Acting like a "lady", smiling at strangers while walking down the street, looking like you just stepped out of a magazine cover — these are just a few things society assumes women want to do every day. Of course, it would be wrong to say that expectations for women haven’t changed in recent years. They certainly have, and for the better. But there’s still plenty of room for improvement.
Rubbergloves44 asked women of Reddit to share some of the outdated things they are expected to live up to, and they delivered. More than a thousand comments flooded the thread with subtle and not-so-subtle ways people set ridiculous presumptions about female behavior.
Whether it’s believing all women want children or need to be devoted to their lousy husbands, Bored Panda has selected some of the best answers from the thread. Upvote our favorites as you go, and let us know in the comments the outdated beliefs you personally think need to change right away.
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Policing the way women dress instead of policing the way men react to it
Automatically assuming all women enjoy, want and will have children.
Being docile and passive. We’re expected to take so much c**p on a daily basis without complaining. Sexual harassment? it’s just a compliment. Sexual assault? you had it coming. do you really want to ruin his life? Periods or any type of pain/illness? it’s not that bad. The amount of mental labor we’re expected to do is exhausting, but we have to do it or nothing would get done. And then men get offended and call us names when we assert ourselves or express any emotion other than happiness. Our boundaries are constantly trampled and we’re supposed to just take it with a smile. It’s so frustrating!
Taking care of a husband like he is an overgrown toddler incapable of doing anything for himself
A woman must be lady like
You know how I feel about that one? (Farts loudly) that’s how I feel
Having to defy the normal process of ageing and that ageing somehow diminishes our worth.
Ugh. This. Yes, I'm looking more like my grandma. So what? She had a boyfriend in her late 80s. :-)
A man can walk away from a pregnancy or a family and go on with life without a bat of an eye from society but heaven forbid a woman ever walk away from her kids
That all women want a man/relationship.
I'm happily single for years and don't want to be in a relationship. I don't get why people assume that single women aren't as happy as the ones in a relationship, when it was proven that single women are the happiest population out there.
Preach! I love being single. I was never the little girl who grew up fantasizing about my future wedding to my Prince Charming. I can't think of anything I'd rather do less. People always assume my life is unfulfilling and lonely but it's the complete opposite! I have 100% freedom to do whatever I want to do and I love it!
That doctors STILL do not provide adequate health care for us. And the fact that we still don't have autonomy of our bodies (in the US)
in the us or anywhere else ; trans surgery = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body ; breast removal surgery (for example to prevent cancer(or any other reason (confort etc...)) = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body ; trying to get a tattoo = are you sure, you'll regret it ; plastic surgery = you don't need it ; uterus removal (like to stop periods and period pain) = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body --- [for now (and certainly for ever ): I 'am' a woman so I'm not sure if it's a woman only thing or doctors and surgeons just don't listen to anyone]
That we shouldn’t show anger. Men always talk about how hard it is that when they cry, they’re called a pussy or something like that. I agree that that is a valid issue and I wish it weren’t that way, but I also wish that women could express anger without getting called a b***h or being called irrational. We get asked if we’re menstruating, we get told we’re overreacting. Just once I’d like to feel free to be angry.
Exactly! Like am I only supposed to have emotions while I'm hormonal??
Being ok with getting paid less than men for the same job
Dressing for men. I see many people tell women that they should not dye or cut their hair, not get tattoos, or wear certain fashion because it is unappealing to men. However, a lot of women nowadays (like me) dress for themselves and not for male pleasure.
That one always makes me laugh. I have, and my friends have been told that dyed hair, tattoos and how we dress is unattractive. Why do we want to be attractive to that type of man?
I know, right? It's even more weird when told by a complete stranger! Like do they really think that my clothing choices are based on the preferences of random dudes that I might on the bus to work? How would I even predict that? I mean why is more important but really how?
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Guy: You know, guys really prefer if you don't... Girl: We don't care.
Just had my hair dyed yesterday in honor of my upcoming freedom from being a doctor and going back to research. Wear what's comfy. If Hubby didn't love me for what I am, not what I wear?I'd have dumped him 30 years ago.
I do the opposite a lot, instead of wearing what makes me comfortable I often wear what I hope will be very unappealing for men. I hope to be invisible to them because it grosses me out how many act like animals if they see me as a female object. I had to deal with disgusting behaviour from them sine I was a child and just can't take it anymore. "Not all men" is true of course, but it does not make it any less revolting how some of them behave, and there always will be some of those. Somehow I never had a woman grope me when I was 12, tell me how he'd like to be my skirt when the wind blew it in between my legs for a moment, or just straight tell me how they'd **** me right now while holding the had of their 3 year old child.
I dressed like tomboy as teenager because of that, I don't want to be judged as some şexuaļ toy. But it didn't stop them, they just kept telling me that I do it only because no one would want me. It's not possible to avoid unwanted opinions from those aßholes.
Load More Replies... One time I dressed very nice for New Year party, makeup and everything. In the subway one very sweet looking old lady told me that I'm beatiful but should not chew gum as it "spoils" the appeal of my face for potential men suitors. I looked around suspiciously and started to chew that stupid gum twice as furious as I really didn't need any suitors at that moment
The old lady has an outdated etiquette guide. The potential men suitors don't care about chewing gum.
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Women have ALWAYS dressed for themselves and each other. My dad and my boyfriends liked what I wore, or they very quickly learned to keep their opinions to themselves.
EXACTLY! I tried to explain this to my brother and he said “no one dresses for themselves. You don’t spend hours on makeup and clothes for yourself or female friends. It’s for men”
This is an issue I have with my sister. My hair became white over a few months in my mid teens, since then I have always dyed it varying shades of red (from pillar box to fuchsia pink). My partner has absolutely no say in the colour of my hair; my head, my hair, I’ll do what I want thanks very much. Sister, on the other hand, does not. On her own she admits she does not like her hair (naturally salt and pepper), however she does not colour it, even though she always used to. Recently married, her husband has even said to me ‘he likes seeing the real ####’, so natural it is, cos hubby wants it that why. People wonder why I have problems with him - the connotation being that me with bright red hair is not the ‘real me’, oh yes it is….
A lot of women have dressed for themselves for at least 100 years. I love these young people who just assume that some decision they made against the pull of society means they are doing something new. We've been fighting against this for who knows how many 100s (or 1000s) of years.
It's kind of funny because now many girls are dressing to gain confirmation from other females instead of men -
Personally I have always dressed to please ME. It is not a sexist thing at all. I know what I like and what suits me. Others may/not like what I wear but I have always been complimented on my dress from both men and women.
As a parent with small children, I find that loose-fitting, stretchy clothes (mostly leggings and oversized sweaters or tees) are the best. I don't wear makeup or "do" my hair (I brush it and pull it out of my face in a ponytail or stretchy headband, but that's it). I've had people-men and women both-comment that I'd be prettier if I just "took care" of myself. You know what? I chase after a 3yo all day. I don't have the time, energy, or inclination to make myself "pretty." (Although, I do go all out on the rare occasion my husband and I have a night alone 😁).
To be honest... from what I see, women police other women's clothing far more than men do. Most of the time men are oblivious and don't even notice.
I literally did opposite when male "friend" (we are not friends anymore) kept telling me what he does and doesn't like on women. :D Of course not only because of him, but I liked to show him (like he kept telling me he likes long hair and I got shorter haircut, so I sent him picture). I wasn't even interested in him, just chating with him and he also kept telling me he is not interested in me despite I never asked. When I met my (now long time) boyfriend, I asked him about his opinion when I wanted to shave sides. He said it's none of his business and it's my hair, but also encouraged me to do it and that I might look good with it, when I said I always wanted it, but I'm afraid if I would look bad with it. (When I told that to that ex"friend" long time before that, he said he saw that I'm a bit chubby - I wasn't, I just have naturally a bit round face. I'm not surprised he is forever alone.)
I'm so glad to see this. My mother (she's 99 now) never believed in the fashion fads and demands. She actually pushed the schools to allow girls to wear pants. We were supposed to wear skirts even in winter. She never dyed her hair and make-up was lipstick that lasted 10 minutes tops. My dad would have loved that his ladies wore dresses all the time. Didn't happen. To this day I dress for comfort. My style may not be yours, I don't care. My hair is gray unruly, I live in jeans and sweatshirts. My husband loves me even when I walk outside in the cold barefoot.
As a kindness to men, your fellow human beings, you would not dress provocatively. Our society has become so sexualized that men have a hard enough time staying on the sexual straight and narrow. Why add to the depravity we see around us everywhere we look? It's sad that we have become so self-centered that we don't care how what we do affects others.
Never ever have I heard a man say, "She's cute, but did you see her shoes?" This is yet another story created by women and caused by women. Sorry, that's the cold hard truth.
If I want to look like a slob I' do it. I see people I went to school with dressed to the nines to do grocery shopping - no way I wear my schulb stuff for this!
Women who wear glasses don't receive passes you should go to that movie and be blind as a bat because you look good without those glasses on, also never ever let anybody know that you're smart, or at least smarter than them
men are stupid. I'm covered in tattoos, I wear nothing but jeans, combat boots and t-shirts, and what makes en think that we even want them to be attracted to us? they're like mosquitoes, they're annoying little pests
There's always people who want to tell how other people should be like. Despite the gender. They should just stfu. But still, we rarely dress up only for ourselves. That's why you do not see people wearing the same clothes they wear at home so much in parties or nightclubs and such. However, when you get older you care less and less what people think about you. Most of the young people dress to impress each other and attract what they like. But there's no single pattern.
Yet, most women wear high heels. Why? Do they actually like them? They like wearing shoes that destroy their feet? They like how they look? Why do people think they look good, when in fact they look ridiculous? Much like a necktie. A completely useless piece of cloth that looks ridiculous.
"Most" women don't wear high heels, Glirpy. In fact, it's getting less and less all the time. The days of Manolo Blahnik and Carrie Bradshaw in the 90s are done. Women these days wear whatever shoes they like and they really don't give a s**t what anyone else thinks. It's only the younglings that wear neck-breakingly high shoes. Young people are in their prime for sex and procreation, so the dress like peacocks to attract a mate.
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I absolutely hate that. Why do people assume women do anything for men? Well newsflash, we DON'T.
Some don't want to admit it or lie to themselves but we do want to attract and impress other people. Not ofc everyone, there's nearly 8 billion people on this planet. But if you are attracted sexually to some human form, you dress to attract at least in some occasions.
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Firstly, I dress as is appropriate for the day, smart for an interview, scruffy for dirty work, etc; and secondly I dress to look nice for me, no-one else.
Is it not better for a woman (or man for that matter) to express themselves as who they are?
Men don't really care that much. Women dress to impress other women.
That vaginas should be smooth always
For the love of God, need we remind people that vaginas are an INTERNAL organ ... the outer area consists of inner and outer labia, and vulva.
That women should do all the cooking and cleaning.
My kid's teacher once asked what the kids thought about cleaning: was it the woman's responsibility or is it something that both should take care of? Only kid in class who thought it was a shared responsibility, was mine. I think we have a long way to go.
Ugh, I live in the Southern US & the whole “wife must fix husbands dinner plate before hers or the children’s” is strong here. I get in debates all the time about this—it agitates me to no end. I don’t know why. It just comes off very misogynistic.
The reasoning I’ve heard from people I know is that “if your husband works hard then he should not have to fix his own food when he comes home” as if women don’t also work hard & almost always have to pull the second shift if kids are involved. I don’t understand why it’s such a debate. If it matters who eats first, then it should be the kids. If there’s no kids, then who cares? Both spouses can make their own plate or one (either one) can make both plates. I’m not a housewife or a waitress for my husband. We are equals, we both work & gender roles are outdated as hell.
The concept of virginity.
Always confused me as a kid--who were all these studs having sex with if the women were all virgins?
That they need to wear makeup to look presentable — think a professional setting, a lot of people have the notion that it is lazy for a woman to not have ANY makeup on.
Now I wear makeup sometimes and sometimes I don’t, I just think it’s an outdated expecting that half of the population has never had.
This is just because people (read men) who write these rules have no idea what makeup is. You can have your whole face covered in ´naked´ style and they will say ´ You see how good you look without all those colors on!´
Vulgar language is not feminine.
Stopped counting how many times I was told that but I always told them to f**k themselves
That women can’t do anything. Fixing things, manual labor, etc. I hate when my girlfriends say “I’m waiting on him to do this or that and it’s frustrating.” How about you get off your a*s and figure it out like he did. Lol
Being event coordinator, sender of household thank you notes, purchasing holiday gifts
My mom bought all the gifts for my dad's side of the family for 15 years. And when she told my dad, it's your turn now, all the gifts stopped.
Being devoted to shi**y husbands
I have known a couple of women that were with guys just because "it would upset them to break up".. Girl he gives you a blackeye and you don't want to upset him, buy a clue. Leave, leave now, if it upsets him, who cares. The guy is obviously a d**k and deserves to be upset and alone.
That women automatically make better caregivers (children or the elderly).
Honestly, most of the time they are. But that doesn't mean that, as a man, you shouldn't at least try.
Having to smile and accommodate other people’s awkward and rude behavior. The- “I’m sorry I can’t help but to say or notice” and what they is creepy, unwarranted, intrusive, interrupting, offensive etc. Get out of my space! I don’t care that my voice is unusually high pitched or that whatever you noticed or have to say about me.
Or the the whole thing of of, you would be so much prettier if you did ______. Or two i get a lot, you smell good, and your eyes are so pretty......yeah I know because I shower and use a lotion and body spray combo that I love and I see my eyes every day, if you are getting that close you need to back out of my space or you might be met with a flying hand.
Sex isn’t a right when you’re in a relationship. You have to maintain other parts of the relationship to keep that flame alive. “You must be cheating” isn’t going to make the situation any better.
I hated it when [my now ex wife] would use that line. As if I was just a sex doll to her, a piece of meat without any person behind the flesh. (now I am well enough to say that I was the victim of an abusive partner)
That woman have to take birth control (hormonal) in a long term relationship
Giving birth. It is the second most terrifying and painful thing a person can go through, the first is burning alive. The industry is great at hiding the many difficulties of pregnancy just to further the human race. You can permanently lose grey matter in your brain, weaken your bladder, develop allergies?? during and after pregnancy. Don't even get me started on the labour itself- i have no idea why any informed woman would want that. just google 4th degree tears and you'll be put off for life
I HAVE been burnt alive , and I would give birth if I could, I most likely can't (related to the burn thing) but if women are not ready to go through giving life to have a baby they can adopt; I understand women are also ready to go through this it's their choice how about the maximum informations about it and then they make their choice?
It's mind blowing how many guys expect you to be a free therapist to them. Like, uh, I didn't sign up for this.
Off topic but related. Being the therapist friend to anyone isn’t fun. Try not to get yourself in that position. I was that friend all through middle school but when I looked for help myself, none came. I’ve rid myself of being that friend in high school but now I don tell anyone when I need help because I got so used to never getting any.
Note: this post originally had 80 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I cut my hair from a longish Bob to a buzz cut. Everyone asked how my husband would feel about it, what if he preferred long hair. If he prefers long hair, he can grow his own!
When I cut my hair short I remember a family member said "You know, men prefer long hair," and I said, "Well men should grown their hair long then." That shut them up.
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the future will look upon is and our time and think we were barbaric middle ages. what's the justification for paying women less than men again ?
The level of order determines the the amount of equality between the majority/stronger/oppressor group and the minority/weaker/oppressed group in a society/community. This may apply to almost all facets, like race, caste, sex, culture, ethnicity, etc. We've come a long way from when women were treated as objects, to chattels, to humans, although not absolutely. It's a given that the far future would be a much better place for everyone, including women. For our descendants, we would just be inferior, savage old farts.
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Being called a Karen if you stand up for yourself or express any discontent. Send your undercooked chicken back in a restaurant? You’re a Karen. Want a company to honor their warranty? Karen. Expect a clerk to wait on you instead of the man who arrived after you? Karen. And on and on.
That's... not what "Karen" means - it's how you go about things. And the fact that you're that clueless means... you might want to take a look at how you complain.
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I'd like to publicly thank my mom, who managed to uninstall a lot of this in me before I even hit puberty, despite it being prevailing thinking of the time, and it being how she was raised.
this is one my sister got a lot... shaving. women are expected to shave their legs armpits and other parts that they should only shave if they want to
I never understood this one. How has "hair" become ugly? Some covergirl stereotypes make sense to me, but not this one.
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I got one too. I enjoy going to events (theatre for example) by myself (I am a woman) and for many men so far it has been like an invitation to come to me and (and I quote): "to keeping me company because I'm there alone". I never noticed it would happen to my male friend. I don't go there to meet men but simply to enjoy time there by myself.
I was taught to be submissive to men growing up, and to always look pleasing to men. F**k that. I'm still recovering from my misogynistic upbringing.
If yall liked this yall should probably read the book "Cinderella is dead"
Almost all of these issues relate to how the woman is perceived by the man for doing/not doing a thing. Fact is, the second women stop wanting the approval and desire of men, they will stop caring about doing or not doing most of the things on this list. We have the power. We have the choice.
Except when it comes to employment. The majority of higher management positions, boards of directors, etc. are held by men. Every time diversity is brought up, I get tepid agreement and then treated to a monologue about the need to hire quality candidates, as if hiring mostly white men meant that the company was hiring quality candidates.
Load More Replies... Also, that all women want to and should get married. And that all women should only be wives and mothers.
The entirety of mankind/humankind is in for such a huge shock in the near future.
Men and women should not CONTROL each other. If this is happening in your life - either male or female get the hell out of that relationship. There is a difference between give and take, some people can't or don't want to realize the difference! Control is just the start of future abuse. Get out while the gettin's good!
Yeah, experienced lot of that. Sorry, not there for this. And I will let you know. 35 without childern and my hubby has hands. So stop your nonsence. And I have hairy legs :D
I sing in bars and clubs. When a man is interested in me, he thinks I'll quit this job. When I sing a love song, every man thinks I'm going home with him. Every man thinks I am just singing until I find a man to support me. That my singin/writing songs/recording albums and jingles is just something fun I do until I find "a real job."
So where's the thread about men? Expected to pay for women, protect them, be the breadwinner, not allowed to show emotion, supposed to drink beer, watch sports, be handy, it's always the man's fault a divorce happened, supposedly men always cheat, men are always child predators, the list goes on and on. Women think they have it bad but believe me, there's s**t on both sides
I'm going to agree with you here (albeit not on every point). BP has had entire articles on toxic masculinity and there's lots to suggest that outdated stereotypes also harm men. Let's be clear - they don't harm men as much as women but suggesting there is a problem shouldn't be controversial!
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Actually, it's the product of sexism and misogyny, but thanks for playing!
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These are not complaints, they are issues. Real life issues. How would you feel if everything on this list happened to you?
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I cut my hair from a longish Bob to a buzz cut. Everyone asked how my husband would feel about it, what if he preferred long hair. If he prefers long hair, he can grow his own!
When I cut my hair short I remember a family member said "You know, men prefer long hair," and I said, "Well men should grown their hair long then." That shut them up.
Load More Replies... the future will look upon is and our time and think we were barbaric middle ages. what's the justification for paying women less than men again ?
The level of order determines the the amount of equality between the majority/stronger/oppressor group and the minority/weaker/oppressed group in a society/community. This may apply to almost all facets, like race, caste, sex, culture, ethnicity, etc. We've come a long way from when women were treated as objects, to chattels, to humans, although not absolutely. It's a given that the far future would be a much better place for everyone, including women. For our descendants, we would just be inferior, savage old farts.
Load More Replies... Being called a Karen if you stand up for yourself or express any discontent. Send your undercooked chicken back in a restaurant? You’re a Karen. Want a company to honor their warranty? Karen. Expect a clerk to wait on you instead of the man who arrived after you? Karen. And on and on.
That's... not what "Karen" means - it's how you go about things. And the fact that you're that clueless means... you might want to take a look at how you complain.
Load More Replies... I'd like to publicly thank my mom, who managed to uninstall a lot of this in me before I even hit puberty, despite it being prevailing thinking of the time, and it being how she was raised.
this is one my sister got a lot... shaving. women are expected to shave their legs armpits and other parts that they should only shave if they want to
I never understood this one. How has "hair" become ugly? Some covergirl stereotypes make sense to me, but not this one.
Load More Replies... I got one too. I enjoy going to events (theatre for example) by myself (I am a woman) and for many men so far it has been like an invitation to come to me and (and I quote): "to keeping me company because I'm there alone". I never noticed it would happen to my male friend. I don't go there to meet men but simply to enjoy time there by myself.
I was taught to be submissive to men growing up, and to always look pleasing to men. F**k that. I'm still recovering from my misogynistic upbringing.
If yall liked this yall should probably read the book "Cinderella is dead"
Almost all of these issues relate to how the woman is perceived by the man for doing/not doing a thing. Fact is, the second women stop wanting the approval and desire of men, they will stop caring about doing or not doing most of the things on this list. We have the power. We have the choice.
Except when it comes to employment. The majority of higher management positions, boards of directors, etc. are held by men. Every time diversity is brought up, I get tepid agreement and then treated to a monologue about the need to hire quality candidates, as if hiring mostly white men meant that the company was hiring quality candidates.
Load More Replies... Also, that all women want to and should get married. And that all women should only be wives and mothers.
The entirety of mankind/humankind is in for such a huge shock in the near future.
Men and women should not CONTROL each other. If this is happening in your life - either male or female get the hell out of that relationship. There is a difference between give and take, some people can't or don't want to realize the difference! Control is just the start of future abuse. Get out while the gettin's good!
Yeah, experienced lot of that. Sorry, not there for this. And I will let you know. 35 without childern and my hubby has hands. So stop your nonsence. And I have hairy legs :D
I sing in bars and clubs. When a man is interested in me, he thinks I'll quit this job. When I sing a love song, every man thinks I'm going home with him. Every man thinks I am just singing until I find a man to support me. That my singin/writing songs/recording albums and jingles is just something fun I do until I find "a real job."
So where's the thread about men? Expected to pay for women, protect them, be the breadwinner, not allowed to show emotion, supposed to drink beer, watch sports, be handy, it's always the man's fault a divorce happened, supposedly men always cheat, men are always child predators, the list goes on and on. Women think they have it bad but believe me, there's s**t on both sides
I'm going to agree with you here (albeit not on every point). BP has had entire articles on toxic masculinity and there's lots to suggest that outdated stereotypes also harm men. Let's be clear - they don't harm men as much as women but suggesting there is a problem shouldn't be controversial!
Load More Replies... Actually, it's the product of sexism and misogyny, but thanks for playing!
Load More Replies... These are not complaints, they are issues. Real life issues. How would you feel if everything on this list happened to you?
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