According to dating expert Lillian Czolbe, being open-minded is very important when you date. If you come onto the scene with a list of must-haves and expect each partner to tick all the boxes, you’ll be missing out on a lot of great experiences and fun connections.
Still, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have standards. Sure, it’s good to give people a chance, but once you have a feeling it’s not going anywhere, letting go is the best way to deal with the situation.
Sometimes, one single thing can be a good indicator of a potential relationship’s future. The people who listed their opinions below know that first-hand. Scroll down to read all the deal-breakers and see if you agree.
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She started talking about being allergic to cats. I have a cat. She said I could get rid of the cat if it would be getting serious. I ended the date on the spot.
While it’s hard to cater to everyone’s wishes, knowing the most common deal-breakers out there can be useful for those looking to improve their second date chances. Some scientists did everyone a favor and put it all in a paper.
They determined 6 different deal-breaker types and surveyed a bunch of people to know the trends. The types are:
- Being gross – having poor hygiene, being unattractive, STDs.
- Being addicted – having substance abuse issues, smoking, having a criminal past.
- Being clingy – acting jealous and controlling.
- Being promiscuous – having too many casual or serious partners.
- Being apathetic – showing a lack of attention and trustworthiness, dismissing a partner’s interests.
- Being unmotivated – lacking ambition or financial prospects, having different worldviews.
How they discuss animals.
How one talks about, discusses and treats animals is very indicative of someones levels of empathy.
People who hurt or hate animals for no reason are a different type of breed of people, not a good one
One time a guy showed up to pick me up and was already drunk. I did not let him drive me.
And another time I was on a date, getting to know each other, and I was talking about my brother and his husband, and the guy literally had his face flush and said "you have a gay brother? And you support that?" Date over.
While the deal-breakers varied depending on whether people were looking for a short-term relationship or a long-term commitment, the worst offender was the same, and that is being apathetic. In other words, even if you have forgotten to put some deodorant on, you might still get a pass if you show genuine interest in your date.
But don’t expect to get too far while being stinky. Being gross is the second red flag on the list, followed by being clingy, addicted, unmotivated, and promiscuous. So, take a shower, relax, quit smoking, sort out your goals in life, and be selective with who you date, and you’ll be the perfect date. Honestly, after doing so much work on yourself, you’ll probably be too perfect for dating, so enjoy single life!
Calling themselves "Alpha" and complaining about "Beta male culture" unprompted. Big ol red flag.
The 'alpha male' concept was originally based on wolves in captivity, so it was basically like saying you understand human nature because you studied a bunch of prisoners. In reality the 'alpha's' of a pack are the parents. They take care of the pack, keeping them safe and making sure they are happy, healthy, and well fed. So that guy with the knee high socks and waistpack full of snacks making sure his kids and friends are drinking enough water and having a good time? That is the truest alpha male you will find.
Talking over me. Telling me what to think. Trying to explain my experiences and/or field to me.
I can’t stand it too when you’re mid sentence and they start talking about something random cutting you off
When guys sexualize my job.
I’m a nanny/babysitter. I hate when guys talk about it sexually. Like “hmm I wish you were my babysitter”.
How they treat other people like servers or bartenders. Went on a date with a girl and took her to my old work place where i used to be a server. She treated my old coworker like absolute s**t and tried telling me not to tip her cause she was so bad and she doesn’t need it. When i put $40 on the table she tried taking it so I picked it up and walked over to my old coworker and gave it to her
How you treat waitstaff tells me whether or not you have any sense of decency. Be rude, condescending, and/or abusive, and the last you'll see of me is the rear--as I walk out of the establishment.
Bringing up zodiac signs and assuming my personality based on my birth date rather than actually trying to getting to know me.
Real story. The guy spent half an hour straight checking up my ascendant sign after my zodiac sign to make assumptions about me right to my face. Boy, get a life first please.
I suffer from essential tremor - non-contagious, mostly harmless medical condition where my hands shake uncontrolably and this is pretty visible. She decided to make my natal chart, and she insisted that the best job for me was being a surgeon. Haven't seen her since.
She literally said to me "If you can't handle me on my worst day, then you don't deserve me on my BEST DAY!"
I just got up and left.
Handle your own damn self.....pft!
If you can´t behave on a first date, you don´t deserve a second date
Also, the "mysterious" type. The "come and find out", the "you'll have to wait and see", the "you're not ready yet". It tells me this person is waaaay less interesting than they want to look like, and/or they are hiding something sordid
their secret turns out to be that their childhood dog died or some s**t and they got hooked on drugs and tried to start a villain arc but failed miserably
Sexual double entendres when you’ve literally just met and aren’t quite comfortable with each other yet.
My ex did … my ex says … my ex does … my ex would never …
Making fun of other's insecurities.
Yeah, u dont make fun of someone who has like depression, adhd, autism, anything just for "fun" that sh!t isnt "cool" or "sigma" its f*****g messed up.
When they try to casually mention how much money they make or how much money their family has. There's nothing wrong with making good money or coming from money, but I don't like it when I get the vibe that someone is using it to try to impress me.
"I'm a God fearing, virtuous woman..."
Just about every Christian woman I've met turned out to be anything but God fearing and virtuous.
If they complain nonstop about how miserable they are, they're not going to get better in a relationship. It will only get worse.
When they trying to control everything. From drinks to food in a second or third date cuz they think I would like what they’ve chosen for me. Or when they still talk about that ex from years ago or trying to find me as their “replacement”
No, I’m not her.
If someone tries to order drinks or meals for me without my input, done deal. I have a mind and can make my own decisions. Thankyouverymuch.
Judgmental people. Those who judge what you like, who judge other peoples appearances, who make no effort to understand where another person's words/actions are coming from even when it doesn't affect them, who feel it's okay to laugh at other people.
Someone who posts that they are looking for a serious relationship and when you match with them they turn it super sexual reallllll fast
I actually ended up calling a guy out on this and he told me he puts that he wants a relationship because he gets more matches even when he just wants a hookup.... gross
When they ask about what kind of music I like and the minute they hear some of it is korean/kpop/krap and they go "but they're so gay!" or "they wear makeup tho" or anything along those lines.
It's usually the same men with the old ideas of masculinity I'd prefer not to live with.
I am a single mom. So it's usual for guys to ask questions about my kids when I first start talking/dating them. They want to know about the situation they are getting into so that's reasonable. That said one guy was super focused on my kids and that's all he wanted to talk about. Even when I would try and change the subject he would bring the conversation right back to them. I stopped talking to him immediately.
If the person doesn't want to make the relationship public.
Actually, my husband (19 years now) didn't tell anyone he worked with or his family about us. If they found out that was okay, but no sharing info about a new relationship. He's just a very private person and likes to keep personal things to himself. And, we were in our forties when we started dating after each having a failed marriage.
When it's your first time meeting, at a coffee shop to be safe. You order she shows up and starts going on about "how they were right we were meant to be together" "I am going to tell my doctor how wrong he was you are my husband" etc.
I didn't even get my coffee before I left, there was more along those lines but gave me huge nope vibes. It was a blind date she apparently knew my best friend and all that. I spoke to said friend after he had no idea who tf she was.
She became a stalker for awhile after, ended up changing cars, moving house, a large distance, and basically was terrified of leaving the house for awhile. Haven't tried dating since really.
When they call themselves sigma males and immediately start going down the route of “how easy it is to be a woman and raise a hue and cry about something”. I know this sounds specific but it has happened so many times!
I wish it were possible to actually switch these guys into a female body overnight. They'd be crying and weeping to be changed back in under a week.
If you meet them whilst they are dating someone else, but their relationship is coming to an end. You two are getting on real well, all of a sudden...oh they won't leave you for someone else, oh no.
They will. Yes, they will.
Doesn't matter if they directly say it, or because of their actions, but the 'I can't be alone' people. Sometimes they will straight up tell you this, or it will become clear as they've been with many people with no or little time in between those relationships.
Most of the time dating people who are like that, will end up realising that this is not what they want, and that they 'have to work on themselves' (bonus points if they say it is because they thought they were over 'x' or 'y', but aren't yet)
And everyone - think for a second about yourself: are you like that? Are you afraid of being single (apart from it being not what you want)? Honestly, everyone, do yourself a favour, sit down for a weekend, quietly, just you, a pen, and a notebook (or whatever works with you), and listen to yourself. If there's something to sort out, do that first. In the long run, it will make you happier, partner nor no, and if you have / find a partner, it will be better for them, too.
Y amount of kids from x amount of partners where x is greater than 1. I have no problem dating a woman with kids, I enjoy kids. I have a problem when they have 2-3 kids from 2-3 partners. That tells me this person makes bad decisions.
I have 2 kids from 2 different Dads. The first one I was with a man that changed to violence once I had the baby so we left eventually for our safety. It was a committed and long term relationship up to this point. My second child was with a man I married and was with for 12 years. It was less, bad choices and more life just being life. I am remarried now and if I could have more kids I would and it would be three for three.
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Overly negative people, like, the restaurant you're at turns out not to be very good, but instead of just agreeing not to eat there again and still enjoy the date they keep ranting
1st date, she keep asking details about my last relationship, I answered a few questions, every question was more intimate than the last one, so I asked her to change the subject about 4 times... until she bringed the questions a 5th time!!! I paid the bill and left...
Overly negative people, like, the restaurant you're at turns out not to be very good, but instead of just agreeing not to eat there again and still enjoy the date they keep ranting
1st date, she keep asking details about my last relationship, I answered a few questions, every question was more intimate than the last one, so I asked her to change the subject about 4 times... until she bringed the questions a 5th time!!! I paid the bill and left...
