was a normal question. But I was so relieved that my friend asked me to go to the theater with them because my mum (who has MS) was either hit by a bout of her Seasonal Affective Disorder or went off her antidepressants (she never told me what it was this time), and had been bedridden for almost two months. I was so glad to be out of the house and when she asked that it just reminded me of what I was going home to. I'm not a sensitive person by any means, but that question made me tear up.
Final score:
3points
Connie Martin 3 years ago
I had a friend who would come for a visit from another city, staying with us, and we'd take her out to breakfast. My mother was in another city, bedridden after a series of small strokes, no recovery likely, really struggling and difficult. We'd be chatting at the table about all kinds of different subjects, but at the moment our food arrived she'd invariably say brightly, "How's your mom?" She knew ALL ABOUT my mom. Knew the only change would be if she got worse or DIED. I'd be sitting there staring at my breakfast with knots in my stomach. I'd swear she did this on purpose, but she was really a good-hearted person otherwise.
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
It's hard having depression, and it can be very hard for people to live with someone who has depression. Especially if you're a kid. Your response was absolutely normal.
#71
I was in the care system here in the UK from when I was 5 (1979) to when I was 18 (1992). The amount of times I was asked about my parents (both dead by the time I was 8), why I lived in a kids home, why I was fostered, how did I cope. All made me scream inside. Even still today I’m asked about my family every now and then.
Final score:
3points
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
I hope you're able to make your own family - whether that's a circle of friends, or a partner, or whatever that looks like for you.
#72
“I don’t mean these to be offensive, but like why do all the guys want you”
ButterflyMcQueen 3 years ago
I don't think this is meant to be a humble brag. This seems like more if an insult implying the person isn't all that. Kind of a high school mean girl comment is how it reads to me.
Load More Replies... #73
I once had someone ask me why do you have no friends? We were in elementary school, and I was kinda bullied/used for grades. I know it's not really the same as everyone else's, but it did hurt. And my parents still ask me(jokingly) "you have friends?" When I ask to go hang out with them.
Final score:
2points
#74
As an ICU nurse, I was holding pressure on a patient's femoral artery after a cardiac procedure. He noticed the wedding band on a chain around my neck and asked, "So, are you a married man?" My wife of two years died two weeks prior.
Final score:
2points
#75
My boyfriend saying that he is not attracted to me anymore.
Final score:
1point
#76
Is Nirvana a clothing brand? kinda broke my heart lmao
Final score:
1point
#77
My boyfriend of one year saying he didn't find me beautiful any more. I should have broken up with him long before, around the time that he said he never thought he'd be with anyone who didn't have perfect teeth.
Final score:
0points
#78
My friend (who also has depression) blatantly telling me that he didn’t consider my depression as an excuse to not finish my homework. He of all people should understand… I didn’t ask to have zero motivation most of the time and feel unhappy and tired all the time…
Final score:
0points
What do you think ?
Number 5 3 years ago
I was unfortunately born with what people would call a "resting b*tch face". I just can't really get my face to emote that much. I know this is rude of me, but I've gotten so sick of hearing "Are you sick?" or "Are you mad?" from random people I've just started to say "Nope, just ugly."
CatGirl 3 years ago
People saying to me, 'You have two PhDs and you're a high school tutor?' Yes, and I don't even clear $800 a week and no, I don't want a 'proper' job because I can't handle being trapped in a place eight hours a day. And do I feel like a total failure? Yes, yes I do
Destiney Haddox 3 years ago
You're not a failure! You're doing what you can and want to do and cannot compare that to anyone else. The Beatles - "there's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be" has always made me feel a bit better. Anyway, much love and have fun at your proper job!
Load More Replies...
Friend Kelli 3 years ago
My brother was born deaf and hit by a car when he was five. When he was older he kept asking why it happened to him. He eventually died from his injuries but my heart is broken still.
Emmydearest 3 years ago
I don't understand. Why do some posts get changed and some parts are cancelled? The post title was "people shared innocent etc" and now it's "30 people are sharing etc", and some of the "chapters" are missing and the comments to those are missing too. It's not the first time that's happened. Why is that? What's the point? It's getting very annoying at this point.
Derek Clark 3 years ago
I always get asked "Why don't you work?" When I tell them I'm on disability, they ask me why because I'm young and healthy. Nope, I'm not. I have pain every day, need a wheelchair if I want to go to say an amusement park because I can't walk long distances, I have EDS. I hate it when people act so ignorant.
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
It's very hard to generalize like this. There are people who don't want questions asked. But then there are others who would cry that "nobody asked if I was okay!" It's a tough one to be sure, but we can only do what we hope is right in the circumstances.
Awsomemom52 3 years ago (edited)
About 6 months after my mother died, I met an older friend of hers who probably no longer lived nearby. She immediately asked me how my mother was doing. I have two children who were very attached to my mother and were still suffering greatly from the loss. I had to "be strong and function," which is why I couldn't really grieve at the time. I then had a "breakdown" after her question...without warning. The poor woman was clearly shocked and had no idea what was wrong with me... and I was too "upset" to explain anything. It was in the middle of the city and she took me to a coffee shop, sat me in a quiet corner and waited with me for almost an hour until I calmed down.
Carole Reid 3 years ago
So many things we go through and keep to ourselves. Even if you can act like everything is better, it's very hard.
PitbullmomAF 3 years ago
My mom and dad moved back to the states (military family) a year after I got married. She worked very hard to keep in touch with friends, but some just never responded. (1991, so snail mail). Four years later she died of melanoma. A few months afterwards I ran into one of her 'closest ' friends who asled me how she was. I looked her in the eyes and said dead, but you would have known if you'd kept in touch. I don't regret it.
Number 5 3 years ago
I was unfortunately born with what people would call a "resting b*tch face". I just can't really get my face to emote that much. I know this is rude of me, but I've gotten so sick of hearing "Are you sick?" or "Are you mad?" from random people I've just started to say "Nope, just ugly."
CatGirl 3 years ago
People saying to me, 'You have two PhDs and you're a high school tutor?' Yes, and I don't even clear $800 a week and no, I don't want a 'proper' job because I can't handle being trapped in a place eight hours a day. And do I feel like a total failure? Yes, yes I do
Destiney Haddox 3 years ago
You're not a failure! You're doing what you can and want to do and cannot compare that to anyone else. The Beatles - "there's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be" has always made me feel a bit better. Anyway, much love and have fun at your proper job!
Load More Replies... Friend Kelli 3 years ago
My brother was born deaf and hit by a car when he was five. When he was older he kept asking why it happened to him. He eventually died from his injuries but my heart is broken still.
Emmydearest 3 years ago
I don't understand. Why do some posts get changed and some parts are cancelled? The post title was "people shared innocent etc" and now it's "30 people are sharing etc", and some of the "chapters" are missing and the comments to those are missing too. It's not the first time that's happened. Why is that? What's the point? It's getting very annoying at this point.
Derek Clark 3 years ago
I always get asked "Why don't you work?" When I tell them I'm on disability, they ask me why because I'm young and healthy. Nope, I'm not. I have pain every day, need a wheelchair if I want to go to say an amusement park because I can't walk long distances, I have EDS. I hate it when people act so ignorant.
Pamela Blue 3 years ago
It's very hard to generalize like this. There are people who don't want questions asked. But then there are others who would cry that "nobody asked if I was okay!" It's a tough one to be sure, but we can only do what we hope is right in the circumstances.
Awsomemom52 3 years ago (edited)
About 6 months after my mother died, I met an older friend of hers who probably no longer lived nearby. She immediately asked me how my mother was doing. I have two children who were very attached to my mother and were still suffering greatly from the loss. I had to "be strong and function," which is why I couldn't really grieve at the time. I then had a "breakdown" after her question...without warning. The poor woman was clearly shocked and had no idea what was wrong with me... and I was too "upset" to explain anything. It was in the middle of the city and she took me to a coffee shop, sat me in a quiet corner and waited with me for almost an hour until I calmed down.
Carole Reid 3 years ago
So many things we go through and keep to ourselves. Even if you can act like everything is better, it's very hard.
PitbullmomAF 3 years ago
My mom and dad moved back to the states (military family) a year after I got married. She worked very hard to keep in touch with friends, but some just never responded. (1991, so snail mail). Four years later she died of melanoma. A few months afterwards I ran into one of her 'closest ' friends who asled me how she was. I looked her in the eyes and said dead, but you would have known if you'd kept in touch. I don't regret it.
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