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Going through a traumatic experience can scar a person for life. But some people tend to underestimate the terrible things others go through, especially if they haven’t experienced them themselves.
One netizen recently started a discussion on the topic, asking members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community about situations that are more traumatic than many people realize. A number of redditors shared their thoughts and covered all sorts of situations that none of us are, unfortunately, immune to. You can find their answers on the list below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Betrayal. You never realize how truly traumatizing that is until it happens to you. But it kills a part of you that you can’t get back.
Edit: I didn’t expect this to be the top comment. I’m so, so sorry to anyone that relates. You deserved better.
Magenta Blu 8 months ago
I just can't stop thinking betrayal is something everyone expects to happen sooner than later.. it's like lies.. everyone lies: parents, friends, family, teachers, politicians, doctors, lawyers, you name it! Betrayal hurts, but it is not like it is a rarity.. is more common than people using underwear...
Schmebulock 8 months ago
Cheating is and always should be a deal breaker. Once that trust is broken it will NEVER be the same.
RELATED:
#2
A pet dying unexpectedly. Some people expect you to get over it instantly.
Anthorn 8 months ago
i'm so sorry. You should take as much time as you need to heal <3
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Liserhawkie80 8 months ago
Or when you make a choice that perhaps contributed to their death, even unwittingly. Haunted still, years later.
Nikki138 8 months ago (edited)
I lost my cat and my mother's cat ( same litter) in 2019 (edited to say my fuzzy girls were 16 and my fuzzy dog was 12) and our family dog about 2 months ago. You never really get over it. People ask me why are you still crying?
Load More Replies... Fire Singer 8 months ago
Four years ago I took my dog in for dental work, totally routine the vet said. I picked her up after and just knew something wasn't right. I kick myself every day for not taking her to the emergency vet but waited for her regular vet to be open the next morning. She crashed at the vet clinic about 2 hours after they called saying she was fine and could go home soon. They then tried to say it was because she had a tumor in her brain. I suspect they messed up on her dental treatment, but can't prove it of course. I blame myself and I blame the vet, and I don't think that I'll ever get over it.
Bec 8 months ago
We found a kitten a few years ago, little guy with a big scab on his belly. We took him to our vet and had a follow up to get him fixed, he died from complications with the anesthesia and the vet also blamed that we'd had a OTC flea collar on him, but I also wish we would have waited until he was bigger, or if the flea collar was really an issue we could have waited. Oh Linus, we hardly knew ye!
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Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
For 2 of my dogs and one horse, the end came after a long illness. For my other horse, it was sudden and unexpected. I mourn them still. My horse died in 2001, my dog in 2009. And it's only now, 2025, that I can talk about that last dog and horse without crying. Mostly. Grief takes it's time.
HardBoiledBlonde 8 months ago
Unfortunately, the majority of people can not appropriately deal with nor support people who are experiencing grief whatever the reason may be for one's grief. This must change.
K Barnes 8 months ago
Our society here in North America seems to be set up to reduce, not increase, human empathy. Building human connections would go a long way in improving empathy , I think.
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trixiefly11 8 months ago
I struggle with odd connection problems. Some pets I love fiercely and others I have little to no affection for even though I will still care for them and pet them. But I don't really miss them when they are gone. But I still strongly miss several pets that i've lost. And it has been over 20 years since I had them.
Richard Iachetta 8 months ago
You never get over the death of a pet. We had to put our Gracie to sleep June 12 2021 and I still tear up every time I see a picture of her or do something that reminds me of her
#3
Being laid off. After it happens once, you fear for the loss of your future jobs at all times.
George D 8 months ago
Had a scare in 2000 and again in 2009. After those close calls I decided I needed some eggs in other baskets. Bought some rental properties with a business partner and developed a moonlighting business related to my field. When the cutbacks came in 2022 I had zero concerns this time. Survived it again but this time I wasn't wracked with fear of the future. Build income streams, that's the key.
K Barnes 8 months ago
I respect you working with what you had (clearly some healthy savings) but many in society are nowhere close to accessing the privilege owning of a, or multiple, rental properties and do not even have the privilege of owning a property for themselves. Everyone I know would own a rental property for income if they were able to...
Load More Replies... Bec 8 months ago
Losing a job and then not being able to find a job, rejection after rejection. It's depressing and people don't want to hire a depressed person.
Lynda Loyacono 8 months ago (edited)
And how prospective employers hold it against the individual the longer they go unemployed and how the stress shows. 20 years ago I experienced time and again this new bizarre hiring standards. I have got some stories that are just plain r******d. This world is f****d two ways to Mars r******d.
Load More Replies... Little Bit 8 months ago
True. I was made redundant from the best job I'd ever had a few years ago. To cut a very long story short i was already going through a bad period in my life with one problem on top of another. Losing my job was basically the final straw that broke the camel's back and it contributed to me having a breakdown. Although it didn't take me long to get another job, I always have an underlying fear, almost a phobia of losing my job again.
Bookworm 8 months ago
It's the opposite for me. I learned I survived it. If it happens again I'll survive it again.
Kitsune Nocturne 8 months ago
Happened to me in 2023, along with 90% of the support staff. It was completely unexpected and I now am constantly afraid of losing my new job. Every unexpected call or meeting makes me tense up.
Schmebulock 8 months ago
No, you don't fear the loss of future jobs at all times, but it definitely makes you more cautious.
Lynda Loyacono 8 months ago
Are you really speaking for everyone on the planet?
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#4
Parents that doubt/deny their child’s emotional experiences. It creates a narrative that you are a liar and cannot trust even your own reality.
StrangeOne 8 months ago
These parents tend to be the most emotionally unstable, volatile people ever. It just makes it uncomfortable when they see someone else expressing emotions at a normal level to give them reflection on how overly dramatic they are.
#5
Being the target of a stalker. It's been 5 years since the last incident but I still feel fear every time I walk outside of my house.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 8 months ago
Six years for me. It took me around 4 or 5 just to trust anyone again. It's like I lost half a decade of my life.
Gingersnap In Iowa 8 months ago
Last year I saw a former stalker and all those feelings and hurt came back. It took my breath away and not in a good way.
Little Bit 8 months ago
And worse is the police don't want to know and won't do anything to help. Long story short but after I left my ex-husband he eventually tracked me down and made the following year of my life a living hell, stalking me, harassing me and worse. It seemed like wherever I was or wherever I went he was there too. I was bombarded with unwanted gifts, letters, texts, phone calls and emails on a daily basis (this was in the days before social media). When I asked him why he just couldn't leave me alone he said, "This is revenge. Nobody leaves ME". I dreaded waking up every morning. I thought that the only way that it was ever going to stop was for me to end my life. He backed off after that. Maybe he got bored or maybe he realised that he'd gone too far and he might end up in real trouble.
Zaach 8 months ago
A fellow student (from Vietnam) was being stalked by some twit; she called his office then put me on - I told him that if she came to work in tears again there would be a white van in his future with 4 people with bats. Also, the white van would be around occasionally keeping an eye on him. Do you know how many white vans there are in Seattle? He tried to tell me that I did not understand what he was trying to do - I told him i know where he lives and where he works
Earonn - 8 months ago
It should be allowed to pay someone to beat the s**t out of stalkers. Or a service that stalks them in return. Tbf, I probably would at some point rather go to jail than to let the stalker continue. At least in jail he couldn't reach me - and if I have to go to jail, I might as well make it so that he never can do that to me (or anyone else) again.
HardBoiledBlonde 8 months ago
I have had stalkers. Once, I told a man I had been dating about my most recent stalker who became obsessed with me after showing him an apartment and leasing it to him, I was 18 and working p.t. while attending University. My boyfriend was appalled and fearful for me, I showed him some of the letters and "gifts" and said it would be taken care of. Taken care of it was, I never saw or heard from the stalker again and he terminated his lease and moved at great expense. Please note: this was when females had few legal rights especially concerning males and the atrocities they committed against females (yes, we are currently regressing to this reality again in the US. No, I do not know what "taken care of" involved.
Load More Replies... Magenta Blu 8 months ago
Living in a third world country where crime, trafficking, and substance dealing is the daily rutine is like being stalked 24/7. You just never know how feeling safe is like. And that's how you live even if you managed to flee to another "safer" country
#6
Medical gaslighting. I spent 15 years waiting for someone to figure out my neurological issues and I can't count the number of specialists and regular doctors who tried to tell me "it's all in my head" (well, duh, it's a neuro issue), refused treatment or diagnoses, that I must just have anxiety, etc. As it turns out I needed a double neurosurgery - with both done at the same time. It was brutal and I very much had some severe problems.
Medical trauma and PTSD is very common in those with chronic illnesses.
George D 8 months ago
This is why it is absolutely critical everyone get second and third opinions. Doctors only know what they know and they'll never just straight up tell you they don't know.
Lila Allen 8 months ago
Good doctors will straight up tell you they don't know and send you to a specialist
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 8 months ago
Doctors tried telling my daughter an anaphylaxis symptom she was getting was "emotionally reactive". Sorry, but you can't fake the swollen tongue that she got.
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 8 months ago
It's basically why I don't purse anything w/ doctors unless I am unable to function.
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
It took a long time for one of my physical, and several mental, health issues to be properly diagnosed. And one of the physical issues started as a child and my dad kept saying it wasn't real.
#7
Accidentally opening the front camera. u see yourself from an angle no human should ever witness 😂.
#8
Being in a toxic workplace. I would be reprimanded for the littlest of things, given attitude for asking a simple question or confirmation, even set up to seem like I messed up something when in reality I found evidence that that wasn’t the case. Even showed them this and all I got was a shrug.
That was 4 years ago. To this day in any place I work at, if I’m ever called to the office for something I immediately get nervous. It’s gotten better but there’s still that tiny bit of worry that’ll grip me in a chokehold sometimes.
Little Bit 8 months ago
Being in a toxic workplace is like being trapped in an a*****e relationship. I know. I've been in both.
Kitsune Nocturne 8 months ago
This. This was my experience for 6 years of my life. 6 years at a horrifically toxic law firm working for 28 (!) bosses who had no problem literally abusing me, with an HR that prioritized them over me. I never feel safe working for a company now.
Pheebs 8 months ago
Freaking, yes. My last job was insanely toxic - both in general for everyone there, and in other ways for me specifically due to a couple of really bad managers. I worked there for far, far longer than I wanted because I simply didn’t have any options. I’m in tech, but my area doesn’t have a huge tech job pool unless I move a couple hours away, which was feasible financially. I also stayed so I could finish my degree, and because there were some people there who made life worthwhile. It took 3 years of actively applying to jobs to leave, and 2 years at my current job to feel secure. I also had to relearn how to recognize constructive criticism, as initially everything felt like an attack.
Rosecrucian Roeth 8 months ago
I know this may be hard to do BUT, be confident in yourself. If you know what you are doing and you know it is right, don't let anyone gaslight you or tell you they know better. Cover your butt with anything and everything that will prove you are right!
K Barnes 8 months ago
I worked in an extremely toxic school for a principal who was the most negligent and corrupt human I've ever worked for. It broke me and almost made me leave the profession. Now I work in a great school with a great staff and am grateful for it every day. It has changed my life. I am so lucky.
#9
Being betrayed by someone extremely close to you. It’s something you’ll remember forever.
Magenta Blu 8 months ago
And it's something that will certainly happen sooner than later.. and MANY many times.... Over the time this doesn't hurt anymore, because you get used. Or because you just can't care anymore.
Rosecrucian Roeth 8 months ago
This happened to me and we are still together BUT I think at the time, she was in a not so good way in more than one ways, and I kept my shite together and it did pass. She did change back to who she was but emotionally we have not been nearly as close as before.
#10
Mild sexual m*****tation. By which I mean a squeezed b*m, or someone grabbing your b**b over clothes, or brushing your c****h over clothes.
My oldest kid recently confided in us that she was groped by a distant family member several years ago. She was 9 years old.
Now a lot of stuff makes sense: her depression, self-harming, high anxiety and refusing to hug me or her dad anymore. If I ever see that guys again, I’ll k**l him.
(And before anyone asks, yes, she is in therapy and yes, we’ve been to the police, that’s currently in motion. We’re also outing him to the whole extended family and they can do with that what they will).
Liserhawkie80 8 months ago
No such thing as "mild" m ol est ation. Any amount of it is traumatizing. It's a breach of trust between trusted adult and child.
HardBoiledBlonde 8 months ago
There are degrees, all of them unconscionable.
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Sara Frazer 8 months ago
Yeah that happened to me a few years back when I was in New Orleans. Late at night, crowded bourbon street. Felt a hand unmistakably squeeze my b*m for a second, I took a few more steps because in the shock I didn't even register it immediately, I stopped and turned back and this guy was several feet away, stopped, staring at me with a sick smile. My travel companions were walking on ahead unaware, I was so shocked I just turned and caught up to them. But later I felt so disgusting and violated. Just from that quick one second grope. The next morning, sober and remembering it I was enraged, I wished I had screamed and called him out and made a fuss. Who knows how many other women he groped that night 🤢🤬
Christina Keenan 8 months ago
I was molested by my grandfather when I was very young. Didn't understand what was happening but it made me feel very uncomfortable. It had been happening to me my whole life because my grandfather was a pervert.
#11
Realizing your blood relatives are nothing more than individuals with similar genes. They do not automatically comprise a family and they can be more cruel than strangers because they know how to hurt you.
#12
Life after cancer. People expect you to just be able to bounce back to normal and “be happy” from hearing you are “cancer free.” in reality the fear of reoccurrence eats away at you forever.
StrangeOne 8 months ago
I see this in someone I know. She seems vibrant, happy and very healthy with a balanced lifestyle. She is very disciplined, yes, but I know she is not happy and much of her focus and obsession with eating as healthy as possible and exercising is a result of fearing more cancer and other health problems. She's even tried holistic coaches, who told her bitter apricots everyday would "cure cancer", among other shifty, unproven advice. Then she pushed these ideals onto everyone else.
Rosecrucian Roeth 8 months ago
Sometimes I think that people that are afraid to die are not ready to LIVE!
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BookFanatic 8 months ago
Yes. Every symptom, every doctor's visit, every test. "Is this it? Is this the day my cancer comes back?" I think about my death a lot more than I ever did. Uh...that sounded concerning. I meant in a general way, not like s******l ideation or anything.
#13
Unemployment and being rejected over and over for jobs.
KombatBunni 8 months ago
The rejection can literally feel like physical pain. Times that by every single knockback you get and it’s almost impossible to keep trying
Magenta Blu 8 months ago
Yep. It's not like "no one wants to work anymore" but there are no jobs available.. and "you are not what we are looking for" "don't call back, we will call you"
K Barnes 8 months ago
That's just it...no one wants to work anymore means: you are not what we're looking for- someone available full time, with no other job, that we can schedule anywhere from 8-44 hours a week on random days and varied am/pm shifts for minimum wage with no benefits. You can't live on 8 hours pay some weeks? That's not our problem, we need you available full time.
Load More Replies... Rosecrucian Roeth 8 months ago
What really gets to me and really pi##e# me off is that this happens and usually it is for reasons that are misogynistic, racist, bias and you happen to be a moron in charge of DOGE
YakFactory 8 months ago
That does hurt. Over several periods between employment I applied for jobs, lots of them. I was well qualified for them all, but the line on the rejection letter that reads "better luck next time" doesn't help at all. I lived in a small regional town, everyone knew, or knew of, everyone else, and, of course, everyone knew everything. It was such a relief when I was old enough to retire, and forget about application letters.
TBW 8 months ago
What should terrify you is that there are employers out there that make bad assumptions about potential candidates (like dismissing their candidacy over whatever their biased views deem to be a history of short term employment despite not really having a clue why they may have left those jobs in a decade where mass companies have had mass layoffs "or" seeing that they have qualified candidates in 80% of their applicants but still thinking they have to find the unicorn for an entry-level job) while imagining that their $20/hr entry-level job offer is going to get them a long-term senior level employee.
Load More Replies... #14
Living in constant uncertainty!!
Rosecrucian Roeth 8 months ago
Right now, I think the world is in a state of flux unknown since forever. The world is being taken over by a cabal of dictators, nutcases, morons, autocrats and several so-called democrats in the US who have been very, very silent since the last election.......................... SHAME, SHAME, SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!
Melinda Landis 8 months ago
Wellcome to real life. It sucks except when it doesn’t. Then it’s worth it.
#15
When parents are just there. They give you shelter and food, they are functional and seem okay, but they just arent really inveted in their child. Its growing up in complete emotional isolation.
Magenta Blu 8 months ago
Wait.. are you trying to say that's not just normal for everyone???? Every adult I met when I was child and now that I'm older is only focusing in themselves, their career, their inner world, or their social media leaving the children to be raised by ANYONE ELSE than themselves: nannies, nurseries, school teachers, grandparents, or anyone they can dump their children on to. Hardly anyone even tries to connect with a child unless it is for, you know... Manipulating the child to behave like an adult.
person (i think) 8 months ago
I’m sorry you find that to be the case, but the few people I know with kids are very invested in their kids having a fulfilling childhood
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Jack Sonol 8 months ago
My dad thought that successfully providing food and shelter was the pinnacle of parenting. He often said that the fact my siblings and I were not dead in a ditch somewhere meant he was an excellent father.
Christina Keenan 8 months ago
Youngest of four here. By the time I got there, my parents had their rote responses and attitudes. It was old hat to them but it was traumatic to me.
Rosecrucian Roeth 8 months ago
When my boys were very young, my wife with them and then when they went to school, she went back to work, night shift, and I was working days. she would ALWAYS be available to go with them on school trips and whenever there was something that needed a parent at school. The best thing that ever came up was the day park pass at Canada's Wonderland. In the summers,. she would take them each day to the park. and while they would play, she could catch some sleep and they would have some fun. To be honest., I'm not so sue just how much rest she had as she always knew what they were doing. later I quit a 38,000 year job for an 8,000.00 reduction in pay to make sure I could take them to soccer games and practice. It is what you do for your children if you are gong to have them. If you are not so inclined, then DON'T HAVE THEM!
Silly Vanilly <3 8 months ago
I have a couple friends that are the oldest sibling and they have to take care of the younger siblings because the parents aren't there. It's so sad.
#16
Having someone close to you die for the 1st time.
A_UserHere 8 months ago
Well theyve already done it once, what's one more time?
Load More Replies... detective miller's hat 8 months ago
My best friend in the world died suddenly in December 2023 and a lot of the time it still doesn't even feel real. Like my brain just refuses to fully process that I'm never going to see or speak to him again. We'd been bff's since high school (~1998) and then, just BAM, gone forever.
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
I was only 7 when my grandpa passed. I wasn't considered "old enough" to attend the funeral.
Amy S 8 months ago
I'm sorry for your loss. I was wondering recently what age is old enough to go to a funeral? I was kept away from a few because I was "too young" and resented that I couldn't grieve with my family. But I don't know how I would have handled a funeral and if that would have been worse?
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Beak Hookage 8 months ago
One of my closest friends died suddenly. It was nine years ago and I have now accepted that I will *never* be "over it".
#17
Having a mom who did not want to be a mom.
George Costanza 8 months ago
This is why birth control and abortion are literally two of the most important advances in all of human history. Unwanted children that are raised by parents that didn't really want children are doomed. It's awful.
Tony V 8 months ago
I can't even imagine this one... it must be horrible. My mom was one of those moms that considered her position as a mother as primary and jobs and everything else were just secondary. I have seen women like this, some that absolutely hate children, but they ended up with them anyway.
Rosecrucian Roeth 8 months ago
There are so many people in this world that have children and should never, ever have them!
#18
Reading the news and using social media (like Reddit) that heavily relies on sharing news and negative opinions, scenarios, photos etc. It's literally damaging our psyches, because we are not meant to be under constant bombardment of (mostly negative) information. My therapist told me that she is convinced that taking a few weeks, maybe even months off "being online" would vastly improve the mental health of most of her patients.
I listened to her and now I often take media breaks. Sometimes I just disappear for a weekend, sometimes for longer. The effect on my mental health is almost immediate and very noticeable.
StrangeOne 8 months ago
Perhaps not just taking a break from the internet, but a break from the shock and anguishing content. I do think it's important to pay attention to what's going on in the world. But maybe don't read the comments.
Earonn - 8 months ago
Yeah, I use Twitter to be aware of how likely the USA are now to start WWIII, but mainly just read the news. For the fun on social media, I use Bluesky, where most of my science friends and contacts went anyway.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 8 months ago (edited)
The annoying part is that even if you spend three seconds reading a post that you shouldn't be reading because it feeds into a negative outlook on life/the world/society, suddenly your entire feed gets flooded with the c**p. I just wanna look at cat memes.
#19
Being an outcast (socially). I read somewhere that the brain registers it as physical pain but don’t quote me on that.
Pheebs 8 months ago
I felt like an outcast as a kid, even while having a group of friends. They were never cruel like some people experience, at least in words, but I never got invited to their birthday parties. Didn’t get invited to sleepovers. Holidays like valentines, they would buy each other little gifts and I’d not get any acknowledgment even when doing something for them. It makes you realize you’re just being tolerated, and is still very isolating.
Magenta Blu 8 months ago
This was me, and still. This never changed. I never understood how to fit in a group, or how to achieve anyone (don't care who, but ANY person) to care about me. I don't understand why everyone isolates me. And this always happens no matter where and when. More than 40 years I tried, Buti never managed to have one single friend or someone wanting to have a relationship with me. Romance is out of reach, because, how can anyone love me, when they are not interested of me being around them?
Load More Replies... Little Bit 8 months ago
I've always been one of life's misfits. It was more hurtful when I was younger and I would do absolutely anything to try and fit it, to be one of the crowd. Now that I'm older I'm not really bothered. I've found that I'm happier in my own company.
#20
Heart break.
I think some people believe that it isn’t that big of a deal, and maybe in some cases it isn’t. But when you put your faith and trust into someone and they go cold and indifferent on you, when you’re trying to show up, that can destroy you.
StrangeOne 8 months ago
It can physically hurt. I've had it where my chest and arms felt squeezed.
Little Bit 8 months ago
I've had it where It literally felt like somebody had sliced my chest open with a knife and ripped out my heart with their bare hands.
Load More Replies... Magenta Blu 8 months ago
That contradictory unbearable weight of the void and pain you feel inside is something I can't desire not even to the most evil human being
Magenta Blu 8 months ago
Breathing hurts. Eating hurts. Water touching your skin hurts. Opening your eyes FCK hurts. And pretending nothing happened and being ok destroys you. I realized being physically ill or chronic sick is better, because at least there is valid reason to feel bad. But heartbreak is considering so unimportant, that acknowledging your own suffering hurts even more, because.. it's only heartbreak, right? D4mn
#21
Bedbugs.
Nadine Debard 8 months ago
I'm allergic to them, got bitten in a hotel. Now I won't trust any bed and have to check each time I travel.
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
In the senior's building where I live, they have a bedbug-sniffing dog come in once a year to check.
Ryan Mercer 8 months ago (edited)
That is an terrestrial isopod. AKA: pill bug, rolley pulley. They are detritavores; they eat decaying plant matter. Often found under rocks in humid soil. If you find one in your bed, then it is very lost.
person (i think) 8 months ago
Yeah, this really is traumatizing as f***. Look into “bedbug ovens”. They can help prevent bringing them home from traveling and getting rid if them from your things
Beak Hookage 8 months ago
Good thing that's a slaterbug and not a bedbug. They'll eat your plants but they don't bite people.
#22
I think people don’t realize how powerful their words and actions are. Like you may think it’s fine to be rude and angry but that may stick with someone for a LONG time.
I remember being made fun of for dancing in 8th grade by a boy and a bunch of kids laughed at me and I still struggle with it.
Lee451 Henderson 8 months ago
I took a girl to a school dance in the 8th grade. I was dressed so horribly she took one look at me and took off with someone else. Never went to another school dance.
Brian Droste 8 months ago (edited)
There is a old saying I remember growing up with. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words won't hurt me. Or something along that lines. But words can hurt worse than physical objects. They stay with you far longer than physical hurt.
K Barnes 8 months ago
I hope OP can seek therapy to help themselves. It's not good to hold onto a little thing like that many years later. You can still feed bad about it but shouldn't be struggling with it. I was bullied in grades 7 and 8 and am very grateful to have moved on and realized that it wasn't me, it was them.
Rosecrucian Roeth 8 months ago
Words are just words. You have to understand and acknowledge who is saying them. It is far easier to do this when you are an adult, but never forget that words are just words; actions are far more indicative of what kind of person you are dealing with. I do understand that this becomes more palatable as you mature.
#23
Being diagnosed with a chronic illness.
Huddo's sister 8 months ago
For me, it wasn't the diagnosis that was traumatising-it was good to finally have an answer. It's when the flare ups get so bad even though you are doing what you are supposed to and you can't do even simple daily tasks that is worst. You keep telling yourself, you could do this before, why can't you now?
Phred 8 months ago
"You mean, this is real? There's a name for it? I'm not the only person like this?" It's comforting to know.
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Lowrider 56 8 months ago
Having COPD. I smoked for 55 years. Dr's kept telling me my lungs are in bad shape, didn't stop me from smoking. A couple months ago I got the flu, d**n near died. My lungs shut down, they rushed me to the ICU, were getting ready to intubate me. Luckily, they got my lungs working again. They have me on oxygen at home and I haven't smoked a cigarette in 67 days.
K Barnes 8 months ago
Congrats on 2 months+!!! Keep it up as best you can, that's one HARD habit to kick. 67 days is awesome!
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Louise Clarke 8 months ago
Having a diagnosis, but still having people (especially teachers) not believe it.
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
The actual diagnosis was a relief. No, living with a chronic illness isn't fun - I've got more than one - but getting a diagnosis and treatment is a relief.
#24
Growing up fat.
Constant discussion about your body, being put on diets, it being assumed you aren’t as good at sports. It’s basically ingrained in you that being fat is a character flaw and that you’re less than.
Also looking back on my childhood photos, I wasn’t fat. By any means. I’ve always been tall and bigger, but basically taking up space wasn’t ok I guess. Every doctor visit a comment, kids in school picked on me relentlessly, my mom had me on diets and restricted food nonstop while my skinny a*s brother could eat whatever he wanted. I wish I could hug 8 year old me.
Earonn - 8 months ago
Being overweight is 10% burden because of what it does to your body, and 90% burden because of what others do to you. People are quick to tell you to eat less, but if you ask them to talk about it less, somehow THEY are too weak to do that.
Fire Singer 8 months ago
AGREED! Plus what people who have never struggled with weight before tend to not understand (not all of course) is that anything they say I've already said to myself 100 times over and in much harsher terms. "You're fat." Oh really? Thank you for pointing that out I didn't know that nor did I call myself a cow 17 times already today. Just let people be who they are, people never know what others are going through so let's not make it worse shall we?
Load More Replies... Marno C. 8 months ago
This should be higher. People who are larger, especially kids, face so much disrespect, dehumanizing treatment, disrespect and constant criticism. So many of the people delivering the ab*se say they are doing it out of 'care and concern' but that is despite it being proven time and again that people engage in healthy behaviors only when they feel positive and empowered; making someone feel dehumanized does not 'shame' someone into good health choices. Nope, it is the same kind of 'care and concern' as those folks who offer only 'thoughts n' prayers' to gun violence; performative selfish virtue signalling while secretly despising others.
K Barnes 8 months ago
My best friend's mom called her either chubby or overweight when she was about 10 and it has affected her until now at 40. She confided in me years later, still very upset. She was a few pounds overweight but very active/sporty and healthy, just not skinny like some kids. My heart breaks for poor 10 year old her.
#25
Your parents getting older. I was utterly unprepared the first time my mother became genuinely ill, or how fragile my father became during radiation treatment...the experience shakes your core and I strongly wish I'd prepared myself.
Huddo's sister 8 months ago
The first time I had to drive my mum to an appointment rather than her driving me was weird.
T.M.P Janssen 8 months ago (edited)
I had that "Oh s**t theyre getting old too" moment some time ago. my dad is 68 and was always a buff, football playing factory worker. Now I realized a few month ago that he walks slightly leaning foward and looks way more fragile. He's not sick despite the medicated things he had for 20 year now but the AGE that caught up on him is...frightening. That man used to be a mountain of a man...
#26
An infestation of any kind in your home.
We had a bird mite infestation a few years ago and it nearly ruined our lives and relationships - emotionally and financially. Horror.
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 8 months ago
Had rats once. There was this old TV repair shop across the street from my house. It was next to a food car pod with lots and lots of delicious for rats garbage. They tore down the TV repair shop and the whole neighborhood and a problem. Got out of bed to take a leak and stepped on one.
Beak Hookage 8 months ago
I was about to say "OMG me too" but then I realised you didn't mean as pets! Let me guess - the one you stood on wriggled free and ran off? I've sat on one of mine on many occasions (because she's a moron who keeps running underneath me just as I'm sitting down) and afterwards she just walks off like nothing happened.
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 8 months ago
I dealt with mice for a few years, and then another infestation was on the verge of starting. It was that new finding that broke the camel's back. Everyday were living in fear, paranoia and disgust. We got out of our lease, penalty-free, very quickly and moved within a couple weeks later to a pest-free place. It's been almost 5 months since moving, but feels longer now. We've only just started to feel comfortable and settled in our new place, but the paranoia still exists in the back of my mind. We're a lot more vigilant. The financial toll was large. My family helped big time with moving costs and the first rent and deposits, and replacing furniture. As well as helping me with the pest prevention stuff at the old place. An expense that should have been on the landlord, not us. We were already spending tons on cleaning supplies and garbage bags, PPE. We were afraid of stowaways in our new place. I also can't do sesame seeds anymore from what I found with the mouse poop under the stove.
Mike F 8 months ago
Mice are little, furry and cute but they can scare the 💩 out of you when you stumble onto them in your house. For some odd reason they always infested the house I lived in about 30 years ago. Come the fall, they decided they were moving in with us and we played h3ll getting rid of them. You would pull the trash can from under the sink to empty and they were jumping in there, like watching popcorn pop. I learned to bait traps with taco chips and it was very effective.
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Patty Panda 8 months ago
We had a flea infestation. The dogs took monthly flea beds, but apparently using the same brand made them less effective over time. I contacted the manufacturer, but all I received was a 10%coupon. I wanted at least one package of replacement meds to use down the road. We had to take bedding (human and pet) to laundry mat, get new flea meds for the dogs, and treat all the indoor cats because the dogs brought the fleas in. Fifteen years ago and cost maybe 1,000 then (there was more involved)
Load More Replies... Little Bit 8 months ago
A couple of years ago I had an infestation of mould mites. They got everywhere. It took weeks of 24/7 cleaning and scrubbing with just about every product known to man to finally get rid of them. To this day I don't know where they came from. Last summer one of my daughters (unbeknown to me) left a sandwich in her school bag for weeks and I happened again. This time I caught it fairly early on was able to contain it but it didn't stop my stress levels going through the roof. Then my daughters didn't clean their room properly, left food in there, and guess what? Third time of sorting it out. I've said that if it happens again I won't be there to sort it out.
Beak Hookage 8 months ago
I've had mice in the pantry a couple of times, and every time it made me anxious and paranoid as hell. Even after I'd gotten rid of them I'd be listening for the sound of gnawing.
HardBoiledBlonde 8 months ago
I have never heard of these mite infestations and refuse to goggle it.
#27
Realising your childhood wasn't as happy as you thought.
Magenta Blu 8 months ago
I'm just glad childhood is short.. and that it ends... Finally. The worst time ever
StrangeOne 8 months ago
I hate that my mom told me things about what it was like for her when I was growing up, all the things she went through that I didn't notice. There was a lot of bad moments in my life, but I held the good times dearly. When I look back, I was just coping day after day. When I was in my teens I couldn't wait to move out.
Brian Droste 8 months ago
My childhood wasn't bad but my parents weren't real loving. Ine er felt super close to them as I see and hear how other kids grew up.
Earonn - 8 months ago
OMG, yes. You remember so many things, you even talk about them, but somehow you don't grasp that they were wrong. And it's not just these super-f****d-up things you tell at parties and everyone goes silent. That's EASY. Because then you get a signal that something is wrong. If it's only small things - neglect rather than abuse - it's hard to notice.
#28
Overprotective upbringings, many children live with deep rooted self limiting beliefs that impact their careers and lives.
StrangeOne 8 months ago
The limitations are crippling. You want to do something, such as a career or activity. You know you all it requires is initiating on your part. But worrying about your parent's approval somehow rules over your head.
ZombieMommy 8 months ago
This can send kids straight over the edge into horrible habits, criminal activity etc, just to feel like they have some control
#29
I think when it comes to bullying, even if the bullying itself "isn't that bad" what's awful is the constant dread it creates. It hardwires hypervigilance into the victim's brain, so they are feeling the effects and suffering long after it's gone.
Edit - I commented because I think it is hard for people who haven't gone through it to realize how damaging bullying is and I try to raise awareness where I can. The hypervigilance is hard for people to comprehend. I'm afraid I'm not doing a great job explaining it and I'm sorry about that.
Edit 2 - I can't reply to everyone so I am going to put some more information and resources here. I found out about CPTSD on reddit and found a lot of resources on that sub. This is kind of an a la carte menu of things to try if you are interested. I am an expert in nothing but my own experiences, so this should not be considered complete or appropriate for everyone.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy - "Feeling Good" Burns. CBT helped me with my self esteem and catastrophizing
EMDR therapy - you need a certified therapist for this. Helped reduce my triggers. I do use it to process things when I am in a bad spot still, but you are supposed to start with a therpist.
Pete Walker - CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving - I'm not exaggerating when I say this book saved my life. I adapted his emotional flashback management plan. Wrote it down on a dozen index cards. Practiced it when I didn't need it so I was able to use it better when I did. Kind of like a fire drill for my brain.
The one thing I disagree with Pete Walker on is handling the internal critic. Through Internal Family Systems I came to know all my parts, and I believe they formed to help me. I don't shout them down, like Pete recommends. If that works for someone, I am happy, whatever works. I got to know my parts and got them other jobs which they were happy to take. My self harm part became a self help part, suggesting things we could do for distraction when things get bad.
"Internal Family Systems Therapy" by Schwartz. I got the book from the library and basically started talking into the void. I have a whole community in my head who I talk to and address issues with. It's a little out there, but it works for me and it's the only thing that has ever helped with the hypervigilance. I have three guys in the control room and a whole team of forest ranger types out in the field. They are constantly checking and anticipating. My work with them mostly involves getting them to stand down and just do whatever they want, because most of the time I am in a safe environment now. They formed to protect me in childhood and never left their posts.
Whatever happened and wherever you are now, you deserve to feel okay. Just knowing that you are no longer powerless and can work on healing is a big step. I wish you all the best and hope everyone finds something to help them. Take care.
Edit - again - sorry - One more thing which was really the first thing. I'm not multitasking very successfully right now. I started with good old regular talk therapy and eventually group therapy. Having the therapist and the people in group (who really understood what I went through, and how it felt) tell me it was not okay and I didn't deserve it was cathartic and extremely helpful. It was an important step in the process.
Okay another edit - someone else recommended this book
It seems like our reading lists were very similar. Would also highly recommend "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors" by Janina Fisher. Her work is relatively new, but she takes IFS and makes it more effective for those who have higher levels of trauma.
StrangeOne 8 months ago
It really does shape you in life. You can't trust anyone. You think everyone is out to get you and gossiping behind your back. You try extra hard to please others with no success. You just want to blend in and not be bothered, or be somewhere alone, secluded.
Silly Vanilly <3 8 months ago
This^. For all the kids out there, bullying isn't "cool." Bullying is a really sh!tty thing to do.
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Wang Zhuang 8 months ago
Side note, it's also interesting how some of these bullies are clueless and later in life try to friend you on social media. Like bruh, don't you remember what a supreme a*****e you were? Buy a f*****g clue
Earonn - 8 months ago
May I add: when parents don't support you when you get bullied. No, you don't "make us stronger and independent". You teach us that we are helpless, because there's only so much a child can do. And to know that your wellbeing doesn't mean s**t to your own parents doesn't help either.
Little Bit 8 months ago
Being bullied a child can effect you for years to come. You no longer trust anybody, you just want to be left alone in peace, you keep people at arm's length because you don't want to risk being hurt again.
Rick Seiden 8 months ago
Trauma is in the eye of the traumatized. To soldiers can fight side by side, day after day, facing the same horrors. One can come home and get on with their lives like nothing happened, and the other can have debilitating PTSD.
BookFanatic 8 months ago
Was teased all through my elementary years until about 13 yrs old. To this day, I am very agreeable, don't want to be a bother, and always doubt that my friends really do want to be my friends.
#30
Pregnancy, birthing and postpartum.
StrangeOne 8 months ago (edited)
I found it a distressingly violating experience. But we're told "at least be glad your baby is healthy". But I was not feeling healthy, nor clean and nor like a human. I felt tossed aside like rotten lettuce, and treated as though I committed a crime but unsure what it was I did wrong. I had little privacy and dignity. I may as well have walked around naked.
Fire Singer 8 months ago
It may be a small thing, but I remembered my sister when she had kids (I have none) that she said everyone only asks about the baby now, so now whenever someone I know has a kid or someone they know has a kid I always make sure to ask how the mom is doing before asking about the baby. I didn't realize how forgotten some moms can feel. :(
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Gracie Jay 8 months ago
Omg!! Yes, this! Yes, you get an awesome cute little human out of the deal. But it is traumatizing! Just admit it people! I’d have been better prepared had I had even a small idea of the trauma coming my way.
#31
Physical abuse. I am so tired of seeing people debate whether or not it’s okay to hit your children when there’s literal psychological research and proof of why you should not and yet they insist.
#32
Losing a best friend.
Hurts just as much as a romantic partner. Even worse when you never quite connect with another friend like that and on social media seems like everyone has a "bestie" and the constant reminders.
#33
Watching my dog die and still hearing the sounds of him from the tragedy. I am sick all over again now that I wrote it.
#34
Growing up around someone who can't control their anger.
#36
Head injures.
"Almost half of all homeless men studied by researchers from St. Michael's Hospital and the University of Toronto had suffered at least one traumatic brain injury in their life and 87 per cent of those injuries occurred before the men lost their homes." From: https://globalnews.ca/news/6245863/homeless-traumatic-brain-injury/
Yes - there is a connection that people living a hard life (D***s, drinking...) are more likely to have a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). But also, having a TBI makes it more likely someone will start drinking and/or doing d***s.
Basically having any time of head injury increases ones risks of LOTS of bad things that often lead to more bad things.
Edited to add. This just showed up on my Reddit main page:
https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/1jmjini/a_new_study_has_found_that_a_kid_who_has_suffered/
A new study has found that a kid who has suffered a concussion – even a mild one – is 15% less likely to go on to higher education in adulthood. It highlights the long-term impact of traumatic brain injury on learning, regardless of severity.
Little Bit 8 months ago
I was in a car accident when I was 11 which left me with, among other things a fractured skull. I lost my memory for months and even now there are things from my childhood that I can't recall. I've had migraines, memory problems and blackouts ever since. I've never had the desire to do drink or d***s. I didn't go into higher education because when it comes to tests and exams my mind goes completely blank and I'm totally useless. I would never have achieved anything.
StrangeOne 8 months ago
Shaken Baby Syndrome could be a strong culprit, and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
As far as I know, I didn't have my first concussion until I was in my 20s. The last - and I sincerely hope it was the last! - was in Dec. 2023. It seems to have triggered the latent damage sustained in previous concussions.
ZombieMommy 8 months ago
I seriously believe I had a concussion as a child and that is why I have so many problems with headaches, hearing, memory, sleeping, and sinuses.
#37
Growing up in a household where your parents do not love one another, and fight constantly. It shapes how you will seek out romantic relationships in the future, because the fighting and toxicity seems normal to you. Affection and kindness will seem foreign to you. I remember seeing my dad kiss my mom’s head one time as a kid, and that was the only time I saw something like that. It was when my brother got a neck injury from a football game and we were in the hospital.
Staying together for the kids is not the best option. Stay together for the kids AND get therapy to try to mend your broken relationship. I feel like my parents could have easily worked out if they actually communicated their issues. I rarely would see them interact, the only time they really spoke to each other was to argue and fight.
Magenta Blu 8 months ago
I never saw my mother kissing anyone. Not even a pet. I was raised by my grandparents, and they never shared not even a bed and had separate bathrooms. Affection is something I only watched in movies and never believed of being true. Affection just dont happen to me.
Lila Allen 8 months ago
There are some really excellent therapy strategies to help you develop a functional " love map" I would encourage you to get in to see a therapist and work to do that
Load More Replies... Little Bit 8 months ago
My parents couldn't stand the sight of each other but stayed together because it was what people of their generation did, to save face. My mother treated my dad and I like dirt and was also having a long term affair. In front of others they put on an act and even family members thought they were a happily married couple. It was a horrible toxic environment to grow up in, always having to walk on eggshells. I maintain, even now decades later, that if they had divorced and gone their separate ways, everybody involved would have been much happier.
#38
Being a first responder. Those people regularly see and hear things, awful things that most never experience.
BookFanatic 8 months ago
Yep. A good buddy was an EMT for a few years. The case that broke her? Having to tell a 4 yr old that Mommy and Daddy didn't survive the car accident they were all in...and then listening to the child scream and scream.
#39
Listening to your parents fight growing up.
Magenta Blu 8 months ago (edited)
Nah. Listening your parents insulting you and telling you ruined their perfect life and bright future because they got stuck and punished by having to rise you, and they should had let you die in the hospital instead of getting broke by putting you in neonatal urgent care. And having to listen this EVERY time mother or grandmother were upset because any random reason
#40
Undiagnosed ADHD.
ZombieMommy 8 months ago
I'm afraid to trying any medication because I know myself as I am and I'm not sure how I could function any different at this age.
Lowrider 56 8 months ago
I found out late in life, 58 yo, I have ADHD. I see a psychiatrist and he prescribed me some medication and the change in my life is very good. Wish I would've done this sooner
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#41
Forgeting/moving on from your trauma then suddenly ending up in positions where you are being reminded of your trauma/have to explain it.
Magenta Blu 8 months ago (edited)
Yeah. That's what therapy means to me. A constant reminder of what happened and it makes it impossible to get over it... Because I need, not only to remind, and remember everything... But TALK about it endlessly. So HOW would I get over it and move forward, if Im not allowed to let that horrible times behind?????
Lila Allen 8 months ago
You didn't leave them behind. It's clear from all your comments every bit of trauma is still vividly present in your mind. Therapy and talking about it over and over actually makes it hurt less and helps you to see past it. It gives you coping skills to deal with them memories and strategies to find healthier ways to interact with others. It's like having appendicitis. If you just ignore it and ignore it and live with the pain....eventually it will burst on you and break you beyond repair. But if you deal with it and get medical professionals to remove it you can go on to get healthy.
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#42
Jokingly mocking people. It can be fun with close friends once in a while. But I have this friend I’m distancing from and they literally tear me down every time we talk. They even talk bad about me to others. I’ve been burned like this before and can’t put myself though it again.
#43
Selfish parents who think they're wonderful people.
athornedrose 8 months ago
doubly so when they're excellent actors and other people believe they're wonderful too. it really hurts to know how selfish and cruel your parents are and hear the world talk about how fantastic they are and have no one believe you
Fire Singer 8 months ago
I saw this with my grandparents as I got older. So not as traumatizing as it would have been for parents, but yeesh, it was a hard pill to swallow.
Load More Replies... #44
Being a victim of bad childhood/teenage bullying and the mental effects it can have on a child later in life into adulthood.
People talk about the serous effects of child abuse by parents and domestic abuse and how it can negatively effect people's mental health in the future but people seem to gloss over or trivialize bullying which is abuse and has shown to have bad mental health effects on its victims. Some poor kids even take their own life because the mental effects are that bad.
I never hear or see people say "It Bulids character" to kids who are abused by their parents or wives abused by their husbands. But we tell kids/teenagers who are abused by bullies. As if their pain they go through isn't that bad or somehow it's justifiable and good for them. They have been stories where the bullies actually have m******d their victims... Don't understand how that "Bulids character".
StrangeOne 8 months ago
It doesn't build character. It builds anxiety and paranoia. Not really desired stuff.
Earonn - 8 months ago
There's so much s**t lots if not most people do think are "good for you" when you're a kid but would never want to happen to themselves. Bullying, hardship, being sent to bootcamps - honestly, I want to see the TV show where the parents who sent their kids to such camps , or conversion camps for that matter, are being snatched publicly from their offices, taken to the same camp they sent their child to, and are being "brought into shape" or conversed into the opposite of their former sexuality.
Little Bit 8 months ago
Saying it "builds character" is an easy thing to say when you haven’t experienced it yourself. All it does is destroy your confidence and your self worth.
#45
Lockdown drills in school. While labeled as drills, the “what-ifs” are constant. The drills with fake intruders actually trying to get in the room are the worst. And am I really expected to take a bullet for the kids?
StrangeOne 8 months ago
This is what I think of when I see these drills in videos. I can only imagine what it would be like for kids with existing anxiety and mental health issues. No matter how much the students and teachers practice, in a real scenario kids are going to be screaming and crying, and some would have a flight or freeze response, and not know what to do and where to go. What is the USA doing?
BookFanatic 8 months ago
I hate that these are necessary. Hate it. I caught my friend's 5 yr old standing on the toilet at her home and asked what she was doing. "I'm practicing hiding in case somebody wants to shoot me."
Wang Zhuang 8 months ago (edited)
One the absolute worst things about the US is that many schools require children -- CHILDREN -- to undergo active shooter drills in school. We send children to school so they can learn in a safe environment. A child should never have to go to class worrying that they might be shot to death. But because virtually anyone can get their hands on a firearm, such drills are deemed necessary. It's extremely depressing.
Huddo's sister 8 months ago
This is why we have to do a drill once a month at my work, so the kids are well prepared and given lots of opportunities to debrief. We rotate between lock-down, evacuation and shelter in place drills. Our lock downs are more likely to be from a violent dog or someone with a knife than a gun where I work though. I think the fact guns are less likely to be around helps.
#46
A simple car accident. Everyone I know that has been involved in one or even minorly hurt has PTSD behind the wheel to this day.
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
I was in a serious car accident many, many years ago. Not my fault. Car totaled. I should have been, in the opinion of the paramedics and ER doc, killed or very seriously injured. I had minor strains/sprains. I don't have PTSD from that - although I do have PTSD - but just became a lot more careful. (My car was stopped at a red light when it happened.)
#47
Growing up religious and trying to undo all the teachings.
It’s a brutal f*****g road.
Michael Largey 8 months ago
Religion had no effect on me. That's precisely why I abandoned it.
Magenta Blu 8 months ago
Just as bad as being rised without any kind of spirituality... Trying to find something to hold onto when you are old is almost impossible.
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
I don't agree. It may be hard, but you can work on it if that is important to you.
Load More Replies... #48
Loneliness. Especially when everyone you interact with has happy social lives.
Yana Johnson 8 months ago
Hobbies help like INTERNATIONS. it's a worldwide club for people of different countries where no-one knows one another and you can join hundreds of activities with strangers that do not require you to be rich. Google it. It only cost 75€ equivalent for a year. You get invited to events in clubs and do not pay entrance fee and always get a 1 free drink. Plus you get to meet all kinds of men and women. Check out the activities. You can end up in a 5 people group trying new Japanese restaurant or just a hiking nearby, or drawing class. You don't have to know anything or anyone. Every age is welcome. People even find jobs through this from interacting with each other or make long term friends. I hope this helped.
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
This is not something I normally say due to my own trauma, but given what you've written in a number of posts I think you should seriously consider an inpatient therapeutic setting.
Load More Replies... #49
Miscarriage. We were blissfully unaware that it was so common (1 in 4 pregnancies). The emotional rollercoaster, hormonal mess, heavy bleading is just the tip of it. And thats for an early miscarriage. It get worst as weeks go on. Its considered a miscarriage(and not a still birth) until 19 weeks. We went to our 12 week ultrasound to find out there was not only no heartbeat, but it had been dead for 6 weeks(from the size). I had to either wait a week for a procedure or take meds. I chose the meds, but nothing prepares you to feel your water break and push out the placenta at home in chunks over the course of multiple days. I was at my lowest mentally for months after. Depressed and definitly feeling ptsd in the first half of my viable pregnancies after.
Nadine Debard 8 months ago
Miscarried 3 times. We really should talk more about it. I cried when I had the 4th preg test positive. I was so scared. Fortunately my son is healthy and happy. Never will try again, though.
Vermonta 8 months ago
After I miscarried, the secrets came out. I found out my mother miscarried before me. Her mother had a miscarriage. My other grandmother had 2. My sister had an eptopic pregnancy and my other sister had to stay in bed the last 3 months of her 2nd pregnancy. Stuff happens.
ZombieMommy 8 months ago
I didn't want kids. When I found out I was pregnant all I did for those 9 months was worry that something bad was going to happen. That wass bad enough, I can't imagine if it had actually happened.
#50
Growing up in the ghetto. I mean you never realize that it's traumatizing but I'd say that it probably is in terms of how it shapes your thoughts when you're older. For example, lot of people can't really relate to me and they just think I'm either an a*****e or a hard a*s. If you look at my comment history I'm sure you'll see that I'm a bit crass or abrasive but when I was growing up you had to keep it real, it was a matter of survival. There are no emotions shaping my opinions, rather it's just objectivity in the reality of the situation.
trixiefly11 8 months ago
By ghetto I assume it isn't just a poor neighborhood but a neighborhood with crime, d***s and gangs. I could totally realize that would be traumatizing. The stress, especially as a teenager once you are more aware of your surroundings. A lot of kids probably join gangs in that situation because it is either that or be their victim.
Lila Allen 8 months ago
It also takes a provable medical toll on your body. The constant anxiety and lack of resources can permanently reshape your thinking process and your ability to manage. It causes weakening of the heart, lungs, and circulatory system as well as long term damage to the brain.
#51
Receiving notice to quit from your landlord, especially in the current market. It made me physically ill with the stress of it.
StrangeOne 8 months ago
My biggest priority is making sure I have rent ready for the beginning of the month. My phone and internet bills can always get caught up with a mere inconvenience to me. But rent is literally our livelihood, about as important as getting to work.
Earonn - 8 months ago
This is why countries need a good social network. I'm so old that I remember how (in Germany) I never feared to be hungry or homeless - unless through a combination of very unlikely circumstances. There were flats, no matter how small, there was money for food and heating. You wouldn't have a grand life, but you could survive and get back on your feet again. But a lot of people wanted to believe that this was "exploited", and that they would be so much better of themselves when they didn't have to pay the tax for that. Jokes on them - they never got less taxes, and now they themselves have to live in fear.
#52
Getting called out in a group chat for a message you meant to send privately. pure nightmare fuel 😫.
#53
Having a chronic or life altering medical issue. Before COVID, we were a two income household, capable of living a modest lower middle class life. We were well involved in our community, we were able to support our kiddos, and we were able to have a small savings. Now, my chronic health conditions have tanked our family. Because I require so much care my husband can't get consistent employment, we live so far below the poverty line it's not even funny. Once we realized how bad my condition was, we cashed out every bit of our 401k and pension and purchased land and a mobile home and prepaid our cars and land and home insurance. We live on around $500 a month along with about $1,000 of food stamps and I get Medicaid, which has consistently denied most of my medical bills for the last 3 months. Because I was a stay-at-home mom most of my life I am not eligible to file for Social Security disability income. I've realized in today's political environment I am considered a useless eater at 42 years old. I'm bringing my husband and my three children who are at home down. This is one of the heaviest burdens of my life.
trixiefly11 8 months ago
My daughter has friends (an older lady and her husband who went to a church we used to attend) who are struggling with this. Their health makes working almost impossible. They have both lost jobs and while her husband was able to get another job it doesn't pay as well. And she has bad issues with her hands so really can't even work. They struggle to pay their bills and worry about losing their home. My daughter will go visit and help with yard work that they can't do.
Lila Allen 8 months ago
Medicaid is currently fighting everything. I am sorry you are going through this.
Huddo's sister 8 months ago
I find it so hard to work consistently. I have had to quit two jobs because of bad fibromyalgia flare ups and I'm currently trying to work out if I can get time off from my current job to cope with one. I am assessed as being able to work a minimum of 15 hours a week, but they don't give you a maximum. 15 hours would be better but there are few jobs that would qualify. I've had to take on a higher position than I was originally employed for (because of staff shortage) and now work 23.75hours a week which is probably more than I should be doing physically but I don't want to quit and go back through the government assistance cycle and then have to apply for 20 jobs a month.
Magenta Blu 8 months ago
500 $ a month is currently almost twice of what I live with monthly. And i still couldnt find a job, because I'm not young anymore
#54
People's childhoods. It is an incredibly vulnerable time of your life and so much that happens is out of your control and does impact the type of person you become and how well you can cope with your teenage years to adulthood. I try not to blame my parents but sometimes I feel like I've been set up to fail.
trixiefly11 8 months ago
I used to think that so many of my emotional/phycological issues were due to trauma from childhood. But my kids, who never had the same kind of trauma or upbringing, have many of the same issues I have. We tried hard to make sure our kids did suffer any abuse, or chaos in their childhood, and yet they have many of the same issues that I thought were caused by my upbringing.
#55
Seeing a loved ones dead body. It has negatively impacted me in a very serious way every time. Just seeing their jaw hanging open is f*****g haunting.
Huddo's sister 8 months ago
I refused to see my brothers' bodies after they died, even though I was there with them right up until the last minutes. I have always felt the person is no longer there once they die, it's just a shell. I'm glad to say I haven't ever had to see one unexpectedly either.
Fire Singer 8 months ago
I saw my grandmother's body the day she passed. I wasn't there for the actual passing, but it was so...unsettling. Then the funeral and open casket and everything, nope not for me. For anyone who needs/wants that kind of funeral for closure or healing or whatever no judgment here, but for me it only made things worse.
#56
Dealing with a perpetually dishonest person. Whether they are outright lies or lies by omission, it really f***s with your brain.
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
There are plenty of honest people. I'm beginning to think you are the problem, not everybody else.
Load More Replies... #57
Having an alcoholic parent, they don’t always beat you but they’re usually not around. Does damage either way. Shout out to the ACA’s (adult children of alcoholics).
#59
Someone cutting all ties with you with no explanation.
#61
Surviving cancer or any major illness, really. The medical ptsd is real.
#62
Getting out of prison (in America).
If you're not the kind of person who intends to make it a revolving door, getting out can break people. To follow on that, finding out everything you missed and seeing what really has happened to the people you loved as you piece that s**t together over the next few years.
#63
Juvenile detention
If you talk to any career criminal in Florida, their downward spiral usually starts with, or at least involves a stay at jit camp. Kids are put in an environment where authority figures are physical and sexually a*****e. They are introduced to prison gang politics and taught to respond to the slightest disrespect with extreme violence to avoid being punked.
To say they tend to come out bad would be an understatement. A lot of juvenile facilities basically trauma factories, warehousing kids who often have trauma in the first place, until they turn 21 and are sent to adult prison or set loose on the general public.
Lowrider 56 8 months ago
I had a friend who was in a juvenile prison. He called it 'Gladiator Schoo'l. He said he had to fight 2,3 times a week, sometimes several times a day. I can't even begin to imagine that trauma.
#64
1. Parent(s) who treat their kids like they are a nuisance and ignore/avoid/neglect them (don’t have kids if you don’t want to be a good parent)
2. Childhood sexual abuse and a*****t due to quality of parenting described above
3. Seeing America vote a rapist into office.
#65
That wooden roller coaster.
Lila Allen 8 months ago
Lagoon Amusement park... yup oldest wooden roller coaster in the US> Half the " thrill" is the fear it will collapse while you are on it
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Little Bit 8 months ago
Having a narcissistic parent or partner. You will never be able to get anything right. You will spend your entire time walking on eggshells around them. They will make you doubt yourself. They will drive away your friends and family because they want to be the centre if your attentioncat all times. They won't be satisfied until they have destroyed your self confidence, self worth and made you a shadow of your former self.
Little Bit 8 months ago
Financial hardship. Anybody from any walk of life can fall on hard times through no fault of their own. Redundancy, divorce, illness, bereavement, unforeseen circumstances can happen in the blink of an eye. Making cutbacks, watching the pennies, doing without, making things last as long as possible, stretching every pound to its very limits are habits that are hard to break even when you manage to be in a better position financially. When you do reach better times you are reluctant to spend in case you run out of money again and are fearful of being plunged into hardship again.
Rai Serl 8 months ago
Possibly unpopular opinion, but for some people, in some situations... Religion. Being brought up in a super religious family or community, especially an authoritarian religion... Especially as you realize your views don't line up with the views of said religion, but you don't yet have the power to exercise free-will over your own religious practice... It can be extremely damaging, emotionally. Not all families in this scenario mean it to be, but some do use it as a form of intentional abuse, as well. Most are just trying to save their child's soul, but the way they go about it destroys it instead.
Ryan Mercer 8 months ago (edited)
Moving multiple times between the ages of 10 and 15. There was a recent study that found it can be a significant contributor to clinical depression in adulthood. I moved 4 times during those 5 years of my life, bouncing between divorced parents. The study is accurate.
Susie Elle 8 months ago
Severe self-esteem issues. Somewhere during my childhood I internalized that I was an ugly, worthless child. It's taken me 20 years to stop justifying my existence to myself every day.
Little Bit 8 months ago
Having a narcissistic parent or partner. You will never be able to get anything right. You will spend your entire time walking on eggshells around them. They will make you doubt yourself. They will drive away your friends and family because they want to be the centre if your attentioncat all times. They won't be satisfied until they have destroyed your self confidence, self worth and made you a shadow of your former self.
Little Bit 8 months ago
Financial hardship. Anybody from any walk of life can fall on hard times through no fault of their own. Redundancy, divorce, illness, bereavement, unforeseen circumstances can happen in the blink of an eye. Making cutbacks, watching the pennies, doing without, making things last as long as possible, stretching every pound to its very limits are habits that are hard to break even when you manage to be in a better position financially. When you do reach better times you are reluctant to spend in case you run out of money again and are fearful of being plunged into hardship again.
Rai Serl 8 months ago
Possibly unpopular opinion, but for some people, in some situations... Religion. Being brought up in a super religious family or community, especially an authoritarian religion... Especially as you realize your views don't line up with the views of said religion, but you don't yet have the power to exercise free-will over your own religious practice... It can be extremely damaging, emotionally. Not all families in this scenario mean it to be, but some do use it as a form of intentional abuse, as well. Most are just trying to save their child's soul, but the way they go about it destroys it instead.
Ryan Mercer 8 months ago (edited)
Moving multiple times between the ages of 10 and 15. There was a recent study that found it can be a significant contributor to clinical depression in adulthood. I moved 4 times during those 5 years of my life, bouncing between divorced parents. The study is accurate.
Susie Elle 8 months ago
Severe self-esteem issues. Somewhere during my childhood I internalized that I was an ugly, worthless child. It's taken me 20 years to stop justifying my existence to myself every day.
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