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Someone Asks Internet Users To Share Examples Of What Toxic Femininity Looks Like, And Here Are 35 Of The Most Accurate Insights
Interview With Author
Just like anybody can learn to be a wonderful, kind, and caring person, everybody has the potential to be an awful, cruel, and malicious individual. Being a horrible human being who spreads negativity and misery isn’t restricted by gender, age, race, or culture.
However, the internet usually tends to hyper-focus on toxic masculinity, suggesting that it’s mainly only guys who have the potential to be terrible human beings. That’s not the case. This time, we’re shining a light on some honest examples of what toxic femininity looks like, as shared by internet users in this candid and blunt r/AskReddit thread.
When you’re done scrolling through this list and sharing your opinions, Pandas, you should consider reading Bored Panda’s previous articles about toxic femininity here and here. Meanwhile, if you’d like to learn what toxic masculinity looks like, you should take a peek at our articles here and here. And remember, in a world where you can be anything, choose to be kind.
Bored Panda reached out to redditor u/imogen2797 who was kind enough to answer our questions and share her insights about toxic femininity. "I think a lot of toxic femininity is caused by jealousy, the need for a hierarchy and similarly, in a way, to feel empowered by bringing down other women," she told us.
"Toxic femininity refers to behaviors held by women that aim to bring down/harm other women. Examples include telling a woman that she’s a bad mother if she chooses not to breastfeed, bullying other women for wearing too much makeup, being too fat/too skinny, the list goes on." You'll find our full interview with the author of the viral thread below, Pandas.
Bored Panda also got in touch with British psychotherapist Silva Neves who shared his thoughts about toxic behaviors. He stressed that it’s very important to highlight that “people are not toxic as and of themselves.” In other words, it’s the ideas and belief systems that are at fault, not necessarily the people themselves. Read on for his insights as well.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I hate the whole "oh if you hold a baby you'll want one" or "baby smell is the best" or my least favorite "you're so good with kids, you'll be a great mom!" comments. NOT EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO BE A MOM, NOT EVERY WOMAN EVEN LIKES KIDS! The fact that I'm a decent human being to my friends kids doesn't mean I'll be a good mom. You know what I love? My current lifestyle. I didn't work today and you know what I did? I sat in bed, ate chocolate, watched Ice Cold Killers, and now I'm gonna take a nice long nap at 3 in the afternoon! How in gods name whould a child enhance my life in any way? I'm 26 and the constant barrage of "you're not getting any younger" comments are starting to get under my skin.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
Upvote this to heaven. It's none of your business and if you say that to me again I'll slap you.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
I love children, but after losing a baby at 6 months, it was just something that I could not medically or mentally handle. Fortunately, the only person who wanted me to have children was my elderly grandmother, but mainly because she adored my husband. But no one has the right to harass a woman who chooses not to have children.
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Dutchman Callypso 3 years ago
I completely lack maternal instinct. Children irritate me and I have no idea how to act around them. I always knew I never wanted them. I'm repulsed by them and their screaming makes me want to cut my ears off. Plus, independence is addicting. I'm 26 and my time and money is my own. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Why would I ever want to change that?
Mike Crow 3 years ago
My children had come up to me and asked what if they don’t want kids. My reply was “then you don’t have kids.” Their choice.
- 3 years ago
My mother asked me once if I planned to have kids - "I just want to know if I should expect grandchildren." I said no and she never asked me again. That simple.
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Tammy Kirks 3 years ago
I decided in 6th grade I didn't want children. Never changed my mind and do not regret it for a second. I've become estranged from family due to this decision but I don't care. My husband and I decided TOGETHER that not having children was the best for us. Zero regrets.
Deirdre Segraves 3 years ago
As a woman with 2 babies that I love more than anything, with one of them currently cooking a new baby, babies are gross. Don't do it just because you think you have to. Only if you want to. I have been a parent for 24 years and this is some bull shi+. I am in countdown mode (my youngest is 16 and a half) and I feel horrible, but it's the happiest I have been since 1998.
Redditor u/imogen2797, who created the thread on r/AskReddit in the first place, told Bored Panda that she personally believes that jealousy and bullying lie at the core of toxic femininity, not manipulation and passive aggression.
"Unfortunately, both toxic femininity and toxic masculinity seem to have their roots deep in our society at this current stage. For someone who is in the firing line of this, I would suggest seeking support from like-minded women, as well as calling out toxic behaviors as they happen," she shared her thoughts on what someone should do if they find themselves a victim of toxic femininity. It's vital to have firm boundaries, as well as the courage to cut toxic people out of your life.
"People can (mostly) choose the people they surround themselves with, and if something isn’t serving you in a positive way, cut it out."
RELATED:
#2
Assuming men are never the victim of physical abuse or intimidation.
Swan 3 years ago
Justice for Justice Justice for everyone Justice for the Victims Justice for the Innocents Justice for truthtellers JUSTICE !!!!!!!!!!! JUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Fanni Figura 3 years ago
They are. And they are facing more troubles getting out, than women do. I mean is equally awful an abusive relationship, no matter the gender. But getting out of it it's harder for a man, because society is seeing men as abusers.
Sarah Rose 3 years ago (edited)
Justice for Davidito!! Son of the founders of the cult known as The Children of God, The Family, and now The Family International. Daviditos bio-mother (Karen Zerby) organized with his step "father" to publish a book with images using five-year old Davidito in sexual positions with adult women from the cult. I was born in to this cult in the 90's, again this cult is still active and Karen Zerby continues to run the organization. In the 1980's it was in over a hundred countries. There have been lawsuits and allegations of child sex trafficking out of Australia, India, Mexico, USA, Philippines, Japan, Italy, Spain, and Germany. Must I go on? Well yes. Allegations against this specific cult have come out of Canada, Brazil, Bangladesh, New Zealand, Switzerland, and many more- https://www.thefamilyinternational.org/en/ Evidence of my allegations here (trigger warner: everything listed above and worse; David Berg ((deceased husband of Karen Zerby and cult founder)) also published a book encouraging sexual abuse against little girls about the cult leaders bio daugther when she was under seven)- https://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Main_Page
Sarah Rose 3 years ago
A little insight to our second generation cult survivor culture, we call Karen Zerby the original Karen. She is also majorly racist, although I'm not sure how one can be minorly racist
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Lisa Hewes 3 years ago
I was interviewed by a private investigator for my male former roommate who's abusive girlfriend (now ex) was trying to press charges on him. He never did anything wrong except be with her.
Sarah Rose 3 years ago
I'd buy this if I hadn't been born in to a international child sex trafficking cult, called the Children of God. Safe Passage Foundation (non-profit started out of Michigain) has worked on addressing the harm done by this cult for years. I commented about this above, since I only have two boosts it remains clear that folks only scan and don't research
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Sapna Sarfare 3 years ago
The sad part is they are stopped from venting out.. in many case, suicide is the only option... how sad... lives lost because you do not allow them to speak out their pain and you don't trust them regarding their pain
Meanwhile, for someone who recently figured out that they are a toxic individual, this sense of recognition is a good start. "I think 99% of women will at some point hold toxic views about other women in some way or another, but it is so important to value body autonomy and the rights that women have to choose what they want to do with their bodies and lives. In a world that is ruled by men, we need to lift up other women instead of tearing them down," the redditor said.
The author of the thread also opened up about the inspiration for the question. "I first heard the term ‘toxic femininity’ when I was scrolling through Instagram and saw a post that read, 'When are we gonna start talking about toxic femininity for a change?' To be honest, at first, I thought it was a cop-out written by men to deflect an issue that faces that community so heavily, back onto women. I posted to Reddit to get opinions on both sides and I realized that toxic femininity is actually a really prevalent issue that women face," she shared with us.
"On the one hand, I’m glad that the post got so much attention because it brings light to an issue that isn’t talked about very much. On the other hand, I did notice a lot of the comments were from men using the term ‘toxic femininity’ as a mask to hate on women and be sexist in general, e.g ‘acting as if men are put on earth to serve women,’ ‘most feminists,’ and ‘forever victimhood,’ ‘wanting the same wages as men but less work,’" the redditor stressed that some people have a very subjective understanding of toxicity and use it to further their own goals.
#3
Girls who hit guys because they know the guy won’t hit them back
Swan 3 years ago
or on the contrary parents hitting their child because they won't hit back [or else.. anyone in a position of power really
Dylan Sloderbeck 3 years ago
Equal rights equal fights. If you’re being attacked you have the right to defend yourself, key word defend
“I think it is very important to highlight that people are not toxic as and of themselves. When we describe toxic masculinity, we do not mean that some men are toxic, we mean that the ideas and belief systems that promote strict and unrealistic ideals of masculinity are toxic—the beliefs are, not the men themselves,” psychotherapist Silva told Bored Panda.
“These beliefs may encourage unpleasant behaviors—behaviors can be challenged and changed too, but we don't need to change who they are, just what they believe and how they act upon those beliefs. The same goes for toxic femininity. Being kinder, more tolerant, and more caring involves talking and connecting to a diversity of people, rather than staying in the echo chamber of only interacting with the people sharing the same beliefs.”
The expert pointed out that everyone is flawed, whether they have toxic beliefs or not. “If you are aware that you have some flaws that get in the way of living a good life, you can see a therapist to make sense of it, learn to live with it, be kinder to yourself and also learn to challenge and change some of your thought and behavioral patterns to learn to live with your own integrity and values and not against them,” Silva said that reaching out to a professional for help can be a very important step in growing as a person.
#4
Putting women down for choosing not to have children. As if the only reason we were put on earth was to be baby makers
Caro Caro 3 years ago
This happened to me once. I was called "selfish". It still makes me angry when I think about it.
James016 3 years ago
Never understood this “you’re selfish for not wanting kids” attitude. If you want kids in your life, have them yourself.
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Lynda Drake 3 years ago
I've seen comments online criticizing women with big families so the opposite happens too.
Bill Allen 3 years ago
Soon after I got married, my mother asked my wife when she was going to give her some grand babies. My wife told her, when you’re ready to raise them. I LMAO. I was close to my mom but you just don’t ask my wife questions like that unless you want an honest answer. My mom already had 18 grand babies from my other siblings. The question was never asked again.
Lucy Skinner 3 years ago (edited)
As a teenager, my boss asked me if I didn’t have a boyfriend, how would I have a husband and kids. How does not having a boyfriend at 15 mean you will never have those things? And why are they even important?!
Stephanie Wittenberg 3 years ago
My stars, what an inappropriate a*****e! Hope you didn't have to put up with him long!
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Agent 8433599 3 years ago
Here's the thing, I would love kids when I get older, (not an adult yet) but I'm not sure if the world will be good enough for them, know what I mean?
Kat 3 years ago
Maybe it will get better by that time... One can hope, right?
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Yep it's Ella 🇺🇦 3 years ago
At 12, I decided not to have kids. I still remember my mum being like "You've got to, I want grandkids". I just said my sister will have to then.
Stephanie Wittenberg 3 years ago
I was 13 when I decided I wouldn't marry or have children. I'm 68 now, single and childless. I've had a good, fulfilling life. Some of us just aren't the marrying and/or child-bearing kind. You gotta be yourself.
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Cheri Smallbeck 3 years ago
I've never wanted kids and have been upfront about it. I now physically can't have children - would literally kill me - yet some people *still* insist I'll "change my mind". I'm 34, another 10 - 15 years and they'll finally have to stop saying it!
Malaki Williams 3 years ago
me and my gf dont want kids not just because we are 15 and 18 but because their is more to life than just kids
Stephanie Wittenberg 3 years ago
My niece and her husband agreed to no kids when they married. Years later and they have a great marriage and are involved in things they love. They haven't changed their minds about children.
Load More Replies... #5
"Real women have meat on their bones." No. No no. Real women exist regardless of size.
Monday 3 years ago
I mean...real women do have meat on their bones. They also have blood and organs.
GettingCereal 3 years ago
I think whatever follows most "Real women ... " comments is probably toxic femininity. Same for "Real men ..." and toxic masculinity. These comments are designed to keep genders in a specific box and attempt to make those that differ comply or feel wrong about themselves.
Sarah Rose 3 years ago
Sad but not surprised that we are still at the "women exist" step of the conversation
pusheen buttercup 3 years ago
Yes. We shouldn't shame anyone whether they're skinny, curvy, etc.
#6
I see a lot of body positive women that s**t on my girlfriend for working out and keeping her body hairless. They always say she should be more loving of her body and embrace her body hair.
It’s annoying. She does it cause SHE likes it. She goes to the gym and does deadlifts cause it empowers her and makes her feel AMAZING. Like, we all have different ideals and visions for our life. And after moisturizing herself and shaving she likes to rub her legs together like a cricket, and nobody should be taking that little slice of heaven from her.
Anjelika 3 years ago
If she wants to shave let her, if she wants to let it grow let her, her body she does what she wants
Fanni Figura 3 years ago
Yeah, let her, or any individual do with his/her body, what he/she wants. But don't expect others to find you attractive, if you are hairy, fat, tattooed or even unvaccinated. Yeah, your body, your choice, but my taste, my choice.
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Lyop 3 years ago
"rub her legs like a cricket.." I felt that at such a deep level!! One of the best feelings ever...next to rubbing clean shaved legs on new bedsheets!
setsuriseikou 3 years ago
I'm sorry, but these women are not "body positive". Because being body positive is definitely not about judging yourself or other people about what they do with their bodies. In fact, it's the complete opposite.
2022emmam trent 3 years ago
I think every girl loves to rub their legs together after shaving lol
Allan 3 years ago
Okay this is more like a societal thing. We'll only have a lifetime, why not make the most and best outta it the way you want?
Turt_Le 3 years ago
Add to that: and not stopping/shaming others for doing the same
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According to Silva, toxic femininity is a rare phenomenon. “On the other hand, toxic masculinity is quite prevalent because our society is embedded in sexism against women and misogyny. Once again, we have an example of that when women have to fight for the human rights of abortion,” he said.
“Heterosexual men do not need to fight for their rights because traditionally they are the ones making the rules—which is the very roots of encouraging toxic masculinity. The only time when toxic femininity might be noticed is on social media on forums when women promote the idea that all men are bad, and to its extreme promoting the movement of 'kill all men'. This is what we call misandry, the hate of men.”
#7
Fake domestic violence or r*pe accusations.
This is why I feel like the phrase "every woman should be believed" should be changed to "every woman should be taken seriously."
Not every woman is truthful, so we can't go in with the mindset of "oh, she's definitely innocent." At the same time, we can't let cases of false accusations prevent us from taking a case seriously because "she may be another liar."
Sadly, people are bound to make decisions on who's innocent and who's not without even watching the trial.
Nicole Herron 3 years ago
Using the asterisk to replace letters in words like "Rape"'' "suicide"and "murder" is so stupid and useless. Either type out the whole word or just stay away from the subjects.
dream of delusion 3 years ago
actually, it’s possible BP is censoring it.
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Monday 3 years ago
Fake accusations should be punished. If Jenny accuses Alex of rape, and the investigation finds that Alex is innocent, then Jenny should go to jail. False accusations ruin lives.
Natalie Cilla 3 years ago
If it is proven that she falsely accused him on purpose, yes. Absolutely. If there was not enough evidence to convict him, no. Sometimes we will just never find out who lied…
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Rainy Day Wolf 3 years ago
but we're all aware those are about 5% of the cases, right?? most victims never report or even try to get justice because very little cases are taken seriously and rarely get justice... why are we giving so much attention to false accusations and so little to so many real ones?
K Wit 3 years ago
Yes this gets thrown around way too much considering victims are never believed at all. We never talk about how abusers always get away w it even when found guilty. We never talk about how much abusers lie to discredit victims every single time and get away w it. We never talk about how victims are non stop terrorized and called liars even when they have proof w multiple victims coming forward too. We never talk about how victims are portrayed as clout chasers or money hungry even though they never benefit from coming forward. We never talk about how police automatically question the victims integrity and not the abusers. We never talk about how the victims past or current sexual relationships are questioned but not the abusers. We never say well victims are 95-97% telling the truth. We always bring up false accusations though wo fail
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LivingTheDream 3 years ago
Women are just as capable of lying as men. Women are just as capable of hurting others as men. Apparently 'Hate' is the one thing that demands equality between the sexes.
El Dee 3 years ago
Every accusation SHOULD be believed AND investigated. Very VERY few accusations are false. Most are true and yet still go nowhere. The ones that are false and become public make all the headlines though and I believe, if proved beyond a reasonable doubt, that deliberately false accusation should carry a very heavy sentence. NB this is not to say that this should happen every time a woman won't testify, withdraws her statement etc. Fear is usually the motivator, either fear of the perpetrator or fear of the process itself..
K Wit 3 years ago
Well said. This false accusation excuse is dangerous. Men and women are never believed it's very rare for them to be taken seriously and even when it goes to trial only one percent get a conviction. Victims are already made out to be giving false accusation right from the start. Sexual assault investigations need to be about the victim and the evidence they do have not about the evidence they think they don't have.
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Ally Joy 3 years ago
The percentage of fake accusations vs non reported rapes is huge. That is the story!
Bonesko 3 years ago
True! 2% of accusations are determined to be false, while 80% of rape go unreported! I hate how some people use fake accusations as a go-to argument to essentially sweep sexual assault under the rug.
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Tobias Reaper 3 years ago
i think false accusations are reason why a lot of victims aren't believed or dont come forward because they feel they wont be taken seriously
K Wit 3 years ago
The most common reason is simply not being believed victims are never believed even w proof and witnesses. Men and women. False accusations are so uncommon. I didn't Worry about that when I didn't go to the police. I just knew for a fact I would be discredited and belittled and humiliated and retraumatized and called a liar. I was right when I went a few days later. This wasn't even a rape it was a sexual assault
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Seadimo Monnapula 3 years ago
This is what happened in the DEPP V HEARD case. Shes trying to set a precedent that scares women. If you are truthful you will be believed
#8
Amber Heard
Caro Caro 3 years ago
Amber TURD. She not only hurt Johnny but hurt the women struggling for safety, equal rights and justice.
1Zs Girl 3 years ago (edited)
Omg, I finally just got the whole Amber 'Turd' thing, after all this time... yeesh...
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Robyn Shonfeld 3 years ago
Has nobody considered that neither of them are actually good people? Just because somebody is "beloved" by the public doesnt mean they are a good person in their personal life. None of us know what happened behind closed doors aside from them both stating they had been physically abused by the other. Unless you actually know either of them, all you're doing is vilifying a victim!
Eli Fisher 3 years ago
She pooped on his bed. Is that ALONE not enough to prove she's guilty????
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
Shes just embarrassing herself the more the truth comes out. A rotten person through and out.
Speedlimit78 3 years ago
She's a disgrace- thought she can get away with anything since she is a female. All the traits of toxic femininity is present in this individual.
Sharon Thomas-Ager 3 years ago
Johnny Depp never touched Heard, that has been proven and she's a lier that too has been proven.
#9
The quote “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
Basically expecting a partner to put up with your drama as proof of them actually being into you/making them jump through hoops to prove they’re into you.
Supernatural 3 years ago
The male equivalent is the "only God can judge me" tattoo.....I will immediately judge you if you have that tattoo,especially if it's on your neck...
Monday 3 years ago
Sometimes your best just isn't good enough for someone to put up with the worst.
- 3 years ago
Wise words. We all have our moments, but the good times need to outweigh the problems.
Load More Replies... Deirdre Segraves 3 years ago
Yes!!! I don't even like me at my worst and I am stuck with me, you don't deserve that!
Elizabeth Taylor 3 years ago
If you can’t handle me at my diddliest, then you can’t handle me at my doodliest 🤣
Monic Krugell 3 years ago
Well sweetheart clearly then you cannot handle your worst either and it is time to grow up.
Joybug 3 years ago
I don't read this as a comment on someone who has a lot of drama going on. I interpret it as if you want to be here when I am fun and having a great time and on top of the world then I need to be able to count on you to be supportive when I am going through a tough time.
Jon Steensen 3 years ago
I think the phrase for better or worse is related to stuff that is beyond you control, e.g. hard financial times or serious sickness etc. I have never seen it apply to not knowing how to behave properly.
Load More Replies...Toxic women are often called ‘nice girls’ or even ‘Karens.’ They’re often egocentric, arrogant, put others down, and are entitled to the point of looking like Sunday cartoon villains. They firmly believe that the world owes them, and they will manipulate, lie, and cheat their way to whatever goal they have in mind. Everyone else be damned. So, in other words, not all that different from walking paragons of toxic masculinity (aka ‘nice guys’ and ‘Kyles’).
Redditor u/CTFOE_is_Fee, one of the moderators running the r/Nicegirls subreddit about toxic women, explained to Bored Panda during a previous interview why someone is a ‘nice girl.’
"Some of them are too immature to realize what they're doing. Others are that manipulative on purpose. Lastly, some do not even realize what they're doing," they told us.
#10
Telling mothers that they should “suck it up” and deal with postpartum depression without help because women from previous generations were able to raise children without any complaints.
No, Carol. I’m f**king miserable, and there’s nothing shameful about getting the treatment I need to cope with my depression.
El Dee 3 years ago
This is STARTING to become a thing of the past. PPD and depression in women has begun to become accepted and those afflicted not to be marginalised. There's still a way to go and men's mental health should ALSO be treated similarly - it WILL happen..
Eurydice Tarpin 3 years ago
The people who expect young mpthers to "suck it up" for this reason (the "come on, women used to know how to deal with it" reason) tend to underestimate the power of being helped by an entire village or by a family. It takes a village to raise a child, and to care for a mother, too.
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Lindsey Mae 3 years ago
You know how women from past generations handled it? They killed their children and/or themselves. PPD/psychosis is a very real thing that needs to be addressed without shame attached.
Fatma Feustel 3 years ago (edited)
Women from previous generations were miserable as well but the difference is you can tell how miserable you are..they could not even do that. So we are in a little bit better place about this.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
Is this still a thing? Holy s**t! PPD was a well established fact when my first child was born. That was 34 years ago? Do these people live under a rock?
Ricardo Ferreira 3 years ago
People at previous generations were miserable as f*****k in several ways, they just couldn't talk about it.
Plenty Pineapples 3 years ago
What is worse than postnatal depression is how guilty you feel about it. Even though it's out of your control. Please get help. I didn't, and I don't even remember my child as a baby.
Lennart Rademann 3 years ago
People be like "I did it and it turned out fine", while you're thinking did it though?
- 3 years ago (edited)
In my family, there's a history of women taking to their beds and staying there, including a great-grandmother with seven children. So no, they didn't all do fine in those days.
Load More Replies... Kat 3 years ago (edited)
I remember having a depression after my second child. I didn't identify it as that for a long time. And I had miserable days when I actually thought about ending my life but I knew I could not because of my children. Took years to climb out of that black hole and admit my thoughts and feelings to my husband. our relationship was pretty rocky back then because he didn't understand why I was always being nervous or angry or closed off. Mental health is so important and should be talked about way more.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
Lol women from previous generations had LOADS of complaints, it's just that nobody listened nor paid any attention to it because women.
Kelzbelz79 3 years ago
Sounds like my mother "no such thing as depression" ,"it's all in your head", "in my day we had to get on with it" well its not "your day" anymore "mother" and its not my fault medicine has progressed so antidepressants are an option for me!!
#11
Expecting all the affection and love in the world from their boyfriends and never showing a glimpse of it towards them. Men DO have feelings you know?
El Dee 3 years ago
I feel that this is less about toxic femininity and more about people unable to feel love..
Marnie 3 years ago
I could be wrong, but being a Gen X (mid-50s), it seems like it's something that became much more common among women of late.
Load More Replies... Cheri Smallbeck 3 years ago
Male, female, non binary and everyone else wants/needs to feel loved, appreciated and cared about - romantically or not. It's daft to think otherwise!
noob ccd 3 years ago
I think this is directed to some subgroup of entitled girls expecting men to be proactive and responsible with everything. I personally call them the queens, for their only perfect match is the guillotine.
Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
On the day of my wedding anniversary, I told my 4yo son that we need to buy flowers for Mammy. He looked at me confused, and said, but what are we going to get YOU?
Sarah Bell 3 years ago
I know of a few men who were very outwardly affectionate to their partners but didn't cope with having affection given to them because of the way they were brought up . Unfortunately it ruined a lot of relationships because they felt smothered or that when it came down to it didn't receive a lot of affection growing up and didn't know how to receive it . But if I'm being honest with myself my spouse and I aren't very affectionate unless were intimate. It's been over a decade and I think that our lives became so hectic we forgot to work it in other than in special moments . We're trying to do better . After a while it went from working so much we hardly saw each other to having separate lives in the same house because of his schedule and our kids . Still in love and happy but were working on showing thet again
#12
Saying that mothers who adopt aren't real moms. I'm adopted and I got all the love and support I needed from my mom. She continues to put her all into her kids and grandkids. I'll be damned if anyone says she isn't a real mom because she didn't give birth to me and my siblings.
Commander OwO 3 years ago
Someone once said a quote, "Mom is a verb, not a noun" meaning one can nourish and care like a mom but not be one in actuality. I think it's a nice quote.
just me 3 years ago
I get what you're saying, but... Not be one biologically. My mom is a mom. She is, in every way but one, my mom.
Load More Replies... Whittier Dun 3 years ago
Its not the person who gave birth to you that is a real mom, who raised you is the real mom.
Nuku Nyara 3 years ago
One of the most amazing mothers I've ever met is infertile and has adopted her three little
Kelzbelz79 3 years ago (edited)
Not being a biological parent don't mean s**t and let's face it kids wouldn't be up for foster/adoption if the bio parents did a good job, a "mum" is the person who raised, looked after and taught the little human about life regardless of if said little human exited through their birth canal.
Elizabeth Taylor 3 years ago (edited)
Your mom should be proud that she raised an aware and loving soul!! A mother is a soul connection. Absolutely nothing to do with blood ties. You love unconditionally and nurture a child…you are a mother. A MOTHER is love, comfort and safety. Whatever way the mother is connected to the child (or animal) is irrelevant. Could be any soul who provides this for someone. Animals intuitively mother orphaned babies like their own. Cats, apes, owls…lots. Love and “real mothering” is unfortunately a conditioning of film and media. Only comes in one form and one ideal. Ugh. A lot of people miss the pure connection of unadulterated love. Maybe they have never felt it and can’t comprehend what a mother truly is. I feel sorry for them. Level up and love people. It’s amazing and all you truly need in life. ❤️ Peace ✌️
Sarah Bell 3 years ago
A mother doesn't have to be blood related and neither does a father. I love my mom and dad dearly but I flew the coup at 16 so I had coworkers who felt and cared for me like they were my parents. They taught me a lot and protected me . Also if you adopt a child and you care for them in a loving parental role then you are their mother and father . Adoption is a beautiful thing and in some cases the adoption gave the kids people who would love and care for them like the child needed . Also can we please put to bed the notion that if you had a c-section thst you didn't give birth . I've heard thst one a lot and it's toxic . I had both of my kids without having to have a c-section but my friends who had to have them gave birth differently but they still gave birth. They brought their children into the world a little differently than I did but they still had them . Another note ....can we please stop looking down on mom's who don't breastfeed. I tried so hard with my daughter because everyone said that it was way better for her . I couldn't produce milk and she wouldn't latch . I remember crying my eyes out because I was told it's a natural thing and I should be able to do it m women thru history' have done it so I can too . I pumped what I could and supplemented formula for thr rest. She was a happy and healthy Butterbean. With my son I knew better I tried and when it didn't work I dint beat myself up and he was also a Butterbean. I know a lot of moms that went straight to formula and got c**p for not trying . Their babies were happy and healthy just the same . They say breast is best ......how about FED is best . If you can and you want to it's a beautiful thing but please don't put down someone who isn't because A. You don't know their struggles. They might nit be able to for many reasons . Certain medications , hectic schedules thst didn't leave time to pump and could do it at home because they immediately went back to work or B. They don't want to and it's not your business.
They shared their opinion on where the line lies between actual, genuine niceness and fake, manipulative ‘niceness’ meant to exploit someone.
"Personally, for me, the line is drawn when you can tell that someone is being passive-aggressive; when you can sense the subdued maliciousness in their words and actions. If your gut is telling you that something is not genuine about the person then they probably are not genuine. I think we've all experienced a few relationships like that in our lives. I do not see there being a large grey area between the two. You know when someone is being kind or not,” moderator u/CTFOE_is_Fee said.
According to Forbes, toxic femininity in the workplace revolves around backstabbing others, failing to support other women in their success, as well as being a “tool of the patriarchy to undermine femininity.”
Toxic femininity is often expressed through passive aggression. “It’s when we allow relationships and productivity to suffer because we’re not being honest about our own objectives, or when we are assuming we know best with a ‘caring’ face. It's being a ‘Karen’ and it's not a step forward from patriarchal systems of control. It might not involve yelling, but it’s still manipulating other people,” Forbes writes, adding that the antidote to this and to toxic masculinity are good leadership skills.
#13
When we are blind supporters of other women. Like, a woman uninvited slapping another woman's ass isn't as bad because it's a woman. Cardi B drugging and robbing dudes isn't bad because men have done that to women for ever. We don't get passes because we've been victims. Also, women who refuse to accept that men can also be victims of the patriarchy. Sure, it f**ks us all in different ways to different extents, but still.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
The Cardi B thing drove me nuts. That whole stripper movie where they robbed men was so ridiculous. If the reverse had been shown, if the guys from Magic Mike were drugging and hitting women to knock them out and steal their money, I doubt very much that anyone would be calling it as empowering and 'funny' as so many women did. They'd be revolting and there'd be picketing at the movie premiere.
- 3 years ago
Some people benefit. As an extreme example, older men in fundamental polygamous Mormon communities do fine, while teenage boys get kicked out to reduce competition for brides. A more common example is some workplaces where people are off the hook for bad behaviour because their targets are expected to devote mental energy to "tolerate" the behaviour. I've heard the excuse "They're boooooys" about rambunctious thirty-year-olds.
Load More Replies... Brendan Roberts 3 years ago
I hated that movie. The men were drugged and robbed, yet the women were portrayed as the victims.
#14
The whole “mamma bear” knows better than a medical professional about anything to with their children.
RJ 3 years ago
Setting aside the cringe-worthy "mamma bear" title... the exception to this post would be the mother of a special needs child. You'd be completely gob-smacked how many medical professionals don't have the first clue about what's going on with that child. No Dr. Labcoat, you simply can't have a 6 year old, severely autistic child show up for an mri at the crack of dawn and expect them to just 'fall asleep' to complete the procedure without some form of anesthetic. That's just not how they work. EVER.
Raq Ram 3 years ago
THIS RIGHT HERE up👆🏼 thank you for understanding and being logical 👏🏼
Load More Replies... James016 3 years ago
Our paediatrician said that we were the experts wrt our son and she was the expert in medical things so together we all could get my son the most appropriate help he needs. That depended on us being honest with her about him and she would advise or refer to others accordingly. It’s a joint effort.
Paul Beebe 3 years ago
Or using the Momma Bear b******t for being a b***h to everyone who doesn't bow before their kid on a bended knee when they're being absolute shits to everyone around them...
Sarah Bell 3 years ago
Completely agree . As far as the medical professionals they can make mistakes you can always seek a second opion if you have the resources but using it as a tool to bully your way...like having a fit if your child isn't the star of the play and acting like an a*s to try and get then to be is exactly the momma bear c**p I can't stand
Load More Replies... LivingTheDream 3 years ago
I am sooooooo tired of the term 'Mama Bear' ugh... it's not a good thing to attack things irrationally under the pretense of 'protecting' your cubs.
Lisa Brown 3 years ago
That works both ways!!! I have had medical professionals not listen to me - only to have the tests they did "to shut me up" were correct.
Sarah Bell 3 years ago
That being said don't be afraid to seek a second opinion. Medical professionals aren't God they do make mistakes and seeking a second opinion can be helpful . Looking at the same data with fresh eyes and all that.
#15
The idea that women should be meek and pretty 24/7, and if you are a loud, tomboyish woman, you’re not a real woman.
As a lifelong tomboy, I’ve been put down a lot for not wearing makeup and doing “manly jobs”. I’ve actually got some internalized misogyny as a result. I have a much harder time trusting other women than I have trusting men, because in my experience, it’s mostly other women who accuse me of not being a woman.
B181 3 years ago
And the modern-day variation....If you're into soccer/climbing trees/computers/whatever "boyish" thing you happen to be in to - "are you sure you're not a lesbian?" or, and yes I've genuinely heard this asked of a 14-15 y/o girl once - "are you sure you're not actually a boy?". I'm 100% OK with gay or trans people, really I am, but trying to push someone into it because their hobbies happen to fall in the wrong box is at least as misogynistic as not accepting trans people. Accept that some girls may be...skater girls who like beer and trucks, but still are very much a girl and not a boy, okay?
Voodoops_13 3 years ago (edited)
Tomboy shouldn't even be used anymore. We don't call men by stupid opposite gendered classification (or if they are used they're classic examples of outdated toxic masculinity). We're not "Tomboys", we are all women.
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
Yeah, I might like getting dressed up and pretty, but I can also want to learn karate! 🥋
Micah 3 years ago
"Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts?" I saw an opportunity to throw in an Archer quote, and I took it.
Load More Replies... Malaki Williams 3 years ago
my gf is tomboyish and i love that she is because thats what makes her her
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
Fun is so much more attractive than meek for me. I want a partner, not a trophy.
Snowfoxrox 3 years ago
I like working on my car, I like mowing the lawn, I *despise* dresses, I will go from Metallica to Mozart without missing a beat, enjoy video games and will go get a mani-pedi, I prefer to be barefoot, love camping and used to sword fight...I defy categorization. I am me. You should be you and we should all be happy for that!
Sasha 3 years ago
Opposite is also true. Shaming someone for being meek and girly. The whole "not like other girls" f*****g trope needs to go die in a ditch. If you wanna do your makeup in the morning for 2 hours and wear only pink and be a goddamn housewife, that doesent make you antifemenist or dumb or whatever. In general we tend to have this issue. In trying to stop shaming women for having fat and hair on their bodies, we started shaming women who were skinny or shave. Tried to stop shaming girls who were nerdy or into video games or whatever, now its the "popular girls" that have a massively negative image. This isnt fixing anything, just shoving the only "acceptable" way to behave to the opposite end of the spectrum.
Angeline Shalyn 3 years ago
I really feel this ! I wear makeup but definately don't wear fake nails/hair/eyelashes and wear top notch clothing like a lot of women do nowadays because that just sounds way too exhausting lol, you do you girl!
Fatma Feustel 3 years ago
I've never heard of any feminist thinking that way.This is the idea of patriarchal mindset not feminism. At least in my country.
#16
Placing your entire self-worth on being desirable to men, or assuming any woman who dislikes you must be jealous of your desirability. Not knowing who you are without male attention.
LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen 3 years ago
Love yourself alone first. Please don’t expect anyone to complete you. Goes for a partner or a job or a child.
Elizabeth Taylor 3 years ago (edited)
Yes! Look inward not outward, for sure. I used to look for validation everywhere….from men, bosses, colleagues….never realized. Now I see and have found that love and validation inside of me. Never been happier to not care about others perceptions of who I am and my value ❤️
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Lisa Brown 3 years ago
It's amazing how happy you become when you just accept yourself, do what makes you happy. Heck, it might even attract your perfect match.
Fatma Feustel 3 years ago
Placing your entire self-worth on being desirable to men is not feminism toxic or not.It is patriarchy.Wtf!
Rick Hoppenbrouwer 3 years ago
The woman who needs a man the least is the one that becomes the most desirable.
El Dee 3 years ago
This is 'Cool Kid Syndrome' (as I call it) The kids in school who were good looking and popular built their entire lives round it. In later life they haven't built a real personality and may have issues with relationships, friendships, employment and self esteem..
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
But it's ok to be lonely and want someone while still being content with yourself
Load More Replies... Sarah Bell 3 years ago
Or being called a s**t if they don't want anything to do with them . I've seen so many posts of women getting harassed and called every name in the book because they don't want anything to do with anyone who would handle rejection and not getting their way by acting like an a*s and being abusive
Sarah Bell 3 years ago
Sorry this was meant as a reply to someone's comment on another post . I don't know how I ended up posting it on this one by mistake. Lol
Load More Replies... Kelzbelz79 3 years ago (edited)
I would hate to be the kind of person that can't be happy unless in a relationship, yeah relationships are lovely but so is being single-sometimes, I know friends who have never been single since we were 15- now 43.
#17
Thinking that being in a romantic relationship/marriage or being able to have children makes you inherently better than women who aren’t.
El Dee 3 years ago
The desire to 'punch down' to make themselves feel better about the awful people that they are..
Elizabeth Taylor 3 years ago (edited)
True strength is finding joy being alone. Men don’t define our womanhood or desirability. Hate this stigma! All the love you need is inside of you. If you quiet the noise…it will present itself and you will never again look outward for what defines you. The mirror of others perceptions of what defines you, diludes the true you and creates an illusion to which you become enslaved. Shatter all the farkin mirrors! 🪞 Love yourself and be your own flex!! Only then, will one find the life partner connection they have desired. Not a sensationalized, unattainable ideal, but the real connection of a partner. Not because you “need” a man, or anyone, for that matter ….but, because it compliments you and your path ❤️ Love yourself and f**k all what anyone else thinks!
#18
Defaulting to the female parental figure in all things child-related.
I worked an hour's drive away, my husband worked 15 minutes away. We clearly listed him as the primary emergency contact on all school forms and even noted that he was closest. We told the kid to specifically request they call Dad.
Every time there was an emergency, guess who got called? I would then instruct them to call my husband because my leaving work to take the kid home means they have to deal with an extra hour or so of projectile vomit (or whatever).
We ended up just listing his number as mine.
Stupid!
El Dee 3 years ago
This is worse, this isn't really toxic femininity, this is discrimination by officialdom..
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
I have sole custody of my son. He has lived with me full time for close to 8 years now. I have sole custody for a reason. His mother is in a bottle somewhere in Texas. The amount of s**t I have to go through at schools, companies, doctors, etc... when I explain that 'NO! I will NOT be putting her information down' or 'bring her in' is disgusting.
Christina Rosetti 3 years ago
That's disgusting, especially in this day and age.
Load More Replies... B181 3 years ago
One is often a part of the other. Toxic feminism is about the toxic ideas about femininity and what is or isn't properly feminine...And schools/whatever defaulting to the mom as being the caring one is an example of both.
Load More Replies... #19
Using “feminism” as a shield to justify every s**tty thing they do.
Voodoops_13 3 years ago
ANYONE who tries to hijack the term Feminist/Feminism by equating it with being a b***h/ugly/angry/single/childless can f*** all the way off. Male or female, doesn't matter.
Brian Michael 3 years ago
My male friends and I took a trip to Portland so we could experience the good times and to travel around Oregon to see the film sites of the goonies! We were at a cafe early morning drinking some coffee talking about our day a head of us when we saw a group of around 30 or so women all dressed in black holding signs and using megaphones to talk about women issues. We just watched as they were walking by being loud when two girls sees a table of 4 men and they walk over and with the megaphone just screams at us point blank, are you intimated by true feminists?! We are all shocked and the noise is painful loud and my bud just quietly laughs awkwardly bc what else do you do when she again screams in the megaphone maybe 3 feet away on the street "f**k you and f**k your ancestry"....I still don't know what that means. They continued on their path down the street being loud. That is fake feminists using the term as a poor excuse of being a crappy person.
Load More Replies... LivingTheDream 3 years ago
Feminism used to mean equal treatment as a human being. Now it's used to establish superiority. This new wave of feminism is horrible and filled with hate.
#20
S*itting on stay at home moms or Sex Workers because you don't understand their choices . Feminism means we all get to choose our own path . Not everyone wants a high prowered career and that's Ok.
Mike Crow 3 years ago
There are many who are forced into the sex trade but I have met some sex workers and they did it by choice and were not forced into it. Changing the laws to protect them and not outlaw them will provide protection for the workers and help stop human trafficking.
Elizabeth Taylor 3 years ago (edited)
Hol up! Haha 😂 You missed the point of this comment. THIS is not the issue. CHOOSING to be a sex worker is the point. Yes, human trafficking is reprehensible. But if a woman wants to work a corner, sex cam, whatever….she shouldn’t be judged as less than or flawed. Our path leads us wherever it goes. It’s not a random persons place to weigh in or demoralize. In all actuality, some women sex workers, make more money than my “high powered career” and are far more empowered than I. Some are brilliant minds that are manipulating a system and are completely aware of the mass perception of their value. They use the “dumb girl” perception to dominate any and all interactions….don’t be fooled. Well, anyone that basic that feels they are using the woman, they deserve what they get! Lots of payments for a dangled carrot. Feel sorry for the men who pay up and then realize they were a tool. 🤣Sisters do what makes you happy and never apologize!
Load More Replies... Stoopham McFernybabes 3 years ago (edited)
I am a SAHM. My husband works a crazy amount of hours because that’s how his job works and it’s a job he does well and earns money for the family. We both have equal say in how money is spent and how we run our family but, when he gets home from a 12 hour day, you bet I’ll be getting him a drink and rubbing his temples. I work hard too, looking after the house and our children, but I also had a cup of tea with a friend, read my children stories and got to attend their school sports day. He misses out on this stuff, so the least I can do is make him dinner and iron his shirts. This makes me no less a feminist than anyone else.
Brian Michael 3 years ago
Well said and I am happy to see you weren't downvoted into oblivion.
Load More Replies... JASH80 3 years ago
I used to live in an area with lots of sex workers and none of them did it for fun. the ones that like what they do are usually students making money for an expensive lifestyle, you won't find them walking the streets, they are more likely to be escorts or put an ad online, and they can decline a customer if they don't feel like having sex with him. The ones on the street or in brothels can't.
Jennifer Lee 3 years ago
Exactly. Only the most privileged of sex workers enjoy safety and freedom to choose clients. Everyone else in the industry is essentially raped for a profit that goes to someone else. This is the reason that the entire sex industry needs to be shut down.
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Sandra Charlot 3 years ago
Never understood why society is judging women about selling their bodies more than men for buying a human being. The "w"ore" you're judging never hurt anybody, contrary to her client.
Mike Crow 3 years ago
Laws for sex workers need to be changed so they can have protection from sex trafficking, assault and have access to medical as many are forced to hide their profession. Many sex workers do it by choice because they like it.
NsG 3 years ago
Can you (or anyone) confirm what I've read that in the US it's the selling of sex that's illegal, not the buying? Meaning it's (once again) the women alone being punished for an act that takes two participants.
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Jim Reilly 3 years ago
lols, 'choosing' sex work and to have 20 stage men on you in a 24 hour period. LOLs woke won't get this one over the plate.
Birma Gustafsson 3 years ago
Changing the laws to protecting ONE type of sex workers also will affect the OTHER, but not in the beneficial way you think!! The trafficked sex slave will not automatically be able to leve the sex field by choice because those dickheads that "own" her will just work her harder! They will take the opportunity to get even MORE sex slaves out in the sex field, and hide behind the "willingness" clause, making the sex slave lie and she/he does it volontarily! the only way is to outlaw sex industry completely, and come down hard on the sex buyers, no matter what! If you wish to reform the sex industry after that, you will have a better chance of ot actually being volontarily!
#21
"No man is ever allowed to hit a woman, in any circumstances." Uh, hell no. I'm a woman, but I fully expect that if I started punching a guy or trying to k**l him, that he would be well within his rights to give me a slap. Being female doesn't mean you get to start physical fights and face no repercussions.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
Words of wisdom from my father. You NEVER hit a lady. Once she hits you, she is no longer a lady.
Kelzbelz79 3 years ago
I'd upvote this to the moon and back, I myself have been in horribly abusive relations hence why my partner ( never hit me, never would) was seriously shocked and surprised to hear me say that if I were myself to do certain things I would expect a slap.
#22
"If you gave birth through c-section, you're not a real mom."
What. The. F**k? Suddenly 9 months of pregnancy, a terrifying procedure and caring for a newborn doesn't count because MacDuff from his mother's womb was untimely ripped? Whose baby is this then, since apparently no mothers are present?
Monday 3 years ago
We should just clap back with equally ridiculous statements. "Oh you got a haircut? Wow guess you're no a real mom then!" or "Hey didn't I see you eating a sandwich yesterday? Real moms don't do that".
Duncan Rogers 3 years ago
Additionally, whoever the OP is I LOVE the Macbeth quote. Well done whomever.
Voodoops_13 3 years ago
C-sections are mainly used to deliver a baby when there is medical necessity to prevent the death of the child and/or mother. Before this was an option fetal and maternal death rates were way higher. This is like saying "If you or the baby don't die in the process you're not a real mom". 🤦♀️
Auntriarch 3 years ago
The only way for women to enter Valhalla apparently
Load More Replies... Kelzbelz79 3 years ago
Complete and utter stupid dumb b******t, I actually find it an insult, Interesting enough though my own "mother" says that because I had normal vaginal deliveres with my 4 boys that I don't know the true pain of giving birth- she had me by c-section.
2022emmam trent 3 years ago
That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard. C sections don't affect whether you're a mother or not! They're necessary in some cases!
Stephanie Wittenberg 3 years ago
Do people actually say this?! Gotta be the most f*****g stupid thing I've ever heard. Btw, both my sisters had medically required c-sections. Would they have been considered by these idiots to be "real mothers" if they died in childbirth?
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
Who is going around saying this cause it doesn’t make sense.. C-sections are usually used in emergency measures. Trying to make sure both mom and baby survive is always top priority as well as not all bodies are built the same. Whoever says s**t like that has no idea what they are talking about and should be told so.
Sharron Lindsay 3 years ago
Both my kids were emergency c-sections. I was asked by the hospital if I wanted counselling because I didn't have a natural delivery! I couldn't believe that someone thought I'd need counselling because of medical emergencies that risked the life of baby one and me with baby two.
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Mariana M 3 years ago
oh my god! right?! this is so stupid, i've heard some women say this, i'm like whatt?! i've heard one person on tv say that they didn't connect as much with one child than the other, so it must have been because one was vaginal birth and the other was c-section..:! i was in shock!
WeeBitOfSumfin 3 years ago
After trying to give birth to my daughter for 15 hours I had an emergency cs. There was whole possible birthing action, fully dilated but no progress. Baby was tangled in umbilical cord. So I'm not a mum, huh? 😂
Duncan Rogers 3 years ago
Ok, the idiot in that photo is weighing a newborn child and is not wearing gloves or covering his beard.
Lindsay J 3 years ago
Why would he have to? I'm guessing by his wristband that that's the child's father.
Load More Replies... #23
"all other girls are b*tches"
If you're a girl and think that, that's a you problem
François Bouzigues 3 years ago
If you are a guy and you think that you are the problem a*s well.
just another teen 3 years ago
ok but some girls can be bitches but not all of them but thats a 15 year old talking so its not the same thing when your out of high school
- 3 years ago
If they're still mean at 51, there's no hope they'll grow up.
Load More Replies... Sasha 3 years ago
The favorite thing for the patriarchy to push on us. The idea that women are bad and making us desire to be the one that's different, an outcast but one of the guys therefore and somehow better. Pitting women against each other to compete to be part of the shithead club essentially.
#24
Karens are a prime example. They show peak entitlement found more often in women then men. Everything must be done for them. They are a mother or they're a "struggling" woman who should be given everything she wants.
There's also abusive women. Abusive men will hit you, abusive women will give you several mental and emotional disorders and claim you made it all up while you suffer alone in silence. I know this from personal experience having an abusive biological father and step mother.
If a woman does hit you, you aren't allowed to hit back. If you defend yourself you're the aggressor because... men big?
Lewis Fisher Wells 3 years ago
this is true like im six foot two at fourteen if I get into a fight im the bad guy automatically because im scary
Zoe's Mom 3 years ago
Let's please stop calling women Karens who are disagreeable. It's such a disrespect to the name. Call them what they are: @$$HOLES.
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
Yeah its really unfair to all the Karens out there who are actually sweet people.
Load More Replies... Voodoops_13 3 years ago
Karens are just over entitled women behaving like over entitled men. Women get called Karen, when guys do this it's Tuesday.
G R 3 years ago
I mean true, but plenty of abusive women also hit, and any form of abuse also includes emotional abuse - abusive men will leave you with lasting mental health problems just as much as abusive women. The implication that men *only* hit (which is somehow not that big a deal or a purely physical thing which can be shrugged off with no lasting damage) while women inflict lasting psychological damage is really worrying.
Karen Guy 3 years ago
I am really tired of the "Karen" thing. I used to really like my name because it wasn't very common. Now my name defines me even though my behavior and demeanor is not like the "Karen" type that is portrayed.
Ricardo Ferreira 3 years ago
I know it's difficult in some situations, but the best you can do, as a man, is to be as far away from these kind of women as possible. If you get yourself involved with an "Amber" type, the best is to get all the proof you can about her abuses and ghost them.
#25
Last week: 3 women admiring my fiancé’s new engagement ring (which is a bit flashy)
My fiancé tells them it’s lab-made, which is what she wanted
One of them responded with “Oh, that doesn’t count then”
Miguel justino C 3 years ago
Who cares if it’s a damn piece of string for a ring. It’s the thought that counts. My parents have 18 dollar department store wedding bands, going on 50 years and still wear them
Ricardo Ferreira 3 years ago
The biggest massive brainwash from the XX century was that "diamonds are forever" and that diamonds are the biggest proof of somebody's love.
Gabby M 3 years ago
Doncha just love marketing!! There is so much BS in the diamond industry.
Load More Replies... PCW10101 3 years ago
What a rotten sentiment! Good for your fiancé for telling you what she wanted, and to you for finding it. Best wishes.
Auntriarch 3 years ago
I insisted on a cubic zirconia. I want bling on my fingers, not the price of a small car
Load More Replies... Mariana M 3 years ago
I seriously don't get the huge "millions-of-dollars-gigantic-diamond-wedding-ring- c**p"!! if my bf spent 10k on a ring i'd be shocked..! I'd be happy with ANY ring and he could have spend that money in ANYTHING way more practical and fun!! like a trip or a honeymoon ahaha! thousands of dollars on a ring just seems like the biggest waste of money. as long as the ring is pretty and it's given with sentiment , who cares!!
WeeBitOfSumfin 3 years ago
As a person who doesn't take jewellery off while doing stuff (cleaning, working, diying) or having a habit of loosing s**t I love my $2 ring I can replace at any moment.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
I refuse to buy diamonds. They are artificially inflated in value and the reason they are popular is from an old marketing campaign. I would rather have her wear something that represents who she is as a person, not some symbol forced by society. There are so many beautiful stones out there other than diamonds.
Cheri Smallbeck 3 years ago
Lab made diamonds are just as beautiful, much more ethical, cheaper and exactly the same, composition wise, as "real" diamonds. Normalise lab made!
#26
I had an ex who laughed and took advantage of me after I cried in front of her. She told me she didn’t see me as a man and that crying is for girls.
Kristin Ingersoll 3 years ago
I believe he started that sentence by saying she was an ex?
Load More Replies... Tobias Reaper 3 years ago
this is the reason why lots of men dont seek help for mental health issues and keep it bottled it leads to lots of guts taking their own lives it is sad that in this day and age there is still this stigma around mental health anyone regardless of gender nobody can tell you how you are feeling its ok to not be ok
Kelzbelz79 3 years ago
Crying is for anyone with emotions and every woman I know sees men crying as a sign they know how to deal with and arn't afraid to show emotion.
Sarah Bell 3 years ago
Honestly a good cry would help a lot of people let out some of the stress and worry . I know I tend to hold it in and refuse to cry q lot but when it all adds up to too much and I let it out , I feel exhausted after a good cry but it helps
Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
I wish the whole stigma of men expressing emotions would just die, already. Man or woman, it takes courage to face and express your feelings. I've never, ever thought less of a man who did so. Just the opposite, in fact.
#27
The expectation of doing emotional labour. If you fall short of being the default caretaker/nurturer in any way, you are a bad woman. If you don’t put your family’s needs before your own all the time, you might be called a bad mom, a bad wife, or a bad daughter or sister, etc. Meanwhile women who sacrifice themselves completely to take care of others are good mothers, good wives, etc
Similarly, the overly glorified societal idea that a woman’s love is supposed to fix her partner. I read a lot of romance novels and wow is hetero romance content overwhelmingly saturated with the idea that even the most broken person (usually a man in the examples I have personally read) can be healed by the true love of the other person (usually a woman in the examples I have read). There’s no therapy, no focus on healthy ways to deal with trauma, just the idea that some woman can walk into some broken man’s life and completely heal him instantly with “true love”.
Tigerpacingthecage 3 years ago
Yes it's very common and quite "accepted". But in reality internalized misogyny. You can see it on a structural level as well, like when I was in uni to become a social worker. We had about 90% women in class and most wanted to "help others" as their first priority. Among the men who took the program most wanted to have leadership positions and figured it was a quite easy field to advance in because well... we'll always need social work and it's universal enough to be able to go in different directions. I guess it's the same with nurses for example.
Nicole Weymann 3 years ago
Probably also why care workers (predominantly women) are notoriously underpaid. "Seeing people happy makes it all worthwile. I can't leave my patients/clients to fend on their own just to make more money!" And nice as it is when you see others helping: volunteers inadvertently support that system, too, by undercutting in the wage department.
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Jennifer Lee 3 years ago
This isn't toxic femininity, it's the patriarchy that set this model up.
Rebecca Estep 3 years ago
Which is why I get people trying to shove guys down my throat who might as well have train wreck on their foreheads. Old joke about how many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb still rings true. (Answer is; just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change)
Stephanie Wittenberg 3 years ago
I think there are a lot of used, abused, and abandoned women out there who know how true this is. Fixing something broken takes hard work, not wishful thinking.
#28
Using your period as an excuse to be physically or emotionally abusive.
Turns out my mom was just a b**ch, not PMS'ing.
Monday 3 years ago
I am a b***h during the first days of my period.....so I do the adult thing and avoid conversations until I feel less bitchy.
Lillukka79 3 years ago
Same, and I warn my collegues about the PMS and possible random crying.
Load More Replies... LH25 3 years ago
And doing so gives some people an excuse to discount our feelings as just hormonal because we are PMSing.
Teresa Stabler 3 years ago
"She must be on the rag" bs has been around way too long. Coincidentally the word hysterical literally means "like a woman." But when a man goes on a tyrade, at home or at work, he's exerting his power and masculinity, because that's what a real man is like.
Load More Replies... Kelzbelz79 3 years ago
I am a b***h before I come on and it's not an excuse, my partner and family know this so avoid me at all costs, though I do try to keep my emotions under check as much as I can.
Mama Penguin 3 years ago
I do get annoyed more easily when I'm PMS-ing. Hence I become less talkative and just gorge food and watch Netflix.
LilliVB 3 years ago
I'm insufferable a pair of day before menstruation. So I told my husband and kid to just let me be if it is not that important. And they are allowed to tell me to stop being a b***h if I'm one. So if I don't realize myself at least there's someone that makes me realize it, and I can stop and apologize too if needed
1Zs Girl 3 years ago
This is good..just because one isn't feeling great because of PMS, doesnt mean they have a right to be bitchy to others.
Load More Replies... #29
Being unable to critize another woman for sh*t she did since "women support each other". Has the exact same energy as frat guys saying "bro code".
Kristin Ingersoll 3 years ago
Power and influence. He made people stars. Some people will stay silent about almost anything to be famous.
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GettheOtis 3 years ago
Being unable to criticize another woman with out being accused of jealousy... Um, no
#30
Mothers who tell their sons that they are less than equal, based on gender alone. “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” “The future is female, not male.” That type of stuff. We’re all in this world together and equally capable of greatness and kindness. Please don’t tell your kids otherwise. If you teach someone they’re “less than,” you’re giving them a lifelong hall pass to be a selfish jerk because you don’t need them anyway.
Paul Beebe 3 years ago
My sister taught my niece that any man worth keeping will worship the ground she walks on-do all the work-bring her flowers everyday and NEVER ARGUE WITH HER.... So guess who is 28 and hasn't had a boyfriend longer than 6 months and no long term prospect in sight?
Monkeywrench Productions 3 years ago
a woman i used to live with tried to tell me "she dont need no man". shes also a huge arachnophobe. the belly laugh i had when she came to me because a f**k off great spider was great. walked away. told her to deal with it herself.
Memere 3 years ago
I have the "woman needs a man" quote on a magnet in my kitchen. Going right now to throw it away.
Katchen 3 years ago
I think “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” says to women that they are enough without a partner, but it doesn’t tell men that they’re less than women.
Load More Replies... Kate Jones 3 years ago
I could write a book on this topic because it bothers me so much. I really despise the way certain language has become standard. For me it started in the 90s when people started referring to their boy/girlfriends as 'baby mommas' or 'baby daddys'. It's so base and gross and minimizing. We aren't animals. Then it became so standard to say things like , 'You'd be nothing without me' 'She's your better half', etc. And it gets said jokingly but there's something that has always bothered me about it. If I was at a dinner with friends and the men at the table looked at my guy and said, "she'd never be able to survive without you" - even jokingly- that would kind of p**s me off. I understand that there's a great history of women being oppressed so we're going to have a larger sensitivity to that and we're now having a overcorrection to it, but I don't think men should have to take it in stride that women talk about them like they are lesser even as a joke.
#31
Being all “Claire!! Hiiiii it’s soo good to seee youuuuu oh my goooodddd!!!!” in that obnoxious tone of voice, to every single woman in the group, then turning around and talking the most nasty gossip you can behind their backs or purposely being snaky to the group. This is so toxic, if you don’t like the people you spend time with then drop the mask and stop shoving “positive vibes” down their throats.
El Dee 3 years ago
Women are expected to be loving, nurturing and kind. If you are less than 100% in each dept it is noticed. Men are expected to be aggressive and to ignore emotions, when they do anything MORE than that it is noticed. The bar is set so high for women that it's easy to look like a harridan..
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
That’s just being fake. Fake two faced people who smile to your face and talk s**t behind your back cause they dont have the courage to be upfront. I avoid like plague.
Kelzbelz79 3 years ago
Yes,you can't like everybody and can't be liked by everybody and that's life, just stop being fake and don't converse with said people...simple but it works.
Hannah Bridges 3 years ago
Note: This post doesn't include people with severe anxiety, I see you, don't worry. You aren't the target of this lmao. It's safer to play nice, I completely get it (where's my debilitating GAD fam at?)
Elizabeth Taylor 3 years ago (edited)
Yes! Shoot straight or get away from me! Haha I have said, after some icky interactions with people I don’t really like - “ It was truly awful seeing you! Thanks for all the wasted time. Buh bye.” Very freeing. And then never talk to them again! ✌️
Rainy Day Wolf 3 years ago
the toxic femininity thing is you're expected to be that "Hiiiii it’s soo good to seee youuuuu" instead of just be sincere and not even look at that woman you don't like... I'm like this and people give me sh*t for not being a hypocrite like I'm supposed to
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
Alex. Can I get 'people who haven't grown since high school' for $800 please?
#32
Girls who start an argument or fight with a stranger and expect their bf/husband/partner to be the one to handle the fall out.
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
i had a gf who did this. She would get mad at me for not supporting her and was just furious when i told her that i saw her as an equal independent person who made her own decisions and was therefore able to deal with the consequences without having to rely on a man. Ya, sorry, if you badmouth someone to their face, that's something you decided to do and not my responsibility.
LivingTheDream 3 years ago
My ex did this. I cur her off and let her know that if she started the fight, she would finish the fight. Hate me if you want. I was taught to walk away from a fight if you can. I certainly am not going to get into one that someone else started. People die in fights, not something I ever want to be involved in again.
#33
Just generally assuming men are made of emotional rubber and can bounce back from anything,then accusing a man of “male fragility” if they don’t. When a guy has an really good platonic male friend who he enjoys spending time with , and a woman thinks it’s odd and says “ you two should get it over with and make out/have sex” as if men only become close if sex is involved.
Tobias Reaper 3 years ago
yet if men do that with two female platonic friends they are called a pervert
Elizabeth Taylor 3 years ago (edited)
Yes! Best friend since I was 2, is a guy. People always made it weird, when it was the most honest and pure connection of my life. It devalued our connection, and made it basic af. So Why do we have to want anything physical with a friend of the opposite sex? Is that all we are? Hell no! So wrong.
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GettingCereal 3 years ago
It is though. No idea why you're being downvoted. This represents a toxic idea of what men should be or do, not a toxic idea of what women should be or do.
Load More Replies... #34
Believing that its a man's job to impress her when she's dating. If you like someone ACT AS THOUGH YOU LIKE THEM. Dating is an equal exchange of time and emotional labour, if she feels like she needs further financial compensation beyond that (paying for the food/show/whatever it is) then maybe she don't like him enough.
JASH80 3 years ago
whenever I read stuff like "he needs to pay for the date if he wants me to come with him" I could vomit. I am European, I pay for my portion or I even pay the entire bill, because, why not? Why does a guy have to hold the door open, get flowers, pay, give me his jacket, as if he had to prove he is "worthy"? This makes the woman look like a price or an item he needs to purchase, and don't we all want to get away from that image?
Kelzbelz79 3 years ago
Yes, both should be putting equal amounts of everything into a relationship, it's not a man's job to go all out to impress you.
#35
The "I get along with guys better."
I cringe because I used to be like this. Don't discount a whole gender. There's a lot of awesome women out there, find them and befriend them! Not all guys are awesome so why assume all women aren't?
Dutchman Callypso 3 years ago
I worked in an all-female environment, I went to all-female class in highschool and let me tell you... never again. This is not just some "evil stereotype". I'm now working in male environment, so many of my friends are guys, and the difference is huge. They don't gossip, they directly tell you when they have a problem. I don't banish women, at all, but all-women environments are way more toxic and even I can feel myself becoming more toxic when hanging around there...
B181 3 years ago
Both all-male and all-female groups tend to be toxic. In different ways, sure, but still. A healthy balance (which does not mean "exactly 50/50 for everything everywhere!") is far more pleasant.
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Melia Janssen 3 years ago
While I agree with this, it's a lot easier said than done. I have tried for most of my life to befriend other women and have had more failures than success. I have a few good friends I've stuck to but I'm done with making new friends.
Kelzbelz79 3 years ago
I'm not cringing and I'm not discounting a whole gender but on the whole I do get on with guys better, I don't see that me saying that is being toxic at all, it's me saying I get on with males better than females and by saying that I'm not being toxic about "my own kind", simply saying the truth.
Elizabeth Taylor 3 years ago (edited)
However, I can prefer dude energy. That’s my jam after many years of exposure to ALL types of people. If it’s not your approved version of friendship, then go do you and don’t be concerned with what someone else prefers. We all are free to choose our own tribe and path!
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
i have a few good male friends, but for most of my life, i've gotten along better with women. whether that's because of something in-born with me or them or because of how i was socialized or how they were, i don't know, but it's a definite pattern with me.
Malaki Williams 3 years ago
its true for me tho i get along way better than women because i have a s**t ton of sisters and the boys at my school are toxic as s**t. i have about ten male freinds and they are the closest friends ever
LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen 3 years ago
This IS ok. As long as you respect boundaries. Do not cross lines of men in a relationship. Affairs happen slow and often start with a friend… she listens… she doesn’t judge… slippery slope.
#36
Queen bee bullying at the workplace. Basically, letting high school never end. About 60% of women experience it.
Bob Stuart 3 years ago
Both men and women want 20% more to work for a woman boss. - Newsweek survey.
Auntriarch 3 years ago
Most of the workplace queen bees I've encountered have been following the king of the jungle ethos
#37
Shaming other girls/women for not doing/liking the sane things you do and implying that their preferences make them "not real women" or similar. Basically saying that your way to be a woman is the only valid way.
Shay J 3 years ago
This is why I don't have many female friends. Everything is a comparison or competition. It's exhausting.
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
I have a good amount of female friends and nothings a competition, gotta find the right people.
Load More Replies... #38
When a woman starts talking about what “a real man” would do in a given situation
Tobias Reaper 3 years ago (edited)
like being the brave one if you hear a noise in the middle of the night i dont want to go down there either im scared as well you know what its ok ill go and while they are kicking seven shades of s**t out of me you go for help
Ricardo Ferreira 3 years ago
Sometimes I think we should call this behavior "womansplaining"...
Mama Penguin 3 years ago
This is so toxic. Don't ever say this to a man. We also hate it if a man says it in reverse.
Teresa Stabler 3 years ago
It's demeaning and abusive regardless of who's doing it.
Load More Replies... #39
Women who have no problem bullying, harassing and making all around horrible comments about men and their "fragile egos" but will then proceed to go off the deep end if someone says something even slightly negative about them
#40
I've started reading a lot of forums of expecting mothers and mothers, and is terrifying to see how much pressure there is regarding birthing and motherhood: "you'll never be a proper mother if you have a c-section"; "you will never bond properly/be a good mother if you don't breastfeed"; "if you don't do X or Y or Z your child will be unhappy/unloved/will die and it will be your fault".
And measuring a woman's worth over the power of their vaginas: "shame on you for doing IVF", "there must be something wrong if you had only miscarriages", "adopting is fine, but is the acceptance of failure", "bio moms are best moms".
kjorn 3 years ago
my ex is a nurse and she heard and read so many f****d up thing from "bio-woman" THEY ARE THE WORST!
Load More Replies... El Dee 3 years ago
Being a parent is in how you raise them, not how or even IF you give birth. But on that, get as many drugs as you can for the birth, why would anyone WANT pain??
NsG 3 years ago
By definition, your first sentence also addresses the toxic opinion that men can never be parents by the default of giving birth. Followed by "dad's babysitting tonight". This list is hurting my heart, I'm off for a lie down
Load More Replies... LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen 3 years ago
Oh… I’ve had the opposite. You gave up too soon trying to have a baby. “It was obvious you didn’t want a baby that much or you would have ….”
Rick Hoppenbrouwer 3 years ago
People who spew this c**p must be very insecure about whether they are good moms or not.
Jon Steensen 3 years ago
However adoption can come with its own set of complications. The process of giving birth releases a lot of chemicals in the woman's body that helps her bond with her new baby (and thank god for that, because otherwise she may do the rational thing and leave that resource demanding, noisy piece of meat on its own, and stay far away from all the problem that caring for an infant costs). Not having gone through that process of becomming a mother right from the start, can make it a little harder for parrents who has adobted to get things started in the right way, but with a little focus on the related issues and with some proper guidance, it should be managable, and down the line I don't really think it will make any difference for the relationship, as there are plenty of examples of parents who loves their adobted children like if it was their own bloodline.
#41
Whatever is happening in Facebook birthing/mom groups. Some women are so out of touch with reality and high on toxic femininity that they think their uteruses are better than any doctor and that their feminine intuition supercedes any medical testing or intervention available today. Women are being brainwashed into skipping fetal testing and to avoid medical intervention even in life or death situations. It is literally killing mothers and babies and injuring a lot more.
#42
Is it just me or is the term “Happy wife, happy life!” a little messed up? I’ve mostly been told this from women but idk it sounds purely a way to be controlling of your partner
Bob Stuart 3 years ago
Some seem happy when others suffer, but this saying recognizes that women control the flow of information, and can use it to banish upsetting news if they wish.
Rainy Day Wolf 3 years ago
it's about women taking care of everything from kids to the house to the husband, if the wife is unhappy everything falls apart... This has shifted because men and women are supposed to be putting 50/50 but the truth is women keep putting most of the labour at home despite also having a job so...
#43
The vocab “Girl Boss/Boss Babe”. We aren’t girls, we are women, and we are simply bosses. We don’t say “Boy Boss” or “Boss Dude”. Women shouldn’t perpetuate this. Also-women disregarding/questioning other women’s stories of sexual harassment. Women acting superior than other women if they aren’t married and have kids. Or for that matter, minimizing stay at home moms. Or judging women with successful careers. It just needs to stop.
Jacqlyn C Weir 3 years ago
Childless stay at home wives exist as well. Some of these women struggle with self worth because society doesn't find worth in a childless or jobless woman. There are reason for living this way, and even so. One should never feel like they have to explain themselves.
#44
Older women bullying and harassing younger women starting the work force. I see this A LOT
Tigerpacingthecage 3 years ago
Yeah, me too and it's sad. I'm old enough to not be in that position anymore but young enough to know what it felt like. But I also had a different take on it as years went by. I used to see older women as very bitter and sad and I thought it was their personality. Now I sort of understand that it's part of living a bit longer, maybe especially as a woman, too. You get tired of b******t and being held back on a different level and see these young women as naive and hopeful. Doesn't make it right though. We should lift them so they CAN be hopeful and have a better life instead of tearing them down to the same level of bitterness.
Turt_Le 3 years ago
Great analysis and consideration of how those people got that way, It makes it easier to know what not to do so you can interrupt/stop the cycle and shows you have a lot of empathy. Definitely a situation where you shouldn't pay it forward
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#45
"Believe all women" is extremely toxic in my opinion. Allegations should be taken seriously. Automatically believing an accuser simply because they are a woman is toxic.
Tobias Reaper 3 years ago
i agree with this because a false allegation even if proven false can destroy a mans life
Rainy Day Wolf 3 years ago
real allegations rarely destroy a mans life...
Load More Replies... El Dee 3 years ago
No, I disagree. You MUST believe an accusation but then you MUST investigate it. Many people misunderstand this, it's about the police and justice side of it. Some people WANT to misunderstand of course as it suits their own agenda..
Auntriarch 3 years ago (edited)
Yes From the police point of view, you believe the victim, whatever sex, then you investigate. You do not just believe and leave it there
Load More Replies... Bob Stuart 3 years ago
"Believe all complaints about getting short changed" - imagine how many there would be.
Rainy Day Wolf 3 years ago
no, we have to believe the victim... only about 5% of the accusations are false in contrast to all those real ones we don't care much about and all those victims who never even report knowing justice is rarely achieved
Jenny Pugh 3 years ago
Men should benefit from annonymity in rape cases, too. If they are found guilty, *then* name and shame.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Take all accusations seriously while not forgetting that people are innocent until proven guilty.
Tigerpacingthecage 3 years ago
Well, with this one I don't think we mean "all women" literally. I think its meant in the same way we say "men" instead of "not all men" because it's understood that not all women or all men but rise awareness to the general of the problem.
#46
Believing there is a certain way to be a woman and using social pressure to enforce that on other woman and punish those who act differently. Denigrating other women for not dressing fashionably or wearing makeup or putting family first or whatever their stereotype of being properly feminine is.
#47
Either believing that women should be demure, gentle, non-confrontational, and submissive to men, OR going the complete opposite and thinking that acting like a self-centered jerk all the time and purposely hurting others means you are being a strong powerful goddess.
Neither is correct. Women should not have to be soft little flowers all the time, but it's also not okay to be a jerk. Assert yourself confidently but don't be a jerk about it.
CalicoKitty 3 years ago
Let's be honest, people will label anything as assertive/aggressive if it fits their agenda, actual knowledge be damned...
Load More Replies... Alma Muminovic 3 years ago (edited)
If your a woman and are assertive you will offend many people just by having a clear knowing of what you want/are and sticking to it. It just comes with the territory. 🤷🏼♀️ You get used to it.
#48
Mom’s that over coddle their kids to the point they don’t have to do, and as a result can’t do, anything for themselves.
#49
Keeping kids away from fathers.
Bob Stuart 3 years ago
Mother makes life safe. Father makes life fun, and independence a goal.
#50
Body positivity that only applies to women. Because some men are just too short…
#51
Abusive or possessive behavior, not only towards their husband/wife, but also towards friends and family The classic “if you scream at me, I’ll call the police and tell them you hit me even though I’m the wrong here”
#52
Testing. This applies to testing their romantic partners just as much as their friends/family. Where they intentionally put someone in a situation that is rigged against them in order to judge them in some fashion based on their reaction. I'm not claiming this is a feminine-only trait, but in my personal experience I've seen it come from women much more than men. My sister's friend recently gave her permission to pursue a guy they were mutually attracted to. My sister did, and it turned out that the friend was only testing to see if my sister was "a real friend" or not. Yikes.
#53
My sister once said I had toxic masculinity when I didn't want my nails painted. I've asked her to work out with me a few times and she always says "No, girls with muscles look like gross men."
#54
Thinking men are horndogs waiting to bestowed the gift of sex. Then becoming upset when a man isnt instantly hard or doesn't want to have sex.
Tigerpacingthecage 3 years ago
This one is so important. And I'm guilty of buying into this idea myself. I always felt it was something wrong in my relationship when the guy didn't want sex. Like all men would be constantly ready to go and if they are not it's something wrong with me, or them, or the relationship. It's really toxic. Of course men can have lower sex drives or just not be into it at the moment. And impotence issues are real and should be treated with respect, it doesn't make anyone less of a man.
Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
Yeah, sometimes we're just tired, stressed, dont have the bandwidth at the moment or just don't feel like it. It's not necessarily the other person at all. Even if they guy gets a stiffy, doesn't mean he's mentally into it. Biological reactions can happen without conscious control.
Load More Replies... Sarah Rose 3 years ago
Normalize asking all people for consent. I always ask men for consent, all of them have acted surprised and many have expressed that no one has asked them for consent before. Women and men are not sex objects
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
Super thank you for asking! it's a really big deal that you do that.
Load More Replies... Pezor Zass 3 years ago
This one is big for me. I unexpectedly got into a relationship with a woman shortly after getting out of another one. I wasn't ready at all, but we got along really well, she was interested, everything seemed good. I told her that i did need to take it slowly since i was still recovering, she said that was fine, so we went out a few times. After telling her that i wasn't ready to have sex on the 2nd date, she asked me if i was sure i wasn't secretly gay. Thanks.
Rick Hoppenbrouwer 3 years ago
Sometimes we find women to be very pretty but not at all attractive.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Yes, but again, you need to understand most of us have had a lifetime of experiencing just this. A couple years ago, I spent two hours engaged in really good conversation with a man I'd just met. I actually liked him as a person...until he suddenly began describing in pornographic terms what he wanted to do to me. When you have loads of experiences like this, it's difficult to recognize anything else.
#55
Mother hens (matriarchs) controlling their group of friends: where they do, what they do, who they meet and associate with. Controlling people’s behaviour basically You could consider Sl*t-Shaming as toxic feminity. As I understand, sl*t shaming more often occurs between women as a way to regulate casual sex and promiscuity so that women who don’t want to “give it away” won’t have to in order to compete in the dating scene
#56
knowingly pursuing men in committed relationships/unavailable men, and then calling their partners “not true women” for being upset with said woman for seducing their man.
yes, I know the man is responsible too. I just don’t understand why women pursue unavailable men and believe it’s their “right” as single, independent women to.
LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen 3 years ago
It takes two to tango…. But you don’t have to agree to dance.
Tigerpacingthecage 3 years ago
Nah. Not sure if this one should be here. It's never the other persons fault that your partner cheated on you. It's your partner who was in the wrong, no one else. The other person wasn't in a committed relationship. We all meet attractive people every day, you can't take that away but (most)do not act on it because you want to respect your partner and that commitment.
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
i absolutely think that a person in a committed relationship who cheats is doing a wrong thing. But purposely pursuing someone who you know is in a committed relationship, especially if you are doing it because you know the person will never be completely available to you, is also doing a wrong thing. You are doing something that you know will hurt others and that makes you an a*****e. Not the only a*****e, but definitely an a*****e.
Whittier Dun 3 years ago
It's the man's and the man's fault only. He's the one in a relationship.
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
They do it cause they can. An easy way to stop it is for the man to say no thank you and mean it. So easyyyyy.
deathrose 3 years ago
If only it was that easy. My husband once trained a single woman at work and she kept trying to seduce him throughout the training and even after. He was the only trainer at the time so she couldn't be pawned into someone else. She told everyone that she was trying to get with him and spread rumors that they were actually together. It took basically an act of congress and a mountain of evidence presented to HR to have the woman transfered to a different district.
Load More Replies... #58
I’m 21F, and so many girls around my age deliberately act stupid because they believe they will get men. They make superficial statements on topics that they barely know anything about, they don’t use common sense when approached with everyday situations, and they want to just present themselves as “hard to get.”
Voodoops_13 3 years ago (edited)
Or they read it on some website, magazine or blog..."10 Things Women Do That Men Love"!
Rainy Day Wolf 3 years ago
predatory men do pursue easy targets, "dumb" or "childish" women... which is the same as older men preying on a lot younger women or even literal children so they can manipulate them in some way
#59
That having a negative opinion about a female character instantly makes you a misogynist. I should be allowed to not like a movie despite the fact that it wasn't intended for my demographic. Sometimes its just poorly written.
#60
Cattiness or instant competition between women. For example, 1 woman works in a male-dominated office. Another woman is hired. The original woman automatically takes a disliking to the new girl, just because she is a girl (ie marking her territory or sensing competition).
Bob Stuart 3 years ago
To write the word "trouble" in Chinese, you draw one roof, with two women under it.
#61
Girls who are “not like other girls”, girls who are cruel to women who choose to stay at home to raise children, girls who expect men to pay for everything for them
#62
Playing both sides of the gender card. Wanting special treatment and chivalry. Insisting on equality at the same time as expecting to be treated everywhere they go. In long term relationships when doing housework and watching the kids is falling into roles but expecting the guys to make the most money, do manual labor and that is just expected. Then when it comes to divorce getting as much alimony and exploiting every legal position to gain.
AG 3 years ago
Almost every post you made on here shows that you were definition of toxic femininity. With therapy and the desire to be better, I believe you can one day become a decent human being but you have to want it you have to let go of the pain and allow yourself to heal.
Load More Replies... #63
The "Gay Friend" trend. It reinforces the idea that LGBT men are not real men, and are closer to women. This also applies to nonbinary people. It's an ideal that applies to both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity, and implies that femininity in any way simply makes you a woman, which is not the case, and encourages gatekeeping of gender.
Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
To me, this trend also seems to make folks into "props" because it's trendy. No one should be treated like that.
El Dee 3 years ago
I couldn't agree more. Worked in a female dominated office where one man in particular was very friendly (without being a jerk) but he couldn't be invited anywhere due to it being socially unacceptable as he was straight and married (completely faithful) Why are we still bound by these limits?
Bob Stuart 3 years ago
Gay men don't get aroused around women. That's why they are preferred in ballet.
#65
So one thing I've noticed raising a little girl, is that women all ask her who her favourite friend is. Ranking friendship is toxic.
Turt_Le 3 years ago
What a bizzare question? I get relating to a young person can be difficult for some and typical questions I've heard asked of my children are "what grade are you in now?" "What do you want to be when you grow up?". The ones I shut down are "do you have a boyfriend yet?" Because of the insinuation that she should be sexually/romantically motivated. She's four Mavis, she's friends with everyone, even the dishwasher. Stop spouting innuendos at a child.
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
i hated those girlfriend questions so much when i was a kid. Like even then i knew they were asking me something completely stupid and inappropriate.
Load More Replies... #66
Attacks on my masculinity for not providing enough. Being cheated on for not providing enough. Having boundaries and being accused of being insecure or having an ego for having said boundaries. Victimhood or no accountability, they can do no wrong and when they do wrong, I’m less of a man for showing emotion from being mad or sad about it. List goes on…
Teresa Stabler 3 years ago
None of this is acceptable. Some people do run up credit card bills by living beyond their means, sometimes there are medical bills, etc, and sometimes people get laid off or fired for no fault of their own. To blame a man for life events is completely condescending and should never happen. Maybe she can go get a job to help out instead of putting everything on the man.
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago (edited)
Sounds like a bad relationship, move on and find someone a little more secure perhaps. That’s not all woman.
#67
I work at a car repair shop. The amount of times I get “I don’t know if it’s because I’m a woman that you think I don’t know about cars but…” I’m just sitting there like /surprisedpikachuface Listen. I treat everyone the same, and for this very reason, am open and honest with women as if it was my own mom coming in for repair. Woman, man, whoever! I don’t want to set a precedent because I know there are a lot of seedy dudes out there, but god damnit. You’re a friggen equal, don’t bring that fufu s**t to my desk.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
So we're just supposed to know that you're "not like those others" when our entire experience is being treated as if we're ignorant of mechanics? Every time I've bought a car, the salesman has addressed his comments to whatever man was with me, even though it was made abundantly clear that I was the one buying. I've walked out of showrooms because the salesman ignored me. It's great that you treat everyone equally, but don't expect us to know that when our entire life experience has been the opposite.
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
i totally get what you are saying and agree with it, but i have also been in his situation. It's really hard to know what to do when you are doing the right thing and people are convinced that you are trying to take advantage of them. Some (idiot) men will go so far as to say "well fine, i tried to be nice and i got s**t on for it, so now i won't bother". the whole thing is fraught on both sides, and i think that's the important thing for everyone to keep in mind.
Load More Replies... Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
Im sure if this wasn’t the standard assumption they wouldn’t feel the need to say it.
#68
My ex-boss (female) who spoke about feminism and woman empowerment and then gave my female colleague anxiety attacks though persistent bullying.
#70
Just dropping an ‘I hate men’ into a conversation with male coworkers. I have no idea how to respond to it and feel bad.
#71
Expecting to have greater say in parenting matters.
Tigerpacingthecage 3 years ago
Agree (with the exception of pregnancy and childbirth because that is her body and only about that, like it or not). But otherwise I agree. To not have fathers decide and take an equal part of raising children is to shoot yourself in the foot. You should discuss and do parenting equally or you'll take on a lot of extra work. Let him buy them clothes, take the kids with him (he can handle it), or take equally part of family schedules and activities.
#72
That girl back in HS that knew I sorta had a crush on her that would hit me up whenever she had a car issue or was simply looking for a free lunch.
#73
you must like "feminine" things like make up, dresses, pink, ponies liking "boy" things like sports, video game or getting dirty makes you a tomboy and thus you're a weirdo
#74
“All men are evil,” and “believe all women”
#75
Makeup and fashion fans bullying you for how you show your femininity and performing it not being your priority. If your makeup is not flawless and in trend, not okay. If you don't wear feminine, flattering clothes, not okay.
El Dee 3 years ago
I notice the depiction (still) of women in magazines etc and compare them to our local paper's pictures in the marriage section. There is a great disparity between what men are finding attractive in a long term mate and what magazines are telling us we should look like. In other words this is being done deliberately to make us feel bad and buy products to 'fix' the problem..
#76
I had a friend take me to meet a guy she liked because she wasn't sure if he was cute enough. I said he's cute but she decided he's not cute and so she flirted woth other guys in front of him so he would get the hint.
What do you think ?
lenka 3 years ago
Only a very few of these are genuine examples of toxic femininity. Most of them are internalized misogyny and a whole lot of them are not toxic femininity but toxic culture perpetuated by both men and women.
Pisco 3 years ago (edited)
I agree. Toxic femininity applies to what things are aceptable for a woman in your eyes. So a good example would be "csection is not real birth" or "you cannot be a real woman if you have short hair". Things like "men cannot be abused" are sexist but not toxic femininity. Same as "purses are for women only" or "men dont cry" is toxic masculinity but "women belong to the kitchen" is disgustingly sexist but not TM
Load More Replies...
Dirk Daring 3 years ago
I know some women who push that "men are trash" ideology. They can say something like "Ugh, men just want women to (insert stereotype here)", and if I say, "Well I personally don't feel that way.", the derisive response I get is, "OOOOHHHH, so #NotAllMen, RIGHT?". It's rather reductive, and just teaches me to keep my mouth shut.
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
ditto. i left an otherwise good online community because i got piled on for calling out someone's bad behaviour. like indisputably directly against the groups policies. i was told that doing so stifled her and women had been stifled throughout history, so it was misogynistic of me. if someone is openly and personally insulting another person, don't you have to call it out?
Load More Replies... Nancy Doughty 3 years ago
Lesbians being told they were supposed to be born male - and believing it. :(
Pisco 3 years ago
Or just not stereotypically femenine women. As a kid i used to be told by the conservatives "you are not a real woman". Not i am told by the trans community that "I am not a real woman but a trans man in denial" just for not following gender roles. Instead of fighting gender roles they are reinforcing them.
Load More Replies...
Rucha Vanarase 3 years ago
I have seen so many girls/women act dumb and stupid, bat their lashes, play with their hair, smile fakely just to "reel men in". I cannot stand it. And these are the women who are in "relationships" which end in a year. Then there's the ladies working hard out there on themselves and just because they're not giving men unnecessary attention and laughing in a high pitched tone, men don't want them.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
Working in the education field, it is the women who assume all male educators are inferior and/or likely to be child predators. I have known many women who basically bully men out of the school/field.
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
Genuine question: Is there a point to making a distinction between "toxic masculinity" and "toxic femininity"? Aren't they both just the result of toxic gender roles in general? i don't see the point in arguing over whether one bad behaviour is an example of masculinity, femininity, patriarchy, matriarchy, whatever you want. it's all the same c**p, isn't it? Very happy to listen to different opinions because most people don't seem to want to discuss it.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
Well they all steam from gender roles and sexism. But they afect women and men differently thats why people separates them. They are still symptoms of the same problem, sexism.
Load More Replies... Ranch Dressing 3 years ago
Everyone has made up their mind in the Amber vs Johnny case before the judge has
Everything is fascinating. 3 years ago
There's no doubt guys cause terrible problems for women. But my daughter seems to be caused more emotional harm by her female "friends". Nice to see these being confronted too. It's not an either/or thing. We can oppose both toxic masculinity and femininity without contradicting ourselves.
lenka 3 years ago
Only a very few of these are genuine examples of toxic femininity. Most of them are internalized misogyny and a whole lot of them are not toxic femininity but toxic culture perpetuated by both men and women.
Pisco 3 years ago (edited)
I agree. Toxic femininity applies to what things are aceptable for a woman in your eyes. So a good example would be "csection is not real birth" or "you cannot be a real woman if you have short hair". Things like "men cannot be abused" are sexist but not toxic femininity. Same as "purses are for women only" or "men dont cry" is toxic masculinity but "women belong to the kitchen" is disgustingly sexist but not TM
Load More Replies... Dirk Daring 3 years ago
I know some women who push that "men are trash" ideology. They can say something like "Ugh, men just want women to (insert stereotype here)", and if I say, "Well I personally don't feel that way.", the derisive response I get is, "OOOOHHHH, so #NotAllMen, RIGHT?". It's rather reductive, and just teaches me to keep my mouth shut.
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
ditto. i left an otherwise good online community because i got piled on for calling out someone's bad behaviour. like indisputably directly against the groups policies. i was told that doing so stifled her and women had been stifled throughout history, so it was misogynistic of me. if someone is openly and personally insulting another person, don't you have to call it out?
Load More Replies... Nancy Doughty 3 years ago
Lesbians being told they were supposed to be born male - and believing it. :(
Pisco 3 years ago
Or just not stereotypically femenine women. As a kid i used to be told by the conservatives "you are not a real woman". Not i am told by the trans community that "I am not a real woman but a trans man in denial" just for not following gender roles. Instead of fighting gender roles they are reinforcing them.
Load More Replies... Rucha Vanarase 3 years ago
I have seen so many girls/women act dumb and stupid, bat their lashes, play with their hair, smile fakely just to "reel men in". I cannot stand it. And these are the women who are in "relationships" which end in a year. Then there's the ladies working hard out there on themselves and just because they're not giving men unnecessary attention and laughing in a high pitched tone, men don't want them.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
Working in the education field, it is the women who assume all male educators are inferior and/or likely to be child predators. I have known many women who basically bully men out of the school/field.
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
Genuine question: Is there a point to making a distinction between "toxic masculinity" and "toxic femininity"? Aren't they both just the result of toxic gender roles in general? i don't see the point in arguing over whether one bad behaviour is an example of masculinity, femininity, patriarchy, matriarchy, whatever you want. it's all the same c**p, isn't it? Very happy to listen to different opinions because most people don't seem to want to discuss it.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
Well they all steam from gender roles and sexism. But they afect women and men differently thats why people separates them. They are still symptoms of the same problem, sexism.
Load More Replies... Ranch Dressing 3 years ago
Everyone has made up their mind in the Amber vs Johnny case before the judge has
Everything is fascinating. 3 years ago
There's no doubt guys cause terrible problems for women. But my daughter seems to be caused more emotional harm by her female "friends". Nice to see these being confronted too. It's not an either/or thing. We can oppose both toxic masculinity and femininity without contradicting ourselves.
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