Sometimes the world feels like an unfair place. You can’t help but wonder why we are often supposed to do things we shouldn’t be. Like getting a call from work on your day off or being close to your family members just because they’re family and not because you like them. Or shaming coworkers when they leave work on time.
And it turns out, there are many more things that are universally considered as normal, when in fact they’re the exact opposite. It’s just that nobody talks about it. So this Ask Reddit thread has people calling out real-life examples that are “unhealthy, toxic, unfair or unethical” in disguise as perfectly acceptable.
Below, we wrapped up some of the most interesting points so scroll down and let us know if you agree with them in the comments below!
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That you are supposed to be close to/loyal to family because they're family. My family, my mother especially, is abusive and manipulative. People say, "but it's your MOM, you only have one MOM." I say they don't act like family so I don't consider them family.
I haven't done it to any of my family members since they are awesome and thoughtful people, but I have done it to some old close friends because of their toxicity.
Bored Panda reached out to marketing expert and book author Alex Wong who is better known as the “Hijack” Copywriter. Wong has been on a mission to help small and corporate businesses “hijack” their client’s minds and help them to grow their businesses and sales. He was happy to share some insights into things and behaviors that we as a society have normalized without even realizing it.
According to Wong, for-profit colleges are one of those things. “I think we accept these as another means of education for those who can’t get into a typical college or university. However, the education you receive is subpar, isn’t recognized, and is more expensive than what you would receive at a typical school,” he argues and adds that they prioritize profits over everything else.
Parents expecting their kids to respect them no matter how disrespectful, rude, or abusive they are to their kids.
Edit: to all those replying to me as if I'm some spoiled 16 year old; I'm 22 with my own kids. I was constantly called a b***h and a c**t growing up, beaten, manipulated, and then told to get over it by the very person who did all these things to me. So if y'all would kindly f**k off with your gaslighting b******t that'd be great. No one here needs to hear your uninformed and well... abusive opinions. :)
Shaming workmates when they go home on time. "Wow, you're going home on the dot?" "Yes karen, cause i do my work fast so i can do my hobbies and go to the gym, while you rot away trying to impress the company that will never care about you."
Beauty pageants for kids
Yep, put on tons of makeup. Dance studios too. I was grossed out watching adolescents dancing all slutty. Then when they get pregnant at an early age or the parents say, oh I don't know where they learning that from... Yea, right. That's what happens when you start sexualizing your kids at an early age. Let the hating on me begin...
The marketing expert recounted visiting Everest College back in high school to check it out. “The entrance test I was asked to complete was some simple math questions for a grade 6 student. The entire campus was empty and there were no students. It’s safe to say I didn’t go there,” he said.
The other thing that has become very common these days is payday loans. Wong believes that although these may help people who need money quickly and can’t get loans from banks, their interest rates are astronomical. “When you are charging 30-50% interest on a loan, you’re forcing people to be stuck in a vicious cycle of debt.”
He added that “payday loans are accepted because they do offer a service for those who need money quickly, but we need to better educate people on why these are a terrible deal.”
Older people using "respect your elders," as a cop-out to being shitty to younger family members and not being held accountable for it.
Full saying in my language states that "the young must respect the old and the old must be kind to the young". So if the eldar wants respect then he or she needs to show kindness first
Nurses: fighting for 2% payrise.
Politicians: "Sorry not enough money in the budget for that"
Politicians: Give themselves 16% payrise
It happens in teaching too. I once worked at a school where they announced a pay freeze for all teachers because they couldn't afford teacher salaries. Then the same people gave out big bonuses to all of the administration plus raises.
Telling people who are extremely happy over a new purchase why it’s shitty or why they shouldn’t have done it.
I had a buddy who went from an old beat up pickup to a brand new Mazda 3. It looks amazing, is a manual, etc. One of our old friends harassed the living hell out of him telling him that it was a girls car, and that he should’ve just fixed up his old beater because it was more “manly” meanwhile this other guy is literally driving a car that is completely falling apart.
My buddy looked so discouraged and sad. I did the best I could to tell him how awesome his car is, and how much better the technology is in it compared to my older Saab.
This guy worked a ton of overtime saving as much as possble while working a barely higher than minimum wage job to get a decent down payment so he would have a nice monthly payment just to have his greatest accomplishment s**t all over. It is sickening.
I have a s**t ton of video games console that I never got as a kid that I have to save up, find great deals, and collect. Some people shamed me for it like "You're already working/22, why do you need more consoles?". "Uh, because I like them? I have to spend time and money that I earned for it so why are you giving me a hard time bruh?"
Wait until you're older; people get meaner about it. It's a fun hobby that brings joy so what's so bad about it? I'm nearly 40 and get alot of c**p. It's like yeah I get alot of joy out of playing my games on consoles; how is that different from you playing games on your phone? Shït my dad bought us Nintendo as kids because he wanted to play the games. Should I just change my hobbies because of my age? Is my money better spent on a new designer handbag? Not my thing so I'll take a console or games any day. Besides, it's proven that games are very beneficial for your brain health because of the thinking and strategizing required so really you're just keeping your brain healthy 😉
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That's just jealousy, if you ask me. I had a friend who did this all the time. He had to complain about how my house looked all perfect, the food I cooked wasn't good enough... he's no longer a friend of mine. I don't have time for this drama.
I was given sh*t over a custom-made dance dress I bought (that was about $2000) by someone. She then asked how i could afford that kind of expense. My reply, "I bought it with all the cigarettes you smoke." was clearly not the correct answer. 10 years later I still adore that dress. I haven't really asked her if she still adores her cigarettes ,,,
I go to conventions with two people, one is my best friend, the other I'm not terribly close with. We would bring our computers to play games together when not at the convention. My best friend, however, did not have a laptop, so he'd have to go through a lot of trouble to pack and travel with his desktop. One summer, due to my job, I made a lot of extra money and so I bought a laptop for my best friend. It wasn't super expensive, it was a refurbished Dell, but it was of pretty good quality. Later, at another event, my best friend and the other guy were talking about computers and doing some upgrades to the laptop, and the guy said, while I was sitting there, "That's why when I buy a friend a computer, I don't get them a refurbished Dell."
I hate this so much. Why do some people feel the need to steal another's joy?!? My coworker, John, saved up and bought a used car and paid cash. He was telling me about it and I went outside to look at it. It is about 5 years old, and it is clean and runs well, AND HE PAID CASH. Another coworker made comments about how she wouldn't been seen dead driving such an old car, she would go into debt first, etc. I told John that, in my opinion, he made a smart choice by paying cash, and he got a good deal trying to build him back up. I just don't get why stealing someone's joy is necessary.
Jealousy, insecurity, envy are negative character flaws that many, many people feed off of on a daily basis. People like this are not taking responsibility for themselves by getting help for the mental dysfunction within. Unchecked words cause much damage.
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The "it must be nice" version of this is also toxic. Yes, I know times are difficult, costs are high, all of that. I don't need you to call me out on my "privilege" when I take a work trip, and sniffing "Must be nice!" doesn't actually do anything to help others, nor to dismantle systemic oppression.
Some d******d 'friend' of my 19yo daughter has told her that Pandora jewellery is chavvy and she should stop wearing it. I'm so pissed - she's actually my step daughter and has been through so, so much at the hands of her bio mum. She's not in the least bit chavvy and all the charms on her bracelet have real sentiment and meaning behind them. And so what??? If you like it, buy/watch/wear/sing/eat/drink/read/drive it!
Working hard and saving money to better yourself is incredibly sexy and "manly" in my humble opinion, whatever the heck that means anyway
if it is the car he wants, then leave him alone! None of anyone else's business anyway!
Sounds like the "old friend" has some self-image issues as well as not-so-latent misogyny
I just bought me a brand new truck. People went as far as congratulating me because I NEVER treat myself. One "friend" said it wasn't a truck because it didn't have a hitch. I said it's all good, I won't have to worry about passing up a gas station like you. Also, nobody asked you to be a whiny a*s prick, but here we are....
“Manly”? Oh buddy, if your masculinity is so spider web preciously thin and sensitive that you have to assign gender qualities even to your goddamned transportation, YOU are the one in trouble here.
Thé only time it’s ok to s**t all over A persons purchase like that is when you’re going to have to end up paying for it.
Reminds me of years ago when my husband and I bought our first home together. We were so excited and all my m-I-l could say was “Hmm, I don’t like the black appliances.” My response “That’s okay because you’ll never have to live here.”
I was out shopping with a friend and her friend once. In a bookstore I picked a book and friend's friend was over me almost yelling at me why on earth I would want to buy that book because the author was simply unable to write anything worth while. It was one of the books in the Wheel of Time-series by Robert Jordan. It made me so angry I couldn't speak and for the rest of the trip I avoided that girl as best I could!
We told a friend of mine we were on the list to get a new electric S car. What I heard was, why ? S cars are s**t, they fall apart, not reliable. Get a H, like I do! Why say that? It's not even true.
He bought himself a NEW MAZDA 3?!?! In this economy?! Damn, your friend's a powerhouse!
"Telling people who are extremely happy over a new purchase why it’s shitty or why they shouldn’t have done it." > what if they purchased for example clothes from a fast fashion brand that exploits their employees, pollutes earth and uses terrible chemicals in clothes? Not everyone is aware of this, and imo it's important to spread the word, and there are nice ways to do that without being judgmental or condescending.
" is a manual". Sounds like OP considers that a upgrade? I will never understand the fetish with driving manual....
I think this is like Schadenfreude, except they have to create the Schaden themselves. Jealous fücks. (The umlaut seemed appropriate here.)
This is one of my very serious pet peeves. If I know someone is planning on buying something that I think is a bad idea, I may bring up a point or two, once they have it, I couldn't be happier for them.
That is so uncalled for and sets my teeth on edge. Similar thing happened to me. The first time I showed my brand new CX3 cross over to my darling sister, she looks at it (okay sneers at it) and says “I don’t like red”. Nothing else just that. Btw she is the older sister and only sibling and we were both in our sixties. Always with a negative remark. Thanks again sis. And she wondered why I told people I was an only child except for my one sister. Sheesh 🙄.
It's often jealousy on the commenter's side. If they can't have something nice they don't want the other to enjoy their purchase either.
Mazda's are considered drivers car - regardless guy/girl, especially for their manual gearbox, which is joy to use. They drive beautifully, great handling. The other guy know apparently f,*& all about cars.
my dad makes me feel guilty every time i buy anything so now i dont buy anything
“Unless you are the founder or one of the early investors, you have no way to succeed at an MLM,” Wong explained about the flaws of multi-level marketing hiding in plain sight. “Only a few percent of people who join MLMs have a chance of making money, and you would still be better off working a regular part-time job.” The marketing expert argues that we tolerate them because they sell a dream of being your own boss or owning your business and escaping the rat race.
“I had an acquaintance whom I met at a networking event trick me into going to a seminar for Market America years ago. During the whole 1-hour presentation, it was nothing more than a sales pitch to join them. It’s safe to say, I didn’t join them,” Wong told Bored Panda.
Teachers spending their own money on classroom supplies. Along with the mentality that if you aren't sacrificing your entire life "for the kids" that you aren't a good teacher.
And then the parents scream at them for not giving an A to their precious little monster
If someone asks you a yes or no question and you say no then they try to persuade you and get hostile and then expect you to do it anyway. That's not a question but a demand. F**k those people.
The school system and how it deals with fights. Whenever a kid is minding his own business and another kid beats the s**t out of him then they BOTH get in trouble. What the f**k?
This has happened to me. I was on a field trip to some park (can't remember the name) and before we left, we got to make a craft. A few minutes after my craft was done, I got up and walked passed another student, Steve, (real name) who was sitting on the ground and as I walked passed him, I accidentally stepped on his foot. I apologized but Steve's response was to jump on my back and start punching me in the eye. The teachers got him off me and I was given ice for my eye. The next day, we were both given in-school suspension for fighting even though he did all of the hitting and I didn't hit him at all.
Another thing that has been viewed as totally normal which is, in fact, anything but that is teachers spending their own money on classroom supplies, Wong says. “The education system should do a better job supporting its teachers. Teachers are already overworked and underpaid. To expect them to spend their own money to provide a better classroom experience for their students is sad,” he said.
When Wong himself was teaching English in Korea, his co-teacher and he would often have to spend their own money on prizes and gifts for their students. We have become accustomed to high tuition fees and high student debt without questioning it. Many students take the fact for granted.
The idea you can't have a healthy romantic relationship unless you have fights. I don't mean like disagreements - I mean like full-on, screaming at each other, throwing stuff fights. I've had people literally tell me if you don't have fights like this with your partner, then you're hiding stuff from each other. Horrible, toxic fights don't equate to having an emotionally healthy relationship.
Edit: wow! Didn't expect this to blow up - I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this way. Also thanks for the silver!
I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but porn is extremely addictive, gives people unrealistic expectations of sex, and is reason why numerous people are forced into sex trafficking
Edit: Thanks for the silver/gold!!
Overly possessive significant others. Jealousy is not a sign of passion it's a sign of instability.
I don't understand jealousy in a relationship. It's a deal-breaker. I told you I'd be faithful, so if that isn't good enough for you, why should I then spend/waste my time with you? You can trust me or be gone.
According to Wong, expensive tuition fees and student debt go hand in hand. “It’s gotten to the point where you can only attend college if you have lots of money, borrow lots of money, or have amazing grades to get a scholarship. Students still believe they have to attend college to find a good job or career, which isn't true anymore. There’s also that constant pressure that if you don’t go, you will be seen as a failure or behind others who do,” he explained and added that “this is exactly how I felt.”
What makes the situation even more difficult is that even after you go to school for 4 years, it doesn’t mean you will find a good-paying career. “After I graduated from college with a BA in psychology, I had a difficult time finding a job. That’s why I ended up going to teach in Korea for a few years to pay off my student debt,” Wong recounted.
Instagram influencers and YouTube celebrities like the Paul brothers.
Cheerleading in high school. Was a goth weirdo girl in high school and joined cheerleading as a joke like “look anyone can do it” and those uniforms made me so uncomfortable. You can’t bend over even slightly without flashing your a*s to everyone because the skirts are so short. But it’s ok because you’re wearing “spanx” (tiny tight elastic underwear). They skirts look longer than they are because they are higher waisted. In reality they stop right under your buttcheek. We had strict dress codes at school (I once got in trouble for wearing shorts that my mother had picked out for me. They couldn’t have been that bad if my over-protective mother bought them for me) but was allowed-actually it was mandatory, for us to wear uniforms on game days/ spirit days/ whatever the hell.
On top of that, the IDEA of cheerleaders were weird. A game needs attractive girls to cheer on the boys? Part of our uniform is to be sexually appealing? So weird. I understand it’s a legitimate sport, I’m not talking about competitive cheerleading as a sport itself. I’m a black belt in Martial Arts and I remember being impressed by the athleticism of the high-performing girls. I’m talking about cheerleading as it is utilized in the school system.
Forcing somebody who is clearly sick to go to work/school. Like oh gee thanks for forcing your kid upon us, now we get to watch the plague rip through the school.
Edit: Thank you all for the input on this. It’s super cool seeing a bunch of perspectives being put together like this.
Edit 2: Thank you guys for the platinum! It’s really kind of whoever gave it.
This relates to a lack of flexibility/control over the finances of the people involved. Parent sends sick child to school because they cannot afford to take the day off work to look after the child (because they are hourly paid, or have no PTO or whatever). They are not sending their mini plague carrier to infect a school because they just can't be bothered. (Obvious caveat, there are arsehole parents who absolutely *cannot* be bothered, but Id say they are in the minority)
Wong argues that the problem is college doesn’t train you for the work field. “I think college only makes sense if your job or career requires specific qualifications, such as a doctor, nurse, or engineer. Everything else can be learned online or by yourself. I’ve probably only used 10% of what I learned in college and I’ve never had an employer ask to see my degree. And now that I have my own business, my degree is even less relevant.”
When parents tell their little girls that the reason that boy is mean to her is because he likes her. Kids keep that same energy as adults and wonder why then can’t leave that dude being a complete and utter a*****e
I was told that when I was FIVE YEARS OLD. FIVE. Oh that boy who keeps stealing your hat and running away with it is just doing it because he *likes* you! ...in PRESCHOOL. Said kid continued to bully me all the way through to Year Four, which was when I transferred to a different school. And for a good chunk of that time I just put up with it.
Overweight/obese children being considered "normal" or "healthy" by their parents who are blind to how unhealthy they're making their children.
People from work calling you on your day off.
Looks like an American problem. I've started my vacation of four weeks and told everyone I will only answer a WhatsApp message when it really really urgent. All other ways of communication will be declined.
On the same note, you may wonder why personal finance isn’t taught in schools. Wong believes it’s terrible. “Unless you major in personal finance or accounting, we aren’t taught how to balance a budget, pay off debt, live within our means, and learn how to invest. I had to learn all of this on my own. I think most people just aren’t comfortable talking about money, so we don’t mind if it isn’t taught in school.”
Moreover, “The government and economy also benefit if we spend our money since it helps stimulate the economy. But it’s becoming more apparent that people are struggling, especially with the rising inflation and high costs of living. Approximately 50% of Canadians are living paycheck to paycheck,” Wong explained.
American work culture.
Working while sick, working overtime, poor work/life balance, etc...
Telling people how to feel or forcibly trying to change how they feel. If someone's sad, comfort them and let them be sad. If someone's angry, then let them be angry and work out their frustrations (in a healthy manner of course).
All my life (24M BTW) I've been told that I shouldn't be angry or that I "have no reason to be depressed". This caused me to fake happiness, and you know what it got me? It got me panic attacks, screamed at for having panic attacks because they thought I was "faking" or needed "to toughen up", and a burning anger that never seems to go away.
To this day I have trouble feeling emotions other than anger or sadness because I was never allowed to work them out when I was younger.
TLDR: Don't tell people how to feel. Emotions are human and we need to work them out.
F**k this gatekeeping. I've been told I wasn't "really" abused because I wasn't hit with a non-belt foreign object. I wasn't "really" sexually abused because I wasn't penetrated with a penis. I wasn't "really" poor because we never lived in our car, only slept in it overnight once. My depression is "white fragility" or "white woman's tears." I've been in therapy for years just to acknowledge that my experiences and pains actually matter, too.
I'm late, but
Our alcohol culture, especially for young people. I feel like it's being normalized to over indulge in alcohol, to the point where I know alcoholics who think that what they do is what everybody does.
It’s no secret that the grinding, hustling, and keeping busy culture is also well-tolerated in our society. This is related to the constant pressure of having to keep up with others that people start experiencing early in school.
Wong argues that these two go together. “There is a constant pressure of staying busy, working hard, and keeping up with others.” According to him, deep and fulfilling work is good but there has to be a balance. “When your life is filled with nothing but constant work and pressure, it leads to burnout. And then we feel the pressure to buy nice things, like a new car, a bigger house, or a newer phone, to impress others who don’t care about us, which only makes it worse.”
The idea that men have to hate being married, and the constant joking about how their wives are weighing them down
The way people in fast food and other customer service related jobs are treated.
The idea that a woman's value is in her appearance, what's worse is that girls I know are more responsible for this than guys
I'm still trying to readjust my self-views. There was always something on me to fix: my teeth, my hairstyle, my skin, and always my weight. People always complained that I never smiled (showed my teeth) and wore my hair in my face. I'm like, "Um, cause you always pointed out how wrong I looked, why do you think?" I'm hoping to break the cycle with my kids.
Wong believes that “there is a problem when we are expected to work 40-60 hours a week and be grateful for 2 weeks of vacation a year. I don’t consider that to be truly living.”
On the other hand, it’s common to expect instant gratification without putting in the hard work. Wong explained that although technology has made our lives easier, it has also made it worse. “The fact that we can order something with the push of a button and receive it the next day has spoiled us. It’s made us forget that things that are worth having don’t come easily.”
He continued: “Social media has amplified this when you are exposed to photos and videos of friends and influencers living an amazing life. I think we have to remember that what we see on social media isn’t real and is what the person chooses to show us. Reducing your social media use, working on fulfilling projects, and spending more time in the real world will help us to be more grateful and patient.”
Acting like there is something wrong with someone for being a virgin.
And even more, oftentimes when women are virgins, they're seen as "pure" but when a man is a virgin, he's suddenly a "loser"??
The Mommy wine culture.
I get so tired of seeing "mommy's sippy cup" and "mom's time out" on wine glasses. The whole culture of it is just silly, mom's can relax without a glass of wine.
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Edit: I like wine too, but I don't blame my drinking of it on my kids.
I'm reminded of one I read about where the family had a cross-country move for the husband's job--she was a SAHM. In their old neighborhood, she'd been involved in a couple of "mothers day out" groups, like big playdates where the moms would bring their kids and all the moms would look after all the kids while they played. So anyway, family has a cross-country move, and SAHM thinks she's found a group where she can bring her kids. She shows up, and it's very clear all the mothers had been drinking for a while. All the mothers are inside, all the kids are outside. SAHM asks who's watching the kids. They look at her like she's stupid. "They're in the backyard!" "Yes, but who's watching them?" "We know where they are. Come, have a drink!" She stuck it out for maybe two hours before she just didn't feel comfortable anymore. Took her kid(s) and went home. Next thing she knows, word has spread that she's a "stuck up b*tch." No great loss...
Staying in abusive relationships, just because there isn’t physical abuse.
“I put up with it because I love him.” You shouldn’t be put through torture because you love someone.
Remember, we're often told that it's not abuse if he's not hitting you or cheating on you. We "have no reason to complain" if he works/pays bills. "He just took you out to dinner!" "He's so sweet to you!" "Every couple fights." "This is just the way marriage is." No. If your partner hurts you or is cruel to you or doesn't treat you like they love or like you? You have every reason to leave. I'll help you pack.
Telling men to "man up" and "not cry" because it's perceived as girly by whoever the f**k told them. It's the most unhealthy thing to tell a person that they shouldn't feel their emotions. Bottling that s**t up can only cause harm, anger, and resentment. Let people feel their feelings for f***s sake
Edit: ok a few things here
1) thank you for the silver, kind stranger!
2) I meant that you should cry in appropriate situations, definitely learn how to suck it up for a bit than release it later
3) I'm a lady
Not just crying but showing emotion in general. Or liking kittens instead of big dogs. Or ordering margaritas instead of whiskey.
THE SILENT TREATMENT.
it's f*****g abusive. i don't mean 5 minutes of silence to collect your thoughts, i don't mean saying 'leave me alone', i mean pretending that your partner/child/friend just doesn't exist, and letting them crumple in on themselves for a crime that you *won't talk to them about*.
i missed the train home and my male friend gave me his couch, i was 22, my parents who i lived with blanked me for months as thought we had gotten busy, theyre a fine pair to talk, teenage pregnancy much
Anything vaguely labeled as "detoxes" or "cleanses". Take for example the Teamie cleanse teas. They are usually full of unhealthy diuretics and laxatives to encourage weight loss. They have been linked to drug induced liver damage and aren't regulated by the FDA. The worst part is they are receiving huge endorsements from celebrities. It's pretty easy to tell by the advertisement that the claims are pseudoscience b******t, but they marketed as health products. Call me crazy but something that can lead to high heart rate/ blood pressure, and vomiting, all just so you can s**t your brains out and lose some water weight isn't really a "health" product.
Being forced to work for free in order to keep your job.
Uh...nope. When my wife is off, her phone would ring. Her boss. I just so happened to say when you're off, you're OFF. If they call you and keep you on the phone 10,15 minutes about work, they need to start paying you for that. Well her phone calls from work drastically dropped.
Facebook is like watching an elderly person yell at an empty road, and then congratulate themselves for doing it.
Not sure if this is actually considered normal, but I have seen push-up bras marketed to pre-teens and teens (known as the Junior's section here in the US) in the lingerie area of stores like Target.
Since when does any teen girl need or should be encouraged to wear a push-up bra for extra cleaveage?
Edited to add a link for Target's juniors "intimates" online store: https://www.target.com/c/juniors-intimates-clothing-women/-/N-551uz
Edit: Holy post blow up, Batman! Thank you kind stranger for the Silver!
Edit 2: to the women who still buy in Juniors sizes.. while it fits you, it isn't the target demographic that the sizes are marketed to. Ask yourself why these companies don't carry sizes for your size in women's sizes vs Juniors, which are obviously pre-teen and teen sizes and styles.
Fit and size is one thing, actual target market is another.
I remember when the Osbournes had their own show and they were trying to buy clothes for Kelly. She was 15 at the time. The designer or shopping assistant or whatever said that she would find something to make Kelly, "sexy." Kelly immediately responded with, "I'm 15! I don't need to be sexy!" I thought that was so powerful!
Parents that want to be in control of their adult child's life. Notice I said adult child. Some parents want to continue to tell what their 18+ (or what ever age is consider an adult where you live) child to do. If they don't do what their parents say, the parents throws a temper tantrum and makes viscous threats towards the child.
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People need to stop acting like parents can't be extremely toxic and abusive people too. Living with artistic parents is absolute hell that gives the child various health and mental issues throughout their whole life.
Smoking. I cannot believe that in this age of medical enlightenment people still continue to smoke cigarettes; or that they continue to be available.
i feel the same about alcohol, i dont drink and people thnk im an alien but its very bad for you
American healthcare and teachers’ salaries.
Yes. And emergency worker’s salaries and basically anyone that does the necessary jobs to keep society afloat!
People that take too serious their instagram/any social media account. I've heard friends saying things like: don't post the photo now! Wait til x hour to get more likes and girls to see it!
Lol the only time this makes sense is if your making money off of it or your promoting a business.
Snooping through your SO stuff like phone, Facebook, email, wallet. If you don’t trust someone maybe you shouldn’t be with them? Or practice healthier habits like talking to them about your concerns.
I never felt I had to look at my now ex boyfriend's phone. Then be started acting extremely suspicious and I did ask him. He lied I knew he was lying. So I checked his phone and there were dozens of I love you messages to at least 3 other women. Shortly thereafter I kicked him out.
The bias of news media outlets today. Rich people buy broadcasting networks to control information and manipulate the masses.
It really is a damn shame and a significant reason for the problems of our time
Circumcision or piercing baby ears.
I absolutely abhor the idea of circumcision for non medical reasons and should be illegal. So glad it's becoming less a less popular in many countries. Less than 20% of boys are circumcised.
You can buy a 50 pizza roll bag for less than 4 dollars... (We don't buy this c**p, but comparison sake) but at the same Tom Thumb - organic blueberries (we do buy) cost 6 dollars. Even the non-organic blueberries are something like 4.50 for a tiny container.
So... a poor family - what are they to do? Go for the better "value" and eat c**p, or eat healthy and it be expensive?
Hospital billing. The legal system in general. Putting people awaiting trial in with the general jail population. Plea bargains for people who can't make bail. Tolerance of police who are known to have made false reports. Tolerance of "obstruction of arrest" charges that the DA has to drop. Failure to spend adequate money on local law enforcement. Tying school funding to property taxes.
Waiting for trials as a victim is extremely tedious. You just want to get it over and done with so you can try and move on but you have to wait 18-24 months just to get a trial date.
I feel like society forces you to interact with people (socializing w/ friends.. etc..) some people just wanna be alone. I hate it when parents say “your anti social, u need to get out more.”
There really isn’t anything wrong with wanting to be alone.
I wouldn’t call this unhealthy, unethical or toxic. Maybe just unfair? Not sure.
Advertising. At least in today's world. IMO, it's reached a point of being both toxic and unethical. Mainly telemarketing. The gov needs to start enforcing the laws.
The government won't do anything, because those very companies pay for their elections
Not sleeping adequately. I hate not keeping my sleeping routine on the weekends or not getting a full night of sleep (which means going to bed by 10:30 lol), but it seems like a lot of people around me brag about getting 4 hours of sleep a night or sleep at 3 or 4 in the morning on weekends. Not healthy!
Employers discouraging employees from discussing wages.
Having to take on tens, or hundreds, of thousands of dollars of debt after highschool. I'm all for post secondary education being a normal part of adulthood, but not at the cost of potentially crippling debt.
The meat, dairy, and egg industries. Not a vegan, but we all know exactly the kind of horrible mistreatment that goes on and we just kinda accept it for our own benefit.
Edit: Thanks for the silver! Glad to see some productive conversation being sparked and hopefully we can all at least make a small impact :)
If you can, try to find a local producer. I am really happy to have a local, small farmer in the next village where I also buy hay for the guinea pigs. She uses mobile homes for her chickens, so she can change the field regularly. I am always invited to visit the happy chickens. They go nuts over salad...
saying youre fine when all you want to do is scream
We all know "fine" stands for F****d-Up, Insecure, Nervous and Emotional.
We're really in love with the idea of being in love, and it's absolutely unhealthy.
The normalization of romantic coupling to the point where a man and a woman need to title a friendship as a “platonic relationship” to imply that there is absolutely no sexual attraction, and that “just friends” is somehow a downgrade from a sexual relationship. People feel some stupid need to ship everyone, completely unaware that some people are just fine by themselves.
This focus and desire for romance is absolutely f****d up to the point that we're willing to put up with absolutely shitty people just so we don't have to live with the stigma of being alone.
That's a bit crazy.
Can't upvote enough. The media pushes the idea of happiness as being dependent on others - f that! Make your own happiness! If that happens to include someone else, that's cool too, but at least make the choice for yourself.
Thinking we're better than other people because we were born in a "better" country.
You can’t be friends with “this person” because someone had a falling out with them, they have a significant other, someone you know just doesn’t like them.I should be able to be friends with whoever the f**k I want but people can’t be adults
I never went into this, and so far (M41), i lost no valuable friendship in the process. My male BFF and my female BFF dated years ago. They split, no longer talk to each other. But both are still my very close friends.
Lying to people in order to try and get them to have sex with you.
A friend of a friend does it to women regularly and I've had a couple women do it to me; everyone seems to tolerate this behavior despite it being super violating and unethical.
Unpaid maternity leave
Hot mess parents who don't have their s**t together.
Now, before I am raked across the coals let me explain. I am speaking about how the positive effort to not mom shame and the reality that moms are not perfect has swung too far. It is now becoming acceptable to excuse awful mothers/parenting because people keep claiming we cannot "mom shame." When a parent is neglectful, puts too much time and effort into anything but their kids, irresponsible and doesn't provide a decent environment for their kids, that isn't a good thing and shouldn't be given a free pass with a witty saying of "don't mom shame." I see mom's bragging that they haven't done laundry in weeks, forgot to pack their kids lunch again and their kids have eaten fast food every night because "hey, mom life is rough, teehee, let's have some mommy juice/wine." If anyone says anything about maybe you should start a load of laundry or just try to cook a simple meal, people attack them as shamers. It has swung too far. Lazy, awful parents are benefitting from it and it is toxic and unfair to the kids.
And yes, I know dad's exist too. However, I am speaking about personal experience as a mother and the mom culture.
Admission of those things should be taken as a sign the mother is possibly struggling.
Making some jobs completely permanent, like tenured professors or judges. Lots of reasons.
I have no problem with tenure for professors who killed themselves with research, study and work to get a small salary for life. I do have a problem with the influx of profoundly overpaid administrators who make some managerial widget (e.g. Lean) and are the real reason US tuition is out of control. They have no real job. They do nothing and get paid incredible salaries.
The widespread proliferation of **wilful ignorance**.
"I do my own research" all too often means "I search the Inernet until I find something that re-enforces my psychosis."
How normalized bullying and abuse is. We don't even realize just how many a*****e moves we use in common interaction with each other daily, and that's why we have so many assholes who enter abusive friendships, relationships and marriages and then destroy perfectly good people who didn't deserve that s**t.
Pushing people to go into debt for "education", then refusing to give them even the jobs that require that "education".
...or paying so little at the job that they have no chance of paying for the education that you require, or requirering an education that is completely irrelevant for the job they want you to perform. For god's sake, you don't need a bachelor degree in anything to babysit, that is a job for a teen girl.
Jealousy in relationships. Tons of people WANT their SO to be jealous and possessive of them if people of the opposite sex are around. They think a jealous SO means they value you, but in reality it means *they dont trust you*. The threat of their SO cheating is what causes jealousy, or the insecurity that their SO will leave them for someone else. In a healthy, trusting relationship, jealousy is minimized. Healthy jealousy is when you feel like you're not receiving enough of something from your SO (attention, affection, time, etc), but someone else is. In that case, you discuss your feelings and take steps for you to feel like your emotional needs are being met.
Jealousy over all is just waaayyy too overly accepted as "normal".
The word "toxic" has been overused so much it's now actually toxic itself.
why was the first thing that came into my head upon reading this, "with the taste of your lips I'm on a ride"...
Praising grades/scores rather than the effort put in to achieving it. It trains people to give up at the things that don't come as easily to them as it does to others. Getting good grades is a small accomplishment compared to developing the ability to keep putting in effort even when there is no immediate reward.
I had always struggled with math. My mom worked her tired a*s off with me with those dreaded flash cards and math activity books, and then she enrolled me in a learning centre. It all helped just a bit and she learned what it was I was struggling with, and how I learn. When my grades started picking up in math to around average, to getting a 74% (my school went by a % grade). I told my Dad and his wife, his wife just asked what letter is that? I was confused, reminding her it's a % grade where I go to school. She didn't believe me, converted my proud 74% to a letter grade around C, then said it wasn't good because my half brothers are all on the honor roll. Well good for them. Their school was on the news about heavy bullying from the honor roll students towards the other kids.
Working 40+ hours a week is seen as a good thing. F**k that. I work part time and I'm better for it, both physically and mentally.
Don't sacrifice your well being just to make society happy. Your mental health should always come first.
Edit: I know everyone had different circumstances, my comment was just a broad generalisation. I don't mean like cut 60h down to 10h. Just take the comment as you wish.
I mean, if you can afford to still live like that, sure. A lot of people barely get by while working insane hours. They arent doing it for the fun of it.
The grinding culture. What I mean by that are the people who constantly glorify their lifestyle of working 40-50 hours or more a week and then using their free time to work some other job or hustle. It's great that you're making and saving a ton of money, but at what cost? I just don't think it's worth it to neglect your mental health and go without enough time to rest and sleep.
Debt, at least at the levels Americans take it on. Sometimes emergencies arise and there's no other option but continually spending money you don't have just to keep up appearances is extremely toxic.
Pressure to go to college.
There is nothing wrong about parents wanting their kids to get an education. There's nothing wrong with kids wanting to learn a lot about a subject. There's a ton of s**t wrong with creating societal pressure for kids to foot the bill for tens of thousands of dollars worth of school when they have no f*****g clue what they want to do in life.
Folks, if you want your kids to go to college, you pay for it. That goal is *your* baggage, not theirs. My parents told me constantly that they'd be so disappointed if I didn't go to school, but I didn't get a penny to pay for it. I paid $50,000 and spent four years in school so my parents would be happy. Not great.
My brother went to college and I didn't because my brother is the smart one. My parents paid for his college, but won't pay for mine because they "can't afford it." That is, can't afford to waste money on someone who won't ever have a chance at a good career because of how much I struggled academically.
Parents who think their disabled/neurodivergent child is excluded from things like privacy and dignity, especially if they wouldn't post the same kind of material about their able bodied neurotypical child.
Codependency.
All the romantic comedies are chalk full of codependent people who are painted as heros.
It’s pretty bad once you see it- and you can’t see anything else.
Anything beyond a 40 hour work week.
People being part of an MLM. These companies preying on (mostly) women and making it seem like they can support their families pushing these b******t products on everyone is so toxic and unethical it's sickening!
Edit: words are hard
I read this as mlm as in gay and not mlm as in pyramid scheme. Need sleep I think
The whole sidechick thing. Where it's just assumed that your partner is unfaithful, so you might as well be too. I have nothing against open and honest relationships, but damn this is another animal entirely.
s******g on people you disagree with.
Anti-choicers, Bigots and anti-vaxxers deserve all the s**t they get. Sorry not sorry.
In Brazil, students that lead a completely unhealthy routine of studying and consequently get top grades are “advertised” as role models to other students. The problem is most of them give up their lives to do that. They stop doing anything that would be considered “relaxing”, including sleeping.
They get top grades, yes, but at a high mental cost.
I like how my TAFE courses work. You don't get grades like A's, B's or 96% etc. you get graded as Satisfactory or unsatisfactory ie pass or fail.
I may be on my own with this one, but I've always believed in it. I'm not or have ever been married, but my belief is that a wedding is not just about the bride!!! It's also the grooms day too!!! Why does everything have to be all about the bride?!! She's not marrying herself!! There's a groom involved too!!
silver award on reddit bc thats where the posts are coming from
Load More Replies... 
Systems that are supposed to help people improve their lives, but really don't allow for that at all keeping the socioeconomic gap very wide.
What's toxic is assuming where you shop makes you a racist makes me upset and people shouldnt shame people for shopping at hobby lobby or eating at Chick-fil-A or call them a racist for it
I may be on my own with this one, but I've always believed in it. I'm not or have ever been married, but my belief is that a wedding is not just about the bride!!! It's also the grooms day too!!! Why does everything have to be all about the bride?!! She's not marrying herself!! There's a groom involved too!!
silver award on reddit bc thats where the posts are coming from
Load More Replies... Systems that are supposed to help people improve their lives, but really don't allow for that at all keeping the socioeconomic gap very wide.
What's toxic is assuming where you shop makes you a racist makes me upset and people shouldnt shame people for shopping at hobby lobby or eating at Chick-fil-A or call them a racist for it
