Acting like a "lady", smiling at strangers while walking down the street, looking like you just stepped out of a magazine cover — these are just a few things society assumes women want to do every day. Of course, it would be wrong to say that expectations for women haven’t changed in recent years. They certainly have, and for the better. But there’s still plenty of room for improvement.
Rubbergloves44 asked women of Reddit to share some of the outdated things they are expected to live up to, and they delivered. More than a thousand comments flooded the thread with subtle and not-so-subtle ways people set ridiculous presumptions about female behavior.
Whether it’s believing all women want children or need to be devoted to their lousy husbands, Bored Panda has selected some of the best answers from the thread. Upvote our favorites as you go, and let us know in the comments the outdated beliefs you personally think need to change right away.
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Policing the way women dress instead of policing the way men react to it
Automatically assuming all women enjoy, want and will have children.
Being docile and passive. We’re expected to take so much c**p on a daily basis without complaining. Sexual harassment? it’s just a compliment. Sexual assault? you had it coming. do you really want to ruin his life? Periods or any type of pain/illness? it’s not that bad. The amount of mental labor we’re expected to do is exhausting, but we have to do it or nothing would get done. And then men get offended and call us names when we assert ourselves or express any emotion other than happiness. Our boundaries are constantly trampled and we’re supposed to just take it with a smile. It’s so frustrating!
Taking care of a husband like he is an overgrown toddler incapable of doing anything for himself
A woman must be lady like
You know how I feel about that one? (Farts loudly) that’s how I feel
Having to defy the normal process of ageing and that ageing somehow diminishes our worth.
Ugh. This. Yes, I'm looking more like my grandma. So what? She had a boyfriend in her late 80s. :-)
A man can walk away from a pregnancy or a family and go on with life without a bat of an eye from society but heaven forbid a woman ever walk away from her kids
That all women want a man/relationship.
I'm happily single for years and don't want to be in a relationship. I don't get why people assume that single women aren't as happy as the ones in a relationship, when it was proven that single women are the happiest population out there.
Preach! I love being single. I was never the little girl who grew up fantasizing about my future wedding to my Prince Charming. I can't think of anything I'd rather do less. People always assume my life is unfulfilling and lonely but it's the complete opposite! I have 100% freedom to do whatever I want to do and I love it!
That doctors STILL do not provide adequate health care for us. And the fact that we still don't have autonomy of our bodies (in the US)
in the us or anywhere else ; trans surgery = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body ; breast removal surgery (for example to prevent cancer(or any other reason (confort etc...)) = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body ; trying to get a tattoo = are you sure, you'll regret it ; plastic surgery = you don't need it ; uterus removal (like to stop periods and period pain) = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body --- [for now (and certainly for ever ): I 'am' a woman so I'm not sure if it's a woman only thing or doctors and surgeons just don't listen to anyone]
That we shouldn’t show anger. Men always talk about how hard it is that when they cry, they’re called a pussy or something like that. I agree that that is a valid issue and I wish it weren’t that way, but I also wish that women could express anger without getting called a b***h or being called irrational. We get asked if we’re menstruating, we get told we’re overreacting. Just once I’d like to feel free to be angry.
Exactly! Like am I only supposed to have emotions while I'm hormonal??
Being ok with getting paid less than men for the same job
Dressing for men. I see many people tell women that they should not dye or cut their hair, not get tattoos, or wear certain fashion because it is unappealing to men. However, a lot of women nowadays (like me) dress for themselves and not for male pleasure.
That vaginas should be smooth always
For the love of God, need we remind people that vaginas are an INTERNAL organ ... the outer area consists of inner and outer labia, and vulva.
That women should do all the cooking and cleaning.
My kid's teacher once asked what the kids thought about cleaning: was it the woman's responsibility or is it something that both should take care of? Only kid in class who thought it was a shared responsibility, was mine. I think we have a long way to go.
Ugh, I live in the Southern US & the whole “wife must fix husbands dinner plate before hers or the children’s” is strong here. I get in debates all the time about this—it agitates me to no end. I don’t know why. It just comes off very misogynistic.
The reasoning I’ve heard from people I know is that “if your husband works hard then he should not have to fix his own food when he comes home” as if women don’t also work hard & almost always have to pull the second shift if kids are involved. I don’t understand why it’s such a debate. If it matters who eats first, then it should be the kids. If there’s no kids, then who cares? Both spouses can make their own plate or one (either one) can make both plates. I’m not a housewife or a waitress for my husband. We are equals, we both work & gender roles are outdated as hell.
The concept of virginity.
Always confused me as a kid--who were all these studs having sex with if the women were all virgins?
That they need to wear makeup to look presentable — think a professional setting, a lot of people have the notion that it is lazy for a woman to not have ANY makeup on.
Now I wear makeup sometimes and sometimes I don’t, I just think it’s an outdated expecting that half of the population has never had.
This is just because people (read men) who write these rules have no idea what makeup is. You can have your whole face covered in ´naked´ style and they will say ´ You see how good you look without all those colors on!´
Vulgar language is not feminine.
Stopped counting how many times I was told that but I always told them to f**k themselves
That women can’t do anything. Fixing things, manual labor, etc. I hate when my girlfriends say “I’m waiting on him to do this or that and it’s frustrating.” How about you get off your a*s and figure it out like he did. Lol
Being event coordinator, sender of household thank you notes, purchasing holiday gifts
My mom bought all the gifts for my dad's side of the family for 15 years. And when she told my dad, it's your turn now, all the gifts stopped.
Being devoted to shi**y husbands
I have known a couple of women that were with guys just because "it would upset them to break up".. Girl he gives you a blackeye and you don't want to upset him, buy a clue. Leave, leave now, if it upsets him, who cares. The guy is obviously a d**k and deserves to be upset and alone.
That women automatically make better caregivers (children or the elderly).
Honestly, most of the time they are. But that doesn't mean that, as a man, you shouldn't at least try.
Having to smile and accommodate other people’s awkward and rude behavior. The- “I’m sorry I can’t help but to say or notice” and what they is creepy, unwarranted, intrusive, interrupting, offensive etc. Get out of my space! I don’t care that my voice is unusually high pitched or that whatever you noticed or have to say about me.
Or the the whole thing of of, you would be so much prettier if you did ______. Or two i get a lot, you smell good, and your eyes are so pretty......yeah I know because I shower and use a lotion and body spray combo that I love and I see my eyes every day, if you are getting that close you need to back out of my space or you might be met with a flying hand.
Sex isn’t a right when you’re in a relationship. You have to maintain other parts of the relationship to keep that flame alive. “You must be cheating” isn’t going to make the situation any better.
I hated it when [my now ex wife] would use that line. As if I was just a sex doll to her, a piece of meat without any person behind the flesh. (now I am well enough to say that I was the victim of an abusive partner)
Good. Demanding sex from other persons is harassment.
Load More Replies...Theres nothing worse than having the condom talk, them agreeing to wear one, then after laughing that they didnt... learnt my lesson got the coil
Yeah, it isn't a right. And that's VERY clear. But you must be able to talk about it, don't just constantly say no without an explanation if you have a committed relationship. It can be a real dilemma/dealbreaker if your drives don't match at all and your partner never is able to talk to you about it or find other ways of creating intimacy. You end up feeling very unloved and like a disgusting freak who even wanted to connect at all.
exactly like me and my gf work things out all the time because we come first in a rlationship, sex is just for couples to have fun and shouldnt be a all time thing (unless if your like my brother that masturbates constantly to hentai)
An ex wanted to have sex. I said no. After all the snuggle attempts & buttering me up didn't work, he started calling me names. I literally said, "Are you somehow under the delusion that calling me a c*nt is going to get you laid? You're a f*cking moron". Needless to say I filed for divorce before we even had our 1st anniversary.
It's not a right. But, without sex, most relationships die. Sex proven to strengthen bond. But - exercise your rights and leave. Don't play games.
That woman have to take birth control (hormonal) in a long term relationship
Giving birth. It is the second most terrifying and painful thing a person can go through, the first is burning alive. The industry is great at hiding the many difficulties of pregnancy just to further the human race. You can permanently lose grey matter in your brain, weaken your bladder, develop allergies?? during and after pregnancy. Don't even get me started on the labour itself- i have no idea why any informed woman would want that. just google 4th degree tears and you'll be put off for life
I HAVE been burnt alive , and I would give birth if I could, I most likely can't (related to the burn thing) but if women are not ready to go through giving life to have a baby they can adopt; I understand women are also ready to go through this it's their choice how about the maximum informations about it and then they make their choice?
It's mind blowing how many guys expect you to be a free therapist to them. Like, uh, I didn't sign up for this.
Off topic but related. Being the therapist friend to anyone isn’t fun. Try not to get yourself in that position. I was that friend all through middle school but when I looked for help myself, none came. I’ve rid myself of being that friend in high school but now I don tell anyone when I need help because I got so used to never getting any.
That women should be physically smaller than men/petite/dainty/etc in order to be feminine
This one sucks. I'm 5'11" (f) and my partner is 5'5" (m). Why does everyone need to bring it up? The kick of it was when his mother said she was a good wife in part because she made her husband feel tall. I replied that I took her son to greater heights :p
So many men view you differently when ur unapologetically yourself. I’m loud and stand up for myself when I need to and men give you that ‘how dare you look’ and it just fills me with power.
I am not loud or rude, but I speak my mind and people go crazy. I have been told I really say what I am thinking. Why else would I speak?
That we shouldn’t want/need rest while we are on our periods. Just because we have one every month for years doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable. I’m not saying mine is horrible every month but sometimes it hits me hard and it gets exhausting pretending like I’m not hurting.
We will do domestic labor
You WILL! You absolutely will do domestic labour! If you're not willing to help out with the household chores, go live live on your own! It's not acceptable to expect one person to do it all. Everyone that lives in a property should share the housework.
We don’t like/ want sex as much as men. I personally have a much higher sex drive than my SO.
That I'm gonna look good before bed. Like i dont sleep in makeup sorry
Being expected to bend or compromise in a situation. Being the one to suck it up for the sake of everyone else.
If you do have one child, you have to have another. You know, for reasons.
For the betterment of the childs perspective? It's wild having siblings and then making friends with someone who doesn't. Like, do you even know that feeling of 'I'm the only one allowed to murder this jerk.' ?
Having children. When I tell people I don’t want kids, they always look at me like I’m crazy and then tell me I’m still young and I’ll change my mind
Putting up with any kind of abusive behaviour from their husband. Abuse isn’t just limited to your husband just beating the c**p out of you he could be emotional, mental, or verbal abuse! The same thing goes for women who just stay with a man because they want to be a happy family with their kids even though their husband is cheating on them constantly.
That women over 50 can't wear skinny jeans or be trendy.
I wear whatever I want...Sometimes to get attention and sometimes to feel comfortable Sometimes I express moods or choose a certain functional clothing- and sometimes I' m just wearing anything cause being naked is illegal. None of anyones business
Having to push though feeling sick, tried, or in pain to get stuff done.
I have 3 chronic conditions (endometriosis, adenomyosis, and pelvic floor dysfuntion) and im being watched for a 4th (possibly lupus). Ive had to work while in pain, get up and go do housework despite being exhausted or having a migraine. Ive had people accuse me of faking my pain or exhaustion to get out of doing stuff. Bosses have made me break physical therapy orders and make my pelvic floor worse cause they refused to give me help.
Our lives and identities being structured around and based upon motherhood and relationships.
That older women are automatically jealous of, and are competing with, younger women.
When I see beautiful young women going about their lives, it makes me a bit nostalgic for times gone by, but I am in no way jealous. In fact, there is nothing you could offer me to have to go back and experience all the changes I've had to go through getting older. Except maybe if I can go back with all the knowledge I have now, so I don't have to suffer through it all again.
Shaving
I have come across two gorgeous women in social media who choose not to shave and have what would be considered a normal amount of body hair for a mammal. Both have received death threats, actual death threats, from numerous men for "daring" to contravene some arbitrary standard of femininity.
Being the "peacemaker" in a situation usually including men. Always disliked how women were seen as the "heart" of the family, the one keeping it all together. They want it to sound noble, but it sounds exhausting as hell and unfair. Like no one in a family can function without a woman doing the emotional labor.
I have been a woman of chaos for several moments in my life LOL, not a troublemaker (all the time) but one to stand up for myself in ways that are not expected. They assume I'll be a peacemaker because I am a woman. HAHA!
Staying home and belonging in a kitchen
That all women love sex and are "great" at it.
Alot of women hate sex and are not "great" at it.
That women over 40 have to cut their hair short, like up to their ears.
The pressure to conform our bodies and our sexual behavior, in time consuming, ridiculous and even harmful ways, to whatever unrealistic standard is in style at the time.
That we are expected to smile all the time to everyone for no reason at all. Men don’t do this, aren’t expected to and don’t get approached unsolicited from strangers in public with advice to “smile more.”
People see me not smiling and they start asking about my emotional state - "Everything okay?",. "You look upset. What's wrong?" I'm just standing here with a face - my emotions are none of your f'ing business.
I’m tired of having to be “nice” just because I’m a woman. Especially in the workplace where all the men are “allowed” to be jerks.
The automatic assumption that a woman will take her husband's last name upon marriage
Giving a c**p about social anything. Chatting like everyone else when in a new environment. Hosting dinners. Holiday parties. Sending gifts, reminders, thank you notes, etc.
There's being polite and then there's expectation. No thanks to expectation.
My husband makes me write the cards cause I have prettier writing. However I suck at word play so he has to tell me what to say. Lol. It's a 50/50 when you get cards from us.
The concept that women should work-outside the home and do most of the housework. The idea that a stay at home woman is less than a woman who works and has a home.
We went too far the other way with the whole women working concept.
Our appearance is for men. I couldn't care less what they think. I am who I am and they can suck it.
Watch me shove an entire office worth of supplies into the pouch of my hoodie and walk around like I'm a kangaroo
Anything that is expected of a woman just because she’s a woman.
Any expectations for women to wear make-up, heels, skirts, etc. in order to “appear professional.”
Not an expectation so much as a societal view: I think the lack of dignity given to jobs related to childcare and education, and the expectation that women who are serious and driven won’t work with children, is messed up.
My take is that raising the next generation of humans is extremely important work, and the only reason people don’t dignify it is BECAUSE it’s associated with women.
Instead of fixing that societal misperception and dignifying that work, people just avoid it (myself included; I ended up teaching/working with children as a last resort after avoiding it because I saw it as “womens work,” but I have found that I actually LOVE it).
That we have to strive to be likable. False!
Oh, also that because we are women, we are drawn towards children and mothering them. I’ve never felt maternal towards any human child I’ve ever met.
ALL OF THEM!!!!
The ones I hate the most are: women shouldn't even want to be physically strong. F**k that, it sucks not being as strong as a guy, and I will go to the gym and lift weights.
Women are supposed to want to be sexy and find being objetified empowering. Or they have to be modest and prudish. I really hate that, can't I just be a normal human with sexual desires without having to either be prudish or overtly sexual
Women aren't supposed to really have hobbies or passions. I am into things women are really not supposed to be in: welding, magic, basketball and woodworking. I really hate that women aren't really supposed to have these interests and when we do it is simply because we are trying to impress men or some s**t.
Having to cook and clean to please men. I have no problem doing some cooking and cleaning, but I am not some guys maid.
To never care about a man's looks, only his heart or wallet. Looks aren't everything but for some reason women are expected to put sacrifice their sexual attraction to man just to get one.
Looking nice all the time. Sometimes I just wanna be in my bath robe and slippers. I shouldn't have to doll up all the time.
I sometimes walk my dog in my housecoat and flip flops. And I honestly don't give a f**k what anyone thinks. Though there is a special place in my heart when someone calls me The Dude
To be caring and nurturing. To bring cooked food and cakes to the office.
That's exactly who I want to be though- caring, helping people, and heck yeah am I going to bring cupcakes to work sometimes!!
Asking men out...Apparently, that's too "forward" and you come off as "creepy" and "clingy" for asking a guy out, despite it being 2022. But then, men don't ask women out anymore.
What are we supposed to do? This makes bringing back arranged marriage in the Western World look better every single day.
That we are somehow better human beings than men, so should behave better than them.
Wearing stockings/tights at work.
Ooh, the bane of my existence through high school, uni and several years of an office job! I stopped putting on these wretched things quite some time ago, but the thought of not having to deal with them anymore makes me happy to this day!
Cooking for a man
How come every time someone asks me about romantic relationships they bring up me cooking for a man?! If I learned how to cook, he can learn how to cook. There are too many resources to not know how.
Shaving my legs. Thankfully my husband doesn't care or I wouldn't have married him. My chronic pain makes it difficult to shave and legs just say my first adventure in waxing went horribly
I cut my hair from a longish Bob to a buzz cut. Everyone asked how my husband would feel about it, what if he preferred long hair. If he prefers long hair, he can grow his own!
When I cut my hair short I remember a family member said "You know, men prefer long hair," and I said, "Well men should grown their hair long then." That shut them up.
Load More Replies...the future will look upon is and our time and think we were barbaric middle ages. what's the justification for paying women less than men again ?
The level of order determines the the amount of equality between the majority/stronger/oppressor group and the minority/weaker/oppressed group in a society/community. This may apply to almost all facets, like race, caste, sex, culture, ethnicity, etc. We've come a long way from when women were treated as objects, to chattels, to humans, although not absolutely. It's a given that the far future would be a much better place for everyone, including women. For our descendants, we would just be inferior, savage old farts.
Load More Replies...Being called a Karen if you stand up for yourself or express any discontent. Send your undercooked chicken back in a restaurant? You’re a Karen. Want a company to honor their warranty? Karen. Expect a clerk to wait on you instead of the man who arrived after you? Karen. And on and on.
That's... not what "Karen" means - it's how you go about things. And the fact that you're that clueless means... you might want to take a look at how you complain.
Load More Replies...I'd like to publicly thank my mom, who managed to uninstall a lot of this in me before I even hit puberty, despite it being prevailing thinking of the time, and it being how she was raised.
this is one my sister got a lot... shaving. women are expected to shave their legs armpits and other parts that they should only shave if they want to
I never understood this one. How has "hair" become ugly? Some covergirl stereotypes make sense to me, but not this one.
Load More Replies...I got one too. I enjoy going to events (theatre for example) by myself (I am a woman) and for many men so far it has been like an invitation to come to me and (and I quote): "to keeping me company because I'm there alone". I never noticed it would happen to my male friend. I don't go there to meet men but simply to enjoy time there by myself.
I was taught to be submissive to men growing up, and to always look pleasing to men. F**k that. I'm still recovering from my misogynistic upbringing.
If yall liked this yall should probably read the book "Cinderella is dead"
Almost all of these issues relate to how the woman is perceived by the man for doing/not doing a thing. Fact is, the second women stop wanting the approval and desire of men, they will stop caring about doing or not doing most of the things on this list. We have the power. We have the choice.
Except when it comes to employment. The majority of higher management positions, boards of directors, etc. are held by men. Every time diversity is brought up, I get tepid agreement and then treated to a monologue about the need to hire quality candidates, as if hiring mostly white men meant that the company was hiring quality candidates.
Load More Replies...Also, that all women want to and should get married. And that all women should only be wives and mothers.
The entirety of mankind/humankind is in for such a huge shock in the near future.
Men and women should not CONTROL each other. If this is happening in your life - either male or female get the hell out of that relationship. There is a difference between give and take, some people can't or don't want to realize the difference! Control is just the start of future abuse. Get out while the gettin's good!
Yeah, experienced lot of that. Sorry, not there for this. And I will let you know. 35 without childern and my hubby has hands. So stop your nonsence. And I have hairy legs :D
I sing in bars and clubs. When a man is interested in me, he thinks I'll quit this job. When I sing a love song, every man thinks I'm going home with him. Every man thinks I am just singing until I find a man to support me. That my singin/writing songs/recording albums and jingles is just something fun I do until I find "a real job."
So where's the thread about men? Expected to pay for women, protect them, be the breadwinner, not allowed to show emotion, supposed to drink beer, watch sports, be handy, it's always the man's fault a divorce happened, supposedly men always cheat, men are always child predators, the list goes on and on. Women think they have it bad but believe me, there's s**t on both sides
I'm going to agree with you here (albeit not on every point). BP has had entire articles on toxic masculinity and there's lots to suggest that outdated stereotypes also harm men. Let's be clear - they don't harm men as much as women but suggesting there is a problem shouldn't be controversial!
Load More Replies...Actually, it's the product of sexism and misogyny, but thanks for playing!
Load More Replies...These are not complaints, they are issues. Real life issues. How would you feel if everything on this list happened to you?
Load More Replies...I cut my hair from a longish Bob to a buzz cut. Everyone asked how my husband would feel about it, what if he preferred long hair. If he prefers long hair, he can grow his own!
When I cut my hair short I remember a family member said "You know, men prefer long hair," and I said, "Well men should grown their hair long then." That shut them up.
Load More Replies...the future will look upon is and our time and think we were barbaric middle ages. what's the justification for paying women less than men again ?
The level of order determines the the amount of equality between the majority/stronger/oppressor group and the minority/weaker/oppressed group in a society/community. This may apply to almost all facets, like race, caste, sex, culture, ethnicity, etc. We've come a long way from when women were treated as objects, to chattels, to humans, although not absolutely. It's a given that the far future would be a much better place for everyone, including women. For our descendants, we would just be inferior, savage old farts.
Load More Replies...Being called a Karen if you stand up for yourself or express any discontent. Send your undercooked chicken back in a restaurant? You’re a Karen. Want a company to honor their warranty? Karen. Expect a clerk to wait on you instead of the man who arrived after you? Karen. And on and on.
That's... not what "Karen" means - it's how you go about things. And the fact that you're that clueless means... you might want to take a look at how you complain.
Load More Replies...I'd like to publicly thank my mom, who managed to uninstall a lot of this in me before I even hit puberty, despite it being prevailing thinking of the time, and it being how she was raised.
this is one my sister got a lot... shaving. women are expected to shave their legs armpits and other parts that they should only shave if they want to
I never understood this one. How has "hair" become ugly? Some covergirl stereotypes make sense to me, but not this one.
Load More Replies...I got one too. I enjoy going to events (theatre for example) by myself (I am a woman) and for many men so far it has been like an invitation to come to me and (and I quote): "to keeping me company because I'm there alone". I never noticed it would happen to my male friend. I don't go there to meet men but simply to enjoy time there by myself.
I was taught to be submissive to men growing up, and to always look pleasing to men. F**k that. I'm still recovering from my misogynistic upbringing.
If yall liked this yall should probably read the book "Cinderella is dead"
Almost all of these issues relate to how the woman is perceived by the man for doing/not doing a thing. Fact is, the second women stop wanting the approval and desire of men, they will stop caring about doing or not doing most of the things on this list. We have the power. We have the choice.
Except when it comes to employment. The majority of higher management positions, boards of directors, etc. are held by men. Every time diversity is brought up, I get tepid agreement and then treated to a monologue about the need to hire quality candidates, as if hiring mostly white men meant that the company was hiring quality candidates.
Load More Replies...Also, that all women want to and should get married. And that all women should only be wives and mothers.
The entirety of mankind/humankind is in for such a huge shock in the near future.
Men and women should not CONTROL each other. If this is happening in your life - either male or female get the hell out of that relationship. There is a difference between give and take, some people can't or don't want to realize the difference! Control is just the start of future abuse. Get out while the gettin's good!
Yeah, experienced lot of that. Sorry, not there for this. And I will let you know. 35 without childern and my hubby has hands. So stop your nonsence. And I have hairy legs :D
I sing in bars and clubs. When a man is interested in me, he thinks I'll quit this job. When I sing a love song, every man thinks I'm going home with him. Every man thinks I am just singing until I find a man to support me. That my singin/writing songs/recording albums and jingles is just something fun I do until I find "a real job."
So where's the thread about men? Expected to pay for women, protect them, be the breadwinner, not allowed to show emotion, supposed to drink beer, watch sports, be handy, it's always the man's fault a divorce happened, supposedly men always cheat, men are always child predators, the list goes on and on. Women think they have it bad but believe me, there's s**t on both sides
I'm going to agree with you here (albeit not on every point). BP has had entire articles on toxic masculinity and there's lots to suggest that outdated stereotypes also harm men. Let's be clear - they don't harm men as much as women but suggesting there is a problem shouldn't be controversial!
Load More Replies...Actually, it's the product of sexism and misogyny, but thanks for playing!
Load More Replies...These are not complaints, they are issues. Real life issues. How would you feel if everything on this list happened to you?
Load More Replies...