“I’m Scared To Tell My American Friends”: 11 Things That Are Normal In Denmark But Not In America
Interview
With 33 hour work weeks, a $20 minimum wage, free university, free medical care and free child care, Denmark has been one of the happiest countries in the world for the last decade or more. Home of Hans Christian Andersen and hygge, many people around the globe have an idealized view of what it’s like to live in Denmark. But according to one mother from the US who actually lives there, there are certain cultural differences that might shock the average American.
In her series “Things That Are Normal In Denmark That I’m Scared To Tell My American Friends”, TikToker Annie In Eventyrland shares all of the culture shocks she has experienced since she moved to Denmark. Below, you’ll find many of Annie’s observations about how Danish children are treated, as well as an interview with her and some of the reactions her videos have received.
We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments about how normal these things would be in your home country, whether you’re American, Danish or from somewhere else completely! Then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article featuring cultural differences from around the world, look no further than right here.
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It seems like age 7-8 is completely normal for a kid to walk to and from school by themselves, not really any later than 10, depending on where you live and where the kid's school is.
People leave their babies outside in their strollers to sleep. To me, it's a sign of safety and trust in the community.
To hear more about Annie’s thoughts on Danish parenting and how she ended up in Denmark in the first place, we reached out to her via email. She told Bored Panda that her family relocated to Copenhagen about three and a half years ago because the design company her husband works for opened an office there.
We asked Annie how she would compare living in Denmark to living in the US, and she told us, “Considering just the sheer difference in population, it's really hard to compare. But I am really thankful that Denmark is so safe. Copenhagen is listed as the safest city in the world, and I'm extremely grateful to be able to raise my children here. For that, I do prefer Denmark, but I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the occasional Target run from time to time.”
In Denmark, you can't name your baby whatever you want. In fact, there's a preapproved list that you can choose from. And if the name that you wanna choose for your baby isn't on there, it has to be approved. So we can't name our kids something like Malibu Barbie here, but there are even more common-seeming names that have been blacklisted as well.
In the US, there's this perception that Denmark is just this extremely healthy country and everyone eats super clean and just eats whole foods, fruit, vegetables all the time.
And in the US, at least where I had my kids, which was in New York and then Portland, Oregon, there was a lot of stigma around giving your kids sugar or any kind of junk food.
Honestly, something that I really love about Denmark is how normalized treats are.
Doctors will literally recommend it if your kid is sick, they will say, "Well, have you tried giving them ice cream yet?"
Another food that's kind of demonized again, at least where I'm from in the US, is anything with bread, any carbs of any kind. Here in Denmark, you might have a pastry every day. You might have a pastry several times a day, and then pasta with some bread. You'd probably wash that down with a coke or a glass of wine, or several beers.
I do love how normalized fun foods are, and I think it actually sets people up for really healthy eating habits.
In Finland, it's sort of the same but people usually feed their kids healthy food ever day. Even school food is real food, not junk food.
We also asked Annie if it took a while to acclimate to all of the cultural differences, and she shared, “I honestly feel like I am still adjusting to the cultural differences here. I wasn't expecting it, but it feels like literally everything is different from what I'm used to in some way, for reasons big and small.”
“Learning to grocery shop in a foreign country took me a couple years to get down, and I still have room for improvement,” Annie admitted. “The hardest thing for me to get used to was, considering maternity leave and work life balance is so healthy here, there really isn't such a thing as a stay at home parent, which was my role for five years before making the move. It's been a lot having my entire identity change, but for the better.”
Something that seems to be very normalized here are afflictions of old, in particular, lice. I grew up in Texas and I never had lice in my entire childhood or early adult life. If somebody were to get it, it's kind of a big deal. But I will never forget, a few months after we moved here, as we were leaving my son's kindergarten, he was complaining that his head was itching, and sure enough, I looked at his scalp and there just was like the perfect pattern of lice eggs.
I ran back into the classroom and was like, "Oh my gosh, I just noticed my son has lice." And the teacher was like, "Okay, well, I'll send out an email and let everybody know." They were just so calm about it. Whereas I feel like in the US, people would be freaking out.
The legal drinking age here is 16, you're allowed to buy alcohol of certain levels. In case you don't know, the legal drinking age in the US is 21.
We then asked Annie if she thinks many American parents could learn a thing or two from Danish parents. “One of the biggest differences between American and Danish parents is how relaxed they are, and with nearly a year of maternity leave, paid vacation and sick days, living in such a safe country, affordable childcare and no medical costs, why wouldn't they be?”
“For that reason, I think it would be pretty difficult for American parents to be as relaxed as their Danish counterparts,” Annie told Bored Panda. “But I do think American culture could stand to step back from helicopter parenting, having their kids in so many activities and having so many educational expectations for them at such young ages. Denmark is really good at letting kids be kids.”
If you drop your kid off at daycare, kindergarten, elementary school, any institution, they could leave at any point and you might not know where they are.
I honestly don't know how many times I picked up my kid from school and they were like, "Hey, we went to the theater today," and I had absolutely no clue that they were even gonna be going anywhere.
There's also been times that I've been out, like walking through the park and ran into my own kids with their school, not even knowing that they would be there.
Parents do get an email or messages in the online forum (AULA) when kids go on day trips or go outside.
If you are ever visiting Denmark, do not be alarmed if you hear a four-year-old on the playground dropping an F-bomb. It's very normal to hear Danish kids using American curse words, very small kids, which is very jarring. Like I said, sometimes you'll hear around age four and five, and once they're in elementary school, it's pretty much the norm.
“Something I love about Denmark is even though people aren't super outgoing here, everyone is always looking out for each other and each others' children,” Annie added. “If I am ever out with my kids and need a hand, people never hesitate to step in and help. I would love to see that same sense of community in cities all over the US.”
First of all, the actual school day is only from 8 to 1:30 PM.
Secondly, they don't call their teacher, Miss, Mrs. Mr. Ma'am, Sir. They just call them by their first name
If a kid is caught hitting, flipping somebody the bird, using a cuss word, the harshest punishment they're gonna get is probably just the talking to. Things like suspensions and expulsions are only used in extremely extreme cases.
My oldest son is in the US equivalent of the third grade. He just now started getting homework this year, and his homework is to read for 15 minutes a day in whatever book he chooses. He's also never received a grade. I don't know when that starts. Oh, kids here don't start reading until they turn seven, in the US, there's pressure to start reading by five.
I'm not sure if this is true, but since kids here are allowed to buy beer at the store at age 16, I've heard that some high schools serve their students beer in the cafeteria.
The last bit is not true. Unless there is a school party of some sort there is no beer for sale in high schools.
You can't just walk into any old store and buy whatever drug or supplement that you might want or need. And also there are a lot of drugs and supplements in the US that just aren't available here.
For instance, if you need Tylenol or infant Tylenol, which is actually called Panadol here, you have to go to a pharmacy or you can get them behind the counter at grocery stores, but you have to get it from behind the counter in every circumstance. In the US there are just aisles full of drugs in every supermarket.
It’s no surprise that Denmark is one of the world’s safest and happiest nations, especially after hearing a bit more about how they raise their children. We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments as well. If you had the chance, would you raise your kids in Denmark? Or do you wish you had grown up there yourself? If you’d like to keep up with Annie and her family’s adventures in Denmark, you can find her TikTok Annie in Eventyrland right here.
In Denmark, once you start grade school, you take a sports class in the US we would call it PE or physical education. Afterwards, everyone, boys and girls, get completely disrobed and then they all get in a large shower together and it's supervised by their classroom teacher. Whereas in the US, we didn't even change into athletic clothes, and then afterwards, don't change out of our clothes and just go about our day.
we absolutely showered and changed. I've never heard of this before.
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So I'm English, but used to teach in Sweden and it was SO awkward for me when I had to share the changing room with students. In the UK it would be inconceivable for a teacher to do something like that and I never got used to it.
I live in Denmark and my 10 year old daughter tells me that boys and girls shower separately, in their own changing rooms.
American here, and we do lots of things wrong, but we absolutely changed into gym clothes and showered afterwards. And as much as my hormone-full teenage self would have loved it, not sure showering with girls would have been a good idea...
We never showered after, not once. There were showers, but no one ever used them, nor would we use the time to. Definitely changed clothes though.
Load More Replies... In Finland it's same! You have to have sport clothes or you will get a negative notification to your school's Wilma. You also have to shower so you don't smell
That seems fine. This isn't inherently sexual, they're kids and sexualizing them just taking a shower is kinda creepy
Hmm Depends on the age I would say. Imagine 12 year olds with their teacher watching. Sounds creepy
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In Japanese elementary schools, students used to change into and out of their gym clothes in the classroom, all together. I think now maybe they send boys to one homeroom and girls to another, but not sure, to be honest. It's been a long time since my kids were in elementary school.
We didnt change until middle school, and no one took showers afterward.....teachers were hardly in the locker room at all, they would never be allowed to supervise showers
I know it's totally normal and healthy, but my extremely modest, raised in a conservative home self, where we all bordered on being "never nudes" would have died if I had to be naked in front of anyone else, much less people of the opposite sex and an adult to boot. I'm sure I would have been more than a little curious about those opposite sex bodies too, to an unhealthy degree. Rationally, I know the Danish way of approaching nudity (and Finnish and many other countries) is probably a lot more healthy, but the extreme body-modesty mentality doesn't just leave you, and part of me feels icky about the whole thing.
What age are we talking about here? It seems odd to me because when I went to school (Germany), it was absolutely not expected to have a shower after sports class. Just change back into your clothes. Pre-adolescent children wouldn't shower anyway, but even less so at school (if at all, at home).
this would be weird to me idc what anyone says. We didn't even have showers in grade school (high school, yes but individual)
They make sure you wash. For some reason Americans (and Brits) have sexualised childrens' nudity to the point where this seems unthinkable. If the teacher can't be trusted to supervise showering in a group, then how the heck are you going to trust them with anything?
Load More Replies... This maybe a regional thing. We had to change, it was part of our grade, and showers were available. But I'm from Florida and it's always hot so they didn't want you sweating in your school clothes.
In New England, we had to change for gym class too. There were showers (little individual stalls with a scrap of curtain) and most students did use them, at least in the girls' locker room, though it wasn't required.
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They all shower together? At the age where they are more self-conscious? Oh well...
You could ask, who makes these kids self conscious about their bodies? And why should they be?
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When I was a kid here in the US in my town, the shower system was the same as you describe. That was just creepy. Thank goodness, now the showers are private and not forced.
I live in England and at the end of the very first PE lesson we had when we moved up to high school, our teachers made us shower, or rather run naked through a weak jet of water for 10 seconds. After that, unless you were showering in your swimsuit to get the chlorine out of your hair after a swimming lesson, we just changed from our sports kit back to our uniform and used deodorant. I guess the teachers felt they had done their bit as regards to showing us the showers and it was up to us if we chose to use it.
In the U.S. for some schools, we did have to change our clothes and shoes to athletic ones, I say some because I didn't attend every school in the U.S., as I am sure you did not attend every school in Denmark. My school did change, and we had showers, but I never used the showers. So, I wouldn't say it's not normal. Maybe you just went to a poor school, or a school that did not care for their teachers as they would have to suffer from their students' BO.
Do you mean boys and girls together? Im from Denmark and that not common for schools. Never did in my schools and have only heard about a handfull of schools that does this. Also, never had a teacher change with us.
(US) At my school, we did have gym clothes we were supposed to have in a gym locker, and there were showers, sometimes stalls with curtains, sometimes no curtains, but hardly anybody would ever use the showers as far as I know.
I didn't start changing clothes until jr high but in elementary we never changed. There were showers in the locker room but there was never enough time to actually shower.
In the US, grade school P. E. wasn't much more active than outside recess, so there wasn't as much concern about sweat or body odors. Athletic clothes are also purchased by parents, and that can get really expensive if a kid goes up three sizes in one year. Once puberty hits hard, definitely by junior high, P. E. uniforms and deodorant help with hygiene and self esteem-so their chosen clothes are safe for class. There usually isn't time for showers, because US schedules are packed so crazy.
We always showered in separate section of the cloakroom after sports activities…gymnastik as it was called then…is it still called this? 🤔
If that's true, it's certainly only in the very lowest classes. I can guarantee you that boys and girls shower seperately in general.
We changed, but we were allowed to change in the bathrooms if we were uncomfy. But getting naked infront of classmates and a teacher??? Do you know how many slurs my gay biologically male friends get called while they’re still clothed? I can’t imagine have to get undressed infront if everyone….. ?????
in the US (at least in Maryland and Virginia (idk about other states)) you change. (still don;t shower tho)
We always had PE clothes we had to change into/put of in California. Showering was optional
Where the heck did u go to school. Even in small town America we always had gym suits and showered but separate sexes
I don't see the listing of how sexually permissive the Danish society is compared to here. When I was younger I dates a 19 year old Danish Au
Pair that was completely confused by our sexual norms here. She told me she lost her virginity at 13 to a much older man and that this was not only normal but accepted behavior.
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When I was in high school in the 60s, we had uniforms for PE and had to take group showers. Only way we could get a shower stall was to claim our periods. Very embarrassing and made for a lot of bullying. Luckily, not boys in the showers though...
We changed in NY for gym but didn't shower till high school when we had swimming but boys and girls were separated. There was no time to shower most of the time
In my middle school and high school in NYC, we had showers available and definitely had to change into PE uniforms. I've never heard of schools that don't require uniforms for PE. That's kind of gross.
When I did PE in the US we did have to change and had separate locker rooms with showers and such...I wasn't a big fan but in high school they let you sub out of PE in favor of sports or physical styled classes (like ROTC)
US here. We changed into gym clothes, but maybe only 5 or 10% of the students showered. I was always too shy to. I’m ultra liberal in my politics, downright Puritan with my own body!
We did in South Carolina after PE class in the 60s and 70s and after every game or practice. "Hit the showers" what how Coach Powell told us basketball practice was over in the 60s.
There is much more to the story folks. https://giorgialombardo.medium.com/10-things-they-dont-tell-you-about-denmark-94aa172e46dc
Many viewers weighed in with their thoughts on these cultural differences in the comments as well
I'm 70 and in the US. I remember the freedom of summer for kids. Yes, we walked to school too, but in the summer, we weren't allowed to play in the house and mess it up. We were on our own from after breakfast until the street lights came on or it was time for dinner. Did we stay in our yards? Heck no. One kid would light out for a neighboring kid, and they would pick up others until a gaggle of us would converge at some meeting place with other kids. For me, it was the cooling landscape of a swampy marsh that ran through town or a local park. I mourn the sense of safety and independence the younger generations will never know. We learned to take care of ourselves, resolve petty differences and make decisions without the intervention of adults.
My wife and I were just in southern Europe and the most shocking and wonderful thing for me was seeing a full playground at 10 at night with no supervision. The parents were all obviously at restaurants down the street (but completely out of sight) and it was just so clear that there was nothing to worry about.
If you're "scared" to tell your friends something than that's the bigger issue!
If you're scared to tell your friends something I guess you just post it on the internet for them and everyone else to see.
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Letting boys and girls get in a shower together naked? Uh... No!
No, that is misunderstood. Boys and girls have separate locker rooms and showers. Always! And any child or parent expressing discomfort with showering or changing in a group (either boys or girls) is allowed to change and shower privately.
Load More Replies... Northern countries in Europe are safe. They are Finland, Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Iceland. Sweden has a bit of criminal activity but Finland is really safe even though its next to Russia! You can see kids walking alone at 10 pm because there's no fear of crimes or shootings: you cant carry guns freely.
Sweden just had its far-right party become the 2nd most powerful. Sorry if I decline to put it on a list of "safe" places. When the far-right has any power politically, a country becomes very prone to sh*tstorms. See: US, UK, Brazil, Russia, Hungary, Italy, etc etc etc
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In my country i won't let my 9yeaar old walk alone. Love my country but no way i am ready to take chance, Kidnappings / abductions happens so fast and you would even know where to start looking. SA is a beautiful country, not worth to be neglected me just every person is not a criminal bit i won't risk it.
I wonder how long this 'Anne from Eventyrland' has being living in Denmark. Lot of the things here are not accurate and some are downright false!
Please tell me which ones are false? I'm born in Denmark and been living here all my life. Please enlighten me.
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The f-bomb. 😄 We're from Germany and here it is also quite common, to drop the "f-bomb". We use the "No risk, no fun" phrase, without translating it. My daughter is so familiar with the f-bomb, that she thinks, it's "No risk, no f**k." 🤣 I never correct her, because I think it's hilarious! 😂🤗
Copied from FloC: I'm 70 and in the US. I remember the freedom of summer for kids. Yes, we walked to school too, but in the summer, we weren't allowed to play in the house and mess it up. We were on our own from after breakfast until the street lights came on or it was time for dinner. Did we stay in our yards? Heck no. One kid would light out for a neighboring kid, and they would pick up others until a gaggle of us would converge at some meeting place with other kids. For me, it was the cooling landscape of a swampy marsh that ran through town or a local park. I mourn the sense of safety and independence the younger generations will never know. We learned to take care of ourselves, resolve petty differences and make decisions without the intervention of adults.
I'm with the last person (and im in the US). My house was the party house for yearrrrrs
I have been living in Denmark for25 years now. I came from California and married a Dane. My husband and I are now Guardians if our grandson who was born in California and now lives with us in Denmark. Raising children here us so different. I find that there are not any real consequences for children and the foul language here is tolerated which we find appealing. We live in a small town and because the way kids are raised here I find a total lack of respect for other people's property and people here take it in stride. Bikes especially are routinely taken by children, teens and adults and dumped when they are done riding the stolen bicycle. The children are spoiled and disrespectful and it shows in the classrooms. The liberties given to children here are not just from the way this society functions but also from the laws put on place to protect children's rights. In eight months from now, children at the age of ten can tell the authorities they no longer want to see their parents.
I find your little anecdote incredibly hard to believe, some would say its completely made up
Load More Replies... I'm 70 and in the US. I remember the freedom of summer for kids. Yes, we walked to school too, but in the summer, we weren't allowed to play in the house and mess it up. We were on our own from after breakfast until the street lights came on or it was time for dinner. Did we stay in our yards? Heck no. One kid would light out for a neighboring kid, and they would pick up others until a gaggle of us would converge at some meeting place with other kids. For me, it was the cooling landscape of a swampy marsh that ran through town or a local park. I mourn the sense of safety and independence the younger generations will never know. We learned to take care of ourselves, resolve petty differences and make decisions without the intervention of adults.
My wife and I were just in southern Europe and the most shocking and wonderful thing for me was seeing a full playground at 10 at night with no supervision. The parents were all obviously at restaurants down the street (but completely out of sight) and it was just so clear that there was nothing to worry about.
If you're "scared" to tell your friends something than that's the bigger issue!
If you're scared to tell your friends something I guess you just post it on the internet for them and everyone else to see.
Load More Replies... Letting boys and girls get in a shower together naked? Uh... No!
No, that is misunderstood. Boys and girls have separate locker rooms and showers. Always! And any child or parent expressing discomfort with showering or changing in a group (either boys or girls) is allowed to change and shower privately.
Load More Replies... Northern countries in Europe are safe. They are Finland, Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Iceland. Sweden has a bit of criminal activity but Finland is really safe even though its next to Russia! You can see kids walking alone at 10 pm because there's no fear of crimes or shootings: you cant carry guns freely.
Sweden just had its far-right party become the 2nd most powerful. Sorry if I decline to put it on a list of "safe" places. When the far-right has any power politically, a country becomes very prone to sh*tstorms. See: US, UK, Brazil, Russia, Hungary, Italy, etc etc etc
Load More Replies... In my country i won't let my 9yeaar old walk alone. Love my country but no way i am ready to take chance, Kidnappings / abductions happens so fast and you would even know where to start looking. SA is a beautiful country, not worth to be neglected me just every person is not a criminal bit i won't risk it.
I wonder how long this 'Anne from Eventyrland' has being living in Denmark. Lot of the things here are not accurate and some are downright false!
Please tell me which ones are false? I'm born in Denmark and been living here all my life. Please enlighten me.
Load More Replies... The f-bomb. 😄 We're from Germany and here it is also quite common, to drop the "f-bomb". We use the "No risk, no fun" phrase, without translating it. My daughter is so familiar with the f-bomb, that she thinks, it's "No risk, no f**k." 🤣 I never correct her, because I think it's hilarious! 😂🤗
Copied from FloC: I'm 70 and in the US. I remember the freedom of summer for kids. Yes, we walked to school too, but in the summer, we weren't allowed to play in the house and mess it up. We were on our own from after breakfast until the street lights came on or it was time for dinner. Did we stay in our yards? Heck no. One kid would light out for a neighboring kid, and they would pick up others until a gaggle of us would converge at some meeting place with other kids. For me, it was the cooling landscape of a swampy marsh that ran through town or a local park. I mourn the sense of safety and independence the younger generations will never know. We learned to take care of ourselves, resolve petty differences and make decisions without the intervention of adults.
I'm with the last person (and im in the US). My house was the party house for yearrrrrs
I have been living in Denmark for25 years now. I came from California and married a Dane. My husband and I are now Guardians if our grandson who was born in California and now lives with us in Denmark. Raising children here us so different. I find that there are not any real consequences for children and the foul language here is tolerated which we find appealing. We live in a small town and because the way kids are raised here I find a total lack of respect for other people's property and people here take it in stride. Bikes especially are routinely taken by children, teens and adults and dumped when they are done riding the stolen bicycle. The children are spoiled and disrespectful and it shows in the classrooms. The liberties given to children here are not just from the way this society functions but also from the laws put on place to protect children's rights. In eight months from now, children at the age of ten can tell the authorities they no longer want to see their parents.
I find your little anecdote incredibly hard to believe, some would say its completely made up
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